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1
00:00:02,710 --> 00:00:05,380
[**]
2
00:00:08,590 --> 00:00:10,300
There's no better feeling
in the world
3
00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:12,470
than a warm pizza box
on your lap.
4
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,760
I know you love it, baby.
5
00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:25,270
Don't try to take
a slice out, Doug.
6
00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:28,190
You'll just get pizza
on yourself and the car.
7
00:00:28,230 --> 00:00:29,400
Just lookin' at her,
8
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,440
makin' sure
she's our girl.
9
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,650
Yep, that's Annie Mae.
10
00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,410
She's purty.
11
00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:45,120
Doug!
It's just pepperoni.
12
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,620
One piece of pepperoni.
13
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:54,590
I got pizza
on myself in the car.
14
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,510
* My eyes are gettin' weary *
15
00:00:58,550 --> 00:01:01,180
* My back is gettin' tight *
16
00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:03,140
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
17
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:06,230
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
18
00:01:06,270 --> 00:01:10,110
* But I don't care'cause all I want to do *
19
00:01:11,570 --> 00:01:15,200
* Is cash my checkand drive right home to you *
20
00:01:17,490 --> 00:01:19,120
* 'Cause, baby, all my life *
21
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,490
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
22
00:01:35,050 --> 00:01:36,970
Hey, baby.
Hey.
23
00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:39,090
We should keep gum.
24
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:42,180
We should have, like,
a whole drawer just
dedicated to gum.
25
00:01:42,220 --> 00:01:43,520
Yeah, great idea.
26
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,230
Doug Heffernan for president.
27
00:01:45,270 --> 00:01:47,690
OK, so, I'm just gonna
jump in the shower
28
00:01:47,730 --> 00:01:49,560
and then we'll, uh,
swing by the bank
29
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,110
and then head over
to the DMV.
Whoa, whoa!
30
00:01:51,150 --> 00:01:53,320
DMV? You didn't say anything
about going to the DMV.
31
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,610
Yeah, I just found out my
license expires on my birthday
32
00:01:55,650 --> 00:01:56,780
in, like, two weeks.
33
00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:58,150
The bank and the DMV?
34
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,950
I've done nothing
to hurt you.
35
00:01:59,990 --> 00:02:02,160
Oh, come on. You'll keep me
entertained in line
36
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,040
with all that funny crap
you say.
37
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:07,120
[DOOR OPENS]
38
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,670
Douglas, I heard
through the grapevine
39
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,880
that you kids were
doing some errands.
40
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:14,960
Would you mind
dropping these bags off
at Goodwill for me?
41
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,670
Yeah, sure.
42
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,340
I've inflated the value of
everything I'm donating by 50%.
43
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:23,050
Take that, Johnny I.R.S.
[IMITATES GUNSHOT]
44
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,310
I'm sure the poor will really
appreciate your used underwear.
45
00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:30,230
I only hope it serves them
as well as it served me.
46
00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:31,730
Hold on a second.
47
00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:33,190
You're donating
some of our stuff.
48
00:02:33,230 --> 00:02:35,820
Oh, Carrie put some
things in there.
49
00:02:35,860 --> 00:02:37,900
Wait a second.
This is the jacket I gave her
50
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,700
on our last anniversary.
51
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,200
Let me see.
52
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,740
Yowza,
that's a doozy.
53
00:02:44,780 --> 00:02:47,290
What are you talking about?
It's a great jacket.
54
00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:49,210
Great if you like
to wear things
55
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,830
that are extremely ugly.
56
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,840
What's up with this?
This is the necklace
I gave her.
57
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,050
It's a nice necklace, OK?
It was very expensive.
58
00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:02,220
Douglas, I hope
I'm not betraying
Carrie's confidence
59
00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:04,890
when I say she told me
she hates every gift
60
00:03:04,930 --> 00:03:06,310
you've ever given her.
61
00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:09,600
You don't know what
you're talking about.
62
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,230
Oh, don't I? She may
open your gifts
63
00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:12,900
with a smile
on her face,
64
00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:15,320
but she's dead
behind the eyes.
65
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:25,080
Hangin' at the DMV.
66
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:29,120
The Dum-U-V.
67
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,750
I was, uh, wondering,
68
00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:32,750
anything special you want
for your birthday this year?
69
00:03:32,790 --> 00:03:35,420
Oh. Uh,
no, not really.
70
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:36,840
You don't have
to get me anything--
71
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,010
just your love.
72
00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:40,220
That's sweet.
73
00:03:40,260 --> 00:03:41,680
Hey, speaking
of presents,
74
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,340
remember that necklace
I got you last year?
75
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,300
You know, the one
with the beads?
76
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,760
How come
you never wear that?
77
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,850
I wear that.
78
00:03:49,890 --> 00:03:51,180
You do?
Yup.
79
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:53,400
Really? When?
80
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,900
Um, usually
just at work.
81
00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:56,020
WOMAN: Next.
82
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,230
Hi. I'm renewing.
83
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,280
OK.
84
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,320
Please look
into the machine.
85
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:02,780
Read the third line
down.
86
00:04:02,820 --> 00:04:05,280
OK, that's, um...
87
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:10,290
"Y"..."E"..."D"...
88
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:13,420
"H"...and, uh,
89
00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:16,380
is that a dollar sign?
Are those in there now?
90
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:20,090
Do you wear glasses
or contact lenses
91
00:04:20,130 --> 00:04:21,840
you don't have in
right now?
92
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,300
Um, I have glasses, but
I don't need them to drive.
93
00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:27,140
I can see fine.
It's "Y," "E," "D," "H"...
94
00:04:27,180 --> 00:04:28,850
dollar sign.
95
00:04:30,310 --> 00:04:31,430
OK, I'm gonna have
to mark you down
96
00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:33,810
with a "one"
for corrective lenses.
97
00:04:33,850 --> 00:04:35,810
I don't need glasses
to drive, OK?
98
00:04:35,850 --> 00:04:37,940
Not a whole lot of
little tiny eye charts
99
00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:39,360
on the side of the road
there.
100
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,400
I mean, ask my husband.
Am I not a great driver?
101
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:46,910
You have
your own style.
102
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:50,120
Excuse me.
Come here for a second.
103
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,080
What is your problem?
Could you just
back me up here?
104
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,370
Back you up?
105
00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:55,000
They're telling you
you need glasses to drive.
106
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,380
They're the Department
of Driving.
107
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,000
I'm kind of with them
on this one.
108
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,760
But I already need them
to read.
109
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,800
I don't want to wear
them all the time.
110
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,930
They make me feel old.
Next thing you know,
111
00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:07,300
they'll be hanging on
a chain around my neck.
112
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:10,510
I'll have the flab thing
going on over here...
113
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:14,230
So you'll feel old,
but pedestrians will live.
114
00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:16,980
Fine.
115
00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:23,360
Ahh.
116
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,070
Hello.
117
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,450
Ugh. I can't do this.
118
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,950
You know what
you should've got?
119
00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:33,870
You should've got yourself a
pair of those cat-eye contacts,
120
00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:35,870
like in theThrillervideo.
121
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:38,880
Huh?
122
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,500
Could you just
not look at me?
123
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,420
All right.
Could I get to the sink?
124
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,380
You know Deacon's kids?
125
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:48,220
They got that new
wild berry-flavored
toothpaste.
126
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:50,140
I tried it.
You know what it is?
127
00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:51,890
It's wild!
128
00:05:53,260 --> 00:05:56,390
Could you also not speak
and maybe leave?
129
00:05:56,430 --> 00:05:58,230
Yeah, well,
this will cheer you up.
130
00:05:58,270 --> 00:06:00,060
Everybody I invited is coming
to your birthday party.
131
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,900
And you're gonna
love your present,
132
00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:05,320
as soon as you tell me
what I should get you.
133
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,030
I don't know. I can't
focus on that right now.
134
00:06:08,070 --> 00:06:09,410
OK, you know what? I can't--
135
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:11,070
I can't--I'm not gonna--
I can't wear these.
136
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,120
I'm just gonna have to go
with my glasses.
137
00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:16,580
Well, I think you look
adorable in them.
138
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:19,330
Aw, do you?
139
00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:23,000
Get out of here
before I kick your ass.
140
00:06:25,170 --> 00:06:26,550
WOODY WOODPECKER:
Guess who!
141
00:06:26,590 --> 00:06:30,430
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh,heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!
142
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,470
Still not gettin' it.
143
00:06:34,850 --> 00:06:36,350
Hey!
Hi.
144
00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:37,930
Guess what?
145
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,350
I finally got you
the greatest birthday present
146
00:06:39,390 --> 00:06:40,440
in the entire world.
147
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,150
I know
it's a few days early,
148
00:06:42,190 --> 00:06:45,820
but I give you
the gift of sight.
149
00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:50,280
What?
Open it up, open it up.
150
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,080
Laser eye surgery?
151
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,950
Laser eye surgery!
152
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,460
1 1/2 minutes on each eye,
and, bam, you're cured.
153
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,500
No glasses, no contacts.
Just perfect vision.
154
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:05,420
Yeah, I know a few
people who got this.
155
00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:06,840
And I took care of
everything with your boss.
156
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:08,380
I got you 4 days off
to recover,
157
00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:10,510
even though most people
are good to go the next day.
158
00:07:10,550 --> 00:07:14,470
But definitely by your party,
you're looking at 20-20.
159
00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:17,020
So?
160
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,890
Wow. Well, it'd be great
161
00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:20,520
not to have
to wear glasses.
162
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:21,640
Yeah!
163
00:07:21,690 --> 00:07:25,190
But...eye surgery.
164
00:07:25,230 --> 00:07:27,900
Eeeee. Isn't that
kind of risky?
165
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:30,150
Risky? Well, let me
just read you a list
166
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,950
of those people who were
willing to take that risk.
167
00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:36,330
Brad Pitt, hmm?
Big-time movie star.
168
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:39,870
Not too big for Lasik,
though, is he?
169
00:07:39,910 --> 00:07:43,330
Former Defense Secretary,
William Cohen.
170
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,130
I'm a huge fan.
171
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,510
Kenny G.
Kenny G, Carrie.
172
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:50,260
You think Kenny G
would risk going blind?
173
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,680
His eyes are his living!
174
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,510
He's a musician.
175
00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:55,930
Aren't a lot of them
blind?
176
00:07:55,970 --> 00:07:56,930
Come on,
are you gonna do it?
177
00:07:56,970 --> 00:07:58,180
I don't know.
178
00:07:58,220 --> 00:08:00,060
Come on, you gonna do it?
I don't know!
179
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,520
You're not gonna do it,
are you?
180
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,400
It's just--
it's eye surgery,
you know?
181
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,610
It's surgery...
on your eyes.
182
00:08:08,650 --> 00:08:10,190
Damn it.
183
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,030
I just--I really
thought I pulled it off
this time.
184
00:08:13,070 --> 00:08:15,030
What are you
talking about?
185
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:17,030
You reject
all my presents.
186
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,160
What?!
That's not true!
187
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,370
What about the necklace
I got you last year?
188
00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:23,500
You know,
the one you "wear."
189
00:08:25,210 --> 00:08:27,040
I found it
in the Goodwill bag.
190
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,250
Oh. No, no, no, no.
191
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,300
I did wear that.
192
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:32,050
I wore it so much,
I wore it out.
193
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,260
You know what?
It's fine, you know.
194
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:34,630
I'll just--
I'll call the doctor
195
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,550
and I'll cancel
everything, OK?
196
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:38,560
Honey, it's just that,
you know,
197
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,520
that's a necklace.
This is surgery.
I know.
198
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:43,140
I just thought I'd
finally found something
199
00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:45,270
you'd really love
and you needed, and...
200
00:08:45,310 --> 00:08:47,440
I just thought
it'd be real special,
that's all.
201
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,650
You know what?
It is special, honey.
202
00:08:49,690 --> 00:08:52,240
It is special.
I'm gonna go for it.
203
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,030
Really?
Yes.
204
00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:55,950
Yes!
205
00:08:55,990 --> 00:08:58,620
Wait till you see
the surprise I get you
for Christmas.
206
00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:00,240
I'm not gonna
tell you what it is,
207
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,700
but you're gonna
need a bigger bra.
208
00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:11,960
I can't believe
I'm actually doing this.
209
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,090
Perfect vision
by your birthday.
210
00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:15,470
It's gonna
be awesome.
211
00:09:17,050 --> 00:09:20,220
Hey, look. Little baby
with glasses.
212
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:23,640
Wonder if he does
the other baby's taxes.
213
00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:27,230
Carrie Heffernan?
214
00:09:27,270 --> 00:09:28,440
That's me.
215
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,690
You can follow me
to the prep room now.
216
00:09:29,730 --> 00:09:33,230
OK.
Well, this is it.
217
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,650
Hey, listen,
218
00:09:34,690 --> 00:09:36,570
since you're
gonna be seeing
clear from now on,
219
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:39,120
I feel
I should warn you.
220
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,790
I'm a little
overweight.
221
00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:44,700
OK, OK. I gotta go.
All right.
222
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,290
Bye.
OK.
223
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:49,170
Hey, happy birthday,
baby!
224
00:09:50,130 --> 00:09:53,090
[ALARM CLOCK RINGS]
225
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:12,230
Doug, wake up.
You're totally blurry.
226
00:10:13,650 --> 00:10:15,070
Really?
227
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:16,490
All right. Well,
it's just the first day.
228
00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:18,820
They said there could
be some side effects.
229
00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:21,370
It's totally normal.
230
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,290
[ALARM CLOCK RINGS]
231
00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:29,830
Still blurry, Doug.
232
00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:32,130
Still normal.
233
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:34,800
[ALARM CLOCK RINGS]
234
00:10:36,210 --> 00:10:37,720
Normal.
235
00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:53,520
I still can't see, Doug.
236
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,570
It's 2 days
before my birthday,
237
00:10:55,610 --> 00:10:56,990
and I still can't see.
238
00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:59,490
Does it say anything
in the brochure
239
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:02,780
about how long it took
Kenny G to see normally?
240
00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:06,700
I think he was just
mentioned the one time.
241
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,080
So it's exactly
the same?
242
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,660
I mean,
give me a status report.
243
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,000
Is everything
still cloudy?
244
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:14,500
No, no. Today,
everything's doubled,
245
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:18,090
and all light looks
like hazy starbursts.
246
00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:22,590
I gotta tell ya,
Car, that sounds
pretty freakin' cool.
247
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,060
Yeah. Being blind
is awesome.
248
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:30,640
I'm just trying
to lighten things up.
249
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,270
The doctor said it may
take some time, huh?
250
00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:33,610
We're still
in that range.
251
00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:34,650
Let's not freak out.
252
00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:36,150
And that toaster's on.
253
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,030
Douglas.
254
00:11:41,530 --> 00:11:44,160
Hello, darling,
it's your daddy!
255
00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:47,580
CARRIE: Hi, Dad.
256
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:49,950
I'm standing
right next to you,
257
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,870
and I'm going to kiss you
good morning.
258
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,090
Don't be startled.
259
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,250
Thank you.
Thank you.
260
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,800
That was lovely.
261
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,590
Now I need
some coffee.
262
00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:03,130
You know what?
Here, let me.
263
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,970
Don't help her!
264
00:12:06,010 --> 00:12:07,220
If she's gonna survive,
265
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,100
she needs to learn to live
with her disability.
266
00:12:11,850 --> 00:12:14,980
I told you,
she's gonna be fine.
267
00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:17,610
She's blind, damn it!
268
00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:19,650
And you're gonna
make her soft.
269
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:23,660
And... get her killed.
270
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,240
OK, the both of you--
You need to shut up, OK,
271
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,080
because you're totally
stressing me out.
272
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,280
I'm gonna call the doctor
to make sure
273
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,000
this is really normal.
274
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,330
OK, I can't find the phone.
275
00:12:31,370 --> 00:12:32,830
Here, let me get it.
I'll get it.
276
00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:33,920
Don't help her!
277
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,290
Shut up!
278
00:12:42,010 --> 00:12:44,760
Yeah, hi,
this is Doug Heffernan.
279
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,050
Is Dr. Whitehorn
available?
280
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,640
Yeah. Sure, I'll hold.
281
00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:51,020
Yeah, hello? Yeah.
282
00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:52,680
Uh, yeah,
my wife was in there
283
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,980
for laser eye surgery
about 5 days ago,
284
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,980
and she's still not
seeing all that well.
285
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:58,570
Is that normal?
286
00:12:59,690 --> 00:13:03,860
Oh, OK. Thank--
Thank you very much.
287
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,160
OK.
288
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,580
You're gonna be fine.
It's totally normal.
289
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,870
He said it wasn't normal.
290
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,870
When I told him
it had been 5 days,
291
00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:17,290
he actually said...
"Huh."
292
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:22,300
You do not
want to hear "huh"
from your eye surgeon.
293
00:13:22,340 --> 00:13:26,300
I know. He said if she
didn't get better by tomorrow,
294
00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:29,050
he'd have to go back
in there and fix it.
295
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,970
Like go back
into her eyes?
296
00:13:34,270 --> 00:13:36,940
Actually, I think they
use the same incision line--
297
00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:38,230
Stop, man.
They--no.
298
00:13:38,270 --> 00:13:39,940
Then they
cut open a flap
299
00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:41,900
and they slip in
under the cornea--
300
00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:44,070
Would you stop it?
It's what they do.
301
00:13:44,110 --> 00:13:46,610
I don't care what they do,
I don't want to hear about an...
302
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:49,070
an eye flap. Damn!
303
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,030
Why did I do this?
304
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,120
I told you to get her
the foot massager.
305
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:56,080
Why didn't you get her
the foot massager?
306
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,250
I thought about it,
but then I was like,
307
00:13:58,290 --> 00:13:59,380
"When is she really
gonna use this?"
308
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:02,960
So, I decided
to blind her instead.
309
00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:06,800
Hey, you know
who else is blind?
310
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,050
This ref!
Am I right?
311
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,770
Birthday party!
312
00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,900
B-day partay.
313
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:22,150
Par-tayyy!
314
00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:24,780
We're gonna party on down
to birthday town.
315
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:28,280
I'm a prisoner
in my own body.
316
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:29,910
Come on,
let's get you ready.
317
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,370
Let's paint
your face up.
318
00:14:31,410 --> 00:14:33,080
You're always happy
when you paint
your face up.
319
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,290
I can't see. How am I
gonna put my makeup on?
320
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:38,790
Well, hey, that's what
I'm here for, huh?
321
00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:40,170
Let me work my magic.
322
00:14:40,210 --> 00:14:43,340
Come on,
let's stroll on over
to the goop zone.
323
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,130
All right,
I'll come to you.
That's fine.
324
00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:50,760
We'll, uh, we'll start
with the lips.
325
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,140
Whoa. Mac.
326
00:14:53,180 --> 00:14:56,180
I'm your "Mac"
Daddy.
327
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:02,810
There we go.
328
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:06,780
Jeez, I feel
a little bit like
a serial killer.
329
00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:11,490
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Pretty.
330
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:16,160
You look so pretty.
331
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,370
Pretty little...
332
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:20,370
pretty.
333
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,500
All right, all right.
You know what?
This is insane.
334
00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:25,130
Why am I even
having a party?
335
00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:26,920
I can't friggin' see.
336
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,880
The doctor said
I would be better by today.
337
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,180
How come I'm not better?
338
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:35,180
Actually, now that
you bring it up,
339
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:38,850
he did mention
that he might have
to get back in there
340
00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:40,940
and do the operation
again. Hold still now.
341
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:43,230
What?
Another operation?
342
00:15:43,270 --> 00:15:45,110
How come you didn't
say anything?
343
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:46,440
That was a worst-case
scenario.
344
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,320
Oh, so I'm
a worst-case scenario?!
345
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,530
Oh, my--I can't believe
I let you talk me into this.
346
00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:53,160
Honey, look,
you're gonna be fine.
347
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,240
I'll take you back there
tomorrow,
348
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,830
and they'll
take care of you.
349
00:15:55,870 --> 00:15:57,740
And today,
we got a great party
for you, huh?
350
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,040
It'll take your mind
off of things.
351
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,370
No, it won't.
What do you think?
352
00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:02,870
Halfway through
I'm gonna forget I can't see?
353
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,460
You don't need to see
to enjoy!
354
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,750
You still have 5 other senses.
355
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,300
"Five other senses"?
356
00:16:09,340 --> 00:16:11,340
There are only
5 senses total.
357
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:13,430
No, there are 6.
358
00:16:13,470 --> 00:16:15,100
No, there are five.
359
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,390
OK, all right. What about
the movieThe Sixth Sense,huh?
360
00:16:17,430 --> 00:16:18,770
You think they were just wrong?
361
00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:22,230
An entire film company
just wrong?
362
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,940
The point is,
your friends,
363
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:27,400
they want to see you.
I mean, they love you.
364
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,190
And I love you.
Come on, now. Come on.
365
00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:35,820
Fine.
366
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,450
There you go.
367
00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:40,410
You know, I think
this blindness
368
00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:44,500
actually softens you
a little, you know?
369
00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:47,130
It makes you
more approachable,
370
00:16:47,170 --> 00:16:49,090
like Marlee Matlin.
371
00:16:49,130 --> 00:16:50,550
She's very hot,
372
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:52,090
but the deaf thing
makes you think,
373
00:16:52,130 --> 00:16:54,380
"Mmm, I could get her."
374
00:16:57,300 --> 00:17:02,270
ALL:* Happy birthday,dear Carrie *
375
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:08,110
* Happy birthday to you *
376
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:10,400
I'm gonna
set this here.
377
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,610
Watch yourself.
Now, that--
that's fire.
378
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:16,280
All right, honey,
just blow now.
379
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:17,450
OK.
380
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,040
Thank you, everyone,
for coming.
381
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,330
I know this is
a little weird.
382
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,840
[ALL SHRUGGING IT OFF]
383
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,550
It's great.
384
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:33,130
Oh, I'll serve
this up.
385
00:17:33,170 --> 00:17:35,380
CARRIE:
Thanks, sweetie.
386
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:40,560
Uh... [CLEARS THROAT]
387
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,310
You're Carrie's boss,
right?
388
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:43,520
I sure am.
389
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,020
I don't want you
cutting her
390
00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:48,150
any slack at work
because she's blind.
391
00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:51,570
You reprimand her just as hard
as you would anyone else.
392
00:17:51,610 --> 00:17:53,230
If necessary,
393
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,530
I will make her life
a living hell.
394
00:17:55,570 --> 00:17:58,200
God bless you.
395
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,450
How about opening
some presents?
396
00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:00,450
ALL: Yeah!
397
00:18:00,490 --> 00:18:01,950
All right,
here we go.
398
00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:04,040
Oh, oh, that one's
from, uh, me...
399
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,040
from Spence.
400
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,870
Oh, thank you.
401
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,420
OK.
402
00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:09,500
Hey.
403
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:11,040
DEACON:
Nice, Spence.
404
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,050
Hey,
what is it?
405
00:18:13,090 --> 00:18:14,130
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
406
00:18:14,170 --> 00:18:15,420
It's a beautiful
red sweater.
407
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:16,510
Feel that.
Feels nice, huh?
408
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:17,630
Feel that.
409
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,260
Oh, well, thank you,
Spence.
410
00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:21,430
Oh, I'm
over here now.
411
00:18:21,470 --> 00:18:23,140
Marco!
412
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:25,270
This one's from me.
413
00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:27,190
From Kim
from the office.
414
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:29,150
OK.
OK.
415
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:34,940
Oh, wow! It's a beautiful book
of nature photographs.
416
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,950
ALL [IMPRESSED]: Ohh!
417
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,910
ALL [SAD]: Ohh.
418
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,200
Sorry.
419
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,040
OK, you know what?
Everybody just talk
amongst yourselves, OK?
420
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,250
Party like
I can see fine.
421
00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:51,630
I gotta tell you,
Carrie,
422
00:18:51,670 --> 00:18:53,460
I am shocked
at the problems
423
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,590
you're having
with your surgery.
424
00:18:54,630 --> 00:18:56,210
I feel awful.
425
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,260
Oh. Thank you, Mr. Pruzan,
but it's not your fault.
426
00:18:58,300 --> 00:18:59,720
Well, I feel
like it is.
I mean,
427
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,510
I was the one
who recommended
you go to Dr. Burns.
428
00:19:02,550 --> 00:19:05,600
When he did my eyes,
I was skeet shooting
that afternoon.
429
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,430
I didn't go
to a Dr. Burns.
430
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,140
I never heard
of a Dr. Burns.
431
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,520
I told Doug
about him
432
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:12,520
when he called
to ask for
your time off.
433
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,190
What happened? I thought
you were gonna
go with my guy.
434
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,610
There are a lot of places.
435
00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:20,410
Where'd you
end up going?
436
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,700
We went to, uh...
437
00:19:23,740 --> 00:19:25,490
Vision Village.
438
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,660
Doug, can I talk to you
privately for a second?
439
00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:35,420
Pruzan told you
about a great doctor?
440
00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:37,550
Yeah. He told me
about his guy,
441
00:19:37,590 --> 00:19:40,470
but I thought we should
go another way.
442
00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:44,430
Go another way. Huh.
443
00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:46,060
Honey!
444
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:49,310
Could you just...
calm down?
445
00:19:49,350 --> 00:19:51,190
Look, the guy he recommended
was in Manhattan.
446
00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:52,310
You go in there,
you're just paying
447
00:19:52,350 --> 00:19:53,480
for the bells
and the whistles.
448
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,020
Is sight a bell
or a whistle?
449
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,780
The place
we went to seemed fine.
450
00:19:57,820 --> 00:19:59,320
They were certified.
451
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:00,570
I got the certification inside.
You want to see it?
452
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:02,320
I'd like to see
a lot of things, hon.
453
00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:06,200
I'm just--I'm just sayin'
it seemed fine, OK?
454
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,620
I mean, the brochure,
it was beautiful,
455
00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:09,540
and I got the coupon
in the mail.
456
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:11,040
A coupon?!
457
00:20:13,330 --> 00:20:16,040
I cannot believe
you used a coupon
for my surgery!
458
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,210
How could you
go to a place
459
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,300
that even
offered a coupon?
460
00:20:18,340 --> 00:20:19,420
How much
did you save, Doug?
461
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:21,470
I don't want
to say now.
462
00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:23,760
I want to know
how much you saved.
463
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,600
Half off
the second eye.
464
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:33,400
Half off the second eye.
That's wonderful.
465
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,600
You know what, sweetie?
466
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,020
Next time you want
to give me a gift,
467
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:37,320
just hand me
a hundred-dollar bill,
468
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:38,570
and stay the hell
away from me.
469
00:20:38,610 --> 00:20:40,320
OK, Carrie, you know,
I get it, OK?
470
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:41,490
All my gifts suck, OK?
471
00:20:41,530 --> 00:20:42,650
Why don't you just throw
your eyeballs
472
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,160
in the Goodwill bag?
473
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,370
Oh, I cannot believe
you are still trying
474
00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:48,790
to make me feel guilty
about this.
475
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,160
Yeah, well,
you hurt my feelings!
476
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,160
Well, you blinded me!
477
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,790
So we're even!
478
00:20:56,210 --> 00:20:58,090
DOUG:
OK, here we go.
479
00:20:58,130 --> 00:21:00,130
Wow. Pruzan's guy
480
00:21:00,170 --> 00:21:01,510
even uses
nicer bandages.
481
00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:03,510
All right.
Could you just
get it off, please?
482
00:21:03,550 --> 00:21:04,510
I will. Relax, OK?
483
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:05,720
Everything's
gonna be fine.
484
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,100
OK.
485
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,390
Here we go.
486
00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:18,610
I can see.
487
00:21:18,650 --> 00:21:20,110
I can see
everything clearly.
488
00:21:20,150 --> 00:21:22,320
Oh, my God,
this is fantastic!
489
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,070
OK.
490
00:21:26,570 --> 00:21:28,530
Apology accepted.
491
00:21:39,540 --> 00:21:41,170
There's no better feeling
in the world
492
00:21:41,210 --> 00:21:44,720
than a warm bag of Chinese
take-out on your lap.
493
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,590
I thought
there was no better feeling
494
00:21:46,630 --> 00:21:48,180
than pizza?
495
00:21:48,220 --> 00:21:50,060
Now it's Chinese.
496
00:21:51,140 --> 00:21:52,930
OK.
497
00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:06,910
I got egg roll on myself
in the car.
498
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,030
[**]
35065
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