All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2000) - S02E23 - Restaurant Row_track3_[eng]

Come on, here we go, baby.
Work with me.

[GROANS]

Okay, okay.

Ahh!

Come on.

Hey. What, did you lock
your keys in your car?

No, I have a shirt in the back
I'm trying to get on the hanger
without opening the door.

Sorry, trying to help out.

Moron.

SINGER: *My eyes
are gettin' weary*

*My back is gettin' tight*

*I'm sitting here
in traffic*

*On the Queensboro Bridge
tonight*

*But I don't care
'cause all I want to do*

*Is cash my check and drive
right home to you*

*'Cause, baby,
all my life*

*I will be drivin' home
to you*

[CLASSICAL PIANO
PLAYING ON TV]

You like your Liberace,
don't you, Dad?

Oh, yes. Lee was
quite the showman.

Darling, did you know
he was a little...

[WHISTLES]

That's not to repeat.

MAN [OVER TV]:If you're
enjoying the sounds

of Liberace and want to see
more quality programming

such as this,
we need the support

of generous viewers
like you.

There they go, begging
for money again.

Pathetic.

Good morning.
What is that?

What?

The Three Tenors tote bag?

I've been in the market
for a tote bag for years.

I just didn't have the guts
to pull the trigger.

Look, honey.

It's perfect for me,
don't you think?

Yeah. It'll be
a nice step up

from the fishing net
you use.

Yes, hello.

What is the minimum donation
to get that tote bag?

Ouch.

Is there any wiggle room
on that?

Hello!

-Hey, babe.
-Mm-wah.

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

No frozen food
for you.

Now go upstairs,
put on some rouge,

and squeeze
into a girdle,

'cause we are
steppin' out tonight.

Where we steppin',
back in time?

Better. We're
going to Fiorino's,

this new Italian joint
Deac and I had lunch at today.

It's unbelievable.

Honey, I'm tired.
Let's go another night.

No, no, no, no, no.
You don't understand.

This restaurant is special.

I really think
this could be our place.

How great would that be?
I could call you up
from work and say,

"Hey, meet me
at the place."

I wouldn't even
have to say the name.

You'd know.

And how much time
would that save?

-Come on. Let's go, let's go.
-Come on, I'm already
comfortable.

I have to put on a bra.
It's a whole ordeal.

I'll help you.

Please, Doug. You can't
even get my bra off.

Yes, but this is
for something I want.
Let's go!

[ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

So you think I made the right
choice, ordering the special?

-Well, it sounded good.
-You think?

Because I kind of had
my eye on the rigatoni.

I don't know.

Maybe I should have
gotten that.

On the other hand, you gotta
jump on a good special,
because that goes away.

Well, the important
thing is, you've given it

a tremendous amount
of thought.

[ITALIAN ACCENT]
Hey! Look who's back!

Mr. Green shorts.
Oh, long pants now, eh?

Yeah, yeah, I got
the long pants on.

And who is this beauty?

This is my wife Carrie.

Ah, so nice to see you.

You're a lucky,
lucky man.

So, you like
my bruschetta?

Oh, it was great.
Thanks.

It's on the house, because
you're such a good customer

and because
she's so beautiful.

Hey, you call me when
you leave this guy, eh?

Enjoy, enjoy.

Mangia, mangia.

He wants you to call him
when you leave me.

How great is this place?!

It's very nice.

"Very nice"? What,
are you kidding me?
This is the best place ever.

They even gave me
a nickname.

I know, Mr. Green Jeans.

Green Shorts.

Hey, look at this,
free bruschetta.

Hey, you gotta check out
the bathroom, too.
It's like peeing in old Italy.

I look forward
to it.

All right.

Penne arribada
for thesignora.

And gnocchi
for thesignor.

Ah, smells great.
Thanks.

Some freshparmigiana?

-None for me, thank you.
-Signor?

Oh, yeah.

Keep grating
till you hit bone.

-Uh, excuse me.
-ANTONIO: Yes?

This has capers
in it.

Yes, yes. They give it
a nice flavor.

Yes, but I ordered it
without capers.

They give it
a nice flavor, honey.

I don't have anything
about "no capers."

Well, I did say it.

All right. I change
your order if you want.

No, no. I don't want
to change my order.

I just want my food
the way I ordered it
in the first place.

Actually, I like extra capers,
so this works out great.

I'll just take a few of these.
They come right out.

Look at that,
I got a big one.

Doug, could you get
your fingers out of my food?

I'm just saying I don't think
we need to send it back.

-Look, I got another one.
-Doug, stop it.

Can I just have my food
the way I ordered it, please?

-Very good.
-CARRIE: Thank you.

[QUIET SIGH]

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, was that a sigh?

Oh, God.

No,signora.

Well, it sounded
like a sigh.

Am I annoying you
in some way, huh?

Signora,you asked
to change your order.
I change your order.

Okay, again with the "change."
You know what, let me have it.

Let me just see your manager,
please. Thank you.

-Yes,signora.
-Thank you.

What are you doing?

You didn't see
the attitude on that guy?

Come on, I'm not gonna
put up with that.

Carrie, it is very stressful
being in the service industry.

Okay, I never told you this,

but, some days, I just
sit in my truck and cry.

Doug, would you
give me a break?

The guy was
out-and-out rude.

Not rude. Fiery.

He's Italian.
It's their way.

So, a little problem?

-Yes. I ordered--
-DOUG: Nothing major.

Everything's great. It's just
that my wife got her food,

and she thought she ordered
it without capers.

I did order it
without capers.

Okay, she may have. The main
thing is, other than the capers,
everything else--fantastico.

Okay. So here's what's
notfantastico,

okay, is when a waiter

pretty much calls
a customer a liar.

I didn't get that.

I'm so sorry.

We take care of it
right away.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

I'm so very sorry.
We take care of everything.

[QUIET SIGH]

Did you see that?

See what?

They were talking
about me

right in front of me
in Italian.

And then that guy,
he rolled his eyes.

Can we just
eat dinner, okay?

You're gonna get
your dish back
with no capers.

Maybe a little spit,
but no capers.

Look, just have some
of mine in the meantime.

No. Forget it.
I'm not even hungry now.

Make sure it
doesn't have capers.

Okay, here we go.

You want to get
into this now?

Bring it on.

Oh, no, no. I don't
wanna get into it.

I want you to be happy.

Don't want you
to have to call

the Lean Cuisine people
and ask for the manager.

Well, if
I did have to,

I guess we'd know
whose side you'd be on,

don't we?

I just wanted
a nice evening out.

You're the one
who went insane.

Oh, yeah,
I'm insane.

I ordered my food
without capers

and then wanted it
with no capers.

Yes. Fit me
for a straitjacket.
I'm a loon.

You know what I mean,
all right?

You're always on the lookout
for who's out to get you.

You know, you can never
just let something go.

No, no, no. That would result
in a delightful evening,

and we can't have that,
can we? No.

And by the way,
you didn't say no capers.

How would you know?

You were too busy
figuring out

what you were
gonna have for lunch

a week from Thursday!

I just don't
get you, Carrie.

Oh, don't ya?

You knew how much
I loved that place,

and you just had
to go and ruin it.

First of all,
I am not the one
who dragged me there.

And second of all,
that place,
not so great.

Oh, don't. Don't.

CARRIE: No, it's true.
It's true.

I didn't want
to say it then,

but the bruschetta,
a little soggy.

That's right, that's right.
And the music, way too loud.

Okay, now you're just flailing,

'cause that music
could not have been
at a more perfect level!

-[THUD]
-DOUG: Aw! Crap!

And by the way,
a normal person

enjoys a nice caper
now and again.

Okay. Well, here's
a "by the way" for you.

Normal people
put their soda cans

in the recycling bin,

not on the clock-radio.

I swear, you do that
just to annoy me.

Of course I do. Obviously,
everyone on this earth

has one goal,
to annoy you.

It's true. Actually,
we have a club.

We meet once a week,

we try to come up
with new ways.

You want to see
our secret eye roll?

[SIGH]

Okay. Okay, now you're
just being a jerk.

No, it's true, Carrie.
You're paranoid.

You're just like
your father.

-What?
-That's right.

You're 2 of a kind.
I swear, I think
the Spooner family crest

is a shaking fist
with the words,

"I wanna see
the manager!"

You know what, I am not
in the mood for this.

It's over.

We're never going
back there anyway,

so case closed.

Oh, here we go,
we're taking a stand.

We're banning
the restaurant now.

Yes, we are.

Fine. You know,
I'll add it to the list.

The dry cleaner's,
Kinko's,

Madison Square Garden,

St. Christopher's Church,

and now...

Fiorino's.

No, you're not like Arthur,
not too much.

Moron.

Arthurina.

Stop shutting lights!

Oh, and just
one more thing.

I'm still gonna eat there
when I want.

-No, you're not.
-Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I am.
Tomorrow.

And who knows,
after that,

I may swing by
the dry cleaner's.

Where is it?

That's very nice,
Doug. You know what?

Go wherever
you want to go,

but let me
tell you something.

There has never
been one time

that I didn't
support you.

That's right.
Remember at that party

when you kept insisting
that pitted cherries

means that they
have pitsinthem?

You went on and on,
and I backed you up

because I don't want you
to look like an idiot
all by yourself.

Well, they should
call them de-pitted.
It's confusing.

The point is,

is that
we're married, okay?

We're a couple.
We're a team.

We're supposed to
support each other,

no matter what.

They hurt my feelings
tonight, Doug, you know?

And if
you go back there,

you're just
basically saying

that my feelings
don't count.

Oh, forget it.

Don't do the
"Oh, forget it" thing.

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I won't go back there.

-Thank you.
-Okay.

[SIGH]

Good-bye, ravioli
stuffed with meat.

I hardly knew ye.

Hey, how's it goin'?

Hey, tell me something,
and be honest.

What?

How do I look
from behind?

Awesome.

I'm asking a serious
question, all right?

-How do I look?
-What am I supposed to say?

I know I don't
have a good butt
in the traditional sense.

I'm just saying,
if I could see myself
from behind full on,

would I be in
for any surprises?

No. I mean, it's pretty
much what you'd expect

when you look
at the front.

Oh, good.

-Can we eat now?
-DOUG: Let's do it.

All right. Fiorino's.

Uh...well, I
really don't wanna.

What are you
talking about?

You said that was
gonna be our place.

Yeah. It's just that...

Carrie and I went there
the other night,

and I gotta tell you,
they were kinda rude to her.

Really?

But they're so friendly
over there.

I mean, they call you
Mr. Green Shorts.

They call me
Mr. Green Shorts.

Carrie thought they
were rude, all right?
Let's just pick another place.

What did they do
that was rude?

Well,
one guy sighed.

Uh-huh?

And the other guy
might've rolled his eyes.

I'm not sure. Anyway,
it was some very rough stuff.

Was this anything like
when we went to the movies

and the popcorn girl
sassedher?

Very similar, yes.

So now you can't eat
at Fiorino's.

No. I choose not
to eat at Fiorino's.

They hurt Carrie's
feelings, okay?

And we're a team.
We stand by each other.

-Uh-huh.
-That's right, that's right.

And if that means
I gotta wear a disguise
to go to the fruit stand,

then that's the price
I gladly pay.

Oh, she's a nut job,
isn't she?

Well, I'm not
a doctor, but--

Oh, man, she really
had me going, too.

You know, she threw out
that whole speech

about how her feelings
were hurt and yada yada yada.

Oh, man. She really
was working it.

-She cry?
-No, no, no,
it was worse, you know.

She kind of had that pre-cry
mist going, you know.

Yeah, the little quiver
on her bottom lip.
[WHIMPERING]

Oh, man, she's good,
she's damn good.

Well, listen, I could talk about
this all day, but there's a hunk
of lasagna with my name on it.

I'm sorry you can't come.

Wait.

Yeah?

What's the special today?

I think it's baked ziti.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down.

Oh, no, man.

I got 3 days
of catching up to do.

Hey, excuse me.

Yeah, whatever Monday's
special was,

*Bring it*

[SLURP]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Dad, I'm home.

Got back early today.

Dad?

Dad, you better not be
in our bedroom again.

When I ask
for a tote bag,

I expect a tote bag.

No, I won't hold.
Youhold.

I'm on hold again.
Unbelievable.

What you got
going there, Dad?

Say hello to another
unlucky bastard

chewed up and spit out
by the PBS machine.

Hello.

Look at what those goniffs
sent me instead of
that beautiful bag.

Dad, this is their
entireCivil Warseries.

This is great.

Oh, please.

"Father against son,
brother against brother."

Cry me a river.

I'm just saying this
is much more valuable

than that tote bag
you wanted.

Oh, really?

Can I tote my oranges
in this?

Will my swim trunks
fit in there?

No and no.

Look, they probably
ran out of tote bags

and sent you this
instead.

I didn't buy this.

I bought a tote bag.

You didn't buy anything.

You made a donation
to public broadcasting.

This is a gift.

It's not the gift
I wanted.

Hang up. You're
acting crazy now.

No, I'm not crazy.

I'm just not gonna
let these people
step all over me.

All right, fine.
Have a good time.

Yes, I'm here.

Oh, you still claim there
are no tote bags, huh?

Then let me speak
to your manager.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, hey.
Mrs. Green Shorts.

You come back to give us
another chance?

Actually, I just
came by to apologize.

My behavior the other night
was inexcusable.

No, no, no.
It's fine. It's okay.

You wanted to change your order,
we change your order.
No problem.

I never wanted to change--
not important.

The main thing is
I just wanted to come by

and say I'm sorry
to you and--

and, oh, and to him.

Hi. Excuse me.
Remember me? "No caper" lady.

I just wanted to say
that I'm very sorry

for the other night.
I was really--okay.

He's still angry.

That's understandable.
That's understandable.

Also, um, I don't
see the busboy

that I threw
an olive at.

Would you tell him
that I'm sorry, too?

Forget about it.
It's okay.

Everything is okay.

Oh, thank you so much.
You know what?

I'd love to surprise
my husband
with a nice big dinner,

so load me up
with the works, huh?

Really? Okay.

I tell you, I thought
he would never eat again

after the lunch
he had here today.

Oh, God.

[GROANS]

Hello, Douglas.

Hi.

I guess you probably heard
through the grapevine

that PBS and I
are butting heads.

Yeah. It's
all over town.

I got them good, though.

I just pledged $1 million

on behalf of a Mr.JimShorts.

Get it? You get it?

Yeah, I get it.

Ohh.

What's the matter
with you?

I just--I got a bit
of an upset stomach.

I ate lunch angry.

Anything
I can do for you?

No, no, no.
I'm fine. Thanks.

Hey, you know what helps
when I'm nauseous?

A nice, gentle tummy rub.

Would you like one?

No.

I have very soft hands.

No.

Come on, I'm
your father-in-law.

It's the most natural
thing in the world.

No.

Oh, the hell with you.
I'm doing it.

Stop that!

You're gonna
thank me later!

Stop it! I don't
like it now!

Fine.

You gotta
sleep sometime.

-Hey, honey.
-Hey.

-How you doin'?
-Good, good, good. Very good.

Listen, I've been
wanting to talk to you all day.

Well, you found me.

Whassup?

Look, I just want to say
that I am so, so sorry

for that whole stupid thing
the other night at Fiorino's.

You are?

Yes. I mean,
it just hit me today.

I completely overreacted.

You know,
I said, "no capers!"

"Hey, don't you roll
your eyes at me!"

Was I outta control
or what?

Maybe a little,
yeah.

And then
I actually banned you

from going back there.

Can you believe
I did that?

Your feelings
are your feelings.

Nobody has the right
to judge you.

Oh, honey,
you are so sweet.

Even though the ban
was ridiculous,

the most important
thing to me

is that you
respected it, you know.

You supported me.
Thank you.

Hey. Who's keeping track
of who respected what

or who supported who?
It's a whatever thing.

Bottom line--
you, me, love.
End of story.

I know you had lunch
there today.

Let me finish.

I can't believe
you did that!

You're such a jerk!

You just said
the ban was stupid.

It was stupid,

but it was
still in effect

when you had lunch
there today.

Yes, but I knew
you were a good person

who would eventually
come to her senses

and lift the ban.

I went there today
as a show of faith.

Okay, how's this for
coming to my senses,

the ban is back on.
How do you like that?

You already lifted the ban.
You can't put it back.

-Oh, it's back. You're banned.
-No, I'm not.

Oh, no? You
wanna keep talking?

Because now you're
banned from Bagel King.

No way!

They've done
nothing to you!

Yeah, well, they don't serve
light cream cheese.

That annoys me.

Okay. Fine, fine.
You wanna ban me,
then I'm gonna ban you.

Yeah. Yeah,
that's right.

Say good-bye to your
nail place, baby.

And you know why?
'Cause I don't like
the bell on the door.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you just had
your last egg roll

from Chef Ming's,
my friend.

Oh, have I?

Yeah, well, you had your
last tasty treat

from Humphrey Yogart's. Yeah.

Batting cages.

Loehmanns. You wanna
keep it coming? Come on.

What, you think
you can hurt me?

You're banned
from there, too.

Okay. Should've
thought this through.

Don't fight me.
It's gonna happen.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]