All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2000) - S02E21 - Big Dougie_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,830 --> 00:00:05,170 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:16,590 [CHANGING TV CHANNELS] 3 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,640 Man, nothing is on. 4 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,680 [SIGHS] Forget it. 5 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,520 [TURNS TV OFF] 6 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,440 [EXHALES] 7 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,310 What do you got here? What do you got, a magazine? 8 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,320 That is a magazine, yes. 9 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:33,360 What kind of magazine? Some kind of women's magazine? 10 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,160 Oh, "50 Reasons Men Suck." 11 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,120 This? This is brutal. Brutal. 12 00:00:43,620 --> 00:00:47,080 How's your book? Funny? Sad? 13 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:51,380 Annoying. Much like yourself. 14 00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:53,590 Oh. Cat has claws. 15 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:58,760 Well, you know what, now the book is mine. 16 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,470 Stop! Stop it, give it back! 17 00:01:01,510 --> 00:01:02,810 Little woman trying to get it back. 18 00:01:02,850 --> 00:01:05,230 Can't from the big man. Can't from the big man. 19 00:01:05,270 --> 00:01:06,480 -Where is it? -All right. 20 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,230 -Now get it, you doof. -I'll get it. 21 00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:10,860 I'll find it. I'll find it. Find it. 22 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,740 Where is it? It's just in here. Just come to Dougie. 23 00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:17,240 All right, let me just-- I got it. Can we? 24 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,240 Oh, my God, Carrie, something's got my arm. 25 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:24,330 Oh, God! Carrie! Carrie! Carrie, my mother was wrong! 26 00:01:24,370 --> 00:01:26,330 There are monsters under the bed! 27 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,170 Save yourself. 28 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,760 I can get it. 29 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,220 I can't reach it. 30 00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:44,180 You had coffee tonight, didn't you? 31 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:49,150 SINGER: *My eyes are gettin' weary* 32 00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:52,150 *My back is gettin' tight* 33 00:01:52,190 --> 00:01:53,820 *I'm sitting here in traffic* 34 00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:56,610 *On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 35 00:01:56,650 --> 00:02:00,320 *But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 36 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,870 *Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 37 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,170 *'Cause, baby, all my life* 38 00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:13,290 *I will be drivin' home to you* 39 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,800 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 40 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,310 -Howdy-do. -Hey, man, how was your morning? 41 00:02:24,350 --> 00:02:27,770 Good. Real good. I don't know why, but I started wavin' at people today. 42 00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:30,600 You know, see 'em on the corner, throw 'em a little, hey! 43 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:31,650 They wavin' back? 44 00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:33,980 Not really, no. 45 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:35,190 [VELCRO RIPPING] 46 00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:36,990 Ahh. 47 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,280 Hey, listen, uh... I'm throwin' together 48 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,870 a wiffle-ball challenge on Sunday. 49 00:02:43,910 --> 00:02:45,370 A little barbecue, a little beer. 50 00:02:45,410 --> 00:02:46,370 Oh, yeah? 51 00:02:46,410 --> 00:02:48,830 Yeah, it's B-Y-O... everything. 52 00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:52,040 Actually, I can't make it. 53 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,880 What do you mean, you can't make it? Why? What's up? 54 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,210 What, you gotta stay home with the wife and kiddies? 55 00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:58,840 [IMITATES WHIPPING SOUND] 56 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,840 Oh, I get it. That means I'm whipped. 57 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,720 Heh. Good one. No, um... 58 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,260 -it's not family stuff. -No? What is it? 59 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:07,600 I've just got something to do. It's an obligation. 60 00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,270 Oh, yeah? You gotta get your skirt hemmed, huh? 61 00:03:09,310 --> 00:03:11,770 Your legs waxed? [LAUGHS] 62 00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:15,940 Heh. That was another good one. 63 00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:18,230 -Come on, what's goin' on, then? -I just got somethin' to do. 64 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,740 What could you have to do that's better than smackin' around a hollow ball 65 00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,200 with a bunch of drunken idiots, huh? 66 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,370 I'm a big brother. 67 00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,410 -Really? -Yeah. 68 00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:28,240 I have a kid I hang out with on Sundays. 69 00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,660 -How long you been doin' this? -For a few years. 70 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:31,870 -A few years? -Mm-hmm. 71 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,330 You never said anything about it. 72 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,920 Ah, it's no big deal. It's just somethin' I do, you know? 73 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,170 That's good. That's good. 74 00:03:38,210 --> 00:03:40,380 It's good to reach out. 75 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:43,010 I wave at people. 76 00:03:43,050 --> 00:03:46,180 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 77 00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:56,980 Ohh, I didn't think I was ever gonna get out of there. 78 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,280 They had to depose one guy in Jamaica, 79 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,950 so 14 lawyers fly down. 80 00:04:01,990 --> 00:04:03,320 But did I get to go? 81 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,120 No, that little perk is reserved for the secretaries 82 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,700 who will actually have sex with them. 83 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,040 You make your own breaks, honey. 84 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,750 So, how was your day? 85 00:04:14,790 --> 00:04:16,000 -It was good. -Yeah? 86 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,840 It was good, yeah. 87 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,800 Carrie? 88 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,800 Do you think I'm a worthless 89 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,170 sack of crap? 90 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,230 Why? Have you been reading my diary? 91 00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:37,360 I'm serious, okay? 92 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,980 No. Come on, what brought this on? 93 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,320 I was talkin' to Deacon today, 94 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,900 and it turns out he's a big brother. 95 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,700 You just realized that today? 96 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:55,920 I don't mean he's a bigbrotha. 97 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,380 I mean he's a big brother. 98 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,800 He's got a kid. They hang out together. 99 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,340 They do stuff like shoot hoops and things like that. 100 00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:06,470 -Oh, that's nice. -I know it's nice. 101 00:05:06,510 --> 00:05:08,930 It's much nicer than anything I've ever done. 102 00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:11,350 -Oh, come on. -It is. I mean... 103 00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:13,810 we don't do anything like that. What do we do? 104 00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:16,850 Well, I do the canned food drive for the homeless. 105 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,810 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 106 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,320 So, you're sayin' it's just me, then? 107 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,990 No, I'm not saying anything. 108 00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:26,950 Just that I do the food drive. 109 00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,450 Ahh, I make me sick. 110 00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:30,330 I mean, look how lucky we are, you know? 111 00:05:30,370 --> 00:05:33,040 Look what we got. We got chairs, curtains, 112 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,460 bowls on the wall-- 113 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,460 couldn't a hungry kid be eating out of that bowl? 114 00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:40,420 That's a light fixture. 115 00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:42,380 Still, a hungry child could be eating out of it. 116 00:05:42,420 --> 00:05:44,420 But no, no, no, I've got to have my precious light. 117 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,510 So, do something. Become a big brother. 118 00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:50,390 I know, I should. 119 00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:53,100 It's just--my schedule. I don't have the time. 120 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:56,270 Honey...sweetie... 121 00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:58,850 you flick a lot of cards. 122 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,440 That's my hobby. 123 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,480 Honey, I'm just saying, Deacon has the same exact job you do, 124 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:07,400 and 2 kids, and he manages to find the time. 125 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,240 I know, and he doesn't even tell anybody about it. 126 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:12,450 He's not even in it for the publicity. 127 00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:15,450 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 128 00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:18,790 Hello? 129 00:06:18,830 --> 00:06:20,540 Oh, hi, Doug. 130 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,590 Doug Pruzan. He's one of the lawyers from the Jamaica trip. 131 00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:26,050 I'm sorry about that. Yeah, what's up? 132 00:06:26,090 --> 00:06:28,260 Oh, you know what? The document didn't come in till after 6:00, 133 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,140 so I'll get it notarized in the morning. 134 00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:32,180 Yeah. Okay. Got it. 135 00:06:32,220 --> 00:06:34,310 Okay, Doug. I love you. Bye. 136 00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:47,440 Did I just tell Doug Pruzan 137 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,900 that I loved him? 138 00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:51,320 Mm-hmm. 139 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,120 Do you? 140 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,120 No! I said "Doug," 141 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,000 and the "I love you" just slipped out right behind it. 142 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:05,170 -So call him back. -I can't. He was calling me from the plane. 143 00:07:05,210 --> 00:07:06,880 Well, it's noisy in there, you know. 144 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,220 Maybe he didn't hear you or understand what you said. 145 00:07:09,260 --> 00:07:10,880 Well, what if he did? 146 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,510 Then love him the best you can. 147 00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:17,020 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 148 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:19,640 What's up? 149 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,310 Ah, nothin' much. Just fillin' out 150 00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:23,400 my application to become a big brother. 151 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,150 -Really? -Yeah, yeah. 152 00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:26,650 I'm gonna be a big bro. 153 00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:29,490 Have a little bro. Do bro stuff. 154 00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,950 All right. I guess I rubbed off on you a little, huh? 155 00:07:31,990 --> 00:07:33,370 Yeah, a little. 156 00:07:33,410 --> 00:07:34,870 -Well, welcome to the ranks. -Thanks. 157 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,330 "Douglas S. Heffernan." 158 00:07:41,710 --> 00:07:43,000 What's your middle name? 159 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,420 -Steven. -Huh. 160 00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:45,540 What's yours? 161 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,460 -John. -Hmm. 162 00:07:52,510 --> 00:07:55,390 Whoa. They want you to commit to once a week for a year? 163 00:07:55,430 --> 00:07:56,720 Yeah, that's a normal thing. 164 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,560 Wow. Can't I take this kid out for a test drive? 165 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,140 Throw him up on the lift, 166 00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,890 make sure he's not rusty underneath. 167 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:05,190 [LAUGHS] 168 00:08:05,230 --> 00:08:07,020 Kiddin', man. I'm kiddin'. 169 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,440 You know it's a serious commitment, right? 170 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,070 Yeah, I know. What, you think I don't know that? 171 00:08:10,110 --> 00:08:11,320 Well, it's just you gotta follow through with this. 172 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,570 I mean, this can't be like when you said 173 00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:15,030 you were gonna have washboard abs by Christmas. 174 00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:25,210 Hey, I would've if I hadn't gotten the flu. 175 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,250 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 176 00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:36,930 Uh, excuse me, Doug. 177 00:08:36,970 --> 00:08:38,220 Yeah? 178 00:08:38,260 --> 00:08:39,930 Can I talk to you for a second? 179 00:08:39,970 --> 00:08:41,310 Sure, Carrie. 180 00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:48,480 So, I got all those papers notarized, 181 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,440 and it's on its way to Claybourne's office. 182 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,030 -Great. Thank you. -Yeah. 183 00:08:53,990 --> 00:08:55,070 Is that it? 184 00:08:55,110 --> 00:08:57,240 Well, uh, yeah. 185 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,410 I just wanted to make sure that you know 186 00:08:59,450 --> 00:09:02,500 that I heard you when you asked me to do all that stuff. 187 00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:06,290 'Cause, you know, airplane phones--wow! 188 00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:09,250 Connection was fine. 189 00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:11,460 So, then, you heard me...okay? 190 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,960 All the way through? 191 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,260 I think so. Yeah. 192 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:17,090 Even, like, at the end where I might have said 193 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,300 something a little weird? 194 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,060 Like what? 195 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,600 Like, uh... 196 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,140 possibly... "I love you" or-- 197 00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:27,440 so you did say it? Huh. Thought I imagined that. 198 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,610 Yeah, did you? Yeah, how about that? 199 00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:31,480 Anyway, the thing is, I gotta tell you some-- 200 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,570 Oh, Doug, come on. We've got to get the conference room. The depo's starting. 201 00:09:33,610 --> 00:09:35,150 Oh, okay, I'm coming. Um, we should talk. 202 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,280 Let's put a pin in this. 203 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:37,660 Yeah, quick-- quick thing-- 204 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:38,780 I'm sorry. I have to go. 205 00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:40,030 Uh, we definitely should talk later, okay? 206 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,490 Okay. Okay. 207 00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:47,120 Don't--don't love you, Doug. 208 00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,050 [DOORBELL RINGS] 209 00:09:58,090 --> 00:10:00,050 Little bro time. 210 00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:06,270 All right, you know what? The kid doesn't have a father. 211 00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:08,440 He probably doesn't care where the pillows are. 212 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:11,650 Hey, buddy. 213 00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:12,820 Oh, hey. 214 00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:14,110 I just got off work. 215 00:10:14,150 --> 00:10:16,360 Wanted to see if you wanted to grab a slice of 'za 216 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,360 and go catch the Knicks game. 217 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,660 Okay, first of all, calling pizza 'za 218 00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,530 stopped being cool in '82. 219 00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:24,290 Second of all, I can't. 220 00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:25,660 Oh. Fine. All right, see you. 221 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,710 I guess you probably want to know why I can't? 222 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,250 All right. No, that's okay. I'm sure you have a good reason. 223 00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:33,380 I do have a good reason. I got a damn good reason. So stop ridin' me, okay? Can't. 224 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,340 All right. What's up with you? 225 00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:39,090 Fine. I will tell you, okay? 226 00:10:39,130 --> 00:10:40,340 I signed up to be a big brother. 227 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,260 -You? Well, good for you. -Yeah, yeah. 228 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:45,180 My little brother's on his way over right about now. 229 00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:48,060 Just thought I'd boomerang a little back to society. 230 00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:49,730 It's what I do. 231 00:10:49,770 --> 00:10:53,570 You know, Deacon's a big brother, but doesn't advertise it. 232 00:10:53,610 --> 00:10:55,530 Doug? 233 00:10:55,570 --> 00:10:58,280 Oh, hey, Barbara. Good to see you again. 234 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,070 You. Good-bye. 235 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,540 Doug, I'd like you to meet your new little brother Jason. 236 00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:09,120 Hey, there he is. Kiddo, what's up? I'm Doug. Man, how are you? 237 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:12,290 -Hi. -Jason, your mom will pick you up at 5:00, okay? 238 00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:13,540 -Mm-hmm. -All right. 239 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:16,840 -Have fun. -Yeah. Take care. 240 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,550 So, you're Jason, huh? 241 00:11:19,590 --> 00:11:22,800 -Mm-hmm. -Hey, have a seat, man. Take a load off. Yeah, sit back. 242 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,600 All right. Heh heh. 243 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,810 Brothers. 244 00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:30,440 Big, little. 245 00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:33,770 This is great, huh? 246 00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:36,400 -I guess. -Hey, you want to go to the batting cages? 247 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,740 You know, grab a couple heroes. You like batting cages? 248 00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:40,450 Not really. 249 00:11:40,490 --> 00:11:42,280 Okay, how about the heroes? You like heroes? 250 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,740 Nah. 251 00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:46,700 Okay. Cool, cool, cool. That's all right. 252 00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,250 We'll just chill out here then, you know? 253 00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:50,710 The two of us. 254 00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:56,250 [WHISPERING] Yeah. 255 00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:59,760 Oh, I am spraying way too much whip cream on this thing. 256 00:12:01,510 --> 00:12:03,640 Yeah, crazy how much whip cream's on here, huh? 257 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,610 You want to watch this? 258 00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:21,280 I don't care. 259 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,370 Oh! How about this? Ants,huh? 260 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,950 They got a whole world goin' on 261 00:12:27,990 --> 00:12:30,160 just below the surface. 262 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,750 Well, thanks. 263 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,170 Okay, yeah, this was great. This was terrific, man. 264 00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:44,340 I'll see you next week. Heh heh. Yee-ha! 265 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,270 Okay, one week down, 51 to go. 266 00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,480 -Hey. -Hey. 267 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,480 So, how'd it go with your little brother? 268 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,780 Did you hit it off? Did you--did you bond? 269 00:13:00,820 --> 00:13:03,490 Uh, yeah, about that-- I want to run somethin' by you. 270 00:13:03,530 --> 00:13:04,700 And keep an open mind. 271 00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,360 What? 272 00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:08,240 I'm not sure, but I'm-- 273 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,870 leanin' towards dumping my little brother. 274 00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:13,660 What are you talking about? 275 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,870 I think I got a bad one. I did, I got a bad kid. 276 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,920 "Bad"? Bad, how? What, did he pull a knife on you? 277 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,710 A knife would have been great. I would have loved a knife. 278 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,840 At least it would have ended the afternoon early. 279 00:13:26,590 --> 00:13:27,590 I'm tellin' you, I got nothin' from this kid. 280 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,640 Nothin'. 281 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,680 Well, even so, you can't just bail. 282 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,640 I mean, this is not like the time when you ordered 283 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,600 that ab-roller thing, and you wound up-- 284 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,600 I got the flu! 285 00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:43,690 BOY: Ooh, uhh! 286 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,650 DOUG: Oh, body blow! Body blow! 287 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:46,860 [JAPANESE ACCENT] Oh, you have dishonored me. 288 00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,280 Now I must kill you. 289 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:51,330 Hello, uncle. Welcome to Hong Kong. 290 00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:52,370 MAN: Come on, Stu. 291 00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:54,910 Oh, my dad's here. I gotta go. 292 00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:58,580 Oh, uh, really? Okay, Stu, take it easy man. 293 00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,460 Hey, I'm here every Sunday! 294 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,470 Hey, how's that pretzel workin' out for you? 295 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,560 Fine. 296 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:15,810 Okay. 297 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,440 Heh heh, hey. 298 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,980 Hey, buddy, what are you doin' here, man? 299 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:24,780 I figured I'd give Eddie a little whupping at Mortal Kombat. 300 00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,780 Hey, man, you're the one that's goin' down. 301 00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:29,780 That's big talk from 4 feet off the floor. What? Huh? 302 00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:32,450 -[LAUGHING] -Oh, man! Oh! 303 00:14:35,870 --> 00:14:37,040 So, how's it goin' with you guys? 304 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,080 Oh, are you kiddin' me? It's goin' great. 305 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,250 Yeah, it's goin' good. 306 00:14:39,290 --> 00:14:40,540 We're just takin' a breather right now, 307 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:41,250 but earlier we were gettin' wild, weren't we? 308 00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:43,340 -Whoo, whoo-- -Ow! 309 00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:45,340 Oh, God. I'm sorry. Are you all right? You all right? 310 00:14:45,380 --> 00:14:47,550 I'm sorry. He's gonna be okay. He's good. He's good. He's good. 311 00:14:47,590 --> 00:14:49,470 I got a tough guy. Got a tough guy. 312 00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:51,680 Hey, you know what? We should hang out, the 4 of us some time. What do you say? 313 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,390 Hey, that would be great, man, yeah. 314 00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:55,470 Maybe we could do some kid-swap thing. 315 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,980 You know, you take mine, I take yours. 316 00:14:58,020 --> 00:15:00,730 -How about Sunday? -Can't do it next Sunday. 317 00:15:00,770 --> 00:15:03,360 Eddie and I are running a 10K to raise money for heart disease. 318 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,570 10K? That sounds cool. 319 00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:06,610 We would totally be into it, too, 320 00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:09,450 except that I have a medical condition. 321 00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:11,320 I'm huge. 322 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,780 [LAUGHTER] 323 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,950 Plus, I don't think that's your sort of thing, is it, J-man? 324 00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:19,500 Actually...my dad died of heart disease. 325 00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:23,340 You don't say? 326 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,460 A marathon. Yeah. Good idea. 327 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:28,470 Okay, it's not a marathon, it's a 10K. 328 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,970 Do you even know how long aKis? 329 00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:33,800 No. Do you? 330 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,970 No. But if it's longer than a foot, 331 00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:37,470 you're in trouble, buddy. 332 00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:39,980 I can do it. 333 00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,810 Doug, you once considered 334 00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:45,520 putting a chair halfway up the stairs. 335 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:48,530 Do you realize this kid's father died of heart disease? 336 00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:50,490 Yeah, and how is your dying gonna help that? 337 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,450 My body won't let me die. 338 00:15:52,490 --> 00:15:54,990 I'll vomit and pass out way before that happens. 339 00:15:55,030 --> 00:15:56,740 Come on, I'm serious. 340 00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:57,990 Hey, you're the one who wanted me to try 341 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,040 to break through to him. 342 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,330 Can't you do something else? 343 00:16:00,370 --> 00:16:04,040 Can't you guys go skateboarding or... get pierced? 344 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,000 I know what I'm doing, okay? 345 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,550 And I'm gonna finish this race. 346 00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:09,840 I don't care if I have to 347 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,090 slither across the finish line with my nipples. 348 00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:14,720 Just back it off, okay? 349 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,850 I'm about to ratchet up the tension. 350 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,030 Save a little for tomorrow. 351 00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:32,030 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 352 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,870 Carrie. Hi. 353 00:16:36,910 --> 00:16:38,120 Oh, hey, Doug. 354 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,450 This a good time to talk? 355 00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,120 Yes, yes, it's perfect. 356 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,000 So, Carrie... 357 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,000 where are we at here? 358 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:51,760 Uh, here--here-- here's the thing, Doug. 359 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,590 I hope you don't think I'm an idiot, 360 00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:56,680 but my husband's name is also Doug, 361 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,560 so when I was on the phone with you when I said "Doug", 362 00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,760 the words "I love you", 363 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,560 they just came out automatically, you see? 364 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,100 Like, "Ah-choo" and "God bless you". They're a team. 365 00:17:06,020 --> 00:17:08,650 -That's what this was? -Yup! 366 00:17:08,690 --> 00:17:10,900 So, don't love you. 367 00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:13,700 Well, I was on the plane and you said that, 368 00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:15,610 and I was like, "Whoa, where'd that come from?" 369 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,410 Right, right. It's a funny story though, huh? 370 00:17:17,450 --> 00:17:18,950 Yeah, it's funny. Well, I guess I shouldn't have dumped my fiancée 371 00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:20,540 and gotten us Springsteen tickets. 372 00:17:20,580 --> 00:17:21,830 Heh heh. Guess not. 373 00:17:21,870 --> 00:17:24,790 [LAUGHTER] 374 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,760 Wow. Fourth row. 375 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,670 Um...I gotta make a phone call. 376 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,220 Nice butt, though. 377 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:44,270 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 378 00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:45,390 RACE ANNOUNCER: Attention, please. 379 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,770 The race will start in one minute. 380 00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:50,940 All runners, please make sure you're checked in 381 00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:53,490 and proceed to the starting area. 382 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,240 All right, we got-- we got a minute. 383 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,570 So let's, uh, let's start to get loose here, okay? 384 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,490 -Okay. -I'm gonna show you a couple stretches 385 00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:01,280 I learned from my varsity football days, 386 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,660 many moons ago. 387 00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:06,290 Oh, speaking of moons, I better hike these up. 388 00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:10,210 Remember, crack kills. 389 00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:13,250 All right, first stretch here is gonna stretch out the hamstrings, okay? 390 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,550 Now just stretch it down and feel the stretch. Just get into it, you know? You feel-- 391 00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:17,800 Aah! God! 392 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,220 Let's go with the hands. Just shake the hands. 393 00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:22,260 Look, man, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. 394 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,720 I want to do-- I want to do this. Believe me. Hey, you know what? 395 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,270 I was gonna run 10Ks today anyway. 396 00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:27,940 Might as well stamp out a disease at the same time. 397 00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:30,610 -Hey, there you are. You guys made it. -Yeah. 398 00:18:30,650 --> 00:18:32,770 Wow. You're really punishing that Lycra. 399 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,980 Hey, somebody's lookin', I know that much. 400 00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,990 RACE ANNOUNCER:Runners to the starting positions, please. 401 00:18:37,030 --> 00:18:38,570 Hey, want to run together? 402 00:18:38,610 --> 00:18:40,120 Uh, yeah, sure. I gotta warn you though, 403 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,580 they slipped me a few bucks to be the rabbit today. 404 00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:45,000 RACE ANNOUNCER:Runners, on your mark... 405 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,080 [STARTER PISTOL FIRES] 406 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,270 All right! Feels good! Pushing it to the limit. 407 00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:12,940 -How far we gone? -Just under a K. 408 00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:16,110 All right. I would have thought a little more, but...okay. 409 00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:18,570 Time to start pacing myself. 410 00:19:26,410 --> 00:19:28,250 Okay, stay focused. 411 00:19:28,290 --> 00:19:31,000 You can do this, all right? 412 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,630 The pain is all in your mind. It's all in your mind. 413 00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:37,590 Although, the nosebleed, that was definitely real. 414 00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:40,300 And the shin splints, those were angry. 415 00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:42,590 And you threw up a little. 416 00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:52,350 Doug! 417 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,110 What are you doin' here? 418 00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,860 I am worried about you. 419 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,900 Come on, stop it. This is crazy. 420 00:19:57,940 --> 00:20:00,740 I'm fine. Leave me alone. 421 00:20:00,780 --> 00:20:03,370 Doug, you're gonna have a heart attack. 422 00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:05,160 And this is a race against heart disease! 423 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,990 So, it'll be a push. 424 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,620 Come on, just get in the car. Look, look. I have soda. 425 00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:12,750 I'm finishing this thing. 426 00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:14,130 Fine. 427 00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:16,420 I'll meet you at the finish line. 428 00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:17,840 Are those my shorts? 429 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,050 No! Drive away! 430 00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:37,020 Hey, buddy. Just takin' a break. 431 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:40,860 -You don't look so good. -Are you kiddin' me? I'm fine. 432 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:43,660 I wish I wasn't layin' on a rock, but I'm fine. 433 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,120 I got you somethin'. 434 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,200 Oh, thanks, buddy. 435 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,000 I think you're gonna have to help me up. 436 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:57,210 Yeah...All right. Ohh...okay. Oh. 437 00:20:57,250 --> 00:21:00,210 So, uh, how'd you do? 438 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:03,800 I did pretty good. I was like 48th or something. 439 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:07,260 48th? Are you kiddin' me? I'm proud of you, Jason. That's unbelievable. 440 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,100 -Thanks. -Unbelievable. 441 00:21:10,140 --> 00:21:14,140 That's good. That's very good, 48. 442 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:17,400 You could have come in, like, 56, and that would have still been good. 443 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,940 And what you said, 48th, that's good, man. 444 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:23,030 That's really, really good. You should be proud of yourself. 445 00:21:23,070 --> 00:21:25,160 You're a winner. 446 00:21:35,710 --> 00:21:39,090 Yeah. All right. 447 00:21:39,130 --> 00:21:41,250 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 448 00:21:46,220 --> 00:21:47,760 [COUGHS] 449 00:22:00,270 --> 00:22:03,780 Honey? I'm sick. 450 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:10,280 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 33329

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