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1
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:04,500
[**]
2
00:00:04,540 --> 00:00:06,040
DOUG: Carrie!
3
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,420
Come on, we got to go!
4
00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:08,670
CARRIE: I'm coming!
5
00:00:08,710 --> 00:00:10,260
League starts in 20 minutes!
6
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:12,340
Will
you relax?
7
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,380
Broads.
8
00:00:14,550 --> 00:00:16,220
So, where you off to
tonight?
9
00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:19,350
Were the bowling shirt
and bowling ball
10
00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:21,680
any help, or...?
11
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,690
All right, call off
your dogs, sassy.
12
00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,810
Just makin' small talk.
13
00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:28,270
All right, look, I was
out of line there, I'm sorry.
14
00:00:28,310 --> 00:00:30,190
Quite all right.
15
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:31,690
So, where you off to?
16
00:00:34,490 --> 00:00:36,530
Carrie!
17
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,070
Come on, what are you doin'?
18
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:41,080
What, what are
you doin'?
19
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,620
Ironing my jeans.
I'm almost done.
20
00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:45,080
What was wrong
with the ones
you had on?
21
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,880
I didn't like the way
my butt looked in those.
22
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,540
Oh, come on.
23
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,210
Hey, back it off.
24
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,130
This is between
me and my ass.
25
00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:55,130
You have to understand,
bowling is all about
26
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,380
the way you look
from behind.
27
00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:58,430
Yeah, and you look fine
in the other ones!
28
00:00:58,470 --> 00:01:00,220
Although I can't say
I'm hating this look.
29
00:01:01,390 --> 00:01:03,220
Get you spread eagle
on the hood of a Camaro,
30
00:01:03,270 --> 00:01:04,560
we got a big selling poster.
31
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,730
Okay, I am done.
32
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,110
Oh yeah, put your pants on.
33
00:01:12,150 --> 00:01:14,570
Slow for Daddy. Oh...
34
00:01:14,610 --> 00:01:16,240
Yeah. Mmm. Mm-hmm...
35
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,570
-Shut up, would you please?
-Yeah!
36
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:21,530
OK, nice.
Let's go, slammer.
37
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,240
Thank God.
38
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:24,620
Oh, yeah.
39
00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:29,750
MALE SINGER: *My eyesare getting weary*
40
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,460
*My back is getting tight*
41
00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:34,340
*I'm sitting herein traffic*
42
00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:37,430
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
43
00:01:37,470 --> 00:01:42,600
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
44
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:47,140
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
45
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,610
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
46
00:01:50,650 --> 00:01:53,400
*I will be driving hometo you*
47
00:01:59,490 --> 00:02:03,870
All right! The Cooper's
Onion Ringers have arrived.
48
00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:05,870
-Yeah!
-Yeah! Yeah!
49
00:02:05,910 --> 00:02:08,250
Okay, nobody seems
to care.
50
00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:10,380
That's because
they're all losers.
51
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:12,500
RICHIE: All right, people.
Let's push some tables together.
52
00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:14,170
DEACON: 3 pitchers
right over here.
53
00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:16,340
CARRIE: Spence,
nice bowling tonight, cutie.
54
00:02:16,380 --> 00:02:18,090
DOUG: Gosh, the man
can't run, he can't jump.
55
00:02:18,130 --> 00:02:19,550
He can barely walk,
but, damn it,
56
00:02:19,590 --> 00:02:20,680
he can roll a ball.
57
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,800
Magic fingers.
I got magic fingers.
58
00:02:22,850 --> 00:02:23,850
And Ianucci,
59
00:02:23,890 --> 00:02:25,640
obviously trying
to impress someone
60
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,140
into having sex
with him.
61
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:28,640
I don't know,
I wasn't that impressed.
62
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,270
Just scored
a 135.
63
00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:33,440
Hey, hey, a 191.
I guess no love?
64
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,650
Come on, Deac. You and I,
we're the legends, you know?
65
00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:37,360
We don't talk about it,
we just do it.
66
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,110
Yeah--yeah, a 191.
I want to talk about it.
67
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:42,660
Hey, how about Carrie
over here, huh?
68
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:44,740
Hey,
my lovely wife, huh?
69
00:02:44,780 --> 00:02:47,830
Gutting her way to a
personal best score of...47.
70
00:02:47,870 --> 00:02:48,870
DEACON: Oh, yeah.
71
00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:50,870
[CHEERING]
72
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,460
Sucky bowler
right here.
73
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:54,670
Can't bowl
for crap. Yeah!
74
00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:56,170
Hey, but her ass
was in great form, huh?
75
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,800
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, yeah.
76
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,720
All I saw
was a nice ass.
77
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,260
All right, well,
if you guys will excuse me,
78
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,590
I'm gonna go stop
in on Bobby
79
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,050
and pick up
our league checks.
80
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,270
So do me a favor, order me
several thousand hot wings.
81
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:10,230
Bobby! Yo, Bobby!
82
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:13,770
Bobby! Hey, you're not
Bobby. Where's Bobby?
83
00:03:13,810 --> 00:03:17,230
I fired Bobby.
Who are you?
84
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,490
Oh, I was just--I was--
Who are you?
85
00:03:20,530 --> 00:03:21,610
My name is Bruce Degner.
86
00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:23,200
Oh, so you're
the new Bobby?
87
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,240
No, I'm not
the new Bobby.
88
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,580
My father-in-law
owns this place.
89
00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:29,580
He just had a massive
brain aneurysm--
90
00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:31,870
which he richly deserves.
91
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,630
So now I have to spend
time I don't have
92
00:03:33,670 --> 00:03:35,920
away from my law practice
to come in here every night
93
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,460
and sit and look over
this random
94
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,720
heap of post-its and napkins
95
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,340
that passes around here
for a ledger.
96
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,640
Something I'm trying
very hard to do right now,
97
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:47,930
which brings me back
to my original,
98
00:03:47,970 --> 00:03:49,640
still unanswered question--
99
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,350
Who are you?
100
00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:53,270
Hi, I'm Doug.
Doug Heffernan.
101
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:55,980
I'm a member of the
bowling team you sponsor.
102
00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:59,780
Well, member--
I'm actually the captain.
103
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,570
So what do you want,
Captain?
104
00:04:01,610 --> 00:04:05,820
Uh, it's just that, uh,
Bobby, who I did not like,
105
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,780
uh, was supposed
to leave me a check
106
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,290
for our league dues
this month.
107
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:10,700
Oh, swell,
because this place
108
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,460
really isn't hemorrhaging
quite enough money yet.
109
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:14,790
All right, how much?
110
00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:17,790
It's $1,500. Boy, it's
getting cold down here.
111
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:18,880
Were you outside?
112
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,340
1,500? For the year?
113
00:04:21,380 --> 00:04:23,300
Uh, well, if you mean
calendar year, yes.
114
00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:24,800
Of course,
there is another 1,500
115
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:25,640
due in the middle
of the season,
116
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,510
but that's way,
way off.
117
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:29,350
So, let me
get this straight.
118
00:04:29,390 --> 00:04:32,270
Cooper's has been paying you
people $3,000 a year--
119
00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:35,350
-No, season.
-Season--to bowl?
120
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,560
Can I assume that you are
some of the finest bowlers
121
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,820
in the history of mankind?
122
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:42,900
If you want to.
123
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,660
Sorry, Doug.
I can't do it.
124
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:49,530
Come on, Bruce.
You can't just drop us.
125
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,540
Cooper's bowling team
is a great tradition.
126
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,330
Plus it's great
for business, too.
127
00:04:53,370 --> 00:04:54,710
You know, people see us
bowling out there
128
00:04:54,750 --> 00:04:57,000
wearing these shirts
that say Cooper's, you know,
129
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,540
and they think
to themselves...
130
00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:02,010
"Cooper's."
You with me?
131
00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,670
I think so.
132
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,920
Yeah. Plus when we win
a big championship,
133
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,300
there's an article
in the newspaper,
134
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:07,680
pictures,
more publicity.
135
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:08,890
You're a championship team?
136
00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:11,350
-Did I say that?
-Yes.
137
00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:13,060
Well, no, no, no,
we're not.
138
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:17,310
But we often make incredible
comebacks that fall just short.
139
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,690
Listen, Doug.
You seem like a nice guy.
140
00:05:19,730 --> 00:05:21,320
-So do you.
-But it just doesn't
141
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:22,440
make any sense to me
142
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:26,280
to sponsor a bowling team
unless it wins.
143
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,410
And even then, it's hard to get
too enthusiastic.
144
00:05:28,450 --> 00:05:29,910
Yeah, but the shirt?
145
00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:31,740
Yes, I know
the shirts, yes, yes.
146
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:35,040
But, uh--
Look, I guess if you did well,
147
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,580
the publicity would
be good for business.
148
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:40,000
I'll tell you what.
You do what you got to do,
149
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,960
and show me you got a shot at
winning one of those trophies--
150
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,380
you know, the guy on top with
the sweater and the silver--
151
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:46,680
and I'll write you a check.
You got it?
152
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,800
I got it. I promise
we'll kick it up a notch.
153
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,510
We'll see how you do
next Wednesday.
154
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,720
All right. You know what?
Even if we lose, though,
155
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:53,810
I could always just buy you
156
00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:56,690
one of those trophies,
you know.
157
00:05:56,730 --> 00:05:58,600
Or I can just stand in your
office like this, you know?
158
00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,810
Be the one-legged.
159
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,650
All right, man.
Thank you.
160
00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:08,450
Okay, now, when we lose,
it's only by an average
of about 40 pins.
161
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:10,490
So just one more strike,
you know, per game
162
00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:12,910
from each of us
ought to do it.
163
00:06:13,990 --> 00:06:16,790
That's it, just
one more strike each.
164
00:06:16,830 --> 00:06:21,000
Or 2 of us have to get
2 more strikes each.
165
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:26,380
Or we each take a turn
bowling a perfect game.
166
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:31,430
All right! I know,
it's Carrie! She stinks!
167
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:33,640
She's stinky Carrie!
But what am I supposed to do?
168
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,060
I can't fire
my own wife.
169
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,930
Well, if you don't, we're not
gonna have a team anymore.
170
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,390
Well, then, you know what?
Screw it.
171
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,640
We don't need
the league, right?
172
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:42,400
With that whole free
lane time, free food.
173
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:43,940
I say we all get together
and bowl on another night
174
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:46,030
like regular people,
huh? You wanna?
175
00:06:46,070 --> 00:06:47,490
No.
176
00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:49,950
[GROWLS]
Oh, God.
177
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,910
Come on, Doug, we've been
bowling in a league for 3 years.
178
00:06:52,950 --> 00:06:54,700
That's the life we know.
179
00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:57,910
We're not like
the others anymore.
180
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,880
All right, anyway--look,
we gotta have 2 women out of 6.
181
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,920
League rules. So who are we
gonna get to replace Carrie?
182
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,090
We could go
with Pam Dimeo,
183
00:07:05,130 --> 00:07:06,460
who I wanted to get
in the first place.
184
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:07,710
Pam Dimeo,
she's awesome.
185
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,010
-Can you get her?
-Yeah.
186
00:07:09,050 --> 00:07:10,130
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
187
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,470
This is Carrie
we're talking about here.
188
00:07:12,510 --> 00:07:14,050
You guys are like
a pack of wild dingoes,
189
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,850
you know, biting
into her flesh and...
190
00:07:16,890 --> 00:07:19,480
pulling her off
the bowling team.
191
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,440
Come on, Moose,
don't be putting this on us.
192
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:22,690
When we first put
this team together,
193
00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:23,810
we wanted to
be good, remember?
194
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:24,860
You more
than anybody.
195
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:25,900
That's true. He's right.
196
00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:27,480
Yeah. And one day
you just pranced in
197
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,530
and said, "Carrie's
on the team," and that was it.
198
00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:31,030
I know, I know.
199
00:07:31,070 --> 00:07:32,700
She was like, "Oh, bowling.
I wanna play.
200
00:07:32,740 --> 00:07:34,450
How much fun
would that be?"
201
00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:36,490
Play. First of all, you don't
even play bowling, okay?
202
00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:38,750
Yougobowling.
203
00:07:41,580 --> 00:07:43,080
You should have just
nixed it then, Moose.
204
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,630
Nix it how?
205
00:07:44,670 --> 00:07:46,590
By not mentioning it in front of
her to begin with, that's how.
206
00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:50,470
I mean, Kelly didn't know I was
in a bowling league till year 2.
207
00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:53,930
This is--this is brutal.
Now I either gotta fire my wife
208
00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:56,100
or just let the team
just fall apart.
209
00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:59,520
It's like--it's like
Sophie's Choice.
210
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,060
Not really.
211
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,060
No? What wasSophie's Choice
again?
212
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:08,440
She had to decide which of her
children to give to the Nazis.
213
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,900
Okay, yeah,
that's harder.
214
00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:12,740
Oh, what am I
gonna do?
215
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:14,950
[ARGUING]
216
00:08:14,990 --> 00:08:17,740
-Hey, guys, what's up?
-What's up?
217
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,660
What, did I, uh, did I
interrupt something?
218
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,580
You guys
talking about chicks?
219
00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:25,670
See a nice rack?
220
00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:29,170
Huh? Nice set of ta-tas?
221
00:08:29,210 --> 00:08:30,510
Huh?
222
00:08:30,550 --> 00:08:32,760
Yes. 2.
223
00:08:43,810 --> 00:08:45,690
Okay.
224
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:49,650
That sucked.
225
00:08:49,690 --> 00:08:51,650
Yeah. Yeah, it did.
226
00:08:51,690 --> 00:08:53,570
Mmm. Diet Coke
me, baby.
227
00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:55,570
You know what? Uh...
228
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:56,660
just for fun
why don't we try to,
229
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:59,160
like, bowl really well, okay?
230
00:09:00,910 --> 00:09:02,950
Are your
sideburns longer?
231
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,620
I don't know. Maybe.
232
00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:06,830
Look, Wednesday night we're
playing "Hey Eddie's!" pizza,
233
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,750
and I just--
I want to beat them.
234
00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:10,670
Why? I like
their pizza.
235
00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:11,920
That's not the point.
236
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,720
I just think we should
try to win more often,
237
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,760
'cause winning is good.
You know, it means...
238
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:18,850
you won.
239
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,510
-Okay.
-All right, so let's practice.
240
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:22,810
-Yeah, let's practice.
-Okay, great.
241
00:09:22,850 --> 00:09:24,270
Okay, let me break it down
for you, all right?
242
00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:25,810
-Okay.
-All right.
243
00:09:25,850 --> 00:09:27,810
It's very simple,
all right? It's here.
244
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:32,030
It's 1, 2, 3, 4.
245
00:09:34,030 --> 00:09:37,160
Yes. Ah, yes.
See right there?
246
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,240
Use the arrows on the lane.
They're your friends.
247
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:40,950
Oh, all right,
Yeah, okay.
248
00:09:40,990 --> 00:09:42,290
-Let me try, let me try.
-All right. Great, great, great.
249
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:44,160
-Okay.
-Okay.
250
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,330
-Okay, you're ready?
-Yep.
251
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:48,630
-Nice and easy. Here we go.
-Okay, okay.
252
00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:50,960
Okay, it's 1, 2--
253
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,170
Okay, that's 4.
254
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:54,210
You forgot 3,
forgot 3.
255
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,630
Yeah, yeah,
number 3.
256
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,720
Okay, here. Uh, let me
try to teach you
257
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,850
a little something
about form. Come here.
258
00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:04,140
Okay. Teach away,
Mr. Kot-ter.
259
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,270
All right, remember now,
it's here first.
260
00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:11,690
And then 1, 2, 3, 4--
261
00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:12,940
no!
262
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,150
Carrie, come on.
Carrie, come on.
263
00:10:14,190 --> 00:10:15,190
You copped a feel
there, didn't you?
264
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,360
Yeah, you did.
265
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,150
Knock it off!
266
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,620
I wanna win
on Wednesday, okay?
267
00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:22,240
What's the big deal?
268
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,040
I just want to beat
"Hey Eddie's!"
269
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,700
Why?
270
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,870
They don't use
enough sauce.
271
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:33,210
All right.
Talk to me here.
272
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:35,800
What the hell
is going on?
273
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,720
It's the new guy
running Cooper's, all right?
274
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:40,640
He's not gonna
sponsor the team
275
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:41,930
unless
we get better.
276
00:10:41,970 --> 00:10:43,810
Ah-ha.
277
00:10:43,850 --> 00:10:45,600
In fact, if we don't win
Wednesday, it's over.
278
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,640
That's why I wanted you
to practice.
279
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,730
'Cause I'm
the weak link. Got it.
280
00:10:49,770 --> 00:10:51,060
I'm sorry
I didn't tell you.
281
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:53,730
I just thought
maybe, you know,
282
00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:55,730
if you improve, you might
become one of those bowlers
283
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,990
that actually
knocks pins down.
284
00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:02,950
Okay, well, let me
save you some time here.
285
00:11:02,990 --> 00:11:05,290
I suck at bowling,
and I always will.
286
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:06,750
Don't say that.
287
00:11:06,790 --> 00:11:08,370
Doug, stop it,
will you?
288
00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:11,000
I'm not gonna
get any better.
289
00:11:14,710 --> 00:11:18,050
So what is it? You want me
off the team? Is that it?
290
00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:21,090
No, I don'twantyou
off the team.
291
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:23,800
Why, you want to be
off the team?
292
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,180
Well, if I'm gonna ruin it
for everybody else.
293
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,810
You sure you're
okay with this?
294
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,980
I guess I have to be,
don't I?
295
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:43,030
Hey, who's up
for lemon ices?
296
00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:57,800
-Hey, Bruce.
-Oh, hello.
297
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,670
How's it going? Hey,
how's your father-in-law doing?
298
00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:00,920
Is he feeling any better?
299
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,800
He flatlined
for over a minute yesterday.
300
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:06,220
Uh-huh.
301
00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:07,720
So, what else is up?
302
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,270
Do you want something?
303
00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:10,560
Yeah, actually, I wanna talk
to you about the team.
304
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,020
-Team?
-The bowling team.
305
00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:14,230
Oh, yeah.
306
00:12:14,270 --> 00:12:16,770
We've got kind of a little
problem.
307
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,150
I mean, the bowling team
is great, except for one person,
308
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:20,650
not so great.
309
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:23,070
You know? Never gonna win
with this person.
310
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,160
And this person
turns out to be,
311
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,870
wouldn't you know it,
my wife, yeah.
312
00:12:28,910 --> 00:12:31,250
Six dollars
for a urinal cake.
313
00:12:31,290 --> 00:12:32,660
It's madness.
314
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,960
We ought to make people
bring their own.
315
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,540
My wife.
316
00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:38,630
-What about her?
-Bad. She's the bad bowler.
317
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,210
-And?
-And I guess, you know,
318
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,590
what I'm asking is if you
wouldn't mind overlooking
319
00:12:42,630 --> 00:12:44,880
the whole not winning thing,
320
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,800
you know, so I could keep
her on the team.
321
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,050
Otherwise, at home,
I'm gonna hear a lot of:
322
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,140
[VOCALIZING]
323
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:53,600
Yeah. I know what that's like.
324
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,810
Yeah.
325
00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:57,060
-Wanna hear a funny story?
-Sure.
326
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,690
About a year or so ago,
my wife is all stressed out,
327
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:03,280
for what reason,
God only knows.
328
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,910
She decides she's gonna take
a yoga class.
329
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:07,740
-Yoga, right?
-Oh, yeah. Right, right, right.
330
00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:08,830
The feet behind the head,
it's crazy.
331
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:10,620
Insane, right?
332
00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:13,620
So she starts going three times
a week, and it works.
333
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,080
I mean, she's relaxed,
she's happy.
334
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,830
You know why?
335
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,250
-Why?
-It turns out she was
having a great deal of sex
336
00:13:19,290 --> 00:13:20,880
with the instructor.
337
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:25,180
Oh, my God.
Oh, man, that is so...
338
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:27,840
Huh. Yeah.
339
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:31,310
The point is, we all have
problems with our wives,
340
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:32,770
don't we?
341
00:13:35,890 --> 00:13:37,810
I guess so, yeah.
342
00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:46,360
-Hey.
-Hey.
343
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,030
I'm just, uh...
344
00:13:48,070 --> 00:13:50,620
I gotta head off
to the, uh...
345
00:13:50,660 --> 00:13:53,120
It's time for me
to go--
346
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,290
you know.
347
00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:57,670
Yes, I know.
348
00:13:57,710 --> 00:13:59,250
Right. All righty.
349
00:13:59,290 --> 00:14:01,290
Well, you have
a great night.
350
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,380
I love you, okay?
351
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:03,380
-Love you, too.
-See you later.
352
00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:04,630
Okay.
353
00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:06,050
-Hello, Douglas.
-Hey.
354
00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:08,680
What's
going on?
355
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,260
Isn't she bowling tonight?
356
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:12,260
-Uh...
-No, Dad.
357
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,890
Why isn't she
bowling tonight?
358
00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:17,850
-She, uh--
-I'm not on the team anymore.
359
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,730
Why not?
360
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,650
Is she injured?
361
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:29,860
No. The guy
at Cooper's told Doug
362
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,740
that the team has to start
winning more,
363
00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:34,040
or he won't sponsor it.
364
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,080
So you fired her
off the team?
365
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:40,330
-No, I just--
-I agreed to quit, Dad.
366
00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:43,630
And you just
let her quit?
367
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,260
It's okay, Dad.
368
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:47,920
It is not okay.
369
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,390
We're talking about
disloyalty and backstabbing!
370
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:54,140
And for what,
a free night of bowling?
371
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:57,390
Excuse me, honey, but I don't
like the smell in here.
372
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,690
Okay. Be back
by 10:00.
373
00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:08,950
Well, here he is.
Thanks for showing up.
374
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,160
Sorry, had
a little trouble
375
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,410
getting out
of the house.
376
00:15:11,450 --> 00:15:13,410
Doug, this is our new teammate,
Pam Dimeo.
377
00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:14,910
Hey, how you doing,
buddy?
378
00:15:14,950 --> 00:15:16,370
Whoa. Hey.
379
00:15:16,410 --> 00:15:18,000
DEACON: All right,
it's time to focus.
380
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,710
We're fighting
for our lives here.
381
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,960
Hey Eddie's! Pizza's
going down.
382
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,170
All right, Moose,
you're up. Let's go!
383
00:15:23,210 --> 00:15:24,790
All right, let's get down
to business.
384
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,130
No, uh, he's Moose.
385
00:15:27,170 --> 00:15:28,720
Time to get
serious here.
386
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:29,800
Come on, Dougie! Go!
387
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:30,720
[CHEERING]
388
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,220
-MAN: Come on.
-MAN: Go.
389
00:15:32,260 --> 00:15:33,800
Yeah.
390
00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:37,770
All right, come on,
pick it up.
391
00:15:37,810 --> 00:15:38,810
DEACON: Spare it up,
Dougie boy.
392
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:41,940
Yeah, yeah,
sparing it up!
393
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:45,400
Sparing it up.
Up it will be spared.
394
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,820
[**]
395
00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:14,140
-WOMAN: Yes!
-MAN: Oh!
396
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,190
[THINKING]Okay, you knowwhat your problem is?
397
00:16:27,230 --> 00:16:29,530
You're not thinkingabout what you're doing.
398
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:32,860
Think. Think.
399
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,330
Don't think.
400
00:16:39,370 --> 00:16:42,750
Clear your head.Nice and easy.
401
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:48,420
Oh, mother of crap!
402
00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:57,930
Okay, it's 1, 2, 3, 4.
403
00:16:57,970 --> 00:17:00,100
The arrowsare your friends.
404
00:17:00,140 --> 00:17:02,430
You fired your wifefrom the bowling team.
405
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,770
Oh, you'rean ugly, ugly man.
406
00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:08,400
Oh, look at that, the Brunswickman wears a crown.
407
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,900
Come on, focus. Focus!
408
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:12,900
Focus on the ball.Or on the pins.
409
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:16,870
One or the other.You fired your wife!
410
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:23,200
[GROANS]It's okay, it's okay.I'm doing good!
411
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:24,910
I'm actually--I'm good, I'm good.
412
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,290
They all know I'm good.Yeah, yeah. I'm good.
413
00:17:26,330 --> 00:17:28,250
Good bowler. Big Doug.Big, big, big Doug.
414
00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:30,250
Good bowler. Where's the ball?Where's the ball?
415
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,420
Oh, what's the difference?Really, what does it matter?
416
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,430
Use the arrows. Why, why?!
417
00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:38,930
You don't deserveto use those arrows!
418
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,270
[LAUGHING]
419
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:45,810
Shut up,
"Hey Eddie's!"
420
00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:53,610
Honey, honey--
421
00:17:53,650 --> 00:17:56,150
Hey, Bruce,
can I talk to you?
422
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,950
Look, honey,
if the doctor says
423
00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:01,620
it's time to pull the plug,
he must have a good reason.
424
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:04,830
A-and plus, that nurse
also thought it was time,
425
00:18:04,870 --> 00:18:06,080
don't forget that.
426
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,120
-Only one second.
-Hang on, honey,
427
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:09,920
there's a guy in my office.
428
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,550
Fine. Just lie down and put
the doctor on. All right.
429
00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:14,010
-What do you want?
-I just wanted to let you know
430
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:16,340
that the bowling team
won tonight.
431
00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:17,880
Yes! There is a God!
432
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,590
Hello, Doctor.
Dr. Goldman, listen--
433
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,850
And-and-and-
and-and-and--
434
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:22,140
Hold on, Doctor.
435
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:24,140
I also want you to know
I'm quitting the team.
436
00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:26,480
But don't worry.
Everything will be fine,
437
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,020
'cause my friend Deacon--
you don't know him,
438
00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:29,980
he's a good guy--
uh, he's gonna be taking over
439
00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:31,940
as the new captain,
and he'll get a great bowler
440
00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,150
to replace me,
and they're gonna get you
441
00:18:33,190 --> 00:18:35,360
one of those
trophies, you know.
442
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,860
Doug, you have any idea
what's going on here?
443
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,410
I'm about to give
my permission
444
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,240
to make a man stop living.
445
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,030
No, no!
That was not official!
446
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,950
Right, right, right, right.
No. I understand that.
447
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,000
I just wanted
to make sure
448
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,080
that we're on
the same page, okay?
449
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,500
I'm out.
Deacon's in.
450
00:18:48,540 --> 00:18:49,960
Great bowling team. You'll keep
writin' those checks.
451
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,540
It all sounds so wonderful.
Now please leave.
452
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,250
Okay, I'm out of here.
453
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,010
And hey, good luck with
the whole plug-pulling thing.
454
00:18:56,050 --> 00:18:58,970
I'm sure you'll make
the right decision.
455
00:18:59,010 --> 00:19:01,220
Unlike pulling the mozzarella
sticks from the menu.
456
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:03,430
We can go over that
another time.
457
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,890
ARTHUR: Famous Hs for 300.
458
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,690
"She's the face that launched
a thousand ships."
459
00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:16,230
I don't know.
460
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,320
From Troy.
461
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:20,360
-Not sure.
-Helen of Troy.
462
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:21,450
I still don't know.
463
00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:23,070
That's the answer!
464
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,370
-Hey.
-Hey. How was bowling?
465
00:19:26,410 --> 00:19:28,580
Yeah, how was it?
After firing your wife,
466
00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:32,130
did you find a little
chippie? Huh, did you?
467
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:33,590
Mr. Arnold?
468
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,960
Benedict Arnold?
469
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,090
Famous traitor,
Revolutionary War?
470
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:44,100
Doesn't anybody read
a book around here?
471
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:48,270
He's still
pretty mad at you.
472
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:50,270
You might not want
to use the shampoo.
473
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,020
Thanks for the warning.
474
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:57,570
So, you guys went
pretty late tonight, huh?
475
00:19:57,610 --> 00:20:00,240
Well, actually,
I stopped by Cooper's after,
476
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,240
and I quit the team.
477
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,700
You quit the team?
Why?
478
00:20:04,740 --> 00:20:06,580
Why? You know
this wasn't working.
479
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:08,410
Come on, me on the team,
you not on the team.
480
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:10,620
All the unspoken tension.
481
00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:11,750
You know, we pass
in the morning--
482
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:14,290
"Oh, hello.
You're looking well."
483
00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:18,630
Okay, which one
of us said that?
484
00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:19,590
You know what I mean,
all right?
485
00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,760
I mean, I felt bad,
you know?
486
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,050
I was thinking
about you all night,
487
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:26,680
and I bowled an 80.
488
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,520
Aw, you sucked
because of me?
489
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,560
That's so sweet.
490
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,600
But, honey, you shouldn't
have quit the team.
491
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,190
Yeah, I should've.
Look at you.
492
00:20:36,230 --> 00:20:37,520
You know, this is the first time
in a week you're not depressed.
493
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,780
Well, yes,
it's because I'm touched
494
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:41,490
that you were
willing to quit.
495
00:20:41,530 --> 00:20:43,110
So, it is good
that I quit?
496
00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:45,490
No, it's not good
that you quit.
497
00:20:45,530 --> 00:20:48,410
Okay, what is this?
A riddle?
498
00:20:48,450 --> 00:20:50,580
Look, Doug, I don't want you
to quit the team.
499
00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:52,540
I never wanted you
to quit the team.
500
00:20:52,580 --> 00:20:55,460
I just wanted you
to want to quit.
501
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,040
Why didn't you
just say that?
502
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,130
Well, I couldn't say that.
If I had said that,
503
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,420
then you wouldn't really
be wanting to quit.
504
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:02,630
You would
just be wanting it
505
00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:05,470
because I wanted you
to want it.
506
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,560
Okay, if you don't make sense,
I'm gonna tackle you.
507
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,640
I want you
on the team.
508
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,770
So, let me understand this.
509
00:21:16,810 --> 00:21:20,030
There's no actual plug, per se?
510
00:21:21,190 --> 00:21:22,530
Psst!
511
00:21:22,570 --> 00:21:24,320
[WHISPERING]
Got a sec?
512
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,370
I don't understand.
513
00:21:32,410 --> 00:21:35,170
What is it? That I'm
an older gentleman?
514
00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,790
Because let me
tell you, darling,
515
00:21:36,830 --> 00:21:39,210
I'll treat you like no man
you've ever been with.
516
00:21:40,460 --> 00:21:43,170
No, thanks, buddy.
517
00:21:43,210 --> 00:21:45,880
Playing hard to get?
I like it.
518
00:21:49,930 --> 00:21:53,270
[**]
37659
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