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1
00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:05,040
MALE SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,500
*My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,550
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:12,590
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,630 --> 00:00:17,800
*But I don't care'cause all I wanna do*
6
00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:22,230
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,400
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:29,110
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,110
[**]
10
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:37,410
Beautiful,
just beautiful, Doug!
11
00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:38,740
I hope you're happy
with yourself!
12
00:00:38,780 --> 00:00:40,200
DOUG: Yeah, I'm livin' my dream!
13
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,450
Will you just get me outta here!
I'm stuck!
14
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,080
And it hurts!
15
00:00:45,620 --> 00:00:47,540
So, I'm a 'tight-ass',
huh, Ray?
16
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:48,710
I-I didn't say that.
17
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:50,630
I-- [SCOFFS]
Okay, I said that.
18
00:00:50,670 --> 00:00:52,670
Yeah.
But...
19
00:00:52,710 --> 00:00:54,130
Why'd you tell her, huh?!
20
00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:56,220
You broke the code!
21
00:00:56,260 --> 00:00:58,800
DOUG: I was drowning!
I was just trying
to reach for something!
22
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:01,260
Don't blame it on him.
You're the one who said it.
23
00:01:01,310 --> 00:01:02,430
Hey, well, what the hell
were you thinkin'
24
00:01:02,470 --> 00:01:04,560
-tryin' to get up there?
-It was Ray's idea!
25
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,150
Stop it with 'Ray'!
26
00:01:07,190 --> 00:01:09,560
I cannot believe you get
your friend stuck up
in an attic,
27
00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:10,770
you insult me
behind my back...
28
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,480
No, I didn't mean it
as an insult.
29
00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:15,110
Oh, 'tight-ass'
is not an insult?
How does that work, Ray?
30
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:18,240
"Hey, swing by the house,
meet Tight-Ass and the kids."
31
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,740
Look, it wasn't like that.
32
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,240
It's just,
we got back from golf
33
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,740
and we were talkin'...
34
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:26,330
Yeah, yeah!
Mr. Wedge! Oh, yeah!
35
00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:29,790
Stop it, please.
Stop kissing.
36
00:01:29,830 --> 00:01:31,420
You're making me
nauseous.
37
00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:32,670
All right,
how much I owe you?
38
00:01:32,710 --> 00:01:34,510
Uh, 18 bananas.
39
00:01:34,550 --> 00:01:36,510
How'd you get 18?
40
00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:38,840
Bet $1.00 a hole.
You lost every hole.
41
00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:44,810
Hey, how about
double or nothin',
42
00:01:44,850 --> 00:01:46,430
Jets-Denver game
Sunday?
43
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,190
You give me the Jets
and 6 points?
44
00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:49,770
-All right, you're on.
-You're on!
45
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,770
All right,
we're both on, then.
46
00:01:53,690 --> 00:01:54,900
You know what?
Why don't you come over here,
47
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,110
watch the game
on the big screen?
48
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,490
All right, yeah,
but you gotta promise me,
49
00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:00,320
no humpin' the TV
if you win.
50
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,240
I can't give you that.
I hump, win or lose.
51
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,660
Oh, wait a minute.
I forgot.
52
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:08,960
The game's not Sunday.
53
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,290
It's a Saturday night
game this week.
54
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,920
Oh, man, you're right.
55
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,500
Yeah.
56
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:16,670
Damn! I...
I can't do it now.
57
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,680
Saturday night's
date night with the wife.
58
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,220
Yeah. Yeah, we used
to have date night.
59
00:02:22,430 --> 00:02:23,760
Then we had kids.
60
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,850
Now date night is when
she changes in front of me.
61
00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:32,610
Yeah. I tell you,
Carrie's a maniac.
62
00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:34,480
I can't mess with her.
She'd be like,
63
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,480
"What, you wanna watch the
freakin' Jets on our date night?
64
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,280
Ehhhh! I don't think so!"
65
00:02:40,610 --> 00:02:43,280
Hey, Debra can be a little bit
of a tight-ass, too, you know.
66
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:44,950
Oh, man.
Just how sad is that?
67
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:46,540
Grown men who can't
watch the game.
68
00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:48,330
Not allowed.
69
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:49,910
Not allowed!
70
00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:53,920
Hey, why don't we get together
with the wives,
71
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,840
and then you and I
can watch the game.
72
00:02:57,380 --> 00:02:59,340
Oh, yeah, watch the game
with the women right there,
73
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,380
I like that, yeah.
74
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:05,350
Then we'll get hookers, too.
That'll be...
75
00:03:05,390 --> 00:03:06,890
No.
76
00:03:06,930 --> 00:03:08,560
I'm serious.
We get together,
77
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,520
we have dinner, and they
start talking girly stuff,
78
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,400
and we're in.
79
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:13,900
They don't care what we're doing
in the other room.
80
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:16,980
-I guess it would work.
-Yeah.
81
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,530
But what if they have nothing
to say to each other?
82
00:03:18,570 --> 00:03:20,530
Then we jump-start 'em.
83
00:03:20,570 --> 00:03:21,820
-What?
-Yeah.
84
00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:24,280
We jump-start the conversation,
you know, like,
85
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,740
"Honey, didn't you just
get your nails done
86
00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:26,950
at a place
around here?"
87
00:03:26,990 --> 00:03:28,500
and Carrie goes,
"What place?"
88
00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:30,710
Boom! Yakkity yak!
We're at the game!
89
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,250
You son of a gun,
you're smart.
90
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,420
You forgot good-looking.
91
00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:39,920
Now I'm nauseous.
92
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,800
DOUG:
Oh, some more cayenne pepper
93
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:49,060
to turn it up a notch, and boom!
94
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:51,520
Let's turn it up
another notch. And bam!
95
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,440
Shimmy-sh-sham!
96
00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,480
Hey, honey, you wanna watch me
turn it up a notch?
97
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,730
Come here. Boom!
98
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,780
Okay, simmer down,
Heffernan.
99
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:04,450
Uh, that's Chef-fernan.
100
00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:06,950
You know what? That just gets
funnier with each barbecue.
101
00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:09,910
Hey, you wanna hand me the, uh,
102
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,460
Westa-shire sauce?
103
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:13,750
What did you say?
104
00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:15,630
The, uh...
105
00:04:15,670 --> 00:04:17,960
Wester...Chester sauce.
106
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:21,920
That's not the way
you say it.
107
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:22,970
Well, how do you say it?
108
00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:24,090
Well, I try not to,
109
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,930
but if I have to,
I say it very quickly.
110
00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:27,850
"Pass me the
Whoosershiresauce."
111
00:04:27,890 --> 00:04:29,890
You see?
112
00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:31,560
But when you
pronounce it slowly,
113
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,020
it highlights
your stupidity.
114
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,810
Okay, well, how about we both
learn to say it the right way.
115
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:37,980
-Okay. All right.
-All right.
116
00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:39,480
-All right. It's worst...
-Wussher...
117
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,440
Woarst...wersh...
118
00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:48,370
-Whoosherchire...
-Westershire...sire...
119
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,950
-Okay, that was fun.
-This is brutal.
120
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,460
It's gonna be fun tonight,
though, huh?
121
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,540
Yes, it's gonna be fun
hanging out with a new couple.
122
00:04:57,580 --> 00:04:58,840
Is the wife nice?
123
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,920
Debra? Oh, yeah. Very sweet.
You're gonna love her.
124
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,880
She's not all
Long-Islandy, is she?
125
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,840
Oh, no, not at all.
126
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,680
What does that mean
anyway?
127
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,550
You know, like that woman
from Great Neck.
128
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,760
You remember?
129
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,640
I, like, barely
tapped her Jaguar
130
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,810
in the Walbaum's
parking lot.
131
00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:15,810
-You remember her?
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
132
00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:17,810
Yeah. She was like,
"You know, darling,
133
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,980
"you're not the only car
in the parking lot.
134
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,440
Maybe you should look
where you're going."
135
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,070
Yeah, okay.
136
00:05:24,110 --> 00:05:28,030
Why don't you look
where mybootis going, lady?!
137
00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:33,040
What a freakin' piece
of work she was, right?
138
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:37,500
Yeah. Listen,
Deb's never met you, so...
139
00:05:37,540 --> 00:05:39,040
tonight you might wanna just
tone it down a notch, huh?
140
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,540
Boom!
141
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:42,920
What?
142
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,460
You know what I'm talking about.
143
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,420
I don't want 'em to think
I married a bouncer,
144
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,470
you know
what I'm sayin'?
145
00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:49,550
All right, I think
I finally nailed the sauce.
146
00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:51,640
Can you hand me the platter?
Give me the platter.
147
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,390
Come on. New platter,
new platter, new platta!
148
00:05:53,430 --> 00:05:55,680
Platta, platta, platta!
149
00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:00,400
"Tone it...down"?
150
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,610
Oh, Lord.
151
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,400
So what are you sayin'?
152
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,150
I embarrass you?
153
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,450
Embarrass me?
154
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:10,910
No, no! I'm not--no!
No, no.
155
00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:13,080
Hey, did Pam
have her baby yet?
156
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,540
You don't like the way I act
in front of other people?
157
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:20,540
-Is that it?
-No, no, you're fine.
158
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,790
What I meant was
when people who don't know you,
159
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,090
know how great you are,
160
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,550
sometimes have trouble
161
00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:29,430
seeing past your...
162
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,090
hard candy shell...
163
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,680
to the delicious nut
inside.
164
00:06:39,140 --> 00:06:40,940
You're a delicious nut,
you are.
165
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:44,480
-Who?
-You. You really are.
166
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,240
-You're a nut.
-No, no. Who...
167
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,950
Who can't see past
my hard shell?
168
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,780
-Nobody, honey.
-Well, you just said it.
169
00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:54,910
-Now, who?
-I don't know.
170
00:06:54,950 --> 00:06:56,700
I guess at our wedding,
some of my relatives just--
171
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,500
Your relatives
don't like me?
172
00:06:58,540 --> 00:06:59,750
Distant relatives!
173
00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:00,790
I barely even
know them.
174
00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:01,960
Barney
something-or-other.
175
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,880
I don't know.
The problem was,
176
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,840
they never saw
your inner nut.
177
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,130
Okay, could you shut up
about the nut now?
178
00:07:08,170 --> 00:07:09,840
Do you know
what you're telling me?
179
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,510
You don't like
my personality.
180
00:07:11,550 --> 00:07:12,800
Look, now you're being crazy.
181
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,600
I mean,
if you're so ashamed of me,
182
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,470
why the hell did
you even marry me?
183
00:07:16,510 --> 00:07:17,560
You're hot.
184
00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:22,730
Echh.
185
00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:24,270
Carrie, it's a joke.
I'm kidding!
186
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,480
I love you!
187
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,190
You know what?
Just go away.
188
00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:30,650
Come on! It's not you
I'm worried about, all right?
189
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,740
It's Debra, all right?
190
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:34,120
Ray says she's tough
to get along with.
191
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,030
He called her a tight-ass.
That's a quote!
192
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,580
Okay, would you stop
following me?
193
00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:39,660
Carrie,
she's a tight-ass!
194
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,830
[DOORBELL RINGS]
195
00:07:42,870 --> 00:07:45,210
Ohh! Come on.
They're here, all right?
196
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:47,130
Listen, I love you.
197
00:07:47,170 --> 00:07:48,840
All right, please,
could we just have a nice night?
198
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,720
[DING DONG]
199
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,720
Okay, that's the door. I'm gonna
go get it right now, okay?
200
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,090
All right?
So we're good here?
201
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,100
Okay?
202
00:07:59,930 --> 00:08:01,270
You're okay, then.
203
00:08:01,310 --> 00:08:02,600
Okay?
204
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:08,980
This is good.
This is gonna be fun.
205
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,030
She's gonna be fine.
She's gonna be fine.
206
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,470
You know, I made
the marinade myself.
207
00:08:35,510 --> 00:08:37,350
-Did you?
-He did, yeah.
208
00:08:37,390 --> 00:08:38,430
-I told you he does that.
-Yeah.
209
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,600
Don't ask me
what's in it, though,
210
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,520
'cause it's
a Heffernan secret.
211
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,730
Yeah.
212
00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,560
Carrie doesn't even
know, right, hon?
213
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,240
Nobody knows,
keeping it on the Q.T.
214
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,530
Mum's the word.
215
00:08:56,780 --> 00:08:58,660
Nobody.
216
00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,080
Yeah.
217
00:09:02,580 --> 00:09:04,160
Well, whatever's in it,
it sure--it's yummy.
218
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,170
It's very yummy, yes.
219
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,590
Uh, Debra, could you
please pass me a napkin?
220
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:12,460
-Sure.
-CARRIE: Thank you.
221
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:15,300
How did I say that?
Was that the right tone?
222
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,350
That was fine.
223
00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:21,430
Because I could...
tone it down.
224
00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:22,600
No, it was fine.
225
00:09:27,270 --> 00:09:30,020
You know what's funny
about corn?
226
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,650
I mean, corn itself is good,
227
00:09:31,690 --> 00:09:33,400
but corn on the cob,
228
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,700
it just reaches
a whole other level.
229
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,240
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
230
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,410
Definitely.
Glad you know. Yeah.
231
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,700
A lot of people like to eat
their corn north to south.
232
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:47,710
Tonight,
I went east to west.
233
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,750
I like to go
east to west, yeah.
234
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,290
You know,
like a little typewriter--
235
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,760
yum, yum, yum, yum, yum,
yum, yum, yum.
236
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,300
Yum, yum, yum.
237
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:56,680
Ding.
238
00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,470
You know what?
I'm gonna start the coffee.
239
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,350
Oh, may I be excused?
240
00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:08,400
Yes.
241
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,610
Thanks.
242
00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:13,020
You know,
you don't have to ask. Heh.
243
00:10:14,690 --> 00:10:16,570
I think I'm gonna get in there
and help her, okay.
244
00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:19,450
Oh, Ray, tell Doug
what's funny about lettuce.
245
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:25,870
What's goin' on?
246
00:10:25,910 --> 00:10:28,370
Oh, man. We had a fight.
She wants me dead.
247
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:32,040
Oh, man. Sorry.
That's rough.
248
00:10:33,290 --> 00:10:34,420
Can I flip on the game?
249
00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,800
Not yet.
250
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,050
So you okay?
251
00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:40,510
Yeah, I'm fine.
252
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,140
You seemed a little upset
when you jabbed him
253
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:43,220
with the butter knife.
254
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,060
It's just that Doug said
something really stupid
255
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,150
before you guys got here.
Just hurt my feelings
256
00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:51,650
-a little bit.
-Oh, yeah, sorry.
257
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,310
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
258
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:54,360
I've always thought
that they should make
259
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,900
a device to put on husbands
260
00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:58,740
that gives them a little shock
when they say something stupid.
261
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:00,570
Yes, like
a dog collar.
262
00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,410
Exactly.
263
00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:03,780
Then it would be like,
264
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,330
"Hey, honey, did you gain
a little weight?" Zzzt!
265
00:11:05,370 --> 00:11:06,540
-Yes.
-Right?
266
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,200
I mean, not enough juice
to kill 'em,
267
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,410
but just enough
to make them like
268
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:10,540
bite down really hard
on their tongue.
269
00:11:10,580 --> 00:11:12,540
Yeah. Right.
And it'll be like,
270
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:14,290
they would have
a little remote control
271
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,380
that you can keep
on your key chain.
272
00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:16,460
Yeah, a silver key chain.
273
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,380
With initials.
274
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:20,220
-Exactly!
-Ha ha ha!
275
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:21,720
Hey, hey.
They're laughing.
276
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,720
That's good.
Laughter good. Yeah.
277
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,510
Come on.
Let's turn the game on now.
278
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,730
Mmm. Not yet.
I think it's too soon.
279
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:30,770
Come on!
It's a big game!
280
00:11:30,810 --> 00:11:33,400
And it's happening
right now in there.
281
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,480
Let it out.
282
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:36,820
I want to. I just...
283
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:39,240
I wish I knew she wasn't
so mad at me, you know?
284
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,570
Go in. Check it out. Go.
285
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:44,370
I don't think so.
I think it's too soon.
286
00:11:44,410 --> 00:11:46,870
[LAUGHTER]
287
00:11:46,910 --> 00:11:49,660
Are you kidding? It's like
Def Comedy Jamin there.
288
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,120
-You know, I'll test her out.
-Yeah.
289
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,580
I'll grab a beer,
and I'll give her a kiss
290
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,130
-on the cheek.
-Okay.
291
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:02,680
Okay, a little
premature.
292
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:03,800
No!
293
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,470
Aw, come on!
294
00:12:05,510 --> 00:12:07,260
The first quarter's
practically over already!
295
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,770
Will you turn it on,
please?
296
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,140
Look, I can't.
Listen, come on.
297
00:12:10,180 --> 00:12:12,310
I'm supposed to be sad
and sorry about what I did.
298
00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:14,440
-All that stuff.
-Well, give me something.
299
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,690
How about...
Hey, let's go picture, no sound.
300
00:12:16,730 --> 00:12:18,320
You can give me
picture, no sound.
301
00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:21,900
-All right.
-Yeah. Hah hah!
302
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,870
MALE ANNOUNCER [LOUD VOLUME]:
And the Jets are ahea--
303
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:28,280
-Hey!
-Sorry. Sorry.
304
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,950
Hey, what's with
the picture, man?
305
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,000
It's all staticky.
306
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,250
Oh, man.
This happened once before.
307
00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:35,290
So what did he say
anyway?
308
00:12:35,330 --> 00:12:38,250
He told me
to tone myself down.
309
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:39,460
[GASPS]
310
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:42,510
Oh, maybe the collar
should kill 'em.
311
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,550
I know! And then
he just kept going
312
00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:48,510
and digging
himself deeper,
313
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,310
saying he didn't mean it,
314
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:51,640
trying to blame it on Ray.
315
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,940
"Oh, honey, uh,
it's not you. It's Debra.
316
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,810
Ray says she's
a real tight-ass."
317
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,650
And then
he starts in with,
318
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:01,940
"You know, it's just
your hard shell, you know?
319
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,700
And inside
is a delicious nut."
320
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:06,610
You know, it was just so...
321
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,910
Are you okay?
322
00:13:12,370 --> 00:13:13,710
What's up there?
323
00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:16,500
The main cable connection,
comes in through the attic.
324
00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:18,290
I just gotta get up there
and jiggle the wires,
325
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,540
and the picture
will be fine.
326
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,670
Well, jiggle it 'cause
it's almost halftime.
327
00:13:21,710 --> 00:13:24,340
All right. I just gotta shimmy
up through the trapdoor.
328
00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:26,550
You got a ladder
or something?
329
00:13:26,590 --> 00:13:27,890
No. It's fine.
Just gimme a boost.
330
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,680
With no ladder?
331
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,600
You wanna watch the game?
332
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,600
-Come on. Gimme 10 fingers.
-All right, all right.
333
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:37,900
-Come on.
-Come on.
334
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,650
-Come on. I'm almost there.
-[STRAINING] Hurry.
335
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:42,610
DOUG: Give me just
a couple more inches.
336
00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:43,860
-I can't reach it.
-I can't...
337
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:44,860
-DOUG: Come on.
-Ohhhh!
338
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,780
Oh, God! Oh, Ray!
339
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:49,820
[GROANING]
340
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,740
DOUG: Ray! Ray, I'm stuck!
341
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,240
Ray!
342
00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:55,870
'Tight-ass'?
343
00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:58,250
-Uh-oh.
-DOUG: Ohhh!
344
00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:00,710
Doug?
345
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:10,300
How's your back?
346
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,930
-It still hurts.
-Good.
347
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:17,640
Is there anyone down there
who can scratch my inner thigh?
348
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:23,190
CARRIE:
Doug, Richie's here.
349
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,110
Hey, Moose,
it's me, Richie.
350
00:14:25,150 --> 00:14:26,440
DOUG: Really?
Is that what she meant
351
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:27,450
when she said "Richie's here"?
352
00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:29,030
Get me down!
353
00:14:29,070 --> 00:14:30,950
Whoa.
Somebody's cranky.
354
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,700
Hey, Santa Claus,
you missed!
355
00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:34,870
[LAUGHTER]
356
00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:39,290
Uh, Shecky, you wanna
get him down now, please?
357
00:14:39,330 --> 00:14:41,330
All right.
Let me check this out.
358
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,250
-RAY: Ohhh...
-You guys all right?
359
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,960
Well, he's got
a pinched nerve,
360
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,760
and apparently,
I have a tight ass.
361
00:14:50,930 --> 00:14:52,680
You don't say that
to a fireman.
362
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,140
DOUG: What the hell's
goin' on down there?!
363
00:14:58,180 --> 00:15:00,310
All right, Moose, relax.
We got you covered.
364
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:02,310
Hey, Chenz,
go get me a big stick.
365
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,900
If we whack him,
maybe candy will come out!
366
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,950
-RICHIE: Okay, 1, 2, 3, push!
-DOUG: Easy! Easy!
367
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,370
You're takin' skin!
368
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:20,370
Keep pushin'!
369
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,830
DOUG: Stop pushing!
370
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,080
[FIREMEN GASP AND EXHALE]
371
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:28,420
Hey, is it bad
that I'm dizzy?
372
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:31,010
No, no, it's normal.
373
00:15:31,050 --> 00:15:33,050
It's not normal.
We better get him outta there.
374
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,760
DOUG: I can hear you!
375
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:39,350
Well, could you
hurry up and get him down?
376
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:40,770
Uh, Carrie,
can I use your phone?
377
00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:41,850
'Cause I need to check
on the kids.
378
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:42,940
CARRIE: Yeah.
It's right there, sweety.
379
00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:44,110
You know what? With all this,
380
00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:45,190
I'm gonna go downstairs.
381
00:15:45,230 --> 00:15:46,900
Hey, wait.
I'll go with you.
382
00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:49,110
We'll do it together.
Just me and you.
383
00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:50,950
Oh, now,
that's uncalled for.
384
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,910
All right,
we're gonna have to cut.
385
00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:55,950
DOUG: What?
386
00:15:55,990 --> 00:15:57,120
What do you
have to cut?
387
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,370
His legs.
388
00:15:58,410 --> 00:16:00,330
Right about here
oughta do it.
389
00:16:00,370 --> 00:16:02,920
Ohh! Nice try, Moose!
390
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,460
Okay, Doug, could you
stop it, please?
391
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,250
You wanna be up there
all night?
392
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,840
So what do you
have to cut?
393
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,380
Couple ceiling beams
oughta do it.
394
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:11,420
Yo, Eric, go radio in.
Tell 'em we need the buzzer.
395
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,010
-Got it.
-DOUG: The buzzer?
396
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:14,510
Wait. Wait, wait.
What's the buzzer?
397
00:16:14,550 --> 00:16:15,550
DOUG: Yeah. What's the buzzer?
398
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,060
Don't worry, Moose.
399
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:18,560
It's a saw.
We won't hurt you.
400
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,480
Okay. I'm not worried
about him.
401
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:21,390
I'm worried about
my closet.
402
00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:23,020
Is there
any other way?
403
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,190
Well, you could just
leave him up there
404
00:16:26,230 --> 00:16:27,900
and not feed him
for a couple of days.
405
00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:29,980
Ha ha ha ha!
406
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,780
Okay! He's not that funny!
407
00:16:38,450 --> 00:16:39,830
[WHISTLES]
408
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,330
[IMITATING SYLVESTER STALLONE]
You don't like my house, Mick?
409
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,040
My house stinks?
410
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,340
Yeah, that's right,
it stinks!
411
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:50,420
My whole life stinks!
412
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:54,340
[IMITATING BURGESS MEREDITH]
You just need proper management.
413
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,180
Kid, you need
proper management!
414
00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:59,010
You're gonna eat lightnin'
and gonna crap thunder!
415
00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:02,600
[IMITATING STALLONE]
Crap thunder, but I ain't
got no locker, do I, Mick?
416
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,270
I ain't got
no locker, huh?
417
00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:05,560
[NORMAL VOICE]
Hey.
418
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:07,940
Hi.
419
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:09,270
What are you doing
up here?
420
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,150
CARRIE: Well, it's gonna be
at least another hour.
421
00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:14,110
Thought you might be
getting hungry,
422
00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:16,110
and I also think
you have a right to know
423
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,950
that Richie's getting ready
to paint your toenails.
424
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,120
-He is?
-[THUMP]
425
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,160
RICHIE: Oww!
426
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,370
Well, if I ever need asbestos,
I know where to go...
427
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:28,920
Here.
428
00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:31,340
Oh, thanks.
429
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:33,170
What, no juice box?
430
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,140
Excuse me, I had to climb up
the freakin' trellis
431
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:40,510
to bring you this.
I needed one free hand.
432
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,600
You never heard
of a backpack?
433
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:44,520
I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
It's a joke!
434
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:45,980
What, you still
mad at me?
435
00:17:46,020 --> 00:17:47,400
Yes! I--
436
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,150
What? Come on.
Let's talk it out.
437
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:50,520
Um...
438
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,070
What?
439
00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:53,570
Doug?
440
00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:55,360
Yeah?
441
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,450
How do you feel, in general,
442
00:17:57,490 --> 00:18:00,330
about mice...
443
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,910
or maybe a rat?
444
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,500
Not a fan. Why?
One behind me?
445
00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:06,500
-CARRIE: Doug...
-Is there a rat behind me?
446
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:07,540
Okay.
Would you just relax?
447
00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:08,670
I can't relax,
all right?
448
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,500
Right now I'm about
18 inches tall,
449
00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:12,250
and I smell like
barbecue!
450
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,510
Okay, Doug, don't panic!
451
00:18:14,550 --> 00:18:16,260
He's not even
paying attention to--
452
00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:19,590
Is he coming
towards me?
453
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,140
Well, he's closer
than he was.
454
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,600
For the sweet love
of God, kill it!
455
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,430
-Use your shoe!
-I can't kill it!
456
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,690
Ooh.
457
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,600
There.
458
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,190
Look. It worked.
He's eating it.
459
00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:31,060
Good.
460
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,360
Good.
461
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:44,910
You think he's
gonna finish it?
462
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:52,960
-Hey, Doug.
-DOUG: Yeah.
463
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,210
Listen, we gotta go.
464
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:55,630
The baby-sitter's
waiting.
465
00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:58,090
Oh, all right.
Hey, thanks for comin'.
466
00:18:58,130 --> 00:18:59,130
Yeah, thanks, you guys.
467
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,720
Yeah. Hey,
thanks for having us.
468
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,390
It was so nice
meeting you, Carrie.
469
00:19:02,430 --> 00:19:04,310
Oh, it was nice meeting you.
470
00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:05,720
Hey, let's have lunch.
471
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,180
Oh, absolutely.
I'll call you.
472
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,060
-Bye, Doug.
-Bye-bye, Deb.
473
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:10,060
Hey, see ya, Ray.
474
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,230
Thanks again for comin'.
475
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:12,520
All right, man.
Hey, thank you.
476
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,230
Thank you. It was fun.
477
00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:15,440
Really fun.
478
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,450
What are you, an 11?
'Cause I'm an 11.
479
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:19,950
All right, Ray,
let's...
480
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:30,210
*Wah nah wah wah wah wahwah papapa papa pah wah*
481
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,460
I don't know.
Sanford and Son?
482
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,050
No.What's Happening?
483
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:39,670
Oh.
484
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,090
How doesSanford and Songo?
485
00:19:41,130 --> 00:19:43,680
Duh.
*Wop wop wop bwa bwa*
486
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,430
*Wop wop wopbada bada da *
487
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,100
-*Nana nana*
-Doug...
488
00:19:47,140 --> 00:19:48,430
-*Wada dada dada da*
-All right.
489
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,020
All right!
490
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,060
Can we stop
playing this now?
491
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,270
All right, fine,
but you're forfeiting.
492
00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:55,980
You owe me 10 bucks.
493
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,650
It's sooo worth it.
494
00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:02,410
Hey, Richie,
that's not even funny!
495
00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:03,620
Get that outta there!
496
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,990
RICHIE: Sorry, Moose.
Couldn't resist.
497
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,200
Good news.
The saw's here.
498
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,750
We'll have you out
in 2 minutes.
499
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,670
All right. Be careful!
500
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,040
I better get down there,
501
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,500
make sure he doesn't
cut off anything I need.
502
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,750
Good idea.
503
00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:19,630
Oh, and Carrie?
504
00:20:19,670 --> 00:20:22,050
-Yeah?
-Look,
505
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:23,640
I--I'm really...
506
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,010
I'm really sorry
about what I said, okay?
507
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,220
I know.
508
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,520
I'm not embarrassed
by you, not at all.
509
00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:32,230
That's very nice,
coming from a man
510
00:20:32,270 --> 00:20:34,060
who's wearing his house
as a belt.
511
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,280
-I love you.
-I love you, too.
512
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,200
Come here.
Pour some sugar on me, huh?
513
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:02,420
Easy!
514
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,510
That's raw. That's raw.
515
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:06,510
Pain! Pain!
516
00:21:06,550 --> 00:21:08,430
Sorry, honey.
517
00:21:08,470 --> 00:21:09,680
First of all, you shouldn't
be using the ointment.
518
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:10,890
Get the spray.
519
00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:14,980
Kinda look like
Saturn.
520
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:21,820
That's the one with
the ring around it, right?
521
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:23,650
Yeah. Would you get the spray,
please?
522
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:35,830
Aaahhh!
523
00:21:35,870 --> 00:21:39,000
[**]
36712
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