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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:04,670 [**] 2 00:00:04,710 --> 00:00:06,790 Ah, Douglas. Just the man I wanted to see. 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,210 Give me resume a once over, will ya? 4 00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:10,340 Your resume? What's that about? 5 00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:11,630 What, you want to go back to work? 6 00:00:11,670 --> 00:00:13,050 Heh. Yeah. 7 00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:15,220 I just can't take it anymore, Douglas. 8 00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:17,720 Sitting alone in that basement all day. 9 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,430 To be honest with you, 10 00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:21,770 I'm starting to have some very strange thoughts. 11 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,730 Really? Heh. I hadn't picked up on that. 12 00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:29,820 So, is this gonna land me a job or what? 13 00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:32,690 Well, my first thought is, you might not want to do it 14 00:00:32,740 --> 00:00:35,070 in Magic Marker. 15 00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:37,120 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 16 00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:41,540 Hmm. And which Little Rascal were you? 17 00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:43,540 Onions, beloved by millions, 18 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:46,210 until that bastard Alfalfa took it all away. 19 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,500 All right, this, see, I gotta throw a flag on this. 20 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,880 Okay, somebody's gonna check with NASA. 21 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,470 That's for me to worry about. 22 00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:56,380 All I wanted was for you to double check 23 00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:59,100 my spelling and grammar, not nit-pick at every little detail! 24 00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:02,140 OK! Fine! You spelled GPA wrong. 25 00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:03,100 Other than that, it's perfect. 26 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,520 Thank you. 27 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,730 MALE SINGER: *My eyes are gettin' weary* 28 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,440 *My back is gettin' tight* 29 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,650 *I'm sittin' here in traffic* 30 00:01:14,690 --> 00:01:17,700 *On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 31 00:01:17,740 --> 00:01:23,160 *But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 32 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:27,120 *Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 33 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:30,340 *'Cause, baby, all my life* 34 00:01:30,380 --> 00:01:33,590 *I will be drivin' home to you* 35 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,560 So there I am, watching TV with my mom, 36 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:45,730 and I turn to her and go, 37 00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:47,640 "Hey, when is Aunt Qwinnie getting here?" 38 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:50,730 So I hear Larry King on the TV say, 39 00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:52,110 "She'll be with us at 7:00." 40 00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:54,980 See, he was talking about a guest. 41 00:01:55,030 --> 00:01:56,820 Uh, I think it was Joyce Dewitt 42 00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:57,900 or Cindy Williams-- 43 00:01:57,950 --> 00:01:59,280 I always get those two mixed up-- 44 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,070 but it sounded like 45 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,530 he was answering me! 46 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,160 That's so weird, isn't it? 47 00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:09,250 I wonder where Doug is. 48 00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:12,170 I bet you wish to God 49 00:02:12,210 --> 00:02:14,090 you hadn't lost your house key. 50 00:02:14,130 --> 00:02:15,710 No, no. This is... 51 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,170 this is nice. 52 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,630 Did you read that thing inThe Times 53 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,260 about how some men can lactate? 54 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:23,850 -It was awesome! -I'm telling you, 55 00:02:23,890 --> 00:02:25,310 it's a rush every time you get on. 56 00:02:25,350 --> 00:02:27,060 Hey, babe. What's up? 57 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,940 Oh, not much. I was just out riding 58 00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:30,690 on Richie's hog. 59 00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,900 Okay. Please rephrase that. 60 00:02:32,940 --> 00:02:34,150 I got a motorcycle. 61 00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:35,610 -Really? -Yeah. 62 00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:37,570 It's unbelievable! We went from here to, like, 63 00:02:37,610 --> 00:02:39,700 Modell's and back in, like, 2 minutes. It's so fast. 64 00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,570 You zip in and out through traffic... 65 00:02:41,610 --> 00:02:42,870 and I got to level with you. 66 00:02:42,910 --> 00:02:44,990 There was a breeze blowing up my shorts that... 67 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,240 felt like Christmas. 68 00:02:48,330 --> 00:02:50,250 Very nice. House key, please. 69 00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:52,710 Oh, right. God, that was so cool. 70 00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,880 Everybody's looking at you, like, whizzing by... 71 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,800 and then, out of nowhere, Richie just pulls this wheelie. 72 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,170 I wasn't going for one. You just leaned back. 73 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:02,640 Uh, you know, from here, 74 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,140 it sounds like Mr. Doug 75 00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:06,220 wants to buy himself a motorcycle. 76 00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:08,640 You know what? I am a little tempted. 77 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,640 Moose. You should see the guy that I got mine from. 78 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,020 He's got some real beauties cheap, 79 00:03:12,060 --> 00:03:13,690 and they run like new. 80 00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:14,900 You know--you know what? Give me his number. 81 00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:16,070 -Maybe I'll-- -[IMITATES BUZZER] 82 00:03:17,150 --> 00:03:18,900 You're not getting a motorcycle. 83 00:03:18,940 --> 00:03:20,200 -Why not? Why-- -Okay, Doug, did you not hear 84 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,070 my buzzer noise? 85 00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:24,070 This is not gonna happen. 86 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,660 -Why not? -Because they're too dangerous, 87 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:28,040 and people die on them. 88 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,910 I don't wanna have to constantly worry about you. 89 00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:33,000 -Yeah, but, Carrie, I wouldn't-- -Doug, no motorcycle. 90 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,420 If you want, I'll buy you a Schwinn, 91 00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:36,000 we'll put a baseball card in the spokes, 92 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,840 it'll sound almost the same... 93 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:38,920 Okay? 94 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,720 Screw that noise. 95 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,010 I can get one if I want. 96 00:03:43,050 --> 00:03:44,090 Okay, Doug, give me your hand. 97 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,720 I want to make this easy for you. 98 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,140 No. 99 00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:50,850 No. 100 00:03:50,890 --> 00:03:52,230 Now, give me the keys. I don't want to miss 101 00:03:52,270 --> 00:03:53,850 The Real World.I love you. Don't be home late. 102 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,310 -Bye, guys. -Later, Carrie. 103 00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:02,070 -What? -Nothing. So, uh... 104 00:04:02,110 --> 00:04:03,910 you want to shoot some pool, Mrs. Heffernan? 105 00:04:03,950 --> 00:04:06,280 [LAUGHING] 106 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,700 Yeah. We can spot you 2 balls. 107 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:16,170 Hey, so much for traditional gender roles, huh? 108 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,010 I'm gonna use the bathroom. 109 00:04:23,170 --> 00:04:25,050 So, yeah, you wanna shoot a game? For real. 110 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:27,300 No. You know what? No, thanks. 111 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,720 Come on, man, we're just kidding around. 112 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,020 It--it's not you. It's Carrie. 113 00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:33,100 I mean, what was that about? No! No discussion. 114 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,020 [IMITATES BUZZER] Sorry. 115 00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,440 [IMITATING BUZZER] 116 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,860 -Sorry! [BUZZ] -Easy. Easy. 117 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,480 I just thought marriage was supposed to be 118 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:44,200 this mutual-sharing dialog thing. 119 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,360 No. 120 00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:48,830 Well, you know what? Ours is, usually. 121 00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,290 Oh, really? 122 00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:51,790 Last year, uh... 123 00:04:51,830 --> 00:04:53,790 where was it you wanted to go on vacation? 124 00:04:53,830 --> 00:04:55,830 -Baseball Hall of Fame. -Baseball Hall of Fame. 125 00:04:55,870 --> 00:04:57,000 Cooperstown. 126 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,250 And, uh, where'd you end up going? 127 00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:00,420 Antiquing in Connecticut. 128 00:05:00,460 --> 00:05:02,260 So you did. 129 00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,760 And, uh, last week, when we were renting movies 130 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,390 to watch with the wives, what did we end up renting? 131 00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:10,180 I don't know. I can't remember. 132 00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:12,180 No, no. What did we rent? 133 00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:13,390 I don't know. What did we rent? 134 00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:14,230 Hope Floats,all right! There it is. 135 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:16,020 Hope Floats! 136 00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:17,350 You see what I'm sayin'? 137 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,020 You're married. 138 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:20,860 Don't fight it. You just got to... 139 00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:23,230 focus on a point on the wall and... 140 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,150 let it happen. 141 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,200 No. No, you know what? You focus! 142 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,160 Not this guy! I'm picking up my own soap, 143 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,030 and I'm getting out of the shower. 144 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,040 Soap? What the hell are you talking about? 145 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,290 I don't know. What were you talking about? 146 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:40,960 She's pretty sweet, huh? 147 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,170 Oh, that she is. 148 00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:43,130 Richie's right, you, uh... 149 00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:44,760 -you do nice work. -Yeah. 150 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,880 I hollowed out the cams, put in bigger piston heads. 151 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,430 You know, give her a couple more horses. 152 00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:51,510 Good. Yeah, 'cause I, uh... 153 00:05:51,550 --> 00:05:53,260 probably would've hollowed them out myself. 154 00:05:53,310 --> 00:05:54,810 Now I don't have to. That's good. 155 00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:57,310 So, you want to do the deal? 156 00:05:57,350 --> 00:05:58,980 Hmm. I don't know. What do you want for it? 157 00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:00,480 1,200. 158 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,940 Mmm. It's a nice bike, but I don't know 159 00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:03,440 -if it's 1,200 nice. -1,200. 160 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:04,820 Itisnice. 161 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,240 Still, I don't know, you know? 162 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,780 1,200... 163 00:06:12,950 --> 00:06:13,950 What are you looking for? 164 00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:17,040 I don't know. Here's 1,200. 165 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,050 Darling, I need to borrow the iron. 166 00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:25,590 Dad, I told you. 167 00:06:25,630 --> 00:06:27,340 If you want a grilled cheese sandwich, 168 00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:30,090 I will make you one. 169 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:33,430 No, no. I just wanted to press my pants. 170 00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:35,930 I got a job interview in the morning. 171 00:06:35,970 --> 00:06:36,980 Really? 172 00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:38,310 Good for you! 173 00:06:38,350 --> 00:06:39,940 What for? 174 00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:42,440 Head of Pediatrics, Long Island Jewish. 175 00:06:46,860 --> 00:06:47,940 Great. 176 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,320 Sure hope you don't get it. 177 00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:53,450 Okay. I think I know where that came from. 178 00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:54,580 Now, look, 179 00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:56,330 I love you. 180 00:06:56,370 --> 00:06:57,620 When I go back to work, 181 00:06:57,660 --> 00:07:00,120 you will not become a latchkey child. 182 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:03,210 That is my pledge to you. 183 00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:11,970 [MOTORCYCLE REVVING] 184 00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:12,930 [CRASH] 185 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,480 [REVVING] 186 00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:21,940 [SCREECH] 187 00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:33,070 [CLUNK] 188 00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:51,550 -Hey, babe. -Hi. 189 00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:55,010 What happened? I thought you were coming home 190 00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,430 -right after work. -Uh, actually, 191 00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:58,350 I stopped some... where first. 192 00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:01,640 In fact, I, uh, I need to talk to you. 193 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,190 Let me just get dinner started real quick. 194 00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:04,270 Uh, dinner can wait, you know. 195 00:08:04,310 --> 00:08:06,020 I want to get this out now. 196 00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:08,190 Dinner can wait? 197 00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:10,240 Okay. Now you're really scaring me. 198 00:08:15,450 --> 00:08:17,080 Well? What? 199 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,410 Carrie, sometimes in a marriage... 200 00:08:22,290 --> 00:08:25,210 there comes a time when... 201 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:27,090 one of the... 202 00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:28,550 members 203 00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:31,970 of that marriage needs to express themselves 204 00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:33,170 -in a way that-- -Douglas, 205 00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:34,550 that is one bad-ass motorcycle 206 00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:36,390 you got out there. Nice work, kiddo. 207 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,440 You got a motorcycle? 208 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,070 Can I finish my story, please? 209 00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:56,530 -You got a motorcycle?! -Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 210 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,240 I got a bike. I got a bike. I got a bike. 211 00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,450 There, I said it. I don't care. I said it. 212 00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:00,450 It's out there. 213 00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:05,080 By the way, Douglas, did Carrie tell you 214 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:06,290 I got a job interview? 215 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,090 Honey, you can't run from this. 216 00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:11,250 Daddy needs to work! 217 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:13,970 Douglas, get her. 218 00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:17,720 Have you lost your mind? And we discussed this! 219 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,100 No, no, we didn't discuss it. Youdiscussed it! 220 00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:21,680 I barely got a sentence in! 221 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,680 Doug, I specifically forbade you from buying this. 222 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:28,100 Forbade me? Forbade? You can'tforbademe. 223 00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,650 Are you insane? I mean, 224 00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:31,570 what the hell do you think you're doing here? 225 00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:33,280 I knew you would overreact like this. 226 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,030 Look, I just wanted one. Huh? It'll be fun! 227 00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:36,610 Fun? Really? Will it be fun 228 00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:37,990 when you're in a wheelchair? 229 00:09:38,780 --> 00:09:40,080 Maybe. 230 00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:43,080 This is going back tomorrow. 231 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,080 No, it's not going back tomorrow. 232 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,670 -Oh. Oh, it is. -Uh-uh-uh. It's not. 233 00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:51,090 -It'ssogoing back. -It's sonotgoing back. 234 00:09:51,130 --> 00:09:53,170 OK, Doug, not only are you stupid for buying this, 235 00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:56,010 but you're arguing about it in a really annoying way. 236 00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:57,220 Tough noogies. 237 00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:02,430 Look! I'm keeping the motorcycle! 238 00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:03,430 For once, I'm wearing the pants 239 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,100 -in the family! -Fine. 240 00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:07,140 -Keep the damn bike! -I will! 241 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,270 -Fine! -I will! 242 00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:09,650 -Fine! -I will! 243 00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,650 And by the way, if you want to wear the pants, 244 00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:13,480 you might think about pulling 'em up. 245 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,540 Well, peaches, 246 00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:29,830 I think congratulations are in order. 247 00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:32,880 Your father got himself a job. 248 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,550 Well, I'm gonna assume it's not the Head of Pediatrics. 249 00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:37,760 No, no. Unfortunately, 250 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,430 they did a little fishing around. 251 00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:42,510 So, instead, I accepted an offer 252 00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:44,970 from an enterprise known as "A Big Hot Pretzel." 253 00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:49,190 Well, the important thing is you still get to work 254 00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:50,900 with kids. 255 00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:52,480 Congratulations. 256 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:53,480 I'm proud of you. 257 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,900 Thank you. 258 00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:56,530 The pay's not great, but they agreed 259 00:10:56,570 --> 00:10:57,990 to let me work evenings. 260 00:10:58,030 --> 00:11:00,660 That way, you and I can have our days together. 261 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,780 I'd love to, Dad, but, you know, I work during the day. 262 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,790 Come on, darling. You're gonna have to be flexible 263 00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:07,950 if we're gonna make this work. 264 00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,460 Okay. Well, I guess my only other option 265 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,790 is to quit my job? 266 00:11:12,830 --> 00:11:14,130 -That's my girl. -Okay. 267 00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:17,960 Sewing kit. Here we go. 268 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,840 Got to let the crotch out on these trousers. 269 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,930 After all, I'm selling pretzels, 270 00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:22,930 not myself. 271 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:30,060 What's up? 272 00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:42,030 Hey, babe. 273 00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:42,990 Kiss? 274 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,490 You, uh, you want to know where I was? I was... 275 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,830 I was out cruising. 276 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:52,040 Good for you, sweetie. 277 00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,290 I was on my motorcycle. 278 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,880 I know. I know. 279 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,010 -I'm fine with that. -You are? 280 00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:00,970 Yeah. You know, I had a good night's sleep, 281 00:12:01,010 --> 00:12:02,760 thought things through, and I--I figured, 282 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:03,840 hey, you know what? 283 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,300 If a motorcycle makes you happy, 284 00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:09,560 then I'm happy, too. Because you know what? 285 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,560 Life's too short not to do the things that make you happy. 286 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:13,770 Right? 287 00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:19,860 Right. 288 00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:22,570 So, you wanna split an egg roll? 289 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,030 -Do you? -DOUG: All right... 290 00:12:26,660 --> 00:12:28,160 What--what are you doing here? 291 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,080 What? Oh. Oh, this? 292 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,870 I'm just doing what makes me happy. 293 00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:35,630 Oh, you know what? These are so smooth. 294 00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:37,130 We've come a long way, baby. 295 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,710 So you're gonna get cancer to make a point? 296 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,340 Sure. I'll be in an iron lung, 297 00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:43,510 you'll be in a wheelchair-- 298 00:12:43,550 --> 00:12:45,260 Hey, you know what? Maybe we can chip in 299 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:46,720 and share a helper monkey. 300 00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:49,810 Well, you know what? It's not gonna work. 301 00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,350 'Cause you can smoke all you want. I don't care. 302 00:12:51,390 --> 00:12:53,690 Well, I'm glad you feel that way, sweetie. 303 00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:55,230 Oh, I do. 304 00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:57,020 I do. I do. You know. 305 00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:58,570 Look, I'm not gonna play games, Carrie. 306 00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:01,030 I'm not going to that place where you want me to go here. 307 00:13:01,070 --> 00:13:02,740 If you wanna ruin your lungs, then that's-- 308 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,320 All right. Put her out! 309 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,740 I can't eat in that stink! 310 00:13:09,780 --> 00:13:11,200 Well, then go eat with your motorcycle, 311 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,330 'cause I likes to smoke while I eat. 312 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,000 Fine. You know what? I will. I will. 313 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,710 You know what? I will, and you can smoke all you want, 314 00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:21,000 'cause I'm keeping my motorcycle. 315 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:23,630 Duck sauce! 316 00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:28,890 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 317 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:36,020 [REVVING] 318 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,270 [SCREECH] 319 00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:17,020 Aah! 320 00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:36,290 Uh, don't mind me. 321 00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:37,830 I'm just looking for something. 322 00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:40,960 Oh, thank God. 323 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,670 You know, if you lose one of these things, 324 00:14:44,710 --> 00:14:46,880 it comes right out of your paycheck. 325 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,090 I already owe them for that stupid soda machine. 326 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,350 So, uh... 327 00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:54,350 you... 328 00:14:54,390 --> 00:14:55,770 you still enjoying the... 329 00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:57,850 -the chopper? -Hmm? 330 00:14:57,890 --> 00:15:01,020 Oh, uh...yeah. It's great. 331 00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,980 Don't let Carrie get you down. 332 00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:06,690 You know, when I had my motorcycle, 333 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,400 her mother was the same way. 334 00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:12,070 -You had a bike? -Sure. Loved it, too. 335 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,490 The great open road... 336 00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:14,780 rumble of your machine... 337 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,200 camaraderie of your gang brothers. 338 00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:22,920 You were in a gang? 339 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,290 Not really. 340 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,340 I asked them to let me in, 341 00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:27,010 but they drank heavily all weekend 342 00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:29,010 and beat me pretty severely. 343 00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:34,930 Okay. 344 00:15:34,970 --> 00:15:37,930 And I think I may have been compromised 345 00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:40,020 by a gentleman named... 346 00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:41,100 Road Dog. 347 00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:54,820 [MOTORCYCLE REVVING] 348 00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,290 God, I hate you! 349 00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:08,170 Carrie! 350 00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:09,380 Up here! 351 00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:16,810 Hey. 352 00:16:18,390 --> 00:16:19,350 Wanna have sex? 353 00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:22,440 I'm getting rid of the bike. 354 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,940 -You are? -DOUG: Mm-hmm. 355 00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,810 Selling it tomorrow. You happy? 356 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:26,980 Well... 357 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,900 yeah. 358 00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:31,190 What happened, you get sick of it? 359 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,410 No, sorry. No, I didn't get sick of it. 360 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,910 You got sick of it. 361 00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:37,240 -No. -Yes! 362 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,120 No. Let me tell you something, Carrie, okay? 363 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:40,120 I love that bike, okay? 364 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,870 I'm a free spirit on that bike. 365 00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:44,420 Me and that bike are like this, okay? 366 00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:45,920 Then why you getting rid of it? 367 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,500 Why, you ask me? 368 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,510 Because it just so happens... 369 00:16:51,550 --> 00:16:53,970 that I love this... more. 370 00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:56,970 Thisis why I'm getting rid of the bike. 371 00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,220 And no other reason. 372 00:16:58,260 --> 00:16:59,510 And you know what? 373 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,020 If you can't understand that, then... 374 00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:04,850 how sad your world must be. 375 00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:10,440 [SLAM] 376 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,320 Ah, there she is. 377 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:18,240 The harpy who made her husband sell his motorcycle. 378 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:19,580 Dad, please. 379 00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:20,950 Please, nothing. I know why you did this, 380 00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:22,410 but let me tell you one thing: 381 00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:23,960 motorcycle or no motorcycle, 382 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,880 -I'll find a way to get to work! -Dad! 383 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,170 I'll take the bus if I have to. 384 00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:30,880 Sure, the bus can't pick me up at my front door 385 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,510 or make my tushy feel good with its rhythmic vibrations-- 386 00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:36,470 Dad! Wait, would you just listen to me, please? 387 00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:38,640 I'm glad you got a job! 388 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,140 I made Doug get rid of the motorcycle 389 00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:42,220 because they're way too dangerous. 390 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,100 Uh-huh. 391 00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:45,560 Well... 392 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,940 you know what's more dangerous? 393 00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:50,110 What? 394 00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,860 Having somebody resent you 395 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,860 for making them give up their dream. 396 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:59,280 And you know what's evenmoredangerous? 397 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:01,950 Leaving a pair of boxer shorts drying on a space heater, 398 00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:03,620 so if you'll excuse me... 399 00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:13,380 Aah! 400 00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:21,390 I sold you. 401 00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:26,230 Oh, shoot! You're home already. 402 00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:29,150 I didn't get a chance to put the bow on it yet. 403 00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:30,360 Well, here. 404 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,900 What--what have you d-done? 405 00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:35,650 I felt really guilty about making you sell it, 406 00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:37,070 and I didn't want you to hate me 407 00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:39,410 for the rest of your life, so... 408 00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:40,530 I bought it back! 409 00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:42,330 You bought it back! That's... 410 00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:43,580 You bought it back. 411 00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:47,500 So what's the deal? I don't get a hug for this? 412 00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:49,580 Oh, yeah! Golly, come here. Yeah! 413 00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:53,340 Now... 414 00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,130 no riding at night, 415 00:18:55,170 --> 00:18:56,920 no riding on the expressway, 416 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,430 and no riding in bad weather. You got it? 417 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,050 -Uh, yeah. Yeah. -Oh! Wait, 418 00:19:00,090 --> 00:19:01,720 I have another surprise for you. 419 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,600 Oh. They just keep coming, don't they? 420 00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:10,230 Now we can go riding together. 421 00:19:10,270 --> 00:19:11,350 Look at me. 422 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,060 All right. I'm... 423 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,650 Pinky Tuscadero. 424 00:19:15,650 --> 00:19:17,490 Come on. Let's take it for a spin. 425 00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:19,400 Let's bust some heads, baby. 426 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:20,610 Okay. 427 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,200 Come on! 428 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,620 Okay! Yeah! Okay! 429 00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:27,620 All right. 430 00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,710 Honey, don't you need to, like... 431 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,510 start it or something? 432 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,390 Funny story. Uh, hey, get ready to laugh. 433 00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:47,970 It turns out I hate the bike. 434 00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:51,440 -What? -I hate it! 435 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:52,400 Hey, let's go buy you a gift. 436 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,020 Come on. 437 00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,440 Doug! 438 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:56,690 What do you mean you hate the bike? 439 00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:58,110 I thought you loved this thing. 440 00:19:58,150 --> 00:20:00,200 I don't love it, okay? 441 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,700 I mean, I get rained on, people laugh at me... 442 00:20:02,740 --> 00:20:04,200 and at night, no one can see you. 443 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,530 At night, you're gonna die. You might as well just face it, 444 00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:08,080 you're gonna die. 445 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,290 Well then, what was that load of crap you gave me 446 00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:14,130 about how much you loved it, but you loved this more? 447 00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:15,670 I was embarrassed, all right? I was just trying 448 00:20:15,710 --> 00:20:17,630 to get out of this with a shred of manhood. 449 00:20:17,670 --> 00:20:20,260 And you thought you'd do that by making me feel guilty 450 00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:21,470 for the rest of my life? 451 00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:23,680 It felt right at the time, yeah. 452 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,680 What is wrong with you? 453 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,680 Aah! I fell there! 454 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,600 It was your fault, too. 455 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,440 -My fault? -Yeah. That... 456 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,810 that buzzer noise is so insulting, you know? I don't-- 457 00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,060 Look, I don't like it when you do it 458 00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:37,190 in front of my friends. 459 00:20:38,690 --> 00:20:40,690 And I really don't like it when you do it during sex. 460 00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:44,160 Anybody would've buzzed you on that one. 461 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,620 Hello. It was dark. I was disoriented. 462 00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:49,370 Okay. 463 00:20:49,410 --> 00:20:53,290 I'm sorry I buzzed you about getting the motorcycle. 464 00:20:53,330 --> 00:20:56,330 I just did it because I love you. 465 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:57,380 I know. I... 466 00:20:57,420 --> 00:20:59,130 I know. I love you, too. Come here. 467 00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:03,800 All right. Well... 468 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,680 let's see where we're at with this thing. 469 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,720 We got a bike that we don't want... 470 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,060 that we bought twice... 471 00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:13,810 and I'm addicted to smoking. 472 00:21:13,850 --> 00:21:16,520 Yeah, but we, uh... we still got this, right? 473 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,270 Hmm? Oh, yeah. We still have this. 474 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,280 Okay. Umm... 475 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,070 I guess I'll just call Dirk tomorrow 476 00:21:23,110 --> 00:21:24,700 and see if I can get my 800 bucks back. 477 00:21:24,740 --> 00:21:27,570 8? You, uh, you got the bike for 8? 478 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,740 Yeah. He wanted 1,200. Can you believe that? 479 00:21:31,910 --> 00:21:33,080 That's ridiculous. 480 00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:41,710 [SHOWER RUNNING] 481 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:42,630 CARRIE: Hey, honey. 482 00:21:42,670 --> 00:21:44,470 Hey. How you feeling? 483 00:21:44,510 --> 00:21:48,050 Great. This nicotine patch really works. 484 00:21:48,090 --> 00:21:50,260 It's like, "Cigarette?" 485 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,810 "No, thanks." 486 00:21:51,850 --> 00:21:53,220 Good. I'm glad you feel that way. 487 00:21:55,140 --> 00:21:56,980 You know, I think we're getting a little low on shampoo. 488 00:21:57,020 --> 00:21:58,520 Can you pick up some later? 489 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,110 You got it. 490 00:22:00,150 --> 00:22:01,650 Oh, and don't forget, we're having dinner 491 00:22:01,690 --> 00:22:03,820 with Deacon and Kelly on Thursday. 492 00:22:07,740 --> 00:22:10,830 [**] 34380

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