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1
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:09,410
No fair. He moved.
2
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:10,478
Too bad.
3
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,946
You've got
H-O-R-S.
4
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:17,885
♪ Yes, no, maybe
5
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,054
♪ I don't know
6
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:23,357
♪ Can you repeat the question?
7
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,526
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
8
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:28,028
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
9
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,430
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
10
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:32,533
♪ And you're not so big
11
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,935
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
12
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,037
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
13
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,939
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
14
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:42,376
♪ And you're not so big
15
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:45,946
♪ Life is unfair.
16
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,423
Does this chip
look funny to you?
17
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,425
Nope. It's fine.
18
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:58,759
Ha, ha. You took
the last one.
19
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,027
You have to refill it.
20
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,195
Oh, darn it.
21
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,533
Oh, great.
22
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:06,767
It's an ant.
23
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:07,935
I know.
24
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,103
I saw him before.
25
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,771
No, Dewey, you
don't understand.
26
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:11,939
This one's the scout.
27
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,607
If he finds anything
appetizing,
28
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,709
soon there'll be lots
and lots of ants.
29
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,578
Which is why I'm
about to make sure
30
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:20,481
that this scout doesn't
report back to headquarters.
31
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,949
LOIS:
Dewey, bedtime!
32
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:23,083
Ready, Dad?
33
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,252
Bedtime express.
34
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,419
Oh... yeah.
35
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:26,887
Just give me a second here to...
36
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,222
Hidey-ho!
Oh!
37
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,323
And away we go!
38
00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:30,791
Giddy-up, Dad!
39
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,994
Turn, horsey, turn!
40
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:37,097
I got the nicest dress
for the school formal.
41
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:39,133
It's satiny and long,
42
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,602
and-and what's that color
between pink and purple?
43
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,770
Mauve.
44
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,438
Oh, sorry.
45
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,641
Isn't she cute
when she gets excited?
46
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:48,976
Her cheeks get all red,
47
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:51,145
and then she gets
a little twinkle in her eye.
48
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,013
I've got to tell you,
I'm a lucky guy.
49
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,348
So you're really
going to spring
50
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,749
for a limo and tux
and all that?
51
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,485
Hell, no. We're not going
to that dance.
52
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,687
It would practically wipe out
my leather jacket fund.
53
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,954
What are you
talking about?
54
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:02,156
I've got it all worked out.
55
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,757
I let her think we're going,
56
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,959
and then right before the dance,
I pick a giant fight.
57
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,928
She gets so mad at me,
she doesn't want to go,
58
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,029
and then the next day,
59
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,997
I apologize,
she takes me back,
60
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,367
and it's smooth sailing
until her birthday.
61
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:14,502
MAN:
Malcolm!
62
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:15,769
Where have you been?
63
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,605
I called an emergency
study session.
64
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,641
What? We just had an emergency
study session last night.
65
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,042
This is the Academic Octathlon.
66
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,877
We are pitted
against the brightest minds
67
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,646
from every high school
in the country.
68
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,648
From now on, we will work
through lunch every day.
69
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,217
I thought this was supposed
to be fun.
70
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,384
Fun... is for losers.
71
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,353
We're all making
sacrifices, Malcolm.
72
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,688
I've had to blow off
my cello lessons.
73
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,390
I missed my uncle's funeral.
74
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:39,026
I've been tanking my grades
for the past three months
75
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:41,395
so I could be our team's
mandatory "C" student.
76
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,532
That food is not there
for you to eat,
77
00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,634
it is there so I don't get into
trouble for making you work
78
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,536
through lunch. Now focus!
79
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,737
Why can't I quit?
80
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:50,971
This is stupid!
81
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,473
Extracurriculars
are very important.
82
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,676
You think you can coast
into college on straight A's?
83
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:56,877
Well, you can't.
84
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,479
Besides, this is
a good opportunity
85
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,980
to meet other smart kids.
86
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,682
You're never too young
to start making contacts.
87
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,084
Yeah, make friends for life
at a nerdfest.
88
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,819
It's not nerdy
to spend a weekend
89
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,422
winning a trophy that shows
how smart you are!
90
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,959
Well, you're doing it anyway.
91
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,265
Oh, geez, not the cabinets, too.
92
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:20,067
Honey, where did I put
the ant spray?
93
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,169
Hey, Dad, time
for bedtime express.
94
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,371
Uh, yeah.
95
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:26,006
Dewey, look, I-I
want to talk to you.
96
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,575
Uh, you're
getting bigger,
97
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,176
and-and there's a
lot of great things
98
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,611
about being a big boy,
99
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:33,681
but big boys don't get
to do bedtime express,
100
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:37,184
because it hurts Daddy,
so even though it's fun,
101
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,720
we're not going to do
bedtime express anymore.
102
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,855
Okay.
103
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,857
Oh, good.
104
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,859
Then I won't love you anymore.
105
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,060
What?
106
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,762
I won't love you anymore.
107
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,631
Dewey, you can't just
say something like that
108
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,132
because you're upset.
109
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,702
I'm sorry, but I can't help
the way I feel.
110
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,904
Good night, Dad.
111
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,974
Reese, did you get
your tux yet?
112
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,776
Uh, the dance is
in two days.
113
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,278
Of course I
got my tux.
114
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,079
Good. Hey, look at this.
115
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,315
It's my dress.
116
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,249
Isn't it amazing?
117
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,752
Are you sure this is
going to fit because...
118
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,588
you're so fat.
119
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:19,091
Oh, you're such
a goofball sometimes.
120
00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:20,327
Anyway, I really
like these bows.
121
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,762
Maybe I should get
matching shoes,
122
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,697
but I don't want it
to look too outfit-y.
123
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,800
Hey, honey,
124
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,235
you won't believe
the day I had.
125
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,637
I had a pretty
interesting day, too.
126
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:30,804
I had to wear these
127
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,473
filthy clothes to work
128
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:33,807
because you forgot to pick up
the dry cleaning again.
129
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:34,908
For crying out loud,
130
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,610
I just got off a 12-hour shift.
131
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,312
The last thing
I need is for you to...
132
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:40,814
You know what?
133
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,616
Let's not do this.
134
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,451
Do what?
135
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,618
Fight.
136
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,186
We argue way too much.
137
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,788
You're right.
138
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,190
Why can't we just both
shut up for once
139
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:53,293
and give ourselves time
to be in love with each other?
140
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:56,530
Let's just...
not talk about it.
141
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,835
I am having the best time
with Piama today.
142
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:04,104
It's like every moment
was perfect,
143
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,873
and-and seemed
to blend perfectly
144
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,341
into the next perfect moment.
145
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:10,511
I have had 25 years
of days like that
146
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,012
with my Gretchen.
147
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,882
I heard that, schminky pants.
148
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,486
I will save this
for later.
149
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,756
See, when marriage works,
there is nothing like it.
150
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,827
Now let me ask you something.
151
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:27,995
You and Gretchen--
152
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,329
you never argue
about chores, right?
153
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,831
Like, if there's an errand
to be run,
154
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,801
you do it, she does it,
who cares?
155
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,704
I never really thought about it.
156
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,906
I am sick and tired of
doing all of these chores!
157
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,073
Ooh!
158
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,475
I work hard all day!
159
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:43,911
I work like a dog,
and you don't appreciate it!
160
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,213
You just spend money
on whatever you want!
161
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,381
I spend?!
162
00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:48,816
You spend money
163
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,184
like we have a key to
the mint or someplace!
164
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,487
♪ The square root
of 8,649 bottles ♪
165
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,389
♪ Of non-alcoholic beer
on the wall ♪
166
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,691
♪ The square root
of 8,649 bottles... ♪
167
00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,693
♪ Beer
168
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,094
♪ Take one down,
pass it around ♪
169
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,531
♪ The square root
of 8,464 bottles ♪
170
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,899
♪ Of non-alcoholic beer
on the wall... ♪
171
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:09,169
In case you're wondering,
they're only at 92 bottles.
172
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,038
Octathletes, I have news.
173
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,906
One of my informers has just
reported to me
174
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,108
that the science portion
of this competition will be
175
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,678
based on organic chemistry,
so break out your textbooks.
176
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,247
We'll start
with chapters 23, 24,
177
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,248
42, 44, 45...
178
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,783
Sir?
179
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,618
I'm supposed to take
a two-hour nap on the bus,
180
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:25,786
or I'll get cranky.
181
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,421
Of course. Would you like us all
182
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:29,189
to sing you a lullaby,
or perhaps,
183
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,859
I could wad up my jacket
and make a pillow for you?
184
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,727
I have my own pillow,
thank you.
185
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,896
I just need some help
blowing it up.
186
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,598
I've had it
with this bellyaching!
187
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,366
If any of you are not fully
committed to this team,
188
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,735
you are more than welcome
to get off the bus right now.
189
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,370
Driver, open the doors.
190
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,373
I did not say stop.
191
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,141
I said open the doors.
192
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,116
That silly fighting.
193
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,586
Let us never do that again.
194
00:06:58,619 --> 00:06:59,953
That is not us.
195
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,221
No.
196
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,790
I don't know what came over me.
197
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,725
Oh, me, neither, hmm?
198
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,562
We will never speak
of this again, hmm?
199
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,797
Of what?
200
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:10,998
See, I already forgot it.
201
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,401
Here...
202
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,736
Here you are.
Oh, thank you.
203
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,937
I am sure you two
204
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,772
will be very happy here.
205
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:21,108
We could be happy anywhere.
206
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:21,942
Aw.
207
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:28,181
Let me ask you something.
208
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,651
I do plenty of
chores, okay?!
Yeah, right!
209
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,085
You may not
realize it,
210
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,487
because you're out
throwing our money away!
211
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:35,022
Oh, here we go!
By the way,
212
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,690
are we actually going to
have sex on this vacation,
213
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:38,726
or is it going to be
St. Croix all over again?!
214
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,432
I've got
to get a stronger spray!
215
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,134
Dewey, I'm going to
the hardware store.
216
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,202
I'll be back soon.
Love you.
217
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,038
That's nice.
218
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,540
Okay, this is crazy.
219
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:54,041
You can't not love me
220
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,309
just because I won't
give you bedtime rides.
221
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,444
Yes, I can.
222
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,213
Oh, this is not
going to work, mister.
223
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,515
I know you love me.
224
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:02,816
I like you.
225
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,284
And that's it?
226
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,553
I think you're a nice man.
227
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,020
Fine. You know what?
228
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,622
Maybe you need to spend
some time in your room
229
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,157
and think about
this a while, okay?
230
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,725
As of right now,
you are grounded!
231
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:13,193
Okay.
232
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,162
And then tomorrow...
233
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,197
I'm going to buy you
a brand-new bicycle.
234
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,667
It's not going
to change anything.
235
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,672
Food fight!
236
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,307
What the hell are you doing?!
237
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,542
Come on! It's
a food fight.
238
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:29,677
No, it's not.
239
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,144
You're just throwing
egg salad at me.
240
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,813
Yeah, 'cause that's the kind
of thing I think is fun.
241
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,549
You are such a jerk!
242
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:36,750
That's it!
243
00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,885
I don't ever want
to see you again.
244
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:41,254
Until the dance!
245
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,399
Here it is, children.
246
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,667
The battlefield.
247
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:54,668
Get comfortable with it.
248
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,069
Make it your own.
249
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:58,438
I'm getting a panic rash
over my homesick rash.
250
00:08:58,471 --> 00:08:59,673
Suck it up, people.
251
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,008
Tomorrow is the finals.
252
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,676
Now, do you see that
air conditioning vent?
253
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,277
Jefferson High has three
asthmatics on their team.
254
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,246
If we could just get them
to sit directly beneath...
255
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:08,181
Mr. Baffert.
Oh, you've done it again.
256
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,917
What a stellar job
at organizing...
257
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,619
Don't suck up, Lionel.
258
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:12,986
It's pathetic.
259
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,288
Don't worry, sir.
260
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:16,389
We were ready
to grab your ankles
261
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,691
if you got too far up there.
262
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,059
Hey, Herkabe.
263
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,894
Surprised to see you
and your band of bed-wetters
264
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,129
had the guts to show up.
265
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,032
Oh, look, it's North High.
266
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,034
Nous les nourrirons
leurs propres entrailles
267
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,068
et fait les demande plus.
268
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:31,972
Oh, my God.
269
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,107
They brought in Rubinger
from Minnesota.
270
00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:35,643
Who?
IBM's been studying him.
271
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,144
Rumor has it
he was a Siamese twin
272
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,311
that got both brains.
273
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,081
Walk with me.
274
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:44,618
You see those little freaks
over there
275
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:45,819
that you call friends now?
276
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,154
They need to win here
277
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,622
so they can get into
one of the top colleges
278
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:49,990
because that's the only way
279
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,424
they're going to become
successful enough
280
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:52,893
so that people don't
beat them up every day
281
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,161
for the rest of their lives.
282
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,462
Now, are you going
to deny them that?
283
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,463
I'll try my best.
284
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:57,564
Good. Now, the judges
285
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,432
will spot Morse code easily,
286
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,769
so I've developed this
rudimentary fingertip semaphore.
287
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,136
Memorize this.
288
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,471
You want me to cheat?
289
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,406
Let's call it...
290
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,675
success advantaging.
291
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,509
Forget it.
I'm not going to cheat.
292
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,445
Guys...
293
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:14,347
Guys, you're not going
to believe this.
294
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,016
Herkabe actually wants us
to cheat.
295
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,951
What? That isn't right!
296
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,820
Yeah, he's not supposed
to write it down.
297
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:20,821
That's a paper trail.
298
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,422
You guys are in on this?
299
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,623
Malcolm, you have no idea.
300
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,758
This is big.
301
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,026
This goes further
than you know.
302
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,695
Further than you guys?
303
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:28,829
Oh.
304
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,197
Then you do know.
305
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,970
Are you in...
or are you...
306
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:39,206
out?
307
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,218
MAN:
Hey! Hey!
308
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,987
I'm the one who has to fix that
if you break it.
309
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,288
Sorry. You work here?
310
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,323
My dad's the manager.
311
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,624
You know,
for a bunch of dweebs,
312
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,226
you guys sure cause
a lot of trouble.
313
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,828
I can't believe
you put on SPF45.
314
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,529
It's an indoor pool.
315
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,732
But we have to cross through
the courtyard to get there.
316
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,901
How can you be around them
for more than ten seconds
317
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,169
and not want to deck one?
318
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,238
Trust me, it's not
that satisfying.
319
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,406
Plus, some of them
are my friends.
320
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,008
Were my friends.
321
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,176
No, still are.
322
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,911
I'm just not
happy about it.
323
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,813
What would you do
if your friends
324
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,715
wanted you to do something
you didn't want to do?
325
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:24,084
Not do it.
Yeah, but see,
that won't work.
326
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,986
Because even if I don't,
they're going to do it anyway.
327
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,888
And that makes me a part of it,
whether I do it or not,
328
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,589
so there's no way out.
329
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,592
Um, there's probably some kind
of obvious smart-guy reason
330
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:36,363
I'm missing here,
but... can't you just leave?
331
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,334
Reese! How many times
have I told you?
332
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,770
No ice cream
in the living room.
333
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,571
You're dripping
all over the rug!
334
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,041
Are you crazy?!
335
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,010
No, just extremely
disrespectful.
336
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,711
I mean, what are
you going to do
337
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,580
with a kid like me?
Ground me?
338
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:54,681
You bet I am.
339
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:55,849
One week in your room.
340
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,250
No TV, no video games,
341
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,219
no contact
with the outside world.
342
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,354
After you take Alison
to the dance.
343
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,355
What?!
344
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,757
Reese, you made a promise
345
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,058
to that girl
and you are going to keep it.
346
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,459
But... how did you...?
347
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,361
Look, Reese,
some people are born book-smart.
348
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,530
Others are born crafty
and street-smart.
349
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,732
You, I'm afraid, are neither.
350
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,104
Hello?
351
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,138
Mom, come get me.
352
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,773
Look, I have to get out of here.
353
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,308
I'm leaving either way.
354
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,476
If you're not here
within the next three hours,
355
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,946
you can find me walking
on the highway, in the dark.
356
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,214
Or maybe I'll hitchhike.
357
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,448
You know,
I met this guy with a van.
358
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,017
He seemed real friendly.
359
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,106
I cannot wait until I am old
and senile.
360
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,474
I'm going to be
361
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:55,909
hooked up to life support
in your attic
362
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,111
running you ragged with
crazy old person demands.
363
00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,113
I am going to cling
to life for years
364
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,448
just to make you suffer.
365
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,116
Fine. But I'm not staying here.
366
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,226
That son of a...
367
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,528
Stop the car!
368
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,663
What?
Stop!
369
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:18,832
I'm staying.
370
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,700
I will not be played like that!
371
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,002
You can punish me
when I get home.
372
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,971
Deal.
373
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,351
All right,
this has gone far enough.
374
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,187
Now, I will walk you
to your room,
375
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,721
I will roll you
to your room,
376
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,323
I will race you
to your room,
377
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:46,459
but you are too big
to give bedtime rides to.
378
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,794
If you say so.
379
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,996
I say so.
380
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,297
Now, as your father,
381
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,065
I am ordering you to say,
"I love you."
382
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,733
I love you.
383
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,403
Now say it
in a convincing manner.
384
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,371
I love you.
385
00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:00,307
Now say it
without me telling you to.
386
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,708
Is this going
to take long?
387
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,510
'Cause I was going
to get a soda.
388
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,913
Unless I'm too big
to drink soda.
389
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,115
Just go.
390
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,885
Oh, for crying out loud.
391
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,354
These things are everywhere!
392
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,561
I don't know, Malcolm.
393
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:24,331
This seems like
a very drastic escalation.
394
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,099
You want to cheat,
right?
395
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,935
Since this is just
a big cheating contest,
396
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,669
I say we out-cheat
everyone else.
397
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,939
Why do I have to be the one
who does this?
398
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,606
'Cause you look the most
pathetic in a bathing suit.
399
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,176
I do not!
What about...?
400
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,544
Yeah, okay.
401
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:38,811
Go, Stevie.
402
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,520
Uh, excu-excuse me.
403
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,256
I got locked out
of my room,
404
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:52,759
and I forgot my towel
and I'm very cold.
405
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,427
There you go.
406
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,862
Have a nice day.
407
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,564
Thank you.
408
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,799
I've been swimming!
409
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,135
Good job.
I'll be out in a minute.
410
00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:03,636
WOMAN:
I do all the chores,
411
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,205
I make all the money
and I'm sorry
412
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,040
if I'm a little tired
when we get into the bedroom!
413
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,641
That's why we took
this vacation!
414
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,377
We took this vacation to
get away from your parents.
415
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,045
You have no clue.
Because you never tell me
416
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,813
what you're thinking!
I'm not a mind-reader!
417
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:14,881
I got the answers.
418
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,083
I'm going
to go make copies.
419
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,284
You guys stay here
420
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,952
and keep the door open
till I get back.
421
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,957
Everybody...
look casual.
422
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,465
Now let's see you chicken out.
423
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:38,138
What are you doing?
424
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,806
It's not what
it looks like.
425
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:41,608
It looks like you're trying
to break your foot
426
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,643
just so you don't have to go
to the dance with me.
427
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:44,644
Ha!
428
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,813
You couldn't be more wrong.
429
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,450
If you don't want to go with me,
430
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,053
then why don't you just
break up with me?
431
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,455
I really like you, Alison.
432
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,925
I just didn't want to spend
all that money on the dance.
433
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,528
I know that was selfish,
and I'm really sorry.
434
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:05,332
But I still really want
you to be my girlfriend.
435
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,202
Well...
thanks for being honest.
436
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:13,540
But you made a promise to me,
and I'm going to hold you to it.
437
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,675
You're going
to get me a corsage,
438
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,710
and you're going
to rent a limo,
439
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:20,213
and you're going
to pick me up at 7:00,
440
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,515
and we're going to go
to the dance.
441
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:23,816
Okay.
442
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,951
You'll see.
443
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,053
We'll have a great time.
444
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,720
We'll dance the spotlight dance,
445
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:30,623
and we'll make sure we get
our picture taken together
446
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,193
so we'll always remember
this night.
447
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,529
And then I'll break up with you
forever.
448
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:46,306
Someone I know was a busy
little team player last night.
449
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,141
It just came to me
what the right thing to do was.
450
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:51,644
I've never been prouder
of you than at this moment.
451
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:52,979
We never spoke.
452
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,214
Ladies and gentlemen.
453
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:58,017
We are now ready to begin
round one.
454
00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,586
The subject will be history.
455
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,355
Question one:
456
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:06,893
"In 1803, the French sold over
800,000 square miles..."
457
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,261
Louisiana Purchase.
458
00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:09,596
Correct.
459
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,401
Question two:
460
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,336
"What historic document..."
461
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,737
The Magna Carta.
462
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,240
Correct.
463
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,944
Question three:
"Who..."
464
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,079
Ben Franklin.
465
00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,382
That's... right.
466
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,287
Settle down,
467
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,124
please.
468
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,925
Let's try this again.
469
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,193
Question...
470
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,061
ALL:
The defenestration of Prague!
471
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,596
Okay...
472
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,031
ALL:
The Treaty of Utrecht!
473
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:49,136
Will all coaches join me
in the back?
474
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,939
You gave everyone
the test, didn't you?
475
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:55,275
In fingertip semaphore,
this means...
476
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,676
I know what it means!
477
00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:59,879
Good night, Dad.
478
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,748
Dewey, I-I know
it's just an expression,
479
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,483
and I'm a mature person,
480
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,486
so if you don't want to say it,
you don't have to say it.
481
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,288
Thanks for understanding.
482
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,822
Well, I love you!
483
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,258
But guess what?
484
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,059
I don't love you! And you!
485
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,128
And I don't love you
or you or you...!
486
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:17,130
And I especially don't love you!
487
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,566
And you... love...!
488
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,468
Don't try to get away!
489
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,672
If you just love...
490
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:29,842
I-I hate...
491
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,012
:
Oh, no.
492
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,686
Dad, we need
more toothpaste.
493
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,021
Dad?
494
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,956
Dad, wake up!
Get out of there!
495
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,625
Dad!
496
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,833
Dad!
497
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,002
Get up!
Get up, please!
498
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:58,538
Don't die, Dad.
I love you!
499
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,140
I love you, Dad!
500
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,615
Are they dead?
501
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,983
Am I dead?
502
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,222
Well, I-I...
I passed out. I...
503
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:19,025
How did you pull me
all the way over here?
504
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:22,962
I guess...
'cause I'm bigger.
505
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,001
Oh, good.
506
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,203
Thank you, son.
507
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:31,838
You saved my life.
508
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,640
I love you.
509
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,509
I love you, Dad.
510
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,884
Well, the results are in.
511
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:47,987
Since everyone
was so well prepared,
512
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,022
everybody gets a trophy.
513
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:52,191
Jefferson,
you win first place in science.
514
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:54,261
Quincy, you win in mathematics.
515
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:56,062
North High, history.
516
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,331
St. Bartholomew, literature.
517
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,467
And Marshall in ethics.
518
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:05,705
As you can see,
it's a happy ending for all,
519
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:09,609
so long as everybody
keeps their mouths shut.
520
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,778
See you next year.
521
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,884
Hey, no hard feelings, okay?
522
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:21,020
I mean, I got you,
you got everybody.
523
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,689
It was kind of cool.
524
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,890
Right. Cool.
525
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,425
I wonder what
would've happened
526
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,693
if we'd played it straight.
527
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,528
You know, gone
head-to-head for real.
528
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,463
You've got to be kidding.
529
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,432
Compared to you,
he's a whole other species.
530
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,467
You should be his pet.
Come on.
531
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:37,570
We're sorry...
532
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,105
we tried to...
533
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,807
make you cheat.
534
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,642
You're our moral compass,
Malcolm.
535
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,711
We'd like to make it up
to you somehow.
536
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,045
Let's all pick him up
537
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,280
and carry him to the bus
on our shoulders.
538
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:48,748
That's a
great idea.
Yeah!
Yeah!
539
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,750
Actually, I should
sit this one out.
540
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,652
With my middle
ear condition...
541
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:53,753
My scoliosis.
542
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,288
I forgot my orthotics.
543
00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:57,156
Sorry. Epstein Barr.
544
00:20:57,189 --> 00:21:00,059
Yes, Mr. Cutler, we have
your reservation right here.
545
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,261
Hey, what time is it there
in Australia?
546
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,196
Canceling? Oh, no.
547
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:09,502
Well, it's a shame to let one
argument with your wife spoil...
548
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:13,005
Sure, you can ask me
whatever you want.
549
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,143
Hi, honey.
37867
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