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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,262 --> 00:00:03,829 Previously onYoung Sheldon...Billy! 2 00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:05,570 Mr. Cooper is here. 3 00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,530 How you doing? 4 00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:11,098 Do not look under that rock. 5 00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:14,362 But I appreciate you asking. 6 00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:16,103 Hey, you got rejected. 7 00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:18,061 But was it the end of the world? 8 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:19,541 No. 9 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,499 And that is extremely valuable information. 10 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:22,935 And honestly... 11 00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:25,155 you dodged a bullet with Missy. 12 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:26,983 The girl is mean. 13 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,985 Thanks. 14 00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:38,038 Come on, Missy! 15 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:39,474 Hey.Hey! 16 00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,998 Came to see your man be a leader of little people, huh? 17 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,696 I came to see my granddaughter pitch. 18 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,089 Yeah, under my leadership. 19 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,265 All right, Cooper, let's see what you got. 20 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:49,571 Come on, girl! 21 00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:53,923 Come on, shake it off! 22 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,533 You got this. 23 00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:01,670 What the hell was that? 24 00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:03,541 Well, there's some leadership. 25 00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:08,416 Time! 26 00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:09,765 Cooper! 27 00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:10,766 Time! 28 00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:13,812 Cooper, what is the problem? 29 00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:16,032 The ball isn't going where it's supposed to. 30 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,120 I saw that. 31 00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:18,208 What am I doing wrong? 32 00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:20,341 Just a little case of the yips. 33 00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,647 It happens.What's that? 34 00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:24,867 The yips-- you know, it's when you're thinking 35 00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:26,390 about stuff in your head 36 00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,349 and something you've done a million times, 37 00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:31,134 you can't do it anymore. Even the pros get it. 38 00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,223 How do I get rid of it? 39 00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,573 Uh, just don't think about it. 40 00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,314 Okay. 41 00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:45,322 Don't think, just throw. 42 00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:52,416 I hate the little people. 43 00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:21,184 Damn it! 44 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:22,490 Brenda? 45 00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:23,926 What? 46 00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:25,449 Everything okay over there? 47 00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:27,190 Oh, yeah. 48 00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,410 Okay. 49 00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:31,760 Damn it! 50 00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,284 Okay, give her a go. 51 00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:39,115 You're a lifesaver. 52 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:41,639 It's a gift. 53 00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:44,381 Can I offer you a beer and some thank-you cobbler? 54 00:02:44,425 --> 00:02:46,601 Weren't you on your way somewhere? 55 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,472 Weight Watchers. 56 00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,040 What do you say? 57 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:53,173 Eh, sure. 58 00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:57,002 Do guys ever go to those Weight Watchers meetings? 59 00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:59,309 Yeah, but they're all fat. 60 00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,748 Of all the tests one takes in school, 61 00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:06,577 my favorite was the midterm. 62 00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,100 Finals weren't bad, 63 00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,754 but they also meant summer was approaching. 64 00:03:09,798 --> 00:03:12,540 I don't believe in religion, but sunshine, 65 00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,237 picnics and pool parties 66 00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,978 are proof hell exists. 67 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,598 Aah! 68 00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:28,904 Why are you trying to hit me? 69 00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,993 I'm trying to hit the target. 70 00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:32,124 It's over there. 71 00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:34,388 I know, dingus. 72 00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,392 I thought you were good at this. 73 00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:39,306 I was. 74 00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:41,873 Coach Dale says I have the yips. 75 00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:43,658 It's not contagious, is it? 76 00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:45,834 No, it happens in sports. 77 00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:48,271 Suddenly you can't do a thing that used to be easy. 78 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,055 It doesn't sound real. 79 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,014 Then why can't I pitch anymore? 80 00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:53,929 Ooh, perhaps it's the onset of puberty 81 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,192 and the hysterical mood swings that go with it. 82 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,715 Dingus, house. 83 00:03:57,759 --> 00:03:59,761 You're only proving my point. 84 00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,810 What, Billy won an award? 85 00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:08,291 Participation. 86 00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:09,336 Big whoop. 87 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:10,815 I guess it's something. 88 00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,295 Well, he ain't the sharpest pencil in the box, 89 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,602 but he's the sweetest kid I know. 90 00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,778 Well, Sheldon is the sharpest pencil. 91 00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,606 Sometimes I'd just like 92 00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:20,260 to shove his head in that box. 93 00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:22,653 Where's your trash? 94 00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:23,959 Everywhere. 95 00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:26,657 But the basket's under the sink.Mm. 96 00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:31,967 You know your faucet's leaking? 97 00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,448 Yep, this whole place is falling apart. 98 00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:35,971 Well... 99 00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:37,929 I'll come over another time, and take care of it.Oh. 100 00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:39,888 You know, you don't have to do that. 101 00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:41,411 One more? 102 00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:44,632 I should get going. 103 00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:46,416 Well, thanks again. 104 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:51,291 Want to buy a house? 105 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,685 Hey, where you been? 106 00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:57,209 Ah, Brenda was having car trouble. 107 00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:58,559 Just giving her hand.That's nice. 108 00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:01,083 I'm sure it's hard being by herself. 109 00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,389 Yeah. 110 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,042 That whole house is in need of repair. 111 00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:06,131 I hope you offered to help her out. 112 00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:08,090 I did... she said no. 113 00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:10,092 Well, that's just her being proud. 114 00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:12,268 Of course she wants your help. 115 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:16,403 I guess some time I'll pop over. 116 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,013 Good. 117 00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:20,189 And when you go, hitch up your pants. 118 00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,322 There's a lot going on when you squat. 119 00:05:22,365 --> 00:05:23,932 All right. 120 00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:25,325 You have 45 minutes to complete 121 00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,370 the test, eyes on your own paper and... 122 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:30,373 Yes, Sheldon, if you finish early, you can take it again. 123 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:31,766 And... 124 00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:33,071 begin! 125 00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:34,290 And I was off. 126 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,074 I flew through wave functions. 127 00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:38,120 I dominated harmonic oscillators. 128 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:40,122 The only challenging part of this exam 129 00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,559 was trying to balance the desire to finish quickly 130 00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:45,519 with the urge to stop and smell my freshly sharpened pencil. 131 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,651 Mmm. 132 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,305 I was in the zone. 133 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,046 Only one question left. 134 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,308 All I needed to do 135 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,266 was solve Schrodinger's equation 136 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:56,704 in a cylindrical well by employing the zeroes 137 00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,880 of the Bessel function, which of course were... 138 00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,623 Wait, what are they? 139 00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,189 Come on, you know this. 140 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,235 You've done it a million times. 141 00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,804 Oh, dear. 142 00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:20,075 All right, Sheldon, time to turn in your test. 143 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,293 I'm not done yet. 144 00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:23,383 I know you like to add 145 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,515 your own "better questions" at the end, 146 00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:27,299 but for the last time, I don't count them. 147 00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,954 I just need a few more minutes on this problem. 148 00:06:29,998 --> 00:06:31,434 That's an easy one. 149 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,044 Just apply the zeroes of the Bessel function. 150 00:06:33,088 --> 00:06:34,698 I know what I have to do. 151 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,221 Is this is a tantrum? 152 00:06:36,265 --> 00:06:37,962 I've heard children your age like to throw them. 153 00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,877 I can't remember what the zeroes 154 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,705 of the Bessel function are. 155 00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:42,880 You didn't memorize them? 156 00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:45,100 Of course I did-- October 7, 1988. 157 00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:46,710 I had just had a bowl of Teddy Grahams. 158 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,277 Then what's the problem? 159 00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:51,715 I'm blanking, but I'll get it. 160 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:52,847 Sorry, son, class is over. 161 00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:54,283 No, I can do this. 162 00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,285 It's just one question. You'll still pass. 163 00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:58,635 Sheldon Cooper doesn't "just pass." 164 00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:00,071 I have an idea. 165 00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:01,464 Let me see the test. 166 00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,248 Thank you. 167 00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:05,468 Sheldon Cooper isn't always 168 00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,078 that gullible.He was today. 169 00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:15,217 All right, almost there. 170 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:17,437 Hand me a screwdriver. 171 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,177 Don't stick this in an outlet. 172 00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,527 It really tingles. 173 00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:23,617 We had an incident.Yeah. 174 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,054 You know what? 175 00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:27,316 Why don't you fix it? 176 00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:28,709 Really?Yeah, you see 177 00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:29,710 that little screw there? 178 00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,102 Just go ahead and tighten her up. 179 00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:33,191 Like this? Yep. 180 00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:35,933 What now? 181 00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:37,761 Uh, run outside and turn the water back on. 182 00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:40,068 Here, I'm not allowed to run with this. 183 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:43,027 We've had a lot of incidents. 184 00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,596 Who knew you were so handy?Yeah. 185 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,816 There's just things guys need to be good at. 186 00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,818 What else you good at? 187 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,213 I should go. 188 00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:02,003 Hey, pretty lady. 189 00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:04,309 Are you drinking already? No! 190 00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:07,008 Can't a guy give his wife a compliment? 191 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:08,662 Do I have to smell your breath? 192 00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:10,272 How about a kiss instead? 193 00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:11,665 What is with you? 194 00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:13,188 Well, I don't know. 195 00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:15,320 Kids aren't home. 196 00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:18,019 Now? I'm doing laundry. 197 00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,455 Laundry can wait. 198 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,848 So can your thing. 199 00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:22,458 I like to think of it as ourthing, 200 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,548 but if you only have time for my thing, that's fine, too. 201 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,463 You're being weird. 202 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,247 Weird sexy? 203 00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:30,379 No. 204 00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,424 Headed to the bedroom?No! 205 00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:34,688 Just checking. 206 00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:38,909 Missy! 207 00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,129 You gave me your yips. 208 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:42,522 What? 209 00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,132 I froze on a test. That's never happened before. 210 00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:45,394 It's all your fault. 211 00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:46,917 I told you it's not contagious. 212 00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:48,223 You put the thought in my head. 213 00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:49,833 The power of suggestion is very real. 214 00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:51,922 Case in point: tulip mania. 215 00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:53,881 Here we go.Tulip mania 216 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:55,665 was an insane desire to buy and trade 217 00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,188 tulip bulbs in the 1600s. 218 00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,973 It nearly ruined the Dutch economy. 219 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,931 You would not believe the gilders they were spending. 220 00:09:00,975 --> 00:09:02,672 How can you remember this stupid information, 221 00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,369 but not the stuff on your test? 222 00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:05,719 You tell me, they're your yips. 223 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,590 Sheldon, if I knew how to make it stop, 224 00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:08,939 I would tell you. 225 00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:10,637 You better. 226 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,335 Maybe it's puberty making you all emotional. 227 00:09:13,378 --> 00:09:15,598 I checked my armpits-- smooth as balloons. 228 00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,864 Hey. 229 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,040 What's your problem? 230 00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:24,520 I don't want to talk about it. 231 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,696 Great.I had a mental block 232 00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:28,176 on a test and it was something that 233 00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,656 I absolutely know how to do. 234 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,962 Oh, you know, that sort of thing happens in sports, too. 235 00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,311 I know. It's called the yips, 236 00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:34,443 and it's a very silly name 237 00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:35,836 for a very serious problem. 238 00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,664 Well, you know, the best thing to do 239 00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,535 is get out of your head. 240 00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:41,406 How do I do that? 241 00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:43,017 Just turn your brain off. 242 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,454 It's like I'm not even your son. 243 00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:46,934 Look. 244 00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,849 I know you don't respect what I do as a coach. 245 00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:50,285 Maybe you do know me. 246 00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:53,070 But this is a thing I actually know about. 247 00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:55,116 I've seen it happen to my players. 248 00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:57,031 I've seen it happen to pros in golf. 249 00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:58,510 In baseball. 250 00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:00,034 The answer is always the same. 251 00:10:00,077 --> 00:10:02,689 Stop thinking and get out of your own way. 252 00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:05,169 I don't know how to do that. 253 00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:08,912 Have you ever heard the Nike slogan "Just do it"? 254 00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:10,740 I'm familiar with the phrase "let's do it," 255 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,699 uttered by Gary Gilmore, the last person 256 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:15,440 to be executed by firing squad in America. 257 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:19,706 Okay, well, it's a shoe slogan. 258 00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:22,099 And it's good advice. 259 00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,971 The answer is already in your head. 260 00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,537 Don't think so hard. 261 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:27,148 Just do it. 262 00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,759 I'll try. 263 00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:31,413 Good man. 264 00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:34,416 Another fun footwear slogan is "I'm Buster Brown. 265 00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:36,679 "I live in a shoe. That's my dog Tige. 266 00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,115 Look for him there, too." 267 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,161 Mm, I think mine is more helpful. 268 00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:41,989 Well, mine rhymes, so... 269 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,124 I decided to heed my father's advice. 270 00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,649 I wasn't sure how to turn off my brain. 271 00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:52,347 Thankfully, I lived with an expert. 272 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,436 What's up? 273 00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:57,004 I've never really thought about not thinking before. 274 00:10:57,047 --> 00:10:58,701 Well, I'm asking you to think about it. 275 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:01,138 But I thought you were interested in notthinking. 276 00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:02,792 I am. I want you to think about not thinking, 277 00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:04,141 and then teach me how to do it. 278 00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,316 Do what? 279 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,448 Not think. 280 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:08,537 All right. 281 00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:12,584 This is tough. 282 00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:14,935 I'm good at not thinking, but I don't think 283 00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,893 I can teach you how to not think without thinking. 284 00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:19,243 Hmm, well, thank you for trying. 285 00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:20,810 Hold on! What if you're thinking 286 00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:22,290 about something else instead? 287 00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:24,292 Would that count as thinking or not thinking? 288 00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:26,424 I suppose it's similar to the mantras 289 00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,339 extolled by the sages of the east. 290 00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:30,254 It's a practice that Swami Vivekananda 291 00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:32,343 called Japa Yoga and it's intended to bring out 292 00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:35,129 a single-pointedness of concentration. 293 00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:38,306 Sorry, I zoned out. 294 00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:40,525 Ooh, tell me how.Let's see. 295 00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:41,657 You were blabbering. 296 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,528 It all started to blur together. 297 00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:44,878 And I was gone. 298 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,270 At what point did it start to happen? 299 00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:48,011 I don't know. Say it again. 300 00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,012 I said I suppose 301 00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:50,405 it's similar to the mantras 302 00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:52,276 extolled by the sages of the east. 303 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,497 It's a practice that Swami Vivekananda called Japa Yoga... 304 00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,508 That is wild. 305 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:15,386 The next day, armed with the sage advice 306 00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,780 of my father, my brother, 307 00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:20,609 and an executed murderer, I was allowed to retake the test. 308 00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:23,655 You have 45 minutes starting now. 309 00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,136 Okay, just do it. 310 00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:27,485 Just do it. 311 00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:29,313 Just turn your brain off and do it. 312 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:31,794 Is it off? Am I doing it? 313 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,362 Wait, if I'm thinking it's off, then it must still be on. 314 00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:37,017 I'm trying too hard. Don't overthink, just do it. 315 00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:39,802 Just do it, just-- 316 00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,935 Time's up. 317 00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,067 But I didn't do it. 318 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:45,416 Waste my morning? 319 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:46,504 You did it. 320 00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:48,724 That toilet won't stop running. 321 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,639 Have you tried jiggling the handle? 322 00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:52,075 I jiggled it, wiggled it. 323 00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:53,555 Damn near had a baby with it. 324 00:12:53,598 --> 00:12:55,165 Yeah, let me take a look. 325 00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:57,777 I was fixing to put some dinner on, if you care to join me. 326 00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:00,127 I don't want to put you out. 327 00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,781 It's just frozen lasagna. 328 00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:04,740 But I'm going oven instead of microwave, 329 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,437 'cause you're company. 330 00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:08,439 What are you doing? 331 00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:09,658 What do you mean? 332 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,965 You know what I mean. 333 00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:15,838 I was just trying to thank you. 334 00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:17,622 And you're the one who offered 335 00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,233 to come over here and fix things. 336 00:13:19,276 --> 00:13:20,495 I was being nice. 337 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:21,583 So was I. 338 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,237 Yeah, maybe a little too nice. 339 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,239 There is no pleasing you. 340 00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:26,370 Well, I don't need this here. 341 00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:27,458 I can get fighting at my house. 342 00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:28,459 Then maybe you should go back 343 00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:29,852 to your house. 344 00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:32,463 Mom, can you help with my homework? 345 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,901 There in a sec. 346 00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:36,772 You leaving? 347 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,208 You gonna fix the toilet? 348 00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:39,862 No.Then I guess I'm not leaving. 349 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,211 Thank you. Lasagna? 350 00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:42,909 Small piece. Mary's making tacos. 351 00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:44,606 Okay. 352 00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:46,521 Trying to outsmart my own thought patterns 353 00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:47,957 proved to be challenging. 354 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:51,265 It's understandable, as smart as I was, 355 00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,136 I was also that smart. 356 00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:56,836 I wondered if I could invent a mind control device, 357 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,839 but that sounded a little too "mwah-ha-ha" 358 00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:01,449 even for me. It turned out 359 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,277 the device I was looking for 360 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,888 had been in my presence the entire time. 361 00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,934 Television. It had been tranquilizing 362 00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,284 the minds of America's youth for generations, 363 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,286 and it was just what I needed. 364 00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:13,940 Lift off. 365 00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:15,767 Too interesting. 366 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,118 Too violent. 367 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,861 I don't think so. 368 00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:25,125 Now, then, let's build us a little cloud. 369 00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:27,301 Clouds are very free. 370 00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,259 Very, very free. 371 00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:30,652 Tell you what. If you... 372 00:14:30,695 --> 00:14:32,262 That was so much fun, let's get crazy... 373 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:35,265 Who's this bohemian? 374 00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:36,832 If you could have 375 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,443 any job in the high school, what would it be? 376 00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:41,924 I don't know, why? 377 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,144 Sometimes I look at the janitor 378 00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:46,015 pushing around that buffing machine. 379 00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:48,148 That thing looks like a blast. 380 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:50,411 He doesn't wear a tie. 381 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:52,543 No fights with the school board. 382 00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:56,852 Vomit and feces aside, he's, he's living the dream. 383 00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,812 Hello? Am I boring you? 384 00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:01,857 Sorry. 385 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,206 I'm a little distracted. 386 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,208 Trouble at home? 387 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:07,950 Something like that. Mm. 388 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,386 You want to talk about it? 389 00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,302 No. 390 00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,435 Tell me about your fun bachelor life. 391 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,524 Well, as of last week, I officially 392 00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:19,005 tasted every Campbell's soup. 393 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:20,702 : Come on, Tom. 394 00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:22,530 I'm trying to live vicariously here. 395 00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:24,097 There's got to be something good. 396 00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:27,100 Let's see, I go hunting and fishing whenever I feel like it. 397 00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,710 Now we're getting somewhere. 398 00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:32,018 Spend my money on whatever I want. Mm. 399 00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:33,933 What was the last thing you got? 400 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,718 Foreman fight on pay-per-view. 401 00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:39,982 I ate a bucket of chicken and watched it in my underwear. 402 00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,549 You lucky bastard. 403 00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:42,942 Uh-huh. 404 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,900 What about women? 405 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,033 Honestly... 406 00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:49,731 it's tough to meet people at this age. 407 00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:52,168 No, come on, charming fella like you? 408 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,518 Sadly, this is the best night out 409 00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:56,303 I've had in a long time. 410 00:15:56,346 --> 00:15:58,653 Yeah. Me, too. 411 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,570 But if you know anybody, send them my way. 412 00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:08,097 Yeah, I'll think about. 413 00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,014 You ever eat chicken in your underwear? 414 00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,102 What do you think? 415 00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:15,235 Yes.Yes. 416 00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:16,801 Making a gorgeous little mountain. 417 00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:18,281 Ooh. 418 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:20,414 Little stand of evergreens that lives right in here. 419 00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,894 I didn't know Richard Simmons can paint. 420 00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:24,418 His name's Bob Ross. 421 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,115 And he's oddly hypnotic. 422 00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,508 You're gonna paint? 423 00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,162 No, I just like watching him. 424 00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:30,859 I can't explain it, but his voice 425 00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:33,514 and demeanor are comforting, like a hot beverage. 426 00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,646 Let's get crazy and, once again, 427 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:38,084 just pull it out, just like we did the other one. 428 00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:39,520 Yawn. 429 00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:42,784 Barely touch, whisper. 430 00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,786 Just whisper light. 431 00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:46,266 Let it go. 432 00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:48,442 Let it go, no pressure. 433 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,966 The yips are a cruel mistress. 434 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:54,274 But thanks to a magical man with a halo of curls, 435 00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:58,017 I was finally able to relax and get out of my own head. 436 00:16:58,060 --> 00:17:02,282 Instead of freezing up, I thought about happy integers. 437 00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:04,806 Fluffy little formulas 438 00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,026 and a sweet Bessel function that just wants me 439 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,070 to do my very best. 440 00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,419 Done. 441 00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:10,855 Great, I can still make my doubles match. 442 00:17:10,899 --> 00:17:12,379 Get out. 443 00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:21,562 Damn it. 444 00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:23,999 Hold it. Time, time, time.UMPIRE: Time! 445 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,001 I don't know what I'm doing wrong. 446 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,872 Ah, don't worry about it. It's not your fault. 447 00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:29,352 It isn't?No, I'm the one 448 00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:32,007 that let a girl pitch. It's my mistake. 449 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,575 What? I've won so many games. 450 00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:35,750 Oh, that was then. 451 00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:37,360 Why are you being so mean? 452 00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:40,102 Well, why are you getting so emotional, like women do? 453 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,235 Maybe you ought to be a cheerleader. 454 00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:44,106 You trying to make me mad? 455 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,847 Is it working? Yeah. 456 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,066 Well, I tell you what, 457 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,372 picture my face in the catcher's mitt. 458 00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,373 What? 459 00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:51,853 Do I have to dumb it down for you? 460 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,029 Just do what I tell you. 461 00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:04,344 Strike!Yes! 462 00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:07,564 Aw, don't get all hysterical, little girl! 463 00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,262 You suck! 464 00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:10,089 You suck! 465 00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:12,221 No! You suck! 466 00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,093 Strike! 467 00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:18,227 I am the leader of the little people. 31502

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