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1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,704
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:19,485
[yawning]
3
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,296
What a night.
4
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:35,636
I heard that.
5
00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:37,337
Word.
6
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:41,742
Wait a minute.
What is this?
7
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:42,843
Where's my "L. A. Times?"
8
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,612
Oh, we get the "Daily News" now.
9
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:46,780
We?
10
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,348
Who's we?
11
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,650
Isn't this my house, Neesee?
12
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,251
Yeah, but a guy
came by yesterday
13
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:53,554
and offered us two free weeks
for switching.
14
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,789
Besides, I like the horoscope in
this one better.
15
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:58,191
I'm a Pisces.
What are you, mommy?
16
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,793
She's a Cancer.
17
00:01:02,428 --> 00:01:04,565
You killed grandpa?
18
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,804
♪ Often I wish that we ♪
19
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:13,306
♪ Could take the time to see ♪
20
00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:15,308
♪ The need there is to be ♪
21
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:17,811
♪ A family yeah ♪
22
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:20,180
♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪
23
00:01:20,213 --> 00:01:22,448
♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪
24
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:24,217
♪ Time and seasons change ♪
25
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,653
♪ But we will still remain ♪
26
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,690
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪
27
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:32,726
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪
28
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:41,201
Look, Neesee, we gotta survive
living in the same house
29
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:43,403
we gotta make.. Ow!
30
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,772
Neesee, what are your shoes
doing on the floor?
31
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,808
Looking fabulous.
32
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,910
I mean, is it too much
trouble to ask
33
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,444
for you to put your shoes
in your room?
34
00:01:51,477 --> 00:01:53,146
I mean, I know
your place just burnt down
35
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,715
but you're still
a guest in my house.
36
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:56,883
Oh, I know.
I'm reminded every time
37
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,553
you slide the bill
under my door.
38
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,622
I only did that once.
39
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,657
And at least you know
what the word "Pay" means
40
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,560
in pay‐per‐view.
41
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,261
And I also know
what the word "Pain" means
42
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,163
as in pain in my ass.
43
00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:12,733
Just pick up
the shoes, Neesee.
44
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,201
Oh, Robert.
45
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:16,302
‐ Look, don't Robert me.
‐ No, no, no.
46
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:17,871
No, spider.
47
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:19,740
Get it.
48
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,608
Where'd it go?
49
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,578
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
50
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:25,612
What are you doing?
51
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,413
I'm getting the spider.
52
00:02:27,447 --> 00:02:28,749
What? Ah!
53
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,651
Not with my Prada.
54
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,453
Use one of your
clown shoes.
55
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,958
Fine.
56
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,860
‐ Where did it go?
‐ Oh, oh, there it is.
57
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,261
‐ Where?
‐ Here. There you go.
58
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:42,428
Oh, it's trying to get
my feet.
59
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,430
Get it, kill it, get it, get it.
60
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,800
Get, ow, get it, I said!
61
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,603
[indistinct clamoring]
62
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,606
[grunting]
63
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,508
Oh! Don't move.
64
00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:02,683
I got it.
65
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,289
Here it is, dawg,
if we do this right
66
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:12,392
this is our home
for the next five years.
67
00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:14,728
Whoo‐hoo! I can't believe it.
68
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,462
This is my chair.
69
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,398
This is my chair.
70
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:21,201
This is my chair.
71
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,838
Dirk, that's my chair.
72
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,608
My bad, this is my chair.
73
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:30,877
‐ Whoo!
‐ Whoo!
74
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,013
‐ Phish. Phish.
‐ Pew..
75
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,815
Phish! Whoo!
76
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,355
Your kung fu
is very good.
77
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,257
[laughing]
78
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:45,592
‐ What's up, buddy?
‐ What's up, Jeff?
79
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,260
‐ Good to see you.
‐ What's going on?
80
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:49,930
I am so jammed you guys are
doing the show, man.
81
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,398
Like the two of you,
talking to women.
82
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,267
But the relationships with men,
what's going on in
83
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,669
that head of the man?
84
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:57,638
The brain..
85
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,873
You guys are so awesome.
86
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,708
I gotta go bowflex.
Okay.
87
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,513
That dude is quite possibly
the whitest guy I know.
88
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,883
[laughing]
89
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,451
Hey, you wanna go shopping?
90
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:12,953
Pick out some stuff before
we're too famous
91
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,821
to walk through the mall
without drawing a crowd.
92
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,323
‐ No, you go ahead, I'm good.
‐ Are you sure?
93
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,725
You having second thoughts
about the show?
94
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:19,893
No, man, it's Neesee.
95
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,361
I gotta get her
outta my house, man.
96
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:22,896
We barely got
any sleep last night.
97
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,065
I knew it.
98
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,433
It was only
a matter of time.
99
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,035
You and the ex‐wife arcade
100
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,403
you put enough quarters
in the game
101
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,373
you gonna get extra balls.
102
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,475
How was it, huh? Was it freaky?
All these years.
103
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,378
All that anger mixed up with
pent‐up sexual aggression..
104
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:39,946
No, we were arguing about
105
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,983
who was gonna get
Bobby some water.
106
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,618
While you was doing it?
107
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:46,687
That's freaky.
You a freaky dude.
108
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,790
We weren't doing it. We were
arguing, like arguing, arguing.
109
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,424
Oh.
110
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:52,759
She got to go.
111
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,797
[instrumental music]
112
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,639
Hey, Neesee.
113
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,508
We have to talk about you
living here, okay.
114
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,976
'Cause, um, I'm sick and tired
of coming home‐‐
115
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,547
I got my insurance
check today.
116
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:16,983
I can move out.
117
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,621
But you just got here, girl.
118
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,358
Oh. Ha‐ha!
119
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:27,994
Look here, it's the real
estate section.
120
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,096
I already looked.
There's nothing out there.
121
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,566
Oh, come on, nothing?
122
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,367
What about this?
123
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,770
Hmm, umm.
I've already called.
124
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:37,971
They don't have a kitchen.
125
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,840
Only a icebox
and a hot plate.
126
00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:43,510
So you make ice‐cream
and soup.
127
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:48,481
Robert, I have to run a catering
business out of there.
128
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,016
My old place was perfect.
129
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,986
I had enough space for me,
my son and my business.
130
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,021
Now why shouldn't I have
all that again?
131
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,624
Because life doesn't work
like that, Neesee.
132
00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:00,493
You can't always go back
and get what you lost.
133
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,696
Alright, you gotta move forward.
You gotta have a little vision.
134
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:05,932
I mean, if all I wanted
was another Mr. L. A.
135
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,869
I would be jobless
and homeless..
136
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,504
...like you.
137
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,840
[instrumental music]
138
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,176
Hey, we need to figure
something out
139
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,410
so there's no beef between us.
140
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:18,712
What are you talking about?
141
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,446
After the show, you want
the honeys to the left
142
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,616
or the right side
of the audience?
143
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:23,984
What are you talking about?
144
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,485
Come on, you know
how many girls I get
145
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,187
being plain old Dirk Black?
146
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:31,491
Now I'm about to be TV
personality, Dirk Black.
147
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:34,127
Can you not comprehend the jump
in my hook‐up abilities
148
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,630
once I add the groupie
love element?
149
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,464
There you are,
ladies and gentlemen.
150
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,834
Robert James and Dirk Black
about to do
151
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,870
the pilot presentation of their
soon‐to‐be hit TV show
152
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:48,609
Robert James and Dirk Black.
Go get 'em.
153
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,043
(male #1)
'Okay, guys, here we go.'
154
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:53,814
'In four, three, two..'
155
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:57,951
'It's time to "Get Real
with James and Black."'
156
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,720
'And here are your co‐hosts'
157
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,989
'Robert James and Dirk Black.'
158
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,959
[audience cheering]
159
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,796
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
160
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,832
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
161
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,869
Listen, I'm Robert James
and this is..
162
00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:20,907
...my smiling friend.
163
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,443
Hey, Dirk, what you
so happy about, man?
164
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,017
Water.
165
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,152
(Jeff)
'Cut.'
166
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,188
Heh‐heh‐hey.
167
00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:37,123
So, what the hell was that?
168
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,925
Uh, du.. You know, the lights
probably drive my man out.
169
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,260
‐ He's cool.
‐ Oh, okay.
170
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,795
I'm good.
Fully hydrated ready to work.
171
00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,496
‐ Let's do it.
‐ Alright, let's do this.
172
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,131
Let's do it.
Doing in the‐‐
173
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,667
Alright, alright,
alright, we'll be
174
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:47,968
right back again,
stay with us, alright.
175
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,670
Settle and three
176
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,705
two..
177
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:55,776
(male #1)
'It's time to "Get Real
with James and Black."'
178
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,644
'And here are your co‐hosts'
179
00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,747
'Robert James and Dirk Black.'
180
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,018
Yes!
181
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,920
Now, that's a welcome.
182
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,589
That's a welcome.
183
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:09,756
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
184
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,858
I'm Robert James
and this is..
185
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,101
‐ Paper bag.
‐ 'Cut.'
186
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,771
Whoo, whoo, whoa, whoa.
187
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,740
Okay, so do you need a break?
188
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:29,643
Break?
Okay, uh, that's lunch.
189
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,745
Alright, everybody.
Thank you, that's lunch.
190
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:33,113
Alright, just take an hour
and get yourself
191
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,314
back together, okay?
192
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,282
I'm good.
I'm just a little tired.
193
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,884
I'm sorry, from now on
I won't stay up all night
194
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,153
rehearsing my
spontaneous expressions.
195
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,955
Yeah, see, that's just
part of his process.
196
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:44,558
My man is cooler than
a polar bear's toenail.
197
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,026
[laughing]
198
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,128
I don't get it.
But polar bears..
199
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,163
Money, money in the bank.
200
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,998
Don't worry about it, Jeff.
We got it covered, man.
201
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,167
We got it covered.
It's all good.
202
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,270
Please tell me
it's all good.
203
00:08:58,672 --> 00:08:59,806
Hell yeah.
Come on, man.
204
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,775
Little fresh air,
nap, I'll be fine.
205
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:02,909
Cool.
206
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,145
Yes!
207
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,213
Neesee found a place, she wants
me to check it out.
208
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,215
Oh, yo.
You cool?
209
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,784
You want me to stick around
for a while?
210
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,953
And watch me nap?
211
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,788
Go make sure
the new spot's cool.
212
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:18,892
[exhales]
213
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,060
[woman coughing]
214
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,935
So, this is your
new spot, huh?
215
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,336
You know, it's a little bit
of a fixer‐upper.
216
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,238
But, you know, you must've got
it for a good price.
217
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,306
‐ I did.
‐ Yeah.
218
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,975
And just so you know
219
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,744
I would've never done this
if it wasn't for you.
220
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,279
And just so you know,
you could've stayed
221
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,014
at my place
as long as you wanted.
222
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,148
Umm.
223
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,129
Damn, Neesee,
what the hell did you do?
224
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,165
I bought a restaurant.
225
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,035
[instrumental music]
226
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,008
Alright, let me
get this straight.
227
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,810
You spent your insurance check
on this?
228
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,045
No, it's not just a this.
229
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:14,347
It's a "What it could be."
230
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:17,250
Well, could the bed room
be upstairs?
231
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,719
Whoa.
232
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,020
There is no upstairs.
233
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,387
Alright, where's it?
Is it in the back?
234
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:22,623
Uh..
235
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,792
There is no back.
236
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,393
‐ Oh, is it through the doors?
‐ Uh, you know, Robert.
237
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:29,395
This is getting old fast.
238
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,164
You know,
you're the one who said
239
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:34,768
take a chance, move forward
and start something new. Uh‐huh?
240
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,337
But a burnt down restaurant,
Neesee?
241
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,839
What are you gonna serve?
242
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,073
Crack?
243
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,043
You don't get it.
244
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,680
My condo burnt down.
245
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:49,049
This place burnt down.
It's a sign.
246
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,083
‐ Neesee?
‐ Hmm?
247
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:51,317
The only sign I see
248
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,986
is the one on
that gas station
249
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:55,689
that I'm looking at
through this hole in the wall.
250
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:56,957
What's that hole for, Neesee?
251
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,892
So you can call Bobby
in for snacks?
252
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,260
Bobby!
253
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,030
Where are you gonna
live, Neesee?
254
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,199
You just said I can live with
you as long as I wanted.
255
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,735
I didn't mean that.
256
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,370
I only said that because
I was trying to be nice
257
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,873
'cause I thought
you were moving out.
258
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,776
Boy, you think it's fun
living with you?
259
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,210
Huh?
260
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:20,180
"Move your shoes
out of the way, Neesee." Hmm.
261
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,849
"Stop breathing
my air, Neesee."
262
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,184
You may not believe this
263
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:27,053
and‐and it may be hard
for you to understand.
264
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,321
But I actually
bought this place
265
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,824
so I could move out
of your place.
266
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,392
You know what kind of place you
could've got if you really
267
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,995
wanted to get out of my place?
268
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,830
An apartment.
269
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,303
[instrumental music]
270
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,310
‐ She bought a restaurant.
‐ A what?
271
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,780
She bought a burnt down,
charred up, black in hell..
272
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,982
She bought a restaurant
that look like bacon.
273
00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,920
You think you know people,
right?
274
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,755
That's what I'm saying.
275
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:03,089
You ready to do this?
276
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,791
Who? me?
Oh, no, I quit.
277
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:09,095
‐ What?
‐ This ain't for me, man.
278
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:12,198
I'm more of a behind the scenes
guy. Like a ninja, you know.
279
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,934
Never in your face.
280
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,239
Okay, honestly..
281
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:20,907
...the truth is, I haven't been
able to speak
282
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,442
in front of people since..
283
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,211
...the incident.
284
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,783
What incident?
285
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:32,819
It all started
in the fourth grade.
286
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,521
(Dirk)
I decided I was gonna take
287
00:12:34,555 --> 00:12:36,422
more of a leadership role
at school.
288
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,092
And for our next candidate
of recording secretary
289
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,962
of Madam C. J. Walker,
Elementary school
290
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,864
Dirk Black.
291
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,233
(Dirk)
I even wore my big brother's
292
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,537
fly burnt orange suit.
293
00:12:50,571 --> 00:12:54,808
I think I should be recording
secretary because..
294
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:57,778
[crowd laughing]
295
00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:07,187
[Robert laughing]
296
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,556
Miss Piggy underwear.
297
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:12,826
Hey, Miss Piggy was fly.
298
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:15,361
I don't know why
Kermit never hit that.
299
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:18,464
Yeah, Miss Piggy,
the other white meat.
300
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:24,204
My point is
I can't face that again.
301
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:28,141
Well, you're not still wearing
those underwear.
302
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:29,175
Are you?
303
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,911
[laughing]
304
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:33,914
‐ I'm talking about the feeling.
‐ Oh, oh.
305
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,215
I don't wanna leave you hanging,
but I don't
306
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,950
wanna be up there all alone.
307
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,418
Looking like a idiot.
308
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:41,021
Hey, look, that's not gonna
happen, we're boys.
309
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,123
That's right.
310
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,192
Now, individually,
our pants may fall.
311
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:48,895
But together,
our belts are tight!
312
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,997
[Robert laughing]
313
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,901
I never thought
of it like that.
314
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,037
Cool, then let's
do this, man.
315
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,338
Let's do it.
316
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,042
I'm not gonna be
able to talk, though.
317
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,877
Then don't.
You don't have to say anything.
318
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,912
I got your back.
319
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,114
Hey, looking good,
good‐looking, huh?
320
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,150
I'm runnin' away from you,
'cause you are blowing up.
321
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,018
‐ Boom.
‐ What's up, Jeff?
322
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,587
Oh, so is he
gonna be able to talk?
323
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,221
'Cause if words
don't come out of his mouth
324
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,290
well, then we
don't have a show.
325
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,225
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
He will talk, you see.
326
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,327
‐ Uh‐huh.
‐ Like, w‐we have this system.
327
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,263
Alright?
I'm the machine gun.
328
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,265
And he's the sniper,
right, right?
329
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,967
See now, if you see me
talking a lot
330
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,902
and then you see him looking
around like this..
331
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,470
Yes, yes, yes.
332
00:14:30,504 --> 00:14:32,005
‐ Yes.
‐ He's lining up his next shot.
333
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,607
That's what we do, alright?
It's like..
334
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,576
[gibberish]
335
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,311
‐ Pow!
‐ Ow!
336
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:42,949
‐ I love it. I love it.
‐ Cool.
337
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,250
Shoot to kill, Dirk.
338
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,920
You shoot to kill.
339
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,154
‐ Bang.
‐ Oh, in the heart!
340
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:50,356
In the heart.
341
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,491
Come on, baby, let's do this!
342
00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:52,693
‐ Let's do it.
‐ Let's do it.
343
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,927
‐ Let's do it.
‐ Let's do it.
344
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,529
‐ Let's go.
‐ Ah!
345
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,664
(male #1)
'Okay, here we go, in two..'
346
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:03,336
'It's time to "Get Real
with James and Black."'
347
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:04,938
'And here are your co‐hosts'
348
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:08,408
'Robert James and Dirk Black.'
349
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:10,944
(Robert)
Whoo!
350
00:15:13,514 --> 00:15:15,115
Thank you.
351
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,951
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
352
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:21,421
I'm Robert James and this is my
partner, Dirk Black.
353
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:22,923
What's that, Dirk?
354
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,092
Man, that is a great idea.
355
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,360
Dirk, listen y'all.
356
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:29,395
Dirk suggested that we just
357
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,497
move and get on into it,
you know what I mean?
358
00:15:31,532 --> 00:15:33,333
That's‐that's‐that's
a great idea, Dirk.
359
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,536
See, we're gonna
talk about love
360
00:15:35,569 --> 00:15:39,640
relationships, men
and women, so let's "Get Real."
361
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,743
Alright.
362
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,211
Alright. Our..
363
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,713
What's your first question?
364
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,484
I've put on 20 pounds
since I've been married
365
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,287
and now my husband's always
too tired for sex.
366
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,122
Do you think he's no longer
attracted to me?
367
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,992
Oh! No! No!
368
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:02,195
Men don't care nothing
about the outside, you know.
369
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:05,465
In fact, when it comes
to weight, alright?
370
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,233
Get chubby for your hubby.
371
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:13,306
It's like being with
two women at once.
372
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,208
Umm‐hmm.
373
00:16:18,779 --> 00:16:21,381
Wait, wait.
No, it's not.
374
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,083
It's like being with
one giant woman
375
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,417
and that's not
the same at all.
376
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,486
[men cheering]
377
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,022
Uh, well,
what do you suggest, Dirk?
378
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,560
Hit the gym.
379
00:16:33,594 --> 00:16:36,096
If you can't drop 20 pounds,
put up some self‐esteem.
380
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,131
And then put that
and some lingerie.
381
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,236
Hey, hey, I gotta say, I gotta,
I gotta say he's right.
382
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:44,638
Men are simple.
383
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,307
If you think you're hot,
we think you're hot.
384
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,575
That's true.
385
00:16:48,609 --> 00:16:50,076
I've been with a lot of women
that fooled me
386
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,378
into thinking
they were hot.
387
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,815
Some of them
multiple times.
388
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:57,751
So, listen, go home
put that 20 pounds on him
389
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,386
and see if you ain't got your
work cut out for you.
390
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,356
[audience applauding]
391
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,426
I know what you did, man.
You ain't slick.
392
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,094
What? W‐w‐w‐w‐what?
What you talking about?
393
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,630
Next question.
394
00:17:09,663 --> 00:17:12,599
[instrumental music]
395
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:18,304
Neesee, Bobby.
Where are you?
396
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:19,606
(Neesee)
'We're in here.'
397
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,546
What is this?
398
00:17:25,579 --> 00:17:28,114
Looks like [indistinct]
for the homeless guy.
399
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:32,719
You wanted me
out of your home.
400
00:17:32,753 --> 00:17:33,854
I'm out of your home.
401
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,089
You can't be serious.
402
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,457
Well, I am.
403
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,693
Because I never stay
where I'm not wanted.
404
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,562
And I have everything
I need right here.
405
00:17:41,595 --> 00:17:43,664
Bed, TV..
406
00:17:46,867 --> 00:17:48,268
...shower.
407
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,838
What about your clothes?
408
00:17:51,872 --> 00:17:53,173
Oh.
409
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:58,612
[scoffs]
410
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,515
Isn't it cool, dad?
411
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,750
Nobody in school
lives in a restaurant.
412
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,853
I can't wait to tell my class.
413
00:18:06,887 --> 00:18:09,690
And look, we can
make pancakes for me.
414
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,526
(Neesee)
Oh, uh..
415
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,328
Uh, baby, baby, ah,
not right now.
416
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:17,631
We need the stove for heat.
417
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,800
Hey, Bobby, why don't you go
outside in the hallway?
418
00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:22,402
Daddy needs to speak with mommy
for a minute alone.
419
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,605
And stay where I can
see you, alright?
420
00:18:24,638 --> 00:18:26,439
Oh, baby.
421
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:30,210
‐ Don't forget your toys.
‐ Cool.
422
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:33,413
Mr. Teapot, can you smell
what I'm cooking?
423
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,881
Whistle if you can.
424
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:41,221
This is ridiculous. It looks
like a pimp exploded in here.
425
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:43,256
Just come on back
to the house, Neesee.
426
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,591
This is my house.
427
00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:48,394
Neesee, I am not gonna
let my son stay in a, uh..
428
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,396
I don't even know what
you will call this place.
429
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:53,199
I'll call it home.
430
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,636
And of course,
Bobby can stay here
431
00:18:55,669 --> 00:18:58,839
until it's up to cold.
432
00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:02,576
Then he can have his own little
bed by the deep fryer.
433
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:05,245
Okay, I get it, Neesee.
You made your point, alright?
434
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,813
Just come back
to the house.
435
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,783
I'm not coming back with you.
436
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,518
This is my dream.
437
00:19:11,552 --> 00:19:13,820
And I'm following my vision
and I'm centering myself
438
00:19:13,854 --> 00:19:15,221
right here in my living room
439
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,390
slash kitchen..
440
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,260
...slash bath.
441
00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:25,331
Okay.
442
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:26,733
You can come back
to the house
443
00:19:26,767 --> 00:19:28,935
and stay as long
as you need.
444
00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,837
No questions asked.
445
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:33,740
None.
446
00:19:37,678 --> 00:19:40,380
Well, I still haven't
heard an apology.
447
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,783
That's because your ears work.
448
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,419
Don't push it.
449
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,789
Bobby.
450
00:19:48,822 --> 00:19:49,990
Yeah?
451
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,424
Come on, baby, we're going home.
452
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:53,193
But I like it here.
453
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,662
Boy, don't push it.
454
00:19:56,997 --> 00:19:58,732
[instrumental music]
455
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,605
[instrumental music]
456
00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:07,574
Whoo!
457
00:20:08,609 --> 00:20:10,777
Oh, what do you know?
458
00:20:10,811 --> 00:20:12,713
It is like being
with two women.
459
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:22,355
And I have a friend
if you wanna go for four.
460
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,928
TV personality, Dirk Black.
461
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:34,234
[theme music]
32313
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