All language subtitles for All of Us S01E07 Spatial Profiling 1080p Hulu WEB-DL AAC 2 0 H 264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

[instrumental music]

Here's your outfit

for the "We Are Family"
profile shoot.

"Phat Arm?"

Well, yeah, the station
wouldn't let us use phatfarm

so I disembroidered the F.

Turtle, ix it or you're ired.

That's unny.

[chuckles]

Robert, we have an emergency.

We have to move your profile
up to this afternoon.

What do you mean this afternoon?
I need time to prepare.

There's nothin' to prepare,
all you have to do is walk

through your house,
introduce your family

and when you get
to your bedroom, try not to say

"This is where
the magic happens."

Now, go home, open a few windows

flip the cushions
and cook about 300 hotdogs

'cause you're feeding the crew.

The crew of what,
the Starship Enterprise?

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is
to be a family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

Hey, get that lamp
outta here, alright?

'You put that over there. Yes.'

What? Dirk?

What, what is this?

'Cause I don't remember winnin'
on "The Price Is Right." What..

Hey, I'm just trying
to give you some style, brah.

So tacky flea‐market art,
come on down!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, Dirk

I want people
to see the real me, man.

Why?

Where do you want these awards?

Back up in the attic.
Those are my Limbo trophies.

From my Caribbean cruise.

I know it looks tacky,
but from a distance

it makes you look like a winner.

How low can you go?

Apparently, not as low as Dirk.

Hey, I'd put
the Nobel Peace Prize

on the mantel if you had one.

But we gotta work
with what we got.

Like this, uh,
African ping‐pong paddle here.

Just tryin'
to make you look good, brah.

Just tryin' to make
you look good, that's..

Speakin' of which, Tia,
what the hell are you wearin'?

I mean, teaching the kids
about the Amish?

This is a nice,
conservative look.

Yes, it is.

Wardrobe!

Look, Dirk, no wardrobe

no new furniture,
no Limbo trophies.

I wanna keep this real, man.

Alright, everybody,
kill the fun!

We're gonna do it real.

‐ Thank you.
‐ Dad!

Hey, big guy. Nice gear.

He look like Webster.

‐ Aw, I think he looks cute.
‐ Yeah, me, too.

Cute little bundle of smiles.

Wardrobe!

‐ How did Bobby get here?
‐ His mother.

I hope she don't think
she's in this, does she?

No.

She knows, she's in it.

So, Dirk, how will this
read on camera, hm?

Wardrobe!

Neesee, Tia, huddle up. Ahem.

Now, we all understand what our
roles are in this thing, right?

Yes, I'm the happy homemaker.

And I'm the non‐confrontational
ex‐wife.

And I'm the guy
who loves what I'm hearing.

[chuckles]
Alright.

Happy, big, blended milkshake
family on three. Come on.

One, two, three!

Clear!

[instrumental music]

Okay, now that you've seen
I only keep caviar

and Cristal in my fridge

even though
I have an impressionable

five‐year‐old in the house

it's time to meet my family.

Oh. Hello.

This is Tia, the love of my life

my wife to be.

I love you, too, Robert.

[doorbell ringing]

Uh‐oh, who could that be?

Why, it's my ex‐wife, Neesee.

‐ How y'all doing?
‐ And this is little Bobby.

Hi, I'm five.

And we're one big happy family.

All put in the blender
and mixed up

like one big old milkshake.

Mm, delicious.

Mm‐hmm, all rich and yummy

but, hey, don't drink us
too fast, you'll get a headache.

Neesee, thank you
for droppin' off Bobby.

You're welcome.

So, Tia, you think

you'd like to have children
with Robert someday?

Absolutely.

I knew I would the first time
I saw him with Bobby.

Robert is a wonderful father.

He is kind, giving and patient.

I can't imagine having children
with anyone else.

And I can't imagine
having children

with anyone else, either.

[clears throat]

I mean, more children

'cause this woman
has done a wonderful job

raisin' a wonderful
well‐behaved child.

(Dirk)
'Alright, we get it.
You're a milkshake.'

Alright, why don't you guys
take us out Mr. LA style?

Okay. From our family to yours,
I'm Robert.

‐ Tia.
‐ Neesee.

‐ And Bobby.
‐ Sayin'..

(all)
Peace to you.

(Dirk)
'And cut.'

[instrumental music]

So, Robert,
this must be exciting, huh?

Seeing yourself on TV and all?

‐ Lily, I'm on TV every day.
‐ You are?

‐ Hey, girl.
‐ Hey.

Wait, wait. You mean you had
that in your closet?

Oh, yeah, Jonelle had it knocked
off for me in Chinatown.

Don't look for the union label.

And, you, stay away
from open flames.

Neesee,
you could've used a glass.

And you could've put
real Cristal in these

instead of this
flat‐ass ginger ale.

Dirk, what happened
to the champagne?

Hey, we were over budget.
Deal with it.

[instrumental music on TV]

Hey, everybody, it's on.

Every night
you've welcomed the K‐JSB team

in to your living rooms.

Well, all this week

it's our turn
to welcome you in to ours.

And up tonight
is yours truly, Mr. LA

so sit back, relax

and don't try to figure out
where I live.

We blurred the address.

What's up, y'all? Just don't
stand there, come on in.

[instrumental music]

Hey, Dirk,
what happened to my joke

when I told the cameraman
to make sure

he wiped all three
of the tripod's feet?

[laughs]

That's classic.

We had to cut a few things out
for time.

Okay, now that you've seen that

for some reason I only have
caviar and Cristal in my fridge

it's time to meet my family.

Oh. Hello.

This is Tia, the love
of my life, my wife to be.

[applauding]

And this is little Bobby.

Hi, I'm five.

Robert is a wonderful father.

He is kind, giving and patient.

I can't imagine having children
with anyone else.

And I can't imagine having
children with anyone else.

I love you, too, Robert.

(Robert on TV)
'Because this woman'

'has done a wonderful job'

'raisin' Bobby.'

From our family to yours,
I'm Robert.

‐ Tia.
‐ And Bobby.

Sayin' peace to you.

What happened to Neesee?

She was cut out.

[door opens]

Other than that,
what'd you think?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Bobby, I liked you on TV
last night.

Thanks, Allison.

Now that you're a star

can you get
SpongeBob's autograph?

I'll try, but my dad says
he's on a competing network.

Robert has left her messages,
hid her two way.

She hasn't returned any of 'em.
She must be really upset.

Well, maybe she did leave
a message

and Dirk cut it out.
Oh, no, no, no.

Come on, Jonelle. This is the
one time I really feel for her.

There you are, Ms. Jewel,
I saw you on TV last night.

‐ Wonderful job.
‐ Thank you.

Of course, you could've given us
a, uh, shout out

here at the school.

I'll remember that next time,
Mr. Tovell.

‐ Hey, girl.
‐ Hey. Hey, Jonelle.

Uh, Neesee, I wanna explain
about last night.

I'm not looking
for an explanation.

I'm lookin' for Bobby.

Come on, honey, grab your stuff.

‐ Is that your nanny?
‐ No, sweetie, I'm his mother.

Uh‐uh. I saw the news.

Uh, you know, don't believe
everything you see.

I didn't just see it,
I heard it, too.

So did I, Ms. Nanny.

Okay, girls. That's enough‐‐

No, no, you know,
let me clear this up

because I don't want them going
through life being confused.

What you saw and what you heard

was a made‐up story.

I'm Bobby's real mother
and don't you forget that.

Our nanny speaks Spanish.

Do you speak Spanish?

[chuckles]
Yeah.

Adios.

[instrumental music]

I can't believe
they did that, Dirk.

Hey, I'm more pissed off
than you are.

The promo department took
my masterpiece and changed it.

Neesee wasn't in mine, either,
but the music was much better.

How could you guys do that?

Because the campaign slogan is,
"We Are Family"

not we are people living in sin
in a complicated relationship.

‐ Or maybe it should be.
‐ No.

People don't want their
entertainment to be complicated.

What was the biggest film
this year? "Finding Nemo."

What was it about? Finding Nemo.

Dirk, I want it changed
and I want it changed now.

And put back my tripod joke.

[laughs]

Classic.

Hey, baby. Hey..

‐ I need to talk to you.
‐ What's wrong, baby?

A couple of Jonelle's students
saw the profile last night

and asked Neesee
if she was Bobby's nanny.

‐ Uh‐huh?
‐ Mm‐hmm.

And they thought
that I was Bobby's mother.

Mm‐hmm. And the principal,
he was standing right there.

Mm‐hmm.

Well, apparently,
the administration

frowns on teachers
who date parents.

So what does that mean?

That just means that Neesee took

this opportunity
to complain about us

and after a review,
I might be out of a job.

[instrumental music]

[chuckles]
That's right.

I didn't go through
72 hours of labor

just to watch Tia on TV

acting like
she's Bobby's mother.

[chuckles]
Girl, it was all I could do
to keep it classy.

But lemme tell you,
the hood almost slipped out.

[doorbell rings]

[gasps]
Oh, Alex, Alex.

Lemme call you back. Okay.

What possessed you
to file a complaint against Tia?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, number one

don't bring all that
negative energy in to my space.

And number two, that tone,
I ain't feelin' that

and don't work for me.
Number three‐‐

Neesee, I didn't come here
to listen to you count.

Well, don't be mad at me.

It's not my fault
Tia's datin' a parent

sleazin' around with you.

We're not sleazin' around,
we're engaged.

Uh, you say, tomato. I say,
get out of my apartment.

I say, not until
I get some answers.

Look, Robert,
I don't owe you anything.

I was the one humiliated
at my own child's school

by a five‐year‐old.

Well, Tia's about
to lose her job

because you're bein' petty,
Neesee.

Okay, Robert.

What you won't do
is blame this on me.

The principal pulled me
to the side

and asked me questions.

And I, being the child of God

simply answered them truthfully.

Well,
Sister Run‐And‐Tell‐That.

You didn't have to offer up

information
that didn't concern you.

I didn't know I was supposed
to be lying for you.

And if you and Tia are so
ashamed of how you're livin'

then maybe
you shouldn't be doing it.

Why'd I even come here?

Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Why did you?

Because you certainly
didn't consult me

when you tried to cut me out
of your expose.

‐ Did I deserve that?
‐ No, you didn't.

Just like Tia does not deserve
to lose her job over this.

Now, Neesee,
I'm asking you nicely.

Please withdraw your complaint.

Can you withdraw that video

from the memories
of millions of viewers?

Neesee,
I'mma let you in on a secret.

Not that many people
watch my show.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

I'm one of those
millions of non‐viewers.

Look, I'm outta here.

Oh, and for the record

it's tomato.

Yeah, well,
either way it's still

get out of my apartment.

[instrumental music]

Look, I'm a member
of the Clean Plate Club.

[chuckles]
That's great.

Now, if you join
the wipe‐your‐mouth scouts

you might get
your dessert badge.

But I want a real dessert.

Oh, okay, Bobby, 'cause
I got you some dry apricots

and some papaya chips.

‐ Ew!
‐ Ew!

You know what today is?

Today is Friday

which means,
in the James household

daddy's takin' everybody out
to get ice cream.

Yay!

Hey, baby,
why don't you and Bobby go

'cause I'm not that hungry.

Oh, no, no, no, come on, baby.

There's nothin'
like a triple scoop of sundae

that'll help you ease on down
the rocky road.

Well, alright, okay.

‐ You buyin'? Okay.
‐ No problem.

‐ Come on, banana, let's split.
‐ Wait!

‐ Let's call mommy.
‐ Oh, mommy's at her house.

You're spendin' the weekend
with me and Tia.

But you said you were taking

the family out for ice cream

and mommy
is part of our milkshake.

Like you said to the TV people,
remember?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you‐you‐you're right

but sometimes you don't have
the milk to make a milkshake

but that doesn't mean that
ice cream is not good on its own

but it's also good
with chocolate syrup.

But chocolate syrup is not good
without ice cream

unless you're making
chocolate milk.

Which is why
we're going for pie.

[chuckles]

Is mommy
the filling or the crust?

Brother, sometimes a pie
is just a pie.

[instrumental music]

Okay, what am I hungry for,
Dirky?

Buffalo wings
or mozzarella sticks?

‐ Turtle?
‐ Ah?

I'm gonna cut open
this enchilada.

If it's chicken, you eat chicken

if it's cheese,
you eat cheese, alright?

‐ Dirk, I need to talk to you.
‐ I'm in a meeting.

It's chicken.

Victory!
Sweet‐and‐sour victory.

‐ So what's up?
‐ Dirk.

What did the station say
about my retraction?

They said no,
but the good news is

I got you hired as Mr. LA.

Dirk, I am Mr. LA.

Yeah, but you weren't
for about ten minutes

after I told them
you wanted a retraction.

You can thank me later.

Dirk, I need this retraction.

Not gonna happen, bro.
Management said no.

So if you wanna keep
your new job

you keep your mouth shut.

(male #1)
'And here we come.'

'In five'

'four, three, two..'

This is Robert James, Mr. LA

with the "Hollywood Scene."

My video pick of the week

is the Nicolas Cage box set

which includes "Raising Arizona"

"Face Off" and "Family Man."

Family man.

[sighs]
I myself am a family man.

'And, yes, from time to time'

my ex‐wife
wants to take my face off.

But that's because we're raisin'

well, his name is not Arizona,
it's Bobby

but you get my point.

Please tell me
he's not doin' this.

I know, I can't believe
he left out

"Fast Times At Ridgemont High."

A lot of you saw my family
profile the other night

and some of you maybe confused.

I know my son is, so let me
set the record straight.

Wait a minute.

Nicolas Cage wasn't in
"Fast Times At Ridgemont High."

No, but Nicolas Coppola was.

It's his real name.
I can't talk to you.

The woman who you didn't see

who you should've seen

was my ex‐wife, Neesee

Bobby's mother.

Now, although we're divorced

she's still very much
a part of my family.

Now, I know you're asking

"What does that have to do
with Nicolas Cage."

Well, I'll tell you tomorrow
if I still have my job

'cause I might be
"Gone In 60 Seconds."

This is Mr. LA

saying peace to you.

I love you, Bobby Jr.

(male #1)
'And we're out.'

[bell rings]

‐ What do you think?
‐ I just have one question.

Is Nicolas Cage's real name
Nicolas Coppola?

Yeah, that's Francis' nephew.

Never race against the Turtle,
you will always lose.

[mumbles]

[instrumental music]

Thank you.

Hey, baby,
that was Principal Tovell.

Neesee withdrew her complaint.
Thank goodness.

Ah, I mean,
I still have to be reviewed

but I get to keep my job.

Oh‐oh, that makes two of us,
baby.

But I was so looking forward
to being unemployed with you.

We could've sat around all day
in our jammies

watching movies, eating candy

talkin' about
how we can find another job

to afford more movies...again.

Okay, I get it.
We dodged a bullet.

[door slams]

Hey, look, Neesee,
we just wanna thank you‐‐

Look, before y'all get
all sentimental and what not

and start thanking me, just
know, it ain't even about you.

I did it for Bobby.

‐ But we still appreciate you‐‐
‐ Uh, uh, uh..

‐ Bring the volume down to zero.
‐ Yeah.

Look, Neesee, I think
what we're tryin' to say is

had we known the profile was
gonna turn out the way it did

we would've never agreed
to be in it.

Thank you, Tia.

But that's what
I was trying to say‐‐

‐ Why you go‐‐
‐ Uh, uh, uh..

‐ That ain't‐‐
‐ Shut it down, brother man.

Shut it down.

‐ Wait a minute, woman!
‐ Ah!

I just wanted to see
if I still had it.

Bobby!

Your mama's here.

See, that boy needs a time out.

Mm, and a spankin'.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

‐ Baby, this is fun.
‐ Hm?

Watching movies
and playin' hooky.

Nah, you playin' hooky.

I'm just doin' my job
in my pajamas.

It's still fun, you know,
all this candy and stuff.

Not showerin'. Heh.

You mean, you didn't shower?

You mean, you showered and put
back on the same pajamas?

You know what, baby?

Doin' this is not as much fun
as talkin' about it.

But you know what is?

Mm‐hmm.

‐ You wanna do that?
‐ Mm.

Well, you know
Bobby won't be back for an hour.

Ice cream!

Ice cream!

[theme music]