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1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,370
[upbeat music]
2
00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:05,348
Live from Hollywood,
I'm Robert James
3
00:00:05,381 --> 00:00:08,818
Mr. LA, saying peace to you.
4
00:00:08,851 --> 00:00:10,787
(male #1)
'Cut!'
5
00:00:10,820 --> 00:00:13,356
That is SOPLAY.
6
00:00:13,389 --> 00:00:15,458
When you were with me,
you may not have been happy
7
00:00:15,491 --> 00:00:17,660
but at least
you had style.
8
00:00:17,694 --> 00:00:20,196
You know, Neesee,
when we got divorced
9
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,465
I thought we would see
a lot less of each other.
10
00:00:22,498 --> 00:00:24,567
Uh, no, we couldn't possibly
see less of each other
11
00:00:24,601 --> 00:00:26,235
than when we were married.
12
00:00:26,269 --> 00:00:28,137
Well, it was worth a shot.
13
00:00:28,171 --> 00:00:29,672
Look, I didn't come here
to fight.
14
00:00:29,706 --> 00:00:31,207
I came here to show you
the invite
15
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,508
to your son's
birthday party.
16
00:00:32,542 --> 00:00:33,676
Oh, cool.
17
00:00:34,477 --> 00:00:36,312
[Neesee laughs]
18
00:00:36,346 --> 00:00:39,249
They're little fives
'cause he's five.
19
00:00:39,282 --> 00:00:40,717
I know how old my son is.
20
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:43,286
I'm still pickin' fours
out of my carpet from last year.
21
00:00:44,621 --> 00:00:46,089
Well, we're on this year now
22
00:00:46,122 --> 00:00:48,524
and the price of parties
have gone up.
23
00:00:48,558 --> 00:00:49,759
How much you need?
24
00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:50,827
Take one of those fives
25
00:00:50,860 --> 00:00:52,795
and add a couple of zeroes.
26
00:00:56,499 --> 00:00:58,501
Can I add it to the front?
27
00:00:58,534 --> 00:01:01,204
Robert, I need a fire truck.
28
00:01:01,237 --> 00:01:03,139
You just got a Lexus.
29
00:01:03,172 --> 00:01:04,674
No, for the party, Robert.
30
00:01:04,707 --> 00:01:06,109
It's a fireman's theme.
31
00:01:06,142 --> 00:01:08,278
Oh, that's just great.
32
00:01:08,311 --> 00:01:10,313
My son's birthday party
is the same theme
33
00:01:10,346 --> 00:01:11,581
as your bachelorette party.
34
00:01:13,149 --> 00:01:15,118
Is Captain Firestick
gonna be there?
35
00:01:15,151 --> 00:01:18,788
Aah...don't be mad
'cause you don't have one.
36
00:01:18,821 --> 00:01:20,523
[scoffs]
37
00:01:20,556 --> 00:01:21,691
Well, what should we bring?
38
00:01:22,692 --> 00:01:23,793
Uh, "We?"
39
00:01:23,826 --> 00:01:25,862
[chuckles]
"We," who?
40
00:01:25,895 --> 00:01:28,197
‐ Me and Tia.
‐ Tia's not invited.
41
00:01:30,266 --> 00:01:31,701
Wh..
What do you mean?
42
00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:36,105
[chuckles]
See, I don't like her.
43
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,574
I don't feel her.
44
00:01:38,608 --> 00:01:40,376
And, you know, like most kids,
they don't have fun
45
00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:41,611
with teachers around.
46
00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:44,180
‐ Neesee, she's coming.
‐ Oh, no, she's not.
47
00:01:45,548 --> 00:01:48,351
Neesee, she's my fiancee
and she loves Bobby.
48
00:01:48,384 --> 00:01:50,853
‐ I don't care who she loves.
‐ She is coming.
49
00:01:50,887 --> 00:01:52,822
Don't make me out
to be the devil woman.
50
00:01:52,855 --> 00:01:55,358
Well, if the pitchfork fits.
51
00:01:55,391 --> 00:01:56,759
Ah‐ah‐ah.
52
00:01:56,793 --> 00:01:59,596
I don't have to invite
my ex‐husband's new girlfriend
53
00:01:59,629 --> 00:02:01,531
to my house
on my son's birthday.
54
00:02:01,564 --> 00:02:04,400
Hey! Bobby Deuce is turnin'
five on Saturday.
55
00:02:04,434 --> 00:02:05,702
Where's my invite?
56
00:02:05,735 --> 00:02:07,670
'Cause you know it's time
for Dirkbot's annual
57
00:02:07,704 --> 00:02:10,239
pop‐lockin'est,
hip‐hoppin'est
58
00:02:10,273 --> 00:02:12,675
break‐dancin'est,
performance thing ever‐‐
59
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:14,744
Ah, come on,
shut up, Dirk.
60
00:02:16,412 --> 00:02:17,580
The kids love it.
61
00:02:17,614 --> 00:02:19,148
Yeah well,
you know what they say
62
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,618
about kids and fools.
63
00:02:21,651 --> 00:02:24,320
But you can come, but don't
even think about suitin' up.
64
00:02:24,354 --> 00:02:26,222
Come on, now,
how you gonna resist this, huh?
65
00:02:26,256 --> 00:02:29,158
How you gonna resist this?
How you gonna resist this?
66
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:31,661
You can't resist this.
How you gonna resist that, huh?
67
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:33,229
Like this.
68
00:02:36,366 --> 00:02:37,800
Don't even say it, Dirk.
69
00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:40,336
Don't say what,
"Give me five?"
70
00:02:41,371 --> 00:02:43,573
I can count on you, bruh.
71
00:02:44,707 --> 00:02:46,643
You can count on me.
72
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:50,146
There's a number of things
I could say.
73
00:02:50,847 --> 00:02:52,248
I got five on it.
74
00:02:53,316 --> 00:02:55,318
Alright, bruh, take five.
75
00:02:58,388 --> 00:03:00,790
♪ Often I wish that we ♪
76
00:03:00,823 --> 00:03:03,192
♪ Could take the time to see ♪
77
00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:05,495
♪ The need there is to be ♪
78
00:03:05,528 --> 00:03:08,097
♪ A family yeah ♪
79
00:03:08,131 --> 00:03:10,366
♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪
80
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,769
♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪
81
00:03:12,802 --> 00:03:14,637
♪ Time and seasons change ♪
82
00:03:14,671 --> 00:03:17,307
♪ But we will still remain ♪
83
00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:19,609
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪
84
00:03:19,642 --> 00:03:22,211
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪
85
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,681
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪
86
00:03:24,714 --> 00:03:28,284
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪
87
00:03:30,853 --> 00:03:32,789
[instrumental music]
88
00:03:32,822 --> 00:03:35,159
Yay, I win again.
89
00:03:35,192 --> 00:03:38,462
And again and again,
and again.
90
00:03:38,495 --> 00:03:39,630
One more time.
91
00:03:40,497 --> 00:03:41,632
And again.
92
00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:45,603
[door opens]
93
00:03:45,636 --> 00:03:48,172
Uh, uh, baby!
Hey, come on. Ah, come on.
94
00:03:48,205 --> 00:03:49,340
It's your turn.
Come on.
95
00:03:49,373 --> 00:03:50,641
Daddy!
96
00:03:50,674 --> 00:03:53,110
Hey, hey, hey,
what's up, little man?
97
00:03:53,143 --> 00:03:55,446
On Saturday,
I'm going to be a big man.
98
00:03:55,479 --> 00:03:58,082
That's right. And one day,
you're gonna be bigger than me.
99
00:03:58,115 --> 00:04:01,085
‐ Will I be bigger than Dirkbot?
‐ What's a Dirkbot?
100
00:04:01,118 --> 00:04:05,289
He's the bestest, funniest,
most shiniest robot ever!
101
00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:07,591
‐ Oh.
‐ Yes, he is.
102
00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:09,860
It's Dirk in a tight‐ass
hunk of tinfoil
103
00:04:09,893 --> 00:04:12,263
doin' a dance
that robots refuse to do.
104
00:04:12,296 --> 00:04:13,864
Oh.
105
00:04:13,897 --> 00:04:17,201
Hey, man, why don't you go
upstairs and put on your jams
106
00:04:17,234 --> 00:04:19,403
and then daddy‐bot
will come up and tuck you in.
107
00:04:19,436 --> 00:04:22,473
Yay!
108
00:04:22,506 --> 00:04:23,540
[chuckling]
109
00:04:23,574 --> 00:04:25,142
He loves the Dirkbot, huh?
110
00:04:25,175 --> 00:04:26,677
Mm‐hmm,
and Neesee hates him
111
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:29,179
so every year,
it's a win‐win for Dirk.
112
00:04:29,213 --> 00:04:32,316
Well, I can't top that,
but I think I found somethin'
113
00:04:32,349 --> 00:04:34,485
to get rid of this
funky shell game.
114
00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:39,256
A PlayStation 2.
115
00:04:39,290 --> 00:04:41,091
Ah, a PlayStation 2.
116
00:04:41,125 --> 00:04:42,593
You know, baby, I think
it'll be better if you didn't
117
00:04:42,626 --> 00:04:44,361
make such a splash
at the party.
118
00:04:45,596 --> 00:04:47,097
What's going on?
119
00:04:47,131 --> 00:04:48,499
Well, Neesee
kind of hinted‐‐
120
00:04:48,532 --> 00:04:50,434
Mmh, Neesee doesn't hint.
121
00:04:50,467 --> 00:04:51,769
Neesee says.
122
00:04:51,802 --> 00:04:53,203
Okay, she says
you're not invited
123
00:04:53,237 --> 00:04:55,172
but don't worry,
I'm not havin' that.
124
00:04:56,206 --> 00:04:57,441
I'm bringing you.
125
00:04:57,474 --> 00:04:59,743
And she's gonna have
to deal with it.
126
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:02,179
Well, I don't wanna go to
the party just to prove a point.
127
00:05:02,212 --> 00:05:04,748
Then go so we can make out
in the fire truck.
128
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,383
I'm paying for it.
129
00:05:08,719 --> 00:05:10,521
Okay, wait, wait,
why don't we have
130
00:05:10,554 --> 00:05:12,423
our own little thing
over here?
131
00:05:12,456 --> 00:05:13,857
With or without Neesee?
132
00:05:13,891 --> 00:05:15,192
With.
133
00:05:15,225 --> 00:05:16,360
She's Bobby's mother.
134
00:05:17,761 --> 00:05:19,430
Hmm.
135
00:05:19,463 --> 00:05:21,465
You know, your heart
is one of the million reasons
136
00:05:21,498 --> 00:05:23,534
why I'm marrying you.
137
00:05:23,567 --> 00:05:26,670
Now come over here
and remind me of two and three.
138
00:05:28,339 --> 00:05:33,644
Come here. Closer, closer,
closer, closer.
139
00:05:33,677 --> 00:05:36,580
[instrumental music]
140
00:05:39,149 --> 00:05:40,584
Okay, Alex.
141
00:05:40,618 --> 00:05:43,621
These bags are for the kids
who're allergic to peanuts.
142
00:05:43,654 --> 00:05:46,223
These bags are for the kids
who can't have sugar.
143
00:05:46,257 --> 00:05:48,659
And those are for
the lactose intolerant.
144
00:05:48,692 --> 00:05:51,095
Wow, Bobby's got
some cool friends.
145
00:05:52,529 --> 00:05:55,099
You know, you can hire people
to do this.
146
00:05:55,132 --> 00:05:57,701
This is an incredible waste
of our time.
147
00:05:57,735 --> 00:06:00,671
Ha! El‐Cheapo has me
on a budget.
148
00:06:00,704 --> 00:06:04,141
But I don't care because
the party's still gonna be fun.
149
00:06:04,174 --> 00:06:06,277
‐ Ow!
‐ Wait, you know what?
150
00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:08,312
I know this Beverly Hills
party planner
151
00:06:08,345 --> 00:06:10,247
whose bill will show up
on his credit card
152
00:06:10,281 --> 00:06:12,816
as "A Race Against Hunger."
153
00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:15,486
You know, I still can't believe
that woman has enough nerve
154
00:06:15,519 --> 00:06:17,154
to throw a second party.
155
00:06:17,187 --> 00:06:20,224
How dare she invite me
to my own son's birthday?
156
00:06:20,257 --> 00:06:21,759
Game peeps game.
157
00:06:21,792 --> 00:06:24,295
Please, I've been fightin'
this birthday battle
158
00:06:24,328 --> 00:06:26,130
with Hakeem for years.
159
00:06:26,163 --> 00:06:27,498
Remember Reggie's last birthday?
160
00:06:27,531 --> 00:06:30,801
That jackass shows up
with a camel, a tent
161
00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:33,137
and his hooker girlfriend
was passin' out date cakes
162
00:06:33,170 --> 00:06:34,438
dressed as Salome.
163
00:06:34,471 --> 00:06:36,607
Oh, and you best believe
that whore of Babylon
164
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,276
had the balls to invite me.
165
00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:41,512
[sighing]
Ooh, you didn't go, did you?
166
00:06:41,545 --> 00:06:42,846
Hell, yeah, I went.
167
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,615
I rode a camel,
I ate some pita
168
00:06:44,648 --> 00:06:48,118
and I made sure that girlfriend
saw every second of it, okay?
169
00:06:48,152 --> 00:06:50,421
‐ Game peeps game.
‐ Alright, alright.
170
00:06:51,822 --> 00:06:54,291
‐ Mmm.
‐ Mom, I'm bored.
171
00:06:54,325 --> 00:06:56,493
There's nothin'
but a bunch of baby toys here.
172
00:06:56,527 --> 00:06:58,862
‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah.
173
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,831
There's nothin'
but a bunch of babies.
174
00:07:00,864 --> 00:07:03,334
‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah.
175
00:07:03,367 --> 00:07:05,469
Okay, okay, well, mommy brought
some toys from home.
176
00:07:05,502 --> 00:07:06,570
Here you go.
Come here, Reggie‐‐
177
00:07:06,604 --> 00:07:08,105
‐ Aah.
‐ Come on.
178
00:07:08,138 --> 00:07:10,107
Take this. Go play.
Have some fun, alright?
179
00:07:10,140 --> 00:07:11,342
‐ Go on, Bobby.
‐ Cool.
180
00:07:11,375 --> 00:07:12,843
‐ Alright. Mwah. Go.
‐ Thanks, mom.
181
00:07:12,876 --> 00:07:15,212
Hurry up.
182
00:07:15,246 --> 00:07:17,514
You better watch out
that you don't spoil the kids.
183
00:07:17,548 --> 00:07:20,751
Oh, please, Hakeem drives them
to school in his stretch Hummer.
184
00:07:20,784 --> 00:07:23,187
Okay, the car itself is longer
than the walk to school.
185
00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:24,355
I'm just trying to keep up.
186
00:07:25,656 --> 00:07:27,391
You better think
about the kids..
187
00:07:27,424 --> 00:07:28,859
...and not
that ex‐husband.
188
00:07:28,892 --> 00:07:30,828
Girlfriend, sit down.
Let me tell you somethin'.
189
00:07:32,329 --> 00:07:33,797
Divorce is war.
190
00:07:33,831 --> 00:07:36,200
You got to think
about everything.
191
00:07:36,233 --> 00:07:39,503
Things like toys and birthdays
make kids choose sides.
192
00:07:39,536 --> 00:07:43,407
At the end of the day you better
make sure that kid chooses you.
193
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,209
Tia already has
your husband.
194
00:07:45,242 --> 00:07:46,677
You gonna hand over
Bobby too?
195
00:07:50,514 --> 00:07:52,249
Wait, wh‐what are you doin'?
196
00:07:53,250 --> 00:07:54,385
Calling Dirk.
197
00:07:54,418 --> 00:07:56,253
Tia may try to outspend me
198
00:07:56,287 --> 00:07:58,555
but Bobby loves
that stupid Dirkbot.
199
00:08:00,624 --> 00:08:03,260
Hey, Dirk.
It's Neesee.
200
00:08:04,728 --> 00:08:06,630
Yeah, I just want to know
what time Dirkbot
201
00:08:06,664 --> 00:08:09,199
was performing at my party.
202
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:10,819
What do you mean you can't?
203
00:08:10,853 --> 00:08:12,721
You know Bobby loves it.
204
00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:15,924
Tia's party?
205
00:08:19,528 --> 00:08:22,431
[instrumental music]
206
00:08:23,232 --> 00:08:25,601
Lower.
207
00:08:25,634 --> 00:08:28,437
Uh.. Yeah, that, yeah,
little‐little lower.
208
00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:29,738
Um! Um‐mh.
209
00:08:30,973 --> 00:08:32,875
That's it.
That's it, baby.
210
00:08:32,908 --> 00:08:36,712
Whoo! Man, you know what would
make this perfect?
211
00:08:36,745 --> 00:08:38,514
I'm not takin' off my top.
212
00:08:40,149 --> 00:08:41,550
A glass of wine.
213
00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:42,818
Oh, that you can have.
214
00:08:44,253 --> 00:08:46,789
It's not for me,
it's for you, baby.
215
00:08:46,822 --> 00:08:47,957
Help you get that top off.
216
00:08:47,990 --> 00:08:50,159
Robert!
217
00:08:50,192 --> 00:08:51,660
[knocking on door]
218
00:08:56,899 --> 00:08:58,567
Neesee.
219
00:08:58,601 --> 00:09:00,736
I'm just guessin'
that your cell phone
220
00:09:00,769 --> 00:09:03,806
e‐mail and two‐way
are all not working.
221
00:09:03,839 --> 00:09:05,074
I needed to talk to you
in person.
222
00:09:05,107 --> 00:09:07,443
‐ Uh‐oh.
‐ Yeah, right.
223
00:09:07,476 --> 00:09:09,845
What were you thinking having
Dirk perform at Tia's party?
224
00:09:09,878 --> 00:09:11,580
Well, I was thinkin'
that you hate him
225
00:09:11,614 --> 00:09:13,549
and Bobby loves him and there's
nothin' else to talk about.
226
00:09:13,582 --> 00:09:14,583
Thanks for comin' by, Neesee.
227
00:09:14,617 --> 00:09:16,085
Unh, you better think again.
228
00:09:16,118 --> 00:09:18,487
He's not doin' her party,
he's doin' my party.
229
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,922
The real party.
230
00:09:19,955 --> 00:09:22,758
Neesee, if you want Dirk,
you can have him.
231
00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:24,960
I mean, between the pony ride
and the moon bounce
232
00:09:24,994 --> 00:09:26,228
the kids are gonna be fine.
233
00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:27,596
[laughing]
234
00:09:27,630 --> 00:09:29,798
Pony ride?
235
00:09:29,832 --> 00:09:32,034
‐ Moon bounce?
‐ I..
236
00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:33,535
Wow.
237
00:09:33,569 --> 00:09:37,940
Tia, if you don't stop
tryin' to outdo my party
238
00:09:37,973 --> 00:09:39,575
I'm not going to even allow you
to put a candle
239
00:09:39,608 --> 00:09:41,110
on a cupcake for Bobby.
240
00:09:41,143 --> 00:09:43,078
Let me put down
the liquids.
241
00:09:45,047 --> 00:09:46,615
Okay, and do what?
242
00:09:46,649 --> 00:09:48,717
‐ Come over there and tell you‐‐
‐ Hey, hey!
243
00:09:48,751 --> 00:09:50,753
Hey, hey, hey,
ladies, ladies, we don't..
244
00:09:50,786 --> 00:09:52,187
We don't have to do it
like this.
245
00:09:53,589 --> 00:09:55,758
We really don't need
your permission
246
00:09:55,791 --> 00:09:57,159
for Robert
to throw a party
247
00:09:57,192 --> 00:10:01,063
for his own son
at his own house.
248
00:10:01,096 --> 00:10:04,033
Well, his son
is also my son
249
00:10:04,066 --> 00:10:07,703
and the only person in the room
without a son is you.
250
00:10:07,736 --> 00:10:09,939
Well, like it or not,
I'm in Bobby's life.
251
00:10:09,972 --> 00:10:12,174
Well, I'll go with "Not,"
and you're trippin' if you think
252
00:10:12,207 --> 00:10:14,743
I'm gonna sit back
and watch you wiggle your girth
253
00:10:14,777 --> 00:10:16,145
between me and my son.
254
00:10:16,178 --> 00:10:18,781
Girth? Heh!
That's funny.
255
00:10:18,814 --> 00:10:21,083
I thought the only G word
you knew was "Gimme."
256
00:10:21,116 --> 00:10:23,085
Gimme, gimme, gimme,
gimme, gimme.
257
00:10:23,118 --> 00:10:25,487
Oh. Okay, where you want it,
want it, want it?
258
00:10:25,521 --> 00:10:26,956
‐ I'll show you where I want‐‐
‐ Alright, alright, alright.
259
00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:28,724
That's enough, alright?
260
00:10:28,757 --> 00:10:31,560
It's late, we're tired.
We all said things we meant.
261
00:10:33,495 --> 00:10:34,630
Look, I've been planning
262
00:10:34,663 --> 00:10:36,498
Bobby's parties
from the day he was born
263
00:10:36,532 --> 00:10:40,536
which for your information
was a Wednesday at 9:49 a. m.
264
00:10:40,569 --> 00:10:43,439
when you was just probably
draggin' in from some club.
265
00:10:43,472 --> 00:10:45,708
So I don't need you
to try to turn this
266
00:10:45,741 --> 00:10:47,643
into an Olympic competition.
267
00:10:47,676 --> 00:10:50,179
You're the one that put the
velvet rope around your party.
268
00:10:50,212 --> 00:10:52,681
‐ I invited you to mine.
‐ So, you said, "Mine."
269
00:10:52,715 --> 00:10:54,450
You havin' this party
for yourself.
270
00:10:54,483 --> 00:10:55,784
You don't care nothin'
about Bobby.
271
00:10:55,818 --> 00:10:57,019
No, what I don't
care about
272
00:10:57,052 --> 00:10:58,621
is this conversation
that we're having.
273
00:10:58,654 --> 00:11:00,756
We gonna have
this conversation!
274
00:11:00,789 --> 00:11:02,091
(Bobby)
'Stop fighting!'
275
00:11:02,124 --> 00:11:03,726
Stop fighting!
276
00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:07,630
I don't want
a birthday party at all!
277
00:11:07,663 --> 00:11:09,498
Oh, puddin', wait!
Oh..
278
00:11:09,531 --> 00:11:12,468
[instrumental music]
279
00:11:19,708 --> 00:11:20,676
[instrumental music]
280
00:11:22,077 --> 00:11:25,914
After 15 nursery rhymes,
Bobby's finally asleep..
281
00:11:25,948 --> 00:11:27,416
...and so is my ass.
282
00:11:28,851 --> 00:11:30,552
I hope you two
are proud of yourselves.
283
00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:31,820
I didn't do anything.
284
00:11:31,854 --> 00:11:33,222
If you keep your girlfriend
in check
285
00:11:33,255 --> 00:11:34,523
none of this
would've happened.
286
00:11:34,556 --> 00:11:35,991
You will work a "Check"
287
00:11:36,025 --> 00:11:39,028
into any conversation,
won't you?
288
00:11:39,061 --> 00:11:40,629
You know what?
That's enough.
289
00:11:40,663 --> 00:11:43,766
Alright? This is how
it's gonna go down.
290
00:11:43,799 --> 00:11:45,000
We're gonna have one party
291
00:11:45,034 --> 00:11:47,436
and we're gonna have it
right here.
292
00:11:47,469 --> 00:11:50,472
Neesee, you are invited.
Tia, you are invited.
293
00:11:50,506 --> 00:11:53,642
And if the two of you don't
mind, I'm invitin' myself, okay?
294
00:11:53,676 --> 00:11:55,444
I don't need to be
at this party.
295
00:11:55,477 --> 00:11:57,680
That's what I've been tryin'
to say all along.
296
00:11:57,713 --> 00:11:59,815
Look, I've promised Bobby
that everybody
297
00:11:59,848 --> 00:12:01,083
that loves him is gonna be
at this party
298
00:12:01,116 --> 00:12:02,451
and that we're gonna
get along.
299
00:12:02,484 --> 00:12:03,852
And that's what's gonna happen.
300
00:12:07,122 --> 00:12:08,991
[sighing]
301
00:12:09,024 --> 00:12:12,027
I'll make the cake.
302
00:12:12,061 --> 00:12:13,162
I'll make the sandwiches.
303
00:12:13,195 --> 00:12:15,130
Good, and we'll all pretend
304
00:12:15,164 --> 00:12:17,533
to like that stupid Dirkbot.
305
00:12:17,566 --> 00:12:19,468
‐ Okay?
‐ Fine.
306
00:12:19,501 --> 00:12:20,636
Fine.
307
00:12:20,669 --> 00:12:21,804
Shh!
308
00:12:23,138 --> 00:12:25,507
We all just agreed
on somethin'.
309
00:12:26,775 --> 00:12:28,510
No one move.
310
00:12:30,112 --> 00:12:31,714
Boy, please.
311
00:12:31,747 --> 00:12:34,683
[instrumental music]
312
00:12:38,821 --> 00:12:41,023
Alright, almost..
313
00:12:41,790 --> 00:12:43,225
Mm‐mm‐mm.
314
00:12:43,258 --> 00:12:44,994
‐ What do you think?
‐ That's great.
315
00:12:45,027 --> 00:12:46,695
It's a dinosaur, right?
316
00:12:46,729 --> 00:12:48,597
Uh, no, wait a minute.
It's breathin' fire.
317
00:12:48,631 --> 00:12:49,965
That must be...Tia.
318
00:12:51,033 --> 00:12:52,735
Mm‐mm.
I'm not goin' there.
319
00:12:52,768 --> 00:12:55,504
Today is Bobby's day,
and no matter what
320
00:12:55,537 --> 00:12:57,606
I love me some Tia.
321
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,208
Cut.
You know what?
322
00:12:59,241 --> 00:13:01,677
I need that with little bit
more passion, Neesee.
323
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:03,479
I want you to make me
believe it. Okay?
324
00:13:03,512 --> 00:13:06,181
Alright, one, two,
three, action.
325
00:13:06,215 --> 00:13:10,519
And no matter what,
I love me some Tia.
326
00:13:10,552 --> 00:13:13,989
Cut. You got the part.
I believe that, girl. Yes!
327
00:13:14,023 --> 00:13:16,525
‐ Alright, we'll work on that.
‐ Okay.
328
00:13:19,161 --> 00:13:22,698
Hey, Neesee. You know,
your cake smells wonderful.
329
00:13:22,731 --> 00:13:24,867
I can't wait to taste it.
330
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,468
Well, thanks, Tia.
331
00:13:26,502 --> 00:13:29,705
I can't wait to cut you
...a slice.
332
00:13:29,738 --> 00:13:31,640
Okay, just let me know
when you want to serve it
333
00:13:31,674 --> 00:13:33,609
so I can get everybody
ready, okay?
334
00:13:33,642 --> 00:13:35,813
Thanks, Tia.
Will do.
335
00:13:35,847 --> 00:13:37,782
Alright.
336
00:13:37,815 --> 00:13:39,951
Thanks, Tia.
Get out the kitchen.
337
00:13:41,419 --> 00:13:43,554
‐ What?
‐ Don't start.
338
00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:45,023
The day is almost over.
339
00:13:45,056 --> 00:13:47,525
I will put you out
before I piss her off.
340
00:13:47,558 --> 00:13:50,094
You know, you're much more fun
when you hate her. Okay?
341
00:13:51,829 --> 00:13:53,331
‐ Watch it.
‐ See, there she is.
342
00:13:53,364 --> 00:13:55,333
He's been lookin' all over
for you, Neesee.
343
00:13:55,366 --> 00:13:58,002
Oh, yeah?
What's up, birthday boy?
344
00:13:58,036 --> 00:14:00,138
Will you come outside?
345
00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:02,507
Oh, he want us to hop around
in the moon bounce again
346
00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:05,243
but this time,
don't wear your heels.
347
00:14:05,276 --> 00:14:07,779
[chuckles]
Okay. Well, I'm not finished
your cake yet.
348
00:14:07,812 --> 00:14:09,847
‐ Can I have some?
‐ No, not right now, pudding.
349
00:14:09,881 --> 00:14:13,084
But, um...
you can lick the spoon.
350
00:14:13,117 --> 00:14:16,154
Wow, Neesee, you did a great job
with the cake.
351
00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:18,423
That's a cool‐lookin' duck.
352
00:14:18,456 --> 00:14:21,993
Thanks, Robert, but, um,
it's a dragon.
353
00:14:22,026 --> 00:14:25,363
‐ That's what I said.
‐ You said duck.
354
00:14:25,396 --> 00:14:27,365
Yeah, but a‐a duck
ain't nothin'
355
00:14:27,398 --> 00:14:29,033
but a little
baby dragon.
356
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:31,202
See, you should always
beware of ducks.
357
00:14:31,235 --> 00:14:33,271
See, when I was your age
I almost got burnt
358
00:14:33,304 --> 00:14:35,440
by a fire‐breathing duck.
359
00:14:35,473 --> 00:14:38,109
So whenever you see
a duck, duck.
360
00:14:43,881 --> 00:14:46,417
‐ Uncle Dirkbot!
‐ Hello, everyone.
361
00:14:46,451 --> 00:14:49,554
‐ The Dirkbot has arrived.
‐ Yay!
362
00:14:49,587 --> 00:14:51,055
Like to introduce
my assistants
363
00:14:51,089 --> 00:14:53,791
Veronica, Tasha, Desiree.
364
00:14:53,825 --> 00:14:55,159
Ladies, party's out back.
365
00:14:55,193 --> 00:14:57,128
Pick a spot to set up.
I'll meet you there.
366
00:15:01,099 --> 00:15:03,968
‐ Robert..
‐ Huh. Yeah, uh, okay.
367
00:15:04,002 --> 00:15:06,404
Dirk, what are you doin'
bringing them, man?
368
00:15:06,437 --> 00:15:08,206
This is a kids party.
369
00:15:08,239 --> 00:15:10,408
They got parents.
370
00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,243
How's it going
with Hurricane Neesee?
371
00:15:12,277 --> 00:15:13,444
Actually, it's going
pretty smoothly
372
00:15:13,478 --> 00:15:14,812
and Bobby's havin'
a great time.
373
00:15:14,846 --> 00:15:15,947
That's amazing.
374
00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:17,882
Can't believe
you pullin' it off.
375
00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:19,117
Whenever my exes
cross paths
376
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:21,152
I get billed for at least
one torn earlobe
377
00:15:21,185 --> 00:15:23,187
two broken teeth,
and a weave repair.
378
00:15:25,256 --> 00:15:26,858
Oh, wow, okay,
everyone's here.
379
00:15:26,891 --> 00:15:28,393
You guys wanna get together
for a picture?
380
00:15:28,426 --> 00:15:29,894
Come on, Bobby.
381
00:15:32,530 --> 00:15:33,865
(Neesee)
Alright, come on,
come on, get in.
382
00:15:33,898 --> 00:15:34,999
That's a lot of moves,
there.
383
00:15:36,267 --> 00:15:38,202
Everybody say "Jay‐Z."
384
00:15:38,236 --> 00:15:39,871
(all)
Jay‐Z!
385
00:15:39,904 --> 00:15:40,905
[doorbell ringing]
386
00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:42,173
Oh, that must be the ice.
387
00:15:42,206 --> 00:15:44,776
Don't cut the cake
until I come back.
388
00:15:44,809 --> 00:15:48,012
I think I'll go outside
and set the table for the cake.
389
00:15:48,046 --> 00:15:50,281
Alex, you need any help?
I'm here for you.
390
00:15:50,315 --> 00:15:53,918
Uh, great, why do I always
get hit on by pot‐heads?
391
00:15:57,956 --> 00:15:59,791
Ms. Abrahams,
will you take a picture
392
00:15:59,824 --> 00:16:01,826
of just me, mommy, and daddy?
393
00:16:01,859 --> 00:16:02,994
Sure, Bobby.
394
00:16:04,128 --> 00:16:05,263
Come on.
395
00:16:08,399 --> 00:16:09,901
Happy birthday, baby.
396
00:16:09,934 --> 00:16:11,235
Happy birthday,
little man.
397
00:16:11,269 --> 00:16:13,438
Alright.
"P. Diddy" on three.
398
00:16:13,471 --> 00:16:14,939
One, two, three.
399
00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:16,908
(all)
P. Diddy!
400
00:16:18,843 --> 00:16:19,978
‐ Is P. Diddy here?
‐ Is P. Diddy here?
401
00:16:21,512 --> 00:16:23,915
Now, boys, isn't it a little
over the top
402
00:16:23,948 --> 00:16:25,984
to think P. Diddy
would actually be here?
403
00:16:26,017 --> 00:16:28,820
No. My daddy got him
to come to my party.
404
00:16:28,853 --> 00:16:31,389
So that's why my mom got
Bow Wow to come to his party.
405
00:16:31,422 --> 00:16:32,957
Quit bragging..
406
00:16:32,991 --> 00:16:34,826
...before I call your daddy
and tell him.
407
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,495
He's still single, right?
408
00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:42,533
Is this your mother's party,
or is this your father's party?
409
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:45,470
‐ Both.
‐ I thought they're divorced.
410
00:16:45,503 --> 00:16:46,838
They are.
411
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:49,407
Are you sure?
412
00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:55,947
Oh, Bobby, it's cake time.
413
00:16:57,315 --> 00:16:59,217
Okay, okay, I'm gonna get
the plates.
414
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:02,287
Tia, this is the best
birthday ever.
415
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,821
Oh, thank you, Bobby.
416
00:17:03,855 --> 00:17:06,090
I'm so glad you are
havin' a good time.
417
00:17:06,124 --> 00:17:07,759
So you can go home now.
418
00:17:08,593 --> 00:17:09,894
Excuse me?
419
00:17:09,927 --> 00:17:11,929
My mommy and daddy
are married again
420
00:17:11,963 --> 00:17:13,464
so you can go home now.
421
00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:21,339
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
422
00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:25,944
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
423
00:17:25,977 --> 00:17:30,081
♪ Happy birthday
dear Bobby ♪♪♪
424
00:17:30,114 --> 00:17:31,916
What did we do wrong?
425
00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:35,219
I don't know. Everything?
426
00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:37,922
It's, like, when we fight,
it hurts Bobby
427
00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:40,158
and when we get along,
it confuses Bobby.
428
00:17:40,191 --> 00:17:44,162
Well, I'm just gonna back off
and let the parents parent.
429
00:17:44,195 --> 00:17:46,264
Anyone who has spent
five minutes with Bobby
430
00:17:46,297 --> 00:17:48,800
knows that you two
are doing something right.
431
00:17:54,105 --> 00:17:56,274
‐ Okay?
‐ I'm fine.
432
00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:04,816
Hi, mom. Hi, dad.
433
00:18:04,849 --> 00:18:06,517
Are you going to bed?
434
00:18:06,551 --> 00:18:08,152
Honey, we need
to talk to you.
435
00:18:08,186 --> 00:18:10,154
Okay.
436
00:18:10,188 --> 00:18:13,057
You know mommy and daddy
love you very much, right?
437
00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:14,993
Right.
438
00:18:15,026 --> 00:18:17,962
And that will never change
...no matter what.
439
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:18,963
I know.
440
00:18:21,532 --> 00:18:24,502
Mommy and daddy..
441
00:18:24,535 --> 00:18:25,970
...are like turtles.
442
00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:27,472
Uh‐huh.
443
00:18:27,505 --> 00:18:29,507
That's right, baby.
444
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:31,376
We're just like turtles.
445
00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:33,211
But daddy's a land turtle
446
00:18:33,244 --> 00:18:36,414
and mommy's a sea turtle.
447
00:18:36,447 --> 00:18:39,017
We live in different places,
but we're both turtles.
448
00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:43,221
What kind of turtle am I?
449
00:18:44,822 --> 00:18:47,158
A handsome
chocolate turtle..
450
00:18:48,526 --> 00:18:51,062
...who's loved
and cherished..
451
00:18:53,598 --> 00:18:55,266
...whose parents
are divorced.
452
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:59,537
But Reggie says
you must be married
453
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:01,306
because we took
a picture together.
454
00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:03,308
Um..
455
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:06,744
Yes, uh..
456
00:19:07,912 --> 00:19:09,847
But Reggie made a mistake.
457
00:19:11,082 --> 00:19:13,318
Mommy and daddy love you
very much..
458
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,824
...but we're not
married anymore.
459
00:19:19,857 --> 00:19:21,192
Do you understand that?
460
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:30,134
Where am I sleeping tonight?
461
00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:32,236
On the land or in the sea?
462
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:33,471
[chuckles]
463
00:19:34,806 --> 00:19:36,040
(Robert)
Um..
464
00:19:36,074 --> 00:19:38,476
...how about
in a sleeping bag
465
00:19:38,509 --> 00:19:40,912
in the moon bounce
with daddy?
466
00:19:40,945 --> 00:19:42,914
‐ Yay!
‐ Go get your sleeping bag.
467
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:47,118
[instrumental music]
468
00:19:57,228 --> 00:19:59,063
So, we're turtles?
469
00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:00,816
Well, it was either that
470
00:20:00,849 --> 00:20:04,420
or compare our marriage
to Monopoly.
471
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,956
Oh, that reminds me.
You owe me $200.
472
00:20:11,861 --> 00:20:13,796
Oh...taxes.
473
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:18,934
You keep that up,
I'm gonna need
474
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,936
a "Get out of jail free" card.
475
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:27,610
[theme music]
34119
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