All language subtitles for Soccer Dog The Movie (1999) DVDrip x265 AC3-MarkW.en

[ Man Narrating ] FROM WHAT
I'VE BEEN TOLD, THE '60s
WERE SOME TURBULENT TIMES.

YOU HAD THE WAR GOIN' ON,
THE SUMMER OF LOVE--
CHANGE IN THE AIR.

I IMAGINE MY PARENTS GOT
CAUGHT UP IN ALL THE EXCITEMENT.

AND I SAY IMAGINE,
BECAUSE, LIKE, I NEVER MET 'EM.

ALL I KNOW ABOUT 'EM IS
THAT THEY MUST HAVE HAD
A SENSE OF HUMOR...

ABOUT THEIR
UNPLANNED PREDICAMENT.

ON MAY 5, 1964, THE STATE
BECAME MY PARENTS.

THERE WEREN'T A WHOLE LOT
OF HUGS AND KISSES.

EVERYONE HAD THEIR OWN SPECIAL
WAY OF SHOWING ME THEY CARED.

AND EVERYONE HAD
THEIR OWN SPECIAL IDEAS
OF HOW I SHOULD ACT.

[ Sighs ]

GET BACK TO WORK !

DURING THESE TOUGH TIMES,
SOCCER WAS THE ONLY THING THAT
HELPED ME FORGET MY TROUBLES.

I HAD TO PLAY
A LOT OF SOCCER.

NEEDLESS TO SAY,
WHEN THE ORPHANAGE DOORS OPENED,
I RAN AND RAN FAR.

I MET MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE, ELENA,
AND WORKED ON SETTLING
INTO THE AMERICAN DREAM.

MY LIFE SHOULD
HAVE BEEN PERFECT,

BUT THERE WAS
STILL SOMETHING MISSING.

SO, WE DECIDED TO PACK UP
OUR THINGS AND HIT THE ROAD
IN SEARCH OF SOME ANSWERS.

SOME PEOPLE MIGHT CALL THIS
A MIDLIFE CRISIS,
BUT I WAS ONLY 34.

THE TOWN WE FINALLY SETTLED IN
WAS THE TOWN OF CROCKER.

NOW, IN CROCKER
THEY JUST DIDN'T PLAY SOCCER,

THEY LIVED IT.

[ Players Yelling,
Indistinct ]

I GUESS PEOPLE TEND
TO GRAVITATE TO WHAT THEY KNOW,
AND I KNEW SOCCER.

UNFORTUNATELY, FIVE TOWNS OVER
WAS PELTON.

I TRIED TO KEEP
ALL THE HORRIBLE MEMORIES
FROM MY MIND...

AND FIGURE OUT WHAT I WAS
REALLY LOOKING FOR IN CROCKER.

IT TOOK A WHILE, BUT I FINALLY
REALIZED SOCCER DOESN'T MEAN
AS MUCH...

UNLESS YOU HAVE
A SON TO PLAY IT WITH
ON A WARM SUMMER'S DAY.

SO, I WENT BACK TO THE ONE PLACE
I DREADED THE MOST.

AND THOUGH IT WAS MILES AWAY,
IT FELT LIKE IT WAS
RIGHT IN MY OWN BACKYARD.

I THOUGHT
I HAD THE ANSWER.

IT TOOK AN UNLIKELY MESSENGER
TO TEACH ME HOW FAR I HAD TO GO.

TAKE THE DOG
AND PLAY.

BE CAREFUL.

[ Barking ]
HERE, KIMBLE.

GO GET IT,
KIMBLE.

KIMBLE. KIMBLE.
COME ON, KIMBLE.

KIMBLE. GOOD.

COME ON, KIMBLE.
COME ON, KIMBLE.
GOOD BOY.

GO GET IT,
KIMBLE.

- [ Barks ]
- [ Gasps ]

[ Barks ]

[ Whines ]

[ Whines ]

[ Whines ]

[ Whines ]

[ Boy ]
KIMBLE.

KIMBLE.

ALDEN, RELAX.

EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE FINE.

I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK THIS
WILL BE A WALK IN THE PARK.

LORD KNOWS YOU GAVE ME
NOTHING BUT GRAY HAIRS.

[ Clock Ticking ]

WE, UH,
WE LOVE CLAY.

WE THINK HE'S
A GREAT YOUNG BOY.

PERSONALLY, I DON'T KNOW WHY
ANYONE WOULD EVER WANT TO ADOPT.

IT'S JUST THAT I FEEL WE HAVE
A LOT MORE TO OFFER HIM...

THAN THIS PLACE EVER WOULD.
[ Ruler Crashes ]

VERY WELL, THEN.

LET'S COMPLETE
THE PAPERWORK.

CLAY !

[ Dogs Whimpering ]

[ Barks ]

THIS IS IT.
I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED
WHEN I WAS GROWIN' UP.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
IT'S FINE.

YOU CAN CHANGE THE POSTERS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST DECORATING.
THEY'RE FINE.

AND WE'VE GOT
LOTS OF SPACE, YOU KNOW.

UH, THERE'S...
PRIVACY.

LIKE, IN THE ORPHANAGE,
THERE WAS THIS GUY
WHO SNORED SO BAD...

I USED TO HAVE TO TAKE
THE PILLOW AND WRAP IT
AROUND MY HEAD SO I COULDN'T--

THAT MISS GETLITZ.
SHE'S A REAL TRIP, HUH ?

YEAH, AND THEN SOME.
YEAH.

SO YOU-- YOU GET
UNDER HER SKIN, RIGHT ?

NOT REALLY.
NOT REALLY. NOTHIN' ?
NOTHIN' ?

COME ON.
YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHIN'.

[ Sighs ]
SOMETIMES WE'D HIDE HER CHALK
BEFORE CLASS STARTED.

OH, I REMEMBER DOIN' THAT.
TOTALLY. YEAH.

[ Chuckles ]

BUT SHE ALWAYS SEEMED
TO HAVE A SPARE PIECE.

YEAH. YEAH, SHE DID,
DIDN'T SHE ?

DID YOU PUT HIS BED
UP AGAINST THE RIGHT WALL ?

YEAH.
I GUESS SO.
[ Sighs ] I GUESS SO.

YOU SPENT TWO HOURS YESTERDAY
PUSHIN' THAT BED AROUND...

TRYIN' TO FIND
THE PERFECT PLACEMENT.

"NOPE. NOT OVER HERE, HONEY.
THERE'S NOT ENOUGH LIGHT.

"I CAN'T PUT IT OVER HERE
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, I WANT IT
TO BE CLOSER TO THE DESK.

OH, WE CAN'T PUT IT HERE
BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO THROW OFF
THE WHOLE BALANCE OF THE ROOM."

OKAY. OKAY.
I GET IT.

WAS I REALLY THAT BAD ?
YOU WERE LIKE
A BLUSHING SCHOOLGIRL.

[ Both Chuckle ]

ON THE FIRST DATE ?
MORE LIKE
THE PROM.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST--

I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
THAT IT'S AS EASY AS POSSIBLE
ON THE KID, YOU KNOW.

I KNOW.

[ Sighs ]
DO I REALLY HAVE TO JOIN
A SOCCER TEAM, MR. NEWLIN ?

HEY, YOU CAN
CALL ME ALDEN.

[ Watch Beeps ]
I GOTTA GET TO WORK.

WE GOTTA GET THIS DONE
REAL QUICK. SORRY. UH--

WELL, THE THING IS,
I DON'T REALLY KNOW
HOW TO PLAY SOCCER.

[ Woman Gasps ]

THAT'S OKAY.
YOU KNOW, WE'LL PRACTICE
AND GET THE MOVES DOWN.

SO, HOW DO THOSE CLEATS FEEL,
YOUNG MAN ?

ALL RIGHT, I GUESS.
YOU GUESS
OR YOU KNOW ?

COME ON. YOU DON'T TAKE
A CASSEROLE OUT OF THE OVEN
BEFORE IT'S DONE, RIGHT ?

- EXCUSE ME ?
- LET ME EXPLAIN
SOMETHING TO YOU, PAL.

REAL MEN MEASURE,
BUT IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT
SCALES AND TABLESPOONS.

WE HAVE TO RELY ON
OUR NATURAL-BORN INSTINCTS.

LET'S SAY WE'RE MAKIN'
NEW ENGLAND CLAM CHOWDER
FOR ABOUT EIGHT PEOPLE.

HOW MUCH MILK WOULD YOU USE--
TWO CUPS, THREE CUPS ?

DARE TO DREAM FOUR ?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SAY TWO,
BECAUSE NO ONE SAYS TWO.

NOW, THREE-- THAT'S A LITTLE
TRICKIER, ISN'T IT ?

YOUR GUT SAYS THREE,
HUH ? NO !

IT'S FOUR.
FOUR CUPS OF MILK MAKE
FOR A VERY TASTY CLAM CHOWDER.

SO, THESE CLEATS
ARE GOOD, HUH ?
UH, Y-YEAH. FINE.

LET'S TAKE CARE OF THOSE,
AND WE'LL DINE AGAIN SOON.
GREAT.

I-I'LL GO
PAY FOR THIS.

[ Groans ]

WHERE'S
THE PREDATOR ?

TELL ME THOSE
AREN'T THE LAST PAIR.

I'D BETTER TAKE THESE,
JUST IN CASE.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT ?
I SAW 'EM FIRST.

[ Exhales ]

[ Dogs Barking,
Whining ]

[ Door Closes ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Boys Talking,
Indistinct ]
WELL, GOOD LUCK, CLAY.

YEAH.

[ Alden Narrating ] WATCHING
CLAY HEAD TO HIS FIRST PRACTICE,
GAVE ME THIS WONDERFUL FEELING.

[ Watch Beeping ]

NOW, WORK ITSELF
WASN'T ALL THAT BAD.

IT WAS THE REGULARS
THAT KEPT ME COMPANY THAT WERE.

WHAT KIND OF TOWN
HAS REGULARS AT THE
DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES ?

REGULAR IS NOT AN ACCURATE
DESCRIPTION OF MR. KREMP,
MR. COBB AND MISS KALE.

HOW-- HOW WOULD I
DESCRIBE 'EM ?

IT'S 1:35.
ON THE NOSE.

THE SIGN SAID
YOU'D BE BACK AT 1:30.

IT DID SAY THAT.
YOU STOLE FIVE MINUTES
OF MY LIFE.

SOMEONE OUGHT
TO PAY.

YOU SAID THE SAME THING TO
THE CABLE REPAIRMAN WHEN HE WAS
TEN MINUTES LATE THE OTHER DAY.

AND WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
ANYONE SAW HIM ABOUT ?

JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE,
AND I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU GUYS.

[ Ringing ]
HEY ! IS MY TEST
DONE YET ?

[ Ringing ]
SORRY TO TROUBLE YOU,
BUT HAVE YOU SCORED OUR TESTS ?

MAYBE HE NEEDS MORE TIME.

BUT THEN AGAIN,
HOW MUCH LONGER CAN IT TAKE ?

LIKE ALWAYS, I-I'LL
CALL YOU GUYS WHEN I'M FINISHED.

I HEARD ABOUT
YOUR NEW BOY CLAUDE.
YOU MUST FEEL SO PROUD.

CLAY. IT'S CLAY.

MY GREAT UNCLE'S NAME
WAS CLAUDE.
OR WAS IT BOB ?

SOCCER IS MORE
THAN JUST A GAME.

SOCCER IS A METAPHOR
FOR ALL OF LIFE'S EXPERIENCES.

AND I WANT YOU
TO PLAY IT AS SUCH.

GIVE ME YOUR MIND.
GIVE ME YOUR BODY.
GIVE ME YOUR SPIRIT.

I WANT 400%.
THAT'S RIGHT, 400%.

I WANT 100% FROM YOU
EVERY QUARTER OF THE GAME.

NOW-- YES.

IN SOCCER THERE ARE NO QUARTERS,
ONLY TWO HALVES.

TAKE A LAP.

- DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM ?
- YEAH. YOU'RE A BOY
WITH A BIG ATTITUDE.

AND LET ME TELL YOU, SON,
THERE'S NO "A" IN TEAM--
T-E-- TAKE A LAP.

MOVE IT !
MOVE IT OR LOSE IT !

NOW, I'M YOUR COACH,
I'M YOUR MENTOR, I'M YOUR GUIDE.

NOW YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME.
I BRING YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
TO THIS GAME.

EVERYBODY, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF.
DO WHAT I'M SAYIN'.

I'LL EXPLAIN LATER.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO FEEL THE BALL
AGAINST THE SIDES OF YOUR SHOES.

OR YOUR FEET--
WHATEVER COMES FIRST.

I WANT YOU TO FEEL THE GRASS
BETWEEN YOUR TOES.

SOCCER, OR BASEBALL
AS IT'S CALLED IN ENGLAND,
IS A GAME OF TOUCH. YES.

BUT, COACH, DON'T THE ENGLISH
CALL SOCCER FOOTBALL ?

[ Exhales ]
TAKE A LAP. NOW,
NOW, YOU HEARD ME.
BUT--

[ Groans ]

BECAUSE OF CHANGES IN ZONING,
WE'VE LOST SOME PLAYERS
TO OTHER LOCAL TEAMS.

HOWEVER, WE DO HAVE
A NEW BOY WITH US.

SO, LET'S GIVE
A BIG WELCOME TO MARY.

- THAT'S CLAY.
- WHATEVER. SORRY.
CLAY !

TELL US, CLAY,
WHAT TEAM WERE YOU WITH...

BEFORE FATE BROUGHT YOU
TO THE ALMIGHTY STAMPEDE ?

WELL, ACTUALLY, THIS IS
MY FIRST SOCCER TEAM.

[ All Gasp ]

- I THINK YOU SHOULD
TAKE A LAP TOO.
- [ Groans ]

MEN, SOCCER IS A GAME
OF HAND-EYE COORDINATION.

KICKING-- WAY OVERRATED.
SOME PEOPLE ARE SAYING IT HAS
NO PLACE IN THE GAME ANYMORE.

[ Continues, Indistinct ]
BABY, DON'T BOTHER.

DADDY'S GOT A FEELING THIS BABY
WAS DROPPED ON HIS HEAD
WHEN HE WAS A BABY.

DIGGIN' MY VIBE ?
UH, NO.

...AND A LITTLE BIT
OF PATIENCE, AND THIS GAME
AIN'T SO HARD.

HAND-EYE COORDINATION. RIGHT ?
LET'S HAVE A LITTLE GAME.

HERE WE GO.
FORM A LINE.

WE'RE GONNA PLAY A LITTLE GAME
CALLED HOT POTATO.

THE TEAM WITH
THE QUICKEST HANDS WINS.

ALL RIGHT. YOU ALL SET ?
NANCY, START IT OFF.
PASS IT ALONG.

THERE YOU GO.
COME ON. PASS IT BACK.
THERE YOU GO. HOT NOW.

GOTTA LOVE IT.
LET IT GO.

LOVE IT. LOVE IT.
GOTTA LOVE IT. YEAH.

WELL, YOU DIDN'T
LEARN THE LOVE.

GET OUTTA HERE.
GO ON. GO HOME.
CRAZY MUTT.

[ Sniffs ]

HEY. HEY.
SLOW DOWN.

WHERE'S THE PARTY, BABY ?
OH, WHAT ? YOU WANT
TO HUMILIATE ME SOME MORE ?

MAN, CUT THE ANNIE ROUTINE,
OLIVER.

I CRIED WHEN I SAW THE MOVIE,
BUT DADDY'S OVER IT.

IT'S NOT HOW YOU KICK IT
IN THE FIELD, IT'S HOW YOU
KICK IT IN THE STREETS, BABY.

LOOK. LET'S GET
ONE THING STRAIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THIS TOWN,
BUT WHERE I COME FROM,

NOBODY CALLS
EACH OTHER "BABY."

THAT'S COOL.

YOU LIKE TO KICK IT
WITH AN EAST COAST FLAVOR.
NO PROBLEM, BABY.

OH.

HEY,
CHECK IT OUT.

HEY !
COME ON, BOY.

COME ON. COME ON.
IT'S OKAY.

COME ON.
COME ON.

COME ON, BOY.
[ Whistles ]
COME ON, BOY.

COME ON.
EASY, BOY.

[ Chuckles ]
GOOD DOG.
GOOD BOY.

HEY, BABY, DADDY'S GOT
A LITTLE SOMETHIN' FOR YOU.

HEY, QUIT IT. YOU'RE GOING
TO SCARE HIM AWAY WITH THAT.

[ Clears Throat ]

SO, WHAT POSITION DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GONNA PLAY IN THE GAME ?
ATTACK ? DEFENSE ?

UM...
I-I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, WHATEVER IT IS,
AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

OF COURSE, HE'S GOING
TO BE HAVING FUN. WHAT'S
NOT TO BE HAVING FUN ABOUT ?

BUGS.

PEER PRESSURE.

YOU KNOW, GRUELING,
UH... WORKOUTS.

PLAYING IN THE SUMMER SUN.

WORKING OUT, GETTING IN SHAPE.
IT'S EVERY KID'S DREAM. RIGHT ?

UH, YEAH.
RIGHT.

THAT AND VIOLIN LESSONS.

WHAT DO
YOU THINK, CLAY ?
WHAT ?

WELL, YOU KNOW,
THREE HOURS A DAY,
FIVE TIMES A WEEK.

THAT'S NOT
INCLUDING PRACTICE.

AND THEN, OF COURSE,
WE'VE GOT TO GO SHOPPING
FOR A SUIT FOR YOU TO WEAR.

YOU KNOW, FOR ALL THE CONCERTS
THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE PLAYING.

WHAT DO YOU SAY ?

[ Chuckles ]

AFTER THE VIOLIN LESSONS
AND ALL THAT,

I HAD A WHOLE LIST OF STUFF
THAT I THOUGHT MAYBE
WE COULD DO TOGETHER.

LIKE TONIGHT, I GOT THE VIDEO
OF THE LAST YEAR'S WORLD CUP.

AND THAT PELE MOVIE
IS COMIN' BACK ON TV
WITH STALLONE AND MICHAEL CAINE.

REMEMBER THAT ?
THAT'S ON CABLE AGAIN TONIGHT.

CAN I BE EXCUSED ?

SURE.

[ Groans Softly ]

[ Exhales ]

YOU CAN'T
RUSH THESE THINGS.

COME ON.

HEY.
CAN I COME IN ?

UH, O-ONE SECOND.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY ?
[ Laughs ] YEAH.
EVERYTHING'S FINE.

[ Knob Rattling ]
WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED ?

OH. I-IT'S LOCKED ?
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN ?

- ALL RIGHT.
OPEN UP THE DOOR.
- STAY. STAY.

I'M NOT GONNA
GO ANYWHERE.

CLAY, YOU GOTTA
LET ME IN RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT JOKIN' THOUGH.
IF YOU DON'T OPEN UP
THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW--

WHAT'S GOIN' ON ?
NOTHING.

I WAS JUST GETTIN'
READY FOR BED. BIG DAY.

BIG DAY ?
YEAH, I GUESS.

YOU KNOW, I HADN'T
EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT IS A BIG DAY FOR YOU,
YOU KNOW.

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
YOU CAN COME TO ME
NO MATTER WHAT. OKAY ?

I MAY NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY,
BUT I'M GONNA BE HERE FOR YOU.
ALL RIGHT ?

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM,
YOU CAN COME TO ME OR ELENA.

- AND I THINK YOU'LL FIND
WE'RE PRETTY FLEXIBLE.
- [ Barks ]

WH-WHAT'S--

SURPRISE.

WE'RE ALL
FLEXIBLE HERE. RIGHT ?

- [ Chuckles ]
- [ Barks ]

- [ Whines ]
- I DON'T KNOW, CLAY.

WHAT'S HIS NAME ?

WHISTLE. RED CARD.
CHECK. CHECK.

YELLOW CARD.
OFFICIAL TIMEPIECE.
CHECK.

[ Whispers ]
YOUR DAD'S WATCH.
OH, CHECK.

CLEAT SCRAPER,
GLOVES, CHEWING GUM,
LINT BRUSH, FLOSS.

CHECK, CHECK,
CHECK AND CHECK.

FIRST GAME
OF THE SEASON.
GOOD LUCK.

LUCK'S GOT NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.

COME ON, BOY.
UP HERE.

STAMPEDE FANS ? BETTER BE.
BOBCAT FANS SIT OVER THERE.

GOOD BOY.
YEAH.

SOCCER IS WAR, AND THE WEAK
WILL DROP BY THE SIDELINES.

I HAVE TRIED TO TRAIN YOU.

I HAVE TRIED
TO CONDITION YOU.

I HAVE GIVEN GUIDANCE
TO YOUR PITIFUL LIVES.

REMEMBER: YOU CAN'T JUMP,
THERE'S ALWAYS SOCCER.

CAN'T MAKE THE FOOTBALL SQUAD ?
TOO SMALL ?
THERE'S ALWAYS SOCCER.

YOU GET REAL GOOD AT SOCCER,
YOU CAN MAKE A LOT OF MONEY,
ALTHOUGH NOT IN THIS COUNTRY.

THE IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER
IS IT'S A GAME OF CONCENTRATION.

YOU HAVE TO STAY FOCUSED.
ARE YOU FOCUSED ?

YOU FOCUSED WITH ME, MICKEY ?
I'M SORRY, NANCY. OKAY.

TODAY, YOU
ARE ON YOUR OWN.

HOW WILL YOU RESPOND
WHEN THE CALL COMES ?

WILL YOU CRY
LIKE SOME P.C. PUNK...

GIVEN HIS FIRST
DOSE OF REALITY ?

BOY, I THINK I MET
MY FUTURE EX-WIFE LAST NIGHT.

BOY, I'D BE ON HER LIKE
A BUM ON A BOLOGNA SANDWICH.

IN MY EYES,
YOU ARE MAGGOTS.

AND YOU
WILL REMAIN MAGGOTS...

UNTIL YOU PROVE TO ME
THAT YOU ARE WINNERS.

WINNERS !

NOW GET OUT THERE...

AND KICK
SOME STAMPEDE TAIL.

[ All ]
YES, COACH !

I DIDN'T HEAR YOU !
[ All ]
YES, COACH !

THE IMPORTANT THING IS
I GOT MY HAIR.

I'M SORRY.
WAS I FINISHED ?

OH, YEAH. OKAY.
HERE WE ARE. UM--

THE, UH-- THIS--
THIS IS SELF-EXPLANATORY.

INDIRECT KICK,
ONE TOUCH, GET BEHIND,
PENETRATE--

ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER.
LET'S GO.

[ All Yelling,
Indistinct ]

[ Crowd Cheering,
Whistling, Applauding ]

[ Blows Whistle ]

THAT'S MY BOY.
ATTA GO, SONNY !

[ Blowing Whistle ]

A PENALTY KICK.

[ Blows Whistle ]

HE'S PROBABLY JUST NERVOUS.
IT'S ONLY HIS FIRST GAME.

[ Barking ]
EASY, BOY.

[ Blows Whistle ]

- [ Yelling ]
- GET A REAL GOALKEEPER.

MY GRANDMOTHER
COULD'VE SAVED THAT.

[ Coach ]
COME ON, BERGER !
COME ON !

- [ Blows Whistle ]
- YES ! OH, NO. NO.

GOD, YOU GUYS SUCK !
OKAY. PICK IT UP, BABY.

GOAL !

GOAL !

[ Blows Whistle ]

WITH THE FIRST GAME
OF THE NEW SEASON IN THE BOOKS,

WE WENT TO THE STREETS
TO GET THE ON-THE-SPOT REACTIONS
OF YOU, THE VIEWERS.

OH, BROTHER.

MY BOYS ARE STRONGER,
FASTER AND BETTER.

I COULD GO ON AND ON.

BUT ONLY THE WEAK
LOOK FOR SELF-AFFIRMATION.

FIRST THINGS FIRST. WHATEVER
I SAY IS OFF THE RECORD.
YOU CAPISCI ? GOOD.

NOW, LOSIN'S
NEVER FUN.

BUT AT LEAST WE MADE THE SPREAD.
YOU GOTTA COVER YOUR BACK.

IT'S NOT FAIR !
IT'S NOT FAIR !
IT'S, UH--

[ Expletive Bleeped ]
SONNY !

PEOPLE TEND
TO SHOOT THE MESSENGER.

WELL, I'M GLAD I DON'T
HAVE TO DELIVER THIS HEADLINE:

THE STAMPEDE BLEW IT.

YOU CAN SPIN IT ANYWAY YOU WANT
TO, BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED--
THE STAMPEDE BLEW IT.

DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I'M A FATHER FIRST
AND A BUSINESSMAN SECOND.

A MAN'S NOT REALLY A MAN
UNLESS HE SPENDS TIME
WITH HIS FAMILY.

BUT A SPREAD'S A SPREAD.
AND, HEY, I'VE GOT TO MAKE MINE.
FORGET ABOUT IT.

I DON'T THINK
WE PLAYED THAT BAD.
WHY, WHAT DID YOU THINK ?

WELL, OF COURSE I'M DISAPPOINTED
ABOUT THE LOSS.

BUT I'M HAPPY BECAUSE I KNOW
THAT CLAY TRIED HIS HARDEST.

YOU KNOW,
WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING.

[ Hangar ]
SURE IT IS.
NO, IT'S NOT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE THE WAY
THAT COACH OF YOURS
IS RUNNING THE TEAM, MAN.

WHATEVER.
IT'S BUGGIN' ME.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I USED TO PLAY,
WE USED TO BE MORE ORGANIZED.

IT WAS FUN. EVERYBODY HAD
A ROLE. WE ALL GOT INTO IT.
IT WAS LIKE TOTAL DISCIPLINE.

NOW, IT'S LIKE--

I KNOW HOW
YOU'RE FEELIN', MAN.

THIS IS ROUGH, MOVING TO
A NEW TOWN AND EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW, TRYIN' TO HANG
WITH NEW FRIENDS AND ALL THAT.

LEARNIN' HOW TO TALK
AND HOW TO BE.

I AIN'T GONNA SUGARCOAT IT.
IT AIN'T GONNA BE EASY
FOR A WHILE.

BUT I GUARANTEE
IT'S GONNA GET BETTER.

PLUS, UH, I THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU AND ME COULD...

GO OVER SOME OF THE MOVES
FOR THE GAME, BECAUSE--

IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'M KIND OF TIRED.

YEAH.

[ Miss Kale ]
HOW'S IT COMING ?
FINE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I FAILED THAT TIME.

I WAS SO SURE
I'D PASS.

WELL, IF YOU'D COUNTED
HOW MANY CONES YOU HIT,
YOU DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE.

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT
AT HOME, BOY ?

THEY SAY HOME'S THE ROOT
OF ALL PROBLEMS.
HMM.

- WHO'S THEY ?
- THE GUYS THAT HANG OUT OVER AT
THE POST OFFICE. [ Scoffs ]

EVERYTHING
GOING WELL WITH JACKIE ?

LOOK, IT'S CLAY.
AND I REALLY DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THAT HERE.

OKAY ? DROP IT.

HAVE YOU TRIED
GIVING HIM MORE AFFECTION ?

SOMETIMES PARENTING IS JUST
BASICALLY LETTING THEM HAVE
THAT HOT-FUDGE SUNDAE.

EXACTLY. TOUGH LOVE
IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

THEY CRY,
DON'T OFFER TO WIPE THEIR TEARS.

THEY BREAK SOMETHIN',
THEY PAY FOR IT.
SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS.

IT'S ALL ABOUT GUILT--
A FATHER'S BEST WEAPON.

GOT ME THROUGH
THREE DAUGHTERS.

OH, IT'S A SKILL
LIKE ANYTHING ELSE.

BUT IT
TAKES PRACTICE.

BLUE, MINNESOTA, 49.

MINNESOTA, 49, BIG DOG.
HUT ! HUT ! HIKE !

GOOD JOB THERE,
NANCY.

EH, YO.
THE NAME'S SONNY.

WHATEVER.
DO IT AGAIN.

UH, RACHEL--
I'M SORRY, MICKEY.

OKAY. HIKE !
HIKE ! GOOD.

GIVE ME THE BALL.
[ Barks ]

I'M LOSIN'
THE MOMENT HERE.

[ Barks ]
STUPID MUTT.

I GOT GOONS.
THEY'LL GET YOU.

WOULD YOU
LOOK AT THAT ?

HEY. I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT THAT.

YEAH. YOU'RE LUCKY
THERE WERE WITNESSES, PAL.

OR YOUR DOG AND YOU
WOULD BE TOAST.

SONNY, I GOT A LOT OF MONEY
RIDING ON THIS GAME.
YOU UNDERSTAND ?

AND EVEN IF THE SCOREBOARD
WON'T SAY IT, YOU'LL STILL BE
A WINNER IN MY HEART.

IF VINCE GETS HOT,

THIS PILL
SHOULD TAKE CARE OF HIM.

NOW, YOU GOT THAT ?

YEAH, POP.
OKAY.
GO GET 'EM, SON.

THAT'S MY BOY.

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Coach Shaw ]
YES, YES.
GO FOR TWO ! GO FOR TWO !

[ Blows Whistle ]

[ Cheering ]
YEAH ! YEAH ! GO !
YOU THE MAN ! YEAH !

YEAH !
YEAH !

ALL RIGHT !
YEAH, BABY ! YEAH !

HEY, BOSS,
WHAT ABOUT THE SPREAD ?

SORRY, BOSS.

GO, SONNY !
GO, SONNY, GO !

WE CAN STILL WIN THIS ONE, GUYS.
JUST STAY CLOSE.

GIVE US A CHANCE
FOR A LAST-SECOND HOME RUN.

ALL RIGHT.
"DENIM CARPETS," BOYS.
SEIZE THE DAY !

- [ Blows Whistle ]
- GOOD. HIKE IT, YEAH !

GET IT. TAKE IT.
TAKE IT.

[ Moaning ]

- [ All Gasping ]
- NO !

VINCE !
VINCE, ARE YOU OKAY ?

- [ Man ] VINCE, GET UP !
- VINCE ! VINCE, ARE YOU OKAY ?

MICKEY ? HOW MANY FINGERS,
MICKEY ? HUH ?

- HOW MANY FINGERS ?
- THREE ?

YEAH, CLOSE ENOUGH
FOR GOVERNMENT WORK.

BUT, COACH !
OH, GET UP.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY !
COACH, COACH, COME HERE.

HEY, HEY, HEY !
HE'S IN NO CONDITION TO PLAY.

YOU NEED A REPLACEMENT PLAYER.
THERE ARE NO
REPLACEMENT PLAYERS.

YOU SEE, EVERY KID IN TOWN
IS ON ANOTHER TEAM.

SO LET US PLAY A MAN SHORT.
THAT WAY THEY'LL HAVE
THE ADVANTAGE.

WE DON'T BEND THE RULES
IN PEEWEE SOCCER IN THESE PARTS.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. UH-UH !
YOU NEED ANOTHER WARM BODY.

AAH ! I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME.

WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN
TO GOOD PEOPLE ?

ISN'T THAT CLAY'S FRIEND ?
LINCOLN !
[ Barking ]

LINCOLN, COME HERE !

LINC.
[ Barking ]

NO, BABY.
NOT NOW. NOT NOW !

WOULD SOMEBODY
HELP DADDY UP ?

COME ON, MAN.
LET'S GO.
[ Ref ]
COACH !

HEY, IS THERE A FINE
IN THIS TOWN FOR A DOG
ON A SOCCER FIELD ?

[ Sighs ]

[ Ref ]
COACH, WHAT'S IT GONNA BE ?

ALL RIGHT.
I'VE GOT ANOTHER PLAYER.

LOOK. IT'S A DOG.
DID YOU SEE THAT DOG ?
IT'S A SMALL DOG.

[ Pants ]

[ Both Whispering,
Indistinct ]

IT'S A BODY, OKAY ?

RULES CHECK !

COME ON.
WORK WITH ME.

[ Blows Whistle ]
WE GOT US
A GAME ! YES !

I GUESS THEY'RE NOT GOING
TO IMPOSE A FINE.
[ Chuckles ]

ALL RIGHT. GUYS, COME ON.
EVERYBODY, GATHER AROUND HERE.

UM, MARY. I'M SORRY.
WHA-WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?

CLAY.
NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
UM, LISTEN.

CAN THE DOG JUST STAND OUT THERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD ?

CAN HE DO THAT ?
OKAY, GREAT, GREAT.
I HAVE NO IDEA.

COACH, COACH, COACH !
COME ON. TIME'S A WASTING.
YEAH, YEAH. WE'RE COMING.

WE'RE COMING, REF.
OKAY. RIGHT AWAY.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, FOLKS.

I KNOW THIS IS-- THIS IS
A LITTLE UNORTHODOX FOR ME,

BUT IF WE JUST STAY FOCUSED,
WE CAN WIN THIS ONE.

AND WE CAN WIN IT...
FOR THE FLIPPER.

THAT'S THE GIPPER.
HUH ?

YOU KNOW, YOUNG MAN,
IF THIS WASN'T IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE GAME-- LAPPAGE, OKAY ?

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
COME ON NOW, LET'S ROCK.
LET'S GO. EVERYBODY OUT THERE.

GO ON. GO ON.
GET IN THE GOALIE NET.
THERE YA GO.

I'M SORRY
ABOUT THIS, BOY.

COME ON.
LET'S GO.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
THEY'RE PUTTIN' THAT DOG
IN THE GAME.

OH, THE HUMANITY.

HEY !
LOOKS GOOD OUT THERE.

[ Blows Whistle ]

COME ON !

[ Groans ]

YES ! YES !
YEAH !

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Blows Whistle ]
GOAL !

[ All Cheering ]
THAT A BOY, LINCOLN !

- [ Blows Whistle ]
- [ Lincoln Barks ]

THAT'S GREAT SPEED.

HE'S GOT GREAT FOOTWORK.

IT'S A DOG.
I DON'T THINK
HE KNOWS ANY BETTER.

[ Barking ]

ALL RIGHT !
THAT'S MY BABE !

[ Blows Whistle ]

- YES ! YES !
- [ Crowd Cheering ]

MOTHER WAS RIGHT.
I AM SMART.

[ Blows Whistle ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]

WHEW ! FORGET VINCE.
I LOVE THAT DOG !

WE WIN !

[ Chuckles ]
[ Man ]
HEY, WAY TO GO THERE, COACH !

YEAH.
YOU THE MAN !

YES, YES, I AM THE MAN.
HEY, HANG AROUND.

WE'RE ON OUR WAY
TO A CHAMPIONSHIP.
THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.

♪♪ [ Ska ]

♪♪

- [ Blows Whistle ]
- [ Ref ] GOAL !

[ Laughing ]
WAY TO GO, NANCY ! YES !
♪ I HAD A SMALL FRIEND ♪

♪ WHO HAD A FAT FRIEND
WHO HAD A BIG FRIEND ♪

♪ WHO GAVE BIRTH TO MANY FRIENDS
WITH OUR FLASHLIGHTS ♪
[ Continues, Indistinct ]

I'LL TAKE
ONE QUESTION AT A TIME.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GIVE ME ONE SECOND TO GET
THIS LITTLE DOOHICKEY ON HERE.
HI, HOW YA DOIN' ?

OKAY. YES, SIR ?
I HAVE NO IDEA. NEXT QUESTION.

AT THIS POINT IN TIME,
I DON'T KNOW.
LINCOLN IS, I BELIEVE, A BOY.

NO, I HAVE NO PLANS
OF MARRYING THE DOG.

[ Barking ]

♪ WE'RE ON OUR WAY
HERE WE GO ♪

♪ WE'RE GONNA TAKE OVER ♪

♪ SET IT OFF
ONE LAST TIME ♪

♪ HERE WE COME AGAIN ♪

♪ WE WERE STRANGERS
AND WE WERE PILGRIMS ♪

♪ ROLE MODELS
OF THE FAMILY MAN ♪
[ Lincoln Urinating ]

♪ PIONEERS AND PATRIARCHS ♪
PATRIOTS AND MATRIARCHS ♪

♪ STAKING OUT
THE PROMISED LAND ♪
[ Squealing ]

♪ OUR LITTLE ARMY
WE WERE COMMANDOS ♪
[ Continues, Indistinct ]

I DON'T KNOW. AS TO THE GAME
ON SATURDAY, I'M ASSUMING
WE'LL WIN BY A LARGE MARGIN.

HEY, MICHELLE. COME ON IN.
DON'T MAKE ME CALL FOR YOU, HUH.

FINE. NOW, PUT YOUR MONEY DOWN
ON THE STAMPEDE.

♪ WE'RE ON OUR WAY
HERE WE GO ♪

♪ WE'RE GONNA TAKE OVER
SET IT OFF ONE LAST TIME ♪

♪ HERE WE COME AGAIN ♪

♪ ALL SYSTEMS GO ♪

♪ SOON THE WORLD WILL KNOW ♪

♪ THE FURY OF ATTACK
FEEL THE WRATH
OF THE SUPER RAD ♪

♪ THE SUPER RAD ♪

♪ ALL SYSTEMS GO ♪

♪ SOON THE WORLD WILL KNOW ♪

♪ THE FURY OF ATTACK
FEEL THE WRATH
OF THE SUPER RAD ♪

♪ SUPER RAD, SUPER RAD
SUPER RAD ♪
[ Continues, Indistinct ]

[ Cameras Clicking ]

[ Barking ]

AS TO THIS,
"O" IS THEM...

AND "X" IS-IS US.

OKAY ?
ANY OTHER QUESTIONS ?

♪ AND IF WE DIE
BEFORE THE BATTLE'S THROUGH ♪

♪ TELL YOUR MOM, TELL YOUR DAD
WE WERE SUPER RAD ♪

[ Crowd Cheering ]
♪ WE'RE ON OUR WAY ♪

♪ HERE WE GO
WE'RE GONNA TAKE OVER ♪

♪ SET IT OFF ONE LAST TIME ♪♪

[ Barking ]

I DIDN'T LIKE THE DOGS
AT THE CROCKER POUND.

[ Dogs Whining ]

[ Growling, Barking ]

I'LL TAKE HIM.

I KNEW THIS CAT ONCE
THAT COULD MEOW
THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC.

THE DARNEDEST THING.
BUT A DOG THAT PLAYS SOCCER ?

WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT
I'D SEE THE DAY ?
THAT DOG PUT YOUR BOY TO SHAME.

THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.
BUT HE'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW.

- BUT BETTY DID PLAY
A LITTLE BIT BETTER.
- THAT'S CLAY.

I GOT THIS NIECE OF MINE.
IT'D MAKE HER DAY IF I COULD
GET HER AN AUTOGRAPH.

IT'S A DOG.
HOW DOES A DOG
GIVE AN AUTOGRAPH ?

YOU TAKE ITS PAW
AND YOU STICK IT
IN INK OR SOMETHIN'...

AND SLAM IT DOWN
ON A PIECE OF PAPER.

OH.
OH, THAT'S CRUEL.

I'D BE SATISFIED
WITH JUST MEETING HIM.

[ Both ]
WELL ?

I DON'T KNOW.
I'LL CHECK THE DOG'S SCHEDULE.

[ Barking ]
WHAT ?

WHAT ?

NO, I'M SORRY, BOY.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.

YES, I'M SURE.

HEY.

YOU GIVE UP
TOO EASY.

- [ Vince ] HEY.
- HEY, READY TO GO ?

DADDY WAS BORN READY.

THIS IS GREAT, BABY.

THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.

WELL, SOMETIMES
I DON'T KNOW.

I'M TELLING YA.
WORK THE DOG ANGLE.
CHICKS LOVE IT, BABY.

EVERYBODY NEEDS A PROP.
EVERYBODY BUT DADDY, THAT IS.

SO, VINCE, HOW MUCH LONGER
ARE YOU GONNA BE OUT ?
THE DOC SAYS I'M PULLED,

AND MOMS WANTS DADDY OUT
FOR A FEW MORE GAMES.

HEY, YOU GOTTA GIVE MOM
HER PROPS.

WHAT DID THE DOCTOR
SAY HAPPENED ?

FOOD POISONING.

FOOD POISONING ?
YEAH, DADDY DIDN'T EVEN
CHOW DOWN BEFORE THE GAME.

SIX MONTHS AGO I WAS OPHELIA
OFF BROADWAY. NOW I'M
INTERVIEWING SOME CANINE.

I DON'T CARE IF HE'S CUTE,
BERNIE. I'M ALLERGIC TO DOGS.

HEY !
I HATE THIS TOWN.

MAY I HELP YOU ?
OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE !

OH ! HOW YA DOIN' ?
GOOD BOY ! GOOD BOY !

UM, E-EXCUSE ME.
OH, YES.
LOOK AT THAT HEALTHY COAT, YEAH.

YOU'VE BEEN EATING WELL !
[ Chuckles ]

OH, I'M SORRY. I'M NOT USED
TO HAVING A BIG-TIME CELEBRITY
GRACE MY ESTABLISHMENT.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
OH, YOU FORGOT TO BRUSH.
YOU FORGOT TO BRUSH.

UM, MR. NEWLIN ORDERED
SOME SOCCER EQUIPMENT.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.
YOU HERE TO PICK IT UP ?
UH-HUH.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
YOU JUST STAY HERE, AND I'LL
BE RIGHT BACK IN A JIFFY POP.

[ Chuckles ]
JIFFY POP ! I LOVE THAT.

LINCOLN'S HERE !

YOU KNOW... MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE
WE'RE WINNING, BUT...

I'M STARTING NOT TO HATE
THIS GAME.

WHAT SAY AFTER THIS
YOU AND DADDY BUST OVER
TO THE GIRLS' SOCCER PRACTICE...

AND CHECK OUT
SOME BABIES, BABY ?

AND I'M STARTIN' NOT TO HATE
THE WAY YOU TALK, BABY.

HERE YOU GO.
EVERYTHING'S INSIDE.
THANKS.

[ Bell Rings ]

HEY, FRIEND.

GUESS THE OLD SAYING
WAS RIGHT.

YOU CAN BUY A SCRUB
NEW SHOES,

BUT HE'S STILL
JUST A SCRUB.

CHILL, BABY.
YOU'RE THE BOMB,
AND HE KNOWS IT.

BOMB ?
WHAT LANGUAGE
ARE YOU SPEAKING, FREAK ?

ALL THIS FUSS
OVER ONE UGLY MUTT.

YOU GUYS THINK YOUR TEAM IS
SPECIAL OR SOMETHIN' ?

THE STAMPEDE WOULD BE NOTHING
WITHOUT THAT FREAK SHOWING UP.

HEY ! LINCOLN IS JUST A MEMBER
OF THE TEAM, NO MORE, NO LESS.

[ Man ]
HELLO.

YOU KEEP TELLIN' YOURSELF THAT,
BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THE TRUTH--

THE TEAM, THE TOWN--

EVEN YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY.

I BET HE SITS AT THE TABLE
AND YOU GET THE SCRAPS.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT,
FRIEND ?
[ Scoffs ]

YOU KNOW, BERGER,
YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY,

AND I RESPECT THAT,
REALLY.

BUT COULD YOU BACK IT UP
WITH YOUR LOOKS ?

- OH, SNAP !
- SHUT UP, FREAK !

I BEG YOU.
MAKE IT TO THE FINALS.

DON'T DEPRIVE ME OF THE JOY
OF SLAUGHTERING YOUR TEAM AGAIN.

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE
THAT TRULY BRING HAPPINESS.

[ Barking ]

[ Snaps Fingers ]

[ Growlingly ]
HUH ?

YOU GUYS HAVE SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME ?

LIKE MARTIN AND LEWIS
POSE ANY REAL THREAT.

THEY PRACTICALLY
SHARE THE SAME BRAIN.

[ Man ]
STOP ! STOP ! STOP !
HOLD IT ! HOLD IT !

WHAT IS THE MEANING
OF THIS ?

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STAND
IN FRONT OF MY PLACE
MAKING ALL THIS RACKET ?

COME ON.
THIS IS A PLACE
OF BUSINESS.

AND I'VE GOT
A CAKE IN THE OVEN.

WE'LL SEE YOU
IN THE CHAMPIONSHIPS...

IF YOU MAKE IT.

FORKS GO ON THE LEFT,
KNIVES ON THE RIGHT
AND NAPKINS IN OUR LAP.

WE MUST HAVE ORDER.
YEAH, ORDER.
NO SWEAT, POPS.

POPS. HEH !
POPS. MY CAKE !

HEY !

YOU FORGOT SOMETHING.

[ Projector Rattling ]
[ Beeps ]

CROCKER:
A TOWN UNTIL RECENTLY...

BEST KNOWN
FOR ITS SWEET APPLE PIES
AND WONDERFUL MULBERRY TREES,

HAS NOW BEEN PLACED
FIRMLY ON THE MAP.

SOME TOWNS BEAR
GREAT SCIENTISTS.

OTHERS ARE HOME
TO BRILLIANT INVENTORS.

CROCKER GAVE US LINCOLN.

LITTLE IS KNOWN ABOUT LINCOLN'S
UPBRINGING, AND DUE
TO A SHORT SHOOTING SCHEDULE,

A TIGHT BUDGET
AND AN INCOMPETENT STAFF,

WE'VE DECIDED
TO MAKE THINGS UP.

A PRODUCT
OF HUMBLE BEGINNINGS,

LINCOLN WAS THE LAST
IN A LITTER OF 18 PUPPIES.

HE PAWED HIS WAY THROUGH
THE EARLY YEARS.
IT WASN'T EASY.

HE RELIED ON HIS
RAZOR-SHARP WIT,
QUICK REFLEXES...

AND THE KINDNESS
OF STRANGERS.

BUT THAT WAS THEN,
AND THIS IS NOW.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT LINCOLN
THAT HAS SO CAPTURED
THE HEARTS...

OF THESE CHARMING
SMALL-TOWN FOLK ?

WE WENT TO THE STREETS.

FROM THE FIRST MOMENT
I SAW LINCOLN,

I KNEW THAT HE WAS
OUR ACE IN THE HOLE.

PEOPLE COME UP TO ME
ON THE STREETS AND SAY, "SHAW,
YOU'RE A BRILLIANT COACH."

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
WELL, I AGREE.

YOU SAID YOU MADE MONEY
ON THAT LAST SCORE ?
YEAH, BOSS, I DID.

GOOD BOY.
THAT DOG'S A CASH COW.
WHAT MORE CAN I SAY ?

HEY, THAT CAMERA'S NOT ON,
IS IT ? JULIO !
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

WE'VE GOT LINCOLN HATS,
LINCOLN CUPS, LINCOLN SCARVES,
LINCOLN STICKERS.

WHATEVER YOU WANT,
I'LL PUT LINCOLN ON IT.

SIX MONTHS AGO,
I WAS SITTIN' ON THE CAN
PRAYIN' FOR A MIRACLE.

ALONG CAME LINCOLN,
AND WHAT A GODSEND. BOY,
CAN THAT DOG SURE MOVE PRODUCT.

I HATE THAT DOG.

DOES THAT MAKE ME
SOME KIND OF MONSTER
OR SOMETHIN' ?

OH, I CAN SEE
THE WAY YOU'RE LOOKIN'
AT ME. YEAH.

WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHIN'. I USED
TO LOVE WORKIN' MY ROUTE.

I HAD GOOD,
FRIENDLY PEOPLE
OUT ON MY ROUTE.

I HAD GOOD, STURDY,
WELL-BUILT MAILBOXES.

LIFE WAS GOOD.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
THAT DOG CAME ALONG.

FOR INSTANCE,
JUST THE OTHER DAY,

I WAS OUT DOIN'
MY NORMAL ROUTE.

IT WAS A DAY--
IT WASN'T ANY DIFFERENT
THAN ANY OTHER DAY.

I WAS WRONG !

U.S. MAIL,
COME TO YOUR DADDY.

[ Yelling ]
OH, NO, NO, NO !
[ Dog Barking ]

I WAS LUCKY.

YES, SIR.
MARK MY WORDS.

THE MAILMAN,
AS WE KNOW HIM,

IS A DYIN' BREED
HERE IN CROCKER.

WELL, IS HE HERE ?

WHO ?
WHY, LINCOLN, SUGAR.
WHO ELSE ?

COME ON.
GIVE SOME KISSES
TO DAISY.

COME ON, BABY.
YEAH.
[ Giggling ]

WELL, MY POINT IS:
I THINK YOUR
LINCOLN WOULD BE...

THE PERFECT COMPANION
FOR MY DAISY.

I GOT SOME
REAL BAD NEWS FOR YA.

LINCOLN'S BEEN FIXED.

OOH. THAT'S NOT--
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
IS IT, DAISY ?

WE'RE JUST GONNA
FIND YOU ANOTHER ONE.
IT'S OKAY.

♪♪ [ Humming ]

YOU KNOW, I THINK
THIS TOWN HAS GONE
COMPLETELY INSANE.

YOU'RE COMING TO THAT
CONCLUSION NOW ?

[ Scoffs ]

HEY, WHERE IS CLAY ?
HE'S A HALF HOUR LATE.

ALDEN, RELAX.
I MEAN, BOYS ARE LATE
TO DINNER.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

BESIDES IT'S HIS FIRST TIME,
WHICH PROBABLY MEANS HE'S HAVING
A LITTLE FUN FOR A CHANGE.

WHAT ? YOU DON'T THINK
HE HAS ANY FUN
WHEN HE'S WITH ME ?

OH, COME ON !
YOU ARE SO SERIOUS !

YOU KNOW THAT
THAT IS NOT
WHAT I AM SAYING.

YEAH, WELL,
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M NOT EXACTLY
A WHOLE BARREL OF LAUGHS.
[ Chuckles ]

I THINK YOU'RE FUN.
YEAH ?

YEAH, I THINK
YOU'RE JUST
SAYIN' THAT.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M JUST SAYIN' THAT.

THERE MUST BE SOME REASON--
CLAY ! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?

[ Breathing Deeply ]
WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS
ON MY BACK, BABY ?

LOOK, I WAS JUST CHILLIN'
WITH VINCE.

YOU KNOW, KICKIN' IT
OLD-SCHOOL STYLE.
MAXIN' AND RELAXIN'.

CLAY, UH, YOU HAVE TO SPEAK
SO WE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU.

W-WE'RE PARENTS, REMEMBER ?

YOU GOT TO STOP
CRIMPIN' MY STYLE, BABY.

LOOK, MY BUD'S GOT MY BACK.
IT'S NO BIG THING.

YOUR BUD'S GOT YOUR BACK ?

- CRAMPIN' YOUR STYLE ?
- HEY, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'VE
BEEN HANGING AROUND WITH,

BUT THE SATs ARE GONNA
HIT HIM HARD.

[ Sighs ]
FORGET THIS PLACE, BABY.
IT'S SUCH A DRAG.

A DRAG ? YOU KNOW WHAT ?
THIS IS OUR HOME.

[ Scoffs ]
DON'T SWEAT IT, BABY.
LOOK, I WAS JUST SAYIN'--

YOU'RE SAYIN' WHAT ?
DON'T SWEAT WHAT ?
YOU KNOW WHAT ?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET IN YOUR
ROOM ? ALL RIGHT ? AND YOU CAN
THINK ABOUT HOW YOU'RE ACTING.

AND DON'T COME OUT
UNTIL YOU CAN APOLOGIZE.
GO !

[ Door Slams ]

WHAT WAS THAT ?

IT'S THE GET-TOUGH
TECHNIQUE.

- REALLY ?
- WHAT ?
I WASN'T TOUGH ENOUGH ?

OH, NO. YOU WERE TOUGH.
YOU WERE REALLY TOUGH.

[ Breathing Deeply ]

EVERYONE IN
THIS TOWN'S INSANE.

[ Barks ]
YOU'RE RIGHT.
EXCEPT US.

[ Barks ]
OH, YEAH.
AND VINCE.

OKAY. FOCUS. STAY FOCUSED.
WE'VE GOT A CHANCE
TO WIN THIS THING.

[ Man On P.A., Indistinct ]
NOW, EVERYBODY UNDERSTAND
THE GAME PLAN ? HMM ?

EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS ?

OKAY.
UM, MICKEY.
VINCE, BABY !

OKAY. VINCE, BABY. SINCE
YOU'RE HEALTHY, YOU'RE BACK IN.
MANNY, YOU'RE ON THE BENCH.

OKAY. LET'S GO !

GO GET 'EM, LINCOLN !

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Miss Kale ]
PARENTING IS JUST, BASICALLY,
LETTING THEM HAVE THAT...

HOT-FUDGE SUNDAE.

- GOAL !
- [ Crowd Cheering ]
- GO STAMPEDE.

- GOAL !
- [ Crowd Applauding,
Cheering ]

- [ Blows Whistle ]
- [ Chattering, Indistinct ]

[ Boy #1 ]
GOOD JOB, LINCOLN.
[ Boy #2 ] GOOD JOB, LINCOLN.

- [ Together ]
YEAH, YEAH !
- ALL RIGHT, FELLAS. OKAY.

WHERE'S MY STAR, HUH ?

WHERE IS HE ?

HEY, EXCUSE ME.
IS THE GAME OVER ?

YEAH, OVER
AND DONE WITH, POPS.

[ Chuckles ]
POPS.

HEY, YOU HAVEN'T HAPPENED
TO SEE MY SON, CLAY, HAVE YOU ?

MAYBE.
HE SPLIT BEFORE
THE FAT LADY SANG.

I DON'T FOLLOW.
WHAT ? HE-HE LEFT BEFORE
THE GAME WAS OVER ?

YEAH, I THINK
THE VIEW
FROM THE BENCH...

WAS MORE THAN DADDY
COULD HANDLE.

BENCH ?

[ Birds Chirping ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

[ Whining ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Alden ]
COME ON, ELENA.

HE TOOK OFF FROM THE GAME
WITHOUT EVEN TELLING
ANYBODY WHERE HE WAS GOIN'.

HE WAS BENCHED !
HE WAS HUMILIATED
BY HIS FRIENDS.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ?

I STILL GOTTA MAKE
AN IMPRESSION.

MAYBE I SHOULD EMPLOY
THE GUILT TECHNIQUE.
HO, HO.

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW
WHAT THAT IS,
OR WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT.

[ Door Closes Quietly ]

I THINK I SHOULD
LAY IT ON REAL THICK.
YOU KNOW ?

LIKE-- LIKE, I WENT OUT
OF MY WAY TO GO BUY HIM
THIS PRESENT, AND--

[ Thunder Rumbling ]
OH, YOU KNOW IF YOU
TALK DOWN TO HIM,

HE'LL CALL YOUR BLUFF.

OH ! WHAT ABOUT
WE ARRIVED
AT THE GAME,

DIDN'T FIND HIM THERE,
AND WE WERE REALLY
WORRIED SICK.

YEAH, MAKE HIM FEEL
REALLY BAD, HUH ?
RIGHT.

I'M RUNNING
OUT OF OPTIONS !

I JUST THINK
THE GUILT TECHNIQUE IS
GONNA BE THE WAY TO GO.

IT'LL WORK.
DON'T BOTHER.

'CAUSE IT WON'T WORK.

- CLAY, I-I WAS TRYING TO--
- I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TRYING
TO DO !

CLAY, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.

ET TU, LINCOLN.

[ Whines ]

[ Door Opening, Closing ]

WELCOME TO ANOTHER EPISODE
OF UNSUCCESSFUL PARENTING.

[ Sighs ]

[ Scratching ]

[ Whining ]

- GO AWAY !
- [ Barks, Whines ]

[ Scratching Continues ]

LEAVE ME ALONE !

[ Barking Continues ]

[ Crickets Chirping ]

[ Whining ]

[ Growling ]

[ Growling Continues ]

HEY !

[ Whining ]

[ Whining Continues ]

[ Dog Barking ]
[ Groans ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

DMASTER ?

OKAY.

[ Birds Chirping ]

LINCOLN !

LINCOLN ?

[ Chirping Continues ]

LINCOLN !
LINCOLN !

[ Phone Ringing ]

- [ Ringing Continues ]
- WHAT ?

NOTHING.
NOT ME.
I JUST--
NOTHIN'.

- I THINK YOU HANDLED
LAST NIGHT ALL WRONG.
- YOU KNOW SOMETHIN' ?

I HAVE HEARD NOTHING BUT
BAD ADVICE FROM YOU PEOPLE
ABOUT MY FAMILY !

AND YOU KNOW WHAT ?
I'M SO STUPID ! I SIT HERE
AND I LISTEN TO IT !

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA LISTEN
TO IT ANYMORE !

THIS IS MY SON !
NOT YOUR SON !
NOT YOUR SON !

THIS IS MY SON,
AND IT'S MY FAMILY !

AND I'M GONNA DO WHAT
I FEEL IS RIGHT !
NOT YOU !

YOU UNDERSTAND ?
YOU UNDERSTAND ? HUH ?

HE SURE TOLD YOU.
[ Chuckling Nervously ]

[ Coach Shaw ] BOBBY, HI, HI.
HOW ARE YOU DOIN' ?
WHO AM I TALKIN' TO, GEORGE ?

BERNARD ?
HI, IT'S SHAW. LISTEN.
ABOUT THE FELDSPAR STOCK.

YEAH.
WHEN IT HITS 25, SELL.

I'LL LOSE A FORTUNE ?
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
WHEN IT HITS 25, BUY, RIGHT ?

OKAY, GREAT. THANKS.
GET BACK TO YA. BYE.

[ Phone Beeps ]
OKAY, WHERE'S LINCOLN ?

THE DOG'S NAME
HE GETS RIGHT.

I KNOW.
I KNOW.

ANYBODY ELSE GOT
SOMETHIN' SMART TO SAY ?
YOU LIKE THE SUIT ?

♪♪ [ Humming ]

HEY !

PROBABLY TIME TO GET GOIN'
FOR THE GAME, HUH ?

HEY, YOU ALL RIGHT ?

TAKE THAT AS A YES.

HEY.

HEY.
[ Sighs ]

HOW CAN I HELP YOU
IF YOU DON'T TALK TO ME ?

COME ON.

IT'S-IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

WHAT'S ALL YOUR FAULT ?

LINCOLN'S MISSING.

I THREW HIM OUT
OF MY ROOM LAST NIGHT
AND NOW HE'S GONE.

WELL, MAYBE HE'S JUST ROAMING
AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD
OR SOMETHING.

NO. NO, HE'S NOT.
I MEAN,
I'VE LOOKED EVERYWHERE.

I FOUND THIS
IN THE DRIVEWAY.

NOW HE'S GONE.
WE'LL NEVER FIND HIM.

HEY, "NEVER" IS
A PRETTY STRONG WORD.

[ Sighs ]
HAVE YOU ASKED ALDEN
FOR HIS HELP ?

WHY BOTHER ?

HE'D PROBABLY JUST
TELL ME TO GO KICK
SOME SOCCER BALL...

- AND HOPE THAT
LINCOLN MAGICALLY APPEARS.
- [ Snickering ]

YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK
YOU'VE GIVEN HIM
A CHANCE YET.

I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU TWO ARE ALIKE ?
OOH, IT'S SCARY.

YOU BOTH CARRY
THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD
ON YOUR SHOULDERS.

YOU BOTH TRY SO HARD TO
BALANCE BETWEEN DOING TOO MUCH
AND NOT ENOUGH.

AND YOU BOTH CAN BE
EXTREMELY STUBBORN.

[ Door Opening ]

COME ON. LET'S GO.

- WHERE ARE WE GOING ?
- WE'RE GONNA GO
FIND LINCOLN.

LINCOLN'S MISSIN' ?

HEY, LINCOLN'S MISSIN'.
[ Chuckling ]

LINCOLN'S DISAPPEARANCE,
JUST HOURS BEFORE
THE BIG CHAMPIONSHIP GAME,

HAS SENT THIS TOWN
INTO A TAILSPIN.

YOU SEE THIS RANSOM MONEY ?

TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT IT.

'CAUSE THIS IS ALL
THE MONEY THAT
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET.

I'M TURNING ALL OF THIS
INTO A BOUNTY.
ALL OF IT.

EVERY LAST DOLLAR IS
FOR THE PERSON THAT
HELPS ME FIND...

THE EVIL KIDNAPPER THAT
TOOK LINCOLN.

GIVE ME BACK MY DOG !

HEY. I HAD NOTHIN'
TO DO WITH IT.

AND IF I DID,
YOU COULDN'T PROVE IT.

THE STREETS ARE
OURS AGAIN !
AH, YES, YES, YES !

THE STREETS ARE
OURS AGAIN !

YEE-HAA !
[ Laughing ]

[ Male Reporter #1 ]
EXCUSE ME, COACH.

HAS THERE ACTUALLY BEEN
A RANSOM NOTE ?

NO, BUT THAT'S
BESIDE THE POINT.

[ Female Reporter #1 ]
LINCOLN'S NOT EVEN
YOUR DOG.

NO, THAT'S TRUE,
BUT-BUT THAT'S NOT
THE POINT EITHER.

[ Male Reporter #2 ]
HEY, THAT'S JUST
MONOPOLY MONEY, ISN'T IT ?

ALL OF YOU !
TAKE A LAP !

- HEY.
- HEY !

I THOUGHT THE GAME--

WHAT'S WRONG ?
CLAY !

ELENA ?

LINCOLN'S MISSING.

MISSING ?

I THREW HIM OUT
OF MY ROOM LAST NIGHT.

NOW--

WELL--

I NEED YOUR HELP.

ALL RIGHT.

[ Coach #2 ]
READY ! EXERCISE !
GET IT TOGETHER !

EXERCISE TOGETHER !

OH, YOU'RE DOIN' IT
LIKE OLD PEOPLE DRIVE:
SLOW AND JERKY !

GET IT TOGETHER !

TWENTY MINUTES
TILL KICKOFF.

[ Breathing Heavily ]

NINETEEN MINUTES
TILL KICKOFF. AAGH !

- IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE THAT
LINCOLN WOULD JUST RUN AWAY.
- HE DIDN'T.

- SOMEBODY CUT THE TAG.
- YEAH. BUT WHO ?

WHEN WAS
THE LAST TIME
YOU SAW HIM ?

RIGHT AFTER
I PUT HIM OUTSIDE.

NO, NO !
WAIT A SECOND !

I-I REMEMBER GETTING
OUT OF BED 'CAUSE
I HEARD HIM BARKING.

- AND WHEN I LOOKED
OUT MY WINDOW, I SAW--
- WHAT'D YOU SEE ?

A VAN PULLING AWAY FAST !

YOU DIDN'T CATCH HIS
LICENSE NUMBER, DID YOU ?

- YEAH, I DID !
- YOU DID ?
[ Laughs ]

IT WAS D-M-A-S-T-E-R.

ALL RIGHT.
UH, YOU GUYS GET
TO THE FIELD...

AND SEE IF YOU CAN GET
'EM TO STALL, OKAY ?

I'LL JUST GET THERE
AS FAST AS I CAN.
CAN I GO WITH YOU ?

YEAH !
[ Chuckles ]

I'LL SEE YOU THERE, OKAY ?
I'LL SEE YOU
ON THE FIELD.

HEY !
[ Horn Honking ]

YOU FORGOT YOUR BAG !

HUP, HUP !
STAY TOGETHER !

NOBODY EVER DROWNED
IN THEIR OWN SWEAT !

GOOD LUCK TODAY, COACH.
AH, THANKS.

SEEM TO BE
A COUPLE OF MEN SHORT.

OH, YEAH.
NO, NO, NO.
THEY'RE, UM-- THEY'RE OUT.

LAPS !
HMM ?

YEAH, LAPS.
YEAH, YEAH.
GOOD OL' LAPS.

YEAH.
THAT'S GOOD.

[ Sighing ]
FIFTEEN MINUTES.

[ Tires Screeching ]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO EXPECT, CLAY,

BUT WE BETTER BE PREPARED
FOR ANYTHING.

[ Laughing ]
OH.

[ Whining ]

[ Whining Continues ]

HE'S GOTTA BE HERE.

[ Barking ]

[ Sighs ]
STAY HERE.

I THINK YOU'VE
GOT SOMETHING THAT
BELONGS TO ME.

I'M TAKIN'
THE DOG BACK.

HEY THERE, LINCOLN.
LET'S GO, OKAY ?

- LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
COME ON. GOOD.
- LINCOLN !

- [ Barks ]
- COME ON ! GOOD BOY !
GOOD BOY, LINCOLN !

[ Dogs Barking ]

[ Screams ]

[ Barking Continues ]

[ Dogcatcher Yelling ]

YOU ALL RIGHT ?
I'M FINE.

ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO.

COME ON, LINCOLN.

JUST-JUST GIVE ME--
NO, GIVE ME ANOTHER MINUTE.
IT WAS A REALLY LONG LAP.

NO, I'M SORRY, COACH.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE
YOUR ENTIRE TEAM HERE...

IN 30 SECONDS,
I'M AFRAID YOU FORFEIT.

RULES ARE RULES
IN PEEWEE SOCCER.

[ Crowd Mumbling ]
YEAH !

- LINCOLN ! YES !
- OH, FINALLY !

[ Crowd Cheering ]

HA, HA, HA, HA !
IN YOUR FACE, REF !

I MEAN-- I--
I MEAN HAVE A GOOD GAME.

[ Boys ]
GO-O-O !
GO FOR IT ! HEY !

[ Boys ]
LET'S GO !

NANCY, GET IN THERE.

[ Crowd Cheering ]

COME ON. LET'S GO.
HERE WE GO.
GOIN' FOR TWO.

HEY !

OKAY, WE'RE READY NOW !

ALL RIGHT, GUYS !
COME ON ! LET'S GO !

[ Blows Whistle ]

[ Crowd Cheering ]

COME ON, MEN !
PULL IT TOGETHER !

[ Blows Whistle ]

[ Barking ]

[ Clay ]
COME ON ! WE CAN DO IT !

[ Blows Whistle ]

- YEAH, WAY TO GO, LINCOLN !
- [ Barks ]

I WAS WRONG !
YOU'RE NOT MAGGOTS !

YOU'RE NOT LARVAE !

YOU'RE NOT EVEN GNATS !
AND I HATE GNATS !

[ Blows Whistle ]

THAT'S MY SON.

[ Cheering Continues ]

[ Blows Whistle ]

[ All Booing ]

GOOD SCORE, GUYS !
THAT A WAY TO MOVE IT !

BABY, WHAT'S GOING
ON HERE ?

LOOKS TO DADDY
LIKE YOU'RE THROWIN'
THE GAME.

- ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME ?
- YEAH, BABY !
DADDY'S TALKIN' TO YOU !

- ARE YOU CALLIN' ME A BABY ?
- BABY, DADDY'S NOT CALLIN' YOU
A BABY.

IF I WAS CALLIN' YOU
A BABY,

I'D TELL YOU
TO CHANGE YOUR PAMPERS
ONCE IN A WHILE !

JUST WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU ARE ?
YOU THINK YOU'RE FUNNY ?

- NO, SONNY, MAN.
YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG.
- HEY, GIO. HE'S A BIG BOY.

HE KNOWS WHAT HE SAID.
SO WHAT, YOU THINK YOU'RE
A CLOWN ?

YOU HERE TO AMUSE US ?

YEAH, DADDY WOULD RATHER BE
BOZO THAN "RIPING" HIMSELF
FOR AN AUDIT !

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED
TO MEAN ?

AN AUDIT'S HOW THEY CATCH
TAX CHEATS !

SO, HE'S CALLIN' YOU
A CHEATER.

THAT RIGHT ?
ARE YOU CALLIN' ME
A CHEATER ?

IF THE BIB FITS.
'CAUSE, BABY,

DADDY DON'T HAVE TIME
TO BE ARGUING HERE LIKE
A LITTLE BABY... WITH A BABY.

WELL, THERE'S BABIES
OUT HERE THAT
WANT TO WATCH DADDY...

BUST A MOVE
AND KNOCK A SMACK DADDY
IN THE NET,

AND SCORE A BAD BOY FOR
ALL THE BEAUTIFUL BABIES
OUT THERE !

OKAY, OKAY.
[ Groaning ]

HEY !
[ Yelling In Italian ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?
THAT'S MY SON ! HEY !

NO, NO, NO !
YOU'VE GOT A HOTHEAD
ON YOUR TEAM, COACH.

I WANT YOU TO BENCH 'IM
FOR TEN MINUTES.
LET 'IM COOL OFF !

COULDN'T HE JUST TAKE
A LAP ?
NO !

YOU EITHER SIT HIM DOWN
RIGHT NOW,
OR I'LL ISSUE HIM...

A RED CARD
AND MAKE YOU SIT
HIM DOWN, HUH !

FOR THE WHOLE GAME !

WHAT AM I GONNA DO ?

HEY, PUT CLAY IN, BABY.
HE CAN BE GOALIE.

W-WHAT ARE YOU
KIDDIN' ME ?
HEY, WOULD DADDY LIE ?

[ Sighs ]
COACH ! WE GOT
A GAME TO FINISH HERE !

[ Coach Shaw ]
CLAY ! YOU'RE GOALIE.
COME ON.

ARE YOU KIDDING ?
I CAN'T PLAY GOAL !

HEY, SURE YOU CAN, BABY.
REMEMBER THE SPORTS STORE ?

YOU'RE SO MONEY,
AND YOU DON'T EVEN
SHOW IT.

- [ Elena ]
YEAH ! PUT HIM IN !
- YEAH !

PUT HIM IN !
PUT HIM IN !

ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ?

GO, CLAY !

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE
SUCH A WONDERFUL GIFT ?

AND IT'S NOT EVEN
MY BIRTHDAY.

[ Blows Whistle ]

- [ Elena ]
SAFE !
- YEAH !

- WAY TO GO, BABY !
- [ Applauding Continues ]

[ Blows Whistle ]

LINCOLN, I'M OPEN !

[ Blows Whistle ]

I HATE THAT DOG.

YOU WANT US TO PICK UP
SOME CEMENT, BOSS ?

NO, HE-HE'S TOO
DARN CUTE.

PRIVATE, I'M STANDING HERE
NOT AS YOUR COACH,

BUT AS YOUR CONSCIENCE,

ASKING WHAT ARE YOU
PREPARED TO DO
FOR VICTORY.

WILL YOU GO ALL
THE WAY ?
YES, COACH !

WELL, THEN.

LET'S HOP TO IT.
YES, COACH.

STAY.

[ Growling ]

- [ Crowd Cheering ]
- [ Blows Whistle ]

HEY, GO, LINCOLN !
YEAH ! GO, GO !

HEY, LOOK OUT !
HEY ! HEY !

LINCOLN, BABY !
WATCH OUT !

- [ Whimpers ]
- LINCOLN !

OH, GEEZ !

[ Blows Whistle ]
[ Ref ]
GOAL !

THAT'S THE HALF !

- YOU OKAY, BOY ?
- [ Whining ]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
THE GOAL STANDS ?
YOU CAN'T STOP THE CLOCK.

GOAL COUNTS.
THEY HAD A DOG
ON THE FIELD !

IT-IT'S AN ENTIRELY
DIFFERENT MATTER
ALTOGETHER.

I MEAN, COME ON !
THE DOG'S A GOON !
HE'S AN ANIMAL !

IF YOU PUTS SKATES ON HIM,
HE'D BE A HOCKEY PLAYER.

OH ! MEDIC !
GET US AN AMBULANCE !

THINGS COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE.
[ Male Announcer on P.A. ]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PLEASE WELCOME FOR YOUR
HALFTIME ENTERTAINMENT,

DAVID HASSELHOFF.
NO !

WHO'S RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS ?

I KNOW NOTHING !
I SAW NOTHING !

ANY MORE INCIDENTS
LIKE THIS,

AND I WILL DISQUALIFY
YOUR ENTIRE TEAM, HMM !

YOU DON'T DISQUALIFY
MARINES.

MARINES DISQUALIFY YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT ?

DISMISSED !

WELL ?

IT'S OKAY, BOY.
YOU DID YOUR BEST.

WELL, COME ON, GUYS.
WE'RE STILL IN THIS
THING. RIGHT ?

AH, WHO AM I KIDDIN' ?
WITHOUT THE DOG,
WE'RE NOTHIN'.

WAIT A SEC, GUYS.
DON'T LISTEN TO 'IM.

LOOK, LINCOLN OR NO LINCOLN,
WE'RE STILL IN
THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME !

AND WE CAN WIN...

IF WE DO IT TOGETHER.

BUT WE'RE A MAN SHORT, BABY.
THEY WON'T LET US PLAY.

[ Sighs ]

HEY, YO.
I DON'T THINK SO.

COME ON, MAN.
WE NEED YOU.

MY OLD MAN'S GONNA KILL ME.
I'M IN.

[ Crowd Cheering ]

CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU EVEN CAME OUT
FOR THE SECOND HALF.

WITHOUT THAT DOG,
YOU GUYS DON'T STAND
A CHANCE.

TALK'S CHEAP.
LET'S PLAY.

[ Blows Whistle ]

[ Blows Whistle ]

MOVE THE BALL !
MOVE THE BALL !

I'M ON THE PHONE. OKAY ?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH !
[ Mumbling Indistinctly ]

HEY !

[ Man On P.A. ]
ONE MINUTE LEFT
IN REGULATION PLAY.

COME ON.
WE NEED A GOAL.

COME ON.
WE NEED A MIRACLE. WE SUCK.
[ Man In Bleachers ] LOOK !

- LOOK !
IT'S LINCOLN !
- [ Barks ]

YES !

[ Crowd Cheering ]

- OH, WE'RE SAVED !
- YOU SURE YOU'RE
UP FOR THIS, BOY ?

- ALL RIGHT.
- LET'S GET THIS DOG
A UNIFORM.

THE DOG CAN TAKE
MY PLACE.

I AIN'T SUCH A BAD GUY.
YEAH, YOU'RE
ALL RIGHT, BABY.

ARE YOU CALLIN' ME
A BABY ?

[ Crowd Cheering ]

VINCE !

[ Barking ]

- YEAH !
- YEAH ! ALL RIGHT !

I CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE
WEAK ONES BEAT US !

WHY, I JUST CAN'T
UNDERSTAND IT !
YOU BUNCH OF LOSERS !

YOU WEAK--
[ Yelling Indistinctly ]

YEAH !

YOU WERE SO GREAT !
[ Crowd Applauding ]

GREAT JOB.
GREAT JOB.

THANKS, DAD.

LINCOLN !
UH-OH.

[ Birds Chirping ]

[ Barking ]

HIS REAL NAME'S KIMBLE.

IT'S THEIR DOG.

I'M SORRY.

THEY'VE MISSED HIM.

CLAY ? THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING
SUCH GOOD CARE
OF KIMBLE FOR US.

[ Alden Narrating ]
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW
HE'D RESPOND.

JUST AS EVERYTHING
WAS COMING TOGETHER,
IT WAS ALL FALLIN' APART.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

[ Whimpering ]

IT'S OKAY, BOY.
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO.

YOU BELONG TO THEM.

I'M GONNA MISS YA.

[ Whines ]
I KNOW IF YOU WERE MINE,
I'D NEVER LET YOU GO.

GO ON.

[ Barking ]

- COME ON, BOY.
- [ Barks ]

COME ON, BOY. COME, COME.
COME ON, KIMBLE.

[ Alden Narrating ]
WELL, HE WAS A LOT STRONGER
THAN I WAS AT HIS AGE.

IT'S EASY TO KNOW WHAT
THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS,

BUT IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY
TO ACTUALLY DO IT.

I GUESS SOMETIMES
WE'RE PART OF A MASTER PLAN
OF WHICH WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.

WE JUST HAVE TO ENJOY
THE TWISTS AND TURNS
ALONG THE WAY.

[ Puppies Whimpering ]

WHICH ONE ?

[ Whimpering Continues ]

[ Alden Narrating ]
AFTER THE BIG GAME,
THE TOWN DECIDED THAT...

SHAW HAD MORE TO LEARN
ABOUT THEIR CHERISHED SPORT--

ALL SPORTS FOR THAT MATTER.

A VOTE WAS TAKEN,
AND I'M PLEASED TO SAY,

I WAS EVERYONE'S
UNANIMOUS CHOICE
TO REPLACE HIM.

ALL RIGHT !
LET'S DO IT AGAIN !

[ Alden Narrating ]
WELL, ALL EXCEPT
FOR MR. ANDOLINI,

WHOSE DAYS OF FIXING
KIDS' SOCCER GAMES
WERE RAPIDLY COMING TO AN END.

FUNDERSBURK WAS
SO INSPIRED...

HE DECIDED TO OPEN UP
HIS OWN FIVE-STAR RESTAURANT.

OF COURSE, IT BURNED DOWN
A FEW WEEKS LATER.

BUT SOME PEOPLE IN CROCKER
DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

THEY WERE TOO BUSY
DINING IN.

AS FOR THAT LOONEY DOGCATCHER,
NOBODY EVER SAW HIM AGAIN.

SOME SAY THE ANIMALS GOT
THE ULTIMATE REVENGE.

OTHERS SAY HE MOVED
TO A MOUNTAINTOP TO LIVE OUT...

THE REST OF HIS LIFE
LIKE A HERMIT.

EITHER WAY,
THE WORLD'S A LOT SAFER
WITHOUT HIM AROUND.

IT TOOK ONE SPECIAL DOG
TO NOT ONLY TURN THIS TOWN
ON ITS HEAD,

BUT TO BRING
MY FAMILY TOGETHER.

IF ONLY THE REST OF US
WERE CAPABLE OF ACCOMPLISHING
SO MUCH.

BUT, THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

♪♪ [ Ska ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ I'VE GOT A SMALL FRIEND
WHO HAS A FAT FRIEND ♪

♪ WHO HAD A BIG FRIEND
WHO GAVE BIRTH
TO MANY FRIENDS ♪

♪ WITH OUR FLASHLIGHTS
TO THE SKY ♪

♪ WE WAITED FOR THEM TO LAND ♪

♪ I'VE GOT TWO TALL FRIENDS
WHO KNOW MY SMALL FRIEND ♪

♪ WHO SEEM TO HAVE
A PROBLEM WITH YOU ♪

♪ THEY GOT ROMAN CANDLES
BOTTLE ROCKETS
FOR THE VANDALS ♪

♪ WHO COVERED OUR LOCKERS
IN GLUE ♪

♪ WE'RE ON OUR WAY
HERE WE GO ♪

♪ WE'RE GONNA TAKE OVER ♪

♪ SET IT OFF
ONE LAST TIME ♪

♪ HERE WE COME AGAIN ♪

♪ WE WERE STRANGERS
AND WE WERE PILGRIMS ♪

♪ ROLE MODELS
OF THE FAMILY MAN ♪

♪ PIONEERS AND PATRIARCHS
PATRIOTS AND MATRIARCHS ♪

♪ STAKING OUT
THE PROMISED LAND ♪

♪ OUR LITTLE ARMY
WE WERE COMMANDOS ♪

♪ GUERRILLAS
WITH DECODER RINGS ♪

♪ WE FELT SOME OPPOSITION
FROM SOME VILLAINS ♪

♪ WHO WERE WISHING THEY COULD BE
CADETS AND KINGS ♪

♪ WE'RE ON OUR WAY
HERE WE GO ♪

♪ WE'RE GONNA TAKE OVER ♪

♪ SET IT OFF
ONE LAST TIME ♪

♪ HERE WE COME AGAIN ♪

♪ ALL SYSTEMS GO ♪

♪ SOON THE WORLD WILL KNOW ♪

♪ THE FURY OF ATTACK
FEEL THE WRATH ♪

♪ OF THE SUPER RAD
THE SUPER RAD ♪

♪ ALL SYSTEMS GO ♪

♪ SOON THE WORLD WILL KNOW ♪

♪ THE FURY OF ATTACK
FEEL THE WRATH ♪

♪ OF THE SUPER RAD
SUPER RAD, SUPER RAD ♪

♪ SUPER RAD ♪

♪ AND IF WE DIE
BEFORE THE BATTLE'S THROUGH ♪

♪ TELL YOUR MOM
TELL YOUR DAD ♪

♪ WE WERE SUPER RAD ♪

♪ WE'RE ON OUR WAY
HERE WE GO ♪

♪ WE'RE GONNA TAKE OVER ♪

♪ SET IT OFF
ONE LAST TIME ♪

♪ HERE WE COME AGAIN ♪

♪ ALL SYSTEMS GO ♪

♪ SOON THE WORLD WILL KNOW ♪

♪ THE FURY OF ATTACK
FEEL THE WRATH ♪

♪ OF THE SUPER RAD
THE SUPER RAD ♪

♪ ALL SYSTEMS GO ♪

♪ SOON THE WORLD WILL KNOW ♪

♪ THE FURY OF ATTACK
FEEL THE WRATH ♪

♪ OF THE SUPER RAD
SUPER RAD, SUPER RAD ♪

♪ ALL SYSTEMS GO ♪

♪ AS WE STEP INTO THE OCTAGON ♪

♪ FEEL THE WRATH
OF MISSION CODE NAME ♪

♪ APPLESAUCE, APPLESAUCE
APPLESAUCE ♪

♪ SUPER RAD ♪♪

[ Blows Whistle ]
FOUL !

YEP, YOU !

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE--

FOUL !
I SAID--

GR-- IT'S YELLOW !
IT'S THE YEL-- FOR YOU !

MISTER 16, YOU SEE THAT ?
I'M MARKIN' IT DOWN, PAL !

I'M GONNA BE MARKIN'
THAT DOWN, NUMBER 16 !

YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT !