All language subtitles for Malcolm in the Middle (2000) - S04E03 - Family Reunion (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)-eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,450 --> 00:00:05,246 Hal, you've been out here for six hours. 2 00:00:05,281 --> 00:00:07,041 That's all you're throwing away? 3 00:00:07,076 --> 00:00:08,767 No. This is my "maybe" pile. 4 00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:11,218 Look, I want to able to fit the van in the garage. 5 00:00:11,252 --> 00:00:13,254 That's the whole point of having a garage! 6 00:00:13,289 --> 00:00:15,705 You don't realize how complicated this is. 7 00:00:15,739 --> 00:00:17,672 Hal. Lois, I promise you. 8 00:00:17,707 --> 00:00:19,778 The van will fit in the garage! 9 00:00:36,553 --> 00:00:39,901 I think you owe me an apology. 10 00:00:39,936 --> 00:00:43,457 ♪ Yes, no, maybe 11 00:00:43,491 --> 00:00:45,976 ♪ I don't know 12 00:00:46,011 --> 00:00:49,221 ♪ Can you repeat the question? 13 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:51,499 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 14 00:00:51,534 --> 00:00:53,881 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 15 00:00:53,915 --> 00:00:56,332 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 16 00:00:56,366 --> 00:00:58,368 ♪ And you're not so big 17 00:00:58,403 --> 00:01:00,888 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 18 00:01:00,922 --> 00:01:02,890 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 19 00:01:02,924 --> 00:01:05,410 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 20 00:01:05,444 --> 00:01:08,171 ♪ And you're not so big 21 00:01:08,206 --> 00:01:12,727 ♪ Life is unfair. 22 00:01:17,353 --> 00:01:19,700 Francis is home visiting with his wife, Piama. 23 00:01:19,734 --> 00:01:20,908 It's been so nice around here since they came. 24 00:01:20,942 --> 00:01:23,048 Good dinner, Mom. 25 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,567 Please. It's completely overcooked. 26 00:01:24,601 --> 00:01:26,707 You must really be hurting for some decent cooking. 27 00:01:29,192 --> 00:01:31,470 See? Mom's so busy being mean to Piama, 28 00:01:31,505 --> 00:01:33,093 she doesn't even notice us. 29 00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:35,336 We've been getting away with murder. 30 00:01:36,579 --> 00:01:38,098 Hello? 31 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:40,065 Uh, hi, Claire. 32 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,171 : It's my sister! Oh, God. 33 00:01:42,205 --> 00:01:43,379 I'm gonna hang up on her. 34 00:01:43,413 --> 00:01:45,243 No, Hal. Find out what she wants. 35 00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:47,245 So what's up? 36 00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:48,763 Uh-huh. 37 00:01:48,798 --> 00:01:50,731 Family reunion this weekend for my Dad's birthday. 38 00:01:50,765 --> 00:01:53,147 I'm sorry, Claire, but I'm having foot surgery, 39 00:01:53,182 --> 00:01:54,631 so we'll have to pass. 40 00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:57,600 No, Hal, it's been too long already, we should go. 41 00:01:57,634 --> 00:01:59,015 But you know what, my foot feels fine now. 42 00:01:59,049 --> 00:02:00,879 So, I'm going to cancel that surgery 43 00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,398 and we'll see you Saturday.Wait a minute. 44 00:02:02,432 --> 00:02:04,365 They're inviting us only two days before 45 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,746 we have to be there? Forget it, Hal. 46 00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:07,023 They don't want us there. 47 00:02:07,057 --> 00:02:09,232 But you can never be too careful with feet. 48 00:02:09,267 --> 00:02:11,476 Which is exactly why we should go. 49 00:02:11,510 --> 00:02:12,580 What am I thinking? 50 00:02:12,615 --> 00:02:14,203 I've already had foot surgery. 51 00:02:14,237 --> 00:02:15,963 Okay, so we'll see you Saturday. 52 00:02:19,725 --> 00:02:21,071 So what's Grandpa like? 53 00:02:21,106 --> 00:02:23,281 He's okay, but the rest of Dad's family 54 00:02:23,315 --> 00:02:25,386 treat Mom like crap; they're jerks. 55 00:02:25,421 --> 00:02:28,113 Rich jerks, and Grandpa's the richest of them all. 56 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,942 And he loves kids; just say and do 57 00:02:29,977 --> 00:02:32,290 what I tell you, and we'll be set for life. 58 00:02:32,324 --> 00:02:34,671 You're nuts.Look, it's too late for you and me, 59 00:02:34,706 --> 00:02:36,225 but Dewey's still young and adorable. 60 00:02:36,259 --> 00:02:38,572 Although we do have a narrow window to work with. 61 00:02:38,606 --> 00:02:40,677 In a year, you're gonna look like a freak. 62 00:02:40,712 --> 00:02:42,162 Sorry it's so cramped, Piama. 63 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:44,302 This van really isn't designed to carry seven people. 64 00:02:44,336 --> 00:02:46,752 Oh. I guess I was thrown off by the seven seats 65 00:02:46,787 --> 00:02:48,340 and the seven seat belts. 66 00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:50,100 Uh, Francis, how's that ranch job treating you? 67 00:02:50,135 --> 00:02:52,137 Oh, great. Never a dull moment. 68 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,382 In fact, last week I got to castrate a bull calf. 69 00:02:55,416 --> 00:02:56,693 What does castrate mean? 70 00:02:56,728 --> 00:02:58,039 Ask your mother. 71 00:02:58,074 --> 00:03:00,249 You know, I have always wanted to know 72 00:03:00,283 --> 00:03:01,905 how to castrate a bull calf. 73 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:03,079 Tell me about it. 74 00:03:03,113 --> 00:03:04,494 Well, it's fascinating stuff. 75 00:03:04,529 --> 00:03:06,151 We use this tool called a burdizzo-- 76 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,808 it looks like a giant pair of pliers-- 77 00:03:07,842 --> 00:03:09,223 and the calf has to be restrained 78 00:03:09,258 --> 00:03:10,776 so that it doesn't kick... 79 00:03:10,811 --> 00:03:13,607 ...so once you cut off their blood supply, 80 00:03:13,641 --> 00:03:16,817 they shrivel up and are replaced by fat tissue. 81 00:03:16,851 --> 00:03:19,129 What a great story, Francis. 82 00:03:19,164 --> 00:03:23,203 It really made the last hour and a half fly by. 83 00:03:25,377 --> 00:03:26,999 Here come the clones. 84 00:03:27,034 --> 00:03:28,691 Hal, be nice. 85 00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:31,797 Hey, there's my kid brother! 86 00:03:31,832 --> 00:03:33,696 Hi, Claire. Hello, Tom. 87 00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:35,801 Hal, that shirt looks fabulous on you. 88 00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:37,562 Honey, isn't he looking handsome? 89 00:03:38,666 --> 00:03:39,736 He certainly is. 90 00:03:39,771 --> 00:03:41,669 : Lois. 91 00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:46,571 Hey! 92 00:03:46,605 --> 00:03:47,848 Who's this? Your cousin Pete. 93 00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:49,781 Pete-O! 94 00:03:49,815 --> 00:03:51,231 What's this? 95 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,405 Your dad's birthday present; we all chipped in. 96 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,236 We? We're going to chip in, too. 97 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,617 Oh, don't worry, we'll put your name on the card. 98 00:03:58,652 --> 00:04:00,274 Eh, come on. 99 00:04:00,309 --> 00:04:01,551 Let's get you inside. 100 00:04:01,586 --> 00:04:03,726 You must be worn out from that drive. 101 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,314 Actually, it wasn't so bad. 102 00:04:05,348 --> 00:04:08,317 Nonsense. Look at those sweat stains on Lois. 103 00:04:17,809 --> 00:04:19,535 Wow. 104 00:04:19,569 --> 00:04:22,019 It figures this is the side of the family we never see. 105 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,988 Meanwhile, the grandma who goes shopping in her bra 106 00:04:25,023 --> 00:04:26,404 visits five times a year. 107 00:04:26,438 --> 00:04:27,543 We can leave right now. 108 00:04:27,577 --> 00:04:29,130 Just get in the car and drive. 109 00:04:29,165 --> 00:04:31,409 Sandusky Caverns is just 40 minutes from here. 110 00:04:31,443 --> 00:04:33,376 Hal, relax. We can do this. 111 00:04:33,411 --> 00:04:34,722 I can't help it. 112 00:04:34,757 --> 00:04:36,068 I work myself into knots 113 00:04:36,103 --> 00:04:37,380 whenever I have to face the grand patriarch. 114 00:04:37,415 --> 00:04:38,968 Hi, Dad! 115 00:04:39,934 --> 00:04:42,385 Hal, you made it! 116 00:04:43,766 --> 00:04:46,078 Anybody help an old man out of the pool? 117 00:04:46,113 --> 00:04:47,908 I got you, Grandpa. 118 00:04:51,152 --> 00:04:52,775 Aah, right. 119 00:04:58,159 --> 00:04:59,954 Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa. 120 00:04:59,989 --> 00:05:01,956 What do you think that guy's for? 121 00:05:01,991 --> 00:05:03,303 His name is Francis. 122 00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:05,891 If you kill him, you don't get another one. 123 00:05:12,484 --> 00:05:15,004 Welcome one and all! 124 00:05:15,038 --> 00:05:16,005 Hey. 125 00:05:17,489 --> 00:05:19,388 Lois. 126 00:05:19,422 --> 00:05:21,044 Dewey! 127 00:05:21,079 --> 00:05:22,218 Goodness, you've grown! 128 00:05:22,252 --> 00:05:24,324 I bet you don't even remember me. 129 00:05:25,497 --> 00:05:27,154 Yes, I do. 130 00:05:27,188 --> 00:05:29,432 You thang to me when I wath thweeping. 131 00:05:29,467 --> 00:05:31,365 You remember that?! 132 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,298 Why, that's adorable! 133 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,024 So good to see you, Dad. 134 00:05:35,058 --> 00:05:38,165 I have to admit, I was a little nervous about coming back here 135 00:05:38,199 --> 00:05:39,477 after so much time had gone by. 136 00:05:39,511 --> 00:05:40,754 I was expecting... 137 00:05:40,788 --> 00:05:42,134 Expecting car trouble? 138 00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:44,378 Because it looks like you packed a spare tire! 139 00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:49,003 Ah, Malcolm! 140 00:05:49,038 --> 00:05:51,834 I understand they finally figured out you're a genius. 141 00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:54,112 What's your favorite subject in school? 142 00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,285 I don't know. History. 143 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:56,528 History, is it? 144 00:05:56,563 --> 00:05:59,289 What do you think about the Civil War? 145 00:05:59,324 --> 00:06:01,257 I guess it's kind of interesting. 146 00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:03,639 Ooh. Have I got something to show you! 147 00:06:03,673 --> 00:06:05,330 There you two are!LOIS: Hi, Amelia. 148 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,402 This reunion is going to be the death of me. 149 00:06:08,437 --> 00:06:09,507 Feeding this many people every day. 150 00:06:09,541 --> 00:06:11,163 Keeping track of all the kids. 151 00:06:11,198 --> 00:06:13,614 I swear I had to run the croquet tournament on Thursday 152 00:06:13,649 --> 00:06:14,857 all by myself. 153 00:06:14,891 --> 00:06:16,479 Tomorrow we've got a pancake breakfast, 154 00:06:16,514 --> 00:06:18,688 a family photo at 3:00, a birthday dinner at 5:00 155 00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:21,242 and gifts at 6:00, all with no one to take charge but me. 156 00:06:21,277 --> 00:06:22,692 This is what General Schwarzkopf 157 00:06:22,727 --> 00:06:25,695 must have felt like during Desert Storm! 158 00:06:25,730 --> 00:06:30,942 Lois, no one else is wearing a name tag. 159 00:06:31,943 --> 00:06:34,704 Hal, it's fine. 160 00:06:34,739 --> 00:06:38,225 Hey, untie his hands and give him his pants back! 161 00:06:38,259 --> 00:06:41,124 You're the only grandkid I've let in here. 162 00:06:41,159 --> 00:06:44,576 These are my most precious possessions. 163 00:06:44,611 --> 00:06:45,853 Cool. 164 00:06:45,888 --> 00:06:47,441 Oh, never mind that stuff. 165 00:06:47,476 --> 00:06:50,513 You don't want to waste your time with a bunch of guns. 166 00:06:50,548 --> 00:06:53,482 Take a look at this quartermasters' ledger books. 167 00:06:53,516 --> 00:06:56,554 This is where the war was really won. 168 00:06:56,588 --> 00:06:58,210 Take a look at this. 169 00:06:58,245 --> 00:07:00,627 Notice anything? 170 00:07:01,973 --> 00:07:04,354 Oh, yeah. The numbers don't add up here. Ah. 171 00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:05,528 What? 172 00:07:05,563 --> 00:07:06,909 In that column. 173 00:07:06,943 --> 00:07:09,049 The numbers add up to 1,286 174 00:07:09,083 --> 00:07:11,258 but the total at the bottom says 1,179. 175 00:07:11,292 --> 00:07:15,262 I was just hoping you'd notice how the S's look like F's 176 00:07:15,296 --> 00:07:16,884 but this is incredible. 177 00:07:16,919 --> 00:07:20,440 I think this quartermaster was skimming rifles. 178 00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:22,649 This is the kind of thing that gets your name 179 00:07:22,683 --> 00:07:24,236 in the Civil War Quarterly. 180 00:07:24,271 --> 00:07:26,031 Good job, Malcolm! 181 00:07:26,066 --> 00:07:29,690 : Let's see what else this guy was up to! 182 00:07:31,692 --> 00:07:34,281 I would never be massaged by a woman. 183 00:07:34,315 --> 00:07:36,317 I mean, you need that strength. 184 00:07:36,352 --> 00:07:38,009 When my body's in need, 185 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:41,046 I want a man to really get in there. 186 00:07:41,081 --> 00:07:43,739 FRANCIS: Okay, just one more lap. 187 00:07:46,638 --> 00:07:49,607 Boy, those kids have really taken a shine to Francis. 188 00:07:49,641 --> 00:07:51,988 He's not ready for kids, Piama; don't rush him. 189 00:07:52,023 --> 00:07:53,162 More cake, Lois? 190 00:07:53,196 --> 00:07:54,404 Oh, no, thank you. 191 00:07:54,439 --> 00:07:55,889 Ah, don't be shy. 192 00:07:55,923 --> 00:07:57,822 I saw the way you scarfed down your first piece. 193 00:07:57,856 --> 00:08:00,687 Oh, I'm sorry, you're probably on a diet, aren't you? 194 00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,762 Dad? 195 00:08:06,796 --> 00:08:08,453 Have you seen the cookies? 196 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,179 We have to talk. 197 00:08:10,213 --> 00:08:11,387 It's about Lois. 198 00:08:11,421 --> 00:08:13,423 Ever since we got here, 199 00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:16,012 the family's taken every opportunity to... 200 00:08:17,117 --> 00:08:18,912 Dad, don't do the face. 201 00:08:18,946 --> 00:08:19,878 What face? 202 00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:21,397 No, you know the face! 203 00:08:21,431 --> 00:08:23,019 Don't do that, I'm serious. 204 00:08:23,054 --> 00:08:25,505 : Oh. Can I do the voice? 205 00:08:27,610 --> 00:08:28,956 Dad, I'm not kidding. 206 00:08:28,991 --> 00:08:31,959 : Then why are you laughing? 207 00:08:31,994 --> 00:08:33,340 Dad! 208 00:08:33,374 --> 00:08:35,653 Nothing funny heeere. 209 00:08:35,687 --> 00:08:38,068 No, sireeeeee! 210 00:09:08,824 --> 00:09:11,585 Okay, you want a story, here's a story. 211 00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:15,555 It's called "The Kids Who Couldn't Play By Themselves." 212 00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,177 We did some good work today. 213 00:09:17,211 --> 00:09:19,006 Tomorrow, we'll hit Grandpa 214 00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:22,078 with the "Good Ship Lollipop" number right after breakfast. 215 00:09:22,113 --> 00:09:23,666 I want to swim in the pool. 216 00:09:23,701 --> 00:09:25,772 You can swim in the pool when we own the pool. 217 00:09:25,806 --> 00:09:27,912 Nice angle you're working with Grandpa, Malcolm. 218 00:09:27,946 --> 00:09:30,086 I have to admit, you're getting a lot of face time 219 00:09:30,121 --> 00:09:32,019 but when he croaks, all he's gonna leave you 220 00:09:32,054 --> 00:09:33,365 is that stupid Civil War crap. 221 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,092 Reese...You can have it, but I want it 222 00:09:36,127 --> 00:09:37,853 out of the house. 223 00:09:39,924 --> 00:09:41,581 Back off Grandpa. He's ours. 224 00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:43,513 What? 225 00:09:43,548 --> 00:09:45,688 We've been working this guy for three years, 226 00:09:45,723 --> 00:09:48,518 and we're not about to let you waltz in here 227 00:09:48,553 --> 00:09:50,417 and snake him out from under us. 228 00:09:50,451 --> 00:09:51,867 What are you saying? 229 00:09:51,901 --> 00:09:56,423 It's a big house; accidents happen. 230 00:09:57,666 --> 00:09:59,702 ...and then the little boy, about your age, 231 00:09:59,737 --> 00:10:02,532 was found hanging in the moonlight, 232 00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:05,087 strangled by his own intestines. 233 00:10:05,121 --> 00:10:09,539 And there was just enough life left in him to say... 234 00:10:09,574 --> 00:10:10,644 "You're next!!" 235 00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:18,238 Come out! 236 00:10:18,272 --> 00:10:20,447 He was lying; it was just a story. 237 00:10:25,901 --> 00:10:29,283 All I want is two seconds of honest, human conversation 238 00:10:29,318 --> 00:10:32,010 with my own father. 239 00:10:32,045 --> 00:10:34,288 I mean, what is so awful about me 240 00:10:34,323 --> 00:10:38,396 that he has to distance himself with jokes and silly faces? 241 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,778 Hal, you're not going to make any progress 242 00:10:40,812 --> 00:10:43,712 if you keep personalizing other people's problems. 243 00:10:43,746 --> 00:10:46,197 We've talked about this.You just don't get it. 244 00:10:46,231 --> 00:10:48,095 How could you? You don't have any father issues. 245 00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:50,960 I'm blessed. 246 00:10:50,995 --> 00:10:52,686 There's got to be some way to break this cycle. 247 00:10:52,721 --> 00:10:56,069 Some way to make my dad let his guard down 248 00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:59,693 and engage me on an emotional level... 249 00:10:59,728 --> 00:11:01,246 Are you even listening? 250 00:11:01,281 --> 00:11:02,800 Sorry. 251 00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:04,733 Oh! 252 00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:07,080 Hal, the answer to this is simple. 253 00:11:07,114 --> 00:11:08,840 You just have to look at your life; 254 00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:10,497 look at what you've accomplished. 255 00:11:10,531 --> 00:11:13,534 You havea good relationship with your sons. 256 00:11:13,569 --> 00:11:16,123 They can talk to you about anything. 257 00:11:16,158 --> 00:11:18,367 You have a wife and home and family 258 00:11:18,401 --> 00:11:20,680 a lot of people would envy. 259 00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:21,681 You're past this. 260 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:22,716 You think? 261 00:11:22,751 --> 00:11:23,959 Yes, I do. 262 00:11:23,993 --> 00:11:27,169 Hal, you're all grown up. 263 00:11:29,412 --> 00:11:30,655 Uh-oh. 264 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,967 What? 265 00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:33,727 I... 266 00:11:33,762 --> 00:11:35,833 I wet the bed. 267 00:11:41,321 --> 00:11:43,081 Oh, that tears it, Lois. 268 00:11:43,116 --> 00:11:44,945 You know I've been telling myself that everything's okay, 269 00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:46,636 but my bladder knew different. 270 00:11:46,671 --> 00:11:49,156 I am not leaving here until I've had this out with my dad. 271 00:11:49,191 --> 00:11:51,158 Hal, are you sure you want to do this? 272 00:11:51,193 --> 00:11:52,677 Lois, he just sits by 273 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,368 while everyone treats you like a dog, 274 00:11:54,403 --> 00:11:56,405 when they're not treating you like a servant. 275 00:11:56,439 --> 00:11:58,752 It's not that bad.Did you notice last night 276 00:11:58,787 --> 00:12:00,374 when you gave Helen your chair 277 00:12:00,409 --> 00:12:02,825 and she flipped the cushion over before she sat down? 278 00:12:02,860 --> 00:12:05,621 No. 279 00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:12,870 Why are we staring at a mall, Grandpa? 280 00:12:12,904 --> 00:12:14,837 This is a battlefield, Private, 281 00:12:14,872 --> 00:12:16,114 and I'm not your Grandpa. 282 00:12:16,149 --> 00:12:18,185 I'm Captain Atticus P. Featherton, 283 00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:22,224 commander of the Company "A" cavalry. 284 00:12:22,258 --> 00:12:24,053 It's 1864. 285 00:12:24,088 --> 00:12:25,814 Cannonballs are flying overhead. 286 00:12:25,848 --> 00:12:29,541 The nostrils curl with the smell of burning flesh. 287 00:12:30,715 --> 00:12:32,130 Can I get a yogurt? 288 00:12:32,165 --> 00:12:34,201 You're ravaged by dysentery, you don't want a yogurt. 289 00:12:34,236 --> 00:12:35,616 WOMAN: Edith, where are my keys? 290 00:12:35,651 --> 00:12:37,342 They're supposed to be in the key thingy. 291 00:12:37,377 --> 00:12:39,241 I can't trust you with anything. 292 00:12:39,275 --> 00:12:41,174 Now, there's Confederate sharpshooters 293 00:12:41,208 --> 00:12:42,727 on that ridge over there. 294 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,212 We have to sit very still while we wait for our orders 295 00:12:45,247 --> 00:12:47,076 or they'll pick us off one by one. 296 00:12:47,111 --> 00:12:50,597 But... Very still, Private. 297 00:12:53,324 --> 00:12:55,464 More still than that! 298 00:12:57,604 --> 00:12:59,882 Isn't this great? 299 00:13:03,472 --> 00:13:05,405 I asked for these to be ironed. 300 00:13:05,439 --> 00:13:08,132 What is wrong with you people? 301 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,762 Nice touch with the backwards "E." 302 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,558 You've got a real gift for this butt kissing stuff. 303 00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,077 We are so in. 304 00:13:22,111 --> 00:13:25,011 What do you mean "we"? 305 00:13:28,014 --> 00:13:30,050 Ma, you got to let us hide in here; these kids... 306 00:13:30,085 --> 00:13:31,327 What's wrong? 307 00:13:31,362 --> 00:13:32,846 Oh, I forgot to pack my good shoes. 308 00:13:32,881 --> 00:13:34,572 I can't believe it. What am I supposed to do? 309 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:36,091 All I've got are my sneakers. 310 00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:38,300 I'm supposed to take them off and run around barefoot 311 00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:39,991 like a hillbilly in front of these people? 312 00:13:40,026 --> 00:13:41,510 Mom, it's just shoes. Relax. 313 00:13:41,544 --> 00:13:43,132 Oh, Francis, it's not just shoes. 314 00:13:43,167 --> 00:13:44,513 You have no idea what it's like 315 00:13:44,547 --> 00:13:46,204 trying to please someone else's family 316 00:13:46,239 --> 00:13:48,137 and always coming up short. 317 00:13:48,172 --> 00:13:50,277 And would it kill you to dress up a little 318 00:13:50,312 --> 00:13:52,107 for a family picture? 319 00:13:55,593 --> 00:13:57,802 Oh, hey, Hal. 320 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,597 You know, that Malcolm of yours 321 00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,461 doesn't handle the heat very well. 322 00:14:01,495 --> 00:14:03,773 Dad, we need to talk. This is serious. 323 00:14:03,808 --> 00:14:05,914 Then I better put on my serious face. 324 00:14:05,948 --> 00:14:07,881 No, Dad, no faces. 325 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,779 Unless we deal with this, 326 00:14:09,814 --> 00:14:12,196 you and I will never have a meaningful relationship. 327 00:14:12,230 --> 00:14:14,198 Our relationship is fine. 328 00:14:14,232 --> 00:14:16,269 No, it's not fine. 329 00:14:16,303 --> 00:14:18,340 There's a big piece missing. 330 00:14:18,374 --> 00:14:19,617 Oh, sure we laugh, 331 00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,791 we-we have fun, but that's all we do. 332 00:14:21,826 --> 00:14:23,103 We just skim along the surface 333 00:14:23,138 --> 00:14:25,899 without talking about anything important. 334 00:14:25,934 --> 00:14:27,349 Do you understand? 335 00:14:27,383 --> 00:14:30,041 Let's ask Mr. Tickles. 336 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:32,975 Remember, Mr. Tickles? 337 00:14:34,563 --> 00:14:35,978 No, Dad, I mean it! 338 00:14:36,013 --> 00:14:38,463 : Well, Mr. Tickles means it, too. 339 00:14:40,155 --> 00:14:42,709 We used to do this all the time when you were a kid. 340 00:14:42,743 --> 00:14:45,643 You loved Mr. Tickles. 341 00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,197 Ooh, it's almost picture time. 342 00:14:49,405 --> 00:14:51,614 Hey, this was fun, Hal. 343 00:14:51,649 --> 00:14:53,893 I'm glad you're feeling better. 344 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:58,794 : Oh! 345 00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:03,730 That's not where we keep the liquor. 346 00:15:03,764 --> 00:15:05,042 I'm not looking for liquor. 347 00:15:05,076 --> 00:15:07,182 I'm looking for shoes. 348 00:15:07,216 --> 00:15:08,977 For some reason, I forgot to pack my good shoes 349 00:15:09,011 --> 00:15:10,875 and now I have nothing to wear with this dress 350 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,429 that I rushed out to buy so I would look nice for this family 351 00:15:13,464 --> 00:15:14,499 that thinks I can't 352 00:15:14,534 --> 00:15:16,122 do anything right. 353 00:15:16,156 --> 00:15:17,882 You know what? 354 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:21,575 I have some extra shoes in the back of our car. 355 00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:23,543 I bet they might fit you. 356 00:15:23,577 --> 00:15:24,924 Really? 357 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:27,374 It's the black Jaguar parked out by the gate. 358 00:15:27,409 --> 00:15:28,582 It's unlocked. 359 00:15:28,617 --> 00:15:32,414 Thank you. Really. 360 00:15:37,039 --> 00:15:39,455 Don't you guys want to be with your parents? 361 00:15:41,388 --> 00:15:42,734 My socks are itchy. 362 00:15:42,769 --> 00:15:45,461 Malcolm, I hear your sock itchiness 363 00:15:45,496 --> 00:15:47,360 and I'm glad you're telling me about it. 364 00:15:47,394 --> 00:15:49,051 You boys should know that I am here for you 365 00:15:49,086 --> 00:15:50,363 anytime you want to talk about anything. 366 00:15:50,397 --> 00:15:51,778 After we get this picture taken, 367 00:15:51,812 --> 00:15:53,538 I'm going to spend some time with each of you 368 00:15:53,573 --> 00:15:55,609 because I am involved and into everything 369 00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:56,990 that's going on with this family. 370 00:15:57,025 --> 00:15:59,441 Where's your mother? 371 00:15:59,475 --> 00:16:00,649 LOIS: Amelia? 372 00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:02,202 There aren't any shoes in your car. 373 00:16:02,237 --> 00:16:03,583 Are you sure...? 374 00:16:03,617 --> 00:16:06,379 PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, everybody, big smiles. 375 00:16:06,413 --> 00:16:07,967 Cheese on three. One, two... 376 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,002 three. 377 00:16:09,037 --> 00:16:10,141 Cheese! 378 00:16:10,176 --> 00:16:12,005 Okay, let me get one more real quick. 379 00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:15,077 Excellent. 380 00:16:15,112 --> 00:16:16,147 Thank you, everybody. 381 00:16:19,116 --> 00:16:22,291 You weren't in the photo, Lois? 382 00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:27,745 Well, I guess we can try to take another one. 383 00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,610 You know, if we can regather everybody. 384 00:16:30,644 --> 00:16:34,441 And if we can get the photographer back. 385 00:16:34,476 --> 00:16:36,029 And talk to the caterers 386 00:16:36,064 --> 00:16:38,756 to see if they can hold off on dinner. 387 00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,689 Lois, where were you? 388 00:17:00,191 --> 00:17:01,951 Honey? 389 00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:05,540 Honey? 390 00:17:05,576 --> 00:17:07,095 Honey... 391 00:17:07,128 --> 00:17:09,683 God. 392 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,607 Hey, is Lois going to help with the salad? 393 00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:41,577 Oh, God. More drama from that woman. 394 00:17:49,758 --> 00:17:50,966 What are you going to do? 395 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,934 We don't know. We never know. 396 00:17:57,938 --> 00:17:59,561 Hal... 397 00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:02,115 what are you doing? 398 00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:04,428 Taking a stand for my dignity. 399 00:18:04,462 --> 00:18:06,015 You've driven me to this, Dad. 400 00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:07,465 My wife is upstairs crying 401 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,502 because of the way this family treats her 402 00:18:09,536 --> 00:18:10,882 and it's got to stop. 403 00:18:10,917 --> 00:18:12,056 : Uh-oh. 404 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,577 Someone's a Gloomy Gus. 405 00:18:17,613 --> 00:18:20,064 You never face up to any real problems, do you? 406 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,205 You just think if you make enough jokes, they'll all go away. 407 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,621 Don't you see that through my entire life, 408 00:18:25,656 --> 00:18:26,967 you've avoided dealing with me 409 00:18:27,002 --> 00:18:28,900 whenever I was going through a tough time? 410 00:18:28,935 --> 00:18:30,592 Really, this is beyond the pale. 411 00:18:30,626 --> 00:18:33,250 You never helped me when my girlfriend dumped me... 412 00:18:33,284 --> 00:18:35,390 when my dog died... Hey. 413 00:18:35,424 --> 00:18:37,564 when my best friend moved away... 414 00:18:37,599 --> 00:18:39,428 when I got beaten up at school... 415 00:18:39,463 --> 00:18:41,465 when I spent a whole summer crying 416 00:18:41,499 --> 00:18:42,569 and I didn't know why! 417 00:18:42,604 --> 00:18:44,606 : Hal, stop it! 418 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:45,917 And you haven't helped me while my family has been 419 00:18:45,952 --> 00:18:47,781 habitually tormenting my wife 420 00:18:47,816 --> 00:18:51,785 to the point where I've had to avoid both them and you! 421 00:18:53,753 --> 00:18:56,963 I haven't had a father for the past 15 years 422 00:18:56,997 --> 00:18:59,793 because you won't deal with anything! 423 00:19:05,213 --> 00:19:07,249 Okay, that's off my chest. 424 00:19:07,284 --> 00:19:10,494 I hope you heard it. 425 00:19:10,528 --> 00:19:12,565 I love you, Dad. 426 00:19:17,363 --> 00:19:19,192 I'll go get you a towel. 427 00:19:20,573 --> 00:19:22,954 One of the old ones, please. 428 00:19:25,474 --> 00:19:27,200 All right, everybody ready? 429 00:19:27,235 --> 00:19:30,030 I was born ready. 430 00:19:46,150 --> 00:19:48,601 The cake! 431 00:19:48,635 --> 00:19:49,878 The cake! The cart! 432 00:20:27,778 --> 00:20:30,850 We had to get out of there pretty fast for our own safety. 433 00:20:30,884 --> 00:20:33,542 It was unbelievable. We drove three blocks 434 00:20:33,577 --> 00:20:35,924 before Aunt Claire let go of the door handle. 435 00:20:35,958 --> 00:20:39,376 I am so very disappointed in all of you. 436 00:20:39,410 --> 00:20:41,378 I don't care what those people did, 437 00:20:41,412 --> 00:20:43,483 that was no way for you to behave. 438 00:20:43,518 --> 00:20:44,519 Right, Hal? 439 00:20:44,553 --> 00:20:46,245 Yeah, you boys are on notice. 440 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:49,248 If you everdrive a golf cart over a catered dinner 441 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,697 and into a swimming pool again, 442 00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:55,081 there will be consequences. Dire consequences. 443 00:20:55,115 --> 00:20:57,911 I guess we just kissed off a six-figure trust fund. 444 00:20:57,946 --> 00:21:00,189 I told Grandpa you tied me to the golf cart. 445 00:21:00,224 --> 00:21:01,260 What?! 446 00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:03,917 He still likes you. 447 00:21:03,952 --> 00:21:05,919 Nice, we're back in the game. 448 00:21:05,954 --> 00:21:08,922 Yeah. 449 00:21:08,957 --> 00:21:10,717 Oh, Piama. 450 00:21:10,752 --> 00:21:12,616 Is that too much air on you? 451 00:21:13,444 --> 00:21:15,274 No. 32020

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