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1
00:00:01,453 --> 00:00:03,801
Guys, cancel all your plans forever.
2
00:00:03,802 --> 00:00:05,803
Alayna, my best friend
from grade school,
3
00:00:05,804 --> 00:00:07,672
is coming to town because she's deciding
4
00:00:07,673 --> 00:00:09,373
whether or not
she wants to live in New York.
5
00:00:09,374 --> 00:00:10,708
When's the last time you saw each other?
6
00:00:10,709 --> 00:00:13,244
Sixth grade. That's when
her bitch mom made her
7
00:00:13,245 --> 00:00:15,346
move to Germany,
but we've kept in touch.
8
00:00:15,347 --> 00:00:16,814
You know, she sends me
German chocolates.
9
00:00:16,815 --> 00:00:18,349
I send her selfies of me eating them.
10
00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:19,917
Oh, yeah. You send those to me, too.
11
00:00:19,918 --> 00:00:21,786
And me. What's your friend like?
12
00:00:21,787 --> 00:00:24,655
Lindsay, she is so cool and fun.
13
00:00:24,656 --> 00:00:26,223
Anyway, I was thinking
of throwing this kind of
14
00:00:26,224 --> 00:00:28,593
swanky cocktail party
so she can meet a guy.
15
00:00:28,594 --> 00:00:30,528
Wait a second, you're from New Jersey.
16
00:00:30,529 --> 00:00:31,796
Do you know Bruce Springsteen?
17
00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:34,231
- Is he single?
- Mindy, I collect comic books.
18
00:00:34,232 --> 00:00:35,533
I know tons of single guys.
19
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:37,535
No. I will not have nerds in this house.
20
00:00:37,536 --> 00:00:38,603
- Whoa.
- I will not expose
21
00:00:38,604 --> 00:00:40,004
my son to that. In fact, it's crazy
22
00:00:40,005 --> 00:00:41,339
that your daughter is this cool.
23
00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:42,474
[laughter]
24
00:00:44,309 --> 00:00:46,110
- [knocking]
- Hey, I figured
25
00:00:46,111 --> 00:00:48,245
I would just pop in and ask.
What can I bring?
26
00:00:48,246 --> 00:00:50,848
To me? Right now?
Well, I had a huge lunch, but...
27
00:00:50,849 --> 00:00:51,916
I'm sorry, I was talking
about what can I bring
28
00:00:51,917 --> 00:00:54,585
- to your party?
- Oh, the usual.
29
00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:57,088
A bucket, a mop, some rags.
Show up the next morning,
30
00:00:57,089 --> 00:00:58,589
- at 6:00 a. m., don't wake me up...
- No, no no.
31
00:00:58,590 --> 00:01:00,291
Ben invited me to your party.
32
00:01:00,292 --> 00:01:02,560
As, like, a human guest.
33
00:01:02,561 --> 00:01:04,562
Ben invited you to
my fancy dinner party?
34
00:01:04,563 --> 00:01:06,797
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, cool.
35
00:01:06,798 --> 00:01:09,200
It was a very selective
guest list, but...
36
00:01:09,201 --> 00:01:10,768
And I gotta tell you
this much, I'm very much
37
00:01:10,769 --> 00:01:12,637
looking forward to meeting
your friend from Europe.
38
00:01:12,638 --> 00:01:14,705
European women love me.
39
00:01:14,706 --> 00:01:16,574
Eastern European women love me
because I smell like cabbage.
40
00:01:16,575 --> 00:01:17,875
Which we've discussed.
41
00:01:17,876 --> 00:01:19,677
Okay, no offense, Morgan,
but I'm having this party
42
00:01:19,678 --> 00:01:22,380
to introduce Alayna to,
like, a certain type of guy,
43
00:01:22,381 --> 00:01:24,715
and I don't know, I just
think don't think you're her...
44
00:01:24,716 --> 00:01:26,617
actually, I don't think you're any type.
45
00:01:26,618 --> 00:01:29,086
Yeah, no, I get it.
But forget about Alayna, okay?
46
00:01:29,087 --> 00:01:31,822
I gotta tell you, I'm gonna be
the perfect party guest.
47
00:01:31,823 --> 00:01:34,725
Grab a little bit of food,
talk about religion
48
00:01:34,726 --> 00:01:37,261
and politics and people's salaries,
49
00:01:37,262 --> 00:01:39,397
how old everyone is,
you know what I mean?
50
00:01:39,398 --> 00:01:41,732
Don't worry, okay?
I'm not gonna embarrass you.
51
00:01:41,733 --> 00:01:43,367
- What time?
- 7:00.
52
00:01:43,368 --> 00:01:45,870
Hey, I'll see you at 6:00.
53
00:01:45,871 --> 00:01:47,004
Oh! That hit my penis, John.
54
00:01:47,005 --> 00:01:49,540
Ah, I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
55
00:01:49,541 --> 00:01:52,543
[music]
56
00:01:52,568 --> 00:01:59,508
57
00:02:02,969 --> 00:02:05,574
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
58
00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:12,163
59
00:02:12,164 --> 00:02:14,966
Karen, you gotta stop hovering.
60
00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:16,767
This is not helping
the perception around the office
61
00:02:16,768 --> 00:02:18,669
- that you're weird.
- Sorry, Tamra,
62
00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:21,939
but I saw something, and according to
63
00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:24,942
the posters in the subway,
I need to say something.
64
00:02:24,943 --> 00:02:28,379
I told you, the Elmo
in Times Square isn't real.
65
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:30,548
- There's a man inside.
- See, you nurses
66
00:02:30,549 --> 00:02:32,750
are so much better at gossip than I am.
67
00:02:32,751 --> 00:02:35,453
So far, I've only told one
person, the photo in my locket,
68
00:02:35,454 --> 00:02:37,588
Aunt Maureen, and she was speechless.
69
00:02:37,589 --> 00:02:38,823
Well, what'd you see?
70
00:02:38,824 --> 00:02:41,125
I was in the Diamond District,
checking alleys
71
00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:43,194
- to find a dice game.
- Okay, stop.
72
00:02:43,195 --> 00:02:45,429
Good gossip isn't about the gossiper.
73
00:02:45,430 --> 00:02:46,964
It's about the four W's:
74
00:02:46,965 --> 00:02:48,766
Who, what, where, and whoa.
75
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:51,035
Okay, well,
76
00:02:51,036 --> 00:02:54,405
I think I saw Dr. L's boyfriend, Ben,
77
00:02:54,406 --> 00:02:56,641
in a diamond store and it looked like
78
00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:59,076
he was buying something.
79
00:02:59,077 --> 00:03:00,411
Whoa.
80
00:03:00,412 --> 00:03:02,546
So is that good gossip?
81
00:03:02,547 --> 00:03:04,849
I said, "Whoa," didn't I?
82
00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:08,152
Wow, I can't believe that
Dr. L's done it again.
83
00:03:08,153 --> 00:03:10,921
She got another guy ready to
propose to her and meanwhile
84
00:03:10,922 --> 00:03:14,258
poor Taylor Swift's
withering on the vine.
85
00:03:14,259 --> 00:03:16,327
Benjamin Uzi Miller.
86
00:03:16,328 --> 00:03:18,863
Hey, you just can't make up
a Jewish middle name
87
00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:20,498
- when you're mad at me.
- Why did you invite Morgan
88
00:03:20,499 --> 00:03:21,832
- to my party?
- You said I can
89
00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:22,967
invite a friend.
90
00:03:22,968 --> 00:03:24,101
Wait, he's your friend, too.
91
00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:26,470
Oh, Ben. Poor, poor, sweet Ben.
92
00:03:26,471 --> 00:03:28,005
- What?
- Obviously, I meant, like,
93
00:03:28,006 --> 00:03:29,173
a cool, sexy friend.
94
00:03:29,174 --> 00:03:30,808
Like the hot teenager
who mows your lawn.
95
00:03:30,809 --> 00:03:32,943
You guys are acting like
Morgan isn't human.
96
00:03:32,944 --> 00:03:35,479
Oh, look, we all love Morgan.
97
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,615
He's like a big, sloppy ice
cream sundae.
98
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:40,618
Every part of it is good,
but it gets you all sticky
99
00:03:40,619 --> 00:03:42,353
and sometimes it makes you
sick to your stomach.
100
00:03:42,354 --> 00:03:44,889
Listen to this.
This is wisdom from the ancient.
101
00:03:44,890 --> 00:03:46,424
Well, I don't know about that.
102
00:03:46,425 --> 00:03:48,993
Certain types of parties call
for certain types of guests.
103
00:03:48,994 --> 00:03:51,896
I wouldn't expect to be invite
to, say, a bris.
104
00:03:51,897 --> 00:03:54,265
Or that candle Christmas y'all have.
105
00:03:54,266 --> 00:03:55,866
- No.
- It's such a good point.
106
00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:58,669
This is a very elegant affair
for my sophisticated friend.
107
00:03:58,670 --> 00:03:59,670
I don't need Morgan there.
108
00:03:59,671 --> 00:04:00,805
Do you wanna know how elegant it is?
109
00:04:00,806 --> 00:04:02,373
I put a bowl of seashells in my crapper.
110
00:04:02,374 --> 00:04:04,675
Okay, look, there's no reason
Morgan shouldn't be invited.
111
00:04:04,676 --> 00:04:05,843
He does everything for you.
112
00:04:05,844 --> 00:04:07,311
He works for you, he Tweets for you,
113
00:04:07,312 --> 00:04:08,846
he tricks you into taking your pills.
114
00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:11,315
Oh, which reminds me, I have
to take my birth control cheese.
115
00:04:11,316 --> 00:04:13,084
See?
116
00:04:13,085 --> 00:04:14,585
Ok, well, he's been invited.
117
00:04:14,586 --> 00:04:15,753
So there's nothing we can do now.
118
00:04:15,754 --> 00:04:17,588
Thanks a lot. Let's go.
119
00:04:17,589 --> 00:04:19,091
Duh.
120
00:04:20,692 --> 00:04:24,061
- Oh, Ben, there you are.
- Hey.
121
00:04:24,062 --> 00:04:26,363
Heard the news, and I gotta tell you,
122
00:04:26,364 --> 00:04:28,899
even though it's probably
none of my business,
123
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:31,102
I think you're making
a terrible mistake.
124
00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:33,404
Oh, yeah, that.
125
00:04:33,405 --> 00:04:36,307
Listen, for a life-size
Darth Vader statue,
126
00:04:36,308 --> 00:04:37,575
it's actually a pretty good deal.
127
00:04:37,576 --> 00:04:39,176
It says five lines from the movie.
128
00:04:39,177 --> 00:04:40,511
No, you dope.
129
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:43,013
I heard you were getting hitched.
130
00:04:43,014 --> 00:04:45,750
Another victim of the con.
131
00:04:45,751 --> 00:04:47,651
What? I'm not getting engaged.
132
00:04:47,652 --> 00:04:49,220
Where did you hear that?
133
00:04:49,221 --> 00:04:50,221
Page Six.
134
00:04:50,222 --> 00:04:51,856
Ha, just joking.
135
00:04:51,857 --> 00:04:53,290
Why would they even cover that?
136
00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:55,894
No, someone at Shulman's told me.
137
00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:00,931
Alayna, how was Germany?
138
00:05:00,932 --> 00:05:02,767
You know, I really respect
their culture.
139
00:05:02,768 --> 00:05:04,869
I'm a huge David Hasselhoff fan.
140
00:05:04,870 --> 00:05:06,704
Well, Berlin is great, but I am so glad
141
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:07,872
to be back in the States.
142
00:05:07,873 --> 00:05:10,441
Like, I'm tired of electronica
and club drugs.
143
00:05:10,442 --> 00:05:13,344
I wanna get back to my roots...
Hip-hop and club drugs.
144
00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:15,279
Well, you're gonna
really love Manhattan.
145
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,914
In a way, it's like
its own little island.
146
00:05:16,915 --> 00:05:18,883
Yeah, New York's getting
cool again now that DeBlasio
147
00:05:18,884 --> 00:05:20,217
is letting it go to crap.
148
00:05:20,218 --> 00:05:22,353
And I just pray the racial
tensions get high enough
149
00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:25,256
to produce some white flight
so I can get an apartment.
150
00:05:25,257 --> 00:05:28,225
Well, I brought some really
cute, single guys here.
151
00:05:28,226 --> 00:05:30,027
And the good kind.
Not ones, like, strapped down
152
00:05:30,028 --> 00:05:31,262
with annoying little kids.
153
00:05:31,263 --> 00:05:33,164
- Go meet them, go meet them.
- Okay.
154
00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:34,565
So, what's going on at Shulman?
155
00:05:34,566 --> 00:05:37,635
Any hot goss?
Things I would be interested in
156
00:05:37,636 --> 00:05:39,870
or find personally relatable?
157
00:05:39,871 --> 00:05:41,939
Okay, I see you've heard.
158
00:05:41,940 --> 00:05:44,375
Yes, it's true, I went on
a date with Huma Abedin.
159
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:46,911
She said I was the worst guy
she'd ever met.
160
00:05:46,912 --> 00:05:48,179
Can you imagine that?
161
00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:50,214
That's it? No other relationship news?
162
00:05:50,215 --> 00:05:52,316
Births, deaths, engagements?
163
00:05:52,317 --> 00:05:54,752
Oh, my God, of course. I can't
believe I didn't tell you.
164
00:05:54,753 --> 00:05:57,755
My bird, Roger, laid an egg.
It was a big surprise.
165
00:05:57,756 --> 00:05:59,190
That's awesome. I'm gonna get a drink.
166
00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:00,324
That's a...
167
00:06:00,325 --> 00:06:01,392
Jeremy?
168
00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:03,527
Hi. Have you met my friend Alayna?
169
00:06:03,528 --> 00:06:05,629
She was in Germany for a very long time.
170
00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:07,364
And Jeremy is from jolly old England,
171
00:06:07,365 --> 00:06:08,465
so I think you guys probably have
172
00:06:08,466 --> 00:06:10,067
a lot of castles you could discuss.
173
00:06:10,068 --> 00:06:12,403
Well, actually, our castle
was seized by the crown
174
00:06:12,404 --> 00:06:14,505
because of our cowardice
during World War II.
175
00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:16,073
It's now a home for the insane.
176
00:06:16,074 --> 00:06:19,476
So nothing much has changed.
[all laughing]
177
00:06:19,477 --> 00:06:21,579
Talk about something else.
Something better.
178
00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:25,516
Oh, okay. Well this morning,
I had a pedicure.
179
00:06:25,517 --> 00:06:27,585
Next stop, sandal shopping.
180
00:06:27,586 --> 00:06:28,886
[laughs]
181
00:06:28,887 --> 00:06:30,221
I don't think we're clicking.
182
00:06:30,222 --> 00:06:31,555
Oh, okay. I got something for you.
183
00:06:31,556 --> 00:06:33,390
Hey, Jody, hey. I want you to meet
184
00:06:33,391 --> 00:06:35,492
my beautiful, intelligent
friend, Alayna.
185
00:06:35,493 --> 00:06:36,994
- Oh, charmed, charmed.
- She has not
186
00:06:36,995 --> 00:06:38,429
lived in America for ten years.
187
00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:41,165
Ten years? Oh, my. Let me catch you up.
188
00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:44,568
We no longer go to space,
anything can marry anything,
189
00:06:44,569 --> 00:06:47,638
and it's illegal to be a white man.
190
00:06:47,639 --> 00:06:49,740
There are some good TV shows, though.
191
00:06:49,741 --> 00:06:52,176
Well, I'm gonna grab a drink.
192
00:06:52,177 --> 00:06:54,044
And please don't follow me.
193
00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:55,045
Bye.
194
00:06:55,046 --> 00:06:56,814
Hey, guys. I am appalled.
195
00:06:56,815 --> 00:06:58,682
You're both such a waste of handsome.
196
00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:01,218
Hey, listen, I think
your friend is into me.
197
00:07:01,219 --> 00:07:03,889
Maybe I could invite her to
my harpsichord recital.
198
00:07:07,359 --> 00:07:09,093
Oh, Alayna, please don't leave.
199
00:07:09,094 --> 00:07:11,428
I am so sorry that you've talked
to so many losers tonight.
200
00:07:11,429 --> 00:07:13,163
I wanna introduce you to my trainer.
201
00:07:13,164 --> 00:07:15,866
I just am not sure that I will
be able to recognize him.
202
00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:18,903
No, Mindy, I actually met
someone who is so great.
203
00:07:18,904 --> 00:07:20,704
So we're just gonna slip out
and take a little walk.
204
00:07:20,705 --> 00:07:23,007
And who knows? Maybe end up
at my hotel room.
205
00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:24,942
Ooh, delicioso.
206
00:07:24,943 --> 00:07:26,543
Who is it? Jody?
207
00:07:26,544 --> 00:07:29,380
Jeremy? Cory Booker?
I can't believe he came.
208
00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:30,915
I guess anything to get out
of Newark, huh?
209
00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:34,118
No, it's none of those guys.
This guy is... [exhales]
210
00:07:34,119 --> 00:07:36,787
Whoa. I'm dying to meet him.
211
00:07:36,788 --> 00:07:39,156
Hey, your party is amazing, by the way.
212
00:07:39,157 --> 00:07:40,190
I've been here for two hours,
213
00:07:40,191 --> 00:07:41,325
and I have not spilled one thing.
214
00:07:41,326 --> 00:07:42,760
- Oh, okay.
- Oh, God, no, there you go.
215
00:07:42,761 --> 00:07:44,295
Okay, Morgan, can you
just give us a second?
216
00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:45,729
My friend is telling me
about this hot guy
217
00:07:45,730 --> 00:07:47,831
she's gonna take home.
218
00:07:47,832 --> 00:07:50,267
Great party, Mindy. I had so much fun.
219
00:07:50,268 --> 00:07:51,835
Ready? Let's go!
220
00:07:51,836 --> 00:07:53,570
- Uh, bye!
- [both laughing]
221
00:07:53,571 --> 00:07:55,506
Hey, listen, don't worry.
I'm gonna treat your friend
222
00:07:55,507 --> 00:07:56,674
with the utmost respect.
223
00:07:56,675 --> 00:07:58,008
Also I messed up the toilet.
224
00:07:58,009 --> 00:07:59,710
No one can go in there,
seriously, look, it's sick...
225
00:07:59,711 --> 00:08:01,245
I gotta go. Bye!
226
00:08:01,246 --> 00:08:02,380
[door closes]
227
00:08:07,023 --> 00:08:09,153
You know, that Cory Booker
fellow was nice.
228
00:08:09,154 --> 00:08:10,487
Maybe I'll shave my head.
229
00:08:10,488 --> 00:08:13,023
I did not invite you to the
party to talk to Cory Booker.
230
00:08:13,024 --> 00:08:14,525
All right? You were there
to hit on my friend.
231
00:08:14,526 --> 00:08:16,860
And what did you do? Nothing.
You were as charismatic
232
00:08:16,861 --> 00:08:18,395
as my dad talking to a family
at a cruise.
233
00:08:18,396 --> 00:08:20,597
I'm sorry. I'm off my game.
234
00:08:20,598 --> 00:08:23,434
I switched from bourbon to rye,
for health reasons.
235
00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:26,470
Whole grain, you know. And it is
just throwing everything off.
236
00:08:26,471 --> 00:08:27,471
I don't wanna talk about this anymore.
237
00:08:27,472 --> 00:08:28,939
Where's Morgan with my breakfast?
238
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:30,941
Good morning!
239
00:08:30,942 --> 00:08:32,876
So sorry I'm late. Personal apology.
240
00:08:32,877 --> 00:08:35,813
I was just on my way to work
and I ran into Alayna
241
00:08:35,814 --> 00:08:37,982
in the lobby of her hotel.
242
00:08:37,983 --> 00:08:39,183
Where we had sex.
243
00:08:39,184 --> 00:08:42,586
- Oh.
- Hey, I know for some of you
244
00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:44,388
it may be uncomfortable for me
to talk about
245
00:08:44,389 --> 00:08:46,390
this kinda of stuff.
But what am I supposed to do?
246
00:08:46,391 --> 00:08:47,891
Not announce it?
247
00:08:47,892 --> 00:08:50,527
Look, I know how you have sex.
It's nothing to brag about.
248
00:08:50,528 --> 00:08:52,429
- Mm, mm-hmm.
- Mindy, I wanna thank you
249
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:54,331
for such a great party last night.
250
00:08:54,332 --> 00:08:58,068
Oh, and Morgan suggested that we
go on a little double date.
251
00:08:58,069 --> 00:08:59,403
- Yeah.
- What do you think?
252
00:08:59,404 --> 00:09:01,605
- That'd be fun, right?
- You wanna see him again?
253
00:09:01,606 --> 00:09:03,040
Blink once if you're in danger.
254
00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:04,375
Mindy, you're so funny.
255
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:06,944
Morgan is so different from German guys.
256
00:09:06,945 --> 00:09:08,579
I mean, his English isn't as good,
257
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:11,148
but he's happy, he's non-judgmental,
258
00:09:11,149 --> 00:09:14,952
- and, boy, is he circumcised.
- Okay.
259
00:09:14,953 --> 00:09:16,754
Come on, we asked Ben, he's in. Please?
260
00:09:16,755 --> 00:09:17,955
- Please?
- He said yes?
261
00:09:17,956 --> 00:09:19,690
- Yes.
- Oh, he's in, baby.
262
00:09:19,691 --> 00:09:21,258
Okay. For you, Alayna, sure.
263
00:09:21,259 --> 00:09:22,626
both: Yeah!
264
00:09:22,627 --> 00:09:24,461
That means I get another night with you.
265
00:09:24,462 --> 00:09:25,462
- Mm.
- Oh.
266
00:09:25,463 --> 00:09:28,132
- Mm, mm, mm...
- No, you just buck up.
267
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,034
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- And buy some more condoms.
268
00:09:30,035 --> 00:09:31,969
Yes, just need some cash.
269
00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:32,970
[slurps]
270
00:09:32,971 --> 00:09:34,505
- Oh!
- Bye, Min!
271
00:09:34,506 --> 00:09:35,607
Bye.
272
00:09:36,908 --> 00:09:38,509
- Hey, Ben!
- Hey.
273
00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:41,078
- both: Hey, Ben!
- Hey, what's up?
274
00:09:41,079 --> 00:09:42,479
- What's up?
- What you doing in here?
275
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,581
You looking for someone maybe
to choreograph a romantic
276
00:09:44,582 --> 00:09:46,583
flash mob for a specific reason?
277
00:09:46,584 --> 00:09:49,353
Or someone who's a licensed sky writer
278
00:09:49,354 --> 00:09:52,656
with her own plane?
279
00:09:52,657 --> 00:09:54,825
So it was you who's been
running around gossiping
280
00:09:54,826 --> 00:09:56,460
that I'm gonna propose to Mindy.
281
00:09:56,461 --> 00:09:58,095
You don't know it was us.
282
00:09:58,096 --> 00:10:00,898
- How'd you know it was us?
- Dude, it's not gossip.
283
00:10:00,899 --> 00:10:02,966
Karen saw you at the jewelry store.
284
00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:05,803
And I have great eyesight,
'cause all I eat is carrots.
285
00:10:05,804 --> 00:10:08,205
Well, you're wrong, because
what I was actually doing
286
00:10:08,206 --> 00:10:10,941
was selling my wedding ring
from my first marriage.
287
00:10:10,942 --> 00:10:13,043
Oh, damn. That's not gossip at all.
288
00:10:13,044 --> 00:10:14,711
That's just a sad transaction.
289
00:10:14,712 --> 00:10:16,046
How much did you get for it?
290
00:10:16,047 --> 00:10:17,714
Hey, this is messed up, okay?
291
00:10:17,715 --> 00:10:20,084
If Mindy finds out about this
she's gonna freak out.
292
00:10:20,085 --> 00:10:21,785
We haven't even talked
about marriage yet.
293
00:10:21,786 --> 00:10:26,457
Look, I don't know how, but you
gossip girls better fix this.
294
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:29,760
Fix this? Did he just ask us
to kill Dr. L?
295
00:10:29,761 --> 00:10:32,096
Oh, man. Look at what I started.
296
00:10:32,097 --> 00:10:33,997
I just need to stick to things
I'm good at,
297
00:10:33,998 --> 00:10:35,532
like making carrot cake and sex.
298
00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,835
No, no, no, you guys. We can fix this.
299
00:10:37,836 --> 00:10:39,169
You can't make gossip go away.
300
00:10:39,170 --> 00:10:41,405
I mean, I still believe
John Kerry was a bad soldier
301
00:10:41,406 --> 00:10:43,373
in Vietnam and I started that rumor.
302
00:10:43,374 --> 00:10:46,243
But you can bury gossip with
bigger gossip.
303
00:10:46,244 --> 00:10:47,778
Oh, I know that trick.
304
00:10:47,779 --> 00:10:50,180
Like when Grandma finds out
you're a lesbian so you say,
305
00:10:50,181 --> 00:10:53,584
- "Jody's a Democrat."
- Exactly.
306
00:10:53,585 --> 00:10:55,819
Oh, my God, this is one
hell of a beefsteak.
307
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:58,522
Morgan, I love this shirt on you.
308
00:10:58,523 --> 00:10:59,990
Thank you, I got it at
the Big and Weird store.
309
00:10:59,991 --> 00:11:01,558
[laughs] Stop it.
310
00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:03,327
So, Alayna, what's Germany like?
311
00:11:03,328 --> 00:11:06,063
Is it better than when my
grandparents fled from there?
312
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:07,931
Yeah, Germany's great.
They use cleanliness
313
00:11:07,932 --> 00:11:10,134
and efficiency to cover up
a deep well of shame.
314
00:11:10,135 --> 00:11:11,835
- Huh.
- Morgan, have you ever been
315
00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:14,505
to Germany, or anywhere, in fact?
316
00:11:14,506 --> 00:11:15,873
I have not. I have not been to Europe.
317
00:11:15,874 --> 00:11:18,876
There's so many places
in America I wanna see.
318
00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:20,811
- I wanna go to Coney Island.
- Ooh.
319
00:11:20,812 --> 00:11:22,146
I wanna go to the Statue of Liberty.
320
00:11:22,147 --> 00:11:23,947
I wanna go to the Verrazano Bridge.
321
00:11:23,948 --> 00:11:25,115
He wants to go to Old Navy.
322
00:11:25,116 --> 00:11:27,518
Um, I wanna say one thing
about this wine.
323
00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:30,154
It opened beautifully, it smells great,
324
00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:33,690
and it tastes... [slurps]
325
00:11:33,691 --> 00:11:35,592
- good.
- Alayna, has he told you
326
00:11:35,593 --> 00:11:37,794
- about his dogs?
- Dogs? No.
327
00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:39,329
Oh, he has dozens of dogs that live in
328
00:11:39,330 --> 00:11:40,931
his one bedroom apartment with him.
329
00:11:40,932 --> 00:11:42,599
- Dozens?
- Yeah.
330
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,434
Ahh, I got a couple pooches at home.
331
00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:47,404
That's true. You know, a lot of
people say that I rescued them.
332
00:11:47,405 --> 00:11:50,107
But, I don't know, I like to
think they rescued me
333
00:11:50,108 --> 00:11:54,011
- from wells and snow banks and...
- Morgan, you are so amazing.
334
00:11:54,012 --> 00:11:56,180
How are you still single?
Seriously, where have you
335
00:11:56,181 --> 00:11:58,348
- been hiding him, Mindy?
- Where have you been hiding me?
336
00:11:58,349 --> 00:12:00,384
Can I ask a question that
I think we're all thinking?
337
00:12:00,385 --> 00:12:04,021
Which is: Alayna, did you get
brain damaged in Germany?
338
00:12:04,022 --> 00:12:06,490
Well, she did bump her head
last night a few times.
339
00:12:06,491 --> 00:12:08,358
- [imitates head hitting wall]
- Bonk! [laughs]
340
00:12:08,359 --> 00:12:10,227
That's why you're on the bottom tonight!
341
00:12:10,228 --> 00:12:12,596
Oh, I've never done that before!
342
00:12:12,597 --> 00:12:14,298
And you will straight up gag
343
00:12:14,299 --> 00:12:15,532
when you hear what's going on with Ben.
344
00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:17,201
- Ben? You wish.
- You wish.
345
00:12:17,202 --> 00:12:19,102
I do wish. Why? What's going on? Not...
346
00:12:19,103 --> 00:12:21,338
Yes, he's proposing to
Dr. Whee Here We Go Again.
347
00:12:21,339 --> 00:12:22,573
- [sighs]
- Can you believe it?
348
00:12:22,574 --> 00:12:24,274
I know, he's so hot. And is it just me,
349
00:12:24,275 --> 00:12:26,843
- or is she awful?
- It's not just you, queen.
350
00:12:26,844 --> 00:12:28,312
- Wait are you guys...
- Talking about how
351
00:12:28,313 --> 00:12:30,147
your clown-woman of a boss
just got engaged
352
00:12:30,148 --> 00:12:31,949
- to Jewish Josh Hartnett?
- Then yes.
353
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:33,050
Oh, no, no, no.
354
00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:34,651
That rumor is hella late
and hella untrue.
355
00:12:34,652 --> 00:12:37,721
Well, then spill that fresh tea, honey.
356
00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:39,756
I heard Dr. Reed's getting deported.
357
00:12:39,757 --> 00:12:41,692
Yeah, he got caught trying to
marry one of Trump's daughters
358
00:12:41,693 --> 00:12:42,993
for a green card.
359
00:12:42,994 --> 00:12:45,429
- I think I did hear that.
- Me too.
360
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:47,164
Is it just me, or is he awful?
361
00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:48,799
Cool. Keep talking about that.
362
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,234
You wanna hear some good gossip?
363
00:12:50,235 --> 00:12:53,537
I hear Dr. Kimball-Kinney is
going out with Cindy Crawford.
364
00:12:53,538 --> 00:12:56,740
Really? I heard his body
created a new strain of HPV
365
00:12:56,741 --> 00:12:59,610
and he doesn't have any symptoms
but that every woman he dates
366
00:12:59,611 --> 00:13:01,278
is a ticking time bomb.
367
00:13:01,279 --> 00:13:03,914
Okay, damn. Go with that.
368
00:13:03,915 --> 00:13:06,216
Jeremy Hussein Reed is
actually al-Qaeda's number two.
369
00:13:06,217 --> 00:13:08,852
Raised in England but born in Pakistan.
370
00:13:08,853 --> 00:13:10,220
[gasps] Hey, Colette!
371
00:13:10,221 --> 00:13:12,022
Did you hear the rumor about Dr. L?
372
00:13:12,023 --> 00:13:14,224
- No. What?
- I heard that she's really
373
00:13:14,225 --> 00:13:17,694
- grown-up Webster.
- Really?
374
00:13:17,695 --> 00:13:20,030
Cool!
375
00:13:20,031 --> 00:13:21,999
Oh, my God. Okay, so there
was this one time, right?
376
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,401
She's in her office and she's
like, "I smell bagels!"
377
00:13:24,402 --> 00:13:26,203
And she just sprints into the kitchen
378
00:13:26,204 --> 00:13:27,671
and crashes into a table and she farted.
379
00:13:27,672 --> 00:13:29,973
[laughs] My God, you did
the exact same thing
380
00:13:29,974 --> 00:13:31,375
at my 10th birthday party.
381
00:13:31,376 --> 00:13:33,477
My God, I love hearing
these stories about Mindy,
382
00:13:33,478 --> 00:13:34,911
'cause I haven't seen you in so long.
383
00:13:34,912 --> 00:13:36,380
It feels like I'm getting
to know you all over again.
384
00:13:36,381 --> 00:13:38,382
Well, you're gonna wanna hear
about the time that this one,
385
00:13:38,383 --> 00:13:40,684
she got her tongue stuck
to a billboard of Tyrese.
386
00:13:40,685 --> 00:13:42,019
- What?
- Sue Simmons called her
387
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:43,353
"Knucklehead of the Week."
388
00:13:43,354 --> 00:13:45,956
I also own my own business
and I'm a single mom.
389
00:13:45,957 --> 00:13:48,358
There's a lot of other things
you could say about me.
390
00:13:48,359 --> 00:13:50,427
- What, what'd you say?
- Alayna, do your parents
391
00:13:50,428 --> 00:13:52,129
still have that great vacation home?
392
00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:53,997
Yes! We should pick
a weekend this summer
393
00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,666
and go back to Montauk.
394
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:58,468
- Ben and Morgan would love it.
- Oh, God. In.
395
00:13:58,469 --> 00:13:59,703
- Great.
- I love the beach.
396
00:13:59,704 --> 00:14:01,538
You know why? Because if
you're wearing shoes,
397
00:14:01,539 --> 00:14:02,939
- you're the weird one.
- [laughs]
398
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:04,675
I don't know if you want
Morgan to come along.
399
00:14:04,676 --> 00:14:06,209
I mean, that place survived Sandy.
400
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:08,779
- Let's not push our luck.
- [laughs]
401
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:09,913
Hey, can I talk for a second?
402
00:14:09,914 --> 00:14:11,848
No, I am saving my friend from herself.
403
00:14:11,849 --> 00:14:14,151
Um, Alayna, let's go get a drink.
404
00:14:14,152 --> 00:14:15,852
- Oh. Okay.
- Come with me to get a drink.
405
00:14:15,853 --> 00:14:17,287
- See you later.
- Mm.
406
00:14:17,288 --> 00:14:18,655
- Ah, ahh!
- Come on.
407
00:14:18,656 --> 00:14:20,824
I've seen him put a dog's foot
in that mouth.
408
00:14:20,825 --> 00:14:22,026
[cell phone vibrates]
409
00:14:22,387 --> 00:14:24,621
_
410
00:14:24,645 --> 00:14:29,297
__
411
00:14:29,993 --> 00:14:33,750
_
412
00:14:34,422 --> 00:14:35,492
_
413
00:14:35,516 --> 00:14:40,276
__
414
00:14:40,678 --> 00:14:43,847
Alayna, I am so happy
that you're back in New York.
415
00:14:43,848 --> 00:14:45,849
But don't you wanna
play the field a little bit?
416
00:14:45,850 --> 00:14:47,484
I mean, you haven't
even been in town long enough
417
00:14:47,485 --> 00:14:48,852
to get hit on by Anthony Weiner.
418
00:14:48,853 --> 00:14:50,287
Oh, no, he hit on me.
419
00:14:50,288 --> 00:14:52,155
But I like Morgan. He's nice,
420
00:14:52,156 --> 00:14:55,258
he makes me laugh, and his skin
is so hot, I never get cold.
421
00:14:55,259 --> 00:14:57,394
It's because he's had
a fever for five years.
422
00:14:57,395 --> 00:14:58,862
Okay, listen, um...
423
00:14:58,863 --> 00:15:01,832
you know you could do
much better than him, right?
424
00:15:01,833 --> 00:15:04,101
Oh, okay. I get it.
425
00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:05,836
This is because you used to
have a crush on him.
426
00:15:05,837 --> 00:15:07,170
He told me and it's fine.
427
00:15:07,171 --> 00:15:08,772
No, no, okay, you know what?
I didn't wanna
428
00:15:08,773 --> 00:15:10,307
have to tell you this,
but you're my oldest friend
429
00:15:10,308 --> 00:15:11,308
and you deserve to know the truth.
430
00:15:11,309 --> 00:15:13,777
Wait, what are you trying to say?
431
00:15:13,778 --> 00:15:16,546
Oh, no. Oh, no, he's married.
432
00:15:16,547 --> 00:15:17,848
He's married. I knew it.
433
00:15:17,849 --> 00:15:20,083
Nobody gets that many
calls from Grandma.
434
00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:21,351
No, who would marry him?
435
00:15:21,352 --> 00:15:23,688
No, Morgan is an ex-con.
436
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:35,750
Oh, God, Morgan.
How much of that did you hear?
437
00:15:35,907 --> 00:15:38,390
The part about you revealing
my most shameful secret.
438
00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:40,704
Okay, I didn't know that
you were standing right here,
439
00:15:40,705 --> 00:15:42,506
- behind me.
- No, no. I... uh,
440
00:15:42,507 --> 00:15:44,174
I was actually... I was coming over
441
00:15:44,175 --> 00:15:46,978
'cause a work emergency came up
and I have to go deal with it.
442
00:15:47,003 --> 00:15:50,514
A, uh... a new mother betrayed her baby.
443
00:15:50,515 --> 00:15:52,249
- [sighs]
- And it wasn't just her baby,
444
00:15:52,250 --> 00:15:54,985
it was something much closer.
445
00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:56,186
It was a friend from work.
446
00:15:56,187 --> 00:15:57,421
And I want you to know something.
447
00:15:57,422 --> 00:15:59,556
I went to prison for stealing cars.
448
00:15:59,557 --> 00:16:01,158
Oh, right, the tattoo...
449
00:16:01,159 --> 00:16:02,759
I didn't rape anyone.
450
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,694
I didn't murder anyone.
I didn't kidnap anyone.
451
00:16:04,695 --> 00:16:06,129
I didn't torture them sexually.
452
00:16:06,130 --> 00:16:07,998
I'm just a man.
453
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:10,467
I'm a simple man who's made mistakes.
454
00:16:10,468 --> 00:16:12,302
[sniffs] They stink.
455
00:16:12,303 --> 00:16:13,837
They smell like betrayal.
456
00:16:13,838 --> 00:16:15,272
Good-bye.
457
00:16:15,273 --> 00:16:16,473
Oh!
458
00:16:16,474 --> 00:16:17,608
Oh.
459
00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:22,379
Hey, that was... that was ugly.
460
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:24,948
I'm sorry. And it was a lot
harsher than I meant it to be.
461
00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:26,416
But you're such a cool girl
462
00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:28,151
and there are so many fish in the sea.
463
00:16:28,152 --> 00:16:29,686
You know, wait till there's
a terrorist attack.
464
00:16:29,687 --> 00:16:31,288
All the guys get really horny then.
465
00:16:31,289 --> 00:16:32,622
Yeah, no, thank you. Thanks, Mindy,
466
00:16:32,623 --> 00:16:34,024
for telling me he's an ex-con.
467
00:16:34,025 --> 00:16:35,592
You know, it's just... I'm bummed
468
00:16:35,593 --> 00:16:38,195
'cause it is so hard to meet a good man.
469
00:16:38,196 --> 00:16:40,197
But you know what? Maybe I'll
just call Fritz in Berlin.
470
00:16:40,198 --> 00:16:42,599
I mean, he said he was
only gay that one time.
471
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,068
Okay, well, um, can I call you
again to hang out?
472
00:16:45,069 --> 00:16:46,503
- I'd love to see you.
- You know what?
473
00:16:46,504 --> 00:16:52,242
I'll... I'll call you.
474
00:16:52,243 --> 00:16:55,445
You know, if you hadn't
invited him to my party
475
00:16:55,446 --> 00:16:59,049
- then none of this...
- No.
476
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:00,717
Why did you sell Morgan out like that?
477
00:17:00,718 --> 00:17:02,652
I've never seen him that sad
and I've been to
478
00:17:02,653 --> 00:17:04,154
five of his dogs' funerals.
479
00:17:04,155 --> 00:17:06,389
Okay, I support Morgan.
I gave him a job.
480
00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:08,458
I give him the tomatoes
from my sandwich.
481
00:17:08,459 --> 00:17:11,628
I went to his level one improv
class graduation show, okay?
482
00:17:11,629 --> 00:17:12,929
- He's fine.
- Yeah, and you told
483
00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:15,098
his worst secret to a girl he likes.
484
00:17:15,099 --> 00:17:17,234
Why would you wanna
ruin his relationship?
485
00:17:17,235 --> 00:17:19,769
Wait, are you in love with Morgan?
486
00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:21,438
Are you out of your Goddamn mind?
487
00:17:21,439 --> 00:17:23,106
- In love with Morgan?
- Okay, okay I'm sorry,
488
00:17:23,107 --> 00:17:24,140
but what is going on?
489
00:17:24,141 --> 00:17:27,177
Why do you care if
Morgan dates somebody?
490
00:17:27,178 --> 00:17:28,979
I guess I don't
think of him as a person.
491
00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:31,448
You know, I think of him more
as, like, a singing candelabra
492
00:17:31,449 --> 00:17:33,083
that tells me I'm pretty.
493
00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:35,552
Damn. What do you think of me?
494
00:17:35,553 --> 00:17:38,021
Well, you're Belle, obviously,
because you read books.
495
00:17:38,022 --> 00:17:39,556
Mm. Obviously.
496
00:17:39,557 --> 00:17:41,091
I guess it's not really fair for me
497
00:17:41,092 --> 00:17:43,093
not to let Morgan have his own life
498
00:17:43,094 --> 00:17:45,161
It's chilling that this is
a realization for you,
499
00:17:45,162 --> 00:17:47,664
- but I'm glad that you got there.
- Thanks.
500
00:17:47,665 --> 00:17:50,066
Ugh, okay, I have to go
see him and make it right.
501
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:51,368
Do you want me to come with you?
502
00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:54,404
No, I'm fine. I'm packing my Derringer.
503
00:17:54,405 --> 00:17:56,072
Okay.
504
00:17:56,073 --> 00:17:58,141
[knocking]
505
00:17:58,142 --> 00:17:59,976
Oh, hell no. You shouldn't be here.
506
00:17:59,977 --> 00:18:01,144
Colette, just please let me in.
507
00:18:01,145 --> 00:18:02,546
Your hallway smells like ethnic stew.
508
00:18:02,547 --> 00:18:04,548
That's actually coming
from our apartment.
509
00:18:04,549 --> 00:18:06,583
Karen's been crocking pot all day.
510
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:08,318
You stay away. You've ruined
511
00:18:08,319 --> 00:18:10,153
Morgan's one chance at true love.
512
00:18:10,154 --> 00:18:12,489
Now he's better off
just killing himself!
513
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:15,025
I told him And that's on you, bub.
514
00:18:15,026 --> 00:18:16,726
- Thanks a lot.
- He's not even here.
515
00:18:16,727 --> 00:18:18,562
- He's at the gym.
- Morgan's at the gym?
516
00:18:18,563 --> 00:18:21,298
- Mm-hmm.
- [moaning]
517
00:18:21,299 --> 00:18:22,866
- I hear his moans.
- That was me farting.
518
00:18:22,867 --> 00:18:25,168
No, it is not. I know what
your farts sound like.
519
00:18:25,169 --> 00:18:27,804
- Excuse me. Get out of my way!
- Okay, okay, okay.
520
00:18:27,805 --> 00:18:29,806
- Ohh.
- Oh, Morgan.
521
00:18:29,807 --> 00:18:33,243
Were you just laying here,
moaning this whole time?
522
00:18:33,244 --> 00:18:35,912
No. I went to the bathroom
and Karen walked in on me
523
00:18:35,913 --> 00:18:37,247
and it was humiliating.
524
00:18:37,248 --> 00:18:38,515
You would've loved it.
525
00:18:38,516 --> 00:18:40,984
Oh, my God.
You've never sassed me before.
526
00:18:40,985 --> 00:18:42,819
Well, get used to it, bub.
527
00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:44,054
Stop calling me bub!
528
00:18:44,055 --> 00:18:46,856
Morgan, come.
529
00:18:46,857 --> 00:18:48,425
Please?
530
00:18:48,426 --> 00:18:50,226
Oh, God.
531
00:18:50,227 --> 00:18:52,495
Morgan, hey.
532
00:18:52,496 --> 00:18:53,863
Can you please look at me?
533
00:18:53,864 --> 00:18:56,132
Won't you come and talk to me,
just the two of us?
534
00:18:56,133 --> 00:18:58,568
Are you sure you'll be safe
alone in a room with an ex-con?
535
00:18:58,569 --> 00:19:00,537
Whoa! You're an ex-con?
536
00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:04,174
- Ahh! Karen!
- Morgan...
537
00:19:04,175 --> 00:19:06,209
What I did at the restaurant was awful
538
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:09,913
and I'm very sorry.
539
00:19:09,914 --> 00:19:12,082
Why'd you do it? I just...
540
00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:13,516
I never thought anything could hurt more
541
00:19:13,517 --> 00:19:16,152
than being stabbed in the front.
542
00:19:16,153 --> 00:19:17,754
I'm sorry, Morgan.
543
00:19:17,755 --> 00:19:20,256
Just... everything was going
so good for you, you know?
544
00:19:20,257 --> 00:19:21,758
And this isn't cool to admit,
545
00:19:21,759 --> 00:19:23,193
but I always kinda counted on
546
00:19:23,194 --> 00:19:26,196
that no matter how bad
things were going for me,
547
00:19:26,197 --> 00:19:28,431
they're always gonna be worse for you.
548
00:19:28,432 --> 00:19:31,101
What are you talking about?
You have a perfect life, okay?
549
00:19:31,102 --> 00:19:33,536
You have your own business
and a beautiful son
550
00:19:33,537 --> 00:19:35,505
and soap and shampoo.
551
00:19:35,506 --> 00:19:37,474
And Ben. Things are going
great with Ben.
552
00:19:37,475 --> 00:19:38,708
You guys will probably get married.
553
00:19:38,709 --> 00:19:39,976
I'm not getting married to Ben.
554
00:19:39,977 --> 00:19:41,277
Why not?
555
00:19:41,278 --> 00:19:42,746
You have a perfect relationship.
556
00:19:42,747 --> 00:19:45,915
You're like a hippo
and a little Jewish bird
557
00:19:45,916 --> 00:19:48,818
that eats the food
out of the hippo's teeth.
558
00:19:48,819 --> 00:19:50,487
I don't know.
We've never talked about it.
559
00:19:50,488 --> 00:19:52,822
Besides, who says I even
need to get married?
560
00:19:52,823 --> 00:19:53,990
You don't.
561
00:19:53,991 --> 00:19:56,793
Honestly, you're too cool
to get married.
562
00:19:56,794 --> 00:19:58,228
Yeah, well, I guess
I should talk to him about it.
563
00:19:58,229 --> 00:20:00,463
- Yeah.
- But enough of that.
564
00:20:00,464 --> 00:20:02,132
I'm really glad
we had this conversation.
565
00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:03,833
Because, honestly, you are so much more
566
00:20:03,834 --> 00:20:06,936
than just a friend to me.
567
00:20:06,937 --> 00:20:08,438
I'm flattered.
568
00:20:08,439 --> 00:20:10,940
But I can't right now because of Alayna.
569
00:20:10,941 --> 00:20:12,175
- What?
- But we can do
570
00:20:12,176 --> 00:20:14,778
- over the clothes.
- Oh, my God! No!
571
00:20:14,779 --> 00:20:17,113
- Okay.
- I was just gonna say that
572
00:20:17,114 --> 00:20:19,916
you're, like, my best friend.
573
00:20:19,917 --> 00:20:21,217
God.
574
00:20:21,218 --> 00:20:27,057
Um, oh, my God. I can't believe this.
575
00:20:27,058 --> 00:20:29,125
I have been carrying this BFF necklace
576
00:20:29,126 --> 00:20:31,294
in my pocket, ever since I met you,
577
00:20:31,295 --> 00:20:33,563
waiting for the day
that you would say that.
578
00:20:33,564 --> 00:20:38,168
That's so sweet, Morgan. Thank you.
579
00:20:38,169 --> 00:20:39,736
Oh, okay. You want me to put it on you.
580
00:20:39,737 --> 00:20:41,872
- Please.
- Okay.
581
00:20:53,918 --> 00:20:56,720
- Hey.
- Hey.
582
00:20:56,721 --> 00:20:58,922
How'd everything go with Morgan?
583
00:20:58,923 --> 00:21:00,457
Good.
584
00:21:00,458 --> 00:21:02,292
As it turns out,
being nice to your friends
585
00:21:02,293 --> 00:21:05,862
is almost as satisfying
as crushing your enemies.
586
00:21:05,863 --> 00:21:08,064
Well, I'm really glad
I could help with that.
587
00:21:08,065 --> 00:21:10,867
[sighs]
588
00:21:10,868 --> 00:21:12,569
What's up?
589
00:21:12,570 --> 00:21:15,438
You're so great.
I'm such a lucky person.
590
00:21:15,439 --> 00:21:17,373
You're super hot. You're a good dad.
591
00:21:17,374 --> 00:21:19,743
I convinced you that
Hillary isn't a Muslim.
592
00:21:19,744 --> 00:21:21,177
Well...
593
00:21:21,178 --> 00:21:24,447
we agree on all the important stuff.
594
00:21:24,448 --> 00:21:27,183
Like how we're really happy as a couple
595
00:21:27,184 --> 00:21:31,521
and we don't need to
get married or anything.
596
00:21:31,522 --> 00:21:34,057
Yeah.
597
00:21:34,058 --> 00:21:37,228
So you don't wanna get married?
598
00:21:39,430 --> 00:21:41,765
No.
599
00:21:41,766 --> 00:21:45,436
I love you and I don't want
things to change.
600
00:21:47,872 --> 00:21:49,038
Good night.
601
00:21:49,039 --> 00:21:51,107
Totally.
602
00:21:51,108 --> 00:21:53,043
I love you too.
603
00:21:56,547 --> 00:22:00,283
So I'm looking for a ring
that's classy but unique.
604
00:22:00,284 --> 00:22:02,685
Oh, and we're gonna need a band
that can expand and contract
605
00:22:02,686 --> 00:22:05,393
with the wearer's extreme salt intake.
606
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:07,955
Mm.
607
00:22:08,092 --> 00:22:10,059
Dad, that's it. That's the ring.
608
00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:11,228
Yeah?
609
00:22:11,253 --> 00:22:12,920
It's so sparkly.
610
00:22:12,945 --> 00:22:14,908
Mindy will love it.
611
00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:18,035
We'll take it.
612
00:22:23,996 --> 00:22:28,996
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
613
00:22:29,046 --> 00:22:33,596
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