All language subtitles for The Mindy Project s04e13 When Mindy Met Danny.eng

[elevator bell dings]

Oh! Hold the door, please!

Can you hold the door?

[clears throat]

Oh, I assumed
the elevator was empty

because I nearly
snapped my arm in half.

I don't get the whole
holding the door thing.

It rewards lateness.

Should a runner losing
the Olympics be like,

"Hey guys, wait up"?

Yeah, if getting to
another floor of a building

was a competition.
Not a good analogy.

I didn't mean to start
a whole conversation here.

Oh, because you're used
to people just shutting up

after you say rude
things to them?

Do I know you from somewhere?

Yes. I was in the news.

I was the woman who climaxed
during her TSA pat down.

No, that's not it.

Did you and I ever, uh...
[clicks tongue]

Ex-squeeze me, sir?

There is it, okay,
I know where it is.

You and I, we did a couple
rotations in residency.

Yeah, you always made us
sing that dumb version

of "Happy Birthday."

"You look like a monkey
and you smell like one too"?

People loved it,
and it's hilarious.

Yeah, hysterical.

So what are you doing
in the building anyway?

Today happens to be
my first day at my new job.

Wait, you work here?

- Wait, you work here?
- Oh, God.

- Excuse me.
- Excuse me, I was going first.

[music]

Christmastime in New York City

is my favorite time of year,

because of all
the great traditions,

any one of which can spiral
into an ongoing fight

about whether
I should keep working

or stay home
and have more children.

Mmm. Oh, my God, Danny,

these gingerbread
men are so good.

I mean, this is the best
crotch I've ever tasted.

I mean, I don't know how
I'm going to eat this many.

I mean, I can. I will.
I am, but I shouldn't.

Well, if we had more kids,
they'd help you finish them.

Okay, I thought
we could just go one day

- without talking about this.
- What?

I'm just saying more kids would
help us finish the cookies.

Yeah, so just make less cookies.

All right,
"A Charlie Brown Christmas,"

I love this. I love this one.

My favorite part is how
those "Peanuts" kids

seemed like they turned out fine

even though their moms
were never around,

and they're probably
out working.

Charlie Brown's 10 years old,

and he's bald
and he has no friends.

Yeah, he's doing
fine raising himself.

I'm getting a glass of wine

and you can just
watch it by yourself.

And don't even get me
started on Pig-Pen.

[baby cooing]

"And then the Ghost of
Christmas Yet to Come

said money's not
the most important thing."

You see that, Leo?
Scrooge was obsessed with his money

and his career,
putting his work above his family.

And, yet,
if Tiny Tim's mother had worked

instead of having 12 kids,
maybe her son

wouldn't have a sad-ass limp.

I didn't say anything about 12 kids.
12 kids?

That's over-exaggerating, okay?
A couple of kids.

Okay, but who's gonna
take care of these kids?

Don't give me that.

Hey, Danny,
what do I do with this lamb I found?

Do I just, like, toss him?

Just put him in
the manger close to Jesus.

Okay.

Oh, Danny, I really like this.

Think of it,
Jesus was born in a barn

and then he grew up
to be the most popular

- tattoo for Latino men.
- It's so nice and snug.

- One barn for the whole family.
- Yeah.

And if you notice,
Mary doesn't still own

her apartment in
the West Village.

Okay, well,
if Mary had an apartment

as cool as mine, then
she probably wouldn't be a virgin.

What are you holding on
to that apartment for?

Are you trying to leave?

I am trying to sell it,
but no one will meet my price.

Yeah, $10 million?
"Celebrity buyers only?"

- Yeah, nobody's gonna buy that.
- You know what?

Why don't you just decorate
the tree by yourself, no.

Whoa, hold on, hold on,

come here, come here,
come here, come here.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

We've been blowing up
at each other a lot,

and I don't want to do it.

We should be happy.

We have a lot to celebrate.

Yeah, you're right.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

- Hm, that's weird.
- What's weird?

Oh, I used to love that shirt.
Whatever happened to it?

Oh, I used it to
stop a nosebleed,

and then I gave it to Morgan.

No, that's not what's weird.

What's weird is that we're
smiling in this picture

but we hated each
other back then.

Yeah, we did.

Remember the time you
reported me to hospital HR?

Yes, because you told a patient

- I was quote "roly poly."
- It was worth it.

You don't think
I'm so roly-poly anymore.

- No.
- I just don't get it.

- Why are we smiling here?
- I don't know.

Ah, my first day at a new job.

So much potential
everywhere I look.

Who will be my new work crush?

Who will be
my chatty confidante?

Who will be the mentor
who inspires me to greatness?

Could I see everyone...

Uh... [clears throat]

Pardon my muffin.

Could I see everyone
for a quick meeting

in the conference room?

It's showtime, Dr. Lahiri.

You did very good
for your first...

Sorry, I like to keep
the seat next to me empty

so it's easy for me to get away.

Well, at least I know now
who my workplace nemesis is.

Okay.

I hope you all had
a very nice weekend.

I sure did.

Cheryl and I finally
finished our jigsaw puzzle.

- Vermont Covered Bridge?
- Vermont Covered Bridge.

I knew you two would
have fun with that one.

- Thank you for that.
- You're welcome.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

And I also very much would
like to thank Jeremy.

He got St. Brendan's to feature
us in their hospital newsletter.

Us, in a newsletter. Bravo.

Well, as many of you know,
I can be pretty persuasive.

- He means sex.
- Whoa.

Dr. Shulman, as you know,
Christmas is coming,

and I've been working on
your annual gingerbread house.

My favorite surprise
of the year.

Clue of the day,
this year's structure

- is a New York landmark...
- Landmark.

With two statues in the front...

- Statues.
- And I ain't lying.

The New York Public Library.

Of course, yeah, that's it.

He was supposed to guess.

I'm sorry.
It was just a very obvious clue.

I didn't think it
was that obvious.

Okay, I'll scrap it. Nevermind.
I'll just start over.

I don't know where I'm gonna get
gumdrops this late in the game.

I'm sorry,
could you stop glaring at me?

Just do the Flatiron
Building or something.

That's the one I was gonna do!

I was gonna do
the Flatiron Building.

That's twice you did that to me.

It's all right,
I think that pretty much

wraps up this meeting.

Oh, Dr. Shulman,
I have an announcement.

- Sure, yep, fine. Okay.
- Thank you.

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

Now everybody can
give announcements?

Entertainment.

Hi, everyone.

My name is Dr. Mindy Lahiri

and this is not only
my first day at work

it's also the beginning of
a new chapter in my life.

A couple of weeks ago,
I was basically

gonna kill myself.
Yeah. - [gasps]

I had just been dumped
on the first day

of a very long vacation,

but I think it was
a sign from the universe

that I needed a fresh start.

There are no signs
from the universe.

Just the will of
our living Christ.

Yeah, okay, same diff.

Since then I got
a new apartment,

I joined Weight Watchers,

I signed up for this really
cool new dating site,

- it's called Ashley Madison.
- Ashley Madison?

And best of all,
I got to start working here

with all of you great people.
Can you imagine?

Me... a well-educated Asian
American woman in Manhattan,

becoming a doctor?

- Anyway, in conclusion...
- Thank the Lord.

I am ready to start
my great new adventure,

and I think I can speak
for all of us when I say

that you're pretty lucky
to come along for the ride.

So, that's me. Hi.

Yeah.

Can I talk to you in
your office right now?

- Um, sure.
- Yeah, yeah, Jeremy, you too.

You seem so upset, Danny.

Do you need some more time off

to work things out
with your wife?

No.

You could use our cabin.
The skunk died.

No, no.
My marriage is fine, guys.

We're going to The
Rockettes this week.

I just want to know,
why'd you hire this woman?

I have to admit that maybe
I hired Dr. Lahiri...

- by accident?
- What? How?

I didn't have my glasses on,

and I thought I was reading
the resume of another doctor.

Do you know Mandy Lahoro?

- [groans]
- The resemblance is striking.

We could've hired Mandy?
Mandy Lahoro?

He's great. He's from Sudan.

Put himself through school
acting in "The Lion King."

I know, but no, no, no.
We hired Dr. Lahiri.

So, that's that.

[sighs] We'll just
have to fire her.

Danny, the days in
which you could fire

a young woman of color for
no reason are long gone.

At least three years.

Well, she could quit.

Right? You know, like,
if she hated it here...

and found it to be
an uncomfortable place to work.

You are describing
a hostile work environment.

Exactly. One of those.

I think you're really
gonna love your new office.

Here it is. It's all yours.

My office is a storage room?

Yeah, storage room, fart room.

It's got a bunch
of different names.

Is there even a chair?

Well, there's a bunch of boxes.

You could sit on one of those.

Okay, do you think,
like, maybe you could

help me move some
of these boxes?

Oh, I can't. I got...
I got a ton of patients.

Oh, oh... speaking of which,
I meant to ask you:

How exactly do I get patients?

Do the doctors, like,
give me a couple of theirs?

Well, it's kind of
every man for himself around here,

but hey, you know,
with a nice office like this,

you'll be fine.

All right, little supply closet,

you're not so bad.

Uh... help!

This website is
pretty interesting.

"Cute doctor makes big
splash on her first day."

[laughs]

Oh hey, Jeremy.

Oh, did you come
in here to fart?

I'm just here to check up on you,
actually.

I know first days
can be pretty tense

so if there's anything I can do

to help you, um... relax.

Wow, no one has shown
me an ounce of kindness.

Oh, you meant,
like er-ee, er-ee, er.

No, I'm sorry I can't.

I mean,
you're very handsome in, like,

a Sunglass Hut
model type of way,

but I shouldn't get in
a relationship at work.

Well look,
let me know if you change your mind.

Just so you know,
I'm literally always ready.

It's a medical condition.

Oh, thank you for
telling me that.

Right now the only DTF I am
is down to find patients.

Oh, well just pop
your bio online

on the hospital website.

You'd have to use a real computer,
though.

I'm surprised Danny
didn't tell you that.

No, he didn't tell me anything.

Son of a bitch.

How dare you,
Dr. "Castel-lameo"...

Okay, well,
I'm just gonna use his computer.

Ugh, the decor in here sucks.

It's like a principal's
office in a porno.

[clears throat]

"Petite, young, OB-GYN

"seeking new patients.

"If you want a skilled physician

with an encyclopedic knowledge
of reality television"...

No, I don't want to
have this conversation.

How many times are
we gonna have it?

Look, our appointment's
all set, okay?

I just need Jeremy to
cover my C-section.

Yeah. Yeah,
and I can't find my glasses.

Wait, what do you mean,
you're not coming?

Well it can't be
couples' therapy

if one of us isn't there.

I'll be screaming
at an empty chair.

I mean, not...
no, not screaming, empathizing.

God damn it, where are my...

Have you seen my glasses
anywhere at home?

What?

No, okay, Christina, look,

I need you to come. Please.

I'm begging you.

I need you to be there. Please.

Okay, I'll see you there.

[glass crunches]

I think I found your glasses.

Look, I am very, very sorry.

I just needed to
use your computer,

and you know what?

- I think I fixed them.
- Just get out.

Listen to me,
I can help you, okay?

Why don't you let
me do the delivery

and then you can go to therapy.

Dr. C's in therapy?
What a loser.

You want my delivery?

I wouldn't let you
deliver a sandwich.

Yeah, of course you shouldn't.

I'd be terrible at
delivering a sandwich.

Take a big bite out of it,
and cover it up like no one saw,

but I am a good doctor.

Honestly, I would rather have
any other doctor on earth do it.

Wow, I cannot believe that a nice,
charming guy like you

is having marriage problems.

If I was your wife,
I'd be thanking my lucky stars.

Excuse me.

Whoo, Dr. C's really losing it.

[sneaky music]

[clears throat]
[computer chimes]

Hey, can you cover
a C-section for me tonight?

Mrs. Ramsey?
Something important came up.

Oh, he meant Jeremy, not me.

"I'd love to, mate.

Covering for you is a scrummy,
brilliant idea."

[clears throat] [gibberish
in British accent]

"Just taking the piss,

"being cheeky 'cause
I'm a bit knackered.

Chumbawumba?"

Uh.

"Yes, I will cover your patient.

Say, isn't that new
Indian doctor cool?"

Okay, had to try. Yes.

[sighs]

Now I just have to
get rid of Jeremy.

[dings]

Jeremy, Jeremy? There you are.

I was thinking about
what you said before,

and now I am into it.

The work trip to "Wicked"?

Fantastic,
I bought a whole block of tickets

- and no one's signed up.
- No, I hate "Wicked."

Backstories are stupid.

We don't always need to know
how everybody met each other.

No, about the other thing
we talked about in my office.

My penis, yeah. Yeah.

There is a bar near my apartment,
a daiquiri bar.

What the hell's going on here?

Oh, no.

- What is all this junk?
- Oh, my stuff came?

- Is that a dresser?
- It's an armoire.

It's French for
"expensive closet

for a chic woman's clothing."

Well, right now it's French for

"it's in everyone's way."

Right, it's actually neither.

You do know that, right?

I mean,
it's bigger than my closet at home.

Of course it is.
'Cause you own, like, what?

Like, four boring button-downs,
a pair of jeans, and a belt?

And a black t-shirt.

Listen,
part of my professional identity

is dressing in a way
that is appealing only to women.

I changed my outfit
three times today,

not that any of you noticed.

Well, it's in the way,
sweetheart.

Get rid of it.

Oh, you think it's
so hard to storm off?

Well, watch this.

[upbeat music]

Okay.

Hi, Mrs. Ramsay.

- I'm Dr. Lahiri, hello.
- Hi.

I will be covering
for Dr. Castellano.

I hope everything's okay.

He had a family emergency,

his aunt stabbed him
for being a jerk.

- What?
- Oh, please don't worry.

I trained with him,
and people actually thought

that I was cooler,
and more funny.

I've been over your ultrasound
and test results,

and your son, as you know,
has his umbilical cord

wrapped around his neck,

which,
while very fashion forward,

is also a complication.

Yes, that's why Dr. Castellano

has me scheduled
for a C-section.

But she's really nervous
about going under.

Well, I actually
do know a technique

that would allow you to
give birth naturally.

It's called
a "somersault technique."

Um...

Oh. [clears throat]

So, when a baby like
your son is born,

usually, doctors try to
pull the cord over his neck,

and the baby's like, "Aah!

"Stop choking me with
my favorite scarf!

Get this off me!" - [chuckles]

So the trick is actually
to pull the umbilical cord

down over his shoulders

and then kind of flip
the baby through it,

and voila, you have a baby,
and a gymnast.

What do you think?

I mean,
if you think that that's best.

I do. I think I can do this.

- You're sure?
- I'm sure.

- I know I can do this.
- Okay.

Okay, cool.

[upbeat music]

[elevator bell dings]

Hey, Gayle,
is Dr. Reed still in the OR?

- Dr. Reed?
- Mrs. Ramsay.

The C-section with
the nuchal cord complications?

Oh, that delivery is done.

Delivery? It's a C-section.

Dr. Lahiri delivered
that baby an hour ago.

Dr. Lahiri?

Are you out of your mind?

Did you impersonate Dr. Reed
and do my surgery for me?

Hey, how did
your therapy session go?

- Did Christina show up?
- No.

- Ah, man.
- She didn't.

I'm standing there
like an idiot.

I've just... you know what?

It's none of
your business, okay?

Don't change the subject.

What you did was
a total violation.

[vacuum whirring] I have
never in my career...

Doris?

Doris, honey,
just shut the vacuum off?

Doris, honey,
you're killing me with the vacuum

and I'm trying to
have a conversation.

Can you turn it off?

[vacuum turns off] Thank you.

- Can you give us a second?
- [scoffs]

Hey, man, you don't have
to talk to Doris like that.

She's been my best friend for,
like, 15 minutes.

You impersonated a doctor,

and changed a birthing
plan without authorization.

Now I'm gonna get you fired.

Danny, Danny! Stop.
Stop, stop, stop.

Please. Please. Please.
Please, come back in here.

Just get in here, okay?

Please,
just keep your voice down.

Look, I get it.

I know that you hate me,
but I swear to you

I'm a good doctor.

You know we hired you
by accident, right?

Dr. Shulman wanted Mandy Lahoro
but he mixed up the names.

- Mandy Lahoro?
- Yeah.

The one that sat
next to Laura Bush

- at the State of the Union?
- That's the one.

- He's amazing.
- But we ended up with you.

Okay, maybe the circumstances
of my hiring were quirky,

but I believe
that years from now,

we will look back at this,
and we will laugh as colleagues.

Colleagues?
Come on, we're not colleagues.

You're a joke, Mindy.

You know, it was not my fault
that I was hired as a mistake.

I'll tell you one thing,

I treated
your patient like a queen.

Maybe that's why
you hate me so much,

'cause you know there's
finally a doctor here

who's as good as you. Or better.

Doesn't matter, you can't
fire me because I fire you.

I quit.

[door opens]

[knock on door]

Mr. and Mrs. Ramsay,

I want to say I am so, so sorry

about what happened, okay?

Before you get lawyers involved,
let me tell you,

that woman has been terminated.

What? We love Dr. Lahiri.

I was so happy she was
able to deliver our son

without doing a C-section.

Well, what about
the nuchal cord?

Oh, she did
the somersault technique.

She did
the somersault technique?

Oh, and when it came time

to push she's like
"Get out my belly!"

Like Fat Bastard
from "Austin Powers."

It's our favorite movie.

[as Austin Powers] Oh,
yeah baby.

I love comedy movies.
I love 'em.

I am so grateful
that you found somebody

to deliver my baby
the way I wanted.

All right,
well I'm happy you're happy.

Oh, and we are so sorry
that your aunt stabbed you.

What?

Well, good-bye, little office.

Met you 14 hours ago,

but I thought we would
spend a lifetime together.

Now I guess you can go back
to being the fart room.

Ah, who am I kidding?

When you were with me, you were
the fart room more than ever.

- Who are you talking to?
- Oh, God!

Lurk much, stalker?
I could've been naked.

The door was open.
Why would you be naked at work?

Okay, can you give me a break,
all right?

I'm just saying
good-bye to my office.

I'll be out of here
as soon as I can.

I talked to Mrs. Ramsay.
She was really happy.

Well, doy.

It was a type A nuchal cord,

you know, you can wrestle
a baby right out of that

if you have meaty enough hands.

Which I do.

Look, I'm sorry
about what I said.

You know,
I think you might actually

be better than the guy
we were meant to hire.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

And I'm sorry that I said

"I know why your wife
can't stand you."

You never said that.

- I didn't?
- No.

- Okay, I thought it.
- I understand.

Hey... I think you should stay.

No, thanks.

No, thanks?

I'm saying I'm not
having you fired

for your extremely
fireable offense.

You could stay and have
the job of your dreams.

Yeah, I know what you said,

but today was just too
traumatizing for me, Danny.

You're a very rude man.

And the culture in this office

is so cold and competitive,
you know?

I need to be friends
with people I work with.

I want happy hour
and Secret Santas.

I could maybe be like that.

No, you couldn't.

Well, if you want
to change things,

stay and make them different.

It's not worth it.

I'll just go on welfare.
It's easier.

Hey, Mindy, no, now hold on.

You're great at this,
and don't ever let anyone

try to stop you from
doing what you want.

Not even me.

I don't know, Danny.

You know what we should do?

- You see this stupid armoire?
- Yes.

If it can fit into your office,

take it as a sign
from the universe...

your favorite thing.

Okay, where'd you
get those glasses?

I bought it to replace
the ones you stepped on.

Oh, well,
I think they're very cool.

And the color really
pops on your face.

They...

Oh, another feature,
that's cool.

Thank you.

All right.

44 inches.

Cool.

Write it down.

Oh, yeah.

Okay. Um...

Put a W next to it.

- Which stands for?
- Width.

Yes.

Okay, 78, put an H.

- For height.
- There you go.

I hate to tell you, but it fits.

- Okay, I'll stay.
- Good.

- I don't know.
- It's called caddy corner.

It's a square room.

It's making me nervous.

All right.

Oh, my God. This looks amazing.

My patients are gonna
drop their panties.

I don't know if
I like that imagery.

I mean, for their exams.

Okay, great.

Well let's finish
it up tomorrow.

Wait, hold on.
I want to commemorate this.

What are you doing?

It's called a "selfer."

It's gonna be huge.

Okay.

Okay, smile.
You know how to smile, right?

Yeah, of course
I know how to smile.

Put your arm around me.

- Okay.
- Like that. Just like that.

[Sam Smith's "Stay
With Me" plays]

[crying]

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

[Wham!'s "Last Christmas" plays]

Repair and Synchronization by
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