All language subtitles for The Mindy Project s03e11 Christmas.eng

(Mindy) There's no better feeling
than having found the perfect man,

which is exactly when you start
to wonder,

"when's this idiot
gonna lock me down?"

Okay, weirdo.

And the hunt for a sign that
he's buying an engagement ring

is on.

[Clears throat] Excuse me, miss.
Yes?

Have you seen this man
purchase an engagement ring?

Mm-mm.
Damn it.

[Shredder whirring]

If it's possible, try to check
his credit card statements.

Damn it.

In the end, you just might have
to get a little creative.

"Forever Stones"?

[Gasps]

I'm getting engaged.

[Hip-hop music]

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

(Mindy) That's it.
You got it. That's it.

The baby's almost turned.

Just make sure that your
pressure is firm and consistent,

like when you're trying
to convince your boyfriend

to do a couples costume.

Focus, focus.

(Jean) Dr. Lahiri?

Yeah?
In my office.

Now.

(All) Ooh.

Okay. Okay.

Am I in trouble?

Is it because I might have lost
a press-on nail in that woman?

No, Lahiri.
Because I...

I want to talk to you.

Over these past few months,
you've proven yourself

to be a very gifted teacher.

I love those
little sons of bitches.

Which is why
I've recommended you

for the Macmillan/Dow teaching
fellowship at Stanford.

Me?
You.

Stanford?
Yes.

Jean, that's for the smart kids.

You will go there,
you will learn the latest

in fertility techniques
for eight months,

you will return,
and teach them here.

Wow, Jean.
You're believing in me?

I hope it doesn't go to my head.

So that's a "yes."

I want to say yes.

I really do.

Just... I think my boyfriend
is about to propose to me,

and I don't want to do anything
that's gonna spook him

before I can sink my fangs
into his little neck.

You know what I'm talking about.

You just let me know.

Lahiri...
Yeah?

Stanford is
an incredible opportunity.

I know.
[Chuckles]

Can you imagine...
Being tan in february?

Just kidding. But I mean,
seriously, can you imagine?

Out, Lahiri.
Yeah.

(Peter) Hey. [Knock at door]

Slumlord thousandaire, I got
your rent check right here.

I didn't even write,
"for sex" on the memo line.

Wow.

You know, I'm not an easy man
to impress,

unless I'm watching
a magic show,

but honestly, I'm impressed.
Pete, you're really maturing.

Yeah? Are you impressed enough
to maybe set me up on a date?

You know what? I might have
a girl for you, actually.

Does not have to be an "a."

It could be a "B" with "D"s,
a "D" with "B"s.

Okay, shut up before
I change my mind.

Okay?
It's my friend Jessica.

She's a good girl.

She's a beautiful girl.
She's a doctor. Uh-huh.

There is one small thing.
Small.

Is it a penis?

Because if it is,
based on the size,

I might be able
to work around it.

You can?
You couldn't?

Look, Jessica has
a this condition...

One of those things that Mindy
watches in the reality shows.

Is she, like, a real housewife
or a toddler with a tiara

or a river monster?

'Cause none of those things seem
like deal breakers to me.

[Whispering] She's a, uh...

She's a hoarder.

Oh.

[Normal voice]
Okay? But recovering.

You guys are both
works in progress, so...

It's a little weird.
Can I have her number?

I'd give it to you,
but she's got, like, ten phones.

It's a whole thing.
She'll find you.

She'll find me?
Yeah.

I like that.

Everyone, I'm happy to announce
that Shulman & Associates

is once again hosting
its annual holiday party.

Oh, my God. Just call
it whatever you want to call it.

Christmas party!

Yeah!

However, unlike past years,

this year's party shall be
an elegant affair.

Ooh.

Ooh!

"Elegant"? Does that mean
I can't wear my mistletoe belt?

Yeah, what gives Jeremy?

Christmas isn't about elegance.

It's about a quiet night
when the King was born...

The Prince of peace.

Shut up, Linus.

I want a party where I can choke
down my champagne and caviar.

Yeah!

The truth is,
Lauren has it in her head

that I've recently grown
distant.

So I've invited her neurosurgery
colleagues to join us.

What?
Ugh!

Why would you do that?
I know.

Neurosurgery?
Yeah, I don't know.

Okay, first of all,

it's definitely gonna be
a holiday party now. Amen, sister.

Excuse me?

A rather semitic group.

That's not anti-semitic
to say they're semitic.

We welcome Jews.

Second of all,
those stupid neurosurgeons

think they're better
than all of us.

That's because they are.

How? The brain has
no nerve endings!

You poke a brain, who cares?

You poke a vagina,
you're gonna hear about it.

Right?
Amen, sister.

You know what?
Bump this. I'm out.

[All gasp]

Fine, more goose for us.

Okay, everyone, calm down.

Dr. C's under a lot of stress
because he's my secret Santa

and he has this pressure to give
me a great gift,

which he should.

Oh, Morgan, Dr. C told me
to give you this.

[Gasps] (Beverly)
Merry Christmas.

Batteries?

Oh, for my battery collection.

Why are we doing this now?

I'm actually happy
that Danny's gone,

because I'm his secret Santa,

and I don't know
what to get him.

Golf balls.

No, that's for white people.
Danny is Italian.

Meatballs.
I'll just eat them.

So you were able to change
the setting, right?

But the stone is still
the first one?

Perfect, that's perfect.
Thank you so much.

Yeah, I can't wait
to show my girlfriend tonight.

[Gasps] All right,
well, thank you so much.

Mindy!

Mindy!
Hey, Jessica.

Congratulations.

I heard you cleared out
your entryway,

and you found $5,000
in uncashed paychecks.

Very cool.
Yeah, it was hell.

But my therapist says,

"you do not need
12 broken printers,

and you're not gonna give them
to your kids someday."

Can I have the printers?

No.
I mean... what am I saying?

I don't even know
how to print anything.

Hey, Danny is setting me up
on a date with his friend Peter?

But when I ask if he's cute,
Danny just turns red

and says he can't tell
with guys.

Okay, I'm gonna picture him
without his personality.

Whoa.
Peter might be hot.

Okay, I can't tell.
I'm too close to it.

But he is eating popcorn
on the sofa in the lounge.

Oh. Thanks.

Uh-uh-uh, can I have some?

It's mostly just kernels left.

Oh, God, no one likes
the kernels.

I'll throw it out for you.

I'll see you, doc.
Later, man.

Be good.

[Crunches loudly] Aah! Oh, my...

Oh!

It's just kernels.
You don't want any.

I'm Jessica.
I...

Sorry this is kind of weird,

but I think we're supposed
to go on a date.

Whoa.
[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]
Yeah, I don't think so.

You're a beautiful angel,
and I'm wreck-it Ralph.

No, no, no, I'm Danny's friend.

He's setting us up.

Did he not tell you?

What the hell are you talk...

Oh, my God.

You're his secret-Santa gift?

[Laughs] Uh...

This is so much better
than that stupid dance

he gave doctor L last year.

And the batteries?

He kept it under ten bucks.

I accept.
[Chuckles]

(Danny) Mindy, I've been
thinking a lot about the future,

and that's why I wanted
this special dinner tonight.

Mindy Lahiri,
I finally pulled the trigger.

I bought a burial plot.

What?

Forever stones.

Excuse me?

Yeah, it's carrara marble.

They changed the settings

so it's looking over
fresh kills.

Check it out.
It's beautiful. I'm psyched.

Oh, well...

Twin burial plots
is kind of romantic.

Oh, no, it's...
It's just for me.

I didn't know how your religion
handles this kind of stuff.

Don't they let the river
just take care of it?

Can I have
the dessert menu, please?

Jean?
Jean.

I accept the fellowship.

It's a fellowship.
You need to apply.

Jean, I'm applying
for the fellowship.

Good.
It's due tomorrow by 5:00.

Do you want me
to do it or not, Jean?

Come on.
Of course.

But it requires
three recommendations

and a personal essay.

What does Danny think
about this?

I haven't told him.

He has a way of talking me
out of things.

If it wasn't for him, I'd be
covered in Simpsons tattoos.

Be strong, Lahiri.

A woman's career and ambitions

don't age well on a shelf.

Put them away
because you want to,

but not because you think
you have to.

You're so wise.

Why are you wasting time
in medicine?

You should be a life coach
on the biggest loser.

(Danny) You're home.
Help me out with this tree.

Hey, where's my Rihanna
Christmas-tree topper?

A Christmas tree is no place
for exposed breasts.

You're lucky I let you put up
that wreath.

Wreath Witherspoon?

This is the nicest thing
in your apartment. Mm-hmm.

Hey, do you have Dr. Ledreau's
phone number?

You bet.
Anyone dating my ma...

I'm gonna do a full background
check on that guy.

I know what he eats
for breakfast...

Eggs.
Why? Why do you want it?

I am applying for a fellowship
at Stanford.

I want him to write
my recommendation.

I don't want to email with him,
'cause, you know,

emailing with old people's
such a nightmare.

Wait. What did you say...
"Stanford"?

That's in California.

It's not even the shallow,
materialistic part

you love so much.

Why would you want to do that?
What about us?

Well, Danny,
you're the only reason

I considered not applying, but,
you know, we're not married.

We're not engaged.

This is the only time
I could go.

It's a great opportunity for me.

I would invite you,
but the boys in the Castro...

They would eat you alive.
Yeah, they would.

It's only eight months.

I'll be back in time
to ruin football season for you.

Okay.
Thank you.

Eight months?

(Peter) She's doing what?

Why would Mindy go to Stanford?

She hates not being
the only Asian in the room.

Yeah, but it's
a great opportunity

for her, okay?

And like she said,
we're not married.

She said that to you?
Yeah.

Mindy doesn't want to go
to Stanford.

I'm sorry. I can't believe I missed this.
What?

Buddy, you're
in a proposal trap.

Stop! Look, Mindy's not
gonna move from a blue state

to an even bluer state
just to get me to propose.

We all read her diary.

We know she wants
to be engaged by Christmas.

Oh, man.

I'll have to pawn
my grandmother's wheelchair

to pay for it, but what a date.

This is you.

This is your apartment building.

I had a great time with you tonight.
Yeah.

I kind of want
to invite you upstairs,

but I'm really embarrassed
about my apartment.

I live with my grandmother
and 40 dogs.

Come on up.
Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about.

(Morgan) I don't get how
hoarder is a bad thing.

Why would you be embarrassed
by this place?

It's like living
inside of a catalog.

And you have a mountain
of catalogs!

I can't believe after all
the stories I've heard,

I slept with Peter Prentice.

[Mouths word]

(Ledreau) Ah, Danny.

Say, I'm working on this
recommendation for Dr. Lahiri,

and I'm wondering
if you know any adjectives

other than "Indian."

I'm stumped.

You know what? Don't waste
your energy, Dr. Ledreau.

I don't think she's serious
about Stanford.

I'd prefer to please her,

especially if there's
a possibility

of her following through
on any of those threats.

Look, Mindy gets excited,

and she jumps into things
for the wrong reasons.

She ran for city council
just to get more trans fats

in her food, so...

I see.

Dan, you're a good man.
Thank you, sir.

Worried about Mindy's
well-being.

In my day, we didn't care
about women's feelings.

Are we better now?

I don't know.
Maybe.

Regardless, no recommendation?

I would say don't write it.

It's fine.
Yeah, it's fine.

Got it.

Dr. Reed, are people allowed
to give toasts tonight?

I have some heartfelt
holiday thoughts.

You know what, Beverly?
That would be nice.

I got some things to say
about Israel.

You brought this upon yourself.
Rats.

Let that be fair warning
to you all.

This is an elegant party.

Riffraff shall not be tolerated.

That said, have fun.

Doc, the girl I'm dating
thinks I am someone else,

so I couldn't bring her.

So I used my plus-one
for cousin Lou.

Whoa.

Uh, I'm gonna need a plus-eight.

God, I've got to get a doorman.

Together, it's... it's ten.

(Mindy) Oh, look,
Dr. Ledreau just emailed.

I bet it's my recommendation.

God, I'm going to Palo Alto.

I've never actually been
that close to a billionaire

in person before.

Oh, no, Danny,
do you think one of them

might try to
fifty shades of grey me?

There's one shade of gray.

Gray.

Well, I'm gonna go read
the letter.

I'm so excited, I'm getting
physically turned on!

Okay.

Oh, come on!
Hey!

Christmas hug.
Hey, hey.

Come here.
Hey, merry Christmas

(Danny) Hey, guys.
Oh, kissing?

Surprise!

I hope it's okay that I'm here.

Hi, I'm Jessica.

Mm. Jessica Jessica?

Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Jessica.

You need to come with me,

because you never told me
how the hobbit ends.

So the girl Danny picked
for me is dating you,

but thinks you're me?

Yes. It only took you
20 minutes to understand that.

Please, help me.
I'm fighting two urges here...

Date a smart, beautiful woman
I have earned

through self-improvement

or help a bro get
a girl by lying.

You should know we slept together.
She's all yours, Peter.

Thank you, Morgan.

[Wham!'S last Christmas plays]

Hey, you're missing the party.

We rely on you to drink
the eggnog.

You okay?

Dr. Ledreau didn't write
my recommendation.

Okay.

It's because he thought...

Other people
were more deserving.

Well, that sucks.

I just...

I just wish I knew
what I did wrong.

You didn't really want to go,
did you?

Of course I wanted to go, Danny.

I wanted to go so badly

that I was willing
to be away from you.

I was just excited
to show people

what I was capable of.

But it doesn't matter.

The deadline's over.
It was stupid.

Stanford will just be
another dead professional dream,

like being an astronaut

or an African dictator.

Okay, I need to be cheered up.

Gonna go get some eggnog.

[Door opens, closes]

(Jessica) I'm so happy
Danny set me up with Peter.

Peter, I didn't know
you were dating someone.

That's great.

It is great. It is great
that I, Peter Prentice,

has found someone.

Yes. Yes, you did, Dr. Prentice.

And I am

Dr. One, Two, Three,
Four, Five...

What?
Shh.

Could I, uh, maybe...

Speak to the two
of you real quick?

[Whispering] She thinks that I am
Morgan and that Morgan is me.

So we're just gonna
play along, okay?

No, no, Peter, this is...
Fun.

Fun.
It's lots of fun.

Thank you.
Yeah.

(Morgan) Hey.
Hi.

Everyone good?
Yeah.

Yeah.

[Concert violin music]

[Music stops] Everyone, excuse me,
I have something to say.

Sorry. This will only take,
like, 45 minutes.

Danny, this year,
I was lucky enough

to have you for secret Santa.

I may not have a fellowship,

but I do have a "fellow"
with whom I share the "ship"...

Oh, man.
I'm just gonna press play.

[Ragtime piano music]

[Car horn honks]

(Mindy) The year was 1974.

In a tiny catholic hospital
in Staten Island,

Daniel Allen Castellano
entered the world.

Danny was a wonderful baby.

That's my ma.

He's gonna make some catholic
woman a wonderful husband.

(Mindy) Okay, cut.

Through the years,
Danny overcame such obstacles

as poverty, sizeism,
and skank addiction

to graduate from medical school.

Uh, what do I say about Dr. C?

He makes me want to be
a better nurse.

I mean, imagine that...

Me, Morgan tookers,
a great nurse,

wanting to be
an even better nurse.

Dr. C... Well, he's
a way better doctor than me.

Oh, boy.

What the hell is going on?

Your name is Morgan?

He's also an ex-con
who lives with his grandma.

Damn it!
How did you get out?

I wiggled.

Jess, Jess, I want to...

What can I say about Danny?

He's my best friend.

(Both) What?

Meant every word, pal.

I have to go find Jessica.

Excuse me.

Danny and I...
We used to hate each other.

Over time, that changed,

but it wasn't
until I went to Haiti

and I got this letter
that I realized how much.

[Clears throat]

"Mindy, I'm still surprised that
you like getting these letters.

"But I'm glad,
because I like writing them.

"I wouldn't say I miss you,

"but it hasn't been the same
without you here.

"Fine. I miss you, but
don't let it go to your head.

Your friend, Dan."

Guess what.

It went to my head.

Over the years,
Danny has sent me many letters

appreciating my work...
All very kind...

Some too kind...

In a way that chilled me
to the bone.

He wanted me to make a film
about Staten Island.

It was adorable coming
from a little kid.

But the letters didn't stop.

By 1998, I was like,
"get a life, nerd."

But still, the letters came.

He hated it.

Uh, I-I liked it.

I thought we had good
on-screen chemistry,

which makes me think
that we would bang good.

God.

[Women breathing heavily]

Ma.

What?

I need your engagement ring.

Ma, I didn't know
what I was doing

when I tanked her fellowship.

Proposing is the only way
to make things right.

How?

No, no, Danny,
you want to make it right?

You got to get Mindy
what she really wants.

I don't know, ma.
A boob job?

She'll go too big, and I'll
never get the shape I want.

No, you gagoot, you got to try
to get her into that fellowship.

Ma, of course.
Get her into the fellowship.

You're right.
She's always right.

Ma, if I could marry you,
I would.

You stop being weird.
Go.

Okay.
Go. Go.

Jessica!

I'm sorry!

I didn't mean to deceive you...

Except for the part
about me not understanding

what dogs are saying.

I do.
That is true.

Jessica!

What are you doing here?

Uh...

Just chillin'.

[Sighs]
No, I came here to see you.

I didn't know
that you thought I was Peter

until the date was over.

I don't know.
I'm a mess.

I just bought a 50-pound bag
of kitty litter.

I don't even have a cat.

I literally don't have room
in my life

for a boyfriend I can't trust.

Okay, I don't want to be
your boyfriend...

Yet...

'Cause I don't deserve it.

I just want us to start over,

from the beginning...

Just two strangers,
deeply in love with each other...

And just see where that goes.

Total honesty?

Total honesty.

Total honesty?

I farted.

Why don't we go
with partial honesty?

Okay.

Hey, Lauren.
Hey.

Before you go,
I just wanted to give you this.

I know Henry's
a big fan of trucks,

so I got him a truck.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, yeah.
No problem.

Merry Christmas.

Well, technically,
it's happy Hanukkah.

Oh, that's right!

I forgot that you
were a fellow soldier.

(Both) In the war on Christmas.

Yeah, you hate Christmas,
I forgot.

[Elevator bell beeps]

Well, happy new year.

Happy new year.
Good night.

(Jean)
When people start to come,

we're going to be
very, very still.

Dr. Castellano?

What are you doing here?

What's this?

Are all the men from your church
still at the office?

No.

This is an all-female,
living nativity.

Everybody?
Yeah.

The Shepherds?

The little drummer boy?

No men allowed.
You're ruining it.

Aren't you cute?

Why are you even here?

Sorry. Look, I got
Mindy's application...

Three recommendations,
and I wrote the last one.

Well, that is very unselfish
of you, Dr. Castellano.

Are those the three wise women?

Yes.

Okay, I got to get out of here.

This is basically witchcraft.

What is wrong with you?

(Morgan) Mmm, mmm.

Oh, what is this?
It's very hot.

Let's get down to business.
[Door opens]

How much am
I getting paid for this?

(Mindy) You will be paid nothing,
Morgan.

Don't stop it, I loved it.

Yeah? You love it so much
that you left the party early?

[Sighs]

I left the party early...

To get this.

"Dear officers
of the admissions committee...

"Doctors are competitive.

Doctors are selfish."

(Danny, narrating) "Doctors
tend to think of compassion

"as a liability, not an asset,

"which is what makes
Dr. Mindy Lahiri

"so truly exceptional
among her peers.

"Her passion to help
is a constant reminder

"of why we all first wanted
to practice medicine.

"Of all her skills,
her most impressive

"is her single-minded devotion
to those in her care.

"Her only flaw
that I can think of"...

"Is that sometimes
she doesn't realize

what a great doctor
she really is."

What does it say?

I got in.

You got in?
You got in?

You got in?
Ah!

"Sincerely, Dr. Dan Castellano."

Merry Christmas, babe.

[The Grateful Dead's
Ripple playing]

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0