All language subtitles for The League of Gentlemen s02e02.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:09,553 - Can I have a cornet, please? - Righto. That'll be 80p, please. 2 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,756 Thank you. 3 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,358 - I didn't ask for sauce. - I didn't put sauce on! 4 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,670 OK. Guten morgen, kinder, und wilkommen ins England! 5 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,836 Hi! Welcome to England! 6 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,996 My name is Herr Lipp 7 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:27,830 und I enjoy you to an exchange visit to the lovely town of Royston Vasey. 8 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,589 As you can know, I'm speaking to you now in English 9 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,519 so you may have some worries of knowing me! 10 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:40,795 Ja. In so fact, I was in England since 12 years ago! Jesus Christ! 11 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,514 I stayed in the lovely town of Derby 12 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,235 with the two teachers... Mr and Mrs Norris. 13 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:51,956 Oh, they were very nice - beard and some moustaches. 14 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,798 I still have a towel of theirs. 15 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,672 It's blue. 16 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:03,349 Alles klar! So, I hope you all have a real good treat of Royston Vasey. 17 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:07,109 And, please, if you don't understand any of my sayings, 18 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,949 come to me in private and I will take you in my German mouth. 19 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,311 Alles klar? Gut. Alles klar. 20 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,554 This sky is so beautiful. Keeps changing all the time. 21 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,236 How are you doing? 22 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:29,876 Fine. 23 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:35,431 Mother, I'll pop down to that little shop, get a can of Coke or something. 24 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,678 Don't be long, darling. You'll miss the light. 25 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,553 Wouldn't want to miss the light (!) 26 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,232 (SNARLING) 27 00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,953 Hello? 28 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,510 - Yes? - Good morning. 29 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,792 - Can I help you at all? - I wanted to buy a can of Coke. 30 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,992 - I can I can't?! - A can of Coke. 31 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,839 - I can I can't! - You are a shop, aren't you? 32 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,315 No, I am a lady! 33 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,829 - This is a shop. - You misunderstand me. 34 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,110 It is a local shop for local people. 35 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:33,108 - There's nothing for you here! - I see. No problem. 36 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,630 - Ohh! Are you cut-cut? - No, it's just paint. 37 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:40,276 - Give it to Tubbs! - No, really, there's no need! 38 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:45,190 Hello, Hello! Tubbs, what's going on?! We'll have no trouble here! 39 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,073 - I just came in for a can of Coke. - I can I can't? 40 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,236 He wants to paint me naked! 41 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,396 - Is he local? - No! 42 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,592 Look here, this is a decent town and a local shop! 43 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,234 We don't want nudes here! 44 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,955 We're doing a landscape. Up there. We came to capture the sun. 45 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,596 - Nothing to do with your wife. - Say that again! 46 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:09,236 We came to try and capture the sun whilst it was daytime. 47 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:12,876 He knows about David! He wants to let him out! 48 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,039 What do you know?! He's our son! A freak, yes, but a local freak! 49 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,196 Leave him where he is! 50 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,358 The attic is warm, Tubbs feeds him! 51 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,711 Under the door, I slide him my teat! 52 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,480 - Let him not go! - What are you talking about? 53 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:33,310 All right, how much?! To leave the shop and never come back! 70, 80?! 54 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,353 - All right, a pound! - I don't want your money! 55 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,120 - What DO you want?! - I can I can't! 56 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,276 (ROARING) 57 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,119 - What was that?! - That was David! 58 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,153 And you have woken him up! 59 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,033 (GROWLING) 60 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:04,036 Morning. We'll close the guest house this evening for a private function. 61 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,549 Can you vacate the premises by 12.00? 62 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,716 And can I get you some coffee? 63 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:13,471 OK...jump leads for two. Can do! 64 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,510 So the fella's standing there... 65 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,110 As I say, we don't normally go to such entertainments, 66 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,276 but this one was really super! 67 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:30,268 The fella has a Robin Hood outfit - the leggings and the tunic 68 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,199 and the bow and arrow, a feather on his head! 69 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,198 As I say, he's playing all the parts himself! 70 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,278 He's the stag that Robin Hood will fire his arrow at 71 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,358 and he's going hell for leather with the antlers! 72 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,199 Robin Hood chases after him AND his Merry Men! 73 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,915 He's got the bow and arrow poised and he's got the feather. 74 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:53,193 Me and Sunny are sitting there, tears rolling down our faces! 75 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,836 He fires the blooming arrow and he's shot, of course! 76 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,510 As I say, we don't normally go to these kinds of things. 77 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:05,032 It loses a little in translation, but... Did you want more coffee? 78 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:07,633 OK. 79 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,115 Jump leads for one! 80 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,276 - Can do! - ALVIN! 81 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,755 Excuse me. 82 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:24,433 - Have you been to the shops? - Hardly. Just finished breakfasts. 83 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,108 You're determined to spoil this for me. 84 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,471 - Not at all. I'm quite... - It's not much to expect! 85 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,910 - Once every few months! - No, I'm... 86 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:36,078 - Just go! - Right. 87 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:38,430 I'll be...toddling off, then. 88 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,438 I'll be back about 3.00...3.30. 89 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,278 (PHONE RINGS) 90 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:02,549 (ANSWERPHONE) Okey-cokey, pig in a pokey! Hello, this is Pauline. 91 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:07,038 Please leave a message and I'll try and call you back as soon as I can. 92 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,595 Thank you. Bye. (BLEEP) 93 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:13,110 Good morning. It's Jacqui here from the Job Centre. 94 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,790 A vacancy has just cropped up due to illness so I was... 95 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,355 Don't hang up, don't hang up! I 'm in! 96 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,710 Yeah. Now, what job is it? 97 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,229 Yes, I've got a pen! 98 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,396 Uh-huh? 99 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,398 What's an assistant food science operative? 100 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,196 Two cheeseburgers! 101 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,754 That's £3.60, please. 102 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,520 Thank you. Enjoy your meal. 103 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:43,075 Excuse me. I did say "Enjoy your meal". 104 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:47,353 - Oh, thank you. - That's all it takes! Go on, then! 105 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,516 (Piss off!) 106 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,756 Oh, how the mighty have fallen! 107 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,758 - What? - Not YOU, Mickey, love! 108 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,520 This is a good little job for you, in't it? 109 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,235 But, you see, I'M a professional! I've got diplomas! 110 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,512 I should be sat at a desk now with all pens laid out! 111 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,120 You've not been at them apple pies again?! 112 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,790 I told you they were hot! Now, come here! Let's have a look! 113 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:20,393 Just show me where it hurts. Come on, don't be such a baby. 114 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,438 - (Why are we hiding?) - (It's Ross!) 115 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:31,793 (What you doing?! He's the bastard that got me sacked! 116 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,639 (I am not having him see me working here!) 117 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,593 Can I have a vegeburger, please? 118 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:42,351 (AMERICAN ACCENT) Um...yeah...coming right up! 119 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,516 (Come on, a vegeburger!) 120 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:47,913 (Quick!) 121 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,076 (It doesn't matter!) 122 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:54,114 Um...do you want mustard with your vegeburger? 123 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,197 Yes, please. 124 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,551 (Mickey... squeeze us one of them spots in!) 125 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,228 - (A nice big, fat, yellow one!) - (Why?) 126 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,000 (I'm gonna teach that smug get a lesson!) 127 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:10,150 - Pauline! - What did I used to teach you? 128 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,114 Always put something of yourself into every job you do. 129 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,995 If someone finds out, we'll be sacked! 130 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:23,752 No one's gonna find out! Now, come on, a nice big one off your back! 131 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,356 OK, I'll see you tonight, then. 132 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:35,835 No, I'm looking forward to it! 133 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,429 I've got to go. Yeah. 134 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,198 Bye. Bye. 135 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,914 Which way to Casualty? It won't stop! 136 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,076 Join the queue. 137 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,196 - Mr...? - Bamford. 138 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,630 - How are you feeling? - Much better. 139 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,549 Good. I've got the results back and we can make a diagnosis. 140 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:09,311 Right. Is it to do with the nosebleeds? 141 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:15,239 Um...no, no, it's not. 142 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:25,355 It's...um... Well, put it this way. Have you seen Terms Of Endearment? 143 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:30,796 - No, I haven't. - That makes it... Shadowlands? 144 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,515 - No. Don't really go to the cinema. - They've been on TV. 145 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:39,077 In both films, Debra Winger plays characters, different characters, 146 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,430 who find out early in their lives... 147 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,791 ..that... Well, surely you've seen Beaches? 148 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,549 - No. Is that Debra Winger? - No, it's Barbara Hershey. 149 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,275 And Bette Midler. It's on the Beeb in the Autumn, but... 150 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:57,512 Yes...it'll be too late by then. You like sports? 151 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:01,554 - Yes! - Remember the jockey Bob Champion? 152 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:06,197 John Hurt in the film! Brilliant as Quentin Crisp, Elephant Man! 153 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,550 - My test results? - I'm thinking! 154 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:13,151 All right, it seems from perusing your results... Midnight Express! 155 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,318 - What?! - Another Hurt film! Anything else? 156 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,193 - Yes, my test results! - Oh, God! 157 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,914 All right... 158 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,795 ..how old would you have been next birthday? 159 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,594 Forty-five. 160 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:33,351 Look, is there something you're not telling me? Why can't you tell me? 161 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,199 Is it...bad news? 162 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,230 How long have I got? 163 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,396 - Is that a 6? - It should be a 2. 164 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,478 - I want a second opinion! - Your prerogative. 165 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,797 Dr Wesley, could I borrow you for a moment, please? 166 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:58,118 Take a look at these results. Give this man a diagnosis. 167 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:03,309 - Tell me, have you seen Evita? - He hasn't even seen Beaches! 168 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,959 So, kinder, here we are in the lovely town of Royston Vasey! 169 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:14,517 Um...I don't know if any of you have gazed your eyes on my pink POMPHLET, 170 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:19,669 but it does give you informations on activities we have planned for you. 171 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:24,158 And these include... walking around Royston Vasey... 172 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,956 Walking around Royston Vasey. 173 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,835 There are many interesting buildings in this arena 174 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,032 and I will try and give you an entry in all of them. 175 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:40,233 Per example, if you now may look to your right, you will see... 176 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,396 ..some toilets. 177 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:47,677 Um...of course, you will be staying with some families in Royston Vasey 178 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:51,509 and I have some boys in mind for myself. 179 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,473 Can I have Dieter, please? Where is Dieter? 180 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,911 - You've somewhere to put yourself? - Ja, Herr Lipp. 181 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,476 Schon, schon. Such a lovely day, don't you mind? 182 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,636 NOW, HELMUT, NOW! 183 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,916 You saved my life, Dieter! 184 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,432 (I will never forgive you!) 185 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:25,235 So I hope you all have a real good treat of Royston Vasey 186 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:29,069 and, oi, if you like films, I saw film at the Kino here once 187 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,636 and it was...quite good, so alles klar! 188 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,070 - (ALL) Alles klar. - Good. 189 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,636 So, Dieter, do you wanna see my pink POMPHLET? 190 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,396 - Hello. - Hiya. 191 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,832 £12.60, love. 192 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:09,871 - Temperature's a little high. - Hmm. Try it in his mouth. 193 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,549 Harvey, he's forgotten everything - even his own name. 194 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,911 - What will we do? - Only one thing we CAN do, Val. 195 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,829 Teach him the household regulations one more time! 196 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:28,832 We've learned from past mistakes that teaching guests is tough! 197 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,828 But now we've found a better way we think is clear enough! 198 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:37,272 The old way was confusing, we found it took too long! 199 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:43,635 ♪ So now you are Chez Denton, come learn our rules in song! 200 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,749 ♪ The bathroom is a dangerous place where evil germs lurk 201 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,430 ♪ To keep clean is a duty from which we mustn't shirk 202 00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:00,349 ♪ Hygiene is a principle we really all must have 203 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:04,633 ♪ So scrub your hands with pumice stone whenever you touch the lav 204 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,874 Ahhh! Ahhhhhhhh! 205 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,197 ♪ The kitchen can be deadly, just think of all that dirt! 206 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:16,075 ♪ To clean things 10 or 15 times, it really cannot hurt! 207 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:20,114 ♪ Imagine all the places those naughty microbes hide 208 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,356 - # A rubbish bin - # A soiled lid 209 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,516 ♪ These Marigolds inside! 210 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:29,798 ♪ All we want is order, each thing in its place 211 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:34,357 ♪ To have it any other way would be a damn disgrace! 212 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,120 ♪ You see how each thing's labelled 213 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,629 ♪ We know where it must stay 214 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:43,389 ♪ Your Auntie Val's vaginal douche 215 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:49,311 ♪ We keep behind this tra-a-ay! 216 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:57,032 ♪ So now that we have shown you the way that we think true 217 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,550 ♪ We hope that you'll be happy and know what you must do 218 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,716 ♪ Whenever you're at toilet 219 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,911 ♪ Please recall this song 220 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:10,990 - # Wash your hands... - # Before and after 221 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,876 (DEEP VOICE) # During if it's long! # 222 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,118 Got that? 223 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,039 Hello? Home is the hunter! 224 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,800 (SUNNY) Put the immersion on! 225 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,752 Righto. 226 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,510 We keep David upstairs. 227 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,678 Strangers would not look upon him the way we do. 228 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:08,795 - His appearance, his ways... - His hot, foul breath! 229 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,598 - His last friend ran away. - But he's got YOU now! 230 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:24,113 Remember...he'll be more frightened of you than you are of him. 231 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,515 Someone to see you, Davey! 232 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,551 Ahhhhhh! 233 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,196 Do you think he'll like him? 234 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:41,076 Yes, Tubbs! He'll like him...to pieces! 235 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,714 (VICIOUS SNARLING) 236 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:47,469 (TERRIFIED PANTING) 237 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,591 (PIERCING SCREAM) 238 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:57,710 (POP) # Bright eyes burning like fire 239 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:03,037 ♪ Bright eyes da-da daa da-da ♪ 240 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,800 Oh, is such a beautiful film, Patricia! 241 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,389 The little rabbits, they are so brave! 242 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,354 So many obstacles for them to overcome! Isn't that right, Al? 243 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,516 It is a good film, Pop. 244 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:19,953 Patricia, the magic lies in the fact that, although they are rabbits, 245 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:24,711 really they talk and act like people! 246 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:30,593 Anyway, let's talk about you, Patricia! 247 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,120 When you gonna make an honest man of my son? 248 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,117 - I'm sorry? - Pop! 249 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:40,029 Well, you make a beautiful couple! 250 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:45,360 You, Patrica, with your fine skin and...shapely bosom! 251 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,956 And you, Al, with your good health and thick body hair 252 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,913 which he has inherited from his pop! 253 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,078 Together you produce superior children! 254 00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:00,432 - We've only just met really, Mr... - Call me Pop! 255 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,633 Trish is a cautious person. She likes to think things through. 256 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:09,311 What is to think about?! You meet, you fall in love, you marry! 257 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,875 Then you come and live with me, huh? 258 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,516 'Cause Pop will have a daughter as well as sons! 259 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,794 I mean...a son. 260 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,793 Now, eat, eat! Is good, is good! 261 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:34,437 You know, Patricia - Al, he's not had a proper girlfriend! 262 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:39,753 Imagine this! 33, and still no girlfriend! 263 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,794 I used to weep at night, thinking he might be a "mary-queen"! 264 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,672 American? 265 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,838 No! A mary-queen! 266 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,600 A pouf! A shit-stabber! 267 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,837 Then he said to me, "Pop, I've met a beautiful girl! 268 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,395 "She works in the hospital as a nurse!" 269 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:00,874 Pop, please! 270 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:04,038 "She's got a great ass, Pop! A great ass! 271 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,357 "I would like to go to bed with her very much!" 272 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:12,315 I said to him, "Be a man!" All my life I've tried to make a man of my son! 273 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:16,798 When he's a little boy, we sit down together and watch a video! 274 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,515 - One of my favourites! - Watership Down? 275 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:26,999 No. Is called "The Ass Master". It's German! 276 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,475 Is about a guy with a video camera 277 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:33,434 and he goes around filming the asses of beautiful women! 278 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,279 - He take 'em back to his hotel... - POP! 279 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,438 Hey! What's the matter, huh?! 280 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,393 Perhaps now you have no use for your dirty movie! 281 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,273 Now you have met your wife-to-be! 282 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,835 Mind you, Patricia - she has real class! 283 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:52,477 Not like those television whores you like so much! 284 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,831 You will not see Patricia making lesbian action 285 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,395 on the floor of an Austrian bar! 286 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,036 Now...you must excuse me, Patricia, 287 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,196 I have to go and make a piss. 288 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,551 - Al, I'm going! - I'm so sorry. Stay a bit longer. 289 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,716 - Pop will want to sleep... - HEY! 290 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,480 What are you talking about?! 291 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,558 You chat away like a pair of real lovebirds! 292 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,035 Just talking, Pop. 293 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,391 And yet your Patricia - she will not talk to me! 294 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:30,990 Why is she so shy? Is she frightened of her new pop? 295 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:37,195 No! We are all friends here! 296 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,475 All friends! 297 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,959 Al, is time now for dessert. 298 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:49,119 You go and fetch us a Kinder Egg each from the box in the attic. 299 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,910 Trish doesn't like chocolate. 300 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:56,318 She doesn't have to eat it! She can play with the toy inside! Now, go! 301 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,476 - I think... - GO! 302 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,433 You know my philosophy, Patricia? 303 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,394 Pop say life is like a newsagent's! 304 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,909 There are so many things to tempt you! 305 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:23,752 Some things in life - the Yorkies, the cream sodas - they are easy! 306 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,999 But the best things in life - the box of Milk Tray, 307 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,555 the...the dirty books - 308 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,876 they are on the top shelf! 309 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,595 You have to reach for them! 310 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,236 My son Al, he's a good boy, 311 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,159 but still he is only a boy! 312 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:48,915 A woman like you, Patricia, should know the touch of a real man! 313 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:51,076 Feel my breath on your face! 314 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,160 I am hot for you, Patricia! 315 00:22:56,360 --> 00:23:00,638 Like a tube of Murray Mints that have been left out in the sun! 316 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,115 Hot and hard! 317 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:04,594 (FOOTSTEPS) 318 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:09,510 - I couldn't find them, Pop. - What do you mean?! Look harder! 319 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,757 - I think I should stay... - DO AS YOU'RE TOLD, YOU PIG! 320 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,076 - I'm sorry, Mr... - NO! 321 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,236 I really have to leave! 322 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,757 You see? Patricia, she don't love you any more! 323 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,799 Well...you cannot trust a woman! 324 00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:33,079 Hey, what say me and you, 325 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,113 we watch a video before we go to bed, eh? 326 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,834 One of my favourites! 327 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,237 Hey, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh! No need to cry! 328 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:52,433 ♪ Bright eyes burning like fire Bright eyes... ♪ 329 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,277 - Thanks for coming out so late. - No problem, Mr Hart. 330 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,675 Just admiring your collection. 331 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,634 My koi carp? That's not what I brought you out for, vet'nary. 332 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,400 - It's Curly. - What's the matter with him? 333 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,717 Normally, he loves his locusts but, 334 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,356 I dunno, to me he just can't seem to get a grip on 'em. 335 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,632 Hello! 336 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,512 Hello, Curly. 337 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,472 Oh, yes. 338 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:24,639 It's a common enough complaint not dissimilar to gingivitis. 339 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,752 Years of accumulated chitin have taken their toll. 340 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:32,033 Oh, well, I suppose, like, he needs just a good dentist! 341 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:36,199 Yes, that's right. Just bring him down here, Mr Hart. 342 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:44,671 - Oh, God, what's that?! - Just a big electric toothbrush. 343 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:55,877 - It don't hurt him, vet'nary? - No, no, just a bit abrasive. 344 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,714 - Ugh! - What's up? 345 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,878 These back teeth are a little impacted. 346 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:06,554 (WHIRRING) 347 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,752 We may have to perform an extraction. 348 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:11,916 The inflammation on the gums 349 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,588 has probably caused Curly a lot of pain. 350 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,155 No wonder he's been off his locusts! 351 00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:21,592 What I can do is clean up the area around the gums as best I can. 352 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,236 Plenty more fish in the sea! 353 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,514 You're a very, very naughty boy! 354 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,636 (ALVIN LAUGHS) 355 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,796 And he plays all the parts! 356 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,470 So he's Robin Hood and he's got a feather in his cap! 357 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,035 As I say, he played all the parts himself, 358 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:07,711 so he's the arrow, he's the Merry Men, then he's the blooming stag! 359 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:11,799 Me and Sunny are sitting there, tears rolling down our faces! 360 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,275 Later this fella comes up to me... 361 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,436 (WOMAN) Ohhh! Oh, God! 362 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,156 I'll go and get some crisps. 363 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,958 (SOUNDS OF ORGY CONTINUE) 364 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,636 It's all right. 365 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,516 It's all right. 366 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,196 It's all right. 367 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,156 OK, kinder, now I need everyone to find their cases! 368 00:26:56,360 --> 00:27:00,399 Are you a little bit lost? Whose is that? I think it's Gibbo's. 369 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,672 - OK, Gibbo, would you like to go... - Herr Lipp! 370 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:07,509 Mrs Smart, head of German. I think you're staying with me. 371 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:12,271 No, that's not true. I am to be staying with a young gentleman, 372 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,994 whose name is Bobby. 373 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,988 Oh, that's me! Bobbi with an I. It's short for Roberta! 374 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,431 Oh...that's not normal! 375 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:26,633 We're a bit pushed for space. How do you feel about sharing a room? 376 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,871 - What?! - Oh, not with ME! With my son! 377 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:36,837 (ROMANTIC MUSIC DROWNS OUT HER SPEECH) 378 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,240 Let's get your bag in the car, shall we? 379 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,352 Her name? What is her name? 380 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,676 His name's Justin. 381 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,440 (NAME ECHOES ROMANTICALLY) 382 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,596 Justin! 383 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,509 (SWELL OF ROMANTIC MUSIC) 384 00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,280 I'm afraid he's very poor with his German, 385 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,756 so I hope you're going to rub off on him in some way! 386 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,315 I will do my best...I promise. 387 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,710 We're baffled as to what's causing it. 388 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,798 He came in with a nosebleed, the next thing... 389 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:17,516 I can't tell you how he died, but I'm sure he was very peaceful at the end. 390 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,996 Have you seen... 391 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,356 Doesn't matter. 392 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,516 (SHE SOBS) 393 00:28:30,566 --> 00:28:35,116 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31503

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.