All language subtitles for The Egg and I (1947)

Oops!

Now look
what you've done!

No harm done, ma'am.
It's only an egg.

Only an egg!

Yes, ma'am, just a little old egg,
that's all.

I suppose it never occurred to you
that this egg is somebody's child.

- That it once had a mother.
- No, ma'am.

And a father.

Yes, ma'am.

You're one of those people, no doubt,
who thinks a chicken lays an egg

all by herself.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, she doesn't.
She lays it with help,

and I ought to know
because I helped her.

Yes, ma'am.
Yes, indeed, ma'am.

Telling me about eggs.

And I'll bet you think
an egg is something

you casually order
for breakfast

when you can't think
of anything else.

Well, so did I once.

But that was before
The Egg and I.

Oh!
This is the day they give babies away with a half a pound of tea

You open the lid and out pops a
kid with a half a pound of tea

- Betty?
- Hmm?

Remember, once,
we talked about maybe having a farm someday?

Uh-huh.

You thought
about it since?

Uh-uh.

I have.

Betty, you ever think how we're
gonna spend the rest of our lives?

Whatever my husband chooses to do,
it's all right with me.

The question is,
are we going to trod the old paths

or break new roads
into the wilderness?

I don't know. Which?

You know, Betty,

when you're lying in
a foxhole in Okinawa,

you got plenty of time
to think things out.

You know what I
said to myself?

I said, "Just exactly what have Saddle,
Finch, Tanner, Pease and Stuck

"to do with all this?"

- And you know what the answer was?
- Uh-uh.

Nothing!
Absolutely nothing!

And that's why I'm not going back
to being a mere customer's man

at Saddle, Finch,
Tanner, Pease and Stuck.

- Aren't you?
- I am not!

I resigned yesterday.

Hang Saddle, Finch,
Tanner, Pease and Stuck.

Well, you'll find something else,
I'm sure.

We'll talk about it
in the morning.

Betty, do you know
what a fellow thinks about

when he's lying
out there in the mud

with the shells
bursting all around him?

I'd be thinking
about you.

He thinks about
the fundamental things.

The things that really count,
the basic things.

He thinks about love
and food and babies

and things growing
out of the ground.

He thinks about
cows and horses...

Do you know what I dreamt about most,
Betty?

Tell me, darling.

About chickens.

Chickens?

Can't you just
picture it, Betty?

Just you and me,
all by ourselves

with thousands and
thousands of chickens.

Every one of them
laying eggs all day long.

What on earth would we
do with that many eggs?

We sell them.

Those that we don't keep for incubating,
of course.

- Incubating?
- Yes! Incubating.

Darling, I bought
a chicken farm.

- A chicken farm?
- It's the most wonderful place

you can
possibly imagine!

It's situated high up in the mountains,
miles from everywhere.

Forty beautiful
fertile acres.

Well, that sounds fine.

We'll go there
every weekend.

Every weekend?
Honey, we're gonna live there all the time.

We're gonna
raise chickens.

- Are we?
- You bet we are!

Betty, you have no idea what a fascinating
little devil a chicken can be.

It's unbelievable.
There must be over 100 varieties.

Australorps, Dorkings, Leghorns,
12 different kinds of them.

The New Hampshire Red,
the Rhode Island Red,

the Light Brahma,
the Black Sumatra,

the Jersey White Giant,

the Plymouth Rock, the Barred Rock.
There are millions of them.

Now you take the average White Leghorn
that lays, say, 150 to 250 eggs a year,

and we'll say that she costs
between $2.25 and $2.50 to raise.

They all right back there?

They're fine.
They love it.

Of course, our profit will vary depending
on the percentage of cockerels.

The percentage of cockerels
is a vital factor

in determining the
cost of each pullet.

So, you've got to keep watching
for those little combs

to break out
of the shells.

Then you separate them
and fatten them up

and dress them and off
to market they go.

Oh, my hat!
Oh, God! Stop!

We can't stop here.
We'll get it later.

But... He's eating it!

Don't worry.
It won't hurt him.

How much longer?

Pretty soon, now.

- Beautiful country, isn't it?
- Mmm.

Seems so far away.

Far away from what?

I don't know.
Just far away.

Get ready, Betty.

Are we there?

In a minute.

Close your eyes.
I want to surprise you with it.

They were closed!

Close them again.

All right! Open them.

Where's the house?

That's it,
right there.

Oh.

Needs a new coat of paint.

The agent told me there wasn't another
house like it in the whole county.

Come on,
I'll show it to you.

Isn't this the most beautiful setting
for a house you ever saw, Betty?

Isn't it wonderful?

How do you like this view
from the front porch?

Well, honey, this is it.
Over the threshold.

Oh!

Hang on.

Darling, you'd
better put me down.

Yeah, all right.

It's stuck.
I'll have to force it.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Those hinges
must've loosened up.

Oh.

Fixed that!

Well, honey,
what do you think of it?

Hasn't it got
a lot of character?

That stairway
goes up to the attic.

This is the bedroom over here.
This is the living room.

Nice size room,
isn't it?

Good floors.
Won't have to do a thing to them,

just scrub
and polish them.

Here's the
dining room in here.

Boy,
they don't build houses like this nowadays.

This table isn't bad,
is it?

Solid oak.

I don't care much for that fixture though,
do you?

Just wait till
you see the kitchen.

Isn't this something?
An old-fashioned kitchen.

I haven't seen one like
this since I was a kid.

None of that
streamlined stuff.

This is the kind of a place where
you can really get down to living.

No running water, no Frigidaire.
Just plenty of elbow room.

Here's the back porch.
Out here.

Go on. Take a look.

That's the chicken house,
over there.

Of course,
we'll have to make it bigger.

And those woods back there belong to us,
too.

And isn't that
some barn?

That's the pig pen right
there in front of it.

Compact little layout,
isn't it?

Of course, it needs a little sprucing up,
some paint and some patches.

We'll get started on
that in the morning.

Come on, I'll show you
the rest of the house.

You haven't seen
anything yet.

It keeps getting
better and better.

Here's the pantry.

These steps go down to the cellar
where we store vegetables and things

and all those canned goods
you're gonna put up.

What's that?

Oh!

Isn't that a beauty?

I bet you've never seen a stove
like that in all your life.

Just aching for a big side
of beef or a potful of soup

or a couple of
dozen loaves of bread.

Fresh bread!
I can smell it already.

Betty, you're gonna have a
wonderful time with that stove.

You can get to the bedroom right
through the kitchen, here.

I don't think
it likes me.

- Betty?
- Coming.

You and I, my friend,
are not going to get along at all.

- Bob!
- How do you like this bed?

- Hmm?
- Isn't it a wonderful old piece?

Hmm.

Needs a little
propping up.

There. That
ought to do it.

Kind of noisy,
don't you think?

Isn't this
the life, Betty?

I guess so.

Once you get
used to it.

It's raining!

Right through
the roof.

Gesundheit.

There. You'll be
all right here.

I'm gonna have to
get up that roof.

Some of the shingles
must've loosened up.

You catching cold?
You must've been sitting in a draft.

I must've.

You better
get in bed.

Ah, just smell that.

Wonderful to fill your lungs with
good clean air for a change.

Well, the first night
in our own home.

Doesn't it feel
great, Betty?

Gonna make it
a real home, too.

Something to be proud of.

None of that
hit-and-run stuff for us.

Just think, Betty,

this is where we'll probably
spend the rest of our lives.

Doesn't it give you a
wonderful sense of security?

Now, then.

Everything's
gotta be scheduled.

Can't leave
anything to chance.

Farming's a big enough
gamble as it is.

Now, by June, we should have at
least a half dozen sucklings.

We'll have
a calf in July.

And then,
along about August,

we can begin to figure out
more important offspring.

Ah, darling.

Maybe 500 or
600 of them.

Five hundred
or 600 what?

Well, chicks, of course.
Maybe even more, if we're lucky.

I'd like to raise something besides chickens,
you know?

Oh. We'll have
plenty of those, too.

I'm counting on at least four.
Maybe even five.

Three boys and
two girls, huh?

- All at once?
- No. One at a time.

Let's schedule
the first one for

a year from the day.
How's that?

That looks like
a good day for it.

Betty.

Hey, Betty!

Hey, Betty!

Hey, wake up!

Didn't you hear
the alarm clock?

You going to lie
there in bed forever?

Now, come on, get out of there.
I've got breakfast almost ready.

But it's still
night out.

What do you mean, night?
It's 4:30.

Half the morning's gone.

I'll let you loll in bed
because it's the first day.

But from now on, you've gotta be
up every morning at 4:00 sharp.

Hey! Betty!

Hmm?

Come on! Get out of there.
You got a lot of work to do.

Betty!

Bob!

Bob!

How are those nails, Betty?

Hey, Betty.

Betty, what are you
doing down there?

Just dropped in
to say howdy.

- Howdy.
- Howdy.

Ma told me to come by
and ask you over

for a visit
when you got time.

We're your neighbors.
Just down the road a spell.

Kettle's the name.
Folks call me Pa.

- I'm glad to know you, Pa.
- Likewise.

- Hello!
- Hi!

This is
my husband.

Meet Pa Kettle, Bob.

Just dropped in
to say howdy.

Well, howdy.

Howdy.

Thought I'd tell you,
as long as we're neighbors,

you can count on us for
anything you might be needing.

Just step in
and ask for it.

We'll be glad to
lend a helping hand.

Well, thanks, Mr. Kettle.
That's very nice of you.

You building something?

Yes, we're putting up
a new chicken coop.

Wouldn't mind having
a few of them two-by-fours.

Been fixing my barn.
Ain't had no time to get to town.

Well, go ahead.
Help yourself.

Well, that's real
neighborly of you.

Won't be needing
more than two or so.

Give me a holt here,
will you?

You bet.

Oh, uh...
Two more, just in case.

Better have another
one for good measure.

You sure
you've got enough?

Well, maybe one more
for the house.

Thank you.
I'll take it from here.

Afraid I'm gonna need a
couple of pounds of nails.

I ain't got none to
fit a two-by-four.

I guess I can let you
have a couple of pounds.

And an extra hammer
and a saw.

Kids been using my saw
and plumb ruined the edge.

Couldn't cut butter
with it now.

Well, I'll give you
a hammer and saw,

but I have to have them
back in a couple of days.

Send it back to you soon
as I'm through with it.

Come on around to the barn.
I'll see what I can dig up.

Say, you'll have to paint the place,
won't you?

Have you got
any paint?

Come to think of it,
I ain't.

Got any red
you can spare?

No, we've only
got green.

Well, green will do.
I ain't particular.

There.

I'll bet you've never looked as
good as this in your whole life.

Oh! Oh, you!

Indians! Bob!

Indians! Bob!

Bob! Bob! Indians!

Wait a minute,
what are you talking about?

There! By the porch.

That's Geoduck
and Crowbar.

Who?

Geoduck and Crowbar.
They sell fish.

Fish?

You've been seeing
too many westerns.

How are you, fellows?

Betty, look at these crabs.

Get a load of
the size of them.

Are we gonna
raise them, too?

We'll take a dozen of them.
Just put them on the back porch.

Give them a hand,
will you, Tom?

Say, who's Tom?

He's Pa Kettle's boy.
He's gonna work for us.

I hope he doesn't take
after his father.

So far he hasn't
borrowed a thing.

Say, Betty,
I've been looking at the egg charts.

Have you been collecting
the eggs regularly?

Well, not exactly.
They won't let me.

- They won't let you?
- No.

Anyway, it seems kind of cruel
to break up the family so early.

It's no joke, Betty.
Those eggs have to be collected regularly.

Couldn't I do something
else instead?

There's nothing difficult about it.
A child can do it.

They look at me so hurt.
I haven't got the heart.

That's ridiculous.
Here, I'll show you.

Well, they don't act
like that when I do it.

Let's see you do it.

There, now you see?

That's funny.

They don't like me.

Well, maybe you have
the wrong attitude.

Chickens sense things
in people, you know.

Frankly,
I think they're stuck on you and resent me.

Well, maybe I better collect the eggs.
You do something else.

Have you fed Cleopatra?

I was just going to.

She'll never get fat if you don't feed her,
you know.

Oh, she's as fat as
a pig right now.

Okay, toots,
come and get it.

No, you don't.
You come right back here this minute.

Cleopatra,
do you hear me?

You get right back
in this pen

before I do something
you'll be very sorry for.

You hear me?

All right.
You asked for it.

Come on. Come on, now.

Get back in here.
Do you hear... Come on.

Come back here.

Cleopatra!

Cleopatra,
come back here.

Having any difficulties?

Maybe I can help.

Here, pig, pig, pig.

Come on piggy, piggy, piggy.
Pig, pig, pig, piggy. Here, pig.

Well, that's the idea.
You certainly have a way with pigs.

Hello. I'm Harriet Putnam.
Bella Vista Farms.

Oh, you have the fancy
place down the road.

That's right.

This is my wife, Betty.

We've met already.

Come on, honey.

You're gonna have a lovely place here,
once you get it fixed up.

Has loads
of possibilities.

It still needs a lot
of work, of course.

- Mind if I look around?
- No, not at all.

I'll show you around.

We've only just started
to get it in shape.

It's gonna be so nice having
real people around for a change.

Hey, Betty, you better
get cleaned up.

That isn't exactly perfume
you're covered with.

How charming
we look today, madam.

We look nothing of the sort.
Who are you?

Best friend a farmer's wife ever had.
Smiling Billy Reed.

Whatever you need, see Billy Reed.
That's me.

Right now I don't need
anything except a bath.

- Will you get out of my way?
- For the bath!

Soaps fiori and perfumes
from gay Paris.

Bath salts from
the Isle of Capri.

- Yeah, some other time.
- "Time," the lady says.

Got all the time
in the world.

I got alarm clocks,
grandfather clocks,

wrist watches,
pocket watches,

lapel watches.
If it's time you need, see...

"If at first you don't succeed,
try again," says Billy Reed.

Please, I've got to
change my clothes.

- "Clothes," the lady says...
- Oh, yes, I know.

If it's clothes
you need,

see Billy Reed. I don't want any.
Now, will you please go away?

You can turn me down and send me away,
but I'll be back another day.

Oh, isn't he nice?

Is he ours?

Yeah, I bought him
from Doc Wilson.

Hi!

He's a wonderful hunting dog,
but he's vicious.

- You gotta watch out for him.
- Oh, he doesn't look vicious.

Honey, don't touch him.
He's bitten about everybody in town.

- Honest?
- Yeah, Doc says he took a piece out of

two postmen
and three delivery boys.

I'll just tie him up in front here
till I can build a run for him.

Don't want to get him
too near the livestock.

- No telling what he might do to them.
- What's his name?

- Sport.
- Hiya, Sport.

Betty, don't touch him now.
I tell you, he's dangerous.

Takes a steady nerve to
handle a dog like this.

You better just leave him to
me and stay away from him.

Well, he looks
awfully sweet to me.

Women!

What on earth is that?

Hello. I didn't
hear you come in.

It's just a contraption
I rigged up.

Kind of
an automatic feeder.

You see, the chicken pokes
its head in there,

and then the grain will
just naturally pour out.

I hope.

Wait, did you
invent that?

Well, there's a couple of
things I have to figure out.

Say, you're a regular
Thomas Edison or somebody.

Not quite.

I just like to tinker around
with machines and things.

Better than farming?

Much.

Put her there.

I'll tell you something.
I like anything better than farming,

especially
chicken farming.

- It's not much fun.
- It's no fun at all.

You better let me.

Oh, would you?

You know,
I don't think they care very much about me.

Shouldn't you be
in school today?

Well, I finished school,
high school anyway, last year.

Oh, I see.

What are you
going to do now?

Oh, I don't know.

This or that, I guess.
It doesn't make much difference.

Doesn't it?

Well, I sort of hoped
I could go to college,

study engineering
or something.

But there's not much
chance of that.

Why not?

Well, there are
a lot of reasons.

For one,
Ma needs somebody around the place.

You know how Pa is.

Yes, I know how he is.

And I'm the oldest, so...

Well, anyway. Here.

Thanks.

I think I'll have a talk
with Ma one of these days.

Oh, no!

Well, well, well.

Well,
hello, Mr. Vicious.

Bob's gonna be awfully
disappointed when he comes home

and finds out you haven't
torn me to pieces.

Did you wanna show me what
a great retriever you are?

Is that it? Okay, come on now.
Do your stuff.

Oh, you old fraud.

You don't even retrieve either,
do you?

Okay. All right,
we won't tell Bob.

No, we won't tell him.

We'll just let him dream a
little while longer, huh? Sure.

- Get in.
- I'm only going as far as the Kettles'.

I'll drop you. Get in.

Thank you.

I'm Mrs. Hicks,
the oldest family in the county.

- That's my mother.
- How do you do? How are you?

Fine, considering
my condition.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
Aren't you feeling well?

Never had a sick day in her life.
It's all in her mind.

Now, don't you go
saying that, Birdie.

You know I've got
complications.

Doctor Wilson says he never
came across a case like mine

in his whole
medical life.

Pa Kettle's been borrowing
things from you already?

Never get it back,
no matter what it is.

Lazy, shiftless crew,
the whole lot of them.

Disgrace to the community.

I went to the city
last year

and had a wonderful going
over by a doctor there.

You the young couple who
took that abandoned farm

up the mountains a ways?

It wasn't
exactly abandoned.

- We bought it.
- He said to me, "I don't ever remember

- "seeing a liver quite like yours."
- Nobody else wanted it.

I call that abandoned.
Whatever did you buy it for?

He gave me the
most wonderful pills.

You'll never get it
to look like anything.

It's too run-down.

I still got some.

I'll send a few over to you,
if there's anything the matter with you.

As for farming,
it'll be nothing short of a miracle

if you get anything
to grow up there.

Better folks than you
have tried it and failed.

Eyesore to the community.

I've tried my best to get
them run out of the county.

But it's no use.
You sure you want to stop off here?

- Positive.
- You must come over sometime

and let me tell you all about
the time I went to the hospital.

Can't say
you weren't warned.

Thanks for the lift.

Hello.

Oh! Hello.
How are you?

Fine.

Hello.

Hi.

Where's your mother?

- Get away!
- Run right back to the boys!

Clear out of here!
Go on, you.

- Well, well.
- Hello. How are you?

Ain't this nice?

I was just wondering
how long it would be

before you got so lonesome you'd
have to come pay us a visit.

Come on to the kitchen.
Why don't you talk a spell?

Thank you.

Come on, get out of here.
Come on, scatter.

Get out of here! Go on!

My, my,
don't you look fine?

Take a seat and
make yourself at home.

Thank you.

Just throw that
stuff anywhere.

How do you like
your new place?

You don't look
like a farmer to me.

I'm not, I'm afraid.
But I'm learning.

Nothing like it,
if it don't kill you.

You're staying for
dinner tonight, surely.

Oh, no, thank you.

Of course you will.

Enough here for an army.

Now, if you'll just give me a
hand setting the table here.

Oh, surely.

Tom was telling me what
real nice people you was.

We think a lot of him, too.
He's a good boy, and he's so clever.

Ain't he though?
Not a might like the rest of the Kettles.

Makes me wonder sometimes.

Seems a shame
he had to leave school.

Well, you know how it is.
We need Tom around the place.

Pa ain't much
for working...

...and the rest of the young'uns
seem to take right after him.

Well...

Just the same,
he ought to go to college.

College? What for?

Just so he can make
something of himself.

You wouldn't want to watch him go
to seed around here, would you?

Of course not.
It ain't for me to say.

If he had a little help, he could make
out all right at the state university.

There's no tuition,
and he could work.

He been talking to you?

He wants to
go so badly.

Yes, I know he does.
I can see it in his eyes.

Tom got real high marks
when he was in high school.

Ain't much
I can do about it.

Well, it's too bad.

Don't know as I can
get along without Tom.

We ain't got a live buck in the house,
except for what he brings in.

Last money I saved up,

Pa put in a couple of minks
he was gonna breed

and make us a fortune.

They up and died before they
got around to breeding.

Pa's kind of
a dreamer that way.

Now, if you'll just get
hold of that there bell,

we'll let the hungry varmints
know that dinner is ready.

Oh, sure.

You better stay out of that doorway,
honey, before you get trampled on.

What?

I said, "You better
stay out of that doorway."

Howdy.

Just sit yourself
down anywheres, honey.

We don't stand
on no ceremonies.

Henry, move over.
Let the lady in.

Where's your manners,
anyways?

Henry, you hear what I say?
Move over and give the lady a place to sit.

I ain't Henry, Ma.
I'm Albert.

That's Henry over there.
Don't you remember?

Whatever your name is,
move over and give the lady a seat.

Just make yourself
comfortable, honey.

Okay, Pa.

Much obliged
for everything.

Hey, Betty,
what's this?

It's my kitchen garden.
I told you about it.

Yeah, but you didn't tell me
you were gonna put it here.

Well, what's the
matter with here?

Nothing, except when it rains,
it's gonna wash the whole thing out.

Water's gonna come over
that embankment in sheets.

That's just why I put
it here, smarty pants,

so it would get
plenty of water.

Oh.

Well, have it your own way, but,
come on, you better get dressed now.

We're gonna have lunch at Harriet Putnam's,
remember?

- Do we have to?
- Yup.

Boy, it's certainly
a beautiful layout.

Well, Betty, maybe one of these days
we can have something like this,

if we ever get a
contract for our eggs.

Well, I could speak to Mr. Henty for you,
if you like.

He's the agent for Great
Western Markets out here.

They buy all my
dairy products.

I'd certainly
appreciate it.

We're just about at the stage where
we can handle a steady contract.

I'll talk to him.

He does almost anything
I ask him to do.

He's such a dear.

A young man,
I take it?

Uh, he used to be.

He's a little crotchety now,
I'm afraid.

Besides, he has a wife.

Those were the old rules.

Well, Harriet, do you think maybe we could
go outside and look around a little?

Of course.
I love to show it off.

Just wait till we get to the barn and
I'll show you my Speckled Sussex.

Her what?

Speckled Sussex, that's a breed of hen,
very special, too.

Oh.

It's my theory that
an egg-raising flock

ought to be kept to 96% lay
during most of the year.

I've got a headache.

What do you
think, Harriet?

Well,
of course so much depends on the breed.

I've got a headache.

Huh?

I've got a headache.
I think I'd like to go home.

- Oh.
- Oh, that's too bad.

Wouldn't you like to take something
and lie down for a while?

No, I'd like
to go home.

I was sort of hoping we could
look around a little more.

Well, you can stay if you like.
I can get home by myself.

- No, no.
- I'm sure Ms. Putnam will be only too glad

to drive you home when
she's through with you.

I'm sorry we have to rush off like this,
Harriet.

That's all right.
I understand.

Drop in sometime,
when you're driving by.

- You haven't seen anything yet.
- I'll do that,

and don't forget
about Mr. Henty.

I won't.

I do hope
you'll feel better.

Thanks.

Do you have these
headaches often?

Often enough.

Very interesting.
Goodbye.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Do you find Harriet
attractive?

She knows an awful
lot about chickens.

Well, if that's how you measure your women,
where does that leave me?

You don't have to know about
chickens to be attractive.

A lot of women don't,
you know.

When I think of the years I spent learning
how to be irresistible to my husband.

All you have to do
is cackle.

I wonder if she could.

Wonder if she could
what? Cackle?

No.

Take you away from me.

Don't be an idiot.

Oh, it's happened,
you know.

Men have no sense at all
when it comes to women.

Babes in arms.

Betty, will you stop?
I can take care of myself.

Well, every man
has his danger point.

Just get beyond it
and he's a goner.

Don't talk like that.

Well, it's true.

Your danger point might
very well happen to be

Harriet Putnam's
beautiful house

and all that expensive farm machinery
and those fat Hereford cows

touched by no human hand,
poor things.

I'm not interested in Harriet
Putnam's beautiful house

or her farm machinery
or her cows.

I'm only interested
in chickens and you.

Oh! Look out!

Oh.

Now look what you've done.

What's that?

That is a flat tire.

It isn't enough
to go in the ditch.

- Oh, well.
- What are we going to do now?

We're going to change it,
what do you think?

Oh! Well...

Lucky I got some new equipment
or we really would be stuck.

Mmm-hmm.

That's funny.

- What are you looking for?
- The jack.

Is that it?

No, that's a wrench.

Don't you know the difference
between a wrench and a jack?

Oh...

Is the jack that kind
of funny-looking thing

about this high
that goes up and down?

Yes, that's it.

Oh, that.

Where is it?

I used it yesterday to prop
open the kitchen door.

You see, Sport was...

It's probably there now.

Uh-huh.

All we need now, to make the day perfect,
is for it to rain.

You had to open
your big mouth.

Bob! My garden!

Don't say it,
you told me so.

Oh, it's too bad, honey.

Bob, we've got to get away from
here before it's too late.

They don't want us here.

The mountains and the rain and the wind,
they don't want us here.

They're fighting us
all the time.

Now, Betty, stop it.
It'll be all right.

No, we've got to get away from
here before we lose everything,

we lose each other.

Betty!

Betty, wait.

"Stir rapidly."

"Stir rapidly

"and drop gently into pot."

Well...

Betty, where are my guns?

In the closet.

- What's the matter?
- Cougar.

What?

A cougar.

Well, what's that?

Something like a lion.
Very dangerous.

He's in the woods
back of the barn,

Crowbar and Geoduck
just told me.

They saw it.

What are you
going to do?

I'm going to shoot him.

Why? Won't he go away?

No. It's after
the livestock.

Oh.

Maybe if you just leave him alone,
he'd disappear.

Cougars don't disappear.
You have to shoot them.

Here you are, Crowbar.

Now we'll get Sport.
He's a great hunting dog.

It'll be a wonderful chance
to see how he works.

Look at him. He's raring to go.
He's got the scent already.

Now stand aside when I let him out.
He's pretty wild.

All right, boy, after him!

Hey, Sport!
Sport, this way.

- Bob!
- Sport, where are you going?

- Hey, Sport!
- Bob!

- Where is he? Where'd he go?
- He's under the stove.

What is it,
the cougar?

No. It's Sport.

- Sport?
- Sport, come on, boy.

Come on, we're going
hunting. Cougar! Come!

Sport, come on, boy.
Come on, Sporty.

Sport, come out of there.

All right, stay there.

That dog is dishonest.

Okay, it's safe now.
You can come out.

Bob! Bob!

Bob, they're here.
Hurry up!

Oh, you little darlings.

Aren't they cute?

What happened?
What's the matter?

Look at them.
Millions of them.

Aren't they wonderful?

Hey, be careful.
They injure very easily.

Wait till Mr. Henty
sees these.

I'll bet you he'll give us the
biggest egg contract in the county.

Do we have to
name them all?

Well, they're not pets, you know.
They are our stock and trade.

If they don't get jammed under
the brooder and smother,

or drown in
the drinking fountain,

or get coccidiosis,
or peck each other to death,

we may be in the
chicken business yet.

Well, if you feel that way about them,
why not drown them all now?

After you've fed and watered them every
three hours, which you have to do

until they can take
care of themselves,

you won't feel so
sentimental about them.

You know, if you kids had any sense,
you'd go right back where you came from.

What are you doing?

I'm cutting down a tree.

But whatever for?
It's a lovely tree.

Well, we have to clear a space
for the new chicken house.

Don't you think it's kind of
awful to cut down a tree?

After all, Betty,
we're not running a park here, you know.

Now, stand over there,
so the chips don't fly in your face.

Hey, won't it fall
on the chicken house?

No. No, dear, it won't.

It looks like it to me.

Darling, you take care
of the kitchen

and I'll take care of the tree,
what do you say?

I just thought.
That's all.

Honey, it just so happens that I spent
a whole summer in a logging camp once.

I've watched experts
fall tree after tree.

Just the same.

Look, dear, this isn't
a matter of guesswork.

It's a matter of science.
It's a question of leverages, weights

and balances which I've
worked out to the nth degree.

Now, the tree isn't going to
fall on the chicken house.

It's going to fall
right over there.

And if you don't believe it,
just wait and see.

If you don't mind, I'll wait in the house,
where I'll be safe.

Timber!

No, no! No! No!

Bob!

Bob! Bob, where are you?

Where are you, Bob?

Oh!

Timber!

Very funny.

Is that you, Bob?
Dinner's ready.

I'll be there
in a minute.

Oh, Bob!

I hope I'm not late.

Happy Tuesday.

Thanks to you,
and many of them.

I like your gown.
Have I seen it before?

Yes, I wear it
at all my weddings.

Well, where would you
like to dine? Any ideas?

Wherever you say.

There's the Palace Hotel in San Francisco.
Wonderful food.

Or Antoine's in New Orleans,
if you like bouillabaisse.

Or we might hop over
to New York and try 21.

Yes, let's try 21.

All right.

Mac, do you have
a table for us?

This one right here?
This is our table right here.

Wonderful looking food from
a wonderful looking chef.

An excellent dinner.
My compliments.

Thank you.

Should we go dancing?

Why, I wouldn't mind.

Stork Club's just
around the corner.

That sounds fine.

I'll have the orchestra
play something special.

All right.

Darling, thanks for
a wonderful evening.

You the folks
that live here?

- Why, yes.
- Well, I'm Henty.

Great Western Market.

Henty?

Oh, Mr. Henty!
It's Mr. Henty.

How do you do,
Mr. Henty?

Knocked on the front door,
nobody answered.

So I come around
by the back way.

Interrupting something,
am I?

No, Mr. Henty. We...

My wife and I were just...
This is my wife.

How do you do,
Mr. Henty?

We were just
celebrating our...

- Anniversary.
- Birthday.

I see.

Maybe I better
make it another time.

- No, don't go, Mr. Henty.
- We're all through, aren't we, Bob?

Yes, of course we are.

You come right over here and sit down.
We're certainly glad to see you.

Sit right down there.

Well, just for a minute.

Would you care for
a cigar, Mr. Henty?

Never touch them.

Bob, perhaps Mr. Henty
would like a drink.

Of course.

Don't touch that,
either.

Oh. Well, we just keep
it around, in case.

Some people do,
you know.

So I've heard tell.

Isn't this nice,
your dropping in on us like this, Mr. Henty?

We've heard so
much about you.

Yes, we certainly have.

I was over
to Ms. Putnam's.

Wonderful little lady,
Ms. Putnam.

Yes, wonderful.

She's my
dearest friend.

She told me you people might
have some eggs to sell.

Yes, that's right,
Mr. Henty, we have.

Thought I'd drop around on the way home,
look things over.

Well, mighty
glad you did.

Of course,
we're not up to full production yet,

but I'd be glad to show
you the layers we have.

Won't be necessary.

I judge my eggs by the
people that produce them.

Like chicken, like master,
I always say.

When I was a little girl,
I got seven medals

for perfect attendance
at Sunday school.

Didn't I, Bob?

Yes. Yes, she did,
Mr. Henty.

That's the main reason
I married her.

I was an Eagle Scout,
myself.

You're not going to leave us so soon,
Mr. Henty?

Why, it's early, Mr. Henty.
You just got here.

Don't believe in folks
staying up too late.

Early to bed,
early to rise.

Makes a man healthy,
wealthy and wise.

How right you are,
Mr. Henty.

Where's my hat?

It's right over...

Sport! I'll get it.

Sport, get off...

Very friendly dog, Mr. Henty.
He likes to sit on hats.

Here, I'll fix it.

Never mind.
I'll do it.

Just how many dozen eggs do you think
you'll be needing per week, Mr. Henty?

Any idea?

I don't know.

- Got to think it over.
- Uh-huh.

Good night.

- Good night, Mr. Henty.
- Good night, Mr. Henty.

Come again.

Well, that's the end
of Mr. Henty.

Yeah.

Gonna have to eat
an awful lot of omelets.

Why did he have
to show up tonight?

Oh, well.

- Hey, you know something?
- What?

I just remembered,
I never did carry you over the threshold.

That's right.
You didn't.

Just a minute.

Now.

Send up another batch of them nails,
and I figure we're all set.

Okay, drop her down.

There she goes.

Say, is Ma home?
I've got business with her.

That's where I left her.

All right,
take it away.

Up she goes.

Betty, how do you like it?
All set up and ready to go.

You'll have water in the
kitchen any minute now.

All we have to do
is fill it up.

- You think it'll work?
- Oh, sure, Pa's an expert on water tanks.

He may not know about anything else,
but he knows about water tanks.

He says.

Hello.

Bob, I need your help.

What's the matter?

Just about everything.

My generator broke
down this morning,

and everything has
stopped at my place.

The cows haven't been milked,
the chickens can't be fed.

My entire dairy products
are ruined.

And my foreman hasn't the slightest
idea of what to do about it.

I can leave here for a while.
I'll come over and give you a hand.

Would you?

Why don't you get Tom Kettle?
He's a genius with machinery.

I couldn't possibly trust him.
He's such a boy.

This is a man's job.

I see what you mean.

Uh-huh.

I'll be back
for lunch.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

Hello.

Come right on in.

Don't stand on no ceremony.
Come on in.

I came to bring you something.
It's a present.

- For me?
- Yup.

Jiminy whiz!

I made it myself.
You like it?

Track my hide and
call me a possum.

Ain't this something?

I thought you might like to
wear it at the dance tonight,

so I kind of rushed it
at the last minute.

You might have to do over
a couple of the seams.

I ain't never been so surprised,
I don't know when.

First new dress I've had since
way back before the war.

Stylish too,
ain't it?

You'll be the best-dressed
girl at the ball.

I can't imagine why you went
to all this trouble for.

Oh, it's no trouble.
It's fun.

Get some of them cookies out of that
jar in the corner of the pantry,

- and I'll pour some coffee.
- All right.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, pay it no mind.

Just leave it.
Might as well be one place than other.

Come on. Get away.
Get away from there.

When I was first married, dear,
I was as neat as the next one.

Tried to keep my house
and kids clean.

That Pa is an awful
lazy old so-and-so,

and it was fight, fight, fight all the time.
So I finally gave it up.

I said, "I can't make
Pa change and be neat.

"So I'll have to change
and be dirty."

Been peace in this
house ever since.

There now, ain't this
come along pretty?

Oh, it's perfectly
beautiful.

I've made one of these here quilts
every year since I was married.

Got them in the closet,
in the spare room.

I figure it'd be something real
nice to leave the kids when I die.

Say,
why don't you enter it in the county fair?

Oh, really, you should.
It's a wonderful idea.

What in tarnation for?

Well, you might
win first prize.

You could give the money to Tom,
and he could enter college.

Now, wouldn't
that be grand?

It ain't no use.

Birdie Hicks will win it.

She wrangles things
around every year,

so as one of her relations gets on
the committee that judges them.

Well, you could try,
anyway.

- I've got a better idea for it.
- What?

When it's finished,
I'm giving it to you.

Oh, no.

I got a whole parcel
of them laid away,

and there ain't nobody
I'd rather see have it.

Take another one of them cookies,
why don't you?

Plenty where
they come from.

I'll get you some
to take home.

They're wonderful.
How do you make them?

Just a drop of this
and a drop of that.

Mix it together and
shove it in the oven.

You home already?
It ain't near feeding time.

Got your water tank up.
You'll have running water any minute now.

Oh, thanks.
That'll be a relief.

Never could see the sense of
running water in the house, myself.

Rather get mine straight out of the ground,
where the good Lord put it.

I don't hold with too much water anyhow,
rust the bones.

Well, I'll chance it.
Thank you. Goodbye.

Mighty fine of you to make me that dress,
honey. I sure do appreciate it.

I got the best of the trade.
It doesn't hold a candle to your quilt.

- See you at the party tonight.
- You bet.

Hello there!

- Hello.
- Oh, hello.

- How're you kids?
- Hi.

- How do I look?
- Perfect.

Hey, come out of there.
Wait your turn.

Say, don't you folks
want something to eat?

No, thanks.
Not just now.

I always bring my own
vittles to these shindigs.

I don't like strangers
feeding us.

Now where did
he disappear to?

William!
What're you doing up there?

Didn't I tell you
behave yourself?

We'll see you later.

Hey!

Sorry.

Well, greetings.
Isn't this quaint?

You remember Mr. Henty.

Yes, we've met.

I've been working on Mr. Henty
to give you that egg contract.

I've got him practically
to the signing point.

A recommendation from Mrs.
Putnam goes a long ways with me.

Of course, we're not taking on
any new obligations these days.

Don't worry,
it's in the bag.

- Quite a character.
- Yes, isn't he?

- I mean her.
- She's all right.

Mighty nice of her to
go to all that trouble.

We could sure use
that contract.

Hello.

Oh, hello.
How do you feel?

Terrible.
This is my doctor.

Oh.

- How do you do? This is my husband.
- How do you do?

Big, isn't he?

- Who was that?
- Mrs. Hicks' mother. She's an invalid.

Doing all right
for an invalid.

- Oh, no!
- I'm sorry.

We were just trying to
get out of the way...

Oh, my heavens.

I'm sorry, Mr. Henty.
We were just...

Never mind!

I'll wipe it myself.

Well, there goes
the egg contract.

You're certainly not helping me much.
I'll see what I can do.

You shouldn't have
done that to Mr. Henty.

He's a very fine man and one
of our leading citizens.

We didn't do it
on purpose.

One thing we don't
stand for at these affairs

and that's roughhouse.

If you want to stay around here,
you better behave yourself, young man.

Don't worry, Mrs. Hicks,
I'll keep an eye on him.

- See that you do.
- Here.

Here, try one of these, they're...
They look delicious.

They ought to.
Don't you recognize her?

Oh!

- You mean...
- That's Cleopatra. It was our donation.

What's the matter?
Aren't you going to eat it?

What do you think I am?
A cannibal?

- Well, glad to see you.
- Hello, Pa.

What'll it be?

Some of the same.

Got something a little
better than the same.

Just try that
for size.

Made it myself.
Fresh out of the still this afternoon.

None of that
old stuff for me.

- Is my head still on?
- I can't see it anyplace.

Oh, God.

- Are you took?
- What?

I said,
are you took?

He wants to
dance with you.

- No. Tell him no.
- Go ahead.

I'm sorry,
I'm engaged.

Betty, at affairs like this,
you're supposed to dance

with anybody
that asks you.

Otherwise, they're liable
to say you're a snob.

Are you ready?

Yes.

Betty doesn't seem to be able to
find a partner that fits her.

I think I better
rescue her.

Get me a cold drink first, will you, please?
I'm dying of thirst.

Well...

I certainly had a hard
time getting to you.

You're the most
popular girl at the ball.

You know, it's an honor
I'd gladly give up.

I've been pushed and pulled
around this floor until

I don't know whether
I'm coming or going.

You wouldn't like to sit this one out,
would you?

Give my feet a rest.

Sure. I'll get you
something to drink.

May I?

Must you?
I mean, couldn't you some other time?

Never put off until tomorrow
what you can do today.

Billy Reed's motto
in work or play.

Do you think,
we could slow down a bit?

Just follow the lead
with Billy Reed.

If I have
any feet left.

Thank heavens.

Don't you
ever get tired?

Vitamin pills.

Yeah, I know,
you sell them.

Greatest little item
I handle.

I don't want any, though.
I'd rather wear out in my own way.

I've got to get out of here
while I can still walk.

You know, I admire
you tremendously.

Yeah?

You're one woman
in a million.

Greatest sales resistance
I ever met up with.

Oh, thanks.
It's no effort at all.

Try and resist me if you can,
but Billy Reed will get his man.

But I'm not a man.

Well, how's this?

Fine.

Bob, can't we talk about
something besides chickens?

All right, what'll it be?

Well, what about you?

- Do you like your farm?
- Sure.

And Betty, does she like
being a farmer's wife?

Yeah, she likes it fine.

It was a little rough on her at first,
but she's getting used to it.

Men are such fools
about women.

They invariably marry
the wrong one.

I wouldn't say that.

All my husbands did.

Bob! Darling,
are you hurt?

No, but...

The party's getting rough.
I think we better go in.

Harriet, would you
excuse me?

Of course.
See you later.

Getting some air?

How long have
you been out here?

I just came out
this minute.

It was awfully
hot in there.

You having
a good time?

Somebody hit me on the
head with this shoe.

No. What for?

Just trying to
be funny, I guess.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Don't do that!
It's mine.

So it was you.

Yes, now you go right
out there and get it.

What was the idea?

Must be over
in those bushes.

I repeat,
what was the idea?

I didn't mean to hit you,
honest. I meant to hit her.

- Did it hurt?
- Of course it hurt.

Betty, I don't see why you don't
like Harriet. She likes you.

She said she
admires you very much.

Now she's saying
nice things about me.

That's just why I
don't like her...

You're being
childish.

I am not
being childish!

Now, that barnyard glamour
girl is setting a trap for you

and you're just goofy
enough to fall into it.

You know, I don't like to point,
but you're beginning to make a noise

like a jealous female.
It isn't becoming.

Now, just exactly what has she got
that I haven't got, except chickens?

Well, for one thing, she hasn't got me,
as you seem to think.

Well, it's hardly
noticeable.

Betty,
you're not really serious about this?

You know better than to
think a thing like that.

I don't know
what to think.

Every time I look around,
you've got your heads together.

It's getting
monotonous.

Well, I should think
you could trust me.

In my book, a marriage without
trust doesn't amount to much.

I trust you.
It's Ms. Dreamy Puss I don't trust.

Thanks for the
vote of confidence.

You know, if I had
a farm like hers

and running water and plumbing
and electricity and machines

to take care of the livestock, I'd have
more time to concentrate on you, too.

So it isn't me you're jealous about.
It's her farm.

I'd like to see her carry
a couple of pails of water

every morning from
the well to the house.

That's all.

What do you want to
do Betty, give up?

All you have to do is say the word,
you know.

Well,
when are we going to get a farm like that,

with machines and gadgets and little
men all over the place doing things?

When we've earned it.

- Did she earn it?
- Well, that's different.

With her, her farm is a hobby.
With me, it's a cause.

I want to carve it out of
rock with my bare hands.

Yeah, and mine,
don't forget.

Just look at them,
will you?

You'd never believe that they used
to get a manicure twice a week

and never did anything
rougher than play the piano.

Well, if you ask me,
they're being a lot more useful.

You should be
very proud of them.

I've got a great idea.
Why don't you poison me and marry her?

You'd make a wonderful
husband for her.

Fine. I like that.
Like it.

We could spend our honeymoon in the
electric chair thinking about you.

Attention, folks.
Quiet please.

Sheriff Drum is here to make a
very important announcement.

We'd better go
and see what's up.

But what about my shoe?

I don't like interrupting, folks,
but we've got a little trouble.

Is Pa Kettle here?

Right over this way, sir.

Pa, you'd better get along home.
Your barn's on fire.

Jehoshaphat!

I told you that still of
yours would blow up someday,

and by golly it did.

Ma.

We're coming, Pa.

- Tom!
- Here, Ma.

That ain't all, folks.

You see,
a westerly wind blew up

and carried the flames over
to the woods just beyond.

And now we've got a man-sized
forest fire on our hands,

moving up
the whole valley.

We did the best we could,
but it sort of got out of hand.

Now, I wanna suggest that all you folks
that have homes up in that district,

that you get along.

Come on, Betty.

Now, we can use all the
volunteers that we can get.

It looks
pretty bad.

We'd better wet down
the barn and chicken houses.

I'll get a shoe.

Lucky we built this tank. It will give
us enough pressure to do some good.

- Yeah.
- Take it up to the barn.

We'll start on that first.

Don't let it kink.

No.

Okay. Here it comes.

Bob, look out!
Oh, heavens!

Well, that's that.
I guess Pa can't build tanks, either.

We could carry pails
of water from the well.

No, we couldn't do it
fast enough to do any good.

You'd better get back to the
house and start packing.

- Packing?
- Yeah.

If the wind changes, we're a cooked goose.
We'd better be ready.

- I'll go get the animals out.
- Oh, Bob.

Now, don't worry, honey.
We'll manage.

Sure, we will.

Wind's changing.

Coming from the east.

Heading this way.

Only thing that can save
you now is for it to rain.

Doesn't look like
it's going to.

I'd better get back
to the house.

Sorry about that still.

It couldn't be helped.

No use doing anything more here, men.
Thanks for your help, anyway.

Bob, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm all right.

- How is it?
- The wind shifted.

If it doesn't rain,
we'll be burned out.

- Do you think it will rain?
- No, it doesn't look like it.

It'll be the only
time it hasn't.

We better finish packing
and get the truck loaded.

Well, not very
pretty, is it?

It's awful.

Anyway, it rained
before the house burned.

Yeah, it's something
to be thankful for.

Well, Betty, this is it.
We're finished.

I wonder if Saddle, Finch, Tanner,
Pease and Stuck will take me back.

Not in those clothes.

I'll have to dig out the
double-breasted with the pinstripe.

I think you look mighty
handsome in the double-breasted

with the pinstripe.

It's certainly going to take a lot of
building to get this place going again.

Yeah, a new barn,
new chicken house,

new pig pen,
plant a new orchard.

It's going to be a lot
of work for somebody.

Yeah. When do
we begin?

We?

I don't know who else.
Do you?

Betty, you're crazy.
I know when I'm licked.

Just on account
of a little fire?

What's the matter
with you, anyway?

They built up Chicago after the fire,
didn't they?

And San Francisco.

If they can build up a couple of cities,
you know,

we ought to be able to
build up a chicken farm.

Betty, you mean
you want to, really?

I want to, really.

I don't want to quit, either.
I'd never feel right about it.

I was just
thinking about you.

We're not
going to quit.

Oh, Betty.

I think you've
kind of outgrown

the double-breasted
pinstripe anyway.

If that's Harriet Putnam,
all I can say is she picked the wrong day.

No, it sounds like
something's up.

Now, you got yourselves pretty
well burned out last night.

Livestock, buildings,
crops, most everything.

Now, there's hardly one of us that hasn't
got more than they can use at this time.

So we've gotten together to give
you whatever might be necessary

to get you started again.

Now, I don't want you young people to
think that we've come here with charity.

Nothing of the sort.

You took a bad beating last night.
There's no denying that.

But you're not the first,
and you won't be the last.

And we know that
you're not foolish enough

to be feeling sorry for
yourselves this morning.

We've all had our
share of troubles,

everybody that you see
gathered here today.

If it wasn't fire,
it was something else,

sickness, death, bad crops,
one thing or another.

But that's the Lord's way.
I guess he knows what he's doing.

Now, folks, I'm going to call
your names off of this list here,

and I want you to reply and tell
me what you're going to give,

what your donation is.

Whether it's a couple of days work,
or a jar of preserves,

or whatever it may be.
Just speak right up. Mr. Henty?

A two-year contract for their entire
output of eggs and a cash advance.

Reasonable, of course.

Mrs. Putnam?

One dozen
speckled Sussex hens.

Mr. and Mrs.
Asa Pettigrew.

Two suckling pigs
and corn to feed them.

Jake Brainheimmer
and wife.

Six bags of assorted seed
and the loan of my tractor.

The Burlaga family.

Four Rhode Island layers
and the rooster, too.

Ma and Pa Kettle.

Nine two-by-fours, three pounds of nails,
hammer and a saw...

And a quart
of green paint.

Hey, Betty.
Come on. Hurry up.

Here I am.

All right,
I'm coming.

Wanna get there
before the crowd.

Yeah.

I've never been to
a county fair before.

You haven't lived.

I'll never get a chance to
if Ma Kettle finds out

I entered her quilt
in the competition.

Tally-ho,
tally-ho!

Come out here in front, friends.
Come on down, folks.

Providing a little
culture here!

Rick Tolky and his gay Hawaiian
dancers from that island of Hawaii.

Folks, we've carried
it all the way to you.

Folks, you don't have
to wait. Step right in!

Shown by
the son of Mr. Park.

Beautiful animal.
That's Harriet's.

Yeah, there's quite a family resemblance,
don't you think?

Hello!

Hello, Ma.

Well, now, you two having
yourselves a good time?

Yes. Winning any prizes?

Not me. I ain't entered,
and I ain't a winning.

Birdie Hicks just took the
prize for her preserves.

Head judge is her cousin.
That don't hurt none.

Is he head judge
of everything?

Well, if he ain't,
some other cousin is.

There's a Hicks
everywhere you look.

You can't fall down around here
without landing on a Hicks.

You staying here,
or do you wanna look around a bit?

Sure.

My brood's scattered
themselves to kingdom come.

Pa lit out,
and I ain't seen hide nor hair of him.

I think I'll go along with Ma.
I'm a little tired of cows, even Harriet's.

Well, I'll catch you later.
Okay.

Hereford,
three years old.

- Bob.
- Shown by Elsworth Hicks.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Isn't this fun?
- Certainly is.

- Who's going to win?
- Well, I don't know.

You're showing some
mighty fine stock.

- Mighty Chance is a beauty, isn't she?
- You bet.

Come along to my box
with me and hold my hand.

- I'm so excited.
- All right.

Are you having fun?

I ain't had so much fun since our
Bessie had a two-headed calf.

Ma. Hey, Ma.
Can I have a nickel?

For goodness sake,
Elly, don't muss me.

I gave you a nickel a little while ago,
didn't I?

Don't go leaping up on this here
contraption while it's a-going.

Do you wanna
get killed?

I'm not Elly, Ma.
I'm Sal.

You gave Elly
a nickel.

So you are.
Land of Goshen, I thought you was Elly.

Well, I'll give you a nickel,
dear, if I can find it.

Now, stretch it out
for the rest of the day.

Didn't I tell you not to go
jumping off this here contraption?

Ain't young'uns
a nuisance though?

Swear I got so many of them
I can't keep track of them.

Just wait until you have yourn,
you'll know what I mean.

How many you
counting on?

Well, just one
to begin with.

But not for some time yet.
It's not on our schedule.

Schedule? They having them
by schedule these days?

Land of Goshen,
what will they think of next?

Say, we don't want to
be late for the prizes.

You ain't gone and entered something,
have you?

Oh, no. No,
I'm just interested.

Greetings, greetings,
greetings!

Hello. My,
are you really as important as all that?

Vice-president in charge of
practically the whole works.

- You don't say.
- Yeah. Top man.

Anything you need,
ask Billy Reed.

I'll see you
later, Ma.

I've got some business to
discuss with Mr. Reed.

You gonna
buy something?

You come along
with me.

Don't let him
sell you nothing.

First thing you know,
he'll be making you pay first.

Boy, she certainly
is a fine animal.

You know,
you have a wonderful farm.

I thought you didn't
approve of my kind of farm.

Well, I don't in principle, but in practice,
it has a lot to be said for it.

Well, unfortunately, livestock and
machinery don't make a good farm.

It does need a man.

Well, you've got men
all over the place.

- I said a man.
- Oh.

You know, I thought it
would be so wonderful

to hide away from everybody
and be a lady farmer,

but a prize Hereford
is small solace

on a cold, wintry evening,
I'm discovering.

Well,
that shouldn't be too hard to remedy for you.

But all the best men
are taken.

Well, why don't you
sell the farm?

Is that
the only solution?

Well, it's one,
anyway.

Tell me, are you
in the market for it?

No.

I'm afraid it's
way over my head.

How can you tell
until you've tried it?

How much
would it take?

Make an offer.

Well, I'd have
to examine it.

Oh, naturally.

Well, maybe I could
come out and see it tomorrow.

Will you be home?

Yes. But why
not today?

Well, all right.
I'll go and tell Betty that I'm going...

Don't be silly.
We'll be back before you're missed. Jump in.

Okay. Shouldn't take long,
anyway. Should it?

Not long at all.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the winner of the patchwork quilt
annual competition, Mrs. Kettle.

First prize goes to Mrs. Kettle.
Better known as Ma.

Well, Jack, beat that.

You can send over that portable
billiard table anytime you're ready.

A set of encyclopedias,
don't forget.

Yeah, and a set
of encyclopedias.

Ma, you won!

Leaping Lena.
You went and entered that quilt I give you.

I told you you'd win.

Can't understand it with all of them
fine quilts from all over the county.

Well,
yours was the best. That's all.

Hello. How are you?
You don't look well at all.

I never felt better
in all my life.

Guess Birdie Hicks don't like me
taking the prize away from her.

And here's your ribbon
and your check.

Which I will keep for you

in full payment on a brand-new
electric washing machine.

Something you can't do
without, Mrs. Kettle.

No, you don't, either.
This is for Tom.

I just saw him. Where...
Just a minute.

Tom. Tom.

Tom! Tom!

Tom, what do you think?
Your mother's quilt won first prize.

Gee, that's swell.

Now you can go to college.
Isn't that...

Gosh.

Oh, I...

Oh, my.

She's fainted.
Somebody get a doctor.

There now, honey. You feeling better?
I sent Tom to look for Bob.

I can't imagine
what happened to me.

I've never fainted
before in my life.

You better stop in to Doc
Paulson's on the way back to town.

What for?

Honey,
you sure you looked at that schedule lately?

Huh?

Attaboy, that's a good fellow.
Tonight's the night.

Look at that.

Now, don't
you start.

What do you want?

Sport.

- Hello.
- May I come in?

Of course.
Please do.

You just sort
of surprised me.

I didn't hear
anybody drive up.

I hope I'm not
disturbing you.

Good heavens, no.

I'm tickled to death
to have someone around.

- Won't you sit down?
- Thank you.

My husband's been delayed,
and I hate being home alone.

Won't you have some coffee?
I was just going to have a cup myself.

That would be
just lovely.

I don't seem to remember
seeing you anywhere.

No, we don't seem to get
around as much as we used to.

Albert and me keep pretty
much to ourselves these days.

Don't we, dear?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, my. I don't believe you've
met my husband yet. Have you?

This is Albert.
He's so retiring.

Sometimes people just
don't notice him at all.

How do you do?

My, don't they look
delicious, though?

Did you make them
yourself?

Does he want any,
do you think?

No, dear.
Albert never touches sweets.

Not good for his figure,
you know.

Albert and me used to have a chicken farm,
too, a long time ago.

Didn't we, dear?

It was so nice.
Everything was so happy until Charlotte came.

You heard
about Charlotte?

- No.
- Didn't you?

She was just a plain, ordinary little
white leghorn when she was hatched,

but as time went on,
she got bigger and bigger

and bigger and
bigger and bigger,

until she was this high.
Higher than a man.

And that's when I began to
notice she wasn't friendly.

She used to look at Albert and me as
if she could peck us right to pieces.

It made me nervous,
I can tell you.

Why once, when I was
getting into bed,

I heard a scratching noise,
and I looked up,

and there she was staring
at me through the window.

The wickedest look in
her eye you ever saw.

And then one night,
Albert and me was sitting in the kitchen

having a cup of coffee
just like we are now,

when I heard
a noise on the porch.

And before we could
take any notice of it,

there was a knock
at the door.

Knock, knock, knock.

Oh, there you
are, Emily.

I thought
I'd find you here.

Hello, Sheriff.

I've been
expecting you.

You've been a bad
girl again, Emily.

Come along, Albert.
It's time to go back now.

Thank you very much.
We've had a lovely visit.

You must drop in
and see us sometime.

She's a good soul.

Hope she didn't disturb you
too much, ma'am.

No. No, I enjoyed
every minute of it.

Emily is
harmless enough.

She walks out once in a while,
and it's up to us to come and fetch her.

But it's never any
trouble finding her.

She always comes
to this place.

She used to live here,
you know.

She lived here?

Yes, she and her husband
used to raise chickens.

Made a very nice thing
out of it, too.

Then one day Albert,
he up and ran off with another gal.

We've never seen hide
nor hair of him since then.

Drove poor Emily
plum loco.

Well, goodnight,
ma'am.

Sleep tight.

Leaving me all alone.
Lunatics running all over the place

with husbands you can't see and
chickens bigger than a man.

You can't do this to me,
Bob. Do you understand?

I won't put up
with it another night.

No, I won't.
Not another night.

Oh, no. Oh, no.
I'm losing my mind, too.

Bob!

- What is it?
- Got a message for you, ma'am.

Thanks.
There's no answer.

My goodness. You didn't sleep
in your bed again last night.

Your mother's going to raise the
roof when she hears about this.

And what's more,
I'm going to tell her.

I told you I can't sleep in it.
It's too soft.

Now, whoever heard of a bed being too soft?
Stuff and nonsense.

You'll have no spine left
sleeping on that sofa.

You were up early again, too.
I heard you moving around the kitchen.

I can't help it, Emmy.
I got in the habit.

The minute the sun rises,
I just have to get up.

First thing you know,
you're going to be sick carrying on this way.

Shall I fix your bath?

Yeah, bring it in.

Bring it in?

Oh.

I keep forgetting.
We have a room for that here, haven't we?

Land's sakes. It went right out of my mind.
I got a letter for you.

Looks like it might be
from your husband.

Send it back unopened.

- You mean you're not gonna read it?
- No, send it back.

Anything from Bob?

No.

Betty, for heaven's sake,
you don't mean to tell me

you're still sending
his mail back unopened?

It's perfectly ridiculous.
No wonder he's stopped writing you.

Mother, if he had any
real interest in me,

he'd have been
here months ago.

Emmy, I told you
never to serve me eggs.

I can't stand
the sight of them.

Well, you've got to eat.
You've got to keep your strength up.

No. Now, look, if I never see another egg,
it'll be all right with me.

Just as you say,
but I won't be responsible.

In my opinion,
both you and Bob are behaving very stupidly.

Mother, we've been all over this before.
Now, please, don't.

You know how I feel
about interfering,

but I hate to see a perfectly
good marriage break up

because of a lot of
silly stubbornness.

In my opinion,
you ought to keep in touch with him,

especially at this time.

I don't wanna be
in touch with him.

Nothing in the whole world would
ever make me go back to him again.

Nothing.

Isn't it funny how a little
bit of nothing like this

makes everything else
so unimportant?

You fight and struggle and
argue and do crazy things.

None of it makes
any difference.

This is what
really counts.

Mother,
I'm going back to Bob just as soon as I can.

We're coming in to your station, ma'am.
Better be getting started.

Thank you.

Well, here we go.

Get ready to surprise
your father.

It won't be long now,
darling.

It's not much,
but it's home.

And remember,
don't be too hard on it.

It'll grow on you
after a while.

And so will your father
when you get to know him.

He's a pretty nice
fellow in many ways.

Of course,
he has some strange ideas about how to live.

And he can be taken in by any
designing female in a station wagon.

But on the whole
he's really swell.

And awful cute.

Full of high ideals.

Did you know you could do a lot worse
than grow up to be just like him?

What are you
stopping here for?

You're looking for
your husband, ain't you?

Yes.

Well, that's
where he lives.

Well, ain't you going in?

Drive back
to the station.

You poor child.
It's not your fault he's your father.

Don't you worry.
They say there's nothing to heredity anyway.

But if you ever grow up
to be like him,

I'll never speak to you
again as long as I live.

I only wish I had him here a minute.
I'd show him.

And that woman, too.

Driver, stop.

Go right back
to that house.

Yes, indeedy.

Would you hold her
for me for a minute?

Ain't I gonna get
to see nothing?

No, but you're
going to hear plenty.

Get away from me,
you traitor.

Very cozy.

- Betty.
- Don't you Betty me, you bluebeard.

- Bluebeard?
- I suppose you could hardly wait

till I got out of your way so you could
move over here with that silly woman

and her station wagon
and her automatic milkers.

- Now, wait a minute, Betty...
- Just wait till she finds out

that you're more interested
in those automatic milkers

than you are in her.
That's all.

- Now, you listen to me...
- I gave you the best years of my life.

- One year.
- Well, it seemed like 10.

Washing, ironing, cooking,
keeping house, tending pigs,

chasing cows
and hatching eggs.

And for what?
I'd like to know.

Just so you could run off with the first
idiot who made goo-goo eyes at you.

- Are you through?
- Yes, I am for the moment.

And if you have anything to say,
you'd better make it good.

I'll make it good,
all right.

To begin with, I'm not living with
Harriet Putnam, as you seem to think.

I'm living by myself,
and do you know why?

Because my wife
walked out on me

before I had a chance to tell
her I bought this farm for her.

- You what?
- Yes, I bought it.

I hocked everything I owned in the
world to make the down payment.

I wanted to surprise you with it,
because you were so wonderful.

You took it on the chin
and worked so hard,

and don't think I didn't know
it and didn't appreciate it.

- Oh, Bob.
- And then what do you do?

The very night
I'm closing the deal,

after spending the whole afternoon
listening to her silly talk

and sitting through
a nine-course dinner

with crêpes suzettes,
which you know I hate,

and I finally get her to sign the deal
after promising half my life away,

and I go home
and what do I find?

A big sign on the wall, "I'm through."
Gone, just like that.

Bob, I didn't know.

Well, if you'd had the decency to
read my letters, you'd have known.

It's all in here.

Oh, no. Don't!

Bob, I'm so sorry.

It's like this, Betty.

If two people are going to get along,
they just have to believe in each other.

No matter what. Always.

- Oh, Betty.
- Oh, Bob.

I'm glad you're back.

Oh, darling.

- Do you know what day this is?
- Uh-uh.

Happy anniversary.

I mean, happy day
after our anniversary.

Same to you,
and many of them.

Do you remember this?

What?

We're a little off
schedule, aren't we?

Don't worry, darling.
We'll make it.

Where are you going?

I've got a
surprise for you.

Right on schedule.

Yeah.

Well, here.

What's his name?

Anne.

Glad to know you, Anne.

Mr. Bob.
Mr. Bob!

Better come right away, Mr. Bob.
We got trouble in the chicken house.

Those water pipes again?

Busted wide open,
and them hens is going crazy.

Ten of them
drowned already.

- Bob!
- Huh? Oh!

- I'll be right with you.
- Okay.

Don't go away,
you two.

See what I mean?
I could write a book.