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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,523 --> 00:00:03,025 J.R. Jack Randall, father of Robin Randall. 2 00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:07,825 Number three on the USPIS most-wanted list. The Big Tuna. 3 00:00:07,826 --> 00:00:10,961 He has broken more mail and custom laws than anyone alive. 4 00:00:10,962 --> 00:00:13,730 Well, except for number one and two. 5 00:00:13,731 --> 00:00:15,301 The man that has the means to set up 6 00:00:15,302 --> 00:00:17,401 a bogus operation like this. 7 00:00:17,402 --> 00:00:19,536 I still don't see how you didn't figure that out. 8 00:00:19,537 --> 00:00:21,138 She told you. I'm an idiot. 9 00:00:21,139 --> 00:00:23,106 Look, if you want J.R., just bring him in here. 10 00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:25,075 Leave us out of it. He's got nothing to do with us. 11 00:00:25,076 --> 00:00:27,377 [Scoffs] Well, that's not true, is it, Robin? 12 00:00:27,378 --> 00:00:29,246 You know someone who's been working with him 13 00:00:29,247 --> 00:00:31,783 from the beginning, don't you? 14 00:00:34,017 --> 00:00:37,053 _ 15 00:00:39,022 --> 00:00:41,557 I-I know I missed your birthday, Gummy Bear, 16 00:00:41,558 --> 00:00:44,927 but Daddy had a little run-in with the law. 17 00:00:44,928 --> 00:00:47,095 Here, this'll make it up to you. 18 00:00:47,096 --> 00:00:50,700 This used to belong to a famous Austrian princess. 19 00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:53,823 _ 20 00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:54,982 [Sighs] 21 00:00:54,983 --> 00:00:56,746 _ 22 00:00:56,747 --> 00:00:59,358 _ 23 00:00:59,475 --> 00:01:01,511 She's always be a princess to me. 24 00:01:01,512 --> 00:01:03,512 _ 25 00:01:03,513 --> 00:01:06,948 _ 26 00:01:06,949 --> 00:01:08,414 _ 27 00:01:08,415 --> 00:01:13,606 _ 28 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,607 _ 29 00:01:16,084 --> 00:01:18,598 _ 30 00:01:18,599 --> 00:01:21,919 _ 31 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:23,920 _ 32 00:01:23,921 --> 00:01:26,068 _ 33 00:01:26,069 --> 00:01:27,336 Ah. 34 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:30,305 Why are we hiding these pretty diamonds? 35 00:01:30,306 --> 00:01:32,025 You tell me, Gummy Bear. 36 00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:36,201 I paid for this crown with my hard-earned money. 37 00:01:36,256 --> 00:01:39,448 But the U.S. government says I can't bring it home 38 00:01:39,449 --> 00:01:41,803 unless I pay them something called a duty. 39 00:01:42,652 --> 00:01:44,753 Duty. What does that sound like? 40 00:01:44,754 --> 00:01:46,788 - Poo? - Use your grown-up words. 41 00:01:46,789 --> 00:01:48,257 - Shit? - That's it. 42 00:01:48,258 --> 00:01:49,558 It's shit. 43 00:01:49,559 --> 00:01:52,060 Why should I give 15% of what I paid 44 00:01:52,061 --> 00:01:55,897 to a bunch of guys who don't work half as hard as your daddy? 45 00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:58,734 - Does that seem right? - I guess not. 46 00:01:58,735 --> 00:02:02,004 Exactly. It's just a great big pile of doody. 47 00:02:02,005 --> 00:02:05,240 48 00:02:05,241 --> 00:02:06,842 Hey, there, Gummy Bear. 49 00:02:06,843 --> 00:02:09,145 - Why are you back? - You're in trouble. 50 00:02:09,979 --> 00:02:12,681 Somewhere behind the skyline 51 00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:15,317 There is a place I'm thinkin' 52 00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:18,688 [Distorted music plays] 53 00:02:18,690 --> 00:02:21,153 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com 54 00:02:21,190 --> 00:02:24,560 [Playing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" off-key] 55 00:02:33,102 --> 00:02:35,337 They seem pretty thick. Are you sure you can break them? 56 00:02:35,338 --> 00:02:37,739 I can if I believe. 57 00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:40,542 How the hell can the shit show be here and not Mom? 58 00:02:40,543 --> 00:02:42,644 This is a new low. Where the hell is she? 59 00:02:42,645 --> 00:02:45,414 I don't know. I texted her, but she didn't respond. 60 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,948 - Call her. - Oh, uh, 61 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:49,584 I deleted the phone off my phone, for more games. 62 00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:51,253 Delilah, are you ready? 63 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:52,580 Do I look like I'm ready? 64 00:02:53,489 --> 00:02:54,956 - Um... - I'm not! 65 00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:57,025 How can I be the Princess Ninja Starfish of Weird 66 00:02:57,026 --> 00:02:57,927 without my crown?! 67 00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,528 Why are you back? Why now? 68 00:02:59,529 --> 00:03:01,563 Are you sick? Are you dying? 69 00:03:01,564 --> 00:03:03,632 - They're watching you. - Who? 70 00:03:03,633 --> 00:03:05,467 Goddamn Postal Inspection Service, 71 00:03:05,468 --> 00:03:06,835 - that's who. - Oh, my... 72 00:03:06,836 --> 00:03:08,337 - They know where you live. - Oh, really? 73 00:03:08,338 --> 00:03:11,640 The post office has my address? Wow. Color me shocked, Jack. 74 00:03:11,641 --> 00:03:13,241 I don't have time for this. 75 00:03:13,242 --> 00:03:14,443 What time is it? 76 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:15,792 What? It's... 77 00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:17,880 Wait. No. 78 00:03:17,881 --> 00:03:19,715 Da... Wai... That's my phone! 79 00:03:19,716 --> 00:03:22,200 I told you. People. Listening. 80 00:03:23,209 --> 00:03:24,876 Here. For a new one. 81 00:03:24,978 --> 00:03:27,501 - Get one of the pre-paid jobs. - No. I don't want your money. 82 00:03:27,634 --> 00:03:29,858 You keep acting like this, you're gonna wind up in jail. 83 00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:32,494 I have been clean for 14 years, okay? 84 00:03:32,495 --> 00:03:33,962 Now, I have to go to my daughter's school 85 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,919 and watch her stupid talent show. 86 00:03:36,068 --> 00:03:37,599 But I guess that's something you wouldn't understand, 87 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,434 because it's a good-parent thing. 88 00:03:39,435 --> 00:03:41,837 You were never in a talent show. 89 00:03:41,838 --> 00:03:43,436 Never had any talent. 90 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,925 [Plays recorder] 91 00:03:48,211 --> 00:03:49,401 Love you, Beth! 92 00:03:50,179 --> 00:03:53,749 Okay. Next up... Next up, we have Delilah, 93 00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:59,254 A.K.A. Princess Ninja Starfish of Weird. 94 00:03:59,255 --> 00:04:01,923 Whoo! 95 00:04:01,924 --> 00:04:04,694 Where's your crown, Princess? 96 00:04:11,734 --> 00:04:13,369 - [Grunts] - [Feedback] 97 00:04:13,372 --> 00:04:15,438 Oy. 98 00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:21,243 A-one, a-two, a-three, four. 99 00:04:21,244 --> 00:04:23,011 [Tapping] 100 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:27,349 It's fun being weird, it's fine being weird 101 00:04:27,436 --> 00:04:29,299 It's fun being weird 102 00:04:29,301 --> 00:04:31,373 You should try it sometime 103 00:04:31,413 --> 00:04:32,712 [Kazoo playing] 104 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,985 It's fun being weird, you should try it sometime 105 00:04:38,651 --> 00:04:40,920 Juggling or even some mime 106 00:04:40,921 --> 00:04:45,262 You know what's even weirder? I'll give you a refresher 107 00:04:45,263 --> 00:04:50,797 Something that helps reduce high blood pressure 108 00:04:54,284 --> 00:04:55,440 - So weird. - Yeah. 109 00:04:55,441 --> 00:04:57,002 It's farting. 110 00:04:58,205 --> 00:05:02,410 What? Don't frown, it just went down 111 00:05:02,411 --> 00:05:06,766 It's illegal to call your kid something stupid in China 112 00:05:06,767 --> 00:05:11,271 And girl kangaroos have three vaginas 113 00:05:11,272 --> 00:05:15,051 Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark 114 00:05:15,052 --> 00:05:19,506 Which is weird, 'cause he invented the spark 115 00:05:19,507 --> 00:05:21,601 He invented the light bulb, idiot! 116 00:05:21,602 --> 00:05:24,501 That doesn't rhyme with "dark," does it, Jonah?! 117 00:05:24,502 --> 00:05:26,710 God. Such a douche. 118 00:05:28,304 --> 00:05:30,573 My brother wears orthotics 119 00:05:30,574 --> 00:05:32,756 And I accept him 120 00:05:32,757 --> 00:05:33,202 No, I don't. 121 00:05:33,203 --> 00:05:37,441 And he accepts me for my deviated septum 122 00:05:37,442 --> 00:05:41,412 I don't have many friends, and I don't win awards 123 00:05:41,413 --> 00:05:44,111 But I'm cool with that 'cause 124 00:05:44,112 --> 00:05:46,269 I can break boards 125 00:05:46,271 --> 00:05:47,432 Boards!! 126 00:05:49,801 --> 00:05:51,336 Hurry up! 127 00:05:54,544 --> 00:05:55,778 Aah! 128 00:05:55,873 --> 00:05:57,507 - [Laughs] - You suck! 129 00:05:57,836 --> 00:06:00,571 It's 'cause I don't have my goddamn crown, okay? 130 00:06:00,642 --> 00:06:02,114 [Laughter] 131 00:06:02,115 --> 00:06:04,418 [Yelling] 132 00:06:04,419 --> 00:06:06,712 Get off the goddamn stage! 133 00:06:06,713 --> 00:06:08,991 [Continues yelling] 134 00:06:08,998 --> 00:06:10,482 Don't look at me! 135 00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:11,985 I've had just about enough of you today... 136 00:06:11,986 --> 00:06:13,306 I've had enough of you for a lifetime. 137 00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:15,200 Everything I did in my life was for you. 138 00:06:15,201 --> 00:06:16,331 I was your mule. 139 00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:18,061 Oh, six times, tops. 140 00:06:18,062 --> 00:06:19,611 And then you made me a child bride. 141 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,653 You were 16. That's hardly a child. 142 00:06:21,654 --> 00:06:23,882 - Yeah, but who does that? - Half the world. 143 00:06:24,226 --> 00:06:26,083 It's not like you were their real wife. 144 00:06:26,192 --> 00:06:27,783 It was just free money to pay for college. 145 00:06:27,784 --> 00:06:30,663 Why couldn't you be a father who made bad puns 146 00:06:30,664 --> 00:06:33,085 and had slightly racist ways of saying not-that-racist things? 147 00:06:33,086 --> 00:06:34,898 Why couldn't you just be normal? 148 00:06:34,899 --> 00:06:35,737 [Scoffs] 149 00:06:35,738 --> 00:06:38,592 Normalcy is a quixotic pursuit. 150 00:06:40,392 --> 00:06:42,621 - What? - Have you been talking to Nate? 151 00:06:42,622 --> 00:06:44,071 - Who? - My husband. 152 00:06:44,227 --> 00:06:45,980 Which one? You have so many. 153 00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:47,555 And that's your fault, not mine. 154 00:06:47,763 --> 00:06:49,352 Nobody else uses that word. 155 00:06:49,557 --> 00:06:50,384 [Sighs] 156 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,645 - Sweetie, I have your crown. - [Crown clatters] 157 00:06:54,646 --> 00:06:56,603 Missing your own kid's talent show 158 00:06:56,604 --> 00:06:58,366 is about the worst thing you can do as a parent! 159 00:06:58,367 --> 00:07:00,418 I know you're upset, but it's not that sim... 160 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:02,286 I'm s... I'm just... I'm so sorry, honey. 161 00:07:02,287 --> 00:07:03,714 How did you do? Did you break the boards? 162 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,780 I broke my [bleep] hands! 163 00:07:06,119 --> 00:07:08,005 Oh, my God. Are you okay? 164 00:07:08,311 --> 00:07:10,021 Don't ever talk to me again. 165 00:07:11,755 --> 00:07:12,958 Sweetie, uh... 166 00:07:12,959 --> 00:07:14,417 It's okay. She just needs to fart. 167 00:07:14,418 --> 00:07:15,639 It lowers her cholesterol. 168 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,101 Or blood pressure. I-I'm not sure. 169 00:07:17,102 --> 00:07:17,937 She's weird. 170 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,545 J.R.! Hey, man! 171 00:07:20,403 --> 00:07:23,012 - How do you know him? - I-It's... He's Dad's boss. 172 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,151 - You son of a bitch. - Relax, Gummy Bear. 173 00:07:27,152 --> 00:07:28,694 - A grandfather has the right to get... - No, no! No. 174 00:07:28,695 --> 00:07:30,483 - Shut your mouth right now. - Grandfather? 175 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,207 Where's your dad? 176 00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:32,949 Well, he had some work stuff to figure out. 177 00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:34,525 Okay. G-Go get your sister and go home. 178 00:07:34,526 --> 00:07:36,329 I'll be home soon. All right? Go. 179 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:37,555 Go. Go. Wait, hold on. 180 00:07:37,556 --> 00:07:39,537 I need your phone. I need your phone. 181 00:07:40,292 --> 00:07:40,784 Go. 182 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,246 No, wait. Sweetie, where's the phone on your phone? 183 00:07:44,247 --> 00:07:45,547 I didn't know how else to do it. 184 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,249 You were struggling, you had nothing, 185 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:48,717 and you wouldn't take my money. 186 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,170 Uh, well, we still have nothing, because it was all fake. 187 00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:52,080 Listen to me. 188 00:07:52,509 --> 00:07:53,788 - I'm leaving. - Good. 189 00:07:53,789 --> 00:07:54,896 Tonight. For good. 190 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,359 And if you were smart, you'd come with me. 191 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,096 - Get the ass, and we'll fly to Cu... - Hold on. Hold on. What? 192 00:08:00,099 --> 00:08:01,796 The ass. Let me take it, keep it safe. 193 00:08:01,797 --> 00:08:05,133 Oh, finally. Thank you. Now I know what you really want. 194 00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:06,775 Oh, no, no. You don't understand. 195 00:08:06,791 --> 00:08:08,072 - I-I have... - I'm going to the police. 196 00:08:08,073 --> 00:08:10,238 - The police aren't after me. - Okay, the mail police. 197 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,407 Don't be stupid. You'll just be opening yourself up 198 00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:14,221 to a whole series of federal charges. 199 00:08:14,222 --> 00:08:15,016 Like what? 200 00:08:15,391 --> 00:08:17,141 Customs violations. 201 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:18,580 Tax evasion. 202 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,495 War profiteering. It's a long list. 203 00:08:20,574 --> 00:08:21,750 But I don't do that stuff anymore. 204 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,119 - Possession of stolen property? - No, you stole it. 205 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,809 You have it. You don't want to go to jail. 206 00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:29,491 Well, if that's what it's gonna take to get you out of my life forever, 207 00:08:29,492 --> 00:08:30,830 then that's fine. That's what I'll do. 208 00:08:30,831 --> 00:08:32,494 - I won't let you do that. - Well, you can't stop me. 209 00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:34,496 Listen to me. I'm your father. 210 00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:37,032 You know what? Why don't you talk to one of your kids 211 00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:38,405 who actually gives a shit? 212 00:08:39,201 --> 00:08:40,535 Oh, look. There's one now. 213 00:08:40,536 --> 00:08:42,871 She could use your attention and your money. 214 00:08:42,872 --> 00:08:46,409 Hey, Vanessa. This asshole has something to say to you. 215 00:08:48,531 --> 00:08:49,277 Yes? 216 00:08:59,255 --> 00:09:00,969 You should zip up your jacket. 217 00:09:03,159 --> 00:09:04,941 Makes you look like a hooker. 218 00:09:13,331 --> 00:09:15,787 - Hey! Come on, hold up. - Get away from me. 219 00:09:16,286 --> 00:09:17,971 [Scoffs] I wanted to tell you. 220 00:09:18,026 --> 00:09:19,199 You know, I'm used to this shit, 221 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,638 but poor Nate. How could you do this to him? 222 00:09:21,888 --> 00:09:23,026 I was gonna tell him. 223 00:09:23,143 --> 00:09:24,957 My husband has one of the most analytical minds 224 00:09:24,958 --> 00:09:27,438 I have ever seen. Trust me. He's already figured it out. 225 00:09:27,439 --> 00:09:28,690 Nothing gets past him. 226 00:09:28,691 --> 00:09:32,030 I just don't get it. I don't. 227 00:09:32,031 --> 00:09:35,033 - What... What am I gonna do? - What am I gonna do, Shelly? 228 00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:37,869 Come on, guys. We all knew this was a bullshit business, right? 229 00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:40,272 - I didn't. - It's called "Hoax-a-metrics." 230 00:09:40,273 --> 00:09:42,975 It's called H2... Oh, shit. How did I miss that? 231 00:09:42,976 --> 00:09:44,943 I was the manager of worldwide shipping. 232 00:09:44,944 --> 00:09:46,990 - I never shipped anything. - Yeah, I didn't do too much, either. 233 00:09:46,991 --> 00:09:48,780 I was home by 3:00 p.m. every day. 234 00:09:48,781 --> 00:09:50,203 So was I, and I took a three-hour lunch. 235 00:09:50,204 --> 00:09:51,368 My phone never worked. 236 00:09:51,369 --> 00:09:53,552 My computer wasn't even plugged in. 237 00:09:53,553 --> 00:09:56,555 God! For someone to manage this big an operation 238 00:09:56,556 --> 00:09:58,499 at the amount of returns he had, 239 00:09:58,754 --> 00:10:00,006 that... that is... 240 00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:02,988 That's quixotic. 241 00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,841 Well... I'm gonna go home. 242 00:10:07,068 --> 00:10:08,717 Got to spend some time with my kids. 243 00:10:08,718 --> 00:10:11,536 I had a kid. His name was... 244 00:10:11,537 --> 00:10:13,091 [Voice breaking] ...Bruce. 245 00:10:13,207 --> 00:10:14,659 We're not seeing our kids. 246 00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:16,126 [Crying] I know! 247 00:10:16,127 --> 00:10:17,944 No, no. I... That's not what I meant. 248 00:10:17,945 --> 00:10:19,791 I-I-I mean we're gonna stay here, 249 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,653 and we're gonna figure this shit out. 250 00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:22,889 Together. 251 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,824 All right? As a team. 252 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,284 - [Shelly whimpering] - Okay. 253 00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:27,019 Okay? 254 00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:28,128 255 00:10:28,130 --> 00:10:29,629 _ 256 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:32,465 [Grunts] Look. Right now, we got to start with what we know, 257 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,602 and that ain't a hell of a lot. So every theory is on the table. 258 00:10:36,247 --> 00:10:37,733 You know, when J.R. was in the office, 259 00:10:37,749 --> 00:10:39,257 he was always arguing in Chinese. 260 00:10:39,258 --> 00:10:40,851 - He was. - O-Or... Or in Spanish. 261 00:10:40,852 --> 00:10:42,587 - That, too. - One time, I swear it was Wookie. 262 00:10:42,588 --> 00:10:43,995 Okay, get real. He's not a [bleep] space ape. 263 00:10:43,996 --> 00:10:46,172 All I'm saying is that this is a pretty big universe. 264 00:10:46,173 --> 00:10:48,359 And if every theory's on the table... 265 00:10:48,361 --> 00:10:50,534 _ 266 00:10:50,535 --> 00:10:53,565 267 00:10:54,542 --> 00:10:55,854 [Belches] 268 00:10:56,772 --> 00:10:58,907 Look, no money in. 269 00:10:58,979 --> 00:11:00,056 Lots of money out. 270 00:11:01,248 --> 00:11:02,770 He is being challenged 271 00:11:02,883 --> 00:11:06,118 by a wealthy, deceased relative to spend a shit-ton of money. 272 00:11:07,512 --> 00:11:09,513 We got ourselves a "Brewster's Millions." 273 00:11:09,514 --> 00:11:10,715 Why the Chinese? 274 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:11,853 Damn it! 275 00:11:13,658 --> 00:11:14,435 China! 276 00:11:15,721 --> 00:11:16,855 [Dart stabbing] 277 00:11:16,857 --> 00:11:18,444 China! 278 00:11:18,888 --> 00:11:20,188 They're our new enemies! 279 00:11:20,290 --> 00:11:23,350 Bro, can we play darts? On the dart board? 280 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:24,740 What'd you say? 281 00:11:25,030 --> 00:11:27,756 Can we play darts on the dart board? 282 00:11:28,346 --> 00:11:29,480 Darts? 283 00:11:29,536 --> 00:11:32,137 - Yeah. - Darts. 284 00:11:32,388 --> 00:11:34,989 Yeah, me and my buddy Bruce like to play darts. 285 00:11:35,291 --> 00:11:37,398 [Shelly whimpering] 286 00:11:37,399 --> 00:11:38,516 Bruce... 287 00:11:39,711 --> 00:11:41,350 How can you think about darts 288 00:11:41,466 --> 00:11:43,267 when that is happening? 289 00:11:43,322 --> 00:11:44,720 We just like to play darts. 290 00:11:46,318 --> 00:11:47,811 W-Why are you so mad? 291 00:11:49,245 --> 00:11:50,232 Go ahead, man. 292 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:51,408 What? 293 00:11:52,975 --> 00:11:54,125 _ You don't get it, Mike, okay? 294 00:11:54,127 --> 00:11:56,302 I been... I've been with him for three months, okay? 295 00:11:56,318 --> 00:11:58,849 And... And the one thing he says, family is everything. 296 00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:00,944 Family is important. And I know that. 297 00:12:00,961 --> 00:12:03,481 But I don't think it's that kind of family, all right? I know that world. 298 00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,439 I've seen "Goodfellas" like a hundred times. 299 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:08,585 I didn't say Italian Mafia. I said a Mafia. 300 00:12:08,664 --> 00:12:10,511 Could be Yakuza. He speaks Chinese! 301 00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:11,545 - Yakuza. - Yeah. 302 00:12:11,546 --> 00:12:13,580 - That's China! - Guys, look at this. 303 00:12:13,581 --> 00:12:15,783 The guy who registered our domain name, 304 00:12:15,784 --> 00:12:16,850 he lives 6 blocks away. 305 00:12:16,851 --> 00:12:18,819 Ari Voo... Voo... Voo... V... 306 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:21,355 Shelly, you're in H.R. How do you pronounce that name? 307 00:12:21,356 --> 00:12:23,331 Sh-Shel... What is that name? 308 00:12:23,379 --> 00:12:25,141 - Russians. - He's got to know something. 309 00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:26,043 They always do. 310 00:12:26,044 --> 00:12:28,162 Everything bad starts in Russia. 311 00:12:28,163 --> 00:12:30,130 - You're right. - We should go. 312 00:12:30,131 --> 00:12:32,161 - I hate these guys. - We should go. 313 00:12:32,193 --> 00:12:33,600 - Let's go. - Let's go! 314 00:12:33,601 --> 00:12:36,170 _ 315 00:12:36,171 --> 00:12:38,038 Here it is. Here it is. 316 00:12:38,039 --> 00:12:39,740 Here it is. 317 00:12:39,741 --> 00:12:41,175 Ari Voo... Voo... 318 00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:43,477 Ari Voo... Voo... Voo... What is his name? 319 00:12:43,478 --> 00:12:45,576 We have answers! We want questions! 320 00:12:45,686 --> 00:12:47,481 - Who do you work for?! - Ari! 321 00:12:47,482 --> 00:12:49,216 What the hell is going on out here? 322 00:12:49,217 --> 00:12:50,537 - You Ari? - Yeah. 323 00:12:50,928 --> 00:12:52,084 - You're Ari? - Yes. 324 00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:54,836 - Okay, what are you? - I'm a web developer. Why? 325 00:12:54,930 --> 00:12:57,141 - This guy's ISIS. - [Stammers] 326 00:12:57,307 --> 00:12:58,674 I'm Greek, you moron. 327 00:12:58,864 --> 00:12:59,712 - Yeah. - [Cellphone rings] 328 00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,574 Hold on. Hold on, I'm getting a call. 329 00:13:01,769 --> 00:13:03,146 This could be J.R. Hold on. 330 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,493 J.R. You're... 331 00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,480 Babe? Yeah... 332 00:13:06,816 --> 00:13:08,845 No, I got... I got... No. I got something to tell you. 333 00:13:08,846 --> 00:13:10,709 - I got... - [Men grunting] 334 00:13:10,712 --> 00:13:11,624 [Stammers] 335 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,287 Wait, wait. What number is this? 336 00:13:13,288 --> 00:13:14,769 What do you mean a burner? 337 00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:16,924 This is for Bruce! 338 00:13:17,612 --> 00:13:19,311 No, he's my boss. That's not... 339 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:20,985 [Men grunting, shouting] 340 00:13:20,986 --> 00:13:23,369 Well, that doesn't make any sense. 341 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:24,784 Stop throwing garbage! 342 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,642 Hey, guys, go easy, okay? Uh... 343 00:13:28,048 --> 00:13:29,027 I may have been wrong. 344 00:13:29,027 --> 00:13:29,758 ISIS! 345 00:13:34,765 --> 00:13:36,534 - So, he's really... - Yeah. 346 00:13:39,036 --> 00:13:40,817 - But how did he... - I don't know. 347 00:13:41,615 --> 00:13:42,939 I... I mean, it's diabolical. 348 00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:45,308 Yeah. He's always done this kind of shit. 349 00:13:45,309 --> 00:13:46,843 [Sighs] 350 00:13:46,844 --> 00:13:48,979 So, none of this was real? 351 00:13:56,287 --> 00:13:57,075 Ah... 352 00:13:57,955 --> 00:14:00,423 We should go. We're gonna miss our ride. 353 00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:03,460 What? We're gonna take a tour bus home? 354 00:14:03,461 --> 00:14:05,962 Yeah, I'm sorry. Do you want to take the subway home, 355 00:14:05,963 --> 00:14:08,098 like a rat? People belong above ground. 356 00:14:08,099 --> 00:14:09,999 Okay. Let's take a cab, then. 357 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,135 I don't have a job. We can't afford a cab. 358 00:14:12,136 --> 00:14:13,937 That is gonna be way more expensive. 359 00:14:13,938 --> 00:14:16,602 I bought a season pass when I got here, okay? 360 00:14:16,604 --> 00:14:17,152 You did? 361 00:14:17,153 --> 00:14:19,342 What do you think, I'm an idiot? 362 00:14:19,343 --> 00:14:22,078 Besides, it goes right by our house. 363 00:14:22,079 --> 00:14:23,560 That's so smart. 364 00:14:26,117 --> 00:14:28,794 Your husband has some good ideas. 365 00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,387 So, where do you think your dad is now? 366 00:14:31,388 --> 00:14:33,690 He's probably on a flight to another country. 367 00:14:33,691 --> 00:14:35,431 [Lock clicks] 368 00:14:36,472 --> 00:14:37,773 - Hola. - Hey. 369 00:14:37,962 --> 00:14:39,362 My dad's not here right now. 370 00:14:39,363 --> 00:14:41,164 - I know that. - How do you know? 371 00:14:41,165 --> 00:14:42,699 I track him on my phone. 372 00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,980 - That's creepy. - For business purposes. 373 00:14:46,837 --> 00:14:48,071 May I come in? 374 00:14:48,072 --> 00:14:49,873 My parents didn't say you were coming. 375 00:14:49,874 --> 00:14:51,775 Do your parents tell you everything? 376 00:14:51,776 --> 00:14:53,743 No. They don't tell us anything. 377 00:14:53,744 --> 00:14:55,234 Ah. They really should. 378 00:14:55,746 --> 00:14:57,605 Mom said not to let anyone in. 379 00:14:58,916 --> 00:15:00,364 She can parent us when she's here. 380 00:15:00,365 --> 00:15:01,415 I'm in charge. 381 00:15:02,219 --> 00:15:05,455 - A-Are you... - Our dad's boss? Yes. 382 00:15:05,456 --> 00:15:07,590 No. Are... Are you really our... 383 00:15:07,591 --> 00:15:10,059 Our dad's boss? Yes, dummy! 384 00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:12,148 Oh, I'm a lot more than that. 385 00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:16,966 Tour Guide: Fun fact, on your left was the Jefferson Market prison, 386 00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:19,335 the world's only art deco prison. 387 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:22,472 It was later converted into a prison for women. 388 00:15:22,473 --> 00:15:24,007 You really want to go to jail? 389 00:15:24,008 --> 00:15:25,675 No, honey, I don't want to go to jail. 390 00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:28,044 - But I might have to. - There's got to be another way. 391 00:15:28,045 --> 00:15:29,279 There's not. 392 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,882 [Plastic crinkling] 393 00:15:32,883 --> 00:15:35,218 - For you. - Where'd you get that? 394 00:15:35,219 --> 00:15:36,890 Thought it would dull the pain. 395 00:15:38,189 --> 00:15:39,222 It does. 396 00:15:39,223 --> 00:15:40,356 [Can pops] 397 00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,559 Hey, so what's the deal with that ass? 398 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:43,163 Oh. 399 00:15:43,861 --> 00:15:45,400 Yeah. I can't tell you. 400 00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:48,247 Okay. 401 00:15:48,769 --> 00:15:50,520 What? You're fine with that? 402 00:15:51,168 --> 00:15:54,904 I'm assuming if you tell me, it's gonna incriminate me in some way. 403 00:15:54,905 --> 00:15:56,272 And one of us has got to be a parent. 404 00:15:56,273 --> 00:15:58,074 - Yeah. - And unlike you, 405 00:15:58,075 --> 00:15:59,767 I'm fine not knowing things. 406 00:16:12,122 --> 00:16:13,423 [Whispering] What's he doing? 407 00:16:13,424 --> 00:16:14,885 [Whispering] I don't know. 408 00:16:15,922 --> 00:16:16,892 Bastards. 409 00:16:28,879 --> 00:16:30,646 [Clears throat] So, um... 410 00:16:30,647 --> 00:16:33,349 Have either of you guys seen a rusty metal thing 411 00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:35,785 about, uh, yea big, weighs a shit-ton? 412 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:36,853 Yes. 413 00:16:36,854 --> 00:16:38,988 - Oh, so you know it? - Y-Yeah. 414 00:16:38,989 --> 00:16:40,189 Where is it? 415 00:16:40,190 --> 00:16:41,991 I-It's somewhere, h-here. 416 00:16:41,992 --> 00:16:43,553 You want to give me a hint? 417 00:16:45,495 --> 00:16:47,363 - Up ahead of us... - Cheers. 418 00:16:47,364 --> 00:16:51,234 Above on the left, the Chrysler Building. 419 00:16:51,235 --> 00:16:52,802 Last possible night with your ride-or-die. 420 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:53,454 Yeah. 421 00:16:53,456 --> 00:16:55,406 What do you want to do? You want to get a hotel? 422 00:16:55,408 --> 00:16:58,040 - Walrus up on top of this? - So expensive. 423 00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,408 No. I don't have a job. 424 00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:01,477 What if I offer you the back door? 425 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:01,955 What? 426 00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:04,881 - What? - Just no. I... 427 00:17:04,882 --> 00:17:06,390 - It's clean. - I'm sure it is. 428 00:17:06,406 --> 00:17:07,929 I'm fine with the front door. 429 00:17:09,152 --> 00:17:11,020 What if we try a threesome? 430 00:17:11,021 --> 00:17:12,555 Come on. With who? 431 00:17:12,556 --> 00:17:14,582 I don't know. Some dumb, cute girl. 432 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:19,228 Really? Some random stranger on a bus? That'd be awkward. 433 00:17:19,229 --> 00:17:20,563 No, it's actually really easy now. 434 00:17:20,564 --> 00:17:22,266 - [Scoffing] It's not. Trust me. - Watch this. 435 00:17:22,269 --> 00:17:24,567 Excuse me? Hi. Um... 436 00:17:24,568 --> 00:17:26,369 Do you think my husband's hot? 437 00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:28,471 He's okay. Like, uncle hot. 438 00:17:28,472 --> 00:17:30,439 - Mm-hmm. - Sorry, what? 439 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,375 Yeah, you know, like, golf hot. 440 00:17:32,376 --> 00:17:33,565 Golf hot? That's... 441 00:17:34,948 --> 00:17:35,978 That's not hot. 442 00:17:35,979 --> 00:17:38,481 - See? It's already awkward. - No, it's going really well. 443 00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:40,950 Um, my husband and I love your jeans. 444 00:17:40,951 --> 00:17:42,218 Thanks. 445 00:17:42,219 --> 00:17:44,145 You guys looking for a threesome? 446 00:17:45,122 --> 00:17:47,054 - Holy shit. It's that easy? - So easy. 447 00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:48,257 How did you know it was that easy? 448 00:17:48,258 --> 00:17:50,660 - Mom blogs. - You guys have a nice hotel? 449 00:17:50,661 --> 00:17:52,161 We're sleeping like five to a queen, 450 00:17:52,162 --> 00:17:53,329 so I could splinter off. 451 00:17:53,330 --> 00:17:55,064 - Can we do that? - I... 452 00:17:55,065 --> 00:17:56,328 I-I would... 453 00:17:57,334 --> 00:17:59,936 - I would finish way too quickly. - That's perfect. 454 00:17:59,937 --> 00:18:01,737 We got in the lottery for that B. Frank show. 455 00:18:01,738 --> 00:18:03,843 - It's reinventing history. - It's not. 456 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:04,832 It... 457 00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:08,644 I can't. I'm sorry. I can't. 458 00:18:08,645 --> 00:18:10,680 Then why did you compliment my jeans? 459 00:18:10,681 --> 00:18:13,282 - She did. - I was being literal. 460 00:18:13,283 --> 00:18:14,483 Sorry. Sorry. 461 00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:15,818 Well, they're great jeans. 462 00:18:15,819 --> 00:18:17,883 They are great jeans. I meant it. 463 00:18:19,589 --> 00:18:20,890 I just want you to remember 464 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:23,592 that you said no to that forever and ever. 465 00:18:23,593 --> 00:18:25,395 Maybe sometime in the future we can... 466 00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,196 Nope. No. It's now or never. 467 00:18:27,197 --> 00:18:28,497 I'm just not that horny 468 00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:30,950 thinking about losing my best friend, all right? 469 00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,469 Maybe you'll find a new best friend. 470 00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:35,137 - I won't. - You might. 471 00:18:35,138 --> 00:18:36,956 Start a new life, get a new wife. 472 00:18:38,308 --> 00:18:39,576 'Cause I'm a shit show. 473 00:18:40,310 --> 00:18:41,354 You certainly are. 474 00:18:43,113 --> 00:18:44,508 But you're my shit show. 475 00:18:45,115 --> 00:18:48,352 476 00:18:56,493 --> 00:18:59,261 We could just go home right now 477 00:18:59,262 --> 00:19:05,134 Or maybe we could stick around for just one more drink 478 00:19:05,135 --> 00:19:06,725 Oh, yeah 479 00:19:08,505 --> 00:19:11,207 Get another bottle out 480 00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:12,808 Let's shoot the shit 481 00:19:12,809 --> 00:19:17,113 Sit back down for just one more drink 482 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,749 Oh, yeah 483 00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:22,752 Here's to us, here's to love 484 00:19:22,753 --> 00:19:25,721 All the times that we messed up 485 00:19:25,722 --> 00:19:28,858 Here's to you, fill the glass 486 00:19:28,859 --> 00:19:32,228 'Cause the last few nights have kicked my ass 487 00:19:32,229 --> 00:19:35,464 If they give ya hell 488 00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:37,466 Tell 'em go... themselves 489 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,403 Forget themselves Here's to us 490 00:19:39,406 --> 00:19:40,836 Here's to us. 491 00:19:40,837 --> 00:19:42,304 Here's to us 492 00:19:42,305 --> 00:19:43,706 Here's to us 493 00:19:43,707 --> 00:19:46,675 Here's to us, here's to love 494 00:19:46,676 --> 00:19:48,278 Here's to us 495 00:19:48,279 --> 00:19:49,879 Wish everybody well 496 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,616 Here's to us 497 00:20:00,780 --> 00:20:02,558 You know, you don't have to do this. 498 00:20:02,559 --> 00:20:03,318 I do. 499 00:20:04,108 --> 00:20:05,119 It's the only way. 500 00:20:06,419 --> 00:20:07,059 Okay. 501 00:20:07,787 --> 00:20:09,221 I just don't... How... 502 00:20:09,222 --> 00:20:10,855 How do I do this? What do I tell them? 503 00:20:10,856 --> 00:20:12,591 Just tell them the truth. They can handle it. 504 00:20:12,592 --> 00:20:13,660 I know, but how do you say that? 505 00:20:13,661 --> 00:20:16,276 How do you say your mother might not be around? 506 00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:20,808 Who's gonna teach Delilah how to scare a boy into liking her? 507 00:20:21,469 --> 00:20:22,270 I can do that. 508 00:20:22,272 --> 00:20:24,319 What about Jared? What if he realizes he's gay, 509 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,604 And I'm not there to give him a great big hug 510 00:20:25,605 --> 00:20:27,872 and tell him it's what every mother hopes for? 511 00:20:27,873 --> 00:20:28,740 - I don't think he's gay. - I know. 512 00:20:28,741 --> 00:20:30,542 I'm just throwing things out there. 513 00:20:30,759 --> 00:20:31,881 I know. I... 514 00:20:32,494 --> 00:20:33,604 We'll do our best. 515 00:20:34,971 --> 00:20:36,452 Like we always do. 516 00:20:36,454 --> 00:20:38,856 [Elevator bell dings] 517 00:20:45,691 --> 00:20:47,960 You guys are gonna have a lot of fun. 518 00:20:49,444 --> 00:20:51,328 What, you don't believe me? 519 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,359 Come on. Would I lie to you? 520 00:21:22,161 --> 00:21:25,798 E ninja. 521 00:21:31,604 --> 00:21:35,707 Jump up, kick back Whip around and spin 522 00:21:35,708 --> 00:21:38,843 Ninja, go Come on, come on, come on 523 00:21:38,844 --> 00:21:40,645 And do the weekend whip 524 00:21:40,646 --> 00:21:44,050 Jump up, kick back Whip around and spin 525 00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:48,650 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37077

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