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1
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[ Pepper barking ]
2
00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:09,183
♪♪
3
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:10,749
Dylan: Hey, come on.
4
00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:12,882
Yeah, come on.
Yeah. Yeah.
5
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:15,058
Gonna have to circle back
to that.
6
00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:18,061
[ Pepper barking ]
7
00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:19,280
Come here, Pepper.
8
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:20,281
Come eat your, uh...
9
00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:22,196
[ Fire crackling ]
10
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:23,240
Fire!
11
00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:25,938
Wake up! Fire!
12
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:26,896
Really? Nothing?
13
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:31,074
"When Clowns Fall Down"
is on TV!
14
00:00:31,118 --> 00:00:33,120
Oh, "Clowns" is on!
Oh! There's a fire!
15
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:36,079
Ray, DVR the clowns,
and let's get out of here!
16
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,515
Dylan, out!
Dad, take this!
17
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,648
Ray?
Wow, what's gotten into him?
18
00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:40,997
I suppose you don't
really know
19
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,129
how you're gonna react
to an emergency
20
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:43,260
until you're in one.
21
00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:44,696
You know what I mean?
22
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:47,438
I wonder how I'd react
in an emergency.
23
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:48,918
This is one!
Get out!
24
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:49,701
Yes, sir!
25
00:00:49,745 --> 00:00:51,442
Oh, I'm a follower.
26
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:52,313
[ Chuckles ]
27
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:53,357
Now!
28
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,229
--Captions by VITAC--
29
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,535
[ Bells jingling ]
30
00:00:57,579 --> 00:01:00,886
Well, we found our culprit --
these cheap, old lights.
31
00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:01,800
They're brand-new.
32
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,804
To us.
I don't know...
33
00:01:05,848 --> 00:01:08,764
when the raccoon I fought
for them purchased them.
34
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,461
Please don't judge us.
Money's been really tight.
35
00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,028
We've had to buy our house,
36
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,986
pay for hospital bills,
so you know what?
37
00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:15,727
We could really do
without the light-shaming.
38
00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:17,903
That's much longer
than it usually takes her
39
00:01:17,947 --> 00:01:19,688
to go on the offensive.
That's respect.
40
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:22,212
Well, I'm sorry
you lost all your presents.
41
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,996
[ Both laugh ]Don't worry.
42
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,173
No, those are fake presents
until we could afford real ones.
43
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:29,480
They were just boxes
full of newspaper and sawdust.
44
00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:31,221
Or, in your parlance, fuel.
45
00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:33,310
[ Chuckles ] You don't talk
to our insurance, do you?
46
00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:36,487
DiMeooooos!
47
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:38,489
Oh, thank God.
48
00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:39,969
Were you out clubbing?
49
00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:41,927
And does that look
really work for you?
50
00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:44,800
Hey, last week,
I convinced three sturdy...
51
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:47,759
Not the time.
52
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:51,372
Mom, Dad, our presents.
53
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,548
No child should have
to bury her presents.
54
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:56,246
Aww, don't worry, Dylan.
I can --
55
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,726
You can what?!
What can you do, Kenneth?
56
00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,380
Please, tell me.
57
00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:01,033
You can bring back my presents?
Is that what you do?!
58
00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:05,516
Look, I'm sorry.
It's been a very hectic night.
59
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,432
I was gonna say
I can bring you my presents.
60
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,999
I don't want to overhype,
61
00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:12,567
but I gave a pretty penny
to the estate of Steve Jobs...
62
00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:14,177
Whoa!
63
00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:16,397
Okay, okay, all right.
Well, I don't want to be a one-upper,
64
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,877
but our presents
were...one better.
65
00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:21,880
VR headsets for Ray
66
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:25,188
and movie-editing
software for JJ,
67
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:27,103
and a My Little Pony...
68
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:27,669
for Jimmy.
69
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,454
And a...
70
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:32,761
dirt bike for Dylan!
71
00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:36,199
Wow, Mom. They're gone,
but you sure take care of us.
72
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:39,289
I know I do,
I do, I do, I do, I do.
73
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,248
Say, Maya,
d-did you happen to get me
74
00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:42,771
that book I wanted
75
00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:45,295
called "This is Questionable
Behavior"?
76
00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:48,777
I didn't, but I did get one
called "A Victimless Crime."
77
00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:51,345
Is it by the same guy who wrote
"But To What End"?
78
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,564
No, it's by the woman
who wrote
79
00:02:53,608 --> 00:02:55,827
"What They Don't Know,
Won't Hurt Them."
80
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,481
Wow, I read a lot of books,
81
00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:58,439
but I've never
heard of any of these.
82
00:02:58,482 --> 00:03:00,092
Yeah, I know 'em.
83
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:05,272
Excuse me, I was told you're
the hero who saved the family.
84
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:07,361
Oh, uh...
85
00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:09,406
Wow, I-I guess I am a hero.
86
00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,235
Uh, I mean, I've been
heroic a few other times,
87
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:13,628
but only in dreams.
88
00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,238
One time, I stopped
a group of guys
89
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,109
from robbing a bank
full of girls I like.
90
00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,285
"Exhausting."
91
00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:19,808
I know.
92
00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:21,940
Eh, still gotta do
my walk-behind.
93
00:03:21,984 --> 00:03:23,464
I just got up 'cause
I heard the dog bark.
94
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:26,162
But I suppose if a boy
wakes up his family
95
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,382
and gets everybody out safely,
he's a hero.
96
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:29,644
Baba-booey!
97
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:30,645
Go, Sox!
98
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:31,689
I'm sorry about her.
99
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,430
[ Laughs ]
100
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:37,391
What is this?
101
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,610
A-A surprise for me?
102
00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:42,396
"Merry Christmas
to my Big Buddy."
103
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:43,875
Isn't this exciting?
104
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,922
JJ told me you want to coach,
and we have an opening.
105
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:49,403
Coach Cox took a leave
of absence for some...
106
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:50,447
troubling reasons...
107
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:51,274
[ Sighs ]
Oh.
108
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,754
Writing a novel.
109
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,408
Oh, okay.
[ Chuckles ]
110
00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,279
I can't believe I'm gonna coach!
111
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,150
[ Laughs ]
112
00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:00,065
Your girls' basketball team.
113
00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:01,502
Hard pass!
114
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:02,720
Oh, you heard him, girls!
115
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,331
Harder passes!
116
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:05,854
Ow!
117
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:09,988
No, I'mpassing.
I can't coach girls' basketball.
118
00:04:10,032 --> 00:04:12,382
What's wrong?
You're not sexist...?
119
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:15,298
♪♪
120
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,778
Yup.
121
00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:19,171
I'm a sexist.
122
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:20,695
I'm a big,
ol' sexist.
123
00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,566
And there will be
no more talk of this.
124
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:25,613
The man has s-spoken.
125
00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:30,095
Okay, fine, I'm no sexist.
126
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:32,576
I just have a very
complicated relationship
127
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,143
with girls' basketball.
128
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:35,536
Okay, dude.
129
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:39,931
Watch what happens when I Google
"Kenneth Clements basketball."
130
00:04:39,975 --> 00:04:41,890
Yeah, did you mean
"Kendall Clements"?
131
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,544
That's my sister.
132
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:46,111
I was good at basketball,
but she was great.
133
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,331
And she and my other
sister, Kiki,
134
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,464
just loved
rubbing my nose in it.
135
00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,727
If I scored 20,
Kendall would score 40.
136
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,337
If I scored 50...
137
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,774
Okay, I never scored 50.
What's that look?
138
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,429
Are you a long-lost third witch
sister I don't know about?!
139
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:05,130
I wanna coach,
but girls' basketball,
140
00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:07,481
that's Kendall's world.
141
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,439
I just can't go there.
142
00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:12,486
♪♪
143
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,705
Okay, I think
our story's coming up.
144
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:16,577
This is going to be
huge for me.
145
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,536
Thanks, Grant. Sounds like
those elephants had a Hanukkah
146
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,495
they'll never forget.
147
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:23,279
And now, a story about a family
148
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:27,718
that narrowly avoided having
a nightmare before Christmas.
149
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:29,633
Picture a hero. In your mind,
150
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,809
he's probably not
a little guy, is he?
151
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:35,509
And he probably doesn't
have wild, unkempt hair
152
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,598
or drink out of the toilet.
153
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:38,599
What? One time!
154
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,992
Dylan put ghost pepper
in my toothpaste.
155
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:44,300
But last night,
the DiMeo family spelled "hero"
156
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,823
"D-O-G."
157
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,825
Dog hero?
What a fun angle.
158
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:48,957
Is the news always this good?
159
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,654
But that's not what happened.
160
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,003
Don't believe me?
161
00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:55,398
Listen to what this boy
had to say about little Pepper.
162
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:56,878
He's a hero.
163
00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:58,575
-[ Laughs ]
-Dolph?!
164
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,229
Dylan: ♪ Ray's not a hero
165
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,666
♪ Also he is "Dolph" now
166
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:03,841
No, I ama hero!
167
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:04,886
I saved you guys!
168
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:07,584
Ray, it doesn't matter.
169
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:10,500
Seriously, look, who cares
what they say about --
170
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:11,849
Shut up, I'm on TV!
171
00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:14,112
It stinks because
our parents worked so hard
172
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,418
to get us all these
great presents
173
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:16,767
even though money's been tight.
174
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:19,248
VR headsets, dirt bikes,
175
00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:21,468
my brother's "Harry Potter"
fan fiction in hardback,
176
00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:22,817
one of those robot vacuums.
177
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:25,210
Hey, my lie is famous.
178
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:27,996
♪♪
179
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,301
[ Grunts ]
180
00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:31,782
Hey, Dolph,
you missed a spot.
181
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:34,524
Okay, Dylan.
You can mock me all you want,
182
00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:36,657
but I've decided not
to let Pepper getting all the credit bug me.
183
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,789
I'm not gonna
get jealous of a dog.
184
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,443
I have to rise above it.
185
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,663
It's either that
or I let it drive me insane.
186
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:45,709
Ooh, that sounds more fun.
Let's do that.
187
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,232
[ Doorbell rings ]
188
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:48,756
Yay! Pizza's here!
189
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:52,890
Mrs. DiMeo?
Hi, I'm Candy Kensington.
190
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:54,283
I'm from the
Newport Beach chapter
191
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,372
of the charity
Santa's Purpose.
192
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:57,678
We're doing our
Jinglethon fundraiser
193
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,114
at Lafayette this week.
194
00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:01,856
Why not "Santa's Cause"?
195
00:07:01,899 --> 00:07:04,119
Oh, wow, yeah, um...
196
00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:05,120
That's much snappier.
197
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,340
Anyhoo, um, may I?
198
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:10,734
So, part of
our mission is, uh,
199
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:14,085
bringing the joy of Christmas
to less fortunate families.
200
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:15,739
Oh, no, no, we're not
in need of charity.
201
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:16,740
-We thought you were food!
-I'm starving!
202
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:18,873
Oh, shush!
203
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,744
Well, we heard
your family's story,
204
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,180
and we were
just heartbroken.
205
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:25,183
So we've decided
to replace all of your gifts!
206
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:26,271
Ray: What?Dylan: No way!Okay, bring them in!
207
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:28,056
Whoa!
208
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,884
[ Gasps ] Is that a dirt bike?Right over there.
209
00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:33,931
Oh, my gosh, VR goggles!
This is the best Christmas ever!
210
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,629
Mom! Can I ride this
in the house?
211
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:36,499
Maya: Uhh...
212
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:37,718
Ooh!
213
00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:40,503
Oh, my God, Jimmy.
What have I done?
214
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:43,375
You defrauded a charity
at Christmas.
215
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,942
Well...
216
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,509
anything can sound bad
if you say it.
217
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:53,647
Whooo!
Whoa!
218
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:54,648
Okay, yeah!
219
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:55,692
Bad bird!
220
00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:56,519
Oh, look out
for that panther!
221
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:57,738
Ah!
222
00:07:57,781 --> 00:08:00,784
Ohh, Jimmy,
I feel so awful.
223
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:01,959
Why did I lie?
224
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,744
We've got to give
these gifts back.
225
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,441
Oh, do we?
226
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,747
Think of the kids.
227
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:07,661
Darling, no matter what,
228
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,750
the kids cannot find out
what happened.
229
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:11,055
Ray: You lied to us?
230
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:13,623
We're losing our presents?
231
00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,235
You know...
232
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:19,368
you should really try these
while we still have them.
233
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:23,633
JJ, I'm all for surprises,
234
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:26,201
but if I'm blindfolded,
it's hard for us to talk.
235
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:28,595
It's no problem, man.
I can talk for him. [ Laughs ]
236
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,031
Anything to get
those five stars.
237
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:30,945
What do you want me
to read, baby?
238
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,033
[ Cars honking ]No, man!
239
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:33,556
[ Tires squealing ]Watch the road!
240
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,688
Can we just sit in silence?
241
00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:35,906
Whatever you say, boss,
all right?
242
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:37,517
Anything to get
those five stars, baby.
243
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:39,649
We are here.
244
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,610
It's The Cheesecake Factory,
isn't it?
245
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:46,482
Oh, you know how
I love cheesecake.
246
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,571
Both: Hi, Kenneth!
247
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,355
Wha--
248
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:53,010
This Cheesecake Factory sounds
a lot like my terrible sisters!
249
00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:55,230
Yo, DiMeo. Is it true?
250
00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:56,753
Did your dog carry JJ
to safety with his teeth?
251
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:57,754
No, of course --
252
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:00,844
You know what?
253
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:02,019
Yes. Yes, he did.
254
00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:03,847
Pepper is a great dog.
255
00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:05,632
My family is safe.
That's what's important.
256
00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:08,199
Hey, Blake,
what would you do
257
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:11,246
if I told you the real hero
is actually here...
258
00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:13,422
[ Smacks backpack ]...right now?
259
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:14,510
Come here, Pepper!
260
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:17,818
Oh, my gosh!
261
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:21,865
[ Indistinct talking ]
262
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:24,738
It is so nice
to meet you, JJ.
263
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:25,826
And, Kenneth,
you looking good.
264
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:28,698
What did you do,
fall in the Fountain of Youth?
265
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,700
Oh, you're so sweet, Kiki.
266
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:32,833
Anybody want cookies?
Fresh from the oven.
267
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:36,010
Sure. Sounds great!
[ Chuckles ]
268
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:38,099
[ Hushed ] I hope you get
stuck in the oven.
269
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:39,840
What are we doing here?
270
00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:42,843
"Make your peace with them
so you can coach like you want.
271
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,975
They seem lovely."
272
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,847
Oh, lovely, huh?
273
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:48,326
Watch.
274
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:51,199
Ladies, I have
some exciting news.
275
00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:54,071
I was offered the, uh, job
276
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:56,857
of girls' basketball coach.
277
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:04,038
[ Loud laughter ]
278
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:05,300
Kiki: Basketball?
279
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:08,085
You don't even know anything
about basketball!
280
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:11,567
I played at a high level
in high school and college!
281
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,787
All right, Broken Stereo.
282
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,876
"Why do they call you
'Broken St--'"
283
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:18,008
Dude, don't set them up
like that, man!
284
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:21,098
Because he can't play.
[ Laughs ]
285
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:24,232
Because he sucks at basketball!
[ Laughs ]
286
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,669
Kendall, I-I said "broken"
287
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,280
because when the radio
don't play, he can't --
288
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:30,717
Y-You don't get it?
289
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:31,935
You know what?
Never mind. He sucks!
290
00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:32,719
High five, up top!Yeah!
291
00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:34,677
-[ Laughs ]
-You see, JJ?
292
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,857
[ Indistinct talking ]
293
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:48,735
♪ Da, da, da-da, da, da
294
00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:52,129
♪ Da, da, da-da, da
295
00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:55,263
♪ Da, da, da-da, da-da, da, da
296
00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:57,395
[ School bell rings ]
297
00:10:57,439 --> 00:11:01,573
♪♪
298
00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:04,359
Hello, darlings.
Did you have a wonderful day?
299
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,448
Great, sad it's done.
300
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,930
Well, do I have
good news for you.
301
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:11,496
We're volunteering
at the Jinglethon.
302
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:12,976
What? Why?
303
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:14,064
Do you want to give
the presents back?
304
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:17,198
You keep the presents' name
out of your filthy mouth!
305
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:21,202
Well, we can't pay for them,
so we're donating our time.
306
00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:24,422
After all, time is money,
except we have it.
307
00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:26,424
Kenneth the coach.
308
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,862
What you gonna teach them
how to do, Kenneth? Lose?
309
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:31,821
Yeah, like, how to get beat?
[ Laughs ]
310
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:34,302
Kendall,
it's the same thing!
311
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,956
They're synonyms!
312
00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:37,566
I didn't even
want to come here.
313
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:38,959
Is there nothing else
we can talk about?
314
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:40,874
Actually, um...
315
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:46,662
Yeah, there is something
I need to tell you.
316
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,968
I went to the doctor
last week...
317
00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:49,012
Yeah?
318
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:51,667
He saw something on my X-ray,
319
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,235
and it was bad.
It was really bad.
320
00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:54,757
What was it?
321
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:59,240
Your jumpshot, sucka!
322
00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:01,895
♪ Shake your body
like a bottle of champagne ♪
323
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,113
♪ Shake your body
like a bottle of champagne ♪Oh!
324
00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:06,813
I'm-a live for a long time,
you Good Halloween House.
325
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:07,901
"Why do you call him 'Good'--"
326
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:09,772
What did I say about
teeing them up?
327
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:12,819
'Cause he got
big ol' butterfingers!
328
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,472
You don't even play, Kiki!
329
00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:15,822
Kendall's the good one!
330
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:16,997
Stop dancing!
331
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,608
And I'm not bad at basketball.
332
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:20,914
Rejected!
333
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,393
In your face!
334
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:24,656
That's it! We're settling this
on the court.
335
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,050
If I win,
you two shut up forever.
336
00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:29,792
If you score once,
we'll shut up.
337
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:30,924
Deal.
338
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,969
Deal.
339
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,667
Deal, British Airways.
340
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:36,930
"Why do they call --"
341
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:37,800
Dude, stop!
342
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:45,939
Right, we are here
for one reason only --
343
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:47,854
to work off
the presents we took.
344
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,943
Right? We will not
take anything.
345
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:51,988
I brought that.
346
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:55,644
Hey! Welcome, DiMeos.Hello, Candy.
347
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,994
We could use plenty of help
here in the donation center,
348
00:12:58,038 --> 00:13:01,432
but I do have a solo task
for one of you.
349
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:02,825
Although I wish
it could be you.
350
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,087
Isn't that right,
you little life saver?
351
00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:05,872
I'll do it.
352
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:08,091
[ Gasps ] Perfect.
353
00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:10,006
Ooh, I'm gonna
get you a bell.
354
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,095
[ Bell jingles ]
355
00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:14,054
♪ Ba-bum, bum, bum
356
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,838
♪ I saw you coming
down my chimney ♪I just got a $500 donation!
357
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:16,970
Score one good deed
for the DiMeos!
358
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,493
$500?
359
00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:19,886
That means we've reached
this hour's goal.
360
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,235
Hey, listen up, everybody.
361
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:24,107
Maya wins the hourly incentive.
362
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:28,546
Two box seats to the Ducks game,
valued at $600.
363
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,897
[ Cheers and applause ]
364
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:32,855
You've gotta
be kidding me...
365
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,117
You're right.
366
00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:36,206
Bring the whole family --
five box seats! Yay!
367
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,991
[ Cheers and applause ]
368
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:40,645
Good job.
369
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,560
♪ Bring up the heat
370
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:49,350
♪♪
371
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:51,743
Yeah!♪ I got no trust
but to go hard ♪
372
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:52,919
How's my butt taste?
373
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:54,485
I don't know, Kiki!
374
00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:56,009
It's her butt I'm tasting, okay?
375
00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,143
♪ I got no trust
but to go hard ♪
376
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:01,275
[ Rim clangs ]
377
00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:05,409
[ Laughs ]
378
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,936
Did anyone taste my butt?
379
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:14,766
-How do you like your new Santa?
-He's great!
380
00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:16,333
You and I
don't have any beef.
381
00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:17,378
Just Dylan.
382
00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:18,814
Yeah, it was Dylan
messing with me,
383
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:19,902
and I'm not crazy.
384
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,991
I don't have a feud
with a dog.
385
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:24,951
Good talk.
386
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:29,129
♪♪
387
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:30,173
Hey, no!
388
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:31,392
Those could have chocolate.
389
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:32,132
[ Sniffing ]
390
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:33,785
Wah!
391
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:35,396
[ Groans ]
392
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:39,748
♪♪
393
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,619
Ray, did you
eat that whole cake?
394
00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:43,273
That was for
all the volunteers.
395
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,971
No, it was the dog.
396
00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:48,713
Pepper?
Did you set me up?
397
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,106
Are you blaming
the hero dog?
398
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,760
It was him!
399
00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:54,067
And Isaved the family,
not Pepper!
400
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,199
He was probably barking
at a squirrel or something
401
00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:57,331
'cause he's just a dumb dog!
402
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:58,941
[ Gasping ]
403
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:01,596
That Dolph kid
hates the hero dog!
404
00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,685
[ Booing ]
405
00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:09,952
Good news, I've raised thousands
of dollars for these people.
406
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:11,214
You know, our debt is paid.
407
00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:13,173
We can now go home,
put on our goggles,
408
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,175
and kill some giraffes!
409
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,525
We're supposed to be
setting them free.
410
00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:18,613
Oh.
411
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:22,922
Mrs. DiMeo, before you go,
just one more thing.
412
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:26,447
Candy: Jinglethoners,
television audience,
413
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:29,189
we all know about
the DiMeo family tragedy,
414
00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:30,886
yet they persevered,
415
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,367
and they all showed up
to volunteer today.
416
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:35,543
So, as a thank-you,
417
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:39,155
we are going to give the DiMeos
all of today's proceeds!
418
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:44,030
[ Cheers and applause ]
419
00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:46,380
No, no! Please,
stop giving us things.
420
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:48,991
You don't get it!
We're liars!
421
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:50,253
The presents that burned
under our tree
422
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:51,689
were collectively worth $7.
423
00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:52,473
[ All gasp ]
424
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:53,996
Don't judge her.
425
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,129
The stuff showed up,
and, yeah, we kept it!
426
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,044
Would you have done
anything different?
427
00:15:58,087 --> 00:15:59,132
[ Indistinct murmuring ]
428
00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:00,350
Well, somebody call Heaven.
429
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,657
We just found a bunch
of new Christmas angels.
430
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,920
Yeah.[ Booing ]
431
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,270
Oh, yeah, go on, then.
Waa-waa-waa.
432
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,142
We don't care.
Go on. Boo all you want.
433
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,187
[ Booing louder ]
434
00:16:11,231 --> 00:16:12,841
That's actually
quite hurtful.
435
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:15,061
Out, out, out.
Out through the grotto. Out.
436
00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:20,022
Wait, where's the dog?
437
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,023
Oh, I left him
with this old couple.
438
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,155
They said they'd
drop him home later.
439
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,460
Oh, he's back there somewhere.
440
00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:25,288
I'm sorry, I can't stop lying!
441
00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:26,072
[ Gasps ] Weirdos!
442
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,249
You've seen a choir before.
443
00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:30,598
Let's go!
444
00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:32,861
JJ, what are you doing here?
445
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,863
"Kenneth needs
elec-tro-lytes."
446
00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:35,995
Well, I've got
no questions.
447
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,867
Quick, come on,
come on, come on.
448
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:43,089
Look, we're hiding from a mob
of Santa-loving DiMeo haters,
449
00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:45,308
and I'm sorry I got us
into this stupid mess.
450
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:47,528
I just saw the chance
to give you everything you've always wanted,
451
00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:50,052
and then I couldn't say no.
452
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,488
♪ Silent night "That's ridiculous, Mom.
453
00:16:51,532 --> 00:16:55,318
Sure, we're hiding
like hunted criminals,
454
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:57,103
♪ Holy night but we have each other.
455
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,279
That's what matters."
456
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:00,280
♪ All is calm Ray: JJ's right.
457
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:01,890
This Christmas more than ever.
458
00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:03,500
Our house could've burned down.
459
00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,154
♪ All is bright We could've died!
460
00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:07,200
And Ray saved us.
461
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:09,506
I know, but you guys
are being sweet,
462
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,639
and songs about America
always get me.
463
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:13,293
♪ Round yon Virgin It's "Silent Night."
464
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:14,859
♪ Mother and Child It wouldn't kill us
expose her to church.
465
00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:17,210
-No.
-That's why I'm torturing you.
466
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:18,124
♪ Holy infant
so tender and mild ♪I couldn't handle that it was you,
467
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:19,908
but you did save us.
468
00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:21,257
You're a hero, Ray.
469
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:24,695
Wow. I honestly don't care
what anyone thinks now.
470
00:17:24,739 --> 00:17:27,089
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace
471
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,917
All right, Kenneth needs
his electrolytes.
472
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:32,138
The coast is clear.
473
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,575
[ Pepper barks ]Pepper, you found them.
474
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:36,577
Traitor.
475
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:38,144
[ Growls ]
476
00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:40,363
[ Buzzer ]
477
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,148
"Get up." Why?
478
00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:44,193
Kendall's just gonna knock me
back on my butt.
479
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:48,806
"Think of all the times
I tried something
480
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:52,375
and I failed first
and wanted to quit,
481
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:55,030
but you made me keep going."
482
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,032
Yeah, well, I'm not like you.
483
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,251
I hate failure.
484
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:03,299
"You worry about me next year.
485
00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:06,085
I worry about you.
486
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,830
I want you to have something
when I'm gone."
487
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:15,355
And you think coaching is it?
488
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:18,184
Me, too.
489
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:19,489
I can do this.
490
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,187
It's only 50 to zero.
491
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,275
Both: 51.
492
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:25,147
In no universe
was that a 3, Kendall!
493
00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:26,801
Ms. Kensington,
we're very sorry.
494
00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:27,845
Well, you should be.
495
00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:29,282
But, thanks to your family,
496
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:31,588
donations are pouring in
like never before. Look at that.
497
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:33,155
$100 from Christmas Carly --
498
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:36,027
"Hope this helps after you got
scammed by those monsters."
499
00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:36,941
Oh, that's us.
500
00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:38,987
$200 from DanTheMan45 --
501
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:41,207
"Save X-Mas!
Can't let the DiMeos win!"
502
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,251
Aww.
503
00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:43,861
"Get well soon, Beth"?
504
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:46,168
Oh, I think that might've been
a medical GoFundMe.
505
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:47,865
-Oh.
-Anyhoo, you know,
506
00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:50,216
I always wanted people
to give out of love,
507
00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:52,174
but it turns out,
disgust works even better.
508
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:55,090
So, in a weird way,
we did a goodthing.
509
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,223
Even though everyone thinks
that we're awful.
510
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,442
Who cares what
everyone thinks?
511
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,009
I know I don't anymore.
512
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:04,186
Hold on. What if we could do
even more good
513
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,884
by seeming even more bad?
514
00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:09,235
All right, here we go.
515
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:10,888
Boom, baby!
516
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:11,628
♪ Watch out, watch out,
watch out ♪
517
00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:13,630
Oh, Canada.
518
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,328
♪ Watch out, watch out,
watch out ♪
519
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:17,330
♪ Watch, wa-watch, watch out I don't know!
520
00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:19,462
I'm out of material.
You've usually given up by now.
521
00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:21,638
[ Door opens ]
522
00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,118
Girls, what are you doing here?
523
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,772
It's 4:00.
Time for practice.
524
00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:26,252
Oh, it's 4:00?
525
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:27,340
I've been losing for two hours?
526
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,342
[ Laughs ]
527
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,779
You've been playing for two
hours without scoring a point?
528
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:34,477
That's amazing!
How do you not quit?
529
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:38,264
Yeah, I mean, I can
relate to the failure, but not the persistence.
530
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:41,223
Well, girls, failure
is part of the process.
531
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:42,920
But this is worth it,
so I'm not gonna give up.
532
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,097
I knew we should've played
to 20, Kendall.
533
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:48,622
"We"? Y-you don't
do anything, Kiki!
534
00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:49,710
Oh, so we just gonna act like
535
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,364
I don't work part-time
at a law firm?
536
00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:54,018
[ Dramatic music plays ]
537
00:19:54,062 --> 00:20:01,069
♪♪
538
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:02,375
[ Cheers and applause ]
539
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,290
What? That's right!
540
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:05,682
Yes!
541
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:08,337
Whose house?
Good Halloween House's house!
542
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:10,861
Girls, consider that
your first practice.
543
00:20:10,905 --> 00:20:12,472
Pick this up again tomorrow?
544
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:13,429
Yes.
Thank you, coach.
545
00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,518
Nice job, Kenneth.
546
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:16,911
Thanks. Feels good
to get one.
547
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,306
Wait, I got one, right?
548
00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:22,395
You didn't give me one
because of the speech, right?
549
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:23,744
Merry Christmas, Kenny.
550
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:25,267
Kendall, I need closure!
551
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:27,182
Honey, what you need
is a scented candle,
552
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,749
'cause what you did
is stink up the place.
553
00:20:28,792 --> 00:20:30,838
Take it easy.That's our coach.
554
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:32,535
[ Chuckles ]
I like coaching.
555
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:35,059
Hello, Jinglethon.
556
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,757
We just wanted to
rub it in your face
557
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,326
that we took Santa's Purpose
for all they're worth.
558
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:42,676
Yeah, and they are never
gonna see that money again
559
00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:44,982
because Christmas is a sham!
560
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:47,289
And if you people here
and watching at home
561
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,726
really cared
about helping others,
562
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,685
that money thermometer
would be full.
563
00:20:51,728 --> 00:20:54,340
[ Booing,
telephones ringing ]
564
00:20:54,383 --> 00:20:56,777
And, yeah,
we have a hero dog.
565
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,996
Here, Pepper, you want a treat?
566
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,434
Too bad!
567
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:04,959
[ Crowd booing ]
568
00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:07,222
♪ Hey, the sleigh bells
are clang-ing ♪
569
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,530
♪ Jing-ly jang-ling,
filling the evening air ♪
570
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:14,751
♪ And carolers belt out
"Drummer Boy" with flair ♪
571
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:17,754
♪ In the kitchen, they're
mixing, whisking, and fixing ♪When you heard that they were volunteering,
572
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:19,408
is this what you pictured?
573
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:21,541
♪ Holiday treats sublime Yeah, me too.
574
00:21:21,584 --> 00:21:24,239
♪ The whirring and stirring
sounds like Christmastime ♪
575
00:21:24,289 --> 00:21:28,839
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