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1
00:00:00,851 --> 00:00:06,121
?
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00:00:12,203 --> 00:00:17,573
?
3
00:00:17,575 --> 00:00:22,671
?
4
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:25,547
Maya, no. I'm tired.
5
00:00:25,549 --> 00:00:27,649
?
6
00:00:27,651 --> 00:00:28,784
[SCREAMS]
7
00:00:28,859 --> 00:00:30,185
[SCREAMS]
8
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I don't care if you're
tired! I will not be rejected!
9
00:00:33,591 --> 00:00:34,890
[SCREAMS]
10
00:00:34,892 --> 00:00:38,627
[ALL SCREAMING]
11
00:00:38,629 --> 00:00:41,330
I'm every bit as surprised
by this as you guys!
12
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:42,297
Ahhh...
13
00:00:42,299 --> 00:00:43,750
[HISSES]
14
00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:46,935
Hey! He learned to come.
15
00:00:46,937 --> 00:00:48,604
Who's a good boy?
16
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
17
00:00:52,610 --> 00:00:54,090
You know I hate snakes.
18
00:00:54,093 --> 00:00:55,997
They're right there on
the "Dead to Me" wall...
19
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:56,945
Amphibians.
20
00:00:56,947 --> 00:00:58,013
Snakes aren't amphibians.
21
00:00:58,015 --> 00:00:59,782
"Know-it-alls". Get rid of it.
22
00:00:59,784 --> 00:01:02,351
Come on. It's Christmas,
and Christmas is about
23
00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:04,119
meeting each other in the middle.
24
00:01:04,121 --> 00:01:05,328
It's just not.
25
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:09,324
I'll give the snake away today,
but this Christmas I want a dog.
26
00:01:09,326 --> 00:01:11,560
[GASPS] Ooh, a dog.
27
00:01:11,562 --> 00:01:14,163
I've always wanted a dog. No
one ever lets me get a dog.
28
00:01:14,165 --> 00:01:15,631
Don't let her play you like this.
29
00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:17,032
She's just changing the subject.
30
00:01:17,034 --> 00:01:18,265
- Please.
- Please.
31
00:01:18,268 --> 00:01:20,502
This is really what we're
doing at 4:00 a.m....
32
00:01:20,504 --> 00:01:22,337
- A puppy referendum?
- It's a puppy now?
33
00:01:22,339 --> 00:01:25,974
We have talked about this...
The responsibility, the expense.
34
00:01:25,976 --> 00:01:28,110
How about this? You
don't get us any presents.
35
00:01:28,112 --> 00:01:29,311
None.
36
00:01:29,313 --> 00:01:32,181
I want P-R... "presents".
37
00:01:32,183 --> 00:01:34,085
Well, you are a B-U... "buzzkill".
38
00:01:34,088 --> 00:01:37,382
"I just started F-I... Film class.
39
00:01:37,385 --> 00:01:40,622
I want a c... camera. Can I?"
40
00:01:40,624 --> 00:01:43,859
You're off-topic. Dad was
just asking us for a dog.
41
00:01:43,861 --> 00:01:44,893
A dog.
42
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,031
RAY: Guys, I want a dog too,
43
00:01:46,034 --> 00:01:48,030
but according to our
lease, we're not allowed.
44
00:01:48,032 --> 00:01:49,398
- You read the lease?
- I like to read.
45
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,366
We have like four books. I make due.
46
00:01:51,368 --> 00:01:53,168
We really can't have a dog?
47
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:54,496
Well, now I want one.
48
00:01:54,499 --> 00:01:57,616
Wait a second. There is one loophole.
49
00:01:57,619 --> 00:01:59,919
We can get a service dog.
50
00:01:59,922 --> 00:02:01,155
[GASPS]
51
00:02:01,158 --> 00:02:04,324
BOTH: We're gonna get a dog!
52
00:02:04,327 --> 00:02:08,083
"You mean I could get a service dog?"
53
00:02:08,085 --> 00:02:11,777
Well, this is not a question
I expected to be asking
54
00:02:11,780 --> 00:02:14,456
when I was woken up by
a snake four minutes ago,
55
00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:17,426
but here goes... JJ,
can we get a service dog?
56
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,895
Come on, JJ. It will be gi-gun-dous.
57
00:02:19,897 --> 00:02:21,757
Yeah, listen to your sister.
58
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,860
She only ever says "gi-gun-dous"
59
00:02:23,863 --> 00:02:26,835
when it's really
important... and in Scrabble.
60
00:02:26,837 --> 00:02:27,870
"No."
61
00:02:27,872 --> 00:02:29,071
Yeah, no, the "yes" is right there.
62
00:02:29,073 --> 00:02:30,138
Point there. Point there.
63
00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:33,675
"I don't need one.
There are people who do.
64
00:02:33,677 --> 00:02:36,144
It's my call. No."
65
00:02:36,146 --> 00:02:38,313
You are full of integrity, JJ.
66
00:02:38,315 --> 00:02:40,182
It's a shame I no longer love you.
67
00:02:40,184 --> 00:02:42,284
Hey, Kenneth, how was your weekend?
68
00:02:42,286 --> 00:02:43,352
- Terrible.
- Cool.
69
00:02:43,354 --> 00:02:45,387
You know I moonlight
at that grocery store?
70
00:02:45,389 --> 00:02:48,690
These customers are driving me
crazy with this turkey giveaway!
71
00:02:48,692 --> 00:02:50,726
- Giveaway?
- Yeah.
72
00:02:50,728 --> 00:02:52,828
It's this program
where if you spend $100
73
00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:55,022
then you get a free turkey,
but these cheapskates
74
00:02:55,025 --> 00:02:58,166
are scrounging other people's
receipts to game the system.
75
00:02:58,168 --> 00:03:01,113
So, you don't even have to
prove that it's your purchase?
76
00:03:01,116 --> 00:03:03,605
Yeah, I see where somebody
can take advantage of that.
77
00:03:03,607 --> 00:03:07,409
Today, I saw this dirtbag walk out
of there with eight turkeys.
78
00:03:07,411 --> 00:03:10,078
So, it's not just one turkey?
It's unlimited turkeys?
79
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,815
Ah, so, um, what time
are you guys open until?
80
00:03:13,817 --> 00:03:15,150
No.
81
00:03:15,152 --> 00:03:17,757
What is more important... My
friendship, or free turkey?
82
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,827
You said it was unlimited turkeys.
83
00:03:21,191 --> 00:03:25,327
MELANIE: Okay, cookie-tasters...
Batch number three.
84
00:03:25,329 --> 00:03:26,456
Hmm.
85
00:03:26,459 --> 00:03:29,031
Boy, Taylor, if that
apron did not say "Mom",
86
00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:31,633
I would think your sister
is great at baking cookies.
87
00:03:31,635 --> 00:03:34,909
I know what you're
doing... and I love it.
88
00:03:34,912 --> 00:03:36,269
Now, tell me with a straight face
89
00:03:36,272 --> 00:03:38,073
that I still look like
I'm in high school.
90
00:03:38,075 --> 00:03:39,441
- Are you not?
- Love him.
91
00:03:39,443 --> 00:03:41,076
Should I leave you two alone?
92
00:03:41,078 --> 00:03:43,503
Don't tempt me. I will be all over...
93
00:03:43,506 --> 00:03:45,414
Now that's too far. Too, too far.
94
00:03:45,416 --> 00:03:47,182
Okay, so let's talk
about Christmas week.
95
00:03:47,184 --> 00:03:48,684
I was thinking I could come to you
96
00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,085
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
97
00:03:50,087 --> 00:03:51,887
Whoa. Before you keep making plans,
98
00:03:51,889 --> 00:03:53,956
I feel like it's time
I met Ray's parents.
99
00:03:53,958 --> 00:03:55,167
Why?!
100
00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:57,259
I mean, they're just regular parents.
101
00:03:57,261 --> 00:04:00,964
They read leases and... stuff.
102
00:04:00,967 --> 00:04:03,165
Well, Taylor's been spending
a lot of time in their home,
103
00:04:03,167 --> 00:04:04,933
and I'd like to get a
sense of what they're like.
104
00:04:04,935 --> 00:04:06,735
Come on, Mom. Don't be
like that. They're great.
105
00:04:06,737 --> 00:04:08,370
Taylor, if that's what she needs to do
106
00:04:08,372 --> 00:04:10,138
to feel comfortable,
then I'll set it up.
107
00:04:10,141 --> 00:04:11,707
I mean, I don't know why your sister
108
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,375
wants to meet your boyfriend's mom...
109
00:04:13,377 --> 00:04:15,610
- Just set it up.
- Yes, ma'am.
110
00:04:15,612 --> 00:04:20,382
JJ, you still don't want
a service dog, right?
111
00:04:20,384 --> 00:04:23,680
Even if he's a good,
little boy with a vest,
112
00:04:23,683 --> 00:04:25,273
and a clicker that when you click,
113
00:04:25,276 --> 00:04:27,656
he comes from the next
room like it was magic.
114
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:28,724
Maya.
115
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:32,156
"No. I'm crazy." I added that last part.
116
00:04:32,159 --> 00:04:35,797
Right, I just wanted to
make sure 'cause you got one.
117
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,401
There's a waiting list, and
I guess somebody dropped out,
118
00:04:38,404 --> 00:04:40,135
so they came to you.
119
00:04:40,137 --> 00:04:42,804
They were very moved by your... essay?
120
00:04:42,806 --> 00:04:44,745
"My name is JJ DiMeo.
121
00:04:44,748 --> 00:04:47,842
I am a teenage boy with
cerebral palsy"... spelled wrong.
122
00:04:47,845 --> 00:04:49,678
"It is my dream to have a companion"...
123
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,683
Spelled wrong. "It would be"...
124
00:04:51,686 --> 00:04:55,217
Oh, this is spelled
correctly... "gi-gun-dous".
125
00:04:55,219 --> 00:04:57,419
?
126
00:04:57,421 --> 00:05:00,255
Hi, JJ.
127
00:05:00,257 --> 00:05:03,737
"E-X... explain this."
128
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,664
Oh, no. Okay, in my defense,
129
00:05:07,667 --> 00:05:09,998
this was supposed to take
years to come through.
130
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,299
I was going to tell you.
131
00:05:11,301 --> 00:05:16,605
"You I-G... ignored what
I wanted. And you used me.
132
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:21,043
Big mistake. G-I... gi-gun-dous mistake."
133
00:05:21,045 --> 00:05:22,944
JJ, please don't be mad at me.
134
00:05:22,946 --> 00:05:24,279
You're never mad at me.
135
00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:26,314
I don't even know what
that would be like.
136
00:05:26,316 --> 00:05:29,584
"Get ready to find out".
137
00:05:29,586 --> 00:05:33,955
?
138
00:05:33,957 --> 00:05:35,957
You spelled "dog" wrong.
139
00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:38,066
?
140
00:05:38,069 --> 00:05:39,135
What the...
141
00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:40,862
I thought you were better than this!
142
00:05:40,864 --> 00:05:41,776
You did? Why?
143
00:05:41,779 --> 00:05:45,033
I specifically asked you not to do this.
144
00:05:45,035 --> 00:05:46,301
I hope you had fun!
145
00:05:46,303 --> 00:05:48,042
I have started to have fun, yes.
146
00:05:48,045 --> 00:05:50,639
The promotion is meant
for paying customers.
147
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,907
If I see you at my store,
148
00:05:51,909 --> 00:05:54,336
I will not hesitate to
confiscate your receipts.
149
00:05:54,339 --> 00:05:56,411
You keep making this fun for me!
150
00:05:56,413 --> 00:05:58,180
Mm-hmm. Fine. Have it your way.
151
00:05:58,182 --> 00:06:00,886
I'll see you at the dumpsters...
152
00:06:00,889 --> 00:06:05,086
where you did not realize
we throw out the receipts.
153
00:06:05,089 --> 00:06:06,855
I'm very bad at this!
154
00:06:06,857 --> 00:06:09,825
Mom, you know how
crazy I am about Taylor.
155
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,427
I want you to meet her mom,
and I want it to go well.
156
00:06:12,429 --> 00:06:14,996
I need "Charming Maya",
not "Combative Maya".
157
00:06:14,998 --> 00:06:17,917
When in the history of this
entire family have I ever been...
158
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,734
[CHUCKLES] I'm only joking, darling.
159
00:06:19,736 --> 00:06:21,103
No, I'll be fine. I'll be good.
160
00:06:21,105 --> 00:06:23,205
She likes it when you
tell her she looks young.
161
00:06:23,207 --> 00:06:25,984
Oh, no. You're not "You look
like sisters" guy, are you?
162
00:06:25,987 --> 00:06:29,044
No. That guy? Ew, no one likes that guy.
163
00:06:29,046 --> 00:06:31,980
You're both special-needs
moms. She even made you cookies.
164
00:06:31,982 --> 00:06:34,313
- [CRUNCHES]
- They are delicious.
165
00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:36,651
I shall take a meeting with the
woman who made these cookies.
166
00:06:36,653 --> 00:06:37,753
I'll go tell Taylor.
167
00:06:37,756 --> 00:06:39,503
"Happiest of holidays from the home
168
00:06:39,506 --> 00:06:41,957
of John Merriman and Melanie Hertzal."
169
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:43,745
[SPITS OUT COOKIE] What did you say?
170
00:06:43,748 --> 00:06:45,861
"Melanie Hertzal." Where
do I know that name from?
171
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,629
I'll tell you where
you know that name from.
172
00:06:49,758 --> 00:06:51,425
That woman is dead to me.
173
00:06:51,428 --> 00:06:53,061
Awk-waaard.
174
00:06:55,105 --> 00:06:57,511
More awk-waaard.
175
00:06:59,192 --> 00:07:03,063
Of all the people to be
Taylor's mom, Melanie Hertzal!
176
00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:05,868
Ugh, she did such a bad thing...
177
00:07:05,871 --> 00:07:07,736
You don't have to pretend to remember.
178
00:07:07,738 --> 00:07:10,899
Look, ten years ago, there
was an opening at a school
179
00:07:10,902 --> 00:07:12,493
that would have been perfect for JJ,
180
00:07:12,496 --> 00:07:14,042
and the spot was as good as his.
181
00:07:14,044 --> 00:07:16,535
Then I met Melanie Hertzal
at a special-needs mom event.
182
00:07:16,538 --> 00:07:19,614
She told me the application
deadline had been moved.
183
00:07:19,616 --> 00:07:22,915
She lied, we missed it,
and her kid got the spot.
184
00:07:22,918 --> 00:07:24,673
Stop eating the bloody cookies!
185
00:07:24,676 --> 00:07:26,221
I was eating them out of anger.
186
00:07:26,223 --> 00:07:28,145
Well, do you think you can sit down
187
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,058
with this woman and be civil?
188
00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:31,457
[BOTH LAUGH]
189
00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:32,760
I thought you'd like that one.
190
00:07:32,763 --> 00:07:34,429
There's no good version
of me meeting her.
191
00:07:34,431 --> 00:07:35,699
You know what might help?
192
00:07:35,702 --> 00:07:37,774
I don't want to get free turkeys.
193
00:07:41,772 --> 00:07:43,505
[SIGHS]
194
00:07:43,507 --> 00:07:46,408
Look. I know you're upset
with me, and I respect that.
195
00:07:46,410 --> 00:07:49,444
I'll give you the time and
space you need to forgive me.
196
00:07:50,681 --> 00:07:52,881
I'm sorry, JJ! I'm so sorry!
197
00:07:52,883 --> 00:07:55,617
I'm staying here until you forgive me.
198
00:07:55,619 --> 00:07:57,552
[GROANS]
199
00:07:57,554 --> 00:07:59,287
I... I just wanted a dog.
200
00:07:59,289 --> 00:08:02,457
Explain to me why what
I did was so wrong.
201
00:08:02,459 --> 00:08:07,662
"You don't even understand
what it's like to be me."
202
00:08:07,664 --> 00:08:10,565
No, I don't understand.
203
00:08:10,567 --> 00:08:12,000
But I'm going to.
204
00:08:12,002 --> 00:08:14,970
I'll speak how you speak... No words.
205
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:19,841
"That's stupid. I want
to be U-N... understood.
206
00:08:19,843 --> 00:08:21,843
That will never work."
207
00:08:21,845 --> 00:08:25,213
Well, we're going to
find out, starting...
208
00:08:25,215 --> 00:08:28,802
Hm, seems unlikely, but
a Dylan who can't speak
209
00:08:28,805 --> 00:08:33,153
is a Dylan who can't
criticize my fashion choices.
210
00:08:33,156 --> 00:08:36,558
?
211
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:40,462
?
212
00:08:40,464 --> 00:08:42,530
She take a vow of silence or something?
213
00:08:46,703 --> 00:08:50,038
JIMMY: Nice receipt. Come to Papa.
214
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,607
Gotcha. And I found you a friend.
215
00:08:52,609 --> 00:08:57,045
?
216
00:08:57,047 --> 00:09:01,416
?
217
00:09:01,418 --> 00:09:05,887
?
218
00:09:05,889 --> 00:09:08,823
Mmm. Turkey.
219
00:09:08,825 --> 00:09:11,860
You win. No receipts for me.
220
00:09:11,862 --> 00:09:13,528
[COUGHS]
221
00:09:13,530 --> 00:09:16,498
?
222
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:19,596
KENNETH: Attention shoppers. The
store closes in five minutes.
223
00:09:19,599 --> 00:09:23,438
- Yeah, plenty of time.
- Close lane four.
224
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,808
?
225
00:09:26,810 --> 00:09:30,145
Attention shoppers. The store
will close in one minute.
226
00:09:30,147 --> 00:09:31,813
The store's tricky like that.
227
00:09:31,815 --> 00:09:33,338
Close lane three.
228
00:09:33,341 --> 00:09:34,919
?
229
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:36,217
Close lane two!
230
00:09:36,219 --> 00:09:39,788
?
231
00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:41,685
Hello? Kind of in a hurry here.
232
00:09:43,247 --> 00:09:45,885
Attention, shoppers. We're now closed,
233
00:09:45,888 --> 00:09:48,818
and we'll be killing the
lights for dramatic effect.
234
00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:53,716
[LAUGHS] Good night.
235
00:09:54,620 --> 00:09:56,320
[BOTH LAUGH]
236
00:09:58,608 --> 00:10:00,740
Dylan, I heard you're not talking today.
237
00:10:00,743 --> 00:10:02,544
I certainly hope you're
not going to bring
238
00:10:02,546 --> 00:10:05,161
any of that nonsense into your
oral exam on civil disobedience.
239
00:10:06,216 --> 00:10:08,650
Nevertheless, she persisted.
240
00:10:08,652 --> 00:10:10,185
"A."
241
00:10:10,187 --> 00:10:12,153
[SIGHS]
242
00:10:12,155 --> 00:10:15,156
"A free 'A'. Yep, that's my life.
243
00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:20,128
You're not learning anything.
You can't understand."
244
00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:22,097
Dylan! Beth Boehm's out of school
245
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:24,866
for the third day in a
row. I think she's pregnant.
246
00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:28,903
You're right. Gossip is wrong.
You're such a good person.
247
00:10:28,905 --> 00:10:31,206
You want to go to Aruba
with me and my family?
248
00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:34,876
?
249
00:10:34,878 --> 00:10:36,029
What are you doing?
250
00:10:36,032 --> 00:10:37,888
Trying to fix the lighting
for Melanie's visit.
251
00:10:37,891 --> 00:10:40,294
Did I miss it when we renamed
the house "Boom Boom Ranch"
252
00:10:40,297 --> 00:10:43,218
because we sure light
it like a brothel. God.
253
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:46,020
Yeah, about tomorrow... I think
we're going to have to cancel.
254
00:10:46,022 --> 00:10:48,389
I ate some bad shrimp and
I'm feeling pretty sick.
255
00:10:48,391 --> 00:10:49,927
Can we not just postpone a day?
256
00:10:49,930 --> 00:10:51,560
Do you think you'll be better by Sunday?
257
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:52,689
I don't know.
258
00:10:52,692 --> 00:10:55,162
I may eat more of that
shrimp. It was really good.
259
00:10:55,165 --> 00:10:57,298
Do you not want to meet Melanie?
260
00:10:57,300 --> 00:11:00,869
Ohh, darling, alright. Look.
261
00:11:00,871 --> 00:11:05,237
The truth is... I had a premonition.
262
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:09,857
And I met Melanie. And there
was this massive cyber-attack,
263
00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:12,494
countless Hollywood
A-listers were hacked.
264
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:15,116
Emma Watson's name was
dragged through the mud.
265
00:11:15,118 --> 00:11:17,051
I'm not saying it's going
to happen, but, I mean,
266
00:11:17,053 --> 00:11:18,653
do you really want to take that chance?
267
00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:20,622
If you don't want to meet
her, I'll figure it out.
268
00:11:20,624 --> 00:11:22,693
Oh, look, it's the
hackers. They can't get in.
269
00:11:22,696 --> 00:11:24,146
Well done, darling.
270
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:32,755
?
271
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:34,153
Seriously?!
272
00:11:34,156 --> 00:11:36,370
Ha, Kenneth! 'Sup?
273
00:11:36,373 --> 00:11:38,640
"'Sup" is you're making the hardest part
274
00:11:38,642 --> 00:11:40,341
of my year even harder. Why?
275
00:11:40,343 --> 00:11:42,310
What the hell are you
gonna do with 20 turkeys?
276
00:11:42,312 --> 00:11:43,711
Nothing.
277
00:11:43,713 --> 00:11:44,812
I need 30.
278
00:11:44,814 --> 00:11:46,181
Oh, that I get.
279
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:48,316
It's my first Christmas as a boss.
280
00:11:50,053 --> 00:11:54,088
Every Christmas, my dad's
boss would get turkeys
281
00:11:54,090 --> 00:11:57,158
for all his employees, and
I wanted to be that guy.
282
00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:00,328
But I can't afford it, so
I'm collecting receipts.
283
00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:03,231
Wait, so you'd rather I
think you're a total dirtbag
284
00:12:03,233 --> 00:12:06,067
than admit that you're
trying to be a good boss?
285
00:12:06,069 --> 00:12:08,336
I thought you'd think it was stupid.
286
00:12:08,338 --> 00:12:11,673
I get unfulfilled holiday dreams.
287
00:12:11,675 --> 00:12:15,643
I've always wanted
to be an office Santa.
288
00:12:15,645 --> 00:12:18,746
Not "Black Santa", just Santa.
289
00:12:18,748 --> 00:12:21,416
And nobody making "ho ho ho" pimp jokes.
290
00:12:21,418 --> 00:12:22,383
[CHUCKLES]
291
00:12:22,385 --> 00:12:23,918
They suck.
292
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,087
You know what?
293
00:12:26,089 --> 00:12:29,657
I can be regular Santa to
at least one little boy.
294
00:12:31,027 --> 00:12:32,627
[SQUELCHES]
295
00:12:32,629 --> 00:12:33,724
Not receipts?
296
00:12:33,727 --> 00:12:35,230
Feels like tuna.
297
00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:37,031
[SIGHS]
298
00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:46,374
?
299
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,716
_
300
00:12:52,544 --> 00:12:54,427
_
301
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,236
_
302
00:13:00,451 --> 00:13:06,240
_
303
00:13:08,216 --> 00:13:11,740
_
304
00:13:15,472 --> 00:13:17,130
[LAUGHS]
305
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,661
_
306
00:13:22,810 --> 00:13:24,833
_
307
00:13:27,529 --> 00:13:29,196
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, Mrs. DiMeo.
308
00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:30,933
Oh, hello, Taylor. I
didn't know you were coming.
309
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,086
What a nice surprise.
310
00:13:32,088 --> 00:13:35,123
Well, if you like surprises of
people coming over, then, uh...
311
00:13:35,125 --> 00:13:37,258
Mrs. DiMeo, I'd like you to meet...
312
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:38,826
Melanie Hertzal.
313
00:13:38,828 --> 00:13:42,597
Melanie! You're here! And you've met.
314
00:13:42,599 --> 00:13:44,341
This went well. Turkey for the road?
315
00:13:44,344 --> 00:13:46,000
No, Dad, she just got here.
316
00:13:46,002 --> 00:13:47,690
Maya, you look very familiar.
317
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,203
I used to be a model.
318
00:13:49,205 --> 00:13:50,171
Really? When?
319
00:13:50,173 --> 00:13:51,973
Let the woman have been a model.
320
00:13:51,975 --> 00:13:52,950
Thanks for coming.
321
00:13:52,953 --> 00:13:54,942
You should know we absolutely adore Ray.
322
00:13:54,944 --> 00:13:57,111
He was so excited about
getting us together,
323
00:13:57,113 --> 00:13:58,880
and we're both special-needs moms,
324
00:13:58,882 --> 00:14:00,307
we gotta stick together, right?
325
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:03,544
Well, most of us do,
but some of us are weak,
326
00:14:03,547 --> 00:14:05,811
and we hear about a slot
at the perfect school,
327
00:14:05,814 --> 00:14:08,055
and lie about the application date.
328
00:14:08,058 --> 00:14:12,193
And we take a very long
time to see where this is going.
329
00:14:12,195 --> 00:14:13,487
Oh, no.
330
00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:16,158
Oh, yes. You broke the sacred bond,
331
00:14:16,161 --> 00:14:20,435
the bond between special-needs
mom and special-needs mom/model.
332
00:14:20,437 --> 00:14:21,936
You stole the spot from my son!
333
00:14:21,938 --> 00:14:23,471
I did no such thing.
334
00:14:23,473 --> 00:14:27,783
Well, Mom, Melanie is from Michigan.
335
00:14:27,786 --> 00:14:29,977
Okay. I think we're done here.
336
00:14:29,979 --> 00:14:31,012
Mom, wait!
337
00:14:31,014 --> 00:14:32,955
Liar! You're dead to me! Dead!
338
00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:34,533
And you look your bloody age!
339
00:14:34,536 --> 00:14:36,713
[DOOR SLAMS]
340
00:14:36,716 --> 00:14:38,048
So, where in Michigan?
341
00:14:38,955 --> 00:14:40,963
I told you I didn't want to meet her.
342
00:14:40,966 --> 00:14:42,465
Why didn't you tell me you knew her?
343
00:14:42,468 --> 00:14:43,842
Because I knew you
wouldn't take my side.
344
00:14:43,844 --> 00:14:45,673
You'd say I was being dramatic
and I should let it go.
345
00:14:45,675 --> 00:14:47,509
You were dramatic, and
you should have let it go.
346
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:49,346
Look at that. My premonitions are good.
347
00:14:49,348 --> 00:14:51,514
You know what? You're
going to go apologize.
348
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,350
Your premonitions... No bueno.
349
00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:55,819
Please. You have to, for me.
350
00:14:55,821 --> 00:14:58,989
It will be hard, but you do
hard things for someone you love.
351
00:14:58,991 --> 00:15:01,358
I'm crazy about her.
352
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,276
What would "Model Maya" do?
353
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:09,265
?
354
00:15:09,267 --> 00:15:10,900
Ah, hey guys.
355
00:15:10,902 --> 00:15:13,846
I know it's party time here,
but we just had a flight land.
356
00:15:13,849 --> 00:15:18,108
I'm going to need your help
with some surprise cargo!
357
00:15:18,110 --> 00:15:20,143
That's right. Turkeys.
358
00:15:20,145 --> 00:15:24,180
Oh, no, I don't have
enough for everybody...
359
00:15:24,182 --> 00:15:25,815
but he does.
360
00:15:25,817 --> 00:15:27,384
[ALL OOHING]
361
00:15:27,386 --> 00:15:29,552
Look, everyone. It's regular Santa!
362
00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,554
Ho ho ho!
363
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:35,558
Jimmy says you've all been
good boys and girls this year.
364
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,794
Thanks, boss. You're the best.
365
00:15:37,796 --> 00:15:42,899
Ho ho ho! Race is a social construct.
366
00:15:44,169 --> 00:15:46,236
"Get me a straw."
367
00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:49,606
No, JJ's looking for quiet passion.
368
00:15:49,608 --> 00:15:50,807
[SCOFFS]
369
00:15:50,809 --> 00:15:53,343
"Give me a straw." That's
what he wants, Kyle.
370
00:15:53,345 --> 00:15:55,178
Oh, no, it's not?
371
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:57,647
[DOOR OPENS]
372
00:15:57,649 --> 00:16:00,327
"Best gift ever." Yes, very generous.
373
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:01,940
But it is a closed set, dear.
374
00:16:01,943 --> 00:16:04,554
So, thank you, and
whenever you're ready.
375
00:16:04,556 --> 00:16:06,289
"Get me a straw."
376
00:16:07,826 --> 00:16:11,027
You know what? You're going
to hold the clapper thingy.
377
00:16:11,029 --> 00:16:12,796
Hello.
378
00:16:12,798 --> 00:16:15,298
Ray, I'm sorry that I left
without saying goodbye.
379
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,367
Your mother looks like
she could be a biter.
380
00:16:17,369 --> 00:16:20,070
- [CLICKS TEETH]
- You remember Mom?
381
00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:22,605
Welcome to our home...
382
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,054
with a guard dog who will
defend me if called upon.
383
00:16:25,057 --> 00:16:27,378
I don't think there's a dog.
384
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:32,615
Oh, Taylor, wait! My
mom has something to say.
385
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,918
?
386
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,453
I owe you an apology.
387
00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:37,861
You were a guest in our home,
388
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,228
and the way I treated
you was beyond rude,
389
00:16:40,231 --> 00:16:42,994
so in the spirit of the season,
and out of respect for you,
390
00:16:42,997 --> 00:16:45,728
I offer you my most sincere apology.
391
00:16:45,731 --> 00:16:49,199
I hope you'll forgive me, and
that we can move past this.
392
00:16:49,201 --> 00:16:51,334
Well, Ray, if you would like to return,
393
00:16:51,336 --> 00:16:52,775
you're welcome back anytime.
394
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:54,804
And maybe you two can get a do-over.
395
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,994
I think you guys will
really like each other a lot.
396
00:16:56,997 --> 00:16:58,999
And both of you could be my sisters.
397
00:16:59,002 --> 00:17:00,643
Yeah, we're done with that.
398
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:03,279
But the thing is, there's still
this business about years ago.
399
00:17:03,281 --> 00:17:05,838
I mean, whatever I did
back then, I did for my son,
400
00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:07,507
which is something that your mother
401
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:09,108
should be able to understand.
402
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:13,790
Well, uh, for that, again, I...
403
00:17:13,792 --> 00:17:16,760
Wait. Seriously? She apologized to you.
404
00:17:16,762 --> 00:17:18,695
I dream of getting one of those.
405
00:17:18,697 --> 00:17:21,397
Ask any of the three
drivers she rear-ends a day.
406
00:17:21,399 --> 00:17:22,699
She doesn't apologize.
407
00:17:22,701 --> 00:17:24,721
Well, they do usually stop short.
408
00:17:24,724 --> 00:17:26,803
Nuh-unh. It's not right.
409
00:17:26,805 --> 00:17:28,975
Taylor, I hope we can weather this.
410
00:17:28,978 --> 00:17:31,341
I don't know how you liked
me in the first place.
411
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:33,844
I'm not the coolest
guy or the hottest guy.
412
00:17:33,847 --> 00:17:36,202
You can disagree with me at any time.
413
00:17:36,205 --> 00:17:38,181
But I'm not the guy who's
going to stand around
414
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:39,749
and watch his mom get dumped on.
415
00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:42,952
She deserves better. Not cool.
416
00:17:42,954 --> 00:17:44,320
Come on, Mom.
417
00:17:44,322 --> 00:17:45,755
Hmm.
418
00:17:45,757 --> 00:17:47,111
Sorry.
419
00:17:47,114 --> 00:17:48,212
For what?
420
00:17:48,215 --> 00:17:51,361
Nothing. It's for
free. Enjoy it, darling.
421
00:17:56,001 --> 00:17:57,000
[MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY]
422
00:17:57,002 --> 00:17:58,001
Ow!
423
00:17:58,004 --> 00:17:59,801
Ooh, I felt that one.
424
00:18:01,673 --> 00:18:04,474
[GROANS] Honey, come quick.
425
00:18:04,476 --> 00:18:06,442
Beethoven is ruining Christmas.
426
00:18:06,444 --> 00:18:08,578
Merry Christmas!
427
00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:11,247
It is Christmas morning.
Don't you people have families?
428
00:18:11,249 --> 00:18:13,283
JJ just completed his
first film project,
429
00:18:13,285 --> 00:18:15,418
and I wanted to be here
when you all saw it.
430
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:16,820
Plus, I woke up this morning
431
00:18:16,822 --> 00:18:18,788
with a profound sense of loneliness,
432
00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:21,024
and I needed to be
with people who love me.
433
00:18:21,026 --> 00:18:24,861
[SILENCE]
434
00:18:24,863 --> 00:18:26,229
So, there's a movie?
435
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,764
Yeah, yeah. Come on. Have a seat.
436
00:18:27,766 --> 00:18:29,432
Jimmy, if you could do the lights.
437
00:18:31,463 --> 00:18:34,737
_
438
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:38,341
_
439
00:18:38,343 --> 00:18:40,210
YOUNG MAN: But this is how I sound to me.
440
00:18:40,212 --> 00:18:45,949
Because... I... don't... think...
in... pauses... like... this.
441
00:18:45,951 --> 00:18:48,885
It's not always easy
communicating the way I do.
442
00:18:48,887 --> 00:18:52,088
"Get me the S-T-R... string?"
443
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:53,623
- Straw.
- Strawberries?
444
00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:55,825
Straw! Are you kidding me?!
445
00:18:55,827 --> 00:19:00,630
Then I come home, and you guys
get me, and you really listen,
446
00:19:00,632 --> 00:19:04,334
which is why I'm so
sensitive when you don't.
447
00:19:04,336 --> 00:19:07,551
But most of the time, I'm
just thankful for you,
448
00:19:07,554 --> 00:19:10,655
and I can't always say
exactly what I'm thinking.
449
00:19:10,658 --> 00:19:12,842
- If I could...
- Good night, my love.
450
00:19:12,844 --> 00:19:15,378
Thank you. Good night, Mom. I love you.
451
00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:17,347
?
452
00:19:17,349 --> 00:19:19,515
And Kenneth, for making
me a hit with the ladies.
453
00:19:19,517 --> 00:19:21,618
Let's muss up this hair a little bit,
454
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,796
and I'm going to say it again,
"Ladies love a moustache".
455
00:19:24,799 --> 00:19:26,089
Think about it.
456
00:19:26,091 --> 00:19:27,655
Here. Try this.
457
00:19:27,658 --> 00:19:30,293
Five more turkeys where that came from.
458
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:31,650
You kept five for yourself?
459
00:19:31,653 --> 00:19:32,929
Shh.
460
00:19:32,931 --> 00:19:35,058
Thanks, Dad. Dark meat's my favorite.
461
00:19:35,061 --> 00:19:37,061
Oh, dark meat. I know it's your favorite.
462
00:19:37,064 --> 00:19:39,168
Are those reindeer hooking up?
463
00:19:39,170 --> 00:19:41,738
No, they're dancing!
464
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:42,972
Oh, wait.
465
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,474
DYLAN: Is this thing even on?
466
00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:47,057
It is. Thanks for the camera, sis.
467
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,853
? We wish you a sexy Christmas
and a funky New Year ?
468
00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:54,384
YOUNG MAN: Still on! Thanks for this, Ray.
469
00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:57,353
Look out, ladies. He's single.
470
00:19:57,355 --> 00:20:00,456
I appreciate all the times
you've listened to me,
471
00:20:00,458 --> 00:20:02,892
even though you couldn't hear me.
472
00:20:02,894 --> 00:20:05,299
I've been listening to you, too.
473
00:20:06,965 --> 00:20:08,064
[CLICK]
474
00:20:10,101 --> 00:20:11,861
- Oh!
- [BARKS]
475
00:20:11,864 --> 00:20:15,504
It's not a service dog,
but it is a family dog.
476
00:20:15,507 --> 00:20:18,041
Thanks.
477
00:20:18,043 --> 00:20:20,343
Merry Christmas, everyone.
478
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:25,515
?
479
00:20:31,095 --> 00:20:32,995
Taylor.
480
00:20:32,997 --> 00:20:35,531
I don't have your jacket, if
that's what you came here for.
481
00:20:35,533 --> 00:20:37,032
No, I came to see you.
482
00:20:37,034 --> 00:20:39,068
I thought your mom said
you couldn't see me anymore.
483
00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:41,788
She did. And I've never
wanted to see you more.
484
00:20:41,791 --> 00:20:43,739
You're the bad boy.
485
00:20:43,741 --> 00:20:47,409
That's who I am! I'm the guy you
don't take home to see Mom!
486
00:20:47,411 --> 00:20:49,044
It was almost too obvious.
487
00:20:49,046 --> 00:20:50,980
I guess it's time to break curfew.
488
00:20:50,982 --> 00:20:53,233
Ow. Ow. That kills.
489
00:20:53,236 --> 00:20:56,004
Ohh! Can we break curfew tomorrow?
490
00:20:56,007 --> 00:20:57,940
Bad boy needs some ice.
491
00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:00,676
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
492
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:05,276
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