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1
00:00:00,733 --> 00:00:02,792
Okay, Salem, I'm off.
Now, you know the rules.
2
00:00:02,966 --> 00:00:05,628
Yeah, yeah.
No more sleeping in bras.
3
00:00:05,799 --> 00:00:07,824
I'm serious.
If you talk in front of a mortal,
4
00:00:07,998 --> 00:00:10,489
you're looking at another hundred
years trapped in a cat's body.
5
00:00:10,665 --> 00:00:12,565
- Ugh.
- See you later, guys.
6
00:00:12,731 --> 00:00:16,132
There's our girl,
off to her first day of work.
7
00:00:16,297 --> 00:00:17,821
They grow up so fast, don't they?
8
00:00:17,997 --> 00:00:21,660
Now, we know you're gonna be busy,
so Roxie made you a sack lunch.
9
00:00:21,829 --> 00:00:23,763
Guys,
I'm just going to my first day of work,
10
00:00:23,929 --> 00:00:25,760
not my first of day kindergarten.
11
00:00:25,928 --> 00:00:27,555
Hey, where's my juice box?
12
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:28,820
So, nervous?
13
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:31,156
Not really.
I've been a reporter for a while now.
14
00:00:31,328 --> 00:00:33,228
- You were an intern.
- And this is a magazine.
15
00:00:33,395 --> 00:00:35,022
It's totally different
than a newspaper.
16
00:00:35,194 --> 00:00:37,025
It has color pictures.
17
00:00:37,193 --> 00:00:38,217
Guys, it's just a job.
18
00:00:38,394 --> 00:00:40,794
Interviewing famous rock stars,
hanging out with celebrities,
19
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,157
staying ahead of trends, working
with people with a lot more experience.
20
00:00:44,326 --> 00:00:45,418
Oh, my God. Bag.
21
00:00:48,092 --> 00:00:50,492
- Ugh. Tuna.
- You're gonna be great.
22
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:51,785
Just be yourself.
23
00:00:51,958 --> 00:00:54,153
Or someone
slightly more interesting.
24
00:00:54,324 --> 00:00:56,258
You're right. I'm fine.
25
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,517
Salem, get off my jacket.
26
00:00:58,690 --> 00:00:59,884
You ready to knock them dead?
27
00:01:00,523 --> 00:01:02,616
Yep. I feel confident.
28
00:01:02,789 --> 00:01:04,916
My hair looks good,
my outfit looks good.
29
00:01:05,089 --> 00:01:08,149
Everything's gonna be good.
30
00:01:10,688 --> 00:01:13,088
- Sabrina.
- What?
31
00:01:13,254 --> 00:01:14,983
Watch your back.
32
00:01:15,154 --> 00:01:16,951
That's so sweet.
33
00:02:02,213 --> 00:02:04,977
Yeah, agua.
Where would we be without it?
34
00:02:05,512 --> 00:02:07,912
Well, I guess we'd pee a lot less.
35
00:02:08,078 --> 00:02:10,603
The new girl's got a naughty mouth.
I like that.
36
00:02:11,244 --> 00:02:13,178
Uh, listen, I'm supposed
to be meeting with Annie.
37
00:02:13,344 --> 00:02:16,279
But I've been waiting so long,
I might need to shave my legs again.
38
00:02:16,443 --> 00:02:18,934
Ha, ha. Yeah,
Annie's concept of time is a little fluid.
39
00:02:19,110 --> 00:02:20,873
You probably have time
to grab a latte.
40
00:02:21,043 --> 00:02:22,476
Or grow a redwood.
41
00:02:23,842 --> 00:02:26,003
- First day, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
42
00:02:26,175 --> 00:02:27,699
- First days are kind of hard.
- Yeah.
43
00:02:27,875 --> 00:02:29,706
Lots of questions.
What am I supposed to do?
44
00:02:29,874 --> 00:02:31,569
Where do I park?
Who do I eat lunch with?
45
00:02:31,741 --> 00:02:34,403
- I'll eat lunch with you.
- Actually, that was sort of rhetorical.
46
00:02:34,574 --> 00:02:35,871
I brought my lunch.
47
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,871
Oh, your mom
packs your lunch too, huh?
48
00:02:38,473 --> 00:02:40,964
So, uh, Leonard, right?
49
00:02:41,139 --> 00:02:42,436
What do you do here?
50
00:02:42,905 --> 00:02:46,841
Oh, I'm, uh... I'm the publisher's
right-hand man. His go-to guy.
51
00:02:47,005 --> 00:02:50,964
His vice president of "I'm losing
my mind, help me put my pants on. "
52
00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:52,195
He sells ad space.
53
00:02:52,371 --> 00:02:55,534
Oh, Leonard, by the way, uh,
we need more toner.
54
00:02:56,870 --> 00:02:59,896
I do many things here.
55
00:03:00,069 --> 00:03:02,367
Uh, listen, I think I'm just gonna
knock on Annie's door.
56
00:03:02,535 --> 00:03:05,868
No, it's just... What I really am
is, uh, the idea guy.
57
00:03:06,035 --> 00:03:09,971
Like my idea for the, uh, Limp Biscuit
Scratch and Sniff centerfold.
58
00:03:10,134 --> 00:03:11,158
Awesome, no?
59
00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:13,292
Maybe if it smelled like biscuits.
60
00:03:17,266 --> 00:03:19,666
Might smell like biscuits.
61
00:03:23,665 --> 00:03:26,031
Um, excuse me. Hi, I've been
waiting out here for a meeting.
62
00:03:26,198 --> 00:03:27,722
- I suddenly thought that maybe...
- Sit.
63
00:03:27,897 --> 00:03:29,023
Exactly.
64
00:03:31,197 --> 00:03:33,791
So, um, we met the other day.
You're the senior editor, right?
65
00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:35,488
You're very close.
66
00:03:35,663 --> 00:03:38,325
I knew you were up there, because
you have amazing self-confidence.
67
00:03:38,496 --> 00:03:41,465
You're sitting very close.
You're practically on my lap.
68
00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:43,522
Gotcha.
69
00:03:43,695 --> 00:03:44,957
I'm a little nervous, ha, ha.
70
00:03:45,128 --> 00:03:48,120
See, this job came out of nowhere,
and while I'm excited about it,
71
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:51,457
I also don't know what it is, and once
I stop talking, you'll explain it to me.
72
00:03:51,628 --> 00:03:52,652
Here's the deal.
73
00:03:52,827 --> 00:03:54,818
Scorch Magazine
focuses on everything
74
00:03:54,994 --> 00:03:57,827
and anything that's cutting edge
with an emphasis on music.
75
00:03:57,993 --> 00:03:59,483
Jonathan Culver, our publisher,
76
00:03:59,659 --> 00:04:02,059
thinks you'd bring a fresh perspective
to the magazine.
77
00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:05,353
But I do have a fresh perspective.
I mean, I'm beyond fresh, I'm ripe.
78
00:04:05,524 --> 00:04:07,151
But that's mostly
from being nervous.
79
00:04:08,757 --> 00:04:10,622
So, uh, what's my first assignment?
80
00:04:10,790 --> 00:04:13,486
Why don't you go see
if the intern wants some water?
81
00:04:13,657 --> 00:04:15,682
Uh, wait a minute.
I'm here to be a reporter.
82
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,517
There's gotta be something
I can report.
83
00:04:17,689 --> 00:04:19,179
Oh, what about this?
84
00:04:19,356 --> 00:04:20,653
Nope, that's taken.
85
00:04:20,822 --> 00:04:22,881
- By whom?
- Me, I just took it.
86
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,282
Oh, come on, do you actually
expect me to allow an unproven writer
87
00:04:26,455 --> 00:04:29,253
to interview a major rock star
on her first day?
88
00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:31,285
Come on, I know
you have low expectations of me,
89
00:04:31,454 --> 00:04:32,580
and I promise I'll meet them.
90
00:04:32,753 --> 00:04:34,584
I mean, exceed them.
91
00:04:35,586 --> 00:04:38,077
All right, fine. Your first assignment.
92
00:04:38,252 --> 00:04:39,514
You and our photographer, James,
93
00:04:39,685 --> 00:04:41,619
are going to the Cape
to do a profile on Strum.
94
00:04:43,118 --> 00:04:45,882
- You do know who Strum is?
- Oh, sure, the musician. I love him.
95
00:04:46,051 --> 00:04:48,781
You know, I saw that film he did with
Jakob Dylan, Strum and Strummer.
96
00:04:50,650 --> 00:04:52,675
Okay, the humor thing?
The witty banter?
97
00:04:52,850 --> 00:04:54,477
- I don't do it.
- Okay, right.
98
00:04:54,650 --> 00:04:55,810
No humor. No jokes.
99
00:04:55,983 --> 00:04:57,917
I won't even say,
"knock, knock" when I enter.
100
00:04:58,916 --> 00:05:00,110
Did I read about you?
101
00:05:00,282 --> 00:05:03,080
Are you the little girl
who couldn't smile?
102
00:05:04,948 --> 00:05:06,939
Since I can't ask you
for the cream cheese,
103
00:05:07,114 --> 00:05:09,981
I'm gonna stare at you
till you give it up.
104
00:05:10,380 --> 00:05:12,814
Oh, I hate
when this cat stares at me.
105
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,141
At least you got the end with eyes.
106
00:05:15,313 --> 00:05:19,079
You know, he jumps on the table,
he gets on the couch.
107
00:05:19,245 --> 00:05:21,179
Sabrina's aunts
gave him way too much leeway.
108
00:05:21,345 --> 00:05:22,903
We have gotta discipline him.
109
00:05:23,078 --> 00:05:24,670
Look, Morgan,
you're not an animal person.
110
00:05:24,844 --> 00:05:28,109
If he's on the table, just say,
"Kitty, get off the table. "
111
00:05:28,277 --> 00:05:29,904
Yeah, look at me scamper.
112
00:05:30,077 --> 00:05:32,637
See?
We're just gonna have to train him.
113
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:35,040
He's a cat, Morgan.
You don't train cats.
114
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,541
You just live with them
in case you never get married.
115
00:05:37,709 --> 00:05:39,700
Well, we'll see about that.
116
00:05:39,875 --> 00:05:44,244
It's time to learn some manners,
Mr. Hair-All-Over-The-Place.
117
00:05:44,407 --> 00:05:45,431
You should talk.
118
00:05:45,608 --> 00:05:47,974
You got enough mustache
to be an assistant coach.
119
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:51,906
So, Mr. Strum spent so much money
building a personal gym,
120
00:05:52,073 --> 00:05:53,904
he couldn't afford a watch?
121
00:05:54,073 --> 00:05:56,405
I'll tell you,
this place really takes me back.
122
00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,000
- I used to be a personal trainer.
- Really?
123
00:05:59,172 --> 00:06:01,333
Yeah, watch yourself.
124
00:06:04,838 --> 00:06:07,671
All right, well, they changed
the equipment since then.
125
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,001
I'm so sorry I'm late.
126
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,961
What's up, dawg, how's it going?
127
00:06:13,136 --> 00:06:15,502
- It's been a long time.
- Yeah, too long.
128
00:06:15,669 --> 00:06:16,727
The pool's filthy.
129
00:06:16,902 --> 00:06:19,097
Oh, no, uh, Strum,
this is James, our photographer.
130
00:06:19,269 --> 00:06:21,169
And I'm Sabrina Spellman,
the reporter.
131
00:06:21,335 --> 00:06:22,597
I have all your CDs.
132
00:06:22,768 --> 00:06:25,202
Well, actually they're MP3s
I downloaded off...
133
00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:27,460
Okay,
let's get straight to the interview.
134
00:06:27,634 --> 00:06:31,400
So, um, I understand you're
in the studio working on a new CD.
135
00:06:31,566 --> 00:06:32,590
Do you have a title?
136
00:06:32,766 --> 00:06:35,200
- Move.
- Oh, that's cool.
137
00:06:35,366 --> 00:06:39,029
No, sweetheart. Move.
I can't see myself.
138
00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:40,626
Sorry.
139
00:06:41,398 --> 00:06:43,423
Sweat, please.
140
00:06:45,097 --> 00:06:46,291
Sneeze coming.
141
00:06:47,964 --> 00:06:51,764
Now, get out of here with that.
And don't let me catch that on eBay.
142
00:06:54,495 --> 00:06:58,056
Uh, so, Strum, um,
who were your musical influences?
143
00:06:58,228 --> 00:07:02,221
Well, I'd have to say my biggest
influence was early Brian Ardmore.
144
00:07:02,394 --> 00:07:04,521
Oh, I'm not familiar
with Brian Ardmore.
145
00:07:05,328 --> 00:07:07,228
That was me
before I changed my name.
146
00:07:09,493 --> 00:07:11,358
Dude,
if you're not gonna take pictures,
147
00:07:11,526 --> 00:07:12,823
you might as well clean the pool.
148
00:07:12,993 --> 00:07:15,359
I mean,
I'm not doing this for my health.
149
00:07:17,491 --> 00:07:19,823
Excuse me. These weights
aren't gonna lift themselves.
150
00:07:21,824 --> 00:07:23,758
Do you think you can fit
that ego in the shot?
151
00:07:23,924 --> 00:07:25,949
If I take it from the Hubble.
152
00:07:26,624 --> 00:07:30,651
After Salem turned my latest fashion
design into a scratching post,
153
00:07:30,823 --> 00:07:34,486
I decided to buy
the ultimate cat-training system.
154
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:38,591
Nice, but I believe
it's pearls that go with basic black.
155
00:07:38,755 --> 00:07:41,451
How is a crummy cat collar
gonna keep him off the furniture?
156
00:07:41,621 --> 00:07:43,452
Oh, that's no ordinary collar.
157
00:07:43,621 --> 00:07:45,418
As soon as he jumps
on the furniture...
158
00:07:46,954 --> 00:07:47,978
Morgan.
159
00:07:48,353 --> 00:07:50,787
Relax. It's perfectly humane.
160
00:07:50,953 --> 00:07:54,081
It says right here,
"Not tested on animals. "
161
00:07:54,252 --> 00:07:58,450
You sadistic ditz.
Sabrina will never stand for this.
162
00:07:58,618 --> 00:08:01,086
Well, I finished my article
on Strum, and I gotta say,
163
00:08:01,251 --> 00:08:04,550
I'm usually my own worst critic,
but it's perfect.
164
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:05,843
I mean, when Annie sees this,
165
00:08:06,017 --> 00:08:08,485
she's gonna be thrilled
that I was forced on her.
166
00:08:08,650 --> 00:08:12,108
Listen, Sabrina, would mind
if we started training the cat?
167
00:08:12,282 --> 00:08:14,716
Of course she'd mind.
Tell her, Sabrina.
168
00:08:15,482 --> 00:08:16,506
Yeah, sure, whatever.
169
00:08:16,682 --> 00:08:18,240
Huh?
170
00:08:20,081 --> 00:08:22,072
I think you had it set too high.
171
00:08:22,248 --> 00:08:23,579
I had it on "cat. "
172
00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:26,537
Oh, "cattle. "
173
00:08:30,179 --> 00:08:31,271
Hey, what's going on?
174
00:08:31,446 --> 00:08:33,744
I'm so excited.
I just handed in my article to Annie.
175
00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:34,970
I hope she likes it.
176
00:08:35,145 --> 00:08:36,874
What am I saying?
I hope she loves it.
177
00:08:37,045 --> 00:08:39,172
- Oh, I'm Sabrina, by the way.
- Oh, Cole Harper.
178
00:08:39,345 --> 00:08:41,336
Right, you used to write
for Rolling Stone Magazine.
179
00:08:41,511 --> 00:08:43,570
I've been reading your articles
since I was in high...
180
00:08:43,743 --> 00:08:46,109
- Hi, how you doing?
- Good, good.
181
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:49,439
- So I see you made yourself at home.
- Yeah, just settling in.
182
00:08:49,610 --> 00:08:50,975
So where do you sit?
183
00:08:51,143 --> 00:08:53,873
Well, right now someone's
at my desk, so I'm just kind of floating.
184
00:08:54,042 --> 00:08:56,738
Don't you hate that?
I haven't been given a desk yet.
185
00:08:56,908 --> 00:08:58,842
Oh, I have.
186
00:08:59,008 --> 00:09:01,943
- And you're in it.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
187
00:09:02,107 --> 00:09:03,938
Nobody's told me
where I'm supposed to sit yet.
188
00:09:04,107 --> 00:09:05,972
Well, that may not be necessary.
189
00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:08,973
- We can't use this.
- Well, what's wrong with it?
190
00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:10,767
It's a puff piece. A love letter.
191
00:09:11,472 --> 00:09:14,373
I could have used the fourth paragraph
to sweeten my coffee.
192
00:09:14,538 --> 00:09:16,062
Well, you know,
if you had kept reading,
193
00:09:16,238 --> 00:09:19,036
you would have noticed I mentioned
he was late and his pool was cloudy.
194
00:09:20,571 --> 00:09:23,472
Nice, nice, very nice.
195
00:09:23,637 --> 00:09:25,161
Thank you, that's what I thought.
196
00:09:25,337 --> 00:09:28,135
No, you used the word "nice"
three times in one paragraph.
197
00:09:28,303 --> 00:09:30,931
Look, Strum is a big star.
Now, what was I supposed to say?
198
00:09:31,102 --> 00:09:33,593
That he was the most pompous,
arrogant jerk I've ever met?
199
00:09:33,769 --> 00:09:35,361
- I'd read that.
- Right.
200
00:09:35,535 --> 00:09:38,527
Seriously, people wanna know
what celebrities are really like.
201
00:09:38,701 --> 00:09:41,295
So I'm just supposed
to be brutally honest?
202
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:43,826
Which may be hard
for someone like you.
203
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,627
Oh, I can do it if I have to.
204
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:46,994
I'm gonna go in there right now
205
00:09:47,166 --> 00:09:48,827
and tell Annie
exactly what I think of her.
206
00:09:51,933 --> 00:09:54,424
Or I could just rewrite this article.
207
00:10:44,256 --> 00:10:45,621
Done.
208
00:10:46,523 --> 00:10:49,651
- Phew. I'm fried.
- Oh, you're fried?
209
00:10:49,822 --> 00:10:51,790
I smell like a bad perm.
210
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,854
"The Ego has Landed"
by Sabrina Spellman.
211
00:10:58,021 --> 00:10:59,852
"Conceit of his pants. " Clever.
212
00:11:00,387 --> 00:11:03,356
"Strum's so vain, he probably
thinks this article's about him. "
213
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:04,782
- Good one.
- Yeah.
214
00:11:04,953 --> 00:11:08,480
Wait till you get to the part about him
bending backwards to kiss his butt.
215
00:11:08,653 --> 00:11:10,621
So I guess
now that you've been published,
216
00:11:10,785 --> 00:11:12,446
we should actually give you a desk.
217
00:11:12,618 --> 00:11:14,347
Why don't you take
that one right there?
218
00:11:14,518 --> 00:11:17,112
Really? Great.
219
00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:18,479
Wow.
220
00:11:18,651 --> 00:11:21,119
I finally feel like I'm finally here.
221
00:11:21,284 --> 00:11:22,683
I want her fired.
222
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,075
Well, that was nice while it lasted.
223
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,212
No one is getting fired.
I stand by my writer.
224
00:11:33,382 --> 00:11:34,440
I'm not gonna silence her.
225
00:11:34,614 --> 00:11:35,672
- Thank you.
- Shut up.
226
00:11:35,848 --> 00:11:36,872
If you don't fire her,
227
00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:39,106
then I'll tell every one
of my music industry friends
228
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,942
never to talk
to your magazine again.
229
00:11:41,114 --> 00:11:43,344
Oh, that's two interviews
we're gonna have to do without.
230
00:11:43,513 --> 00:11:46,380
You won't fire her? Then I'll sue.
231
00:11:46,546 --> 00:11:48,343
Sue away.
My editor stands by my story.
232
00:11:48,512 --> 00:11:51,276
Okay, how about if she prints
a retraction in the next issue?
233
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:54,209
- What? I'm not writing a retraction.
- Well, I'm not getting sued.
234
00:11:54,378 --> 00:11:56,437
- How about a public apology?
Wait a minute.
235
00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:57,634
- Would that work?
- No.
236
00:11:57,810 --> 00:11:59,971
- How about at tomorrow's concert?
- Hello?
237
00:12:00,143 --> 00:12:03,271
Maybe she could be dancing
in a big tub of bean dip.
238
00:12:03,809 --> 00:12:05,743
Oh, right, I went too far.
239
00:12:06,909 --> 00:12:09,377
Deal. I'll see you on-stage.
240
00:12:10,808 --> 00:12:11,832
Thanks, guys.
241
00:12:12,008 --> 00:12:13,805
This was a great day
for the First Amendment.
242
00:12:13,974 --> 00:12:15,703
Is anybody listening to me?
243
00:12:15,874 --> 00:12:18,069
I am, Sabrina. I'm here for you.
244
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,231
Anybody at all?
245
00:12:21,506 --> 00:12:23,201
Here, Salem, it's all yours.
246
00:12:23,606 --> 00:12:24,834
I'm too worked up to eat.
247
00:12:25,006 --> 00:12:28,669
Oh, no.
I'm not jumping on any furniture.
248
00:12:28,839 --> 00:12:30,636
Your friends broke me.
249
00:12:30,804 --> 00:12:33,204
Well, at least now
you'll stop throwing out your hip.
250
00:12:33,371 --> 00:12:36,636
Are you still mumbling to yourself
about this whole apology thing?
251
00:12:36,803 --> 00:12:38,293
This really stinks.
252
00:12:38,470 --> 00:12:41,530
I mean, if I apologize,
then I give up everything I believe in.
253
00:12:41,703 --> 00:12:43,898
If I don't, only thing
I'll be writing is bad checks.
254
00:12:44,069 --> 00:12:46,094
Oh, please, it's a no-brainer.
255
00:12:46,269 --> 00:12:47,896
To be on-stage with Strum?
256
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,866
I'd give up anything,
including my dignity.
257
00:12:51,035 --> 00:12:53,526
You gave that up when you appeared
in Girls Gone Wild 8.
258
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:57,067
Look, Sabrina, how would you feel
if you got up on that stage
259
00:12:57,233 --> 00:12:59,292
and let everyone in the world
see you grovel?
260
00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:02,732
Demeaned, degraded, de...
Not very happy.
261
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:03,958
Then there you go.
262
00:13:04,499 --> 00:13:05,727
Thanks, Roxie.
263
00:13:07,665 --> 00:13:08,962
While you're handing out thanks,
264
00:13:09,132 --> 00:13:12,295
how about thanking the person
that's been training your cat all week?
265
00:13:13,431 --> 00:13:17,197
Salem, bring me my mascara.
266
00:13:19,496 --> 00:13:21,430
Prepare to be amazed.
267
00:13:23,296 --> 00:13:25,696
Wow. Talk about whipped.
268
00:13:25,862 --> 00:13:28,023
Thank you, Salem.
269
00:13:28,195 --> 00:13:30,891
Who's my good boy?
Who's my good boy?
270
00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:36,925
Annie, I've got something to tell you.
I've given this a lot of thought,
271
00:13:37,094 --> 00:13:39,392
and I've decided I'm not gonna
go through with the apology.
272
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:40,584
- Fine.
- Fine?
273
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,625
- Fine.
- Fine as in you're in fine with it,
274
00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:44,555
or fine as in find another job?
275
00:13:44,726 --> 00:13:47,126
That's not up to me.
I'll let Jonathan know of your decision.
276
00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:49,151
Well, um,
maybe I should go tell Jonathan.
277
00:13:49,324 --> 00:13:51,622
That way you can stay here
and continue frightening people.
278
00:13:52,424 --> 00:13:53,618
You can't speak with Jonathan.
279
00:13:53,790 --> 00:13:57,419
He sets the bar for trends around here,
and right now, human contact is out.
280
00:13:57,590 --> 00:14:00,320
Fine. I just wanted to let you know
I'm not apologizing to Strum.
281
00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:02,150
- Yeah, I heard you the first time.
- Good.
282
00:14:02,322 --> 00:14:04,381
Then I've said everything
I came in here to say.
283
00:14:04,556 --> 00:14:06,114
Twice.
284
00:14:08,655 --> 00:14:11,818
Sabrina, have you decided what you're
gonna wear to the concert tonight?
285
00:14:11,988 --> 00:14:13,922
Because whenever my girlfriends
have to apologize,
286
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,681
I find a halter-top
puts me in a very forgiving mood.
287
00:14:16,853 --> 00:14:18,946
What makes you think
I'm gonna apologize?
288
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,987
And whatever happened
to standing up for what you believe in?
289
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:25,280
Well, actually, nothing, if you're
Nelson Mandela or Mother Teresa.
290
00:14:25,452 --> 00:14:27,545
But we ain't saving the lives
of starving people here.
291
00:14:27,719 --> 00:14:29,983
We're just telling them
what to dance to.
292
00:14:30,384 --> 00:14:33,353
Just between you and me,
very smart move giving in.
293
00:14:33,518 --> 00:14:34,712
It took me six months to learn
294
00:14:34,884 --> 00:14:37,011
that if you don't fight them
when they're pantsing you,
295
00:14:37,183 --> 00:14:38,810
they don't run them up the flagpole.
296
00:14:38,983 --> 00:14:41,577
- Kids can be so cruel.
- Oh, yeah.
297
00:14:41,749 --> 00:14:44,183
Thirteen-year-olds
are much bigger than they used to be.
298
00:14:46,715 --> 00:14:48,615
Hey, when you do
this apology thing...
299
00:14:48,781 --> 00:14:49,839
I'm not doing it.
300
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,914
Really? Wow.
301
00:14:52,081 --> 00:14:55,050
I mean, when I first started out
as a reporter, I was idealistic.
302
00:14:55,213 --> 00:15:00,207
I wanted to free political prisoners,
save the ozone, expose corruption.
303
00:15:00,379 --> 00:15:02,040
Then I decided
I wanted a Harley more.
304
00:15:02,479 --> 00:15:04,845
You sold out that easily?
305
00:15:05,012 --> 00:15:08,277
- Compromise is part of the business.
- What are you talking about?
306
00:15:08,445 --> 00:15:11,278
You're the one who got me into this.
You told me to be brutally honest.
307
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,378
Brutal honesty has its place.
308
00:15:13,544 --> 00:15:16,308
But then again,
so does keeping your job.
309
00:15:17,110 --> 00:15:19,840
- Listen, Annie, about the apology.
- Yes?
310
00:15:20,643 --> 00:15:22,770
Do you know a good place
to buy a halter-top? Ha, ha.
311
00:15:28,841 --> 00:15:31,401
Uh, just out of curiosity,
312
00:15:31,574 --> 00:15:34,941
how come there weren't
any white cats on death row?
313
00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:44,475
I wonder if I can flip this cushion.
314
00:15:46,172 --> 00:15:49,232
Hey, can we do this? Sounds like the
audience is getting a little impatient.
315
00:15:49,404 --> 00:15:51,235
That's not the audience.
316
00:15:51,403 --> 00:15:53,564
Just part of my pre-concert ritual.
317
00:15:53,737 --> 00:15:54,897
Oh, speaking of which.
318
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:56,868
My pills.
319
00:15:57,036 --> 00:16:00,403
The ego, the drugs.
320
00:16:00,569 --> 00:16:03,265
All that's missing
is a brief loveless marriage to J-Lo.
321
00:16:03,702 --> 00:16:04,964
It was an antihistamine, honey.
322
00:16:06,335 --> 00:16:08,132
I'm allergic to the flowers
I sent myself.
323
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,598
Great, can we get this over with?
324
00:16:09,767 --> 00:16:12,201
I still have a tiny shred of dignity
lodged behind my spleen.
325
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:15,859
- Hey, I like the halter.
- Oops. There it goes.
326
00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:17,933
Let's go. They're waiting.
327
00:16:18,099 --> 00:16:21,728
Well, go on.
Get the girls screaming for me, okay?
328
00:16:22,432 --> 00:16:24,627
Oh, I had an idea.
329
00:16:24,798 --> 00:16:27,562
You know, saying you're sorry
may not have enough impact.
330
00:16:28,331 --> 00:16:30,822
So I'm gonna roll up a copy
of this Scorch Magazine,
331
00:16:30,997 --> 00:16:33,659
you'll bend over
and I'll spank you with it.
332
00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:35,491
- It's great.
- Oh, that's it. Forget it.
333
00:16:35,663 --> 00:16:37,631
- I'm not doing it.
- Excuse me?
334
00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:38,888
Well, I'm not apologizing.
335
00:16:39,063 --> 00:16:41,463
And I'm not letting anyone
spank me on-stage.
336
00:16:41,629 --> 00:16:44,189
Well, maybe if it was Dave Matthews
and it was more of a love tap.
337
00:16:44,361 --> 00:16:46,556
I'm sorry, are you still talking?
338
00:16:46,728 --> 00:16:48,992
Why should I compromise
my self-respect just for some job?
339
00:16:49,161 --> 00:16:52,358
Everything I wrote about you is true.
You're a narcissistic, arrogant jerk,
340
00:16:52,527 --> 00:16:54,324
and I never met anyone
with such a big head.
341
00:16:54,494 --> 00:16:58,430
Excuse me, you're confusing
a big head with self-confidence.
342
00:16:58,593 --> 00:17:01,994
- Now, move it.
- Oh, now you've done it.
343
00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:04,855
Make this blow-hard realize
His empty head is super-sized
344
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:09,621
Time to give these mall rats
the minimum effort.
345
00:17:09,791 --> 00:17:12,351
They're gonna be talking
about this concert for years.
346
00:17:12,523 --> 00:17:15,390
Hello, Boston. Yeah.
347
00:17:16,822 --> 00:17:18,414
That's weird.
348
00:17:18,589 --> 00:17:20,113
My head.
349
00:17:20,689 --> 00:17:22,680
It's huge.
350
00:17:25,222 --> 00:17:26,314
Darn allergies.
351
00:17:26,855 --> 00:17:29,085
Or maybe your mind's
trying to tell you something.
352
00:17:29,254 --> 00:17:31,586
Maybe this wouldn't be happening
if you weren't so arrogant.
353
00:17:31,753 --> 00:17:35,416
- Have you ever tried being humble?
- Yeah, for about two weeks.
354
00:17:35,586 --> 00:17:37,986
And then all of a sudden
I found out somebody had that name.
355
00:17:38,152 --> 00:17:40,882
Come on, Strum.
The crowd's getting restless.
356
00:17:41,052 --> 00:17:42,917
- Okay, well, good luck.
- Wait, wait.
357
00:17:43,085 --> 00:17:46,179
You gotta help me.
What am I gonna do?
358
00:17:46,351 --> 00:17:48,945
I'd start recognizing that there
are other people in this world.
359
00:17:49,117 --> 00:17:50,709
I know there's other people.
360
00:17:50,884 --> 00:17:52,909
I mean,
some of them bring me things.
361
00:17:54,850 --> 00:17:55,874
Okay.
362
00:17:56,049 --> 00:18:01,316
I guess some of my success comes
from those who write my songs.
363
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:03,808
It's working.
364
00:18:03,981 --> 00:18:06,848
And I guess it wasn't right
to demand all the royalties
365
00:18:07,014 --> 00:18:09,642
from those beginner guitar books.
366
00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:12,442
Good.
367
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,706
And perhaps it wasn't right
to tell Muhammad Ali
368
00:18:14,879 --> 00:18:16,710
that I'm actually the greatest.
369
00:18:16,879 --> 00:18:18,847
Although I bet I could take him.
370
00:18:19,012 --> 00:18:21,037
Okay, maybe not.
371
00:18:21,845 --> 00:18:23,836
Oh, look at that. Back to normal.
372
00:18:24,011 --> 00:18:27,572
Now forget the inflated head
Remember the ego lesson instead
373
00:18:27,877 --> 00:18:31,938
Phew.
Not a hair out of place. Thank God.
374
00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:35,078
Oh, yeah. Thank you too.
375
00:18:35,243 --> 00:18:37,006
I guess we can let the apology slide
for now.
376
00:18:37,442 --> 00:18:38,466
Thanks.
377
00:18:38,642 --> 00:18:41,611
But if you're up for a private spanking,
the show's over after midnight.
378
00:18:41,775 --> 00:18:44,801
Oh, bummer, I'm already booked
for a wedgie at 11:30.
379
00:18:57,572 --> 00:19:00,735
Come on, Red. It's payback time.
380
00:19:00,905 --> 00:19:04,397
Good kitty. Not on the furniture.
381
00:19:04,571 --> 00:19:06,937
And for being so good,
382
00:19:07,103 --> 00:19:09,799
I am gonna give you
an extra special treat.
383
00:19:09,970 --> 00:19:12,803
And I'm gonna help them
pull you down off the moon.
384
00:19:12,969 --> 00:19:15,529
You can join me on the couch.
385
00:19:15,702 --> 00:19:16,828
What?
386
00:19:17,502 --> 00:19:21,666
Now, I am gonna go get some popcorn
for me and some liver treats for you.
387
00:19:21,835 --> 00:19:22,859
I'll be right back.
388
00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:26,993
Relax.
389
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:31,501
Mama says it's okay
to be on the furniture now.
390
00:19:31,666 --> 00:19:33,156
No!
391
00:19:38,665 --> 00:19:39,689
Oh, good, you're here.
392
00:19:39,865 --> 00:19:42,993
I wanted to let you know that I didn't
apologize at Strum's concert tonight.
393
00:19:43,164 --> 00:19:45,997
He wanted to spank me
with a rolled-up copy of Scorch.
394
00:19:46,164 --> 00:19:47,631
Anyway, to make a long story short...
395
00:19:47,797 --> 00:19:49,662
Someone else
would have to be telling it.
396
00:19:49,830 --> 00:19:51,764
Anyway,
I just wanted you to hear it from me.
397
00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:53,761
- Nice going.
- Really? Thanks.
398
00:19:54,696 --> 00:19:56,994
Wait, let me try that again
with a little more sarcasm.
399
00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:58,254
Nice going.
400
00:19:58,862 --> 00:20:01,353
Since you're too high and mighty
to take one for the team,
401
00:20:01,528 --> 00:20:03,587
we missed out
on a ton of free publicity.
402
00:20:03,761 --> 00:20:06,355
Now, I have to finish
passing out these memos.
403
00:20:06,527 --> 00:20:09,121
Well, clearly hiring me
was a failed experiment.
404
00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:12,626
So tell Jonathan thanks for the chance
and sorry it didn't work out.
405
00:20:13,026 --> 00:20:14,152
All right. See you tomorrow.
406
00:20:14,792 --> 00:20:16,555
Wait, I'm fired, right?
407
00:20:16,725 --> 00:20:18,556
I mean,
that was my farewell speech.
408
00:20:18,724 --> 00:20:20,351
And it needs work.
409
00:20:20,991 --> 00:20:23,619
Jonathan hired you.
Only Jonathan can fire you.
410
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,588
And frankly, I wouldn't get rid of you
for all the gin in Hyannis Port.
411
00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:31,485
I don't know what you're saying,
but the gin comment explains a lot.
412
00:20:31,656 --> 00:20:34,147
Look, I'm the kind of person
who likes car wrecks,
413
00:20:34,322 --> 00:20:36,290
explosions and reality television.
414
00:20:36,456 --> 00:20:40,153
And you are this bizarre
combination of all of those.
415
00:20:40,321 --> 00:20:42,414
I am going to look forward every day
416
00:20:42,587 --> 00:20:45,055
to seeing what kind of disaster
you can create for yourself.
417
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:49,283
Oh, you have no idea.
I am like an earthquake at Legoland.
418
00:20:49,653 --> 00:20:53,714
There was this one time when I...
Too close, right? Too close.
419
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:03,018
Oh, quit complaining, you big baby.
It wasn't that bad.
420
00:21:03,184 --> 00:21:06,381
Tell that to the piece of charcoal
that used to be my thyroid.
421
00:21:06,550 --> 00:21:09,348
I know you had a difficult week,
but I hope you learned something.
422
00:21:09,516 --> 00:21:10,574
I did.
423
00:21:10,749 --> 00:21:14,412
How to stay off the couch,
and how to poop in a size eight pump.
424
00:21:14,582 --> 00:21:15,606
What?
425
00:21:15,782 --> 00:21:17,511
Salem!
- Ha. I'm out of here.
426
00:21:20,514 --> 00:21:22,004
Not so fast.
427
00:21:22,054 --> 00:21:26,604
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