Original subtitles

- Previously on "All Stars..."

For this week's maxi challenge, we are playing...

The Snatch Game of Love.

[cheers and applause]

- Where's the strangest place you've ever been naked?

- Brrrr.

- I find you quite annoying over here, baby.

- [laughs] - Ha!

- Hello, gorgeous.

- I like a big dick.

- Ooh. - Ooh.

- Can someone come get this little girl?

- Besides, Gia, who do you think is going to be in trouble?

- I don't care what anybody says.

We know who is going home.

- But this might be the chance to get off another player.

You know what I mean? Did you think about that?

- No, ma'am.

- The jokes weren't landing

because they weren't relevant to the question.

- You played her almost like a ho.

- I have you in a corner,

and I could be like, you know what?

Let's get rid of the strongest competition,

and the rest of it can be a cake walk.

- I can't trust this bitch.

[slurping]

- Manila, you're a winner, baby.

[applause]

Which queen have you chosen to get the chop?

- Gia.

I love you. - Gia, sashay away.

- Whew.

Well, that was Snatch Game, huh?

- Girl.

- Gia just got eliminated,

and America, I'm happy that the bitch is gone.

She was horrible in the Snatch Game of Love,

as well as annoying and rude

and picking on other contestants.

I'm over her drama.

- "Believe in you and only you." - "And only you."

All right. - "Gia."

- G-G-G-Gia.

- I wish her the best.

I really think she is a beautiful woman.

I think she has a lot to offer.

But there needs to be a little bit more growth.

- I think what it is is that drag can really help you

like discover how you want to present yourself to the world.

It's a safe place to start feeling your fem,

and I think it's just that

she's really concentrating on her transition at this moment,

and drag is becoming a job for her.

You know, I love Gia.

She annoyed the fuck out of me,

but it makes me love her even more.

Gia, we'll see you on the other side.

I think Gia is an amazing queen.

And I was so happy to see her back in this competition

openly female presenting.

I mean, I know it's not an easy thing to do,

but Gia was stirring the pot

and making all of us totally crazy.

She had to go the fuck home.

- Girl, you won, sis.

$10,000.

- [applause] - Congratulations.

- I feel like I won $10,000,

but I don't feel like I truly won the Snatch Game.

There was no comparison to the job that you did.

- [applause] - You made history, bitch.

- But just for the record, on Wikipedia, I won this episode.

[all laugh]

- Who did you pick, Trinity?

- Oh, yes. Ooh, yes.

- Well, I chose Vale-- I'm just kidding.

[all laugh]

- Yeah, right.

[all laugh]

- No, I picked Gia, too.

I mean, girl, I told you,

I'm here to play a fair game.

And I want competition.

And there's no reason for Valentina to go home

and for Gia to stay.

Valentina, how are you feeling?

- There's a lot going on in my head right now.

I had a talk with Manila

where she was questioning herself in her mind.

Like, could I get rid of you,

because that would really help me achieve what I want,

which is to win.

And then, what I told her was I am fierce,

you are fierce,

and we will make it to the top competing together.

Please let me do that.

Thank you for keeping me in the competition.

- Of course. Of course.

I guess I should feel grateful to Manila in some way.

But, bitch, mm-mm, no, girl. I was not the worst,

and I don't have time for her mind games or distractions.

- For a second, girl, I was like,

if she sends Valentina home, I'm going to be pissed.

I'm glad that you chose to keep Valentina.

You restored my faith

in the person that I think that you are.

- The other queens fault me

for weighing both of my options equally,

but I don't remember getting no rule book

in how we're supposed to make these decisions.

I'm not here to play it safe.

If I find myself in this position next time,

I'm making the best decision for my game,

and I don't care what the other girls think.

- ♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

- The winner of "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars"

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics,

a coveted spot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame,

and a cash prize of $100,000.

With extra special guest judges Zoe Kravitz and Erica Ash.

- ♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

- ♪ May the best woman ♪

- ♪ Best woman win ♪

- It's a new day, baby.

Oh. Last week, I landed in the bottom three.

So this week there's a lot at stake

because I want to prove that it was just a fluke.

I have a crown to win and $100,000 to collect.

I'm feeling it, bitch. [all laugh]

- I got a wedding to pay for, for real.

- [laughs]

- You live in your own world, bitch.

- How dare you?

[all laugh] [alarm]

[cheers]

- Ooh, girl.

She done already done had herses.

[Jersey accent] - Yo, ladies,

your places in Drag Race Hall of Fame

ain't no sure thing.

You gotta work on your GTL,

as in glitter, tuck, and lip sync.

Bada boom, bada bing, bada bam.

[all laugh]

- GTL, gym, tan, laundry, "Jersey Shore."

- Gym.

- We don't do any of that.

- Bitch, ride. - [laughs]

- Hello, hello, hello.

[cheers] - Oh!

- Come on, suit!

- Siberian tiger. - Yes.

Now, to make it into the Drag Race Hall of Fame,

first, you need to survive your day in court.

[gavel bangs] - Oh!

- [nervous laugh]

- A little too close to home?

- Right. [all laugh]

- If you recall, from Season 4,

I've been in jail, so that...

was shade.

- Now, for this week's maxi challenge,

you'll be appearing on a twisted daytime court show

called "Jersey Justice."

[all laugh]

- Come on, "Jersey Justice."

- Starring South Plainfield's own Michelle Visage.

- Yes! - Oh, yes.

- Of course.

- #AllStars4

You'll play litigious Jersey litigants

with big hair, big boobs, and even bigger personalities.

- [laughs]

- First I need you to break into two teams of two,

and one team of three.

Your choice. Go ahead.

- Yeah. - Let's do it together.

- Dang, highly laminated.

- Latrice, Monet, and Monique.

You'll be arguing the case "How about them cakes?"

A timely dispute between a cake maker

and a discriminated customer.

Naomi and Manila, you'll be arguing the case,

"You made me look like a bitch, bitch."

- Perfect!

- It's all about a botched makeover Jersey style.

- Someone's going tanning.

- And last but not least, Valentina and Trinity,

you'll be arguing, "I was snookered by Snooki."

- [laughs] - Whoo!

- A case of stolen identity.

- Oh.

- Racers, start your engines,

and may the best All Star win.

- Yes! - Whoo-hoo!

- Jersey.

- Jersey-licious.

[Jersey accent] Listen, Your Honor.

[regular voice] I'm living for this challenge.

I love me a good daytime court show moment,

like sitting at home, watching "Judge Judy"

with some Chinese food is my life.

- I want to be LaMonica.

- LaMonica. - LaMonica and LaLinda.

- This week we have an improv challenge.

The key to improv is to make sure that you are funny,

and that you stay in character.

You have to make sure that everyone has their moment

to have their ba-da-bomp, ba-da-bomp, ba-da-bomp.

It's not easy.

- Okay, this is going to be really cute.

- Girl, this is going to be so-- - I'm so excited about this.

- So what are you going to wear?

- I'm gonna wear my pink bodycon dress.

Let me show y'all right here.

- Where is it?

- Can you not wear a corset either?

You have to have a booty-do.

- What the fuck is a booty-do?

- A booty-do is when you see a girl or a guy,

and his stomach sticks out further than...

his booty do. - His booty do.

[all laugh]

- The name of our courtroom scene

is called "How about them cakes?"

I am the plaintiff, Latrice is the defendant,

and her daughter is Monet.

The dumpy one with with the booty-do.

So I'm very excited.

I told you, Your Honor,

the bitch tried to sabotage me at my fucking wedding.

- Your Honor, tell her to call me a bitch one more time.

- The fucking bitch.

- You come in my shop, you're a fucking whore.

- Hello. I'll fucking talk all day.

- You took my money. - You were--

Excuse me. Excuse me.

- That is-- - You have no--

- Your titties are lumpy.

They don't even match.

- That is Balducci from the Promenade.

- Excuse me.

These two are like loud as shit.

- Anna Mae? Is that what you're doing?

- These challenges can easily go south

when one or two overpower another.

So stop screaming.

- This is kind of like a big life moment for me.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Oh, my gosh.

- It feels like I haven't seen you in forever, bitch.

- That's so cute.

- It's fucking nuts working with Manila Luzon.

That 11th grader in me is shaking.

[laughs]

I'm going to be a salon owner,

and you're going to be the upset makeover victim.

- Oh, I'm suing you.

How dare you ruin my makeup like this.

I'm feeling pretty good about Naomi

because she did really great at Snatch Game

and she's been safe and consistent.

But she just needs to get it there.

So I'm giving Naomi everything she needs in order to succeed

and be in the top with me, because I'm fucking fierce.

Hello.

We have to make it really comedic.

Like, the more over-the-top crazy Jersey we look,

like, hoop earrings and the nails and the big hair.

- Yeah.

- So I think I'm going to be a little more nasally.

You know, like Fran Drescher a little bit.

- And you have to be kind of like meekish.

- Yeah, because it says that I'm ditzy and gullible.

- Yeah.

- I'm going to channel...

Farrah Moan from Jersey. - [laughs]

- My name is Snooki McSnookowitz.

- Don't go country with your accent, girl.

My case is "I was snookered by Snooki."

And I'm a little nervous about Valentina,

because she's not known for being funny, honey.

- You think I should talk with a voice like this?

- Yeah. She needs to be loud.

- She needs to be loud. Okay, uh, no.

Maybe she talks in this tone, like a Jersey girl.

Girl, girl.

- Girl. Girl.

- Goil. - Joisey goil.

- Joisey girl. - Girl.

- Girl?

- I wanna go in there and know exactly what I'm going to do,

and attack it, and like, not fuck it up

and know it at every second.

I'm really hard on myself.

And when I start to get overwhelmed,

my brain, it starts to go in circles,

and I start to think of too many things at once

and I start to get doubtful.

And I start to feel like, oh, my God,

there's so much going on in my head. Oh...

I can do voices, bitch. I can do voices.

But the improv, that's going to be my challenge.

Knowing my story and making it funny,

because I will have the voice, I will have the look.

But the way my brain works

is where I'm going to have the challenge.

- If you're having doubt,

I can do whatever character I need to do.

Bitch, I will be the mom.

Or I can be Snooki. You tell me.

Improv is about thinking quick,

but also working as a team.

And Valentina is not about to bring me down, honey.

I need to continue to do well in this competition.

I don't need to be in the bottom.

So, sweetie, you better get it together.

- You are about to enter the courtroom of Michelle Visage.

- Y'all ready for some "Jersey Justice?"

- [chanting] Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

- The shade is real.

- I don't got time for this shit.

- The tans are fake.

- Come on, I got a tanning appointment to go to.

- And the bailiff is shirtless.

This is "Jersey Justice."

This is the plaintiff.

She's suing a salon owner for over $5,000,

claiming she made her look like a bitch

at her high school reunion.

This is the defendant.

She claims the plaintiff is telling a "tail"

and actually looks quite fetching.

- All rise for the smoking hot judge Michelle Visage.

[cheers and hoots]

- All right, all right, all right, all right.

Sit down, sit down. Hey, Tony.

- Hey, Your Honor. How you doin'?

- I notice you didn't call me Honorable.

Is that because of last night in my chambers?

- Uh, yeah. Uh, go with that, I guess.

- Y'all ready for some "Jersey Justice?"

[cheers]

Order in the Court. Order in the Court!

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth, or something like the truth,

so help you Jon Bon Jovi?

- Something like the truth.

- I swear. Shit.

- Plaintiff, what's your name?

- Tiffani with two "I's" dotted with hearts.

- Defendant.

- Stefani with an "I," Angelyne with a "Y",

Ricotta like the cheese, Permanata.

- Obviously Jewish.

- Five point stars.

- Yes. What's your story, Tiffani?

- So I was walking down Spa Row,

and I saw a truck, you know, like a food truck.

But it was a travel salon.

So I thought I would go in and get my hair did

and get a makeover, because I'm trying to get ready

for my 20th high school reunion.

And I came out looking like a mother-tucking dog.

- Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

- Okay, show us. Take it off.

Just take it off. - Okay, okay.

I feel like a stripper.

- Oh. [audience laughs]

- I look like a dog.

- That's couture.

- I was going to the mall

to get a cute dress for the reunion,

and they wouldn't even let me in the store

because I wasn't a service animal.

[audience laughs]

I waited 20 years to come back

looking like this sexy, hot bitch,

and now I just look like a frickin' bitch.

[audience laughs]

- What do you want?

- I want $5,000.

- Do you know how many dresses at Wet Seal

I could get with $5,000?

- I do. - $5,000 for damages,

and $11.75 for this flea collar

that she somehow bamboozled me into purchasing,

even though it's not even my color.

[laughter]

- Defendant, what do you do for a living?

- I am a hair stylist.

- What's the name of your salon, Stefani?

- The name of my salon is Bitchin' Beauty.

I've had it for 19 years.

It's attached to my boyfriend Vinny's '87 Mustang.

- What kind of clientele do you host at Bitchin' Salon?

- Well, they normally got four legs,

they normally got some anal glands going on,

and they normally need their fleas and ticks treated.

- You own a dog-grooming salon?

- And when she came in smelling like a wet dog,

I just said let's get to work.

- Naomi has a distinctive character,

and she is bronzed and Cheeto-tanned the house down.

But Miss Manila is clearly a star.

- How is it possible that you could not see

that you were entering a dog salon?

- I have not been wearing my glasses so much so,

because I think I look prettier without them.

- Stefani, how could you not see

that this was a human being walking into your dog truck?

- How can you not see that she doesn't look like a human being?

- This is my courtroom. You don't talk to me that way.

- Ooh. Ooh.

- No. She's a human.

You have a dog truck.

They don't go.

- Your Honor, I look like shit.

- You prostitution labrador, how dare you?

- You two disgust me.

You get out of here, the both of you. Get out!

Case dismissed. You and that ratchet-ass dog--

- Her name is Panini.

- Go! - How dare you?

- What about my $5,000? - Ricotta Fromunda--

- Your Highness-- - You, gone!

- You're not getting the $5,000.

[yipping voice] - I want my $5,000.

Arf, arf, arf!

- Case dismissed.

I am not scared of you.

- I want my $5,000.

- Sounds like the litigants

are coming out of the courtroom right now.

Let's see if we can get a word with them.

Hey, ladies, hello, hello.

Now, listen, "Jersey Justice," was it served today?

- No. I want my money.

[yipping voice] I want my money.

Arf, arf, arf, arf! - Oh, okay.

- Keep the change, ya filthy animal.

- Okay, all right, ladies.

We're going to get ready for the next case.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

- This is the plaintiff.

She's suing a bakery owner

for ruining her wedding with a disrespectful dessert.

This is the defendant.

She claims that when it comes to serving cakes,

she never disappoints.

- You guys swear to tell the truth?

If not, I'll put a hit out on you.

- For sure. - Got it.

- All right, plaintiff, what's your name?

- My name is Anastasia Ravioli Ragu.

Yes, I'm a part of the Ragu family.

I got married last Friday.

- How old are you? - I'm 26.

- 26. Okay, you're getting married at 26.

Good for you. - Yeah.

You can't look like this forever.

- So why are you here, Anastasia?

- So the defendant is a family friend.

Went to school with her daughter.

She owns a bakery.

I said, oh, my God, I'm getting married.

She's black, I'm black. I support black businesses.

It'll be great.

You know, upbringing the community.

And I tell her that I want the cake to say

"Anastasia and Bobby, true love forever."

- Okay.

- What I get the day of, horrible train wreck,

like sabotaged and booby-trapped.

What the hell? I don't know. - Is that the cake right there?

- This is the cake right here.

- I'm watching Latrice keeping quiet

and just kind of letting Monique steal the focus.

This was her chance to have her redemption from her Snatch Game.

Latrice has to bring it times two, times 10.

- So first of all, Your Honor,

she puts white people on the cake.

[audience laughs] - Where's the tanner?

Oh, my gosh.

It says Lisa. My name's Anastasia.

- Oh, boy. Okay.

- So it says "Lisa is a total skank

and everyone knows it."

They call her a door knob. A door knob?

- Everybody gets a turn? - Yeah.

So, Your Honor, I'm suing for $500.

- Okay. - The price of the cake.

But then also, I want an additional 5,000.

- For? Okay. - Pain and suffering.

Emotional distress.

I was called a whore, a door knob.

She's over there looking like a big butter-turkey-ball.

Like what's going on?

- Defendant, what's your name?

- I'm Anna Mae.

I've known the plaintiff for her whole entire life.

Basically her and my daughter grew up together,

they went to school together, they were good friends.

She turned into a whore.

- Are you going to call me a whore?

You're going to use that--

- You're on your frickin' second marriage at 26.

- Security. You want to call me a whore.

- Security?

Sugar daddy.

- Latrice, Latrice, Latrice.

[snores]

Where are the jokes?

- Did you or did you not make that cake?

- We at Anna Mae's would never do work like this.

- Objectify.

Objectify. - What?

- Objectify. - No, baby.

- Now, what's-- - I don't need you to talk.

I let you speak. - Oh, my gosh.

- I don't know how that inscription got on there.

I don't even know what that inscription is.

This is not my handwriting.

- Well, lucky for you I had them analyze the handwriting.

- Oh, really?

- And I would like to present to you

a hostile witness!

Look familiar, Anna Mae?

- Mama, let me tell you something.

Hello, Your Honor. How are you?

- First of all, what's your name?

- You wanna know my name? - I asked you your name.

- Okay, well, you said I'm hostile.

You seem a little hostile yourself. Just saying.

- This is my court, bitch.

- Respect your elders.

Taught you better than that. - Clearly not.

- Your Honor, my name is Alexis.

- Your Honor, she brought a 40.

- I tend to get thirsty, Your Honor.

[audience laughs]

- Tell me your story. Why are you here?

- Okay, Your Honor, first of all,

yes, I did write on that cake, but there's--

- You wrote on the cake?

- Mama, just a second. - What?

I did, but here's the reason.

Because she is a nasty, skanky whore.

Anastasia Fettuccine Alfredo Ragu Al Dente Pasta--

- Watch your fucking language.

Do you kiss your mother with that fucking mouth?

- And my boyfriend, Your Honor.

[audience laughs]

So here's the story.

So we've been best friends forever.

- Best friends? - Since elementary school.

We were on the playground,

and I was together in fourth grade.

Me and Bobby Z started going steady.

We were on the topsy-turvy going round and round,

and Miss Anastasia spins the bitch too fast.

I get nauseous after my pesto alfredo sauce pasta,

what we had for lunch.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Monet was doing a great job and she was funny,

but then it just lost the story.

- So she spunned it

and made me throw up on Bobby Z on his Cavaricci jeans.

- Baloney. That never happened, Your Honor.

- Because of that whore.

- I still don't understand the cake,

and how the writing got on the cake,

and why the mom and the dau-- I still don't get it.

- In seventh grade, do you know

that she let the whole varsity and junior varsity team

do things to her?

- In high school, I had the nickname Miss Head Quarters.

You know what I'm saying?

- She was giving head for 25 cents.

- Excuse me, it was a quarter. It was not 25 cents.

- That's 25 cents. - It was a quarter.

- This is why you should have went to college

instead of working for your mother.

- And a saucier ragu pennine alfredo penne vodka pasta,

you are a nasty slut and a whore.

- Oh, my gosh, bitch.

- That's my daughter, bitch!

- Oh!

- You raggedy-- you raggedy bitch!

- Oh!

[gong sounds]

- Stop this right now!

Stop this!

Somebody get me a piece of cake.

Tony!

- Hashtag, that bitch got beat with a cake.

- This is real buttercream.

- Anastasia, over here. - Never mess with my daughter.

You never disrespect my daughter.

- It was supposed to be red velvet.

- Zip it. Alexis, you.

Anastasia, you. Approach the bench.

Believe it or not, I have been called a whore.

I have been called a slut. I have been called a trollop.

But my girlfriends and I,

can I tell you how we used to make up?

We'd make out. [audience laughs]

So why don't you guys give it a shot?

Just make out. It'll make it all better.

There you go.

Yay! Perfect.

[audience laughs]

- Case dismissed. Love wins.

- Monique better pray to Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

that the judges are judging us on individual parts,

because Monet and Latrice are a hot mess.

It's a hot shitty mess.

- Welcome back to "Jersey Justice."

The hair is big, the nails are sharp,

and the rulings are ridiculous.

This is the plaintiff.

She's suing an entertainer for $1 million

for being a Snook-alike.

- Where's the other one?

- She's always late.

- Listen, I got a tanning appointment.

We gotta wrap this up. So let's just get this started.

- Sure. - Great.

What's your name? - My name is...

Fisha Pice.

- Tell me, Fisha, whatcha doing here?

- I have three lovely daughters at home that look up to me.

And I wanted to do something nice for their birthday.

And they love Snooki.

So I got my pool boy Ronnie to show me

how to get on the Faces of Book.

- Uh-huh. - And I messaged Snooki.

And I invite her over for some lasagna and $2,500,

just to, you know, casually hang out with my daughterses.

- So where's it all go wrong?

- She comes in three hours

past when she's supposed to be there, Your Judge.

And she looks a hot mess.

- It says here you're suing for $1 million.

- She embarrassed me in front of my community.

I got snookered by Snooki.

- All right, well, you know what?

I'm about to throw this case out the window.

I don't got time for this. - Oh, sorry, I'm late.

- Oh. - Sorry I'm late.

- This is the defendant.

She claims she's innocent

and that the plaintiff misread the situation.

- Well, look who finally decided to show up in our courtroom.

- Valentina's look, oh, my God, amazing.

Girl, she looks like she just left the strip club.

Had one too many tequilas and a few whiskey shots, okay?

She's that girl. Stunning.

- I am the OG Snooki, look at me.

From Secaucus.

- She looks like a sarcophagus.

[audience laughs] - Oh, yes.

- She's nothing like she is on TV.

- Snooki, tell me your story.

- Okay. So I work at the Kitty Kat Paddy Whack, you know.

I work there. I strip there.

I live there.

And now this whore wants to sue me for $1 million.

- You're lucky I don't crrrrr ya.

- You say you're the OG Snooki.

I happen to know a lot about "Jersey Shore,"

so let me ask you some questions.

What does GTL stand for?

- Giant titty lady.

- She's wrong. - She's wrong.

What is the female version of a guido called?

- Cheeto.

- No! Wrong!

- I use it to contour.

- We can see that, you bitch.

- Okay, Snooki, if you're the real Snooki,

show me some identification.

- Oh, well, what do you know, Your Honor?

I don't know the rules.

Do I give this over to you or to him?

- What have you got there?

- Well, it's my birth certificate.

Here are the facts.

What do you know? Bada bing, bada boom.

- Let me take a look at that birth certification.

"Snooki McSnookowitz."

Date of birth 1985.

The real Snooki was born in 1987.

You are the OG Snooki.

- That's a lie, Your Honor. - Well, what do you know.

Bada bing, bada boom. - I call contempt.

- Come take a look. Totally legit.

[gasps]

- Oh, you fucking whore!

- You bitch!

- You look like fucking Joan Rivers,

you fucking whore!

- Oh! - Hey!

- You ungrateful oil slick tramp.

I'm gonna kill you.

- Oh!

- Whoa! Whoa!

[gavel pounds]

- Stop it! Stop it right now!

Stop it!

Stop it!

Order in the court!

- Oh! Let me up!

Let me up!

- God bless the Garden State!

- All right, we're gonna see

if we can get a word from the litigants

as they leave the courtroom here.

So, uh, you brought a case against this lady right here.

Are you happy with the decision?

- No, absolutely not.

- How do you feel about it?

- I feel good.

I just won a $1 million.

- Okay, I think she believes she won $1 million.

Listen, will you ever bring a case

against anybody in New Jersey ever again?

- Absolutely not.

I'm going to take care of it myself the old-fashion way.

- All right. Thank you, ladies. Thank you very much.

- Can you go get my car, sweetheart?

Thank you. - Sure.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Just remember, if you break the law, don't do it in Jersey.

- Are butterflies still in fashion?

[all laugh]

- Girl.

- It is a brand-new morning in the workroom.

I left my Jersey girl on the Turnpike.

The runway look today is curves and swerves,

padded for the gods.

And I'm ready to get these curves and swerves popping,

and hopefully get a chance

to lip sync for some money, girl.

- Okay, today's look is very lazy, very cas,

but still in designer.

Prada, Prada, St. Laurent, and Zara.

- Cute.

- Give me a break.

- Girl, what's going on over there with your hair?

- I'm giving you Kenya Kardashian, girl.

[all laugh]

- Coming into the workroom,

everyone is feeling confident.

But, America, in this competition,

anything can happen.

And someone is going home.

- Oh, how cute.

This is fabulous.

- It's all about proportions, right?

I'm very happy with my "Jersey Justice" performance.

And I feel like Naomi and I are topping tonight.

Not each other. [laughs]

How do you think you did yesterday?

- We were hilarious.

- Because I know that I saw in the beginning

you were very-- you were holding back.

- For my part, it wasn't very much story.

- Do you think that's going to hurt you?

- Hurt me?

It shouldn't hurt me.

I thought we were entertaining as hell.

- I feel like we all have no idea until the judges--

- My thing is like, okay,

say our group is in the bottom.

I don't even--I can't see how that can happen.

- Latrice is feeling really confident right now,

but I personally feel like she could have done better.

So I'm worried that my friend is going to be in the bottom.

- I feel like we did such an amazing job.

I know within my heart that I did amazing.

And I'm really excited about my runway

'cause I'm really pushing outside of my box.

So I have nothing to worry about.

I'm gonna win this challenge no matter what.

- You definitely, like, made up for the Snatch Game.

- Yeah.

- And proved why you're here.

I think I did really good.

I think that we worked really well together.

- Mm-hmm. We do because we're good old pals.

- Can I ask you a question?

Because this has been bothering me.

- What? - So when you first came in,

when Michelle told you to introduce--

who are you, what are you here for?

- Uh-huh. - Did you forget your name?

- For a quick second, yeah.

- Okay.

- It was like...Fisha Pice.

- Okay. All right. [laughs]

Okay.

- It was for a quick second, bitch.

- Do you know how long that takes?

A second is a long time.

If I asked you what's your name, and you're like...

- But I ain't worried about that, girl,

because my performance overall was sick.

- Right.

- Girl, my performance was good.

She needs to be worrying about herself,

not worried about if I fumbled one word

when she fumbled the entire bit.

Crashed and burned, bitch.

Nobody was perfect.

- Nobody was perfect, but-- - So everybody had that--

- Something. Yeah. - That second.

- I started off slow.

- Well. - Well.

- Well, girl, let's be real.

- I think--

- Let's be honest, girl. - Tell me.

- Where were the jokes?

Where were the jokes?

- Bitch, I had jokes.

And I know the people who needed to catch them, caught them.

- It wasn't your best, Latrice.

Let's just say that, okay?

But at the end of the day, like,

no one wants to send your ass home, bitch.

- Girl, you're so beloved.

If this is your time to be in the bottom,

you ain't going home.

Ain't nobody wants you to go home.

- Well, I don't want to be here just because of that.

- So I guess we'll see.

- I guess we'll see.

- I mean, if you aren't fucking trying it, you're trying it.

- Well, let me ask you this.

What if I'm in the bottom two

and you win the lip sync?

- I'm sending your ass home, bitch,

because sending Latrice home, that's too much.

- You would send me home when I would have saved you?

- She's the dearly beloved.

- What did you just say?

So this is how Villain-tina is going to play the game?

Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, no, sweetie.

You fucking with the wrong bitch.

[RuPaul laughs]

- ♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪

- Walk?

- ♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe, let your whole body talk ♪

♪ Cover girl ♪

- And what?

[applause]

- Welcome to the main stage of "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars."

Judge Michelle Visage.

Now, I hear justice is blind,

but you're going to poke somebody's eyes out

with those things.

- Oh, you sweet talker. Whoo!

- Style superstar Carson Kressley.

Now, have you ever been sued?

- No, but I had a gag order once.

That was fun.

[all laugh]

- Actress and comedienne Erica Ash.

Now, are you a lawyer?

- Well, not in real life, Ru,

but I do play one on my new show, "In Contempt," on BET.

- Was that a shameless plug?

- Guilty as charged.

[all laugh]

- Zoe Kravitz, now do you have any plot points

from "Big Little Lies" you'd like to share with us?

- I plead the fifth.

- [laughs] This week, we challenged our queens

to improv their ways through the Jersey court system.

Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best All Star win.

- ♪ She's a super queen, super queen ♪

- Category is swerves and curves, padded for the gods.

First up, Manila Luzon.

- Cruella Deville meets Reese Witherspoon.

[all laugh]

- I am padded for the gods.

I feel like Louis XIV, Rococo Chanel.

I'm giving you body-ody-ody old school style.

- The verdict is in. She's quilty.

- As charged.

- Naomi Smalls.

- [cries]

I'm serving you Real Housewife of 1950s.

My husband loves this dark cherry.

Little does he know it's boys-enberry.

- This outfit is smoking. - Yeah.

- Like a Stepford Housewife gone psycho.

- Cherry pie?

- Aw. - Cherry pie.

- Trinity The Tuck.

- Her hair is waving at us.

- It goes so well with her costume.

- Everybody knows that I have natural curves,

but tonight, I've got curves and swerves

for your nerves, honey.

- Ribbed for her pleasure.

- That's a lot of pleasure, Carson.

- Valentina. - What in the world?

Oh, oh, oh.

- Oh, I see a pattern here. - Yes.

- I'm giving you fashion straight from the atelier.

We are going behind the scenes,

and I'm showing you everything that drag is

before it becomes the final piece.

- Hmm. That reminds me of something.

I've got to put a pin in it. - Yeah. Yeah.

- Monique Heart. - Dairy Queen.

- Whoo. - There we go.

- I can't eat dairy. It goes straight to my hips.

- My look is inspired by Alexander Moo-Queen.

#Exaggerate.

- I really like the way she moo-ves.

- I tell you, I could watch this till the cows come home.

[all laugh]

- Latrice Royale.

- Beaded for the gods.

- Yes. Is it me or does she look stoned?

[all laugh]

- I am feeling my absolute most gorgeous.

I have on the most sickening gown.

Baby, you cannot tell me I'm not loving and living for myself.

- So that's where all my candy went.

[all laugh]

- Monet X Change.

- She can pop my cork any day.

- Ooh, bottoms up.

- It's so funny. That's exactly how I store my glasses.

[all laugh] - I'm paying homage

to one of the biggest booty bitches in the business,

Ms. Kim Kardashian.

I am the fourth Kardashian, Kenya Kardashian.

[pop] - Oh!

[all laugh]

- Welcome, ladies.

Now, before we proceed,

I need you to apologize

to anyone who has ever lived in, lived by,

or visited the great state of New Jersey.

- Bada bing, bada boom.

- Sorry, baby.

- Good. Well, that should clear things up.

Now it's time for the judges' critiques.

First up, Manila Luzon.

- I love pink on you. I think it looks really pretty.

- Thank you.

- I get the padding in the fabric,

so I understand that is your interpretation.

You look beautiful.

- I love that in the challenge,

you were a French poodle,

and now you've stuck with that

and you're wearing a French designer.

It's obviously an homage to Chanel.

- Yeah, a little Rococo Chanel.

- Right. Improv's not easy,

and I thought your performance was really, really great.

- I loved that you snuck a bark

kind of in the middle of that whole thing,

which I thought that was a really, really fun detail.

- You were fully committed.

You were really fun.

- Thank you.

- Up next, Naomi Smalls.

- This particular look, I live for it.

I love drag that when you come out,

we automatically get the story.

We know what you're selling.

I'm looking around,

you're giving us some great swerves and curves here.

- Your booty looks crazy.

- What you're serving is delicious.

Even though it's burnt.

- In the "Jersey Justice" challenge,

you absolutely looked like you were from New Jersey.

- Thanks.

- Leopard print obviously is my favorite color in the world.

- [laughs]

- The only thing I wanted from you was more.

I felt like you were not giving as much as Manila was giving.

- When you first walked into the challenge,

I thought I can't wait.

Unfortunately, I think you kind of got lost in the scene.

But the look, it was absolutely priceless.

- Thank you.

- Up next, Trinity The Tuck.

- Let's talk about your outfit.

It actually is my favorite outfit on the runway today.

- I'd love to borrow your thighs.

They look amazing.

- I'll take you to my doctor.

- Thank you. [all laugh]

- You have come a really long way

with knowing that you're funny.

But I just think this kind of stalled for you.

I wanted you to just keep going. - Yeah.

- Keep filling me up with your story.

- I think I was just scared to overstep Valentina,

because I wanted us both to have our moment.

- You know, not wanting to overshadow Valentina

is very nice, but it puts you in a difficult position.

So don't hold back.

- So you're basically saying fuck Valentina.

- You know, it's a competition.

Do what you need to do.

- You know, do you want to win

or do you want a participation ribbon?

That's really what it boils down to.

- Thank you. - Up next, Valentina.

- Hello.

- I love this outfit.

If deconstructed fashion was the theme at the Met,

this would be a wonderful thing to wear.

You look really chic and sophisticated.

I love that you don't have hair on.

It almost looks like a bun, which is really, really cool.

- Listen, I don't get it.

I don't think that it necessarily fits

with the swerves and curves and pads.

To me, it doesn't quite work.

- Your acting challenge, I was a little nervous for you.

But I thought your acting chops have really been refined.

So whatever you're doing, keep doing it.

- I really enjoyed you,

and I want you to keep letting yourself go like that.

Allowing yourself to be in the moment,

not worrying about being pretty. Maybe that's why.

Because you looked a mess, so you were able to be a mess.

- Thank you.

- Moo-nique Heart.

[all laugh] - Moo-nique.

- Tonight on the runway, I mean, it's pure comedy.

You are showing us your curves as insane

and in places that I'd never thought curves occurred.

- I've spent a lot of time around dairy cattle.

Don't ask.

But even like the cows' hips are like that.

They're like very pointy and bony

and wider than the rest of their bodies.

I had a cow over this when you came out.

[Michelle chuckles]

- I want to talk about your performance as Anastasia.

The voice is a bit shrill and doing my head in.

But it was perfect for the character.

I absolutely loved it.

You were so in it every second of the way.

- It almost scared me how much you were in it.

When there was a cake thrown in your face, you were still in it.

I didn't see you break once.

- I enjoy the understated character,

and I enjoy the overstated character,

as long as either one is not done horribly.

And I think you did yours very beautifully.

I loved the "I objectify."

Really well done.

- Thank you. - Latrice Royale.

- This is your goddamn category.

This is yours, swerves and curves all the way.

- I do want to commend you

on how beautiful you look on the runway tonight.

- I cinched for the very first time.

- Oh, bitch, I can see it.

Do you not usually cinch? - Never.

- Ever? - Ever.

- It's not fun.

- No, it's not, but I'm hooked.

You couldn't tell me I wasn't fine, baby.

- In the courtroom, Anna Mae.

Anna Mae was kind of gone for me, Latrice.

- She was not there?

- Going up against the powerhouse that is Monique,

you had to match her.

And you didn't have to do it loud and crazy like she was,

but you were this proper woman.

You could have gone all the way that way.

The minute you think you've given too much,

we're still gonna ask for more.

We are greedy-ass bottoms.

[Carson laughs]

- And that takes us to Carson Kressley.

- Anna Mae, yeah, I think we needed Anna More.

You're all All Stars.

Everyone is at the top of their game.

We need you to pop in those scenes,

so amp it up.

- Up next, Monet X Change.

- I love the surprise on the runway.

So when you first emerged, it was just like a black gown,

with the champagne bottle, the pearl necklace.

And we're just like, okay.

And then you turn around and pop that.

That was really fun.

- This is an image that is overdone

until the cows come home. Sorry, Monique.

But the way you did it on the runway was fun,

because you brought it to life.

- When you first walked into the challenge,

you were at a bit of a disadvantage,

because you come in a little bit later than everybody else.

So they've gotten all the good stuff before you get there.

That for me made it very tough

to get involved in your character.

You have to be a little bit more creative.

- Yeah, there were a lot of great moments.

I just feel like I didn't maybe know who you were.

- What I felt like I was seeing was Monet in a blonde wig.

I didn't feel a character development really at all.

And I felt like you guys

basically handed the scene over to Monique.

- Now, based on the judges' critiques,

I've made some decisions.

- Monique Heart.

Manila Luzon.

You're the top two All Stars of the week.

[applause]

Con-drag-ulations, ladies.

You've each won a $2,500 gift card

from FierceQueen.com,

and a $2,000 gift card from Eleas Closet.

- Jewels.

- Trinity The Tuck,

Naomi Smalls,

Valentina.

You are all safe.

Which means Latrice Royale and Monet X Change,

you are in the bottom two.

Monique and Manila, each of you needs to decide

which of the bottom two you'll eliminate

if you win the lip sync.

So while you queens deliberate in the workroom,

the judges and I will be making

autonomous sensory meridian response videos.

[slurps]

Thank you, ladies. You may leave the stage.

- ♪ Ooh, child ♪

♪ Things might need a cocktail ♪

Going into deliberation, I'm conflicted.

My Jersey girl was good.

My swerves and curves runway, you can't come for.

And I won.

But these are my two teammates in the bottom two.

I have to send one of them.

America, I'm gooped.

- [cries]

- I hate this. - Girl.

- It's like what do you do? This is horrible.

- I know we all sacrificed a lot.

I've given up so much to be here.

This is not my time.

I've been doing this for 25 years.

But there's always been this, like, unfulfilled prophecy,

and all I wanted to do when I came back here was get my crown.

- And that's why it's so heartbreaking

that you're here in this position.

I love you, Latrice.

- I love you, too, honey.

- Latrice has had an amazing career.

She has.

But this competition is not about

how many years you've been in the business, girl.

You have not been up to par the entire time we've been here,

and tonight you were the worst.

Goodbye.

- It sucks to be here with someone like Latrice,

who we all love and know and respect,

because I feel like Latrice and I are both talented

and we're both two people

who have been trying our damnedest in this competition.

But I feel like it's not my time to go.

- Ladies, I'm boiling.

My blood is simmering through my veins,

and I have some things to say, okay?

I am deeply and utterly offended.

That judge with a bun and the gold,

I do not appreciate her non-constructive criticism

of my beautiful outfit.

- Sis, I love you, but you're safe.

- I was phenomenal.

No matter what anybody says,

in my mind, in my world, in my fantasy, I won.

- Monique, I'm not ready to go.

I feel like I'm on the right path to doing stuff,

and this was a misstep.

- Monet, it is--I hate this.

And I mean, I hate that it's Latrice.

I feel like if it was anybody else, it would be so easy.

I love both of y'all so much.

Just to be in this place, girl.

- I have a pretty decent track record

in this competition, you know.

- I mean, I don't know. It's kind of hard.

Because you were in the top one week,

and you were in the bottom.

And then with Latrice, both weeks back to back,

have been challenges where she wasn't horrible.

- Yeah. - But she just didn't shine.

- It's tough.

I know it's a hard decision,

but I feel like I'm fucking working hard

in this goddamn competition.

And you, someone from day one, say you're playing a fair game.

- That is true.

- [sobs]

Latrice, you're such a dear friend to me.

You're, like, one of my best friends in the whole world.

I got you, all right?

I'm going to tear the fucking roof off this place

to save my friend.

- Latrice didn't quite hit the mark in this challenge,

but I know that she has so much more to give.

And I want my friend to be here with me.

That's the kind of person I am.

And if you know me long enough,

you'll know that I got your back no matter what.

I love you, Latrice, so much.

Let's show these bitches how we do it, okay?

- The OG was right.

- The OGs, bitch.

- I really love Latrice,

but, girl, because you've been doing drag for 100 years

you think you deserve the crown?

That ain't cute to me, because guess what?

I see Manila.

If she wins, she's gonna pick Latrice to stay

because they're friends.

I think Manila is very calculated.

Monet is obviously more competition to her than Latrice,

and coming into this competition,

you're not handed a packet of rules.

Of course not, girl. It's called morals.

It's called fairness.

I'm not playing that shady shit here.

- Manila Luzon.

- Monet.

[pblblblblbl]

- [laughs]

- Did that come from my breast?

- Your breastplate farted.

- Oh, my God. - Girl.

I first want to say,

I just feel like my work at "All Stars" is not done.

I want to be a Manila Luzon.

I want to be a Latrice Royale.

I want to be a Raven. I want to be a Raja.

I want to be that "Drag Race" girl

that people seasons later

will be like, oh, Monet X Change.

You know what I mean?

- I'm very impressed by you.

You're amazing for showing how far you've come

in just such a short time.

And it sucks because I want to see more from you.

- Yeah. - But it's like...

- I know. - It sucks.

You've done well in this competition,

and you should be praised for that.

- Manila is Latrice's best friend here,

so it's like if she wants to save her friend,

like, she is well in her right to do so.

Ain't no rules that you have to make a decision based on.

But bitch, the bottom line is that it is shady

if I go home today.

- The reason that this sucks

is because you are who you are to me,

and who you are to so many other young, black, gay men,

and then just to the community as a whole.

So it is--

- Well, I'm going to tell you this.

I'm going to tell you this with every fiber of my being.

I guarantee you,

you keep me, I'm not gonna be back here next week.

This is an awful feeling.

This is against everything I'm here for.

And the fact of the matter is

there's no other place that I would rather be

right now than here.

And that's saying a lot,

considering that I have a wedding to get planned--

- To be getting to.

- You understand what I'm saying?

- This is a whole lot, girl.

- Baby, this is not hard.

I am the most respected, beloved queen in the game.

That's who deserves and should be in the competition.

- Just let me go and get my mind right.

And I love you. - I love you, too.

- Mwah. - Mwah.

- [whispering] I want us to do some ASMR triggers

to help us relax.

- [whispering] I'm going to use my sharp talons

to gently caress this fierce, daftboy fan.

[scratch]

[crunch]

[pop, can opens]

[all sounds]

- Silence.

Bring back my...

All Stars.

[pop-top can opens]

[gong]

- After all these years, I'm still Team Latrila.

So it's no secret that I will save Latrice.

She hasn't been able to shine

and really show everything she's got.

I don't think that she's going to get that chance

unless I'm able to save her.

- I don't know what to do.

I love them both,

and I'm really torn.

Do I keep the person that's been an inspiration to me,

even though her report card is just Cs?

Or do I give the person

a second chance to redeem themselves

from an off week

who has had at least one A+?

Reality is the world's going to be gagged.

Am I making the right decision?

- Welcome back, ladies.

Two top All Stars stand before me.

Prior to tonight,

you were asked to prepare a lip sync performance

of the Elton John classic, "The Bitch Is Back,"

performed by Tina Turner.

Ladies, this is your chance to impress me,

win $10,000,

and earn the power

to give one of the bottom queens the chop.

The time has come... [thunder]

for you to lip sync...

[echoing] for your legacy.

And as Sir Elton John always says...

- Good luck. - [gasps]

- And don't fuck it up.

- Yes!

Oh, message. [applause]

- I couldn't have said it better myself.

[music plays]

- ♪ I was justified when I was five ♪

♪ Raisin' Cain, I spit in your eye ♪

♪ But times are changin' now the poor get fat ♪

♪ But the fever's gonna catch you ♪

♪ When the bitch gets back ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Eat meat on a Friday, that's all right ♪

♪ I even like steak on a Saturday night ♪

♪ I can bitch the best at your social do's ♪

♪ I get high from just thinking about the things I do ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch ♪

♪ I'm a bitch, I'm back ♪

♪ And I'm stone-cold sober as a matter of fact ♪

♪ I entertain by picking brains ♪

♪ I sell my soul by dropping names ♪

♪ I don't like those, my God, what's that? ♪

♪ Oh, it's full of nasty habits when the bitch gets back ♪

- I wasn't able to save Latrice and myself

on "All Stars" 1 with my lip sync,

so I've got to make sure that I give it everything I have.

I have to win this thing.

- ♪ I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch ♪

♪ I'm a bitch, I'm back ♪

♪ Stone-cold sober as a matter of fact ♪

♪ I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch ♪

♪ I'm a bitch, I'm back ♪

♪ Stone-cold sober as a matter of fact ♪

♪ I can bitch, I can bitch ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm better than you ♪

♪ It's the way that I move, the things that I do, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I'm a bitch, a bitch ♪

♪ Yeah, a bitch and I'm back ♪

- ♪ Hey, the bitch is back ♪

- ♪ Yeah, I'm a bitch, a bitch ♪

♪ A bitch, and I'm back ♪

♪ A bitch, a bitch ♪

♪ A bitch and I'm back ♪

- ♪ Hey, the bitch is back ♪

- ♪ I'm a bitch, a bitch ♪

♪ A bitch and I'm back ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Whoo!

- Ladies, I've made my decision.

- Monique Heart.

You're a winner, baby.

[applause]

- This is my first time actually winning my lip sync, ever.

Praise the Lord, America.

I win $10,000.

You know what I can do with a 10 stack?

But first I have to send someone home,

and that sucks.

- Con-drag-ulations.

You've earned a cash tip of $10,000.

[applause]

- Manila, you're safe.

You may join the other girls.

- [cries]

- Now will the bottom two please step forward.

Monique, with great power comes great responsibility.

Which queen have you chosen to get the chop?

- This moment is beautiful and joyous,

because it's my first lip sync redeeming myself.

However, I love these two.

This is horrible.

The person I chose,

they are sickening, they are stunning,

they really do give you the ooh-ah-ah sensation.

They just won't be doing it here with us.

I chose Latrice.

- [sobs]

- Latrice Royale,

as it is written, so it shall be done.

You are and will always be an All Star.

Now sashay away.

- Thank you all.

[applause]

- I love you. - Love you all.

Kill it.

Love you.

- Love you, bitch. - Me, too, baby.

- I love you.

- Always large and in charge.

Chunky get funky.

Bold and beautiful, and this is not the end of me, darling.

[cheers and applause]

- Anybody could have been in the bottom.

It just so happened it was me and Monet.

I get it. I understand it.

Did I come out here and do what I intended to do? No.

Will I wake up tomorrow and still be fabulous?

Absolutely.

So...oh, well.

Everything happens for a reason.

If this is not my destiny,

then there's something bigger and better

out there waiting for me.

Okay, yeah.

No matter what, I'm still Latrice motherfucking Royale,

and nobody will ever take that away from me.

- Con-drag-ulations, All Stars.

And remember, if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

- Amen. - All right.

Now let the music play.

- ♪ I'm telling, I'm telling ♪

♪ I'm telling the truth now ♪

♪ We're all born naked and the rest is drag ♪

- Next time on "All Stars..."

We're celebrating the life and times

of the great Lady Bunny.

May she roast in peace.

[cheers and applause] - Okay.

- Look at that big bloated bitch in that box.

Have you ever seen her out of drag?

Category is Ben Franklin fucks the Michelin Man, okay?

- Doctors use a picture of her

to solve Viagra users

with erections lasting longer than four hours.

- That was the joke?

- If it was up to Torshi,

the judges could decide who goes home.

- That's a little nerve-wracking because no one really knows

where they're going to stand with you.

- Very that.

- For the first time in "Drag Race" herstory,

"All Star" rules

are suspended.

- I have died and gone to hell.

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]