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1
00:00:12,675 --> 00:00:17,146
Monty python's flying circuses.
2
00:00:38,034 --> 00:00:43,706
Tonight jeremy toogood reads
redgauntlet by sir walter scott.
3
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:46,209
Hello.
4
00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,680
The sunsoot...
5
00:00:50,713 --> 00:00:52,048
The sunsiett...
6
00:00:52,081 --> 00:00:53,816
The sun... the sunset!
7
00:00:53,850 --> 00:00:58,254
The sunset waas... was, was...
8
00:00:59,055 --> 00:01:03,459
The sunset was...
di... deeing... dying
9
00:01:03,493 --> 00:01:07,497
Over the hile...
hiel... he... heels...
10
00:01:07,530 --> 00:01:09,766
Oh, hills, hills!
11
00:01:09,799 --> 00:01:13,036
Of... slow... sol... way firth.
12
00:01:13,069 --> 00:01:16,406
The love piper...
the lone piper.
13
00:01:16,439 --> 00:01:19,609
The lone piper... on the ba...
14
00:01:19,642 --> 00:01:23,413
Batt... ly... ments...
15
00:01:23,479 --> 00:01:29,719
Of ed... ebing... ebingundir...
ed... edingburgher...
16
00:01:31,554 --> 00:01:32,822
Edinburgh!
17
00:01:32,855 --> 00:01:35,858
Edinburgh... castle
18
00:01:35,892 --> 00:01:37,760
Was sil... silhou...
19
00:01:37,794 --> 00:01:41,464
Saluted... s... si...
20
00:01:42,165 --> 00:01:43,466
"the sunset was dying
21
00:01:43,499 --> 00:01:45,535
"over the hills
of solway firth.
22
00:01:45,568 --> 00:01:48,671
"the lone piper on the
battlements of edinburgh castle
23
00:01:48,705 --> 00:01:52,342
Was silhouetted
against the crim..." crimsy...
24
00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:54,077
Crimson!
25
00:01:54,110 --> 00:01:58,181
Against the crimson
streeds... stre...
26
00:01:58,214 --> 00:01:59,415
Streaked.
27
00:01:59,449 --> 00:02:01,484
Streaked?
28
00:02:01,517 --> 00:02:03,119
Crimson-streaked sky.
29
00:02:03,152 --> 00:02:07,557
In the shadows
of carriganu...
30
00:02:08,691 --> 00:02:10,226
Cran...
crungrin...
31
00:02:10,259 --> 00:02:11,461
Cairngorm!
32
00:02:11,494 --> 00:02:12,495
Ah!
33
00:02:12,528 --> 00:02:14,297
In the shadows
of cairngorm
34
00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:15,698
The layt...
35
00:02:15,732 --> 00:02:16,699
Laird!
36
00:02:16,733 --> 00:02:17,734
Laird!
laird! laird!
37
00:02:17,767 --> 00:02:19,102
Laird of...
of... of....
38
00:02:19,135 --> 00:02:20,103
Laird of
monteu...
39
00:02:20,136 --> 00:02:21,104
Montreux...
40
00:02:21,137 --> 00:02:22,138
Montrose.
41
00:02:22,171 --> 00:02:23,640
Montrose.
montrose. montrose.
42
00:02:23,673 --> 00:02:25,108
The laird
of montrose...
43
00:02:25,141 --> 00:02:26,109
Gal-loped?
44
00:02:26,142 --> 00:02:28,344
Galloped...
45
00:02:28,378 --> 00:02:30,079
"the lone piper
46
00:02:30,113 --> 00:02:33,883
On the battlements
of edinburgh castle..."
47
00:02:33,916 --> 00:02:35,852
Next.
48
00:02:35,885 --> 00:02:37,553
Here on top
of edinburgh castle
49
00:02:37,587 --> 00:02:38,955
In conditions
of extreme secrecy
50
00:02:38,988 --> 00:02:40,390
Men are being trained
51
00:02:40,423 --> 00:02:42,759
For the british army's
first kamikaze regiment--
52
00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:45,762
The queen's own
mckamikaze highlanders.
53
00:02:45,795 --> 00:02:47,030
So successful has been
54
00:02:47,063 --> 00:02:48,831
The training
of the kamikaze regiment
55
00:02:48,865 --> 00:02:50,600
That the numbers have dwindled
56
00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:53,403
From 30,000 to just over
a dozen in three weeks.
57
00:02:53,436 --> 00:02:56,372
What makes these young scotsmen
so keen to kill themselves?
58
00:02:56,406 --> 00:02:57,607
The money's good.
59
00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,410
And the water skiing.
60
00:03:00,443 --> 00:03:01,511
Attention!
61
00:03:01,544 --> 00:03:02,946
All right,
sergeant major, at ease.
62
00:03:02,979 --> 00:03:04,948
Now, how many chaps
you got left?
63
00:03:04,981 --> 00:03:05,949
Six, sir.
64
00:03:05,982 --> 00:03:06,950
Six?
65
00:03:06,983 --> 00:03:08,084
Five, sir...
good luck, johnson.
66
00:03:08,117 --> 00:03:09,319
Jolly good show,
sergeant major.
67
00:03:09,352 --> 00:03:10,386
I've come
to tell you
68
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:11,654
We've got a job
for your five lads.
69
00:03:11,688 --> 00:03:12,755
Four, sir.
70
00:03:12,789 --> 00:03:13,756
For your four lads.
71
00:03:13,790 --> 00:03:14,757
Good luck,
taggart.
72
00:03:14,791 --> 00:03:15,959
Thank you,
sarge.
73
00:03:15,992 --> 00:03:17,460
Now, this mission's
going to be dangerous
74
00:03:17,493 --> 00:03:19,362
And it's going to be tough
and we're going to need
75
00:03:19,395 --> 00:03:20,763
Every lad of yours
to pull his weight.
76
00:03:20,797 --> 00:03:22,465
Now, which four are they?
77
00:03:22,498 --> 00:03:23,533
These three
here, sir.
78
00:03:23,566 --> 00:03:24,534
Okay, off
you go, smith.
79
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:25,201
Right!
80
00:03:25,234 --> 00:03:26,035
Sergeant major.
81
00:03:26,069 --> 00:03:27,070
Sir?!
82
00:03:27,103 --> 00:03:28,504
You don't think
it might be a good idea
83
00:03:28,538 --> 00:03:30,239
To stop the training
program for a little bit?
84
00:03:30,273 --> 00:03:32,175
They got to be
trained, sir-- it's a dangerous job.
85
00:03:32,208 --> 00:03:34,043
Yes, I know but...
86
00:03:34,077 --> 00:03:35,678
All right, macpherson,
you're next-- off you go.
87
00:03:35,712 --> 00:03:37,680
You see, what
is worrying me, sergeant major...
88
00:03:37,714 --> 00:03:38,681
I'll make it
a good one, sir!
89
00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:39,682
Good luck,
macpherson.
90
00:03:39,716 --> 00:03:41,084
Macpherson...
only this mission
91
00:03:41,117 --> 00:03:42,385
Really is very dangerous.
92
00:03:42,418 --> 00:03:44,220
We're going to need both
the chaps you've got left.
93
00:03:44,253 --> 00:03:45,755
Both of who, sir?
94
00:03:45,788 --> 00:03:47,390
Sergeant major,
what's this man's name?
95
00:03:47,423 --> 00:03:48,391
This one, sir?
96
00:03:48,424 --> 00:03:49,392
This one's
macdonald, sir.
97
00:03:49,425 --> 00:03:50,393
Macdonald...
98
00:03:50,426 --> 00:03:51,494
Go, lad.
no, no, no.
99
00:03:51,527 --> 00:03:53,062
Hang on to macdonald,
sergeant major.
100
00:03:53,096 --> 00:03:54,063
Hang on to him.
101
00:03:54,097 --> 00:03:55,431
I don't know
whether I can, sir.
102
00:03:55,465 --> 00:03:57,367
He's in a state
of itsubishi kyoto mcsayonara.
103
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,701
What's that?
104
00:03:58,735 --> 00:04:00,703
It's the fifth state
a scotsman can achieve, sir.
105
00:04:00,737 --> 00:04:02,538
He's got to
finish himself off by lunchtime
106
00:04:02,572 --> 00:04:04,374
Or he thinks he's let
down the emperor, sir.
107
00:04:04,407 --> 00:04:05,775
Well, can't we
get him out of it?
108
00:04:05,808 --> 00:04:07,076
Oh, I don't know
how to, sir.
109
00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:09,045
Our kamikaze instructor,
mr. yashimoto, was so good
110
00:04:09,078 --> 00:04:10,380
He never left
tokyo airport.
111
00:04:10,413 --> 00:04:16,486
Well, there must be someone else
who can advise us.
112
00:04:16,686 --> 00:04:17,654
Good morning.
113
00:04:17,687 --> 00:04:18,688
Kamikaze, please.
114
00:04:18,721 --> 00:04:20,623
Yes, would you
go through, please?
115
00:04:20,657 --> 00:04:23,459
Thank you.
116
00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:26,596
All right, sergeant major.
117
00:04:26,629 --> 00:04:27,597
No time to lose.
118
00:04:27,630 --> 00:04:29,365
Beg pardon, sir?
119
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:30,566
No time
to lose.
120
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:31,567
No what, sir?
121
00:04:31,601 --> 00:04:33,636
No time... no time to lose.
122
00:04:33,670 --> 00:04:35,405
Oh, I see, sir.
123
00:04:35,438 --> 00:04:37,674
No time... to lose!
124
00:04:37,707 --> 00:04:39,409
Yes, that's right, yes.
125
00:04:39,442 --> 00:04:41,811
Yes, no time to lose, sir.
126
00:04:41,844 --> 00:04:43,313
Right!
127
00:04:43,346 --> 00:04:44,614
Isn't that funny, sir.
128
00:04:44,647 --> 00:04:46,716
I've never come across
that phrase before.
129
00:04:46,749 --> 00:04:47,951
"no time to lose."
130
00:04:47,984 --> 00:04:49,986
42 years I've been
in the regular army
131
00:04:50,019 --> 00:04:51,788
And I've never heard
that phrase.
132
00:04:51,821 --> 00:04:53,222
Well, it's
in perfectly common parlance.
133
00:04:53,256 --> 00:04:54,157
In what, sir?
134
00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:55,158
Oh, never mind.
135
00:04:55,191 --> 00:04:56,759
Right-- no time to lose.
136
00:04:56,793 --> 00:04:59,395
Eventually, yes, sir.
137
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:00,396
What?
138
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:01,664
Well, like you said, sir.
139
00:05:01,698 --> 00:05:03,399
We'll be able
to make time eventually--
140
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:04,601
Without to lose, sir, no.
141
00:05:04,634 --> 00:05:06,569
Look, um, I don't think
you've quite got
142
00:05:06,603 --> 00:05:11,808
The hang of this phrase,
sergeant major.
143
00:05:12,742 --> 00:05:14,277
Morning.
144
00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:17,513
No time to lose.
145
00:05:17,547 --> 00:05:19,248
Now, then, how
were you thinking
146
00:05:19,282 --> 00:05:20,416
Of using this phrase?
147
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,619
Uh...
148
00:05:22,652 --> 00:05:24,554
Well, I was thinking
of using it like, uh...
149
00:05:24,587 --> 00:05:27,323
Uh... "good morning, dear.
150
00:05:27,357 --> 00:05:30,326
What is in no time to lose?"
151
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,562
Yes, well, you've
not quite got
152
00:05:32,595 --> 00:05:34,530
The hang of that,
have you?
153
00:05:34,564 --> 00:05:35,732
No time to lose.
154
00:05:35,765 --> 00:05:37,200
No time to lose.
155
00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:39,102
No time to lose.
156
00:05:39,135 --> 00:05:42,105
No time to lose.
157
00:05:42,138 --> 00:05:43,506
Now, you want
to use this phrase
158
00:05:43,539 --> 00:05:44,907
In everyday
conversation, is that right?
159
00:05:44,941 --> 00:05:46,342
Yes, that's right, yes.
160
00:05:46,376 --> 00:05:49,178
Yes, good.
161
00:05:51,114 --> 00:05:53,850
My wife and I have....
162
00:05:53,883 --> 00:05:57,553
My wife and I have never had a
great deal to say to each other.
163
00:05:57,587 --> 00:06:00,189
In the old days we used
to find things to say
164
00:06:00,223 --> 00:06:02,692
Like "pass the sugar"
or "that's my flannel"
165
00:06:02,725 --> 00:06:04,694
But in the last
ten or 15 years
166
00:06:04,727 --> 00:06:07,764
There just hasn't seemed
to be anything to say.
167
00:06:07,797 --> 00:06:10,400
And anyway, I saw
your phrase advertised in the paper
168
00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:12,335
And I thought
that's the kind of thing
169
00:06:12,368 --> 00:06:16,205
I'd like to say to her.
170
00:06:16,572 --> 00:06:18,174
Yes, well,
what we normally suggest
171
00:06:18,207 --> 00:06:19,709
For a beginner such as yourself
172
00:06:19,742 --> 00:06:22,779
Is that you put your alarm clock
back ten minutes in the morning
173
00:06:22,812 --> 00:06:24,614
So you can wake up,
look at the clock
174
00:06:24,647 --> 00:06:26,149
And use the phrase immediately.
175
00:06:26,182 --> 00:06:27,150
Shall we try it?
176
00:06:27,183 --> 00:06:28,151
Yes.
177
00:06:28,184 --> 00:06:29,152
All right.
178
00:06:29,185 --> 00:06:30,253
I'll be
the alarm clock.
179
00:06:30,286 --> 00:06:31,487
When I go off
180
00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:36,392
Look at me
and use the phrase, okay?
181
00:06:37,126 --> 00:06:39,796
No! time to lose.
182
00:06:39,829 --> 00:06:40,897
No. no time to lose.
183
00:06:40,930 --> 00:06:42,065
No time to lose.
184
00:06:42,098 --> 00:06:43,066
No time to lose.
185
00:06:43,099 --> 00:06:44,367
No time to lose.
186
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,070
No. to lose, like
toulouse in france.
187
00:06:47,103 --> 00:06:48,171
No time toulouse.
188
00:06:48,204 --> 00:06:49,739
No time toulouse.
189
00:06:49,772 --> 00:06:50,740
No time toulouse.
190
00:06:50,773 --> 00:06:51,741
No time toulouse.
191
00:06:51,774 --> 00:06:53,209
No. no time to lose.
192
00:06:53,242 --> 00:06:56,846
No, no time to lose.
193
00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:02,318
"no-time toulouse... "
194
00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:20,770
All right, you
yellow-bellied sidewinder
195
00:07:20,803 --> 00:07:24,173
Go for your guns.
196
00:07:25,475 --> 00:07:27,810
Anyway, no time to lose,
sergeant major.
197
00:07:27,844 --> 00:07:28,811
Look out, sir!
198
00:07:28,845 --> 00:07:29,812
Macdonald!
199
00:07:29,846 --> 00:07:30,813
Macdonald!
200
00:07:30,847 --> 00:07:32,282
We'll have
to hurry, sir.
201
00:07:32,315 --> 00:07:33,783
Macdonald,
put that down.
202
00:07:33,816 --> 00:07:35,018
Put that
down, lad.
203
00:07:35,051 --> 00:07:37,420
He's reached
the sixth plane already, sir.
204
00:07:37,453 --> 00:07:39,722
Right, here
are the plans, sergeant major.
205
00:07:39,756 --> 00:07:40,723
Good luck.
206
00:07:40,757 --> 00:07:41,724
Thank you, sir.
207
00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:43,159
And good luck
to you, macdonald.
208
00:07:43,192 --> 00:07:44,160
Thank you, sir.
209
00:07:44,193 --> 00:07:45,161
Come on,
macdonald.
210
00:07:45,194 --> 00:07:46,162
No time to lose.
211
00:07:46,195 --> 00:07:47,530
Very good, sergeant major.
212
00:07:47,563 --> 00:07:48,731
Yes, excellent.
213
00:07:48,765 --> 00:07:49,732
So it was
214
00:07:49,766 --> 00:07:51,467
That on a cold november morning
215
00:07:51,501 --> 00:07:53,503
R.s.m. urdoch
and sapper macdonald--
216
00:07:53,536 --> 00:07:56,172
One of the most highly
trained kamikaze experts
217
00:07:56,205 --> 00:07:58,474
The scottish highlands
have ever witnessed
218
00:07:58,508 --> 00:08:00,343
Left on a mission
which was to...
219
00:08:00,376 --> 00:08:02,345
Oh, I can't go on
with this drivel.
220
00:08:02,378 --> 00:08:04,414
All right,
macdonald.
221
00:08:04,447 --> 00:08:07,717
No time to lose.
222
00:08:08,151 --> 00:08:10,954
Macdonald!
223
00:08:17,393 --> 00:08:20,363
Come on. up.
224
00:08:33,076 --> 00:08:35,445
Well, that's the mission,
now here's the method.
225
00:08:35,478 --> 00:08:37,113
R.s.m. urdoch will lull
the enemy
226
00:08:37,146 --> 00:08:38,648
Into a false sense of security
227
00:08:38,681 --> 00:08:40,650
By giving them
large quantities of money
228
00:08:40,683 --> 00:08:42,151
A good home and a steady job.
229
00:08:42,185 --> 00:08:44,220
Then, when they're
upstairs with the wife
230
00:08:44,253 --> 00:08:47,156
Sapper macdonald will hurl
himself at the secret documents
231
00:08:47,190 --> 00:08:48,591
Destroying them and himself.
232
00:08:48,625 --> 00:08:49,726
Well, that's the plan.
233
00:08:49,759 --> 00:08:51,160
The time is now 19.42 hours.
234
00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:53,696
I want you to get to bed,
have a good night's rest
235
00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:55,598
And be on parade
early in the morning.
236
00:08:55,632 --> 00:08:56,799
Thank you for listening
237
00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:58,501
And thank you
for a lovely supper.
238
00:08:58,534 --> 00:09:01,170
And... and... and sue...
239
00:09:01,204 --> 00:09:02,472
So.
so, so...
240
00:09:02,505 --> 00:09:06,342
So the... the
in... intriptid
241
00:09:06,376 --> 00:09:07,377
Intrepid.
242
00:09:07,410 --> 00:09:08,544
Intrepid.
243
00:09:08,578 --> 00:09:11,080
Intrepid r.s.m. urdoch
and super...
244
00:09:11,114 --> 00:09:12,181
Sapper.
245
00:09:12,215 --> 00:09:14,917
Sapper...
sapper macdonald...
246
00:09:14,951 --> 00:09:16,019
M... made..
mead...
247
00:09:16,052 --> 00:09:17,020
Made!
248
00:09:17,053 --> 00:09:18,087
Made their why...
249
00:09:18,121 --> 00:09:19,722
Way!
way! way!
250
00:09:19,756 --> 00:09:21,624
Way... way
to... toarro...
251
00:09:21,658 --> 00:09:22,659
Towards!
252
00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:23,726
Towards!
253
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:24,927
Towards...
254
00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:28,331
Towards the...
the ruust... ruusty...
255
00:09:28,364 --> 00:09:30,066
Rrr...
ruusty... russian.
256
00:09:30,099 --> 00:09:31,601
Russian!
257
00:09:31,634 --> 00:09:32,735
Russian bolder...
258
00:09:32,769 --> 00:09:34,570
Border!
border! border!
259
00:09:34,604 --> 00:09:38,441
And so, and so r.s.m. urdoch and
sapper macdonald made their way
260
00:09:38,474 --> 00:09:40,043
Towards the russian bolder...
261
00:09:40,076 --> 00:09:42,645
Border!
262
00:09:55,058 --> 00:09:57,393
Hmm?
263
00:11:07,163 --> 00:11:08,564
Penguins, yes, penguins.
264
00:11:08,598 --> 00:11:10,433
What relevance do penguins have
265
00:11:10,466 --> 00:11:12,669
To the furtherance
of medical science?
266
00:11:12,702 --> 00:11:14,637
Well, strangely enough,
quite a lot--
267
00:11:14,671 --> 00:11:16,205
A major breakthrough, maybe.
268
00:11:16,239 --> 00:11:19,475
It was from such an unlikely
beginning as an unwanted fungus
269
00:11:19,509 --> 00:11:21,611
Accidentally growing
on a sterile plate
270
00:11:21,644 --> 00:11:24,547
That sir alexander fleming gave
the world penicillin.
271
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:27,550
James watt watched an ordinary
household kettle boiling
272
00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:30,053
And conceived
the potentiality of steam power.
273
00:11:30,086 --> 00:11:32,221
Would albert einstein
ever have hit upon
274
00:11:32,255 --> 00:11:34,958
The theory of relativity
if he hadn't been clever?
275
00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:36,859
All these tremendous
leaps forward
276
00:11:36,893 --> 00:11:38,528
Have been taken in the dark.
277
00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:41,431
Would rutherford ever have split
the atom if he hadn't tried?
278
00:11:41,464 --> 00:11:43,399
Could marconi have
invented the radio
279
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:44,867
If he hadn't by pure chance
280
00:11:44,901 --> 00:11:46,736
Spent years working
at the problem?
281
00:11:46,769 --> 00:11:49,072
Are these amazing breakthroughs
ever achieved
282
00:11:49,105 --> 00:11:51,541
Except by years and years
of unremitting study?
283
00:11:51,574 --> 00:11:52,942
Of course not.
284
00:11:52,976 --> 00:11:55,445
What I said earlier
about accidental discoveries
285
00:11:55,478 --> 00:11:56,846
Must have been wrong.
286
00:11:56,879 --> 00:11:59,549
Nevertheless, scientists believe
that these penguins
287
00:11:59,582 --> 00:12:02,185
These comic, flightless,
web-footed little bastards
288
00:12:02,218 --> 00:12:03,953
May finally,
unwittingly help man
289
00:12:03,987 --> 00:12:06,556
To fathom the uncharted depths
of the human mind.
290
00:12:06,589 --> 00:12:08,825
Professor rosewall
of the laver institute.
291
00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,259
Hello.
292
00:12:10,293 --> 00:12:13,396
Here at the institute,
professor charles pasarall
293
00:12:13,429 --> 00:12:15,498
Dr. peaches bartkowicz
and myself
294
00:12:15,531 --> 00:12:17,500
Have been working on the theory
295
00:12:17,533 --> 00:12:20,336
Originally postulated
by the late dr. kramer
296
00:12:20,370 --> 00:12:23,606
That the penguin is
intrinsically more intelligent
297
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,241
Than the human being.
298
00:12:25,275 --> 00:12:28,311
The first thing that
dr. kramer came up with was
299
00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:31,881
That the penguin has
a much smaller brain than the man.
300
00:12:31,914 --> 00:12:34,484
This postulate formed
the fundamental basis
301
00:12:34,517 --> 00:12:35,852
Of all of his thinking
302
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:39,922
And remained with him
until his death.
303
00:12:39,956 --> 00:12:42,925
Now, we've taken this theory
one stage further.
304
00:12:42,959 --> 00:12:45,395
If we increase
the size of the penguin
305
00:12:45,428 --> 00:12:47,864
Until it is
the same height as the man
306
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:50,533
And then compare
the relative brain sizes
307
00:12:50,566 --> 00:12:54,070
We now find that the penguin's
brain is still smaller.
308
00:12:54,103 --> 00:12:59,542
But-- and this is the point--
it is larger than it was.
309
00:12:59,575 --> 00:13:03,179
For a penguin to have
the same size of brain as a man
310
00:13:03,212 --> 00:13:08,985
The penguin would have to be
over 66 feet high.
311
00:13:10,653 --> 00:13:14,190
This theory has become known
as the "waste of time theory"
312
00:13:14,223 --> 00:13:15,959
And was abandoned in 1956.
313
00:13:15,992 --> 00:13:17,593
Hello again.
314
00:13:17,627 --> 00:13:20,730
Standard i.q. tests gave
the following results.
315
00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:23,333
The penguins scored
badly when compared
316
00:13:23,366 --> 00:13:27,737
With primitive human subgroups
like the bushmen of the kalahari
317
00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:30,173
But better
than bbc program planners.
318
00:13:30,206 --> 00:13:33,743
The bbc program planners'
surprisingly high total here
319
00:13:33,776 --> 00:13:35,278
Can be explained away
320
00:13:35,311 --> 00:13:38,481
As being within the ordinary
limits of statistical error.
321
00:13:38,514 --> 00:13:40,516
One particularly
dim program planner
322
00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:43,353
Can cock the whole thing up.
323
00:13:43,386 --> 00:13:44,621
These i.q. tests
324
00:13:44,654 --> 00:13:47,824
Were thought to contain
an unfair cultural bias
325
00:13:47,857 --> 00:13:49,258
Against the penguin.
326
00:13:49,292 --> 00:13:51,327
For example, it didn't take
into account
327
00:13:51,361 --> 00:13:53,863
The penguins' extremely poor
educational system.
328
00:13:53,896 --> 00:13:56,065
To devise a fairer system
of tests
329
00:13:56,099 --> 00:13:59,702
A team of our researchers
spent 18 months in antarctica
330
00:13:59,736 --> 00:14:01,170
Living like penguins
331
00:14:01,204 --> 00:14:05,308
And subsequently dying
like penguins-- only quicker--
332
00:14:05,341 --> 00:14:07,610
Proving that the penguin is
a clever little sod
333
00:14:07,644 --> 00:14:09,145
In his own environment.
334
00:14:09,178 --> 00:14:11,481
Therefore, we devised tests
to be given to the penguins
335
00:14:11,514 --> 00:14:12,882
In the fourth set--
336
00:14:12,915 --> 00:14:15,318
I do beg your pardon--
in their own environment.
337
00:14:15,351 --> 00:14:16,319
Net!
338
00:14:16,352 --> 00:14:18,688
Shh!
339
00:14:18,955 --> 00:14:22,558
What is the next number
in this sequence?
340
00:14:22,592 --> 00:14:25,962
Two, four, six...
341
00:14:28,331 --> 00:14:31,601
Did he say "eight"?
342
00:14:31,634 --> 00:14:33,469
What is...
343
00:14:33,503 --> 00:14:35,805
The environmental barrier
had been removed
344
00:14:35,838 --> 00:14:37,807
But we'd hit another--
the language barrier.
345
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,442
The penguins could not
speak english
346
00:14:39,475 --> 00:14:41,544
And were therefore unable
to give the answers.
347
00:14:41,577 --> 00:14:44,447
This problem was removed in
the next series of experiments
348
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,616
By asking the same questions
to the penguins
349
00:14:46,649 --> 00:14:49,218
And to a random group
of non-english-speaking humans
350
00:14:49,252 --> 00:14:50,420
In the same conditions.
351
00:14:50,453 --> 00:14:53,556
What is
the next number?
352
00:14:53,589 --> 00:14:56,960
Two, four, six...
353
00:15:09,339 --> 00:15:10,907
Hello?
354
00:15:10,940 --> 00:15:13,543
The results of these tests
were most illuminating.
355
00:15:13,576 --> 00:15:15,878
The penguins' scores
were consistently equal
356
00:15:15,912 --> 00:15:21,351
To those of the
non-english-speaking group.
357
00:15:22,919 --> 00:15:29,092
These inquiries led
to certain changes at the bbc...
358
00:15:32,161 --> 00:15:34,631
While attendances
at zoos boomed.
359
00:15:34,664 --> 00:15:36,666
Soon these feathery
little hustlers
360
00:15:36,699 --> 00:15:42,605
Were infiltrating important
positions everywhere.
361
00:15:45,375 --> 00:15:47,777
Help.
362
00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:52,115
Oh!
363
00:16:32,255 --> 00:16:34,557
Vizna veshchat.
364
00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:37,126
Pravda karamentov.
365
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,161
We must study them
366
00:16:38,194 --> 00:16:40,630
In conditions
of absolute secrecy.
367
00:16:40,663 --> 00:16:41,764
Nyet?
368
00:16:41,798 --> 00:16:43,166
Look out!
369
00:16:43,199 --> 00:16:45,602
Nyet?
370
00:17:04,988 --> 00:17:06,990
He hasn't gone off.
371
00:17:07,023 --> 00:17:10,093
Slovati, tovarish!
372
00:17:10,126 --> 00:17:12,528
What?
373
00:18:31,441 --> 00:18:35,278
And welcome to spot the looney,
where once again, we invite you
374
00:18:35,311 --> 00:18:37,413
To come with us
all over the world
375
00:18:37,447 --> 00:18:40,583
To meet all kinds of people
in all kinds of places
376
00:18:40,617 --> 00:18:41,684
And ask you to...
377
00:18:41,718 --> 00:18:44,988
Spot the looney.
378
00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:47,624
Our panel this evening:
gurt svensson
379
00:18:47,657 --> 00:18:51,027
The swedish mammal abuser
and part-time radiator...
380
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:52,362
Good evening.
381
00:18:52,395 --> 00:18:55,632
Dame elsie occluded--
historian, wit, bon viveur
382
00:18:55,665 --> 00:18:58,368
And rear half
of the johnson brothers...
383
00:18:58,401 --> 00:18:59,836
Good evening.
384
00:18:59,869 --> 00:19:03,172
And miles yellowbird
up high in banana tree
385
00:19:03,206 --> 00:19:06,142
The golfer and inventor
of catholicism.
386
00:19:06,175 --> 00:19:08,077
Good evening.
387
00:19:08,111 --> 00:19:13,616
And we'll be inviting them
to spot the looney.
388
00:19:13,650 --> 00:19:15,218
Ah, yes, quite right.
389
00:19:15,251 --> 00:19:18,121
A viewer from preston there
who's pointed out correctly
390
00:19:18,154 --> 00:19:20,590
That the entire panel
are loonies.
391
00:19:20,623 --> 00:19:22,258
Five points to preston there
392
00:19:22,292 --> 00:19:24,294
And on to our first piece
of film.
393
00:19:24,327 --> 00:19:25,795
It's about mountaineering
394
00:19:25,828 --> 00:19:28,364
And remember, you have to
spot the looney.
395
00:19:28,398 --> 00:19:31,701
The legendary south face
of ben macdhui--
396
00:19:31,734 --> 00:19:35,238
Dark, forbidding...
397
00:19:36,039 --> 00:19:37,807
Yes, well done.
398
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,909
Mrs. nesbitt of york
spotted the looney
399
00:19:39,943 --> 00:19:42,578
In 1.8 seconds.
400
00:19:42,612 --> 00:19:45,481
On to our second round,
and it's photo time.
401
00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:48,318
We're going to invite you
to look at photos
402
00:19:48,351 --> 00:19:52,322
Of tony jacklin, anthony barber,
edgar allan poe, katy boyle
403
00:19:52,355 --> 00:19:54,457
Reginald maudling and a looney.
404
00:19:54,490 --> 00:19:58,561
All you have to do is
spot the looney.
405
00:19:58,594 --> 00:20:00,730
Now, I must ask you
please not to ring in
406
00:20:00,763 --> 00:20:05,401
Until you've seen
all the photos.
407
00:20:11,307 --> 00:20:17,046
Yes, you're right, the answer
was, of course, number two.
408
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,582
I'm afraid there's been
an error in our computer.
409
00:20:19,616 --> 00:20:22,719
The correct answer should, of
course, have been number four
410
00:20:22,752 --> 00:20:24,721
And not katy boyle.
411
00:20:24,754 --> 00:20:27,023
Katy boyle is not a looney.
412
00:20:27,056 --> 00:20:31,628
She is a television personality.
413
00:20:32,295 --> 00:20:35,465
Now it's time for spot the
looney historical adaptation.
414
00:20:35,498 --> 00:20:38,835
This time, it's the thrilling
medieval romance, ivanhoe
415
00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:42,171
A stirring story of love
and war, violence and chivalry
416
00:20:42,205 --> 00:20:44,440
Set amidst the pageantry
and splendor
417
00:20:44,474 --> 00:20:46,943
Of 13th-century england.
418
00:20:46,976 --> 00:20:52,015
All you have to do
is spot the looney.
419
00:21:00,089 --> 00:21:02,792
Yes, well done,
mrs. l. of leicester
420
00:21:02,825 --> 00:21:05,762
Mrs. b. of buxton
and mrs. g. of gatwick.
421
00:21:05,795 --> 00:21:09,799
The looney was, of course,
the writer, sir walter scott.
422
00:21:09,832 --> 00:21:12,035
I didn't write that.
423
00:21:12,068 --> 00:21:13,670
Sounds more like dickens.
424
00:21:13,703 --> 00:21:15,138
You bastard!
425
00:21:15,171 --> 00:21:19,108
Was sir walter scott a looney
or was he the greatest flowering
426
00:21:19,142 --> 00:21:21,978
Of the early 19th-century
romantic tradition?
427
00:21:22,011 --> 00:21:25,381
The most underestimated novelist
of the 19th century
428
00:21:25,415 --> 00:21:28,184
Or merely a disillusioned
and bitter man...
429
00:21:28,217 --> 00:21:30,119
Excuse me,
can I borrow that, please?
430
00:21:30,153 --> 00:21:31,120
Yes.
431
00:21:31,154 --> 00:21:33,957
Thank you.
432
00:21:34,257 --> 00:21:37,493
These trees behind me now were
planted over 40 years ago
433
00:21:37,527 --> 00:21:39,996
As part of a policy
by the then crown woods
434
00:21:40,029 --> 00:21:42,598
Who became the
forestry commission in 1924.
435
00:21:42,632 --> 00:21:45,568
The forestry commission
systematically replanted
436
00:21:45,602 --> 00:21:47,036
This entire area-- shh!
437
00:21:47,070 --> 00:21:49,806
That's 40,000 acres
of virgin forest.
438
00:21:49,839 --> 00:21:51,841
By 1980, this will
have risen
439
00:21:51,874 --> 00:21:54,277
Up to 200,000 acres
of soft woods.
440
00:21:54,310 --> 00:21:56,879
In commercial terms,
a coniferous cornucopia
441
00:21:56,913 --> 00:21:58,147
An evergreen
el dorado
442
00:21:58,181 --> 00:21:59,882
A tree-lined
treasure trove--
443
00:21:59,916 --> 00:22:03,319
No!-- a fat fir
cone future for the financiers.
444
00:22:03,353 --> 00:22:05,088
But what of the cost...
445
00:22:05,121 --> 00:22:06,089
It's mine!
446
00:22:06,122 --> 00:22:08,191
Go away!--
in human terms?
447
00:22:08,224 --> 00:22:09,659
Who are
the casualties?
448
00:22:09,692 --> 00:22:11,294
...for this was
sir walter scott's country.
449
00:22:11,327 --> 00:22:12,729
In many of his finest romances
450
00:22:12,762 --> 00:22:14,330
Such as guy mannering
or redgauntlet...
451
00:22:14,364 --> 00:22:15,632
Give that back!
452
00:22:15,665 --> 00:22:18,001
No!-- scott showed himself
to be not only a fine...
453
00:22:18,034 --> 00:22:23,740
The spruces and firs
of this forest will be used...
454
00:22:23,773 --> 00:22:28,077
Also a writer
of humor and...
455
00:22:29,345 --> 00:22:31,347
Britain's timber resources
are being used up
456
00:22:31,381 --> 00:22:32,482
At the rate of over...
457
00:22:32,515 --> 00:22:34,250
One man who knew scott
was angus tinker.
458
00:22:34,284 --> 00:22:35,952
Much of scott's greatest work--
459
00:22:35,985 --> 00:22:37,687
And I'm thinking here
particularly
460
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,791
Of heart of midlothian
and old mortality, for example--
461
00:22:41,824 --> 00:22:46,229
Are concerned with preserving
the life and conditions...
462
00:22:46,262 --> 00:22:47,864
Forestry research
here has shown
463
00:22:47,897 --> 00:22:50,033
That a wholly synthetic,
soft-timber fiber
464
00:22:50,066 --> 00:22:52,201
Can be created, leaving
the harder trees--
465
00:22:52,235 --> 00:22:54,671
The oaks, the beeches,
the larches and the pines
466
00:22:54,704 --> 00:22:56,806
And even some of
the deciduous hardwoods.
467
00:22:56,839 --> 00:22:58,741
This new soft-timber fiber
468
00:22:58,775 --> 00:23:01,744
Would totally replace
the plywoods, hardboards and chipboards
469
00:23:01,778 --> 00:23:04,948
At present
dominating the...
470
00:23:04,981 --> 00:23:06,416
In the waverley novels
471
00:23:06,449 --> 00:23:12,088
Scott was constantly
concerned to protect a way of life...
472
00:23:12,121 --> 00:23:15,358
...and aspirations
within the necessary limitations
473
00:23:15,391 --> 00:23:16,726
Of the gothic novel.
474
00:23:16,759 --> 00:23:18,728
Scott explored
the tortuous
475
00:23:18,761 --> 00:23:20,863
And at times
self-destructive...
476
00:23:20,897 --> 00:23:23,132
Developments in
reinforced timber...
477
00:23:23,166 --> 00:23:26,936
Scott lived in
abbotsford in the heart of the country...
478
00:23:26,970 --> 00:23:28,471
...a subjugated
country...
479
00:23:28,504 --> 00:23:30,406
...the canadian
timber exports
480
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,242
Which were still
recovering from the effects
481
00:23:33,276 --> 00:23:34,577
Of two
unsuccessful...
482
00:23:34,611 --> 00:23:36,346
In rob roy
and also in...
483
00:23:36,379 --> 00:23:40,383
...the decline
in hard...
484
00:23:41,851 --> 00:23:44,153
Thened... then-ed...
485
00:23:44,187 --> 00:23:45,421
Then.
486
00:23:45,455 --> 00:23:47,690
Then! ah!
487
00:23:47,724 --> 00:23:50,360
The end!
488
00:24:26,896 --> 00:24:29,265
Next week on book at bedtime
489
00:24:29,299 --> 00:24:33,536
Jeremy toogood will be reading
anna sewell's black bu...
490
00:24:33,569 --> 00:24:35,939
Butt... black beaut...
491
00:24:35,972 --> 00:24:37,140
Black buttoon.
492
00:24:37,173 --> 00:24:40,109
Black... bug... butom.
493
00:24:40,159 --> 00:24:44,709
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