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1
00:00:00,660 --> 00:00:02,913
Kids, as long as
I'd known your uncle Barney,
2
00:00:03,038 --> 00:00:05,546
he'd always had some pretty
strong opinions on relationships.
3
00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:08,264
Your girlfriend?
She's your girlfriend?!
4
00:00:08,557 --> 00:00:11,314
She's a girl and a friend?
5
00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:15,181
Do not humanize the enemy, Ted.
6
00:00:15,758 --> 00:00:17,310
But nice to meet you.
7
00:00:18,003 --> 00:00:19,894
And yet, in the fall of 2009,
8
00:00:20,173 --> 00:00:21,813
he was the one with the girlfriend.
9
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:23,314
Go ahead.
Open it.
10
00:00:23,661 --> 00:00:25,066
Open it! Open it!
11
00:00:26,205 --> 00:00:27,905
It's my porn collection!
12
00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:29,612
Just kidding.
That would be weird.
13
00:00:30,419 --> 00:00:34,177
- It's your porn collection.
- Yes, it is. I'm giving you my porn.
14
00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:37,286
Now that things are so great with Robin,
I don't need it anymore.
15
00:00:37,590 --> 00:00:39,247
You are voluntarily...
16
00:00:40,427 --> 00:00:42,128
giving up your porn?
17
00:00:42,695 --> 00:00:45,336
- You really are serious.
- Well, that's obvious.
18
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,473
- What does that mean?
- Nothing, it's just,
19
00:00:47,598 --> 00:00:48,881
you got relationship gut.
20
00:00:49,051 --> 00:00:49,975
What?!
21
00:00:50,242 --> 00:00:53,112
No, I do not "got relationship gut."
22
00:00:53,237 --> 00:00:54,429
That is ridiculous.
23
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:57,019
It's no big deal.
Once you're dating someone,
24
00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:59,754
it's natural to let things
go a little bit. Trust me,
25
00:01:00,259 --> 00:01:01,536
we've been there.
26
00:01:01,661 --> 00:01:04,063
Boy, did I pudge out for a while.
27
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:06,649
We should get going.
28
00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:09,277
Good-bye, my sweet, beloved friends.
29
00:01:09,609 --> 00:01:11,629
You have always been there for me.
30
00:01:11,754 --> 00:01:13,104
You'll be missed.
31
00:01:13,423 --> 00:01:14,741
He's talking to the porn.
32
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,285
- Bye.
- Bye, guys.
33
00:01:18,070 --> 00:01:20,181
God, look at these videos.
34
00:01:20,306 --> 00:01:21,356
Space orgy?
35
00:01:21,613 --> 00:01:24,083
Horny co-ed surprise party 23?
36
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:27,128
You'd think after the first 22 parties,
co-eds wouldn't be surprised anymore.
37
00:01:28,326 --> 00:01:29,138
So...
38
00:01:30,342 --> 00:01:32,008
We can get rid of these for you.
39
00:01:33,941 --> 00:01:35,944
It's not a problem.
I'll take care of them.
40
00:01:36,301 --> 00:01:37,668
Are you sure?
No biggie.
41
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:40,850
We can just swing by the back alley
and drop the box in the dumpster.
42
00:01:41,086 --> 00:01:43,728
I see six of the words you just said
on this video label.
43
00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:46,186
Seriously, it's not a big deal.
I'll take care of it.
44
00:01:46,311 --> 00:01:47,955
- 'cause, I mean...
- Leave them!
45
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,488
You know, in a way, it's sad, right?
46
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,489
I mean, Barney's giving up his porn.
He's got relationship gut.
47
00:01:55,614 --> 00:01:57,916
They eat at the same
diner every night.
48
00:01:58,041 --> 00:02:00,211
It's, like, the end of Barney Stinson
as we know him.
49
00:02:00,336 --> 00:02:03,074
- Yeah, well, so what? They're happy.
- Yeah, well, we gotta go.
50
00:02:06,531 --> 00:02:08,491
- So what'd you get?
- I got Squat.
51
00:02:08,866 --> 00:02:10,927
What are you...?
I thought I saw you take one.
52
00:02:11,052 --> 00:02:12,852
I did.
It's called Squat.
53
00:02:18,677 --> 00:02:20,146
Archisexture.
54
00:02:21,829 --> 00:02:24,164
That is not how you spell
"Buckminster fuller."
55
00:02:24,487 --> 00:02:26,659
Kids, pornography is bad,
56
00:02:26,784 --> 00:02:30,066
and so I was getting rid of that
vile pornography right away...
57
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:33,319
I am getting rid of this vile
pornography right away.
58
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,404
... when something terrible
happened.
59
00:02:58,517 --> 00:02:59,929
Archisexture...
60
00:03:00,297 --> 00:03:01,055
Hello.
61
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:04,834
If you're watching this tape...
And I knew you'd pick this one.
62
00:03:04,959 --> 00:03:07,167
Then you are now
in possession of my porn.
63
00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:09,128
This can only mean
one of two things.
64
00:03:09,253 --> 00:03:12,108
Either I'm dead,
or I'm in a committed relationship.
65
00:03:12,941 --> 00:03:16,114
If I'm dead,
I want you to honor my memory
66
00:03:17,183 --> 00:03:18,984
by taking my body to the Hamptons
67
00:03:19,109 --> 00:03:21,366
and recreating Weekend at Bernie's.
68
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,627
I want to dance.
69
00:03:23,943 --> 00:03:25,767
I want to have sex with a girl.
70
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,811
And I want to go fishing.
71
00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:31,664
If, on the other hand, I'm
in a committed relationship,
72
00:03:32,030 --> 00:03:35,464
then as your best friend,
I have only one request,
73
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,604
please, for the love of god,
74
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,772
get me out of it!
75
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,401
Synchro: ShalimarFox, -Titou-
76
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,900
.:: La Fabrique ::.
77
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,527
I might look happy,
but don't believe it.
78
00:03:56,788 --> 00:03:59,363
Barney Stinson
is meant to be single.
79
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:00,453
So please,
80
00:04:00,578 --> 00:04:03,175
if you value my best-friendship...
That's right, Marshall,
81
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,362
I'm his best friend,
how does that feel?
82
00:04:05,725 --> 00:04:07,579
Then get me out of this.
83
00:04:08,092 --> 00:04:10,908
And finally, since you were
expecting some porn...
84
00:04:16,171 --> 00:04:17,924
No, no, no, baby, don't worry.
85
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,276
The flashing green
light means it's off.
86
00:04:22,842 --> 00:04:24,937
Are we sure he was finished talking?
87
00:04:25,258 --> 00:04:28,591
Look, there's no reason we should
take this seriously, right?
88
00:04:28,716 --> 00:04:30,686
Of course not.
This is an old tape.
89
00:04:30,811 --> 00:04:32,480
Barney is happy with Robin.
90
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:35,515
But over the next couple weeks,
I started to notice things.
91
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:38,110
Barney and Robin stopped having
crazy adventures.
92
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,565
- So what'd you guys do last night?
- I wanted to go to a concert.
93
00:04:41,690 --> 00:04:43,182
He wanted to go to a party.
94
00:04:43,307 --> 00:04:45,817
Obviously, we couldn't
do what just one of us wanted,
95
00:04:45,942 --> 00:04:48,119
we just stayed in,
watched a movie on cable.
96
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:50,630
It was legen...
Wait for it...
97
00:04:51,434 --> 00:04:52,667
... of the fall.
98
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,894
Legends of the fall!
99
00:04:56,449 --> 00:04:57,584
It was okay.
100
00:04:58,634 --> 00:05:00,086
Barney stopped being himself.
101
00:05:00,597 --> 00:05:02,677
Barney, I'm...
I'm chatting up this girl
102
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:05,436
over there, and I could use a
little help landing the plane.
103
00:05:06,051 --> 00:05:08,641
Sorry, Ted, I'm my own
wingman tonight.
104
00:05:11,873 --> 00:05:14,689
And Robin got annoyed
at everything he said.
105
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:16,357
So, how are you two?
106
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:17,475
So great.
107
00:05:17,729 --> 00:05:19,819
- Relationships are the best.
- Shut up.
108
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,655
- The sharing, the compromise,
- Shut up, shut up, shut up...
109
00:05:22,866 --> 00:05:25,241
- the monogamy, can't beat it.
- Shut up, shut up...
110
00:05:26,218 --> 00:05:28,129
Catchphrase! Yes!
111
00:05:29,710 --> 00:05:31,118
But the worse they got...
112
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,572
I'm full... Sweetie.
113
00:05:34,057 --> 00:05:36,386
... the more they kept saying
things were great.
114
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:39,680
Now, the truth is Barney and Robin
kind of let themselves go a little bit.
115
00:05:39,805 --> 00:05:41,682
But I swear after few more weeks,
116
00:05:41,807 --> 00:05:43,259
to us, they seemed like this.
117
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:46,554
I'll be there...
118
00:05:48,286 --> 00:05:49,386
in a minute.
119
00:05:55,878 --> 00:05:58,441
- They're killing each other.
- They love each other.
120
00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:01,827
They love each other, but they're not
Barney and Robin anymore.
121
00:06:01,952 --> 00:06:04,697
- They're the fat guy and the old lady.
- My favorite '70s detective show.
122
00:06:05,551 --> 00:06:07,158
Look, it's so clear.
123
00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:10,737
Barney's been overeating because
he hates being tied down like this.
124
00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:13,539
And Robin's stressing out because
she hates what Barney's turned into.
125
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,624
No, they're a perfect match.
126
00:06:15,794 --> 00:06:18,169
Well, maybe that's the problem.
Maybe they're too similar.
127
00:06:18,532 --> 00:06:20,713
It must be tough having 2 alpha dogs
in 1 relationship.
128
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,799
- We've 2 alpha dogs in our too.
- Sure we do, sweetie.
129
00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:26,761
If they're not happy,
why don't they just break up?
130
00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:28,143
They're too stubborn.
131
00:06:28,268 --> 00:06:31,108
Neither one of them wants to be
the first to admit that they want out.
132
00:06:31,233 --> 00:06:34,560
- They're playing relationship chicken.
- He ate the relationship chicken.
133
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:37,521
Ted, it's just a rough patch.
134
00:06:37,646 --> 00:06:39,925
It takes time getting used
to being with someone else.
135
00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:41,227
And they're both...
136
00:06:41,352 --> 00:06:43,486
- What's the nice word for selfish?
- Independent.
137
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:46,197
Independent. Every relationship
goes through this.
138
00:06:46,477 --> 00:06:49,398
It's true,
I have this astronaut friend...
139
00:06:49,523 --> 00:06:51,323
Totally loved his fianc�e.
140
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,992
And then, the day before his
mission she caught him
141
00:06:54,117 --> 00:06:57,029
with, like, four other chicks,
a couple of dudes.
142
00:06:57,154 --> 00:06:58,727
Things got really tense.
143
00:06:58,946 --> 00:07:01,295
Finally, she ended up sneaking
onto the space shuttle...
144
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,339
- Are you talking about Space Orgy?
- Yes.
145
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,217
Ted, it's just a rough patch.
Just let things run their course.
146
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,553
- She's right.
- Two-to-one, Ted. Leave them alone.
147
00:07:11,238 --> 00:07:13,622
So I did leave them alone.
But that weekend...
148
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:18,653
Have you noticed how beef ribs
used to always be disgusting,
149
00:07:18,778 --> 00:07:21,836
and then recently, they found a way
to make them really delicious instead?
150
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,887
Okay, Barney, I'm going to go
ahead and ask you this head-on.
151
00:07:26,175 --> 00:07:28,699
- Are you happy with Robin?
- Are you kidding?!
152
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:31,337
How could I not be happy
with Robin? It's Robin!
153
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:33,077
You're happy?
154
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:37,033
I can't believe you would ask me that.
I mean, yes, we fight all the time,
155
00:07:37,271 --> 00:07:39,966
but you know what they say
about relationships,
156
00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:42,003
every moment's a battle.
157
00:07:43,121 --> 00:07:44,205
You're happy?
158
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:47,493
And you know what goes
hand in hand with fighting?
159
00:07:47,618 --> 00:07:49,049
The makeup sex.
160
00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:50,514
Which is...
161
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,517
different
162
00:07:52,792 --> 00:07:55,015
when you're in a loving,
long-term relationship.
163
00:07:56,302 --> 00:07:57,726
Heads we have sex,
164
00:07:58,262 --> 00:08:01,396
tails we order a whole pizza
and just lay here moaning.
165
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,189
Great.
Let the coin decide.
166
00:08:06,913 --> 00:08:08,486
- Which was pizza again?
- Tails.
167
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:09,847
It was tails.
168
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,480
Sex... am I right?
169
00:08:13,944 --> 00:08:15,596
Thank god that's mostly over.
170
00:08:17,432 --> 00:08:19,707
I'm still hungry.
You hungry?
171
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,531
We have to break them up.
172
00:08:26,587 --> 00:08:29,842
You're right. Barney and Robin
are miserable together,
173
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,767
but they're too stubborn
to admit it.
174
00:08:31,984 --> 00:08:34,488
- We have to get them to break up.
- How do we do that?
175
00:08:34,613 --> 00:08:35,763
We unleash...
176
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,349
the kraken.
177
00:08:37,979 --> 00:08:40,323
Kids, as you know, earlier that year
178
00:08:40,448 --> 00:08:42,621
I'd learned that lily had
broken up not one,
179
00:08:42,746 --> 00:08:46,038
not two, but seven
of my past relationships.
180
00:08:46,915 --> 00:08:48,610
Forget it.
I'm retired.
181
00:08:48,735 --> 00:08:51,145
- I'm out of the game.
- But nobody's better than you.
182
00:08:51,630 --> 00:08:54,204
I'm telling you,
I swore off that racket.
183
00:08:54,478 --> 00:08:55,746
I've gone legit.
184
00:08:55,871 --> 00:08:57,244
I'm a matchmaker now.
185
00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:59,830
- Set me up with someone.
- I'm just starting out.
186
00:09:00,117 --> 00:09:03,041
Please. You've, got to break them up.
This relationship is killing them.
187
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:06,022
I know it is,
but I've learned my lesson.
188
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:09,047
No more interfering.
Let things run their course.
189
00:09:09,363 --> 00:09:11,717
- It's two-to-one.
- Yes, but the one is me.
190
00:09:14,681 --> 00:09:16,889
We don't need her.
We can break them up on our own.
191
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,039
How?
192
00:09:18,454 --> 00:09:20,240
Remember when
Robin and I were dating?
193
00:09:20,365 --> 00:09:23,186
What was the one big thing that
really freaked her out?
194
00:09:23,659 --> 00:09:27,097
No, no, no, no, no.
Ted, you cannot do this to me!
195
00:09:28,580 --> 00:09:31,793
- What are you talking about?
- This! This is what I'm talking about.
196
00:09:31,918 --> 00:09:33,614
What is this doing in my champagne?
197
00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:36,830
If we make Robin think for even a second
that Barney is proposing,
198
00:09:36,955 --> 00:09:39,714
- she'll lose it and they'll break up.
- That's crazy. Why don't we...
199
00:09:39,839 --> 00:09:41,249
lead Barney into temptation?
200
00:09:41,374 --> 00:09:43,248
We'll find a hot woman
to hit on him...
201
00:09:47,832 --> 00:09:49,083
Okay, the ring thing.
202
00:09:55,202 --> 00:09:56,970
- Stakeout van.
- What?
203
00:09:57,209 --> 00:09:59,535
We should've gotten a stakeout van.
We could've ordered pizza,
204
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:01,732
looked through
big binoculars and said,
205
00:10:01,857 --> 00:10:04,102
"this ain't what I signed up
for", stuff like that.
206
00:10:04,391 --> 00:10:05,604
Here comes the waiter.
207
00:10:06,754 --> 00:10:08,690
- Please shut up.
- What?
208
00:10:09,319 --> 00:10:10,984
I thought you said something, sorry.
209
00:10:17,487 --> 00:10:18,867
Is that an engagement ring?
210
00:10:20,314 --> 00:10:21,265
Are you...?
211
00:10:22,785 --> 00:10:25,444
It's not me. They must have delivered it
to the wrong table.
212
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,662
Can you imagine us getting married?
213
00:10:29,626 --> 00:10:32,214
Well,
we are committed to each other.
214
00:10:32,935 --> 00:10:34,967
Most of your stuff
is already at my apartment.
215
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,011
- It might make taxes easier.
- It'd speed up your citizenship.
216
00:10:38,332 --> 00:10:39,972
"Scherbatsky" is so hard to spell.
217
00:10:40,379 --> 00:10:42,182
My mom would be so happy.
218
00:10:44,463 --> 00:10:46,229
- I guess so.
- No reason not to.
219
00:10:46,648 --> 00:10:49,446
- We're getting married!
- Not so loud, geez.
220
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,241
What did you do?
I am furious right now!
221
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,527
This is so wrong!
222
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,569
- Lily, will you be my maid of honor?
- My god! I would love to!
223
00:10:58,939 --> 00:11:00,701
Are you out of your mind?!
224
00:11:00,876 --> 00:11:04,121
They're playing relationship chicken,
and what did you do?
225
00:11:04,376 --> 00:11:06,957
You put an engagement ring
in front of them!
226
00:11:07,539 --> 00:11:08,667
Okay, that's it.
227
00:11:09,003 --> 00:11:10,303
I'm taking over.
228
00:11:10,691 --> 00:11:12,633
Coming out of retirement,
229
00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:14,673
for one, last breakup.
230
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,153
- How are we'll do it?
- They are in so deep,
231
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,038
just one fight ain't going to do it.
232
00:11:20,163 --> 00:11:21,643
We need to reignite
233
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:24,849
the four biggest fights
they've ever been in all at once.
234
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,270
Number one,
the battle of the dirty dishes.
235
00:11:32,028 --> 00:11:32,938
Number two,
236
00:11:33,063 --> 00:11:34,985
the ex-girlfriend conflict.
237
00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:38,707
Don't you know that girl over there?
238
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,331
I don't think so.
239
00:11:40,693 --> 00:11:42,743
In fact, I have definitely not...
It's Meg.
240
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:47,456
I am certainly not comparing you two
in my mind right now.
241
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,257
Will you get that for me?
242
00:11:50,382 --> 00:11:53,795
- What's the problem? I'm not...
- You're embarrassing me in public.
243
00:11:54,188 --> 00:11:55,317
Number three,
244
00:11:55,692 --> 00:11:57,257
the Star Wars altercation.
245
00:11:57,605 --> 00:12:00,052
Isn't it time
you got rid of your stupid doll?
246
00:12:00,569 --> 00:12:02,888
It's not a doll.
It's a stormtrooper.
247
00:12:03,694 --> 00:12:04,931
He's wearing a diaper.
248
00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:07,559
It's not a diaper, Robin,
it's protective armor.
249
00:12:07,879 --> 00:12:10,281
Stormtrooper?
More like storm-pooper.
250
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,540
Stop it.
251
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:16,116
It sounds like your storm-pooper here
needs a changing.
252
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:19,025
- I'm sick of it, of the jokes...
- What? I didn't say anything
253
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,364
I cant joke?
254
00:12:20,737 --> 00:12:22,692
And of course the biggie,
255
00:12:22,817 --> 00:12:24,656
the Canadian/American war.
256
00:12:25,354 --> 00:12:27,454
Thank god, that song's over.
257
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,831
Who the hell
was that old lady singing?
258
00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:33,335
You know that Neil Young
is my favorite musician.
259
00:12:33,568 --> 00:12:36,456
Right. Now, was that the same old lady
who played Archie Bunker's wife
260
00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:38,465
in all in the family,
or just a sound-alike?
261
00:12:38,757 --> 00:12:41,312
Neil Young is a Canadian treasure.
262
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,970
Do not make fun of Neil Young.
263
00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:45,528
I would never make fun
264
00:12:45,653 --> 00:12:48,642
of a defenseless old lady
with vocal cord paralysis...
265
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,645
- Here we go. In public? Really?
- Ever. I'll go there.
266
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,730
- What's the problem?
- Everything I say...
267
00:12:54,216 --> 00:12:55,148
I got it.
268
00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:59,111
We e-mail them pictures
reminding them of each of these fights.
269
00:12:59,630 --> 00:13:00,630
You child.
270
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,281
Here's how it goes down.
They're at the diner...
271
00:13:04,006 --> 00:13:06,951
First, rekindling
the canadian-american debate,
272
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,737
Ontario native Alan Thicke
stops by the table.
273
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,126
- Alan Thicke?
- Right.
274
00:13:14,482 --> 00:13:16,372
Robin knew him back
when she was a singer.
275
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,981
And they still keep in touch.
I already got his number off her phone.
276
00:13:20,106 --> 00:13:22,005
Seriously... Amateurs.
277
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:25,554
So Alan Thicke restarts
the Canada/U.S. Fight.
278
00:13:26,179 --> 00:13:28,849
Right at that moment,
crazy Meg shows up.
279
00:13:29,294 --> 00:13:31,072
Then, a stormtrooper happens
280
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,869
to walk by the window.
281
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,276
And just
when they can't take anything more,
282
00:13:35,401 --> 00:13:37,899
a busboy walks by
with a tray full of what?
283
00:13:38,857 --> 00:13:40,007
Dirty dishes.
284
00:13:50,545 --> 00:13:52,831
This is your masterpiece.
285
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,667
We're getting a stakeout van!
286
00:13:56,008 --> 00:13:57,043
A station wagon?
287
00:13:57,543 --> 00:13:59,793
Really?
You rented a station wagon?
288
00:14:00,283 --> 00:14:02,883
- A van cost, like, 25 bucks more.
- A station wagon?
289
00:14:05,293 --> 00:14:07,043
Greetings, Will Robinson!
290
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,930
Where's the birthday boy or girl?
291
00:14:09,409 --> 00:14:10,509
Climb on in.
292
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:11,975
What is this?
293
00:14:12,448 --> 00:14:14,087
They didn't have any stormtroopers,
294
00:14:14,212 --> 00:14:16,313
so I get a different robot.
This'll still work.
295
00:14:16,668 --> 00:14:17,783
Different robot?
296
00:14:17,908 --> 00:14:19,608
Stormtroopers aren't robots.
297
00:14:19,794 --> 00:14:23,111
Of course they're robots!
"Must kill Luke Skywalker."
298
00:14:23,742 --> 00:14:26,823
- Nobody says that in Star Wars at all.
- That's a really lousy robot voice.
299
00:14:27,086 --> 00:14:28,825
Someone order
an extra large sausage?
300
00:14:29,679 --> 00:14:31,828
One of Barney's videos
starts off just like that.
301
00:14:31,998 --> 00:14:33,293
Barney's ordering...
302
00:14:33,418 --> 00:14:34,706
five of something.
303
00:14:34,876 --> 00:14:37,681
- I don't know if it'll fit.
- Now you're just quoting the video.
304
00:14:37,806 --> 00:14:38,818
Still ordering.
305
00:14:38,943 --> 00:14:42,714
- Waiter's taking out a second pad.
- We need it. We're on a stakeout.
306
00:14:43,045 --> 00:14:46,510
- Shouldn't you be in a van?
- A van cost more.
307
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,667
Score me a slice, Will Robinson!
308
00:14:48,792 --> 00:14:51,196
You get a stain on that costume,
they're gonna charge us.
309
00:14:51,321 --> 00:14:53,433
Dude,
will you just chill about money?
310
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:56,756
- Let the stormtrooper have a slice.
- It's not a stormtrooper!
311
00:14:59,306 --> 00:15:01,149
Sorry I'm late.
I was looking for a van.
312
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:02,921
- Thank you!
- $25!
313
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,712
- So should I go say hi to Robin?
- Not yet, get in the car.
314
00:15:06,231 --> 00:15:07,572
So wait, wait, wait.
315
00:15:07,742 --> 00:15:09,859
When they blew up the Death Star,
316
00:15:09,984 --> 00:15:12,576
knowing full well there're
thousands of stormtroopers on it,
317
00:15:12,701 --> 00:15:13,787
those were people?
318
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,497
It was called the Death Star.
319
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,246
They knew what they're getting into.
320
00:15:17,371 --> 00:15:19,735
I don't want to play
the "I'm Alan Thicke" card,
321
00:15:19,860 --> 00:15:21,887
but I really do have a dinner
to get to, so...
322
00:15:22,012 --> 00:15:23,797
Someone has got
to take this sausage!
323
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,716
Were you in that video?
Were you the guy with the farmer tan?
324
00:15:26,886 --> 00:15:29,231
Jonesin' for some'za, Will Robinson!
325
00:15:29,356 --> 00:15:31,106
Come on, I'm Alan Thicke!
326
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,889
This ain't what I signed up for.
327
00:15:33,445 --> 00:15:34,444
You know what?
328
00:15:34,644 --> 00:15:35,684
Everyone, stop!
329
00:15:35,856 --> 00:15:38,770
Alan Thicke, shut up!
It's a station wagon. Get over it!
330
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,628
Ted, stop talking about porn!
331
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,942
And for the love of god,
somebody get the stormtrooper pizza!
332
00:15:44,242 --> 00:15:45,527
It's not a stormtrooper!
333
00:15:45,859 --> 00:15:46,570
Crap!
334
00:15:48,479 --> 00:15:49,579
They see us!
335
00:15:49,704 --> 00:15:50,504
Danger!
336
00:15:50,629 --> 00:15:51,629
Danger!
337
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,707
Are you sure they saw us?
338
00:16:00,648 --> 00:16:03,218
Can I go talk to Barney now?
I'm so excited!
339
00:16:03,343 --> 00:16:05,589
Do you really think
he's going to propose to me?
340
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,717
Forget it, we've been made.
341
00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,614
If we try anything,
they'll know it's us.
342
00:16:10,739 --> 00:16:12,346
I think
we should all just go home...
343
00:16:12,519 --> 00:16:14,333
This is my masterpiece.
344
00:16:14,458 --> 00:16:17,101
So what if they saw us?
It'll still work.
345
00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:19,582
- Stop. We'll think of something else.
- Let me repeat,
346
00:16:19,707 --> 00:16:21,105
"I am Alan Thicke".
347
00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:23,565
You're Alan Thicke?!
348
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,861
Alan Thicke, you're up.
Get on out there.
349
00:16:29,263 --> 00:16:31,240
And so,
Lily followed through with her plan.
350
00:16:32,345 --> 00:16:33,795
First, Alan Thicke.
351
00:16:34,896 --> 00:16:36,494
Followed by crazy Meg.
352
00:16:37,506 --> 00:16:38,806
Then, the robot.
353
00:16:40,021 --> 00:16:42,279
And finally, the dirty dishes.
354
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:46,939
But by the end of it...
355
00:16:48,836 --> 00:16:51,082
They're kissing?
They shouldn't be kissing!
356
00:16:51,207 --> 00:16:52,553
Why isn't this working?
357
00:16:52,936 --> 00:16:54,221
Because they're in love.
358
00:16:57,019 --> 00:16:58,600
It really was just a rough patch.
359
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,728
What the hell am I doing?
360
00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:05,899
This whole thing was a mistake.
361
00:17:08,018 --> 00:17:10,418
So, any of you dudes
want to get high?
362
00:17:12,958 --> 00:17:15,033
I never thought
I'd be saying this tonight, but...
363
00:17:15,398 --> 00:17:17,161
To Barney and Robin,
the happy couple.
364
00:17:18,626 --> 00:17:20,120
That was the moment we learned
365
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,024
that relationships take hard work,
366
00:17:22,149 --> 00:17:24,203
but eventually,
everything will work out.
367
00:17:24,863 --> 00:17:26,203
Where's Barney?
368
00:17:26,899 --> 00:17:27,796
We broke up.
369
00:17:28,033 --> 00:17:30,320
And that was the moment
we unlearned that other lesson
370
00:17:30,445 --> 00:17:32,336
we had just learned
a few seconds earlier.
371
00:17:32,989 --> 00:17:35,023
You see, earlier that night,
when Lily thought
372
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,956
Barney and Robin had spotted her,
373
00:17:37,227 --> 00:17:38,682
this is what they really saw.
374
00:17:41,431 --> 00:17:44,539
Why do that fat guy
and old lady keep sta...?
375
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,531
My god. That's us!
376
00:17:50,641 --> 00:17:51,770
Look at us.
377
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,822
Did we always look this awful?
378
00:17:56,518 --> 00:17:58,068
Robin, I'm not happy.
379
00:17:59,013 --> 00:18:00,332
I mean, I wish I was.
380
00:18:00,457 --> 00:18:03,096
Nothing would make me happier
than being happy, but...
381
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:04,831
I'm not.
382
00:18:05,853 --> 00:18:08,337
What are we doing wrong?
We love each other.
383
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,184
If this doesn't work, what will?
384
00:18:11,755 --> 00:18:12,840
We're so similar.
385
00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:15,427
We both like scotch.
We're both awesome.
386
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,318
You know, maybe that's it.
387
00:18:17,443 --> 00:18:19,306
Maybe there's just
too much awesome here.
388
00:18:19,895 --> 00:18:20,895
Exactly.
389
00:18:21,271 --> 00:18:23,521
Two awesomes cancel each other out,
390
00:18:25,097 --> 00:18:27,069
and I'm tired
of being cancelled out.
391
00:18:27,633 --> 00:18:28,633
Me, too.
392
00:18:31,417 --> 00:18:32,610
Are we breaking up?
393
00:18:33,645 --> 00:18:34,571
I think so.
394
00:18:36,956 --> 00:18:37,956
Crap.
395
00:18:38,892 --> 00:18:40,305
Now comes the next part.
396
00:18:40,835 --> 00:18:43,788
The part where you and I
can't go back to being friends.
397
00:18:44,956 --> 00:18:47,383
Well, maybe this isn't a breakup.
398
00:18:48,768 --> 00:18:50,068
Maybe this is...
399
00:18:50,676 --> 00:18:51,876
two friends...
400
00:18:52,626 --> 00:18:53,798
getting back together.
401
00:18:59,769 --> 00:19:02,419
It's always so great
to see a fellow hoser.
402
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,396
Good news! I forgive you
for the whole restraing order thing.
403
00:19:10,099 --> 00:19:11,483
Is that a stormtrooper?
404
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:12,935
That's not a stormtr...
405
00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:14,960
You want to get out of here?
406
00:19:15,895 --> 00:19:17,049
See you guys.
407
00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:18,657
See you, Alan.
408
00:19:20,434 --> 00:19:22,547
So you still on 73rd Street?
409
00:19:23,146 --> 00:19:24,696
How do you know that?
410
00:19:26,593 --> 00:19:27,793
Getting back together
411
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,012
as friends...
412
00:19:29,137 --> 00:19:30,085
I like that.
413
00:19:30,690 --> 00:19:31,962
One more for the road?
414
00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:40,392
And who knows?
415
00:19:40,517 --> 00:19:43,390
Maybe, when, like, you turn 40,
if you haven't found anyone...
416
00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:45,320
I already have that deal with Ted.
417
00:19:45,734 --> 00:19:46,934
Right. Stupid.
418
00:19:47,911 --> 00:19:49,673
Well, maybe when you turn 39,
419
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,492
if you haven't found anyone...
420
00:19:52,055 --> 00:19:55,986
It turns out that they really did need
to let things run their course.
421
00:19:56,769 --> 00:19:58,419
So, how's Barney doing?
422
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,080
He's okay, I think.
423
00:20:00,205 --> 00:20:02,640
It might be awhile
before he fully recovers, but...
424
00:20:03,908 --> 00:20:05,579
Did you guys just feel a chill?
425
00:20:22,659 --> 00:20:23,973
Daddy's home.
426
00:20:28,492 --> 00:20:31,104
- I'm glad we could catch up.
- Let's do it again soon.
427
00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:33,220
I love that you guys
are still friends
428
00:20:33,345 --> 00:20:35,107
so long after
you did that music video.
429
00:20:35,708 --> 00:20:38,429
The music?
The "sandcastles" video!
430
00:20:39,157 --> 00:20:40,863
We did that together, too.
431
00:20:41,377 --> 00:20:43,406
- What do you mean "too"?
- We had this...
432
00:20:43,833 --> 00:20:45,952
failed Canadian TV variety show.
433
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,953
That was so embarrassing.
434
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:50,847
Imagine what would happen
if anybody ever got their hands on that?
435
00:20:52,753 --> 00:20:53,753
You!
33567
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