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Previously on "Everwood"...

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Hannah, there's something I have to tell you. I messed up.

Did you cheat on me?

I need you to go. You have to go now.

I did contact another oncologist, if the orphanage needs more assurance about my health.

Rose...

What medical issues are you referring to?

My cancer.

There's nothing in our records about you ever having had cancer.

I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry.

Why you want to be a doctor, anyway?

My brother -- he's got a bipolar disorder.

I want to be that doctor for Danny someday.

I don't see how they expect us to keep up.

There's so much work, they want everyone to fail.

Not everyone is cut out for med school.

You don't think I have what it takes to be a doctor?

Two students in the class came up to me separately

and said they saw you using a crib sheet.

I'll do whatever I have to do to stay.

That's not an option. You will be expelled.

You got to stop being afraid of Gray's Papaya.

Because they're the best hot dogs in town. No, they're not made out of papaya.

They're probably the best in the city -- country.

You're gonna be fine. When does your mom get there?

Okay, so you'll be on your own for a couple of days.

It'll be good for you. You're always telling everybody to leave you alone anyway.

Just kidding, just kidding.

Reid!

Yeah, look, I got to go. I'm running late.

It'll be fine. It's one class, and you're auditing it.

Then you'll be back here for the summer to relax.

Plus, think about how cool you're gonna be when you go back to Juilliard next fall

and you already know what's up.

Kyle?

You've been in there forever, dude. I just got to -- 30 seconds.

I got to brush my teeth, and then you could put all the hair gel in you want.

Dude.

Are you kidding me, man? Are --

You all right?

Reid?

Reid?

Oh, my god. Reid?

Dad? I need your help. It's Reid. I don't think he's breathing.

We're gonna keep him overnight for observation,

but I'll let you know how it goes, okay?

What did he say? Is he gonna be all right?

He will be.

He's not gonna have brain damage, right? 'Cause I don't know how long he--

No, he's gonna be fine. You found him in time.

Did you notice a change in Reid's behavior lately? Mood swings?

Was he taking those sleeping pills a lot?

No, I didn't even know he was on sleeping pills.

I didn't even know he was depressed. He always seemed so happy.

He was always up at 6:00 a.m. cooking or cleaning or reciting chemical formulas.

Did I miss something, is that what you're saying?

No, no, of course not.

He always acted so together.

He was probably working pretty hard to make it seem that way.

- And I should have recognized it. - No.

You're right, I should have.

I mean, I live with the guy. It's not like we never talked.

He was probably asking for help this whole time and I just didn't see it or ignored him.

Ephram, you can't put all this on yourself.

You were there for Reid when he needed you most.

You saved his life.

I thought we were getting lunch.

- Good day, Winston. - Ah, Dr. Abbott.

Any sapphires on special today?

Just might be, yeah.

Please tell me you're not buying me like a man bracelet or something.

I really don't see that cheering me up right now, dad.

It just so happens that cheering you up is not my primary concern at the moment.

I'm here to find something for your mother,

seeing how she's been a bit blue since we lost the adoption.

The blues have been going around. It seems like everybody's got them.

Maybe it's a viral thing, like an epidermis.

Epidemic. Oh, why do I even bother?

So, I take it you still haven't spoken with Hannah?

No, I haven't.

I called and left a message, and she hasn't called me back.

Sure that you've called her more than once?

She made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to talk to me.

You didn't truly think that it would be that easy, did you, Bright?

Forgiveness is not won by crawling along. Get up on your feet, man. Go forth.

Show her that nothing can stop you.

Isn't that kind of like stalking?

In my day, it was known as courting.

The point is, you can't expect a phone call to work miracles.

It's not even long-distance.

No, this calls for a gesture, son, a grand one.

My.

Winston, this is just stunning.

Could we have this cleaned and wrapped up for tomorrow?

- Sure thing, Dr. Abbott. - Wonderful.

Wonderful. Can we go now?

Only if you leave this hangdog attitude of yours behind.

I'm having a hard time mustering pity for you, considering what it is you've done.

Obviously, we all make mistakes, but this is one that you deserve to pay for.

- Yes, I know. - Good.

Because I won't humor you behaving as though some great injustice has been done to you.

You got yourself into this mess.

Yes, dad, I know that, okay?

Why do you even want to hang out with me today if you think I'm such a jerk?

To be honest, your -- your mother thought it might be a good idea.

Yeah, that's what I figured.

Hey, which sounds better --

"I was driven to create a program that could work for people like me"

or "I was compelled to create a program..."

or does "compelled" sound too much like "compulsive"?

'Cause that would be bad.

I'm not sure what "people like me" means, unless you mean gorgeous and dimply.

I'm just trying to be motivating without sounding like a motivational speaker.

I'm not sure how well it's working, but it is L.A.,

so the cheese factor could work in my favor.

When is your trip to L.A. again? Next week?

It's thursday.

Really? It seems like you just got back from Philly.

I know -- it's been crazy, but there's a lot of interested parties.

My old partner wants me to talk to a group of doctors about the program.

I don't know what'll come of it, but...

You have to see where it leads, I know.

I told Andy we'd have dinner with him next friday, but I'll just reschedule.

You and Sam should still go, have a good time.

It's silly for you to sit home alone, right?

Honey, shouldn't you be in bed?

I can't sleep. My head's all itchy and --

We talked about this, buddy. You got to make sure

you rinse all the shampoo out when you take a shower.

You don't want to go back to taking baths, do you?

No.

Can I come in with you guys?

- Sammy... - Hop in.

Pillow.

Pillow.

We got to stop letting him do this.

It's the third night in a row he's come in with us. It's becoming a habit.

You should have said something before he climbed in.

Next time.

Where have you been?

You said to be here 30 minutes ago, and I'm in the middle of a research paper.

And I got places to go, dude, so...

I just got back from the hospital.

- Is Hannah here? - No, she can't make it.

I think she has a class or something.

- Yeah, right. - It's hard, Bright.

It's hard for me, too.

Reid tried to kill himself this morning.

- What? - Oh, my god.

I found him on the floor of the bathroom. He took a whole bottle of sleeping pills.

The doctor said he's gonna be okay, but he has not woken up yet.

I know, there's no possible normal way to talk about this.

It doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, the guy was always in such a good mood.

Even when he was studying, he was happy.

Yeah, well, I guess he wasn't.

What do we do? Just go to the hospital now or...

wait and send flowers?

Is there anything that you can do that isn't completely stupid?

The only thing we can do is just be his friend when he gets back.

He's coming back here?

I mean, it just -- it just seems -- I don't know what I'm saying.

You just found him in that bathroom on the ground?

Yeah.

Oh, my god. I don't know how you did it, man.

I'm glad it wasn't me. I know that probably sounds sick and all, but,

dude, what is up with life right now?

- It's okay, Bright. - No, it's not okay.

It's obviously not okay, not for anybody.

I got to -- I got -- I got to get some air.

You guys don't mind if I just step outside for a second?

How are you holding up?

Good. You know, I'm a little freaked out.

I got the jitters, but other than that, you know, all I really feel is guilty.

Guilty? Why?

If anybody should have seen this coming, it should have been me.

Why, because it's up to you to save everybody?

No, 'cause me and Reid were friends -- not best friends, but we talked.

I talked to Reid, too.

I dated him.

Yeah. If I hadn't screwed that up, you probably would have been there for him.

You had nothing to do with me and Reid.

He stopped seeing me because of school and work and stuff.

Yeah, and because I asked him to.

It was a long time ago.

It was before I told you how I felt with the postcards and all that.

It seems so stupid now.

I never knew that.

Yeah, well, it was a mistake, you know?

I'll probably have to regret it for the rest of my life.

It's not your fault, Ephram.

The thing with me and Reid -- he didn't have to listen to you.

If he wanted to see me, he could have made that choice,

and even if he did, it doesn't mean I could have saved him from something like this.

This is bigger than one person.

I don't know if I agree with that.

Everybody goes through crap.

Going through med school can't be worse than finding out

that your ex-girlfriend had your baby without you knowing about it.

You survived.

Yeah, but when I was going through all my crap, I had you. You were there for me.

Obviously didn't help much.

Are you kidding me?

I wouldn't have been able to get through any of that stuff without you.

Ephram...

My point is, I think it makes a big difference knowing there's at least one person in the world

that has your back no matter what.

It doesn't have to be the same person your entire life, but...

everybody deserves at least one someone.

I should have been there for Reid.

Okay.

- Hey. - Hey.

Ooh, that's more than your usual dosage.

Well, I need it. I was at the hospital last night with Ephram.

What?

Oh, he's fine. It's his roommate, Reid. He, uh...

he took a fistful of sleeping pills yesterday, and Ephram found him on the bathroom floor.

Oh, poor Ephram. He must have been scared out of his mind.

Actually, I think he's still in shock.

Well, I'm sure. If you need to cancel tomorrow, I totally understand.

Tomorrow? Oh, dinner, right.

No, I'm looking forward to it. Delia's excited about it, too.

She's cooking. Did I warn you?

Really?

Tell her she'll have one less guest to feed 'cause Jake's gonna be in L.A. this weekend.

Wasn't he gone last weekend?

I'm sorry.

I'm sure things will settle down.

Oh, absolutely. Definitely.

So tomorrow night then?

And Delia's making chicken cacciatore, so, uh, yeah, I would eat first.

Hannah.

How are you, sweetheart?

Uh... not so good, actually. I-is -- is Amy here?

Oh, she's not home from school yet.

Was she supposed to meet you?

Yeah, but I'm early. I could just come back later.

Oh, no, don't be silly. Come on in.

I'm sure I have some cocoa in the house somewhere, or at least a tissue.

A tissue sounds nice.

What are these for?

Oh, you are officially the first person to know.

They're for my job.

I'm on a new career path, if you can believe it.

Really?

I just started at the art museum over in Colorado Springs.

There's very little money involved, but I do get to look at Cézanne all day,

which does wonders for the spirit.

That must be nice, having something to look forward to.

I remember what that was like --

waking up in the morning not wanting to poke my eyes out.

If it makes you feel any better...

Bright looks far worse than you right now.

That's good.

I mean, not that it's good that he looks bad,

but it's definitely better than him looking good 'cause that would be awful.

Frankly, just plain wrong.

- I understand. - Really?

'Cause I don't -- not any of it.

I mean, why would he --

Sorry. Um, I just --

Never mind.

Forget it.

Do you exercise, dear?

Um... well, I used to enjoy my jazzercise videos,

but I left them mostly at home. Why?

I was just wondering if you had any way of letting out all these emotions you're feeling.

You mean, besides crying them out?

Crying works for the sadness, but I was thinking more of the anger.

You need to find a way to release your aggression.

- Otherwise, you might end up -- - Killing Bright with my bare hands,

strangling him till his tongue rolls out of his mouth like a cartoon puppy dog?

I was going to say, "developing an ulcer," but...

I guess... I don't really know.

I've never really had to deal with my anger before.

To be honest, I've never really felt it much before.

I'm actually a fairly mild person, so I don't --

That is why god invented decorative pillows.

Here, give it a whack.

Come on. It'll help, I know.

- Wow. - Mm-hmm.

"Hi, I'm Bright. I like to eat with my mouth open."

He does get a little enthusiastic.

He never cares about manners' cause he thinks he's so cute,

and he always gets what he wants.

He lied to me, and he cheated on me, and he broke my heart!

There. Isn't that better?

Yes. Yes, a little.

I hate him so much, I should be happy it's over.

I'm not.

Because... you love him...

which is confusing, I know.

But if you find yourself wavering between getting back together and moving on,

I'll just ask you this one thing --

can you forgive him?

Do you think I should?

Oh, that's not for me to say, sweetheart.

If you can, you'll find your way back.

If you can't and you get back together just because you miss him right now,

you'll only wind up resenting him later on,

and... no amount of love can conquer that.

Hey, uh, you must be Reid's mom.

Angela.

You guys look alike. Ephram Brown.

Has he woken up yet?

No, just for a brief time when they first brought him in,

but he's been asleep ever since, or maybe just keeping his eyes closed.

I don't think he's ready to talk.

I'm sorry. Are you one of his classmates?

Uh, no. I'm one of his roommates.

Oh.

Oh, you're the one who found him.

- Yeah. - I'm sorry.

Why -- so --

I should have known who you are.

I should have known a lot of things.

Can you tell me why he was expelled?

He was expelled? When did that happen?

I don't know, he just told me I didn't have to worry about med-school bills anymore.

Can you imagine?

I don't know what I'm gonna say to him when he wakes up.

I'm sure he'll just be happy that you're here.

Because I haven't been here the whole rest of the time?

No, no. I-- I di-- I didn't mean that at all.

I haven't slept. I just, um, don't know what I'm saying anymore.

I keep rewinding all of the months and the years,

looking for hints.

We just sent him off to school without a single worry.

That wasn't right.

And then all this time, I hardly ever called or wrote

or came to see his place or meet his friends or take you boys to dinner.

What do moms do? They send care packages.

I-I wouldn't know.

His whole life, I thought he was bright...

and... driven.

I even thought he was happy.

It never occurred to me that my son could be lonely.

What could be worse than that?

I'm sorry.

Not your fault.

I'm his mom.

I'm responsible for him.

I should have been here. I should have known.

Hello, my good man. I'm here to pick up my trinket

and perhaps a matching satin bag.

You sure you didn't pick that up already?

I am fairly certain, unless I've been on some sort of mind-blowing bender

that would prevent me from recalling my own actions,

but I think we can safely say that is far from the case.

I'm sorry, doc. One of my guys sold it this morning.

I figured it was you.

I guess not, huh?

What is this for?

This is for you.

What are you doing?

Well, I saw this, and I thought how beautiful it was.

Since I can't say the right thing even when I write it down ahead of time,

it doesn't come out right, I thought I would show you.

I don't want this. No.

Hannah...

And it is not fair for you to come here and say these things to me,

selfish to even make me see you.

Don't you understand how hard this is for me?

It's hard for me, too.

- But you're the one that did this to us. - I know.

And I'm trying so hard to figure out why.

I know they must be a reason. No one screws up like this without a reason.

What's the reason?

I-- it's-- I don't know. Maybe I was scared?

No, I'm seri-- I'm serious.

You're perfect, Hannah.

I could never see you ever doing anything to ever screw us up,

which meant we were gonna keep going on the way we were going,

or I was gonna blow it,

and maybe constantly thinking about how or when that's gonna happen,

the pressure was too much.

- This is such bullcrap! - Hannah...

Why couldn't we have just kept going the way we were going?

Why did you have to mess it up?

- You made a choice. - It wasn't a thinking choice.

- It was an impulse. - I am not talking about that.

It makes me sick to even think about that.

Then what -- what are -- I don't understand.

I meant that those two days when we weren't talking --

see, I thought we were thinking.

I was thinking about what we could do to make things better,

about how I could show you that I loved you.

I was up in my room thinking this was all my fault...

and you were with her.

Hannah, I'm sorry.

I am so, so incredibly sorry,

and if there's anything that I can do --

See, that's the thing. There isn't --

nothing you can say or buy me or do for me.

I don't think there ever will be.

I don't think I can forgive you, Bright.

There you go.

I guess it doesn't really look like it did in the picture.

No, no, it looks...

It looks even better.

I don't see why people bother cooking.

It takes six hours to make a chicken and only five minutes to eat it.

Chew slowly, people.

Sam, honey, what did I tell you about that?

I can't help it. It itches.

He just started taking showers instead of baths.

He doesn't have the shampoo thing figured out yet.

Here, Sam, let me take a look.

Uh, Neen, we really don't have a pantene problem.

We got a case of lice on our hands -- mine, to be exact.

Ew!

I have bug hair! Awesome!

I must be the worst mother in the world. I'm going to jail.

Anyone could have missed it. It makes perfect sense

that you simply thought your child was unclean.

- Andy, it's not funny. - Well, it's a little funny.

Am I gonna have to shave my head like a soldier?

No, honey, we're just gonna have to wash --

Everything. Come on, let's go.

What about the dishes?

I'm sure they'll self-destruct in a matter of seconds.

- Hey. - How you doing?

I feel like I have a horrible hangover without any of the fun.

Hey, I heard you were the one who, uh...

I'm so sorry, man.

Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're okay.

I'm not sure how all right I am.

Well, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I know.

God, I've been lying here trying to figure out how all this happened.

It's like, it probably seems like something you plan, but it wasn't like that...

Not for me, anyway.

What was it like, if you don't mind telling me?

I don't know.

It was like everything was going along fine,

and then somewhere in the middle of the year, I started to fall behind.

And I thought I could catch up because I always do,

but for the first time in my life... I couldn't.

So I cheated on this test,

just thinking that if I could get through it --

I mean, I wasn't gonna make a habit of it or anything.

Then I got caught.

And then suddenly, it was like... "game over, Reid,"

and I couldn't breathe.

It was like I literally couldn't find any breath in my body,

and I didn't know how I was gonna face my parents

or even you guys.

Mostly, I didn't know how I could face myself.

Yeah, but everybody messes up, Reid.

Do you have any idea how many people fail out of medical school every year?

My dad knows guys that took the mcats like five times.

But I couldn't let that happen, man, 'cause it was bigger than just me.

I was doing it for Danny, you know?

I've failed at stuff before, but I've never cheated.

I've never fallen down that rabbit hole, you know?

God, and it was so easy, Ephram.

I didn't flinch on the way down, and that's what scared me.

All of a sudden... I didn't even know who I was anymore.

So it didn't seem like that big of a deal to just...

stop being anything.

I wish I'd known you were going through this.

- I never would have told you. - Why?

Why? It's stupid, man.

Normally you ask someone how they're doing, and they tell you,

except I never told anyone the truth.

I didn't want people to worry, so I got used to people thinking that I was fine,

and then I got used to people leaving me alone...

and then I was.

I woke up one morning, and I was -- I was completely alone.

But that was my fault, Ephram.

I put myself there, out of pride or stupidity --

probably both --

but I did it to myself, man.

And what are you gonna do now?

I don't know.

Start over, I guess.

Well, I think we got it all, unless there are lice in your spice rack,

in which case you're on your own.

What time is it?

Late.

Delia's probably halfway to Montana in a hazmat suit by now.

- I'm so sorry about dinner. - I'm not.

If we're lucky, she'll be so scarred by this experience, she'll never cook again.

How about you? You okay?

No. I washed my hair three times, and I still feel like it's crawlin.

Let's have a look.

- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry.

No, it was me. I'm really sorry. I'm --

- Anyway, I should go. - No, wait.

I don't know what I'm saying. What am I doing?

I don't know.

You and I just spent four hours washing every sheet and towel in my house

and wrestling my kid into a bathtub,

and I haven't felt better in months.

And the man I live with, who I'm sharing my life with, isn't really in the picture.

At least, I just -- I can't find him there.

You're going through a rough patch. That's all it is.

I keep telling myself the same thing, making excuses -- he's been traveling.

- He has been traveling. - Right.

My ex-husband used to travel a lot, too.

What is it about me that makes all the men in my life feel the need to hit the road?

Not all the men.

I know.

And the fact is, is that even when he's here, there's this distance.

We live in this house, and he's doing his thing, and I'm doing mine,

and we're like this old married couple, except we're not even married.

Yet.

But who knows when that will happen?

And in the meantime, I know he's supposed to be my go-to guy,

the guy that I count on for everything, and he is,

except for all the times that he's not.

It's hard, Nina.

Relationships are hard.

But is it supposed to be this hard?

Because, I mean, sometimes...

other situations -- they just feel a lot easier.

Do you still love him?

'Cause if you do, that's all that matters.

That's what gets you through the hard parts.

I know.

And I do love him, but...

do you think that it's possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

I'm not sure.

No.

Neither am I.

Hey! Oh, my gosh. You're home early.

I changed my flight. I couldn't wait to get home to you guys.

So, how -- how was it?

It was pretty good. The guys really loved the program,

and they gave me some really good ideas for it, actually.

That's great.

And it was good be be back in L.A. again,

see the fam, have an ice-blended mocha.

You got to come with me next time.

Oh, so you have to take another trip soon?

No. No, no, no. I mean, I actually just want to take a special trip just with you.

You know what my mom noticed last night?

I said that I couldn't wait to get back home tomorrow.

I guess everybody gets sick of their parents.

No. No, that wasn't it.

I couldn't wait to get home to you.

On the plane ride back, I was looking out the window at the mountains

and reading this crappy paperback,

and I realized that I've been doing everything backwards.

What do you mean?

My whole life, I thought that I had to get my career on track first

and then everything else would follow after that, but --

but after you talking about us getting married a couple weeks ago --

- And it was too soon. I can see that now. - Yeah, but maybe it isn't.

Maybe there isn't a right time for any of this stuff.

And the fact of the matter is, I do not need to spend so much time

putting this program together because if it doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world,

but if we don't happen because I haven't put enough time into us,

well, that would be.

That must have been some plane ride.

I love you.

I love you.

So, what did I miss?

Uh, nothing much -- oh, except Sam got lice

and I had to bleach and boil every surface of the house.

It's just your typical friday night.

- You okay? - Hmm?

Are you okay? You seem funny.

I'm great. I just -- I missed you. That's all.

I missed you, too.

- Hello, son. - Hello, father.

I had an interesting run-in at the jeweler's the other day.

I was eager to tell you all about it, but I do believe you've been avoiding me.

I can't help but wonder if the two incidents are related.

I have the necklace, dad.

What were you thinking?

You knew that this was my gift for your mother.

I know. I'm -- I'm awful.

Everybody hates me, so why don't we just leave it at that?

I hardly think everyone hates you.

Hannah does.

And I know, I have no right to be upset.

It's my fault, and trying to impress her with a stupid necklace was a lame idea --

nothing against the necklace. I'm sure mom is gonna love it,

but it doesn't change the fact that I'm a bad person.

You're not a bad person, Bright.

Your impulses may not always be the best, but...

they're always honest.

You have a good heart at the end of the day, and that's... all you can ask for.

So is this all stuff that mom told you to say?

No.

Although it is true. She has always understood you better than I,

always known what to do.

I've been at a loss more times than I care to admit because...

the fact is, I'm a little jealous of you.

Oh, right. Now I know you're messing with me.

No. No. God, no. Not at all.

Your ability to make friends at the drop of a hat is something I've never mastered.

You approach life with an ease and natural social grace,

and I've always been a bit hindered in that department.

Weren't you head of the elks club?

Kind of you to remember, but the big horns...

No, no, they've -- they've passed me over.

I'll admit something.

As difficult as I know things have been for you of late,

I've been waiting... for a moment like this between the two of us.

- Really? - Yeah.

Always hoped that I would have something of use to say,

that you would... need me, I guess.

Of course, after our camping debacle last fall, I've been thinking that...

maybe that time has already passed me by, that you didn't need me anymore.

Dad...

And I really only wanted to be able to give you something,

because the fact of the matter is...

you have taught me a great deal.

Taught me how to laugh, take myself a little less seriously, believe it or not.

I admire you.

Bright... are you okay?

I don't know.

Everything has been so messed up.

Come here.

We're gonna get through this...

I promise you.

- Hey. - Hey.

- I brought you that bag. - Thank you.

Should I be concerned with the fact that you've suddenly decided to leave town?

I'm just going to New York for a couple of days to see Kyle,

help him get settled in, show him around a little bit.

He'll be back in a couple of weeks, won't he?

Yeah, but I think he's a little overwhelmed with the whole Juilliard experience,

so I want to make sure he's okay.

Listen, I know what happened with Reid was a pretty intense experience.

It must have had a profound effect on you --

It did, and you're right.

- I haven't even said it yet. - Yeah, but I know what you're thinking.

You were gonna say that because of what happened with Reid,

that's why I suddenly want to go and make sure Kyle's okay.

You know what? You're probably right.

Okay.

Reid was not my responsibility, but in a way, I kind of feel like Kyle is.

I think about him out there all by himself,

probably crawling back into that shell that I tried so hard to break him out of.

I just want to go check up on him, make sure he's cool without him having to ask.

Hmm. Are you all set with your classes?

Yeah, I'm just getting my reading right now.

Any idea when you'll be back?

It's all right there on that piece of paper.

I'm gonna stay with nonny for a couple of days.

Then I'm gonna go see my friend Vince. I left you his number.

And then I'll have my cellphone on if anything happens.

You won't just call to say hi?

Yeah, I know you get withdrawals, but you're gonna be okay, right?

Yeah. I'll call you.

What did you get?!

No, thanks, I'm not really up for a drive tonight. Thanks, anyway.

I'll call you later, Amy.

Hi, mom, it's me.

No, no, no, no. I'm okay.

Actually, um, I'm not.

Can you talk?

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