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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,439
Get to the edge, get to the edge.
2
00:00:02,660 --> 00:00:05,699
No, don't let go of me! Absolutely.
3
00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:09,700
Just step off, love, just do it.
4
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:16,619
I don't think I can.
5
00:00:16,620 --> 00:00:18,699
Go, Meg!
6
00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:22,700
You've done really well, mate.
7
00:00:24,220 --> 00:00:27,698
I think I've pooed my harness!
8
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:48,372
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
9
00:00:48,452 --> 00:00:51,431
I have an epithoney.
Is it epiphany or epitome?
10
00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:55,195
Well, they're two separate words.
OK, so I had a moment on the plane.
11
00:00:55,196 --> 00:00:57,875
Because I realised that
I don't really know what I'm doing
12
00:00:57,876 --> 00:01:00,315
with, like, the rest of my life.
Do you know what I mean?
13
00:01:00,316 --> 00:01:01,875
Hardly ever. But, yes.
14
00:01:01,876 --> 00:01:04,555
Then I remembered what
that visionary said to me
15
00:01:04,556 --> 00:01:06,635
on the beach before he sold me
my crystal.
16
00:01:06,636 --> 00:01:08,475
Didn't he ask you for a handy?
17
00:01:08,476 --> 00:01:09,955
Well, yeah, but he also said,
18
00:01:09,956 --> 00:01:12,635
"Ask the universe for what you want
and it'll happen."
19
00:01:12,636 --> 00:01:16,636
Do you want this?
Yes! This is weird.
20
00:01:17,116 --> 00:01:21,116
Is that to carry your necklace?
21
00:01:25,356 --> 00:01:29,356
Are you there yet, Gary?
Gary, are you there yet?
22
00:01:29,916 --> 00:01:32,195
Right, time's up.
23
00:01:32,196 --> 00:01:34,315
What? I haven't finished.
24
00:01:34,316 --> 00:01:35,995
Well, I have and I need to go.
25
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:39,996
What about me?
Sort yourself out.
26
00:01:42,716 --> 00:01:46,395
Gary! What are you looking at? Porn.
27
00:01:46,396 --> 00:01:48,915
Do you know how insulting this is?
28
00:01:48,916 --> 00:01:50,795
I do all the same stuff they do.
29
00:01:50,796 --> 00:01:54,796
Oh, come on, Laura, you're
not as dirty as the internet.
30
00:01:58,476 --> 00:02:02,435
OK, so I've asked the universe
to bring me to my calling.
31
00:02:02,436 --> 00:02:05,835
What, Leeds?
Showbiz, Meg. What do you want?
32
00:02:05,836 --> 00:02:08,715
I want to know why my ex-boyfriend
is standing out there.
33
00:02:08,716 --> 00:02:10,955
O M Jesus, it's Mark.
34
00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,675
Why would your mental
ex-boyfriend be out there?
35
00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:14,835
Because he is mental?
36
00:02:14,836 --> 00:02:16,715
I wonder
if he still wears your underwear.
37
00:02:16,716 --> 00:02:19,435
I'm way too jet-lagged to deal
with this. Help me.
38
00:02:19,436 --> 00:02:21,715
OK, I can ask the universe
but it's not always instant.
39
00:02:21,716 --> 00:02:23,635
A sane suggestion would be great.
40
00:02:23,636 --> 00:02:26,235
OK, what are we going to do?
41
00:02:26,236 --> 00:02:28,955
That's a question. Right.
42
00:02:28,956 --> 00:02:30,635
We're going to do what all rational,
43
00:02:30,636 --> 00:02:32,715
adult women would do
in this situation.
44
00:02:32,716 --> 00:02:36,716
What's that? Hide.
45
00:02:46,036 --> 00:02:50,036
Oh, there's Laura! Go! Go!
Laura! Hi!
46
00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:52,995
Get down!
47
00:02:52,996 --> 00:02:54,555
All right. Hi, mate!
48
00:02:54,556 --> 00:02:56,915
Why we hiding?
Have you nicked summat?
49
00:02:56,916 --> 00:03:00,115
No, Mental Mark's over there.
50
00:03:00,116 --> 00:03:02,595
I thought you broke up.
We did! I'm very single now.
51
00:03:02,596 --> 00:03:04,155
You wouldn't have known out there.
52
00:03:04,156 --> 00:03:07,995
What, because I wasn't getting fingered
by every tour guide in Southern India?
53
00:03:07,996 --> 00:03:10,915
I've missed this.
Do you want me to deck him?
54
00:03:10,916 --> 00:03:14,355
No, we're just going to leave the
airport hiding behind this trolley.
55
00:03:14,356 --> 00:03:18,356
Right you are, then.
56
00:03:21,796 --> 00:03:25,796
OK, coast's clear.
57
00:03:31,196 --> 00:03:34,315
Thanks for picking us up
anyway, mate.
58
00:03:34,316 --> 00:03:38,075
We got you this in India.
59
00:03:38,076 --> 00:03:40,395
Guys, I fucking love it.
60
00:03:40,396 --> 00:03:41,555
So where have you parked?
61
00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:45,556
What? I got the bus.
62
00:03:48,756 --> 00:03:50,755
You're right,
he shouldn't be looking at porn.
63
00:03:50,756 --> 00:03:52,315
It's degrading to women.
64
00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:53,595
Not arsed about that.
65
00:03:53,596 --> 00:03:55,595
I just don't get why he needs it.
He's got this.
66
00:03:55,596 --> 00:03:58,435
You can't compete with the internet.
These women are professionals.
67
00:03:58,436 --> 00:04:02,035
So am I. Professional means
you get paid. Oh, right.
68
00:04:02,036 --> 00:04:03,875
Well, anyway, I'm going to show him.
69
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:07,876
I've got a sexting mission
under way. How do you spell tongue?
70
00:04:08,356 --> 00:04:10,235
I can't wait to go straight to bed.
71
00:04:10,236 --> 00:04:12,955
Don't be a boner, mate,
we're going out.
72
00:04:12,956 --> 00:04:15,755
Well, I'm not drinking, I've still
got two Valium in my system.
73
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,835
So you have been to sleep.
74
00:04:17,836 --> 00:04:20,915
No, Meg is the only person in living
history to have taken Valium
75
00:04:20,916 --> 00:04:22,635
and then had a panic attack.
76
00:04:22,636 --> 00:04:25,195
I'll say it again -
how can you be sure it was Valium
77
00:04:25,196 --> 00:04:28,155
when you bought them
from a rickshaw driver?
78
00:04:28,156 --> 00:04:29,595
Whoa. Gary's taken it up a gear.
79
00:04:29,596 --> 00:04:31,835
How do you spell fisting?
80
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:35,836
I've got a really good feeling
about this summer.
81
00:04:39,356 --> 00:04:43,115
Well, this is wonderful!
I am thrilled.
82
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,475
Thanks, Mum, it's good to be back.
83
00:04:45,476 --> 00:04:49,075
And I would like to propose
a toast...
84
00:04:49,076 --> 00:04:52,835
to our clever son, James.
85
00:04:52,836 --> 00:04:56,836
Or should I say James Keswick,
Executive Account Manager
86
00:04:57,436 --> 00:05:00,515
and proud owner of an Audi?
87
00:05:00,516 --> 00:05:02,035
What? Aren't you going to uni?
88
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:05,075
I don't need a degree.
I've been headhunted.
89
00:05:05,076 --> 00:05:09,075
So, cheers to PPI and Mum
and Dad for supporting me.
90
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:10,595
Congratulations, son.
91
00:05:10,596 --> 00:05:12,835
Well, I would like to
propose a toast...
92
00:05:12,836 --> 00:05:16,836
to me... and Bunny for going the whole way
round some of India without getting killed.
93
00:05:20,116 --> 00:05:23,835
We only had to go to the Embassy
once when Bunny lost her passport
94
00:05:23,836 --> 00:05:27,435
and it was actually fine cos it was
in my bum bag. Cheers.
95
00:05:27,436 --> 00:05:28,595
Well done, guys.
96
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,555
Oh, there he is!
97
00:05:30,556 --> 00:05:32,635
Give Mark a hand with that,
please, James.
98
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:33,635
Who?
99
00:05:33,636 --> 00:05:35,395
Oh, great, now we're all here.
100
00:05:35,396 --> 00:05:38,515
Meggles! I came to the airport...
101
00:05:38,516 --> 00:05:42,516
Did you?
102
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,235
What are you doing here?
103
00:05:44,236 --> 00:05:46,355
I work for your dad now.
104
00:05:46,356 --> 00:05:49,675
I tell you what -
that lad really knows his stone.
105
00:05:49,676 --> 00:05:53,676
And, I... wanted to see you.
106
00:05:53,876 --> 00:05:57,315
Do you want to come upstairs?
Yes, please.
107
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:01,316
I think we should talk.
We'll just be in my room.
108
00:06:01,356 --> 00:06:05,235
Ooh! Well.
109
00:06:05,236 --> 00:06:07,675
Why is my room a walk-in wardrobe?
110
00:06:07,676 --> 00:06:09,155
Didn't you know?
111
00:06:09,156 --> 00:06:11,915
No, what the fuck?!
Where am I supposed to sleep?
112
00:06:11,916 --> 00:06:13,635
It looks so different.
113
00:06:13,636 --> 00:06:16,995
It's crazy to think this is the
room where I took your virginity.
114
00:06:16,996 --> 00:06:20,195
Yeah, not as crazy as saying
that in this situation, Mark.
115
00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:24,196
Oh, you silly pretty thing.
Come here. I've missed you.
116
00:06:24,996 --> 00:06:28,875
Yeah, look.
I'm really sorry about everything.
117
00:06:28,876 --> 00:06:30,595
Are you OK?
118
00:06:30,596 --> 00:06:34,515
Yeah, look, I know you want
your space and I respect that
119
00:06:34,516 --> 00:06:36,675
but there's something I want to...
Yeah, but I want to say...
120
00:06:36,676 --> 00:06:39,075
Sorry. You go.
No, sorry, you go first.
121
00:06:39,076 --> 00:06:41,715
OK, well, here goes.
122
00:06:41,716 --> 00:06:43,555
Oh, God, please don't be a poem.
123
00:06:43,556 --> 00:06:45,235
No. I want...
Us to still be friends, yeah.
124
00:06:45,236 --> 00:06:47,915
No, no, I want...
Closure, I know.
125
00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:50,675
No. I don't think we should be
having break-up sex, Mark.
126
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:52,235
I want you to move in with me.
127
00:06:52,236 --> 00:06:55,315
What?! I've rented us
a flat in Headingley.
128
00:06:55,316 --> 00:06:59,316
In case you're wondering where
all your stuff is. I love you.
129
00:07:00,676 --> 00:07:04,435
Oh, my God.
130
00:07:04,436 --> 00:07:07,755
I suddenly feel very jet-lagged,
Mark.
131
00:07:07,756 --> 00:07:10,915
I'm just going to... lie down.
132
00:07:10,916 --> 00:07:14,916
On these bags.
133
00:07:16,276 --> 00:07:18,395
He's not my boyfriend!
134
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,835
He's a deluded,
emotionally unstable psychopath!
135
00:07:21,836 --> 00:07:24,475
I don't want to be near him,
let alone living with him!
136
00:07:24,476 --> 00:07:25,915
She's very tired.
137
00:07:25,916 --> 00:07:28,515
Er, well, I changed our relationship
status on Facebook.
138
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:31,235
If that isn't breaking up with him,
I don't know what is.
139
00:07:31,236 --> 00:07:32,836
He tried to cut all my hair!
140
00:07:35,116 --> 00:07:38,075
I think I'll go back to the new pad.
141
00:07:38,076 --> 00:07:40,195
Tell her I'll see her there.
142
00:07:40,196 --> 00:07:43,075
OK. Bye, Mark.
See you, Mark. Laters.
143
00:07:43,076 --> 00:07:44,555
What am I going to do?
144
00:07:44,556 --> 00:07:47,075
Well, you're a grown-up now, Meg,
move out.
145
00:07:47,076 --> 00:07:48,995
I haven't got any money, have I?
146
00:07:48,996 --> 00:07:51,355
Well, you can get a job
like your little brother.
147
00:07:51,356 --> 00:07:54,035
I don't want to go back to
handing out flyers.
148
00:07:54,036 --> 00:07:55,595
I've got a degree now.
149
00:07:55,596 --> 00:07:58,555
And technically I've still got
six months of my year out left.
150
00:07:58,556 --> 00:08:01,475
How many more years out do you
think you'll need, Meg?
151
00:08:01,476 --> 00:08:03,475
Haven't you've had your fun now?
152
00:08:03,476 --> 00:08:06,715
India was a cultural, educational
experience, Dad.
153
00:08:06,716 --> 00:08:09,235
It wasn't just about mucking
about having fun.
154
00:08:09,236 --> 00:08:11,555
Yeah, I've seen
the bungee jumping video.
155
00:08:11,556 --> 00:08:13,595
I think you need to make a plan.
156
00:08:13,596 --> 00:08:15,475
I HAD a plan.
157
00:08:15,476 --> 00:08:19,475
Live here
until I get a cool arty media-y job.
158
00:08:19,476 --> 00:08:21,635
I can't live in a wardrobe, can I?
159
00:08:21,636 --> 00:08:24,395
Yes, and we can't afford to
support you here any more.
160
00:08:24,396 --> 00:08:28,396
Well, why don't you just sell one of
these bags? That's a month's rent.
161
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:30,795
Is it?
162
00:08:30,796 --> 00:08:33,155
She's joking.
163
00:08:33,156 --> 00:08:34,835
She can sleep on the sofa.
164
00:08:34,836 --> 00:08:36,275
Oh, thanks!
165
00:08:36,276 --> 00:08:37,755
Fine, but she's paying rent.
166
00:08:37,756 --> 00:08:39,315
What?!
167
00:08:39,316 --> 00:08:42,115
You're 24, Meg. It's time
you started acting like it.
168
00:08:42,116 --> 00:08:46,116
Whatevs.
I so totally am acting like it!
169
00:08:47,156 --> 00:08:48,431
Oh.
170
00:08:49,711 --> 00:08:53,030
Hi, roomie. I thought you'd gone,
Mark. I waited for you.
171
00:08:53,031 --> 00:08:54,710
You really did, didn't you?
172
00:08:54,711 --> 00:08:57,190
Shall we... go back to our flat, Meg?
173
00:08:57,191 --> 00:09:00,590
Absolutely not. We're going pub.
Are we? Not you.
174
00:09:00,591 --> 00:09:04,470
Oh. Look, I really just need some
space, Mark. Where are you going?
175
00:09:04,471 --> 00:09:08,471
I don't know.
Do you want a lift? Yes.
176
00:09:14,631 --> 00:09:18,150
Put your foot down, Mark! I want to
get there before next summer!
177
00:09:18,151 --> 00:09:21,750
Sorry, but I'm transporting
something fragile and precious.
178
00:09:21,751 --> 00:09:25,310
What... marble? No... Meg.
179
00:09:25,311 --> 00:09:29,311
Right, we're getting out here!
180
00:09:31,711 --> 00:09:35,711
Wake up, Meg. I don't to wear lost
property, sir.
181
00:09:35,791 --> 00:09:38,350
Maybe she should just come back
to our place now.
182
00:09:38,351 --> 00:09:42,350
Meg!
183
00:09:42,351 --> 00:09:44,790
Oh, God! Please tell me this is
a dream.
184
00:09:44,791 --> 00:09:48,590
Well, sort of more of a nightmare,
love.
185
00:09:48,591 --> 00:09:51,110
Shall I park the van and meet you in
there?
186
00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:55,111
Just go home, Mark. Nobody wants you
here. Thanks for the lift.
187
00:10:02,551 --> 00:10:04,350
He's persistent, I'll give him that.
188
00:10:04,351 --> 00:10:06,510
I can't get rid of him. He's like
thrush.
189
00:10:06,511 --> 00:10:08,950
Yeah, well, he definitely needs
clinical treatment.
190
00:10:08,951 --> 00:10:10,190
You need to eradicate.
191
00:10:10,191 --> 00:10:12,710
Do you want me to put a word in
with the universe?
192
00:10:12,711 --> 00:10:15,030
Fuck the universe!
What's the matter, Meg,
193
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,190
are you upset
because you're homeless?
194
00:10:17,191 --> 00:10:19,270
Yes. And because
your mental ex-boyfriend
195
00:10:19,271 --> 00:10:20,950
wants you to move in with him? Yes.
196
00:10:20,951 --> 00:10:22,390
And because you're unemployed?
197
00:10:22,391 --> 00:10:24,990
I hadn't thought about that
but, yes, also a huge problem.
198
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:28,630
Thanks very much, guys, great chat.
199
00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:32,631
I'll get the shots in.
200
00:10:33,631 --> 00:10:37,070
Done it. I've done it all.
I'm out of ideas, to be honest.
201
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:41,030
Oh! I know. Bukake! B-U-K-A-K-E.
202
00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:43,230
Can't you just send him a picture of
your boob?
203
00:10:43,231 --> 00:10:45,670
He's already got the whole range,
inside and out.
204
00:10:45,671 --> 00:10:48,150
I just hate the idea of not being
dirty enough for him.
205
00:10:48,151 --> 00:10:50,390
Darling, you don't have anything to
worry about,
206
00:10:50,391 --> 00:10:51,670
you're absolutely filthy.
207
00:10:51,671 --> 00:10:55,630
Am I? Mate, seriously, you're a total
dirt bag.
208
00:10:55,631 --> 00:10:59,631
You are. Stop it, you'll give me a
big head.
209
00:11:00,871 --> 00:11:04,871
Oh, hello! Mind if I watch? Malcolm.
All right.
210
00:11:06,271 --> 00:11:08,550
Thanks for coming to my party,
girls.
211
00:11:08,551 --> 00:11:10,590
Oh, yeah, that's why we're here.
212
00:11:10,591 --> 00:11:14,591
Do I get a birthday kiss? No. Oh.
This is my cousin, Bunny.
213
00:11:15,031 --> 00:11:18,630
Ah. Malcolm. Remember that,
you'll be screaming it later.
214
00:11:18,631 --> 00:11:21,470
Right, are you saying you're going
to rape her?
215
00:11:21,471 --> 00:11:23,070
No, just chatting her up.
216
00:11:23,071 --> 00:11:26,350
Well, I think you can see
we're all very aroused.
217
00:11:26,351 --> 00:11:30,150
Bunny, this is my boss, Malcolm.
Er... former boss.
218
00:11:30,151 --> 00:11:32,550
Got too big for it. Didn't you,
Mrs Qualifications?
219
00:11:32,551 --> 00:11:33,910
Yeah, actually, about that...
220
00:11:33,911 --> 00:11:35,950
I thought you said you had
meningitis, Laura?
221
00:11:35,951 --> 00:11:37,790
I feel better now. I'll be back in
tomorrow.
222
00:11:37,791 --> 00:11:41,630
Good, because you will be promoting
the all-new best selling tranket -
223
00:11:41,631 --> 00:11:42,990
it's a travel slanket.
224
00:11:42,991 --> 00:11:45,910
That is far too many made-up words
in one sentence.
225
00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:48,590
What's made up about tranket?
It's travel, plus slanket.
226
00:11:48,591 --> 00:11:51,350
What's made up about that?
Err... the slanket bit?
227
00:11:51,351 --> 00:11:54,510
That's just blanket plus sleeve.
I thought you had a degree!
228
00:11:54,511 --> 00:11:56,110
Fat load of good that's doing you.
229
00:11:56,111 --> 00:11:58,510
Er... yeah, I meant to ask,
actually, Malcolm...
230
00:11:58,511 --> 00:12:02,511
Well, I've reserved us a table, come
join the party.
231
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:06,590
You've met my mum, haven't you?
232
00:12:06,591 --> 00:12:10,591
Right, Gary, he's gagging for it.
Get the drinks in.
233
00:12:13,831 --> 00:12:17,310
It's your round. Right. Can I borrow
some cash?
234
00:12:17,311 --> 00:12:20,030
Why don't you ask the universe
to get us some drinks?
235
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:24,031
Fine. I will, actually.
236
00:12:27,591 --> 00:12:30,950
Hello. Gary? What are you doing?
What's that noise?
237
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,950
Err... it's One Born Every Minute.
Gary, I know what you're doing
238
00:12:33,951 --> 00:12:36,350
and you'd better start
fucking behaving yourself,
239
00:12:36,351 --> 00:12:38,350
because I am capable of messing you
right up.
240
00:12:38,351 --> 00:12:41,110
You'll be begging for my forgiveness,
you piece of dirt.
241
00:12:41,111 --> 00:12:44,350
Oh, yes, Laura! I love it when you
get angry.
242
00:12:44,351 --> 00:12:48,230
Do you? Is this turning you on?
243
00:12:48,231 --> 00:12:50,070
Malcolm!
244
00:12:50,071 --> 00:12:52,910
Happy birthday. Thank you.
245
00:12:52,911 --> 00:12:56,911
So... I was wondering if I could have
my old job back?
246
00:12:58,231 --> 00:13:00,230
I thought you said this work was
demoralising,
247
00:13:00,231 --> 00:13:01,510
underpaid and humiliating?
248
00:13:01,511 --> 00:13:05,511
It is... and I would like to do it
full-time if possible?
249
00:13:05,831 --> 00:13:08,230
You said you wouldn't even do it
if you were desperate
250
00:13:08,231 --> 00:13:09,630
and that you'd rather starve?
251
00:13:09,631 --> 00:13:13,630
That doesn't sound like me. Well,
then, take it back.
252
00:13:13,631 --> 00:13:16,351
Oh, come on. Take it back
or I can't take you back.
253
00:13:17,791 --> 00:13:21,510
OK. I'm sorry I said it was
demoralising.
254
00:13:21,511 --> 00:13:24,910
It's not, it's... It's... important.
255
00:13:24,911 --> 00:13:27,110
We're fuelling the economy.
Well...
256
00:13:27,111 --> 00:13:30,390
Erm... OK, we're fuelling
the economy.
257
00:13:30,391 --> 00:13:34,391
It's important, valuable work and I
would be lucky to work for you.
258
00:13:37,151 --> 00:13:38,310
What do you think?
259
00:13:38,311 --> 00:13:41,870
Right, well, I think that
it is actually not my decision,
260
00:13:41,871 --> 00:13:45,590
it's the area manager's,
so you're going to have to ask him.
261
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:48,510
Fortunately for us all, he is here
somewhere.
262
00:13:48,511 --> 00:13:50,430
Right, what are you wearing?
263
00:13:50,431 --> 00:13:54,431
Do what I say, I'm in charge,
you... dirty... knobhead.
264
00:13:55,471 --> 00:13:57,430
Slide your trackies off.
265
00:13:57,431 --> 00:14:00,790
One panty dropper. Thank you,
universe.
266
00:14:00,791 --> 00:14:03,750
I've just been bought a drink
and offered a job as a model.
267
00:14:03,751 --> 00:14:07,150
Who here has offered you a modelling
job?
268
00:14:07,151 --> 00:14:10,870
That guy. I told you I had a good
feeling about this summer.
269
00:14:10,871 --> 00:14:14,871
He's nice! I am mystical as fuck
Meg.
270
00:14:14,911 --> 00:14:16,510
All my dreams are coming true.
271
00:14:16,511 --> 00:14:19,270
I've travelled the world,
I've got a job in showbiz,
272
00:14:19,271 --> 00:14:21,870
soon I really will be mixed race!
I love me!
273
00:14:21,871 --> 00:14:25,871
Er... Meg, may I introduce you to
our new area manager, Josh Steele.
274
00:14:26,271 --> 00:14:28,590
Yes, you may. Hello.
Malcolm, this is Bunny,
275
00:14:28,591 --> 00:14:31,070
she'll be joining you
on the new tranket promo.
276
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:34,790
What? What? No, I'm a model.
You said modelling.
277
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,590
Yeah, modelling the tranket.
278
00:14:36,591 --> 00:14:39,670
Think of yourself as
a sort of... human mannequin.
279
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:42,630
Welcome to our world!
Human mannequin?
280
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:45,870
Showbiz! Drinks? Yes, please, I do.
281
00:14:45,871 --> 00:14:48,270
Don't forget, you need to go and
eradicate Mark.
282
00:14:48,271 --> 00:14:51,390
Sorry, what's that? I couldn't hear
anything over how fit he is!
283
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:55,190
My turn to flirt my way into a job
offer, thanks. Don't mind if I do.
284
00:14:55,191 --> 00:14:57,390
Laters.
285
00:14:57,391 --> 00:15:00,550
We're going to do this now
in this toilet like animals,
286
00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:02,630
because that's all you're worth
to me.
287
00:15:02,631 --> 00:15:06,470
Put your hand down your pants.
Feels good, doesn't it, you mong?
288
00:15:06,471 --> 00:15:09,150
I'll call you what I like,
cos I'm getting nasty.
289
00:15:09,151 --> 00:15:11,790
Don't you speak no more,
I'll do the talking.
290
00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:15,791
I'm absolutely sick of your whinging,
annoying voice.
291
00:15:16,191 --> 00:15:19,110
You speak really slowly like that.
292
00:15:19,111 --> 00:15:22,110
And you stink. You need a new
deodorant, it don't work.
293
00:15:22,111 --> 00:15:24,550
And you've got bad teeth and you've
got bad breath.
294
00:15:24,551 --> 00:15:27,350
You've got no muscles and I hate that
mole on your neck.
295
00:15:27,351 --> 00:15:28,950
And your ball hair's too long.
296
00:15:28,951 --> 00:15:31,950
And you've got shit taste in clothes
and shit taste in music.
297
00:15:31,951 --> 00:15:34,150
And you're going bald at the back.
298
00:15:34,151 --> 00:15:36,470
And you're lazy.
299
00:15:36,471 --> 00:15:39,590
What do you mean, it's not sexy any
more?
300
00:15:39,591 --> 00:15:43,230
No... I'm hanging up.
301
00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:47,231
Laura one, internet nil.
302
00:15:51,791 --> 00:15:54,830
Another? Please.
303
00:15:54,831 --> 00:15:58,831
I'm quite drunk now. Bit jet-lagged,
I think, actually.
304
00:15:59,511 --> 00:16:01,950
Promo's so much fun. I really love
it.
305
00:16:01,951 --> 00:16:04,830
Well, the tranket has just been
such a gift.
306
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:07,070
I mean, it is such a great product
307
00:16:07,071 --> 00:16:10,390
and we have really increased
the sales figures.
308
00:16:10,391 --> 00:16:13,110
I mean, JTL Promotions are very
impressed.
309
00:16:13,111 --> 00:16:15,470
And, of course, Malcolm's a great
team leader.
310
00:16:15,471 --> 00:16:19,190
Is this a joke? I bet you just get
away with saying anything
311
00:16:19,191 --> 00:16:20,430
cos you're so fit.
312
00:16:20,431 --> 00:16:24,270
I think what the customer really
enjoys is a fully integrated,
313
00:16:24,271 --> 00:16:26,510
experiential marketing strategy.
314
00:16:26,511 --> 00:16:29,150
I mean, we really get people talking
about the brand
315
00:16:29,151 --> 00:16:31,590
because the whole
promotion is an experience.
316
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:35,591
Not to mention the social media
campaign that we've already...
317
00:16:36,271 --> 00:16:38,510
Meg?
318
00:16:38,511 --> 00:16:42,511
Meg? Meg!
319
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:44,990
I'll take it from here. Who are you?
320
00:16:44,991 --> 00:16:48,991
I'm her boyfriend. Come on, Meggles.
Let's get you home.
321
00:16:50,111 --> 00:16:54,111
Shall I er... give you a hand?
322
00:16:54,191 --> 00:16:58,191
Fit!
323
00:16:58,911 --> 00:17:00,711
Sorry.
324
00:17:23,431 --> 00:17:27,431
Oopsie.
325
00:17:32,191 --> 00:17:35,750
What the hell are you doing, Mark?!
326
00:17:35,751 --> 00:17:38,030
Where's Meg? She fell asleep...
327
00:17:38,031 --> 00:17:40,990
and then her boyfriend came
to pick her up.
328
00:17:40,991 --> 00:17:44,991
Oh, my God! He's kidnapped her,
the freak. Go!
329
00:17:46,151 --> 00:17:48,590
Are you breaking up with me?
330
00:17:48,591 --> 00:17:52,110
How can I break up with you, Mark,
we're not even together!
331
00:17:52,111 --> 00:17:54,110
I thought you were just playing hard
to get.
332
00:17:54,111 --> 00:17:56,070
That's how you interpret
333
00:17:56,071 --> 00:17:59,830
"zero written or verbal contact
for six months"?!
334
00:17:59,831 --> 00:18:02,830
So this whole relationship's
just a one-way street, is it?
335
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:06,831
It's a fucking cul-de-sac, Mark!
336
00:18:07,031 --> 00:18:11,031
But all your stuff's here now.
337
00:18:15,951 --> 00:18:19,951
I had it all dry cleaned.
338
00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:27,791
Where's the rest? Upstairs.
Upstairs?
339
00:18:36,671 --> 00:18:39,910
I honestly wouldn't put it past him
to do summat really sick.
340
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,550
Oh, my God! This is all my fault.
341
00:18:42,551 --> 00:18:45,270
I asked the universe to end it
between them, but not like this.
342
00:18:45,271 --> 00:18:47,630
Poor Meg!
343
00:18:47,631 --> 00:18:51,631
Ooh! It's bigger than you'd expect,
isn't it?
344
00:18:53,311 --> 00:18:55,510
It's quite nice up here.
345
00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:59,511
Yeah, well... it was going to be
our guest room.
346
00:18:59,791 --> 00:19:02,590
Well, you could get a housemate.
Could do.
347
00:19:02,591 --> 00:19:05,590
Was that a juicer downstairs? Yeah.
348
00:19:05,591 --> 00:19:09,270
So... where are you going to live?
349
00:19:09,271 --> 00:19:12,310
Don't know.
350
00:19:12,311 --> 00:19:14,950
Do you want to get back together?
No! Do you want to live here?
351
00:19:14,951 --> 00:19:16,790
Yes, please.
352
00:19:16,791 --> 00:19:20,190
But it's still over, Mark.
353
00:19:20,191 --> 00:19:24,191
Shall I make you a summer fruit
smoothie? Yes, please.
354
00:19:27,871 --> 00:19:31,871
It's way too quiet in there. What if
he's killed her?
355
00:19:38,391 --> 00:19:40,950
Err... Mark?
356
00:19:40,951 --> 00:19:42,551
Mark!
357
00:19:47,191 --> 00:19:51,191
I don't like the sound of that.
358
00:19:53,751 --> 00:19:55,590
Mark!
359
00:19:55,591 --> 00:19:57,191
Mark!
360
00:20:02,191 --> 00:20:04,790
Give me that. Will the universe help
us?
361
00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:08,791
In a way.
362
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:30,590
Drop the knife or I'll break your
face! I haven't done anything!
363
00:20:30,591 --> 00:20:33,990
Where is she? In the loft. Oh, you
sick bastard!
364
00:20:33,991 --> 00:20:37,991
She likes it up there. Help! Help
me! I can't get out!
365
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,910
I didn't think she was locked in...
Jesus Christ!
366
00:20:41,911 --> 00:20:45,630
Laura, what about my karma? Just
keep him down.
367
00:20:45,631 --> 00:20:48,791
OK, I'm going to have to sit on you,
Mark. OK?
368
00:20:51,111 --> 00:20:55,111
Meg, it's Laura. Are you all right?
Laura, hi! Yeah, everything's fine.
369
00:20:55,271 --> 00:20:58,590
Hi, Meg! Yeah, hello! Can you just
let me out, please?
370
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:02,591
Right. How? I don't know, ask Mark!
I can't, we're not really talking.
371
00:21:02,631 --> 00:21:06,030
Why not? I sort of twatted him over
the head with a rock, like.
372
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:09,150
It's a crystal! Oh, bloody hell,
Laura!
373
00:21:09,151 --> 00:21:11,110
Mark! Can you let me out, please?
374
00:21:11,111 --> 00:21:13,790
I can't! Bunny's sitting on me.
375
00:21:13,791 --> 00:21:17,710
I'm in quite a lot of pain, but I'm
confusingly aroused.
376
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:19,670
Ohh!
377
00:21:19,671 --> 00:21:23,671
Hi, guys. Are you OK, Mark? Meg,
tell 'em. Everything's fine.
378
00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:28,710
He just put a blanket over me and I
fell asleep.
379
00:21:28,711 --> 00:21:30,310
Like a beautiful budgie.
380
00:21:30,311 --> 00:21:33,510
Have you dumped the freak, then?
I am here! Don't care.
381
00:21:33,511 --> 00:21:37,511
Yes, we've broken up properly,
haven't we, Mark? Yeah... for now.
382
00:21:38,111 --> 00:21:40,470
Right, well, let's get off, then.
383
00:21:40,471 --> 00:21:44,471
No. See the thing is, yes, we've
split up, but...
384
00:21:44,751 --> 00:21:48,150
Actually, I've already moved in.
Shut the front door.
385
00:21:48,151 --> 00:21:50,470
Meg, did he or did he not convince
himself
386
00:21:50,471 --> 00:21:52,510
he were in a relationship
with you,
387
00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:54,790
abduct you and trap you in his loft?
388
00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:57,230
Yeah, he did all of those things,
but... Argh!
389
00:21:57,231 --> 00:22:00,510
Laura, please stop hitting him
with a rock! Crystal.
390
00:22:00,511 --> 00:22:03,630
I know what this is,
it's that... Denmark Disease.
391
00:22:03,631 --> 00:22:05,670
I think you mean Stockholm Syndrome.
392
00:22:05,671 --> 00:22:07,790
And, no, I'm not in love with my
captor,
393
00:22:07,791 --> 00:22:11,791
I'm just using him for somewhere to
live. Meg, this is a terrible idea.
394
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,630
It's one of your worst.
He's got a juicer!
395
00:22:14,631 --> 00:22:17,310
How can you afford this? Aren't you
meant to be unemployed?
396
00:22:17,311 --> 00:22:19,030
Girlfriends
don't have to pay rent.
397
00:22:19,031 --> 00:22:22,190
I'll be paying Mark.
398
00:22:22,191 --> 00:22:23,950
All new tranket.
399
00:22:23,951 --> 00:22:26,390
Detachable headrest
and comfort earplugs
400
00:22:26,391 --> 00:22:28,190
drown out the sound of the wife!
401
00:22:28,191 --> 00:22:32,191
Malcolm, you can't say that. Sorry,
or civil partner.
402
00:22:33,951 --> 00:22:37,951
So all the features of a traditional
blanket plus sleeves,
403
00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:41,390
but with a blow-up headrest and
eye-mask attachment.
404
00:22:41,391 --> 00:22:45,270
70% polyester, very sensual
to the touch.
405
00:22:45,271 --> 00:22:48,070
Did you ask the universe to make you
look like a massive twat?
406
00:22:48,071 --> 00:22:49,310
Am I pulling it off?
407
00:22:49,311 --> 00:22:51,790
It looks like a Jedi's
fucked a bushbaby.
408
00:22:51,791 --> 00:22:55,791
In a hot way? Got a really good
feeling about this summer.
409
00:22:57,187 --> 00:23:25,651
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
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410
00:23:25,701 --> 00:23:30,251
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