All language subtitles for Dirt s01e10 The Sexxx Issue.eng

Hi, I'm Don Konkey, DirtNow's resident
schizophrenic photographer,

and voice-over
extraordinaire.

- Last week was a bitch...
- Get back. Get back.

...especially for
Lucy's assistant Kenny.

Barrow and Willa seemed
to be getting along nicely...

Meet me in the supply closet
in 20 minutes.

...really, really, really,
really, really nicely.

I've got 13 minutes!

Julia came home from rehab,
but her mind seemed elsewhere.

Holt seemed happy to see her,
but his mind seemed elsewhere also.

I need to be with you.

- You mean inside of me?
- Yeah.

Julia's had it rough lately.

The sex tape of her and Johnny Gage
is still out there

and she doesn't know who has it.

Who are you trying
to protect, Holt?

That's Julia with her
lesbian smack dealer, Garbo.

Since she left rehab,
she doesn't do either anymore.

Well, at least they caught
Lucy's stalker, right?

Right? Heh.

I love you, Holt.

I love you.

Holt.

What?

What's wrong, baby?

What happened?

You haven't made love to me
like that in months.

I'm just--
I'm wiped out, all right?

But you were so passionate.

I was about to come.

Here.

All right, fine.
I'll make myself come.

Synchro :
MetalMarco, Pasbel, YST

Transcript :
swsub.com

Dirt - Season 01 - Episode 10
"Pap Smeared"

Move it!

- What is it that you want?
- I want respect!

And I wanti it now!

Do you have any idea what it's like
to lose the compass in your life?

We are losing the focus here!

We shouldn't have to
work that hard for love.

The focus is me! Me!
I'm here!

God damn it!
I'm still here!

Hello.

Does it bother you that every time
I look at you I think of anthrax?

You should
feel honored.

After 9/11, you were one
of the few non-politicians

to get the gift of deadly
class-five chemicals.

I'd rather have
the fruit basket.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Why?

You're so full of shit.

Well, I've never been much
of a navel-gazer.

You watched your assistant
take a bullet to the head.

Your entire staff and your business
were terrorized.

How did Sammy Winter
get my personal number?

How did he get
into my car?

I'm still looking into it.

You know better than just
about anybody how easy it is

to get into someone's life
and steal their soul.

What we do has nothing to do
with stalking or terrorizing people.

He's not a weirdo.
Give him a call.

It's not just you.

Your entire staff,

haven't you noticed
they're pretty wrecked?

Uh-huh! Mm...
Yes!

I was having such a lousy night
until I met your guys.

You're sweet.

I love your hair.

Oh, you do?

Thank you.
Yours is really pretty, too.

My natural color is the color
of shit in a mud puddle.

"Roses have thorns
and silver fountains mud."

"Clouds and eclipses
stain both moon and sun,

and loathsome canker
lives in sweetest bud."

Hot.

It's the 35th sonnet.
It's the best one.

You guys know poetry?
That's so awesome. All I know is,

"Here I sit,
brokenhearted..."

You want to know
what's really awesome?

What?

That tattoo
in the small of your back.

It keeps going.
Want to see?

Shall we move this
to a more private venue?

Oh, yeah!

Why do I get the feeling
you've done this before?

- I like walking with you.
- Me, too.

- With you.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, I can't.

See?
That wasn't so bad.

You have
really soft hands.

- What a dickhead.
- What?

Pussy boy.

- I knew it.
- Knew what?

Aw, is little Donny scared?
Little Donny Littledick?

Please.
I don't like you. I like her.

Don, what's going on?
I don't understand.

"Don, what's going on?
I don't understand."

- Don't make fun of her, please!
- That's right, pussy. Beg.

Don!
It's okay!

Don!

Every single time.
Every single time I have something.

A little bit of
something for me, huh?

- Okay, what do you got?
- Celeb tragedies?

Okay.

- Plastic surgery disasters?
- No.

I think we can get an at-home sit-down
with Julia Roberts,

something classy.

People are cutting the magazine
a lot of slack since the...thing.

I'm sorry. I think I just dozed
off for a second.

Guys, okay.
Okay.

Come on, guys.
We have to have some fun.

Ready?

Mmm!

Okay, we bag it and make it look like
you have to see the inside.

It's our first annual.
It has to be great. It has to be

startling. It has to be fun!

Come on!
Sex, celebrity, scandal! Bring it!

- "Sex and the Stars."
- Oh, God! Generic! No!

"Battle of the Bulge."

Who's packing among
Hollywood leading men.

Okay, and make sure while
you're at it, see who's faking it.

- "Celebrity Cameltoe."
- I love it.

- "Celeb Mooseknuckle."
- Please!

Is that the male version
for "cameltoe"?

- A. K. A, "mangina".
- A. K. A., "mammal-toe".

Oh, gross!
Okay, Kitty Ryder.

We don't do porn stars.

Well, she dated most
of the starting lineup of the Lakers,

all of Motley Crue.
She's got her own clothing line,

makeup, and sex toys.
She's worth millions.

- Okay, get it.
- "Hollywood Hookers."

Only the high-class ones.

- "Sex Toy Parties."
- Yes.

- "Celeb Key Parties."
- Yes.

- "Great Movie Orgasms."
- God damn it, yes!

It's not bad.

You know, I like it how you guys
have to

break into Los Alamos
and steal the plutonium.

Yeah, it's cool, right?

And the girl's part's
not bad. Is it cast?

They want me
to read some people.

Yo, do you mind?

Come on, man.

I should play it.

I mean, I could play
a forensic futurist.

Quinn would probably shit.

He'd never want me to play
fourth bana on an action flick, but...

- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah. For sure.

I could get my production company
going while we're working, and

we'd be working together.

Yeah.

I mean, they're talking
to some people.

Who?

I don't know,
like, Amanda Peet.

Christ.

Okay, let--
I'll talk to Teddy.

We'll see if it's worth pursuing,
you know?

Yeah, thanks a lot,
Mr. Hollywood.

Look, I know you're...what?

Rattled, but,

honey, you can't publish our magazine
with a triple-X on it.

Our Wal-Mart rep
actually cried.

They won't stock the issue.

- That's 30% right off the top.
- We'll make it up at the newsstand.

Look, I know
what you're doing.

The sex issue, it's a great idea,
I'm just saying lose the triple-X.

Brent Barrow, eroding your
freedom of speech one "X" at a time.

- Spiller--
- Mr. Barrow?

There's someone waiting
in your office.

Hi.

- How can I help you?
- Nancy said that--

I am so disappointed.

I was expecting
to see monsters.

Some kind of,
you know, demon

with fangs and claws.

Can you please just
tell me why you're--

But I walk in here
and I see two regular people

I'd expect to meet
in any regular setting.

- Not the devil.
- Oh, not the--

- Well, we're certainly not the--
- At least not to look at.

But I guess that makes it easier,
doesn't it?

I don't like
where this is going.

Maybe you should
have thought of that

before you took advantage
of my daughter...

my virginal,
17-year-old daughter.

17.

Oh, Daddy.

Um, maybe I should get
someone from legal in here.

That's not necessary
right now. You see,

I just wanted to look you two

right in the eyes.

And that's it?

Well, you tell me.

Is her virginity restored?

Is her innocence intact?

Has she been un-raped?

- What ?
- Woaw,w ait a minute.

- Excuse me, she practically raped us.
- Willa.

Thank you.

As I was saying,
as the father of a major

international superstar,
I have been in legal quandaries

before
pertaining to Rebecca.

- Rebecca?
- Banheart.

Banheart. You're

- Jimmy Ray Banheart.
- That's right.

Rebecca Banheart

is a major brand

with the pop career,
with the reality show,

with the specials and the clothing,
and I have the same plans for Dawni.

Or at least I did.

Why would they vanish
just because--

Because you
and your friend used her

and you threw her away.
You think that's funny?

Look at her!

After this thing hits,

she will never be perceived

as anything other than a little slut.

- Daddy!
- I'm sorry, baby, but that's the facts.

How can we rectify this?

It'll be rectified
when you are out on the street

begging for change instead of
sitting here in the publisher's office.

If this whole thing never reached the
legal system, you and I could come to

some kind of understanding.

An understanding?

What are you trying to do?

Are you trying to bribe me
from putting your ass in prison?

You're trying to buy me?

Do you have any idea
how much money I make

managing Rebecca Banheart?

It's not about money.

This is about justice.

I didn't mean to suggest--

I just--You know, I thought
what we do here might...

help Dawni.

Oh. You're going to
give her a cover and it's all good.

- Lucy.
- What's wrong?

Oh.
Uh, shoot.

She wants to...

- Tell me.
- to touch me.

What?

She wants to touch me.
She wants to, um...

I don't know if I can.

Who, Don?

Abby.

All right.

Do you remember Lynette?

Your stepmother.
I've met her.

She was closer to my age
than my dad's.

Oh Don.

She was an actress. She was in Boom
Boom, All the Tigers, Full Catastrophe.

I think I made her feel younger.

I was 14.
She called me "little lover."

Sometimes I liked it.

Don, you know none of that is
your fault, right?

No.

No, Lucy, I don't.

No, Quinn, no.

I don't think you understand
the reality of the situation.

If Teddy Chick doesn't want to hire
the star of the number one sitcom, I--

Well, what if Holt
threatened to walk?

You have your head
so far up his ass.

No.
No, I'm sorry.

I know. Please?

No, I am not going
to be the new host of Deal Or No Deal.

Nothing.

You know what?
I have to go.

You know what?
Let's just book it.

Okay.
Nothing.

My favorite co-star.

Hi, Johnny.

- Hey, Jeff.
- Hey, Jules.

- What up?
- Nothing.

They're trying to talk me into being
the female lead in Hard Charger, but

I don't know.

I thought that was Amanda Peet.

What?

That's just a funny
freakin' name. Amanda Peet.

Amanda Pe-et!

You guys are high.

It helps the work.

- Are you working?
- Yeah.

We're writing a production draft
to our movie.

You're doing
a Jeff Stagliano film?

Got to keep 'em guessing.

These scenes are going
to make theBrown Bunny look likeBarney.

We're talking full-frontal
hardcore penetration, non-linear,

- radical polemic time.
- Boom.

Themes of death
and loss and grief.

Tons of pussy.

That sounds great.

Gonna be awesome.

Oh, you--
We've never worked together, Jeff?

No. That's true.
You've always been Julia Mallory,

America's sweetheart.

Yeah, well,
I'm not really that anymore, am I?

So what's
the girl's part like?

Oh, my God.

That would be...holy shit.

But, dude...

Right.

She's got to be super young
for the shock value.

And then she can't be a star.

You can't see it coming.

And when the thing happens...

Yeah, well, anyway,
good luck with that.

Hey, I'm gonna

try to find an actress
to take our order.

Bye.

You look hot, Jules.

You raped me,

you piece of shit.

- I what?
- You raped me.

Is it rape when you beg me
to do you harder?

So, wait,
you two have been dating,

screwing for some time now.

Yes.

And you took home a 17-year-old girl
and had sex with her.

Well, yes,
but she didn't really look--

And she just happens
to be Rebecca Banheart's little sister,

meaning her father is that
nutjob Ray Jimmy Banheart.

What does he want?

He wants me in jail.

But he'll settle
for three covers.

Three? Jesus!

I've always been mystified by the whole
Rebecca Banheart phenomenon.

What was the hook
of the show? How stupid she is?

Stupid is the new black.

I think it was the tomato
that clinched it.

Well, somebody offered
her a beefsteak tomato

and she declined on account
of being a vegetarian.

And you were captivated
by her underage sister.

Wow. There are just
so many levels here.

Look, I know you're loving
the torture, Spiller,

but, really, our sex lives are
of no business

- Brent?
- Yeah?

- Shut up.
- Yeah.

Okay I have nothing on him in the vault,
so we have to go out, we have to get

every piece of imaginable dirt
on Jimmy Ray Banheart.

And cover
the little songbirds while you're at it.

I don't care how
seemingly banal it is, just get it.

Get medical,
dental, whatever.

Okay.
I'm on my way.

If this goes public, it could do some
real damage to this magazine.

This is your problem--
both of you.

You need to fix it.

- Oh, and Brent?
- Yeah?

We are so doing
the sex issue:

polybag, the triple-X.

Now jog in place.

Are you sure
you're listening to my heart?

Oh, that's cold and hard.

Now open wide
and say, "Ahh."

Cut. Great, guys. Take five.
We'll come back for the oral.

Mr. Hergopian.

No, I'm Johnson Long.

Your real name's Tim Hergopian.
Born in Moose Jaw Saskatchewan, 1974.

Could you not announce
my citizenship status, huh?

- Sorry.
- What's up?

Where's Kitty Ryder? She's supposed
to be starring opposite you.

I don't know. Before this film
she never missed a day of work.

Any idea where she is?

- Why?
- My boss wants to do a story about her.

Nah. Good luck
finding her.

There's, like, 50 P. A. s driving all
over town looking for her right now.

Lucy wants a story.

Oh, I'm sorry, man.
I gotta chub up for the oral.

Okay.

I hurt my back,

and when I woke up
it was like

the world
was over me.

I'm not over you.

Oh, God,
I'm so not over you.

Every time the Goddamn
doorbell rings I think it might be you.

Sorry.

I just disappeared.

No. You got clean.
That's huge.

I hate it.

I can't handle real.

I think you can.

Make love to me straight.

Don't get high,

but don't go.

Make love with me.

I need it.

And then us.

Look, this doesn't
happen to me,

but I love you.
I'm in love with you, Julia.

- Fix me.
- No.

Please.
Please, fix me.

Please.
I need the soft.

Then I'll make
you come so good.

It's not--
You're not hearing me.

I'm hearing you. I'm just choosing
to ignore that part because

I only love you
when I'm high.

I don't love you.
I love Holt.

Fix me.

- You're a Goddamn user.
- Please!

You use me, use my dope, then go back
and use your boyfriend.

You are gonna die using--
the people, the dope.

Just sell me
a Goddamn bag of tar.

It's on me. Get out.

- Hey, Curtis. Willa.
- Hey, Will.

- I need a favor.
- I can't. I'm stepping into a meeting.

No, you're not.
Look across the street.

Busted.

You know, this whole tabloid
stalker-razzi thing?

It's getting a little creepy.

- I actually do have drinks.
- Just give me two minutes.

All right. What's up?
One of our artists bangin' a tranny?

Probably, but that's not why I'm here.

I need anything on the
Banhearts, especially the father.

He was a faith healer
in Alabama or something.

One day God spoke to him and
said that Rebecca's double-

D's were meant to be bouncing
around in bad music videos.

That was it. He started
managing them both,

and in about a year Rebecca
was on the cover of magazines,

"Stick It To Ya" was on the charts,
the reality show was in the works.

What about the mother?

They got divorced years ago.

I think she still gets a piece
of the royalties or something.

Sure hope I can score today.

Oh, you'll score.
It's a sure thing.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh! Yeah.

- Kenny?
- Don?

Don, is that you?

It's me, Kenny.
Can you hear me?

Don, where am I?

I don't like it.
Please help me.

- I'm sorry, Kenny.
- Don, it's a--

Come back, lover.

Lynette?

Please, Don. I don't feel safe.

Don? Donnie? Is that you?

Little Lover.

Come here, Donnie.
I've missed you so much.

Miss me?

Don?

I brought cookies from work.

Finikia, the little Greek ones.

Uh, Abby, I'm really glad it's you.

I'm glad you're glad.

- Can I come in?
- Yeah. Okay.

Oh, yeah!

- Whatcha you doing?
- Watching porn. It's for work.

Oh, really?

- Kitty Ryder, she's the queen of porn.
- You are a big boy.

She decided to quit.
Now I have to take her picture.

Why are you watching all of her movies?

- I think she's beautiful.
- Oh, me too.

Extra point! Unh!

- Can I watch with you?
- Sure.

Oh, yeah!

Can I have a cookie?

I'm a decent astrologer.
I'd like to do your chart.

- When's your birthday?
- Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Do you have plans?

I was gonna get a cake and let little
Tristan lick some of the frosting off.

- Do you like cake?
- I like cake.

I like it with whipped
cream frosting on

and I like it
with berries on.

One time, Lucy got a cake
from Sweet Lady Jane.

Oh, I wanted to stick
my face into that.

I wanted the whole thing to myself.

Let me bring you a cake, Don.

'Kay.

Come on!

It's the door.

Don, I need to talk to you.

- Oh, God.
- Hello, Lucy.

Hello, Abby.

- I guess you're still real.
- I am, thank you. And you?

I need to talk to Don for a minute.

I'll be in the kitchen.

Don, have you been following me?

- Have you been taking my picture?
- No. Was I supposed to?

No. Did you take this picture?

No, Lucy, I would never
take this picture.

The composition is bad,
the light's terrible,

and it's pixilated, which means
it's digital, and I don't like digital.

Mm, it looks like it's been taken by
a security camera, a cheap one.

Probably a nanny camera,
something from the spy store.

- I'm sorry.
- Why?

- Do you understand what this is?
- Yeah. Do you like him?

Somebody is taking your picture and
you didn't know they were taking it.

Yes. Someone is trying to do
something to scare me.

They're doing what we do.

Holt. Look at me.

Look, I'm sorry it didn't
work out with Hard Charger.

I don't give a shit
about Hard Charger.

I just went to Garbo's
and I scored some dope.

- Oh, for Christ's sake, Julia!
- Look, there it is.

- Come on. What are you doing?
- That's the purest shit

she's ever given me.
And that's enough to put me in a coma.

Wait, so you're seeing her again?

No. I'm not seeing her.
And I haven't touched the dope.

I'm seeing you.
I'm seeing the man I love

in front of me, disappearing
into his stardom...

just the way I did. And maybe you
have to go through with it.

It doesn't matter. It's not about that.
It's about whether the two of us

are gonna make it.

Separately, together...

- Julia--
- Listen, listen.

In my program,
they talk about doing

a searching and fearless
moral inventory, and,

oh, my God,
I'd been blowing it off

because do I not want to look

at all the ways that
I have wronged people,

and I've sold
my own self short.

Everywhere I look,

I see someone I've hurt
or someone who's hurt me,

and I know I've hurt you.

I know I have. I know you
were honest with me

about the accident,

and I just want to be honest with you
and see if there is some ground zero

in this relationship.

I slept with Johnny Gage.

And you saw it.

And my God, Holt, I can't--

I can't tell you how sick
I've been about it,

how afraid I've been that you'd leave
if I brought it up or if it got out,

what that would do to us.

I kept thinking if I just get high
enough, maybe it would go away,

and it-- it doesn't
matter right now.

I was roofied or drugged
with something.

But for all I know, I was
just drunk and high.

And I slept with him.

Because we were working together,
and isn't that just what we do?

We pretend until it
crosses over, and suddenly,

we've wrecked our whole lives.

I mean, we walk around,
playing make-believe,

never really thinking about what's
gonna happen when we go off-book.

I'm sorry, Holt.

I am just so sorry.

Listen to me.

- I'm gonna get the sex tape back.
- Okay.

And then we're gonna
start from scratch.

All right?

Brand new. Right there.

Madame Editor...

The only thing more annoying than
you being your authentic self,

is you kissing my ass.

What a kind thought.

I'm worried that you're gonna turn this
Jimmy Ray Banheart character down flat.

You really think that we should tank
the magazine,and agree to do three

covers on an underage slut
who can't sing.

If her father can take
us down, yes. Yeah.

You mean if the father
can take you down.

If you didn't think this scandal could
seriously damage the magazine,

you wouldn't be dealing
with him at all.

I'm not out of moves.

And so what. If he goes public,
I'll just, you know...

dump it on you,
and fire your ass.

Are you really gonna force me to be the
one to remind you that, a few weeks ago,

I put myself between you
and an armed gunman?

I will make you a promise.

This will be the last time that your
dick takes up this much of my time.

Don! Are you ready?

Hold on! Just one second.

Here you go, buddy.

Okay.

Now close your eyes.

Okay.

Surprise!

Wow, you really did bring cake!

I know the baker.

I thought, um, the way you
described your love of cake,

I thought...maybe...

I don't know.

He seems creepy to me, but he's got
no record. He's got no D. U. I.'s,

no big tax investigations,

he never went all the way
with his high school sweetheart,

and he's a damn good manager.

He got Rebecca signed,
and got her magazine covers,

before she even had a publicist.

- Hollywood Digest.
- Yeah. Three covers.

- Oh, God...
- Holy shit!

He pimped Rebecca out, too.

Under which editor?

Ray Patterson.

Ray Patterson.

You wanna ask my forgiveness
for the way you treated me?

I thought I treated you well.

You climbed over my smoldering
corpse to get a promotion.

Don't be a baby.

- You told me you had feelings for me.
- I didn't say which feelings.

So. Three covers on Rebecca Banheart,
without even an album to tie them to.

You know how it is, Lucy.
Sometimes, you invent a cover girl.

Look at your prom girl murder.

Or there's always the

"Blackmail the horny editor, "after
he bangs your underage daughter" trick.

I think we're done here, Lucy.
As if we weren't already.

- I have enough to run the story.
- Then run it.

I'll deny it. They'll deny it.
It's a double-amputee. No legs.

I know you don't trust me,
Ray. I don't blame you.

Look, I'd walk over you
again, if I had the choice.

But they're doing
the same thing to us.

I'm not asking you to confirm.
I just...want you to look at me.

Just tell me I'm wrong.

I owe you one.

Yeah, right.

Hello.

Oh, yes! Yes. Thank you.

Yeah, I really appreciate it, Tom.
You can fax it. Thank you.

Kitty Ryder.

Did ya get what you need?

Yup.

Um...excuse me, Kitty. Hi.

My real name's Megan.

I was wondering who it would be.

My name is Willa McPherson.
I'm writing a story for a magazine.

Do you mind if
I talk to you for a sec?

Of course.

Okay. Um, can my friend
take some photos?

Sure.

Can I ask you why
you're leaving?

I mean, is it..

is it the objectification,
or the humiliation?

Oh, gosh. You're all
in knots, aren't you?

Yes. I am.

I didn't leave because it was so bad.

I left because it was so good.

Too good. Too much.

That's all that was wrong with it.

How can you let go of desire, when...

every desire you've ever had
is being met on an hourly basis?

I was attached to the sex
and the money.

So I was attached to the grief
I felt, at the end of the day,

when it wasn't enough.

If you want nothing,

you fear nothing.

You need nothing.

- Jimmy Ray. Deena.
- Dawni.

Oh, right.

But soon, you're hoping the
whole world will know your name,

after the big covers and all.
Isn't that right?

Oh, I was thinkin' more about the name

Lucy Spiller bein' synonymous
with statutory rape.

Oh, I don't love being blackmailed
by some snake-oil salesman

who pimps out both his underage girls
to jump-start their careers.

Hey, Rebecca's got
nothing to do with this.

Really.

'Cause I think
it would make a great cover.

Yeah. "Sleazy Father Blackmails
to Launch "Talentless Star to Power."

"100 Million Dollar Industry
"Built On Shameless Lie."

The numbers would be so big.

You wanna play?

Cool. We'll play.

Let's see what this little
story does to DirtNow.

Oh, and, uh, CNN?

They're gonna love Brent's
perp walk through the lobby.

I can play chicken, too.

Uh, sweetie?

You forgot your birth certificate.

What?

Mommy faxed it over.

I think she might have been
under the impression that

I need it, to send her
a royalty check.

My bad.

Would you mind if I...
take a look?

Bitch is 19.

Yeah, you're still a pervert.
You're just not a rapist.

And I'm still tempted
to do that other cover.

What you want?

As long as I have first look
at anything Rebecca Banheart does,

and I mean anything...

- You see that?
- Oh...

- She digs me.
- Don't even.

Who let you in?

I'm a big movie star, remember?

That's right.

I want the sex tape back.

Close the door.

Wait in the vault. I'll be
done in just a minute.

Here's the original tape.

And the one copy.

That's it.

Oh, it's that easy, huh?

It's that easy.

Is this really the tape?

You want me to prove it to you?

Paid in full.

:

_

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