Original subtitles

My name is Don Konkey.

I take pictures.

My best friend Lucy Spiller runs these 2 magazines.

I want those photos on my desk tonight.

She works really hard.

If anything breaks, I'm reachable. Guys...

have fun!

This is Holt McLaren.

He's a good actor but he's not hot.

Screw you!

His girlfriend is Julia Mallory, she's a big star.

You just love me.

She's hot.

I'm Lucy Spiller, Now Magazine.

- I'm a big fan. - Right.

Lucy got Holt to give her dirt on this superstar Kira Klay.

Kira ODed.

When Holt found out, he crashed his car.

Now he's hot.

Wait!

This is hard for me

because I have a tenuous grasp on what's real.

I'm okay.

I'm a functional schizophrenic.

Lucy helps me.

And I help her.

Don.

Don, listen to me.

Don?

Are you alright?

Yes, Lucy.

Are you sure? Do you want me to call Dr. Shalber?

- No, I was just thinking. - Okay.

I need a shot of Kira Klay for the Dirt cover.

She's dead.

I know Don.

I need you inside the funeral home.

We're gonna put you in a suit. A nice suit.

Okay.

You're gonna blend in in a suit.

We have a guy on the inside.

He's got a shaved head and a pin-striped suit.

His name is Baby.

You hand him your invite,

tell him you're Kira's cousin Dan.

What?

What?

Is something wrong?

No. No, I'm good.

You wanna get out of here?

No, I don't. I feel like we should stay.

I just feel like...

It's gonna be okay.

I still don't remember anything about the accident.

That car came out of nowhere, huh?

It's a blur.

- I just miss her. - I know. I know, me too.

I feel like everybody is staring at me.

Here.

You save my life and you nurse me back to health.

Come on.

It was just...

It was just...

Man, I was gonna be a daddy. And she was into it.

She was totally feeling it.

Yeah, she was awesome.

When she first moved here, we hooked up at a party.

Awesome!

Julia looks wrecked, dude.

- She almost died. - Tragic times, bro.

I gotta take a piss.

Just get the shot of Kira.

I know you can do it.

I know you can.

We're in a war here.

It may be a war of the absurd but it's a war just the same.

Firt, it was Blair Marshall.

Princess of pop without a hit in over a year.

Then there was Logan Ix.

Struggling after the breakup of his boyband Straight Up Loving.

But when Blair met Logan, there was a media frenzy: Blogan.

And now...

Hey, sugar tits. Is that bloat or a blump?

Blump.

No couple has ever been so controlling

about their pregnancy in baby pictures.

- Clear path, meatball. - Hey, tough guy!

Why don't you hold her hand and give us a damn picture?

It started 8 months ago with their pregnancy annoucement

and an unforgivable confrontation.

Make my day.

Or maybe they didn't teach you how to throw a punch in boyband school?

Get out of my face, bitch!

I hope that girly punch was worth it to you.

You just bought me a first class trip to Bali!

It's the perfect storm for a cover story.

This baby picture is what Walmart mommy wants.

And it's gonna be the next cover of Now.

I want some kick-ass cover lines by lunch.

I don't have time today for pitches, I'm on my way to Drrt.

See you.

Okay, let's see what you have.

I think we're close with the Kira Klay cover.

The other magazines will run a cover pretty much like this one.

But none of them will run one like this.

"Shocking funeral photos".

I have someone on the funeral photos.

What is it? Too hardcore for you Columbia J School grads?

This isn't Tiger Beat.

Alright, what's out there today?

Celebrity fat bums.

Do you have art?

More that you would ever want.

Alright, I'll put it down for 5, 2 spreads and a single.

Keep the text tight. The photo should sell the story.

Tell makeup to watch the adjacencies.

I don't want Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker ads opposite the fatties.

I'm so sorry. Gibson Honr. His car just pulled up. Your office.

Carrie, take over the meeting.

I want some great cover trials

and the book on my desk in 5 minutes.

Charge it.

That new lady steals the entire week.

Why don't you have a sit, Brett?

- Hello, Gibson. - Hey.

- How are you doing, sweetpea? - I'm good.

- Are you sleeping? - Not so much.

You are a beauty.

I'm pretty sure you didn't show up to compliment me.

I wish I could say you were wrong.

Please, have a sit.

Lucy...

are you familiar with Tina Harrod?

The one who disgraced her magazine by photoshopping the cover?

No, the one who got her news standup over a 150% in les than a year.

She's got some very interesting ideas about our operation.

Are you talking about bringing her in under me?

Instead of you.

See, Brett's been bringing me up to speed on the numbers and

seems to me your spending is out of control.

Well, if you're talking about overhead...

Oh, I'm talking about overhead.

Efficiencies, sell through.

Being snubbed at the last 5 ASME awards.

Screw the the ASMEs!

They're just a circle jerk for editors to feel good

about writing 5000 words stories on Abu Grahib!

The Drrt efficiencies are strong.

And Now is turning around.

You're gonna make 'em for less money, knock off 20%.

- Come on, Gib. - Lucy...

do not mistake fondness for weakness.

I will tolerate a lot of things

but I will not tolerate someone losing my money.

We'll find a way.

No, you'll find a way or so help me I will bury you.

Now you all have a nice day.

Damn!

I'm telling you, buddy,

she opened her eyes, she looked at me.

She was beautiful.

No!

No! No!

Lucy is not gonna like that, buddy.

Not gonna like that at all.

Okay, everybody. Listen up.

Swag pile!

Between the watches and the phones and the Ringo creams

and the free spa vacations,

there's about $20,000 worth of swag here.

"Now" needs help.

Anybody who can come up with a great exclusive on Blogan

get to pick something from the pile.

Don!

Lucy?

Don, I've let you 5 messages. Open the door.

- You're okay? - Yeah, I'm okay.

I need to see the Kira Klay shots.

- Okay. - What?

- Not ready. - The shots?

- My house. - I don't care about your house.

I will be sending over my housekeeper.

No. Everything is where it's supposed to be.

- Okay. - I'm so sorry, Lucy.

It's okay. It's okay. It's just... it's filthy.

No, I didn't get the shot.

What?

Jesus, Don, this is not the goddamn day! What happened?

I was using the Lappelle camera and when I got to her,

I switched to the Tchapstick cam

'cause I wanted it to be perfect and it was, it was perfect.

There was a shaft of light from outside and...

she was beautiful, she was perfect.

And then I guess there was a light leak

when I've never had a light leak in a Tchapstick camera.

I want that covering set.

Do you know if she's being cremated or buried?

- No, Lucy, please. - I'm gonna make some calls.

She's not gonna like that!

What?

Nothing.

Hey, Don, I really need your help.

We've got one more shot at this if we're lucky.

Lucy's under a lot of pressure.

Okay, Don, sweetheart, would you like at me? Okay?

This is just like when we were in school

on the paper, remember? Okay?

We were the only that could write and shoot.

It's just like that.

It's juste the 2 of us.

We can't fail.

I won't fail, Lucy. I won't.

Okay.

Mind if I cut in?

Call security and you don't make it home tonight.

Plus I pull out some sneakers or some shit

and they'll do the job for me.

It's good to see you.

You look good.

I thought we had something special.

We did.

We do.

So special you set me up?

I...

His name is Don.

He lives in East Hollywood.

***

- Hey, Lucy, I got something. - What?

Blair Marshall just made a 7 figure deal to pose for Playboy.

2 months after her due date.

Denise Richards' was 6.

2 months? It's impossible.

Excuse me, Elliott Green gets to pick something from

the swag pile.

- Swag pile. - Way to go, man.

- Good job. - Suck-up!

Hey.

What's my sweet little nephew doing tomorrow?

Brett, get out of my chair.

Oh, I did it.

And you should be kissing my ass just a little bit more

considering that I probably just saved your job.

So after you've threatened it, now you're gonna save it.

Give me a break. We both know you wanna stay here.

Let me see your little masterpiece.

Of course editorial is gonna take the biggest hit.

It's already a wasteland!

Look at these bullshit numbers!

You're just gonna eliminate the fact checking department?

How much crack are you smoking?

You know what I love about you?

Besides, you know... nothing.

It's that can do attitude.

You know what you can do?

You can get your ass out of my office.

I counted 23% reduction in overhead. Right there.

20% of which is in editorial.

This is like a cheap paragram.

Excuse me, I have 2 magazines to put up.

I love your proposal by the way.

So colorful. Gib is gonna love it.

- Excuse me, Lucy. - Thank you.

Oh, she's like 23. She's way too old for you.

No, 23 is good.

I told you guys a million times.

Leave the packages at the door. Don't ring.

It's Holt McLaren.

What are you doing here?

You told me that if I ever nee anything...

Anyway you gave me your address.

- You could have called. - Well, I didn't.

So can I talk to you?

It will only take a minute.

- You look different. - I was almost asleep.

What's up?

I need a favor.

A favor?

What kind of favor?

For Julia.

I wanna do something nice for her.

'Cause she's wrecked.

She's on these painkillers, she can't sleep.

She doesn't eveen remember what happened with Kira.

And with the accident.

I'm sure you've filled her in on everything.

Yeah. Of course I did.

She lost her best friend.

So you wanna do something nice and make it all better.

Come on, Lucy, don't give me your patronizing bullshit.

Look, please, I'm asking you for a favor like...

a little piece in your magazine to make her feel better.

Just a little better, for a minute.

Julia is a part of feeding frenzy.

People only wanna hear "poor Julia" stories.

Oh, that's it?

It is if you don't stop the "oh chugsome from West Virginia" thing.

I've invested way too much time and energy in you.

You had this herois moment. The whole world sees you differently.

You are a star now. You have power.

What do I do?

Demand things.

If you don't start using your power, you will lose it.

Alright, so give Julia a story.

Do it!

- Does Julia know Blair Marshall? - Yeah.

They were in Hellhouse together.

I need an extra 500 for the wake.

Okay.

I just get the face, I don't want anyone to see the crematorium.

I'm really sorry but I have to take your picture now.

Lucy needs it.

She has to compete in very tough market.

She's a good person, she just has to compete and

I gotta help her because I'm the only one she has and

I can't fail.

I thought you were great in From Here America

and Hellhouse and Made you look and in Roughly September.

That one got 5 stars and your performance

was joyously transcendant according to

Elvis Mitchell from the New York Times.

- Alright, we gotta move this one. - Okay.

It's been nice talking to you.

Bye.

Excuse me. Hey.

I couldn't help but overhear that you're in the childcare field.

That's right.

We just lost our wonderful person this week

- and I am just desperate. - You don't have an agency?

Oh, no, no. Of course we do. It's just um...

you know we have to go through a100 interviews

before we can find someone who's...

you know who's discreet enough.

Well, my husband is very prominent in the entertainment industry.

Really?

And who's that?

I'm so sorry. I can't tell you.

You know how it is with security and everything.

It's crazy.

It can be so... so isolating sometimes.

I wish we could live normal lives, you know?

Well, of course, you do, dear.

I'm so sorry. I'm...

I don't even know you.

Have a wipe darling.

Now...

You were saying?

Well, I just thought you might know who,

you know, the most discreet celebrity babynurses might be.

- They're just a handful, dear. - I know.

You know I was just talking to that wonderful nurse

who Blair and Logan are using.

And she was telling me that she had a friend who might be available but

you know I can't reach them because

they've gone into hiding.

Blair and Logan's baby nurse...

You mean Gabriella.

Yes! Yes, that's right. That's right. Gabriella.

Um... Lucy? Hey.

I got something on the baby nurse.

Yeah?

Name, number, rates,

a little history, hometown, immigration status.

Nice. You can pick soemthing from the swag pile.

Oh, no thanks.

No thanks?

Well, it sounds kinda stupid but um...

I do it for the story.

- Here, check this out. - What is it?

The still from the Altmann film

where Blair played a pregnant runaway.

Wow! She really looks pregnant!

She really does. So?

So, she's not having a baby?

But she made a deal with people to take her first baby pictures.

Black market?

If she's too vain to carry her baby,

she's way too vain not to have a little Blogan.

Surrogate.

Find out where this pregnancy pad is

and check into all of our fertility clinics sources.

Listen to me,

if this gets out in any way, if they get onto us,

the whole story's over.

Whether she's carrying a baby or not,

this girl is my next cover.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- It's okay. - Okay.

So, there was a break in last fall at the Universal wardrobe house.

They claimed a couple pieces of costume jewelry and a clown suit.

And 3 of the pregnancy prosthetics

built for Blair Marshall for the Altmann film.

Let me guess, one for each trimester.

- You got it. - Oh, this is great.

Okay, just keep following the story.

Don't leak a word, not even inhouse.

I want you to create a secret edit cue and file your stuff there.

I want only dummy text and *** up on that wall.

I was the 1st person to report this pregnancy.

And she played me. God, I really don't appreciate that.

- Stick around. - Okay.

Also, I'm gonna want you to write some copy on a

fashion piece that we're doing on Julia Mallory.

It's a "many looks" retrospectice kind of thing.

She's gonna be coming in and sitting with you

and one of our photo editors.

I thought we were sticking to the tragedy angle on her.

Yeah, well, we're gonna go a little counter to that.

- See how that plays. - Okay.

Holt!

- Hey, dude! - Hey!

Look at you, man. Lean and mean.

What? Are you here for a meeting?

- Yeah. - Which one?

- "Angry inch". - Right.

- Passed on that. - Of course you did.

Your teeth are really white.

Veneers or something.

No.

I gotta go.

Yeah, I heard you got the Fincher movie. How is it going?

It's okay, thanks.

Yeah, I was up for that shit,

thought it fell apart in the 2nd act.

When I sat down with Fincher,

I was like

Holt McLaren could be really awesome for this part so

who knows? Maybe I got you the part.

Listen, Johnny.

You didn't get me the damn part.

I got the part.

I got the part because people want me.

You know you're shit's over.

You're the punchline to half a dozen jokes in this town.

And the only reason no ones told you what a total blite

you are to humanity is because you lake $5 millions a movie.

Dude!

What is your damage!

Oh yeah. And I made $7 mil for Subliminal Velocity.

- Enjoy it while it lasts, dude. - Say hi to Julia for me, will you?

It's a pleasure to meet you, Gabriella.

I wanted to come here in person to tell you that

I don't want anything from you.

I don't want to be famous.

And I am not interested in your magazine.

And I don't betray my clients.

Okay, well, thanks anyway for coming in.

Is that it?

Um, yeah. Willa, you wanna walk her out?

Do you want your parking validated?

Oh no, I didn't park in...

I mean certainly, if you're going to remain loyal

when you're getting paid half the going rate,

then there's nothing I can say.

What do you mean half the going rate?

The Tom Kitten baby nurse...

95 an hour.

That's a 12 hour minimum.

24 when they travel and

plus the confidentiality close. That's uh...

I don't know, you do the maths.

- But they... - **** and Deb... 80.

And they're nowhere near the stars that Blair and Logan are.

They told me this was the top rate.

And yet you remain loyal, I think that's fantastic.

And what if I didn't?

Well, I know that you don't wanna be a star.

But I also that you're from Flores de Maio.

And that your mother and sister are there with other family members.

- How do you know about my family? - I'm a journalist.

And I know that you worry about them and their standard of living.

And if I help you?

Well, there's a farm with some acreage

and a very nice house next to your mother.

That's for sale for $200,000 US.

I think that if you help, that could be a very realistic goal.

Now the insiders are reporting that

she's going to induce at the super star suite at Seeters.

They're all camped out there but

I don't think they're gonna go to Seeters.

No, I think they'll be too many unanswered questions there

due to the nature of the pregnancy.

Don't you think?

I think you're right.

But they don't tell me their location.

When the baby comes, they will call

and then they will send a car.

Okay, why don't you let us worry about that?

All you need to do

is take that baby to the window for a shot of California sun.

You know how the babies get jaunisse.

It's the house plus $100,000 US.

I want half the money upfront, non-refundable.

And the other half if you get your picture.

Congratulations on your new home.

Here, I'll walk you out.

Hey.

- Hey, I can't see the screen. - Sorry.

Babe...

- Yeah. - I was thinking we should uh...

we should send something to Blair and Logan.

You know some kind of baby gift.

I know, totally.

Where are they having the baby?

I should get the address.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Yes! Level 5.

- What? - The address.

Oh, I know, you have to call her mom

'cause they're hiding out there 'til it's time.

It's in my book, it's under B. M. mom.

Cool.

Hey.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

- How was that? - It was great.

- But you didn't... - No.

- Nothing? - No, I didn't say nothing.

No, no. I just didn't come.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no, it was nice.

Maybe you could give me some direction.

I could draw you a map,

it's not gonna happen.

Wow!

Listen, it's not you. It's just...

I have better luck alone.

So...

vibrator?

You know they say you can get like desensitized.

Well, maybe I was never sensitized to begin with.

What about um...

Did you... did you come the last time?

So, what I am doing here?

I had a really nice time.

There's that word again: "nice".

And "had" so does that mean it's over?

I do have a lot of work to do.

So... essentially I'm a booty call?

Well, yeah.

I don't know why I'm having such a problem with that.

You know how many times I wanted a chick

to turn into a sandwich when I was done?

I'm a rock musician, booty calls are my stocking trade.

Well, if anybody understands then...

Right. Right. I'll just grab my stuff.

Yeah, right.

You know I make pancakes from scratch.

Carbs.

Or I could get on my guitar and

play some Bon Jovi song and bullshit ballad,

tell you I wrote it for you.

I've got like 2 more hours of work to do tonight.

Wow.

You're like a guy. You really are.

See you later.

This is surreal.

What?

I don't know it just seems like we do a lot to avoid these magazines.

But this will be good for you. Alright?

It's gonna get you back in the public eye.

You're right.

Still surreal though.

Hi.

Hi. Thank you guys so much for coming down. I'm Willa McPherson.

- Julia Mallory. - Holt McLaren.

Of course I know you both. You're my favorite Holloywood couple.

Sorry. Follow me.

So our idea is to do a sort of

"many looks of Julia Mallory" piece.

We're gonna pull a lot of really great red carpet shots

and some candids and you know different haircuts

'cause readers love that kind of thing.

The art department is this way.

Hello.

This is our editor in chief, Lucy Spiller.

- Hi. - How are you?

Thank you so much for doing this for me.

Oh no, thank you for your willingness to be a part of the story.

And you... the hero.

I know I wouldn't be here to do this story if it wasn't for him.

No, you wouldn't.

Well, we should probably do this.

She's gotta get home to get some rest.

Okay.

Bye.

I'll introduce you guys to the photo editor.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

- You're Prince Tyreese. - Yeah, that's right.

I'm a big fan.

Bullshit! You set me up with that skank.

Those pictures... those were great.

You were in the hot tub and the chaise longue and the whipped cream

and then the strap-on riding your butt.

You want to talk about that any more, huh?

Why don't you say that shit again, let's see what happens?

- No. - Who are you working with?

- I'm a small business man. - Who hired you for those pictures?

Nobody! Just me.

You lying nut bag!

You own the 3rd highest all tilme rebound record

but your free shot percentage is hurting the team.

In the first 3 games of the season, you averaged 22 points a game.

That went up to 26 by game 4

then you falled off.

Son of a bitch!

You're bent!

Technically, I'm schizophrenic.

My life functions.

So beautiful.

- What? - So beautiful.

He was my buddy here but he's gone.

Crazy little cockaroach!

- This shit ain't over. - Okay.

Here they are.

Logan and Blair.

Seeters will be a zoo.

We'll send some people there to throw people off.

The competition is going to be insane.

But that's okay because we've got the right information.

Our intel says the baby's going to be born somewhere else.

They're gonna be using decoys and imposteurs to evade us.

But we're gonna be at the right place at the right time.

No, that's not the shot.

Yeah, I got it.

Yes.

Yes!

If Tina Harrod can beat that, he should give her the job.

How does that feel?

Being the first tabloid editor

to put a dead star on the cover?

- That feels great! - Yeah?

Great like... like pornographer great?

You call it what you want.

Just about every news outlet in the world has picked up this story.

The media blogers are going apeshit

and you think that cover is not gonna pop?

I told you to up the draw.

And people made a deal for 1.5 million for the baby Blogan pictures!

We scooped them for expenses.

No doubt about it. You're the queen!

And you were the only one who nailed the Blogan thing.

God! I mean, too vain to carry your own baby!

And the exclusive with the surrogate. It's a great touch.

So what are you gonna do next week, your heinness?

- Maybe I'll get lucky. - Oh yeah?

You know somebody else is gonna die?

Some other big celebrity couple is gonna fake a baby we can steal pictures of.

'Cause those are the only kind of covers

that are gonna keep up out of debt every week.

Well, thanks for your concern but that's my problem.

No, it's not. As of tomorrow, it's Tina Harrod's problem.

Unless you accept my cuts.

Holy shit!

Hi.

I want you, Teery and Janice to meet me in the office in 15 minutes.

- They did a nice job, huh? - Yeah.

It looks awesome.

- You wanna go out? - You're feeling up to it.

Yeah, why not?

Alright.

I'll get dressed.

Oh, this better be good, sweetpea,

'cause what I was dreaming is illegal in most states.

Let me say this, Gibson:

whatever happens tonight, you will never forget this moment.

This is what we both live for.

You wanna cut your overhead by 20%?

How about 50%?

We can bind the magazines. One monster publication.

The credibility of Now with the all the lurid fun of Dirt.

A glossy tabloid.

No, it is more than that.

No, this is People magazine with a healthy dose of screw you.

It's the National Enquirer without the penis enlargement ads.

Walmart mommy will love it and so will the rich sorority girls.

You know when I bought Now magazine.

I thought I paid my way into legitimacy.

I bought an institution.

Now magazine brought America through the 2nd half of the century.

It was solid and it was dependable but it is over.

- It's culturally irrelevant. - Then I'm culturally irrelevant.

No. Not if you change,

not if your charge the old with the new.

Look at Blair and Logan.

These are 2 has-beens that become huge because they joined forces.

We have the chance to shape American culture.

This is the shape we want for the culture?

You're the one who always says "let the market place decide".

This is what the market place wants.

You need this.

No, you need this.

If I do this for you...

You name it, I'll do anything.

I know this will succeed. I know it. I can feel it.

Brett *** already know about this?

I came straight to you. Vision is not a part of his job.

- He won't be pleased. - I don't give a shit.

I don't work for him.

Then God help you if you're wrong.

I won't be.

You see.

Told you.

Morning, sweetheart.

Transcript : Travis Synchro : Tagne www.forom.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0