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This programme contains
some strong language
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BIRDSONG
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METAL DETECTOR BEEPS
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Anything?
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Fuck all.
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Three shotgun caps and a blakey.
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HE SIGHS
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METAL DETECTOR BEEPS FASTER
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What you got?
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Ring-pull.
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'83.
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Tizer.
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What do you do with them?
Bag them up. Stick 'em on eBay.
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People buy this shit.
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Sad tits.
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You said it.
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# Will you search through
the lonely earth for me?
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# Climb through the briar brambles
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# I'll be your treasure
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# I'm waiting for you
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I'm waiting for you.
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See University Challenge last night?
Yeah. Anything?
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No.
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You?
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Nah.
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Nearly got Benjamin Britten.
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You can't nearly get an answer
right. I had it in my head.
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Didn't say anything. Chickened out.
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Were you on your own? Yeah.
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But you were still too scared
to say it out loud?
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Yeah. Doesn't count.
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I know.
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Should have gone for it.
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I know.
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You going up the club Tuesday?
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What's happening?
Terry's giving a talk on buttons.
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Buttons? You heard me!
Christ! Sod that!
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Yeah. I think I'll give that a miss.
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00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:54,040
Here. Did I ever tell you about the
beautiful old battle-axe
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I once found? Yeah. You married her.
I married her.
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00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:01,040
Have I done that one for you before?
Well, you've said it before, yeah.
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A few times. Wouldn't exactly call
it a stand-up routine.
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00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,720
You've added the word "beautiful"
since the last time you said it.
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00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,360
Yeah. Well, she was beautiful,
Mags. Mental, though.
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And that's why I divorced her.
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She left you for the manager
of Pizza Hut.
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Yeah. Mental!
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00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,360
She was a hippy, you know...
into crystals and all that shit.
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Used to wear vanilla perfume.
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Oh, yeah. Stank like Play-Doh.
Heads up. Who's this?
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Don't know.
52
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,720
Hi. Hello.
I saw you in the field earlier.
53
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,920
Sorry to interrupt,
but are you metal detectors?
54
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No, my dear.
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This is a metal detector.
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We are metal detectorists.
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Oh, right. Sorry.
58
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Not a problem at all.
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I'm Sophie. Pleased to meet you,
Sophie. I'm Lance and this is...
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00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:01,280
Andy. I'm a student. History
student. I thought it would
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00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,600
be interesting to know
what kind of things you guys find.
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00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:09,440
Local history. Wise choice, Sophie.
What you got there, Andrew? Um...
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00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,680
Bits and pieces.
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00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:16,440
A Victorian penny, and then
Battle of Britain. That's nice.
65
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Worth a few quid on the interweb.
Won't do it, mate. Idiot!
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00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,920
Why not? I don't sell my finds.
I don't agree with it.
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00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,480
He must have half a tonne of scrap
round at his place.
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00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,760
Hope you're up to date
with your tetanus, mate!
69
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,400
Don't know why he doesn't
invest in some jiffy bags.
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00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,120
He could give up the cleaning job.
Are you a cleaner? No.
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00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,320
He is a cleaner.
It's a temping agency.
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They get me all kinds of work.
All kinds of cleaning work.
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00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:43,120
Mainly, yeah. Andy here is
studying for an archaeology degree.
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00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,120
Been doing it for...
How long is it, mate? Long time.
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00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,360
But I'll get there and
when I'm a qualified archaeologist,
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00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:53,000
that's when I get to see
the good stuff. Bone.
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00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,560
Bits of pot.
Swap his detector for a palette knife
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00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,520
and spend the rest of his life
scraping the dirt off dirt.
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00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:03,520
No, thank you! Show me to
the non-ferrous metals, mate!
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00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,920
Do you guys belong to a club? DMDC.
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00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,440
Danebury Metal Detecting Club?
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00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,400
In the Scout hall, opposite
the Two Brewers on the high street.
83
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,280
Oh, right. And what
sort of thing happens there?
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00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,240
Well, we compare finds,
discuss the hobby.
85
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,240
Sometimes we get a guest speaker in.
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00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:26,280
This Tuesday, Terry, club president,
is giving a talk on buttons.
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00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:30,040
Buttons? You heard him.
Wow, outrageous(!)
88
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,280
You guys going along?
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00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,760
Yeah. Yeah. Probably.
Yeah, we'll be there.
90
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,360
Will it be OK for me to pop in?
91
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,440
Yeah. Don't see why not.
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00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,680
OK, cool.
Well, I'll see you there, then.
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See you.
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00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,880
Bye. Bye, Sophie.
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Could be good, buttons.
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00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,120
Yeah...
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Yeah.
98
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:16,800
Hello.
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00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,760
All right? Yeah. You? Yeah.
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00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:26,840
You're late. Yeah, I went to the
pub. Oh. Which one? The Brewers.
101
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,400
The Two Brewers? Yeah.
102
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,080
The pub on the corner of our road?
103
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,840
Yeah.
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00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:37,520
Oh, nice. Sorry. I should have
phoned. Might have been nice.
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I was with Lance. I didn't think
you'd want to hang out with Lance.
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00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,200
You think he's a bit of a dick.
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00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,160
I think you're a bit of a dick
as well, but I hang out with you.
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00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,840
Might have been nice to have a drink
on a Saturday night
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at the end of my road,
with a couple of dicks.
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Sorry.
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00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,920
Did you find anything good today?
Nah. Not much.
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Right.
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00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,000
Are you all right?
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00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,400
Are you pissed off with me
detecting?
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00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,760
No, I don't mind, if you enjoy it,
116
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,560
if it's helping
towards your studies.
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00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,880
I need to find a new place
to search.
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00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,080
All we turn up these days is litter
and ring-pulls.
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00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,560
This is the land of the Saxons.
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00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,880
I want to discover where they buried
their warriors and their kings.
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00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,680
Instead of where they had their
snacks and soft drinks? Exactly.
122
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,280
But we're on it.
123
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,520
We're going to strike gold soon
and then we'll be rich. Oh, cool.
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00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:32,200
We'll go to Africa. I'll set up
my school. You can go and dig holes.
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00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,200
Can Lance come? No!
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I did find a good penny.
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Young Victoria. 1865.
SHE PRETENDS TO YAWN
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Shut up!
That's been in the ground 150 years.
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00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,720
Imagine who dropped that a century
and a half ago.
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00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:48,200
YAWNS AGAIN
Oh, yeah, brilliant(!) You cow.
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00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,000
Still think I'm brilliant?
Course I do.
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You're my Lord Carnarvon,
my Howard Carter.
133
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,960
You're going to discover
the Valley of the Kings. In Essex.
134
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,480
In Essex.
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00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,520
Can you see anything? Yes!
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Wonderful things!
SHE CHUCKLES
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Hello, love.
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You all right?
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00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,160
Yeah. Just off to work.
140
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:04,240
You all right? Yeah, good.
Business good?
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00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:08,040
Oh, it's all right,
you know? Good. Good.
142
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:13,960
Cos I just... I know... I found your
Purple...Rain album and I wondered...
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Do you want me to drop that round?
144
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,840
Oh, yeah. Would you mind? Yeah.
145
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,080
Sure. Cos...I thought you...
146
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:27,080
I know you like that song
When Doves Cry.
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00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:31,280
When Doves Cry, yeah.
You got a record player...?
148
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,000
Tony's got one.
Really nice vintage one.
149
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,760
Oh, good. He's here, actually.
You should say hello.
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00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,800
Oh, you're all right, cos...
TONY, LANCE IS HERE!
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00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,120
Er...
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00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,680
Hello, mate. Long time no see.
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00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:46,880
Yep.
Did you just pop in to say hello?
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00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,600
No, I needed a...scented candle.
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00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:53,840
Didn't think they were your style.
For you? Just a present for someone.
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00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,760
Ooh! A girl?
157
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,480
No. A boy?
158
00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,960
No. A girl, yeah.
159
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,840
Girlfriend? No.
160
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,560
Well... Yeah.
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00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,800
Ooh!
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00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:10,280
Who is she? Oh, no-one.
Just...someone.
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00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,280
What flavour?
164
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,360
Pardon? The candle.
165
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,920
Oh...
I don't know. What have you got?
166
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,560
I like bergamot and vetiver. Mm.
167
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,200
I'll just have a vanilla.
168
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,560
Always think
they smell like minicabs. ?3.75.
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00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,760
Cheers. Do you want your change?
Cheers, Mags. Bye.
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00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,320
Yeah, bye, love.
171
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,000
VACUUM CLEANER WHIRS
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00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,280
SWITCHES VACUUM CLEANER OFF
173
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,320
Bollocks, mate!
You just want to see that girl again.
174
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:27,480
Yes, you do. I can read you like
a book. Anyway, she won't turn up.
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00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:31,480
Good. Well, you won't be
disappointed, then, will you?
176
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,000
No, come round mine.
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00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,840
I'll knock you up a ruby
and we can head over together.
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00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,400
Anything you don't eat?
179
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,800
Yeah. Apart from meat and fish.
180
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,400
OK. Hold on.
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00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,240
Ted! Is it all right if I knock
off after I've done those aubergines?
182
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,520
Yeah, OK. Back in an hour.
183
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:51,800
Adios.
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00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,000
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
185
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,480
Hey.
186
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,480
Lance has invited us
187
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,760
round for a curry before we head
over to the club tonight.
188
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,960
Do you want to come?
189
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,080
Obviously not! For so many reasons,
190
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,920
not least of which is the fact
I'm not really invited.
191
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,520
You're just saying that cos
I had a go at you the other night.
192
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,720
What's happening at the club
tonight?
193
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,920
Buttons?!
You heard me. Do you want to come?
194
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,000
Fuck off!
195
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,240
All right. I love you. See you
later. Yeah, you too. See you later.
196
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,720
# I've lived in a box by the rails
197
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,280
# Only thing you use, you don't fail
198
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,840
# When you live in a box
by the rails
199
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:02,320
# Don't comb your hair,
don't comb your tail
200
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,520
# Sweep my mess away
201
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,800
# Leave my body, leave my bones
202
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,920
# Leave me home and leave my soul
203
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,280
# Leave me nothing
I don't need at all
204
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,000
Nothing I don't need at all.
205
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,440
KNOCKS ON GLASS
206
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,560
Nice tits.
207
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,960
Why, thank you.
208
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,040
Something smells... Delicious? No.
209
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,320
Something just smells.
210
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,040
Very droll.
211
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,600
Here, stick those peelings
in the compost for me, would you?
212
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,680
You've only got a balcony.
What do you use compost for?
213
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,440
Never know
when it might come in handy.
214
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,600
What's that?
215
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,480
Dunlop SP244, isn't it?
216
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:25,040
So, I was reading cos of the hot
dry summer we've had,
217
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,480
a lot of the earth works
and archaeological sites have
218
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,760
started to show up as dry
patches in the fields.
219
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,880
Right, so I had a look
on Google Earth.
220
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,640
Looked round the local areas,
scanning the fields,
221
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,760
see what I could see.
Right. And look.
222
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:47,680
Hembristone. You know
those cabbage fields off the B1010?
223
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,400
Well, look at this,
224
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,040
ring-shaped feature in the field.
225
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,080
OK.
226
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:59,640
Iron Age roundhouse.
But wait, there's more.
227
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,960
Move to the left and voila!
228
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,240
Another one.
229
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:09,680
But move again to the left
and here's yet another.
230
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:13,640
Slightly larger circular feature,
but this is different.
231
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:20,920
This one has some sort of entrance
leading to an enclosure. A gateway.
232
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,040
All in a line.
233
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,880
Iron Age settlement.
234
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,320
Iron Age settlement?
Look at it. Right there.
235
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,640
Mate, you look at it.
236
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,960
Notice anything?
237
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,880
What? No.
238
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:40,480
Do these features seem to
spell anything?
239
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,800
No.
240
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,680
Wait, erm...
241
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,640
G-O-O...
242
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,920
Oh, fucking...
Do they seem to spell Google?
243
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,400
Fuck it! You prick.
244
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,800
It's the Google Earth watermark.
It's the Google Earth watermark.
245
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,320
Well, I bet you've
fallen for that before.
246
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,680
Yeah, but I realised within
15 seconds and I never told anyone.
247
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,440
HE SIGHS
248
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,200
No, look. Tell you where we want to
be. I've been doing my own recon.
249
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:13,960
This farm, here.
250
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,200
I don't remember anyone ever going
there before, do you? No.
251
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,440
Look, this is the original Roman
road running up the side.
252
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,840
Where you've got Roman, who's to say
you haven't got Saxon as well?
253
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,880
We all know there's
a Saxon ship burial
254
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,840
somewhere in this part
of the county.
255
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,520
We've just got to find it first.
256
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,080
Saxon hoard.
257
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,320
It's basically the Holy Grail
of treasure hunting. Well, no.
258
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,960
The Holy Grail is
the Holy Grail of treasure hunting.
259
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,560
If you're going to be pedantic
260
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,040
the Ark of the Covenant
is the Holy Grail.
261
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:46,120
Let's talk to Terry,
see if he knows who owns this land.
262
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:49,000
Kerchink.
263
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,800
Ching!
264
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:55,040
And though occasionally a button
will turn up with some
265
00:16:55,040 --> 00:17:01,320
sort of decoration or insignia,
the majority, and I mean the vast
266
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:07,000
majority, as you've seen from my
slides, are completely featureless.
267
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:11,200
And so, if you think
about the number of buttons
268
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,040
our predecessors
had on their clothes,
269
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,040
compared with the number of coins
270
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,960
they would be carrying in their
pockets, is it any wonder that we
271
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:24,040
find many more buttons
in our day-to-day detecting
272
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,400
than we do coins?
273
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:36,960
So the humble, boring button is
a very real piece of social history.
274
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,760
Lights, please, Sheila.
275
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,080
Sheila?
276
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,960
Thanks, darling.
277
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,480
Button.
278
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,160
So, any questions?
279
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,880
Nobody?
280
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,400
Righto, then.
281
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,400
Ahem. Club notices.
282
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,240
Now, some of you have been
complaining about other
283
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,880
detecting clubs
muscling in on your sites.
284
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,960
Yes, it's those
wankers from the Antiquisearchers.
285
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,840
They're spying on us. Russell...
286
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,080
I spent weeks researching that site,
putting together a portfolio,
287
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,680
only to find that someone had got
there the day before me
288
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,160
and secured permission.
289
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:27,360
The Antiquisearchers are officially
affiliated with the museum.
290
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:31,520
I find it very hard to believe
that they would be that underhand.
291
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:36,720
To be on the safe side, I will not
be accepting any new members
292
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,640
until the beginning of next season.
293
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,720
DOOR OPENS
294
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,320
Hello.
Is this the metal detecting club?
295
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,520
Hello, Sophie. Everybody,
this is my friend Sophie. Hi!
296
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,680
Welcome to the mass ranks
of the Danebury Metal Detecting Club.
297
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,200
Come in. Come in.
I hope you don't mind.
298
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,560
I was just interested in seeing
what was going on
299
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,400
and what kind of things you'd found.
300
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,080
I understood there was going to be
a talk about buttons?
301
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:05,360
I'm Russell. Welcome, Sophie.
You are very welcome.
302
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:08,400
I'm afraid you've just
missed my talk about buttons,
303
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,640
but I'll very happily do a recap.
304
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:14,400
No! Please, no!
That's OK. Don't worry. Thank you.
305
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,600
Well, take a seat, Sophie,
306
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,720
and welcome to the
Danebury Metal Detecting Club.
307
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,720
What happened to "no new members",
Terry? Sorry?
308
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,160
You just said we're not
accepting any new members.
309
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,800
It's all right. Sophie's cool.
We know Sophie.
310
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,400
There we are, then.
311
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:35,520
If we are all in agreement...
Welcome, Sophie. Thank you.
312
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:45,240
What do you think?
Yeah, it was interesting.
313
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,800
How was the talk on buttons?
314
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,360
Adrenalin-fuelled.
315
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:52,400
What's next week?
Monster Munch packets.
316
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:57,360
This land belongs to one
Lawrence Bishop. Mad as a frog.
317
00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:00,760
People have tried to get permission,
but he always refuses.
318
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:05,000
Doesn't want people digging around
on his land. Very odd character.
319
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,280
Yeah? Yeah, his wife disappeared
years back.
320
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,040
Back when I was on the force.
321
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,480
I wasn't involved in the case,
personally,
322
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,360
but I know they had a very
big file on it.
323
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:19,120
They watched him for years.
Couldn't ever get anything on him.
324
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:22,200
Not even enough to get a warrant
out to search his land.
325
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,800
That doesn't bode well!
326
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,200
That's got to be a first.
Student buys round!
327
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,600
Yeah, funny.
328
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,600
What are you studying?
Ancient history.
329
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,360
Oh, wow.
You're in the right place! Ha-ha!
330
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,720
You want to get yourself a detector
and get out there in the mud.
331
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,320
I'll take you out, if you like.
332
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:46,000
That'd be good. Someone text me
when you going out next? Saturday?
333
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,320
I can't do Saturday.
I'm taking Mags and her mum to bingo.
334
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,040
Again? Who's Mags? Is that
your wife? Ex-wife. She uses him.
335
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,720
She doesn't use me. I want to help.
336
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,400
Why can't the Pizza Hut manager
take them? I like doing it.
337
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,000
Bollocks, mate.
You want to forget her, otherwise
338
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,320
she'll keep on taking the piss.
Move on.
339
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,880
Cheers for the advice, mate,
that I neither asked for nor wanted.
340
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,720
Mind your own bloody business.
341
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:11,560
What about you, Andy? Have you got
a wife? Me? No, no. I'm not married.
342
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,240
BELL RINGS
343
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,920
Shall I get us another one in?
It's my round. Same again? Um...
344
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,480
No, I'd better get going.
Early start in the morning.
345
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,160
That's got to be a first!
Student gets up early!
346
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,880
Oh, funny(!)
347
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,960
We're going to call it a night too,
aren't we, darling?
348
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,960
Ah. Tango class in the morning.
349
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:36,800
No, it's tap tomorrow, Terry.
Course! It's Wednesday! Ha-ha!
350
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,240
Bye, all. Night-night. See you.
351
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,400
After you, madam. Thank you.
352
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,200
What was that about?
353
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,400
What? You know what.
354
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,480
What? Why didn't you mention Becky
when she asked if you were married?
355
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,880
I'm not married.
356
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,800
No, but you've got a long-term
girlfriend called Becky.
357
00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,720
Who I was about to mention and I was
interrupted, remember? Oh, right.
358
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,120
Yeah.
359
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,360
What were you
saying before they left?
360
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:11,200
Your ex-wife taking the piss? No.
Something about "same again".
361
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,920
Same again? Yeah, thanks very much.
362
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,880
You do. I don't. You do. You always
mention what she's wearing.
363
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,840
That's because I don't like what
she's wearing.
364
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,240
You say it every time
she comes on the telly.
365
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,360
I never like what she's wearing.
366
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:32,360
I don't fancy Fiona Bruce.
Yes, you do!
367
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,240
No, I don't. I tried once.
368
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,200
Thought she'd be a good
person off the TV to fancy,
369
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,920
but I couldn't manage it,
didn't get very far.
370
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:45,480
Who do you fancy off the telly?
No-one springs to mind. Bullshit!
371
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,560
There must be someone.
No, I can't think of anyone.
372
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:53,040
Susanna Reid! No.
You're the only one for me, Becks.
373
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,480
Idiot.
374
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,160
You still on for going
to my sister's tomorrow?
375
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,240
Oh, I'm going out with Lance.
Oh, what? Sorry, I forgot.
376
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,520
Jesus! You spend more time with him
than you do with me! No, I don't.
377
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,120
What time are you going? For lunch!
378
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,920
Oh, we'll probably be
finished by then anyway. We're just
379
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,960
going to see some mad landowner,
try and get his permission. Right,
380
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,080
and if he gives you permission,
you'll want to go detecting.
381
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:20,080
True. Have to hope he doesn't, then.
Fingers crossed.
382
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,520
Oh, can we switch over?
She's starting to make me feel sick!
383
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,160
SHE CHUCKLES
384
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,760
QI? Yes!
385
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:36,160
Did you hear that on QI last night?
Oh, I knew it before it was on QI.
386
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,640
Right.
387
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,560
It was just a coincidence that you
said it the day after it was on QI.
388
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,560
Just reminded me of it, that's all.
389
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,120
Here we are.
390
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,720
You think this is wise?
391
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,240
Tell you what, let me do the talking.
I'll turn on the charm.
392
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,360
You're just a bit...awkward.
393
00:23:58,360 --> 00:23:59,680
Yeah, cheers.
394
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,520
Don't try
any of your stand-up on him.
395
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:13,640
KNOCKS ON DOOR
396
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,160
FROM INSIDE: Get back! Go on!
Get back in there!
397
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,960
Get down! Stay back in there!
398
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,840
Yes? Sorry to disturb you, sir.
Have you come about the...?
399
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,800
The? The...
400
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,520
What have you come about?
401
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,720
No, you're not actually
expecting us. Am I not?
402
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,520
No, we're actually metal
detectorists.
403
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,280
We were wondering if you'd give us
404
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,080
your permission to
detect on your land. Good Lord!
405
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,360
Was it a competition? Pardon?
Did I send off for it?
406
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:49,280
No. I guess it's just your lucky day.
407
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,200
Fascinating.
408
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:52,760
Cup of tea?
409
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:56,880
Don't mind the dogs.
410
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,200
They're a bit boisterous,
but they're only being friendly.
411
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,440
Push them off the sofa
if they're in the way.
412
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,760
They shouldn't even
be on the furniture.
413
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,400
FLY BUZZES
414
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,160
So... Mr Bishop... Larry, please.
415
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,080
Larry, you've never given anyone
permission before. No, never.
416
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:35,040
So, no-one's ever
detected on this land? No.
417
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,080
There was that dig years ago.
418
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:44,320
Sorry. Dig, Larry?
Archaeological dig, before the war.
419
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,800
My grandfather told me about it
when I was wearing short trousers.
420
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,320
When I was a child.
421
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,760
Yes. Yes, and did they f-find
anything? No. They didn't have time.
422
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,520
Dug a couple of trenches,
then the war happened,
423
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,480
and they had more important things
to spend the money on.
424
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,800
Any idea what they were looking for?
425
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,840
No idea.
426
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,720
So, Larry, er...
427
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:13,360
would you mind if we had a little
look around? Not at all.
428
00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:16,080
Let me know what you turn up.
429
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,760
Stay out of the paddock
on Birchwood Road.
430
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:21,440
Don't go digging down there.
431
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,160
FLY BUZZES
432
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,000
Okey-doke. Right, will do.
We'll stay out of there.
433
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:34,400
Anyone seen my phone?
434
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,320
Bloody dogs have hidden it,
have they?
435
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,840
Have one of you beasts
stolen my telephone?
436
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:45,040
Come back here, you little shitters!
Come on! Come on! Come here!
437
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,240
Come on, I know your game.
438
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,120
Come on.
439
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,800
This is it, mate.
This is the big one.
440
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,680
This is exactly what
happened at Sutton Hoo.
441
00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,400
They abandoned it because of the war,
then they went back to finish it off.
442
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,240
They sort of left it all to us.
443
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,720
This time next year,
we're going to be millionaires!
444
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,640
Mate,
maybe we should do this properly -
445
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,800
mark out the site with a grid
system, do it area by area,
446
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,680
make sure we cover everything.
Sod that! Let's get detecting!
447
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,320
We should survey the site
for a couple of days before we even
448
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,720
turn the detectors on.
DETECTOR BEEPS Oh, too late. I turned it on!
449
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,080
I've got a good feeling
about this, mate.
450
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,520
When they were looking for Richard
III, first hole they dug, bingo!
451
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:31,480
Fuck it! You're right. This is going
to be massive. You mark my words.
452
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,760
DETECTOR BEEPS
453
00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:37,480
Here we go.
454
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,080
Get ready...
455
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:51,920
to get rich.
456
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,320
BEEPS
457
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,240
What you got?
458
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:12,320
Biscuit wrapper.
459
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,160
Mint Viscount '75.
460
00:28:14,210 --> 00:28:18,760
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