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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,609 --> 00:00:03,459 2 00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:08,628 Gentlemen, welcome to my universe. 3 00:00:08,629 --> 00:00:10,619 4 00:00:13,429 --> 00:00:15,005 - Whoa! - Oh, holy shit. 5 00:00:15,105 --> 00:00:17,285 6 00:00:29,831 --> 00:00:31,770 It's a feast for the eyes 7 00:00:31,795 --> 00:00:33,754 and a veritable buffet for the dick. 8 00:00:33,755 --> 00:00:35,659 Oh, good. My dick is starving. 9 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:36,774 So get into it 10 00:00:36,775 --> 00:00:39,734 'cause tonight, you're my guests here. 11 00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:41,880 Enjoy some women, do some drugs. 12 00:00:41,881 --> 00:00:43,800 Nothing's off-limits. 13 00:00:43,825 --> 00:00:45,857 So, hey, man, have you been able 14 00:00:45,882 --> 00:00:46,961 to talk to ghosts your whole life 15 00:00:46,962 --> 00:00:48,861 - or is it like a... - Except for that. 16 00:00:48,862 --> 00:00:50,841 We don't talk about that in public. 17 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,385 Oh, yeah, right. No, me neither. 18 00:00:52,410 --> 00:00:54,529 - That's... that's gross. - Come on, man! Don't be weird! 19 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,317 - I'm being totally weird. - So, Danny, 20 00:00:56,318 --> 00:00:58,326 now, I've been following you for a long time, 21 00:00:58,327 --> 00:00:59,874 uh, not stalking you, obviously, 22 00:00:59,875 --> 00:01:01,004 but following you on Instagram, and, uh, 23 00:01:01,005 --> 00:01:03,844 I've noticed that all of these parties 24 00:01:03,845 --> 00:01:05,298 have orgies taking place. 25 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,288 Do you know, kind of, when that tends to happen or... 26 00:01:08,289 --> 00:01:12,168 Orgies, uh, are like an avalanche. 27 00:01:12,169 --> 00:01:13,247 You can't force them. 28 00:01:13,248 --> 00:01:15,546 You just gotta let them happen naturally. 29 00:01:15,547 --> 00:01:16,704 Although... hang on, they... 30 00:01:17,423 --> 00:01:20,268 they do make avalanches happen, right? 31 00:01:20,269 --> 00:01:22,348 They light the dynamite and throw it off the helicopter. 32 00:01:22,325 --> 00:01:23,515 Hey, man, could you take your shoes off? 33 00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:24,516 - Yeah! I'm so sorry. - Oh, shit... 34 00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:25,635 Nah, you're cool, man. 35 00:01:25,636 --> 00:01:28,505 - Just this little bitch. - Hey, Danny. 36 00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,545 Oh, excuse me, gentlemen. 37 00:01:30,546 --> 00:01:33,029 I gotta let these ladies use my dick as a coke mirror. 38 00:01:33,030 --> 00:01:34,929 - Sure, sure, sure. - But enjoy yourself. 39 00:01:34,930 --> 00:01:35,989 Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 40 00:01:35,990 --> 00:01:37,326 Thank you, Danny Poker! 41 00:01:37,327 --> 00:01:39,206 Man, I can't fucking believe we're at a Danny Poker party. 42 00:01:39,571 --> 00:01:40,710 I know, I know, right? 43 00:01:41,147 --> 00:01:44,147 It is, uh... it's very arousing. 44 00:01:45,177 --> 00:01:47,166 Hey. Really, dude? 45 00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:49,186 - Come on. - Don't listen to him. 46 00:01:49,187 --> 00:01:52,026 He doesn't see what I see, sweet stuff. 47 00:01:52,027 --> 00:01:54,036 You caught my eye from across the room. 48 00:01:54,037 --> 00:01:56,137 I want you in my mouth. 49 00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,764 I'm ready, are you? Shit! 50 00:01:59,765 --> 00:02:01,804 Ah, what happened to the chocolate? 51 00:02:01,805 --> 00:02:04,814 Don't worry. Just a blown fuse. 52 00:02:04,815 --> 00:02:06,754 Don't let your pussies dry up. 53 00:02:06,755 --> 00:02:09,775 54 00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:40,499 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 55 00:02:21,815 --> 00:02:24,705 56 00:02:53,905 --> 00:02:56,784 - [moaning] - [snaps fingers] Get out. 57 00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,894 - Suck face in the toilet. - Yeah, go suck toilet. 58 00:02:58,895 --> 00:03:01,824 What were you two even doing in here? 59 00:03:01,825 --> 00:03:04,724 What was... what was going on? 60 00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:06,714 You saw that piece-of-shit ghost, right? 61 00:03:06,715 --> 00:03:08,724 Yeah, I did. But are you testing me 62 00:03:08,725 --> 00:03:09,844 or are we allowed to talk about ghosts now? 63 00:03:09,845 --> 00:03:11,694 That guy shows up at all my parties, 64 00:03:11,695 --> 00:03:13,204 turns off all the goddamn electricity 65 00:03:13,229 --> 00:03:15,208 like some sort of retarded Thomas Edison. 66 00:03:15,209 --> 00:03:16,318 Fucking ghosts, right? 67 00:03:16,319 --> 00:03:17,920 I mean, you can't live with them 68 00:03:17,921 --> 00:03:19,579 'cause technically they're not alive, 69 00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:21,489 and I could totally live without them, 70 00:03:21,490 --> 00:03:23,499 so I guess I don't really have a point. 71 00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:26,415 I mean, how am I gonna bounce that guy, right? 72 00:03:26,416 --> 00:03:28,556 I mean, if anybody sees me talking to a ghost, 73 00:03:28,557 --> 00:03:30,262 like, they're gonna know why I'm so good at cards. 74 00:03:30,263 --> 00:03:32,281 - Yeah, that would suck. - Yeah. 75 00:03:32,282 --> 00:03:34,322 Well, you know, I could talk to him. 76 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:37,257 - Seriously? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 77 00:03:37,282 --> 00:03:40,192 Getting rid of ghosts is kind of my thing. 78 00:03:43,272 --> 00:03:47,101 79 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,131 [chuckles] 80 00:03:49,132 --> 00:03:51,271 81 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,131 Whoo! Yes. 82 00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:54,714 Hey-o! 83 00:03:54,715 --> 00:03:56,734 Hello, my name is Pac. Yes, I can see you. 84 00:03:56,735 --> 00:03:57,944 Unfortunately, this is a private event, 85 00:03:57,945 --> 00:04:00,774 so I'm gonna have to politely ask you to get the fuck out. 86 00:04:00,775 --> 00:04:03,774 I'd be more than happy to leave this Sodom and Gomorrah. 87 00:04:03,775 --> 00:04:06,367 - Good. - Just as long as he leaves, too. 88 00:04:07,138 --> 00:04:08,774 That is my son Elijah. 89 00:04:08,775 --> 00:04:10,764 He left for Rumspringa about a year ago 90 00:04:10,765 --> 00:04:11,914 and now it is time for him 91 00:04:11,915 --> 00:04:13,854 to come back to the Amish community. 92 00:04:13,855 --> 00:04:15,924 Okay, what if he doesn't want to? 93 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:17,486 He does. 94 00:04:17,487 --> 00:04:19,308 You see, I have six daughters. 95 00:04:19,309 --> 00:04:22,208 - Wow. - Elijah is my only son. 96 00:04:22,209 --> 00:04:25,298 He's the family's only hope to continue the bloodline. 97 00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:29,148 He just needs a friendly reminder. 98 00:04:29,149 --> 00:04:30,188 That's where I come in. 99 00:04:30,189 --> 00:04:32,248 All right, consider it done. 100 00:04:32,249 --> 00:04:35,218 - You can go. - How can I "consider it done" 101 00:04:35,219 --> 00:04:36,861 if you haven't done it yet? 102 00:04:36,862 --> 00:04:38,870 No, no, I mean it... I'm going to do it. 103 00:04:38,871 --> 00:04:41,603 - It's as good as done. - I'll just wait until you do it. 104 00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:44,000 Dude, it's a fucking figment of speech. 105 00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:46,870 - Will you get on with it? - Oh, my God! 106 00:04:46,871 --> 00:04:48,870 Yes, I will. 107 00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:50,870 [clears throat] 108 00:04:50,871 --> 00:04:53,000 Hey, Elijah? Got some coke there, huh? 109 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,986 - Yeah, man. - Okay, my name is Pac 110 00:04:55,987 --> 00:04:57,179 and I'm a medium. 111 00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:58,896 And the ghost of your father is here. 112 00:04:58,897 --> 00:05:00,906 He wants you to put an end to all this 113 00:05:00,907 --> 00:05:02,876 and wrap up your Ramstinger. 114 00:05:02,877 --> 00:05:04,886 - Rumspringa. - Roomstinger. 115 00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,856 - My dad's really here? - Yes, really. 116 00:05:06,857 --> 00:05:08,807 He's standing right here with us. 117 00:05:10,027 --> 00:05:11,976 Fuck you, Dad! 118 00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:13,916 No, uh, he's actually over here. 119 00:05:13,917 --> 00:05:15,816 Fuck you, Dad! 120 00:05:15,817 --> 00:05:17,926 This is the life I want to lead! 121 00:05:17,927 --> 00:05:20,816 Not... not that life of cow shit! 122 00:05:21,038 --> 00:05:23,488 Tell him that Hannah's husband has died. 123 00:05:23,513 --> 00:05:25,644 - Who's Hannah? - Wait, Hannah? 124 00:05:25,645 --> 00:05:27,654 - What about Hannah? - As children, 125 00:05:27,655 --> 00:05:29,754 they played double Dutch every night after dinner. 126 00:05:29,755 --> 00:05:31,201 - That's sweet. - She grew 127 00:05:31,226 --> 00:05:33,225 to be a full-bodied, sturdy woman... 128 00:05:33,226 --> 00:05:34,879 - Mm. - with long hair 129 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,191 and strong legs and good milking hands. 130 00:05:37,216 --> 00:05:39,175 Yeah, I can see why anyone would like that. 131 00:05:39,176 --> 00:05:42,035 All the other men in the village are married off. 132 00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:44,265 He'd literally be the only one left she could marry. 133 00:05:44,266 --> 00:05:46,495 - What's he saying? - Uh, he's saying 134 00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:49,395 that Hannah's husband dropped dead. 135 00:05:49,396 --> 00:05:51,425 - R-really? - Really. If you go back now, 136 00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:53,375 all the fresh milk you can handle. 137 00:05:53,376 --> 00:05:54,506 [glass clinks] 138 00:05:55,917 --> 00:05:58,441 - Fine. - Excellent. Good. Yeah. 139 00:05:58,466 --> 00:06:00,481 Okay, and now you can consider it done 140 00:06:00,482 --> 00:06:01,987 and go into your light. Is it this one? 141 00:06:01,988 --> 00:06:04,379 I don't trust Elijah will make it 142 00:06:04,380 --> 00:06:06,680 out of this devil's playground on his own. 143 00:06:06,705 --> 00:06:08,278 What are you talking about? He's fine. Look at him. 144 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,328 You must escort him home. 145 00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:12,308 Come on, man! You're ruining my night! 146 00:06:12,309 --> 00:06:14,544 All I wanna do is have my way with that chocolate fountain 147 00:06:14,545 --> 00:06:15,881 for a few half hours! 148 00:06:15,882 --> 00:06:17,811 Okay, fuck. Fine, fine. Yes, I'll go. 149 00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:19,012 [people cheering] 150 00:06:20,912 --> 00:06:22,931 Wait for me, my sweet. 151 00:06:22,932 --> 00:06:23,992 152 00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,811 You've got this, man. 153 00:06:28,812 --> 00:06:29,901 Now, I know chicks can be intimidating, 154 00:06:29,902 --> 00:06:31,420 but you just gotta be aggressive, bro. 155 00:06:31,445 --> 00:06:33,354 Chicks love aggression! 156 00:06:33,355 --> 00:06:35,384 Are you equipped to give dating advice? 157 00:06:35,385 --> 00:06:36,566 No, not really. 158 00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:38,574 Ooh, I'm starving. Are we gonna eat? 159 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:42,433 - Hey, guys. - [gasps] Elijah! 160 00:06:42,577 --> 00:06:44,033 - Ta-da! - Hi, guys. 161 00:06:44,034 --> 00:06:46,033 - The "prodigidal" son returns. - Hi. 162 00:06:46,058 --> 00:06:48,008 Not me... him. Big huggers, huh? 163 00:06:48,009 --> 00:06:49,158 - That's nice. - Hi. 164 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,265 Super sweet, but I got a big party to get back to, 165 00:06:51,290 --> 00:06:53,169 so let's wrap it up. 166 00:06:53,194 --> 00:06:54,363 - Last one. - Hi! 167 00:06:54,364 --> 00:06:57,253 - Um, guys, this is Pac. - Hello. 168 00:06:57,254 --> 00:06:59,293 He's from a West Coast community. 169 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,403 Hi. 170 00:07:00,404 --> 00:07:03,173 He... he rides the short wagon around town. 171 00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:03,920 Ah. 172 00:07:03,921 --> 00:07:06,672 Hold on a second, did you just introduce me as retarded? 173 00:07:06,697 --> 00:07:07,739 174 00:07:07,740 --> 00:07:09,749 Did you? Um... [chuckles] 175 00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:12,889 176 00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,799 - Hi. - Who the fuck is that? 177 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:15,929 - Elijah, language! - Sorry. 178 00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:18,176 I'm still cleansing the mouth palate. 179 00:07:18,201 --> 00:07:18,958 - Who is that? - Oh, that's 180 00:07:18,959 --> 00:07:20,107 Jebediah Klopfenstein, 181 00:07:20,108 --> 00:07:23,638 a recent transfer from a community in Pennsylvania. 182 00:07:23,663 --> 00:07:25,782 - Shit. - Hannah seems to like him. 183 00:07:25,783 --> 00:07:27,023 What's not to like? 184 00:07:27,024 --> 00:07:28,933 He's a paragon of Amish culture, 185 00:07:28,934 --> 00:07:30,795 pure as the day is long. 186 00:07:30,796 --> 00:07:33,152 Never even taken a Rumspringa. 187 00:07:33,177 --> 00:07:34,789 - That's fucking insane! - Elijah! 188 00:07:34,790 --> 00:07:35,889 Sorry. 189 00:07:36,583 --> 00:07:37,594 I thought my dumb dad said 190 00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:38,704 she wouldn't have any fucking suitors. 191 00:07:38,705 --> 00:07:40,164 - Well, he did. - I can't compete 192 00:07:40,165 --> 00:07:42,004 with Amish Seann William Scott. 193 00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:43,134 Oh, yeah. Nailed it. 194 00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:45,135 195 00:07:48,085 --> 00:07:50,024 Hey, listen, listen, listen to me. 196 00:07:50,025 --> 00:07:52,064 Okay, so he's a bona fide bohunk times 10. 197 00:07:52,065 --> 00:07:54,084 Okay, so what? So are we, right? 198 00:07:54,085 --> 00:07:56,064 Plus, think about your odds. They're still pretty good. 199 00:07:56,065 --> 00:07:58,501 There's only one other guy and he's a fucking transfer. 200 00:07:58,502 --> 00:08:00,409 You were her double Dutch partner, man. 201 00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:02,409 Come on, show her the ropes. 202 00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:04,259 Show her the ropes, jump her in. 203 00:08:04,260 --> 00:08:05,399 - Yeah. - Yeah! 204 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,419 Come on! Let's go. 205 00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:08,339 - Come on. - All right. 206 00:08:08,340 --> 00:08:10,289 207 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,399 Hey, hey, get the fuck out there. 208 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,450 Come on, go. Go, go, go, go. 209 00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:21,459 Fuck! 210 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,429 Just wipe it off casually, man. 211 00:08:23,430 --> 00:08:26,289 Just... this doesn't need to be a disaster. 212 00:08:26,290 --> 00:08:27,449 - Yes. - Okay. 213 00:08:27,450 --> 00:08:29,290 Bailamos. 214 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,459 - Hi. Hi, Hannah. - Elijah! 215 00:08:34,460 --> 00:08:36,429 Oh, it's been so long! 216 00:08:36,430 --> 00:08:38,409 Yes! Um, may I have this dance? 217 00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:41,380 Um, actually... 218 00:08:50,450 --> 00:08:52,430 219 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:17,269 Bring her back. Bring her back to her childhood, yeah! 220 00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:19,350 221 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,470 222 00:09:35,310 --> 00:09:37,260 Amish Style. 223 00:09:42,270 --> 00:09:43,400 Amish Style. 224 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,310 - [squishes] - Fuck! 225 00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:03,289 Hey, you ladies ever been with an Indian Jew before? 226 00:10:03,290 --> 00:10:04,410 Eh, your loss. 227 00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:07,980 Excuse me, ladies. 228 00:10:07,981 --> 00:10:09,920 You wanna do a group shot here 229 00:10:09,921 --> 00:10:12,050 and get the group party started, if you know what I mean? 230 00:10:12,051 --> 00:10:14,000 [squeaks] 231 00:10:14,001 --> 00:10:15,900 - I don't know what you mean. - All right, well, 232 00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:17,040 why don't I start the avalanche? 233 00:10:17,041 --> 00:10:19,960 Pour whatever kind of booze you wanna drink in there 234 00:10:19,961 --> 00:10:21,950 and I'll swallow whatever it is you give me. 235 00:10:21,951 --> 00:10:24,910 236 00:10:24,911 --> 00:10:26,672 Uh-oh! Oh, no! 237 00:10:26,673 --> 00:10:29,987 My tongue is stuck. Aw, man! 238 00:10:30,012 --> 00:10:32,742 Hey, can one of you just lick right here? 239 00:10:32,743 --> 00:10:34,742 Kind of get it loose. If you both do it, 240 00:10:34,743 --> 00:10:36,662 it will happen a lot quicker. 241 00:10:36,663 --> 00:10:37,762 - N-no? - Perv. 242 00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:40,209 Don't leave me here... ow, my tongue! 243 00:10:41,035 --> 00:10:42,792 Ah, fuck. I thought that was gonna work. 244 00:10:42,793 --> 00:10:45,783 - Damn it! - [ringtone plays] 245 00:10:48,301 --> 00:10:50,350 Pac, come on, man! You had to call now? 246 00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:52,284 I was about to get an orgy started 247 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,896 with, like, so many chicks. 248 00:10:53,897 --> 00:10:55,498 Oh, that's so many rad, Clyde. 249 00:10:55,499 --> 00:10:57,277 Listen, I need you to find everything you can 250 00:10:57,278 --> 00:10:59,287 about a guy named Jebediah Klopfenstein. 251 00:10:59,288 --> 00:11:01,247 He's a legit hunk-asaurus, 252 00:11:01,248 --> 00:11:02,815 so maybe type that into your search. 253 00:11:02,816 --> 00:11:04,795 Does that have anything to do with a ghost case? 254 00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:06,745 Yeah, of course it's for the ghost case, man. 255 00:11:06,746 --> 00:11:08,412 I'm just... I'm trying to get back to the party, okay? 256 00:11:08,413 --> 00:11:10,627 Bro, you've gotta get a smartphone, okay? 257 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,643 You need to be able to look that stuff up yourself. 258 00:11:12,644 --> 00:11:14,363 I know. I just... I like my flip phone. 259 00:11:14,364 --> 00:11:16,334 It makes hanging up feel more urgent, you know? 260 00:11:17,404 --> 00:11:19,403 [goat bleats] 261 00:11:19,404 --> 00:11:22,243 [sighs] 262 00:11:22,244 --> 00:11:23,263 - Hey. - Hey, man. 263 00:11:23,264 --> 00:11:24,453 At least we tried. 264 00:11:24,454 --> 00:11:26,113 I just don't belong here. 265 00:11:26,114 --> 00:11:28,083 What? No, no, no, no. No, no, Elijah. 266 00:11:28,084 --> 00:11:29,649 I don't know. You can't give up, okay? 267 00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:31,404 And not just because I wanna go eat a chocolate fountain, 268 00:11:31,405 --> 00:11:32,870 but because, I gotta tell you, 269 00:11:32,871 --> 00:11:34,920 there's something fishy about that Jebediah guy. 270 00:11:34,921 --> 00:11:36,800 - What do you mean? - What do I mean? 271 00:11:36,801 --> 00:11:37,850 Didn't your sister say he never went 272 00:11:37,851 --> 00:11:38,920 on his Ramstein or whatever? 273 00:11:38,921 --> 00:11:40,504 - Yeah. - So how the fuck 274 00:11:40,529 --> 00:11:42,458 could he possibly know that dance? 275 00:11:42,459 --> 00:11:44,528 Am I right? 276 00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:47,518 - He's a fucking phony! - He's a fucking phony! 277 00:11:47,519 --> 00:11:49,889 Okay, even if that's true, how do we prove it? 278 00:11:49,890 --> 00:11:51,969 Dude, I can't be the retard and the mastermind, okay? 279 00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:54,929 - It's too much for me to handle. - There's only one way. 280 00:11:54,930 --> 00:11:57,039 - Your father says there's only... - That asshole's still here? 281 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:59,891 Yeah, that asshole is still here. 282 00:12:00,074 --> 00:12:01,829 Fuck you, Dad! 283 00:12:01,830 --> 00:12:03,989 No, he... he's actually over here. 284 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,829 - [scoffs] Whatever. - No, not "whatever," okay? 285 00:12:06,830 --> 00:12:08,929 His unfinished business is you. 286 00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:10,879 He's not going anywhere because you are 287 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,019 the most important fucking thing to him. 288 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:14,979 He never said that to me. 289 00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:17,899 Well, he's trying to right now 290 00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:19,859 in a really weird, roundabout way. 291 00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:21,920 So why don't we hear the clingy old fucker out? 292 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,010 - All right. - Yeah? 293 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,379 Does he have a white glove? 294 00:12:28,435 --> 00:12:30,795 295 00:12:30,820 --> 00:12:32,950 Jebediah Klopfenstein! 296 00:12:34,970 --> 00:12:38,010 I challenge you to an Amish-Off! 297 00:12:40,950 --> 00:12:41,999 Bitch. 298 00:12:42,277 --> 00:12:44,297 - What was that? - Um, nothing. 299 00:12:47,930 --> 00:12:49,889 [goat bleats] 300 00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:53,859 Because I am the most bearded Amish man in this community, 301 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,979 it is my duty and honor 302 00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:57,979 to judge the age-old tradition, 303 00:12:57,980 --> 00:12:59,939 the Amish-Off. 304 00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:01,870 My beard is longer. 305 00:13:02,970 --> 00:13:05,889 I should be judging this Amish-Off 306 00:13:05,890 --> 00:13:07,840 and you know it. 307 00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:10,820 Ooh, intense. 308 00:13:18,117 --> 00:13:20,266 - [crying] - Well, now that that is settled, 309 00:13:20,459 --> 00:13:22,979 we may commence with the competition. 310 00:13:22,980 --> 00:13:24,959 Two men enter, 311 00:13:26,064 --> 00:13:26,879 two men leave, 312 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,919 but one man will feel a little bad about himself 313 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,674 and be less impressive to the opposite sex. 314 00:13:34,699 --> 00:13:36,960 So, without further ado, 315 00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:40,678 one, two, three, 316 00:13:40,703 --> 00:13:43,859 - Amish-Off! - Yeah! 317 00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:46,009 Elijah, Elijah, Elijah! 318 00:13:46,010 --> 00:13:47,829 Elijah! 319 00:13:47,830 --> 00:13:48,949 Go! 320 00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:49,969 Come on! 321 00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:51,498 Put your body weight into it. 322 00:13:51,523 --> 00:13:53,949 323 00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:56,009 - Kill him! - Time's up. 324 00:13:56,010 --> 00:13:57,869 - [groans] - Unh! 325 00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:58,959 Whoo! 326 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,840 [wrench clangs] 327 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:04,999 Time's up. 328 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,970 329 00:14:12,930 --> 00:14:13,968 Go! 330 00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,840 How hard is it to peel a potato, man? 331 00:14:19,930 --> 00:14:20,999 Noink. 332 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,919 Come on! 333 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,940 - Come on, peel. - Time's up. 334 00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:28,919 [applause] 335 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:32,859 [flute whistling] 336 00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:35,000 [buzzing] 337 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:39,979 - Hey. - You know that 338 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,839 Jebediah Klopfenstein you were asking me about? 339 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,859 - Yeah. - Well, turns out 340 00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:45,899 Jebediah Klopfenstein's not even his real name. 341 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:48,879 His real name is Jedediah Klopfenstein. 342 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,537 I didn't hear any difference there, so... 343 00:14:50,538 --> 00:14:53,413 Jedediah. There's a "D" in there. 344 00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:55,404 He created this alias so he can throw his "D" 345 00:14:55,405 --> 00:14:56,978 all over the Amish community. 346 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,787 Yes, Clyde! You just cracked the whole case wide open, man. 347 00:14:59,788 --> 00:15:00,958 Text me everything you have on him. 348 00:15:00,959 --> 00:15:02,058 Will do. 349 00:15:02,060 --> 00:15:05,049 So, uh, on another note, how is the party going? 350 00:15:05,050 --> 00:15:07,885 Uh, I assume by that you mean how's your chocolate fountain? 351 00:15:07,886 --> 00:15:09,172 Indeed, I do. 352 00:15:09,173 --> 00:15:11,142 - Still flowing. - Uh, yes. 353 00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,735 I knew it would be, Clyde. I just... I knew it would be. 354 00:15:13,736 --> 00:15:15,665 Okay, bye. 355 00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:16,785 [phone chimes] 356 00:15:16,786 --> 00:15:19,765 Something else is flowing right here. 357 00:15:19,766 --> 00:15:21,736 358 00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:26,835 Dude, dude, what are you doing? 359 00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:28,835 This is my wife. 360 00:15:28,836 --> 00:15:31,735 - Cool. - No, no, no, no, no, no. 361 00:15:31,736 --> 00:15:32,855 Could you go away from us, please? 362 00:15:32,856 --> 00:15:34,685 All right. Geez, sorry. 363 00:15:34,686 --> 00:15:36,735 I thought the avalanche was starting. 364 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,706 365 00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:41,896 [camera clicks] 366 00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:45,685 367 00:15:45,686 --> 00:15:47,775 [grunting] 368 00:15:48,252 --> 00:15:49,341 Time's up. 369 00:15:49,603 --> 00:15:51,573 Ah, fuck it! 370 00:15:53,309 --> 00:15:56,178 - You win. - Whoo! 371 00:15:56,203 --> 00:15:58,262 Yeah! [laughs] 372 00:15:58,263 --> 00:16:00,333 - Ooh! - Ooh! [laughs] 373 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,202 You're so crazy! 374 00:16:05,203 --> 00:16:06,382 - [phone buzzing] - Hey 375 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,272 You don't want none of that, none of that 376 00:16:08,273 --> 00:16:09,352 Hey, you don't want none of that 377 00:16:09,353 --> 00:16:11,051 What is that sound? 378 00:16:11,052 --> 00:16:12,991 I, uh, haven't a clue. 379 00:16:12,992 --> 00:16:14,051 Appears to be coming 380 00:16:14,052 --> 00:16:15,440 - from your pocket. - Hannah! 381 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,665 - [gasps] - That's not mine! 382 00:16:17,666 --> 00:16:18,805 Oh, no? 383 00:16:18,806 --> 00:16:21,675 384 00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:23,221 - [snaps] - Oh, shit! 385 00:16:23,246 --> 00:16:24,345 I just popped my suspenders. 386 00:16:24,464 --> 00:16:26,304 [groans] That's funny... 387 00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:29,352 because I just dialed the number 388 00:16:29,353 --> 00:16:31,986 of one Jedediah Klopfenstein. 389 00:16:31,987 --> 00:16:33,269 - Bam! - See, that's not me. 390 00:16:33,270 --> 00:16:34,713 That's got a "D" in it. 391 00:16:34,714 --> 00:16:36,733 Yeah, well, the "D" is in your mouth now, buddy. 392 00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,683 The jig is up. 393 00:16:38,684 --> 00:16:39,863 That's right, everybody. 394 00:16:40,224 --> 00:16:42,193 I'm not West Coast Amish. 395 00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:43,712 - I'm also not retarded. - [gasps] 396 00:16:43,714 --> 00:16:44,813 I wanted to clear that up earlier, 397 00:16:44,814 --> 00:16:46,099 but I wanted to find the right time. 398 00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,470 I'm just a regular guy who talks to ghosts 399 00:16:48,471 --> 00:16:51,370 who happens to have just saved the purity of your bloodline. 400 00:16:51,371 --> 00:16:54,350 Uh, wait. You talk to ghosts? 401 00:16:54,351 --> 00:16:56,240 Yeah, that's not important. 402 00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:57,400 It's... shit. It's a force of habit. 403 00:16:57,377 --> 00:16:58,608 I'm sorry. I'm always explaining that shit. 404 00:16:58,609 --> 00:16:59,738 Just forget about that part. All you need to know 405 00:16:59,739 --> 00:17:02,568 is that with my technological savvy 406 00:17:02,569 --> 00:17:04,538 and Elijah's bravery, 407 00:17:04,539 --> 00:17:07,333 we just saved sweet Hannah 408 00:17:07,358 --> 00:17:09,775 from this despicable piece-of-shit predator. 409 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,789 Noink. This yuck-mouthed, dancing, 410 00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:14,013 douchebag imposter 411 00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:17,049 goes all across the country infiltrating Amish communities, 412 00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:19,229 tricking girl after girl 413 00:17:19,230 --> 00:17:23,129 after girl after girl. 414 00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:25,872 Holy shit, how many hot Amish girls are there? 415 00:17:25,873 --> 00:17:27,871 You bang all these chicks? 416 00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:29,496 - Should I become Amish? - Pac! 417 00:17:29,497 --> 00:17:31,526 Huh? Yeah, look. Here, see for yourself. 418 00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:33,706 - Unh! - Ooh... 419 00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:36,566 ew! 420 00:17:37,344 --> 00:17:38,494 Take him away. 421 00:17:39,778 --> 00:17:42,706 - [grunts] - Gently, of course. 422 00:17:43,016 --> 00:17:45,085 We don't believe in violence. 423 00:17:45,086 --> 00:17:46,956 [phone beeps] 424 00:17:51,147 --> 00:17:54,006 So, um, 425 00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:55,976 would you get a cider with me? 426 00:17:55,977 --> 00:17:58,067 I thought you'd never ask. 427 00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:02,086 [groans] 428 00:18:02,087 --> 00:18:04,016 - Thank you... - Hey. 429 00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:06,036 - For your help, Pac. - Yeah, don't worry about it. 430 00:18:06,037 --> 00:18:08,947 - You can just... you can go. - Yeah, yeah, will do. 431 00:18:12,947 --> 00:18:14,096 What's going on? What... why are you still here? 432 00:18:14,097 --> 00:18:16,056 - Just leave already! - I don't know. 433 00:18:16,057 --> 00:18:19,429 - Something's wrong. - Elijah and Hannah 434 00:18:19,541 --> 00:18:20,692 have stolen a carriage! 435 00:18:20,693 --> 00:18:22,672 Oh, shit. I know exactly where they're going. 436 00:18:23,044 --> 00:18:24,461 - Vegas. - What? 437 00:18:24,462 --> 00:18:27,002 They asked if the horse had enough hay in him 438 00:18:27,003 --> 00:18:28,615 to make it to Manhattan! 439 00:18:28,616 --> 00:18:30,695 Well, that was my next guess. 440 00:18:30,696 --> 00:18:31,755 441 00:18:31,756 --> 00:18:33,606 Hey, ladies. 442 00:18:35,776 --> 00:18:39,755 - Hey, handsome head. - Hello. 443 00:18:39,756 --> 00:18:43,625 You wanna find a bedroom with me? 444 00:18:43,626 --> 00:18:44,755 - Interesting. - Mm. 445 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:46,785 For one-on-one sex? 446 00:18:46,786 --> 00:18:48,685 - Yeah. - How old-fashioned. 447 00:18:48,686 --> 00:18:50,755 Whoa! Um, I'm not complaining, 448 00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:52,595 but that was a little violent. 449 00:18:52,596 --> 00:18:54,665 450 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,595 Oh. 451 00:18:56,596 --> 00:18:58,615 You're making me your little prisoner, huh? 452 00:18:58,616 --> 00:18:59,755 - Mm-hmm. - I like that. 453 00:18:59,756 --> 00:19:02,635 Waterboard me. Just kidding. 454 00:19:02,636 --> 00:19:04,745 - Seriously, don't waterboard me. - Okay. 455 00:19:04,746 --> 00:19:07,575 [moans] 456 00:19:07,576 --> 00:19:08,665 Don't stop. I really like this. 457 00:19:08,666 --> 00:19:10,735 I really do. 458 00:19:11,132 --> 00:19:14,081 - [retches] - What the fuck?! Oh, fuck! 459 00:19:14,456 --> 00:19:15,692 Fuck, I can't even see! 460 00:19:16,011 --> 00:19:18,246 I mean, I guess I can. I just... I don't wanna open my eyes! 461 00:19:18,371 --> 00:19:19,431 [whines] Fuck. 462 00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,576 Okay. Wait, a little more. 463 00:19:25,225 --> 00:19:26,611 - [clears throat] - Dude, I'm fucking 464 00:19:26,612 --> 00:19:27,986 handling this, okay? 465 00:19:28,129 --> 00:19:29,217 You gotta vanish. 466 00:19:29,218 --> 00:19:30,267 My new friend can't see you here. 467 00:19:30,268 --> 00:19:32,157 - Get out. Get out of here. - Aw! 468 00:19:32,158 --> 00:19:34,237 - All right, fine! - [people cheering] 469 00:19:34,238 --> 00:19:37,247 Dude! Dude, what the hell? 470 00:19:37,248 --> 00:19:39,297 You got what you wanted. You got the dream girl, right? 471 00:19:39,298 --> 00:19:41,277 You got high standing in your fucking community or whatever. 472 00:19:41,278 --> 00:19:43,147 What... what are you doing here? 473 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,247 - Dude, this was all her. - Oh, it was all her? 474 00:19:45,248 --> 00:19:47,107 You expect me to believe that shit? 475 00:19:47,108 --> 00:19:49,157 [coughing] 476 00:19:49,158 --> 00:19:52,237 When Elijah told me of the wonders he saw in the world, 477 00:19:52,238 --> 00:19:55,277 I realized I can't settle down without experiencing Rumspringa. 478 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,177 - Ugh. - I don't want her 479 00:19:57,178 --> 00:19:59,117 to have any regrets after we're married. 480 00:19:59,118 --> 00:20:01,117 So you brought her here? Dude, this is where regrets come 481 00:20:01,118 --> 00:20:02,287 to get fucking pregnant, okay? 482 00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:04,277 You gotta hit that blunt once or twice, 483 00:20:04,278 --> 00:20:05,862 take her home, get out of here. 484 00:20:05,863 --> 00:20:07,802 - No, we're going home. - Good. Fucking great. 485 00:20:07,804 --> 00:20:08,983 - Go now. - As soon as we experience 486 00:20:08,984 --> 00:20:10,873 the life-altering event 487 00:20:10,874 --> 00:20:12,813 that everyone around here keeps talking about 488 00:20:12,814 --> 00:20:15,903 called, um, Danny's Poker Orgy. 489 00:20:15,904 --> 00:20:17,793 Oh, God, I hate that idea so hard. 490 00:20:17,794 --> 00:20:18,963 - Sounds exciting! - No, Elijah, Elijah, Elijah. 491 00:20:18,964 --> 00:20:20,873 No. Come on, man, you can't be cool with this! 492 00:20:20,874 --> 00:20:22,023 Dude, I'm sorry, Pac. I... 493 00:20:22,024 --> 00:20:25,863 I think we'll look back on this someday and laugh. 494 00:20:25,864 --> 00:20:27,953 - I don't think so. - Pac, no! Stop them! 495 00:20:27,954 --> 00:20:29,933 I'm trying! They're so horny 496 00:20:29,934 --> 00:20:31,823 - and young. - [squirting] 497 00:20:31,824 --> 00:20:33,924 - Nice shot, Josh! - [laughing] 498 00:20:37,014 --> 00:20:38,983 - You ready to go home? - Yep. 499 00:20:38,984 --> 00:20:40,833 - Okay. - Good choice, good choice. 500 00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:43,132 - Yeah, yeah. Skedaddle. - Come, Hannah. 501 00:20:43,884 --> 00:20:44,949 Okay! 502 00:20:45,815 --> 00:20:47,367 There. Well, looks like your son 503 00:20:47,368 --> 00:20:49,397 is officially done with his Rimjobba. 504 00:20:49,398 --> 00:20:52,317 I wanna thank you for all your help today, Pac. 505 00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:55,317 You know, I hope you learned something today 506 00:20:55,318 --> 00:20:57,267 about the Amish people. 507 00:20:57,268 --> 00:20:59,267 We're not just ring bologna... 508 00:20:59,268 --> 00:21:00,367 Oh, my God, shut your face! Shut up your face 509 00:21:00,368 --> 00:21:02,307 and just fucking leave already, okay? 510 00:21:02,308 --> 00:21:03,893 I didn't learn anything. I never do. 511 00:21:03,894 --> 00:21:06,042 I just wanted to try the goddamn chocolate fountain! 512 00:21:06,043 --> 00:21:07,686 Hey, anybody got 513 00:21:07,687 --> 00:21:09,656 a larger-than-an-eight-gauge butt plug? 514 00:21:10,389 --> 00:21:13,608 Oh, I can't wait to get out of this den of iniquity! 515 00:21:13,609 --> 00:21:16,549 [gasps] Oh! 516 00:21:21,479 --> 00:21:23,389 [electricity buzzing] 517 00:21:27,449 --> 00:21:29,488 It's what I do. 518 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:31,408 Thank you. 519 00:21:31,409 --> 00:21:33,618 Ah, fuck! 520 00:21:33,619 --> 00:21:35,568 - [sighs] - Hey, guy! 521 00:21:35,569 --> 00:21:37,588 Let's keep the fountain for another hour 522 00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:39,558 for my brother. 523 00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:41,508 [giggles] 524 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:43,419 [slurping] 525 00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:48,951 Now, this is the room where the magic happens. 526 00:21:48,976 --> 00:21:50,155 But when I'm not doing card tricks, 527 00:21:50,180 --> 00:21:52,129 I like to have orgies in here. 528 00:21:52,559 --> 00:21:53,893 - Oh, hello, ladies. - Oh. 529 00:21:53,894 --> 00:21:55,783 Toss me a towel. Should be fun. 530 00:21:55,784 --> 00:21:56,913 You know what? Let's, uh... 531 00:21:56,914 --> 00:21:59,058 let's use the backup orgy room, all right? 532 00:21:59,059 --> 00:22:01,712 Come back, come back, come back, come back! 533 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,729 It's really not as bad as it looks, I promise. 534 00:22:03,730 --> 00:22:06,116 - Avalanche. - Fuck you! 535 00:22:06,870 --> 00:22:08,930 536 00:22:14,780 --> 00:22:15,920 Amish Style! 537 00:22:20,461 --> 00:22:25,444 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 538 00:22:25,494 --> 00:22:30,044 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37689

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