Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,710 --> 00:00:10,780
La, la, la, la, la
2
00:00:10,780 --> 00:00:12,615
3
00:00:12,615 --> 00:00:13,916
(coughing)
4
00:00:13,916 --> 00:00:14,784
Kevin!
5
00:00:14,784 --> 00:00:17,286
What are you doing?
6
00:00:17,286 --> 00:00:19,088
Smoking the weed
7
00:00:19,088 --> 00:00:21,190
that I found hanging over the door.
8
00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:22,892
That's mistletoe, silly!
9
00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:25,694
Oh God, well, whatever
this strain is called,
10
00:00:25,694 --> 00:00:28,898
it's uh... it's pretty weak!
11
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:29,765
I mean, it's getting me there,
12
00:00:29,765 --> 00:00:31,033
halfway there.
13
00:00:31,033 --> 00:00:33,002
So my friend Millie invited us to
14
00:00:33,002 --> 00:00:34,870
a little Christmas Eve party tonight.
15
00:00:34,870 --> 00:00:35,938
Uh, Millie?
16
00:00:35,938 --> 00:00:37,206
Yeah. My friend who died
17
00:00:37,206 --> 00:00:38,808
in the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire.
18
00:00:38,808 --> 00:00:40,342
She died on her period.
19
00:00:40,342 --> 00:00:41,911
- I've told you about her!
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
20
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:43,145
I remember who she is. Yeah, she's great.
21
00:00:43,145 --> 00:00:44,947
I just... I don't know, Sue.
22
00:00:44,947 --> 00:00:46,849
Like a ghost party?
23
00:00:46,849 --> 00:00:49,051
I, like, I deal with
ghosts all day every day.
24
00:00:49,051 --> 00:00:50,286
The last thing I want to do is hang out
25
00:00:50,286 --> 00:00:53,089
with them off the clock.
26
00:00:53,089 --> 00:00:54,690
Wow.
27
00:00:54,690 --> 00:00:55,991
- I didn't...
- You know what?
28
00:00:55,991 --> 00:00:57,860
Don't bother coming to the party.
29
00:00:57,860 --> 00:00:59,228
You're off the clock.
30
00:00:59,228 --> 00:01:00,763
Merry Christmas.
31
00:01:00,763 --> 00:01:01,864
Come on, Sue.
32
00:01:01,864 --> 00:01:03,532
I don't... Ugh.
33
00:01:03,532 --> 00:01:05,701
It's the mistletoe talking!
34
00:01:05,701 --> 00:01:07,636
35
00:01:07,636 --> 00:01:09,238
Well, at least I have you.
36
00:01:09,238 --> 00:01:12,241
Fuck you, dude.
37
00:01:12,241 --> 00:01:13,075
What?
38
00:01:13,075 --> 00:01:14,143
(phone ringing)
39
00:01:14,143 --> 00:01:15,311
Yo, this is Tyson.
40
00:01:15,311 --> 00:01:16,212
Leave a message.
41
00:01:16,212 --> 00:01:17,146
For real!
42
00:01:17,146 --> 00:01:19,148
Hey! Hey playa!
43
00:01:19,148 --> 00:01:22,017
Uh... hey Tyson. It's Pac.
44
00:01:22,017 --> 00:01:24,153
I'm, uh... I'm just looking
45
00:01:24,153 --> 00:01:25,688
to score some drugs, you know?
46
00:01:25,688 --> 00:01:27,056
Like, maybe some drugs that can help
47
00:01:27,056 --> 00:01:29,725
with emotion sickness?
48
00:01:29,725 --> 00:01:31,994
Actually, just any drugs will do.
49
00:01:31,994 --> 00:01:34,697
I can't pay you in cash,
little bit strapped,
50
00:01:34,697 --> 00:01:37,199
but maybe I can pay you
in, like, admiration?
51
00:01:37,199 --> 00:01:39,969
Or uh, maybe I have some frozen pizzas?
52
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:41,637
You like frozen pizzas, don't you?
53
00:01:41,637 --> 00:01:44,173
54
00:01:44,173 --> 00:01:45,007
Never mind.
55
00:01:45,007 --> 00:01:46,142
Oh yeah
56
00:01:46,142 --> 00:01:50,142
57
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,915
Oh yeah
58
00:01:53,716 --> 00:01:57,716
59
00:02:02,925 --> 00:02:04,927
(screaming)
60
00:02:04,927 --> 00:02:08,927
61
00:02:26,081 --> 00:02:29,652
62
00:02:29,652 --> 00:02:33,322
Daddy's drinkin' up our Christmas
63
00:02:33,322 --> 00:02:37,322
Gonna be some hard
times this year
64
00:02:37,726 --> 00:02:41,730
No tree or stockings or presents
65
00:02:41,730 --> 00:02:46,168
Just bottles of Christmas cheer
66
00:02:46,168 --> 00:02:49,872
Daddy's drinkin' up our Christmas
67
00:02:49,872 --> 00:02:53,509
Don't know what's
gonna become of him
68
00:02:53,509 --> 00:02:54,510
69
00:02:54,510 --> 00:02:56,045
(loud bang)
70
00:02:56,045 --> 00:03:00,045
71
00:03:18,267 --> 00:03:20,069
(sleigh bells ringing)
72
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,637
Holy shit.
73
00:03:21,637 --> 00:03:22,638
Santa?
74
00:03:22,638 --> 00:03:25,241
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
75
00:03:25,241 --> 00:03:27,610
76
00:03:27,610 --> 00:03:28,611
Boo!
77
00:03:28,611 --> 00:03:30,546
Yo, yo, yo! Merry Christmas!
78
00:03:30,546 --> 00:03:32,581
- Merry Christmas.
- Where's your dude?
79
00:03:32,581 --> 00:03:34,049
Oh, um. He couldn't make it.
80
00:03:34,049 --> 00:03:36,151
Ah, well, his loss. This party is gonna be
81
00:03:36,151 --> 00:03:37,620
off the motherfucking chain!
82
00:03:37,620 --> 00:03:38,988
- Really?
- Yeah!
83
00:03:38,988 --> 00:03:40,155
Okay, so the girl who died here yesterday,
84
00:03:40,155 --> 00:03:41,523
the one whose party it is?
85
00:03:41,523 --> 00:03:43,058
She is pretty rad.
86
00:03:43,058 --> 00:03:45,794
And my pilgrim buddy Chaz is coming,
87
00:03:45,794 --> 00:03:47,263
and this chick who died on 9/11
88
00:03:47,263 --> 00:03:48,564
who is hilarious.
89
00:03:48,564 --> 00:03:49,598
You're gonna love her.
90
00:03:49,598 --> 00:03:51,200
- Nice!
- Oh, holy shit!
91
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,002
Did you hear about the food truck accident?
92
00:03:53,002 --> 00:03:54,169
What food truck accident?
93
00:03:54,169 --> 00:03:55,738
Oh my God. Let's just say
94
00:03:55,738 --> 00:03:58,574
that James McAvoy is a maybe.
95
00:03:58,574 --> 00:03:59,842
- What?
- Yeah!
96
00:03:59,842 --> 00:04:00,976
Oh my God. I'm dying.
97
00:04:00,976 --> 00:04:02,211
So is he!
98
00:04:02,211 --> 00:04:04,046
What's the matter, young man?
99
00:04:04,046 --> 00:04:06,849
Surprised to learn that Santa is a ghost?
100
00:04:06,849 --> 00:04:08,083
Uhh... quite frankly,
101
00:04:08,083 --> 00:04:09,551
I would be more surprised to learn
102
00:04:09,551 --> 00:04:10,552
that he was alive.
103
00:04:10,552 --> 00:04:12,021
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
104
00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:13,055
Good one!
105
00:04:13,055 --> 00:04:13,989
(chuckling)
106
00:04:13,989 --> 00:04:15,324
But it's the truth.
107
00:04:15,324 --> 00:04:19,061
I've been a ghost this entire time.
108
00:04:19,061 --> 00:04:22,064
Bull-fucking-shit.
109
00:04:22,064 --> 00:04:23,532
Ho-ho-ho!
110
00:04:23,532 --> 00:04:24,300
Language!
111
00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:26,235
Hey, fuck you, man.
112
00:04:26,235 --> 00:04:27,603
There is no Santa Claus.
113
00:04:27,603 --> 00:04:28,804
There never was, okay?
114
00:04:28,804 --> 00:04:29,838
And you wanna know how I know?
115
00:04:29,838 --> 00:04:32,107
I'll tell ya!
116
00:04:32,107 --> 00:04:33,108
I was a little boy in the orphanage
117
00:04:33,108 --> 00:04:34,043
and the older kids told me
118
00:04:34,043 --> 00:04:35,711
that if I was really good,
119
00:04:35,711 --> 00:04:38,247
I could ask Santa for
any present in the world.
120
00:04:38,247 --> 00:04:39,682
All I wanted was a candy bar
121
00:04:39,682 --> 00:04:41,917
called Spirit Chocolate Crunch.
122
00:04:41,917 --> 00:04:43,218
It had a little ghost
cartoon on the wrapper,
123
00:04:43,218 --> 00:04:45,287
which appealed to me as a child medium.
124
00:04:45,287 --> 00:04:46,855
It also had nougat and tasted like
125
00:04:46,855 --> 00:04:50,025
what I imagined parents smelled like.
126
00:04:50,025 --> 00:04:51,260
When I found my present,
127
00:04:51,260 --> 00:04:53,696
I was so happy I could have cried!
128
00:04:53,696 --> 00:04:54,730
I immediately shoved
129
00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:57,733
the whole thing into my mouth.
130
00:04:57,733 --> 00:05:00,602
Needless to say, it was not chocolate.
131
00:05:00,602 --> 00:05:02,037
But why did you eat it?
132
00:05:02,037 --> 00:05:03,839
Didn't you smell it first?
133
00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:05,708
I had a cold that day.
134
00:05:05,708 --> 00:05:06,742
But it was unwrapped.
135
00:05:06,742 --> 00:05:08,143
I know. I know! Okay?
136
00:05:08,143 --> 00:05:09,878
I know. Don't you think I know that?
137
00:05:09,878 --> 00:05:10,813
It doesn't matter. The point is,
138
00:05:10,813 --> 00:05:11,980
Santa failed me.
139
00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:13,148
Well, I'll go to the store
140
00:05:13,148 --> 00:05:14,283
and get you another candy bar.
141
00:05:14,283 --> 00:05:15,551
You can't! You can't
142
00:05:15,551 --> 00:05:16,685
because they discontinued
143
00:05:16,685 --> 00:05:18,120
Spirit Crunch 25 years ago!
144
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,288
Well then, I'll get you
a different candy bar!
145
00:05:19,288 --> 00:05:20,622
I don't want another one!
146
00:05:20,622 --> 00:05:21,790
I want that one.
147
00:05:21,790 --> 00:05:22,991
All right! Fine!
148
00:05:22,991 --> 00:05:25,894
Fine, fine! Just stop already.
149
00:05:25,894 --> 00:05:27,763
Jeez.
150
00:05:29,732 --> 00:05:31,734
I'm not actually Santa.
151
00:05:31,734 --> 00:05:33,302
My name is Gary, Gary Poquette.
152
00:05:33,302 --> 00:05:34,970
I'm just a regular guy
153
00:05:34,970 --> 00:05:36,238
who used to dress up as Santa
154
00:05:36,238 --> 00:05:37,873
every December at the Fairfield Mall.
155
00:05:37,873 --> 00:05:39,308
There. Now, you happy?
156
00:05:39,308 --> 00:05:40,943
No, actually, I'm a little more sad.
157
00:05:40,943 --> 00:05:42,611
But that's why I'm here.
158
00:05:42,611 --> 00:05:45,647
'Cause I want you to deliver that present.
159
00:05:45,647 --> 00:05:48,684
Yeah... I'm not gonna do that.
160
00:05:48,684 --> 00:05:51,687
Oh, I think you will
if you ever want to see
161
00:05:51,687 --> 00:05:53,956
your precious weed again.
162
00:05:53,956 --> 00:05:55,824
My heartache medicine!
163
00:05:55,824 --> 00:05:57,092
No!
164
00:05:58,627 --> 00:05:59,862
Ahhh!
165
00:05:59,862 --> 00:06:02,064
166
00:06:02,064 --> 00:06:05,100
No!
167
00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:11,150
168
00:06:28,877 --> 00:06:30,713
Herro?
169
00:06:30,713 --> 00:06:34,713
170
00:06:55,838 --> 00:06:57,039
Oh.
171
00:06:57,039 --> 00:06:58,073
Oh, that's so fucking good.
172
00:06:58,073 --> 00:06:59,375
(loud bang)
173
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:02,378
174
00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:03,812
Huh... hi?
175
00:07:03,812 --> 00:07:05,114
Can we help you, bro?
176
00:07:05,114 --> 00:07:06,015
What... what is this?
177
00:07:06,015 --> 00:07:07,082
What are you guys?
178
00:07:07,082 --> 00:07:08,751
We're a brotherhood.
179
00:07:08,751 --> 00:07:10,352
A brotherhood of Santas.
180
00:07:10,352 --> 00:07:11,854
A Santahood, if you will.
181
00:07:11,854 --> 00:07:13,622
I most certainly will not.
182
00:07:13,622 --> 00:07:16,358
Hey, take it easy, guy.
183
00:07:16,358 --> 00:07:19,461
This is a safe place, a secret society
184
00:07:19,461 --> 00:07:22,464
where Santa enthusiasts can gather.
185
00:07:22,464 --> 00:07:24,900
What the fuck is a Santa enthusiast?
186
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,402
We're just regular bros
187
00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:27,670
who dig dressing up as Santa Claus
188
00:07:27,670 --> 00:07:29,738
for various Santa-centric holidays
189
00:07:29,738 --> 00:07:30,739
throughout the year.
190
00:07:30,739 --> 00:07:33,509
Uh, like Christmas?
191
00:07:33,509 --> 00:07:36,812
Uh, yeah, that's definitely one example.
192
00:07:36,812 --> 00:07:39,081
All right, hey bros, I... I just
193
00:07:39,081 --> 00:07:41,383
wanna drop off a present,
maybe finish the milk...
194
00:07:41,383 --> 00:07:42,751
Whoa, whoa, sorry, bro.
195
00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:44,787
You can't leave presents here.
196
00:07:44,787 --> 00:07:46,121
Brothers only.
197
00:07:46,121 --> 00:07:48,023
Okay. All right, well, you know, I'm in.
198
00:07:48,023 --> 00:07:49,491
Hey, how do I become a brother?
199
00:07:49,491 --> 00:07:51,460
Newsflash, brah.
200
00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:53,796
You can't just choose to be a member
201
00:07:53,796 --> 00:07:57,366
of Sigma Alpha Nu Tau Alpha.
202
00:07:57,366 --> 00:07:59,101
Yeah, dawg! You gotta get initiated.
203
00:07:59,101 --> 00:08:02,738
Okay, dawgs! So initiate me.
204
00:08:02,738 --> 00:08:05,374
All right, bitch.
205
00:08:05,374 --> 00:08:07,409
Welcome to pledge.
206
00:08:07,409 --> 00:08:08,610
(knuckles cracking)
207
00:08:08,610 --> 00:08:10,112
208
00:08:10,112 --> 00:08:11,380
Oh boy.
209
00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:12,581
(laughter)
210
00:08:12,581 --> 00:08:14,783
211
00:08:14,783 --> 00:08:16,785
Thank you so much for inviting me, Millie.
212
00:08:16,785 --> 00:08:18,520
I'm having such a good time.
213
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:19,788
Yay! I knew you would.
214
00:08:19,788 --> 00:08:21,690
- Good peeps, right?
- Yeah!
215
00:08:21,690 --> 00:08:23,158
Truth or dare, bitches!
216
00:08:23,158 --> 00:08:25,527
Let's get this shit started.
217
00:08:25,527 --> 00:08:26,895
Oh my God, Sue.
218
00:08:26,895 --> 00:08:28,364
Have you played truth or dare as a ghost?
219
00:08:28,364 --> 00:08:30,032
How is it different than
regular Truth or Dare?
220
00:08:30,032 --> 00:08:32,468
Uh, remember the anonymous phone call
221
00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,702
that led to Watergate?
222
00:08:33,702 --> 00:08:35,337
- Yeah.
- Ghost dare.
223
00:08:35,337 --> 00:08:37,072
- What?!
- Yeah, I know!
224
00:08:37,072 --> 00:08:38,674
You have to play!
225
00:08:38,674 --> 00:08:39,742
Okay?
226
00:08:39,742 --> 00:08:43,742
227
00:08:45,681 --> 00:08:46,915
Hi.
228
00:08:46,915 --> 00:08:48,717
Fuck you!
229
00:08:48,717 --> 00:08:50,386
Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you
230
00:08:50,386 --> 00:08:52,121
about the fraternity. I
just didn't have time...
231
00:08:52,121 --> 00:08:54,890
I had to get that present
delivered by tonight.
232
00:08:54,890 --> 00:08:56,024
What are you talking about?
233
00:08:56,024 --> 00:08:57,092
Oh, they're not gonna like that.
234
00:08:57,092 --> 00:08:57,960
- Gary!
- All right!
235
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,595
Look, before I died,
236
00:08:59,595 --> 00:09:01,964
I was a member of this
Secret Santa Society,
237
00:09:01,964 --> 00:09:03,065
until one of my brothers
238
00:09:03,065 --> 00:09:04,666
stabbed me in the back.
239
00:09:04,666 --> 00:09:05,868
Right in front of my face.
240
00:09:05,868 --> 00:09:06,935
All right. What happened?
241
00:09:06,935 --> 00:09:08,103
Well, it was last year's
242
00:09:08,103 --> 00:09:09,705
Secret Santa Gift Exchange,
243
00:09:09,705 --> 00:09:11,707
and everything was going really well
244
00:09:11,707 --> 00:09:14,977
until Santa Juan opened his gift.
245
00:09:14,977 --> 00:09:17,379
- What was it?
- It was the vagina wallet
246
00:09:17,379 --> 00:09:19,915
I had given Bill the year before!
247
00:09:19,915 --> 00:09:21,450
The vagina wallet?
248
00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:22,818
Yeah, I found it on Etsy?
249
00:09:22,818 --> 00:09:23,919
Looks like a vagina; it opens...
250
00:09:23,919 --> 00:09:25,454
Hey, that's not the point!
251
00:09:25,454 --> 00:09:27,689
The point is that Bill regifted my gift.
252
00:09:27,689 --> 00:09:29,825
Do you have any idea what
that means to a Santa?
253
00:09:29,825 --> 00:09:31,727
It is the ultimate slap in the face.
254
00:09:31,727 --> 00:09:33,529
Who the hell are you talking to, Neophyte?
255
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:34,763
Oh well.
256
00:09:34,763 --> 00:09:37,766
There's the fat, four-eyed fuck now.
257
00:09:37,766 --> 00:09:39,735
No one.
258
00:09:39,735 --> 00:09:42,538
Let's get one thing straight, grinchface.
259
00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:44,840
We do not need you.
260
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,576
You need us!
261
00:09:47,576 --> 00:09:48,610
And you're gonna demonstrate
262
00:09:48,610 --> 00:09:49,912
how much you need us
263
00:09:49,912 --> 00:09:52,347
by going through a series of tasks,
264
00:09:52,347 --> 00:09:54,349
each designed to push you
265
00:09:54,349 --> 00:09:55,951
to your physical, mental,
266
00:09:55,951 --> 00:09:57,986
and holiday spiritual limits.
267
00:09:57,986 --> 00:09:59,655
Do I make myself clear?
268
00:09:59,655 --> 00:10:00,956
Sure, yeah, sure!
269
00:10:00,956 --> 00:10:04,593
270
00:10:04,593 --> 00:10:05,961
Nog me!
271
00:10:05,961 --> 00:10:09,961
272
00:10:19,908 --> 00:10:22,744
Let's do this shit.
273
00:10:22,744 --> 00:10:23,979
(sighs)
274
00:10:23,979 --> 00:10:27,979
275
00:10:32,855 --> 00:10:36,855
Hey baby, I'm comin'
down your chimney tonight
276
00:10:37,392 --> 00:10:38,393
277
00:10:38,393 --> 00:10:40,329
So get it right
278
00:10:40,329 --> 00:10:41,430
279
00:10:41,430 --> 00:10:43,332
Don't want no milk or cookies
280
00:10:43,332 --> 00:10:47,069
'cause I just wanna
love you out of sight
281
00:10:47,069 --> 00:10:48,036
(yelling)
282
00:10:48,036 --> 00:10:49,872
All night
283
00:10:49,872 --> 00:10:51,673
Naughty.
284
00:10:51,673 --> 00:10:53,542
Nice.
285
00:10:53,542 --> 00:10:54,476
Naughty.
286
00:10:54,476 --> 00:10:56,845
(all yelling "Ehh!")
287
00:10:56,845 --> 00:10:58,380
(groaning in pain)
288
00:10:58,380 --> 00:10:59,781
Aw, yes
289
00:10:59,781 --> 00:11:03,118
Santa's gonna give you his love
290
00:11:03,118 --> 00:11:06,855
What more can I say?
291
00:11:06,855 --> 00:11:09,157
Awanata, truth or dare?
292
00:11:09,157 --> 00:11:10,459
Okay...
293
00:11:10,459 --> 00:11:11,927
- Dare.
- Okay.
294
00:11:11,927 --> 00:11:13,629
When James McAvoy gets here...
295
00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:15,464
Oh, you guys didn't hear?
296
00:11:15,464 --> 00:11:17,099
Oh, McAvoy pulled through.
297
00:11:17,099 --> 00:11:18,934
- Oh no!
- Awww.
298
00:11:18,934 --> 00:11:22,437
Okay, um, okay, then I dare you
299
00:11:22,437 --> 00:11:23,505
to go in the corner
300
00:11:23,505 --> 00:11:25,474
and kiss that weird guy.
301
00:11:26,808 --> 00:11:28,844
Me?
302
00:11:28,844 --> 00:11:30,445
No, wait, truth!
303
00:11:30,445 --> 00:11:31,813
- No!
- No backsies!
304
00:11:31,813 --> 00:11:36,051
- No backsies!
- Awww. Fine.
305
00:11:36,051 --> 00:11:37,786
Up the pole, down the pole
306
00:11:37,786 --> 00:11:39,454
Astroglide, any hole
307
00:11:39,454 --> 00:11:41,857
(all groaning, laughing)
308
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,762
Ay, Chihuahua.
309
00:11:46,762 --> 00:11:47,996
Hey Scrooge Nuts?
310
00:11:47,996 --> 00:11:49,898
You really think we're gonna let you in?
311
00:11:49,898 --> 00:11:51,667
You're freaking worthless.
312
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,635
You're more worthless than Rudolph
313
00:11:53,635 --> 00:11:57,635
before they realized
what his nose could do!
314
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,475
You're doing great, by the way.
315
00:12:00,475 --> 00:12:02,544
Keep it up, bro.
316
00:12:04,613 --> 00:12:06,014
Now sing, you son of a bitch!
317
00:12:06,014 --> 00:12:07,449
Sing!
318
00:12:07,449 --> 00:12:09,885
Silent night
319
00:12:09,885 --> 00:12:12,821
Ow! Fuckin'
Holy...
320
00:12:12,821 --> 00:12:15,357
Oh!
... Night
321
00:12:15,357 --> 00:12:17,025
All is calm...
322
00:12:17,025 --> 00:12:18,126
Oh!
323
00:12:18,126 --> 00:12:21,496
All is bright
324
00:12:21,496 --> 00:12:23,599
(groaning in pain)
325
00:12:23,599 --> 00:12:24,866
He's ready!
326
00:12:28,837 --> 00:12:31,440
("Carol of the Bells" plays)
327
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,440
328
00:12:47,456 --> 00:12:49,057
The Santa Claus.
329
00:12:49,057 --> 00:12:53,057
(applause, cheering)
330
00:12:59,901 --> 00:13:00,902
USA!
331
00:13:00,902 --> 00:13:02,104
USA!
332
00:13:02,104 --> 00:13:03,538
USA!
333
00:13:03,538 --> 00:13:04,640
USA!
334
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,508
USA!
335
00:13:06,508 --> 00:13:07,743
Way to go, Pac!
336
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,544
We're in the home stretch.
337
00:13:09,544 --> 00:13:11,980
- Of what?
- My revenge on Bill?
338
00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:14,816
Oh yeah. Right. That.
339
00:13:14,816 --> 00:13:16,652
Do you think we still need to do that?
340
00:13:16,652 --> 00:13:17,953
I don't know, do you really want
341
00:13:17,953 --> 00:13:19,721
your heartbreak medicine back?
342
00:13:19,721 --> 00:13:21,123
(door opens)
343
00:13:21,123 --> 00:13:22,624
Come on, bro!
344
00:13:22,624 --> 00:13:24,393
I got a stocking with your name on it!
345
00:13:24,393 --> 00:13:26,495
That just says Santa.
346
00:13:26,495 --> 00:13:28,997
Well, I guess you're one of us now.
347
00:13:28,997 --> 00:13:30,999
(chuckling)
348
00:13:30,999 --> 00:13:33,769
349
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:36,738
Oh, fuck.
350
00:13:37,038 --> 00:13:42,579
Sue, is it true that you're dating a solid?
351
00:13:43,979 --> 00:13:45,280
Well, I mean, he's a medium,
352
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,715
so it's, like, not a big deal.
353
00:13:46,715 --> 00:13:48,984
Uh-huh. How's the sex?
354
00:13:48,984 --> 00:13:50,185
It's fine.
355
00:13:50,185 --> 00:13:51,419
Okay, do you use a condom?
356
00:13:51,419 --> 00:13:53,989
Or does he, like, jizz through you
357
00:13:53,989 --> 00:13:55,924
onto his own face?
358
00:13:55,924 --> 00:13:58,927
(giggling)
359
00:13:58,927 --> 00:14:00,395
Excuse me, um, I'm just gonna go
360
00:14:00,395 --> 00:14:02,163
freshen up my aura.
361
00:14:02,163 --> 00:14:06,163
362
00:14:07,068 --> 00:14:09,237
Welcome to Secret Santa, bitches.
363
00:14:09,237 --> 00:14:11,740
You all know how this thing works.
364
00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:15,276
Every gift under the tree
has one of our names on it,
365
00:14:15,276 --> 00:14:19,047
and that's it. That's how it works.
366
00:14:19,047 --> 00:14:23,318
All right, this gift is for...
367
00:14:23,318 --> 00:14:25,020
Santa Dylan!
368
00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:26,321
(laughing)
369
00:14:26,321 --> 00:14:27,422
All right!
370
00:14:27,422 --> 00:14:29,791
I wonder what it could be!
371
00:14:29,791 --> 00:14:32,394
372
00:14:32,394 --> 00:14:34,996
Is this some sort of fuckin' joke?
373
00:14:34,996 --> 00:14:37,098
(snickering)
374
00:14:37,098 --> 00:14:38,967
This gift is clearly over
375
00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:41,069
the ten dollar spending limit,
376
00:14:41,069 --> 00:14:44,339
a monumental violation of the rules!
377
00:14:44,339 --> 00:14:47,142
Who bought this present, yo? Who?
378
00:14:47,142 --> 00:14:48,176
That's it.
379
00:14:48,176 --> 00:14:49,077
I'm checking the list.
380
00:14:49,077 --> 00:14:51,379
Check it twice.
381
00:14:54,749 --> 00:14:57,285
- Bill.
- What?
382
00:14:57,285 --> 00:14:59,187
I didn't buy that present.
383
00:14:59,187 --> 00:15:01,122
It's your name, dawg.
384
00:15:01,122 --> 00:15:02,257
(laughing)
385
00:15:02,257 --> 00:15:03,758
Suck it, Bill.
386
00:15:03,758 --> 00:15:05,427
See what life's like on the outside.
387
00:15:05,427 --> 00:15:07,429
You know what this means, Bill.
388
00:15:07,429 --> 00:15:08,897
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait!
389
00:15:08,897 --> 00:15:10,131
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
390
00:15:10,131 --> 00:15:12,267
What... what are you doing?
391
00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:15,870
I brought that gift.
392
00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:17,205
My brothers, I gotta tell you something...
393
00:15:17,205 --> 00:15:18,873
I'm a medium, and I'm here
394
00:15:18,873 --> 00:15:20,008
with the ghost of a former Santa
395
00:15:20,008 --> 00:15:21,876
named Gary Poquette. Okay?
396
00:15:21,876 --> 00:15:23,144
He's the one who made me bring that present
397
00:15:23,144 --> 00:15:25,313
to bring down Santa Bill.
398
00:15:25,313 --> 00:15:27,949
Bring me down? Why?
399
00:15:27,949 --> 00:15:29,117
Because he's mad at you for regifting
400
00:15:29,117 --> 00:15:30,985
the vagina wallet he gave you.
401
00:15:30,985 --> 00:15:33,121
Hold up!
402
00:15:33,121 --> 00:15:34,956
This was a regift?
403
00:15:34,956 --> 00:15:36,324
Of course not!
404
00:15:36,324 --> 00:15:38,426
Wait, Gary thinks I regifted
405
00:15:38,426 --> 00:15:40,061
the vagina wallet?
406
00:15:40,061 --> 00:15:41,196
Yeah, bro.
407
00:15:41,196 --> 00:15:43,631
You mean this vagina wallet?
408
00:15:43,631 --> 00:15:44,199
(gasps)
409
00:15:44,199 --> 00:15:45,366
What the hell?
410
00:15:45,366 --> 00:15:48,269
I didn't regift anything.
411
00:15:48,269 --> 00:15:50,839
I love this present.
412
00:15:50,839 --> 00:15:52,240
Every time I open it up
413
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,908
and the little lady is staring up at me
414
00:15:53,908 --> 00:15:56,878
every time I buy a Power Bar!
415
00:15:56,878 --> 00:15:58,746
I just wanted to share that experience
416
00:15:58,746 --> 00:16:00,815
with my bro.
417
00:16:00,815 --> 00:16:02,750
I just wanted to be the guy who knew
418
00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:04,786
how to get the perfect present.
419
00:16:04,786 --> 00:16:05,954
When I thought that Santa Bill
420
00:16:05,954 --> 00:16:07,388
had regifted the vagina wallet,
421
00:16:07,388 --> 00:16:10,225
I began to question my
whole purpose in life.
422
00:16:10,225 --> 00:16:12,327
But now I'm finally free!
423
00:16:12,327 --> 00:16:15,296
Thank you for that gift, Pac.
424
00:16:15,296 --> 00:16:19,296
425
00:16:20,335 --> 00:16:23,004
(all gasping)
426
00:16:23,004 --> 00:16:27,004
427
00:16:27,775 --> 00:16:29,077
(gasps)
428
00:16:29,077 --> 00:16:33,077
429
00:16:40,855 --> 00:16:41,723
Hey.
430
00:16:41,723 --> 00:16:42,790
Hey.
431
00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:44,159
I'm so sorry about Sean.
432
00:16:44,159 --> 00:16:46,728
- He's an asshole.
- No, he's not.
433
00:16:46,728 --> 00:16:49,797
It's just... maybe
they're all right to laugh.
434
00:16:49,797 --> 00:16:51,766
I mean, a ghost dating a solid?
435
00:16:51,766 --> 00:16:53,168
It's stupid!
436
00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:54,702
How can I be in a relationship with someone
437
00:16:54,702 --> 00:16:56,037
if we're not even on the same plane
438
00:16:56,037 --> 00:16:57,939
of existence?
439
00:16:57,939 --> 00:16:59,107
I guess it all just depends
440
00:16:59,107 --> 00:17:01,876
what you're looking for.
441
00:17:01,876 --> 00:17:04,279
I just wanna date someone who I can feel
442
00:17:04,279 --> 00:17:07,248
without having to be
in someone else's body.
443
00:17:07,248 --> 00:17:09,684
You know?
444
00:17:09,684 --> 00:17:13,821
It's just been so long since I...
445
00:17:13,821 --> 00:17:16,291
- Since I've...
- Felt?
446
00:17:16,291 --> 00:17:20,291
447
00:17:24,641 --> 00:17:28,445
I... I... Millie, I...
448
00:17:28,445 --> 00:17:31,682
Sue, I really like you.
449
00:17:31,682 --> 00:17:33,684
I really like you, too.
450
00:17:33,684 --> 00:17:36,386
Truth or dare?
451
00:17:36,386 --> 00:17:37,654
Dare.
452
00:17:37,654 --> 00:17:40,524
I dare you to kiss me.
453
00:17:40,524 --> 00:17:43,360
I've never been with another ghost before.
454
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:47,764
455
00:17:47,764 --> 00:17:48,765
Sue?
456
00:17:48,765 --> 00:17:49,666
Sue?
457
00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:51,001
Sue?
458
00:17:51,001 --> 00:17:52,502
Kevin?
459
00:17:52,502 --> 00:17:54,304
Sue! Hey, Sue.
460
00:17:54,304 --> 00:17:55,806
I need to talk to you about tonight
461
00:17:55,806 --> 00:17:56,740
after you left.
462
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:59,576
The fuck are you doing?
463
00:17:59,576 --> 00:18:01,511
Oh shit, I didn't...
464
00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:02,646
I didn't realize this was gonna be
465
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:04,581
like a, like a whole thing.
466
00:18:04,581 --> 00:18:06,483
I would've prepared
something a little more,
467
00:18:06,483 --> 00:18:07,718
I don't know, rom-comy?
468
00:18:07,718 --> 00:18:10,320
Like, uh...
469
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,655
(vocalizing)
470
00:18:11,745 --> 00:18:12,779
No that's... that is stupid.
471
00:18:12,779 --> 00:18:14,081
That's a complete rip-off.
472
00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:15,749
- What do you want?
- Listen, listen Sue!
473
00:18:15,749 --> 00:18:17,551
Tonight after you left
474
00:18:17,551 --> 00:18:19,486
I met the ghost of Santa Claus.
475
00:18:19,486 --> 00:18:20,520
Not the real Santa Claus,
476
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,822
calm down.
477
00:18:21,822 --> 00:18:23,090
Just a mall Santa named Gary Poquette.
478
00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:24,658
But, but I went on this crazy journey
479
00:18:24,658 --> 00:18:26,526
where I, like, pledged a Santa fraternity,
480
00:18:26,526 --> 00:18:28,495
and I became part of, of a gift exchange,
481
00:18:28,495 --> 00:18:29,863
and I thought I was gonna,
like, learn something
482
00:18:29,863 --> 00:18:32,099
about brotherhood, or, like, Christmas,
483
00:18:32,099 --> 00:18:34,134
or, like, believing in
things, but I didn't.
484
00:18:34,134 --> 00:18:36,136
I didn't learn about any
of that goddamn stuff.
485
00:18:36,136 --> 00:18:38,438
All I got was this weed
486
00:18:38,438 --> 00:18:39,606
and this old chocolate bar.
487
00:18:39,606 --> 00:18:41,608
Oh, worst make-up speech ever.
488
00:18:41,608 --> 00:18:42,943
Hey screw you, man!
489
00:18:42,943 --> 00:18:44,778
I... I'm going somewhere with this. Just...
490
00:18:44,778 --> 00:18:46,446
Kevin, what are you doing here?
491
00:18:46,446 --> 00:18:48,548
Okay, look.
492
00:18:48,548 --> 00:18:49,916
I'm sorry about what I said earlier,
493
00:18:49,916 --> 00:18:51,018
about you and ghosts.
494
00:18:51,018 --> 00:18:51,852
I didn't mean that. Okay?
495
00:18:51,852 --> 00:18:53,453
That was bullshit!
496
00:18:53,453 --> 00:18:56,757
I just, like... I was upset.
497
00:18:56,757 --> 00:18:59,793
I was upset 'cause of the whole sex thing.
498
00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:01,428
And you know? I was getting scared,
499
00:19:01,428 --> 00:19:02,829
I started to question...
500
00:19:02,829 --> 00:19:04,865
I started questioning us!
501
00:19:04,865 --> 00:19:07,367
And that scared the shit out of me.
502
00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:08,935
And I know we haven't exactly had
503
00:19:08,935 --> 00:19:10,971
the best of luck finding a sex vessel,
504
00:19:10,971 --> 00:19:12,606
but Sue, tonight, I think I did it.
505
00:19:12,606 --> 00:19:14,007
I think I finally found
506
00:19:14,007 --> 00:19:15,709
the perfect vessel.
507
00:19:15,709 --> 00:19:19,913
508
00:19:19,913 --> 00:19:21,548
An old candy bar?
509
00:19:21,548 --> 00:19:23,717
What? No. Oh, no. Sorry.
510
00:19:23,717 --> 00:19:27,187
511
00:19:27,187 --> 00:19:28,622
Me!
512
00:19:28,622 --> 00:19:32,622
513
00:19:44,805 --> 00:19:46,740
How's it feeling?
514
00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:48,708
It's good.
515
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:51,044
It's really fucking good.
516
00:19:51,044 --> 00:19:54,481
Why is this weed so fucking good?
517
00:19:59,653 --> 00:20:01,054
This can't be good for me.
518
00:20:01,054 --> 00:20:03,123
- What?
- Huh, nothing, nothing.
519
00:20:03,123 --> 00:20:05,859
Nothing, it's kicking in.
520
00:20:05,859 --> 00:20:07,794
Okay.
521
00:20:07,794 --> 00:20:09,696
Oh my God, it's kicking in.
522
00:20:09,696 --> 00:20:11,031
This is the sweet spot.
523
00:20:11,031 --> 00:20:12,532
You ready?
524
00:20:12,532 --> 00:20:14,901
I think so.
525
00:20:14,901 --> 00:20:18,901
526
00:20:24,611 --> 00:20:27,814
Oh my God.
527
00:20:27,814 --> 00:20:29,916
Kevin, are you here?
528
00:20:29,916 --> 00:20:32,419
Yeah I'm here, I'm here.
529
00:20:32,419 --> 00:20:35,088
Oh my gosh!
530
00:20:35,088 --> 00:20:37,691
I can feel everything.
531
00:20:37,691 --> 00:20:38,859
I know, me too.
532
00:20:38,859 --> 00:20:41,895
I can feel you inside of me.
533
00:20:41,895 --> 00:20:44,764
Oh my gosh.
534
00:20:44,764 --> 00:20:46,700
Okay, let's do this.
535
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:50,700
536
00:20:51,471 --> 00:20:55,471
We'll make a wish and
send it on a prayer
537
00:20:58,778 --> 00:21:03,083
We know our dreams
could all come true
538
00:21:03,083 --> 00:21:07,083
With lovin' we can share
539
00:21:08,955 --> 00:21:12,526
With you I never wonder,
540
00:21:12,526 --> 00:21:16,526
you're the right one for me
541
00:21:18,798 --> 00:21:22,798
I finally found the
love of a lifetime
542
00:21:26,606 --> 00:21:30,606
A love to last my
whole life through
543
00:21:34,447 --> 00:21:38,447
I finally found the
love of a lifetime
544
00:21:41,855 --> 00:21:43,456
Forever in...
545
00:21:43,456 --> 00:21:46,159
546
00:21:47,494 --> 00:21:48,562
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
547
00:21:48,562 --> 00:21:50,597
I'm Fat Daddy
548
00:21:50,597 --> 00:21:52,699
La, la, la, la, la
549
00:21:52,699 --> 00:21:55,135
The reindeer boss
550
00:21:55,135 --> 00:21:57,504
551
00:21:57,504 --> 00:22:00,140
All the kids love me
552
00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:01,675
553
00:22:01,675 --> 00:22:04,411
Simply because
554
00:22:04,411 --> 00:22:08,715
They know Fat Daddy
555
00:22:08,715 --> 00:22:12,715
is really Santa Claus
556
00:22:14,721 --> 00:22:16,890
La, la, la, la, la
557
00:22:16,890 --> 00:22:19,092
I want you to come on, Dasher
558
00:22:19,092 --> 00:22:21,394
La, la, la, la, la
559
00:22:21,444 --> 00:22:25,994
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35238
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
