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1
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2
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(flatulence)
3
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- Oh, my God!
- Oh, fuck!
4
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Sue, what are you doing out here?
5
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It's okay, I didn't hear anything.
6
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Don't say that, that means
7
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you definitely did hear something.
8
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It's too late, it's all over me.
9
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Am I visible?
10
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I feel like it's sticking to me
11
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and making me visible.
12
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Yeah, so we kinda took
13
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a step backwards there,
14
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but on the plus side,
15
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we both agree that it's best
16
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if she's never transparent around me again.
17
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So, why don't you just
tell her how you feel?
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Oh, I don't know.
19
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With words I'm not such a good, uh...
20
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you know, candidate?
21
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You know what you should do, right?
22
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You should take her on a fancy date,
23
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let your actions speak
louder than your words.
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Come on, man, that's
the most expensive idea
25
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I've ever heard. I can barely afford
26
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food for myself right now!
27
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How am I gonna pull off a fancy date?
28
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How about you get a high paying job?
29
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- Oh, is that it?
- Yeah.
30
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And I suppose a high paying job
31
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is just gonna come walking right up to me?
32
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You read "The Secret," it could happen.
33
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Excuse me. I'm sorry.
34
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Is one of you the guy
who gets rid of ghosts?
35
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Yeah, yeah, that would be me,
36
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but I'm kind of in the middle
37
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of something right now, so...
38
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Oh, I can totally relate.
39
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You see, I'm kind of in a bind.
40
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Um, I'm reopening my restaurant,
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the Rusty Blowtorch,
42
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and the kitchen staff is convinced
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that the place is haunted.
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That sucks. I'm really sorry
45
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to hear about your restaurant,
46
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but I need to figure out how
47
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I'm gonna be able to afford
48
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to take a girl I like on a fancy date
49
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to show her how I feel.
50
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Such as... the Rusty Blowtorch.
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Yes, Roofie, thank you.
52
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Very good example.
53
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Which he owns!
54
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Oh. Yes!
55
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Well, then sir,
56
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as the owner of a fancy restaurant,
57
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you should certainly be able to appreciate
58
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my situation.
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- He'll take the job.
- Thanks.
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- What job?
- Yeah, he'll take it.
61
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- Huh?
- Thank you.
62
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63
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(screaming)
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65
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- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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The Rusty Blowtorch. That's a cool name.
67
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I assume it refers to the sex act?
68
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I'm sorry. What sex act?
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Oh, you know, when a girl eats out
70
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a guy's ass and then reaches around
71
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and lights his dick on fire?
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Standard.
73
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Everything we serve here is cooked
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with a rusty blowtorch.
75
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Got it. That makes...
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So I'm gonna go pay my respects
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to the chef now.
78
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Shall I come with?
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No, no, no, no. You stay here.
80
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Sometimes these ghosts, they can take
81
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their sweet time showing themselves.
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(rattling in kitchen)
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Sometimes not.
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(laughter)
85
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Good luck.
86
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Duck? Duck?
87
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Duck? There's no duck on my menu.
88
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It's the poor man's swan!
89
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Yet no matter where you look today,
90
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there's duck. Duck! Duck!
91
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Oh! God!
92
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You could have at least said duck!
93
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- You can see me?
- Ow.
94
00:03:10,594 --> 00:03:11,996
Yes, I can see you. My name is Pac.
95
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I'm a medium. I'd shake your hand,
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but you're a ghost, and you know.
97
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It's...
98
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Yeah.
99
00:03:17,968 --> 00:03:20,070
Anyway, your boss
100
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sent me in here to figure out
101
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why you're haunting his restaurant?
102
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His restaurant? You know,
103
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he wouldn't even have a restaurant
104
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if it wasn't for me!
105
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I get it, man. You want credit
106
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for the success of the restaurant,
107
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and the man ain't giving it to you.
108
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What? No, no.
109
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I don't need his recognition.
110
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I've opened dozens of restaurants.
111
00:03:35,919 --> 00:03:37,488
- Woah.
- Yeah.
112
00:03:37,488 --> 00:03:38,922
I did James McAvoy's bachelor party.
113
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I touched Padma Lakshmi's tit,
114
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and got kicked off "Top Chef" for it.
115
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You touched her tit? Was it over the bra?
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- Over the shirt.
- That's still...
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that's still good. I'd take that.
118
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It was totally worth it, by the way.
119
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- It was very supple.
- So...
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What, uh, do you want then?
121
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(sighs)
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On the night of my death,
123
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a critic named Craig B...
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write it down... Craig B.
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published a negative review of my food.
126
00:04:01,645 --> 00:04:03,013
It's the only negative review
127
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I've ever gotten.
128
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It tore me up inside.
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00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:08,352
And outside.
130
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I got so distracted,
131
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I accidentally put my hand
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through a meat grinder.
133
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This one time, I got so stoned,
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I accidentally put on like 50 pounds.
135
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I'm sorry.
136
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,594
No, that's okay.
137
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Can you help me convince this guy
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00:04:18,896 --> 00:04:19,763
to change his review?
139
00:04:19,763 --> 00:04:20,931
Yeah, I can do that.
140
00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:22,066
So what are we talking, are we talking
141
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New York Times, Village Voice?
142
00:04:24,034 --> 00:04:25,736
No...
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00:04:25,736 --> 00:04:26,970
Yelp.
144
00:04:26,970 --> 00:04:28,772
What's a Yelp?
145
00:04:28,772 --> 00:04:29,873
Once we get online,
146
00:04:29,873 --> 00:04:31,375
we can use the locations
147
00:04:31,375 --> 00:04:33,077
of the businesses he reviews on Yelp
148
00:04:33,077 --> 00:04:34,845
to narrow the area where he lives.
149
00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:36,313
Then we can use Instagram's
150
00:04:36,313 --> 00:04:38,015
GPS function to see if anyone
151
00:04:38,015 --> 00:04:39,483
with the same user ID
152
00:04:39,483 --> 00:04:41,018
is posting in that vicinity.
153
00:04:41,018 --> 00:04:43,020
Chances are, if this
guy's writing about food,
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00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:45,322
he's also uploading photos of food.
155
00:04:45,322 --> 00:04:46,824
Then we'll probably find a match
156
00:04:46,824 --> 00:04:47,958
and be able to pinpoint
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his exact building on a map.
158
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:50,661
Cool.
159
00:04:50,661 --> 00:04:52,062
You're like Sanderson.
160
00:04:52,062 --> 00:04:53,097
Who?
161
00:04:53,097 --> 00:04:55,866
Sanderson, the tech guy from
"Felonies and Misdemeanors"?
162
00:04:55,866 --> 00:04:57,401
Never mind.
163
00:04:57,401 --> 00:04:58,469
Sanderson would have known that already.
164
00:04:58,469 --> 00:04:59,503
Well, I learned a lot of tricks
165
00:04:59,503 --> 00:05:00,070
working for...
166
00:05:00,070 --> 00:05:01,538
Camomile White!
167
00:05:01,538 --> 00:05:04,041
Out... outside your front door now.
168
00:05:04,041 --> 00:05:05,742
Could you... could you
open it for me please?
169
00:05:05,742 --> 00:05:07,778
And then I won't have to soil my hand
170
00:05:07,778 --> 00:05:10,314
on this filthy thing.
171
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- What do you want?
- Uh, I just wondered
172
00:05:12,449 --> 00:05:14,485
if I could speak to you for a moment.
173
00:05:14,485 --> 00:05:15,586
Yeah.
174
00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:17,554
Yeah, I guess so. Come in.
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00:05:17,554 --> 00:05:20,591
176
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I, uh, I know you're probably busy
177
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doing whatever it is that you do.
178
00:05:25,896 --> 00:05:29,099
- Mhm.
- But I just wanted
179
00:05:29,099 --> 00:05:30,868
to give you these.
180
00:05:30,868 --> 00:05:31,835
What?
181
00:05:31,835 --> 00:05:33,003
I was cleaning out
182
00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:34,438
Sue's stuff the other day,
183
00:05:34,438 --> 00:05:36,673
and I... I thought you'd like them.
184
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You must miss her terribly.
185
00:05:37,941 --> 00:05:39,343
Actually, no I don't.
186
00:05:39,343 --> 00:05:40,544
Now that she's a ghost,
187
00:05:40,544 --> 00:05:41,979
I see her more than ever before.
188
00:05:41,979 --> 00:05:44,748
Sue's still around?
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I had no idea.
190
00:05:46,049 --> 00:05:47,651
Is... is she here now?
191
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:50,287
Can... can... can I talk to her?
192
00:05:50,287 --> 00:05:53,457
(modem buzzing)
193
00:05:53,457 --> 00:05:54,491
Yeah, sure. Go ahead.
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Talk.
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Sue?
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00:05:58,362 --> 00:06:01,532
If you can hear me, it's me.
197
00:06:01,532 --> 00:06:03,467
Camomile.
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00:06:03,467 --> 00:06:05,602
I just wanted to say
199
00:06:05,602 --> 00:06:07,771
how much I miss you.
200
00:06:07,771 --> 00:06:10,440
As a friend, not just an assistant.
201
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,910
Although I certainly do miss you
202
00:06:12,910 --> 00:06:14,878
as an assistant too.
203
00:06:14,878 --> 00:06:16,947
Now I've got my own reality TV show,
204
00:06:16,947 --> 00:06:18,849
there's so much to do,
205
00:06:18,849 --> 00:06:20,617
and I don't know
206
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how I'm going to pull it off without you.
207
00:06:23,287 --> 00:06:25,022
208
00:06:25,022 --> 00:06:26,857
I just wanted you to know
209
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that I now realize
210
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how much I took you for granted
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while you were still...
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00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:35,832
213
00:06:35,832 --> 00:06:37,701
Anyway.
214
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:39,870
I'm sorry.
215
00:06:39,870 --> 00:06:42,039
- Excuse me.
- No, yeah.
216
00:06:42,039 --> 00:06:43,907
217
00:06:43,907 --> 00:06:46,910
(modem beeping and buzzing)
218
00:06:46,910 --> 00:06:48,378
Well, at least now we know that's not
219
00:06:48,378 --> 00:06:49,913
your unfinished business either.
220
00:06:49,913 --> 00:06:51,315
Welcome.
221
00:06:51,315 --> 00:06:53,483
(knocking)
222
00:06:53,483 --> 00:06:54,918
- Hey!
- Unless you're selling
223
00:06:54,918 --> 00:06:56,853
Girl Scout Cookies, I'm not interested.
224
00:06:56,853 --> 00:06:58,589
No. No, I wish.
225
00:06:58,589 --> 00:07:00,023
- Closing the door now.
- No. No, no, no, no!
226
00:07:00,023 --> 00:07:01,491
I'm sorry. Uh, I'm sorry.
227
00:07:01,491 --> 00:07:02,893
Are you Craig B., from Yelp?
228
00:07:02,893 --> 00:07:04,027
Who wants to know?
229
00:07:04,027 --> 00:07:05,596
Kevin P.
230
00:07:05,596 --> 00:07:06,863
I'm not familiar with your work.
231
00:07:06,863 --> 00:07:07,864
Oh. I'm a medium.
232
00:07:07,864 --> 00:07:09,333
Craigory, close the door!
233
00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:10,500
You're letting the heat out.
234
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:14,438
Shut your filthy mouth, Mother!
235
00:07:14,438 --> 00:07:15,839
She's right. We should close this.
236
00:07:15,839 --> 00:07:18,342
Yeah. Mother knows best, right?
237
00:07:18,342 --> 00:07:19,977
238
00:07:19,977 --> 00:07:22,346
So...
239
00:07:22,346 --> 00:07:23,614
- Lovely.
- Thank you.
240
00:07:23,614 --> 00:07:24,648
What's that... what's that?
241
00:07:24,648 --> 00:07:26,049
Is that a zebra skin rug?
242
00:07:26,049 --> 00:07:27,384
It's white tiger.
243
00:07:27,384 --> 00:07:28,352
And it's not for sale.
244
00:07:28,352 --> 00:07:29,486
Can I help you?
245
00:07:29,486 --> 00:07:30,754
Yes. Yeah. Uh,
246
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,956
I am here because you wrote a review
247
00:07:32,956 --> 00:07:34,558
for the Rusty Blowtorch recently?
248
00:07:34,558 --> 00:07:35,959
You gave it two out of five stars?
249
00:07:35,959 --> 00:07:37,027
I remember it well.
250
00:07:37,027 --> 00:07:38,362
The food was atrocious.
251
00:07:38,362 --> 00:07:39,663
I gave it one star for decor
252
00:07:39,663 --> 00:07:41,531
and one because the weight of the fork
253
00:07:41,531 --> 00:07:42,899
was pleasing to the hand.
254
00:07:42,899 --> 00:07:43,967
Yeah. Absolutely.
255
00:07:43,967 --> 00:07:45,435
Well, see, the thing is,
256
00:07:45,435 --> 00:07:46,903
the chef who cooked the meal for you
257
00:07:46,903 --> 00:07:48,905
that night has since died.
258
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Good.
259
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,709
Yeah, or, you know...
260
00:07:52,709 --> 00:07:54,611
bad.
261
00:07:54,611 --> 00:07:56,880
But he's hanging out still as a ghost,
262
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,548
and he won't leave until you give
263
00:07:58,548 --> 00:07:59,816
his food a second chance.
264
00:07:59,816 --> 00:08:01,485
He believes if you have a better experience
265
00:08:01,485 --> 00:08:02,819
this time around, maybe you will...
266
00:08:02,819 --> 00:08:04,288
I'll what? I'll change my review?
267
00:08:04,288 --> 00:08:05,422
- Yeah.
- That's not gonna happen.
268
00:08:05,422 --> 00:08:06,556
Do you know what that would do
269
00:08:06,556 --> 00:08:07,991
to my credibility on Yelp?
270
00:08:07,991 --> 00:08:10,327
- I have 17 followers.
- I mean, come on, man.
271
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It's a dead man's last wish!
272
00:08:11,662 --> 00:08:13,430
I just told you. I don't change
273
00:08:13,430 --> 00:08:14,998
my reviews for any reason!
274
00:08:14,998 --> 00:08:16,733
Certainly not my magnum opus.
275
00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:18,535
Your magnum... what?
276
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The food at that restaurant was so wretched
277
00:08:21,838 --> 00:08:23,573
it was actually inspiring.
278
00:08:23,573 --> 00:08:25,776
The... the... the words flowed
279
00:08:25,776 --> 00:08:28,578
as freely from my fingertips
280
00:08:28,578 --> 00:08:30,914
as the diarrhea that flowed
281
00:08:30,914 --> 00:08:33,550
from my anus later that night.
282
00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:34,551
Oh.
283
00:08:34,551 --> 00:08:35,886
It was my finest review ever.
284
00:08:35,886 --> 00:08:37,587
Now, if you'll excuse me...
285
00:08:37,587 --> 00:08:39,423
No, let's just talk about the diarr...
286
00:08:39,423 --> 00:08:40,857
- No. We're done.
- Okay, but just to review...
287
00:08:40,857 --> 00:08:42,292
To review, this conversation
288
00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:43,493
gets one star, but only because
289
00:08:43,493 --> 00:08:44,695
I can't give it a zero.
290
00:08:44,695 --> 00:08:45,696
Okay. Thanking you.
291
00:08:45,696 --> 00:08:46,697
- Harsh.
- Goodbye.
292
00:08:46,697 --> 00:08:50,400
One star?
293
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,702
Tough critic.
294
00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:57,858
- You want a hot dog?
- Yes.
295
00:08:57,858 --> 00:08:59,026
Fuck yeah. No, actually...
296
00:08:59,026 --> 00:09:00,161
Wait, wait. Hold on, hold on.
297
00:09:00,161 --> 00:09:01,195
Let me Yelp it first.
298
00:09:01,195 --> 00:09:04,465
299
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:06,834
No.
300
00:09:06,834 --> 00:09:09,503
One hot dog please.
301
00:09:09,503 --> 00:09:10,871
Appreciate it.
302
00:09:10,871 --> 00:09:12,907
How is it?
303
00:09:12,907 --> 00:09:14,942
- Great.
- Yeah? Yeah?
304
00:09:14,942 --> 00:09:16,510
But the service sucked, right?
305
00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:17,878
No.
306
00:09:17,878 --> 00:09:19,647
Yeah, it seems like a really tiny hot dog
307
00:09:19,647 --> 00:09:21,415
for the amount of money you paid.
308
00:09:21,415 --> 00:09:22,683
No, same great hot dog,
309
00:09:22,683 --> 00:09:24,585
same price, everywhere you get it.
310
00:09:24,585 --> 00:09:26,153
Are you fucking kidding me?
311
00:09:26,153 --> 00:09:27,888
So you're telling me I
missed out on a plump,
312
00:09:27,888 --> 00:09:29,623
juicy, moist-looking hot dog
313
00:09:29,623 --> 00:09:30,624
served with a smile?
314
00:09:30,624 --> 00:09:31,826
Mhm.
315
00:09:31,826 --> 00:09:33,727
Thank you very much, Debbie J.
316
00:09:33,727 --> 00:09:35,062
Dude, it's Yelp, man, nobody
317
00:09:35,062 --> 00:09:36,530
even pays attention to what they write.
318
00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:37,531
That's not true.
319
00:09:37,531 --> 00:09:38,599
This Craigory B. Guy does.
320
00:09:38,599 --> 00:09:39,733
Look, look what he wrote.
321
00:09:39,733 --> 00:09:41,035
"Your ambiance is grand,
322
00:09:41,035 --> 00:09:42,703
but with what I'm in love
323
00:09:42,703 --> 00:09:44,138
is this fork which fits
324
00:09:44,138 --> 00:09:45,573
like a well-worn glove.
325
00:09:45,573 --> 00:09:46,674
Heretofore have I felt
326
00:09:46,674 --> 00:09:47,808
such an agreeable weight.
327
00:09:47,808 --> 00:09:49,443
I only wish I could eat it
328
00:09:49,443 --> 00:09:51,946
instead of the dreck on my plate."
329
00:09:51,946 --> 00:09:53,547
That's poetic, right?
330
00:09:53,547 --> 00:09:55,115
It's only poetic because it's a quatrain.
331
00:09:55,115 --> 00:09:56,684
- Let me see.
- It's a what-train?
332
00:09:56,684 --> 00:09:58,085
Look.
333
00:09:58,085 --> 00:10:00,521
"Your ambiance" is misspelled, right?
334
00:10:00,521 --> 00:10:01,722
- It is?
- It's a typo, yes.
335
00:10:01,722 --> 00:10:02,723
It's "your."
336
00:10:02,723 --> 00:10:04,158
It should be spelled Y-O-U-R.
337
00:10:04,158 --> 00:10:05,993
Yeah, he's got Y-O-R-E.
338
00:10:05,993 --> 00:10:07,528
Yeah. It's not even
339
00:10:07,528 --> 00:10:09,430
a common form of the common mistake.
340
00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:11,565
Yeah.
341
00:10:11,565 --> 00:10:14,802
Roofie, can I borrow your iPad?
342
00:10:14,802 --> 00:10:18,572
I'm sorry, can I borrow "your" iPad?
343
00:10:18,572 --> 00:10:19,907
You're ridiculous.
344
00:10:19,907 --> 00:10:21,709
345
00:10:21,709 --> 00:10:23,177
Can I borrow "your" iPad?
346
00:10:23,177 --> 00:10:24,778
(knocking)
347
00:10:24,778 --> 00:10:26,547
Go away! I already told you
348
00:10:26,547 --> 00:10:27,948
I don't change my reviews!
349
00:10:27,948 --> 00:10:30,451
Yeah, yeah, even one with a typo?
350
00:10:30,451 --> 00:10:31,652
What are you talking about?
351
00:10:31,652 --> 00:10:32,653
(mimicking explosion)
352
00:10:32,653 --> 00:10:33,988
Oh, my God.
353
00:10:33,988 --> 00:10:35,456
Mom, stop looking at our street
354
00:10:35,456 --> 00:10:36,957
on Google Earth, I need the computer!
355
00:10:36,957 --> 00:10:38,158
It's not your turn!
356
00:10:38,158 --> 00:10:40,494
Uh, I hate you!
357
00:10:40,494 --> 00:10:41,695
Can I use your iPad?
358
00:10:41,695 --> 00:10:43,497
Oh, what about all your followers?
359
00:10:43,497 --> 00:10:45,466
It's just one word, nobody's gonna notice.
360
00:10:45,466 --> 00:10:47,401
Well, I guarantee that at least one
361
00:10:47,401 --> 00:10:49,970
of your 18 followers will notice.
362
00:10:49,970 --> 00:10:51,472
That's right.
363
00:10:51,472 --> 00:10:54,108
I'm a follower now.
364
00:10:54,108 --> 00:10:55,409
Oh, my God.
365
00:10:55,409 --> 00:10:56,710
Oh!
366
00:10:56,710 --> 00:10:57,912
It's okay. It... look, look, look,
367
00:10:57,912 --> 00:10:59,079
you had an off night, right?
368
00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:00,681
It happens to the best of us,
369
00:11:00,681 --> 00:11:02,416
including Chef Christopher.
370
00:11:02,416 --> 00:11:04,051
So what do you say, huh?
371
00:11:04,051 --> 00:11:06,053
Everyone deserves a second review.
372
00:11:06,053 --> 00:11:07,421
Fine.
373
00:11:07,421 --> 00:11:08,622
- Mhm?
- Fine!
374
00:11:08,622 --> 00:11:10,024
Okay, you don't have to yell.
375
00:11:10,024 --> 00:11:12,526
376
00:11:12,526 --> 00:11:13,928
I got good news!
377
00:11:13,928 --> 00:11:15,429
I found Craig B.!
378
00:11:15,429 --> 00:11:16,730
He's, uh, you know,
379
00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:18,032
a bit of a weirdo, but he's agreed
380
00:11:18,032 --> 00:11:20,467
to give your food a second chance, so.
381
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:21,835
That's... that's amazing!
382
00:11:21,835 --> 00:11:23,003
- Really?
- Yeah!
383
00:11:23,003 --> 00:11:24,905
We're gonna... holy, okay,
384
00:11:24,905 --> 00:11:26,707
I'm gonna go to the farmer's market
385
00:11:26,707 --> 00:11:27,908
and I'm gonna get some, uh,
386
00:11:27,908 --> 00:11:29,810
white truffles are in season.
387
00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:30,811
Garlic confit.
388
00:11:30,811 --> 00:11:32,046
You ever had a garlic confit?
389
00:11:32,046 --> 00:11:33,380
Yeah, I love garlic confit.
390
00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:34,648
- Awesome.
- I gotta tell ya,
391
00:11:34,648 --> 00:11:36,417
he's gonna be here in an hour.
392
00:11:36,417 --> 00:11:38,085
- An hour?
- Yeah.
393
00:11:38,085 --> 00:11:39,620
I don't have enough time to...
394
00:11:39,620 --> 00:11:41,021
I'm not gonna be able to roast
395
00:11:41,021 --> 00:11:42,623
an entire pig with a blowtorch
396
00:11:42,623 --> 00:11:43,824
in an hour, I need more...
397
00:11:43,824 --> 00:11:45,125
I'm gonna have to improvise.
398
00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:46,694
Who's going to be here in an hour?
399
00:11:46,694 --> 00:11:48,195
Oh, just some guy who's gonna eat here
400
00:11:48,195 --> 00:11:50,531
so Chef Christopher can move on.
401
00:11:50,531 --> 00:11:51,932
Who's making the food?
402
00:11:51,932 --> 00:11:53,467
The kitchen staff is here prepping
403
00:11:53,467 --> 00:11:54,802
for tomorrow but none of them can cook.
404
00:11:54,802 --> 00:11:55,970
No, no. It's okay. Chef Christopher
405
00:11:55,970 --> 00:11:57,137
is gonna cook it all himself.
406
00:11:57,137 --> 00:11:58,405
What? No.
407
00:11:58,405 --> 00:11:59,640
I can't have a ghost
408
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,075
cooking in my restaurant.
409
00:12:01,075 --> 00:12:04,011
My kitchen staff will quit for sure.
410
00:12:04,011 --> 00:12:05,646
(sighs)
411
00:12:05,646 --> 00:12:09,646
412
00:13:02,002 --> 00:13:04,138
Buon a panini.
413
00:13:07,007 --> 00:13:08,409
414
00:13:08,409 --> 00:13:09,610
Oh, hmm.
415
00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:13,610
416
00:13:27,728 --> 00:13:29,863
The pasta's burnt.
417
00:13:29,863 --> 00:13:32,866
No, no, it's absolutely not.
418
00:13:32,866 --> 00:13:34,401
It's cooked to perfection.
419
00:13:34,401 --> 00:13:36,370
That is al dente perfection.
420
00:13:36,370 --> 00:13:38,472
Chef says that is al dente perfection!
421
00:13:38,472 --> 00:13:39,907
I wouldn't serve this
422
00:13:39,907 --> 00:13:41,742
to my worst enemy, and ironically,
423
00:13:41,742 --> 00:13:43,043
my worst enemy would love this,
424
00:13:43,043 --> 00:13:44,478
because he's the one who made it.
425
00:13:44,478 --> 00:13:45,746
You know what?
426
00:13:45,746 --> 00:13:47,047
Why don't you have another bite?
427
00:13:47,047 --> 00:13:48,549
No!
428
00:13:48,549 --> 00:13:49,983
My favorite cardigan!
429
00:13:49,983 --> 00:13:51,919
- That's a mistake.
- I'm sorry!
430
00:13:51,919 --> 00:13:54,688
You know what? You know what?
431
00:13:54,688 --> 00:13:57,725
I will change my review.
432
00:13:57,725 --> 00:13:59,860
From two stars to one!
433
00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:01,495
Oh, you mother...
434
00:14:01,495 --> 00:14:03,831
(grunting and smashing)
435
00:14:03,831 --> 00:14:05,132
Oh, you don't like squid ink?
436
00:14:05,132 --> 00:14:06,633
No? No? Well, how's this?
437
00:14:06,633 --> 00:14:08,702
Oh, come down, okay, stop!
438
00:14:08,702 --> 00:14:09,770
What, what do you like?
439
00:14:09,770 --> 00:14:11,672
Do you like gummy bears?
440
00:14:11,672 --> 00:14:13,507
- No, stop!
- I need one
441
00:14:13,507 --> 00:14:14,942
of those tables for tomorrow night!
442
00:14:14,942 --> 00:14:16,110
Eat this chair!
443
00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:17,511
Eat it!
444
00:14:17,511 --> 00:14:19,446
No, no, please, wait, wait!
445
00:14:19,446 --> 00:14:20,714
It's just a... it's a...
446
00:14:20,714 --> 00:14:22,649
it's a ventilation problem!
447
00:14:22,649 --> 00:14:24,785
Come back!
448
00:14:24,785 --> 00:14:27,788
(smashing continues)
449
00:14:30,958 --> 00:14:33,026
Somebody's gonna clean this up, right?
450
00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:41,461
451
00:14:45,436 --> 00:14:47,404
Kevin, can we talk?
452
00:14:47,404 --> 00:14:48,706
Yeah, yeah, sure.
453
00:14:48,706 --> 00:14:49,907
Sit down.
454
00:14:51,609 --> 00:14:53,410
Hey.
455
00:14:53,410 --> 00:14:54,745
I'm... I'm really glad
you're here actually.
456
00:14:54,745 --> 00:14:56,580
This... this ghost gig I'm working on
457
00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:58,515
is just like, jerking me in circles.
458
00:14:58,515 --> 00:15:00,284
And I can't get my head around it!
459
00:15:00,284 --> 00:15:01,318
You're right.
460
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,520
Yes, I should give up.
461
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,955
That is the best thing to do.
462
00:15:04,955 --> 00:15:06,256
Thank you, Sue, you're the...
463
00:15:06,256 --> 00:15:07,858
You just got the best ideas.
464
00:15:07,858 --> 00:15:11,929
I want to go back and work for Camomile.
465
00:15:11,929 --> 00:15:13,497
- What?
- Now that she has
466
00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:15,299
this new reality show I really feel like
467
00:15:15,299 --> 00:15:16,967
she needs someone around who she can trust.
468
00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:18,235
Are you kidding me?
469
00:15:18,235 --> 00:15:19,536
You're actually considering
470
00:15:19,536 --> 00:15:21,305
going back to work for Camomile.
471
00:15:21,305 --> 00:15:22,473
I know it sounds crazy
472
00:15:22,473 --> 00:15:23,907
but when she was here earlier
473
00:15:23,907 --> 00:15:25,676
I really got the sense that she changed.
474
00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:26,810
Who cares?
475
00:15:26,810 --> 00:15:27,911
She can't even hear you
476
00:15:27,911 --> 00:15:29,279
or see you.
477
00:15:29,279 --> 00:15:30,714
Which is why the only way
478
00:15:30,714 --> 00:15:32,383
I can be her assistant
479
00:15:32,383 --> 00:15:33,884
is if you be my assistant
480
00:15:33,884 --> 00:15:35,252
and translate for me.
481
00:15:35,252 --> 00:15:36,487
I know it's a lot to ask,
482
00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:37,788
and you can totally say no, but...
483
00:15:37,788 --> 00:15:39,223
I'll do it.
484
00:15:39,223 --> 00:15:40,591
- You will?
- Yeah, I'll do it.
485
00:15:40,591 --> 00:15:42,359
If that's what you want, I'll...
486
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,661
Yeah, I'll do it.
487
00:15:43,661 --> 00:15:45,329
You don't seem too happy about it.
488
00:15:45,329 --> 00:15:47,264
Well, it's just, if I really wanted
489
00:15:47,264 --> 00:15:48,666
to work for Camomile, I would have accepted
490
00:15:48,666 --> 00:15:50,434
her job offer a couple days ago.
491
00:15:50,434 --> 00:15:51,735
Camomile already offered you a job?
492
00:15:51,735 --> 00:15:52,936
I know, right. How awkward
493
00:15:52,936 --> 00:15:54,505
is this conversation going to be?
494
00:15:54,505 --> 00:15:55,639
Doing what?
495
00:15:55,639 --> 00:15:57,374
Working on her TV show thingy.
496
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:58,609
Oh, my God!
497
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,010
So all that stuff she said earlier
498
00:16:00,010 --> 00:16:01,545
was just to manipulate me
499
00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:03,380
into getting you to do what she wanted!
500
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,882
What, that's a thing?
501
00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:06,316
You can manipulate somebody
502
00:16:06,316 --> 00:16:08,819
into manipulating somebody else?
503
00:16:08,819 --> 00:16:12,589
I can't believe I didn't see this earlier!
504
00:16:12,589 --> 00:16:14,591
I gotta go! I gotta go!
505
00:16:14,591 --> 00:16:16,460
(knocking)
506
00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:17,494
507
00:16:17,494 --> 00:16:19,963
(clearing throat)
508
00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,565
Hi, I'm looking
509
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:22,900
for Craigory, is he home?
510
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,334
Oh, he was a little cranky,
511
00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:26,236
so I told him to take a nap.
512
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:27,304
Can I help you?
513
00:16:27,304 --> 00:16:29,273
Oh, methinks you can.
514
00:16:29,273 --> 00:16:30,607
515
00:16:30,607 --> 00:16:33,243
So, how do you two know each other?
516
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,279
Oh, well, Craigory and I go way back.
517
00:16:35,279 --> 00:16:37,815
We uh... we first met in college.
518
00:16:37,815 --> 00:16:39,883
Craigory didn't go to college.
519
00:16:39,883 --> 00:16:41,318
No, me neither.
520
00:16:41,318 --> 00:16:42,686
College was the name of a bar
521
00:16:42,686 --> 00:16:44,288
that we used to hang out in.
522
00:16:44,288 --> 00:16:46,957
Craigory doesn't drink.
523
00:16:46,957 --> 00:16:48,692
A salad bar.
524
00:16:48,692 --> 00:16:49,693
Oh!
525
00:16:49,693 --> 00:16:50,794
Well, that makes sense.
526
00:16:50,794 --> 00:16:52,329
Craigory loves to eat.
527
00:16:52,329 --> 00:16:53,931
Yes, he certainly does.
528
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:55,499
Don't we all.
529
00:16:55,499 --> 00:16:56,767
Speaking of which, have you read
530
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:57,935
any of his reviews on Yelp?
531
00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,336
Oh, I have.
532
00:16:59,336 --> 00:17:00,971
I'm one of his followers.
533
00:17:00,971 --> 00:17:02,606
Actually, I'm five of them.
534
00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:03,607
But don't tell him!
535
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:04,808
No, as a fellow follower,
536
00:17:04,808 --> 00:17:06,844
my lips are sealed, okay?
537
00:17:06,844 --> 00:17:07,911
(laughing)
538
00:17:07,911 --> 00:17:09,580
Um, so, uh,
539
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:10,948
I did want to bring up one thing
540
00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:12,549
that hasn't been sitting right with me.
541
00:17:12,549 --> 00:17:14,351
And this never happens, but I didn't agree
542
00:17:14,351 --> 00:17:15,619
with one of his reviews.
543
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,888
Have you been to the Rusty Blowtorch?
544
00:17:17,888 --> 00:17:19,256
- No.
- No?
545
00:17:19,256 --> 00:17:20,424
Well, you should.
546
00:17:20,424 --> 00:17:21,525
In fact, if you would like to,
547
00:17:21,525 --> 00:17:23,260
I can take you there right now.
548
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:24,294
We can have a little nosh,
549
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:25,462
and if you enjoy yourself,
550
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:26,730
maybe we can convince Craigory
551
00:17:26,730 --> 00:17:28,298
to, you know, change
his review or something?
552
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:30,968
Oh, Craigory never changes his reviews
553
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:32,369
for any reason.
554
00:17:32,369 --> 00:17:35,572
It's right there in his profile.
555
00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:37,508
That computer is open to his profile?
556
00:17:37,508 --> 00:17:39,676
Yes.
557
00:17:39,676 --> 00:17:41,411
What? That's amazing.
558
00:17:41,411 --> 00:17:43,247
I don't even have to
manipulate you anymore.
559
00:17:43,247 --> 00:17:44,481
That was a one star nap.
560
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:45,716
The dream was insufferable,
561
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,451
completely derivative.
562
00:17:47,451 --> 00:17:49,787
What is he doing here?
563
00:17:49,787 --> 00:17:51,522
Well, he said he was a friend of yours.
564
00:17:51,522 --> 00:17:53,290
I don't have any friends!
565
00:17:53,290 --> 00:17:57,290
566
00:17:58,962 --> 00:18:00,264
- No.
- Yes.
567
00:18:00,264 --> 00:18:01,765
No!
568
00:18:01,765 --> 00:18:02,800
No!
569
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:03,801
- Yes.
- No!
570
00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:04,802
It's happening.
571
00:18:04,802 --> 00:18:06,737
Stop it! No, no!
572
00:18:06,737 --> 00:18:08,272
Mom!
573
00:18:08,272 --> 00:18:10,741
Stop it, stop it, both of you!
574
00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:13,310
You're going to break my Hummels!
575
00:18:13,310 --> 00:18:15,746
(groaning)
576
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:17,981
(shouting)
577
00:18:17,981 --> 00:18:19,716
(crashing)
578
00:18:21,418 --> 00:18:23,253
Woah!
579
00:18:23,253 --> 00:18:25,522
Oh, woah, I got a wrestling cramp.
580
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,424
(groaning)
581
00:18:27,424 --> 00:18:28,492
Hey, buddy!
582
00:18:28,492 --> 00:18:30,360
Leave me alone!
583
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,662
I'm here to apologize,
584
00:18:31,662 --> 00:18:32,830
so is Chef Christopher.
585
00:18:32,830 --> 00:18:34,665
- No, I'm not.
- And that's why
586
00:18:34,665 --> 00:18:35,899
he made you this food!
587
00:18:35,899 --> 00:18:37,434
Not because he wants you to change
588
00:18:37,434 --> 00:18:38,902
your review or anything silly like that.
589
00:18:38,902 --> 00:18:40,003
Here we are.
590
00:18:40,003 --> 00:18:41,271
Meatloaf surprise
591
00:18:41,271 --> 00:18:42,372
with egg noodles.
592
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,941
Room temperature as requested,
593
00:18:43,941 --> 00:18:45,676
and green Jell-O.
594
00:18:45,676 --> 00:18:47,611
(sighing)
595
00:18:47,611 --> 00:18:49,546
Now this, this is good pasta.
596
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:50,981
Not like the stuff that you served me
597
00:18:50,981 --> 00:18:52,883
that was so burnt it was black.
598
00:18:52,883 --> 00:18:54,585
Wait a second.
599
00:18:54,585 --> 00:18:55,986
Ask him what his favorite band is.
600
00:18:55,986 --> 00:18:57,221
What? Why?
601
00:18:57,221 --> 00:18:58,322
Just ask him!
602
00:18:58,322 --> 00:18:59,990
All right, spaz.
603
00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:02,259
Hey Craigory, what's your favorite band?
604
00:19:02,259 --> 00:19:03,627
Um, Quarterback.
605
00:19:03,627 --> 00:19:05,195
It's like a Nickelback tribute band,
606
00:19:05,195 --> 00:19:06,430
but the early stuff.
607
00:19:06,430 --> 00:19:07,698
Okay, ask him his favorite movie.
608
00:19:07,698 --> 00:19:08,799
Uh, what's your favorite movie?
609
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,267
Oh, Sharknado 2.
610
00:19:10,267 --> 00:19:13,704
The first one, the sound was awful!
611
00:19:13,704 --> 00:19:14,805
Of course! How could I
612
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:16,607
have not seen it sooner?
613
00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:19,576
This man... thing... it's... he's got
614
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,311
the worst taste of any human being
615
00:19:21,311 --> 00:19:22,679
I've ever met in my entire life!
616
00:19:22,679 --> 00:19:25,849
The fact that he doesn't like my food...
617
00:19:25,849 --> 00:19:27,551
it might be the greatest compliment
618
00:19:27,551 --> 00:19:29,553
I've ever received.
619
00:19:29,553 --> 00:19:30,954
Thank you, Pac.
620
00:19:30,954 --> 00:19:32,589
Thank you for helping me
621
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,491
take this review with a grain of salt.
622
00:19:34,491 --> 00:19:35,559
You're welcome.
623
00:19:35,559 --> 00:19:36,560
"You're" wel...
624
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:37,928
"You're" welcome.
625
00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:41,965
626
00:19:41,965 --> 00:19:43,967
(machine beeping)
627
00:19:43,967 --> 00:19:44,968
What's happening?
628
00:19:44,968 --> 00:19:46,236
I don't know.
629
00:19:46,236 --> 00:19:48,505
But the chef is gone.
630
00:19:48,505 --> 00:19:49,573
Are you gonna eat this?
631
00:19:49,573 --> 00:19:51,375
I will stab you with my fork!
632
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:55,412
633
00:19:55,412 --> 00:19:56,580
Hey.
634
00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:58,282
Check out Mr. Lonely.
635
00:19:58,282 --> 00:19:59,716
Kind of smoky.
636
00:19:59,716 --> 00:20:01,618
Like, cigarette smoky?
637
00:20:06,657 --> 00:20:09,226
638
00:20:09,226 --> 00:20:11,395
It's strong, I feel like I'm getting...
639
00:20:11,395 --> 00:20:14,965
640
00:20:22,370 --> 00:20:26,370
641
00:20:38,228 --> 00:20:40,830
(clapping slowly)
642
00:20:40,830 --> 00:20:43,033
Well, well, well.
643
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,901
If it isn't my new favorite actress.
644
00:20:44,901 --> 00:20:46,603
Bravo on the performance you put on
645
00:20:46,603 --> 00:20:48,638
in my apartment the other day, very nice.
646
00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:50,173
I don't know what you're talking about.
647
00:20:50,173 --> 00:20:51,608
Oh, don't "I don't know
648
00:20:51,608 --> 00:20:52,776
what you're talking about" me.
649
00:20:52,776 --> 00:20:54,044
I'm the king of not knowing
650
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,046
what anyone's ever talking about.
651
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,314
Yeah. Whatever.
652
00:20:57,314 --> 00:20:59,716
What I came in here to tell you was
653
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,051
stay away from Sue! All right?
654
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:02,585
You ruined her life. I am not going
655
00:21:02,585 --> 00:21:03,920
to let you ruin her afterlife.
656
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,221
And you know what's best for her, do you?
657
00:21:05,221 --> 00:21:06,556
Yeah. I think I do.
658
00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:07,724
And I did not secretly hold
659
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:08,925
onto one of Sue's fingers
660
00:21:08,925 --> 00:21:10,293
to keep her from walking into her light
661
00:21:10,293 --> 00:21:11,728
just so she could come back here
662
00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,963
and go to work for you!
663
00:21:13,963 --> 00:21:15,999
Hold on. You secretly held
664
00:21:15,999 --> 00:21:17,967
onto one of her fingers
665
00:21:17,967 --> 00:21:19,566
to stop her from going into the light?
666
00:21:19,643 --> 00:21:22,012
Uh... I... I don't know
667
00:21:22,012 --> 00:21:24,915
what you're talking about?
668
00:21:24,915 --> 00:21:25,983
Tell you what.
669
00:21:25,983 --> 00:21:27,217
New job offer.
670
00:21:27,217 --> 00:21:28,586
You come and work for me
671
00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:30,220
on my TV show,
672
00:21:30,220 --> 00:21:32,523
and I don't tell Sue
673
00:21:32,523 --> 00:21:37,995
that you're secretly keeping
her hostage as a ghost.
674
00:21:37,995 --> 00:21:39,263
Sue would never believe you.
675
00:21:39,263 --> 00:21:40,364
Maybe.
676
00:21:40,364 --> 00:21:44,034
But I do know someone she would believe.
677
00:21:44,034 --> 00:21:45,903
Did we get all of that?
678
00:21:45,903 --> 00:21:47,071
Yeah?
679
00:21:47,071 --> 00:21:50,240
680
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,309
Oh, shart.
681
00:21:53,410 --> 00:21:57,410
682
00:21:57,460 --> 00:22:02,010
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