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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:03,706 Sue: See? You were right. That Pacalioglu guy 2 00:00:03,707 --> 00:00:06,311 was there the day before your s?ance. 3 00:00:06,312 --> 00:00:08,214 - I knew it! - But there's more. 4 00:00:08,215 --> 00:00:10,385 Right when they entered the gallery, 5 00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:12,623 the camera stops recording. 6 00:00:12,624 --> 00:00:15,495 That must have been when they tampered the lights bulbs. 7 00:00:15,496 --> 00:00:17,398 What else do we know about this guy? 8 00:00:17,399 --> 00:00:19,702 It seems he's fashioned himself a little ghost hut 9 00:00:19,703 --> 00:00:22,575 out of an abandoned newsstand. 10 00:00:22,576 --> 00:00:25,513 What are you scheming? 11 00:00:25,514 --> 00:00:29,188 What's going on inside that chubby brain of yours? 12 00:00:31,526 --> 00:00:34,363 (Alarm buzzing) 13 00:00:34,364 --> 00:00:36,734 Yes! Three hours without moving! 14 00:00:36,735 --> 00:00:40,241 A new record! P.R. it all over the place. 15 00:00:40,242 --> 00:00:43,014 To the victor go the spoils. 16 00:00:44,283 --> 00:00:45,652 Oh, what...? 17 00:00:47,156 --> 00:00:49,594 - Aah! Oh, God! - Aah! 18 00:00:57,174 --> 00:01:01,181 Hey, buddy. What are you supposed to be? 19 00:01:01,182 --> 00:01:03,285 You're like a little blob creature? 20 00:01:03,286 --> 00:01:05,188 - Chips. - Kevin: No. No, no. 21 00:01:05,189 --> 00:01:06,825 This is living people food. 22 00:01:06,826 --> 00:01:08,561 - It won't take. - Please? 23 00:01:08,562 --> 00:01:12,067 Oh, cute. Okay, fine. Fine. Here. 24 00:01:12,068 --> 00:01:14,205 Yay! 25 00:01:14,206 --> 00:01:15,808 (Munching) 26 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:19,348 Whoa! How are you eating that? 27 00:01:19,349 --> 00:01:20,717 Bye. 28 00:01:20,718 --> 00:01:22,186 Oh! Hey, no! 29 00:01:22,187 --> 00:01:24,157 Get back here, you little scamp! 30 00:01:24,158 --> 00:01:27,831 Come on... Aw! I was eating those. 31 00:01:29,669 --> 00:01:32,306 I don't believe that guy. 32 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,449 (Coughing): Oh, God! 33 00:01:37,450 --> 00:01:40,154 Excuse me. Hi, there. 34 00:01:40,155 --> 00:01:41,791 Oh, hi, there. Oh. 35 00:01:41,792 --> 00:01:43,460 I thought these were classics. 36 00:01:43,461 --> 00:01:44,796 But they're flaming hot. 37 00:01:44,797 --> 00:01:46,666 (Coughing) Ooh! 38 00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:50,139 Oh, God. Oh. 39 00:01:50,140 --> 00:01:52,210 Okay, I'm sorry. Okay. 40 00:01:52,211 --> 00:01:54,247 Here we go. Ahem. 41 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:56,452 Under control. How can I help you? 42 00:01:56,453 --> 00:01:58,521 Well, it says here that you deal with ghosts. 43 00:01:58,522 --> 00:02:01,694 Is that real or is that like a joke? 44 00:02:01,695 --> 00:02:03,865 No, that's real. Why, is it funny? 45 00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:06,103 No, no. And I know funny. 46 00:02:06,104 --> 00:02:09,342 I'm Darcy Baldo. I own the Big Apple Comedy Shack. 47 00:02:09,343 --> 00:02:11,780 Oh, my God. That is my favorite comedy club in New York. 48 00:02:11,781 --> 00:02:13,884 All right! I've never seen the stand-up 49 00:02:13,885 --> 00:02:15,653 but the chili cheeseburgers are fantastic. 50 00:02:15,654 --> 00:02:18,292 Well, we have the same chef as the Laugh Factory. 51 00:02:18,293 --> 00:02:20,463 I know. Ha-ha! 52 00:02:20,464 --> 00:02:23,602 Here's the deal. I think my club is haunted. 53 00:02:23,603 --> 00:02:25,739 Oh. The weirdness only happens 54 00:02:25,740 --> 00:02:27,777 really late at night after I close down. 55 00:02:27,778 --> 00:02:30,883 So I was wondering if you could come by and maybe 56 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,220 - check it out? - Yeah. I could swing that. 57 00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:35,691 Oh, fantastic! Great. You don't, by any chance, 58 00:02:35,692 --> 00:02:37,662 charge extra for late-night gigs, do you? 59 00:02:37,663 --> 00:02:40,400 I hadn't actually ever thought of that. 60 00:02:40,401 --> 00:02:42,538 - Uh, good idea. Can I? - Ah. 61 00:02:42,539 --> 00:02:44,842 No. Just forget I mentioned that. 62 00:02:44,843 --> 00:02:46,679 - Bad idea. - Yeah. 63 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,582 - Forgotten. - Great. 64 00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:50,286 So I'll see you later tonight. 65 00:02:50,287 --> 00:02:51,389 For what? 66 00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:56,198 (Mysterious theme playing) 67 00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:02,844 (Rock theme playing) 68 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:27,000 ?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17? ?www.addic7ed.com? 69 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,394 (Upbeat theme playing) 70 00:03:30,395 --> 00:03:33,634 Roofie: No, no, $50 to see. 71 00:03:33,635 --> 00:03:35,203 - I'm giving you 45. - Fifty. 72 00:03:35,204 --> 00:03:37,576 - It's 45. Take it. - (Groans) 73 00:03:43,787 --> 00:03:45,255 Isn't that...? 74 00:03:45,256 --> 00:03:47,326 That's my new client, Anal Bead. 75 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,664 - He loves dope. - Oh. 76 00:03:49,665 --> 00:03:51,501 (Muttering) 77 00:03:51,502 --> 00:03:53,237 - How you doin', Pac? - Good. 78 00:03:53,238 --> 00:03:54,640 How's business? 79 00:03:54,641 --> 00:03:55,943 Everything's great. Can't complain. 80 00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:58,914 I have a gig tonight at a comedy club. 81 00:03:58,915 --> 00:04:01,620 It's an all-night thing. I was wondering if you have uppers. 82 00:04:01,621 --> 00:04:04,725 Oh. So I'm assuming I'll put this on your tab? 83 00:04:04,726 --> 00:04:07,264 Yeah, or you could put it on my hand. 84 00:04:07,265 --> 00:04:09,501 (Both chuckle) 85 00:04:09,502 --> 00:04:11,404 Yo, just be careful with that stuff, man. 86 00:04:11,405 --> 00:04:12,975 You know how you get. 87 00:04:12,976 --> 00:04:16,449 (Mysterious theme playing) 88 00:04:18,453 --> 00:04:21,457 Okay. All right, might as well get comfortable, huh? 89 00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:24,396 Sometimes these ghosts can take their sweet-ass time showing up. 90 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,767 Know what I mean, know what I mean, know what I mean? 91 00:04:26,768 --> 00:04:29,338 So why don't we rap, huh? What's your name? 92 00:04:29,339 --> 00:04:31,209 We covered that. It's Darcy, isn't it? 93 00:04:31,210 --> 00:04:32,878 Is it Darcy, is it D'arcy? 94 00:04:32,879 --> 00:04:35,216 - No, it's just Darcy. - Just Darcy, all right. 95 00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:37,487 What's your zodiac sign? Any pets? What're their signs? 96 00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:39,424 How many men have you slept with? 97 00:04:39,425 --> 00:04:42,530 - Just lock up when you leave. - Can do. Can do. 98 00:04:42,531 --> 00:04:43,832 - Okay. All right. - Eee! 99 00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:45,771 Ugh! 100 00:04:48,542 --> 00:04:50,779 (Imitating guitar solo) 101 00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:53,483 Unh! Wow. 102 00:04:53,484 --> 00:04:56,590 (Mellow theme playing) 103 00:04:57,990 --> 00:05:00,130 (Voices chattering) 104 00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:07,169 Man: Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome to the stage, 105 00:05:07,170 --> 00:05:08,939 Buddy Silvers. 106 00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:11,149 - Ha-ha-ha! Hi. - (Audience applauds) 107 00:05:11,150 --> 00:05:13,019 Buddy: Thank you. Thank you. 108 00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:14,489 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. 109 00:05:14,490 --> 00:05:16,259 And thank you especially. 110 00:05:16,260 --> 00:05:17,959 My wife was the romantic one in our relationship. 111 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,560 I have to say she said, "Buddy, listen to me. 112 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,699 "When we die, I want us to come back us ghosts 113 00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:26,109 and haunt the place where we had our first date." 114 00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,209 I said, "honey, I sold that car years ago." 115 00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:29,749 (Audience laughs) 116 00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:32,089 Buddy: We'll just do our date, let me tell you. 117 00:05:32,090 --> 00:05:33,719 I finally figured out the secret to a happy marriage. 118 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,990 - One of you has to die, huh? - (Laughing) 119 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,399 My wife wasn't much of a cook, you know what I mean? 120 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,569 But she did have a tuna casserole that was to die for. 121 00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:44,339 I found out the hard way. 122 00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:45,740 How do you think I got here? 123 00:05:45,750 --> 00:05:48,049 Thank you very much. Thank you, everybody. 124 00:05:48,050 --> 00:05:50,289 I'm Buddy Silvers. I will be here all week. 125 00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:51,659 And the next week and the week after that. 126 00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:53,289 - I'll be here for eternity. - (Laughing) 127 00:05:53,290 --> 00:05:55,329 Good night, everybody. Thank you. 128 00:05:55,330 --> 00:05:57,369 Oh! 129 00:05:57,370 --> 00:06:00,539 It's funny because it's true. 130 00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:03,380 Oh-ho. Hey, thanks, Jim. Oh, yeah. 131 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,489 Hi, uh, Buddy? 132 00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:10,589 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you 133 00:06:10,590 --> 00:06:14,199 but I wanted to come over and tell you that that was really, 134 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,139 - really something. - You kidding? The crowd was dead. 135 00:06:17,140 --> 00:06:20,039 Thank you very much. (Laughs) 136 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,179 That guy never takes a break, huh? 137 00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:23,579 So listen, do you mind if I sit down? 138 00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:26,289 - Suit yourself. - Thanks. 139 00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:29,359 My name is Kevin Pacalioglu and I'm actually a medium. 140 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,229 I'm here to help you move on. 141 00:06:32,230 --> 00:06:34,469 You have to have something, some unfinished business, 142 00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:36,369 or you wouldn't be trapped here every night. 143 00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:37,679 - Trapped? - Yeah. 144 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,509 Are you kidding? It's a great gig. 145 00:06:39,510 --> 00:06:41,549 I'm only here every night because I wanna be. 146 00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:43,449 And besides, you know, 147 00:06:43,450 --> 00:06:46,259 being a ghost is better than what's waiting for me 148 00:06:46,260 --> 00:06:48,599 on the other side of that light, I'll tell you that. 149 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,769 - And what's that? - My wife. 150 00:06:50,770 --> 00:06:53,400 That wasn't a joke. 151 00:06:53,410 --> 00:06:56,039 Seriously, she scares the hell out of me. 152 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,610 So you just don't want to move on? 153 00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:01,120 I'm having the time of my afterlife here. 154 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,669 (Mysterious theme playing) 155 00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:12,639 Darcy: So how did it go? 156 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,179 Your ghost is a former comedian named Buddy Silvers. 157 00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:18,049 He does this bit about his wife. 158 00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:21,489 (Laughing): He's so good. 159 00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:23,429 It's coming non-stop. 160 00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:25,399 Yeah, I remember a Buddy Silvers. 161 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,400 He was a headliner up in the Catskills back in the '60s. 162 00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:31,339 Well, now he's a deadliner here at your club. 163 00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:35,179 First ghost I've ever met that didn't want my help, though. 164 00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:37,489 You're gonna figure out something, though, right? 165 00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,729 - No. Yes. Not. I will. - No? Okay. 166 00:07:39,730 --> 00:07:42,299 - Oh, my God. - Oh, do you have a plan? 167 00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:45,339 Well, not totally. Uh, I have to go. 168 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,379 I left my newsstand open. I think I have a blob problem. 169 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,379 (Chuckles) 170 00:07:50,380 --> 00:07:51,550 I gotta go. I gotta go. 171 00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:56,659 Oh, no! No, no, no! Get out of here! 172 00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:59,159 Come on! Oh, look at this mess. 173 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,299 Oh, man! Like... thank you very much! 174 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,139 - Uh, Camomile White? Hi. - Mm-hmm. 175 00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:07,809 To whom do I owe 176 00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:09,879 this extraordinary honor and how much do I owe? 177 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,259 Save the idiot routine for your customers. 178 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,689 I know you were at the gallery the day before the s?ance. 179 00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:18,629 And I know you turned off the security cameras. 180 00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:20,269 And I'm assuming that's when you did 181 00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:21,839 whatever you did to the light bulbs. 182 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,839 I don't presume to know what any of that means. 183 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,410 Let's stop skirting around the issue, shall we? 184 00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:29,219 You tell me your trick and I'll tell you mine. 185 00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:31,119 Why don't we start with this newsstand? 186 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,189 - Oh, yeah. This old boy. - Yeah. 187 00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:35,529 Me and Roofie... my friend. We thought, 188 00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:37,399 maybe it would help me drum up a little more business. 189 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,169 It's just a silly little idea but with some hard work 190 00:08:40,170 --> 00:08:42,709 and a little luck, maybe I can be the next Camomile White, 191 00:08:42,710 --> 00:08:44,210 except, you know, for real. 192 00:08:47,390 --> 00:08:49,589 Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. 193 00:08:49,590 --> 00:08:51,659 Maybe. 194 00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:53,599 Would you like to go out sometime? 195 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,569 That's not what I thought you were gonna say. 196 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,609 You want to take my number? Do you have a pen? 197 00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:01,549 Yes. 198 00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:03,249 Oh, I have this. Will this work? 199 00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:05,519 - Sure. Hand. - Okay. 200 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,659 Oh. 201 00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:08,889 (Groaning) Call me... 202 00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:11,599 when you want to... 203 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,269 aah! 204 00:09:13,270 --> 00:09:15,669 Play. Okay. 205 00:09:15,670 --> 00:09:17,910 Yeah? Call me. 206 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,489 Roofie: Why are you even going out with this woman, man? 207 00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:25,359 She caused you so much trouble. 208 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,729 Yeah, I've been thinking about that. 209 00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:29,569 But if she's this incredibly mean to me 210 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:30,930 and I still wanna have sex with her, 211 00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:33,509 that's gotta be true love, Roof. 212 00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:35,839 Even if I'm wrong and I hate her, 213 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,409 I'm sure that I still wanna have sex with her. 214 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,919 Okay. But one problem. 215 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,319 Camomile White is a woman of expensive tastes. 216 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,529 How'd you expect to pay for this? 217 00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:46,229 Ah, shart. I have to finish this comedy club gig. 218 00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:48,269 What's the problem? 219 00:09:48,270 --> 00:09:51,239 It's this ghost comedian. He just won't leave. 220 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,739 Okay, so why don't you get a ghost heckler? 221 00:09:52,740 --> 00:09:55,379 No, Roofie. You don't understand 222 00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:57,279 the level of comedic genius I'm dealing with here. 223 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,519 This guy would destroy a heckler. 224 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,889 Hmm. 225 00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:04,760 So, why don't you just find the worst audience ever? 226 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:08,300 Drunk, rowdy, uninhibited idiots 227 00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:10,539 who not only won't get his jokes, 228 00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:13,310 but they want all the attention on themselves. 229 00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:21,229 (Chuckles) 230 00:10:21,230 --> 00:10:23,629 Kevin: Ladies, nonstop prog. Real bachelorette party. 231 00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:25,369 Who wants to see a show? 232 00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:27,470 Did somebody say they want to see a show? Huh? 233 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,779 (Women cheering) 234 00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:29,979 Hey, how are you doing out there? 235 00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:32,649 (Screaming) Whoo! 236 00:10:32,650 --> 00:10:35,359 What an attractive audience. A battered women's shelter? 237 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,889 We're a bachelorette party! 238 00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:40,560 Oh, bachelorette party, huh? 239 00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:42,699 Who's the bride-to-be, huh? 240 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:45,509 Right here. Me. It's me. 241 00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:48,449 You? Wow! You landed a husband? 242 00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:50,350 What are you, rich? 243 00:10:51,790 --> 00:10:54,589 All right. Marriage is a terrific institution. 244 00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:57,960 I myself, I only slept with one woman for 25 years. 245 00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,669 And then my wife found out. 246 00:10:59,670 --> 00:11:01,569 (Kevin laughing) 247 00:11:01,570 --> 00:11:03,509 Hey, hey. Heh-heh. All right! 248 00:11:03,510 --> 00:11:05,479 You know what? Obviously, this... 249 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,779 this didn't work. Everyone out. Let's go. 250 00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:10,519 Hey! This is my bachelorette party, 251 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,689 and we're not leaving until we see 252 00:11:13,690 --> 00:11:16,769 - some hot damn man-flesh! - (Women cheer) 253 00:11:16,770 --> 00:11:18,269 Oh! 254 00:11:18,270 --> 00:11:20,469 (Chanting): Stripper! Stripper! 255 00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:22,509 Hey, hey, whoa, whoa. Ladies, ladies. 256 00:11:22,510 --> 00:11:24,279 (Chanting): Stripper! Stripper! 257 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,419 You're worse than my in-laws at Thanksgiving dinner. 258 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,689 See me at Dangerfield's from now on. 259 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,999 I don't need this. 260 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,469 It actually worked. Huh! 261 00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:38,769 (Chanting): Stripper! Stripper! 262 00:11:38,770 --> 00:11:42,649 Oh! Come on, who threw that? Was that you? 263 00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,549 You're a troublemaker. I can see it. 264 00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:46,419 - What the hell happened in here? - Huh? Oh. 265 00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:49,559 Uh, nothing. I had to bring in a few cats 266 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,469 to get rid of the mouse. 267 00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:54,539 I don't know what you're talking about, but you listen to me. 268 00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:58,479 Mr. Tim Allen is performing here tonight 269 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,079 and he hates ghosts, okay? 270 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,989 If you don't fix this, you are so not getting paid! 271 00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,759 - Oh, no, no. - Oh, no. 272 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,829 I need you to pay me because I need the money for my date. 273 00:12:08,830 --> 00:12:10,699 For my probably soulmate Camomile. 274 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:12,439 I don't care about your date! 275 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,579 The only thing I care about right now is Tim Allen. 276 00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:17,979 You fix whatever ghost stuff is happening here. 277 00:12:17,980 --> 00:12:19,919 - Yes. - Fix it! 278 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,819 Okay. 279 00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,960 (Women Chanting): Stripper! Stripper! Stripper! 280 00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:32,109 All right, ladies, you don't have to go into the light, 281 00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,549 but you can't stay here! 282 00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:37,019 Ain't that right, officer Billy Club? 283 00:12:37,020 --> 00:12:38,420 (Cheering) 284 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,399 (Kevin laughs) 285 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,629 Get this music on for you. 286 00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:48,669 (Pop music playing) 287 00:12:48,670 --> 00:12:50,880 All right! 288 00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:55,889 Whoo-hoo! 289 00:12:55,890 --> 00:12:57,389 (Women screaming) 290 00:12:57,390 --> 00:12:59,929 Yeah, he's got a gun, look out! 291 00:12:59,930 --> 00:13:01,699 Check out his gun, ladies! 292 00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:05,569 (Women cheering) 293 00:13:05,570 --> 00:13:07,709 Nice, right? 294 00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:09,809 Whoa! Ha-ha! 295 00:13:09,810 --> 00:13:12,149 - Show that junk! - Show that junk! 296 00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:15,059 Oh, they, uh, want you to show them 297 00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:17,089 your, uh, member. 298 00:13:17,090 --> 00:13:18,659 (Chuckles) 299 00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:22,660 They? I mean me. I call me "they." 300 00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:26,079 Oh, come on, buddy, this isn't my first time 301 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,649 dancing for a bachelorette fetishist. 302 00:13:29,650 --> 00:13:32,859 No, I'm telling you there's a bachelorette party 303 00:13:32,860 --> 00:13:35,389 going on right behind you. Right behind you. 304 00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:37,560 - Whoa! - You're a little weirdo, huh? 305 00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:39,530 I know. Yeah. 306 00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:43,540 - There's girls right there. - How come I can't see them? 307 00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,549 Because they're all dead. They're all dead. 308 00:13:45,550 --> 00:13:47,649 (Dramatic theme playing) 309 00:13:47,650 --> 00:13:50,489 You sick prick! 310 00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:52,689 Oh! Whoa, don't shoot! Don't shoot! 311 00:13:52,690 --> 00:13:56,669 - Wait. Is that a prop gun? - Uh... 312 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,909 It's just... it's just girls! Officer Billy Club, come on! 313 00:13:59,910 --> 00:14:02,440 Hey, where did the man-flesh go? 314 00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:05,019 What kind of bachelorette party is this? 315 00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:08,159 I don't know. Can't we just drink some cosmopolitans 316 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,189 and play a game of pin the dick on the donkey? 317 00:14:10,190 --> 00:14:13,569 No! We got on that bus, and we had a vision. 318 00:14:13,570 --> 00:14:16,439 And that vision was of a big, throbbing phallus. 319 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,670 And we are not going anywhere until we see some male dick! 320 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:21,910 Okay, fine. You guys want to see a dick and you'll leave? 321 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,919 Yeah! Please. 322 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,959 I said, you guys wanna see some dick and you'll leave? 323 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,029 (All cheer) 324 00:14:28,030 --> 00:14:30,029 All right, I'm gonna go find the first guy I see, 325 00:14:30,030 --> 00:14:31,899 bring him in here and make you show his dick. 326 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:33,940 (Clothes ripping) 327 00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:43,819 Ghost bride: Whoa. 328 00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:46,800 Oh, it's so effing bright. 329 00:14:48,530 --> 00:14:51,239 Oh, Sujita, do you think they have brunch there? 330 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,069 Woman: Do you think we need to make reservations? 331 00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:56,549 Let's order two things so we can have more variety. 332 00:14:56,550 --> 00:14:58,079 (Sighs) 333 00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,920 Ah! 334 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,269 You really wanna make this place look nice? 335 00:15:09,270 --> 00:15:11,439 - Throw on some pants. - Oh, no! 336 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,449 Are you kidding me? What are you doing here? 337 00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:14,810 What happened to Dangerfield's? 338 00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:16,049 Nah, Kinison went long. 339 00:15:16,050 --> 00:15:17,589 I got bumped. The jerk. 340 00:15:17,590 --> 00:15:18,819 Oh. 341 00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:20,489 Come on, I'm begging you. 342 00:15:20,490 --> 00:15:22,659 Buddy, you gotta... just go into your light. 343 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,299 It's not my fault that your wife sucked so hard. 344 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,069 Hey, listen! My wife was a lot of things. 345 00:15:27,070 --> 00:15:29,539 But she did not suck. 346 00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:32,079 Sadly not even on my birthday. But that's none your business. 347 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,349 I ought to knock your block off. 348 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,919 What are you talking about? 349 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,459 Your whole act is about how horrible your wife was. 350 00:15:38,460 --> 00:15:39,990 The act, it's jokes. 351 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,369 I wrote most of those things before I even met her. 352 00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:44,039 The truth is my wife was nothing like that. 353 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,939 My wife was... 354 00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:47,879 she was, uh... 355 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:52,049 I can't remember. Wow! 356 00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:55,389 I guess I've been doing the "my wife" bit so long 357 00:15:55,390 --> 00:15:57,690 I forgot what she was really like. 358 00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:59,429 I think I really loved her. 359 00:15:59,430 --> 00:16:01,369 If you really loved your wife, 360 00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:03,739 why can't you figure out a way to do 361 00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:05,840 - some nice material about her? - Hold on. 362 00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:11,619 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. When I started dating my wife, 363 00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:13,459 I was so poor... 364 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,859 Come on, help a specter out. 365 00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:18,369 - How poor were you? - Thank you. 366 00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:22,369 I was so poor that I couldn't even afford to buy her flowers. 367 00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:25,379 So I stopped on the way to her house one day, 368 00:16:25,380 --> 00:16:27,980 at the empty lot, and I picked up a bunch of dandelions. 369 00:16:27,990 --> 00:16:29,719 Oh, she's no dummy. 370 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,789 She knew they were weeds 371 00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:34,860 but she put 'em on a vase full of water, just the same. 372 00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:37,030 Just like they were a dozen roses. 373 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,769 She didn't want to hurt my feelings. 374 00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:44,379 The point is I knew right at that moment 375 00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:45,620 she was the one. 376 00:16:49,990 --> 00:16:53,670 Well, what do you know. There's my light. 377 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,469 Thanks, Kevin. 378 00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:59,540 Good luck. 379 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:04,750 (Light pops) 380 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,930 (Sighs) 381 00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:10,600 Wasn't very funny. 382 00:17:14,290 --> 00:17:15,619 All right, try it now. 383 00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,159 Testes. Testes. One, two, three. 384 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,129 - Yes, good? - Yeah, we're good. 385 00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:22,229 I'm just not sure why you're still doing this. 386 00:17:22,230 --> 00:17:25,309 I mean, you met him. Doesn't he seem harmless 387 00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:27,479 and a little sweet, in a simple kind of way? 388 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,379 He's not harmless, Sue. 389 00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:31,749 He's probably the greatest con artist of all time. 390 00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,859 I tried to reason with him medium to medium 391 00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:35,689 and he basically threatened me, 392 00:17:35,690 --> 00:17:38,199 saying he intended to become the next Camomile White. 393 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,569 Well, not on my watch. 394 00:17:39,570 --> 00:17:41,139 So you're just taking out 395 00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:42,809 a little insurance policy? 396 00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:46,249 All I need to do is get him to say the magic words. 397 00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:49,419 You look really pretty tonight. 398 00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:51,559 (Knocking on door) 399 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,659 Of course. 400 00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,100 Hi! 401 00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:59,840 Thank you. 402 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:04,349 Oh, I got these for you. 403 00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,719 I picked them, actually. They're beautiful dandelions. 404 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,719 I know they're not actually flowers 405 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,520 - but a friend of mine told me... - Thank you. They're lovely. 406 00:18:10,530 --> 00:18:12,599 - They mean more than... - I'll put them in some water. 407 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,729 - Thank you. - Okay, great. Yeah. 408 00:18:14,730 --> 00:18:17,300 Wowee! 409 00:18:17,310 --> 00:18:19,739 So many nice things. Uh... 410 00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:21,749 so I was thinking that tonight, 411 00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:24,179 maybe we could just go to the Big Apple Comedy Club. 412 00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:27,359 Two drink minimum but I happen to know the owner, so... 413 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:32,129 You know, I was thinking that we could just stay in. 414 00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:34,299 I mean, you're clearly into me, 415 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:38,379 and I'm clearly into you. 416 00:18:38,380 --> 00:18:39,809 Phew. 417 00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:42,580 So let's stop dancing around our feelings 418 00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:44,320 - and let's just (Bleep) - Oh! 419 00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:48,559 - Whoa! Oh, just a heads up. - Yeah. 420 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,860 There's no button on these pants. 421 00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:51,469 So you don't have to do anything. 422 00:18:51,470 --> 00:18:52,839 There's an elastic all the way around. 423 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,409 - Perfect. - It is, right? 424 00:18:54,410 --> 00:18:56,339 I just need to know something first. 425 00:18:56,340 --> 00:18:58,919 Are you seeing any other women? 426 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,489 Yeah, I'm seeing some girls. 427 00:19:00,490 --> 00:19:02,589 I'm kidding. I don't know why I said that. 428 00:19:02,590 --> 00:19:04,529 Nope. I was being hard to get. 429 00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:07,669 Well, good. Because I don't want to share you. 430 00:19:07,670 --> 00:19:11,309 Good. Trust me, I am not seeing any other women right now. 431 00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:14,240 Well, are you seeing any ghosts right now? 432 00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:17,179 - No. - What about recently? 433 00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:19,219 - You seen any ghost recently? - Uh, no. 434 00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:20,759 I have never seen a ghost. 435 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,689 I don't even know how that would work 436 00:19:22,690 --> 00:19:24,659 if I'm being totally honest. 437 00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:27,699 Very good, Mr. Packalockloogie. 438 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,769 Oh. Uh, close. Mr. Pacalioglu. 439 00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:32,249 At least I think it is. I've never met my parents. 440 00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:34,549 - I'm an orphan. - Right. 441 00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:36,519 What happened? Are you okay? 442 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,589 Is my boner too big? 443 00:19:38,590 --> 00:19:40,859 - No. - Okay. 444 00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:42,660 I've suddenly got a splitting headache. You better go. 445 00:19:42,670 --> 00:19:44,639 Well, you can take something for that. 446 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,339 I got pills. I could give you one of those. 447 00:19:46,340 --> 00:19:47,970 I'm sure one would be good for headache. 448 00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:51,510 This headache won't go away for as long as you're here. 449 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,419 - Oh, it's one of those. - Yeah, you better go. 450 00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:55,759 I've been around a few of those. 451 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,459 - Okay. - Mm-hmm. 452 00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:59,299 - Okay, but, Ms. White? - Yeah? 453 00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:01,799 I would just like to say that I had the time... 454 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,500 - Me too. - No, uh... 455 00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:08,509 Oh, my God. How did it go? It sounded good. 456 00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:12,290 Perfect. We've got lots of work to do. 457 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,490 (Camomile on recording): What about recently? 458 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,899 Have you seen any ghosts recently? 459 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:20,269 Kevin: No. I have never seen a ghost. 460 00:20:20,270 --> 00:20:21,869 I don't even know how that would work 461 00:20:21,870 --> 00:20:24,610 - if I'm being totally honest. - Got him. 462 00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:30,950 (Mellow theme playing) 463 00:20:35,420 --> 00:20:38,250 Seriously, what the heck are you supposed to be? 464 00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:40,519 - I don't know. - Women, huh? 465 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,859 - Yeah. - Love is hard. 466 00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:45,829 (Sighs) 467 00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:48,369 So what, you need a place to stay, buddy? 468 00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:49,569 Yeah. 469 00:20:49,570 --> 00:20:52,800 Yeah, that's what I thought. 470 00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:56,269 Okay, buddy, come on home with me. 471 00:20:56,270 --> 00:20:58,339 (Babbling) 472 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,610 More chips, please. 473 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:05,349 (Mellow theme playing) 474 00:21:05,350 --> 00:21:13,900 ?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17? ?www.addic7ed.com? 475 00:21:13,950 --> 00:21:18,500 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35042

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