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1
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,467
Dads is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:23,190
Morning.
Morning, gang.
3
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:25,426
Hump day! Let's do it.
4
00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:26,760
It's Monday.
5
00:00:26,795 --> 00:00:28,796
Yup.
6
00:00:31,666 --> 00:00:33,634
Well, I'm gonna take lunch.
7
00:00:35,937 --> 00:00:38,205
Oh, I had the worst night
last night.
8
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:39,373
Me, too.
9
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,542
I was visiting my sick aunt
in the hospital.
10
00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:42,876
Aw.
Yeah.
11
00:00:42,911 --> 00:00:44,878
I was at a play.
12
00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:47,915
Yeah.
Plays are the worst.
13
00:00:47,949 --> 00:00:49,650
She's been upgraded to critical.
14
00:00:49,651 --> 00:00:52,152
Thanks for asking.
15
00:00:52,187 --> 00:00:54,922
So, the play, was it, uh,
bad Southern accents
16
00:00:54,923 --> 00:00:56,290
or bad British accents?
17
00:00:56,324 --> 00:01:00,094
Southern.
It was Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
18
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,930
Gosh, it's just three hours of
people fake-fanning themselves.
19
00:01:02,931 --> 00:01:07,635
I declare it's so hot on this tin roof..
20
00:01:07,669 --> 00:01:09,536
I can't tell you how many actors
21
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:10,971
were drinking
from empty glasses.
22
00:01:10,972 --> 00:01:12,139
Oh, I'm really thirsty.
23
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,340
I think I'm gonna drink
24
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:16,277
from this big glass of nothing.
25
00:01:16,311 --> 00:01:17,544
I hate when
they pretend to drive
26
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:18,579
and just steer way too much.
27
00:01:18,613 --> 00:01:20,981
Like every road is
constantly curvy.
28
00:01:23,785 --> 00:01:25,586
The worst is when they,
when they walk down the aisles
29
00:01:25,587 --> 00:01:27,154
and they act to you.
30
00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:29,323
When I was a kid,
I went and saw Godspell.
31
00:01:29,324 --> 00:01:31,992
Uh, they tried to pull me
on stage and I punched Jesus.
32
00:01:33,328 --> 00:01:35,362
Oh, you know what
else is terrible?
33
00:01:35,397 --> 00:01:37,431
This is a lightning storm.
34
00:01:37,432 --> 00:01:38,832
Oh, no!
35
00:01:38,867 --> 00:01:40,067
Oh, no, the thunder!
36
00:01:40,068 --> 00:01:42,536
You better get
your umbrella!
37
00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:43,671
Oh, my God.
38
00:01:43,705 --> 00:01:44,905
I think I'm gonna stay inside
39
00:01:44,906 --> 00:01:47,474
and just drink
from this big glass of nothing!
40
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:52,346
Wow!
Did you see that lightning?
41
00:01:53,848 --> 00:01:56,483
I'm gonna call it a day
before the rains come.
42
00:02:00,021 --> 00:02:03,157
Daddy took me to the zoo
43
00:02:03,158 --> 00:02:05,192
Na, na, na, na
44
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:09,196
Just to see
something brand-new
45
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,231
Na, na, na
46
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:15,436
So many stars up in the sky
47
00:02:15,437 --> 00:02:19,907
So many questions have I
48
00:02:19,908 --> 00:02:22,009
Na, na, na, na
49
00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:23,682
Daddy took me for a ride.
50
00:02:23,683 --> 00:02:27,780
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
51
00:02:28,783 --> 00:02:30,784
I had so much fun at
that play last night.
52
00:02:30,785 --> 00:02:32,519
Didn't you?
53
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,754
Yeah, I'm always so happy
54
00:02:33,755 --> 00:02:36,256
when I leave the theater.
55
00:02:36,291 --> 00:02:37,925
You know,
56
00:02:37,959 --> 00:02:40,127
I was thinking I might
audition for a play.
57
00:02:40,128 --> 00:02:42,196
That's a great idea!
58
00:02:44,566 --> 00:02:46,667
You should totally do that.
59
00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:49,536
Honey, honey...
60
00:02:49,571 --> 00:02:51,138
why the sudden need
to be interested in things?
61
00:02:51,139 --> 00:02:54,108
Don't I give you enough money
during the week?
62
00:02:54,142 --> 00:02:57,144
I just... I spend so much time
with housekeeping
63
00:02:57,145 --> 00:02:58,645
and with the kids.
64
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,147
And you're so good at it.
65
00:03:00,148 --> 00:03:02,082
Keep it up.
66
00:03:02,117 --> 00:03:04,785
Warner, I could really use
a creative outlet in my life.
67
00:03:04,819 --> 00:03:06,053
Okay, 80 more dollars a week,
68
00:03:06,054 --> 00:03:08,922
but I can't go
any higher than that.
69
00:03:08,957 --> 00:03:11,191
Ooh, I could just come back
to work with you guys.
70
00:03:11,226 --> 00:03:12,359
No!
No!
71
00:03:12,394 --> 00:03:14,161
I thought so. Thanks, honey.
72
00:03:14,162 --> 00:03:15,696
Yeah, okay, um...
73
00:03:20,969 --> 00:03:22,469
So...
74
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,605
working late...
75
00:03:24,606 --> 00:03:26,640
dinner, just
the two of us.
76
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:28,475
It's kind of like a date.
77
00:03:35,250 --> 00:03:38,051
Ah!
78
00:03:38,086 --> 00:03:40,320
This is work.
You are paying me to be here.
79
00:03:40,355 --> 00:03:42,356
That's a date in Vegas.
80
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:47,094
Me hate you long time.
81
00:03:48,263 --> 00:03:49,430
See you tomorrow.
82
00:03:49,464 --> 00:03:50,497
It's a date.
83
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:51,497
Ow!
84
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,167
Ow, ow, ow!
Hey! Hey!
85
00:03:53,168 --> 00:03:55,402
Ow, ow!
Hey, hey! Hey.
86
00:03:55,437 --> 00:03:56,970
What are you two
even doing down here?
87
00:03:57,005 --> 00:03:59,973
He disgusting pig-man.
88
00:04:00,008 --> 00:04:01,341
Come on, guys, come on,
whatever it is,
89
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,443
I'm sure it's not
that a big a deal.
90
00:04:02,477 --> 00:04:05,145
I may have brought bedbugs
into our home.
91
00:04:05,180 --> 00:04:06,547
I will bite you!
92
00:04:06,548 --> 00:04:07,547
Eli!
93
00:04:07,549 --> 00:04:08,849
No, no!
94
00:04:08,883 --> 00:04:09,983
Eli.
95
00:04:10,018 --> 00:04:12,419
He not worth it, man.
96
00:04:18,126 --> 00:04:19,927
How did you even get bedbugs?
97
00:04:19,961 --> 00:04:22,963
Well, it may have happened
when I tried on fur coats
98
00:04:22,964 --> 00:04:25,999
at the thrift shop.
99
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,668
Or when I took a nap
100
00:04:27,669 --> 00:04:31,004
on that couch near the Dumpster.
101
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:32,439
Or when I was shirtless
102
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,441
on the bus.
103
00:04:35,577 --> 00:04:39,012
Why did you do any
of those things?
104
00:04:39,047 --> 00:04:42,749
I'm a different guy
when I leave the house.
105
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:01,768
David!
106
00:05:02,904 --> 00:05:04,238
That's my desk.
107
00:05:04,272 --> 00:05:07,474
Well, la-dee-da.
108
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:15,983
What is going on?
109
00:05:16,017 --> 00:05:17,684
My father brought bedbugs
into our house,
110
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,520
so we have to spend
the week here.
111
00:05:19,521 --> 00:05:21,722
Unless of course you'd like
112
00:05:21,723 --> 00:05:24,057
to have me to sleep
at your place.
113
00:05:24,092 --> 00:05:26,660
Sorry, my lease says "no kids."
114
00:05:36,204 --> 00:05:37,704
Hi, honey.
115
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:38,972
Hey, sweetie.
Guess what?
116
00:05:38,973 --> 00:05:40,374
What?
117
00:05:40,375 --> 00:05:42,075
I got the lead
in the play!
118
00:05:44,746 --> 00:05:48,282
Oh, my God.
119
00:05:48,283 --> 00:05:49,950
I knew you'd be so excited.
120
00:05:49,984 --> 00:05:51,718
I need you to thank Eli for me
121
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,787
because I wouldn't have done
this without his encouragement.
122
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,155
Oh, yeah, he's right here.
123
00:05:55,156 --> 00:05:56,356
I-I'll thank him right now.
124
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,357
Eli?
125
00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:16,157
Okay. Thanks for helping
me rehearse, baby.
126
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:18,159
Yeah, it's the
perfect capper
127
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,029
to a ten-hour workday.
128
00:06:21,063 --> 00:06:23,064
Okay, you play Casper.
129
00:06:23,065 --> 00:06:24,132
Casper.
130
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:27,302
"A 30-something
headstrong Albanian.
131
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,304
"He gives and takes
guff equally,
132
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:32,941
making him guff-neutral."
133
00:06:32,942 --> 00:06:35,877
Okay.
134
00:06:35,911 --> 00:06:38,813
"Promise me you won't get mad,
dear Casper."
135
00:06:38,848 --> 00:06:41,583
"I can't promise that any more
than the hawk can promise
136
00:06:41,584 --> 00:06:43,585
the chicken to be true."
137
00:06:44,687 --> 00:06:46,621
Seriously?
138
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,223
Yes, seriously.
139
00:06:48,224 --> 00:06:49,324
Let's keep going, okay?
Okay.
140
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,593
"I parked your scooter
141
00:06:51,594 --> 00:06:54,362
under a tree and got sap on it."
142
00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:58,466
"Don't gasp about past sap.
143
00:06:58,467 --> 00:06:59,968
"And don't grasp my arm
144
00:06:59,969 --> 00:07:02,170
like a rat bastard
pastor, Casper."
145
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:04,272
Wow, that's gonna be
a tough line to learn.
146
00:07:04,273 --> 00:07:05,340
- Yeah.
- Pastor...
147
00:07:05,374 --> 00:07:07,409
Uh, Camila, you know,
I'd love to do this,
148
00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:09,778
but I got laundry
and I got to make dinner
149
00:07:09,779 --> 00:07:11,112
and I got to reassure
our children
150
00:07:11,113 --> 00:07:13,615
that Mommy still loves them, okay?
Well...
151
00:07:13,649 --> 00:07:15,350
we just started.
152
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,118
I have to learn all these lines.
153
00:07:17,153 --> 00:07:19,087
I can help you, Camila.
154
00:07:19,121 --> 00:07:20,121
Really?
155
00:07:20,122 --> 00:07:21,121
Mm-hmm.
156
00:07:21,123 --> 00:07:22,857
Were you watching us
silently again?
157
00:07:22,858 --> 00:07:24,722
I've told you several times
to stop doing that.
158
00:07:26,062 --> 00:07:27,996
Well, I was supposed
to be playing golf,
159
00:07:27,997 --> 00:07:30,131
but they kicked me out
after I accidentally
160
00:07:30,132 --> 00:07:32,400
drove a ball
into a child's back.
161
00:07:34,570 --> 00:07:35,970
Casper, huh?
162
00:07:35,971 --> 00:07:38,606
Uh, by the way,
I'm passing a stone,
163
00:07:38,607 --> 00:07:41,676
so if I start
screaming, duck.
164
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:01,029
Let me know if
I'm in your way.
165
00:08:01,030 --> 00:08:03,031
No, you're good.
166
00:08:06,168 --> 00:08:07,335
Hey.
167
00:08:07,336 --> 00:08:08,403
Hey.
Hey.
168
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,671
Sorry I'm late.
169
00:08:09,672 --> 00:08:12,807
I was driving my kids
to preschool.
170
00:08:12,808 --> 00:08:15,176
I had to teach myself
how to change a dirty diaper
171
00:08:15,177 --> 00:08:17,178
on the side of the freeway.
172
00:08:33,896 --> 00:08:35,263
Thank you.
173
00:08:40,336 --> 00:08:42,537
Why did we have
to get here so early?
174
00:08:42,538 --> 00:08:46,107
Well, I like to marvel
at the curtain.
175
00:08:48,377 --> 00:08:50,378
That is one
hell of a curtain.
176
00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:53,581
Hey, hey...
that's my armrest!
177
00:08:53,582 --> 00:08:56,551
That's my armrest.
178
00:08:56,585 --> 00:08:59,387
Let's Rock, Paper, Scissor
for it.
179
00:08:59,421 --> 00:09:02,724
In Mexico,
is Donkey, Pistol, Sombrero.
180
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:06,361
How does that work?
181
00:09:06,362 --> 00:09:07,629
Pistol shoot donkey,
182
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,197
donkey stomp sombrero,
183
00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:11,566
sombrero cover pistol.
184
00:09:12,401 --> 00:09:13,568
All right.
185
00:09:13,569 --> 00:09:15,036
Ready?
186
00:09:15,037 --> 00:09:17,472
Uno, dos, tres.
One, two, three.
187
00:09:29,919 --> 00:09:32,887
Okay, your armrest.
188
00:09:36,292 --> 00:09:38,226
Well, it appears
189
00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:41,729
as though fate has thrown
us together again.
190
00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:44,365
We're a regular
Gnomeo and Juliet.
191
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,534
Oh, ha-ha!
192
00:09:46,535 --> 00:09:47,802
It's only our second date,
193
00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:49,904
and already we sound like
an old married couple.
194
00:09:49,905 --> 00:09:51,172
Hey, don't try and fool me
195
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:54,776
with the "vagina in the
popcorn trick," okay?
196
00:09:57,546 --> 00:09:59,347
Ladies and gentlemen?
197
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,216
We have some bad news.
198
00:10:01,217 --> 00:10:03,785
Our lead actor's been
in a serious car accident.
199
00:10:03,819 --> 00:10:05,053
Yes!
200
00:10:05,054 --> 00:10:07,355
Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.
201
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,990
Sorry.
202
00:10:09,024 --> 00:10:11,125
So in the grand tradition
of show business,
203
00:10:11,126 --> 00:10:14,095
tonight's performance
is cancelled.
204
00:10:14,096 --> 00:10:17,265
I'm sorry.
205
00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:19,267
Congratulations, honey...
dream achieved!
206
00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:22,070
I'll meet you at the car, okay?
207
00:10:22,104 --> 00:10:23,538
Crawford, hey!
208
00:10:23,572 --> 00:10:24,906
You rehearsed with me for hours.
209
00:10:24,907 --> 00:10:26,808
You know all the lines.
210
00:10:26,842 --> 00:10:27,976
Yeah, I do.
211
00:10:27,977 --> 00:10:29,143
I mean, sometimes
it's hard to tell
212
00:10:29,144 --> 00:10:32,113
where I end and Casper begins.
213
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,515
Well, come on!
214
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,284
Yeah, oh, go, go, Crawford.
Andele. Andele.
215
00:10:36,318 --> 00:10:37,485
Crawford, you should
totally do it.
216
00:10:37,519 --> 00:10:39,654
No, no, no, please...
217
00:10:39,688 --> 00:10:40,955
Get up on stage!
Dad, Dad, please don't.
218
00:10:40,956 --> 00:10:41,955
Please don't, Dad.
219
00:10:41,957 --> 00:10:43,091
I'll do it.
220
00:10:49,198 --> 00:10:50,765
Great!
221
00:10:50,766 --> 00:10:53,067
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
222
00:10:53,068 --> 00:10:55,503
kindly join us
on a magical journey
223
00:10:55,504 --> 00:10:58,973
to 1960's North Dakota!
224
00:11:03,012 --> 00:11:04,979
Letters!
225
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:07,715
Letters!
226
00:11:07,716 --> 00:11:10,251
Letter for you, sir.
227
00:11:10,286 --> 00:11:11,719
Don't. I will punch you.
228
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:14,689
Ask Jesus.
229
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,870
Sure is quiet out
here on the road.
230
00:11:28,904 --> 00:11:32,273
You know, sometimes
when it's late at night,
231
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:34,409
I blame myself
232
00:11:34,410 --> 00:11:36,477
for the helicopter crash.
233
00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:39,180
Oh, God.
234
00:11:39,214 --> 00:11:41,282
Why did you take Alfred?
235
00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:44,252
I miss Alfred something fierce.
236
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:47,889
I have loved you
since you were eight.
237
00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:04,472
What the hell kind
of play is this?
238
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:11,646
A Thousand Kisses
Before Midnight?
239
00:12:13,782 --> 00:12:15,783
Well, that's one.
240
00:12:24,259 --> 00:12:27,295
So, other than that,
Mrs. Lincoln,
241
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:30,064
how was the play?
242
00:12:32,468 --> 00:12:34,435
Look at it this way.
243
00:12:36,805 --> 00:12:38,106
What way?
244
00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:39,941
Drunk.
245
00:12:41,910 --> 00:12:43,177
Warner?
246
00:12:43,212 --> 00:12:45,213
Your father,
he give to your wife
247
00:12:45,214 --> 00:12:47,181
the ol' chorizo.
248
00:12:50,052 --> 00:12:52,120
This is not the answer.
249
00:12:52,121 --> 00:12:54,522
Mm-mm.
250
00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:56,624
Hey, guys, let's hear it
251
00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:58,259
for the hottest couple
252
00:12:58,293 --> 00:13:00,561
in show business!
253
00:13:01,897 --> 00:13:03,531
Thanks, everybody.
Thank you, you guys.
254
00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:04,999
Thanks.
Sorry, I'm so sorry we're late.
255
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,969
I had to stop for
some lip balm.
256
00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:10,738
Yeah, she had kind
of a rough go
257
00:13:10,739 --> 00:13:13,708
with the ol' San Francisco
whisker splitter.
258
00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:16,611
Thank you guys so
much for coming.
259
00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:17,945
It means so much to me.
260
00:13:17,946 --> 00:13:19,580
But I just, I really
want to thank
261
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,449
my wonderful husband
for all his support.
262
00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:23,551
Oh, no, no, no, no.
263
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:26,421
No, no, no-no-no,
no-no-no-no, no.
264
00:13:26,455 --> 00:13:28,823
You kissed my dad.
265
00:13:28,824 --> 00:13:30,825
A thousand times.
266
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:34,829
It was a play.
267
00:13:34,830 --> 00:13:36,197
It's fake.
Yeah.
268
00:13:36,231 --> 00:13:39,300
He faked his tongue
in your mouth?
269
00:13:39,334 --> 00:13:42,737
Warner, we leave our libidos
in the dressing room.
270
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:47,308
I doubt I was more
than 30% aroused.
271
00:13:50,045 --> 00:13:53,848
Camila, I... I knew this play
would screw up our lives.
272
00:13:53,849 --> 00:13:54,916
I'm-I'm sorry,
273
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,452
but you have to stop.
274
00:13:57,486 --> 00:13:58,653
What? No, no!
275
00:13:58,654 --> 00:14:00,621
You encouraged me to do this.
276
00:14:00,656 --> 00:14:02,790
I was only pretend encouraging.
277
00:14:02,791 --> 00:14:04,625
I was acting!
278
00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:06,761
Oh, well, I was acting, too.
279
00:14:06,795 --> 00:14:09,230
Oh! Oh, so as long
as it's a play,
280
00:14:09,231 --> 00:14:10,565
we're allowed
to kiss anybody we want?
281
00:14:10,566 --> 00:14:11,732
That's the new rule?
282
00:14:11,733 --> 00:14:12,867
Ladies and gentlemen!
283
00:14:12,901 --> 00:14:14,936
A play called
Kissing Edna
284
00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:16,137
by Warner Whittemore.
285
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,988
How do you like that?
286
00:14:33,989 --> 00:14:36,390
I like it good!
287
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,234
Girls suck, huh?
288
00:14:54,905 --> 00:14:56,906
Totally.
289
00:14:59,743 --> 00:15:02,878
Maybe I should
just apologize.
290
00:15:02,879 --> 00:15:04,346
No!
291
00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:06,048
No, no, no, no, no.
292
00:15:06,049 --> 00:15:08,984
Let me tell you, as
a never-married man,
293
00:15:08,985 --> 00:15:10,986
you hold all the cards.
294
00:15:13,657 --> 00:15:14,724
How do you figure?
295
00:15:14,758 --> 00:15:16,726
Well, because no one
is gonna want to
296
00:15:16,727 --> 00:15:20,996
marry a woman
with three kids.
297
00:15:21,031 --> 00:15:22,398
Okay, we have two kids.
298
00:15:22,432 --> 00:15:23,933
Damn it!
I almost said two.
299
00:15:23,934 --> 00:15:25,534
It's okay.
300
00:15:25,569 --> 00:15:26,702
It's just that,
you know,
301
00:15:26,703 --> 00:15:28,871
ever since my dad
moved in, I...
302
00:15:28,872 --> 00:15:30,005
I feel like my marriage
303
00:15:30,006 --> 00:15:31,640
is just getting
worse and worse.
304
00:15:31,675 --> 00:15:33,075
Hey, hey, hey.
305
00:15:33,076 --> 00:15:34,944
You can't blame your dad
for ruining your life.
306
00:15:34,945 --> 00:15:35,944
Dad,
307
00:15:35,946 --> 00:15:37,947
are you awake?
308
00:15:42,385 --> 00:15:45,121
Our dads are totally
ruining our lives.
309
00:15:45,122 --> 00:15:46,655
It is a nightmare.
310
00:15:46,690 --> 00:15:47,690
Aha!
311
00:15:52,062 --> 00:15:56,365
You fell for the old fake snore.
312
00:15:56,399 --> 00:15:58,601
You do that?
313
00:15:58,635 --> 00:16:01,437
I've been fake snoring
my whole life.
314
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:03,172
That's how I found out
315
00:16:03,173 --> 00:16:05,174
my platoon was
planning to kill me.
316
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,801
Hey.
Hey.
317
00:16:15,802 --> 00:16:17,012
What are you doing back here?
318
00:16:17,037 --> 00:16:18,404
I'm not staying.
319
00:16:18,405 --> 00:16:20,406
I just forgot my retainer.
320
00:16:23,477 --> 00:16:26,278
Okay, how long are you going to keep
acting like this?
321
00:16:26,313 --> 00:16:28,347
How long are you going
to keep Frenching my dad?
322
00:16:30,283 --> 00:16:33,185
You know, if you would have
rehearsed with me,
323
00:16:33,186 --> 00:16:34,954
it would have been
you Frenching me,
324
00:16:34,955 --> 00:16:37,056
but you couldn't
find the time.
325
00:16:37,090 --> 00:16:40,259
What time
do I have?
326
00:16:40,293 --> 00:16:43,028
I-I like the system we
used to have together.
327
00:16:43,063 --> 00:16:44,396
Oh!
328
00:16:44,397 --> 00:16:45,931
The one where
I do everything
329
00:16:45,932 --> 00:16:47,867
and you do nothing?
330
00:16:47,901 --> 00:16:49,101
There you go.
331
00:16:49,102 --> 00:16:50,236
Partners.
332
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,304
Unbelievable.
333
00:16:52,305 --> 00:16:56,108
I've done everything
for five years.
334
00:16:56,143 --> 00:16:58,110
Okay.
335
00:16:58,145 --> 00:17:00,613
Okay, I know about
your naps, all right?
336
00:17:00,647 --> 00:17:03,082
Well, I know about you
parking down the street
337
00:17:03,083 --> 00:17:04,650
and waiting for
the kids' baths to be done
338
00:17:04,651 --> 00:17:05,851
before you come home.
339
00:17:05,886 --> 00:17:07,453
Oh! Great mother!
340
00:17:07,454 --> 00:17:08,754
Looking out
the window
341
00:17:08,755 --> 00:17:10,022
while your kid's
in the tub!
342
00:17:10,023 --> 00:17:11,524
Yeah! Right on!
343
00:17:11,558 --> 00:17:13,659
And what about
this pigsty, huh?
344
00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:15,795
It's like a tornado
came in here.
345
00:17:15,829 --> 00:17:17,396
Right here.
346
00:17:17,397 --> 00:17:19,398
This plate... it's like
I can't find anything!
347
00:17:19,399 --> 00:17:20,866
Okay.
348
00:17:20,901 --> 00:17:21,967
Okay, seriously,
349
00:17:21,968 --> 00:17:23,569
if you can't support me
350
00:17:23,570 --> 00:17:26,138
when I do one thing for myself,
351
00:17:26,139 --> 00:17:28,607
why are we even together?
352
00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:30,943
Tax purposes?
353
00:17:30,977 --> 00:17:32,478
Get out.
354
00:17:32,512 --> 00:17:34,246
Fine, I'm gonna...
355
00:17:34,281 --> 00:17:35,948
take my retainer
and go to the office
356
00:17:35,949 --> 00:17:38,284
and live with my friends.
357
00:17:38,285 --> 00:17:41,153
Say good-bye to the greatest man
you've ever loved.
358
00:17:44,691 --> 00:17:48,394
And never go to the bathroom
without a buddy.
359
00:17:49,663 --> 00:17:51,797
And always carry a flashlight.
360
00:17:51,798 --> 00:17:53,966
If you don't have a flashlight,
361
00:17:53,967 --> 00:17:55,968
you can buy one from my canteen.
362
00:17:58,471 --> 00:18:02,474
I also have candy bars,
$4.00.
363
00:18:02,509 --> 00:18:03,909
Four dollars?
364
00:18:03,944 --> 00:18:05,678
Five.
Five?
365
00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:08,314
Six.
You see how this works?
366
00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:10,983
I'm not hungry.
367
00:18:11,017 --> 00:18:13,319
And remember, the key
to drying your underwear
368
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,120
is keeping them on that vent.
369
00:18:15,155 --> 00:18:18,290
It turns on every half hour.
370
00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:25,798
It's also sort of
become the unofficial flag
371
00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:27,800
of our new office society.
372
00:18:29,903 --> 00:18:32,271
I can't believe
I have to live here.
373
00:18:32,305 --> 00:18:33,505
Are you kidding?
374
00:18:33,506 --> 00:18:34,640
This is a great life.
375
00:18:34,641 --> 00:18:35,640
Sleeping on the floor,
376
00:18:35,642 --> 00:18:37,877
vending machine
dinners.
377
00:18:39,145 --> 00:18:40,312
Hey...
378
00:18:40,313 --> 00:18:41,447
What are you
doing here?
379
00:18:41,448 --> 00:18:42,715
My parents have been staying
380
00:18:42,716 --> 00:18:44,516
in my one-room apartment
with me all week.
381
00:18:44,551 --> 00:18:45,851
Why don't they just
stay in a hotel?
382
00:18:45,886 --> 00:18:48,787
Asian.
383
00:18:48,822 --> 00:18:50,656
Why don't you just
stay in a hotel?
384
00:18:50,690 --> 00:18:53,158
Asian.
385
00:18:54,427 --> 00:18:57,563
Wait, why aren't you guys
at a hotel?
386
00:18:57,597 --> 00:19:00,065
Jewish.
Jewish.
387
00:19:03,503 --> 00:19:04,837
Warner.
388
00:19:04,871 --> 00:19:07,006
Dad, I've got nothing
to say to you.
389
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,742
You know, it seems like
ever since that play,
390
00:19:09,743 --> 00:19:11,744
something is bugging you.
391
00:19:14,948 --> 00:19:17,449
You made out with my wife
392
00:19:17,450 --> 00:19:18,751
in front of everybody I know,
393
00:19:18,752 --> 00:19:20,486
and you keep doing it
394
00:19:20,487 --> 00:19:21,553
every night.
395
00:19:21,588 --> 00:19:24,990
And you've never
thanked me for it.
396
00:19:26,626 --> 00:19:27,826
You know, son, you...
397
00:19:27,827 --> 00:19:30,596
you have got to be more
attentive as a husband.
398
00:19:31,865 --> 00:19:33,299
My marriage didn't work out
399
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,700
because I got in the way
400
00:19:34,701 --> 00:19:36,001
of what your mother wanted.
401
00:19:36,036 --> 00:19:37,503
What did she want?
402
00:19:37,537 --> 00:19:40,105
A divorce.
403
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:42,541
Do you know
how-how gross it is
404
00:19:42,542 --> 00:19:45,144
to-to see your dad
kissing your wife?
405
00:19:45,145 --> 00:19:47,513
It's a... it's an image
I can't get out of my head.
406
00:19:47,547 --> 00:19:50,182
Okay, how about
this image, then?
407
00:19:50,183 --> 00:19:53,419
Your wife packing her bags
and leaving.
408
00:19:53,453 --> 00:19:56,622
Because that is exactly
what is going to happen
409
00:19:56,656 --> 00:19:58,791
if you don't let her
follow her dreams.
410
00:20:01,895 --> 00:20:03,929
I got to go apologize.
Mm-hmm.
411
00:20:03,930 --> 00:20:05,798
I guess there-there
are worse things
412
00:20:05,799 --> 00:20:08,934
than your dad
kissing your wife.
413
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:11,804
Warner?
Yeah?
414
00:20:11,805 --> 00:20:14,673
I think I pregnant.
415
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,368
So, how'd it
go at home?
416
00:20:25,403 --> 00:20:27,670
Good.
Things back on track with Camila?
417
00:20:27,671 --> 00:20:28,905
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
418
00:20:28,906 --> 00:20:30,240
Last night, I, uh...
419
00:20:30,241 --> 00:20:34,911
I actually kissed one
of my dad's mustache hairs
420
00:20:34,912 --> 00:20:36,980
out of my wife's mouth.
421
00:20:41,318 --> 00:20:42,652
But I'm...
422
00:20:42,653 --> 00:20:44,654
I'm o... I'm okay.
423
00:20:46,190 --> 00:20:48,525
There's worse places
you could have found it.
424
00:20:50,661 --> 00:20:54,030
So, when are you... when are you
moving back upstairs?
425
00:20:54,065 --> 00:20:56,966
Tonight. Just have a few
loose ends to tie up here.
426
00:21:02,907 --> 00:21:04,074
It's time.
427
00:21:39,771 --> 00:21:42,006
Take your hat off, jerk.
428
00:21:48,495 --> 00:21:51,529
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
429
00:21:51,579 --> 00:21:56,129
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