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1
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,968
Dads is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:24,773 --> 00:00:26,640
Dad, I know how much
that excites your nipples,
3
00:00:26,641 --> 00:00:28,676
but please get
out of my way.
4
00:00:30,746 --> 00:00:32,747
I need the light; I was
reading the newspaper.
5
00:00:32,748 --> 00:00:34,749
What?
Get out of here.
6
00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:37,218
You are in my way
every morning.
7
00:00:37,219 --> 00:00:39,019
You're in my way every morning.
8
00:00:39,054 --> 00:00:40,814
I have to work, you have nothing.
I do stuff.
9
00:00:40,822 --> 00:00:43,758
- Ask Edna.
- He do nothing.
10
00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:48,195
Get out of the house.
11
00:00:48,196 --> 00:00:50,364
It's San Francisco;
There's so much to see.
12
00:00:50,399 --> 00:00:51,632
You can go to Alcatraz.
13
00:00:51,666 --> 00:00:52,833
I don't need to see a prison.
14
00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:55,569
I was married to your mother.
15
00:00:55,604 --> 00:00:57,538
See the trolley cars.
16
00:00:57,572 --> 00:01:00,040
No, thanks, I'm straight.
17
00:01:00,075 --> 00:01:01,709
Chinatown?
18
00:01:01,743 --> 00:01:05,379
All Chinatowns look
alike to me.
19
00:01:05,414 --> 00:01:07,014
Whatever, Dad,
you can't keep doing this.
20
00:01:07,015 --> 00:01:08,048
I'm gonna be late for work.
21
00:01:08,083 --> 00:01:10,317
You work two floors down.
22
00:01:10,352 --> 00:01:12,586
Yeah, but I still have to eat
and then I have to shower.
23
00:01:17,659 --> 00:01:20,494
Okay, you good to go.
24
00:01:23,632 --> 00:01:26,700
Daddy took me to the zoo
25
00:01:26,735 --> 00:01:28,769
Na, na, na, na
26
00:01:28,804 --> 00:01:32,773
Just to see
something brand-new
27
00:01:32,808 --> 00:01:34,809
Na, na, na
28
00:01:34,843 --> 00:01:39,046
So many stars up in the sky
29
00:01:39,047 --> 00:01:43,517
So many questions have I
30
00:01:43,518 --> 00:01:45,586
Na, na, na, na
31
00:01:45,587 --> 00:01:47,233
Daddy took me for a ride.
32
00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:51,261
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
33
00:01:51,262 --> 00:01:54,531
Look, I-I know you're
really upset that Eli ended
34
00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:56,834
the relationship,
but I can assure you,
35
00:01:56,835 --> 00:01:59,336
he, he had the best intentions.
36
00:01:59,337 --> 00:02:01,038
Where is that coward?
37
00:02:01,039 --> 00:02:02,906
Well, see, I'm here
38
00:02:02,907 --> 00:02:04,341
to break up with you for him,
39
00:02:04,342 --> 00:02:06,777
so if there's anything
you want to say to him,
40
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:08,612
you can say to me.
41
00:02:08,613 --> 00:02:11,815
Hmm, well said.
42
00:02:11,816 --> 00:02:13,217
Anything else?
43
00:02:15,954 --> 00:02:17,354
I think I've heard enough.
44
00:02:17,355 --> 00:02:20,691
Uh, here's a... whoo...
generous severance check
45
00:02:20,692 --> 00:02:22,126
and a free
46
00:02:22,127 --> 00:02:24,928
Ghost Child Games T-shirt
for you.
47
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,336
Eli, you've got to stop
banging our assistants.
48
00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:34,705
She could sue us
and we'd all be done.
49
00:02:34,706 --> 00:02:37,307
Um, I could sue her sweater
for misrepresenting her boobs,
50
00:02:37,308 --> 00:02:38,976
and I'd win.
51
00:02:40,111 --> 00:02:41,745
And then I would make
a triumphant speech
52
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:43,280
on the courthouse steps.
53
00:02:43,281 --> 00:02:47,851
"Today is a great day for
honest boobs everywhere."
54
00:02:47,852 --> 00:02:50,621
Everywhere, everywhere.
55
00:02:50,622 --> 00:02:52,523
Eli, this isn't funny.
56
00:02:52,524 --> 00:02:54,057
People are saying
that you're sexist.
57
00:02:54,058 --> 00:02:56,093
Yeah, but they're all
women, so who cares?
58
00:02:56,127 --> 00:02:59,997
No, we had to hire
a new HR lady because of you.
59
00:03:00,031 --> 00:03:02,132
Trust me, you do not want
to deal with the new HR woman.
60
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:03,467
She is mean.
61
00:03:03,468 --> 00:03:06,970
She fired Dick just
for introducing himself.
62
00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:10,941
This girl today
wasn't my fault.
63
00:03:10,942 --> 00:03:13,076
She was so annoying.
How?
64
00:03:13,077 --> 00:03:15,112
She would describe her
dreams to me every morning.
65
00:03:15,146 --> 00:03:16,780
Oh, God, I hate it
when my wife does that.
66
00:03:16,781 --> 00:03:17,781
- Right?
- Yeah, it's awful.
67
00:03:17,782 --> 00:03:19,783
Yeah.
I mean, do you do that?
68
00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:20,784
Asians don't dream.
69
00:03:20,785 --> 00:03:23,587
It's a waste of time.
70
00:03:23,588 --> 00:03:26,957
I think Martin Luther King
would disagree with you.
71
00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:29,393
Am I right?
72
00:03:32,263 --> 00:03:34,331
And you were there,
too, but it wasn't
73
00:03:34,332 --> 00:03:37,134
really you, and we were falling
and we tried to scream,
74
00:03:37,135 --> 00:03:38,802
but nothing was coming out.
75
00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:40,137
That's weird, huh?
76
00:03:40,138 --> 00:03:44,041
Hmm, that's so interesting
and special.
77
00:03:44,075 --> 00:03:46,143
Thank you guys
for having me over.
78
00:03:46,144 --> 00:03:47,544
I really couldn't
stand another night
79
00:03:47,545 --> 00:03:51,782
of watching Cinemax with my
dad with our legs touching.
80
00:03:51,783 --> 00:03:53,784
You know, Crawford, I bet
81
00:03:53,785 --> 00:03:55,686
you and David have
a lot in common.
82
00:03:55,687 --> 00:03:58,055
Maybe you should hang out
tomorrow.
83
00:03:58,089 --> 00:04:01,658
I'd love to;
Let me check my day planner.
84
00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:04,595
Uh, Dad, that says "1982."
85
00:04:04,629 --> 00:04:06,663
The days line up the same.
86
00:04:08,199 --> 00:04:09,867
Well, you know what?
87
00:04:09,868 --> 00:04:11,068
I have an opening
88
00:04:11,069 --> 00:04:15,806
between 8:00 a.m.
and 4:00 p.m.
89
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,575
Who is Jane Pauley?
90
00:04:18,576 --> 00:04:20,878
Oh, that was '82,
and you may not know this,
91
00:04:20,879 --> 00:04:22,946
but your old man was
quite the stalker.
92
00:04:35,226 --> 00:04:37,227
Psst.
93
00:04:37,228 --> 00:04:40,597
Psst, psst, psst.
94
00:04:40,598 --> 00:04:42,633
What is that?
95
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:44,301
That's our new assistant
Janet.
96
00:04:44,335 --> 00:04:45,903
Are you kidding?
97
00:04:45,904 --> 00:04:49,039
She looks like the old lady
on that pasta sauce label.
98
00:04:50,006 --> 00:04:52,841
Exactly...
Janet is Eli-proof.
99
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:53,976
Oh, oh, really?
Yeah.
100
00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:55,577
Oh, we'll see about that.
101
00:04:55,578 --> 00:04:57,579
Okay.
102
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:06,221
I hit a 1970s perfume wall.
103
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:07,756
Yeah.
104
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,659
Why would you
do this to me?
105
00:05:10,693 --> 00:05:13,061
Because you are
a human resources nightmare.
106
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,763
Eli, this company
can't afford to get sued,
107
00:05:14,764 --> 00:05:18,233
and trust me, you want
no part of the new HR lady.
108
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,736
She hit three home runs
in softball yesterday.
109
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,437
One of them was
to dead center.
110
00:05:22,438 --> 00:05:23,639
Really?
111
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,707
Yeah, it hit a car.
112
00:05:38,288 --> 00:05:40,155
My God,
113
00:05:40,156 --> 00:05:43,392
that coffee is
like 180 degrees.
114
00:05:43,393 --> 00:05:45,260
She didn't even
blow on it.
115
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,901
Hey, Jesus
of Nazareth.
116
00:05:54,904 --> 00:05:58,340
In this office...
117
00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,609
we wear socks.
118
00:06:02,645 --> 00:06:04,713
For God's sakes,
get some socks, you maniac.
119
00:06:04,747 --> 00:06:07,649
You're gonna get us all killed.
120
00:06:07,650 --> 00:06:09,551
Oh, hey, what are
you guys doing here?
121
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:10,819
I thought you guys were going
out to lunch.
122
00:06:10,820 --> 00:06:12,454
We are out for lunch.
Where's your fridge?
123
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,455
Um...
124
00:06:14,324 --> 00:06:17,392
I, uh, I can get lunch
for your friends.
125
00:06:17,427 --> 00:06:18,427
Uh, these aren't friends.
126
00:06:18,428 --> 00:06:19,761
They're dads.
127
00:06:19,762 --> 00:06:20,762
Oh.
128
00:06:20,763 --> 00:06:24,967
Oh, well, hello,
Mr. Sachs, and hi.
129
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:25,968
Call me David.
130
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,467
Mr. Sachs is my son's name.
131
00:06:36,275 --> 00:06:39,544
Boy, I wish I had a swing
like that on my front porch.
132
00:06:42,982 --> 00:06:44,616
Yeah, she looks
like that beautiful woman
133
00:06:44,617 --> 00:06:47,619
on the pasta sauce label.
134
00:06:49,656 --> 00:06:52,924
Come on, Crawford,
be my wingman.
135
00:06:55,194 --> 00:06:57,162
Oh, my God,
136
00:06:57,196 --> 00:06:59,316
my dad's trying to impress her
with a two-dollar bill.
137
00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:01,933
I can't believe this...
I hired Janet
138
00:07:01,934 --> 00:07:04,002
so nobody would be
attracted to her.
139
00:07:04,003 --> 00:07:06,838
Well, it looks like a couple of
nobodies are attracted to her.
140
00:07:08,207 --> 00:07:09,808
Okay, if she feels
sexually pressured
141
00:07:09,809 --> 00:07:12,911
by her bosses' fathers,
that's a form of harassment.
142
00:07:12,912 --> 00:07:14,646
Yeah, but if my dad
starts dating her,
143
00:07:14,681 --> 00:07:16,248
then he'll be
out of the house,
144
00:07:16,249 --> 00:07:18,250
and that is a form
of happiness.
145
00:07:19,752 --> 00:07:21,720
Come on, Dad,
work your magic.
146
00:07:21,754 --> 00:07:23,055
So, why aren't you married?
147
00:07:23,056 --> 00:07:24,423
Bum vagina?
148
00:07:30,402 --> 00:07:32,970
Coming up,
why today's 65-year-old
149
00:07:32,971 --> 00:07:35,372
Aw, geez.
150
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,035
No smoking in my house.
151
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,004
Boy, must have dozed off there.
152
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,774
You know, there's nothing
like a cigar and a nap.
153
00:07:56,776 --> 00:08:00,279
Yeah, so, any plans tonight?
154
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,349
Yeah, I got three people coming
over to teach me Yiddish.
155
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,985
I got to go make a yarmulke
out of a coffee filter.
156
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,855
Hey.
157
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,957
Hey, how was work?
158
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,926
Bad. How was home?
Bad.
159
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,861
Well, should we talk
about it or just drink?
160
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:16,962
We should
probably talk.
161
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:18,497
All right, Il make
the drinks.
162
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,468
I know you're against
office romances,
163
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:26,138
but your dad really seems
to like this Janet,
164
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:29,208
and I think that you should
encourage him to find love
165
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,044
and get him
out of my house.
166
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,513
Your house?
167
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:35,614
What?
Oh, nothing.
168
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,249
Oh, come on, he's not that bad.
169
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,751
Warner.
Yeah.
170
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,886
Do you have
black neighbors?
171
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:43,455
Uh, yeah, Dad,
right next door.
172
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,925
Oh...
173
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,894
I'm sorry, Officer,
the whole thing
174
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,896
is just a humorous
misunderstanding.
175
00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:53,666
Mm-hmm.
176
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,901
So, did Janet ask
about me?
177
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,036
No, she didn't,
178
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,971
and you're not
going to have
179
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,506
an office romance, I'm sorry.
180
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,508
Well, not with that
Casanova David around.
181
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:05,811
He's got so many cool shirts.
182
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:07,846
I hate my shirts.
183
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,383
Oh, that must
be my Jews.
184
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,327
Who the hell called
the cops on me?
185
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,799
So they removed the body,
186
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,500
and suddenly
I had a seat
187
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:31,270
in first class.
188
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:35,140
God, he has no game.
189
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:36,742
It's a wonder
you were ever born.
190
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,979
Hmm... and yet
here I stand.
191
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:42,881
Oh, are you standing?
192
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:45,417
Would you like to go
out for dinner?
193
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,219
I know a Greek place
around the corner.
194
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:51,023
Oh, well, I-I love
Greek food and corners.
195
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,760
Uh, want to pick me up at 6:00?
196
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:56,228
No, I'll meet you there.
197
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,968
Oh, look at her.
198
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,536
She's so beautiful.
199
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,839
Now, listen, go over there
and talk to her.
200
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,173
Okay.
Be yourself.
201
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,042
Be myself.
Yes.
202
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,043
How's my breath?
203
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,181
It's age-appropriate.
204
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,218
Yeah.
205
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,854
Oh, hey, what
are you doing...?
206
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,622
Oh, my God, you're not
pregnant again, are you?
207
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,292
Oh, no, no, come on.
208
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,827
We talked about this.
209
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,095
You're trying to set my dad up?
210
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,430
Well,
211
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,465
she said yes.
212
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:36,068
Now I got to get to work
on an erection.
213
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,272
How come
the only kind of kebab
214
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,841
you ever hear about
is shish?
215
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,913
Oh, look, it's a ladybug.
216
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:49,782
All right, hold
still, I'll kill it.
217
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:56,588
Anyone who owns their own
bowling ball is a schmuck.
218
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:01,493
The first person who comes up
with a use for men's nipples...
219
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,563
they can write
their own ticket.
220
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:07,699
I didn't like that no-leg
South African sprinter
221
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,436
before he shot
his girlfriend.
222
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:14,540
Separate checks.
223
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,877
So, Janet,
224
00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:20,179
what is your decision?
225
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,281
Whose dandruff
do you want on you?
226
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,285
Well, that-that's...
227
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:29,388
that's a really
tough choice, but
228
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:30,789
I think I...
229
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,357
I clicked a little
more with...
230
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,525
David.
231
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,560
Yes!
232
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:35,494
Oh, he's just so dark.
233
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,795
Yes, he is!
234
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,299
I'll-I'll send a moving
truck with all his stuff,
235
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,167
and then, I'll, what,
see you at Thanksgiving?
236
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,270
Hold on, hold on.
Janet,
237
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,538
as our employee,
238
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,674
if this in any way makes you
feel uncomfortable,
239
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,075
you don't have to date him.
240
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,577
Oh, I...
Okay. No.
241
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:54,546
I think the whole... the whole
office should hear this.
242
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,116
Guys, listen up, okay?
243
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,651
Everyone in this office
244
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:02,121
is captain
of their own sexual freedom.
245
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:05,090
Be you straight, gay...
246
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,493
or Elliot.
247
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,195
Okay?
248
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,030
You don't need to have sex
249
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:14,900
with the boss' fathers,
or anyone.
250
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:18,804
But you can.
251
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,539
Okay, but don't.
252
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,808
- Choose happiness.
- Not at work.
253
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:23,976
Heart wants what it wants.
254
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:26,011
And that's why there are laws,
right, guys?
255
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:29,815
Hello? What happened?
256
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:33,018
You shouldn't have started
your speech at 4:59.
257
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:40,192
Mountaintop wizard fight?
258
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:41,160
Fireball, fireball.
259
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,861
Lightning!
Ash naz gimbatu!
260
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:45,364
Ash naz gimbatu!
261
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,839
Hey.
262
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:55,908
Hey! How was work?
263
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,409
Well, you'd be proud of me.
264
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,977
I peed at the urinal
265
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,914
with some guy standing
right next to me.
266
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,449
Did anything come out?
267
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,585
No, but I stood there
like it was.
268
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,120
Mm.
269
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:10,522
It's all gonna happen soon,
I can feel it.
270
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,926
Warner, you want
this condom?
271
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,763
I'm never gonna use it.
272
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,498
Uh, Dad,
where'd you get that?
273
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,500
From your neighbor.
274
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,037
It's a large.
275
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:33,212
Dad, you know, forget about
that whole Janet thing.
276
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,646
Well...
277
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,549
Workplace romances
are always a disaster.
278
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:41,620
You know, Warner, this whole
thing has made me realize...
279
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:45,123
that there's really only
one person out there for you.
280
00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:48,594
For me... it was your mother.
281
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,495
And for your mother,
282
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,664
it was a weightlifter
from Sacramento.
283
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:58,237
I had no idea he felt like that.
284
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,304
Yeah.
285
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,341
You know, when I was a kid,
286
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,477
I asked Jenny Sanders
to the prom, and she said no.
287
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:08,880
And-and my dad got in the car
and drove all the way down there
288
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:11,016
and convinced her to go with me.
289
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,051
That's sweet.
290
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:15,988
And creepy.
291
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,190
I can't believe
I'm going to say this,
292
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,325
but I'm going
to go down to Janet's
293
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:21,960
and get my dad a prom date.
294
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,495
Oh, while you're out, can you
pick me up some of...?
295
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,764
No. This is not one
of those trips.
296
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,483
Janet?
297
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,201
Hey.
298
00:15:23,202 --> 00:15:25,270
Good morning.
299
00:15:25,271 --> 00:15:27,272
That's right.
300
00:15:30,876 --> 00:15:33,411
Oh, I forgot
what I was gonna say.
301
00:15:33,445 --> 00:15:36,247
Oh, yeah. Is Janet here?
302
00:15:36,282 --> 00:15:38,016
Oh, she, uh, quit this morning.
303
00:15:38,050 --> 00:15:41,753
Oh...
304
00:15:41,754 --> 00:15:44,989
Okay. Just, like...
305
00:15:44,990 --> 00:15:47,358
Just like that?
306
00:15:47,393 --> 00:15:49,661
Mm?
Yeah.
307
00:15:52,564 --> 00:15:54,098
She said she really
enjoyed her time here,
308
00:15:54,099 --> 00:15:56,601
and she just wanted
to pursue other opportunities.
309
00:15:56,635 --> 00:15:59,103
Okay. Okay.
310
00:15:59,104 --> 00:16:02,106
Uh, that's good for her, right?
311
00:16:03,108 --> 00:16:04,876
Ah. That's all she said?
312
00:16:04,877 --> 00:16:05,943
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
313
00:16:05,978 --> 00:16:07,979
Okay. Okay.
314
00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:15,753
Oh, and something about you
leering through a window
315
00:16:15,754 --> 00:16:19,557
of her house, yelling,
"I'm not masturbating!"
316
00:16:31,637 --> 00:16:33,471
I can explain. I...
317
00:16:33,505 --> 00:16:35,673
Don't waste it on us.
Okay...
318
00:16:35,674 --> 00:16:38,643
Save it for HR, because
you have a meeting at 11:00.
319
00:16:38,644 --> 00:16:40,978
Aw, who's a little
HR nightmare now?
320
00:16:40,979 --> 00:16:42,246
- It's you.
- No.
321
00:16:42,247 --> 00:16:44,148
- It's you.
- No.
322
00:16:44,149 --> 00:16:46,150
- Who's the little HR nightmare?
- No.
323
00:16:46,151 --> 00:16:47,652
Isn't it you?
No.
324
00:16:48,954 --> 00:16:50,955
Uh...
325
00:16:50,989 --> 00:16:52,490
Okay, what do I do?
What do I do?
326
00:16:52,524 --> 00:16:54,692
Relax. I will go upstairs,
I'll talk to my dad,
327
00:16:54,693 --> 00:16:56,861
he'll call Janet, and
she'll drop the whole thing.
328
00:16:56,862 --> 00:16:58,096
Ugh. I hope that works,
329
00:16:58,097 --> 00:16:59,664
'cause HR meany was
in the bathroom today,
330
00:16:59,665 --> 00:17:02,734
and she emptied
the tampon machine.
331
00:17:02,735 --> 00:17:05,436
It looked like she was
about to blow up a bridge.
332
00:17:11,510 --> 00:17:14,278
Has he moved yet
this morning?
333
00:17:14,313 --> 00:17:17,115
He scratch his nose
at... 9:20.
334
00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:18,916
Mm.
335
00:17:19,952 --> 00:17:22,754
Hey, Dad,
uh, I need a favor.
336
00:17:22,755 --> 00:17:23,988
No.
337
00:17:24,022 --> 00:17:25,000
You don't even know what it is.
338
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,535
It's a favor.
What else do I need to know?
339
00:17:27,569 --> 00:17:30,538
Dad, I need you to call
your girlfriend, Janet,
340
00:17:30,539 --> 00:17:32,173
and smooth something over
for me.
341
00:17:32,207 --> 00:17:34,575
She's not my girlfriend anymore.
342
00:17:34,610 --> 00:17:36,177
Already?
What happened?
343
00:17:36,211 --> 00:17:40,915
She couldn't name the original
Mercury astronauts.
344
00:17:40,949 --> 00:17:43,584
You still ask women
that question?
345
00:17:43,585 --> 00:17:45,186
Who cares?
346
00:17:45,187 --> 00:17:47,555
Maybe the families
of John Glenn,
347
00:17:47,556 --> 00:17:50,291
Alan Shepard,
Virgil I. "Gus" Grissom...
348
00:17:50,292 --> 00:17:51,559
All right, Dad,
I understand...
349
00:17:51,593 --> 00:17:54,195
...Gordo Cooper, Deke Slayton,
350
00:17:54,196 --> 00:17:55,696
Scott Carpenter...
You made your point. I...
351
00:17:55,697 --> 00:17:57,465
...Wally Schirra.
352
00:17:57,466 --> 00:17:59,367
Dad,
353
00:17:59,401 --> 00:18:01,235
please call her.
354
00:18:01,269 --> 00:18:02,536
No.
355
00:18:02,571 --> 00:18:04,939
You're impossible!
356
00:18:04,973 --> 00:18:08,109
I'll call her when she takes
seventh grade history!
357
00:18:15,517 --> 00:18:17,551
Don't finish that
friendly knock.
358
00:18:20,088 --> 00:18:22,356
Have a seat.
Oh.
359
00:18:29,798 --> 00:18:31,232
State your name.
360
00:18:31,233 --> 00:18:34,769
Uh, Warner Whittemore.
361
00:18:34,803 --> 00:18:36,971
So...
362
00:18:36,972 --> 00:18:40,741
you like looking at old ladies,
you perv? Hmm?
363
00:18:40,742 --> 00:18:42,076
What?!
364
00:18:42,110 --> 00:18:46,013
You like pulling your
pickle in public, huh?
365
00:18:46,014 --> 00:18:49,216
Is that what
bangs your gong?
366
00:18:51,253 --> 00:18:53,921
Uh, who are you recording this
for?
367
00:18:53,922 --> 00:18:56,857
All the old ladies who
just want to take a shower
368
00:18:56,858 --> 00:19:01,295
without some creep tuggin' on
his tiny outside their window.
369
00:19:01,329 --> 00:19:04,432
Okay, I wasn't tugging
on my tiny.
370
00:19:04,433 --> 00:19:06,233
I... I, uh...
371
00:19:06,234 --> 00:19:07,968
This was a big misunderstanding.
372
00:19:08,003 --> 00:19:08,936
Really?
Yeah.
373
00:19:08,937 --> 00:19:10,805
Really? Okay, well,
374
00:19:10,806 --> 00:19:13,174
let's do a-a... a little
bit of research, okay?
375
00:19:13,175 --> 00:19:14,542
Okay.
Typey, type-type-type.
376
00:19:14,543 --> 00:19:15,843
Okay, look at this. What?
377
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:19,980
What are all
of these settlement checks
378
00:19:19,981 --> 00:19:21,701
that are made out
to your former assistants?
379
00:19:22,884 --> 00:19:24,919
Did you spin your pee spout
380
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,654
outside their window
381
00:19:26,655 --> 00:19:30,458
like some carefree
nineteenth-century gentleman
382
00:19:30,459 --> 00:19:32,793
going for a weenie walk?!
383
00:19:34,863 --> 00:19:36,430
Wait a minute.
384
00:19:36,431 --> 00:19:37,998
You're attacking
the wrong person.
385
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:40,868
Warner Whittemore
is not a perv.
386
00:19:40,869 --> 00:19:42,837
He is terrified of sex.
387
00:19:42,871 --> 00:19:45,172
He didn't lose his virginity
till he was 26.
388
00:19:45,173 --> 00:19:47,842
Oh, actually, I was...
I was 25 and a half.
389
00:19:50,245 --> 00:19:52,613
The one time we went
to a strip club together,
390
00:19:52,614 --> 00:19:54,782
he ate a cheeseburger
with a fork and knife.
391
00:19:56,485 --> 00:19:58,652
'Cause strippers leave you
alone if you're eating,
392
00:19:58,653 --> 00:20:00,387
so I just figured...
393
00:20:07,095 --> 00:20:09,396
These checks weren't for him.
They were for me.
394
00:20:09,397 --> 00:20:11,632
He was cleaning up my messes.
395
00:20:13,668 --> 00:20:15,836
Okay, Warner, you can go.
396
00:20:15,871 --> 00:20:17,872
Okay. Thank you.
397
00:20:22,711 --> 00:20:25,679
Have a seat... carrot crotch.
398
00:20:31,433 --> 00:20:34,402
Eli's been in with
the HR lady for
399
00:20:34,403 --> 00:20:36,771
a long time now.
I hope he's okay.
400
00:20:36,805 --> 00:20:39,974
Oh, hey.
How'd it go in there?
401
00:20:40,008 --> 00:20:42,443
Well, I got myself
out of trouble.
402
00:20:42,444 --> 00:20:43,911
I am not really proud of how.
403
00:20:43,912 --> 00:20:45,713
I'll pick you
up at 8:00.
404
00:20:49,251 --> 00:20:52,053
Don't wear anything
complicated.
405
00:20:54,256 --> 00:20:57,125
You know, Warner, I never
thought I'd say this, but
406
00:20:57,159 --> 00:21:00,862
thank you for sexually
harassing that woman for me.
407
00:21:03,699 --> 00:21:04,832
I love you, son.
408
00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:06,834
I love you too, Dad.
409
00:21:06,869 --> 00:21:08,970
Aw...
410
00:21:08,971 --> 00:21:10,972
What? Nothing
happened with us.
411
00:21:11,974 --> 00:21:13,774
It's just...
412
00:21:13,775 --> 00:21:17,044
I'm sorry. It's so hilarious
that anyone could ever think
413
00:21:17,045 --> 00:21:20,948
that you could
sexually harass anybody.
414
00:21:24,353 --> 00:21:25,820
I'm sorry.
415
00:21:25,821 --> 00:21:27,522
I can hara...
416
00:21:27,556 --> 00:21:29,557
I can harass someone.
417
00:21:30,726 --> 00:21:34,562
Okay, okay. Well,
let... let's see.
418
00:21:37,533 --> 00:21:39,534
Okay.
419
00:21:41,436 --> 00:21:45,373
Ooh, nice melons!
420
00:21:46,375 --> 00:21:47,642
Okay, I can't do that.
421
00:21:47,643 --> 00:21:49,210
I got to sanitize my hands.
422
00:21:52,197 --> 00:21:58,122
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
423
00:21:58,172 --> 00:22:02,722
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