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1
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,547
Dads is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:29,190 --> 00:00:31,891
God.
Was that a ghost?
3
00:00:31,926 --> 00:00:33,493
Hopefully soon.
4
00:00:36,397 --> 00:00:39,866
I'm not looking.
I'm not looking.
5
00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:41,067
Ah, a brunette.
6
00:00:41,068 --> 00:00:42,202
I'm not looking.
7
00:00:42,236 --> 00:00:44,270
Not looking.
8
00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:45,605
Dad!
9
00:00:45,639 --> 00:00:47,707
What are you doing?
I got to use the bathroom.
10
00:00:47,708 --> 00:00:49,075
Why don't you use
the one upstairs?
11
00:00:49,109 --> 00:00:51,744
Upstairs is for liquids only.
12
00:00:51,779 --> 00:00:53,479
Why do you always do this?
13
00:00:53,514 --> 00:00:55,715
Always? How many girls
do you have up here?
14
00:00:55,749 --> 00:00:58,251
A ton.
15
00:00:58,285 --> 00:00:59,953
Ew, gross.
16
00:00:59,954 --> 00:01:00,987
I'm out of here.
17
00:01:00,988 --> 00:01:02,222
No. Oh, come on,
don't leave.
18
00:01:02,223 --> 00:01:04,591
Where are you going?
It's San Francisco.
19
00:01:04,592 --> 00:01:07,760
Be happy he's
into you and not me.
20
00:01:09,163 --> 00:01:10,597
Thanks, Dad.
21
00:01:10,598 --> 00:01:11,798
You satisfied?
22
00:01:11,799 --> 00:01:14,033
I will be in 45 minutes.
23
00:01:15,069 --> 00:01:16,536
I had cheese with every meal.
24
00:01:16,537 --> 00:01:18,838
I'm in for a fight.
25
00:01:22,610 --> 00:01:25,545
Daddy took me to the zoo
26
00:01:25,579 --> 00:01:27,614
Na, na, na, na
27
00:01:27,648 --> 00:01:31,584
Just to see
something brand-new
28
00:01:31,619 --> 00:01:33,653
Na, na, na
29
00:01:33,687 --> 00:01:37,824
So many stars up in the sky
30
00:01:37,825 --> 00:01:42,428
So many questions have I
31
00:01:42,429 --> 00:01:44,597
Na, na, na, na
32
00:01:44,598 --> 00:01:45,950
Daddy took me for a ride.
33
00:01:45,951 --> 00:01:50,136
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
34
00:01:50,137 --> 00:01:52,605
Oh, hey, um, have you found
someone to do the voice
35
00:01:52,606 --> 00:01:53,706
for the Wall Street game?
36
00:01:53,741 --> 00:01:54,907
Just, uh, get the guy.
37
00:01:54,908 --> 00:01:57,010
Uh, Doug Henderson.
He always does it.
38
00:01:57,044 --> 00:01:58,745
Uh, not anymore.
He's in prison.
39
00:01:58,779 --> 00:01:59,946
What?
40
00:01:59,980 --> 00:02:01,214
He was the East Bay Strangler.
41
00:02:01,215 --> 00:02:02,649
He killed like eight people.
42
00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:06,452
You know, he was always
talking about East Bay
43
00:02:06,453 --> 00:02:08,855
and strangling, but I never
put the two together.
44
00:02:11,358 --> 00:02:12,959
Oh, boy.
45
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,627
I know that face.
46
00:02:14,628 --> 00:02:18,164
That's the "I put the time in
but didn't get laid" face.
47
00:02:18,165 --> 00:02:20,333
Hey, buddy.
48
00:02:20,367 --> 00:02:21,801
What's the matter?
49
00:02:21,802 --> 00:02:25,104
I put the time in,
I didn't get laid.
50
00:02:25,139 --> 00:02:28,675
You know, Eli, there's more
to life than intercourse.
51
00:02:28,676 --> 00:02:30,877
You know, some of us
actually enjoy sex.
52
00:02:30,911 --> 00:02:32,512
We don't only use it
for procreation.
53
00:02:32,513 --> 00:02:34,047
Hey, both my kids
were drunken mistakes.
54
00:02:34,048 --> 00:02:36,215
Thank you very much.
55
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,918
You're quietly
a terrible person.
56
00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:40,186
I know.
57
00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:41,354
Well, the point is,
58
00:02:41,355 --> 00:02:42,755
as long as my dad's
living with me,
59
00:02:42,756 --> 00:02:44,157
I'll never be able
to have sex again.
60
00:02:44,158 --> 00:02:46,426
Aw, that's too bad,
because Anne's single.
61
00:02:46,460 --> 00:02:47,794
Anne?
Your hot blonde friend?
62
00:02:47,795 --> 00:02:49,028
Mm-hmm.
What happened to her boyfriend?
63
00:02:49,029 --> 00:02:50,763
Ugh. He broke up with her.
64
00:02:50,764 --> 00:02:52,932
What? Why would you
break up with that?
65
00:02:52,933 --> 00:02:54,000
Well, she's a comic.
66
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:55,735
She's always doing
some tiresome bits.
67
00:02:55,736 --> 00:02:58,671
Oh, boy, here we go.
68
00:02:58,706 --> 00:03:00,606
Look at the green-eyed
monster of jealousy
69
00:03:00,607 --> 00:03:01,874
rearing its head.
70
00:03:01,909 --> 00:03:02,909
Extra, extra!
71
00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:03,943
Girl denigrates
attractive friend.
72
00:03:03,944 --> 00:03:05,044
Paper, mister?
73
00:03:05,045 --> 00:03:06,312
Why, sure, I'll
take one of those.
74
00:03:06,313 --> 00:03:07,413
Shame about those girls.
75
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:09,282
What's this?
Roosevelt has polio?
76
00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:11,184
Oh, boy!
77
00:03:13,821 --> 00:03:15,688
Yeah, tiresome.
78
00:03:15,689 --> 00:03:17,123
What do I care?
79
00:03:17,124 --> 00:03:19,225
My penis doesn't have ears.
80
00:03:19,226 --> 00:03:21,761
I'm deaf!
81
00:03:21,762 --> 00:03:24,397
It's hard being deaf!
82
00:03:24,398 --> 00:03:26,666
Life is so hard!
83
00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:29,135
Where are you going?
I still got...
84
00:04:08,142 --> 00:04:10,910
Hey, Dad, great news.
85
00:04:10,911 --> 00:04:12,712
You are going out tonight.
86
00:04:12,713 --> 00:04:13,713
Really? Where?
87
00:04:13,747 --> 00:04:15,448
I don't care.
88
00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:18,651
I need to be able to have sex
in my own apartment.
89
00:04:18,685 --> 00:04:19,952
So, go ahead.
90
00:04:19,953 --> 00:04:22,922
People have been having sex
around me my whole life.
91
00:04:22,923 --> 00:04:25,057
My nickname in college was
92
00:04:25,058 --> 00:04:26,626
"Sleeps Through It" Sachs.
93
00:04:28,028 --> 00:04:31,964
Of course, after I was married,
your mother took that name.
94
00:04:35,936 --> 00:04:38,171
Look, I-I have a date tonight.
95
00:04:38,172 --> 00:04:40,306
And I don't want it screwed up.
Who is she?
96
00:04:40,307 --> 00:04:41,908
Veronica's
recently-single friend.
97
00:04:41,942 --> 00:04:43,976
Oh, a rebound.
98
00:04:43,977 --> 00:04:45,545
You want my advice?
99
00:04:45,579 --> 00:04:47,447
You've never been right
about anything.
100
00:04:47,448 --> 00:04:48,448
Not true.
101
00:04:48,449 --> 00:04:49,582
When you were four,
102
00:04:49,583 --> 00:04:51,918
I told you there was
no Santa Claus.
103
00:04:51,919 --> 00:04:54,520
You cried and cried,
but I was right.
104
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,423
No Santa?
105
00:04:57,458 --> 00:04:59,125
Uh...
106
00:04:59,126 --> 00:05:01,394
No, Edna, there's...
of course there's a Santa Claus.
107
00:05:01,395 --> 00:05:03,696
Of course there's Santa.
108
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,434
Look, tonight, when I come home
with this girl,
109
00:05:08,435 --> 00:05:11,003
you're gonna suddenly remember
that you have somewhere to go.
110
00:05:11,004 --> 00:05:12,839
And then here's the
most important part...
111
00:05:12,873 --> 00:05:15,107
you go.
112
00:05:15,142 --> 00:05:16,309
Go where?
113
00:05:16,343 --> 00:05:17,710
I don't know,
go to, like,
114
00:05:17,711 --> 00:05:19,278
the movies or
something. Here.
115
00:05:19,313 --> 00:05:22,648
And I should starve to death?
116
00:05:26,186 --> 00:05:29,589
And what happens when I
storm out of the first movie?
117
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,729
What if the second movie
has singing?
118
00:05:39,366 --> 00:05:41,367
Okay, I finish.
119
00:05:41,368 --> 00:05:43,369
Thank you.
120
00:05:46,406 --> 00:05:48,307
Hey.
Oh, hey.
121
00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:50,343
Why... why are you
finger-painting?
122
00:05:50,344 --> 00:05:52,278
It's for Alden's
class project.
123
00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:54,046
Oh, well, shouldn't he
be doing that?
124
00:05:54,081 --> 00:05:56,849
Well, you know,
he has no sense of scale,
125
00:05:56,850 --> 00:05:58,818
and I'm just not letting
those skinny-ass,
126
00:05:58,819 --> 00:06:01,087
blonde-bitch moms stare down
their Meg Ryan duck lips
127
00:06:01,088 --> 00:06:03,723
at this chica.
128
00:06:03,724 --> 00:06:06,058
Oh, I love it
when you get ethnic.
129
00:06:06,059 --> 00:06:07,393
How was work, baby?
130
00:06:07,394 --> 00:06:09,128
It was okay,
but we're running behind
131
00:06:09,129 --> 00:06:10,997
on our Wall Street game.
I can't find
132
00:06:11,031 --> 00:06:13,966
a single voice actor
who sounds like a businessman.
133
00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,201
All right, yeah.
134
00:06:15,202 --> 00:06:18,237
25% down now,
and the balance on delivery.
135
00:06:18,272 --> 00:06:20,239
Mm-hmm, we got a deal.
136
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,842
I'll take two boxes
of the mint cookies, Kimmy.
137
00:06:22,843 --> 00:06:25,044
Honey,
138
00:06:25,045 --> 00:06:27,580
you should let your dad do
the voice in your new videogame.
139
00:06:27,581 --> 00:06:28,814
What? What's that?
What was that?
140
00:06:28,815 --> 00:06:30,249
I just blacked
out for a second.
141
00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:31,817
No, this is great.
142
00:06:31,818 --> 00:06:34,020
Warner wants you
to voice a businessman
143
00:06:34,021 --> 00:06:35,955
in his new game.
144
00:06:35,956 --> 00:06:38,591
Well, is this so?
145
00:06:39,993 --> 00:06:42,228
Mint cookies, huh? Mmm.
146
00:06:42,262 --> 00:06:44,196
Well, I'm very
flattered, Warner,
147
00:06:44,197 --> 00:06:47,233
but I'm not gonna sign anything
until I read the contract first.
148
00:06:47,234 --> 00:06:50,536
I learned that the hard
way with Not-C tutoring.
149
00:06:51,872 --> 00:06:54,073
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
What the hell is that?
150
00:06:54,074 --> 00:06:56,275
It was an educational course for kids.
Mm-hmm.
151
00:06:56,276 --> 00:06:58,978
"A's and B's,
but never a C.
152
00:06:58,979 --> 00:07:01,480
That's the Not-C
guarantee."
153
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,151
We had to move to Holland
for two years
154
00:07:05,152 --> 00:07:06,352
while things cooled off.
155
00:07:06,353 --> 00:07:08,621
My Dutch name
was Petra Vanderhozen.
156
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:12,825
Fell, like, 50 feet. I didn't
think I'd even survive.
157
00:07:12,826 --> 00:07:13,993
Hey, Dad.
158
00:07:13,994 --> 00:07:16,195
What are you doing here?
I thought you were
159
00:07:16,229 --> 00:07:17,430
busy tonight.
160
00:07:17,464 --> 00:07:22,468
Oh, right. I suddenly remember,
I have that thing.
161
00:07:22,502 --> 00:07:25,905
Well, listen, before
you definitely leave,
162
00:07:25,906 --> 00:07:27,306
let me introduce you
163
00:07:27,341 --> 00:07:28,975
to Anne.
Anne, this is my dad.
164
00:07:28,976 --> 00:07:30,576
It's nice to meet
you, Mr. Sachs.
165
00:07:30,577 --> 00:07:31,744
Ow!
166
00:07:31,778 --> 00:07:34,013
Ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow!
167
00:07:34,014 --> 00:07:35,848
J-Kidsky. I'm fine.
168
00:07:38,251 --> 00:07:40,586
Anne's a comedian.
She's funny, huh?
169
00:07:45,626 --> 00:07:47,627
Ha-choo.
170
00:07:49,496 --> 00:07:50,963
Uh, what-what
are you doing?
171
00:07:50,964 --> 00:07:53,265
Staying in. I think
I'm coming down with something.
172
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:55,001
Eli, put on your
mask, you fool!
173
00:07:55,002 --> 00:07:56,302
The virus is
spreading!
174
00:07:56,303 --> 00:07:58,504
Hashtag, contagion.
175
00:08:00,207 --> 00:08:03,209
Ha-choo.
176
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,936
Morning, Eli.
How you sleep?
177
00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:16,939
Alone.
178
00:08:16,973 --> 00:08:18,640
Can I get you anything?
179
00:08:18,675 --> 00:08:20,075
Yes, as a matter of fact.
180
00:08:20,109 --> 00:08:21,877
You can get my dad to understand
181
00:08:21,878 --> 00:08:24,580
that when we make a deal,
he has to stick to it.
182
00:08:24,614 --> 00:08:26,048
Okay.
183
00:08:29,152 --> 00:08:32,087
Uh, Mr. David? Um...
184
00:08:32,121 --> 00:08:35,123
Uh, Eli say, uh... he...
185
00:08:35,124 --> 00:08:36,892
He, um...
186
00:08:36,926 --> 00:08:38,060
um...
187
00:08:38,094 --> 00:08:41,196
to say to you, why...
188
00:08:41,231 --> 00:08:43,265
Okay, we're not doing this.
189
00:08:47,237 --> 00:08:48,904
Why didn't you
leave last night?
190
00:08:48,938 --> 00:08:50,105
I saved you.
191
00:08:50,106 --> 00:08:51,406
That girl was a nightmare.
192
00:08:51,407 --> 00:08:52,808
Eli,
193
00:08:52,842 --> 00:08:54,109
your father has some skills.
194
00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:55,277
I know women.
195
00:08:55,311 --> 00:08:56,578
No, you don't.
196
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,647
You created three lesbians.
197
00:09:00,083 --> 00:09:02,251
In their '50s.
198
00:09:02,252 --> 00:09:04,253
Those were great relationships.
199
00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:06,121
I'm wearing Margaret's
200
00:09:06,155 --> 00:09:08,257
old jeans now.
201
00:09:08,258 --> 00:09:11,260
This is where
she used to keep her hammer.
202
00:09:14,964 --> 00:09:16,665
You know nothing about Anne.
203
00:09:16,699 --> 00:09:19,001
I also know nothing
about bone cancer,
204
00:09:19,002 --> 00:09:22,237
but I know
I don't want it in the house.
205
00:09:23,506 --> 00:09:26,375
You made a snap judgment
the way you always do.
206
00:09:26,376 --> 00:09:28,844
Anne is gorgeous,
and at least she's not boring.
207
00:09:28,878 --> 00:09:30,779
Trust me, you'll pray
for boring.
208
00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:31,813
Remember,
209
00:09:31,848 --> 00:09:34,216
Joan Rivers' husband
killed himself.
210
00:09:35,752 --> 00:09:38,287
Well, she's single.
You should give her a call.
211
00:09:39,322 --> 00:09:41,490
Hey, Edna,
212
00:09:41,524 --> 00:09:43,325
you have kids?
S?.
213
00:09:43,359 --> 00:09:45,694
Well, just you wait
until they're his age.
214
00:09:45,728 --> 00:09:47,462
They are. My oldest...
215
00:09:47,497 --> 00:09:49,131
she 41.
216
00:09:49,132 --> 00:09:50,499
Really?
217
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:52,167
How old are you?
218
00:09:52,201 --> 00:09:54,703
I no like to talk about.
219
00:09:58,808 --> 00:10:00,876
This is a real
recording studio.
220
00:10:00,877 --> 00:10:02,477
Wow!
221
00:10:02,478 --> 00:10:04,346
Let's test
the microphone,
222
00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:06,448
see if it works.
223
00:10:06,449 --> 00:10:08,483
One, two, three, four,
224
00:10:08,518 --> 00:10:09,885
five, six,
seven, eight...
225
00:10:09,886 --> 00:10:12,487
Uh, Dad, you only test to three.
...nine, ten, 11, 12.
226
00:10:12,522 --> 00:10:14,056
Dad, stop.
The quick brown fox
227
00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:15,090
jumped over the lazy dog.
228
00:10:15,091 --> 00:10:16,291
Okay, that's typing, Dad.
229
00:10:16,292 --> 00:10:17,526
The quick
brown fox...
230
00:10:17,527 --> 00:10:19,795
Okay, we're good
with the mic check, Dad!
231
00:10:19,829 --> 00:10:21,063
Are we good?
232
00:10:21,097 --> 00:10:22,164
Yeah, we're good.
233
00:10:22,198 --> 00:10:24,366
Yeah, okay.
234
00:10:27,003 --> 00:10:29,638
Yeah. No.
235
00:10:33,209 --> 00:10:35,877
So, it turns out my dad
ruined my date on purpose.
236
00:10:35,878 --> 00:10:37,879
He thinks he's saving me
from a disaster.
237
00:10:37,914 --> 00:10:39,214
What kind of disaster?
238
00:10:39,248 --> 00:10:41,116
Well, he thinks
Anne's comedy is horrible
239
00:10:41,117 --> 00:10:42,684
and I'll wind up killing myself.
240
00:10:42,719 --> 00:10:44,686
Oh, you mean
like Joan Rivers' husband?
241
00:10:44,721 --> 00:10:46,555
Yeah.
Well, your dad's right.
242
00:10:46,556 --> 00:10:47,689
She's awful.
243
00:10:47,724 --> 00:10:49,725
I thought she was your friend.
244
00:10:49,759 --> 00:10:51,793
Yeah, she's one of
my best friends.
245
00:10:53,029 --> 00:10:54,496
Well, the point is,
he's preventing me
246
00:10:54,497 --> 00:10:55,931
from having sex
in my own place.
247
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,966
Okay, why don't you just go
to her place?
248
00:10:58,001 --> 00:11:00,635
No way. I'm way better
at home than on the road.
249
00:11:00,636 --> 00:11:02,604
Crowd's on my side.
250
00:11:02,638 --> 00:11:04,539
Wait. The crowd?
251
00:11:04,574 --> 00:11:07,009
Yeah, the crowd
I imagine cheering me on.
252
00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:09,044
Am I in the crowd?
253
00:11:09,078 --> 00:11:10,379
No, you're not
in the crowd.
254
00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:12,514
- Ew, that's disgusting!
- What?
255
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:13,949
Oh, now I'm just gonna be
256
00:11:13,950 --> 00:11:15,517
picturing you in the crowd.
257
00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:17,285
I assume it's
all right
258
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,553
to smoke cigars
in here.
259
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:20,122
Oh, my God!
260
00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:21,523
Okay, look.
261
00:11:21,557 --> 00:11:23,725
Put it out.
Put it out.
262
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,894
Put it out!
Wh...
263
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:31,833
So, it's a one-bed, one-bath fixer-upper,
264
00:11:31,868 --> 00:11:34,169
all new stainless
steel appliances.
265
00:11:34,203 --> 00:11:37,205
Are you single, hon?
266
00:11:38,241 --> 00:11:40,175
Your jokes
were so funny tonight.
267
00:11:40,209 --> 00:11:43,378
All those other tables
were wrong to complain.
268
00:11:43,413 --> 00:11:45,080
I know!
They were all like,
269
00:11:45,081 --> 00:11:47,921
"We're trying to eat!"
270
00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:49,451
You know, you don't...
271
00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:52,120
you don't have to always do
funny characters.
272
00:11:52,121 --> 00:11:54,928
I like you just the way you are.
273
00:11:54,957 --> 00:11:57,359
I had a really great time
with you tonight, Eli.
274
00:11:57,393 --> 00:12:00,328
Thank you for
letting me be myself.
275
00:12:00,329 --> 00:12:01,830
I, uh...
276
00:12:01,831 --> 00:12:03,498
I really like you.
277
00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:13,109
Oh, my.
278
00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:14,777
I do declare.
279
00:12:14,778 --> 00:12:17,880
Let us away to the boudoir.
280
00:12:17,914 --> 00:12:23,119
I have always depended
upon the penises of strangers.
281
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,322
Hey, do you have
a mute whore character?
282
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,567
Back off, peasants!
283
00:12:30,568 --> 00:12:32,836
That's my oil!
284
00:12:32,871 --> 00:12:34,605
Dad, that's really great.
285
00:12:34,606 --> 00:12:36,540
You sound
like a real businessman.
286
00:12:36,574 --> 00:12:38,442
I know! It's crazy.
287
00:12:38,476 --> 00:12:39,743
You almost done?
288
00:12:39,744 --> 00:12:41,512
Yeah. We might have
to boil the microphone,
289
00:12:41,513 --> 00:12:42,780
but, other than that,
it's great.
290
00:12:42,781 --> 00:12:43,881
You know,
Warner,
291
00:12:43,915 --> 00:12:46,316
some of these lines
almost make it sound
292
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:48,652
like the businessmen
are the bad guys.
293
00:12:48,653 --> 00:12:49,753
Well, yeah, Dad,
294
00:12:49,788 --> 00:12:51,455
the object of the game
is to actually
295
00:12:51,456 --> 00:12:55,259
decapitate as many heartless,
greedy businessmen as possible.
296
00:12:56,494 --> 00:12:57,761
Or you can castrate them.
297
00:12:57,762 --> 00:12:59,563
It's player's choice.
298
00:12:59,597 --> 00:13:01,398
Oh, my God.
299
00:13:01,399 --> 00:13:02,866
Well, I'm sorry.
300
00:13:02,867 --> 00:13:04,535
I can't do this.
301
00:13:04,569 --> 00:13:05,602
What?
302
00:13:05,637 --> 00:13:08,772
Wall Street put me
where I am today.
303
00:13:08,807 --> 00:13:12,042
Dad, you sleep on my sofa bed.
304
00:13:12,076 --> 00:13:13,677
Well, not anymore.
305
00:13:13,678 --> 00:13:15,579
I'm sleeping here now.
306
00:13:15,613 --> 00:13:17,548
Wait, Dad, what are you...
307
00:13:17,549 --> 00:13:19,750
what are you doing?
Wait. Okay.
308
00:13:19,751 --> 00:13:21,785
Uh...
Dad, what are you doing?
309
00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:24,254
Those hippies occupied
Wall Street.
310
00:13:24,255 --> 00:13:27,724
Well, I'm gonna occupy
this booth.
311
00:13:27,759 --> 00:13:30,494
Oh, come on. You're not gonna
last 20 minutes in there.
312
00:13:30,495 --> 00:13:32,396
You don't even have anything
to eat.
313
00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:35,065
Ham and cheese.
314
00:13:35,099 --> 00:13:36,867
You don't have anything
to drink.
315
00:13:36,901 --> 00:13:38,969
Ah...
316
00:13:39,003 --> 00:13:41,972
You... you don't have a toilet.
317
00:13:42,006 --> 00:13:43,907
Ah...
318
00:13:49,647 --> 00:13:51,849
- Good date?
- Great date.
319
00:13:51,883 --> 00:13:53,817
I see you didn't spend
the night.
320
00:13:53,852 --> 00:13:55,586
We are taking it slow.
321
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:56,787
Let me guess.
322
00:13:56,788 --> 00:14:00,824
She Robin Williams'd you
to impotence.
323
00:14:00,859 --> 00:14:02,526
The opposite.
324
00:14:02,527 --> 00:14:05,996
I Seinfeld't her up.
325
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:08,665
Wow, sounds like
a great relationship.
326
00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,234
Definitely.
327
00:14:10,235 --> 00:14:13,036
You know, I don't throw around
the term "soul mate" a lot...
328
00:14:13,071 --> 00:14:15,072
Finish the thought.
329
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:19,176
But when you
know, you know.
330
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:20,677
You really like her that much?
331
00:14:20,712 --> 00:14:22,279
Yeah, actually,
I think I love her.
332
00:14:22,313 --> 00:14:24,348
I guess I was wrong.
Sounds like you're serious.
333
00:14:24,382 --> 00:14:25,616
Damn straight, I'm serious.
334
00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:26,850
Maybe you should have her
move in.
335
00:14:26,885 --> 00:14:28,318
Maybe I will. Wait, what?
336
00:14:28,319 --> 00:14:30,721
Well,
since you're so smitten,
337
00:14:30,722 --> 00:14:33,757
maybe you should take it
to the next step.
338
00:14:33,758 --> 00:14:35,392
Unless...
339
00:14:35,426 --> 00:14:37,160
you think I'm right about her.
340
00:14:37,195 --> 00:14:38,962
Oh, we will take it
to the next step.
341
00:14:38,997 --> 00:14:40,163
I'm-I'm gonna...
342
00:14:40,198 --> 00:14:41,965
I'll call her right now.
343
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,500
Oh.
344
00:14:43,501 --> 00:14:44,968
M-My battery's dead.
345
00:14:47,772 --> 00:14:49,273
H-Hello?
346
00:14:49,274 --> 00:14:52,876
Uh, sorry, I don't know
Ivana Pinchaloaf.
347
00:14:52,877 --> 00:14:55,445
Oh, hi, Anne.
348
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,480
It's Anne.
349
00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:57,848
Yeah. Um,
I was actually
350
00:14:57,849 --> 00:14:59,550
just about
to call you.
351
00:14:59,584 --> 00:15:03,186
Listen, um, I know
this is fast...
352
00:15:03,187 --> 00:15:04,688
Sh...
353
00:15:04,722 --> 00:15:06,523
She's doing Speedy Gonzales.
354
00:15:06,558 --> 00:15:08,492
Right.
355
00:15:08,526 --> 00:15:10,928
I... Anyway, I-I know,
but, um...
356
00:15:10,929 --> 00:15:12,863
I was th... I was thinking...
357
00:15:12,864 --> 00:15:15,265
you know, things are going
really great, and...
358
00:15:15,266 --> 00:15:19,002
m-maybe... well,
maybe you would want to...
359
00:15:19,003 --> 00:15:21,004
uh, like...
360
00:15:23,541 --> 00:15:26,877
...move in with me.
361
00:15:26,911 --> 00:15:28,145
Oh, yeah.
362
00:15:28,146 --> 00:15:30,113
I suppose it is an
offer you can't refuse.
363
00:15:30,148 --> 00:15:31,782
Killer Godfather
impression.
364
00:15:34,452 --> 00:15:36,453
Yes. Well, that's great.
365
00:15:36,454 --> 00:15:38,889
Great. Sounds great.
Okay. Bye.
366
00:15:39,824 --> 00:15:41,024
So?
367
00:15:41,059 --> 00:15:42,459
Well, her lease is up,
368
00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:44,094
so it actually
times out perfectly.
369
00:15:44,128 --> 00:15:45,963
Congratulations.
370
00:15:45,964 --> 00:15:48,699
And since I know
you love impressions,
371
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:51,902
here's an impression
of you in a week.
372
00:15:57,108 --> 00:16:00,444
"My dad was right!"
373
00:16:01,779 --> 00:16:03,447
Sidewalk!
374
00:16:10,750 --> 00:16:12,717
She's moving in?
Yep, as we speak.
375
00:16:12,718 --> 00:16:14,686
I saw her carrying
two big boxes
376
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,022
marked "wigs, teeth."
377
00:16:18,891 --> 00:16:20,859
Why are you doing this?
378
00:16:20,893 --> 00:16:22,727
Well, I was just trying
to prove my dad wrong,
379
00:16:22,728 --> 00:16:24,195
and the whole thing
got out of hand.
380
00:16:24,196 --> 00:16:26,431
But I figure, all I have to do
is stick with her
381
00:16:26,432 --> 00:16:27,966
for, like, 30 years
382
00:16:27,967 --> 00:16:30,869
and then he'll die
and I will win.
383
00:16:31,904 --> 00:16:34,072
But I always thought
we'd get married.
384
00:16:34,106 --> 00:16:35,240
R-Really?
385
00:16:35,274 --> 00:16:36,675
J-Kidsky.
386
00:16:38,311 --> 00:16:40,779
Everyone in this room
387
00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:43,548
knows what will happen if we do nothing.
Just stop it!
388
00:16:43,583 --> 00:16:45,650
Our deficit will grow.
Not true!
389
00:16:45,685 --> 00:16:48,086
More families will go bankrupt.
Just stop it!
390
00:16:48,087 --> 00:16:49,354
More businesses will close.
391
00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:51,156
You know, you're not gonna
scare me out of here
392
00:16:51,157 --> 00:16:52,657
with this rap music!
393
00:16:52,692 --> 00:16:56,728
That was Barack Obama
with "Health Care Blues."
394
00:16:56,762 --> 00:16:59,264
Now here's a little ditty
from our friend Al Gore
395
00:16:59,265 --> 00:17:02,500
called "I Created the Internet"!
396
00:17:02,535 --> 00:17:05,070
I took the initiative
in creating the Internet...
397
00:17:05,071 --> 00:17:06,871
Ronald Reagan
398
00:17:06,906 --> 00:17:08,907
Ronald Reagan
399
00:17:08,908 --> 00:17:10,809
Ronald Reagan
400
00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:12,377
Ronald Reagan
401
00:17:12,411 --> 00:17:15,480
Honey, I figured out a way
to get us out of this.
402
00:17:15,481 --> 00:17:16,615
Hi, Crawford.
403
00:17:16,649 --> 00:17:17,849
Hi.
404
00:17:17,883 --> 00:17:20,352
There's someone
here to see you.
405
00:17:20,353 --> 00:17:21,453
Huh?
406
00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:22,587
Kimmy?
407
00:17:22,622 --> 00:17:24,789
I have your cookies,
Mr. Whittemore.
408
00:17:24,824 --> 00:17:26,758
Kimmy has your cookies.
409
00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:28,393
You made a deal
with her, Crawford.
410
00:17:28,394 --> 00:17:30,929
You have to come out
and honor it.
411
00:17:30,963 --> 00:17:32,897
It was an oral contract.
412
00:17:32,898 --> 00:17:35,100
It'll never hold up in court.
413
00:17:35,134 --> 00:17:37,636
Do you really want
little Kimmy here to think
414
00:17:37,637 --> 00:17:40,772
all businessmen are liar, liar,
pants on fire?!
415
00:17:40,806 --> 00:17:42,374
Is that true?
416
00:17:42,408 --> 00:17:43,908
Yes, Kimmy.
417
00:17:43,909 --> 00:17:46,911
I'm afraid it's "twue."
418
00:17:47,913 --> 00:17:49,414
No, it isn't.
419
00:17:50,449 --> 00:17:52,417
Kimmy,
420
00:17:52,451 --> 00:17:56,655
businesspeople
are good, honest people.
421
00:17:56,656 --> 00:17:58,823
And their pants
are never on fire.
422
00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:01,993
Thank you.
423
00:18:01,994 --> 00:18:03,628
Uh, no, no, no, no.
424
00:18:03,663 --> 00:18:04,729
These are not mint.
425
00:18:05,665 --> 00:18:07,065
These are the Aloha-has.
426
00:18:07,066 --> 00:18:08,333
I'm allergic to coconut.
427
00:18:08,334 --> 00:18:10,068
I'm sorry, I can't pay you.
428
00:18:10,069 --> 00:18:12,170
This is not what we agreed to.
429
00:18:12,204 --> 00:18:13,605
Where's my money?!
430
00:18:13,639 --> 00:18:15,740
Ow!
431
00:18:15,775 --> 00:18:16,841
How dare you kick
432
00:18:16,876 --> 00:18:18,610
a businessman!
433
00:18:18,611 --> 00:18:20,211
We built this country!
434
00:18:20,212 --> 00:18:22,013
Oh, this is great. I got to record this.
I'll sue you!
435
00:18:22,048 --> 00:18:23,481
Keep kicking him, Kimmy!
436
00:18:23,516 --> 00:18:25,650
This is a place
of business!
437
00:18:25,651 --> 00:18:27,152
You're trespassing
438
00:18:27,186 --> 00:18:31,289
on private property,
you little parasite!
439
00:18:31,323 --> 00:18:33,491
Warner, I think she's
really hurting him.
440
00:18:33,492 --> 00:18:35,160
Oh, that's okay.
He's a grown man.
441
00:18:35,161 --> 00:18:36,661
She's a little girl.
442
00:18:36,696 --> 00:18:39,197
Put down the
briefcase, Kimmy.
443
00:18:39,231 --> 00:18:40,598
Uh-oh.
444
00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:41,966
Uh...
445
00:18:41,967 --> 00:18:43,368
Oh!
446
00:18:45,404 --> 00:18:47,772
Well, that's the last of it.
447
00:18:47,773 --> 00:18:49,774
We are officially
living together.
448
00:18:49,809 --> 00:18:51,676
Honey, it's not
what you think!
449
00:18:51,677 --> 00:18:55,013
Please don't use me
in your skits.
450
00:18:56,148 --> 00:18:59,017
Him Big Chief Need-A-Laugh.
451
00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:15,734
Well,
452
00:19:15,768 --> 00:19:17,635
I have got to unpack.
453
00:19:17,670 --> 00:19:19,604
Porter, my bags! All aboard!
454
00:19:19,605 --> 00:19:20,972
Next stop, Steubenville!
455
00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:25,076
Now passing Old Stone Face.
456
00:19:27,379 --> 00:19:30,448
Do they make tampons
for your mouth?
457
00:19:33,953 --> 00:19:35,420
I don't know
what you're talking about.
458
00:19:35,421 --> 00:19:37,055
I think this is really
gonna be great.
459
00:19:37,089 --> 00:19:38,556
You do, do you?
460
00:19:38,557 --> 00:19:42,093
There's a woman in your bedroom
acting like a locomotive.
461
00:19:42,128 --> 00:19:44,195
Come on, Dad, it's not that bad.
462
00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:46,998
What is the deal
with memory foam pillows?
463
00:19:47,032 --> 00:19:48,867
Does it remember my head?
Because, if so,
464
00:19:48,868 --> 00:19:51,436
every time I lay down,
it should say, "Hello, Anne."
465
00:19:51,437 --> 00:19:55,173
I think my memory foam pillow
has Alzheimer's...
466
00:19:55,174 --> 00:19:58,009
Good night! Thank you!
Drive safe!
467
00:20:15,161 --> 00:20:16,661
Okay, you were right.
468
00:20:16,662 --> 00:20:17,996
Help me, Daddy.
469
00:20:17,997 --> 00:20:21,533
Please make the bad lady
go away.
470
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,034
When did you learn
to hypnotize people?
471
00:20:40,068 --> 00:20:42,236
You stow away
on a Carnival cruise ship,
472
00:20:42,237 --> 00:20:43,571
you learn some things.
473
00:20:46,208 --> 00:20:48,976
I got to admit, Dad,
you were right about her.
474
00:20:48,977 --> 00:20:50,611
I guess it wouldn't hurt to...
475
00:20:50,612 --> 00:20:52,246
listen to you
every once in a while.
476
00:20:52,281 --> 00:20:55,583
That's the nicest thing
you've said since I moved in.
477
00:20:56,685 --> 00:20:58,152
Give me a hug.
478
00:21:00,522 --> 00:21:02,990
See?
479
00:21:03,025 --> 00:21:05,760
Your old man still knows a thing
or two about relationships.
480
00:21:05,761 --> 00:21:09,096
Edna, no prints.
481
00:21:09,097 --> 00:21:11,899
This no Edna's first rodeo.
482
00:21:22,377 --> 00:21:23,811
We'll take the next one.
483
00:21:23,812 --> 00:21:26,247
No, no, no. We'll squeeze in.
484
00:21:29,451 --> 00:21:32,453
Okay...
485
00:21:35,748 --> 00:21:37,082
Can you hit,
uh, "garage"?
486
00:21:37,083 --> 00:21:38,083
Yeah.
Yeah.
487
00:21:38,084 --> 00:21:39,084
Thanks.
Okay.
488
00:21:39,085 --> 00:21:41,421
How was your day? Good.
Good.
489
00:21:42,457 --> 00:21:48,456
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
490
00:21:48,506 --> 00:21:53,056
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33317
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