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1
00:00:05,727 --> 00:00:09,206
Hiya, fatso! All ready
for your wedding anniversary?
2
00:00:09,207 --> 00:00:14,806
Yeah. Met your mother
24 wonderful years ago. Aww!
3
00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:17,086
Something smells good.
4
00:00:17,087 --> 00:00:20,886
Yes, and smell is all you're getting.
This is for me and Lorna. You two are leaving.
5
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:25,326
Oh, OK, I get it. A little alone
time. Chika-bow-wow!
6
00:00:25,327 --> 00:00:26,966
You're going to have sex.
7
00:00:26,967 --> 00:00:28,766
How was work, baby?
8
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,005
Oh, it was OK. You know. I made
a lot of money today,
9
00:00:31,006 --> 00:00:33,487
and the customers were
complimentary about the food.
10
00:00:33,488 --> 00:00:35,046
You say it like it's a bad thing.
11
00:00:35,047 --> 00:00:38,326
Ken, I didn't build a potato van
cum spiritual advice centre
12
00:00:38,327 --> 00:00:43,006
so I could... work. I want to
heal people. Open their eyes.
13
00:00:43,007 --> 00:00:44,806
You opened my eyes, Cuckoo.
14
00:00:44,807 --> 00:00:46,126
I know.
15
00:00:46,127 --> 00:00:49,086
And I think Ken would admit his life
has turned around a bit, too.
16
00:00:49,087 --> 00:00:51,006
Yeah. It's different...
17
00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:53,326
Slash, ruined. Dad!
18
00:00:53,327 --> 00:00:55,926
It's starting to occur to me that
people might not want advice
19
00:00:55,927 --> 00:00:58,846
from the guy giving them a potato
out of a truck. Mmm!
20
00:00:58,847 --> 00:01:01,486
I mean, what if the people in your
capitalist Babylon
21
00:01:01,487 --> 00:01:03,726
never truly appreciate
my incredible gift?
22
00:01:03,727 --> 00:01:10,246
Hey, well, here's a thought. Maybe
just serve them potatoes, and forget about the spiritual horse shit.
23
00:01:10,247 --> 00:01:12,766
Whatever.
Dad, you shouldn't have said that.
24
00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:19,366
Whoa! I mean, what if all the great
gurus throughout history took Ken's advice.
25
00:01:19,367 --> 00:01:24,166
Stick to the carpentry, Jesus!
Stick to the interpretive dance, Gandhi!
26
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:28,566
You know what, Ken? I can do this.
And I will prove to you that I can do it.
27
00:01:28,567 --> 00:01:33,526
Good for you. I want you to show me
you can do it. But now, leave for the evening.
28
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,846
Helloooo!
29
00:01:35,847 --> 00:01:39,686
Ooh, very romantic!
To what do I owe this pleasure?
30
00:01:39,687 --> 00:01:44,046
No reason! Just thought it was the
right night for a special dinner.
31
00:01:44,047 --> 00:01:47,007
Oh, yeah, you said you were cooking.
Is there enough for Steve and Connie?
32
00:01:47,008 --> 00:01:49,406
Why?
I invited them round.
33
00:01:49,407 --> 00:01:51,566
Lorna, it's our anniversary.
34
00:01:51,567 --> 00:01:54,966
I knew that! I didn't forget!
35
00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:58,006
I just thought you'd have a better
time with our friends.
36
00:01:58,007 --> 00:01:59,806
Connie is YOUR friend.
37
00:01:59,807 --> 00:02:04,806
I don't like Steve - he's a potent
combination of boring and insane.
38
00:02:04,807 --> 00:02:07,166
Connie and Steve? Is Zoe coming?
39
00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:09,646
No.
40
00:02:09,647 --> 00:02:15,086
Well, seeing as how you guys are
having company, mind if we join?
41
00:02:15,087 --> 00:02:16,406
Brilliant.
42
00:02:16,407 --> 00:02:19,167
You're going to
have sex tonight.
43
00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:26,828
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
44
00:02:32,247 --> 00:02:36,366
Lorna said you were changing
university, Rach? Because of your gap year love affair.
45
00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:39,686
That way Cuckoo and I can stay here
at home with Mum and Dad.
46
00:02:39,687 --> 00:02:45,286
I love living here, Connie.
I mean, Ken and Lorna are such warm-hearted, simple people.
47
00:02:45,287 --> 00:02:46,766
Thanks, Cuckoo.
48
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,045
So, Connie, what do you do?
49
00:02:48,046 --> 00:02:49,847
I work with Lorna,
we're estate agents.
50
00:02:49,848 --> 00:02:52,526
Hey, did she tell you I believe
all houses should be free.
51
00:02:52,527 --> 00:02:54,686
Warning, Connie - I once lost
two hours to this.
52
00:02:54,687 --> 00:02:56,566
No, no - I'm interested.
53
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:59,326
All houses should be free?
You really think that?
54
00:02:59,327 --> 00:03:00,527
Uh, well, not just me.
55
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:04,566
There was also that clever little
guy with the white beard who said "property is theft".
56
00:03:04,567 --> 00:03:06,847
What was his name, again? Oh, yeah,
right - Darwin.
57
00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:07,886
Marx.
58
00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:11,886
Top marks to you, as well, Ken.
I love this guy.
59
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:14,046
How would you get the money
to build houses?
60
00:03:14,047 --> 00:03:16,846
How about the profound
economic crisis
61
00:03:16,847 --> 00:03:20,006
when the billions invested in land
were wiped out in one single stroke?
62
00:03:20,007 --> 00:03:23,806
Connie, I would rather the global
economy collapse around us in flames
63
00:03:23,807 --> 00:03:26,167
than one man slept on the streets
tonight.
64
00:03:29,487 --> 00:03:32,166
Aw, it's a sweet idea, Cuckoo,
65
00:03:32,167 --> 00:03:35,566
but probably leave the thinking to
other people and stick to potatoes.
66
00:03:35,567 --> 00:03:38,166
"Stick to potatoes."
67
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:42,246
Oh, I'm sorry, Rach - Cuckoo just
makes me laugh, that's all.
68
00:03:42,247 --> 00:03:44,406
He makes me ROAR!
69
00:03:44,407 --> 00:03:46,326
Moving swiftly on.
70
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:49,046
So, Zeb is coming down for my
judo final...
71
00:03:49,047 --> 00:03:52,406
Be quiet, Steve. Connie,
where is all this anger coming from?
72
00:03:52,407 --> 00:03:55,326
What? I'm not angry.
73
00:03:55,327 --> 00:03:57,326
No. I've met a bunch of people
like you before.
74
00:03:57,327 --> 00:04:00,526
Somehow, somewhere along the way
you lost sight of your dreams,
75
00:04:00,527 --> 00:04:03,286
and it's left you really angry
and super-mean.
76
00:04:03,287 --> 00:04:05,926
Tell me something, what did you
want to be when you grew up?
77
00:04:05,927 --> 00:04:10,326
I wanted to be a guerrilla soldier -
somebody tall and powerful,
78
00:04:10,327 --> 00:04:13,966
that, if you crossed him, he would
snap you in his strong hands like a twig.
79
00:04:13,967 --> 00:04:16,086
No one asked you, Steve.
80
00:04:16,087 --> 00:04:18,086
What did you want to be, Connie?
Cuckoo!
81
00:04:18,087 --> 00:04:19,686
No, no, Ken. It's fine.
82
00:04:19,687 --> 00:04:23,086
Well, you'll laugh, but...
83
00:04:23,087 --> 00:04:24,646
I wanted to be a singer.
84
00:04:24,647 --> 00:04:28,246
Connie. No.
I couldn't really sing, I just... Just something you grow out of.
85
00:04:28,247 --> 00:04:31,046
Connie, I would love
to hear you sing. Maybe another time.
86
00:04:31,047 --> 00:04:32,566
Yeah, or maybe right now?
87
00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:35,686
I mean, everyone wants to hear
Connie sing, right? I know I do. Erm...
88
00:04:35,687 --> 00:04:38,326
Go on, Connie. I'd love to hear
you sing. I've never heard you sing.
89
00:04:38,327 --> 00:04:39,686
Yeah, come on, Connie!
90
00:04:39,687 --> 00:04:43,686
Connie, it's up to you. But if you
DON'T want to sing, that's fine too.
91
00:04:43,687 --> 00:04:47,007
Well, if people are insisting.
And I think we are.
92
00:04:52,607 --> 00:04:58,846
# It's been seven hours
and fifteen days
93
00:04:58,847 --> 00:05:00,967
# Since you took your love away
94
00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:05,726
# Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
95
00:05:05,727 --> 00:05:10,607
# I go out every night
and sleep all day
96
00:05:12,247 --> 00:05:15,126
# Since you took your love away
97
00:05:15,127 --> 00:05:18,966
# Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
98
00:05:18,967 --> 00:05:25,166
# Since you've been gone
I can do whatever I want
99
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:29,846
# I can see whomever I choose
100
00:05:29,847 --> 00:05:33,566
# Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
101
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:39,286
# I can eat my dinner
in a fancy restaurant
102
00:05:39,287 --> 00:05:41,286
# But nothing
103
00:05:41,287 --> 00:05:45,686
# I said, nothing can take away
these blues
104
00:05:45,687 --> 00:05:49,326
# Cos nothing compares
105
00:05:49,327 --> 00:05:53,727
# Nothing compares to you! #
106
00:05:57,367 --> 00:06:03,006
Wow!
Connie, what are you, a swan?!
107
00:06:03,007 --> 00:06:07,086
Yes! Come on, guys! Give it up!
108
00:06:07,087 --> 00:06:10,326
Give it up! Woo!
109
00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:12,086
Connie, yeah!
110
00:06:12,087 --> 00:06:16,367
Oh, man. I mean... Lorna, you want
to talk about how that affected you?
111
00:06:17,407 --> 00:06:19,727
Affected me?
112
00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:26,606
Er, well, Connie... I think
it was beautiful.
113
00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:27,927
Ken?
114
00:06:29,247 --> 00:06:31,127
I'm deeply moved.
115
00:06:32,687 --> 00:06:35,886
Well. I suppose I have
always known I could sing.
116
00:06:35,887 --> 00:06:40,766
Don't give up your day job, though,
eh?
117
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,766
Just great.
118
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:45,686
Now we can enjoy the rest of our
meal together.
119
00:06:45,687 --> 00:06:47,247
Except for Steve.
120
00:06:49,047 --> 00:06:54,406
Bye, Connie. Lovely. Aw, lovely
seeing you. Nice to see you. Bye.
121
00:06:54,407 --> 00:06:56,047
Ah...
122
00:06:57,727 --> 00:06:59,486
I hate them.
123
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:02,806
Oh, come on, you're still
in a mood, you big grump box.
124
00:07:02,807 --> 00:07:05,886
Lorna, it's been the worst
anniversary ever.
125
00:07:05,887 --> 00:07:09,326
Remember - the night is not
over yet, Ken.
126
00:07:09,327 --> 00:07:11,486
I suppose it isn't, is it? No.
127
00:07:11,487 --> 00:07:15,486
I sounded good in there.
And, you know, maybe I should have a look at singing again.
128
00:07:15,487 --> 00:07:17,366
Darling, you cannot sing.
129
00:07:17,367 --> 00:07:19,486
You sound like an elephant
fucking an owl.
130
00:07:19,487 --> 00:07:23,086
I thought we'd given up singing.
We agreed basically it was annoying.
131
00:07:23,087 --> 00:07:26,086
Steve, you are so negative
about me!
132
00:07:26,087 --> 00:07:29,366
Connie, we're making a scene.
Come on, get in the car. Now.
133
00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:30,726
No!
134
00:07:30,727 --> 00:07:32,006
Hey, guys?
135
00:07:32,007 --> 00:07:34,926
I was just here on the john,
I couldn't help but overhear.
136
00:07:34,927 --> 00:07:39,846
Steve, years ago you met a beautiful
songbird just flying free.
137
00:07:39,847 --> 00:07:43,406
And you were attracted to her.
Sexually.
138
00:07:43,407 --> 00:07:46,646
And now, you're putting her
in a cage, man.
139
00:07:46,647 --> 00:07:51,726
Look at her, her plumage is
all wilted, her droppings are discoloured...
140
00:07:51,727 --> 00:07:53,566
a sure sign of sickness.
141
00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:56,846
Question you've got to ask yourself,
is what you're going to do about it, Steve.
142
00:07:56,847 --> 00:07:58,366
Connie, get in the car.
143
00:07:58,367 --> 00:08:01,446
Connie - never let anyone
question your dreams.
144
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:04,286
Because without our dreams,
what are we?
145
00:08:04,287 --> 00:08:08,206
This is between me and my wife!
Connie - get in the car, now!
146
00:08:08,207 --> 00:08:11,246
Steve, you're blowing it, man.
Shut up!
147
00:08:11,247 --> 00:08:12,806
You... goofball!
148
00:08:12,807 --> 00:08:14,846
Connie - car, now!
149
00:08:14,847 --> 00:08:17,966
That hurts, Steve.
150
00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:22,006
Anyways, Connie. Just putting it
out there. Food for thought.
151
00:08:22,007 --> 00:08:26,886
Now, I'm going to close the window.
I need some privacy while I finish up in here, OK?
152
00:08:26,887 --> 00:08:30,006
Oh, Con!
153
00:08:30,007 --> 00:08:35,046
Oh, Lorn - can I stay tonight?
Of course.
154
00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:36,287
Connie.
155
00:08:39,047 --> 00:08:42,447
You can stay as long as you like.
156
00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:45,886
Fucking Steve!
157
00:08:45,887 --> 00:08:50,247
Finally, Mr Thompson,
I get you alone!
158
00:08:53,247 --> 00:08:57,286
# Gold!
Always believe in your soul... #
159
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,886
Good!
160
00:08:58,887 --> 00:09:02,086
Oh, come on. No.
161
00:09:02,087 --> 00:09:06,486
I'll sort it out. Lorn, I can't.
162
00:09:06,487 --> 00:09:09,166
I can't, not to this.
163
00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:12,887
Try. Just try. I can't.
Let me have a go. No!
164
00:09:14,647 --> 00:09:18,086
Lorn, not to this. Please.
165
00:09:18,087 --> 00:09:20,766
Just sleep.
166
00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:24,486
# Ken is having breakfast
167
00:09:24,487 --> 00:09:27,646
# Breakfast
168
00:09:27,647 --> 00:09:30,766
# He's got cornflakes in his bowl
169
00:09:30,767 --> 00:09:32,806
# In his stupid bowl
170
00:09:32,807 --> 00:09:35,726
# He's not looking too happy
171
00:09:35,727 --> 00:09:38,566
# It's all a front... #
172
00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:42,126
Ooh! This is jolly! Go, Connie!
173
00:09:42,127 --> 00:09:44,206
# He's got a big smile
in his heart... #
174
00:09:44,207 --> 00:09:46,645
I thought you were the one who was
supposed to like music.
175
00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:48,527
I do like music, and I'd like
to protect it.
176
00:09:48,528 --> 00:09:51,166
# Giant body...
177
00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:56,246
# Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken
Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken
178
00:09:56,247 --> 00:10:01,846
# Ken... is huge! #
179
00:10:01,847 --> 00:10:04,927
NOW I'm hungry!
180
00:10:08,927 --> 00:10:11,246
You're looking at my hat,
aren't you, Ken?
181
00:10:11,247 --> 00:10:15,286
It's a Tibetan guru hat. Actually
channels a lot of really powerful mountain energy.
182
00:10:15,287 --> 00:10:16,806
You're a guru today, are you?
183
00:10:16,807 --> 00:10:20,086
Today and every day,
and as a guru it is my task
184
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:24,046
to draw out the abilities of
super-talented people around me.
185
00:10:24,047 --> 00:10:25,326
People like...
186
00:10:25,327 --> 00:10:27,207
Oh yeah, Connie!
187
00:10:29,287 --> 00:10:32,206
Steve is going to eat his words
when she's a professional singer.
188
00:10:32,207 --> 00:10:35,086
A professional singer? And how
exactly is that going to happen?
189
00:10:35,087 --> 00:10:38,446
Luckily for me, Cuckoo tells me
he's a really good teacher.
190
00:10:38,447 --> 00:10:42,046
Guilty! And do you know why
I'm a really good teacher, Ken?
191
00:10:42,047 --> 00:10:43,886
No. Because I listen.
192
00:10:43,887 --> 00:10:45,047
The thing... Shh!
193
00:10:46,087 --> 00:10:47,687
I listen.
194
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:51,607
What?
195
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,366
Isn't it sweet!
196
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,446
She says she wants to be a singer.
197
00:10:57,447 --> 00:10:59,327
If she can be a singer,
I can be a singer!
198
00:10:59,328 --> 00:11:03,166
That's a bit arrogant, Ken!
How long is she staying, Lorn?
199
00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:06,806
Well, that's up to her.
Look, it's just a tiff with Steve.
200
00:11:06,807 --> 00:11:08,686
It'll blow over soon enough.
201
00:11:08,687 --> 00:11:11,166
Just, whatever you do,
don't get involved.
202
00:11:11,167 --> 00:11:15,926
Mum and Dad, I really feel that
if Connie is staying here,
203
00:11:15,927 --> 00:11:18,006
Zoe should be here too.
204
00:11:18,007 --> 00:11:20,526
She could stay in my room.
205
00:11:20,527 --> 00:11:22,007
What?
206
00:11:23,847 --> 00:11:27,286
Oh, I didn't mean it like that!
You guys have filthy minds.
207
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,847
I pity you.
208
00:11:30,407 --> 00:11:32,286
We're going to go get going.
209
00:11:32,287 --> 00:11:34,286
Cuckoo, Cuckoo.
210
00:11:34,287 --> 00:11:36,246
About this guru thing.
211
00:11:36,247 --> 00:11:39,686
You seem to be putting a load of
silly notions into Connie's head.
212
00:11:39,687 --> 00:11:43,726
OK, Ken, if I break a glass,
I will apologise.
213
00:11:43,727 --> 00:11:47,326
If I break someone's electric razor,
I will apologise.
214
00:11:47,327 --> 00:11:53,406
Sorry about that, by the way.
But if I break some lost soul out of her spiritual prison
215
00:11:53,407 --> 00:11:57,766
and help her reach her dreams,
then I will not apologise.
216
00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:59,447
Unless in doing so,
I break a glass.
217
00:11:59,448 --> 00:12:01,406
Which, in this case, I have not.
218
00:12:01,407 --> 00:12:04,886
Cuckoo, what do you even know
about singing?
219
00:12:04,887 --> 00:12:06,487
Check this out.
220
00:12:07,647 --> 00:12:11,046
# Don't, don't you want me?
221
00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:14,286
# You know I don't believe it
when I hear that you won't see me
222
00:12:14,287 --> 00:12:18,806
# Don't, don't you want me now?
223
00:12:18,807 --> 00:12:20,366
# You know I don't believe it
224
00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:22,886
# When you say that
you don't need me... #
225
00:12:22,887 --> 00:12:27,407
Ah, man, I was beautiful back then.
But so lost.
226
00:12:29,247 --> 00:12:31,966
And there are even some people,
227
00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:33,486
like Ken,
228
00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:36,046
would have considered me successful
229
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,286
what with my place at Yale
and my recording contract.
230
00:12:39,287 --> 00:12:42,846
But, in here, I was
bottom of the class.
231
00:12:42,847 --> 00:12:47,806
So, I left the country, did a lot
of drugs - which I am NOT proud of.
232
00:12:47,807 --> 00:12:50,126
And some drugs that I am proud of,
233
00:12:50,127 --> 00:12:52,326
and became the man
that stands before you today.
234
00:12:52,327 --> 00:12:54,526
Why are you telling me this?
235
00:12:54,527 --> 00:12:59,006
Connie, we can be anything we choose
if we want it enough.
236
00:12:59,007 --> 00:13:02,166
All we have to do is
believe in ourselves.
237
00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:04,046
Do you believe in yourself?
238
00:13:04,047 --> 00:13:05,166
Yes!
239
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:08,166
No, you don't! You think
you're worthless. Say it.
240
00:13:08,167 --> 00:13:10,126
I think I'm worthless.
241
00:13:10,127 --> 00:13:11,447
Exactly.
242
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,766
And you've got to get rid of
that negativity
243
00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:17,966
if you're going to become the singer
that you've always known you are.
244
00:13:17,967 --> 00:13:20,406
You're going to have to change.
245
00:13:20,407 --> 00:13:23,286
Not here.
246
00:13:23,287 --> 00:13:24,726
Here.
247
00:13:24,727 --> 00:13:26,447
In my mind?
248
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:29,806
Marks.
249
00:13:29,807 --> 00:13:32,007
Let's begin.
250
00:13:35,887 --> 00:13:37,687
There's over 400 ways
to hit a bongo.
251
00:13:37,688 --> 00:13:39,407
You are about to do your first.
252
00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:46,527
Ohhh, yeah!
253
00:13:49,327 --> 00:13:50,447
Very good.
254
00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:54,967
Great acoustics in here!
255
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:59,486
Good. Good.
256
00:13:59,487 --> 00:14:00,727
BAD!
257
00:14:02,127 --> 00:14:03,926
Bad!
258
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,767
Ooh, Ken! Look at that face.
259
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:12,846
Shut up!
260
00:14:12,847 --> 00:14:14,247
Shut up!
261
00:14:16,087 --> 00:14:17,245
Hey, I hope you don't mind.
262
00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:19,647
We used some of your clothes
to make a vocal booth.
263
00:14:21,847 --> 00:14:24,046
'Hey, Ken. We used this
little tape thing
264
00:14:24,047 --> 00:14:26,447
'for some of Connie's
song ideas. And go.'
265
00:14:29,207 --> 00:14:30,327
'Good.'
266
00:14:37,287 --> 00:14:38,686
Well, she'll have to go.
267
00:14:38,687 --> 00:14:40,766
If you don't ask her, I will.
Don't you dare!
268
00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:42,886
Connie needs our support.
269
00:14:42,887 --> 00:14:45,807
And Steve is a slightly strange guy.
270
00:14:47,047 --> 00:14:50,167
Some of the things
she has to put up with!
271
00:14:51,327 --> 00:14:54,006
Oh, come on then,
272
00:14:54,007 --> 00:14:56,127
oh collector of gossip.
Lay down the day's catch.
273
00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:57,647
Well...
274
00:14:59,247 --> 00:15:01,846
he is obsessed with the curtains.
275
00:15:01,847 --> 00:15:04,446
He goes mental if
they're drawn during the day.
276
00:15:04,447 --> 00:15:06,646
And he's always watching
fishing shows.
277
00:15:06,647 --> 00:15:09,646
And he's into sexual role-play.
278
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:12,566
Well, you certainly kept
the best till last!
279
00:15:12,567 --> 00:15:14,646
What does he do for sexual role-play?
280
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:15,967
Oh, shit - I didn't say that.
281
00:15:15,968 --> 00:15:18,046
Come on - role-play! I'm waiting.
282
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,726
I promised I wouldn't tell. Go on.
283
00:15:19,727 --> 00:15:22,407
No, I can't. Go on!
You know you want to.
284
00:15:24,367 --> 00:15:25,687
OK, I can't resist.
285
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:30,206
Steve pretends to be you.
286
00:15:30,207 --> 00:15:31,526
What?
287
00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:35,367
Steve pretends to be you
every time he has sex with Connie.
288
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:40,286
I have this mixture
of feeling flattered
289
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:42,486
and like I want to die.
290
00:15:42,487 --> 00:15:45,567
Wait, wait - I've got something
that WILL cheer you up.
291
00:15:47,007 --> 00:15:49,926
It's just a little present
to say sorry
292
00:15:49,927 --> 00:15:53,806
for forgetting about the anniversary
and everything.
293
00:15:53,807 --> 00:15:55,167
Oh, Lorn.
294
00:16:01,007 --> 00:16:03,367
It's Ozzy! Wow!
295
00:16:04,487 --> 00:16:05,527
Wow!
296
00:16:07,207 --> 00:16:08,686
No, I don't understand.
297
00:16:08,687 --> 00:16:10,046
Oh, you remember.
298
00:16:10,047 --> 00:16:12,686
That night, down by the canal.
You know!
299
00:16:12,687 --> 00:16:15,566
And I was... doing my thing,
300
00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:17,326
and a guy walked past and saw us
301
00:16:17,327 --> 00:16:20,726
and he looked like Ozzy Osbourne,
and we were like, "Ha ha ha!"
302
00:16:20,727 --> 00:16:22,806
It was the night
the Berlin Wall fell.
303
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:25,006
I remember because
you were really pleased.
304
00:16:25,007 --> 00:16:28,647
The night the Berlin Wall fell?
Yeah. When was it? '92, '93?
305
00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:31,646
'89.
306
00:16:31,647 --> 00:16:35,127
You silly!
We hadn't even met in 1989.
307
00:16:36,487 --> 00:16:37,846
Oh, shit.
308
00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:39,087
Goodnight.
309
00:16:40,407 --> 00:16:41,447
Paul McCartney.
310
00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:42,646
Yes.
311
00:16:42,647 --> 00:16:43,726
Elvis Presley.
312
00:16:43,727 --> 00:16:44,887
Good. Who else?
313
00:16:44,888 --> 00:16:46,006
One Direction.
314
00:16:46,007 --> 00:16:47,286
Good, good.
315
00:16:47,287 --> 00:16:49,606
Michelle McManus.
Keep 'em coming.
316
00:16:49,607 --> 00:16:52,086
Cuckoo, what's going on?
317
00:16:52,087 --> 00:16:55,086
Connie's singing in front of the
public for the first time tomorrow.
318
00:16:55,087 --> 00:16:58,006
By chanting the names of
legends of pop music,
319
00:16:58,007 --> 00:17:01,287
she invokes their spirits
and takes on their attributes.
320
00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:03,486
Robert Palmer.
321
00:17:03,487 --> 00:17:04,566
Shaggy.
322
00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:07,286
It's a technique I learned
from a guru in Bhutan.
323
00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:10,406
I would spend all day chanting
the names of enlightened thinkers
324
00:17:10,407 --> 00:17:11,966
whilst he cleaned the monastery.
325
00:17:11,967 --> 00:17:13,326
Shania Twain.
326
00:17:13,327 --> 00:17:15,167
You know you have got work tomorrow?
327
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:18,566
This is my work, Rach.
Inspiring people! Dappy!
328
00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:21,446
You had to know selling potatoes
wasn't going to be enough for me.
329
00:17:21,447 --> 00:17:23,006
Here, think of it this way.
330
00:17:23,007 --> 00:17:25,206
Without my teaching, I'm only this.
331
00:17:25,207 --> 00:17:28,766
But with it, I'm this.
332
00:17:28,767 --> 00:17:30,726
So much better!
333
00:17:30,727 --> 00:17:33,646
Sparkly potato of learning!
334
00:17:33,647 --> 00:17:35,007
Do you understand?
335
00:17:36,327 --> 00:17:38,286
Aw, baby!
336
00:17:38,287 --> 00:17:42,046
Mick Hucknall, Mick Hucknall,
Mick Hucknall, Mick Hucknall.
337
00:17:42,047 --> 00:17:43,607
She's starting to believe.
338
00:17:45,287 --> 00:17:48,846
OK, Connie, this is the greatest
challenge yet for your confidence.
339
00:17:48,847 --> 00:17:51,046
The Greeks call this a cappella,
340
00:17:51,047 --> 00:17:54,686
but I call it Mak-Shala music.
341
00:17:54,687 --> 00:17:55,967
What does that mean?
342
00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:59,367
It doesn't mean anything.
343
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:01,727
Now sing!
344
00:18:11,727 --> 00:18:13,247
OK, listen up, everyone!
345
00:18:14,487 --> 00:18:17,286
This beautiful woman's name
is Connie Chance,
346
00:18:17,287 --> 00:18:20,526
and she is here today to make it big
in the music business.
347
00:18:20,527 --> 00:18:23,006
So, if by some awesome coincidence
348
00:18:23,007 --> 00:18:25,887
one of you happens
to be a record executive...
349
00:18:26,927 --> 00:18:32,486
will he or she please step up
and make her dreams come true
350
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,846
with a million-dollar
record contract?
351
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,086
Anyone at all.
352
00:18:37,087 --> 00:18:39,526
# Picture this
We were both butt naked
353
00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:41,046
# Banging on the bathroom floor
354
00:18:41,047 --> 00:18:43,486
# How could I forget that...
355
00:18:43,487 --> 00:18:44,607
That's Shaggy!
356
00:18:45,847 --> 00:18:47,366
Any label, big or small...
357
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:48,847
# You really got me now...
358
00:18:48,848 --> 00:18:51,487
Anybody from Motown in the house?
359
00:18:59,047 --> 00:19:02,086
Just anyone with some
music management experience,
360
00:19:02,087 --> 00:19:04,166
maybe some good industry contacts?
361
00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:06,086
Anyone here fit that description?
362
00:19:06,087 --> 00:19:09,206
# Ain't nobody loves me better...
363
00:19:09,207 --> 00:19:10,326
Very sexy.
364
00:19:10,327 --> 00:19:12,686
# Youuu...
365
00:19:12,687 --> 00:19:14,606
Jeez, what are the odds?
366
00:19:14,607 --> 00:19:16,886
Hey! Was that you singing?
367
00:19:16,887 --> 00:19:18,206
That was wonderful.
368
00:19:18,207 --> 00:19:21,607
I have a proposition. I would love
you to come and sing in my club.
369
00:19:23,007 --> 00:19:24,127
We'll take it!
370
00:19:45,807 --> 00:19:48,686
Hey, Ken, it's Cuckoo and Connie.
371
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,446
Connie wants to talk to you
about something.
372
00:19:51,447 --> 00:19:53,327
Oh, God, no.
373
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,766
Connie has something to say
to you, Ken.
374
00:19:57,767 --> 00:19:59,606
Be strong.
375
00:19:59,607 --> 00:20:03,566
You doubted me, Ken Thompson.
But I have proved you wrong.
376
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:07,006
Today I was offered my first gig
at Alexandro's Pizza Palace,
377
00:20:07,007 --> 00:20:09,287
proving that Cuckoo was right
and you were wrong,
378
00:20:09,288 --> 00:20:11,926
and that he's probably right
about most other things too.
379
00:20:11,927 --> 00:20:14,926
She wrote that herself.
That was beautiful, Connie.
380
00:20:14,927 --> 00:20:16,726
Well, I think we're done here.
381
00:20:16,727 --> 00:20:17,887
Have a good one, Ken.
382
00:20:18,887 --> 00:20:19,927
Connie?
383
00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:25,846
Ken.
384
00:20:25,847 --> 00:20:27,286
Connie - wow.
385
00:20:27,287 --> 00:20:29,045
The last few days
have been wonderful.
386
00:20:29,046 --> 00:20:30,287
I've had such a blast.
387
00:20:30,288 --> 00:20:33,806
Oh, so have I!
And I've learnt so much!
388
00:20:33,807 --> 00:20:36,286
Question is, Connie - what now?
389
00:20:36,287 --> 00:20:40,726
Now you've proven everyone wrong -
me, Steve, all the haters.
390
00:20:40,727 --> 00:20:43,006
I can't help thinking
about your family...
391
00:20:43,007 --> 00:20:46,566
they're all sitting at home,
wondering what you're up to.
392
00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:50,086
Maybe now's the time to pop back
and tell them what the deal is.
393
00:20:50,087 --> 00:20:55,166
Well - my first concert is
at the pizza place on Saturday.
394
00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:57,566
Seems wrong to make
any decisions just yet.
395
00:20:57,567 --> 00:21:00,366
No, it's the start
of a glittering career.
396
00:21:00,367 --> 00:21:04,686
Fantastic. It's time
to get on with life - move on.
397
00:21:04,687 --> 00:21:07,327
Yes. Maybe you're right.
398
00:21:08,927 --> 00:21:12,366
I thought it was just
a tiff, but yes...
399
00:21:12,367 --> 00:21:14,086
maybe I should divorce Steve.
400
00:21:14,087 --> 00:21:15,446
What?
401
00:21:15,447 --> 00:21:17,166
What's the point pretending?
402
00:21:17,167 --> 00:21:19,166
I'm a brand new person.
403
00:21:19,167 --> 00:21:23,206
I need a sparkling new life
to go with it. Thanks, Ken.
404
00:21:23,207 --> 00:21:24,366
No, but... w...
405
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:25,607
Connie, wait...
406
00:21:25,608 --> 00:21:28,246
Lorna! Big news!
407
00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:32,167
I've had a great chat with Ken
and I'm getting a divorce!
408
00:21:35,847 --> 00:21:37,366
Got your text.
409
00:21:37,367 --> 00:21:41,286
Guess you're pretty pleased
with yourself, aren't you? What?!
410
00:21:41,287 --> 00:21:43,086
Oh, come on, Ken.
411
00:21:43,087 --> 00:21:45,886
We both know what's been going on
these last 15 years.
412
00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:49,326
Who's got the cleverest kids?
Who's got the nicest kitchen?
413
00:21:49,327 --> 00:21:50,926
It's only natural...
414
00:21:50,927 --> 00:21:54,406
can't have two Lion Kings
on the Lichfield savannah.
415
00:21:54,407 --> 00:21:58,326
Steve, I can honestly say
that I have never once...
416
00:21:58,327 --> 00:21:59,407
I was winning!
417
00:22:00,407 --> 00:22:02,487
Zeb snogged Rachel a few years back.
418
00:22:03,687 --> 00:22:05,047
I've got a nicer kitchen.
419
00:22:06,127 --> 00:22:08,166
But then this.
420
00:22:08,167 --> 00:22:09,806
This...
421
00:22:09,807 --> 00:22:12,326
Your hippie son-in-law
stealing my wife from me!
422
00:22:12,327 --> 00:22:14,767
Christ. I never saw that coming.
423
00:22:16,047 --> 00:22:19,606
You've gone two goals up
in Ken-and-Steve-ball.
424
00:22:19,607 --> 00:22:20,807
Two goals up.
425
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:26,006
Steve, you and Connie
have got to get back together.
426
00:22:26,007 --> 00:22:29,166
For the sake of your family
and my sanity.
427
00:22:29,167 --> 00:22:31,846
You have to tell Connie
you respect her singing.
428
00:22:31,847 --> 00:22:35,886
Never! You don't know
what it's like.
429
00:22:35,887 --> 00:22:39,086
In the early stages of the marriage
she sang in the kitchen.
430
00:22:39,087 --> 00:22:41,206
She sang in the shower.
431
00:22:41,207 --> 00:22:44,407
She was like a shit stereo
giving me less and less intercourse.
432
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:49,887
I miss her!
433
00:22:51,527 --> 00:22:52,727
I miss her so much.
434
00:22:54,327 --> 00:22:56,406
I miss her.
435
00:22:56,407 --> 00:22:57,527
Connie!
436
00:23:00,527 --> 00:23:01,567
Connie!
437
00:23:02,847 --> 00:23:04,887
CONNIE!
438
00:23:07,007 --> 00:23:11,366
# Well I know without a doubt
439
00:23:11,367 --> 00:23:13,446
# My heart...
440
00:23:13,447 --> 00:23:16,806
OK, Connie. Quick technique
for nerves - when you're up there,
441
00:23:16,807 --> 00:23:19,207
direct your performance at
one member of the audience
442
00:23:19,208 --> 00:23:21,286
and imagine them completely naked.
443
00:23:21,287 --> 00:23:22,886
Just anyone at all.
444
00:23:22,887 --> 00:23:24,686
Maybe Ken, for example.
445
00:23:24,687 --> 00:23:26,127
Will do. OK.
446
00:23:31,447 --> 00:23:32,487
Hello!
447
00:23:35,887 --> 00:23:38,087
I'm just going to go
and use the facilities.
448
00:23:41,207 --> 00:23:44,367
# We'll kiss just as before...
449
00:23:45,527 --> 00:23:47,526
OK, I've spoken to Alexandro.
450
00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:49,326
As soon as this song's finished,
451
00:23:49,327 --> 00:23:50,727
you go up, introduce Connie...
452
00:23:50,728 --> 00:23:53,406
say something complimentary,
all wounds are healed.
453
00:23:53,407 --> 00:23:54,566
Sorted.
454
00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:57,007
Look, Ken, I know we've
had our differences in the past,
455
00:23:57,008 --> 00:23:59,806
but this whole thing
has made me realise
456
00:23:59,807 --> 00:24:02,486
what a great best friend
you are. No! Yes!
457
00:24:02,487 --> 00:24:04,446
And when I get my woman back,
458
00:24:04,447 --> 00:24:07,766
we are going on
a safari holiday together.
459
00:24:07,767 --> 00:24:09,527
One step at a time, eh, Steve?
460
00:24:19,847 --> 00:24:22,967
Not bad, not bad.
461
00:24:27,767 --> 00:24:30,766
Hello, ladies and gentleman!
Steve!
462
00:24:30,767 --> 00:24:33,966
It's a wonderful warm evening
out there, and I want you to welcome
463
00:24:33,967 --> 00:24:37,086
a wonderful, hot lady
to the stage - Connie Chance!
464
00:24:37,087 --> 00:24:38,846
What's Steve doing here?
465
00:24:38,847 --> 00:24:40,005
Connie, I just want to say
466
00:24:40,006 --> 00:24:42,447
in front of all these good
people here this evening,
467
00:24:42,448 --> 00:24:44,326
you have a wonderful voice...
468
00:24:44,327 --> 00:24:46,326
and I was wrong in finding it
469
00:24:46,327 --> 00:24:49,606
grating and grinding and horrible.
470
00:24:49,607 --> 00:24:55,846
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lichfield's answer to Susan Boyle...
471
00:24:55,847 --> 00:24:57,327
Connie Chance!
472
00:25:07,087 --> 00:25:10,287
This one's for all the lovers
in the audience tonight.
473
00:25:11,567 --> 00:25:14,447
# A dying flame
474
00:25:15,607 --> 00:25:17,767
# You're free again
475
00:25:20,567 --> 00:25:22,647
# Who could love...? #
476
00:25:24,807 --> 00:25:27,006
Guess who told her to sing this one?
477
00:25:27,007 --> 00:25:28,526
You?
478
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:30,446
It's our song, Ken.
479
00:25:30,447 --> 00:25:32,206
# All dressed in black... #
480
00:25:32,207 --> 00:25:36,166
You remember? That long,
hot summer of '87.
481
00:25:36,167 --> 00:25:37,486
Unbelievable!
482
00:25:37,487 --> 00:25:40,647
# Fool if you think it's over
483
00:25:42,607 --> 00:25:44,727
# Cos you said goodbye
484
00:25:46,447 --> 00:25:49,647
# Fool if you think it's over... #
485
00:25:50,887 --> 00:25:52,206
I did it!
486
00:25:52,207 --> 00:25:53,606
It worked!
487
00:25:53,607 --> 00:25:56,406
Everything turned out just as we'd
hoped. I love a happy ending.
488
00:25:56,407 --> 00:25:58,447
And now, if I may - a duet?
489
00:26:00,127 --> 00:26:03,486
Do you know "Relight My Fire"
by Take That?
490
00:26:03,487 --> 00:26:05,007
I love Take That!
491
00:26:08,087 --> 00:26:10,167
Here we go, Connie. Dig deep!
492
00:26:15,207 --> 00:26:17,127
Go on, Connie!
493
00:26:18,407 --> 00:26:22,487
# Help me escape this
feeling of insecurity
494
00:26:23,727 --> 00:26:25,366
# A-ha
495
00:26:25,367 --> 00:26:30,007
# I need you so much but I don't
think you really need me
496
00:26:31,607 --> 00:26:33,086
# A-ha
497
00:26:33,087 --> 00:26:36,166
# But I must say
I only dream of you
498
00:26:36,167 --> 00:26:38,806
# But like a thief in the night
499
00:26:38,807 --> 00:26:42,886
# You took away
the love that I knew
500
00:26:42,887 --> 00:26:45,086
Go, Connie! Go, girl!
501
00:26:45,087 --> 00:26:48,007
# Relight my fire
502
00:26:49,847 --> 00:26:52,886
# Your love is my only desire
503
00:26:52,887 --> 00:26:54,087
# Relight my fire
504
00:26:54,088 --> 00:26:57,006
Yeah! This is great!
505
00:26:57,007 --> 00:26:58,646
Connie, you're the best!
506
00:26:58,647 --> 00:27:02,007
# ..nee-ee-eed your love. #
507
00:27:14,087 --> 00:27:15,647
Fucking hell.
508
00:27:18,567 --> 00:27:20,166
OK... is it just me,
509
00:27:20,167 --> 00:27:23,127
or does anybody else
have goose bumps right now?
510
00:27:24,196 --> 00:27:50,760
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511
00:27:50,810 --> 00:27:55,360
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