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00:00:07,238 --> 00:00:08,972
Hey, what are
you guys doing here?
3
00:00:08,973 --> 00:00:10,440
It's a bad time.
Can't come in.
4
00:00:10,441 --> 00:00:13,743
Thank you. You are going to be
so happy to see us.
5
00:00:13,744 --> 00:00:15,245
We have good news.
6
00:00:15,246 --> 00:00:16,879
My immigration
papers came in.
7
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,948
All I have to do
to get my citizenship
8
00:00:18,949 --> 00:00:21,517
is pass a little test,
and then you can divorce me.
9
00:00:21,518 --> 00:00:24,687
You are going to love
being divorced from him.
10
00:00:25,556 --> 00:00:27,290
Oh, you're going to miss
11
00:00:27,291 --> 00:00:29,259
being married to her.
12
00:00:30,427 --> 00:00:32,128
Hey, then, then I can
marry New Christine.
13
00:00:32,129 --> 00:00:33,429
Maybe that'll make her happy.
14
00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:34,964
This pregnancy's been rough.
15
00:00:34,965 --> 00:00:36,499
She's mad at me all the time.
16
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:37,834
I can't do anything right.
17
00:00:37,835 --> 00:00:39,168
It was different with you.
18
00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:40,603
You started out that way.
19
00:00:41,939 --> 00:00:43,740
Oh, oh-- she's coming.
20
00:00:43,741 --> 00:00:44,974
I didn't hear anything.
21
00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:46,876
You never do
until it's too late.
22
00:00:46,877 --> 00:00:49,479
Don't look her in the eye
and make yourself look big.
23
00:00:52,416 --> 00:00:54,117
Why didn't you tell me
we had company?
24
00:00:54,118 --> 00:00:55,818
I...
Why do we have company?
25
00:00:55,819 --> 00:00:57,487
Damn you, Richard!
26
00:00:58,656 --> 00:00:59,889
What are you all looking at?
27
00:00:59,890 --> 00:01:02,392
Uh, nothing.
28
00:01:02,393 --> 00:01:04,294
No, you look good.
29
00:01:04,295 --> 00:01:07,130
Like a young
Marlon Brando.
30
00:01:08,265 --> 00:01:09,932
What are you
laughing at, Richard?
31
00:01:09,933 --> 00:01:11,301
I didn't laugh.
She laughed.
32
00:01:11,302 --> 00:01:12,735
Not at you.
I was laughing
33
00:01:12,736 --> 00:01:14,437
because Richard's hands
were shaking.
34
00:01:14,438 --> 00:01:16,105
That's okay, Barb.
35
00:01:16,106 --> 00:01:17,340
I guess it is
kind of funny.
36
00:01:17,341 --> 00:01:20,043
Kind of.
Shut it!
37
00:01:22,713 --> 00:01:24,113
I have to marry her.
38
00:01:24,114 --> 00:01:27,283
Not if I get to her first.
39
00:01:28,452 --> 00:01:30,620
Please tell me how soon
we can make this happen.
40
00:01:30,621 --> 00:01:31,954
I take the test on Friday.
41
00:01:31,955 --> 00:01:34,057
As soon as I pass it,
then it'll take about
42
00:01:34,058 --> 00:01:35,925
two months
to finalize the divorce.
43
00:01:35,926 --> 00:01:37,894
Two months?
I can't wait two months.
44
00:01:37,895 --> 00:01:40,930
She's just going to be
stronger and scarier.
45
00:01:40,931 --> 00:01:42,765
Well, why don't you
just have the wedding now
46
00:01:42,766 --> 00:01:45,468
and then you can make
it official after the paperwork's been finalized?
47
00:01:45,469 --> 00:01:48,004
Yeah! We can do
it this weekend.
48
00:01:48,005 --> 00:01:49,472
We could surprise her.
49
00:01:49,473 --> 00:01:50,740
She loves surprises.
50
00:01:50,741 --> 00:01:53,142
Except the one
where I got her pregnant.
51
00:01:53,143 --> 00:01:54,477
Oh, maybe I'll call her dad
52
00:01:54,478 --> 00:01:56,179
and see if he'll come
walk her down the aisle.
53
00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:58,581
Um, uh... uh...
54
00:01:58,582 --> 00:02:01,351
Uh, P-Pa-Papa Jeff?
55
00:02:01,352 --> 00:02:03,619
Will you be okay
with seeing him?
56
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:05,822
I know he broke your heart
at our first wedding.
57
00:02:05,823 --> 00:02:08,291
No, it would be nice
to have him here.
58
00:02:08,292 --> 00:02:10,626
Well, that's
big of you. Wait for it.
59
00:02:10,627 --> 00:02:13,062
I can show him how great I look
and rub his face in it.
60
00:02:13,063 --> 00:02:15,064
There you go.
61
00:02:15,065 --> 00:02:16,733
What? I'm in a good place
right now.
62
00:02:16,734 --> 00:02:18,634
I have a boyfriend.
He's a doctor.
63
00:02:18,635 --> 00:02:20,470
Oh, that's going
to kill Papa Jeff.
64
00:02:20,471 --> 00:02:21,804
Maybe I'll go to the hair salon
65
00:02:21,805 --> 00:02:23,573
and get my hair
and my makeup all done.
66
00:02:23,574 --> 00:02:26,042
Oh-ho-ho, that is really
going to kill Papa Jeff.
67
00:02:26,043 --> 00:02:27,610
Hey, maybe
68
00:02:27,611 --> 00:02:29,278
you could take New Christine
to the salon with you.
69
00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:30,947
Get her dolled up
and out of the house
70
00:02:30,948 --> 00:02:32,315
so Matthew and I can decorate.
71
00:02:32,316 --> 00:02:34,250
What? Why woulyou
just assume I'm going to
72
00:02:34,251 --> 00:02:35,952
want to help you decorate?
73
00:02:35,953 --> 00:02:39,789
All right, fine, I'll see if I
know someone at the flower mart.
74
00:02:39,790 --> 00:02:42,291
Fine, I do know someone
at the flower mart.
75
00:02:43,026 --> 00:02:46,694
♪The New Adventures of Old Christine 5x18 ♪
Revenge Makeover Original Air Date on April 14, 2010
76
00:02:46,797 --> 00:02:50,732
-- Sync corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
77
00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:52,468
I don't understand
what we're doing here.
78
00:02:52,469 --> 00:02:54,170
I told you,
it's a day of beauty.
79
00:02:54,171 --> 00:02:56,205
You know, the only thing
that made me feel better
80
00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:58,274
when I was pregnant with
Ritchie was getting pampered.
81
00:02:58,275 --> 00:03:00,610
Uh, that and doing this.
82
00:03:04,681 --> 00:03:06,182
Get up. Get up.
83
00:03:06,183 --> 00:03:08,384
It works.
84
00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:11,587
Um, hi. We have an 11:00.
85
00:03:11,588 --> 00:03:12,855
The name is
Christine Campbell.
86
00:03:12,856 --> 00:03:14,290
You're 15 minutes late.
87
00:03:14,291 --> 00:03:17,393
Yeah, well, uh, this one here
moves a little slow.
88
00:03:17,394 --> 00:03:19,095
She has to pee
every ten minutes,
89
00:03:19,096 --> 00:03:20,630
which makes me have to pee.
90
00:03:20,631 --> 00:03:23,733
Oh, shoot.
Wish I hadn't said "pee."
91
00:03:24,735 --> 00:03:26,602
Well, I can probably
take you and your daughter
92
00:03:26,603 --> 00:03:28,070
in about an hour
if you want to wait.
93
00:03:28,071 --> 00:03:30,139
Hey, I'm not her mother.
94
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:31,808
Well, you're too young
to be her grandmother.
95
00:03:31,809 --> 00:03:34,477
Oh, thank you.
96
00:03:34,478 --> 00:03:37,447
Look, um, this is
a really important day.
97
00:03:37,448 --> 00:03:40,483
Um, I fooled around
with her father
98
00:03:40,484 --> 00:03:42,585
only to find out
that he had a fiancée,
99
00:03:42,586 --> 00:03:44,220
and I'm about to see him again.
100
00:03:44,221 --> 00:03:46,422
So I really am going
to need to look fantastic,
101
00:03:46,423 --> 00:03:48,257
because today is the day
that I get my revenge.
102
00:03:48,258 --> 00:03:50,960
I have three revenge makeovers
ahead of you.
103
00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:53,930
What's taking so long?
104
00:03:53,931 --> 00:03:56,065
Oh, God, she says
we have to wait.
105
00:03:58,669 --> 00:04:00,536
Do I look like I can wait?
106
00:04:01,338 --> 00:04:03,005
You listen to me,
Hannah Montana,
107
00:04:03,006 --> 00:04:05,007
you are going to take
us both right now.
108
00:04:05,008 --> 00:04:06,309
I am eight months pregnant,
109
00:04:06,310 --> 00:04:08,177
going on nine months
in a bad mood.
110
00:04:08,178 --> 00:04:10,313
And I am right
on the edge, sister.
111
00:04:10,314 --> 00:04:12,715
Right on the edge!
112
00:04:12,716 --> 00:04:15,184
Let me move some things
around for you.
113
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,422
You know what?
Um, don't take this the wrong way,
114
00:04:19,423 --> 00:04:22,225
but I have never been
more turned on by you.
115
00:04:28,942 --> 00:04:29,709
What do you think?
116
00:04:29,808 --> 00:04:30,975
This looks like
a wedding, right?
117
00:04:30,976 --> 00:04:32,643
I'm not going
to sugarcoat this.
118
00:04:32,644 --> 00:04:35,446
Compared to your last wedding,
this one is going to blow.
119
00:04:35,447 --> 00:04:37,248
Hard.
120
00:04:37,249 --> 00:04:39,250
But you know what?
121
00:04:39,251 --> 00:04:40,551
Let's focus on what you do have.
122
00:04:40,552 --> 00:04:42,720
You have
each other, bagels...
123
00:04:42,721 --> 00:04:44,889
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
124
00:04:46,091 --> 00:04:47,825
You know what she was
most disappointed about?
125
00:04:47,826 --> 00:04:48,926
Her fiancé?
126
00:04:48,927 --> 00:04:50,227
Well, yeah.
127
00:04:50,228 --> 00:04:51,662
That and missing
the first dance.
128
00:04:51,663 --> 00:04:53,230
That was going
to be a good dance.
129
00:04:53,231 --> 00:04:54,932
Of course it was.
You choreographed it.
130
00:04:54,933 --> 00:04:56,166
We spent three hours a day
131
00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:57,635
for nine weeks
working on that dance.
132
00:04:57,636 --> 00:04:58,569
Do you remember it?
133
00:04:58,570 --> 00:05:00,537
Of course not.
I'm a guy.
134
00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:03,974
You know what?
Let me see if I do.
135
00:05:03,975 --> 00:05:06,911
Put one hand on my hip
the other, on my back.
136
00:05:06,912 --> 00:05:09,747
Stand up straight.
Five, six, seven, eight.
137
00:05:09,748 --> 00:05:11,715
And one-and-two
and watch your feet
138
00:05:11,716 --> 00:05:14,118
and shoulders back
and eyes on me
139
00:05:14,119 --> 00:05:15,619
and dip.
140
00:05:18,623 --> 00:05:20,324
I saw the silhouette
through the window.
141
00:05:20,325 --> 00:05:22,760
I was really hoping
it wasn't this.
142
00:05:24,195 --> 00:05:26,997
Oh, I felt it.
143
00:05:26,998 --> 00:05:28,999
Now feel mine.
144
00:05:30,735 --> 00:05:33,237
Ooh, I felt it.
Huh?
145
00:05:35,206 --> 00:05:36,807
Well, I guess we're done.
146
00:05:39,377 --> 00:05:40,711
Thanks.
147
00:05:41,613 --> 00:05:43,280
Excuse me?
Can you tell somebody
148
00:05:43,281 --> 00:05:45,916
that, uh, I dinged, too?
149
00:05:47,385 --> 00:05:50,688
Does anybody know
where Marcie is?
150
00:05:50,689 --> 00:05:52,856
Hello?
151
00:05:52,857 --> 00:05:54,591
I dinged.
152
00:05:56,394 --> 00:05:58,996
Ooh, something smells like
fried chicken.
153
00:06:09,808 --> 00:06:11,141
Okay, Ms. Baran,
I'm going
154
00:06:11,142 --> 00:06:13,711
to ask you a hundred questions
about the United States.
155
00:06:13,712 --> 00:06:15,579
Okay, give, give--
give me a minute.
156
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:17,014
I'm a little nervous.
157
00:06:17,015 --> 00:06:20,050
Now, what was
the question again?
158
00:06:20,051 --> 00:06:21,652
That wasn't a question.
159
00:06:21,653 --> 00:06:23,954
We haven't started
the test yet.
160
00:06:25,023 --> 00:06:26,023
Are you okay?
161
00:06:26,024 --> 00:06:28,225
True. No, false.
162
00:06:29,194 --> 00:06:30,327
I'm, I'm sorry.
163
00:06:30,328 --> 00:06:32,029
I'm not a good test-taker.
164
00:06:32,030 --> 00:06:33,163
Well, at home I am.
165
00:06:33,164 --> 00:06:34,698
I watch Jeopardy and I'm like,
166
00:06:34,699 --> 00:06:36,533
"Who is Jane Goodall""
167
00:06:38,536 --> 00:06:41,405
But when the pressure's on, it
all just flies out of my head.
168
00:06:41,406 --> 00:06:43,741
Especially when
something's important to me.
169
00:06:43,742 --> 00:06:44,875
I think you'll be fine.
170
00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:46,710
You've lived in America
for over 20 years.
171
00:06:46,711 --> 00:06:48,812
Most of this stuff
is just common sense.
172
00:06:48,813 --> 00:06:50,581
Just take a deep breath.
173
00:06:54,986 --> 00:06:56,954
Now let it go.
174
00:06:56,955 --> 00:06:59,223
Oh.
175
00:06:59,224 --> 00:07:01,058
Thank you.
Okay.
176
00:07:01,059 --> 00:07:02,192
Question one.
177
00:07:02,193 --> 00:07:03,994
What are the three
branches of government?
178
00:07:08,133 --> 00:07:11,902
I keep thinking
"Wynken, Blynken, and Nod."
179
00:07:11,903 --> 00:07:13,470
I know that can't be right.
180
00:07:13,471 --> 00:07:15,172
Oh, so close.
181
00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:16,907
I'll tell you what.
182
00:07:16,908 --> 00:07:19,209
Why don't you take
the practice book outside
183
00:07:19,210 --> 00:07:20,611
and give it another look?
184
00:07:20,612 --> 00:07:22,079
Come back in
whenever you're ready.
185
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,081
I'm not in any
hurry to get home.
186
00:07:24,082 --> 00:07:25,549
I hate my wife.
187
00:07:27,285 --> 00:07:29,019
Okay, darling?
188
00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:31,155
Good luck to you.
189
00:07:39,798 --> 00:07:40,998
When did this timer go off?
190
00:07:40,999 --> 00:07:44,701
Oh, uh, I don't know.
About a half hour ago.
191
00:07:44,702 --> 00:07:46,670
Why didn't you say something?
192
00:07:46,671 --> 00:07:48,572
Oh, well, I tried
to tell someone
193
00:07:48,573 --> 00:07:50,307
because it was really burning.
194
00:07:50,308 --> 00:07:53,877
But then the pain went away
when my head went numb.
195
00:07:54,813 --> 00:07:56,814
And then I got sucked
into this article.
196
00:07:56,815 --> 00:07:58,015
Hey, let me ask you something.
197
00:07:58,016 --> 00:08:00,150
Do you think that I should
take it personally that
198
00:08:00,151 --> 00:08:04,088
when I met Tiger Woods, he was
nothing but a perfect gentleman?
199
00:08:09,260 --> 00:08:11,261
Oh.
200
00:08:11,262 --> 00:08:13,464
What?
201
00:08:13,465 --> 00:08:15,232
What "oh"?
202
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:16,767
Is, is it okay?
203
00:08:16,768 --> 00:08:20,270
Well... let me
be honest with you.
204
00:08:31,149 --> 00:08:34,318
Ohh!
205
00:08:36,121 --> 00:08:38,388
I am so glad
you're here.
206
00:08:38,389 --> 00:08:39,890
I thought maybe
you were still mad
207
00:08:39,891 --> 00:08:41,658
because I ruined
the last wedding.
208
00:08:41,659 --> 00:08:43,827
How could I possibly
still be mad about that
209
00:08:43,828 --> 00:08:47,264
when there's so much new
stuff to be mad about?
210
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:50,767
Like you faking a vasectomy
and knocking up my daughter.
211
00:08:50,768 --> 00:08:53,103
Okay, can I
be honest with you?
212
00:08:53,104 --> 00:08:56,173
I didn't think
she would find out.
213
00:08:59,244 --> 00:09:01,178
I'm going to kill you.
214
00:09:01,179 --> 00:09:03,313
I'm sorry, okay?
I love your daughter
215
00:09:03,314 --> 00:09:05,115
and I plan on making her
an honest woman.
216
00:09:05,116 --> 00:09:06,550
I'm glad you're here
to help us celebrate.
217
00:09:06,551 --> 00:09:08,185
Can I talk to you
guy-to-guy?
218
00:09:08,186 --> 00:09:11,188
You try to have a wedding,
I'm going to kick your ass.
219
00:09:12,223 --> 00:09:13,423
Hey, just so we're clear,
220
00:09:13,424 --> 00:09:15,659
you're only going
to kick his ass, right?
221
00:09:16,594 --> 00:09:18,795
Because I'm just
the choreographer.
222
00:09:25,203 --> 00:09:27,404
Oh, oh...
223
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,207
Oh...
224
00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:31,575
It's okay.
225
00:09:31,576 --> 00:09:33,143
It's not so bad.
226
00:09:35,847 --> 00:09:37,648
I'm just crying
because I'm pregnant.
227
00:09:37,649 --> 00:09:39,216
There's really
no reason to panic.
228
00:09:39,217 --> 00:09:40,484
I'm going to go get some help.
229
00:09:40,485 --> 00:09:42,452
Help! We need help!
230
00:09:43,721 --> 00:09:46,690
Oh, my God, Christine?
Oh, my...
231
00:09:46,691 --> 00:09:49,126
What happened to you?
I-I-I...
232
00:09:49,127 --> 00:09:51,395
I don't know.
Th-The timer went off
233
00:09:51,396 --> 00:09:53,830
and nobody came and I thought
it was all right,
234
00:09:53,831 --> 00:09:55,432
because they know
what they're doing.
235
00:09:55,433 --> 00:09:58,769
And, and, oh,
the fried chicken was me.
236
00:09:59,637 --> 00:10:00,904
Okay, it's okay.
237
00:10:00,905 --> 00:10:02,973
We're going to fix this.
238
00:10:02,974 --> 00:10:05,108
Do you think
you can make me pretty again?
239
00:10:05,109 --> 00:10:06,843
When were you pretty?
240
00:10:08,213 --> 00:10:10,013
Okay, Maria,
open up chair six
241
00:10:10,014 --> 00:10:12,616
and get me a bleach gown
and a stack of towels, stat!
242
00:10:12,617 --> 00:10:13,951
Okay, yeah,
we're going to have to do
243
00:10:13,952 --> 00:10:15,085
an orange-neutralizing
avy highlight.
244
00:10:15,086 --> 00:10:16,653
We need a bleach
with 20 volume
245
00:10:16,654 --> 00:10:18,589
and a ten-one-one-five
volume for five minutes. All right, let's go.
246
00:10:18,590 --> 00:10:20,557
What? What?
Where are we going?
247
00:10:20,558 --> 00:10:22,292
The Situation Room.
Come on, hustle, come on.
248
00:10:22,293 --> 00:10:23,794
Move! Move!
249
00:10:28,778 --> 00:10:29,978
How is she?
250
00:10:29,979 --> 00:10:31,580
Is she going to be okay?
251
00:10:31,581 --> 00:10:33,682
Well, uh, we did
all we could,
252
00:10:33,683 --> 00:10:35,617
but she still smells
like chicken.
253
00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,920
All right, come on out.
Let's see how you look.
254
00:10:45,261 --> 00:10:47,529
I feel ridiculous.
255
00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:49,798
They made you
into one of them.
256
00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:53,735
You're welcome.
No problem.
257
00:10:54,604 --> 00:10:55,904
I mean, what did you do to me?
258
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,806
Why do I have to wear
your clothes?
259
00:10:57,807 --> 00:11:01,209
Because, Christine,
the disaster didn't stop at your hair.
260
00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:05,580
But, but I don't look
anything like myself.
261
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,416
You're welcome.
No problem.
262
00:11:08,985 --> 00:11:11,586
Look, Christine, you've
spent 60 years being yourself.
263
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,121
I mean, being blonde
264
00:11:13,122 --> 00:11:15,457
is going to open up a
whole new world for you.
265
00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:17,659
When I met Lindsay, she had
brown hair just like you
266
00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:19,261
and her life was in
ruins just like you.
267
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:21,129
Mm-hmm. Yeah,
it's true, Christine.
268
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:22,898
Back then, I was
on my way to completing
269
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:25,200
my doctoral dissertation
in Women's Studies at Vassar.
270
00:11:25,201 --> 00:11:27,169
But then, I met
Marly at a shoe sale
271
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:29,337
and look at me now.
272
00:11:29,338 --> 00:11:30,839
I'm pretty!
273
00:11:31,641 --> 00:11:32,874
Well, I don't care.
274
00:11:32,875 --> 00:11:35,410
I want you to change it back
to the way it was.
275
00:11:35,411 --> 00:11:36,945
Christine, we can't.
You can't process it again Unh-uh.
276
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,647
for two weeks, or all
your hair's going to fall out.
277
00:11:40,083 --> 00:11:42,784
I feel like I should
be married to a Trump.
278
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,120
You're welcome.
No problem.
279
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,826
Hey.
280
00:11:50,827 --> 00:11:52,060
Put down that bagel.
281
00:11:52,061 --> 00:11:53,862
That's for the wedding.
282
00:11:53,863 --> 00:11:55,731
Didn't you hear me?
283
00:11:55,732 --> 00:11:57,632
There's not going to be
any wedding.
284
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,735
Okay, I'm a grown man,
285
00:11:59,736 --> 00:12:01,369
and your daughter
is a grown woman.
286
00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:03,939
I don't think you can stop us
from getting married.
287
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,507
Can he?
288
00:12:05,508 --> 00:12:08,210
I don't know. Any guy who can
eat that many carbs
289
00:12:08,211 --> 00:12:11,246
and keep a figure like that can
probably do anything he wants.
290
00:12:12,248 --> 00:12:14,983
Wow, I've got to get
a girlfriend.
291
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,652
This is ridiculous.
292
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:19,454
I'm marrying
your daughter today.
293
00:12:19,455 --> 00:12:20,789
Put down the bagel.
294
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,659
Why don't you take the bagel?
295
00:12:25,795 --> 00:12:27,162
Oh, come on.
296
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:29,030
We're not doing this, are...?
297
00:12:33,102 --> 00:12:35,103
Okay. Now I'm getting mad.
298
00:12:35,104 --> 00:12:36,571
What are you
going to do about it?
299
00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:38,073
Oh, are you looking
for a fight, because if
300
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:39,775
you are-- oh, oh, oh!
301
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,246
Oh, this is already better
than the last wedding.
302
00:12:46,382 --> 00:12:48,350
Oh, my God.
What's going on?
303
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:49,818
NEW CHRISTINE:
Daddy?
304
00:12:49,819 --> 00:12:52,020
What are you doing here?
Why are you beating up Richard?
305
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,389
Okay, I was planning
a surprise wedding for you.
306
00:12:54,390 --> 00:12:56,091
There were bagels
and everything.
307
00:12:56,092 --> 00:12:58,760
And, and he said
we can't get married.
308
00:12:58,761 --> 00:13:00,195
Daddy, you can't do that.
309
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,364
Ha! Ow!
310
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,567
You could stop my heart.
311
00:13:05,568 --> 00:13:07,769
And you can't surprise
a person with a wedding.
312
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,571
You have to ask somebody
if they want to get married.
313
00:13:09,572 --> 00:13:11,640
Ha!
Oh!
314
00:13:11,641 --> 00:13:13,108
Stop it! I'm warning you.
315
00:13:13,109 --> 00:13:15,377
I'm about to cry.
316
00:13:16,345 --> 00:13:18,280
You both should be
ashamed of yourselves.
317
00:13:18,281 --> 00:13:19,514
I'm a grown woman.
318
00:13:19,515 --> 00:13:21,850
It is not your decision
when or if I get married.
319
00:13:21,851 --> 00:13:24,653
How dare you treat me
like a child or your property.
320
00:13:24,654 --> 00:13:26,655
I was just looking out
for you, Monkey.
321
00:13:26,656 --> 00:13:29,391
Sweetie, no one was thinking
of you as property.
322
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:32,327
You're just feeling sensitive
because of your large size.
323
00:13:35,164 --> 00:13:37,165
Look what you did to Monkey.
324
00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:39,301
I'm going to kick
your ass again.
325
00:13:40,102 --> 00:13:41,269
Well, good for her.
326
00:13:41,270 --> 00:13:43,505
Finally standing
up for herself.
327
00:13:43,506 --> 00:13:46,408
Hi, I'm the choreographer.
328
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:50,245
Hi, I'm your sister.
329
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,250
Oh, God. Somebody, quick.
330
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,052
Punch me in the chest.
331
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,520
Christine?
332
00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:01,289
Oh, my God.
I didn't recognize you.
333
00:14:01,290 --> 00:14:03,158
I know.
It was an accident.
334
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:04,860
I didn't want to look like this.
335
00:14:04,861 --> 00:14:06,561
I wanted to look good for you.
336
00:14:06,562 --> 00:14:07,996
You look better
than you've ever looked.
337
00:14:07,997 --> 00:14:09,831
I-I love you as a blonde.
338
00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:12,534
You do?
Yeah.
339
00:14:12,535 --> 00:14:14,436
I-I-I can't take
my eyes off of you.
340
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:17,539
Can I toast you a bagel?
341
00:14:19,141 --> 00:14:21,109
Well, I don't know
what that means,
342
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,845
but I like the sound of it.
343
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:26,281
Okay, I got it this time.
344
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,017
I studied this thing
from cover to cover.
345
00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:30,719
I'm ready.
I feel good.
346
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,054
Come on. Hit me.
347
00:14:33,055 --> 00:14:35,156
All right, um,
348
00:14:35,157 --> 00:14:37,092
what's the capital
of the United States?
349
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:39,694
Okay, I'm in real trouble here.
350
00:14:39,695 --> 00:14:40,996
Wait a minute.
351
00:14:40,997 --> 00:14:43,832
The capital of the
United States-- I know this.
352
00:14:43,833 --> 00:14:46,902
I was there
for the inauguration of...
353
00:14:49,705 --> 00:14:52,974
Uh, look, you seem
like an understanding guy
354
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:56,278
who might need
a little extra cash.
355
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,384
Let's see if you know
this president.
356
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,689
Hamilton was not a president.
357
00:15:08,858 --> 00:15:10,659
You have one more chance
to take this test,
358
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,694
or we won't be able
to process your paperwork.
359
00:15:12,695 --> 00:15:15,797
Look, I can make it
multiple choice.
360
00:15:15,798 --> 00:15:17,799
You ready?
361
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,435
How many senators
represent each state?
362
00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:22,871
Two? A thousand?
363
00:15:22,872 --> 00:15:25,573
Banana?
364
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,184
I'm sorry, sweetie.
365
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,453
I honestly thought
surprising you with a wedding
366
00:15:38,454 --> 00:15:40,922
would make you happy,
because lately you've been a little bit...
367
00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:42,157
What, Richard?
368
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,625
What have I been?
369
00:15:43,626 --> 00:15:46,628
I don't want to say it now.
370
00:15:48,764 --> 00:15:51,366
I know. I'm a pain
in the ass.
371
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,001
I don't feel like myself.
372
00:15:53,002 --> 00:15:54,302
I think you're beautiful.
373
00:15:54,303 --> 00:15:55,670
What, Richard?
374
00:15:55,671 --> 00:15:58,073
What exactly do you think
is beautiful about me?
375
00:15:59,408 --> 00:16:01,109
I'm sorry.
376
00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:03,144
I know your heart was
in the right place,
377
00:16:03,145 --> 00:16:05,513
but I don't think
I want to get married.
378
00:16:05,514 --> 00:16:07,949
But that's all
you talked about before.
379
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:10,752
I know, but I already feel
like we're together forever.
380
00:16:10,753 --> 00:16:12,354
Who needs a piece of paper?
381
00:16:12,355 --> 00:16:14,956
I don't. I just want
to be with you.
382
00:16:14,957 --> 00:16:16,891
I love you, Richard.
383
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,727
Aww...
384
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,028
Oh, okay. Be careful,
385
00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:22,630
'cause I think your dad
broke my sternum.
386
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:24,432
He's just upset.
He probably thinks
387
00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:26,368
all you're after
is my trust fund.
388
00:16:26,369 --> 00:16:29,270
Your what fund now?
389
00:16:29,271 --> 00:16:32,073
I'm supposed to get
$3 million when I turn 35,
390
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,376
and if I'm married, it would
be community property.
391
00:16:34,377 --> 00:16:36,344
Marry me.
392
00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:39,647
I am glad you're here.
393
00:16:39,648 --> 00:16:41,416
I was hoping I'd see you.
394
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,952
I felt terrible the way
we left things.
395
00:16:43,953 --> 00:16:46,021
Oh, you mean when
you made out with me,
396
00:16:46,022 --> 00:16:48,223
but you forgot to mention
that you had a fiancée?
397
00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:49,524
Yeah.
398
00:16:49,525 --> 00:16:51,393
I was young and upid.
399
00:16:51,394 --> 00:16:54,496
And you were young
and brunette.
400
00:16:55,798 --> 00:16:57,899
Think you'll
ever forgive me?
401
00:16:57,900 --> 00:16:59,267
Well, I don't know.
402
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,302
Maybe if you freshen my drink.
403
00:17:01,303 --> 00:17:02,637
You don't have a drink.
404
00:17:02,638 --> 00:17:05,306
I know. That's what I'm saying.
405
00:17:06,409 --> 00:17:08,476
I want a drink.
406
00:17:09,311 --> 00:17:11,246
Oh.
407
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:12,380
Yeah, sure.
408
00:17:12,381 --> 00:17:14,349
You got me
a little...
409
00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:16,518
A little what, Papa?
410
00:17:18,654 --> 00:17:20,622
Let me just get you
411
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,257
that drink.
412
00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:23,525
Wow. You've changed.
413
00:17:23,526 --> 00:17:25,693
You're just so...
414
00:17:25,694 --> 00:17:28,897
blonde.
415
00:17:29,832 --> 00:17:32,333
What are you doing, Lady Gaga?
416
00:17:33,736 --> 00:17:35,170
I'll tell you what I'm doing.
417
00:17:35,171 --> 00:17:37,372
I got Papa Jeff
right where I want him.
418
00:17:37,373 --> 00:17:38,640
It's fantastic!
419
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,009
Nobody can resist a blonde.
He loves me.
420
00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:42,377
What about your boyfriend?
421
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,612
Oh, yeah.
I have a plan. Okay?
422
00:17:44,613 --> 00:17:48,483
I make Papa Jeff want me
so bad that he can taste it.
423
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,918
And then,
I break the news to him
424
00:17:49,919 --> 00:17:52,554
that I have a boyfriend,
and I break his heart in two.
425
00:17:52,555 --> 00:17:54,222
I don't like the new you.
426
00:17:54,223 --> 00:17:56,691
But for some reason, I
kind of want you to slap me
427
00:17:56,692 --> 00:17:58,560
and throw a drink
in my face.
428
00:17:58,561 --> 00:18:01,863
Yeah, you're very
Angie Dickinson-ian.
429
00:18:01,864 --> 00:18:03,431
Yeah, that's what I'm going for.
430
00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:04,999
All right, now take a hike.
431
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,368
Lover boy's coming back.
I've got to bust his chops.
432
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:15,076
Large.
433
00:18:16,712 --> 00:18:18,913
Oh, Papa.
434
00:18:21,117 --> 00:18:23,318
So, Christine,
435
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,553
um, it doesn't
look like anyone's
436
00:18:25,554 --> 00:18:27,055
marrying anybody
around here.
437
00:18:27,056 --> 00:18:29,023
Maybe you and I should...
438
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,792
What? Get together?
439
00:18:30,793 --> 00:18:32,227
Be a couple?
440
00:18:32,228 --> 00:18:33,761
Live happily ever after?
441
00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:36,898
Oh, I'm so sorry.
442
00:18:36,899 --> 00:18:39,100
No, that's not going to happen.
443
00:18:39,101 --> 00:18:40,168
I have a boyfriend.
444
00:18:40,169 --> 00:18:41,302
What?
Yeah.
445
00:18:41,303 --> 00:18:43,304
That's right.
How does that feel?
446
00:18:43,305 --> 00:18:44,472
Does it hurt?
447
00:18:44,473 --> 00:18:46,674
Are you sad?
448
00:18:47,910 --> 00:18:50,745
Not really. I wasn't really
looking for a relationship.
449
00:18:50,746 --> 00:18:53,214
Just thought maybe
we could go out to my car
450
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,382
and fool around a little.
451
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,184
Your car?
452
00:18:56,185 --> 00:18:58,419
Yeah, I don't have much time.
I have a date later.
453
00:18:59,989 --> 00:19:02,624
What? What kind of girl
do you think I am?
454
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:04,492
I don't know. You look
like the kind of girl
455
00:19:04,493 --> 00:19:06,027
who brings down congressmen.
456
00:19:06,028 --> 00:19:08,530
You know what? I don't even
know what that means.
457
00:19:08,531 --> 00:19:11,432
And the kind of girl who
doesn't know what that means.
458
00:19:11,433 --> 00:19:14,135
No, no-- I don't want to make
out with you in your car.
459
00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:16,037
I want you to fall
in love with me.
460
00:19:16,038 --> 00:19:18,606
Oh. Oh, no.
461
00:19:18,607 --> 00:19:20,208
No, it's happening again.
462
00:19:20,209 --> 00:19:23,044
Christine, I think
you're great.
463
00:19:23,045 --> 00:19:24,312
What? What are you doing?
464
00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:25,780
Why are you comforting me?
465
00:19:25,781 --> 00:19:27,115
Because I don't love you.
466
00:19:27,116 --> 00:19:29,083
I'm sorry. I didn't want
to hurt you again...
467
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,885
No, no, no-- you don't
have to be sry.
468
00:19:30,886 --> 00:19:33,188
You're not hurting me.
I'm hurting you.
469
00:19:33,189 --> 00:19:35,924
Oh, there, there, Papa Jeff.
470
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,560
Oh, I'm so sorry
I don't love you.
471
00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:40,295
Are you okay?
472
00:19:40,296 --> 00:19:41,729
I-I-I-I think
I'm just,
473
00:19:41,730 --> 00:19:43,898
I'm just going
to get going here. What? No, no, no.
474
00:19:43,899 --> 00:19:45,833
I want you to stay.
I need you to stay.
475
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:46,968
You'll forget about me.
476
00:19:46,969 --> 00:19:48,369
What? No! Hey!
477
00:19:48,370 --> 00:19:50,071
You know what?
I have someone!
478
00:19:50,072 --> 00:19:52,307
Okay? I have a boyfriend!
479
00:19:52,308 --> 00:19:55,109
Yeah. And I hope that hurt.
480
00:20:00,022 --> 00:20:01,456
Well, I'm sorry, Ms. Baran.
481
00:20:01,457 --> 00:20:02,858
You still didn't pass.
482
00:20:02,859 --> 00:20:04,459
And that was your third try.
483
00:20:09,699 --> 00:20:12,467
So, I don't get my citizenship?
484
00:20:12,468 --> 00:20:14,136
No, you do.
485
00:20:14,137 --> 00:20:16,471
You're too pretty
to be deported.
486
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,141
Welcome to America!
487
00:20:19,142 --> 00:20:23,044
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488
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