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1
00:00:00,540 --> 00:00:02,040
What do we have here?
2
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Another surprisefor our birthday boy.
3
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,460
Who's this cuddle boo?
4
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That's nasty.
5
00:00:13,630 --> 00:00:15,940
What kind of birthday party is this?
6
00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:19,170
Hey,man,how about some "pin the tail on the donkey"?
7
00:00:19,850 --> 00:00:21,360
This is a bearded dragon,
8
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named after one of my all-time favorite performers--Barbra Streisand.
9
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But you don't want to put her in the same cagewith Bette Midler.
10
00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:31,960
Those two divas do not get along.
11
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Oh,I'm here,I'm here,I made it.
12
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:39,740
Thank you so much for getting Ritchie here.
13
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:40,980
Okay,everything's cool at work.
14
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The towels were delivered.
15
00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:43,870
The guy came to fix the treadmill.
16
00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:45,860
And,you know,I think the hot tub is broken,
17
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so I just put a sign on it that says,cold plunge.
18
00:00:50,290 --> 00:00:51,770
I told you,I would have stayed.
19
00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:53,260
No,it's fine.You do too much already.
20
00:00:53,260 --> 00:00:56,390
You're already there every morning at 10:00 when the gym opens.
21
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The gym opens at 8:00.
22
00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:00,330
Not on my mornings.
23
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,130
Hey,did Ritchie see me?
24
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,010
Hey,Ritchie...
25
00:01:03,010 --> 00:01:04,400
Ritchie,hi.Mommy's here.
26
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,680
Hi,buddy,hi.
27
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:09,550
Don't bother.He's waiting to have his turn with Helen Reddy.
28
00:01:09,550 --> 00:01:14,080
Wow,I got to start reading these permission slips before I sign them.
29
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,550
She's a toad.
30
00:01:15,550 --> 00:01:18,450
Oh,I don't know,I liked her early stuff.
31
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,010
I'm going to go take a cold plunge.
32
00:01:22,940 --> 00:01:24,760
Oh,okay,kids,uh,quick reminder.
33
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If you're going to join my Reptile Adventure Club,
34
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the application deadline is the 25th,all right?
35
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So let's have cake.
36
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And,uh...
37
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keep your frosting away from Debbie Reynolds.
38
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We're trying to get her in shape for Vegas.
39
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I don't understand this party.
40
00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:46,070
Hey,Mom,did you see me holding Vicki Lawrence?
41
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She's the biggest lizard here.
42
00:01:47,570 --> 00:01:49,520
Honey,I missed it.
43
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,580
I'm so sorry.I'm so sorry I was late.
44
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I got held up at work.
45
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,410
Oh,buddy.
46
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But you know what,I'm goingto make it up to you,okay?
47
00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,370
How about if we have pizza for dinner tonight,
48
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,270
and then we can play Wii until bedtime?
49
00:02:03,270 --> 00:02:04,290
-Okay.
-Okay. -Okay.
50
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,870
And can I join the Reptile Adventure Club?
51
00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:08,400
Oh,Reptile Club?
52
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,440
How about if I get you a club sandwich on the way home?
53
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,150
No,I love this.
54
00:02:14,150 --> 00:02:15,520
These things can kill you.
55
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I love it more than anything.
56
00:02:17,390 --> 00:02:19,740
All right,well,then let's sign you up.
57
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You have to turn itn by the 25th.
58
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Okay,I got it.
59
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-The 25th.
-Yeah,Ritchie,I know.
60
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I said I got it,okay,buddy?
61
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All right,go enjoy the party.
62
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I'm going to get cake.
63
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,080
Yeah,that's good.
64
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Excuse me.
65
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:30,880
Yeah?
66
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:34,050
Would you care to have your picture takenwith the albino python?
67
00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:37,680
Oh,I haven't fallen for that line since college.
68
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I don't understand this party.
69
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The.New.Adventures.of.Old.Christine
Season 4 Episode 03
70
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-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Proudly Presents
71
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Sync: YTET-���ݷ�
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
72
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You're up,Mom.
73
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Up what?
74
00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:58,280
Wii Baseball.
75
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,280
Oh,yeah,Ritchie,you know what,
76
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,700
I know I said that we'd play tonight,but I just got a call from Barb.
77
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:05,380
I have to go and close the gym.
78
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,580
She's had the hiccups for the last four hours.
79
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She had to go to the emergency room.
80
00:03:11,210 --> 00:03:13,740
God,that was such a long message.
81
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:15,900
-Mom...
-I know,honey.
82
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:18,300
I'm so sorry,but you know what,I'm going to make it up to you,
83
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:22,340
because while I'm gone,you can have sugar cereal for dinner.
84
00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:25,030
And you can say one curse word.
85
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,840
But not the big one,okay,Ritchie?
86
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,300
All right.You know what,you are such a good boy.
87
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:31,610
I love...
88
00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:35,590
Honey,you know what,I'm still geing a whiff of Helen Reddy off of you.
89
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,000
You better go upstairs,take a shower,dude.
90
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,650
Yeah,go.
91
00:03:39,410 --> 00:03:40,870
Hey,what's going on?
92
00:03:40,870 --> 00:03:43,770
What's going on,Richard,is that I feel like crap.
93
00:03:43,770 --> 00:03:46,310
I hate working at night and leaving Ritchie with a sitter.
94
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I'm his father.
95
00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:49,980
Yeah.
96
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,650
Well,I'm running around like a crazy person
97
00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,410
because there's not enough of me to go around.
98
00:03:54,410 --> 00:03:56,160
It makes me feel like a bad mother.
99
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:57,730
He won't even notice you're gone.
100
00:03:57,730 --> 00:03:59,150
He's 12.
101
00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:01,360
He'll spend all night playing with his Wii,
102
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,340
and then he'll come out of the showerand we'll play some video games.
103
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,260
Do you have any jokes that don't involve our son's wiener?
104
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:09,980
No good ones.
105
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:14,470
I just hate to leave.
106
00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:15,780
What's the big deal?You work all the time.
107
00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:16,780
Yeah,and I miss things.
108
00:04:16,780 --> 00:04:18,290
Like today at the birthday party,
109
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:21,190
I missed seeing Ritchie touch Vicki Lawrence.
110
00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:25,120
He touched Vicki Lawrence?
111
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,060
Yeah.
112
00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:28,970
The kids passed her all aroundand then they all got to touch her,
113
00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:31,150
and I missed it.
114
00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:33,990
What happened to her Carol Burnett money?
115
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,730
No,she's a lizard,Richard.
116
00:04:36,730 --> 00:04:37,940
How am I supposed to know that?
117
00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:38,910
Okay,sorry,sorry.
118
00:04:38,910 --> 00:04:41,120
It was a reptile party,okay?
119
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:44,270
And I missed the big moment because I got held up at work,
120
00:04:44,270 --> 00:04:47,090
and now I have to go out and work again,and I hate leaving,
121
00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:49,590
and I just feel so guilty.
122
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:50,610
Why?
123
00:04:50,610 --> 00:04:51,960
You have to work.
124
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,870
You have to pay r things--to put him through school.
125
00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:56,340
It's not like you're out eating bonbons.
126
00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:58,880
I had bonbons at work today.
127
00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:01,190
I don't get guilt.
128
00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:03,170
Get?What's to get?
129
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,550
It seems like a useless emotion.
130
00:05:05,550 --> 00:05:07,440
What is there to be guilty about?
131
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,790
everything.
132
00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:11,690
You know,missing lizard parties,getting divorced...
133
00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:13,800
telling Ritchie he can eat sugar cereal for dinner
134
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,270
when I know damn well I finished it this morning.
135
00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:19,590
I never feel guilty.
136
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,120
God,if I didn't feel guilty,
137
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,460
I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning.
138
00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:23,740
What motivates you?
139
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,230
Food and sex.
140
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:28,050
You are so disgusting.
141
00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:30,060
I am starving.
142
00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:31,630
And I am lonely.
143
00:05:31,630 --> 00:05:33,310
I have to go.
144
00:05:36,610 --> 00:05:37,910
Well,thanks for driving.
145
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,820
Oh,well,when I told my momI was going out with my therapist,
146
00:05:41,820 --> 00:05:44,430
she said it might be good to have my own car.
147
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:48,360
Actually,she said it might be goodto call the state licensing board.
148
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,670
I calmed her down.
149
00:05:50,670 --> 00:05:51,430
Well,I'm glad.
150
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:53,480
I mean,technically I'm not your therapist anymore.
151
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:57,240
I don't even think it's against the rulesuntil we sleep together.
152
00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:59,760
Unless,not until.
153
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,230
Unless you want to...until you want to...
154
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,550
Tell me more about your mom.
155
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,050
Oh,I want to.
156
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,280
I think we should take this slow.
157
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:14,170
I don't want to just jump into bedlike I do with everyone else.
158
00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:17,750
But that your mom's okay with?
159
00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,290
No.
160
00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:21,730
It's just...
161
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:23,760
I want to do this right.
162
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,060
Then let's take this slow.
163
00:06:29,730 --> 00:06:32,540
That wasn't so slow.
164
00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:34,980
Oh,that one part was.
165
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:37,240
You're welcome.
166
00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:40,520
I really like you.
167
00:06:41,010 --> 00:06:42,550
I should go.
168
00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,310
Oh,really?You kind of just got here.
169
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:47,220
Oh,I thought we were finished.
170
00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:49,460
You finished,right?
171
00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:52,040
Yeah,didn't you see my fist pump?
172
00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:54,970
Yeah.
173
00:06:55,710 --> 00:06:57,650
That was fun.
174
00:06:58,430 --> 00:07:00,990
Yeah,you know,it was.
175
00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:01,950
This looks good.
176
00:07:01,950 --> 00:07:04,180
Okay,well,um...
177
00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:06,570
I guess I should just take off,so...
178
00:07:06,570 --> 00:07:09,860
Okay,well,thanks for the ride.
179
00:07:14,450 --> 00:07:16,540
Oh,God,I'm tired.
180
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,150
Am I done?
181
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:19,550
I packed Ritchie's lunch,
182
00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:23,220
I ordered new towels for the gym,I put the trash out.
183
00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:25,440
I should brush my teeth.
184
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,400
Eh,I had some red wine.
185
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,830
That'll kill the bacteria.
186
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,440
I'm good,I'm fine.
187
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,530
I'm lonely.
188
00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:38,110
I'm fine.
189
00:07:38,110 --> 00:07:39,210
Everything's done.
190
00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:41,030
I'm fine.
191
00:07:41,390 --> 00:07:43,560
I'm lonely.
192
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,950
I'm fine.
193
00:07:47,090 --> 00:07:49,570
Lizard club!
194
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:52,190
Matthew!
195
00:07:55,830 --> 00:07:59,280
Matthew,Matthew,I forgot...
196
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,030
What's the matter with you?
197
00:08:04,030 --> 00:08:05,770
I finally went on a date with Lucy.
198
00:08:05,770 --> 00:08:07,910
We had the greatest time,and she just took off.
199
00:08:07,910 --> 00:08:10,840
I have no idea what I did wrong.
200
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,000
Well,I don't know...
201
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,200
Maybe you forgot to sign Ritchie up for reptile cluband missed a deadline.
202
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:19,720
You know what,enough about me.
203
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,370
Why don't we talk about what's going on with you?
204
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,740
Matthew,I forgot to sign Ritchie up for the reptile club.
205
00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:27,840
I am just the worst mother.
206
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,130
You're not a great sister,either.
207
00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:30,930
I'm sorry.
208
00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:32,420
I can see that you're hurting.
209
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:34,350
What do you think I should do?
210
00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:36,710
Well,I don't know--I mean...
211
00:08:36,710 --> 00:08:42,560
I guess the only thing to dois beg that man to let Ritchie in the reptile club.
212
00:08:43,350 --> 00:08:46,540
Okay,but next time we talk about you.
213
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:54,290
Hello?
214
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:56,390
Hello?
215
00:08:56,390 --> 00:08:59,030
Lizard guy?
216
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,700
MAN: Can I help you?
217
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,050
Where are you?
218
00:09:07,430 --> 00:09:10,230
Oh,I didn't see you.
219
00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:15,100
Yes,and that would have saved this lizard's lifeif you were a wk.
220
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,650
I'm not a hawk.
221
00:09:22,050 --> 00:09:24,600
I'm not a lizard.
222
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,910
Uh,so anyway,I...
223
00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:31,830
I'm wanting to turn in this sign-up formfor my son for the reptile club.
224
00:09:31,830 --> 00:09:32,580
Oh,no,no.
225
00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:34,040
The deadline for this was yesterday.
226
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,400
We are no longer accepting applications.
227
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,190
No,no,I understand that I missed the deadline,
228
00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:41,190
but my son really,really wants to be in this club.
229
00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:46,280
You know,I'm a single working momjust trying to raise a kid on my own,
230
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,810
and my best friend is in the hospital with hiccups.
231
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,840
Can't you just make an exception?
232
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:55,710
Oh,no,I don't think so.
233
00:09:55,710 --> 00:09:59,210
If I were to make an exception for you,what would happen?
234
00:09:59,210 --> 00:10:02,080
Ritchie would be in the club.
235
00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,810
Yes,I see what you're saying,but I don't think so.
236
00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:07,960
Oh,please,oh,please,I'm desperate!
237
00:10:08,710 --> 00:10:11,090
Okay,desperate...
238
00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:14,290
Let's see-- I guess we could talk about thisover...
239
00:10:14,290 --> 00:10:15,380
dinner?
240
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:17,080
Oh,dinner?
241
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,650
Oh,I,uh...
242
00:10:18,650 --> 00:10:20,940
I don't know about that.
243
00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:25,840
Fine.I will see you at the next birthday partyor corporate event.
244
00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:36,320
You know,uh,now that I know where you are,I can see you.
245
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:42,220
Oh,well,that would spell troublefor this lizard if you were a hawk.
246
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,740
I'm not a hawk.
247
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,980
I'm not a lizard.
248
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,470
Uh,well,I guess...
249
00:10:57,470 --> 00:11:01,730
maybe we could have a cup of coffeeif that will get Ritchie into the club.
250
00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:02,900
-Dinner.
-Lunch.
251
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,160
-Dinner.
-Drinks.
252
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:04,980
A weekend away.
253
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:06,710
Dinner.
254
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,330
I can't believe you're going through with this.
255
00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:14,920
It's for Ritchie,okay?
256
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,030
I can suffer through one terrible date for my kid.
257
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:22,420
You're just gonna let your guilt rob youof your dignity,morals,ethics?
258
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:23,940
Of course,Richard.
259
00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:25,810
I'm a mother.
260
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,210
You don't even know this snake guy.
261
00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:29,690
How do you know he's not dangerous?
262
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:30,470
I don't.
263
00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:31,900
That's why I'm bringing protection.
264
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,350
What are you bringing,a mongoose?
265
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:36,850
Sort of.
266
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:45,710
We ready to do this?
267
00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,910
So tell me exactly what happened.
268
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,390
We had dinner,it was great.
269
00:11:53,390 --> 00:11:55,200
We slept together,it was great.
270
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,250
I told her I liked her,and she just bolted.
271
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,850
Well,there's your problem.
272
00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:01,130
You can't tell a girl you like her on the first date.
273
00:12:01,130 --> 00:12:04,120
I slept with her.I thought it was implied.
274
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,670
You can't just put it out there like that.
275
00:12:06,670 --> 00:12:07,640
It's too much too soon.
276
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:08,700
It makes you seem desperate.
277
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,780
I am desperate.
278
00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:13,450
We're all desperate,but they can't know that.
279
00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:15,140
You have to play it cool-- don't you remember high school?
280
00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:16,010
I remember high school.
281
00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:17,600
I had a pencil-thin mustache and a cape.
282
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,940
I don't want to go back there.
283
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:24,790
Look,you just have to have an attitudethat says,
284
00:12:24,790 --> 00:12:26,910
"Ain't no thing.
285
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,980
"Well,uh,how do you do that?
286
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,930
You just say,"Ain't no thing.
287
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,380
"And you say it a lot.
288
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:37,840
I can't say that.I don't think you should say that.
289
00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:39,360
Okay,fine,fine.
290
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,050
Then say,"Whatever.
291
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:46,500
"It's like "ain't no thing," but for beginners.
292
00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:48,220
I don't...I...
293
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:49,490
I think I should just call her.
294
00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:51,030
Absolutely not-- listen to me.
295
00:12:51,030 --> 00:12:52,380
How do you think I got New Christine?
296
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,440
I have no idea.
297
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,760
We talk about it all the time.
298
00:12:57,090 --> 00:12:58,190
I'll tell you how.
299
00:12:58,190 --> 00:13:00,270
Because for the first six months of our relationship,
300
00:13:00,270 --> 00:13:01,740
she never knew where she stood.
301
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,090
I kept her off balance.
302
00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:07,090
By the time she realized I wasn't that great,she was in too deep.
303
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,440
That is strangely genius.
304
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,160
Yep.
305
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,880
It's what kept the Campbell menmarrying up for centuries.
306
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:19,710
And if all goes well,someday my son will be ableto trick the woman of his dreams,too.
307
00:13:24,190 --> 00:13:25,530
Okay.
308
00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:30,310
If you see a tree blink,that's our guy.
309
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:34,440
God,I...
310
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,640
I can't believe I'm doing this.
311
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:37,950
Why are you doing this?
312
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:40,200
Barb,I told you in the car: guilt.
313
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,930
Oh,yeah,guilt.
314
00:13:41,930 --> 00:13:44,340
That's a white people problem.
315
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:48,240
Like bad dancing and polygamy.
316
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:50,610
There's our guy right there.
317
00:13:50,610 --> 00:13:52,270
All right,you sit at the bar,all right?
318
00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:54,910
And then,if I raise my bread basket up,
319
00:13:54,910 --> 00:13:56,820
that means I'm in trouble and I need you.
320
00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:58,610
And if I raise my wine glass up,
321
00:13:58,610 --> 00:14:01,620
that means I'm thirsty,I need more wine.
322
00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:06,230
Yeah?
323
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,620
Matthew?
324
00:14:07,620 --> 00:14:08,780
Lucy,hey.
325
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,200
I just came by to get my jacket.
326
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,270
Oh,your jacket.
327
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,380
Did you see it?
328
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,990
Whatever.
329
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:21,710
Whatever,what?
330
00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:24,380
Whatever,whatever.
331
00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:25,660
Oh,yeah.
332
00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:28,560
Me,too.Whatever.
333
00:14:29,980 --> 00:14:33,010
I just thought maybe I left my jacket here.
334
00:14:33,010 --> 00:14:34,820
Really?Yeah,I didn't notice.
335
00:14:34,820 --> 00:14:36,330
I got a lot of jackets,though.
336
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:37,440
You know,they come and go.
337
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,860
Don't mean that much to me.
338
00:14:40,790 --> 00:14:42,610
Oh,yeah,me,too.
339
00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:44,640
I got so many jackets.
340
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,760
I don't even know.
341
00:14:48,310 --> 00:14:49,520
Oh,there's my jacket.
342
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,060
But since I don't even careabout it,
343
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:54,520
I'm just gonna leave it there,so...
344
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,320
So,bye.
345
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,530
Whatever.
346
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,830
That can't be right.
347
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:11,070
Well,this has been fun.
348
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,840
Your mother certainly endured a lot of illnesses.
349
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,750
I can't wait for you to meet her.
350
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:22,960
Oh,yeah,I'm...
351
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,390
not available when that would happen.
352
00:15:26,450 --> 00:15:30,540
But dinner was good,and this was good,so,um...
353
00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:32,170
are we about done here?
354
00:15:32,170 --> 00:15:34,430
Well,uh,when will I see you again?
355
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:37,090
When I drop Ritchie off at the club.
356
00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:39,820
Oh,no,no,Ritchie is not in the club yet.
357
00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:41,390
Um,this...this first date...
358
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:42,180
that just...
359
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:45,740
that moves him up to the top of the waiting list.
360
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,030
No,no,no,that wasn't the deal.
361
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:50,960
The deal was that I take you to dinnerand you put Ritchie in the club.
362
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:55,730
-No.
-Yes.
363
00:15:55,730 --> 00:15:58,090
No.
364
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:02,060
What kind of person goes back on their word?
365
00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:06,070
What kind of person goes out with a complete strangerto get their kid into a club?
366
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:08,630
A good mother.
367
00:16:08,950 --> 00:16:12,900
A good mother doesn't miss deadlines.
368
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:14,050
You're a creep.
369
00:16:14,050 --> 00:16:14,820
Well,what about you?
370
00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:18,920
You come in here with your soap opera hairand your little boom boom dress.
371
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,620
Hey,hey!
372
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:24,640
First of all,thank you very muchfor saying that about my hair.
373
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,810
And second of all,I have a boom boom body,okay?
374
00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:30,010
This dress is,like,nothing special.
375
00:16:30,010 --> 00:16:32,260
You are disgusting.
376
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:38,270
Oh,well,you know,there is a word for womenwho go out with men to get stuff.
377
00:16:38,270 --> 00:16:42,270
And it rhymes with four.
378
00:16:42,270 --> 00:16:43,620
What?
379
00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:45,840
Or...or...
380
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,470
mostitute.
381
00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:52,340
You can't talk to me like that.
382
00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:57,410
Barb!
383
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:09,260
All right,look,Neil,I have been letting guilt rule my life,but this is too much.
384
00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:10,220
I have crossed a line.
385
00:17:10,220 --> 00:17:13,670
You know,Ritchie is just gonna have to acceptthe fact that he doesn't get everything in life.
386
00:17:13,670 --> 00:17:16,230
This date is over.
387
00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:19,880
Come on,Barb,let's go.
388
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,580
Go ahead,I'll get a ride.
389
00:17:28,370 --> 00:17:29,920
How was your date?
390
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:32,020
It was humiliating,Matthew.
391
00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:34,920
It was demeaning and degrading and awful.
392
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,120
Gonna go out with him again?
393
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,190
Maybe.
394
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,100
Ritchie,wake up.
395
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:44,720
Mommy has to disappoint you.
396
00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:47,400
-Hi,Mom.
-Hey,buddy.
397
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,610
Okay,listen,honey.
398
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:53,020
I've got some not so great news,okay?
399
00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:56,700
I forgot to turn in that sign-up form,
400
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,840
so I'm afraid you're not gonna be in the club.
401
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,030
What club?
402
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:03,790
Lizard club.
403
00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:06,480
What lizard club?
404
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:10,680
Are you freaking kidding me,Ritchie?
405
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,120
The lizard club that you begged me to be in.
406
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,340
Now I want to be on the chess team,
407
00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:17,250
but the application has to be in by tomorrow.
408
00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:18,880
Okay,go to bed,buddy.
409
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,390
Go to bed.
410
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,160
Hey,can I ask you something?
411
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,450
Does Richard know anything about...
412
00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:27,280
No.
413
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,060
Women?
414
00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:30,490
Double no.
415
00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:33,300
Oh,good,you guys are up.
416
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,910
Hey,Richard,I think you gave me really bad advice.
417
00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:38,160
Yeah,that happens.
418
00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:41,770
What's in the box?
419
00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:44,780
Well,when you left,I started feeling terrible.
420
00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:46,790
And I realized it was guilt.
421
00:18:46,790 --> 00:18:47,890
I mean,poor Ritchie.
422
00:18:47,890 --> 00:18:49,080
His parents are divorced.
423
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,180
His dad's remarrying,his mom's a mess.
424
00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:53,120
Hey!
425
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,950
Yeah.
426
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:57,840
And I wanted to make it up to him somehow.
427
00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:02,220
So,guess who's gonna be the star of the reptile club.
428
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,780
He likes chess now.
429
00:19:03,780 --> 00:19:04,810
What?
430
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:08,600
Then,what am I gonna do with a snake?
431
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:09,790
A snake?
432
00:19:09,790 --> 00:19:13,470
Relax.It's just a little tiny fella.
433
00:19:15,340 --> 00:19:16,160
Richard!
434
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,480
What are you doing?You let a snake loose in the house?
435
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,920
You guilt-tripped me into thinkingI was a terrible father.
436
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,180
You are a terrible father.
437
00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:25,370
You let a snake loose in your son's house.
438
00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:28,250
Matthew,I need to know what's going on.
439
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,100
There's a snake loose on the floor.
440
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:32,140
Thank you.
441
00:19:33,190 --> 00:19:35,530
Why were you so weird when I came to get my jacket?
442
00:19:35,530 --> 00:19:37,790
Why were you so weird when I told you I liked you?
443
00:19:37,790 --> 00:19:41,510
Because I like you,too,and I didn't want to mess this up.
444
00:19:41,510 --> 00:19:44,310
Guys always freak out 'cause they think I'm too clingy.
445
00:19:44,310 --> 00:19:45,650
Clingy?
446
00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:47,540
Oh,I love you.
447
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:50,410
I love you,too.
448
00:19:50,410 --> 00:19:52,250
You're losing her,man.
449
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,710
Uh,Lucy,this is Christine,my sister,and Richard,her -husband.
450
00:19:56,710 --> 00:19:58,220
Hi,nice to meet you.
451
00:19:58,220 --> 00:20:01,220
Ain't no thing.
452
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:06,020
Okay,Richard,stop flirtingand figure out how to get the snake.
453
00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:06,890
I'm not touching it.
454
00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:08,220
Little bastard tried to bite me.
455
00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:10,720
Well,how are we gonna get it out of here?
456
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,640
Wow,there are a lot of corks under here.
457
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,560
There he is,there he is.Here's the little guy.
458
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,820
Oh,well,he's a cutie,isn't he?
459
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,240
Uh,where do you want him?
460
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,430
Um,at your house.
461
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:26,640
I'll be more than happy to take him.
462
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,400
And this way,you can come and see him any time you want.
463
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,910
Oh,I won't be available when that happens.
464
00:20:32,910 --> 00:20:34,150
I...I see.
465
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,220
You're done with me now,right?Right,yeah.
466
00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:37,660
I'm just the,uh...
467
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:39,210
I'm just the lizard guy.
468
00:20:39,210 --> 00:20:41,920
Uh,my...my feelings don't matter.
469
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,690
I know what you're trying to do.
470
00:20:43,690 --> 00:20:46,500
You're trying to make me feel guilty.
471
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:48,480
Well,I don't.
472
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,760
All right,I'll bite.
473
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,660
How resistant was your mother's bacteria?
474
00:20:57,540 --> 00:21:00,100
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