Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,540 --> 00:00:02,040
What do we have here?
2
00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:05,900
Another surprisefor our birthday boy.
3
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,460
Who's this cuddle boo?
4
00:00:12,110 --> 00:00:13,630
That's nasty.
5
00:00:13,630 --> 00:00:15,940
What kind of birthday party is this?
6
00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:19,170
Hey,man,how about some "pin the tail on the donkey"?
7
00:00:19,850 --> 00:00:21,360
This is a bearded dragon,
8
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:25,450
named after one of my all-time favorite performers--Barbra Streisand.
9
00:00:25,450 --> 00:00:28,770
But you don't want to put her in the same cagewith Bette Midler.
10
00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:31,960
Those two divas do not get along.
11
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:37,090
Oh,I'm here,I'm here,I made it.
12
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:39,740
Thank you so much for getting Ritchie here.
13
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:40,980
Okay,everything's cool at work.
14
00:00:40,980 --> 00:00:42,190
The towels were delivered.
15
00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:43,870
The guy came to fix the treadmill.
16
00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:45,860
And,you know,I think the hot tub is broken,
17
00:00:45,860 --> 00:00:49,130
so I just put a sign on it that says,cold plunge.
18
00:00:50,290 --> 00:00:51,770
I told you,I would have stayed.
19
00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:53,260
No,it's fine.You do too much already.
20
00:00:53,260 --> 00:00:56,390
You're already there every morning at 10:00 when the gym opens.
21
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,250
The gym opens at 8:00.
22
00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:00,330
Not on my mornings.
23
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,130
Hey,did Ritchie see me?
24
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,010
Hey,Ritchie...
25
00:01:03,010 --> 00:01:04,400
Ritchie,hi.Mommy's here.
26
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,680
Hi,buddy,hi.
27
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:09,550
Don't bother.He's waiting to have his turn with Helen Reddy.
28
00:01:09,550 --> 00:01:14,080
Wow,I got to start reading these permission slips before I sign them.
29
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,550
She's a toad.
30
00:01:15,550 --> 00:01:18,450
Oh,I don't know,I liked her early stuff.
31
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,010
I'm going to go take a cold plunge.
32
00:01:22,940 --> 00:01:24,760
Oh,okay,kids,uh,quick reminder.
33
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,940
If you're going to join my Reptile Adventure Club,
34
00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:31,910
the application deadline is the 25th,all right?
35
00:01:31,910 --> 00:01:34,070
So let's have cake.
36
00:01:34,070 --> 00:01:35,140
And,uh...
37
00:01:35,140 --> 00:01:37,120
keep your frosting away from Debbie Reynolds.
38
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,970
We're trying to get her in shape for Vegas.
39
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,660
I don't understand this party.
40
00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:46,070
Hey,Mom,did you see me holding Vicki Lawrence?
41
00:01:46,070 --> 00:01:47,570
She's the biggest lizard here.
42
00:01:47,570 --> 00:01:49,520
Honey,I missed it.
43
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,580
I'm so sorry.I'm so sorry I was late.
44
00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:54,240
I got held up at work.
45
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,410
Oh,buddy.
46
00:01:55,410 --> 00:01:57,650
But you know what,I'm goingto make it up to you,okay?
47
00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,370
How about if we have pizza for dinner tonight,
48
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,270
and then we can play Wii until bedtime?
49
00:02:03,270 --> 00:02:04,290
-Okay.
-Okay. -Okay.
50
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,870
And can I join the Reptile Adventure Club?
51
00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:08,400
Oh,Reptile Club?
52
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,440
How about if I get you a club sandwich on the way home?
53
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,150
No,I love this.
54
00:02:14,150 --> 00:02:15,520
These things can kill you.
55
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,390
I love it more than anything.
56
00:02:17,390 --> 00:02:19,740
All right,well,then let's sign you up.
57
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,250
You have to turn itn by the 25th.
58
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:22,170
Okay,I got it.
59
00:02:22,170 --> 00:02:23,920
-The 25th.
-Yeah,Ritchie,I know.
60
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:25,510
I said I got it,okay,buddy?
61
00:02:25,510 --> 00:02:26,860
All right,go enjoy the party.
62
00:02:26,860 --> 00:02:27,690
I'm going to get cake.
63
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,080
Yeah,that's good.
64
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:29,980
Excuse me.
65
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:30,880
Yeah?
66
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:34,050
Would you care to have your picture takenwith the albino python?
67
00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:37,680
Oh,I haven't fallen for that line since college.
68
00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:44,690
I don't understand this party.
69
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:48,800
The.New.Adventures.of.Old.Christine
Season 4 Episode 03
70
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,550
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Proudly Presents
71
00:02:51,550 --> 00:02:54,250
Sync: YTET-���ݷ�
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
72
00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:55,740
You're up,Mom.
73
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:56,990
Up what?
74
00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:58,280
Wii Baseball.
75
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,280
Oh,yeah,Ritchie,you know what,
76
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,700
I know I said that we'd play tonight,but I just got a call from Barb.
77
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:05,380
I have to go and close the gym.
78
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,580
She's had the hiccups for the last four hours.
79
00:03:07,580 --> 00:03:09,770
She had to go to the emergency room.
80
00:03:11,210 --> 00:03:13,740
God,that was such a long message.
81
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:15,900
-Mom...
-I know,honey.
82
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:18,300
I'm so sorry,but you know what,I'm going to make it up to you,
83
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:22,340
because while I'm gone,you can have sugar cereal for dinner.
84
00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:25,030
And you can say one curse word.
85
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,840
But not the big one,okay,Ritchie?
86
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,300
All right.You know what,you are such a good boy.
87
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:31,610
I love...
88
00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:35,590
Honey,you know what,I'm still geing a whiff of Helen Reddy off of you.
89
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,000
You better go upstairs,take a shower,dude.
90
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,650
Yeah,go.
91
00:03:39,410 --> 00:03:40,870
Hey,what's going on?
92
00:03:40,870 --> 00:03:43,770
What's going on,Richard,is that I feel like crap.
93
00:03:43,770 --> 00:03:46,310
I hate working at night and leaving Ritchie with a sitter.
94
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,350
I'm his father.
95
00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:49,980
Yeah.
96
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,650
Well,I'm running around like a crazy person
97
00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,410
because there's not enough of me to go around.
98
00:03:54,410 --> 00:03:56,160
It makes me feel like a bad mother.
99
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:57,730
He won't even notice you're gone.
100
00:03:57,730 --> 00:03:59,150
He's 12.
101
00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:01,360
He'll spend all night playing with his Wii,
102
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,340
and then he'll come out of the showerand we'll play some video games.
103
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,260
Do you have any jokes that don't involve our son's wiener?
104
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:09,980
No good ones.
105
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:14,470
I just hate to leave.
106
00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:15,780
What's the big deal?You work all the time.
107
00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:16,780
Yeah,and I miss things.
108
00:04:16,780 --> 00:04:18,290
Like today at the birthday party,
109
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:21,190
I missed seeing Ritchie touch Vicki Lawrence.
110
00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:25,120
He touched Vicki Lawrence?
111
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,060
Yeah.
112
00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:28,970
The kids passed her all aroundand then they all got to touch her,
113
00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:31,150
and I missed it.
114
00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:33,990
What happened to her Carol Burnett money?
115
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,730
No,she's a lizard,Richard.
116
00:04:36,730 --> 00:04:37,940
How am I supposed to know that?
117
00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:38,910
Okay,sorry,sorry.
118
00:04:38,910 --> 00:04:41,120
It was a reptile party,okay?
119
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:44,270
And I missed the big moment because I got held up at work,
120
00:04:44,270 --> 00:04:47,090
and now I have to go out and work again,and I hate leaving,
121
00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:49,590
and I just feel so guilty.
122
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:50,610
Why?
123
00:04:50,610 --> 00:04:51,960
You have to work.
124
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,870
You have to pay r things--to put him through school.
125
00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:56,340
It's not like you're out eating bonbons.
126
00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:58,880
I had bonbons at work today.
127
00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:01,190
I don't get guilt.
128
00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:03,170
Get?What's to get?
129
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,550
It seems like a useless emotion.
130
00:05:05,550 --> 00:05:07,440
What is there to be guilty about?
131
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,790
everything.
132
00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:11,690
You know,missing lizard parties,getting divorced...
133
00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:13,800
telling Ritchie he can eat sugar cereal for dinner
134
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,270
when I know damn well I finished it this morning.
135
00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:19,590
I never feel guilty.
136
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,120
God,if I didn't feel guilty,
137
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,460
I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning.
138
00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:23,740
What motivates you?
139
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,230
Food and sex.
140
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:28,050
You are so disgusting.
141
00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:30,060
I am starving.
142
00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:31,630
And I am lonely.
143
00:05:31,630 --> 00:05:33,310
I have to go.
144
00:05:36,610 --> 00:05:37,910
Well,thanks for driving.
145
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,820
Oh,well,when I told my momI was going out with my therapist,
146
00:05:41,820 --> 00:05:44,430
she said it might be good to have my own car.
147
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:48,360
Actually,she said it might be goodto call the state licensing board.
148
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,670
I calmed her down.
149
00:05:50,670 --> 00:05:51,430
Well,I'm glad.
150
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:53,480
I mean,technically I'm not your therapist anymore.
151
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:57,240
I don't even think it's against the rulesuntil we sleep together.
152
00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:59,760
Unless,not until.
153
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,230
Unless you want to...until you want to...
154
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,550
Tell me more about your mom.
155
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,050
Oh,I want to.
156
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,280
I think we should take this slow.
157
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:14,170
I don't want to just jump into bedlike I do with everyone else.
158
00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:17,750
But that your mom's okay with?
159
00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,290
No.
160
00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:21,730
It's just...
161
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:23,760
I want to do this right.
162
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,060
Then let's take this slow.
163
00:06:29,730 --> 00:06:32,540
That wasn't so slow.
164
00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:34,980
Oh,that one part was.
165
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:37,240
You're welcome.
166
00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:40,520
I really like you.
167
00:06:41,010 --> 00:06:42,550
I should go.
168
00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,310
Oh,really?You kind of just got here.
169
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:47,220
Oh,I thought we were finished.
170
00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:49,460
You finished,right?
171
00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:52,040
Yeah,didn't you see my fist pump?
172
00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:54,970
Yeah.
173
00:06:55,710 --> 00:06:57,650
That was fun.
174
00:06:58,430 --> 00:07:00,990
Yeah,you know,it was.
175
00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:01,950
This looks good.
176
00:07:01,950 --> 00:07:04,180
Okay,well,um...
177
00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:06,570
I guess I should just take off,so...
178
00:07:06,570 --> 00:07:09,860
Okay,well,thanks for the ride.
179
00:07:14,450 --> 00:07:16,540
Oh,God,I'm tired.
180
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,150
Am I done?
181
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:19,550
I packed Ritchie's lunch,
182
00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:23,220
I ordered new towels for the gym,I put the trash out.
183
00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:25,440
I should brush my teeth.
184
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,400
Eh,I had some red wine.
185
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,830
That'll kill the bacteria.
186
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,440
I'm good,I'm fine.
187
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,530
I'm lonely.
188
00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:38,110
I'm fine.
189
00:07:38,110 --> 00:07:39,210
Everything's done.
190
00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:41,030
I'm fine.
191
00:07:41,390 --> 00:07:43,560
I'm lonely.
192
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,950
I'm fine.
193
00:07:47,090 --> 00:07:49,570
Lizard club!
194
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:52,190
Matthew!
195
00:07:55,830 --> 00:07:59,280
Matthew,Matthew,I forgot...
196
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,030
What's the matter with you?
197
00:08:04,030 --> 00:08:05,770
I finally went on a date with Lucy.
198
00:08:05,770 --> 00:08:07,910
We had the greatest time,and she just took off.
199
00:08:07,910 --> 00:08:10,840
I have no idea what I did wrong.
200
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,000
Well,I don't know...
201
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,200
Maybe you forgot to sign Ritchie up for reptile cluband missed a deadline.
202
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:19,720
You know what,enough about me.
203
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,370
Why don't we talk about what's going on with you?
204
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,740
Matthew,I forgot to sign Ritchie up for the reptile club.
205
00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:27,840
I am just the worst mother.
206
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,130
You're not a great sister,either.
207
00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:30,930
I'm sorry.
208
00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:32,420
I can see that you're hurting.
209
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:34,350
What do you think I should do?
210
00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:36,710
Well,I don't know--I mean...
211
00:08:36,710 --> 00:08:42,560
I guess the only thing to dois beg that man to let Ritchie in the reptile club.
212
00:08:43,350 --> 00:08:46,540
Okay,but next time we talk about you.
213
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:54,290
Hello?
214
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:56,390
Hello?
215
00:08:56,390 --> 00:08:59,030
Lizard guy?
216
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,700
MAN: Can I help you?
217
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,050
Where are you?
218
00:09:07,430 --> 00:09:10,230
Oh,I didn't see you.
219
00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:15,100
Yes,and that would have saved this lizard's lifeif you were a wk.
220
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,650
I'm not a hawk.
221
00:09:22,050 --> 00:09:24,600
I'm not a lizard.
222
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,910
Uh,so anyway,I...
223
00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:31,830
I'm wanting to turn in this sign-up formfor my son for the reptile club.
224
00:09:31,830 --> 00:09:32,580
Oh,no,no.
225
00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:34,040
The deadline for this was yesterday.
226
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,400
We are no longer accepting applications.
227
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,190
No,no,I understand that I missed the deadline,
228
00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:41,190
but my son really,really wants to be in this club.
229
00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:46,280
You know,I'm a single working momjust trying to raise a kid on my own,
230
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,810
and my best friend is in the hospital with hiccups.
231
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,840
Can't you just make an exception?
232
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:55,710
Oh,no,I don't think so.
233
00:09:55,710 --> 00:09:59,210
If I were to make an exception for you,what would happen?
234
00:09:59,210 --> 00:10:02,080
Ritchie would be in the club.
235
00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,810
Yes,I see what you're saying,but I don't think so.
236
00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:07,960
Oh,please,oh,please,I'm desperate!
237
00:10:08,710 --> 00:10:11,090
Okay,desperate...
238
00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:14,290
Let's see-- I guess we could talk about thisover...
239
00:10:14,290 --> 00:10:15,380
dinner?
240
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:17,080
Oh,dinner?
241
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,650
Oh,I,uh...
242
00:10:18,650 --> 00:10:20,940
I don't know about that.
243
00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:25,840
Fine.I will see you at the next birthday partyor corporate event.
244
00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:36,320
You know,uh,now that I know where you are,I can see you.
245
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:42,220
Oh,well,that would spell troublefor this lizard if you were a hawk.
246
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,740
I'm not a hawk.
247
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,980
I'm not a lizard.
248
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,470
Uh,well,I guess...
249
00:10:57,470 --> 00:11:01,730
maybe we could have a cup of coffeeif that will get Ritchie into the club.
250
00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:02,900
-Dinner.
-Lunch.
251
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,160
-Dinner.
-Drinks.
252
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:04,980
A weekend away.
253
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:06,710
Dinner.
254
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,330
I can't believe you're going through with this.
255
00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:14,920
It's for Ritchie,okay?
256
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,030
I can suffer through one terrible date for my kid.
257
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:22,420
You're just gonna let your guilt rob youof your dignity,morals,ethics?
258
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:23,940
Of course,Richard.
259
00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:25,810
I'm a mother.
260
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,210
You don't even know this snake guy.
261
00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:29,690
How do you know he's not dangerous?
262
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:30,470
I don't.
263
00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:31,900
That's why I'm bringing protection.
264
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,350
What are you bringing,a mongoose?
265
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:36,850
Sort of.
266
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:45,710
We ready to do this?
267
00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,910
So tell me exactly what happened.
268
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,390
We had dinner,it was great.
269
00:11:53,390 --> 00:11:55,200
We slept together,it was great.
270
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,250
I told her I liked her,and she just bolted.
271
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,850
Well,there's your problem.
272
00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:01,130
You can't tell a girl you like her on the first date.
273
00:12:01,130 --> 00:12:04,120
I slept with her.I thought it was implied.
274
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,670
You can't just put it out there like that.
275
00:12:06,670 --> 00:12:07,640
It's too much too soon.
276
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:08,700
It makes you seem desperate.
277
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,780
I am desperate.
278
00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:13,450
We're all desperate,but they can't know that.
279
00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:15,140
You have to play it cool-- don't you remember high school?
280
00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:16,010
I remember high school.
281
00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:17,600
I had a pencil-thin mustache and a cape.
282
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,940
I don't want to go back there.
283
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:24,790
Look,you just have to have an attitudethat says,
284
00:12:24,790 --> 00:12:26,910
"Ain't no thing.
285
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,980
"Well,uh,how do you do that?
286
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,930
You just say,"Ain't no thing.
287
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,380
"And you say it a lot.
288
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:37,840
I can't say that.I don't think you should say that.
289
00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:39,360
Okay,fine,fine.
290
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,050
Then say,"Whatever.
291
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:46,500
"It's like "ain't no thing," but for beginners.
292
00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:48,220
I don't...I...
293
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:49,490
I think I should just call her.
294
00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:51,030
Absolutely not-- listen to me.
295
00:12:51,030 --> 00:12:52,380
How do you think I got New Christine?
296
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,440
I have no idea.
297
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,760
We talk about it all the time.
298
00:12:57,090 --> 00:12:58,190
I'll tell you how.
299
00:12:58,190 --> 00:13:00,270
Because for the first six months of our relationship,
300
00:13:00,270 --> 00:13:01,740
she never knew where she stood.
301
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,090
I kept her off balance.
302
00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:07,090
By the time she realized I wasn't that great,she was in too deep.
303
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,440
That is strangely genius.
304
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,160
Yep.
305
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,880
It's what kept the Campbell menmarrying up for centuries.
306
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:19,710
And if all goes well,someday my son will be ableto trick the woman of his dreams,too.
307
00:13:24,190 --> 00:13:25,530
Okay.
308
00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:30,310
If you see a tree blink,that's our guy.
309
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:34,440
God,I...
310
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,640
I can't believe I'm doing this.
311
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:37,950
Why are you doing this?
312
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:40,200
Barb,I told you in the car: guilt.
313
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,930
Oh,yeah,guilt.
314
00:13:41,930 --> 00:13:44,340
That's a white people problem.
315
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:48,240
Like bad dancing and polygamy.
316
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:50,610
There's our guy right there.
317
00:13:50,610 --> 00:13:52,270
All right,you sit at the bar,all right?
318
00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:54,910
And then,if I raise my bread basket up,
319
00:13:54,910 --> 00:13:56,820
that means I'm in trouble and I need you.
320
00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:58,610
And if I raise my wine glass up,
321
00:13:58,610 --> 00:14:01,620
that means I'm thirsty,I need more wine.
322
00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:06,230
Yeah?
323
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,620
Matthew?
324
00:14:07,620 --> 00:14:08,780
Lucy,hey.
325
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,200
I just came by to get my jacket.
326
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,270
Oh,your jacket.
327
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,380
Did you see it?
328
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,990
Whatever.
329
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:21,710
Whatever,what?
330
00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:24,380
Whatever,whatever.
331
00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:25,660
Oh,yeah.
332
00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:28,560
Me,too.Whatever.
333
00:14:29,980 --> 00:14:33,010
I just thought maybe I left my jacket here.
334
00:14:33,010 --> 00:14:34,820
Really?Yeah,I didn't notice.
335
00:14:34,820 --> 00:14:36,330
I got a lot of jackets,though.
336
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:37,440
You know,they come and go.
337
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,860
Don't mean that much to me.
338
00:14:40,790 --> 00:14:42,610
Oh,yeah,me,too.
339
00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:44,640
I got so many jackets.
340
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,760
I don't even know.
341
00:14:48,310 --> 00:14:49,520
Oh,there's my jacket.
342
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,060
But since I don't even careabout it,
343
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:54,520
I'm just gonna leave it there,so...
344
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,320
So,bye.
345
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,530
Whatever.
346
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,830
That can't be right.
347
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:11,070
Well,this has been fun.
348
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,840
Your mother certainly endured a lot of illnesses.
349
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,750
I can't wait for you to meet her.
350
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:22,960
Oh,yeah,I'm...
351
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,390
not available when that would happen.
352
00:15:26,450 --> 00:15:30,540
But dinner was good,and this was good,so,um...
353
00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:32,170
are we about done here?
354
00:15:32,170 --> 00:15:34,430
Well,uh,when will I see you again?
355
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:37,090
When I drop Ritchie off at the club.
356
00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:39,820
Oh,no,no,Ritchie is not in the club yet.
357
00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:41,390
Um,this...this first date...
358
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:42,180
that just...
359
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:45,740
that moves him up to the top of the waiting list.
360
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,030
No,no,no,that wasn't the deal.
361
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:50,960
The deal was that I take you to dinnerand you put Ritchie in the club.
362
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:55,730
-No.
-Yes.
363
00:15:55,730 --> 00:15:58,090
No.
364
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:02,060
What kind of person goes back on their word?
365
00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:06,070
What kind of person goes out with a complete strangerto get their kid into a club?
366
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:08,630
A good mother.
367
00:16:08,950 --> 00:16:12,900
A good mother doesn't miss deadlines.
368
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:14,050
You're a creep.
369
00:16:14,050 --> 00:16:14,820
Well,what about you?
370
00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:18,920
You come in here with your soap opera hairand your little boom boom dress.
371
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,620
Hey,hey!
372
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:24,640
First of all,thank you very muchfor saying that about my hair.
373
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,810
And second of all,I have a boom boom body,okay?
374
00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:30,010
This dress is,like,nothing special.
375
00:16:30,010 --> 00:16:32,260
You are disgusting.
376
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:38,270
Oh,well,you know,there is a word for womenwho go out with men to get stuff.
377
00:16:38,270 --> 00:16:42,270
And it rhymes with four.
378
00:16:42,270 --> 00:16:43,620
What?
379
00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:45,840
Or...or...
380
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,470
mostitute.
381
00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:52,340
You can't talk to me like that.
382
00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:57,410
Barb!
383
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:09,260
All right,look,Neil,I have been letting guilt rule my life,but this is too much.
384
00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:10,220
I have crossed a line.
385
00:17:10,220 --> 00:17:13,670
You know,Ritchie is just gonna have to acceptthe fact that he doesn't get everything in life.
386
00:17:13,670 --> 00:17:16,230
This date is over.
387
00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:19,880
Come on,Barb,let's go.
388
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,580
Go ahead,I'll get a ride.
389
00:17:28,370 --> 00:17:29,920
How was your date?
390
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:32,020
It was humiliating,Matthew.
391
00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:34,920
It was demeaning and degrading and awful.
392
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,120
Gonna go out with him again?
393
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,190
Maybe.
394
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,100
Ritchie,wake up.
395
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:44,720
Mommy has to disappoint you.
396
00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:47,400
-Hi,Mom.
-Hey,buddy.
397
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,610
Okay,listen,honey.
398
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:53,020
I've got some not so great news,okay?
399
00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:56,700
I forgot to turn in that sign-up form,
400
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,840
so I'm afraid you're not gonna be in the club.
401
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,030
What club?
402
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:03,790
Lizard club.
403
00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:06,480
What lizard club?
404
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:10,680
Are you freaking kidding me,Ritchie?
405
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,120
The lizard club that you begged me to be in.
406
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,340
Now I want to be on the chess team,
407
00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:17,250
but the application has to be in by tomorrow.
408
00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:18,880
Okay,go to bed,buddy.
409
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,390
Go to bed.
410
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,160
Hey,can I ask you something?
411
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,450
Does Richard know anything about...
412
00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:27,280
No.
413
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,060
Women?
414
00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:30,490
Double no.
415
00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:33,300
Oh,good,you guys are up.
416
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,910
Hey,Richard,I think you gave me really bad advice.
417
00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:38,160
Yeah,that happens.
418
00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:41,770
What's in the box?
419
00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:44,780
Well,when you left,I started feeling terrible.
420
00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:46,790
And I realized it was guilt.
421
00:18:46,790 --> 00:18:47,890
I mean,poor Ritchie.
422
00:18:47,890 --> 00:18:49,080
His parents are divorced.
423
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,180
His dad's remarrying,his mom's a mess.
424
00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:53,120
Hey!
425
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,950
Yeah.
426
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:57,840
And I wanted to make it up to him somehow.
427
00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:02,220
So,guess who's gonna be the star of the reptile club.
428
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,780
He likes chess now.
429
00:19:03,780 --> 00:19:04,810
What?
430
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:08,600
Then,what am I gonna do with a snake?
431
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:09,790
A snake?
432
00:19:09,790 --> 00:19:13,470
Relax.It's just a little tiny fella.
433
00:19:15,340 --> 00:19:16,160
Richard!
434
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,480
What are you doing?You let a snake loose in the house?
435
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,920
You guilt-tripped me into thinkingI was a terrible father.
436
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,180
You are a terrible father.
437
00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:25,370
You let a snake loose in your son's house.
438
00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:28,250
Matthew,I need to know what's going on.
439
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,100
There's a snake loose on the floor.
440
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:32,140
Thank you.
441
00:19:33,190 --> 00:19:35,530
Why were you so weird when I came to get my jacket?
442
00:19:35,530 --> 00:19:37,790
Why were you so weird when I told you I liked you?
443
00:19:37,790 --> 00:19:41,510
Because I like you,too,and I didn't want to mess this up.
444
00:19:41,510 --> 00:19:44,310
Guys always freak out 'cause they think I'm too clingy.
445
00:19:44,310 --> 00:19:45,650
Clingy?
446
00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:47,540
Oh,I love you.
447
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:50,410
I love you,too.
448
00:19:50,410 --> 00:19:52,250
You're losing her,man.
449
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,710
Uh,Lucy,this is Christine,my sister,and Richard,her -husband.
450
00:19:56,710 --> 00:19:58,220
Hi,nice to meet you.
451
00:19:58,220 --> 00:20:01,220
Ain't no thing.
452
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:06,020
Okay,Richard,stop flirtingand figure out how to get the snake.
453
00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:06,890
I'm not touching it.
454
00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:08,220
Little bastard tried to bite me.
455
00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:10,720
Well,how are we gonna get it out of here?
456
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,640
Wow,there are a lot of corks under here.
457
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,560
There he is,there he is.Here's the little guy.
458
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,820
Oh,well,he's a cutie,isn't he?
459
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,240
Uh,where do you want him?
460
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,430
Um,at your house.
461
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:26,640
I'll be more than happy to take him.
462
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,400
And this way,you can come and see him any time you want.
463
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,910
Oh,I won't be available when that happens.
464
00:20:32,910 --> 00:20:34,150
I...I see.
465
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,220
You're done with me now,right?Right,yeah.
466
00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:37,660
I'm just the,uh...
467
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:39,210
I'm just the lizard guy.
468
00:20:39,210 --> 00:20:41,920
Uh,my...my feelings don't matter.
469
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,690
I know what you're trying to do.
470
00:20:43,690 --> 00:20:46,500
You're trying to make me feel guilty.
471
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:48,480
Well,I don't.
472
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,760
All right,I'll bite.
473
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,660
How resistant was your mother's bacteria?
474
00:20:57,540 --> 00:21:00,100
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Proudly Presents
475
00:21:00,150 --> 00:21:04,700
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33548
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese