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Morning,Matthew.
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Wow,look at you.
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8:00 a.m.and you're already out of the pajamas you gave birth in.
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It's Ritchie's first day of middle school,
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and there's gonna be new people there.
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I want to make sure our family comes off as dignified.
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Plus,I got a letter last year asking me not to go on campus in those pajamas anymore.
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Okay,so,I have some really big news.
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Oh,is it good for me and bad for you,
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or is it good for you and bad for me?
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Why can't it be good for both of us?
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Never seen it.
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Okay,well,it's not that big.
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I mean,it's life-changing,but in a small way.
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What?What's going on?
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I'm gonna ask New Christine to marry me.
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Oh,my God,I am really undecided how I feel about this.
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I think it's great.
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You do?
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You don't think it's good for me,bad for you?
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How's it bad for me?
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Because now I'm winning.
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No,no,you're not winning--
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I got a lot going on.
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If anybody's winning,I'm winning.
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I think your underwear slid down to your ankles.
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These are my maternity underwear,
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which means I've lost the baby weight,
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which means I'm still winning.
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I'd call it a tie.
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Richard,I thought you weren't ready to get married.
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I wasn't,but I love her so much.
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She's the best person I've ever known.
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She's brought light into my life.
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Are you saying I didn't bring light into your life,jackass?
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No,there was lots of light with you.
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Like the Death Star.
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Game over!
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Pete signed the divorce papers,and I am out!
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Oh,it's so good to be out of the coffin of matrimony.
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If I ever decide to get married again,kill me.
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Richard's asking New Christine to marry him.
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Oh,you're gonna love it.
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The New Adventure of Lod Christine
Season 04 Episode 01
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-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Proudly Presents
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Sync: YTET-���ݷ�
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
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so,first day of sixth grade-- are you scared?
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Oh,don't be scared.
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It's the same kids,more hair,more boobs.
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Oh,man,I'm scared.
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Christine,you're freaking him out.
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What you do is find the biggest kid in class,
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punch him in the face,you got no problems for the rest of the year.
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Okay,we'll walk you in.
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I'm not a baby.
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I can walk in by myself.
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Okay,honey.
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Okay,you're-you're fine.
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Nobody saw it.
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Poor guy,he's got his father's coordination.
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Hello,Christine.
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Hello,Christine's tough friend.
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What happened to you?
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Oh,this.
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Yeah,well,my husband and I weren't getting along,
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so we decided to have another baby.
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I call it my marriage saver.
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This my lawyer.
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I call him my divorce saver.
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Excuse me.
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Will you wait up?
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-What the hell?
-You're pregnant,too?
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When Marly found out she was pregnant,
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she made me get pregnant,too,
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so she wouldn't have to ruin her body alone.
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Yeah,I'm four months pregnant-- guess how much weight I've gained.
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-Oh,I would...
Six pounds.
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Lindsay is six weeks pregnant-- guess how much she's gained.
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16 pounds.
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It's not funny; I get diabetes.
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Quit complaining.It's the miracle of birth.
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Come on,let's go get you some breakfast.
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I said wait up!
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This is not good.
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I know.Lindsay's gonna be enormous.
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No,that was my lawyer.
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Now that I'm divorced,I may not be able to stay in the country.
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What?Why not?
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I'm not a citizen.
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I thought you were born in the Bahamas.
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The Bahamas are not a part of the U.S.
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Are you sure?
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American Airlines flies ere.
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I can't believe they're kicking me out.
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Wait a minute,how can they kick you out?
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I came here on a student visa,then I married Pete.
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Now that I'm divorced,I might have to leave the country.
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I'm not ready to leave the country.
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I just signed a three-year contract with my cell phone carrier.
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Oh,no way!
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They can't do this to me!
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Really?
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It only took you four seconds to make this about you?
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It is about me,Barb.
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Come on.We're inseparable--
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we're like L-Lucy and Ethel.
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I mean,what would happen to Lucy if they shipped Ethel back to the Bahamas?
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Why am I Ethel?
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Come on,Barb.
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Don't make me say it.
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Christine?
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What are you doing?
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I just vacuumed yesterday.
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Why is there so much hair under here?
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We don't have a dog.
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I don't know.Don't look at me.I don't know.
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Listen,I have something important I need to talk to you about.
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What?
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I'm ready to marry you.
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What?
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Okay,I know I panic-asked you last year,
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and we both said we weren't ready,
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but after living with you the panic has subsided,
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and I realized I'm ready.
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So...
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what do you say?
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What do you say?
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I say no.
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I thought you were gonna say yes.
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I don't want to be proposed to while I'm cleaning up hairballs.
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This is our engagement-- I want romance; I want a story.
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Okay,okay.
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What do you say?
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I need you to try harder.
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Okay.
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Hey,do you like Benihana?
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Harder,Richard.
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Okay,this is interesting.
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Did you find an immigration lawyer?
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No.
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Zappos has either the style of the shoe I want or the size,
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but not both.
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This freakin' country.
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I thought you were helping me.
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I was.
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I Googled "Bahamas," which led me to the Sandals Web site,
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which got me thinking I need new sandals.
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But now I am focused.
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I may have won a new laptop!
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Barb,you know,I don't know how you feel about this,
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but I'd be happy to marry you so you could stay in the country.
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You married to me?
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I would destroy you.
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I know.
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But I wouldn't mind.
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Too bad tw They can--
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they just passed gay marriage in California.
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Yeah.Gay marriage between two men,Matthew.
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Think.
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Think.
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You know this one.
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Oh,yeah!
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Oh,Barb!
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We can get married!
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Barb?
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I'm not marrying you,either.
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Why not?
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I don't want to get married--
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I just got out of a marriage.
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Marriage is death.
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No,not our marriage-- our marriage would be fun.
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We'd just do all the same stuff we do now.
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We'd hang out,we'd eat,and pee in front of each other.
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It's a completely ridiculous idea.
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What's a ridiculous idea?
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Ritchie,you know what?We're having an adult conversation.
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Is it about wine?
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No,it's not about wine.
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Okay.
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Ooh,you know what?I'm gonna open up some wine.
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What's going on?
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I am proposing to Barb so she can stay in the country.
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Is that legal?
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Yeah.Richard,gay marriage means women,too.
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No.Is it legal to marry someone to stay in the country?
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Oh,that I don't know.
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No one's getting married.
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Why not?It can't be worse than our first marriages.
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Hey!
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What?
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Nothing.
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Come on,Barb,it makes perfect sense.
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I don't want to hear any more about this.
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You are really the most wonderful person that I know.
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You have one minute.
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You're my best friend.
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We've known each other for 20 years.
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We've got a business together.
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I mean,if you leave the country,
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who am I gonna raise Ritchie with?
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What?
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Nothing.
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Seriously,Barb,I would be so lost without you.
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Okay,I know what this is about.
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She just wants to beat me to the altar.
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She wants to win.
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She is winning.
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Barb,I love you.
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Will you marry me?
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I'd be honored.
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Oh,come on!
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Ritchie,honey,uh,when you grow up,
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you're gonna see that people don't choose who to love.
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Sometimes a man will love a woman and a woman will love a man,
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and sometimes a woman will love a woman and a man will love a man,
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and sometimes women will love men who look like women...
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Get to it.
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Um,anyway,um,sweetheart,uh,
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California has given people the right to marry who they love.
220
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Which is wonderful and American,
221
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and it's why we left England on the Mayflower in the first place.
222
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They're gonna take him away from you.
223
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Matthew,you're a therapist-- you explain it.
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Okay,your mom and Aunt Barb are getting married.
225
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But it's a special marriage; it's a friendship marriage.
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Can you get a divorce in a friendship marriage?
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No,no,no.
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Friendship marriages never end,and nobody is ever sad.
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Yeah,it's like Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise.
230
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Sweetie,I wasn't born in this country,
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and in order to live here I have to marry a citizen.
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Your mom offered to marry me,as a favor.
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Will Aunt Barb live with us?
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-No.
-We'll see.
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No,we won't see.
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I have a condo.
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We'll see.
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Okay.
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Can I go play in my room?
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Yeah,yeah,go ahead.
241
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So,are we really gonna do this?
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And we better get going,too.
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We got to get a marriage license,we have to plan a wedding...
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Barb,are you gonna invite your parents?
245
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Not unless you want to throw them their funeral right afterwards.
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Christine,I agreed to do this,but I don't want a big thing.
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No,not a big thing; a little thing.
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A small and elegant thing.
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I just want to get a super-pretty dress,and you can wear a tasteful pantsuit.
250
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Why am I wearing the pantsuit?
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Because you're the groom.
252
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Why am I the groom?
253
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Come on,Barb...
254
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Don't make me say it.
255
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Fine.I'll wear the pantsuit.
256
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But,instead of a ring,I want earrings.
257
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Ooh,me,too.
258
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We are gonna be such a cute couple!
259
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Okay,now,listen-- where are we gonna do this,
260
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like in a courthouse or something or...
261
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What about a simple backyard thing?
262
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Just little twinkle lights in the trees,
263
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maybe an arbor covered with red roses?
264
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Really?Two girls getting married-- you're going to bash me?
265
00:12:05,870 --> 00:12:07,410
Hey,you know what,Matthew?
266
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:08,920
Would you be our wedding planner?
267
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:13,420
You're so organized and artistic and free.
268
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,260
Sure; I can marry you,too.
269
00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:20,510
Three people are allowed to get married in California?
270
00:12:20,510 --> 00:12:21,190
I'm gonna tell you something.
271
00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:24,170
This state is going to hell in a hand basket.
272
00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:27,350
No.I can perform the ceremony.
273
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:32,120
A few years ago,I became a minister online,to meet girls.
274
00:12:33,110 --> 00:12:36,380
It did not work.
275
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,470
Christine...
276
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,130
will you marry me?
277
00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:49,690
How did you think of this,Richard?
278
00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:52,480
I just thought of it.
279
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:58,230
Did you think of it because it's in your favorite movie,UHF,with Weird Al Yankovic?
280
00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:03,220
You have never given that movie a chance.
281
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,000
Richard I want a proposal from your heart,
282
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,910
not some idea you got from a movie.
283
00:13:06,910 --> 00:13:08,910
But,that's where I get all my ideas.
284
00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:09,690
Hey,I know...
285
00:13:09,690 --> 00:13:10,440
No TV.
286
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,290
What's left?
287
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:14,110
Originality.
288
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:18,020
I want something original,because I know that you're capable of it.
289
00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:20,230
A lot of times,when people have that kind of faith in me,
290
00:13:20,230 --> 00:13:23,170
it leads straight to disappointment.
291
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,540
I know you can do it.
292
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:29,350
No,you don't.
293
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,100
Hey,Richard!
294
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,930
In here.
295
00:13:34,670 --> 00:13:36,970
I love this movie.
296
00:13:36,970 --> 00:13:39,360
Hey,listen,can we use your backyard for our wedding?
297
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,280
No!I might want to get married there.
298
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,570
When are you getting married?
299
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:45,850
Maybe after the Dodger game...
300
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:48,370
Don't even think about putting anything on Jumbotron.
301
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,970
Yeah,you can use it.
302
00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,420
Can you believe that we're here?
303
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,940
We're really a part of something important.
304
00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:07,720
I've always been a huge gay rights person.
305
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,020
Look at that cute girl over there.
306
00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:11,340
What is she doing here?
307
00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:14,340
She could totally land a guy.
308
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,650
Christine,maybe we shouldn't be doing this.
309
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:22,250
All these people have fought their whole lives to be treated fairly.
310
00:14:22,250 --> 00:14:23,850
We're making fun of the whole thing.
311
00:14:23,850 --> 00:14:25,460
Come on,Barb,what choice do you have?
312
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:28,030
You either marry me,or you go back to the Bahamas
313
00:14:28,030 --> 00:14:32,190
and braid beads into white girls' hair.
314
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:36,500
Look,I know it's not a real marriage,
315
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,800
but it's got everything a real marriage does:
316
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,630
It's got love,companionship,trust,no sex.
317
00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:45,520
Christine,we're making a sham of the entire institution.
318
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:49,330
Please we made a sham of the entire institution when we got divorced.
319
00:14:55,860 --> 00:14:58,800
Come on,Barb,if you had to leave the country,
320
00:14:58,800 --> 00:14:59,880
I don't know what I'd do without you.
321
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,430
I really need you.
322
00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:04,400
I know.I need you,too.
323
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,140
-Did you get it?
-Got it.
324
00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:36,360
Okay,now get one of me looking at you looking at me in the mirror.
325
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:37,420
I think we have enough of you.
326
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,380
We have you looking at you,me looking at you.
327
00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:43,680
We have enough you to fill a couple of you albums and a you memory box...
328
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,570
Matthew,this is my day.
329
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:49,080
We are going to treasure these memories for a lifetime.
330
00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:51,260
You know,the bar's not set up.
331
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:55,100
Then go do that,and then come back and then come back for some candids.
332
00:15:55,390 --> 00:15:57,430
Go.
333
00:15:57,430 --> 00:15:58,610
Barb!
334
00:15:58,610 --> 00:16:01,510
You're not supposed to see my dress before the ceremony!
335
00:16:01,510 --> 00:16:04,020
It doesn't matter.
336
00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:06,180
Why aren't you dressed?
337
00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:07,790
And how about a little mascara?
338
00:16:07,790 --> 00:16:11,950
Boy,you're taking this groom thing a bit too far.
339
00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:15,380
I'm not marrying you,Chriine.
340
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,420
What?
341
00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:20,860
I told Pete the situation and he offered to remarry me.
342
00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:22,340
If I'm going to have a fake marriage,
343
00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:24,620
it's just easier doing it with Pete.
344
00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:27,320
I mean,I've been faking it with Pete for ten years.
345
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,980
What's a couple more?
346
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:33,570
Great.
347
00:16:33,570 --> 00:16:36,130
So I guess the wedding's off.
348
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:37,800
Fine.
349
00:16:38,070 --> 00:16:40,970
I will not cry.
350
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:43,760
Oh come on.
351
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,170
None of this was for real.
352
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,480
Don't be upset.
353
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,410
Well,maybe it wasn't real for you.
354
00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:49,740
It wasn't real for you either.
355
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,800
You just got carried away.
356
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,200
When did I ever get carried away?
357
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:59,000
Oh,yeah,I must be thinking about my other wife.
358
00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:02,000
Anyway,thanks for offering to help.
359
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,750
That was really sweet.
360
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:07,970
Call you later,okay?
361
00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:13,860
I'm not crying.
362
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:22,270
Wow,Matthew,this is perfect.
363
00:17:22,270 --> 00:17:25,600
Ugh,there's like a thousand tngs I would have done differently.
364
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,090
So,are we ready?
365
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:28,930
Eh...
366
00:17:28,930 --> 00:17:31,020
wedding's off.
367
00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:32,870
Barb got a better offer.
368
00:17:32,870 --> 00:17:34,090
Are you kidding me?
369
00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:36,280
I have killed myself putting this wedding together.
370
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,640
Getting those twinkle lights into the walnut trees was a nightmare.
371
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,110
There's hand-tied bouquets on each corner of every table;
372
00:17:41,110 --> 00:17:43,820
I went through about 50 yards of tulle on the taco bar alone...
373
00:17:43,820 --> 00:17:45,130
-Dude...
-Don't "dude" me.
374
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:48,320
I'm devastated.
375
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,500
All right,well,I'm sorry,okay?
376
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:54,900
But let's just get drunk on Sangria and stuff our faces with mini-tacos.
377
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:56,990
Matthew,would you unzip me?
378
00:17:56,990 --> 00:18:00,320
You are one lipstick-coated menthol away from being Mom.
379
00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:04,250
What a shame.
380
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:10,850
Well,hey,since everything's all set up,do you wanna?
381
00:18:10,850 --> 00:18:14,200
Richard,reheated taquitos and a second-hand wedding?
382
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,910
What do you think I'm going to say?
383
00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:19,850
Not "I do," I bet.
384
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,370
God,these are good tacos.
385
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:33,900
Man...
386
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:35,750
This is beautiful.
387
00:18:35,750 --> 00:18:37,310
Barb,you're back.
388
00:18:37,310 --> 00:18:39,840
You look so handsome.
389
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:45,280
God,you would have been a good husband.
390
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,300
Listen,I'm not marrying Pete.
391
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:50,230
He said he'd do it,but not because he wanted to do it.
392
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:53,130
It was like he was doing me some giant-ass favor.
393
00:18:53,130 --> 00:18:56,080
That giant ass.
394
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,110
You know,when you asked me to marry you,
395
00:18:58,110 --> 00:19:00,530
I really believed it was because you wanted to do it.
396
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:02,750
Yeah,of course I did.
397
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,310
I never do what I don't want to do.
398
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,860
I mean,except on second dates.
399
00:19:05,860 --> 00:19:08,490
And that's just good manners.
400
00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:14,430
I don't cherish Pete,I don't honor Pete,
401
00:19:14,430 --> 00:19:15,880
but I think there's a shot that
402
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:19,340
you and I will be together until death do us part.
403
00:19:19,340 --> 00:19:21,690
Marry me,Christine.
404
00:19:21,690 --> 00:19:23,810
Okay.
405
00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:25,970
Are we back on?Let me get the torches going.
406
00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:27,220
You know what?Forget about the torches.
407
00:19:27,220 --> 00:19:29,220
Let's just do this.
408
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,600
Oh,God,that's so beautiful.
409
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:43,360
Are you kidding me?
410
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:44,940
All right,look...
411
00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:46,480
I can't do this anymore.
412
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:52,820
I'm not a poet or romantic and I may not have all the right what-do-you-call-it-- words--
413
00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:57,570
but I love you,and if I have to wait to marry you
414
00:19:57,570 --> 00:20:01,250
until I can blow you away with the romantic proposal you're looking for,
415
00:20:01,250 --> 00:20:03,070
well,then I may never get to marry you.
416
00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:05,940
And I really,really so much want to marry you.
417
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:09,010
And,if you do marry me,I promise you this--
418
00:20:09,010 --> 00:20:13,180
I'll love you and I will show you I love you,every day.
419
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:16,500
And all the ideas might not be my own,
420
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:19,930
but I will steal from every sexy movie that you have ever seen
421
00:20:19,930 --> 00:20:26,280
and we will do it until you're making sounds that only dogs can hear.
422
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,020
So...
423
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,410
you wanna?
424
00:20:33,270 --> 00:20:36,530
Yes,please.
425
00:20:44,980 --> 00:20:50,100
With these earrings,I thee wed.
426
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:52,750
And so,by the power vested in me by the State of California
427
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:57,410
and the Internet community,I now pronounce you...
428
00:20:57,810 --> 00:21:00,310
It doesn't matter.
429
00:21:00,310 --> 00:21:04,260
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Proudly Presents
430
00:21:04,310 --> 00:21:08,860
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