All language subtitles for Are.You.Being.Served.S10E04.Gambling.Fever

- Oh, oh look. Oh, me suspenders broke.

I'll have to go and do a repair job.

- Do it here if you like.

- (laughs) You should be so lucky.

- Beverly here. I'm in the
ladies and gents department.

Can you hear me, Seymour?

Come in.

- (Seymour) Roger!

- Mr. Harman, what are
you up to with that thing?

- I am testing Grace
Brothers' new security system,

installed at great cost.

Behind the curtain, what
used to be the fitting room,

lies the main apparatus.

It is the ultimate result
of the 20th century,

highly sophisticated,
technological computer hardware.

- I've never seen this before.

- No, we put it up over the
weekend. We call it Big Brother.

The press of a button, and hey presto,

you can look for shoplifters
at any part of the store.

Allow me to give you a demonstration.

- (Mrs. Slocombe) Oh, look at that polish!

He's going to polish his desk.

(audience laughs)

- (Mr. Harman) So that's how he got

that longer lasting shine.

- What else can you get?

- Almost anywhere. Even packing.

- (Mrs. Slocombe) I can't see anything.

- Nah, well you see the lads like

a bit of privacy when
they're playing cards.

Excuse me. Are you receiving me, Seymour?

- (Seymour) Roger.

- (Mr. Harmon) Well move
that box, I wanna see you.

I'll have 50p on that hand,
and put the kettle on.

- You've got it.

- Ooh, honestly it's
an invasion of privacy.

Let's have a press.

Smoking on the floor!

I'll have a word with her about that.

(audience laughs)

- Blimey, Captain Peacock, have you been

traveling half-fare on the buses?

- In view of the extremely hot weather

I think it would be most unwise of you

to place too much strain on your brain

by trying to make witty
remarks at my expense.

- Sorry, sir.

- And put my duty trousers
in the fitting room.

- Yes, sir.

- Ooh, I say!

(giggles)

- And what do you say?

- Oh, your knees is much
younger than I expected.

(audience laughs)

I mean, a lot of older men at your age

they've got older looking knees.

- I expect he's had them lifted.

(audience laughs)

- I have not had them lifted.

- It's all that bending
down at the bowling club

keeps them young, I expect.

- Mr. Harmon, this floor should
have been finished by 8:30.

- I'm checking the new
TV security screens.

- Why they installed
that instead of better

air conditioning I shall never know.

- I know, it's like an oven in here.

I mean, look at my face.

Me foundation cream's beginning to crack.

- Yes, and if you was a block of flats

you'd be condemned by now.

(audience laughs)

- Mr. Harmon, that will do.

- I'll switch those fans
on at 9 o'clock sharp.

- Well if you don't I'm off.

- You won't be the first.

The cod in the canteen
went off half an hour ago.

(audience laughs)

- Where is Mr. Humphries?

- Oh, he phoned to say he had a puncture

but he still hoped to be here on time.

- Why can't me and Miss Brahms have

one of those portable
fans like what he's got?

- Nobody's preventing you from buying one.

They're on sale in the
electrical department.

- They ought to be issued free!

(phone ringing)

- All you have to do is authorize them.

- (Captain Peacock) I do
not consider it necessary.

- Hello, yes?

Oh, Mr. Rumbold. Yes, yes I'll tell her.

Apparently Miss Belfridge is
in one of the fitting rooms.

And Mr. Rumbold requires
her in his office.

- She must have got in early.

- She's no right to be
there without my permission.

- Or mine. Get her out of
there, Miss Brahms, at once.

I shall speak to her
very severely about this.

- 'ere!

Captain Peacock wants you out 'ere!

At the double!

(audience chuckles)

- Stephen.

- Oh.

(audience laughs)

- Do you have to see me?

- You should really ask my
permission to be on the floor,

but I'll overlook it this time.

- The only thing he has overlooked.

- I'm just trying to make up
my mind about this costume.

Now do you think it's too big?

- I wouldn't say that.

(audience laughs)

- It's between these two.

- Well there is very
little between those two.

(audience laughs)

- Miss Belfridge, do let us
know if you need a shoehorn.

- Oh, I haven't chosen the shoes yet.

I'm still trying to decide on the costume.

Oh, by the way, Captain Peacock,

you've got ever such nice knees.

- I think I will authorize
those fans after all.

- I thought you might.

I'll try and get you one
with a long lasting battery

in case she can't make her mind up.

(audience laughs)

Hold the goods lift, Seymour!

(bell ringing)

(audience laughs)

- Mr. Humphries, what
is the meaning of this?

- Well, I thought I'd take advantage

of the heat wave to sell
me mother's ice cream,

but unfortunately I got
a puncture on the M1.

(audience laughs)

- But you don't live anywhere near the M1.

- I know.

There I was vending my
wares, when this big, blue,

Jaguar backed into me,
caught its back bumper

on me front mud guard,
before I knew where I was

I was hurtling up north ringing
me bell for all I was worth.

(audience laughs)

- You could've been killed.

- I know, and the heat from his exhaust

nearly melted my tutti-frutties.

(audience laughs)

- Yeah, how did you get back?

- By train.

I was nearly sold out by the
time I got to Baker Street.

- God, what a swizz. I
could just do with an ice.

- Ooh, you might be lucky.
Look, I've got one left.

A giant frozen delight.

(audience laughs)

50 pence.

- Oh, oh I'd love it,
but all I've got left

is me dinner money and me fare home.

- Me too. Can't we have it on tick?

- I know, why don't we all
chip in and have a lick each?

- Oh, now come on, make up your mind

'cause it's dribbling all down me elbow.

- Well, I have the required
amount. I shall purchase it.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Ooh, let's have a go.

- You ladies should be much
more careful with your money.

I'm really looking forward to this.

- Is this one too bright, Stephen?

(audience laughs)

(Bouncy theme music)

Oh, sorry I was so long but I
just couldn't make up my mind.

- Is that the costume or the label?

- Costume.

(knocking at door)

- Come on, sit down,
get on with your work.

- Morning tea.

- I'm afraid we've run out of biscuits,

but you can have half a
Cadbury Snack at reduced price.

(audience laughs)

- No thank you.

- By the way, have you
heard the good news?

- What news?

- The long-awaited bonus payment

has finally been passed by the board.

We're getting it today.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, I got mine already. Look.

- Ah.

(phone rings)

- Hello. It's Mr. Grace for you, sir.

- Rumbold here, sir. You're
paying the bonus today?

That is a surprise.

Oh yes, the staff will be delighted.

(laughs)

All except who?

But I'm upper middle management.

I'm almost one of the family.

What do you mean it's a case of FHB?

Oh, family hold back.

Mr. Grace, this is intolerable.
I won't stand for it.

In fact, I resign!

- Sir.

- What's that?

- You just resigned.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, no, no, no. He'll phone
back and beg me to stay.

(audience laughs)

On the other hand,
perhaps I was a bit hasty.

Hello Mr. Grace, we got cut off, sir. Yes.

As I was saying, I resign myself

to not getting my bonus just yet.

(chuckles)

Rumbold, sir. Yes, big ears.

(audience laughs)

Yes, the crawler.

He'd forgotten already.

- Wanna borrow a fiver?

- Get out.

(audience laughs)

(Bouncy theme music)

- Oh, I can hardly believe it!

- Fancy us getting our bonus at last.

- I've got about a hundred pounds here.

- Same as me.

- 'ere, you shouldn't have as
much as me and Mrs. Slocombe

on account of we've been here longer.

- You seem to forget, I'm a man.

(audience laughs)

- I wonder how much I'll
get, being the junior.

- Probably you owe them.

- I deserve something.

- True, but justice is so arranged

that people do not always
get what they deserve.

(audience laughs)

- More coffee, anyone?

- Are you saying we haven't
got to go to the counter?

- Not today. Getting my bonus
has put me in a good mood.

Plus I got dirty money to compensate me

for wear and tear on my clothes.

- Well judging by your pinny,
it should be quite a tidy sum.

(audience laughs)

- Even with climbing gear, you wouldn't

get up my nose today, Captain Peacock.

(audience laughs)

- Now, you all sit there,
and I'll get your coffees.

It's on me, plus some nice cakes.

- Oh, that is most generous.

- You look very hot.

- Well the fans aren't working.

- Oh, I'll get my staff to cool you down.

(claps)

Fans for table four!

(audience laughs)

- Oh, isn't it lovely being fanned?

I feel like an Egyptian queen.

- Really?

Would you go a bit faster, please?

The garlic's getting through.

- Isn't it amazing how
freedom from poverty

brings out the best in people?

- Certainly the reverse
in Mr. Rumbold's case.

- Oh, he's gone mad at
not getting his bonus.

- I gather he's in the
executive dining room

trying to persuade Mr.
Grace to change his mind.

- Well, it proves he's got guts.

- Let's hope we don't
need a dustpan and brush

to get 'em off the carpet.

- Here he comes. I think he did it.

- Thank you sir, most kindly.

Generous gesture.

(plates crashing)

- Oh, you big eared, bald headed git,

now look what you've done.

(audience laughs)

- I do apologize, really.

- You wait 'til I tell Mr.
Grace what you've done.

- Oh, no, please, I'm only
being allowed to stay on

provided I don't cause any trouble.

(growls)

(screams)

- Good mood's gone.

- I'd never have known.

- Get back to work, you lot.

- Oh well. All back to normal.

- You speak for yourself.

- Oh, what a fracas in there.

Lucky Mr. Grace is in a good mood.

That's mainly due to the fact he's

got a horse running today.

- Do you mean he's been squandering
his money on the horses?

Ooh, we was lucky to get our bonus at all.

- Racing is a privilege of the privileged.

- What is the name of Mr. Grace's horse?

- Mother's Boy. And it's a flier.

- You mean you have inside information?

- I'm very close to the
stable lad. It's a dead cert.

- I was once close to a stable lad.

He put me on a dead cert.

- (Mr. Harmon) Did your
dead cert come home?

- No, we stayed in a hotel in Worthy.

(audience laughs)

She was in the Salvation Army.

They were saving the south coast.

- Was she pretty?

- Like an angel. We became very
good friends under the pier.

- Did she save you?

- Well, she would have done had it

not been for a sudden wave.

- What, high tide?

- No, a policeman.

- 'ere, what's the odds on this horse?

- Two to one.

You see, the reason why the odds is so low

is that, well, he can't lose.

- Unfortunately, there is no
such thing as a dead cert.

If there were, it would be odds on.

- This one would be odds on
if people knew what I know.

I saw it do a secret gallop.

- How did it go?

- Like that.

You see, racing is my
hobby. I got a ton on it.

- All of your bonus?

- Nah, only a hundred quid of it.

(audience laughs)

You see, that goes on the Mother's Boy

at two to one in the Queen Mary stakes,

and then all of the winnings of that

goes on to Inside Leg out on Trouser Press

at 10 to one at the Young Cup.

It's what we in the
trade term as a double.

- But only one horse has to
lose, you've lost the lot.

- Yeah, but if they both come in

it'll be spend, spend, spend.

I can make about 2,000 quid.

- 2,000 pound. It's a fortune!

- And we've got the money to put on it.

- I don't want to be a wet blanket,

but the odds are that you'll lose the lot.

Now gambling has ruined
many people. I know.

As a young man, I lost
everything on the horses.

Just the words betting shop
would make my face twitch.

I couldn't control myself.
It was like a fever.

- I never knew that.

- Yes, I'm afraid it's true.

I started with the horses,
but that wasn't enough.

And night after night,
I'd be at the White City

betting on dogs.

- Fancy you going to the dogs.

- Of course, I mean, I won to start with.

I studied form, you see.

But then my bets got bigger,
and so did my losses.

And in the end I just
couldn't think clearly,

and form went out of the window.

I pawned my studs, my
watch, even my medals.

- Oh, don't!

(sobs)

(audience laughs)

- I was at the end of my tether.

I remember one night
standing there in the rain,

unshaven, swaying slightly,
staring at the dogs

as they were paraded 'round the ring,

and betting on the one
with the longest nose.

(sobs)

After a drink of Eau de
Cologne form means nothing.

- Was this before you were married?

- This was my wedding night.

(audience laughs)

- Your poor wife!

- How did you stop?

- Sheer willpower and
the love of a good woman.

- Your wife.

- Her as well.

(audience laughs)

You see, she threatened to divorce me

if she ever caught me
betting more than a fiver.

So somehow I gave up. And today,
of course, well, I'm cured.

- Well I don't think that 100 pounds

that I've never had until
today is going to ruin my life.

Ooh, but with 2,000 pounds I
couldn't half have a spree.

- Well, I suppose I could invest a fiver

'cause that could win more
than 100 if they both come up.

- Oh, we can't retire on 100 quid.

- You can't retire on 2,000.

- Well, of course I know that.

Only I could have a holiday in Capri.

And then I might meet a lovely millionaire

who'd want me to look after
him in his fading years.

- You'd have to book
into a very good hotel.

- Well I know that.

But with 2,000 pounds I could
put up quite a big front.

- You're not doing too bad without it.

(audience laughs)

- Shut up.

- Look, are you lot in or out?

- In!

- Right, well, I'm seeing the jockey

what's riding Mother's
Boy round at the pub.

And we gave it a try out at dawn,

and he's gonna give me
the nod on how it's going.

- Well I thought it couldn't lose?

- It can't lose!

But we'll get a rough idea on how many

lengths it's gonna win by.

Then everything goes onto
Inside Leg at 10 to one.

- It's that good, you think?

Here's a fiver, but that's my limit.

- Well, I know I've just got me bonus,

but I'm only going to risk a fiver.

- Me too, 'ere.

- I'm not a betting man, but me mother is,

so I'll have a fiver.

- 50p, it's all I've got.

- You could win 10 quid for that.

- Ah.

- Mr. Harmon, could you leave before I bet

the rest of this money on that horse?

- If you do, you could win 2,000 quid.

- I'm beginning to twitch now.
Here, take it, take it all.

I shall never miss what I never had.

- Only unless you're sure
you wanna bet on a dead cert.

- Go on, take mine.

I mean, I'd never rest if I thought

I'd passed up a chance
to win 2,000 pounds.

- Only unless you're sure.

- We are. Here's mine.

- It's no good, I can't
stop myself. Here's mine.

- No, I won't take yours.
You're trying to give it up.

Put it away. The fever will pass.

(audience laughs)

- Have a nice strong cup of coffee,

it'll make you feel better.

- It's no use. I've gotta
put that money on that horse.

- Oh, Captain Peacock, control
yourself. Take a deep breath.

- And hold it.

(audience laughs)

- Not too long.

- Oh thank you.

I'm really very ashamed that you should

see my weakness for a
moment just like that.

- It's all over now.

- Yes, we won't mention
it until the race is over

and they've all collected their 2,000 quid

which they won on the dead
cert that couldn't lose.

(whimpers)

- Where's my betting shop?

- No!

- Captain Peacock!

(yelling after him)

- Stupid, dumb, boy, you...

(Bouncy theme music)

- Well it's very unique, madam.

- But is it Askett?

- Well, there's horses
there and it's very Dallas.

(audience laughs)

- I don't think so. But
thank you for your trouble.

- Will you require a credit note, madam?

- I haven't bought anything.

- No, but haven't half
messed that hat about.

- I don't like the tone of your voice.

- And I don't like being
spoken to in that manner.

- I'm very friendly with one of the

main shareholders in this firm.

What's your name?

- Mrs. Devia Winterton.

(audience laughs)

- I shall remember that.

- I hoped you might.

Dallas?

- Well, she looked stupid in that hat.

- Well I know that, and you know that,

but you don't tell the customer that.

- Yes, but when we get our winnings,

we'll be the ones buying hats, won't we?

- Mrs. Slocombe, Miss Brahms, if I--

- Excuse me, Captain Peacock.

Mr. Rumbold's out to go
and see his bank manager.

And he told me to tell you that

you're in charge 'til he gets back.

- Right.

- Here, by the way, there's a rumor

that you put that bet on.

- I did. It was the biggest
mistake I ever made.

- There's a telly in Mr. Rumbold's office.

You could watch it in there.

I'm gonna watch it in packing.

- Oh, thanks.

- Come on. Hey, Rumbold's
gone to the bank.

We're going to watch it on his portable.

(Bouncy theme music)

- (Announcer) And it's
Mother's Boy coming through

on the inside, and Dead
Easy is holding on.

For now they're neck and neck.

And now it's Biscuit Challenger.

- Look, why is that jockey
bobbing up and down?

He's putting it off.

- You lot aren't supposed to be here.

- (Announcer) And Mother's boy--

(all shouting)

- Show him the whip!

(audience laughs)

- How dare you watch
television in my office!

- Oh, they were nearly at the end.

Now we don't know who has won.

- Our bonus was on that.

- Peacock, I hold you responsible.

And I must tell you I am
totally opposed to gambling.

Why are you twitching, Peacock?

- I have no idea.

- Get back on the floor.

- Spoilsport!

- I expect you tried to stop them,

but they forced you to switch the set on.

- Yes sir.

(phone rings)

Hello? Yeah.

Yes, I'll tell him. It's Mr. Grace.

He's got to go to a
meeting and he wants you

to watch out for the odds on the last race

they just ran at Ascot.

I thought you were going to the bank?

- Yes, I did, but there was a queue.

Ah, hello sir. Yes, that'll be a pleasure.

(chuckles)

Yes, a wonderful sport.

And while you're on the
line, sir, about my bonus--

What?

You've invested it?

Yes, well, that is most kind,

but I do need it rather urgently.

May I inquire if it's on
deposit at a good rate?

I see. It's on Inside Leg in the 3:30.

(audience laughs)

Yes I will watch, most closely.

He's got my money on his horse!

Come on, let's get the set on.

Now, then. I wonder what the odds are.

And who the jockey is.
And what the going's like.

And why we're watching Play School.

(audience laughs)

- Look, I'm sorry. What can I say?

- Sorry?

About what?

- But our horse came first,
it was leading at the end.

- Yeah, the horse came in
first, but not the jockey.

He fell off.

- That doesn't count, does it?

- No, it doesn't.

We've lost our bonus, and all that money

was going to go on to the next race.

- What a fool I've been,
what an unmitigated fool!

- If the jockey fell off, we
should have our money back.

- That's the luck of the game, isn't it?

Mind you, there is still a way you

could get your money back.

- What is it?

How?

- Well the next horse is
Inside Leg at 10 to one.

Now if you all put a tenner on that to win

and it wins, you collect
and get your bonus back.

- But we're broke.

- All our money was on the race.

- Yes, I can't even get home.

And if my wife finds out,
well, my life will be hell.

- Well, you could always go 'round

to the pawn broker and
raise a bit of wind.

I mean them cufflinks of
yours must be worth a tenner.

Mr. Humphries' watch and
chain, that's quite nice.

- But we can't run around London
looking for a pawn broker.

- You don't have to. My card.

(audience laughs)

See the balls on it?

I do a bit on the side.

- So you'll give us the tenners?

- Right, let's see what you got to hawk.

- Here, you can have my watch and chain.

- I never thought I'd sink this low again.

- There's my semiprecious earrings,

and my part-crocodile handbag.

- Which part's crocodile?

- The clasp. They're real crocodile teeth.

- I'm paying a charge for that.

- I haven't got anything to offer.

- You can have it on tick.

(audience laughs)

- Why couldn't I have it on tick?

- You really haven't
got anything to offer.

(audience laughs)

(shouts)

- Daft boy.

- What will you give me for
this electric fan, then?

- Second hand?

A quid.

- Robbery.

- If you're gonna insult the firm, 50p.

- I'll take it.

- Right, here's a tenner each

to put on at 10 to one on Inside Leg.

Here's a quid for you, and here you go.

- Now all we need is a bookie.

- My card.

(audience laughs)

- Don't tell me you're a bookie as well.

- No, it's William Hill's number on there.

I got an account with him.

- I hope that horse wins.

My mother gave me that watch

when I became captain
of the embroidery team.

(audience laughs)

- John Blinker 'ere.

Can I have 50 quid to win on Inside Leg?

10 to one. Thank you.

Right, that's it, I'll
just take the money.

- Ooh, that didn't last long.

Ooh, I do wish we could
see it on the telly.

- No, we can't leave the
floor again. We'd get fired.

- I've got an idea. The security
screen in the fitting room.

I could pop down to the radio department,

get one of those walkie-talkie things,

listen to it on the
radio, and relay it to you

on the screen in the fitting room.

- That's brilliant.

(squeals)

- Permission to leave the floor.

- I'll turn a blind eye.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, look at those hats.

- Yes, rather silly, some of them.

Ah, the horses are lining up.

Which is the one with my bonus on it?

- The one foaming at the mouth
and facing the wrong way.

- Oh, I can't stand the
strain. Tell me when it's over.

(murmuring)

- (Mr. Spooner) Oh, here he is.

- Oh, there he is now.
Oh, his shoes look nice.

- We can see you.

Can you hear us?

- We can't hear you.

(audience laughs)

- It's no good. We can't hear.

- We're gonna miss the race!

- (Mrs. Slocombe) Oh what's he doing?

- (Mr. Spooner) Headphones. (mumbling)

(audience laughs)

- (Captain Peacock) What's he doing?

- I know, I know.

He's going to listen to
the race on the radio

and then mime it to us.

Is that right?

- (Mr. Spooner) Oh, great.

What's he doing?

- Oh, he's miming. He's miming Inside Leg.

- (Mrs. Slocombe) Now what's he doing?

- I have no idea.

- He looks as if he's playing tennis.

- Oh, I've got it, I've
played charades before.

Now that means first word. First word?

- Kick, he's kicking the horse!

(audience laughs)

- Oh, got it. First letter of first word.

- A?

B?

C?

D?

E?

F?

G?

H, I, J?

K?

L?

M?

N?

O?

P?

- (Everyone) P!

- (Mrs. Slocombe) It's P something.

- (Mr. Spooner) Oh, what wrong with him?

- I've got it, I've got it!

- Yeah?

- The jockey's gone potty.

- (Everyone) Skipping?

- (Mrs. Slocombe) He's playing!

- (Miss Brahms) Inside leg.

- (Mrs. Slocombe) Is playing.

- I got it. Inside leg is playing up.

- Oh!

- (Mr. Spooner) Oh dear.

- (Miss Brahms) Go away.

- (Captain Peacock) Two words. Two words.

- (Mr. Harman) In his trousers.

- Shirt. His shirt tail.

- Pants, pants. The horse is panting!

- No, no, no, no.

No, no, it's underwear. First word: under.

- (Mr. Spooner) Oh, under.

- (Captain Peacock) Handle?

- Under handle?

- Under a car?

- Under a barrel organ?

- Under a mangle?

- (Mr. Spooner) What's he going for?

- (Captain Peacock)
Book, it's his bill pad.

- Bill pad, orders. That's it, orders!

They're under starter's orders.

- (Miss Brahms) Oh, right.

- (Everyone) Watch?

Time?

- (Captain Peacock) Five seconds to go.

- (Everyone) Five, four, three, two, one.

They're off!

(audience laughs)

Inside leg.

- It's a lady horse.

- It's a lady horse without a bra.

(audience laughs)

- It's out in front!

- (Miss Brahms) Oh.

- Blimey, there's another
horse passing him.

- Ooh, which one's that?

- It's a teapot.

- (Mr. Spooner) Teapot.

- I'll go through the field. Hang on.

Inside Leg, Nightcap,
Frenzy, Holiday Queen.

- (Miss Brahms) Oh, Holiday Queen.

- The jockey's pulling his collar.

- Kissing?

Inside Leg's kissing Holiday Queen!

- No. I've got it, necking, necking.

They're neck and neck!

- Good, good, good.

- (Everybody) Inside Leg. Is out in front.

From Holiday Queen.

- (Mrs. Slocombe) Well it's a letter.

- He's let another horse go past.

- No.

- He's posting it. Posting it.

Post!

- They're inside of the post!

- (Everybody) Inside Leg.

- (Mr. Harmon) He's got his nose in front.

- (Captain Peacock) That's right.

- (Everybody) Of Holiday Queen.

And they're getting to the post.

(all shouting excitedly)

- Oh, we've got our money.

- Oh, we've got our money back.

Ooh, never again. Never again.

- Here you are Mrs. Slocombe.

Here you are Captain Peacock.

- Captain Peacock, my television set

has appeared to have broken down

and I had to watch the race for Mr. Grace.

He's very anxious to know the result.

I wonder did you happen to hear from

any of the customers or one of the staff

which horse won it?

- Well, someone mentioned
that Inside Leg had won,

which is of no interest to us, of course.

- That's a relief.

- Oh, so you've got your bonus, then?

- Well, nearly.

Apparently all the
winnings goes on to a horse

in the next race, which
is something called

a cert at 20 to one.

- You've got a cert at 20 to one?

What's it called?

- King of the Fairies.

(audience laughs)

- Twenty to one, we could win a fortune!

(audience laughs)

- Mr. Humphries.

- What is it?

- How do you fancy King of
the Fairies at 4 o'clock?

- I don't finish work 'til half past five.

(audience laughs)

- Quick, I need to come
on King of the Fairies.

Come on!