Original subtitles

(cash registers ringing)

♫ Ground floor perfumery

♫ Stationery and leather goods

♫ Wigs and haberdashery

♫ Kitchenware and food, going up

♫ First floor, telephones...

- Pass me a hat for the display, Mr. Spooner.

- Yes, sir.

- Cool!

Now, I want you watch closely how I'm brushing this nap.

See, the curling the brim.

It takes years and years of experience

to get this wrist action.

You watching?

- I am, Mr. Humphries.

It's a pleasure to see a craftsman at work.

- Ooh.

Yes, there's a right way and a wrong way

of doing everything.

There.

You may put that on the display.

- It's a privilege.

Will there be anything else, Mr. Humphries?

- Yes, Mr. Spooner, two things, and you have a choice.

- Oh, what's that, Mr. Humphries?

- Either get a smaller hat or a bigger brain.

- You must have got out the wrong side of bed this morning.

You've never spoken to me like that before.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.

I'm just very worried about Mrs. Slocombe.

(phone ringing)

Menswear.

Oh, yes, Mr. Rumbold.

No, Mr. Rumbold, not as yet.

Yes, well, we're all very concerned.

I'll pass the message on.

Captain Peacock, are you free?

- At the moment.

- Permission to come to the center floor.

- Permission granted.

(elevator bell ringing)

- That was Mr. Rumbold on the phone.

He's been trying to ring Mrs. Slocombe,

but there's no reply.

He was wondering if we knew of anyone

that might know where she was.

- Well, it's after 11.

It could be something quite serious.

Miss Brahms.

- Yes, Captain Peacock?

- Do you have any idea who could know

where Mrs. Slocombe is?

- Well, only her friend, Mrs. Axelby.

I've rung her ten times this morning,

but she's always engaged.

- Well, try again.

- Yes, sir.

- It's not like Mrs. Slocombe, not on a Monday.

- I agree.

- On behalf of maintenance and packing,

I'm inquiring to see

if there's any news about Mrs. Slocombe.

- Very kind of you all down there to be so concerned.

- Well, we are.

She ain't pay for her raffle ticket yet,

and it's the draw this afternoon.

- Oh, hello.

Oh, yes, I've been trying to get through all morning.

No!

Missing since when?

Friday night?

But when was the last time you saw her?

Three days ago, on the roof of the pub?

But how did she get up there?

Well, even so, it's quite a jump

from the roof of that outside loo.

- It's those youth pills she's taking.

I said there'd be side effects.

- Ask if the police have been informed.

- Have the police been informed?

- Oh, full description, mm.

Moth-eaten.

Black and white coat, bandy legs, no bottom teeth,

and a limp.

- Blimey, she's gone downhill quickly.

- Oh, well, thank you.

Yes, we hope so, too.

Yeah, bye.

- They'll never find Mrs. Slocombe with that description.

- It's not Mrs. Slocombe what's missing, it's her cat.

- Her cat?

- Yeah, she's been up all weekend.

Anyway, she's on her way here now.

- Oh, I hope it turns up, that cat was her life.

- I know.

Do you know she polished its medals every night?

I bet she's in a right state.

Apparently, she's been scouring the fields and woods

for miles around.

(elevator bell rings)

- Blimey, David Bellamy at large.

- I'm sorry I'm late.

- We've heard the bad news, I'm very sorry.

- If it doesn't turn up, I'll help you tonight.

- Oh, thank you, Mr. Humphries, that's very kind of you.

You know, she's never been out all night before.

If I don't find her soon, I don't know what I'll do.

- Oh, come on, Betty.

Put your things in the fitting room.

- What about her 50p for the ticket?

- Don't be stubborn now, can't you see she's upset?

- Yeah, well. - I'll pay for it.

- Oh, thank you.

First prize is that parrot

they can't shift in the pet department.

- That parrot happens to be a personal friend of mine.

You can't raffle him.

- We can, I got it cheap!

The proceeds are for the workers' tea fund.

- You may return to your counter, Mr. Humphries.

- Yes, Captain Peacock.

Let's hope Mrs. Slocombe wins that parrot,

then if her cat doesn't turn up,

it'll be somebody for her to talk to.

Save on the phone calls.

- How's that?

- Well, she phones me nearly every night, you know.

She's a very lonely woman.

It's time she got married.

- Well, hasn't she left it a bit late for that?

- Yes, I suppose her life is rather like the September song.

You know.

♫ And the days dwindle down

♫ To a precious few

♫ September, November...

- And in her case, Christmas.

- That's very rude, she's a very warm, kind, generous woman.

She'd make somebody a very good wife.

- Why don't you marry her?

- Because I'm not ready to get married.

- How do you know?

- My mother told me.

- Aren't the days dwindling down a bit for you as well?

You know.

♫ September, November.

- As a matter of fact, I'm clinging on to August.

With an occasional fall of snow.

(cash registers ringing)

- Are you ready, Miss Belfridge?

- Yes, sir.

- With regard to your recent application for a raise,

I have thought long and hard about this.

Oh, no, no, no.

Make that, I have given this careful consideration.

No, no, no, cross that out.

After due consideration, I, uh, um, where was I?

- With regard to your recent application for a raise,

after due consideration, I, uh, um, where was I?

- No, no, no, just up to consideration.

You still with me?

- I could run out of paper.

- Very well, I'll be brief.

With regard to your raise, the answer is no.

Signed, C. Rumbold, head office, et cetera.

(phone ringing)

Oh, answer that, will you?

- Hello, Mr. Rumbold's office, Miss Belfridge speaking.

Mrs. Axelby, yes.

Oh, dear, yes, I'll convey that.

- Well?

- Mrs. Slocombe's friend, Mrs. Axelby.

- Yes, yes, I heard that.

Have they found the cat?

- No, but they found its clockwork mouse

at the edge of a well.

- And Mrs. Axelby fears the worst.

- She reckons it's a goner.

- Oh, dear, this is most unfortunate.

I shall have to deliver the news personally.

Fortunately, though,

tact and sensitivity are two of my strongest points.

- Oh, before you go, sir, who is this for?

- What?

- With regard to your raise, the answer is no.

- Oh, yes, I forgot, it's for you.

(cash registers ringing)

- She'll never be the same, if they don't find it.

- Well, where is she?

- Oh, she'll be here in a minute.

She's gone to nurse for a tranquilizer.

- Oh, they'll probably give her one of those special ones

they give to people who have lost their cats.

- What special ones?

- Mogadons.

- This is no time for levity.

- I have some very grave news regarding Mrs. Slocombe's cat.

- No, don't tell me.

- Apparently they found its clockwork mouse

on the edge of a well.

One can only draw one conclusion.

- Oh, who's gonna tell her?

- Oh, leave it to me.

I'll be very tactful, I'll lead into it gently,

after discussing a few generalities,

I'll just drop a little hint that all is not well

regarding her cat.

- What sort of hint?

- How about a chorus of "Ding Dong Dell"?

- Shut up, you.

Now, if anyone's gonna tell her, we'll tell her.

- I think that would be best.

- Oh, very well, but do be tactful, hmm?

- We'd be a lot more tactful than he would.

- I think it would be wise

to keep off the subject altogether.

- Yes, we won't mention it at all, until closing time.

- That's a good idea.

Nobody mention anything to do with cats.

- And when she arrives, we'll all be jolly and gay.

- Hands up for jollies.

- If you're not going to behave yourself,

you can go and sit at another table.

- Shh, here she comes.

(laughter and chatter)

- So I said to my mother, I said,

even if there is a burglar downstairs,

I'm not getting out of bed.

She looked straight me, she said,

Clayborne, are you a man or a mouse?

I said, I've no idea, but I do now fancy a bit of cheese!

(laughing)

- Oh, talking about mice,

she had her clockwork mouse with her when she disappeared.

She never travels anywhere without that clockwork mouse.

- When I was a little boy,

I never traveled anywhere without my marbles.

- When I was a lad, I always used to have a catapult.

(gasping)

- Mr. Spooner.

- And my marbles, of course.

- Well, when I was a little girl, I had a favorite dolly,

and I wouldn't go anywhere without that dolly.

I used to push her everywhere

in one of them little dolly's prams.

- Did its eyes open and shut when it sat up and down?

- Oh, yes, and one day, they stuck wide open.

- What did you do?

- Oh, I had to take it to the dolly's hospital,

and they made her well.

- Oh, there's a well near my house!

- Oh, oh, suppose she's fallen down.

Whatever will I do?

- Oh, calm down, them tranquilizers will work in a minute.

- No, they won't, I haven't taken them yet.

The nurse was busy, she told me to come back later.

- Well, no news is good news, and we all love you,

and we're all standing by you.

- Oh, you've always been so kind to me.

Do you know, without you and Tiddles,

I don't think my life would be worth living.

- I feel exactly the same.

- Do you? - Of course.

I mean, if I didn't have your little phone calls

every night after Coronation Street,

so that we could discuss Ken's problems,

my life would be quite empty.

So you see, you've got to keep your chin up

for my sake as well as yours.

- Do my calls really mean that much to you?

- Oh, I sit by the phone.

- And would you really miss me, if I didn't ring?

- I'd be onto you straight away,

and want to know the reason why.

And I wouldn't wait for the cheap rate.

- Oh, it's made me feel so much better

knowing how much you care.

- But we all care.

- In different ways.

- Ah, but you've only to look at Mr. Humphries' eyes

to know that he cares in a very special way.

It's the same way my Tiddles looks at me,

when she's been a good girl in the garden.

- Well, forget it, Betty, now put it right out of your mind.

- Here you are, new lunch menu.

- But this is morning coffee.

- Since you lot complain about the food so much,

Mr. Grace has allocated you a subsidy.

You now get the executive menu at canteen prices.

But as some of these dishes are up to Cordon Bleu,

you've gotta order early.

Then the chef knows what tins to open.

- Well, I must say, our long and bitter struggle

has been well rewarded.

- Yeah, all we gotta do now is learn French.

- Sole bonne femme should surely not be

beyond your comprehension.

- No, sole is sole, bonne is good,

and femme is French for lady.

It's a lady sole.

My compliments on the chef's eyesight.

- Ignorant lot, aren't they?

- A trifle gauche.

- What?

- Just une façon de parler.

- We're out of that, try the halibut.

- Have you got any chicken?

I think I could toy with a bit of chicken.

- Three down.

Roast poussin, fried poussin, cold poussin,

and poussin in the basket.

- Where are you going?

- To get a tranquilizer.

That poussin in the basket did it!

(cash registers ringing)

(knocking on door)

- Enter.

- Your executive afternoon tea.

Sorry to hear about Mrs. Slocombe's bereavement,

but she seems to be taking it very well, all considered.

- Yes, I must say I'm very sorry for her,

but what can I do?

(knocking on door)

Enter.

- May we have a word, sir?

- Yes.

- It's about Mrs. Slocombe.

- Ah, you've told her.

Poor woman, how did she take it?

- She didn't. - We ain't told her.

- What are you doing in here, then?

- Well, we need your help.

- Ah, you want me to tell her after all,

you need my tact and experience.

- No, we want a contribution.

- Oh, you mean, for flowers, that sort of thing?

- No, we want to buy a kitten in the pet department,

and we thought the whole floor should chip in.

- Including management.

- Goes without saying.

Oh, this is an excellent idea, I'm entirely behind it.

- If it's any help,

they've got a lovely Siamese kitten in pets.

It's got a marvelous pedigree, it's called Madame Woo,

and its father was Emperor Chong of Bangkok.

Five times triple champion.

- That sounds impressive.

- Being a cat lover, Mrs. Slocombe's probably heard of him.

Lives down her way.

- Oh, perhaps she'd like something with a pedigree,

then she could show it.

- Yes, it would symbolize our deep sympathy for her.

- I couldn't have put it better myself, yes.

I'm entirely with you.

- It's 50 quid.

- I beg your pardon?

- It's got a pedigree as long as your arm.

- Haven't they got one that just comes up to the elbow?

- 50 quid?

That's a tenner each, that's not too much

to shell out for someone you love,

to stop them from being lonely.

- I agree.

- I shall have to hitchhike to work for a week,

but I can't stand seeing her so miserable.

- And I shall of course go along with the majority.

- How did you work out the ten pounds each?

- Well, it's me and Mr. Spooner, Captain Peacock,

Mr. Humphries, that's four, and you're five, that's 50 quid.

- Well, naturally, I'm absolutely behind you,

but you of course are her closest associates.

You will remember that you didn't consider me close enough

even to break the bad news.

But I'm sure Miss Belfridge and I

would be happy to contribute, say, five pounds between us?

- I've only spoken to her a couple of times.

- She's a wonderful woman,

you really should get to know her.

- I know her well enough for a quid.

- I see.

I just remembered.

As a member of upper middle management,

I'm entitled to a 20 percent discount on all items.

- Which means that he can buy the moggy for 40 pounds

instead of 50 pounds, which is his contribution.

- Exactly.

- Well, I think it's the best offer

we're gonna get from him.

- Very well, you will purchase Madame Woo.

- By Emperor Chong of Bangkok, five time triple champion.

- Thank you, Mr. Harman.

For the sum of 40 pounds, on our behalf.

- Done.

I assume you would like me to make the presentation.

I'm sure I could take a small percentage

of my valuable time off to do that.

- At the going rate, I don't think we can afford it.

(cash registers ringing)

- Thank you for your custom, madam.

- Oh, you're being ever so brave.

- I'll tell you, Shirley,

if it wasn't for the comfort and strength

that I get from Mr. Humphries, I don't think I could go on.

When he held my hand and looked into my eyes

at coffee time in the canteen,

I realized how much he meant to me.

I felt, I felt we were very close.

- Well, you were sitting next to each other.

- I mean, spiritually.

It was as though my troubles had fused us together.

I suddenly realized, he means more to me

than anything else in the world.

Except my pussy, of course.

(elevator bell ringing)

- Do you think he'll ever get married?

- Oh, some girl will get lucky someday.

But when she gets the chance, I hope she jumps at it,

'cause there aren't two like him in the world.

- No, well, not here, anyway.

- May I help you, sir? - Underwear.

- Mr. Humphries, are you free?

- I am free.

- Underwear for the gentleman.

- [Mr. Humphries] Certainly, sir.

- I don't want anything fancy, just a pair of Y-fronts.

- I'm sorry, sir, I'm afraid we're right out of Y-fronts.

We do have a new range, which are X-fronts.

- X-Fronts? I've never heard of them.

- Oh, you are behind the times.

I've actually got a pair of W-fronts.

- What's the difference between W, X and Y-fronts?

- About two octaves.

- Psst, psst.

- Don't you ever attract my attention in that manner again.

- Well, it couldn't have hurt much,

it was only one of them mushy ones from the canteen.

Anyway, I saw them do that on a Cold Ditch series once,

and it saved the young officer's life.

He didn't complain.

- I presume you've got Madame Woo in there.

- Yes, and she's gonna start meowing any minute.

So you'd better find a way

of getting Mrs. Slocombe off the floor.

- Very well.

Mr. Harman, take that empty basket

round behind the mens' counter, will you?

- Right away, sir.

- Mrs. Slocombe?

- Yes, Captain Peacock?

- I forgot to tell you, the accounts department

have queried one of your bills.

Would you mind going up to their floor

and having a chat with them?

- Thank you, Captain Peacock.

- Well, it worked, we got her off the floor.

(elevator bell ringing)

- Who's gonna give her the new cat?

- We've elected Mr. Humphries, as she seems to lean on him

in times of crisis.

- Oh, she will be thrilled.

As we were stood over there, she was saying,

you mean the world to her.

- That's very kind of her.

- Yeah, she said you're a great comfort and strength to her,

and you had this spiritual bond

that sort of fused you together.

And without you, she couldn't carry on.

- Is she talking about me, or the pope?

- You must realize that Mrs. Slocombe

is in a very delicate mental state.

Half-prepared for the truth, but not wishing to accept it,

she perhaps places undue reliance

on Mr. Humphries' kindness.

But that, combined with our good wishes

and the gift of Madame Woo,

that should pull her through this crisis.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But when are we, to coin a phrase,

gonna let the cat out of the bag?

- I shall make a little speech,

which shall go something like, dear Mrs. Slocombe,

I propose, on behalf of the whole department,

to present you with this little bundle of fluff,

called Tiddles Jr.

- Alias Madame Woo, sired by Emperor Chong of Bangkok,

five time triple champion.

- Oh, no, we don't want her to know that it's valuable.

You just open the basket, hand it to me,

and I'll do the rest.

- Well, that sounds fairly straightforward.

Are you ready, Mr. Harman?

- Oh, yeah.

Oh, I got these from display.

There's still a bit of life in them.

(elevator bell ringing)

- Mrs. Ramsey was very puzzled.

She said that there's nothing wrong at all with my bills.

- I'm afraid we deliberately deceived you, Mrs. Slocombe,

because we wanted to get you off the floor

for a few moments.

- Because someone has something to say to you

which we hope will make you very happy.

- Oh, how exciting, who can it be?

- Mrs. Slocombe.

- Oh, Mr. Humphries.

- I propose-- - And I accept!

I knew this was going to happen!

I felt it, the same moment that you felt it.

- Felt what?

- I felt it in the canteen!

Our eyes met, and I knew you knew I knew you knew I knew.

- I knew nothing.

- Ah, you thought I'd be more surprised,

but a woman's intuition never lets her down.

Oh, ooh, I'm the happiest woman in the world!

It seems as though I have to lose one loved one

in order to find another.

It's as though fate had taken a hand.

It's karma, it's kismet, it's... kiss me!

(indistinct yelling)

(cash registers ringing)

- This is indeed the most remarkable news.

Totally unexpected.

- That's what Mr. Humphries said.

He had to borrow her smelling salts.

- So this engagement is official?

- She seems to consider it in that light.

- And he's too stunned to speak.

- Has Mr. Humphries ever indicated before

that he's enamored of Mrs. Slocombe?

- Well, he's taken her to roller disco a couple of times,

and they always discuss Coronation Street together.

- Oh, yes, my wife and I feel

that being able to discuss the sort of complex problem

that Ken has with Deirdre

very important in a marriage.

What do you think, Miss Belfridge?

- Oh, I agree.

Oh, and that Mike Baldwin, he's at it like a rabbit!

- The question is, how are we gonna get him out of it?

- Well, it seems to me,

he's been given the chance to put his toe in the water.

If he wants to swim, who are we to stop him?

From what you say, he didn't try to dissuade her.

In other words, he didn't take his toe out.

- One has very little time, when hit by a tidal wave.

In her condition, well, I mean,

a rejection would lead to a complete nervous breakdown.

- What about Mr. Humphries' nervous breakdown?

- Oh, it's about time he left home!

Anyway, I think they make a lovely couple.

- Where are they now?

- Oh, Mrs. Slocombe's gone up to cosmetics

for some makeup and perfume,

and then she's going to jewelry to select a ring.

- Isn't that a bit premature?

- It's only on appro.

- Mr. Humphries?

- Well, the last time we saw him,

he was trying to get through to his mother on the telephone.

- No, of course I haven't been drinking.

Pubs aren't open yet.

I know, will you stop crying?

That's better, now just treat it in a lighthearted manner.

You're not losing a son, you're just losing a sofa.

Well, I'm going to take it with me,

until we've sorted the sleeping arrangements out.

No, she doesn't know what to expect.

Neither do I.

Well, I don't care what the neighbors say!

Tell them I've joined the foreign legion.

It's near to the truth.

Yes, I'm definitely coming home tonight.

Oh, yes, she's not laying a finger on me

until I've been down that aisle.

Yes, the vicar will be surprised.

Not to mention the organist.

No, no, no, we haven't discussed the music.

I thought off the top of my head, "I'll Do It My Way",

followed by the nun's chorus.

Now, listen, I've got to go now,

because Mr. Rumbold's going to make a congratulatory speech

to the department.

Well, it had to happen sometime,

I just didn't think it would happen today.

Oh, it's those eyes that get them.

(cash registers ringing)

- Better drink your champagne, before it gets warm.

- Thank you.

(knocking on door) - Enter.

- Excuse me, but this is Mr. Winston,

the new writer from the staff magazine.

As soon as he heard the news, he insisted on coming up

and taking a photograph of the happy couple,

together with their immediate associates.

He's also writing a short article.

Ain't that right, Mr. Winston?

- Correct.

- This is only known to us.

How did he find out about it?

- Checkbook journalism.

He's from Fleet Street.

- I don't think we've met.

- I've only just been assigned.

This is my first scoop.

- Cheers, Steven.

- Good luck, Shirley.

- And I've got it wrong.

I heard it was an older woman and a younger man.

Now I see, it's the other way around.

Right.

What are the names?

- Captain Peacock.

I happen to be the department floorwalker.

I also happen to be married.

- Married man proposes to young girl.

Does your wife know?

How long have you been separated?

Any children from this broken home?

- Just a minute, he's old enough to be my father.

- Good quote.

Oedipus complex.

Here's the headline.

Floorwalking out together.

- This is not the couple, Mr. Winston!

- Oh, don't tell me.

You and this gorgeous creature!

I can see it all, young girl and the man in power.

Go on, darling, show us a bit of leg.

Lovely, yes.

(camera shutter clicking)

- Miss, Miss, Miss Belfridge, Miss Belfridge,

put it away!

This is my secretary.

- Oh, here's the headline.

Just my typing!

If you could take a deep breath and just hold it.

That's it, yes.

(camera shutter clicking)

Oh, I like that.

- Yeah, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

The happy couple ain't here yet.

- Oh, film costs money, you know?

Why didn't you say so?

- Because you haven't stopped talking since you came in.

I'm sorry, if this is a sample of your press coverage,

it must be most unwelcome.

- Look, it's my job

to improve the circulation of this magazine,

and that is what I intend to do.

- I'm sure Mr. Humphries and Mrs. Slocombe

will want no part of it.

- Well, let them decide.

- Mrs. Slocombe's a very private person.

- I'm so sorry I'm late,

but makeup gave me a quick patch-up for free

when they heard the news.

- I'm Winston, staff magazine.

I cover all branches.

- Oh, ah!

It's only on appro, you know.

And of course it isn't real.

But you'd never guess, would you?

And look at all that gold behind it.

- Well, you said if ever you did it,

you hoped you'd get a big one.

- You should get one for the other hand,

otherwise you'll build up the muscles in just one arm.

- May I convey, on behalf of Grace Brothers,

my warmest congratulations?

- How kind.

- Your age, for the record.

- Very, very early forties.

Where's my Claybourne?

- I'll go and find him.

The last time I heard, he was on the telephone.

- To his mother.

- Oh, she'll be thrilled at the news.

- For the magazine, can you say what it was

that first attracted you to this man?

- Well, he's so, oh, how shall I put it?

There's something so different about him.

(knocking on door)

- Enter.

- I got Mr. Humphries outside, shall I bring him in?

- Yes, of course.

What's holding him up?

- At the moment, Warrick and Stanford.

Forward.

- I'm sorry I'm late.

But as the pub was shut,

I just popped round to the off license

for a small bottle of gin and tonic.

- Oh, yeah.

Can I have a photo of the happy couple?

- What do you think about tht?

- I thought the Tutankhamun exhibition was over.

- It's only on appro.

- That makes two of us.

(camera shutter clicking)

- You're not having second thoughts,

not when we've gone this far.

- Now, don't go and upset yourself.

I never said I was having second thoghts.

- You intimated it.

(camera shutter clicking)

- Well, I didn't mean to.

- Well, you don't usually drink at this time of the day.

- Surely you don't object to me only having a little one.

(camera shutter clicking)

- It was a little one out of a big bottle,

I can smell it from here!

- Bridegroom to be drunk at reception.

- I'll have you know, I am perfectly sober!

Whether I'm perfectly sane or not is another matter.

- Hold it for a close-up.

- I feel that Madame Woo would have been a better present.

- At least we got our money back.

- I've got my headline.

Made to measure.

Age?

- Oh, I never give my age.

Well, let me put it this way.

If life was a train ride from London to Manchester,

I'd have just gone through Birmingham.

- On an express.

- Where, where would a marriage take place?

- Oh, we haven't got that far yet.

- Well, when are you planning to do it?

- We haven't got that far yet, either.

- Don't tell me you're going off me already.

(phone ringing)

- Rumbold.

Oh, Mrs. Axelby.

I see.

It's for you, Mrs. Slocombe.

She's very anxious to tell you something.

- Don't worry, whatever you hear in the next few minutes,

I shall be here to take care of you

for the rest of your natural life.

And the rest of my life, as well.

- Hello, yes, yeah.

No, no!

I don't believe it.

Tell me...

- She's really going to need to you now.

- Oh, isn't that wonderful!

Oh, it's like a miracle!

Did you say six?

Right, I'll meet you in the pub.

No, no, no, I'm not doing anything tonight.

Right, bye-bye.

Oh, that was Mrs. Axelby, and they've found Tiddles,

and what do you think?

She's got six babies!

We think that she escaped into the garden of a pedigree cat

that lives nearby.

And from the markings, I think I can guess who it is.

It's Emperor Chong of Bangkok.

- Five times triple champion.

- It's going to take a bit of competing with.

- I'll drink to that.

- Mrs. Slocombe, did you mean what you said,

that you weren't doing anything tonight?

- Oh, well, I've got a family to bring up now, you know,

and, well, I won't be ready again until they're grown up.

Can you wait?

- I'll do my best.

(knocking on door)

- I'll get it.

Oh, yeah, right, I'll tell her.

We've gotten the results of the raffle.

You've won the parrot.

- Oh, oh no, I can't have that in the house

with six kittens.

- Well, you paid for the ticket.

Here, it's yours.

- I don't know what to say.

- I am free!

- That makes two of us!

(cash registers ringing)

♫ Ground floor perfumery, stationery and leather goods.

♫ Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food

♫ Going up

♫ First floor telephones, gents ready-made suits

♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes

♫ Going up

♫ Second floor, carpets, travel goods and bedding

♫ Material, soft furnishings, restaurant and teas

♫ Going down

♫ First floor telephones, gents ready-made suits

♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes

♫ Going down

♫ Ground floor, perfumery, stationery and leather goods,

♫ Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food

♫ Going up.