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1
00:00:01,177 --> 00:00:02,610
[Crickets chirping]
2
00:00:02,612 --> 00:00:04,078
Isn't this great?
3
00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,814
I said I wanted to get more
involved in Steve's school,
4
00:00:06,816 --> 00:00:08,082
and look at me now!
5
00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:10,618
Sitting front row at a PTA meeting.
6
00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:12,553
And you wore the pink dress.
7
00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:13,654
Excellent choice.
8
00:00:13,656 --> 00:00:14,989
[Clears throat] All right.
9
00:00:14,991 --> 00:00:16,657
The big item on our agenda tonight
10
00:00:16,659 --> 00:00:19,393
is finding a replacement for
our guidance counselor, Sheila.
11
00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:22,063
- So, unless anyone has any other business...
- Smut!
12
00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:24,565
Our children are being
corrupted by smut!
13
00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:26,934
It's everywhere!
Just look at this pervert!
14
00:00:26,936 --> 00:00:28,703
Calls herself a librarian!
15
00:00:28,705 --> 00:00:30,471
I call her a smut peddler!
16
00:00:30,473 --> 00:00:32,173
The name's Clum Bizzelskottom,
17
00:00:32,175 --> 00:00:34,942
and I say we burn all
the books in the library!
18
00:00:34,944 --> 00:00:36,677
Finally, someone said it!
19
00:00:36,679 --> 00:00:38,769
But then what will my children read?
20
00:00:38,782 --> 00:00:39,725
Glad you asked.
21
00:00:39,816 --> 00:00:42,290
They're gonna read new books...
my books!
22
00:00:42,352 --> 00:00:44,151
I rewrote all of the classics,
23
00:00:44,153 --> 00:00:45,853
but took out all the dongs.
24
00:00:45,855 --> 00:00:49,457
Who needs "The Great Gatsby"
when they have "The Greatest Gatsby"?
25
00:00:49,459 --> 00:00:52,927
Totally smut-free.
Clean as a freshly washed dong.
26
00:00:52,929 --> 00:00:54,862
Other classics I've sanitized...
27
00:00:54,864 --> 00:00:57,531
"Uncle Tom's Luxurious Ski Chalet,"
28
00:00:57,533 --> 00:00:59,367
"Little (But Legal) Women,"
29
00:00:59,369 --> 00:01:00,668
and "Moby Dickless."
30
00:01:00,670 --> 00:01:02,036
What a presentation!
31
00:01:02,038 --> 00:01:04,438
Principal Loomis,
write this good man a check!
32
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:05,973
[Squishing]
33
00:01:05,975 --> 00:01:07,775
Sorry. I-I wasn't paying attention.
34
00:01:07,777 --> 00:01:09,610
I have something caught in my teeth.
35
00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,779
Hmm, but it's not food.
36
00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:14,949
Hmm. Have you tried
using your fingernail?
37
00:01:14,951 --> 00:01:17,385
- [Squishing]
- Ah.
38
00:01:17,387 --> 00:01:18,619
Well, I'll be!
39
00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,688
It's dollhouse furniture.
40
00:01:20,690 --> 00:01:23,257
Francine, that was great advice.
41
00:01:23,259 --> 00:01:26,127
Hey! You should be
our new guidance counselor.
42
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:28,829
Really? I guess I could.
43
00:01:28,831 --> 00:01:31,298
All in favor of Francine
and the new expensive books?
44
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,400
[Cheering]
45
00:01:32,402 --> 00:01:34,902
We did it, Francine!
We screwed the school!
46
00:01:34,904 --> 00:01:35,703
Yay!
47
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,608
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
48
00:01:40,610 --> 00:01:44,912
? I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
49
00:01:44,914 --> 00:01:47,581
? The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ?
50
00:01:47,583 --> 00:01:52,219
? And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ?
51
00:01:53,923 --> 00:01:57,358
? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
52
00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,027
- ? Good... ?
- ? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
53
00:02:00,029 --> 00:02:01,095
Aah!
54
00:02:02,632 --> 00:02:05,633
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
55
00:02:05,635 --> 00:02:08,135
[School bell rings]
56
00:02:08,604 --> 00:02:09,404
_
57
00:02:09,605 --> 00:02:12,807
Ready to guide.
58
00:02:12,809 --> 00:02:14,542
[Munches]
59
00:02:14,544 --> 00:02:16,010
[Chair rattling]
60
00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:18,646
Steve: All right, Sheila,
I had the dream again.
61
00:02:18,648 --> 00:02:20,247
- [Gulps]
- The one about Snot.
62
00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:22,183
But this time, my mom was there.
63
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:24,985
She was super naked and
sucking on a garden hose!
64
00:02:24,987 --> 00:02:26,454
[Muffled] Steve, stop talking!
65
00:02:26,456 --> 00:02:28,389
Mom?! Where's Sheila?
66
00:02:28,391 --> 00:02:29,724
I guess she left.
67
00:02:29,726 --> 00:02:31,225
Oh, good for her.
68
00:02:31,227 --> 00:02:33,227
You know,
I'd walk into this office every day,
69
00:02:33,229 --> 00:02:34,729
praying she wouldn't be here.
70
00:02:34,731 --> 00:02:36,330
She must have done it.
71
00:02:36,332 --> 00:02:39,266
She must have run off with that
10th-grader she's in love with.
72
00:02:39,268 --> 00:02:41,035
Well, I'll get going.
73
00:02:41,037 --> 00:02:43,003
Probably shouldn't use
my mom as a therapist.
74
00:02:43,005 --> 00:02:44,739
- I'm fine with it.
- Me, too!
75
00:02:44,741 --> 00:02:47,141
So, what's in the news?
76
00:02:47,143 --> 00:02:50,177
Oh, did I tell you that I've
been named head designer
77
00:02:50,179 --> 00:02:52,213
for the French Club Fashion Show?!
78
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:54,048
Oh. I can help with this.
79
00:02:54,050 --> 00:02:58,018
You're worried your classmates are
gonna think that's really lame.
80
00:02:58,020 --> 00:03:00,154
Well, there's no shame in dropping out.
81
00:03:00,156 --> 00:03:02,123
Who cares what people think?
82
00:03:02,125 --> 00:03:04,258
Fashion design is in my soul.
83
00:03:04,260 --> 00:03:05,993
If you don't express
what's in your soul,
84
00:03:05,995 --> 00:03:07,294
you might as well be dead.
85
00:03:07,296 --> 00:03:09,130
Okay.
86
00:03:09,132 --> 00:03:10,798
But have you considered
87
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,834
your soul expressing
something cool instead?
88
00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:15,336
Something cooler than
knowing the difference
89
00:03:15,338 --> 00:03:18,639
between narrow striped
silk and warp-woven satin?
90
00:03:18,641 --> 00:03:20,975
What... Ha... Is there such a thing?
91
00:03:20,977 --> 00:03:22,510
- Yes.
- No.
92
00:03:22,512 --> 00:03:24,111
[Pops lips]
93
00:03:24,113 --> 00:03:26,080
You're right to be worried about Steve.
94
00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:27,715
If he does that fashion show,
95
00:03:27,717 --> 00:03:29,784
the Golden Girls are
gonna tear him apart.
96
00:03:29,786 --> 00:03:31,352
The Golden Girls?
97
00:03:31,354 --> 00:03:35,122
The coolest and the cruelest
kids this school has ever seen.
98
00:03:35,124 --> 00:03:38,559
Dorothy, Blanche,
and the queen bee, Sophia.
99
00:03:38,561 --> 00:03:39,546
They're bad-ass...
100
00:03:39,562 --> 00:03:41,896
Just look at their signature haircuts.
101
00:03:41,898 --> 00:03:43,764
I'm sorry, are you a janitor
102
00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:46,267
who's taking pictures of the students?
103
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,434
It's a persona.
104
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,703
These girls don't just break the rules,
105
00:03:49,705 --> 00:03:50,971
they make the rules.
106
00:03:50,973 --> 00:03:52,740
They wear men's boxer briefs
107
00:03:52,742 --> 00:03:55,042
as shorts over one-piece bathing suits.
108
00:03:55,044 --> 00:03:56,911
They roll their own tampons.
109
00:03:56,913 --> 00:03:59,747
And they all have matching
gold bowling jackets,
110
00:03:59,749 --> 00:04:01,282
even though they don't bowl...
111
00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:02,349
or get cold.
112
00:04:02,351 --> 00:04:03,450
Oh, my God.
113
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,754
It's the archery team all over again!
114
00:04:06,756 --> 00:04:08,422
They ran my high school.
115
00:04:08,424 --> 00:04:12,893
Preyed on anyone who dared
to be a little different.
116
00:04:12,895 --> 00:04:15,062
My mom packed me a new dessert.
117
00:04:15,064 --> 00:04:18,365
It's called tir-a-ma-su?
118
00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:21,502
I'm excited but a little
nervous to try it.
119
00:04:21,504 --> 00:04:23,537
Archery Girl:
Get your ethnic shit out of here!
120
00:04:23,539 --> 00:04:24,738
We eat cake!
121
00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:26,707
Hey, nice shot.
122
00:04:26,709 --> 00:04:30,144
You guys want to hang out sometime?
123
00:04:30,146 --> 00:04:34,615
Beat it, four-eyes.
I'm with the cools now.
124
00:04:34,617 --> 00:04:36,350
God, they were the best.
125
00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:38,052
The only way to survive people like that
126
00:04:38,054 --> 00:04:39,420
is to keep your head down.
127
00:04:39,422 --> 00:04:42,790
And since Steve won't,
he's gonna need my help.
128
00:04:42,792 --> 00:04:45,059
I'll talk to these Golden Girls.
129
00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:46,260
Tell them to chill out.
130
00:04:47,096 --> 00:04:49,196
Go nuts, bitch.
131
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,724
[Birds chirping]
132
00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:56,327
[Alarm blares]
133
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:59,130
[Exhales]
134
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,731
Whoa!
135
00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:03,034
Babe, I held it in all night!
136
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,902
Hayley: That's awesome, babe.
137
00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,669
Babe, is today free day at the zoo?
138
00:05:09,704 --> 00:05:12,276
You know it, babe. Tuesday's Zoos-day.
139
00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:13,110
Yes!
140
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,912
I love going to the zoo.
141
00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:17,448
The drinking fountains
are so cold there.
142
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:20,718
[Gasps] Do you think it's water
from the polar bear thing?
143
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,319
[Whistles]
144
00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:27,625
Babe? Where's my hat?
145
00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:28,959
I don't know.
146
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:30,761
And I don't know.
147
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:33,664
Huh. No hat.
148
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,299
No hat.
149
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:38,869
I can feel the wind
blowing across my brain!
150
00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:41,338
How do you live like this?!
151
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:43,507
I have a headband.
152
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,876
[School bell rings]
153
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:49,680
[Indistinct conversations]
154
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:58,856
?
155
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:08,265
?
156
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,000
[Screams]
157
00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:11,368
Francine, I forgot to tell you
158
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,237
the coolest thing
about the Golden Girls.
159
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,673
Their parents buy them lighters!
160
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,908
Hey, gals, what's the haps?
161
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:23,347
I'm the new "G" to the "C"...
that's guidance counselor.
162
00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:25,249
I love...
163
00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:26,450
your beard.
164
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:29,153
I hope I can grow sick
facial hair like that
165
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:32,223
when I'm a crusty, old Debbie like you.
166
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,792
- [Laughter]
- Oh, my God!
167
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:36,293
S'up, Debbie.
168
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:37,695
Bye, Debbie.
169
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,897
[Laughter]
170
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,800
Their word arrows hurt worse
171
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:46,704
than the archery team's real arrows.
172
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:49,907
[Screaming]
173
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,810
Doing a great job, Francine.
174
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,246
[Birds chirping]
175
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,947
This doesn't make any sense.
176
00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:58,015
Where's my hat?
177
00:06:58,017 --> 00:06:59,283
I'm gonna go look downstairs.
178
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:00,684
Why would it be downstairs?
179
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:02,219
I don't know! I'm just trying to help!
180
00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:05,589
Then how about finding my [bleep] hat!
181
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,758
[Crow cawing]
182
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,761
Do you think it's my fault that
my parents are getting divorced?
183
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,264
The Golden Girls are so cool.
184
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,366
I think they hate me. What do you think?
185
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,001
I'm thinking about running away.
186
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,537
Sure, that'll solve all your problems.
187
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:23,073
But I can't run away.
I work here, sort of.
188
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:25,876
But there is one thing I can do.
189
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:28,779
Roger, would you mind taking over?
190
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:32,416
Okay, run away dos and don'ts.
191
00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:34,919
Do pair up with an older gentleman.
192
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,954
Don't be afraid to be choosy.
193
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,356
Remember, you're the catch.
194
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,526
What up, sluts?
195
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:46,197
Let me guess...
You're gonna bust us for ditching?
196
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:50,000
Nah, betch. I'm ditching, too.
197
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,335
Your hair.
198
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:54,004
Oh, this?
This is just my regular haircut.
199
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:55,272
Oh, don't worry.
200
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:57,908
I don't think you guys
copied me or anything.
201
00:07:57,910 --> 00:07:59,109
'Scuse me a sec.
202
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,611
[Lighter clicks]
203
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:07,785
Hmm. Maybe you aren't such a crusty,
old Debbie after all.
204
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:10,387
[Mouthing "Oh, my God"]
205
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:11,822
Billy: Excuse me.
206
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:20,255
JV?! But I'm a senior!
207
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,600
[Bone crunches]
208
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:23,605
[Thud]
209
00:08:27,762 --> 00:08:29,838
I covered your 10:00 with Sheldon.
210
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,308
I'm concerned. He has a lot of demons.
211
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,401
And for some reason,
he carries a bag of forks around.
212
00:08:35,403 --> 00:08:36,568
I like that.
213
00:08:36,570 --> 00:08:37,770
What's with this?
214
00:08:37,772 --> 00:08:38,971
Oh, this?
215
00:08:38,973 --> 00:08:41,407
It's, uh, just something I did.
216
00:08:41,409 --> 00:08:43,375
And how does this help Steve?
217
00:08:44,452 --> 00:08:46,211
Steve from home?
218
00:08:46,213 --> 00:08:47,312
Oh!
219
00:08:47,314 --> 00:08:51,517
Yeah. That's why I did this.
220
00:08:51,519 --> 00:08:53,218
Because...
221
00:08:53,220 --> 00:08:56,021
the Golden Girls are...
222
00:08:56,023 --> 00:08:58,232
the main threat,
223
00:08:58,267 --> 00:09:01,794
so I have to get in good with them
224
00:09:01,796 --> 00:09:04,930
to help Steve from home!
225
00:09:04,932 --> 00:09:06,732
Ta-da!
226
00:09:06,734 --> 00:09:08,767
Okay.
227
00:09:08,769 --> 00:09:12,771
[Click, whirring]
228
00:09:12,773 --> 00:09:15,307
[Click]
229
00:09:15,309 --> 00:09:16,508
Sure.
230
00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:20,212
[Click, whirring]
231
00:09:23,744 --> 00:09:25,684
Look what I found!
232
00:09:25,686 --> 00:09:26,985
There you are!
233
00:09:26,987 --> 00:09:29,388
Never do that to me again.
234
00:09:29,390 --> 00:09:31,457
[Sniffing]
235
00:09:31,459 --> 00:09:33,225
What did you do?
236
00:09:33,227 --> 00:09:35,360
What do you mean? I found your hat.
237
00:09:35,362 --> 00:09:37,763
[Chuckling] This isn't my hat.
238
00:09:37,765 --> 00:09:39,131
It's a fake.
239
00:09:39,133 --> 00:09:40,699
How could you?
240
00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:43,068
How dare you?!
241
00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:45,237
Jeff, I am so sorry.
242
00:09:45,239 --> 00:09:47,306
I was just trying to make you happy.
243
00:09:48,061 --> 00:09:49,541
And I thought if I bought you a new hat,
244
00:09:49,543 --> 00:09:52,048
we could visit the zoo, like we planned.
245
00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:54,780
"Visit the zoo"?! We belong in the zoo!
246
00:09:54,782 --> 00:09:57,716
The only thing that
separates us from the animals
247
00:09:57,718 --> 00:09:59,451
is our hats!
248
00:10:03,424 --> 00:10:08,026
[Sobbing]
249
00:10:08,028 --> 00:10:10,195
[School bell rings]
250
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:20,339
Why is Wonder Woman's underwear
on that huge pole outside?
251
00:10:20,341 --> 00:10:22,341
- That's the flag.
- Gross.
252
00:10:22,343 --> 00:10:25,043
Yeah, thanks for letting us
skip history, Francine.
253
00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:26,712
History is so stupid.
254
00:10:26,714 --> 00:10:28,313
If that stuff is so great,
255
00:10:28,315 --> 00:10:30,249
how come we're not still doing it?
256
00:10:30,251 --> 00:10:33,085
I do like the name
Benedict Arnold, though.
257
00:10:33,087 --> 00:10:36,421
That would be a boss name for,
like, a massive bulldog.
258
00:10:37,092 --> 00:10:39,691
On a scale of one to French,
how do I look today?
259
00:10:39,693 --> 00:10:41,193
Oh, pardonnez-moi.
260
00:10:41,195 --> 00:10:44,296
I didn't realize you were
guiding the young mademoiselles.
261
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:48,300
Francine, do you know that dweeb?
262
00:10:48,302 --> 00:10:51,770
H-He's my... friend Stan's kid.
263
00:10:52,354 --> 00:10:55,340
Like, 10 years ago,
he drew a picture of me,
264
00:10:55,342 --> 00:10:59,378
and it was, like,
a circle on top of a triangle.
265
00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:02,014
It's like, "Uh... thanks?"
266
00:11:02,016 --> 00:11:04,183
[Laughter]
267
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:07,953
Okay, you're kind of my
favorite person right now.
268
00:11:07,955 --> 00:11:09,288
Guys...
269
00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:12,925
[Whispering indistinctly, laughing]
270
00:11:12,927 --> 00:11:15,060
So, we never do this, but...
271
00:11:15,731 --> 00:11:16,461
do you want to come hang out
272
00:11:16,463 --> 00:11:18,697
at Blanche's dad's lake
house this weekend?
273
00:11:18,699 --> 00:11:20,499
My boyfriend drowned there last summer,
274
00:11:20,501 --> 00:11:23,468
so the cops let us drive
around doing whip-its.
275
00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:25,337
That sounds like a blast!
276
00:11:25,339 --> 00:11:28,040
Okay, don't pee yourself over it.
277
00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:30,042
I only pee when I dump.
278
00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:32,277
[Crickets chirping]
279
00:11:32,868 --> 00:11:34,980
You're going to Blanche's
dad's lake house?
280
00:11:34,982 --> 00:11:36,448
It that like a field trip?
281
00:11:36,450 --> 00:11:39,051
I don't think you're allowed to
go out of town with the students.
282
00:11:39,053 --> 00:11:40,619
What are you, the rule book?
283
00:11:40,621 --> 00:11:42,721
It just seems like
you're always with them.
284
00:11:42,723 --> 00:11:46,258
Uh, yeah. We go to the same school.
285
00:11:46,260 --> 00:11:47,693
But I go to that school,
286
00:11:47,695 --> 00:11:50,696
and you won't even wave
back to me in the hall.
287
00:11:51,142 --> 00:11:52,965
I'm getting in good with them for you.
288
00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:54,900
[Gasps] Oh, mon dieu!
289
00:11:55,269 --> 00:11:57,469
You're getting them to
come to my fashion show!
290
00:11:57,471 --> 00:12:01,173
Wha? They'd never go to that...
291
00:12:01,175 --> 00:12:03,809
without your mother
going to the lake house
292
00:12:03,811 --> 00:12:05,544
and talking them into it!
293
00:12:05,546 --> 00:12:07,112
Thank you, Mom!
294
00:12:07,114 --> 00:12:10,549
Okay, don't pee yourself over it.
295
00:12:10,551 --> 00:12:13,485
Is there something a little
different about Francine?
296
00:12:13,487 --> 00:12:16,088
She seems cooler somehow.
297
00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:17,522
Wake up, bro.
298
00:12:17,524 --> 00:12:20,792
Francine is, like,
the coolest girl in school.
299
00:12:20,794 --> 00:12:22,540
She will be mine.
300
00:12:23,736 --> 00:12:27,853
All I have to do is figure out
where Steve goes to school.
301
00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:30,302
[Crickets chirping]
302
00:12:30,604 --> 00:12:34,039
Sophia:
The moon looks so stupid up close.
303
00:12:34,041 --> 00:12:35,574
Get away from me.
304
00:12:35,576 --> 00:12:38,343
Sometimes I wish the
moon drowned in that lake
305
00:12:38,345 --> 00:12:39,844
instead of Austin.
306
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:42,314
Hey, Francine, why aren't you
making fun of the moon?
307
00:12:42,316 --> 00:12:43,615
Sorry, guys.
308
00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:45,951
I guess I'm just
thinking about something.
309
00:12:45,953 --> 00:12:48,486
Oh, no. Why?
310
00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:53,258
I promised one of the students
I'd go to his stupid fashion show.
311
00:12:53,260 --> 00:12:56,428
Oh! You know what would be hilarious?
312
00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:57,796
Like, if we all had sex
313
00:12:57,798 --> 00:13:00,365
with that cop who
looks like my step-dad?
314
00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:01,566
Uh...
315
00:13:01,568 --> 00:13:06,905
I was thinking more like we go
to the fashion show and clap,
316
00:13:06,907 --> 00:13:10,442
but our secret joke...
never to be revealed...
317
00:13:10,444 --> 00:13:14,646
would be that we thought it was stupid.
318
00:13:16,016 --> 00:13:17,182
Like the moon.
319
00:13:17,184 --> 00:13:19,217
- Oh, yeah, totally.
- Dumb moon.
320
00:13:19,219 --> 00:13:21,653
The moon is such a Debbie.
321
00:13:24,523 --> 00:13:26,024
There she is.
322
00:13:26,026 --> 00:13:27,492
She is so cool!
323
00:13:27,494 --> 00:13:30,562
Francine, hi! It's me... Stan!
324
00:13:30,564 --> 00:13:31,863
I was at your wedding!
325
00:13:31,865 --> 00:13:33,898
She's looking.
Pretend I said something funny.
326
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,934
We're the guys who are always laughing.
327
00:13:35,936 --> 00:13:39,904
[Forced laughter]
328
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:42,007
[French techno music playing]
? L'amour ?
329
00:13:42,009 --> 00:13:43,608
? Le coeur ?
330
00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:45,944
? Se jous ?
331
00:13:45,946 --> 00:13:47,545
? Bonjour ?
332
00:13:47,547 --> 00:13:49,414
? Monsieur ?
333
00:13:49,416 --> 00:13:51,583
? Glamour ?
334
00:13:53,186 --> 00:13:55,220
? Bonheur ?
335
00:13:55,222 --> 00:13:56,787
? Danseur ?
336
00:13:56,788 --> 00:13:58,571
? Voyeur ?
337
00:14:00,486 --> 00:14:02,369
? Meilleur ?
338
00:14:03,046 --> 00:14:06,448
?
339
00:14:06,450 --> 00:14:08,016
Isn't this hilarious?
340
00:14:08,018 --> 00:14:12,053
It will be... when you dump
clam chowder on his head.
341
00:14:12,055 --> 00:14:14,689
[Music continues]
342
00:14:17,594 --> 00:14:19,694
[Scattered applause]
343
00:14:19,696 --> 00:14:22,997
Pull the rope. It'll be hilarious.
344
00:14:22,999 --> 00:14:24,532
Um...
345
00:14:24,534 --> 00:14:28,470
[Scattered applause]
346
00:14:28,472 --> 00:14:30,572
Why is she not doing what you say?
347
00:14:30,574 --> 00:14:33,141
I guess she doesn't want this.
348
00:14:33,143 --> 00:14:35,810
I'd get to be a Golden Girl?
349
00:14:35,812 --> 00:14:38,513
[Splash]
350
00:14:38,515 --> 00:14:40,048
[Laughter]
351
00:14:40,050 --> 00:14:41,883
Cream-covered boy?
352
00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:44,085
Cream-covered boy.
353
00:14:44,087 --> 00:14:46,703
Wait a minute. This has to be a trap.
354
00:14:46,923 --> 00:14:50,558
But, then again, it's better to know.
355
00:14:52,447 --> 00:14:53,847
[School bell rings]
356
00:14:54,122 --> 00:14:55,548
You look great, Francine.
357
00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:58,385
You look like you got hit
by a bag of dicks, Dorothy.
358
00:14:58,387 --> 00:15:00,420
[Laughter]
359
00:15:00,422 --> 00:15:02,789
Oh, hi, Francine.
360
00:15:05,294 --> 00:15:06,693
Aw, man!
361
00:15:06,695 --> 00:15:08,695
They put my name backwards.
362
00:15:08,697 --> 00:15:10,964
- Steve killed himself!
- What?!
363
00:15:10,966 --> 00:15:12,666
Is the type of thing you might hear,
364
00:15:12,668 --> 00:15:14,567
considering what you
did to him yesterday.
365
00:15:14,569 --> 00:15:15,769
What were you thinking?
366
00:15:15,771 --> 00:15:18,672
Oh, my God, Roger, I'm a monster!
367
00:15:18,674 --> 00:15:19,939
What am I gonna do?
368
00:15:19,941 --> 00:15:22,442
I don't effing know! This is a disaster.
369
00:15:22,444 --> 00:15:26,146
[Grunting]
370
00:15:26,148 --> 00:15:27,547
[Groaning]
371
00:15:27,549 --> 00:15:29,883
I think I have to apologize to Steve.
372
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:32,285
Oh. Yeah, that'll work.
373
00:15:32,287 --> 00:15:34,854
[Birds chirping]
374
00:15:36,992 --> 00:15:38,391
Hey, Steve?
375
00:15:40,329 --> 00:15:41,728
Are you okay, hon?
376
00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:43,563
Oh, hey, Mom. Yeah, I'm good.
377
00:15:43,565 --> 00:15:45,832
I was just smelling
my pillow super hard.
378
00:15:45,834 --> 00:15:48,168
Have you ever wondered
what dreams smell like?
379
00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:49,536
[Inhales deeply]
380
00:15:49,538 --> 00:15:51,604
I think they smell like this.
381
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:54,808
What's up?
382
00:15:54,810 --> 00:15:57,911
I... wanted to talk to you
about what happened
383
00:15:57,913 --> 00:16:00,113
at the French Club Fashion Show.
384
00:16:00,115 --> 00:16:01,581
Oh, what a disaster.
385
00:16:01,583 --> 00:16:03,717
Barry ate the baguette
instead of walking with it,
386
00:16:03,719 --> 00:16:05,685
and, of course,
all my friends are just ugly,
387
00:16:05,687 --> 00:16:08,188
so that hurt the fashion in the end,
unfortunately.
388
00:16:08,190 --> 00:16:10,423
No, Steve, the chowder.
389
00:16:10,425 --> 00:16:12,092
That was me.
390
00:16:12,094 --> 00:16:15,195
I'm so, so sorry.
391
00:16:15,197 --> 00:16:16,396
Oh, I knew that.
392
00:16:16,398 --> 00:16:17,864
You're not mad?
393
00:16:17,866 --> 00:16:20,400
Nah. I wasn't even covered
in chowder for that long.
394
00:16:20,402 --> 00:16:24,337
Roger and who I assume are the other
janitors licked it clean off me.
395
00:16:24,339 --> 00:16:28,074
Small price to pay for getting
to express what's in my soul.
396
00:16:28,616 --> 00:16:29,676
Wow.
397
00:16:29,678 --> 00:16:32,679
You really don't care what people think.
398
00:16:32,681 --> 00:16:33,913
Can you teach me?
399
00:16:33,915 --> 00:16:35,782
I can teach you what Sheila taught me.
400
00:16:35,784 --> 00:16:38,017
She had a pretty good reputation
as a guidance counselor
401
00:16:38,019 --> 00:16:41,321
until she sent pictures of her
butthole to that sophomore.
402
00:16:41,323 --> 00:16:42,555
Hmm.
403
00:16:42,557 --> 00:16:46,092
Maybe you could do that for me.
404
00:16:46,094 --> 00:16:48,628
The guidance part.
405
00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:51,464
[Sobbing]
406
00:16:53,668 --> 00:16:55,068
[Knock on door]
407
00:16:55,070 --> 00:16:58,171
Go away!
408
00:16:58,173 --> 00:17:01,274
Don't shut me out, Jeff!
409
00:17:01,276 --> 00:17:04,043
I'm so sorry you lost your hat.
410
00:17:05,015 --> 00:17:09,716
But we'll get through this... together!
411
00:17:09,718 --> 00:17:11,618
I love you, babe.
412
00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:14,454
[Both sobbing]
413
00:17:17,426 --> 00:17:19,092
[School bell rings]
414
00:17:19,094 --> 00:17:22,662
Okay, Francine, let's talk
about why you're such a Debbie.
415
00:17:22,664 --> 00:17:23,930
I'm not a Debbie!
416
00:17:23,932 --> 00:17:26,266
It's important to be honest in here.
417
00:17:26,268 --> 00:17:28,368
Okay, maybe I'm a Debbie.
418
00:17:28,776 --> 00:17:31,971
But when I was in high school,
they called it being a Herb.
419
00:17:31,973 --> 00:17:34,641
Who called you a Herb... bitches?
420
00:17:34,643 --> 00:17:37,110
Yes! The archery team.
421
00:17:37,112 --> 00:17:39,078
I never expressed myself
422
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,348
because I was always afraid
they might think I was lame.
423
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:43,550
I see.
424
00:17:43,552 --> 00:17:46,352
Well, what would you have done
if there were no archery team?
425
00:17:46,354 --> 00:17:48,221
- Break dance.
- [Laughs]
426
00:17:48,223 --> 00:17:49,689
Oh, you're serious. Hmm.
427
00:17:49,691 --> 00:17:52,025
Oh, my God! You're judging me.
428
00:17:52,027 --> 00:17:55,061
And that shouldn't matter because...?
429
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:58,598
Because break dancing is in my soul.
430
00:17:58,600 --> 00:17:59,966
That's right!
431
00:17:59,968 --> 00:18:02,869
Hmm, I'm pretty good
at this therapy thing.
432
00:18:02,871 --> 00:18:05,138
Hey, Mertz, tell me your problem.
433
00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:08,041
My foster father adopted
me for the money,
434
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:10,310
and now he beats me with a wrench.
435
00:18:10,312 --> 00:18:12,779
Out of my depth immediately!
436
00:18:12,781 --> 00:18:14,781
[Indistinct conversations]
437
00:18:14,783 --> 00:18:16,716
[Light switch flicking]
438
00:18:17,385 --> 00:18:19,486
? If I wanna take a guy ?
439
00:18:19,488 --> 00:18:20,687
? Home with me tonight ?
440
00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:22,455
? It's none of your business ?
441
00:18:22,457 --> 00:18:25,391
? And if she wanna be a freak
and sell it on the weekend ?
442
00:18:25,393 --> 00:18:26,926
? It's none of your business ?
443
00:18:26,928 --> 00:18:29,028
? Now you shouldn't even get into ?
444
00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:30,430
? Who I'm givin' skins to ?
445
00:18:30,432 --> 00:18:31,798
? It's none of your business ?
446
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,833
? So don't try to change my mind ?
447
00:18:33,835 --> 00:18:35,134
? I'll tell you one more time ?
448
00:18:35,136 --> 00:18:36,769
? It's none of your business ?
449
00:18:36,771 --> 00:18:37,637
? Now... ?
450
00:18:37,639 --> 00:18:38,705
[Grunts]
451
00:18:38,707 --> 00:18:41,908
[Laughter]
452
00:18:42,757 --> 00:18:43,810
Are... Are you all right?
453
00:18:44,292 --> 00:18:46,513
Did... Did they love it?
454
00:18:46,515 --> 00:18:47,747
It was terrible.
455
00:18:47,749 --> 00:18:50,149
But that's not the important part.
456
00:18:52,854 --> 00:18:55,455
Thank you. You're right.
457
00:18:55,457 --> 00:18:59,292
You guys, I'm starting to think
that she's friends with that dweeb.
458
00:18:59,811 --> 00:19:03,296
Well, for your information,
this isn't my dweeb friend.
459
00:19:03,298 --> 00:19:05,064
He's my dweeb son.
460
00:19:05,066 --> 00:19:08,401
And he doesn't care
what other people think.
461
00:19:08,403 --> 00:19:10,036
But I do.
462
00:19:10,038 --> 00:19:11,771
Uh-oh.
463
00:19:12,588 --> 00:19:14,908
And next time you mess with a Debbie,
464
00:19:14,910 --> 00:19:17,310
make sure it's not a grown-ass Debbie
465
00:19:17,312 --> 00:19:21,047
with access to your confidential
psychological assessments.
466
00:19:21,049 --> 00:19:22,916
Mom, you don't have to do this.
467
00:19:22,918 --> 00:19:26,119
You can walk away knowing you
showed everyone your true self.
468
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:29,122
Yeah, but I didn't show my true self.
469
00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:30,523
I'm not a dancer.
470
00:19:30,525 --> 00:19:32,559
I'm a bad bitch
471
00:19:32,561 --> 00:19:34,961
who lays waste to her enemies.
472
00:19:34,963 --> 00:19:38,431
Blanche, you transferred
from your last school
473
00:19:38,433 --> 00:19:41,834
because the kids found out
that you carried around
474
00:19:41,836 --> 00:19:45,104
a piece of your own
shit in your backpack!
475
00:19:45,106 --> 00:19:46,306
All: Ew!
476
00:19:46,308 --> 00:19:49,709
Sophia, you were taken away
from your parents
477
00:19:49,711 --> 00:19:52,145
because they are brother and sister.
478
00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:53,346
[All gasp]
479
00:19:53,348 --> 00:19:54,914
And Dorothy...
480
00:19:54,916 --> 00:19:56,149
Let me guess... You figured out
481
00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,384
Austin's death wasn't an accident.
482
00:19:58,386 --> 00:19:59,886
No.
483
00:19:59,888 --> 00:20:02,422
Your file just says
you grind your teeth.
484
00:20:02,424 --> 00:20:03,923
Did you murder someone?
485
00:20:03,925 --> 00:20:05,592
She grinds her teeth!
486
00:20:05,594 --> 00:20:08,561
The Golden Girls are a bunch of losers!
487
00:20:08,563 --> 00:20:10,863
Their reign of terror is over!
488
00:20:11,213 --> 00:20:14,467
The age of Mertz begins now!
489
00:20:14,469 --> 00:20:16,402
[Cheering]
490
00:20:16,404 --> 00:20:17,570
Stan: Francine!
491
00:20:17,572 --> 00:20:18,705
Francine!
492
00:20:18,707 --> 00:20:20,106
Will you go to the prom with me?
493
00:20:20,108 --> 00:20:22,308
Stan, we're already married.
494
00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:24,544
That's not a yes, but that's not a no.
495
00:20:24,546 --> 00:20:25,578
Now start laughing.
496
00:20:25,580 --> 00:20:27,280
[Forced laughter]
497
00:20:28,238 --> 00:20:30,283
Are you sure this is a thing that works?
498
00:20:32,718 --> 00:20:33,753
I'm scared.
499
00:20:33,755 --> 00:20:34,954
I understand.
500
00:20:34,956 --> 00:20:38,091
But our new life begins today.
501
00:20:40,095 --> 00:20:42,128
Welcome to Lids. I'm Parker.
502
00:20:42,130 --> 00:20:44,030
What can I help you find today?
503
00:20:55,559 --> 00:20:57,679
_
504
00:21:02,031 --> 00:21:04,031
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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505
00:21:04,081 --> 00:21:08,631
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