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_
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Aaah!
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[Roars]
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[Screaming]
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[Roars]
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?
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Smiths!
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You haven't seen the last of me!
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Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
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Whoa, that was clo...
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Aaaah!
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_
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? Deck the halls with boughs of holly ?
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? Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ?
15
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What do you think, Dad?
16
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I've raised this tree since
it was a young sapling.
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It's like the child I never had.
18
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All: Aw.
19
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Now that Santa is dead, we can
finally celebrate Christmas again.
20
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This is going to be the
best Christmas ever.
21
00:01:07,090 --> 00:01:08,823
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
22
00:01:08,825 --> 00:01:10,658
I just came up with
an awesome new dance.
23
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You got to see it.
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Guys?
25
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Guys! You got see me rock this dance.
26
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It's half twerking, half motorboating,
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100% sexuality.
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Hey, what are you doing?
29
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I'm sewing Christmas stockings
30
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that actually fit everyone's feet.
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I came up with the idea myself.
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Can you believe it?
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I can. Ich!
34
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It's always about
Christmas in this house.
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I'm sick of it.
I'm going to find someone
36
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who will appreciate me and my dance.
37
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And zippity-zappity-zoo.
38
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[Panting]
39
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Thank you. Thank you, Snot.
40
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I just knew you'd love it.
41
00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:53,634
Uh-huh. So you're Steve's uncle?
42
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That's right. I'm Uncle Roger.
43
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Are you Mr. Smith's brother?
44
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Oh, no, no, no, no.
45
00:01:58,708 --> 00:02:00,742
No. I'm not related to Stan or Francine.
46
00:02:00,744 --> 00:02:02,677
I'm Steve's direct uncle.
47
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I only came over
because the whole family
48
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is obsessed with Christmas.
49
00:02:06,015 --> 00:02:08,015
I just don't get it.
You ever feel that way?
50
00:02:08,017 --> 00:02:11,853
Well, yeah.
I'm Jewish, so I celebrate Hanukkah.
51
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- What's that?
- It's an 8-day celebration
52
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called the Festival of Lights.
53
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And tonight is the first night.
54
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On each night,
we light a candle to symbolize
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how one night's supply of
oil lasted eight nights.
56
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Sometimes we play dreidel or eat latkes,
57
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and sometimes we don't,
and just go to bed.
58
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It's kind of boring.
59
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But it's cool that you
have your own thing.
60
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Not really.
61
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Hanukkah has always been
second fiddle to Christmas.
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We don't have any catchy songs,
or Santa, or anything.
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This is a tough time of the year for us.
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Are there, or have there ever been,
65
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other tough times for Jewish people?
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Yes.
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Hey, you know what?
As Christmas outsiders,
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the two of us should stick together.
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Neither of us should
suffer alone in this,
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the toughest of times.
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I'm going to celebrate
Hanukkah with you.
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00:03:01,037 --> 00:03:04,172
So how do I become Jewish?
Do I just... Do I just kiss you?
73
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Let's start with some reading.
74
00:03:05,942 --> 00:03:09,444
The Book of Creation. That sounds juicy.
75
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That's too advanced for you.
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00:03:11,314 --> 00:03:15,650
If you want to become Jewish,
you must first study the Torah.
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00:03:15,652 --> 00:03:19,654
In the beginning,
God created heaven and Earth.
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Hey, they lifted that line
from the Bible.
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This is going to be fun.
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Let's get Jewy!
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[Traditional Jewish music plays]
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? Viva, nagila, viva ?
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? Nagila viva ?
84
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? Nagila vi-i-iva ?
85
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[Slot machine clicks]
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- [Beeping]
- Mazel. Mazel very tov.
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[Camera shutter clicks]
88
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_
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00:04:06,875 --> 00:04:08,587
[Glass shatters]
90
00:04:08,622 --> 00:04:11,789
Feh, got needles much,
you dumb tree? Feh.
91
00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:14,555
Roger, what are you doing?
92
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My baby! [Sobs]
93
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I'm celebrating Hanukkah now.
I hope you can all respect that.
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00:04:20,396 --> 00:04:23,064
It's fine that you want to
celebrate Hanukkah, Roger,
95
00:04:23,066 --> 00:04:24,799
but you can't put your candlestick
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that close to the drapes.
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It's a fire hazard.
98
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Oh, my Jewish god.
99
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What are you saying, Francine?
100
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That my Menorah isn't welcome here?
101
00:04:34,043 --> 00:04:36,544
I didn't say that.
You're putting words in my mouth.
102
00:04:36,546 --> 00:04:39,881
That's better than what
other people in there.
103
00:04:39,883 --> 00:04:42,083
Oh, he has a disgusting point.
104
00:04:42,085 --> 00:04:45,219
Snot said Christmas was hard for him.
Now I know why.
105
00:04:45,221 --> 00:04:48,389
Snot? You've been
hanging out with my Snot?
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Nobody in this family ever
wants to do what I want to do,
107
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and what I want to do now is Chanukkah.
108
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[Sobs]
109
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Have any of the rest of you been
hanging out with my friends?
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00:05:01,838 --> 00:05:02,937
? Jingle bells ?
111
00:05:02,939 --> 00:05:04,138
? Santa smells ?
112
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:06,374
? Everything's so lame ?
113
00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:08,943
? Christmas time is such a grind ?
114
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? Hey, don't push me away ?
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Hey!
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? Jingle bells, I'm unwell ?
117
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? Watching others play ?
118
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? They have fun, but I am bummed ?
119
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? 'Cause Santa skips my place ?
120
00:05:23,893 --> 00:05:25,993
? Crashing through the mall ?
121
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? 'Cause I'm driving while I'm baked ?
122
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? But I don't care at all ?
123
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? I was crying the whole way ?
124
00:05:32,168 --> 00:05:33,067
Ha-ha-ha.
125
00:05:33,069 --> 00:05:35,036
? See that Christmas tree ?
126
00:05:35,038 --> 00:05:36,904
? All those kids in line ?
127
00:05:36,906 --> 00:05:38,973
? All we see is red and green ?
128
00:05:38,975 --> 00:05:40,808
? And a few ugly hate crimes ?
129
00:05:40,810 --> 00:05:43,110
? Oh, jingle bells, here me yell ?
130
00:05:43,112 --> 00:05:44,912
? Jewish gifts are dumb ?
131
00:05:44,914 --> 00:05:46,814
? What's in the box?
Oh, it's just socks ?
132
00:05:46,816 --> 00:05:48,916
? And not a paintball gun ?
133
00:05:48,918 --> 00:05:50,618
? Jingle bells, this is hell ?
134
00:05:50,620 --> 00:05:52,253
? Hanukkah's so lame ?
135
00:05:52,255 --> 00:05:54,121
? Compared to this, it's like a bris ?
136
00:05:54,123 --> 00:05:55,856
? Just chop my dick away ?
137
00:05:55,858 --> 00:05:57,325
? Just chop ?
138
00:05:57,427 --> 00:05:59,260
? Just chop ?
139
00:05:59,262 --> 00:06:06,000
? Just chop my dick away ?
140
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:10,504
Look at these goys lining
up for a mall Santa.
141
00:06:10,506 --> 00:06:12,273
You're a bunch of idiots!
142
00:06:12,275 --> 00:06:15,142
Uh, excuse me,
could you keep your voice down?
143
00:06:15,144 --> 00:06:16,811
There are children here.
144
00:06:16,813 --> 00:06:19,013
Oh, do the children know their "Santa"
145
00:06:19,015 --> 00:06:21,349
works at Home Depot?
146
00:06:21,351 --> 00:06:24,251
He makes keys.
147
00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:26,454
You know where the real Santa is?
148
00:06:26,456 --> 00:06:27,521
He's dead!
149
00:06:27,523 --> 00:06:29,624
- [Gasping]
- Captain Keys over there
150
00:06:29,626 --> 00:06:31,692
is pretending to be a dead guy.
151
00:06:31,694 --> 00:06:33,561
[Slurps]
152
00:06:33,563 --> 00:06:35,463
You know what?
I'm going to show everyone.
153
00:06:35,465 --> 00:06:38,132
I'm going to get Santa's
body from the North Pole.
154
00:06:38,134 --> 00:06:40,034
Yep. That's what I'm going to do.
155
00:06:40,036 --> 00:06:42,303
Don't drink my drink while I'm gone.
156
00:06:42,538 --> 00:06:43,938
[All shouting]
157
00:06:43,940 --> 00:06:46,040
Hey. Where... Where are you all going?
158
00:06:46,042 --> 00:06:48,042
I told you Santa was dead.
159
00:06:48,044 --> 00:06:50,077
Don't you want to see his dead body?
160
00:06:50,079 --> 00:06:52,713
Whoa! There really is a Santa.
161
00:06:52,715 --> 00:06:54,048
Not anymore.
162
00:06:54,050 --> 00:06:57,618
Santa is so dumb. Look at his dumb suit.
163
00:06:57,620 --> 00:06:58,919
Seems warm though.
164
00:06:58,921 --> 00:07:00,321
I could use something like this.
165
00:07:00,323 --> 00:07:03,157
I'm literally always cold.
I'm like a woman.
166
00:07:03,159 --> 00:07:05,459
[Chuckles] Hot take, Roger, hot take.
167
00:07:05,461 --> 00:07:08,295
What the hell, I'm going to try it on.
168
00:07:09,899 --> 00:07:11,265
[Belch]
169
00:07:11,267 --> 00:07:13,501
Was that the sesame
chicken I had earlier?
170
00:07:13,503 --> 00:07:16,137
Wait a minute. Let's see if...
171
00:07:19,008 --> 00:07:20,975
[Gasps] I think the suit
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00:07:20,977 --> 00:07:23,244
turns whoever is wearing it into Santa.
173
00:07:23,246 --> 00:07:25,446
But how can I be Santa?
174
00:07:25,448 --> 00:07:27,581
I'm Jewish.
175
00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:32,586
Could I be Jewish Santa
with Santa powers?
176
00:07:35,958 --> 00:07:37,725
- Awesome!
- Hey!
177
00:07:37,727 --> 00:07:39,860
What the hell are you doing?!
178
00:07:41,130 --> 00:07:42,530
Shut up, key man!
179
00:07:42,532 --> 00:07:44,999
There's a new Santa Claus in town,
180
00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:46,422
and his name's...
181
00:07:46,703 --> 00:07:47,968
Shmanta.
182
00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:50,271
Holla at Jew boy.
183
00:07:51,365 --> 00:07:53,760
_
184
00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:55,620
Hey, y'all. It's me, Greg.
185
00:07:55,622 --> 00:07:57,488
I'm here at the Langley Falls Galleria
186
00:07:57,490 --> 00:08:00,491
with breaking news so urgent
that I got called away from
187
00:08:00,493 --> 00:08:03,194
a daytime rager at my
friend's new townhouse.
188
00:08:03,196 --> 00:08:06,097
Santa Claus, yes, the Santa Claus,
189
00:08:06,099 --> 00:08:08,299
is slated to make an
historic announcement.
190
00:08:08,301 --> 00:08:10,835
Speaking of announcements,
I kissed a woman earlier
191
00:08:10,837 --> 00:08:12,170
and it wasn't weird.
192
00:08:12,172 --> 00:08:13,571
I thought Santa was dead.
193
00:08:13,573 --> 00:08:15,607
It's probably just a crazy impostor,
194
00:08:15,609 --> 00:08:17,475
but can you believe the news about Greg?
195
00:08:17,477 --> 00:08:20,378
Why would it feel weird?
We were just having fun.
196
00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:23,548
It was a rager. He needs to relax.
197
00:08:23,550 --> 00:08:25,783
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment
198
00:08:25,785 --> 00:08:27,619
you've all been waiting for.
199
00:08:27,621 --> 00:08:30,188
Santa Claus is real!
200
00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:32,457
And he's Jewish!
201
00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:35,126
[Gasping]
202
00:08:35,128 --> 00:08:36,294
Of course.
203
00:08:36,296 --> 00:08:39,264
[Camera shutters clicking]
204
00:08:39,266 --> 00:08:40,431
What are you doing?
205
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:42,367
All Hanukkah needs is a Santa.
206
00:08:42,369 --> 00:08:43,801
I'm putting us on the map.
207
00:08:43,803 --> 00:08:45,336
So you're Santa?
208
00:08:45,338 --> 00:08:48,106
I go by Shmanta because
I celebrate Hanukkah now.
209
00:08:48,108 --> 00:08:49,507
- Why, you might ask?
- I didn't.
210
00:08:49,509 --> 00:08:51,509
During Hanukkah, you get eight days
211
00:08:51,511 --> 00:08:53,144
of presents instead of one.
212
00:08:53,146 --> 00:08:55,213
That's eight times
better than Christmas,
213
00:08:55,215 --> 00:08:57,649
and you get to sing super catchy songs.
214
00:08:57,651 --> 00:09:00,118
? Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ?
215
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,953
? I made you out of clay ?
216
00:09:01,955 --> 00:09:03,488
? Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ?
217
00:09:03,490 --> 00:09:05,523
? I don't know how to play ?
218
00:09:05,525 --> 00:09:07,458
? Putzes, futzes, schmutzes ?
219
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,294
? All are Jewish words ?
220
00:09:09,296 --> 00:09:11,162
? Schwimmer, Sandler, Spielberg ?
221
00:09:11,164 --> 00:09:13,364
? All are Jewish nerds ?
222
00:09:13,565 --> 00:09:16,039
_
223
00:09:16,203 --> 00:09:18,303
? So why do you need Christmas ?
224
00:09:18,305 --> 00:09:20,271
? When you have Hanukkah? ?
225
00:09:20,273 --> 00:09:22,073
? Shmanta Claus is coming ?
226
00:09:22,075 --> 00:09:24,375
? For girls named Monica ?
227
00:09:24,377 --> 00:09:25,977
? Monica on "Friends" was Jewish ?
228
00:09:25,979 --> 00:09:29,480
? so I assumed that that's
a Jewish name, right? ?
229
00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:32,016
[Coins jingling]
230
00:09:32,018 --> 00:09:33,751
This is so cool.
231
00:09:33,753 --> 00:09:37,021
Look at me. I'm Rob Reiner!
232
00:09:37,023 --> 00:09:40,458
So, kids, if you want presents
from Shmanta this year,
233
00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:43,594
don't put out milk and cookies,
put out lox and bagels,
234
00:09:43,596 --> 00:09:48,166
and call your mother,
she's very worried about you.
235
00:09:48,168 --> 00:09:50,134
And from Shmanta's home to yours,
236
00:09:50,136 --> 00:09:54,272
I say, oy, oy, oy, happy Hanukkah.
237
00:09:54,273 --> 00:09:56,613
_
238
00:10:01,456 --> 00:10:03,548
Roger.
239
00:10:05,618 --> 00:10:07,885
- No luck?
- I went to six stores,
240
00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:09,620
but I couldn't find any
Christmas ornaments.
241
00:10:09,622 --> 00:10:11,222
It's all Hanukkah stuff now.
242
00:10:11,224 --> 00:10:13,157
Roger: Well, now you know how it feels.
243
00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:14,625
Aaah!
244
00:10:14,627 --> 00:10:17,128
Just doing a practice run
because I'm Santa now.
245
00:10:17,130 --> 00:10:19,297
Did you know your chimney
is full of dead birds?
246
00:10:19,299 --> 00:10:20,865
How are you pulling this off?
247
00:10:20,867 --> 00:10:23,401
Apparently this suit gives
me all the Christmas magic
248
00:10:23,403 --> 00:10:26,571
that Santa had, so I can do this.
249
00:10:26,573 --> 00:10:27,805
Oh, dang.
250
00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:30,308
He turned the tree into
that Jewish pitch fork.
251
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:31,943
So since Christmas sucks now,
252
00:10:31,945 --> 00:10:35,246
you want to do my thing,
get balls deep into Hanukkah?
253
00:10:35,248 --> 00:10:37,382
Roger, we have nothing against Hanukkah,
254
00:10:37,384 --> 00:10:39,250
but we celebrate Christmas.
255
00:10:39,252 --> 00:10:41,986
Wow. Okay. I'm reeling.
256
00:10:41,988 --> 00:10:44,822
Pardon my loud hand talking,
but I'm Jewish now,
257
00:10:44,824 --> 00:10:47,325
and I'm hearing you're not
willing to give up Christmas
258
00:10:47,327 --> 00:10:48,659
based on what I'm doing?
259
00:10:48,661 --> 00:10:52,063
Well, feh, feh, feh, feh, and feh.
260
00:10:52,065 --> 00:10:53,765
I'm going to the South Pole.
261
00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:56,401
That's what I'm calling my
new headquarters in Miami.
262
00:10:56,403 --> 00:10:59,837
[Bell rings]
263
00:10:59,839 --> 00:11:04,042
[Bells jingling]
264
00:11:04,134 --> 00:11:05,400
Cool sleigh, huh?
265
00:11:05,402 --> 00:11:07,001
I cut the top off a lambo
266
00:11:07,003 --> 00:11:08,369
and hired the University of Miami
267
00:11:08,371 --> 00:11:09,938
cheer team as my reindeer.
268
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:13,675
We've got Shmasher, and Shamcer,
and Shpencer, and Shmixon,
269
00:11:13,677 --> 00:11:16,778
Shmomet, and Shmooped,
and Shmonner, and Shvitzen,
270
00:11:16,780 --> 00:11:20,648
but do you recall the most
Jewish reindeer of all?
271
00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:22,383
[High-pitched beeping]
272
00:11:22,385 --> 00:11:23,484
Guess what his name is.
273
00:11:23,486 --> 00:11:25,653
- Shmoodolf.
- How'd you know?
274
00:11:25,854 --> 00:11:28,137
_
275
00:11:28,592 --> 00:11:33,228
?
276
00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:35,296
Great work, guys. This party is going to
277
00:11:35,298 --> 00:11:37,098
blow Christmas out of the water.
278
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:38,700
Love the latke station over here.
279
00:11:38,702 --> 00:11:40,635
We got the Manischewitz open bar, there.
280
00:11:40,637 --> 00:11:43,304
Nice. And we got
the kiddie pool full of oil
281
00:11:43,306 --> 00:11:45,106
for the Hanukkah hunks to wrestle in.
282
00:11:45,108 --> 00:11:46,474
- Oil wrestling?
- Yeah.
283
00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:49,077
Hanukkah is all about oil.
Read the Torah much?
284
00:11:49,079 --> 00:11:51,079
Hey. Six-pointed stars!
285
00:11:51,081 --> 00:11:52,447
That's one more than Christmas.
286
00:11:52,449 --> 00:11:54,349
Good looking out. But why stop there?
287
00:11:54,351 --> 00:11:56,384
Let's get some more
points on those things.
288
00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:57,885
Make them look like saw blades.
289
00:11:57,887 --> 00:11:59,120
That's the Star of David.
290
00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:01,222
David? Screw that guy.
291
00:12:01,224 --> 00:12:02,624
Wait, should I screw that guy?
292
00:12:02,626 --> 00:12:04,025
Put out some feelers to David.
293
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,693
- See if he's DTF.
- Yeah.
294
00:12:05,695 --> 00:12:07,195
David is not DTF
295
00:12:07,197 --> 00:12:09,130
because he's been dead for 4,000 years.
296
00:12:09,132 --> 00:12:10,298
Done worse.
297
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,834
[Whispering] I [bleep] a chicken.
298
00:12:12,836 --> 00:12:16,404
[Dance music playing]
299
00:12:16,406 --> 00:12:18,373
Hey. This is the biggest
party of the year.
300
00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:19,807
Why are people waiting outside?
301
00:12:19,809 --> 00:12:22,377
- I'm checking the list.
- That's Santa shit.
302
00:12:22,379 --> 00:12:26,147
Let everybody in,
except for these Christmas creeps.
303
00:12:26,149 --> 00:12:27,582
They'll definitely want a piece of me
304
00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:29,484
now that I'm bigger than Jesus.
305
00:12:29,486 --> 00:12:31,252
Also, no Lebron James.
306
00:12:31,254 --> 00:12:33,288
That asshole broke Miami's heart.
307
00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:36,891
Oh, crap, it's Lebron.
Lebron, get in here.
308
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,795
[Dance music playing]
309
00:12:40,797 --> 00:12:44,899
?
310
00:12:44,901 --> 00:12:49,604
?
311
00:12:49,606 --> 00:12:51,272
Dude, we did it!
312
00:12:51,274 --> 00:12:53,274
Hanukkah is number one now!
313
00:12:53,276 --> 00:12:55,643
Yeah. So it's sundown.
314
00:12:55,645 --> 00:12:57,211
Maybe we should light the menorah.
315
00:12:57,213 --> 00:12:59,814
Ah, that's Christmas shit.
Let's get laid!
316
00:12:59,816 --> 00:13:03,151
It's just that the whole
point of Hanukkah is...
317
00:13:03,153 --> 00:13:07,255
Me dropping the bomb about
our surprise musical guest?
318
00:13:07,257 --> 00:13:09,123
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
319
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,993
to the stage a Jewish music legend,
320
00:13:11,995 --> 00:13:13,795
Enrique Iglesias!
321
00:13:13,797 --> 00:13:16,164
[Cheers and applause]
322
00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:19,000
Shalom, Miami!
323
00:13:19,002 --> 00:13:20,835
? Enrique Iglesias ?
324
00:13:20,937 --> 00:13:22,804
? Enrique Iglesias ?
325
00:13:22,806 --> 00:13:24,238
Everybody!
326
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:25,907
Roger: That's Enrique Iglesias?
327
00:13:25,909 --> 00:13:28,376
I guess I always mix him
up with Ricky Martin.
328
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:31,813
Look at me.
329
00:13:31,815 --> 00:13:34,282
[Snorts]
330
00:13:34,284 --> 00:13:36,684
I'm king of the Jews!
331
00:13:36,686 --> 00:13:37,485
Aah!
332
00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:39,487
- [Thud]
- I'm okay!
333
00:13:39,489 --> 00:13:41,022
I landed right in the oil.
334
00:13:41,024 --> 00:13:42,857
It's a Hanukkah miracle.
335
00:13:43,158 --> 00:13:45,519
_
336
00:13:49,799 --> 00:13:52,400
I couldn't find red or green
sprinkles at the store,
337
00:13:52,402 --> 00:13:54,369
so I decorated these
cookies with ketchup
338
00:13:54,371 --> 00:13:55,870
and pureed spinach.
339
00:13:55,872 --> 00:13:57,071
Enjoy.
340
00:13:57,073 --> 00:14:00,208
Well, even though this may
not be the best Christmas,
341
00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:03,678
at least we're all together,
or whatever.
342
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:05,613
I kind of miss Roger. Oh, my god.
343
00:14:05,615 --> 00:14:07,515
Is this what his foot
actually looks like?
344
00:14:07,517 --> 00:14:10,585
Sometimes we forget Roger
is a straight-up monster.
345
00:14:10,587 --> 00:14:12,620
You have to help me
take down your uncle.
346
00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:14,822
Um, do we not lock the door?
347
00:14:14,824 --> 00:14:17,525
But everyone is celebrating
Hanukkah now. Aren't you happy?
348
00:14:17,527 --> 00:14:19,894
No! Not when it's turned into Shmanta
349
00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:22,697
rolling blunts with pages of the Torah.
350
00:14:22,699 --> 00:14:25,133
I just want my boring Hanukkah again.
351
00:14:25,135 --> 00:14:29,103
Sorry, Snot. The only person
who can stop Shmanta is Santa,
352
00:14:29,105 --> 00:14:30,838
and he's not coming back.
353
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,841
Actually, there may be a way.
354
00:14:33,843 --> 00:14:37,945
?
355
00:14:37,947 --> 00:14:41,249
Oh, my God.
P.F. Chung's has a side business
356
00:14:41,251 --> 00:14:43,518
storing corpses they find in the mall?
357
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,521
So there are writings
in the Book of Creation
358
00:14:46,523 --> 00:14:49,190
about how to reanimate a body.
359
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:51,993
You can bring the dead back to life?
360
00:14:51,995 --> 00:14:54,595
Snot, you little rascal,
361
00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:57,265
I thought we told each other everything.
362
00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:59,066
The book says we can activate golems
363
00:14:59,068 --> 00:15:02,136
by highlighting letters
of the Hebrew alphabet
364
00:15:02,138 --> 00:15:04,472
and reciting the 10 Sefirot.
365
00:15:04,474 --> 00:15:06,541
Now we just need this.
366
00:15:06,543 --> 00:15:08,810
Oh, my God. Is that blood?
367
00:15:08,812 --> 00:15:10,211
Yeah. Calm down.
368
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,213
Keter.
369
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:13,915
Hokhmah.
370
00:15:13,917 --> 00:15:15,383
Binah.
371
00:15:15,385 --> 00:15:17,251
Is he speaking Jewish?
372
00:15:17,253 --> 00:15:19,053
- Is that a language?
- Shh!
373
00:15:19,055 --> 00:15:21,656
Are you shushing me because
you want me to be quiet,
374
00:15:21,658 --> 00:15:23,858
or because you don't know?
375
00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:26,327
Shh!
376
00:15:26,329 --> 00:15:30,198
Shekhinah.
377
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,033
[Groans]
378
00:15:32,035 --> 00:15:33,301
It worked.
379
00:15:33,303 --> 00:15:35,570
Santa, I know we've had our differences,
380
00:15:35,572 --> 00:15:37,004
but we need your help.
381
00:15:37,006 --> 00:15:38,573
[Groans]
382
00:15:38,575 --> 00:15:41,309
Santa, are you okay?
383
00:15:41,311 --> 00:15:43,010
[Groans]
384
00:15:43,012 --> 00:15:46,514
Oh, my God.
You turned Santa into a Frankenstein!
385
00:15:46,516 --> 00:15:48,185
Oh, my God.
386
00:15:48,418 --> 00:15:50,218
Snot's a witch!
387
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:51,853
Burn him!
388
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,961
_
389
00:15:55,008 --> 00:15:56,741
[Bells jingling]
390
00:15:56,743 --> 00:15:59,911
So, Santa, you don't remember me?
391
00:15:59,913 --> 00:16:02,346
[Groans]
392
00:16:02,348 --> 00:16:04,749
We need you to save Christmas.
393
00:16:04,751 --> 00:16:07,251
Christmas?
394
00:16:07,253 --> 00:16:08,653
This is a lost cause.
395
00:16:08,655 --> 00:16:11,255
Your Uncle Roger only
got his Hanukkah powers
396
00:16:11,257 --> 00:16:13,324
after putting on that Santa suit.
397
00:16:13,326 --> 00:16:16,093
Maybe Santa just needs his suit back.
398
00:16:16,095 --> 00:16:18,329
- Suit?
- He knows the word!
399
00:16:18,331 --> 00:16:21,265
Suit? Suit! Suit!
400
00:16:21,267 --> 00:16:23,100
That's it! We need to go to Miami
401
00:16:23,102 --> 00:16:24,635
to get that suit from Roger,
402
00:16:24,637 --> 00:16:27,104
and, maybe after,
we can take birthday shots for Jesus
403
00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:29,440
on the crystal dance
floor at Club Bardot.
404
00:16:29,442 --> 00:16:32,677
Dad, you little party animal.
405
00:16:32,679 --> 00:16:35,947
Who else has a surprise up their sleeve?
406
00:16:37,052 --> 00:16:38,904
_
407
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,054
Snot?
408
00:16:43,056 --> 00:16:44,789
Enrique?
409
00:16:44,791 --> 00:16:46,123
Reindeer people?
410
00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:47,692
Where is everyone?
411
00:16:47,694 --> 00:16:49,894
Shmanta, the Smiths are at the door.
412
00:16:49,896 --> 00:16:52,063
What? Why didn't you let them in?
413
00:16:52,065 --> 00:16:53,698
Well, you told us to keep them out.
414
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,500
That was before they
learned their lesson,
415
00:16:55,502 --> 00:16:57,134
which they clearly now learned.
416
00:16:57,136 --> 00:16:58,669
Let them in!
417
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,974
What's up, dicks?
Welcome to the South Pole.
418
00:17:02,976 --> 00:17:04,342
Bring it in. Bring it in.
419
00:17:04,344 --> 00:17:05,810
I'm not mad at you, dicks.
420
00:17:05,812 --> 00:17:08,646
Roger, we're not staying.
We just came for your suit.
421
00:17:08,648 --> 00:17:10,548
- What?
- Just do what they say,
422
00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:12,917
and give them your suit,
Mr. Uncle Roger.
423
00:17:12,919 --> 00:17:15,586
No. I'm never giving up being Shmanta!
424
00:17:15,588 --> 00:17:17,688
Fair enough. Will you at least accept
425
00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:19,790
our parting Hanukkah gift?
426
00:17:25,498 --> 00:17:27,865
Oh, is that a razor scooter?
427
00:17:27,867 --> 00:17:29,400
Aaah!
428
00:17:29,402 --> 00:17:31,802
- Santa?
- Suit!
429
00:17:31,804 --> 00:17:34,438
- [Punk music plays]
- Elves, attack!
430
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,307
I'm here for you, Shmanta!
431
00:17:36,309 --> 00:17:37,508
- Aaah!
- Aaah!
432
00:17:37,510 --> 00:17:39,510
? Oh, what fun it is to ride ?
433
00:17:39,512 --> 00:17:41,812
? In a one-horse open sleigh ?
434
00:17:41,814 --> 00:17:42,747
Hey!
435
00:17:42,749 --> 00:17:45,049
? Jingle bells, jingle bells ?
436
00:17:45,051 --> 00:17:47,351
- ? Jingle all the way ?
- Aaah!
437
00:17:47,353 --> 00:17:48,753
- [Straining]
- ? Oh, what fun... ?
438
00:17:48,755 --> 00:17:50,454
- Ooh!
- ? ...it is to ride ?
439
00:17:50,456 --> 00:17:53,190
? In a one-horse open sleigh ?
440
00:17:53,192 --> 00:17:55,326
- ? Dashing through the snow ?
- Hey, Santa.
441
00:17:55,328 --> 00:17:56,627
? In a one-horse open sleigh ?
442
00:17:56,629 --> 00:17:58,696
- [Groans]
- Oil be back.
443
00:17:58,698 --> 00:18:01,098
? O'er the fields we go ?
444
00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:02,967
? Laughing all the way ?
445
00:18:02,969 --> 00:18:03,768
? The way! ?
446
00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:05,136
? Bells on bobtail ring ?
447
00:18:05,138 --> 00:18:06,871
Oh, my God.
Roger, are you going to to...
448
00:18:06,873 --> 00:18:08,606
I'm lighting this bitch up.
449
00:18:08,608 --> 00:18:09,907
[Bell rings]
450
00:18:09,909 --> 00:18:11,509
? What fun it is to ride and sing ?
451
00:18:11,511 --> 00:18:14,045
? A sleighing song tonight ?
452
00:18:14,047 --> 00:18:17,248
? Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells ?
453
00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:19,650
? Jingle all the way ?
454
00:18:19,652 --> 00:18:22,019
? Oh, what fun it is to ride ?
455
00:18:22,021 --> 00:18:24,322
? In a one-horse open sleigh ?
456
00:18:24,324 --> 00:18:25,456
Hey!
457
00:18:25,458 --> 00:18:27,725
? Jingle bells, jingle bells ?
458
00:18:27,727 --> 00:18:30,261
? Jingle... ?
459
00:18:30,263 --> 00:18:33,064
Thank God Santa is finally dead.
460
00:18:33,066 --> 00:18:34,098
Oh, cool, a hand.
461
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:35,232
Aah!
462
00:18:35,234 --> 00:18:37,034
[Screaming]
463
00:18:44,777 --> 00:18:46,110
I'm back!
464
00:18:46,112 --> 00:18:48,045
And you're dead.
465
00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:51,849
You have your suit now, Santa.
Let's just call a truce.
466
00:18:51,851 --> 00:18:54,485
You're forgetting who I am, Smith.
467
00:18:54,487 --> 00:18:57,521
I'm Santa. I don't do truces.
468
00:18:57,523 --> 00:19:00,391
That's the one thing
every kid knows about me.
469
00:19:00,393 --> 00:19:01,492
That...
470
00:19:01,494 --> 00:19:04,128
and that I shoot lightning!
471
00:19:06,132 --> 00:19:07,531
The [bleep] is this?
472
00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:08,599
Head for the sleigh!
473
00:19:08,601 --> 00:19:12,269
[Grunting]
474
00:19:12,271 --> 00:19:13,671
Why did you save me?
475
00:19:13,673 --> 00:19:14,972
Santa has his suit now,
476
00:19:14,974 --> 00:19:16,907
so you've got your
precious Christmas back.
477
00:19:16,909 --> 00:19:19,543
It wasn't just Christmas
we wanted back, Roger.
478
00:19:19,545 --> 00:19:21,078
It was you.
479
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:24,448
Maybe I didn't want you
guys to care about Hanukkah.
480
00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:27,385
I just wanted you to care about me.
481
00:19:27,387 --> 00:19:28,919
That's why we came, you idiot.
482
00:19:28,921 --> 00:19:31,022
Now get your reindeer
to fly us out of here.
483
00:19:31,024 --> 00:19:33,391
Uh, we can't fly without Hanukkah magic.
484
00:19:33,393 --> 00:19:35,660
Before I was abducted,
I was just a college student
485
00:19:35,662 --> 00:19:37,528
trying to get my exercise science degree
486
00:19:37,530 --> 00:19:39,130
from the University of Miami.
487
00:19:39,132 --> 00:19:40,398
All: The "U."
488
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,367
[Screaming]
489
00:19:43,369 --> 00:19:46,337
[Trilling tongue]
490
00:19:46,339 --> 00:19:47,905
Oh, God, we're sitting ducks!
491
00:19:47,907 --> 00:19:50,708
Don't worry. I may not have
Christmas magic any more,
492
00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:52,443
but I do have the key.
493
00:19:52,445 --> 00:19:53,678
[Engine starts]
494
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,781
[Screaming]
495
00:19:56,783 --> 00:19:59,817
Damn it. I'll get you, Smiths.
496
00:19:59,819 --> 00:20:03,788
What the hell is with
all these weird stars?!
497
00:20:04,824 --> 00:20:06,624
[Bells jingling]
498
00:20:06,626 --> 00:20:09,527
Steve:
Maybe next Christmas no one will die.
499
00:20:09,529 --> 00:20:10,995
[Laughter]
500
00:20:10,997 --> 00:20:12,147
Hayley: Yeah, right.
501
00:20:12,164 --> 00:20:14,164
_
502
00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:16,300
[Bells jingling]
503
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:19,970
Guys, I can't believe you
went to Miami without me.
504
00:20:19,972 --> 00:20:23,307
I know people.
I could have gotten us Marlins tickets.
505
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,576
Back row of the bleachers, baby.
506
00:20:25,578 --> 00:20:27,878
Okay. Now, are you guys ready
507
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,447
for your Christmas present?
508
00:20:29,449 --> 00:20:30,748
How'd you have time to shop?
509
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:33,484
This is a gift I was born with...
510
00:20:33,486 --> 00:20:35,019
my dance.
511
00:20:35,021 --> 00:20:36,487
Pfbtttt...
512
00:20:36,489 --> 00:20:37,555
Unh-eh-eh-eh...
513
00:20:37,557 --> 00:20:39,290
Whoa.
514
00:20:39,292 --> 00:20:41,959
Unh-eh-eh-eh...
515
00:20:41,961 --> 00:20:45,229
So you want to get Chinese
food and watch a movie?
516
00:20:45,231 --> 00:20:47,631
Of course, mom. It's tradition.
517
00:20:47,633 --> 00:20:50,267
Unh-eh-eh-eh...
518
00:20:50,269 --> 00:20:53,571
Now here's a little move
I call the Hatchimal.
519
00:20:53,573 --> 00:20:55,106
Whoo!
520
00:20:55,108 --> 00:20:55,940
[Screaming]
521
00:20:55,942 --> 00:20:58,275
Oh, grow up, everyone.
522
00:20:58,277 --> 00:20:59,009
Bye! Have a great time!
523
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,010
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524
00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:07,610
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