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1
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- [Wind whistling]
- _
2
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[Pulley creaking]
3
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[Hoofbeats]
4
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The Bullock gang.
5
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Pa!
6
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No!
7
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There's a little kid, Bullock.
8
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He's silently vowing to
one day hunt us down,
9
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kill us like animals,
10
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and he just knows he's going
to catch me in an outhouse.
11
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I'll beg for my life,
12
00:00:51,403 --> 00:00:53,403
give up the whole gang immediately,
13
00:00:53,405 --> 00:00:56,372
but then he kills me anyway. Damn it!
14
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Well, I won't give you the satisfaction.
15
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Thanks, boss. I was almost a goner.
16
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Yah!
17
00:01:07,852 --> 00:01:10,887
?
18
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?
19
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_
20
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_
21
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_
22
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_
23
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_
24
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_
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[Laughter]
26
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[Laughing]
27
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[Coughing] He thinks
he hurts everywhere,
28
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but it's only a broken finger.
29
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What do you want, gringo?
30
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The honest answer?
31
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A friend to share this
lonely trail with.
32
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The cowboy answer?
33
00:01:52,263 --> 00:01:54,564
- ?
- _
34
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[Gruffly] The bounty on this guy's head.
35
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[Coughing]
36
00:02:00,338 --> 00:02:02,005
And that coffin you're dragging,
37
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it is for him or for you?
38
00:02:04,109 --> 00:02:06,109
[Laughter]
39
00:02:06,111 --> 00:02:08,211
[Chuckles] Nice. Oh, here's a joke.
40
00:02:08,213 --> 00:02:10,813
Why can't you starve in the desert?
41
00:02:10,815 --> 00:02:13,750
Because of the sand that is there.
42
00:02:16,354 --> 00:02:18,287
You know, it takes guts to tell a joke
43
00:02:18,289 --> 00:02:19,756
to a group of strangers,
44
00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:21,891
especially since I'm
not naturally funny.
45
00:02:21,893 --> 00:02:24,861
Oh, you're naturally funny... looking.
46
00:02:24,863 --> 00:02:26,929
[Laughter]
47
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You can't starve in the desert
48
00:02:44,349 --> 00:02:48,384
because of the sand-which-is-there.
49
00:02:48,386 --> 00:02:50,520
Oh, sandwiches?
50
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You said, "Sand that is."
51
00:02:53,892 --> 00:02:55,858
[Groans]
52
00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:57,693
I blew the punch line.
That was what it was.
53
00:02:57,796 --> 00:02:59,796
Still, the setup was rock solid.
54
00:02:59,798 --> 00:03:01,864
I'm getting better. I'm getting funnier.
55
00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,721
My parents and brother died of cholera.
56
00:03:07,723 --> 00:03:08,989
I gave it to them.
57
00:03:08,991 --> 00:03:11,158
Sometimes, I feel like I'm bad luck.
58
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Luckier 'n them.
59
00:03:12,761 --> 00:03:14,528
Well, I guess I'll see what kind of luck
60
00:03:14,530 --> 00:03:16,596
I bring to my uncle's farm.
61
00:03:16,598 --> 00:03:18,231
What brings you west, stranger?
62
00:03:18,233 --> 00:03:19,833
West?
63
00:03:19,835 --> 00:03:21,334
I thought we were going to Arizona.
64
00:03:21,336 --> 00:03:23,370
We are. That is west.
65
00:03:23,372 --> 00:03:25,138
Okay. Okay. Good. Good, good, good.
66
00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:27,107
My sense of direction is not great.
67
00:03:27,109 --> 00:03:28,842
Looks like you've been in Mexico.
68
00:03:28,844 --> 00:03:31,478
Maybe. I couldn't understand the people,
69
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:32,846
so I never got a good answer.
70
00:03:32,848 --> 00:03:35,282
- How long were you there?
- Nearly five years.
71
00:03:35,284 --> 00:03:39,085
That's a long time to
not understand people.
72
00:03:39,087 --> 00:03:40,687
Not for me.
73
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- ?
- _
74
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[Coughing]
75
00:03:49,231 --> 00:03:50,730
Aah!
76
00:03:50,732 --> 00:03:52,632
[Sighs] Oh, that's nice.
77
00:03:52,634 --> 00:03:54,134
Stretch the legs.
78
00:03:54,136 --> 00:03:56,870
Get some blood to the brain.
79
00:03:56,872 --> 00:03:59,272
Scratch up the old face.
80
00:04:00,909 --> 00:04:02,576
Oh, a mud bath.
81
00:04:02,578 --> 00:04:06,079
Ah, this town has it all.
82
00:04:06,081 --> 00:04:08,381
Wish me luck on the farm!
83
00:04:08,383 --> 00:04:10,383
[Mockingly] Good luck on the farm.
84
00:04:12,654 --> 00:04:16,623
Hey, boy. Where's your person?
85
00:04:16,625 --> 00:04:18,158
You need water.
86
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:24,297
[Lively piano music playing]
87
00:04:24,299 --> 00:04:27,534
Dick: Ever heard of dance lessons?
[Laughs]
88
00:04:27,536 --> 00:04:29,302
Oh!
89
00:04:29,304 --> 00:04:31,838
Damn it! They mussed up my hair again.
90
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,640
[Laughter]
91
00:04:33,642 --> 00:04:36,076
"Aw, my hairdo ain't purdy."
92
00:04:36,078 --> 00:04:38,545
[Laughter]
93
00:04:38,547 --> 00:04:41,715
Sorry about the rowdy customers,
but what can I do?
94
00:04:41,717 --> 00:04:45,652
Just keep helping me up, I guess.
95
00:04:45,654 --> 00:04:48,054
- Who was that?
- That's Francine.
96
00:04:48,056 --> 00:04:51,258
You just forget about her.
97
00:04:51,260 --> 00:04:52,926
[Sighs]
98
00:04:52,928 --> 00:04:56,162
[Mid-tempo piano music playing]
99
00:05:00,602 --> 00:05:02,102
Are you okay, ma'am?
100
00:05:02,104 --> 00:05:04,437
Oh, I can handle them pushing me,
101
00:05:04,439 --> 00:05:07,173
groping me, hot sauce in my eyes,
102
00:05:07,175 --> 00:05:09,242
even tar down my bloomers.
103
00:05:09,244 --> 00:05:12,846
But when they start in
on mussing up my hair...
104
00:05:12,848 --> 00:05:15,215
This pie-eater buggin' you, doll?
105
00:05:15,217 --> 00:05:17,951
- I was just checking...
- Oh, like a checkup.
106
00:05:17,953 --> 00:05:20,620
Did this jerkwater town
finally get a doctor?
107
00:05:20,622 --> 00:05:24,591
Because I've been wanting to
see a doctor about my hand.
108
00:05:24,593 --> 00:05:25,692
What's wrong with your hand?
109
00:05:25,694 --> 00:05:28,395
It hurts when I do this!
110
00:05:28,397 --> 00:05:29,296
Aah!
111
00:05:29,298 --> 00:05:31,965
Well, maybe don't do that.
112
00:05:31,967 --> 00:05:33,733
Then there's my foot.
113
00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:43,743
Smart move, Doc.
114
00:05:46,181 --> 00:05:48,515
Anyone else want to see the doctor?
115
00:05:48,517 --> 00:05:50,850
[Grunts]
116
00:05:50,852 --> 00:05:52,519
My foot hurts, too.
117
00:05:52,521 --> 00:05:55,221
Maestro, how about some kickin' music?
118
00:05:55,223 --> 00:05:57,891
[Piano playing,
blows landing, Stan grunting]
119
00:05:57,893 --> 00:05:59,426
[Sighs]
120
00:06:01,830 --> 00:06:03,163
My pecker's been burning.
121
00:06:03,165 --> 00:06:05,465
Well, beat him with it!
122
00:06:05,467 --> 00:06:08,435
[Screaming]
123
00:06:11,506 --> 00:06:12,706
Here we are!
124
00:06:12,708 --> 00:06:15,008
They're all dead!
125
00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:16,876
[Sobbing]
126
00:06:16,878 --> 00:06:19,245
I told you it weren't much.
127
00:06:25,253 --> 00:06:28,188
Bullock's gang is just
terrorizing this town.
128
00:06:28,190 --> 00:06:30,156
This guy kind of started it,
though, right?
129
00:06:30,158 --> 00:06:32,392
He kept calling himself "The Doctor."
130
00:06:32,394 --> 00:06:33,526
Klaus, cut it out.
131
00:06:33,528 --> 00:06:35,962
- He was trying to help.
- Well, damn it!
132
00:06:35,964 --> 00:06:37,797
This town needs someone to give it hope,
133
00:06:37,799 --> 00:06:39,265
and I can't do it all.
134
00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:42,335
You haven't done anything.
135
00:06:42,337 --> 00:06:44,971
Lewis, this guy needs stitches.
136
00:06:47,843 --> 00:06:50,110
- My God in Heaven.
- I know.
137
00:06:50,112 --> 00:06:52,245
They beat on him for 40 minutes,
138
00:06:52,247 --> 00:06:54,881
and they wanted fighting
music the whole time.
139
00:06:54,883 --> 00:06:56,850
Guess we both kind of got worked over.
140
00:06:56,852 --> 00:06:58,251
This is Stan Smith.
141
00:06:58,253 --> 00:06:59,819
He helped save my life.
142
00:06:59,821 --> 00:07:01,654
Wait. You mean he's a hero?
143
00:07:01,656 --> 00:07:05,392
Not exactly, but he's a good guy.
144
00:07:05,394 --> 00:07:08,194
I mean... yeah. He... He's a good guy.
145
00:07:08,196 --> 00:07:10,397
[Gasps] A good guy hero.
146
00:07:10,532 --> 00:07:12,097
I think you're kind of just hearing
147
00:07:12,134 --> 00:07:13,933
what you want right now.
148
00:07:13,935 --> 00:07:15,402
We're saved!
149
00:07:37,798 --> 00:07:40,031
How did Stan save your life?
150
00:07:40,033 --> 00:07:42,167
It was three years into the Civil War
151
00:07:42,169 --> 00:07:44,502
when the Union Army
came through Missouri.
152
00:07:44,504 --> 00:07:45,737
I was a slave then.
153
00:07:45,739 --> 00:07:47,572
Ooh, bummer.
154
00:07:47,574 --> 00:07:51,009
Yeah, it was a "bummer."
You obviously get it,
155
00:07:51,011 --> 00:07:53,044
so I won't bore you with the details,
156
00:07:53,046 --> 00:07:55,246
but they freed me, and I wanted to help.
157
00:07:55,248 --> 00:07:57,749
Stan and I dug trenches together.
158
00:07:57,751 --> 00:07:59,250
Anyhow, when the North moved on,
159
00:07:59,252 --> 00:08:00,952
some of the generals
ordered the freed slaves
160
00:08:00,954 --> 00:08:02,654
returned to the plantations.
161
00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,689
So you got to go home!
162
00:08:04,691 --> 00:08:07,592
No, because you...
163
00:08:07,594 --> 00:08:09,194
didn't like it there.
164
00:08:09,196 --> 00:08:12,063
No, I didn't like it there.
165
00:08:12,065 --> 00:08:14,599
Anyway, Stan shot the general,
and we all ran.
166
00:08:14,601 --> 00:08:17,068
He killed a general to protect you?
167
00:08:17,070 --> 00:08:20,872
Yeah, and I told him to
come find me in Arizona.
168
00:08:20,874 --> 00:08:22,774
Wait...
169
00:08:22,776 --> 00:08:24,375
Gay?
170
00:08:24,919 --> 00:08:26,945
I'm looking for a man.
171
00:08:26,947 --> 00:08:29,147
Is this a gay town?
172
00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:32,217
Stage driver out of Tombstone
173
00:08:32,219 --> 00:08:34,352
says he saw a man looked like this.
174
00:08:34,354 --> 00:08:35,987
?
175
00:08:35,989 --> 00:08:38,189
- [Both gasp]
- Nope.
176
00:08:38,191 --> 00:08:41,626
Say, Mister, want a tour of the town?
177
00:08:41,628 --> 00:08:42,827
I'll show you all the spots
178
00:08:42,829 --> 00:08:44,462
where our sheriffs were murdered.
179
00:08:44,464 --> 00:08:46,497
Well, I was gonna get
my whiskers cleaned up,
180
00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:49,434
but I think that's a closer
shave than I'm looking for.
181
00:08:54,608 --> 00:08:57,175
[Sobbing] Why?
182
00:08:57,177 --> 00:08:59,978
Why would anybody kill them?
183
00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:02,313
I'm sure I don't have any idea.
184
00:09:02,315 --> 00:09:04,649
[Sobbing] Why?
185
00:09:06,353 --> 00:09:10,054
[Grunts] Everybody's mussin' up my hair.
186
00:09:11,358 --> 00:09:13,958
- Hey, are you all right?
- No, obviously.
187
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,528
Whoa, obviously, no.
188
00:09:17,530 --> 00:09:19,998
I just want to forget everything.
189
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,866
Oh, oh, oh, then I can help!
190
00:09:21,868 --> 00:09:24,068
- Do you have money?
- I have a little.
191
00:09:24,070 --> 00:09:26,371
Great! That's great.
192
00:09:26,373 --> 00:09:29,240
What's great? I-I have money. So what?
193
00:09:29,242 --> 00:09:31,576
You do? That's great!
194
00:09:37,317 --> 00:09:38,216
Aah!
195
00:09:38,218 --> 00:09:41,019
Stan, it's me, Brian.
196
00:09:41,021 --> 00:09:43,755
Brian, I-I found you.
197
00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:45,490
Yes, you did, my friend.
198
00:09:45,492 --> 00:09:47,191
Reunited at last.
199
00:09:47,193 --> 00:09:49,427
We could buy a pig farm
and grow old together.
200
00:09:49,429 --> 00:09:52,430
Stan, there's a bounty hunter
in town looking for you.
201
00:09:52,432 --> 00:09:54,365
Later. Good luck with that pig farm.
202
00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:55,566
[Groans]
203
00:09:55,568 --> 00:09:57,535
Stan, you're too hurt to travel,
204
00:09:57,537 --> 00:09:58,937
but luckily you don't look like
205
00:09:58,939 --> 00:10:00,371
your wanted poster all beat up.
206
00:10:00,373 --> 00:10:03,942
Mr. Lewis, I need you to do my hair.
207
00:10:03,944 --> 00:10:05,610
Something un-mussable.
208
00:10:05,612 --> 00:10:07,445
Okay. Let me just clean my station
209
00:10:07,447 --> 00:10:08,980
and remember some boring stories
210
00:10:08,982 --> 00:10:10,615
about my son, hmm?
211
00:10:10,617 --> 00:10:15,386
?
212
00:10:15,388 --> 00:10:17,555
Are you still freaking out?
213
00:10:17,557 --> 00:10:20,892
Yeah, but terrifyingly slowly.
214
00:10:20,894 --> 00:10:22,327
Oh, nice.
215
00:10:22,329 --> 00:10:25,196
I just don't get it.
It wasn't even a working farm.
216
00:10:25,198 --> 00:10:27,065
No crops. No livestock.
217
00:10:27,067 --> 00:10:28,599
Of course, it did have a well,
218
00:10:28,601 --> 00:10:31,135
but who needs water in
the middle of nowhere?
219
00:10:31,137 --> 00:10:33,104
I guess trains do for steam,
220
00:10:33,106 --> 00:10:34,572
but the new railroad won't be going
221
00:10:34,574 --> 00:10:36,808
right by their farm for
at least six months.
222
00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:38,943
I know that because I
read the announcement.
223
00:10:38,945 --> 00:10:40,411
When was that? Oh, right.
224
00:10:40,413 --> 00:10:42,413
It was the day before
my family was murdered.
225
00:10:42,415 --> 00:10:46,250
Ohh, I wish I could put
two thoughts together.
226
00:10:46,252 --> 00:10:47,618
But you can't because
227
00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:50,655
you're too high on celestial poisons!
228
00:10:50,657 --> 00:10:53,825
Did you say it was your
family that was murdered?
229
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:56,194
Yeah. I'm the only one left.
230
00:10:56,196 --> 00:10:59,597
Sole heir to Steam Juice Farm?
231
00:10:59,599 --> 00:11:01,966
I must protect you. I insist on it.
232
00:11:01,968 --> 00:11:03,201
[Strained] I'm kind of with her.
233
00:11:03,203 --> 00:11:04,569
Please, my dear.
234
00:11:04,571 --> 00:11:05,770
You must allow me
235
00:11:05,772 --> 00:11:07,472
and my gang of cruel men
236
00:11:07,474 --> 00:11:09,640
to escort you to the farm
237
00:11:09,642 --> 00:11:14,245
so we can bury your
whole family properly.
238
00:11:14,247 --> 00:11:15,446
Did you hear that, Jeff?
239
00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:17,915
My luck is finally changing.
240
00:11:17,917 --> 00:11:20,651
- [Thud, clatter]
- Jeff?
241
00:11:20,653 --> 00:11:24,622
Oh, my God.
Was he smoking the same opium as I?
242
00:11:27,260 --> 00:11:29,193
[Strained] That's so scary.
243
00:11:29,195 --> 00:11:32,563
[Mid-tempo piano music playing]
244
00:11:32,565 --> 00:11:33,598
Whiskey?
245
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,333
I guess I could have one for the road.
246
00:11:35,335 --> 00:11:36,801
You lightin' out, stranger?
247
00:11:36,803 --> 00:11:39,337
Make it two whiskeys,
and put them on my tab.
248
00:11:39,339 --> 00:11:41,906
- Where you headed?
- Thought I'd get away to Mexico.
249
00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,674
- Habla Espa�ol?
- Maybe.
250
00:11:43,676 --> 00:11:47,011
There or Mexico City.
251
00:11:47,013 --> 00:11:50,281
Tell Lewis it looks like trouble.
252
00:11:50,283 --> 00:11:52,216
Francine worked up a new number.
253
00:11:52,218 --> 00:11:53,951
You'll be glad you stayed.
254
00:11:53,953 --> 00:11:56,354
?
255
00:11:56,356 --> 00:11:58,556
So, you're a bounty hunter?
256
00:11:58,558 --> 00:12:01,426
It's a friendless job,
but I'm the best there is.
257
00:12:01,428 --> 00:12:03,294
Not totally alone, though.
258
00:12:03,296 --> 00:12:04,729
I got my cough.
259
00:12:04,731 --> 00:12:06,464
[Coughing]
260
00:12:09,302 --> 00:12:12,036
- Allergies.
- Oh, she's on!
261
00:12:12,038 --> 00:12:14,939
["Dessert" playing on piano]
262
00:12:14,941 --> 00:12:17,275
? They can't imitate you ?
263
00:12:17,277 --> 00:12:19,677
? But they can't duplicate you ?
264
00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:22,246
? 'Cause you got somethin' special ?
265
00:12:22,248 --> 00:12:24,882
? That makes me wanna taste you ?
266
00:12:24,884 --> 00:12:27,051
? I want it all day long ?
267
00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:29,587
? I'm addicted like it's wrong ?
268
00:12:29,589 --> 00:12:31,923
? I want it all day long ?
269
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:33,558
? I'm addicted like it's ?
270
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,860
? Whatcha gon',
whatcha' gon do with that dessert? ?
271
00:12:35,862 --> 00:12:38,196
? Do-wha do-wha-dee da dee-da-doop-da ?
272
00:12:38,198 --> 00:12:40,698
- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
- ? Do-wha do-wha-dee da dee-da-doop-da ?
273
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,167
- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
- ? Do-wha do-wha-dee da dee-da-doop-da ?
274
00:12:43,169 --> 00:12:46,537
? Murder that,
murder that dance floor, dance floor ?
275
00:12:46,539 --> 00:12:49,107
[Cheers and applause]
276
00:12:49,109 --> 00:12:50,775
- Hot stuff!
- [Wolf-whistles]
277
00:12:50,777 --> 00:12:52,143
[Coughs]
278
00:12:55,515 --> 00:12:58,249
Bartender, a round for everyone!
279
00:12:58,251 --> 00:13:00,184
I'm coming into some money.
280
00:13:00,186 --> 00:13:01,219
Right away!
281
00:13:01,221 --> 00:13:03,087
[Gunshot]
282
00:13:03,089 --> 00:13:06,124
Oh, bro! Look at my damn mirror!
283
00:13:06,126 --> 00:13:07,692
Where'd he go?
284
00:13:07,694 --> 00:13:08,993
How'd you get over there?
285
00:13:08,995 --> 00:13:11,129
I'm fast. See my hands?
286
00:13:11,131 --> 00:13:12,530
- Yeah.
- Now look at them.
287
00:13:12,532 --> 00:13:14,465
- Who-o-o-o-a.
- Whoa-a-a-a-a-a-a!
288
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:16,134
I'm arresting you on the charges
289
00:13:16,136 --> 00:13:18,569
of desertion and murder.
290
00:13:18,571 --> 00:13:21,072
But they'll hang him. Stan's a good man.
291
00:13:21,074 --> 00:13:23,040
He shot his general in the back.
292
00:13:23,042 --> 00:13:24,175
[All gasp]
293
00:13:24,177 --> 00:13:26,677
- Whoa!
- [Coughs] Let's go.
294
00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:34,385
Did somebody take my
Little Bo Peep dress?
295
00:13:37,438 --> 00:13:39,371
[Grunts]
296
00:13:39,373 --> 00:13:41,340
All right, Skippy. Let's ride.
297
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:43,108
[Clicks tongue]
298
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:44,343
What the fudge?
299
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:46,478
No little horse kisses for the murderer.
300
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,647
So much for our hero.
301
00:13:48,649 --> 00:13:50,249
Do you think we were expecting too much
302
00:13:50,251 --> 00:13:51,650
from someone who came to town
303
00:13:51,652 --> 00:13:53,685
and was immediately
beaten beyond recognition
304
00:13:53,687 --> 00:13:55,721
by a 70-year-old man?
305
00:13:55,723 --> 00:13:58,624
Maybe Stan came to show
us we don't need a hero.
306
00:13:58,626 --> 00:14:00,993
- How's that?
- He's like us.
307
00:14:00,995 --> 00:14:04,329
Alone, he's not much,
but if we work together,
308
00:14:04,331 --> 00:14:06,365
we can protect each other.
309
00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,734
Us? We're too slow.
310
00:14:08,736 --> 00:14:09,868
Slow?
311
00:14:09,870 --> 00:14:12,271
You're lightning on the piano.
312
00:14:12,273 --> 00:14:14,406
You're magic with scissors.
313
00:14:14,408 --> 00:14:16,175
You never spill a drop.
314
00:14:16,177 --> 00:14:19,945
I'm good with my hands in a
way I'm not going to describe.
315
00:14:19,947 --> 00:14:21,513
We have the skills,
316
00:14:21,515 --> 00:14:24,016
but we never had the stomach.
317
00:14:24,018 --> 00:14:25,918
- I'm in.
- Me, too.
318
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,219
So am I.
319
00:14:27,221 --> 00:14:31,623
Now, let's go get Stan back
from that bounty hunter!
320
00:14:31,625 --> 00:14:33,926
Unhand our cowardly friend!
321
00:14:35,896 --> 00:14:37,996
Oh, they left.
322
00:14:37,998 --> 00:14:39,498
Whoo-whoo.
323
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:41,433
Whatcha gonna do with that dessert?
324
00:14:41,435 --> 00:14:42,768
[Both laugh]
325
00:14:42,770 --> 00:14:45,404
Can it, Tom!
326
00:14:45,406 --> 00:14:46,905
Thanks, Henry.
327
00:14:48,976 --> 00:14:50,809
[Coughing]
328
00:14:50,811 --> 00:14:53,979
Stan: So what's, uh...
w-what's in the coffin?
329
00:14:53,981 --> 00:14:55,981
Everyone and anyone.
330
00:14:55,983 --> 00:14:57,549
Hmm.
331
00:14:57,551 --> 00:14:59,218
Actually, you lost me there. I-I, uh...
332
00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:00,619
I know. It's stupid, right?
333
00:15:00,621 --> 00:15:02,387
Uh, for a while,
I thought it sounded badass,
334
00:15:02,389 --> 00:15:03,722
but it's just confusing.
335
00:15:03,724 --> 00:15:06,125
I always wanted to be a man of action,
336
00:15:06,127 --> 00:15:08,560
but I'm slow on the draw
and weak on the punch.
337
00:15:08,562 --> 00:15:09,828
Then what happened in Missouri?
338
00:15:09,830 --> 00:15:11,597
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
339
00:15:11,599 --> 00:15:13,899
- Tell me, or I'll kill you.
- It's 1863,
340
00:15:13,901 --> 00:15:17,035
and "Camptown Races"
is at the top of the charts.
341
00:15:17,037 --> 00:15:18,937
Sir, at the risk of repeating myself,
342
00:15:18,939 --> 00:15:21,707
I really, really, really,
really, really, really,
343
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:24,076
really don't think we should
return the slaves to the South.
344
00:15:24,078 --> 00:15:26,311
Enough! How can you think about that
345
00:15:26,313 --> 00:15:29,948
when dead soldiers'
teeth are turning to smoke?
346
00:15:29,950 --> 00:15:32,317
- I'm sorry, sir?
- The teeth!
347
00:15:32,319 --> 00:15:34,286
Wafting like fizzled candle smoke
348
00:15:34,288 --> 00:15:37,222
from every gaping mouth
on the battlefield!
349
00:15:37,224 --> 00:15:39,258
Oh, you've gone crazy.
350
00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:40,759
Maybe I'll leave the tent.
351
00:15:40,761 --> 00:15:43,862
Crazy? More like invincible!
352
00:15:43,864 --> 00:15:45,397
[Gunshot]
353
00:15:45,399 --> 00:15:47,900
Nothing can stop me now.
354
00:15:47,902 --> 00:15:50,903
[Grunting]
355
00:15:50,905 --> 00:15:52,604
Nobody would ever believe that.
356
00:15:52,606 --> 00:15:54,072
Yeah. So I ran,
357
00:15:54,074 --> 00:15:56,608
and I kept running west to Mexico.
358
00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:57,776
Mexico is south.
359
00:15:57,778 --> 00:15:59,711
I must've gone a weird way.
360
00:15:59,713 --> 00:16:01,747
Well, I guess it all worked out for you.
361
00:16:01,749 --> 00:16:03,382
And if you weren't about to be hanged,
362
00:16:03,384 --> 00:16:04,816
I'd be pretty dang jealous.
363
00:16:04,818 --> 00:16:06,351
I mean, you were in town for a day
364
00:16:06,353 --> 00:16:10,122
and made more friends than
I ever had in my life.
365
00:16:10,124 --> 00:16:11,790
Zero. Goose egg.
366
00:16:11,792 --> 00:16:14,726
I try to stay positive,
but it really sucks balls.
367
00:16:14,728 --> 00:16:16,929
Friends aren't everything.
Where are they now?
368
00:16:16,931 --> 00:16:20,299
- Hmm?
- They're following us.
369
00:16:20,301 --> 00:16:21,533
Lewis: It's him, all right.
370
00:16:21,535 --> 00:16:23,669
We'll catch him at the Taft Farm.
371
00:16:25,873 --> 00:16:29,508
Roger: Maybe I'm just a little
too real for some people.
372
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:31,777
And now, a cliff. Of course.
373
00:16:31,779 --> 00:16:33,712
Making a lady dig her own grave
374
00:16:33,714 --> 00:16:36,014
while she's coming down off opium.
375
00:16:36,016 --> 00:16:37,749
Hey, that's the girl from the coach.
376
00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:39,251
We got to get down there.
377
00:16:39,253 --> 00:16:41,520
Oh, you know everybody.
378
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,155
You ride down there, they'll kill you.
379
00:16:43,157 --> 00:16:46,058
Same as riding with you, I reckon.
380
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:48,460
Well, I'm not going with you.
381
00:16:48,462 --> 00:16:50,395
[Donkey neighs]
382
00:16:50,397 --> 00:16:56,034
?
383
00:16:56,036 --> 00:16:57,135
Oh, what the hell.
384
00:16:57,137 --> 00:16:58,403
[Horse neighs]
385
00:16:58,405 --> 00:16:59,871
Aah!
386
00:17:01,575 --> 00:17:03,375
Hey, somebody's coming.
387
00:17:03,377 --> 00:17:08,947
?
388
00:17:08,949 --> 00:17:11,149
You come for another checkup, Doc?
389
00:17:11,151 --> 00:17:12,918
[Laughter]
390
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,421
How about letting her go, guys?
Call it doctor's orders.
391
00:17:16,423 --> 00:17:18,257
And what if I don't?
392
00:17:18,259 --> 00:17:21,193
Then Doc's going to call for the nurse.
393
00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:26,632
I'd rather the doctor gave me my shot.
394
00:17:26,634 --> 00:17:29,768
Give him your gun nice and slow.
395
00:17:31,872 --> 00:17:33,972
Hooper: Oh, Doc caught a chill.
396
00:17:33,974 --> 00:17:35,607
He's shaking like a leaf!
397
00:17:35,609 --> 00:17:37,776
[Laughter]
398
00:17:37,778 --> 00:17:40,712
Come on, hero. Free shot.
399
00:17:44,218 --> 00:17:47,452
Come on, Stan.
Just slap the hammer four times
400
00:17:47,454 --> 00:17:49,087
like you're patting Skippy.
401
00:17:50,357 --> 00:17:53,592
?
402
00:18:22,389 --> 00:18:24,256
[All grunt]
403
00:18:26,460 --> 00:18:29,194
[Grunts]
404
00:18:29,196 --> 00:18:30,595
[Grunts]
405
00:18:30,597 --> 00:18:33,198
Here comes the cavalry!
406
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,300
?
407
00:18:35,302 --> 00:18:36,868
[Horse neighs]
408
00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:42,908
[Gunshots continue]
409
00:18:49,450 --> 00:18:50,849
You saved me.
410
00:18:50,851 --> 00:18:53,385
I did all that amazing
shooting by myself,
411
00:18:53,387 --> 00:18:54,820
and then you saved me.
412
00:18:54,822 --> 00:18:57,622
That's how it happened. [Coughs]
413
00:18:57,624 --> 00:19:00,559
Stan, every time I go after a bounty,
414
00:19:00,561 --> 00:19:01,827
I bring him in.
415
00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:03,562
Will you help me keep my perfect record?
416
00:19:03,564 --> 00:19:07,866
Of course. I'll take my chances
with that trial in Tucson.
417
00:19:07,868 --> 00:19:10,102
- Are you crazy?
- Don't do it, mister.
418
00:19:10,104 --> 00:19:12,771
I can't run again. It's too lonely.
419
00:19:12,773 --> 00:19:15,307
- Bring my coffin.
- Get that coffin over here!
420
00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:21,179
Open it.
421
00:19:23,317 --> 00:19:25,450
- I'm you.
- [All gasp]
422
00:19:25,452 --> 00:19:26,918
He's holding a little him.
423
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,389
Hand over my body to
the Marshall in Tucson.
424
00:19:30,391 --> 00:19:34,192
Get the reward money and
take these folks east.
425
00:19:34,194 --> 00:19:35,894
- What?
- I mean, maybe send
426
00:19:35,896 --> 00:19:39,331
your kids' kids out west,
o-or their grandkids.
427
00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:42,033
In 100 years,
when there's a million jerks
428
00:19:42,035 --> 00:19:44,870
riding around Manhattan drunk in limos,
429
00:19:44,872 --> 00:19:47,806
the West will seem like a paradise.
430
00:19:50,144 --> 00:19:52,144
He's gone.
431
00:19:52,146 --> 00:19:55,981
?
432
00:19:55,983 --> 00:19:59,584
And promise me you'll follow your dream
433
00:19:59,586 --> 00:20:01,686
and go to medical school.
434
00:20:01,688 --> 00:20:03,155
Well, that's actually a misunders...
435
00:20:03,157 --> 00:20:04,756
Promise me!
436
00:20:04,758 --> 00:20:06,458
You got it, friend.
437
00:20:06,460 --> 00:20:07,826
Friend?
438
00:20:07,828 --> 00:20:09,261
Really?
439
00:20:09,263 --> 00:20:11,730
Maybe I can beat this thing.
440
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:14,199
Nope. [Sighs]
441
00:20:14,201 --> 00:20:17,235
?
442
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:26,077
East. That's an awful long ride...
443
00:20:26,079 --> 00:20:27,179
- I'm going.
- Me, too.
444
00:20:27,181 --> 00:20:28,413
Someone's got to pour drinks.
445
00:20:28,415 --> 00:20:29,915
I'll go to the north east.
446
00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:32,217
It's just sandwiches here.
447
00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:39,090
[Clicks tongue] Let's ride, Skip.
448
00:20:41,862 --> 00:20:42,894
Come on, boy.
449
00:20:42,896 --> 00:20:44,162
[Horse snorts]
450
00:20:46,266 --> 00:20:48,133
Oh, of course.
451
00:20:53,841 --> 00:20:55,540
Stan: Wait. Don't we want
to go the other way?
452
00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:56,641
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
453
00:20:56,643 --> 00:20:58,210
- Yeah.
- Oh, we sure do.
454
00:20:58,212 --> 00:21:04,616
?
455
00:21:04,618 --> 00:21:08,320
Stan: Looks like I'm
finally getting my bearings.
456
00:21:08,322 --> 00:21:11,223
Or maybe head a little to the right?
457
00:21:11,225 --> 00:21:13,326
- ?
- _
458
00:21:13,327 --> 00:21:15,327
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
459
00:21:15,377 --> 00:21:19,927
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