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_
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00:00:04,336 --> 00:00:09,794
?
3
00:00:09,825 --> 00:00:13,379
It's been a thrilling season
on "The Bitchin' Race."
4
00:00:13,457 --> 00:00:17,058
15 teams left New York
hoping to win $1 million.
5
00:00:17,129 --> 00:00:19,362
Now, only five remain...
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00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,821
Stan and Francine.
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What a gift this has been.
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00:00:23,925 --> 00:00:27,594
Traveling around the world,
making new memories
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00:00:27,596 --> 00:00:29,395
and capturing them
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00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:32,365
in the honored art form of caricature.
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[French music plays]
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00:00:34,736 --> 00:00:38,838
They say the giant head
is the window to the soul.
13
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,574
Every single one of those
has cost us valuable time
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00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:42,709
that I've had to make up.
15
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Not my first-choice partner,
16
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,679
but every other person I know
is at Dick's bachelor party.
17
00:00:46,681 --> 00:00:48,147
He's such a go-getter.
18
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:50,717
That's why I put him
in a go-cart in this one.
19
00:00:50,719 --> 00:00:53,953
[Italian music plays]
20
00:00:53,955 --> 00:00:55,555
...Steve and Hayley...
21
00:00:55,557 --> 00:00:57,757
Not surprised we made it to the finals.
22
00:00:57,759 --> 00:01:00,727
As "sibs," we have
an unfair advantage...
23
00:01:00,752 --> 00:01:02,939
You suck. The reason we're in the finals
24
00:01:02,964 --> 00:01:04,664
is because I'm carrying you.
25
00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:07,100
You keep stopping
everywhere to buy souvenirs.
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00:01:07,102 --> 00:01:09,903
And I swear, if Jeff wasn't
at Dick's bachelor party...
27
00:01:09,905 --> 00:01:11,804
...Bear and Rick.
28
00:01:11,806 --> 00:01:14,674
He's a survival expert,
I'm a travel expert.
29
00:01:14,676 --> 00:01:16,509
We've won every leg so far.
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It hasn't been particularly enjoyable.
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...Yeager and Johnny.
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My name, and I hope
it's trending right now,
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is Yeager Chillax.
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It is not trending.
35
00:01:28,423 --> 00:01:30,356
Oh, but Dannon Yogurt just followed me!
36
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:33,960
I like to kick ass and jam clam
with my man Johnny Bananas.
37
00:01:33,962 --> 00:01:36,663
Yo, I've won MTV's
"The Challenge" six times.
38
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Now I own more yellow XTERRAs
than anyone in the whole world.
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Boom! Vote for us.
40
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Is there... Is there voting on this?
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And, finally, Meredith and Justin,
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00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:49,475
her son who went to heaven and back.
43
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As a single mom who runs her own
44
00:01:51,713 --> 00:01:55,248
medical billing business,
I've had my share of challenges,
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00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:57,483
but at least I have my son.
46
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In heaven, everybody
has long outie belly buttons
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that double as guitars.
48
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He's our miracle boy.
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The miracle boy who's
captured the world's heart.
50
00:02:07,696 --> 00:02:10,396
But will that be enough
to win "The Bitchin' Race?"
51
00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:14,169
We'll find out tonight
on the exciting season finale.
52
00:02:14,231 --> 00:02:16,559
_
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00:02:16,738 --> 00:02:19,038
I know I should root
for someone in the family,
54
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,674
but Justin has captured my heart.
55
00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:24,777
Oh, I'd love to throw it
in his mom while he's sleeping
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00:02:24,779 --> 00:02:26,913
like an angel in the next room.
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? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
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00:02:32,554 --> 00:02:36,155
? I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
59
00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:39,258
? The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ?
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00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:43,963
? And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ?
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? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
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- ? Good... ?
- ? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
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Aah!
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:53,875 --> 00:02:57,010
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
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00:02:58,980 --> 00:03:01,447
In this box are the first instructions
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00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,216
for the final leg of the race.
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00:03:03,218 --> 00:03:05,418
Is everybody ready?
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00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:07,153
Travel safe.
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00:03:07,155 --> 00:03:08,254
Go!
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00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:10,990
?
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Bangkok!
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Ah, Bangkok,
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00:03:17,699 --> 00:03:21,401
the most romantic-sounding
city in the... Ahh!
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00:03:21,403 --> 00:03:23,036
We've got to get to the airport.
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00:03:23,038 --> 00:03:25,304
Expert travelers know
that the best place
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00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,707
to find a cab is often at a hotel.
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00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:29,909
There's a Ramada two blocks southeast.
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00:03:29,911 --> 00:03:32,011
I'll grab a boba on the way
so when I have to
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00:03:32,013 --> 00:03:34,614
drink my own piss later,
it'll taste like Boba.
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00:03:34,616 --> 00:03:38,051
- Dude, you ready to do this?
- "Abs-solutely"!
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I'm all packed!
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Aww, yeah!
84
00:03:42,791 --> 00:03:44,590
Why does mine look different from yours?
85
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,025
Are... Are you doing something?
86
00:03:46,027 --> 00:03:47,860
Are you eating something?
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00:03:47,862 --> 00:03:50,496
Let's go. Drive faster. We're in a race!
88
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,165
I don't think this is a taxi.
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00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:55,635
I think we just got in this
Tunisian guy's car.
90
00:03:55,637 --> 00:03:57,737
Wait. Are you not a cab driver?
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00:03:57,739 --> 00:03:59,972
Wait. Are you not carjackers?
92
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:02,542
[Laughter]
93
00:04:02,544 --> 00:04:04,577
I didn't say slow down.
94
00:04:04,579 --> 00:04:06,679
[Laughs]
95
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,483
- Where are all the cabs?
- [Vibrating]
96
00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:11,818
What is wrong with this country?
97
00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:13,086
Maybe it's for the best.
98
00:04:13,088 --> 00:04:14,587
Our table's ready at the Hard Rock.
99
00:04:14,589 --> 00:04:15,822
We're not going to the Hard Rock.
100
00:04:15,824 --> 00:04:17,123
We've got a race to win.
101
00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:19,292
But some of the pins
they won't let you buy
102
00:04:19,294 --> 00:04:20,660
unless you eat there!
103
00:04:20,662 --> 00:04:23,369
[Indistinct talking, horns honking]
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00:04:24,159 --> 00:04:26,151
_
105
00:04:26,175 --> 00:04:27,854
__
106
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:39,278
Do you need me to take out
all my drawings?
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00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,546
Uh, no.
108
00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:43,182
Your acne scarring inspires me.
109
00:04:43,184 --> 00:04:45,918
I'm gonna draw you.
110
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,587
They're getting ahead of us!
111
00:04:47,589 --> 00:04:50,022
Ooh! I'm gonna put a little moon man
112
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:52,024
planting a flag in your cheek.
113
00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:54,127
Maybe give him a tennis racquet.
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Can you imagine playing
tennis on the moon?
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It's probably all lobs.
116
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[Snorts, laughs]
117
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:01,901
Here's a tip.
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00:05:01,903 --> 00:05:03,236
To get through the terminal quickly,
119
00:05:03,238 --> 00:05:05,838
sit in the lap of a wheelchair person.
120
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,974
By the time anyone
hears their weak protest,
121
00:05:07,976 --> 00:05:09,609
you'll be at your gate.
122
00:05:09,611 --> 00:05:11,778
Cowabunga, dude!
123
00:05:11,780 --> 00:05:13,312
If they get the first flight out,
124
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,547
we'll never catch them.
125
00:05:14,549 --> 00:05:16,315
And Francine's still stuck at security.
126
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:17,550
Steve's in the gift shop.
127
00:05:17,552 --> 00:05:19,051
He keeps buying and returning the same
128
00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:20,653
Tunisian New York Yankees hat.
129
00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:23,456
We have to stop the experts
from getting on that plane.
130
00:05:23,458 --> 00:05:25,324
I invoke a one-time-only
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00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,960
Dollar Shave Club Temporary Alliance.
132
00:05:27,962 --> 00:05:30,429
[Shaving cream squirting]
133
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:33,131
Announcer: Now, that's
some smooth action.
134
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:39,372
Hi. I'm Brett Favre for
poor retirement planning...
135
00:05:39,374 --> 00:05:41,174
Klaus: Nope.
136
00:05:43,845 --> 00:05:46,579
Huh. When you're not doing it yourself,
137
00:05:46,581 --> 00:05:49,816
ski jumping is phenomenally boring.
138
00:05:49,818 --> 00:05:52,652
Ohh! Aah! He's pinwheeling!
139
00:05:52,654 --> 00:05:54,554
There's no way he survived that!
140
00:05:54,556 --> 00:05:57,356
Ugh. There's his leg. Nasty.
141
00:05:57,358 --> 00:06:00,660
[Sighs] They're bringing
it to the widow. Good.
142
00:06:00,662 --> 00:06:02,795
Ohh! But another woman's
fighting for it!
143
00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:04,497
His mistress, of course.
144
00:06:04,499 --> 00:06:06,399
Ah, ski jumpers.
145
00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:08,401
We're all dogs.
146
00:06:08,403 --> 00:06:10,283
Oh, no, the race!
147
00:06:10,672 --> 00:06:13,339
[Dramatic music plays]
148
00:06:14,409 --> 00:06:15,808
[Both panting]
149
00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:17,410
Who would have guessed that Rick Steves
150
00:06:17,412 --> 00:06:19,422
would be harder to choke out
than Bear Grylls?
151
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:23,602
He smiled the whole time
and would not break eye contact.
152
00:06:27,641 --> 00:06:29,174
I like to go half-recline
153
00:06:29,176 --> 00:06:31,143
even before we push from the gate.
154
00:06:31,145 --> 00:06:33,812
I've never been busted.
155
00:06:33,814 --> 00:06:35,113
Are you willing and able to assist
156
00:06:35,115 --> 00:06:36,448
in the event of an emergency?
157
00:06:36,450 --> 00:06:39,918
Honey, I'll assist
you anytime, anywhere.
158
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,355
Oh! That is so Yeager Chillax.
159
00:06:43,357 --> 00:06:46,024
Angels are gonna help us fly the plane!
160
00:06:46,026 --> 00:06:47,426
All: Aww.
161
00:06:47,428 --> 00:06:49,494
Hey! I'm still hogging the camera here!
162
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:52,130
What, that kid's special
because he died for a second?
163
00:06:52,132 --> 00:06:54,966
Bananas can kiss his own tip!
Tell 'em, Bananas!
164
00:06:54,968 --> 00:06:58,372
I could suck it, but I never do.
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00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,873
Host: Once in Bangkok, teams
will hit their first detour,
166
00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:05,077
where they'll have to choose
between yak and back.
167
00:07:05,079 --> 00:07:06,678
Here, they must herd yaks
168
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:10,865
or have a full Thai massage
before they can continue racing.
169
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:15,560
_
170
00:07:17,692 --> 00:07:19,036
_
171
00:07:19,359 --> 00:07:21,460
Doesn't a massage sound nice,
172
00:07:21,462 --> 00:07:23,562
a little romantic couple time?
173
00:07:23,564 --> 00:07:25,447
We watched "Rush Hour 3" on the plane.
174
00:07:25,472 --> 00:07:26,965
I think I'm done wooing you.
175
00:07:26,967 --> 00:07:29,067
I bet we can rip
through that yak herding.
176
00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:32,237
- Based on what?
- Hurry up!
177
00:07:34,088 --> 00:07:35,221
[Cheers and applause]
178
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,678
Dude, they love us!
179
00:07:36,743 --> 00:07:39,878
The cameras, the attention...
they're finally on us!
180
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,114
[Crowd shouting]: Justin! Justin!
181
00:07:42,116 --> 00:07:44,649
In heaven, you can fart colors!
182
00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:46,318
[Cheers and applause]
183
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,720
This ain't working, Yeager Chillax.
184
00:07:48,722 --> 00:07:50,222
I know, Johnny Bananas.
185
00:07:50,224 --> 00:07:51,822
I've seen this before.
186
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,400
We're not the stars of this season,
187
00:07:53,425 --> 00:07:54,291
and we're never gonna be.
188
00:07:54,316 --> 00:07:56,761
Ugh. This sucks. I quit.
189
00:07:56,763 --> 00:08:00,132
I feel like I'll never be
happy again. Ooh, karaoke!
190
00:08:00,157 --> 00:08:02,085
I'm next! I'm next!
191
00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:05,945
I'm... Nattapong W.
192
00:08:06,673 --> 00:08:08,974
Host: Teams must
herd their yaks into the pen
193
00:08:08,976 --> 00:08:10,642
on the far side of their corral.
194
00:08:10,644 --> 00:08:14,246
Since Stan and Hayley have done
all the challenges so far,
195
00:08:14,248 --> 00:08:18,850
Steve and Francine must do the herding.
196
00:08:18,852 --> 00:08:20,018
Kiss for luck?
197
00:08:20,020 --> 00:08:21,887
We'll kiss at the finish line!
198
00:08:21,889 --> 00:08:26,458
Yak, I-I'm gonna need you to...
Wow, your fur is soft!
199
00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:28,426
Reminds me of a shawl I have.
200
00:08:28,428 --> 00:08:30,595
I like to wrap it around my shoulders
201
00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:32,497
when I get cold at Trader Joe's.
202
00:08:32,499 --> 00:08:34,499
[Chuckles] Why keep it so chilly?
203
00:08:34,501 --> 00:08:37,202
CVS... same problem,
not to mention how loud
204
00:08:37,204 --> 00:08:38,570
they play the music in the...
205
00:08:38,572 --> 00:08:40,071
Move your ass!
206
00:08:40,073 --> 00:08:42,941
You can do it, honey!
207
00:08:42,943 --> 00:08:45,777
[Whispering] Your great
grandmother says hello.
208
00:08:45,779 --> 00:08:47,712
[Yak grunts]
209
00:08:49,917 --> 00:08:52,884
[Yak bellows]
210
00:08:52,886 --> 00:08:55,420
[Yaks bellowing]
211
00:08:58,325 --> 00:08:59,658
Do what he did.
212
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:01,159
Do something!
213
00:09:01,161 --> 00:09:03,094
Oh, my goodness.
214
00:09:03,096 --> 00:09:05,463
Will you look at that temple over there?
215
00:09:05,465 --> 00:09:07,566
I feel so lucky to be here.
216
00:09:07,568 --> 00:09:10,035
Together: Oh, come on!
You're killing me!
217
00:09:10,037 --> 00:09:11,636
You have no idea what it's like
218
00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:14,072
trying to compete with
that tied around my neck.
219
00:09:14,074 --> 00:09:15,307
"That"?
220
00:09:15,309 --> 00:09:16,741
Oh, I think I do.
221
00:09:16,743 --> 00:09:19,678
It's like you're an alpha,
and you're strapped to a...
222
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,379
What's the "B" one?
223
00:09:21,381 --> 00:09:22,881
A little bitch boy.
224
00:09:22,883 --> 00:09:24,549
You think you're an alpha?
225
00:09:24,551 --> 00:09:26,518
You're an unemployed college dropout
226
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,620
who sleeps with her husband
in a twin bed.
227
00:09:28,622 --> 00:09:31,389
First of all, it's a yoga mat
on an air-hockey table.
228
00:09:31,391 --> 00:09:34,392
Second, when there's something
I want, I have another gear.
229
00:09:34,394 --> 00:09:37,629
So, you don't want a real bed?
230
00:09:37,631 --> 00:09:41,032
Stan, you really think
I don't pull my own weight?
231
00:09:41,034 --> 00:09:42,400
Uh, this is you.
232
00:09:42,402 --> 00:09:44,302
"La-di-da! I'm on vacation
233
00:09:44,304 --> 00:09:47,739
and not trying to win
this race or help at all!"
234
00:09:47,741 --> 00:09:51,743
I invoke a one-time-only
Tostitos Scoop Partner Swap.
235
00:09:51,745 --> 00:09:53,545
Announcer: Partner Swap,
236
00:09:53,547 --> 00:09:55,947
brought to you by Tostitos Scoops...
237
00:09:55,949 --> 00:09:57,449
scoop up a new partner!
238
00:09:57,451 --> 00:09:59,384
You know what, Stan?
239
00:09:59,386 --> 00:10:01,953
I don't want to be your partner anymore.
240
00:10:01,955 --> 00:10:03,288
Me neither!
241
00:10:03,290 --> 00:10:04,489
Announcer: Everyone loves a Scoop!
242
00:10:04,491 --> 00:10:06,024
Shall we massage, Mother?
243
00:10:06,026 --> 00:10:09,027
Yes, Steve, we shall.
244
00:10:09,029 --> 00:10:11,696
Let's win this thing.
245
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,965
Which one of you yaks is the leader?
246
00:10:13,967 --> 00:10:15,667
Step forward, alpha yak!
247
00:10:15,669 --> 00:10:18,270
[Yak bellows]
248
00:10:18,272 --> 00:10:21,039
[Snarling]
249
00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:24,609
[Dramatic music builds]
250
00:10:24,611 --> 00:10:26,077
[Grunts]
251
00:10:26,079 --> 00:10:28,280
[Dramatic music plays]
252
00:10:32,919 --> 00:10:35,887
[Smooches]
253
00:10:35,889 --> 00:10:37,822
[Grunts]
254
00:10:37,824 --> 00:10:39,958
Holy shit.
255
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,665
?
256
00:10:49,368 --> 00:10:53,008
Call now and talk
to hot singles in your area.
257
00:10:53,405 --> 00:10:57,040
Oh, man, we got chicks
like that in my area?
258
00:10:57,042 --> 00:10:59,275
Oh! The race!
259
00:10:59,277 --> 00:11:01,778
?
260
00:11:01,780 --> 00:11:05,148
I've never done a bungee jump
before, but I'm a single mom,
261
00:11:05,150 --> 00:11:08,952
a lupus survivor, and I'll do
anything for my miracle boy.
262
00:11:08,954 --> 00:11:10,453
[Screams]
263
00:11:10,455 --> 00:11:12,222
Wait! How much do you weigh?!
264
00:11:12,224 --> 00:11:15,759
Less than Meredith! B-B-B-Burn!
265
00:11:17,496 --> 00:11:18,762
Get the next clue.
266
00:11:18,764 --> 00:11:21,498
You block Justin and his mom.
267
00:11:23,368 --> 00:11:25,835
We have to find
some big guy named George.
268
00:11:25,837 --> 00:11:27,537
Let's do it!
269
00:11:29,941 --> 00:11:32,409
Who would choose a yak herding challenge
270
00:11:32,411 --> 00:11:34,077
over a massage challenge?
271
00:11:34,079 --> 00:11:35,512
How stupid!
272
00:11:35,514 --> 00:11:37,547
And they think we can't make decisions?
273
00:11:37,549 --> 00:11:39,349
- Ludicrous.
- Insulting.
274
00:11:39,351 --> 00:11:40,884
Cucumber water?
275
00:11:40,886 --> 00:11:42,085
Um...
276
00:11:42,087 --> 00:11:43,720
Well, hmm...
277
00:11:43,722 --> 00:11:45,822
I, uh...
278
00:11:45,824 --> 00:11:47,690
Hmm...
279
00:11:49,828 --> 00:11:52,162
That must be George.
280
00:11:52,164 --> 00:11:53,897
Hey. Are you George?
281
00:11:53,899 --> 00:11:56,800
- Uh, aren't we looking for a big guy?
- That's got to be him.
282
00:11:56,802 --> 00:11:58,535
He's the only guy
we've seen for an hour.
283
00:11:58,537 --> 00:11:59,569
Maybe he's got a big dick.
284
00:11:59,571 --> 00:12:01,004
Good thinking, daughter.
285
00:12:01,006 --> 00:12:02,839
Don't mess with us, "Big Dick" George.
286
00:12:02,841 --> 00:12:04,707
We're in a hurry, so take us now.
287
00:12:04,709 --> 00:12:07,410
Together: Take us! Take us! Take us!
288
00:12:11,383 --> 00:12:14,651
Hey, camera guy, it's a television show,
289
00:12:14,653 --> 00:12:16,653
not a television "don't show."
290
00:12:16,655 --> 00:12:17,787
Roasted!
291
00:12:17,789 --> 00:12:19,489
I've said it before,
and I'll say it again.
292
00:12:19,491 --> 00:12:22,659
If I weren't your dad,
you'd really make me laugh.
293
00:12:26,731 --> 00:12:28,731
Host: Before they can continue racing,
294
00:12:28,733 --> 00:12:31,935
Justin must complete
this puzzle blindfolded.
295
00:12:31,937 --> 00:12:34,204
Don't worry, Mommy. I got this.
296
00:12:34,206 --> 00:12:37,006
Or should I say, I "God" this.
297
00:12:37,008 --> 00:12:39,342
You sure do, honey!
298
00:12:45,884 --> 00:12:48,551
Believe it or not,
he's always been like this,
299
00:12:48,553 --> 00:12:50,197
a real cocky little shit.
300
00:12:50,221 --> 00:12:51,322
[Beeping]
301
00:12:51,323 --> 00:12:53,556
Oh, it's 3:30.
302
00:12:56,862 --> 00:12:59,195
- [Gun clicks]
- Well, back to the show.
303
00:12:59,197 --> 00:13:01,331
See you tomorrow.
304
00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:08,204
It must be an escape-room challenge.
305
00:13:08,206 --> 00:13:09,472
And an eating challenge?
306
00:13:09,474 --> 00:13:10,773
It's the finale.
307
00:13:10,775 --> 00:13:12,509
I bet as soon as we finish this gruel,
308
00:13:12,511 --> 00:13:15,178
this shack turns into a hot-air balloon.
309
00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:17,614
?
310
00:13:18,583 --> 00:13:20,316
What a massage.
311
00:13:20,318 --> 00:13:23,686
You were crying... a lot in there.
312
00:13:23,688 --> 00:13:25,722
Sanit said that happens all the time.
313
00:13:25,724 --> 00:13:27,957
Has to do with too much testosterone.
314
00:13:27,959 --> 00:13:29,292
Uh-huh.
315
00:13:29,294 --> 00:13:30,460
So, let's continue the race.
316
00:13:30,462 --> 00:13:31,694
You bet.
317
00:13:31,696 --> 00:13:34,063
We should find a... like, a train?
318
00:13:34,065 --> 00:13:35,298
Is a taxi better?
319
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:36,499
Tough to say.
320
00:13:36,501 --> 00:13:38,067
Maybe a stroll?
321
00:13:38,069 --> 00:13:39,802
We're already in this park.
322
00:13:39,804 --> 00:13:40,803
Gorgeous.
323
00:13:40,805 --> 00:13:43,540
- Quick sit?
- Maybe a little nibble?
324
00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:46,037
Crying makes me super hungry.
325
00:13:46,311 --> 00:13:50,780
?
326
00:13:50,782 --> 00:13:52,849
Whoa! You got the wrong idea.
327
00:13:52,851 --> 00:13:55,151
I'm not some prostitute who's
gonna take you to the back room.
328
00:13:55,153 --> 00:13:56,252
What?
329
00:13:56,254 --> 00:13:57,854
I'm a freewheelin' party boy
330
00:13:57,856 --> 00:13:59,689
who'll slob your knob right here.
331
00:13:59,691 --> 00:14:01,491
Just untuck your Tommy Bahama
332
00:14:01,493 --> 00:14:03,026
and give me a little privacy curtain.
333
00:14:03,028 --> 00:14:05,728
- ["Ghostbusters" theme plays]
- Oh, that's my song.
334
00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:07,196
? When there's something strange ?
335
00:14:07,198 --> 00:14:08,110
Johnny.
336
00:14:08,135 --> 00:14:09,399
? In your neighborhood ?
337
00:14:09,401 --> 00:14:10,433
I need you to...
338
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:11,587
? Who you gonna call? ?
339
00:14:11,612 --> 00:14:12,537
...jerk that guy off.
340
00:14:12,562 --> 00:14:14,009
? ...Busters ?
341
00:14:14,506 --> 00:14:17,073
?
342
00:14:17,075 --> 00:14:19,242
This must be the last part
of the challenge.
343
00:14:19,244 --> 00:14:21,244
Any second now,
we'll hit that hot-air balloon.
344
00:14:21,246 --> 00:14:23,046
Two holes, two balloons?
345
00:14:23,048 --> 00:14:25,315
Don't be silly. One's for the basket.
346
00:14:25,317 --> 00:14:26,583
Now just keep digging these holes,
347
00:14:26,585 --> 00:14:29,118
these two rectangular...
348
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:32,121
human-sized holes...
349
00:14:32,123 --> 00:14:33,556
these graves.
350
00:14:33,558 --> 00:14:35,792
This isn't part of the show, is it?
351
00:14:35,794 --> 00:14:39,562
No. We seem to be prisoners
in some sort of rebel camp.
352
00:14:39,564 --> 00:14:42,899
Hey, camera guy, did you know this?
353
00:14:42,901 --> 00:14:45,501
- Dad, what are we gonna do?
- It's okay.
354
00:14:45,503 --> 00:14:47,070
I have a lot
of experience getting out of
355
00:14:47,072 --> 00:14:48,304
situations like this.
356
00:14:48,306 --> 00:14:50,640
The first thing is
to ascertain what they want.
357
00:14:50,642 --> 00:14:53,476
Then you figure out
how you can help them get it.
358
00:14:53,478 --> 00:14:56,479
I want you to suffer, dum-dum,
359
00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:59,716
so you can help me by suffering!
360
00:14:59,718 --> 00:15:02,285
Welcome to the jungle, baby!
361
00:15:02,287 --> 00:15:04,187
You're gonna die!
362
00:15:04,189 --> 00:15:06,122
Hit it, Som Phong!
363
00:15:06,124 --> 00:15:08,091
? Para bailar La Bamba ?
364
00:15:08,093 --> 00:15:09,292
No!
365
00:15:09,294 --> 00:15:12,635
Does that sound like
"Welcome to the Jungle" to you?!
366
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:14,205
? Una poca de gracia ?
367
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:16,399
Som Phong, do you even want to be here?
368
00:15:16,401 --> 00:15:17,807
? Una poca de gracia ?
369
00:15:17,962 --> 00:15:20,579
?
370
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:25,687
I can't believe my
arch-nemesis, Stan Smith,
371
00:15:25,689 --> 00:15:28,190
has just fallen into my lap!
372
00:15:28,192 --> 00:15:29,691
Dad, who is this guy?
373
00:15:29,693 --> 00:15:31,860
He's a Thai general
who threw me and my friends
374
00:15:31,862 --> 00:15:33,462
into prison a couple of years back.
375
00:15:33,464 --> 00:15:34,529
You mean your co-workers.
376
00:15:34,531 --> 00:15:35,630
My friends.
377
00:15:35,632 --> 00:15:36,865
If they were your friends,
378
00:15:36,867 --> 00:15:39,101
you'd be at Dick's bachelor party.
379
00:15:39,103 --> 00:15:42,704
That's right. Everybody
knows you weren't invited.
380
00:15:42,706 --> 00:15:44,840
- [Gasps]
- And that is just a taste
381
00:15:44,842 --> 00:15:47,976
of the torture you deserve
because after you escaped,
382
00:15:47,978 --> 00:15:50,879
the stupid king fired me from army!
383
00:15:50,881 --> 00:15:54,883
And he took my yaks, all of them!
384
00:15:54,885 --> 00:15:56,852
Dad, we were so focused on winning,
385
00:15:56,854 --> 00:15:58,754
we walked straight into a prison camp.
386
00:15:58,756 --> 00:16:02,023
The king took Yackie Mason
and Samuel L. Yackson.
387
00:16:02,025 --> 00:16:04,559
Do you realize if we hadn't
partner-swapped,
388
00:16:04,561 --> 00:16:05,927
we wouldn't be in this position.
389
00:16:05,929 --> 00:16:09,197
He also took Yackie O.,
Bo-Yak Horseman...
390
00:16:09,199 --> 00:16:11,600
Maybe instead
of wanting Francine and Steve
391
00:16:11,602 --> 00:16:12,716
to be more like us...
392
00:16:12,741 --> 00:16:15,737
...Gene Yakman, Hugh Yakman...
they're brothers.
393
00:16:15,739 --> 00:16:17,706
We should be more like them.
394
00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:19,508
There was a group of them
I called Nickelyak.
395
00:16:19,510 --> 00:16:21,009
I don't miss them.
396
00:16:21,011 --> 00:16:24,846
Well maybe... maybe...
it's not too late to learn.
397
00:16:24,848 --> 00:16:26,848
We're probably going to die here,
398
00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:28,350
but we can at least go out the way
399
00:16:28,352 --> 00:16:32,554
Steve and Francine would...
savoring every moment.
400
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:35,023
We accept your invitation to stay.
401
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:36,091
Invitation?!
402
00:16:36,093 --> 00:16:38,727
This is no prom! This prison!
403
00:16:38,729 --> 00:16:41,430
Instead of corsage,
you will have disease.
404
00:16:41,432 --> 00:16:44,466
Instead of party limo,
you will have pain.
405
00:16:44,468 --> 00:16:46,168
Instead of peach schnapps,
406
00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:49,805
you will have so much peach schnapps!
407
00:16:49,807 --> 00:16:52,007
[Laughs maniacally]
408
00:16:54,812 --> 00:16:56,445
[Birds chirping]
409
00:16:56,447 --> 00:16:57,813
Check me out, Mama!
410
00:16:57,815 --> 00:17:00,816
Great, honey!
411
00:17:02,486 --> 00:17:04,453
What the hell are you doing?!
412
00:17:04,455 --> 00:17:05,954
Well, we're...
413
00:17:05,956 --> 00:17:07,322
I don't exactly know.
414
00:17:07,324 --> 00:17:08,623
What day is it?
415
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,425
It's two weeks since
you switched partners.
416
00:17:10,427 --> 00:17:15,997
Wow. I have got to say, I cannot
account for most of that time.
417
00:17:15,999 --> 00:17:17,799
We've just kind of been hanging out.
418
00:17:17,801 --> 00:17:19,534
- So, who won?
- No one!
419
00:17:19,536 --> 00:17:21,603
Everyone's stuck or disappeared.
420
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:24,105
- Look.
- [Beeps]
421
00:17:24,107 --> 00:17:27,209
Yay! This'll be in the movie of me!
422
00:17:27,211 --> 00:17:28,977
Right, Mom?
423
00:17:28,979 --> 00:17:30,045
Mom?
424
00:17:30,047 --> 00:17:32,881
It's time his father
deals with some of this.
425
00:17:32,883 --> 00:17:35,650
That's fair, right?
426
00:17:35,652 --> 00:17:37,385
? Bustin', yeah, bustin'
427
00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:40,355
? Oh, bustin' makes me feel good ?
428
00:17:40,357 --> 00:17:41,590
[Cheers and applause]
429
00:17:41,592 --> 00:17:44,159
Whoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
430
00:17:44,161 --> 00:17:46,428
Hoo! Hoo!
431
00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:48,363
What about Stan and Hayley?
432
00:17:48,365 --> 00:17:50,565
They were captured by Thai rebels.
433
00:17:50,567 --> 00:17:53,702
Every time I want to complain
about how uncomfortable this is,
434
00:17:53,704 --> 00:17:56,371
I just think,
"How would Francine and Steve
435
00:17:56,373 --> 00:17:57,306
be handling it?"
436
00:17:57,331 --> 00:17:59,541
They'd be appreciating every second.
437
00:17:59,543 --> 00:18:01,376
Feeling the sun on their face.
438
00:18:01,378 --> 00:18:02,611
[Inhales deeply]
439
00:18:02,613 --> 00:18:04,246
Really smelling the mud.
440
00:18:04,248 --> 00:18:07,082
And feeling the things in the mud,
441
00:18:07,084 --> 00:18:09,751
like the thing
that's coiled around my leg
442
00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:10,952
and working its way up.
443
00:18:10,954 --> 00:18:12,787
I'm excited to see its face.
444
00:18:12,789 --> 00:18:14,589
We're very lucky.
445
00:18:14,591 --> 00:18:17,492
Please, please get off your
asses and win this thing.
446
00:18:17,494 --> 00:18:18,793
I got to get home.
447
00:18:18,795 --> 00:18:20,729
My cat-sitter... she's been sending me
448
00:18:20,731 --> 00:18:22,364
some very dark e-mails.
449
00:18:22,366 --> 00:18:23,798
Oh, no!
450
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,002
If they're acting like us,
they'll never get out of there!
451
00:18:27,004 --> 00:18:30,639
If they won't act like them,
then we're gonna have to...
452
00:18:30,641 --> 00:18:34,209
to save them from ourselves.
453
00:18:34,211 --> 00:18:36,444
Or you could just finish the race!
454
00:18:36,446 --> 00:18:39,414
I don't get to go home
until someone wins!
455
00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:41,049
Wait.
456
00:18:41,051 --> 00:18:43,018
I invoke a one-time-only
457
00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:45,453
Rocket Mortgage Take Me Home loan.
458
00:18:45,455 --> 00:18:47,055
Announcer: Rocket Mortgage...
459
00:18:47,057 --> 00:18:50,058
you can't go home
if you don't have a house.
460
00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:53,161
Daddy's coming home, Mr. Slippers!
461
00:18:53,163 --> 00:18:54,996
[Grunts]
462
00:18:54,998 --> 00:18:57,432
You know, I've kind of learned
to love this piss jar.
463
00:18:57,434 --> 00:18:59,668
I hope our captors
will respect my wishes
464
00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:01,202
and let me be buried with it.
465
00:19:01,204 --> 00:19:04,573
And I am straight up addicted
to pooping in a river.
466
00:19:04,575 --> 00:19:06,107
What is wrong with you guys?!
467
00:19:06,109 --> 00:19:07,909
We have like six bathrooms!
468
00:19:07,911 --> 00:19:11,212
Aah! Okay, only person
being tortured here is me!
469
00:19:11,214 --> 00:19:14,015
That's on you, bro.
You choose to torture yourself.
470
00:19:14,017 --> 00:19:16,885
Oh, I choose? Okay, then.
471
00:19:16,887 --> 00:19:19,521
I choose to have guards shoot you a lot.
472
00:19:19,523 --> 00:19:21,423
[Rumbling]
473
00:19:22,426 --> 00:19:24,392
Mush! Mush!
474
00:19:25,429 --> 00:19:26,995
Whoa!
475
00:19:26,997 --> 00:19:28,603
I believe these are yours.
476
00:19:28,628 --> 00:19:30,361
My yaks.
477
00:19:30,467 --> 00:19:34,069
You have my dad and my sister,
so we came to trade.
478
00:19:34,071 --> 00:19:35,737
Check out alpha Steve!
479
00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,472
Just when we learned to appreciate
480
00:19:37,474 --> 00:19:39,074
what a huge wussy you are.
481
00:19:39,076 --> 00:19:40,909
And just to sweeten our offer...
482
00:19:40,911 --> 00:19:43,144
A portrait! Of me!
483
00:19:43,146 --> 00:19:45,680
And you even guessed that,
although I am left-handed,
484
00:19:45,682 --> 00:19:47,849
I would play tennis
with my right, like my hero
485
00:19:47,851 --> 00:19:49,250
Jim Courier!
486
00:19:49,252 --> 00:19:50,785
Yep.
487
00:19:50,787 --> 00:19:52,487
So, what do you say?
488
00:19:52,489 --> 00:19:53,788
We got a deal?
489
00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:56,491
No one has ever been this nice to me.
490
00:19:56,493 --> 00:19:57,826
I could get used to it.
491
00:19:57,828 --> 00:20:00,028
Seize them!
492
00:20:02,199 --> 00:20:04,899
They had free Tai Chi
classes in the park.
493
00:20:04,901 --> 00:20:08,837
Do you want me to cloud-hands
you to the flippin' Stone Age?
494
00:20:08,839 --> 00:20:10,739
Okay, okay, okay! Backsies!
495
00:20:10,741 --> 00:20:12,073
I accept deal!
496
00:20:12,075 --> 00:20:14,075
You get dum-dum and daughter.
497
00:20:14,077 --> 00:20:15,777
I get yaks and portrait.
498
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:17,379
Everyone wins!
499
00:20:17,381 --> 00:20:18,780
All: All right!
500
00:20:18,782 --> 00:20:20,382
Host: Actually, no one wins.
501
00:20:20,384 --> 00:20:22,183
Due to everyone being disqualified,
502
00:20:22,185 --> 00:20:24,219
this season's $1-million prize
has been donated
503
00:20:24,221 --> 00:20:26,254
to the ExxonMobil legal defense fund.
504
00:20:26,256 --> 00:20:28,839
Better lawyer up, pelicans.
505
00:20:30,527 --> 00:20:31,793
Wait. It's over?
506
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,328
Where's the big ending?
507
00:20:33,330 --> 00:20:35,397
[Creaking]
508
00:20:37,434 --> 00:20:39,868
What?!
509
00:20:41,938 --> 00:20:43,672
The big ending!
510
00:20:43,674 --> 00:20:45,373
I knew it!
511
00:20:45,375 --> 00:20:47,509
The winner is me!
512
00:20:47,511 --> 00:20:49,377
I won somehow!
513
00:20:49,379 --> 00:20:53,982
I'm being rewarded because I believed!
514
00:20:54,006 --> 00:20:55,506
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
515
00:20:55,556 --> 00:21:00,106
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