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1
00:00:02,521 --> 00:00:06,161
Tell me I'm wrong, 'cause I'm
never wrong about oatmeal.
2
00:00:06,196 --> 00:00:07,588
[slurp!]
3
00:00:07,592 --> 00:00:11,555
You know, you really can taste
a difference with the steel-cut.
4
00:00:11,563 --> 00:00:14,358
Thank you.
Thank you for trusting me
5
00:00:14,366 --> 00:00:16,096
to take you on this
breakfast journey.
6
00:00:16,101 --> 00:00:18,669
- Shit!
- Uh, excuse you.
7
00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:21,000
They did it.
They finally did it.
8
00:00:21,006 --> 00:00:23,736
Finally made a Junior Jumble
you couldn't master, huh?
9
00:00:23,742 --> 00:00:24,842
Here, let me take a look.
10
00:00:24,843 --> 00:00:27,808
- They freakin' did it!
- Did what?!
11
00:00:30,182 --> 00:00:32,482
The Langley Falls Art Museum
12
00:00:32,483 --> 00:00:36,786
has acquired the paintings...
of Reynolds...
13
00:00:36,788 --> 00:00:38,888
- Jasperterian.
- Who's that?
14
00:00:38,890 --> 00:00:41,489
It's philistine attitudes
like that that have
15
00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:44,089
kept this rinky-dink
burg off the cultural map!
16
00:00:44,096 --> 00:00:46,096
Roger, please, your tone!
17
00:00:46,098 --> 00:00:48,432
You know who's the best artist?
Gary Larson.
18
00:00:48,467 --> 00:00:52,397
He took us all to the far side
and kept us chuckling.
19
00:00:52,404 --> 00:00:53,704
[sighs]
20
00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:57,073
You know, Roger,
I knew Reynolds Jasperterian.
21
00:00:57,075 --> 00:01:00,310
- You did?
- Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit.
22
00:01:06,751 --> 00:01:09,251
Francine, do we have any honey?
23
00:01:09,254 --> 00:01:11,994
[footsteps recede]
24
00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:15,688
[squirt!]
25
00:01:19,097 --> 00:01:20,297
What?!
26
00:01:20,298 --> 00:01:22,898
You knew
Reynolds Jasperterian?!
27
00:01:22,901 --> 00:01:26,171
Knew him?
He painted my portrait.
28
00:01:26,706 --> 00:01:28,271
Ahem!
29
00:01:28,273 --> 00:01:31,243
The Smiths are going
to the art museum!
30
00:01:31,278 --> 00:01:34,283
That includes me.
I took Hayley's last name.
31
00:01:34,318 --> 00:01:35,849
I'm the wife!
32
00:01:36,331 --> 00:01:38,831
[patriotic music plays]
33
00:01:38,834 --> 00:01:42,104
Good morning, U.S.A.
34
00:01:42,139 --> 00:01:45,474
I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day
35
00:01:45,509 --> 00:01:48,844
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
36
00:01:48,879 --> 00:01:52,914
And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race
37
00:01:54,783 --> 00:01:58,085
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
38
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,390
- # Good ... #
- # Good morning, U.S.A. #
39
00:02:00,425 --> 00:02:01,719
Aah!
40
00:02:02,788 --> 00:02:05,923
Good morning, U.S.A.
41
00:02:05,924 --> 00:02:08,606
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
42
00:02:08,877 --> 00:02:11,007
MAN: Fearing it was
hurting his art,
43
00:02:11,013 --> 00:02:14,983
Jasperterian spurned the party
scene of New York City.
44
00:02:15,018 --> 00:02:18,285
But he died anyway
of party-related diseases
45
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,960
in the arms of the wife he had
so often humiliated.
46
00:02:21,995 --> 00:02:23,557
Roger, I'm surprised.
47
00:02:23,558 --> 00:02:25,828
I thought Reynolds Jasperterian
was gonna be you.
48
00:02:25,863 --> 00:02:27,957
I gotta tell you, I did, too.
49
00:02:27,963 --> 00:02:31,133
"I capture forever and share
50
00:02:31,168 --> 00:02:34,333
the most exceptional beauty
in the world."
51
00:02:34,336 --> 00:02:38,235
- [gasps] Oh, Reynolds.
- Big whoop. I'm in the CIA.
52
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,240
[camera shutters clicking]
53
00:02:41,243 --> 00:02:44,678
- What's this line for?
- To see Jasperterian's masterpiece.
54
00:02:44,713 --> 00:02:47,253
Does it have two funny animals
and a joke?
55
00:02:47,288 --> 00:02:50,553
A fat kid wearing glasses and a
hilarious observation underneath?
56
00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,052
If not, I'm like that T. Rex
57
00:02:52,054 --> 00:02:54,194
watching the asteroid
hurl towards Earth.
58
00:02:54,229 --> 00:02:57,417
- "Uh, check, please."
- No!
59
00:02:57,426 --> 00:03:00,186
It's his
"Portrait of Francine's Genitals."
60
00:03:00,195 --> 00:03:01,855
Wait, what?!
61
00:03:01,863 --> 00:03:06,101
- Astounding.
- What an achievement.
62
00:03:06,136 --> 00:03:08,201
[horror-movie music plays]
63
00:03:08,203 --> 00:03:10,904
No!
All of you, stop looking!
64
00:03:10,939 --> 00:03:12,369
Don't look at this!
This is private!
65
00:03:12,374 --> 00:03:13,944
Take your eyes off this!
66
00:03:16,511 --> 00:03:20,181
MAN: Clean-up on aisle
mid-century, post-Modernism.
67
00:03:20,182 --> 00:03:21,282
Nobody look!
68
00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:22,883
[screaming]
69
00:03:22,884 --> 00:03:27,854
Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you
kids, the portrait is of my box.
70
00:03:27,889 --> 00:03:30,919
STEVE: I can't unsee
any of this, can I?
71
00:03:30,926 --> 00:03:35,101
- Where did you get that falafel pita?
- I had it in my pocket.
72
00:03:37,599 --> 00:03:39,899
[laughing]
73
00:03:39,901 --> 00:03:41,731
Ah. Stan Smith,
74
00:03:41,736 --> 00:03:44,566
the fellow whose wife's pudenda
we all saw
75
00:03:44,573 --> 00:03:47,968
- on the wall of the art museum.
- I also got the tote bag.
76
00:03:47,976 --> 00:03:51,376
And I "stuffed it" with zucchinis.
77
00:03:52,714 --> 00:03:56,084
I thought last year's Matisse
exhibition was a thrill.
78
00:03:56,119 --> 00:04:00,994
- But to witness a Jasperterian in person...
- You shut your filthy mouth!
79
00:04:01,029 --> 00:04:03,119
[chuckling] Oh, yes.
80
00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:05,225
It's going to be
a very amusing day.
81
00:04:05,227 --> 00:04:06,687
[yells]
82
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:10,846
Oh, what a day.
83
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,581
This is some day, I'll tell ya.
84
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,516
Steve, what are you doing
out there?
85
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,521
Yeah, you're usually
in your room,
86
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:18,623
moaning at some
mysterious activity.
87
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:22,458
Well, I had my normal afternoon
all planned out.
88
00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:24,095
Shades were drawn,
89
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:27,370
my favorite pages were
bookmarked and waiting for me.
90
00:04:27,405 --> 00:04:29,967
My Korean micro-fiber
polishing mitten
91
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:33,335
rinsed out and almost dry.
I untied the drawstring of my
92
00:04:33,336 --> 00:04:37,275
- loose-fitting Gypsy pants.
- Okay, set the scene less.
93
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,777
But there was one problem.
94
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:44,950
No matter what I looked at,
all I saw was... that painting.
95
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,281
[screams]
96
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,687
- I think I'm broken!
- It's no big deal, Steve.
97
00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:50,718
Mom's always flashing me
that thing.
98
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:53,959
- "Does this look right to you?"
- Ew.
99
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,460
Maybe you can use your
newfound time to help people.
100
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,633
Like how I'm helping
Jeff with his coloring.
101
00:04:58,668 --> 00:04:59,802
I'm ready for red now.
102
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:04,138
Are you sure you're done
with the green?
103
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:08,037
Wait!
One more thing.
104
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:11,907
[humming] You! You embarrassed
me in front of everybody!
105
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,164
- By making London broil?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
106
00:05:14,199 --> 00:05:16,307
Don't drag your delicious
London broil
107
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,576
into a conversation
about that filthy painting!
108
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:22,354
Are you still upset about that?
That painting was years ago.
109
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:26,089
Besides, it's an honor
to inspire great art.
110
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:28,710
I don't intend to share
my property with the
111
00:05:28,711 --> 00:05:31,328
low-brow pond scum that
frequent art museums.
112
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,701
I'm sorry, Stan, did you say
"your property?!"
113
00:05:34,736 --> 00:05:37,701
Well, yeah.
That part of you is owned by me.
114
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,844
That's what our wedding
was all about, right?
115
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,776
I hope you can learn to enjoy
the portrait, Stan,
116
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:49,598
because you don't deserve
to enjoy the real thing!
117
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,881
Francine, wait!
118
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,246
KLAUS: Oh, hi, Francine.
Excited for that London broil.
119
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,885
Oh, okay, you're
storming upstairs.
120
00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,018
- Francine!
- She stormed upstairs in a huff, Stan!
121
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,586
Oh, but maybe you'd like to come in,
122
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:04,295
chat with your friend Klaus,
maybe clean my bowl!
123
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,957
Yeah, maybe.
Let me think it over.
124
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:09,834
Okay. It's just that Roger's
minor-league baseball character
125
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:13,909
Rusty Buntafolio spits tobacco
in my bowl when he's frustrated.
126
00:06:13,944 --> 00:06:15,137
[door slams]
127
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,381
Oh, hey, Rusty.
How was the game?
128
00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:20,712
RUSTY: Horrible! [growls]
They pulled me after one pitch.
129
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,014
My arm feels like
a sock full of sand.
130
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,319
They're sending me down
to Delmarva, I just know it.
131
00:06:25,354 --> 00:06:26,718
Rusty, please!
132
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,320
[Rusty spits, water splashes lightly]
133
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:32,291
I don't understand!
You have an empty Slurpee cup!
134
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,228
WOMAN: It's so brave, you know.
135
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,630
To empower a woman's body
through art.
136
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:43,573
Yeah. I-I love how ...
how it's so feminist.
137
00:06:43,608 --> 00:06:47,408
- We're just friends, Duncan.
- Right, right, definitely.
138
00:06:47,443 --> 00:06:51,075
Hey.
Is this truly a great painting?
139
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,937
Um, yeah.
Definitely.
140
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:56,906
I-I mean, the way the artist
takes her most private space
141
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,576
and exposes it
for all of us to consume.
142
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,117
- You sick little man!
- Oh!
143
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,620
- Not in front of my girlfriend!
- Your what?
144
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:05,724
My nothing.
145
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:09,427
Art fan, huh? Me too.
146
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:12,132
I love art.
Stealing it, that is.
147
00:07:12,167 --> 00:07:15,004
Tato Montacello ...
art heist guy.
148
00:07:15,039 --> 00:07:19,367
- Of course! Steal the painting!
- Exactly.
149
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,272
And I'm gonna help ya,
because, are you ready?
150
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,774
This is a good one.
151
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,376
I cannot believe this hasn't
been in a movie already.
152
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:30,678
Stealing art is
the greatest art of all.
153
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,885
Oh, screw you, Stan!
If Gary Larson drew a cow
154
00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:36,718
with curlers in its hair
saying that, you'd be dying!
155
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:39,363
[chuckles]
"Check, please."
156
00:07:39,398 --> 00:07:42,229
[laughing]
157
00:07:44,166 --> 00:07:45,866
[engine revving]
158
00:07:45,867 --> 00:07:47,697
So, you want to steal a painting.
159
00:07:47,703 --> 00:07:49,337
Well, you're gonna need a crew.
160
00:07:49,372 --> 00:07:50,971
And the crew is here in Monaco?
161
00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:52,721
Oh, we're just in Monaco
because Monaco
162
00:07:52,756 --> 00:07:54,471
is where you have
this conversation.
163
00:07:54,476 --> 00:07:56,476
Most of the crew is Jersey-based.
164
00:07:56,478 --> 00:07:58,578
Now, you need a crew
you can trust.
165
00:07:58,580 --> 00:08:00,880
But trust among art thieves?
166
00:08:00,882 --> 00:08:03,552
Let's just say it's rarer
than a Picasso.
167
00:08:03,587 --> 00:08:05,352
Are Picassos rare?
168
00:08:05,353 --> 00:08:07,723
Wait, we could have had this
conversation in the kitchen?
169
00:08:07,758 --> 00:08:10,593
Oh, please! You wanted this
trip, you needed this trip.
170
00:08:10,628 --> 00:08:13,429
What, with the stress you have
going on with the painting?
171
00:08:13,464 --> 00:08:15,858
Stan, trust me,
you needed to relax.
172
00:08:15,864 --> 00:08:18,217
And the walking tour?
You didn't enjoy that?
173
00:08:18,252 --> 00:08:22,169
- I was impressed by the walking tour.
- Exactly!
174
00:08:22,170 --> 00:08:24,170
That's the Monaco most tourists
don't get to see.
175
00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:26,072
Anyway, we should really
be getting back.
176
00:08:26,074 --> 00:08:27,708
Our flight's in, like,
an hour and a half.
177
00:08:27,743 --> 00:08:30,831
Damn it, we're gonna be late!
Hold on! [tires squeal]
178
00:08:35,383 --> 00:08:36,652
[sniffling]
179
00:08:36,687 --> 00:08:40,219
- Are you crying?
- What?! Of course not!
180
00:08:40,222 --> 00:08:43,462
Because Stan and Roger
have time to fly to Monaco
181
00:08:43,497 --> 00:08:45,892
but no time to change
my bowl water?
182
00:08:45,927 --> 00:08:48,287
[voice breaking] You think
I'm crying because of that?
183
00:08:48,296 --> 00:08:51,695
Helping Klaus.
That could count as helping people.
184
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:54,688
Oh, it definitely counts.
Don't doubt yourself for a second.
185
00:08:54,723 --> 00:08:56,403
Helping others is my new hobby ...
186
00:08:56,438 --> 00:08:58,787
ever since I saw the painting
of Mom's junk.
187
00:08:58,822 --> 00:09:01,137
Sure, sure.
Whatever road brought you here.
188
00:09:01,143 --> 00:09:03,043
Ugh!
This is filthy!
189
00:09:03,078 --> 00:09:04,738
Shouldn't you have a bowl
with a filter?
190
00:09:04,746 --> 00:09:08,582
- All that aquarium stuff?
- Yes. Yes, I should.
191
00:09:08,617 --> 00:09:11,417
But that might be expensive.
192
00:09:11,419 --> 00:09:15,159
Let's agree to go to the store,
but maybe not buy anything.
193
00:09:15,194 --> 00:09:19,457
Yes!
A small win for Klaus!
194
00:09:19,461 --> 00:09:24,059
He was a phenomenal talent,
but to me, he was just... Reynolds.
195
00:09:24,065 --> 00:09:28,165
Mmm, yes. And you'd say
you "opened up" to him.
196
00:09:28,170 --> 00:09:30,300
[laughter]
197
00:09:30,305 --> 00:09:32,905
I admit this is
the Art History minor talking,
198
00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:37,043
but I would really like to hear about
Jasperterian's ideas on ...
199
00:09:37,078 --> 00:09:38,978
You shut your filthy mouth, Dick!
200
00:09:38,980 --> 00:09:41,214
- Stan!
- Relax, Smith.
201
00:09:41,249 --> 00:09:44,079
Just art lovers discussing
the glorious painting
202
00:09:44,085 --> 00:09:45,485
of your wife's thingamaboo.
203
00:09:45,487 --> 00:09:49,119
Although I must apologize
for Dick. He was out of line.
204
00:09:49,124 --> 00:09:51,994
Well, we're off to the
Mapplethorpe exhibit at the Met.
205
00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:54,895
With any luck,
that will get us hard.
206
00:09:54,930 --> 00:09:57,660
Francine, can't you see
you're embarrassing me?
207
00:09:57,666 --> 00:10:00,466
Genitals aren't something that
should be shown to the world!
208
00:10:00,468 --> 00:10:02,168
They're not called show-nitals.
209
00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:05,370
The term "genitals" comes from
the Aladdin word genie,
210
00:10:05,373 --> 00:10:06,907
and like a genie,
211
00:10:06,942 --> 00:10:08,512
they should only come out
when they're rubbed.
212
00:10:08,547 --> 00:10:11,010
Stan, you're embarrassing yourself.
213
00:10:11,012 --> 00:10:14,882
[clears throat]
Tato Montacello, art heist ...
214
00:10:14,883 --> 00:10:16,623
Wait, did I already do
my introduction?
215
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,148
Yeah, we went to Monaco.
216
00:10:18,153 --> 00:10:20,253
Really? Long way to go
to meet somebody.
217
00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:24,118
Anyway, tonight, we make
that painting disappear!
218
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:26,985
To pull off this heist,
we need muscle. [music]
219
00:10:26,995 --> 00:10:30,295
The Ignatiev Twins weigh
700 pounds combined
220
00:10:30,298 --> 00:10:33,068
and grew up eating
raw horse meat in Dagestan.
221
00:10:33,103 --> 00:10:35,068
They still love horse meat ...
it's disgusting.
222
00:10:35,070 --> 00:10:36,800
Their breath smells like horse meat.
223
00:10:36,805 --> 00:10:38,665
Whatever, it's one night,
you'll survive.
224
00:10:38,673 --> 00:10:40,172
Next, we need a lockpick.
225
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,636
Claude Verdeer is the Belgian with
the smallest fingers in the world.
226
00:10:43,645 --> 00:10:45,975
It's gross, and he always wants
to shake hands.
227
00:10:45,981 --> 00:10:48,511
But I know he can tell that
I don't want to shake hands.
228
00:10:48,516 --> 00:10:50,376
Whatever, it's one night,
you'll survive.
229
00:10:50,385 --> 00:10:52,545
Then we'll need an explosives guy.
230
00:10:52,554 --> 00:10:55,564
We can either get
Bang Bang Fukanawa or Josh.
231
00:10:55,599 --> 00:10:58,187
Fine, get Bang Bang Fukanawa.
232
00:10:58,193 --> 00:11:00,033
Wait, why do we need
an explosives guy?
233
00:11:00,068 --> 00:11:03,063
- Won't the Belgian guy get us in?
- Hmm. Good point.
234
00:11:03,064 --> 00:11:05,234
I thought we agreed
no explosives guy.
235
00:11:05,269 --> 00:11:07,750
Right...
Josh, wait!
236
00:11:07,785 --> 00:11:08,999
[explosion]
237
00:11:09,004 --> 00:11:12,223
Josh, the guy we didn't need,
was supposed to be
238
00:11:12,224 --> 00:11:14,906
- Bang Bang Fukanawa.
- Oh, so I was second choice?!
239
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,739
Look, you're here and he's not.
240
00:11:16,745 --> 00:11:20,075
Chicharito, the Guatemalan
contortionist.
241
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:30,390
Finally, we need a sexually
explosive, unpredictable woman.
242
00:11:30,392 --> 00:11:31,892
[cellphone chimes]
243
00:11:31,927 --> 00:11:34,932
[Russian accent] Tato, is PayPal.
Payment no go through.
244
00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:38,774
Hmm. Well, do you accept...
karate chops?!
245
00:11:38,809 --> 00:11:40,097
[smack!]
246
00:11:40,101 --> 00:11:41,801
[whispering]
Stan, finish him off.
247
00:11:44,539 --> 00:11:47,569
That's the last time
you screw me, Tato.
248
00:11:47,575 --> 00:11:49,605
[alarm blares]
249
00:11:49,611 --> 00:11:51,741
Mmm!
250
00:11:51,746 --> 00:11:53,276
Maybe one more time.
251
00:11:53,281 --> 00:11:54,981
[screams]
252
00:11:54,983 --> 00:11:57,483
MAN: Hey!
253
00:11:57,485 --> 00:11:59,215
[panting]
254
00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:01,220
Okay, let's give each other
notes on the heist.
255
00:12:01,222 --> 00:12:04,157
Stan, good job, but I thought
you could have worn a better outfit.
256
00:12:04,159 --> 00:12:06,293
What else?
I'd work with Josh again.
257
00:12:06,328 --> 00:12:09,128
Look, thanks for the help,
Roger, but this is a solo job.
258
00:12:09,130 --> 00:12:10,764
A solo job?
259
00:12:10,799 --> 00:12:13,769
Sounds like Steve before
he got into helping people.
260
00:12:13,804 --> 00:12:15,568
I wonder if he's still doing that.
261
00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:16,740
Aah!
262
00:12:19,140 --> 00:12:21,610
We're talking top to bottom
tank renovation here.
263
00:12:21,645 --> 00:12:23,239
Steve, what's gotten into you?
264
00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:25,914
Your skin is clearer,
your voice sounds deeper.
265
00:12:25,949 --> 00:12:28,975
Oh, it started happening once I
stopped touching myself all the time.
266
00:12:28,984 --> 00:12:32,124
Funny, I find
the more I touch myself,
267
00:12:32,159 --> 00:12:34,120
the deeper my voice gets.
268
00:12:34,122 --> 00:12:36,290
Now, let's talk about
premium aquarium filters.
269
00:12:36,325 --> 00:12:38,458
Sounds like what you want
is a Tunze AquaWind.
270
00:12:38,460 --> 00:12:41,146
You sure?
'Cause I been hearing good
271
00:12:41,147 --> 00:12:43,960
- things about the new DeSanio's.
- [laughs] Sure,
272
00:12:43,965 --> 00:12:45,665
if you want to replace it
every four weeks.
273
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:48,167
Sounds like I better do
a little more research.
274
00:12:48,169 --> 00:12:51,199
You know, it's really weird that
you own an aquarium store.
275
00:12:51,206 --> 00:12:54,036
The regulars here think
it's weird I'm a principal.
276
00:12:56,644 --> 00:12:59,514
Excuse me.
I'd like to see somebody
277
00:12:59,549 --> 00:13:01,915
about getting a painting taken down.
278
00:13:01,950 --> 00:13:04,850
I'm sick of arguing about it
with my husband.
279
00:13:04,853 --> 00:13:08,685
- It makes him... uncomfortable.
- An uncomfortable husband?
280
00:13:08,690 --> 00:13:11,020
The director will want to hear
about this straightaway!
281
00:13:15,697 --> 00:13:19,297
Excuse me, are you... crying?
282
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,300
Uh, yes, I suppose I was.
283
00:13:21,302 --> 00:13:25,412
It's just this reminds me
of my genitals
284
00:13:25,447 --> 00:13:28,507
when they were young and flush.
285
00:13:28,510 --> 00:13:31,010
Are you copying this painting?
286
00:13:31,012 --> 00:13:33,552
Trying.
It's an assignment for class.
287
00:13:33,587 --> 00:13:37,434
"Copy the Masters."
But, gosh, I'm no Jasperterian.
288
00:13:37,469 --> 00:13:39,819
How did he know
what to leave out?!
289
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:50,396
- It's boota-ful!
- [panting] There you are.
290
00:13:50,398 --> 00:13:52,868
Our director will see you
in just a moment.
291
00:13:52,903 --> 00:13:55,597
[gasps]
The woman changed her mind.
292
00:13:55,603 --> 00:13:58,303
Sylvia, we have an intercom.
293
00:14:01,409 --> 00:14:05,549
That portrait certainly does
inspire intense fascination.
294
00:14:05,584 --> 00:14:08,347
Last night, we had
a thwarted robbery attempt.
295
00:14:08,349 --> 00:14:11,077
- Oh, no!
- I'm afraid so.
296
00:14:11,086 --> 00:14:13,216
Hence the need for another
security guard.
297
00:14:13,221 --> 00:14:15,021
We're lucky you walked in.
298
00:14:15,023 --> 00:14:17,757
And with your CIA experience.
299
00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:21,392
Now, you do resemble
a maniac our guards ...
300
00:14:21,396 --> 00:14:22,896
Right, but as I explained,
301
00:14:22,897 --> 00:14:24,897
that man did not have a mustache.
302
00:14:24,899 --> 00:14:27,731
- He did, however, have a flag pin.
- But...
303
00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:30,736
But...
he did not have a mustache.
304
00:14:30,738 --> 00:14:34,074
And I can see that you do.
You're hired, Stan.
305
00:14:34,109 --> 00:14:37,439
Or should I say,
Mr. Night Watchman?
306
00:14:37,445 --> 00:14:40,475
[both laughing]
307
00:14:44,075 --> 00:14:47,256
[music]
308
00:14:49,157 --> 00:14:51,687
Yeesh.
Kind of creepy in here at night.
309
00:14:54,729 --> 00:14:58,198
You like looking at my wife?
Huh, you little perv?!
310
00:14:59,634 --> 00:15:00,531
Well, it's over!
311
00:15:00,554 --> 00:15:03,036
I'm gonna take this painting
home and destroy it!
312
00:15:05,673 --> 00:15:07,573
Ah, that was easy.
313
00:15:11,279 --> 00:15:13,413
Did you hear
what that oaf said?
314
00:15:13,448 --> 00:15:16,078
I'm not interested
in his wife's vagina.
315
00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:18,324
I'm completely homosexual.
316
00:15:18,359 --> 00:15:21,089
All art is gay.
317
00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:25,085
[high-pitched laughing]
318
00:15:27,795 --> 00:15:29,795
[squeaking]
319
00:15:29,797 --> 00:15:32,897
Where the [bleep]
are my arms?!
320
00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:35,504
A shocking crime
at the Langley Museum.
321
00:15:35,539 --> 00:15:38,169
The famous "Portrait of
Francine's Genitals" ...
322
00:15:38,175 --> 00:15:40,535
Hi, Francine! ...
has been stolen.
323
00:15:40,544 --> 00:15:43,228
[crying] He made me feel so beautiful.
324
00:15:43,263 --> 00:15:45,913
Francine, we already lost the painting.
325
00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:47,746
Don't go losing your cool.
326
00:15:53,557 --> 00:15:55,587
[whistling]
327
00:16:01,031 --> 00:16:03,665
Stan, have you seen
my lucky jock strap?
328
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:06,570
[sighs] The rumors are true,
I'm Delmarva-bound.
329
00:16:06,605 --> 00:16:09,370
Hey, the painting we stole!
Are you torching it?
330
00:16:09,372 --> 00:16:11,742
This painting has brought me
nothing but embarrassment.
331
00:16:11,777 --> 00:16:13,611
I don't want anyone
to ever see it again.
332
00:16:13,646 --> 00:16:15,140
Not even one person,
333
00:16:15,145 --> 00:16:17,975
like a rich, shady buyer
with 100K to burn?
334
00:16:17,981 --> 00:16:20,121
He's not gonna want anyone
to know he has it.
335
00:16:20,156 --> 00:16:23,218
- No one else would ever see it.
- Hmm...
336
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,621
- I'm calling my coke dealer.
- Wow, he can afford the painting?
337
00:16:26,623 --> 00:16:28,993
Oh, yeah, maybe he could buy
the painting!
338
00:16:31,495 --> 00:16:34,955
Hi, I have some, uh,
pretty serious concerns
339
00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:37,095
about the flow through
on the 6500.
340
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:38,934
WOMAN: Sounds like
you know your stuff.
341
00:16:38,969 --> 00:16:41,239
Here at Tunze, we pride
ourselves on flow through
342
00:16:41,274 --> 00:16:43,138
and will beat any competitor on suction.
343
00:16:43,140 --> 00:16:44,740
Ha ha.
Wha-what was that?
344
00:16:44,741 --> 00:16:47,375
Why don't I walk you through it?
What's your name?
345
00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:49,544
- I- I'm Steve.
- I'm Lindsey.
346
00:16:49,579 --> 00:16:51,909
Well, actually,
we're up to the 6900 now.
347
00:16:51,915 --> 00:16:53,675
That baby satisfies everyone.
348
00:16:53,683 --> 00:16:56,185
It gobbles up dirt
and filth, and when you
349
00:16:56,186 --> 00:16:58,687
can see the chambers
about to be at overflow,
350
00:16:58,688 --> 00:17:00,788
you just shoot it all
out the release shaft.
351
00:17:00,790 --> 00:17:02,520
Oh. Oh, okay.
352
00:17:02,526 --> 00:17:05,656
Would you mind
actually walking me
353
00:17:05,662 --> 00:17:07,532
through a couple other models?
354
00:17:10,634 --> 00:17:12,834
Yeah, yeah, this is what I
should have in my loft, man.
355
00:17:12,836 --> 00:17:14,496
This is what I should have ...
356
00:17:14,504 --> 00:17:16,644
a big painting of
a woman's just, thing
357
00:17:16,679 --> 00:17:18,140
just hanging right there, right?
358
00:17:18,141 --> 00:17:19,871
Yep, exactly.
Listen, could we hurry this up?
359
00:17:19,876 --> 00:17:21,336
I-I really can't have my wife ...
360
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:24,314
Stan, have you seen Rusty's
lucky jock strap?
361
00:17:24,349 --> 00:17:25,614
What is that?
362
00:17:25,649 --> 00:17:28,049
- Um...
- You stole the painting?
363
00:17:28,051 --> 00:17:31,717
[chuckling] Oh, man!
What a busted scene.
364
00:17:31,721 --> 00:17:34,620
- Get out of here, Delmonico!
- You know Delmonico?
365
00:17:34,624 --> 00:17:36,727
Everybody knows Delmonico!
366
00:17:36,762 --> 00:17:40,714
- Francine, I can explain...
- At least when you wanted
367
00:17:40,715 --> 00:17:43,225
to get rid of it,
it was about privacy!
368
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:46,903
But now, trying to sell it
to our coke dealer?!
369
00:17:46,938 --> 00:17:50,343
I see you don't have
any principles at all!
370
00:17:50,378 --> 00:17:52,410
Oh, ho, wow.
371
00:17:54,477 --> 00:17:57,977
Well, I'm gonna go see if I can
sell Francine some drugs.
372
00:17:57,981 --> 00:18:01,551
What am I doing here?
I need a hard look at myself.
373
00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:02,881
You sure do.
374
00:18:02,886 --> 00:18:05,386
Hey, would it be funny
if I was an airplane?
375
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:09,058
[imitates airplane]
376
00:18:11,401 --> 00:18:12,534
[buzzer]
377
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:13,702
WOMAN: Hello?
378
00:18:13,737 --> 00:18:15,567
Hi, um, Mrs. Jasperterian?
379
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,672
You don't know me, but I think
380
00:18:17,707 --> 00:18:21,007
you're the only person
who could help me right now.
381
00:18:23,547 --> 00:18:26,177
This place really stirs
something in me.
382
00:18:26,183 --> 00:18:28,683
My husband was inspired
by the vistas,
383
00:18:28,685 --> 00:18:32,074
which is all the more
remarkable when you remember
384
00:18:32,075 --> 00:18:34,920
- Reynolds was blind.
- He... He was?
385
00:18:34,925 --> 00:18:37,755
Blind as a bat.
From the day he was born.
386
00:18:37,761 --> 00:18:40,631
So, he never saw
what he was painting.
387
00:18:40,666 --> 00:18:41,860
Nope.
388
00:18:41,865 --> 00:18:43,425
Somehow that makes me feel better.
389
00:18:43,433 --> 00:18:45,633
- He painted by touch.
- Excuse me?
390
00:18:45,635 --> 00:18:47,565
Yes, he was very tactile.
391
00:18:47,571 --> 00:18:50,255
He really wanted to get his hands
392
00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:54,643
all over anything he was painting,
get the feel of it.
393
00:18:54,644 --> 00:18:58,084
Rub it, pull it
between his fingers.
394
00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:00,582
[coughing]
395
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:03,251
- You okay, Stan?
- No, I'm not!
396
00:19:03,286 --> 00:19:06,088
- You're talking about my wife!
- No, I'm talking about
397
00:19:06,089 --> 00:19:08,819
what Reynolds did
to your wife's vagina.
398
00:19:08,825 --> 00:19:11,725
He took it
and he turned it into art.
399
00:19:11,728 --> 00:19:14,898
Once it's art,
it's not your wife anymore.
400
00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:17,428
Huh. I never thought about it
like that.
401
00:19:17,434 --> 00:19:19,968
Look, let me ask you this, Stan.
402
00:19:20,003 --> 00:19:24,413
Once the plaster cast dried,
was that mug still my butthole?
403
00:19:26,910 --> 00:19:28,640
Steve, how's the filter coming?
404
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:32,045
The fresh water's nice,
but it's already getting dirty again.
405
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,178
What?
Oh, I'm not doing that now.
406
00:19:34,184 --> 00:19:37,285
No, your voice!
But that means...
407
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,140
Let's just say I hope Lindsey's call was
408
00:19:40,141 --> 00:19:42,960
monitored and recorded,
'cause it was sexy as hell!
409
00:19:42,995 --> 00:19:46,831
- Oh, Steve.
- You sound just like Lindsey.
410
00:19:46,866 --> 00:19:48,500
[door slams]
411
00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:53,371
STAN: Of course, you all know
the story of this painting ...
412
00:19:53,406 --> 00:19:55,940
stolen, missing, but then returned.
413
00:19:55,975 --> 00:19:57,172
Bad luck for you, Stan.
414
00:19:57,207 --> 00:19:58,967
Now we get to see your wife's
415
00:19:58,975 --> 00:20:00,875
Trapper Keeper
whenever we wish.
416
00:20:00,877 --> 00:20:03,337
Hmm.
417
00:20:03,346 --> 00:20:06,976
Art can have a powerful effect
on people.
418
00:20:06,983 --> 00:20:09,402
I like to think the thief,
whoever he was,
419
00:20:09,437 --> 00:20:11,786
took a good, long look
at this painting
420
00:20:11,821 --> 00:20:15,521
and he realized
Jasperterian truly did capture
421
00:20:15,525 --> 00:20:19,185
and share the most extraordinary
beauty in the world.
422
00:20:19,196 --> 00:20:22,956
Angela, let's take one
last trip to Paris.
423
00:20:22,966 --> 00:20:25,126
It's boota-ful!
424
00:20:25,135 --> 00:20:29,335
Maybe, Duncan, we can be...
more than friends.
425
00:20:29,339 --> 00:20:30,972
[retches]
426
00:20:31,007 --> 00:20:34,242
- Sorry, Candace.
- Don't apologize.
427
00:20:34,243 --> 00:20:36,242
I'm a barf babe.
428
00:20:36,246 --> 00:20:39,376
Jasperterian transformed
something intimate [music]
429
00:20:39,382 --> 00:20:41,152
into something we can all share.
430
00:20:46,323 --> 00:20:48,563
But only I get the real thing.
431
00:20:48,598 --> 00:20:50,258
Mmm!
432
00:20:50,260 --> 00:20:52,660
MAN: There's the maniac who
tried to steal the painting!
433
00:20:52,662 --> 00:20:54,764
Where?!
434
00:20:54,808 --> 00:20:57,125
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435
00:20:57,175 --> 00:21:01,725
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