Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,312 --> 00:00:01,912
Do you know what this means?
2
00:00:01,977 --> 00:00:04,127
No.
I need a "previously on."
3
00:00:04,146 --> 00:00:05,412
Previously on 30 Rock...
4
00:00:05,447 --> 00:00:06,814
It all comes down
to Florida.
5
00:00:06,848 --> 00:00:08,566
And they will do
whatever I say.
6
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,184
[All cheer]
7
00:00:10,235 --> 00:00:11,185
Jenna and her 2 million
Twitter followers
8
00:00:11,236 --> 00:00:13,437
might decide the election.
9
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:14,605
And if we figured this out,
10
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:16,824
that means Jack figured it out
10 minutes ago.
11
00:00:16,858 --> 00:00:19,443
Go! Now!
Before I lose interest!
12
00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:22,329
[Exciting orchestral music]
13
00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:24,081
- Going somewhere, Lemon?
- Nothing!
14
00:00:24,115 --> 00:00:25,716
Damn it!
15
00:00:27,719 --> 00:00:29,253
Liz, there you are.
16
00:00:29,287 --> 00:00:31,288
I need you to marry me so I
don't get sent back to Canada.
17
00:00:31,306 --> 00:00:34,291
Really?
Now you have a thing?
18
00:00:34,309 --> 00:00:37,294
19
00:00:37,312 --> 00:00:38,596
Don't know why
I was so worried
20
00:00:38,630 --> 00:00:41,098
about bringing
my marble collection to work.
21
00:00:41,132 --> 00:00:42,933
Butterfingers!
22
00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:44,567
23
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
24
00:00:53,495 --> 00:00:56,664
Why do we have that?
25
00:00:58,250 --> 00:00:59,667
Both: Jenna, we have to talk.
- Me first,
26
00:00:59,701 --> 00:01:01,485
because I'm your best friend
and this is very important.
27
00:01:01,503 --> 00:01:03,120
You know what?
Talk to Lemon.
28
00:01:03,154 --> 00:01:05,372
I'll find someone else for
my thing you're not right for.
29
00:01:05,423 --> 00:01:06,674
What thing?
I was born for it.
30
00:01:06,708 --> 00:01:08,042
Am I not blonde enough?
31
00:01:08,093 --> 00:01:09,159
Because I'll put
my head in a microwave.
32
00:01:09,177 --> 00:01:10,461
Jenna, stop.
It's a trick.
33
00:01:10,495 --> 00:01:13,130
He just needs you,
because you're gonna decide
34
00:01:13,164 --> 00:01:14,848
the presidential election.
35
00:01:14,883 --> 00:01:18,001
It's all about northern Florida,
and they love you down there.
36
00:01:18,019 --> 00:01:19,303
Tell me about it.
37
00:01:19,337 --> 00:01:21,388
Jacksonville's naming
their new airport...
38
00:01:21,439 --> 00:01:22,806
Sized strip club after me.
39
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,308
No bottoms.
40
00:01:24,342 --> 00:01:27,344
Just one tweet from you
to your fans, and Romney wins.
41
00:01:27,362 --> 00:01:28,479
It'll be historic.
42
00:01:28,513 --> 00:01:30,981
The first really,
really rich president.
43
00:01:31,015 --> 00:01:32,032
No, don't listen to him.
44
00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:34,685
What America needs
is four more years
45
00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:37,037
of the stuff
Obama's been doing.
46
00:01:37,072 --> 00:01:39,540
Like, um...
47
00:01:39,574 --> 00:01:40,958
Uh, the one with the guy.
48
00:01:40,992 --> 00:01:43,377
It was at night, and I feel like
he was standing next to a fence.
49
00:01:43,411 --> 00:01:45,379
This country
needs Mitt Romney.
50
00:01:45,413 --> 00:01:47,498
Like it needs
a hole in the head.
51
00:01:47,532 --> 00:01:49,500
A head has five holes,
and they are all needed.
52
00:01:49,534 --> 00:01:51,669
Okay, you two can
talk about America all you want,
53
00:01:51,703 --> 00:01:52,836
but I'm not gonna listen,
54
00:01:52,870 --> 00:01:55,005
because there's
no "I" or "me" in America.
55
00:01:55,039 --> 00:01:56,507
There's both.
56
00:01:56,541 --> 00:01:57,925
I mean,
if I'm gonna get political,
57
00:01:57,976 --> 00:01:59,593
it's gonna be to build a better
country for Jenna Maroney.
58
00:01:59,644 --> 00:02:01,845
Jenna,
this is a really big deal.
59
00:02:01,879 --> 00:02:02,879
I agree.
60
00:02:02,897 --> 00:02:04,315
It's an opportunity
to finally
61
00:02:04,349 --> 00:02:06,850
put a pro-Jenna president
in the White House.
62
00:02:06,884 --> 00:02:09,720
Someone who respects
the human fetus
63
00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:13,056
and recognizes its value
as a hair volumizer.
64
00:02:13,074 --> 00:02:15,392
You have 24 hours,
then we'll all meet back here,
65
00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:16,893
and you present your cases.
66
00:02:16,911 --> 00:02:18,412
Maybe I'll ask questions.
67
00:02:18,446 --> 00:02:20,414
Maybe you two
can take turns arguing.
68
00:02:20,448 --> 00:02:21,582
Like debate?
69
00:02:21,616 --> 00:02:23,951
Like debarge?
I love debarge!
70
00:02:24,002 --> 00:02:25,068
No, Jenna, I said...
71
00:02:25,086 --> 00:02:26,453
I love debarge too,
Jenna.
72
00:02:26,504 --> 00:02:30,541
Point Jack. Looks like
you have some work to do, Liz.
73
00:02:32,093 --> 00:02:35,079
[Upbeat jazz music]
74
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:36,713
75
00:02:45,122 --> 00:02:47,922
30 Rock
S07 Ep05 - There's no I in America
76
00:02:48,108 --> 00:02:51,608
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
77
00:02:52,814 --> 00:02:54,815
Mr. Jordan, it's here.
78
00:02:54,866 --> 00:02:56,433
- It's finally here!
- What is?
79
00:02:56,451 --> 00:02:59,119
My absentee ballot
from Stone Mountain.
80
00:02:59,154 --> 00:03:00,954
Until this year,
I wasn't allowed to vote
81
00:03:00,989 --> 00:03:03,240
because Reverend Gary
said choosing is a sin,
82
00:03:03,274 --> 00:03:05,942
but then Reverend Todd said,
"Reverend Gary is dead.
83
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,662
Long live Reverend Todd,"
so here we are!
84
00:03:08,713 --> 00:03:10,113
Good for you, K-Rock.
85
00:03:10,131 --> 00:03:12,049
Voting is
a great American tradition
86
00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:15,135
like laziness, or, uh...
87
00:03:15,170 --> 00:03:16,953
Eh...
I'm so excited!
88
00:03:16,971 --> 00:03:19,473
I mean, the Parcells
have been in this country
89
00:03:19,507 --> 00:03:21,842
since we went berserk and
murdered everybody at Roanoke,
90
00:03:21,893 --> 00:03:25,729
but I never felt like
a true American until today.
91
00:03:25,764 --> 00:03:27,731
Like how you must've felt
four years ago
92
00:03:27,766 --> 00:03:30,801
when you finally got to vote for
a president who looks like you.
93
00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:32,469
Black Shrek
ran for president?
94
00:03:32,487 --> 00:03:34,271
No, sir. Obama.
95
00:03:34,305 --> 00:03:36,190
I forgot
about that half-nerd.
96
00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:37,741
Probably because
I get all my news
97
00:03:37,776 --> 00:03:41,612
from social media, and I've been
banned from all social media.
98
00:03:41,646 --> 00:03:42,830
You have? Why?
99
00:03:42,864 --> 00:03:44,331
Someone has to be
the first person
100
00:03:44,366 --> 00:03:46,667
to make a joke
after a celebrity dies.
101
00:03:46,701 --> 00:03:49,486
I guess I was a little
"too soon" with Andy Griffith.
102
00:03:49,504 --> 00:03:52,589
What did you say?
103
00:03:52,624 --> 00:03:56,827
I can't un-hear it.
I can't un-hear it!
104
00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:59,380
Happy Election Eve!
Obama 2012.
105
00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:01,048
The first
African-American president
106
00:04:01,099 --> 00:04:04,501
ever to be up for reelection.
Whoo! Historical.
107
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,070
Dude, that's not
happening this year.
108
00:04:06,104 --> 00:04:08,222
- No one's that excited.
- Then get excited.
109
00:04:08,273 --> 00:04:09,690
Remember how fun
it was in 2008?
110
00:04:09,724 --> 00:04:11,942
Come on, we'll have a party,
watch the returns,
111
00:04:11,976 --> 00:04:13,811
maybe invite
the security guards.
112
00:04:13,845 --> 00:04:16,730
Oh, my God.
Is this about Maria?
113
00:04:16,781 --> 00:04:18,732
[All cheering]
114
00:04:18,783 --> 00:04:21,034
Barack Obama is elected
to be the next president
115
00:04:21,069 --> 00:04:24,988
of the United States
of America.
116
00:04:25,022 --> 00:04:27,190
America!
117
00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:29,860
That whole night
was a one-time thing, Pete.
118
00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:32,212
No one's gonna
get that psyched a second time.
119
00:04:32,247 --> 00:04:35,048
Why not? It's like when you do
karaoke and everyone's like,
120
00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:36,867
"that was a really good
American pie, Pete.
121
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,201
You knew all the words,"
122
00:04:38,219 --> 00:04:39,420
and then you put it on again
123
00:04:39,471 --> 00:04:42,005
and everyone leaves
because no one can top it.
124
00:04:42,039 --> 00:04:43,590
That's what this
is gonna be like.
125
00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:45,259
Four more years!
126
00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:47,261
Four more years!
That's the spirit!
127
00:04:47,312 --> 00:04:49,179
Four more years!
128
00:04:49,213 --> 00:04:50,564
Okay, Jack.
129
00:04:50,598 --> 00:04:52,566
I was hoping that we could
get through this "campaign"
130
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,884
without going negative.
131
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:54,985
I agree.
132
00:04:55,019 --> 00:04:56,603
You're the one
using negative words
133
00:04:56,654 --> 00:04:57,938
like "without"
and "negative."
134
00:04:57,989 --> 00:04:59,490
Uhhuh.
135
00:04:59,524 --> 00:05:01,442
So, what was that attack ad
that I saw on the TGS feed?
136
00:05:01,493 --> 00:05:04,411
Liz Lemon says
she's Jenna Maroney's friend,
137
00:05:04,446 --> 00:05:05,996
but let's
look at the facts.
138
00:05:06,030 --> 00:05:10,584
In 2011, Liz said...
139
00:05:10,618 --> 00:05:13,353
The same polyps
Jenna had prayed for.
140
00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:16,340
And what does Liz say
when she's behind closed doors?
141
00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:23,580
Really, Liz?
142
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,700
Liz Lemon...
143
00:05:32,690 --> 00:05:35,258
Research indicates
that that ad is polling
144
00:05:35,276 --> 00:05:38,111
quite well with both
manic and depressive Jenna.
145
00:05:38,146 --> 00:05:39,446
You know Jenna's
a liberal, Jack.
146
00:05:39,481 --> 00:05:40,931
She's a slut monster,
147
00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:42,616
and one of gay America's
top hags.
148
00:05:42,650 --> 00:05:44,034
But this is what you do.
149
00:05:44,068 --> 00:05:45,619
You trick people into voting
against their own interests,
150
00:05:45,653 --> 00:05:47,654
and then you sell them out
at the drop of a hat.
151
00:05:47,705 --> 00:05:50,791
First of all, I have never
dropped a hat in my life.
152
00:05:50,825 --> 00:05:52,693
And don't be so sure
about Jenna's politics.
153
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:55,629
She's aging, mean, and rich.
That sounds republican to me.
154
00:05:55,663 --> 00:05:58,332
Jenna is overly sensitive,
prone to hysteria,
155
00:05:58,383 --> 00:06:00,450
and having been shot
and left for dead
156
00:06:00,468 --> 00:06:03,136
in three different deserts,
pro gun control.
157
00:06:03,171 --> 00:06:04,338
She is one of us.
158
00:06:04,389 --> 00:06:05,422
Unbelievable.
159
00:06:05,456 --> 00:06:07,457
Seven years
I've been mentoring you,
160
00:06:07,475 --> 00:06:09,459
and I haven't been able
to move you an inch.
161
00:06:09,477 --> 00:06:10,844
Good God, Lemon.
162
00:06:10,895 --> 00:06:12,128
Enough with the histrionics.
163
00:06:12,146 --> 00:06:14,181
Herstrionics.
164
00:06:14,232 --> 00:06:15,849
Since you've known me,
I've been right about no less
165
00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:18,402
than everything always,
yet you persist
166
00:06:18,436 --> 00:06:21,137
in this impotent emotional
weltanschauung.
167
00:06:21,155 --> 00:06:22,639
And it's not just politics.
168
00:06:22,657 --> 00:06:25,275
For instance, I bet you bought
those hideous shoes
169
00:06:25,309 --> 00:06:27,027
for some emotional reason.
170
00:06:27,078 --> 00:06:29,696
For every pair you buy,
they give a pair to a child
171
00:06:29,747 --> 00:06:33,166
that was forced to work in the
factory that makes these shoes.
172
00:06:33,201 --> 00:06:34,835
It's not great,
but you know what?
173
00:06:34,869 --> 00:06:36,787
I'm the one who's in
a stable relationship, Jack.
174
00:06:36,821 --> 00:06:39,172
I like my job,
175
00:06:39,207 --> 00:06:40,791
and I am one punch
away from getting
176
00:06:40,825 --> 00:06:43,493
a free deviled egg at that
cool new deviled egg place.
177
00:06:43,511 --> 00:06:45,796
So maybe you should
let me rub off on you.
178
00:06:45,830 --> 00:06:46,797
You wish, you pervert.
179
00:06:46,831 --> 00:06:48,432
Let me leave you
with this, Jack.
180
00:06:48,466 --> 00:06:50,333
You may have
your dirty tricks,
181
00:06:50,351 --> 00:06:52,603
but don't ever underestimate me
when it comes to...
182
00:06:52,637 --> 00:06:55,188
[Phone plays
the Trashmen's Surfin' bird]
183
00:06:55,223 --> 00:06:56,306
It's my gynecologist.
184
00:06:56,340 --> 00:06:58,225
Doctor, thank you
for calling me back.
185
00:06:58,276 --> 00:07:01,778
Did anyone leave a bag
of Burger King in your office?
186
00:07:08,204 --> 00:07:10,372
Local ballot initiatives.
187
00:07:10,407 --> 00:07:11,624
Proposition one
188
00:07:11,658 --> 00:07:14,043
empowers the Mayor
of Stone Mountain to perform
189
00:07:14,077 --> 00:07:17,696
necessary repairs on the town's
historic clock tower.
190
00:07:17,731 --> 00:07:19,815
Oh, that old clock tower.
191
00:07:19,849 --> 00:07:22,234
Nobody knows
what it's counting down to.
192
00:07:22,269 --> 00:07:24,053
Well, I want to vote yes,
193
00:07:24,087 --> 00:07:27,072
but how do I know
that's the right thing to do?
194
00:07:27,107 --> 00:07:29,475
Well, what do the pro/con
statements say?
195
00:07:29,509 --> 00:07:33,479
Okay, writing in favor
is Mayor Debbie herself.
196
00:07:33,513 --> 00:07:35,230
Hey! I'm gonna
take the clock apart myself
197
00:07:35,265 --> 00:07:36,432
then put it back together.
198
00:07:36,483 --> 00:07:37,883
I wanna see how it works.
199
00:07:37,901 --> 00:07:40,252
My friend jojo did it with
a toaster, and it's still good.
200
00:07:40,287 --> 00:07:41,604
Lemme do it!
201
00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:43,689
She makes
some good points.
202
00:07:43,723 --> 00:07:45,190
But the con is written
203
00:07:45,224 --> 00:07:47,776
by the hermit what lives
in the clock tower.
204
00:07:47,827 --> 00:07:49,278
Ain't nobody
touch my clock.
205
00:07:49,329 --> 00:07:51,330
It's my wife, and it's where
I do my sniperin'.
206
00:07:51,364 --> 00:07:53,115
Now I don't know
what to think.
207
00:07:53,166 --> 00:07:54,900
Voting
is a big responsibility.
208
00:07:54,918 --> 00:07:57,402
To this day,
I have to live with the fact
209
00:07:57,420 --> 00:07:59,254
that I cast
the deciding vote
210
00:07:59,289 --> 00:08:00,673
[choked up]
That made white
211
00:08:00,707 --> 00:08:02,174
the newest flavor
of Mountain Dew.
212
00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:05,878
But I guess that's
just life in a democracy.
213
00:08:11,134 --> 00:08:13,686
Hola. Mi amo Dora.
214
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,020
[Chuckles]
Hey, Maria.
215
00:08:15,055 --> 00:08:16,972
- Hey, it's election day.
- Mm hmm.
216
00:08:17,023 --> 00:08:20,142
Huge party upstairs tonight.
Just like 2008.
217
00:08:20,193 --> 00:08:22,444
- I'll see you there?
- Oh, I wish.
218
00:08:22,479 --> 00:08:23,812
My shift ends at 6:00 now.
219
00:08:23,863 --> 00:08:26,448
So, you'll be gone
before they declare a winner?
220
00:08:26,483 --> 00:08:28,367
Unless they call it early.
221
00:08:28,401 --> 00:08:29,985
Yes!
222
00:08:30,036 --> 00:08:30,986
Anything can happen.
223
00:08:31,037 --> 00:08:32,988
[Chuckles]
Hope and change.
224
00:08:33,039 --> 00:08:35,273
I think the slogan
this year is "forward."
225
00:08:35,291 --> 00:08:37,326
Oh, yeah!
[Laughs]
226
00:08:44,501 --> 00:08:46,418
Welcome to the first
and only debate
227
00:08:46,452 --> 00:08:50,122
of the Jenna-ral election.
228
00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:53,342
[Both laugh]
229
00:08:53,393 --> 00:08:54,643
Insincere.
230
00:08:54,678 --> 00:08:57,346
Today, we choose
the future for a nation
231
00:08:57,397 --> 00:09:00,298
and for a woman
People magazine once called,
232
00:09:00,316 --> 00:09:02,568
"an unnamed friend
of the deceased."
233
00:09:02,602 --> 00:09:06,155
Today, finally,
it is truly all about me.
234
00:09:06,189 --> 00:09:08,306
Liz, we'll start
with your opening statement.
235
00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:10,576
When your time is up,
you'll hear this sound.
236
00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:14,613
Oh, say, can you see...
237
00:09:15,832 --> 00:09:19,051
And the home of the
238
00:09:19,085 --> 00:09:21,420
brave
239
00:09:21,454 --> 00:09:24,423
Jenna, this election
is about emotion.
240
00:09:24,457 --> 00:09:25,507
It's about which candidate
cares the most
241
00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:28,594
cares the most
about the issues
242
00:09:28,628 --> 00:09:30,662
that truly matter
to Jenna Maroney.
243
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:33,165
For example,
your reproductive rights.
244
00:09:33,183 --> 00:09:36,334
Do you want a bunch of old men
behind closed doors
245
00:09:36,352 --> 00:09:39,388
deciding what you can
and cannot do with your body?
246
00:09:39,439 --> 00:09:41,557
Ooh. And how do they
tell me their decisions?
247
00:09:41,608 --> 00:09:43,859
Do I get shocked
whenever I do the wrong thing?
248
00:09:43,893 --> 00:09:45,510
What? No, Jenna, not that.
249
00:09:45,528 --> 00:09:47,362
God.
250
00:09:47,397 --> 00:09:48,397
Earlier today,
I met a family.
251
00:09:48,448 --> 00:09:51,617
The Alfreds
from Lakecity, Florida.
252
00:09:51,651 --> 00:09:53,952
Sorry. Lake City.
253
00:09:53,987 --> 00:09:57,122
The Alfreds are huge
Jenna Maroney fans
254
00:09:57,157 --> 00:10:00,225
because Jenna Maroney
is so, so talented.
255
00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:02,127
[Claps]
256
00:10:02,162 --> 00:10:05,714
Please hold your applause
until the end.
257
00:10:05,749 --> 00:10:06,882
But under Mitt Romney,
258
00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:08,717
the arts program
at Traci Lords middle school,
259
00:10:08,752 --> 00:10:11,170
where little Shauna
is a seventh grader,
260
00:10:11,204 --> 00:10:12,588
would be gutted.
261
00:10:12,622 --> 00:10:14,256
Without
music appreciation class,
262
00:10:14,307 --> 00:10:17,493
how would Shauna know
how much she appreciates you?
263
00:10:17,527 --> 00:10:21,680
A world without arts programs
sounds terrible.
264
00:10:21,714 --> 00:10:24,633
Where would young blonde girls
like Shauna
265
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,018
learn to act and sing?
266
00:10:26,052 --> 00:10:29,404
Why, if arts funding was cut,
within a short time,
267
00:10:29,439 --> 00:10:33,225
our schools would be
producing no new actresses.
268
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:36,561
And Jenna Maroney
would get every part.
269
00:10:36,579 --> 00:10:41,200
That's my America.
That's Mitt Romney's America.
270
00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:44,369
[Clapping]
271
00:10:44,403 --> 00:10:46,789
My next question
refers to an issue that I know
272
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,508
deeply affects the vast majority
of Jenna Maroney.
273
00:10:49,542 --> 00:10:51,743
Which political party
is cooler?
274
00:10:51,761 --> 00:10:53,295
That's no contest, Jenna.
275
00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:56,431
The president listens
to hip-hop rappings.
276
00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:58,083
We have the coolest
celebrities.
277
00:10:58,101 --> 00:11:01,520
Scarlett Johansson,
Blake Lively, Jessica Biel.
278
00:11:01,554 --> 00:11:03,105
Wow.
279
00:11:03,139 --> 00:11:04,439
Those are all
very beautiful women.
280
00:11:04,474 --> 00:11:06,758
Do you really want to be
photographed next to them?
281
00:11:06,776 --> 00:11:08,243
Let me tell you
who we have.
282
00:11:08,278 --> 00:11:12,197
Craig T. Nelson, Chuck Norris,
and Charlton Heston's skull.
283
00:11:12,232 --> 00:11:15,818
You'd be the only
cool republican.
284
00:11:15,869 --> 00:11:17,619
Jenna, you need
to trust me, here.
285
00:11:17,654 --> 00:11:19,288
Have I ever
steered you wrong?
286
00:11:19,322 --> 00:11:20,956
I stopped you
when you wanted to join
287
00:11:20,990 --> 00:11:22,875
that white tiger magic show.
288
00:11:22,909 --> 00:11:25,711
I stopped you when you tried
to drive us into Lake Michigan
289
00:11:25,745 --> 00:11:27,212
because Scottie Pippin
got married.
290
00:11:27,247 --> 00:11:29,648
Listen to me, Jenna.
291
00:11:29,682 --> 00:11:30,833
And listen to your heart.
292
00:11:30,884 --> 00:11:32,918
Miss Lemon,
I know Scottie Pippin.
293
00:11:32,952 --> 00:11:35,387
I own a fuddruckers
with Scottie Pippin.
294
00:11:35,421 --> 00:11:39,174
And you, sir,
look like Scottie Pippin.
295
00:11:39,225 --> 00:11:41,560
Mr. Donaghy,
your closing statements.
296
00:11:41,594 --> 00:11:44,229
When our founding fathers
first set out
297
00:11:44,264 --> 00:11:47,216
time and time again,
our nation horizon.
298
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:50,352
Prosperity, dreams, freedom.
299
00:11:50,403 --> 00:11:54,940
But the spirit,
journey, Destiny.
300
00:11:54,974 --> 00:11:57,860
Mitt Romney values,
Jenna values.
301
00:11:57,911 --> 00:11:59,578
I've met people.
302
00:11:59,612 --> 00:12:04,299
For this generation,
and generations to come,
303
00:12:04,334 --> 00:12:05,300
thank you, America.
304
00:12:05,335 --> 00:12:08,086
[Clapping]
305
00:12:08,121 --> 00:12:10,756
Good God,
those are load-bearing balloons!
306
00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:13,375
Everyone run for your lives!
307
00:12:13,426 --> 00:12:15,043
[Knock on door]
308
00:12:15,094 --> 00:12:16,044
Mr. Jordan,
I need your help.
309
00:12:16,095 --> 00:12:17,095
What's wrong, Ken?
310
00:12:17,130 --> 00:12:18,263
I haven't
been able to make
311
00:12:18,298 --> 00:12:21,049
a single decision
on this absentee ballot.
312
00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:23,335
Should we take apart
the clock tower?
313
00:12:23,353 --> 00:12:25,503
Should we let old man merkel
marry his daughter?
314
00:12:25,521 --> 00:12:28,390
Or make him bury her
like the rest of the dead folks?
315
00:12:28,441 --> 00:12:31,143
I'll never know enough
to make an informed decision.
316
00:12:31,177 --> 00:12:32,611
Informed decision?
317
00:12:32,645 --> 00:12:36,064
Do you think this country was
founded on informed decisions?
318
00:12:36,115 --> 00:12:37,399
Well, of course.
319
00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:39,517
Columbus thought
he was in India!
320
00:12:39,535 --> 00:12:41,954
And did he worry
about being wrong? No.
321
00:12:41,988 --> 00:12:43,188
He just called
everybody Indians.
322
00:12:43,206 --> 00:12:47,709
And we still do it today.
Why? 'Cause.
323
00:12:47,744 --> 00:12:49,244
You want to be
an American?
324
00:12:49,295 --> 00:12:50,545
You fill out that ballot
325
00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,247
because you don't
know what you're doing.
326
00:12:52,298 --> 00:12:53,749
Just like when
we named this country after
327
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,134
the fourth or fifth guy
who discovered it.
328
00:12:56,169 --> 00:12:58,536
Amerigo Vespucci.
Who cares?
329
00:12:58,554 --> 00:13:02,257
America.
That's my boy.
330
00:13:02,308 --> 00:13:04,142
How do you sleep at night,
Jack?
331
00:13:04,177 --> 00:13:07,212
I don't. I take thousands
of micro naps during the day.
332
00:13:07,230 --> 00:13:08,981
Well, you know what?
333
00:13:09,015 --> 00:13:10,599
[Snores]
No, Lemon, what?
334
00:13:10,650 --> 00:13:13,735
I'm glad you never succeeded
in turning me into you.
335
00:13:13,770 --> 00:13:16,521
Because I would rather lose
with my head held high...
336
00:13:16,555 --> 00:13:18,657
Partly because when I have it
down it looks like this...
337
00:13:18,691 --> 00:13:21,109
Than win the wrong way.
338
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,244
Lemon, I don't enjoy
339
00:13:22,278 --> 00:13:24,780
manipulating Jenna
for my own ends.
340
00:13:24,831 --> 00:13:26,915
To be perfectly honest,
I don't like Mitt Romney.
341
00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:28,283
The man doesn't drink.
342
00:13:28,334 --> 00:13:32,037
How does he let a moment land?
[Chuckles]
343
00:13:32,071 --> 00:13:34,006
But I'm not going to
allow those feelings
344
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,791
get in the way
of doing what is right.
345
00:13:35,842 --> 00:13:38,243
Think of the children,
Jack.
346
00:13:38,261 --> 00:13:39,928
What if Jenna
had picked the president
347
00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:41,346
when you were a little boy?
348
00:13:41,381 --> 00:13:43,098
Where would
that kid be today?
349
00:13:43,132 --> 00:13:46,518
Maybe we should ask him.
350
00:13:46,552 --> 00:13:49,104
Boston. 1968.
351
00:13:49,138 --> 00:13:50,939
[Bad Boston accent]
Later, ma!
352
00:13:50,974 --> 00:13:54,609
I'm goin' down the park
to play ball!
353
00:13:54,644 --> 00:13:56,311
I sure love America.
354
00:13:56,362 --> 00:13:58,447
Almost as much
as I love chowder!
355
00:13:58,481 --> 00:14:00,198
I'm sorry,
are you trying to make
356
00:14:00,233 --> 00:14:01,817
one of your
emotional appeals to me?
357
00:14:01,868 --> 00:14:05,103
Oh, my God,
it's future me!
358
00:14:05,121 --> 00:14:07,272
Lemon, this kind
of sentimental nonsense
359
00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:08,657
didn't work with Jenna.
360
00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:10,375
It certainly won't work
with the man
361
00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:12,411
who didn't cry
at Field of Dreams,
362
00:14:12,445 --> 00:14:13,578
not even when the bank
363
00:14:13,612 --> 00:14:15,213
failed to recoup
its investment in the farm.
364
00:14:15,248 --> 00:14:19,301
Fine. Enjoy your president.
I'm moving to France.
365
00:14:19,335 --> 00:14:22,754
Except I can't get a decent
iced tea there. Forget it.
366
00:14:24,457 --> 00:14:25,540
[Snores]
367
00:14:27,514 --> 00:14:29,158
Everyone ask to
vote immediately.
368
00:14:29,184 --> 00:14:31,021
This election has
to be over by 6:00!
369
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:32,668
- Thanks for coming by.
- Okay.
370
00:14:32,677 --> 00:14:33,894
Williams!
371
00:14:33,945 --> 00:14:36,113
Williams, I need you to call it
for Obama right now.
372
00:14:36,147 --> 00:14:37,281
[Scoffs]
373
00:14:37,315 --> 00:14:38,282
Remember that time
you got a haircut,
374
00:14:38,316 --> 00:14:39,300
and I was
the first person to say,
375
00:14:39,334 --> 00:14:41,302
"someone got a haircut"?
You owe me!
376
00:14:41,336 --> 00:14:43,470
Pete, you know
we don't do that.
377
00:14:43,505 --> 00:14:45,206
Is this about Maria?
378
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,224
It's not
gonna happen this year.
379
00:14:47,259 --> 00:14:51,745
Look, get a hobby.
Like me and my gymnastics.
380
00:14:56,401 --> 00:14:59,220
He's wrong. It's gonna be
2008 all over again.
381
00:14:59,254 --> 00:15:01,171
Remember? Hope, change,
382
00:15:01,205 --> 00:15:03,307
a Facebook that wasn't
crawling with old, bald guys?
383
00:15:03,341 --> 00:15:04,558
Shut up, Pete.
384
00:15:04,593 --> 00:15:07,044
There's no hope.
Not for you or for this country.
385
00:15:07,062 --> 00:15:08,646
If Joni Mitchell were here,
she'd be like,
386
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,381
the big man
won't give peace a chance
387
00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:14,568
the cobblestones,
cobblestones
388
00:15:14,603 --> 00:15:16,570
Seriously, dude, let it go.
It was just one kiss.
389
00:15:16,605 --> 00:15:17,571
Yeah.
390
00:15:17,606 --> 00:15:18,906
If you need a kiss so bad,
391
00:15:18,940 --> 00:15:21,108
why don't you kiss a potato
like the rest of us?
392
00:15:21,159 --> 00:15:23,226
The kiss
wasn't just a kiss!
393
00:15:23,245 --> 00:15:26,330
Don't you people get it?
The kiss was Obama.
394
00:15:26,364 --> 00:15:28,449
It was proof
that things could change.
395
00:15:28,483 --> 00:15:30,534
That night in 2008,
everything felt possible,
396
00:15:30,568 --> 00:15:32,253
like my whole life
was ahead of me.
397
00:15:32,287 --> 00:15:33,671
I was gonna
drive a sports car
398
00:15:33,705 --> 00:15:35,372
and say cool stuff like,
"wiki-what?"
399
00:15:35,406 --> 00:15:36,790
And none of that
has happened!
400
00:15:36,841 --> 00:15:38,592
Nothing has changed!
401
00:15:38,627 --> 00:15:40,711
For Pete or America!
402
00:15:40,745 --> 00:15:42,796
And if we can't
get that feeling back tonight,
403
00:15:42,847 --> 00:15:47,268
for Pete's sake, when are we
ever gonna get it back?
404
00:15:47,302 --> 00:15:49,270
[Quietly]
For Pete's sake.
405
00:15:50,972 --> 00:15:53,941
[Inspirational music]
406
00:15:53,975 --> 00:15:55,893
407
00:15:55,927 --> 00:15:58,979
- Jenna,
it's 4:30 in Florida.
408
00:15:59,030 --> 00:16:01,264
Your fans should be
waking up on a beach
409
00:16:01,283 --> 00:16:02,449
or getting fired from their
410
00:16:02,484 --> 00:16:04,535
telemarketing jobs
right about now.
411
00:16:04,569 --> 00:16:05,769
Send the tweet.
412
00:16:05,787 --> 00:16:07,204
One sec.
413
00:16:07,238 --> 00:16:10,457
I got caught up in this Twitter
war with this stupid spam bot.
414
00:16:10,492 --> 00:16:13,127
"Screw you, donna1dsdeluge.
415
00:16:13,161 --> 00:16:15,946
I don't need Viagra,
you need Viagra!"
416
00:16:15,964 --> 00:16:18,799
Sorry. Now, who am I telling
these turds to vote for?
417
00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:20,250
Mike Romney?
418
00:16:20,284 --> 00:16:24,338
Mitt. It stands for motorized
intelligent technodrone termin...
419
00:16:24,389 --> 00:16:26,557
It's a human's name.
[Growls]
420
00:16:26,591 --> 00:16:28,458
Excuse me.
421
00:16:28,476 --> 00:16:29,843
Does miss Maroney
have a minute?
422
00:16:29,894 --> 00:16:31,395
Just to sign
some autographs?
423
00:16:31,429 --> 00:16:33,764
Look, you don't really
want Jenna's autograph.
424
00:16:33,798 --> 00:16:35,766
She's not
a great role model.
425
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,318
Where is the flash
on this thing?
426
00:16:37,352 --> 00:16:38,802
I want to send esteluge
a picture,
427
00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:41,989
but it's too dark
inside my pants.
428
00:16:42,023 --> 00:16:43,741
No, my role model
is Sara Blakely,
429
00:16:43,775 --> 00:16:45,526
the billionaire
founder of Spanx.
430
00:16:45,577 --> 00:16:46,827
She's a genius.
431
00:16:46,861 --> 00:16:48,662
It's just kid's bike shorts
for fatties.
432
00:16:48,697 --> 00:16:50,831
I'm gonna sell these
on eBay.
433
00:16:50,865 --> 00:16:54,702
Well, it's always nice
to meet a young entrepreneur.
434
00:16:54,753 --> 00:16:55,953
You know,
when I was a boy,
435
00:16:55,987 --> 00:16:59,123
I used to go to Fenway
and sell my urine.
436
00:16:59,157 --> 00:17:01,491
[Sighs] For fans to throw
with Mickey Mantle.
437
00:17:01,509 --> 00:17:02,876
You'll be happy to know
438
00:17:02,927 --> 00:17:05,012
that things are looking up
for capitalists like us.
439
00:17:05,046 --> 00:17:08,048
Between you and me,
Mitt Romney's going to win.
440
00:17:08,099 --> 00:17:10,684
But people
haven't voted yet.
441
00:17:10,719 --> 00:17:13,303
[Chuckles] Shauna, this will
be a good lesson for you.
442
00:17:13,337 --> 00:17:15,773
Voters don't really
pick the president.
443
00:17:15,807 --> 00:17:17,507
That's up to
important people
444
00:17:17,525 --> 00:17:19,610
like corporations
and celebrities.
445
00:17:19,644 --> 00:17:23,013
This year, Jenna Maroney
is picking the president.
446
00:17:23,031 --> 00:17:24,865
Ah, got it.
447
00:17:24,899 --> 00:17:26,367
She is?
448
00:17:26,401 --> 00:17:28,869
Today, Jenna is the most
important person in America.
449
00:17:28,903 --> 00:17:31,622
Wow. Maybe she should
be my role model.
450
00:17:31,656 --> 00:17:34,241
What? No. No.
No, no, no, no, no.
451
00:17:34,292 --> 00:17:35,876
I'm just saying, if I stop
saving for business school
452
00:17:35,910 --> 00:17:37,461
and started saving
for implants,
453
00:17:37,495 --> 00:17:39,997
I could be just like her.
454
00:17:40,031 --> 00:17:42,532
Thanks, sir.
455
00:17:42,550 --> 00:17:44,551
Okay, Jack.
456
00:17:44,586 --> 00:17:46,220
Now, what should I tweet
about Ron Mee?
457
00:17:46,254 --> 00:17:49,556
Wait, he's not Asian, is he?
458
00:17:49,591 --> 00:17:51,708
Hey.
459
00:17:51,726 --> 00:17:53,894
I wasn't watching
cute little kitten videos,
460
00:17:53,928 --> 00:17:55,212
I was watching pornography.
461
00:17:55,230 --> 00:17:57,380
Who put these sleepy kitten
videos on here?
462
00:17:57,399 --> 00:17:59,216
Tracy, are you still
banned from Twitter?
463
00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:02,019
For life. So you know,
a couple more months.
464
00:18:02,053 --> 00:18:04,387
You must have a lot of bad
jokes about deceased celebrities
465
00:18:04,406 --> 00:18:06,073
just filling up your brain.
466
00:18:06,107 --> 00:18:09,392
Yes, and they're pushing out
important information.
467
00:18:09,411 --> 00:18:11,228
I don't know
where I live, lady.
468
00:18:11,246 --> 00:18:12,579
If I got you
back on Twitter,
469
00:18:12,614 --> 00:18:13,747
how quickly could you
get kicked off again?
470
00:18:13,782 --> 00:18:14,998
10, 15 minutes.
471
00:18:15,033 --> 00:18:17,234
Less if I count genocide
as celebrities.
472
00:18:17,252 --> 00:18:20,570
Okay, well, you're getting
back on on Jenna's account.
473
00:18:20,588 --> 00:18:22,840
No, I can't do that
to my dear friend and co-worker
474
00:18:22,874 --> 00:18:24,174
Jenna Jameson.
475
00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:25,292
No, Tracy, Jenna Maroney.
476
00:18:25,343 --> 00:18:27,177
- Cool.
- Okay.
477
00:18:27,212 --> 00:18:29,263
All I have to do is figure out
Jenna's password.
478
00:18:29,297 --> 00:18:31,799
How 'bout "me69"?
479
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:34,835
Yep.
480
00:18:34,869 --> 00:18:36,419
Oh, Tracy, no.
481
00:18:36,438 --> 00:18:38,088
No, I can say that word.
I'm black.
482
00:18:38,106 --> 00:18:41,424
But Dick Clark wasn't.
483
00:18:44,095 --> 00:18:45,779
Hey! You're not
really leaving, are ya?
484
00:18:45,814 --> 00:18:47,030
I know it's the second time,
485
00:18:47,065 --> 00:18:49,149
but it's our last shot
at feeling...
486
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,400
This.
487
00:18:50,434 --> 00:18:52,269
Then what? Someday maybe
we elect a wheelchair guy?
488
00:18:52,287 --> 00:18:55,823
Okay, great, but not fun.
489
00:18:55,874 --> 00:18:57,741
Look, Pete,
this isn't 2008.
490
00:18:57,775 --> 00:19:01,444
I don't know, maybe if
more stuff really had changed.
491
00:19:01,463 --> 00:19:02,629
Hey, sugar lips.
492
00:19:02,664 --> 00:19:05,966
Let's make like
a black magazine and Jet.
493
00:19:11,556 --> 00:19:12,506
What's up, guy?
494
00:19:12,557 --> 00:19:13,757
Thanks for keeping
my lady warm
495
00:19:13,791 --> 00:19:15,792
while I turn on my hot tub
with my phone.
496
00:19:15,810 --> 00:19:16,844
Come on, baby.
497
00:19:16,895 --> 00:19:19,396
My 2012 corvette's
parked outside.
498
00:19:19,430 --> 00:19:22,149
'Cause I always
find a parking spot.
499
00:19:22,183 --> 00:19:25,302
- You're him.
- That's right, pops.
500
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,653
I'm Peter horn.
501
00:19:26,688 --> 00:19:27,905
All day...
502
00:19:27,939 --> 00:19:31,608
And all night.
503
00:19:38,783 --> 00:19:39,900
Well, well,
504
00:19:39,934 --> 00:19:43,653
well, well,
well, well, well,
505
00:19:43,671 --> 00:19:44,988
well...
Nope, that's too many "Wells."
506
00:19:45,006 --> 00:19:46,656
I'm gonna reenter.
507
00:19:46,674 --> 00:19:48,175
Just spit it out, Lemon.
508
00:19:48,209 --> 00:19:49,593
I stole a page
from your playbook, Jack.
509
00:19:49,627 --> 00:19:52,262
I used Tracy,
I committed cyber crime,
510
00:19:52,297 --> 00:19:56,099
I got Jenna kicked off Twitter
before she could endorse Romney.
511
00:19:56,134 --> 00:19:58,769
Deviousness? I guess two
can play at that game.
512
00:19:58,803 --> 00:20:00,721
Just like most games.
513
00:20:00,772 --> 00:20:02,022
And now you're smiling
514
00:20:02,056 --> 00:20:03,023
because you're gonna
try to tell me
515
00:20:03,057 --> 00:20:04,441
that this was your plan
all along.
516
00:20:04,475 --> 00:20:05,809
"Oh, I turned you
into me, Lemon.
517
00:20:05,843 --> 00:20:07,561
It was my plan all along."
518
00:20:07,612 --> 00:20:09,229
No, I'm smiling because
I ended up telling Jenna
519
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,647
not to do anything at all.
520
00:20:10,681 --> 00:20:13,016
I didn't want her
choosing our president.
521
00:20:13,034 --> 00:20:16,203
No one should grow up
in Jenna Maroney's America.
522
00:20:16,237 --> 00:20:17,654
'Cause of the children?
523
00:20:17,688 --> 00:20:20,290
Did my one-woman show
actually change your mind?
524
00:20:20,325 --> 00:20:21,959
Should I workshop it
at the fringe festival?
525
00:20:21,993 --> 00:20:24,378
- Sure.
- Typical Donaghy.
526
00:20:24,412 --> 00:20:28,665
You sentimental, self-righteous,
badger-faced shrew.
527
00:20:28,699 --> 00:20:30,000
Typical Lemon.
528
00:20:30,034 --> 00:20:33,536
You cynical, manipulative,
cold-blooded adonis.
529
00:20:33,555 --> 00:20:37,140
So maybe we rubbed off
on each other after all.
530
00:20:37,175 --> 00:20:39,042
[Glasses clink]
531
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:40,394
Mm...
532
00:20:40,428 --> 00:20:42,646
Oh, yours dripped on me
and now I'm drunk.
533
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,899
Good Lord in heaven.
534
00:20:48,733 --> 00:20:51,067
The Georgia polls close
in two minutes.
535
00:20:55,944 --> 00:20:57,494
[Whistles]
536
00:20:57,529 --> 00:20:59,997
[Eagle screeching]
537
00:21:03,668 --> 00:21:05,202
Mr. Hornberger,
538
00:21:05,253 --> 00:21:06,486
I just voted!
539
00:21:06,504 --> 00:21:08,038
Doesn't it just
fill you with hope?
540
00:21:08,089 --> 00:21:11,024
Like anything can happen?
541
00:21:11,059 --> 00:21:13,927
All day, all night, baby.
542
00:21:13,962 --> 00:21:16,513
Mmm! Hmm?
543
00:21:17,032 --> 00:21:20,532
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
544
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,074
Download Movie Subtitles Searcher from www.OpenSubtitles.org
545
00:21:24,124 --> 00:21:28,674
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40321
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
