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1
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,739
Ms. Lemon...
2
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:07,007
here's the research you wanted
for that White House skit.
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,708
Oh. Okay, thanks.
4
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,642
You know it, Lady "Broseph!"
5
00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:14,514
What?!
6
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,715
Those are your new interns.
7
00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:17,050
Aren't they a little
old and overdressed?
8
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:20,153
They're all former
investment bankers who were
9
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:21,287
laid off in that economic crash
10
00:00:21,287 --> 00:00:23,356
that Nancy Pelosi caused.
11
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,258
They've got zero real world skills
12
00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:26,559
but, God, they work hard.
13
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:29,696
Gentlemen...
14
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:32,198
I need you to run out
and pick up some flowers
15
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:33,900
a collection of bath soaps
16
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,390
and some Spanish-language
gossip magazines.
17
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:39,272
Soap and Spanish magazines?
18
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:42,909
What, are you expecting
a visit from the, um... uh...
19
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,644
Oh, Lemon, don't start it unless
you've got something.
20
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:45,879
Okay.
21
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,580
Elisa's grandmother is coming to visit.
22
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,049
I don't think she likes me.
23
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,784
Te odio.
24
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,085
Yo soy Jack.
25
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:53,620
I don't understand it.
26
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:54,954
Well, as long as Elisa likes you
27
00:00:54,954 --> 00:00:56,222
that's all that matters, right?
28
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,091
Oh, no. I need Concepcion onboard.
29
00:00:58,091 --> 00:00:59,626
She's the matriarch of this family.
30
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:00,894
And in Puerto Rico
31
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,862
elderly women are held
in very high esteem.
32
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:05,165
You should go there, Lemon.
33
00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:07,190
They'd love you.
34
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:11,805
None of this is mine.
I live in 3B. This is 13B.
35
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,940
You know what?
I'm going to say it.
36
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,309
Women should not deliver the mail.
37
00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:18,244
Dr. Andrew Baird?
Do you know this guy?
38
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,579
I don't think so.
39
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,948
Well, he's a pediatrician,
so you know he likes kids.
40
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,283
Or feet?
No, no, kids.
41
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:26,786
He has a bill from a divorce
lawyer, so you know he's single.
42
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:29,689
And he has a golf magazine, so
you know he's not gay or poor.
43
00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:31,191
Jenna, come on.
44
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:32,625
Now, let's see what kind
of movies he likes.
45
00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,094
What are you doing?
46
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,129
That's a Federal offense, and
you already have two strikes!
47
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:37,263
Shh!
48
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,432
Yeah, I do not \support this!
49
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,601
"Muppets Take Manhattan."
"Caddyshack."
50
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,603
Hmm.
51
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,305
And a documentary about
how pies are made.
52
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,507
Hello, Dr. Baird.
53
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,909
Wasn't that a treat?
54
00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:53,146
Only the special tours get
to see Conan without his wig.
55
00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:57,383
Oh, I'm sorry...
56
00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:59,018
but her show is on now.
57
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:00,553
Do you think we could...
58
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:02,388
Uh, yes, yes.
59
00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:06,159
Jonathan, would you come
and help Mrs. Padriera?
60
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,193
I think your grandmother hates me.
61
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,728
I don't understand it.
62
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:11,331
She's usually a very loving person.
63
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:12,966
Is it because I'm white?
64
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,868
No, I've had white boyfriends.
65
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:16,569
Black, Cuban...
66
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:19,139
Brazilian guys with German heritage...
67
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,641
I get it. You've been with
other men. Congratulations.
68
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:22,675
Oh, thank you.
69
00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:24,210
What is she watching?
70
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,012
"Los Amantes Clandestinos."
71
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:27,580
It's a Mexican telenovela.
72
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,082
But who is that?
73
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,850
That is El Generalissimo.
74
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,485
He is the villain of Los Amantes.
75
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,720
Papa!
76
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,588
The name of the actor
is Hector Moreda.
77
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
78
00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:43,588
He looks exactly like me.
79
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,565
He does look like you.
80
00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:24,170
Oh, dude! I have to meet you.
I'm Brian.
81
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:25,572
What's up, Brian?
82
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:27,173
We love you.
83
00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:30,043
"This honky grandma be trippin'!"
84
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,277
Hey, when I quote lines
from your movies
85
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:32,378
that's not racist, right?
86
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:35,114
Of course not, I transcend race.
87
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:36,382
Look, we're all going out after work
88
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:37,750
and I know you like to party.
89
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,586
We'd be honored if you'd come with.
90
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:42,188
You shouldn't end a sentence
with a preposition at.
91
00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:43,223
But, yeah...
92
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,324
I'm in.
93
00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:47,827
Oh, we'll start off
at McManus-McMinnigan's.
94
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:49,696
Have you ever drunk a yard of beer?
95
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:53,257
A yard like a lawn?
Yes, I have.
96
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,926
Tracy Jordan!
97
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,876
He has an ice cream maker?
98
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,578
Come on!
99
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,180
Don't be weird looking.
Don't be weird looking.
100
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,148
Ah! A girl!
101
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:10,850
Oh, God.
102
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,408
Dr. Baird, there's someone at
your door.
103
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:16,155
Oh. Thanks, Oswald.
104
00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,558
Oswald was just helping me
hang some pictures.
105
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,194
I live in the basement,
so I have all the nails.
106
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,929
I'm Drew.
107
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,365
Sorry I smell like frosting.
108
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,162
I just... love to bake.
109
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,440
I want to go to there.
110
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,309
So will I see you before Saturday?
111
00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:38,211
Jack, aboutthis weekend...
112
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,246
I don't think you should
come to my cousin's
113
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:41,881
police academy graduation...
114
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,883
or my other cousin's parole party.
115
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:46,753
Boy, I hope those two don't
eventually have a showdown
116
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:49,088
that pits family against justice.
117
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:51,791
Uh, hang on. You mean you
don't want me to come?
118
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,093
It's not me. Abuela thought it
should just be family.
119
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,462
Is this about the Generalissimo?
120
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,765
Jack, as a child my grandmother
worked in a silver mine
121
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,767
without proper ventilation.
122
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,603
Now, her mind is squishy like a hacky sack.
123
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:06,572
But no matter what,she is still my abuelita
124
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,007
even though, sometimes,
she comes at me
125
00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:09,942
with a knife because of a silver frenzy.
126
00:05:09,942 --> 00:05:11,944
I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
127
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:13,377
Okay. Good night, querida.
128
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:22,121
Generalissimo.
129
00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:24,891
Look at Dr. Baird.
130
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,726
Mmm, how did you get
a picture of him?
131
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:29,028
I told him his haircut was
exactly what I've been trying
132
00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,097
to describe to my barber.
133
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,399
Yeah, smooth, I know.
I'm way out of my league here.
134
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,934
Okay, don't get intimidated.
135
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:36,336
You know he can't be perfect.
136
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,470
No, he might be.
137
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,305
I got some more of his mail...
138
00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:40,740
and I opened it.
139
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,142
Uh-huh, yeah. I'm the worst.
140
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:44,577
It just proves that I don't
deserve this guy.
141
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:46,479
He went to medical
school at Columbia...
142
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,414
all kinds of charity baloney.
143
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,249
He gets all of the movie
channels, including Starz.
144
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:54,487
And... he trains seeing eye dogs at home.
145
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,489
Oh, well, that's no good for you.
146
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:57,690
You're allergic to dogs.
147
00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,025
I guess I'll have to step in and...
148
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,460
Shut up! Just let me think!
149
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:01,761
Shh!
150
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:02,929
Please keep your voices down.
151
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,022
Mr. Jordan is a little hung over.
152
00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:08,301
He pulled an "Uncle Harland
Parcell" last night
153
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,969
minus the wistful jug-blowing.
154
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,537
I went out with the interns.
155
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,028
Those white boys are not kidding around.
156
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:17,276
Have you ever tasted Scotch?
It's terrible!
157
00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:18,678
And this thing they call
158
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:22,014
"box seats at the Rangers game"?
It's so cold!
159
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,549
And what is Rohypnol?
160
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,551
Tracy, those are roofies!
161
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,553
So, I shouldn't have taken two
of them for my headache?
162
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:28,654
There he is!
163
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:31,557
Tonight, shooters at Blockheads,
lay a base
164
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,192
and meet up with my "bro-hams"
at the Cornell Club?
165
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:34,694
Hey, you know it, Bri-man!
166
00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:35,862
Hey!
167
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:39,365
I have no idea what either one
of us just said.
168
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,633
Well, he thinks you're going out again.
169
00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:42,235
You've gotta tell him you can't.
170
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,669
I have a rep to maintain.
171
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:46,739
If I can't keep up with a bunch
of Wall Street frat boys...
172
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,299
Uh-oh... here come the roofies.
173
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:52,940
You can do whatever you want to me.
174
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:59,752
Uno... dos...
175
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,356
You wanted to see me?
176
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,757
Oh, Lemon, this is Elisa.
177
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:05,758
What? Come on.
178
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,759
You're a nurse?
179
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,227
Yes, some of us are hot.
180
00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:09,529
Lemon, we have a problem...
181
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:10,496
with him.
182
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:17,370
Boy, That guy looks a lot like you.
183
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,704
Precisely.
184
00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:21,007
Two hours a day, five days
a week, Hector Moreda
185
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,208
and the Generalissimo
186
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:24,710
are poisoning Elisa's
grandmother against me.
187
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,913
Oh! He just blew up that kid!
188
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,581
Elisa and I have enough obstacles...
189
00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:31,117
our work schedules, our cultures...
190
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,552
her adorably broken English.
191
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,420
Metro cards are a real thing, Jack.
192
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,389
You use them on the subway.
193
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:39,192
Anyway, this morning,
Telemundo, which is owned by
194
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,960
Sheinhardt-Universal
195
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,795
purchased Los Amantes, uh...
196
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,163
Clandestinos.
197
00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:46,098
And now... I own it.
198
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,133
Isn't that romantic?
199
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,568
Now, all I have to do
200
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:51,337
is kill off the Generalissimo
and clear a path
201
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:52,772
to Elisa's abuela.
202
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:54,574
Lemon, the director needs
a script by this afternoon
203
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:56,476
and Elisa here will
help you with the Spanish.
204
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,977
No, no, no, don't drag me into this.
205
00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,446
I have my own problems and I've
never even watched that show.
206
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:04,050
All you need to know is that
El Generalissimo is pure evil.
207
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,318
Look at him.
208
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:09,222
He stole that girl's love
letters and opened them.
209
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,523
Opened her mail?
210
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:12,391
That is just... shocking.
211
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:15,194
He's a monster... or he has a
really good reason to do it.
212
00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:18,231
Oh, no, his only reason
was to trick her
213
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,967
into giving up her honor to him.
214
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:24,670
Uh-huh, and how did he use her
mail to do that, exactly?
215
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,306
He read her most intimate secrets
216
00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:30,309
and turned himself into that which she desired.
217
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:33,145
What she loved, he
pretended to love too
218
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,612
until it was too late.
219
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,513
Huh.
220
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:44,957
My dog ran away!
221
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,692
Oh, my God.
Let me get my coat.
222
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,167
Buster?
223
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:57,003
Buster! Come here, boy!
224
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,337
Buster!
225
00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:02,933
The funny thing is, this is
what I love about him.
226
00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:08,748
Don't worry, Liz.
We're going to find him.
227
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:10,683
If we don't
228
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,652
I don't think I could ever be
around dogs again.
229
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:14,520
Oh.
230
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,055
You know, I'm actually
on the board
231
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,390
of the Pediatric Restless
Leg Syndrome Association.
232
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,360
Oh. I forgot
I even had this on.
233
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,995
I have so many charity t-shirts.
234
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,730
We have so much in common.
235
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,832
Well, Buster's probably dead.
236
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:28,534
Do you want to go to the wine
bar around the corner
237
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,536
deal with these emotions?
Get some dinner?
238
00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:33,937
Uh... I would love to, Liz.
I really would.
239
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,577
But I just got divorced not that long ago.
240
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,272
I'm really not ready for
this kind of thing just yet.
241
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,949
Plus, I have not given up on that dog.
242
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,317
He's a fighter.
243
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,252
Buster!
244
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,021
Yeah... Buster.
245
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,990
Oh, shoot it, dog!
246
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:53,559
I'm going to.
I'm Tracy Jordan.
247
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:57,518
Why would I be afraid of fire
next to my mouth?
248
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,238
Is she watching?
249
00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:08,074
Yes. I told her it was
250
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:09,974
a very special episode.
251
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,376
Good-bye, General.
252
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:27,927
Wait, wait.
What did he just say?
253
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,095
That wasn't in the script.
254
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:30,630
He said, "You missed."
255
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:35,230
He said, "You missed again."
256
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:42,441
"And now, this potion is going
to make me live forever"?
257
00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:44,610
What's happening, Jack?
258
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,946
El Generalissimo was supposed to die!
259
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,317
Moreda has gone "Broken Arrow."
Jonathan?
260
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,952
We really should have
had somebody on the set
261
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,421
who speaks Spanish.
262
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:57,823
I'll call you back.
263
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:03,318
Moreda.
264
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,529
Moreda!
265
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:20,579
Welcome, Jack.
Cigar? Brandy?
266
00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:21,881
What happened, Hector?
267
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:24,817
The General was supposed to die.
268
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:27,586
Hey... do not try to
out-Generalissimo me, my friend.
269
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:29,288
This role has made me
270
00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:31,188
rich, famous, and respected.
271
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:35,194
I get to cut the line at
Disneyland if I come mid-week.
272
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:38,197
I have a lucrative endorsement
deal with Sabor de Soledad.
273
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,968
I am not going to let you
take all that away from me.
274
00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:44,770
I know where you
came from, Hector.
275
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,273
Play ball, or you'll be back
doing R-rated hypnotism
276
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,475
at the bullfights so fast,
you won't know what hit you.
277
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:52,478
You come over here
and say that to my face!
278
00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:54,146
No. You come over here.
279
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,282
Nunca! If you refuse to be reasonable
280
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,580
I must call the presidente
of Telemundo!
281
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,889
La oficina de Jack Donaghy.
282
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,658
Hola?
283
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:06,716
Well played, Jack.
284
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:13,399
I see that we are not
so different, you and I.
285
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,334
We laugh alike.
286
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:16,702
We think alike.
287
00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:18,037
At times, we even drink alike.
288
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,706
You could lose your mind.
289
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,845
Look, you should know I'm doing
this for a woman...
290
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:28,581
this woman.
291
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,349
Wow.
292
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,685
I am super gay, and I would
totally switch for her.
293
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,453
She's amazing.
294
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,255
But her grandmother hates me
295
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,591
because she hates the
Generalissimo so he's got to go.
296
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,860
El Generalissimo does not have to die
297
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,995
to clear the way to the abuela.
298
00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:45,431
Not if the abuela comes to love him.
299
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,199
But... that's impossible.
300
00:12:47,199 --> 00:12:51,135
Seduction is never impossible
for El Generalissimo.
301
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,908
I will become everything that
old Hispanic women desire.
302
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,110
I will make her love me.
303
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,179
You really think you can pull that off?
304
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,914
It will be the performance
of a lifetime
305
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:05,351
like Julie Harris in The Belle of Amherst.
306
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,453
Wow. You are surprisingly gay.
307
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,789
Okay. So...
308
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,624
So, did you ever find Buster?
309
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,725
What did you not understand?
310
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,627
That picture is from a dog food ad.
311
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,961
Hi.
312
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,963
Hi, Lemon.
Here's today's script.
313
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,565
I translated it
314
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:20,998
and took out the Star Wars references.
315
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:23,102
Are you an actress?
316
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,470
No, I'm a nurse.
317
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,038
Oh, good.
318
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:28,407
Don't listen to anyone who says
you should become an actress.
319
00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:29,775
Okay.
320
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:33,312
Uh, I also cut the scene between
the General and T'la Maria.
321
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,613
They cannot be together.
322
00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,582
Not after what he did to Maria's daughter.
323
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:37,817
Why? What did he do?
324
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,885
Oh, it was despicable
325
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,721
even worse than his misuse of the mails.
326
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,491
The Generalissimo
tricked her to the villa
327
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,059
by inviting her to a fancy party.
328
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:51,897
But when she got there,
it was just the two of them.
329
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:55,301
He drugged her champagne
and had his way with her.
330
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:57,002
Later, she gave birth to the Devil.
331
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,470
You know... sweeps week.
332
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:00,840
That's what I could do to Drew.
333
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,107
Drug him? Liz, no.
334
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:04,243
Having been on both sides of
that, I can tell you
335
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:05,444
it's not a good idea.
336
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,913
No, I'm going to tell Drew that I'm having
337
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,582
a little "Welcome to the
Building" party for him.
338
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,550
But there is no party.
339
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,185
And then, when he shows up
340
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,855
I'll laugh and say, "Oh, it's the wrong night."
341
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,356
And then, he'll laugh and say,
342
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:18,557
"Oh, well, one glass couldn't hurt."
343
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,459
And then, I will put
my mouth on his mouth.
344
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:22,094
No, Lemon. Do not do this.
345
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:24,563
The trickery, the deceit...
it's a slippery slope.
346
00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:26,232
Yeah, but you haven't seen Dr. Baird.
347
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,100
He looks like a cartoon pilot.
348
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,369
Be very careful.
349
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,471
El Generalissimo was once a good man.
350
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,140
But the years of loneliness
drove him insane.
351
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:37,938
I am not the Generalissimo, Elisa.
352
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,650
Mr. Jordan, I called my Uncle Harland
353
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,318
and I got his hangover cure.
354
00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:50,122
Mix two cups boiled possum meat
with one mess-load ragweed.
355
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:51,991
Stir in alcohol...
356
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,592
Ken, these interns are wearing me out.
357
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:54,727
It's like I said
358
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,128
in my not-hit comedy
359
00:14:56,128 --> 00:15:00,666
"Cruise Boat," "I'm getting
too old for this ship."
360
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,268
Well, you are getting older, sir.
361
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,003
There's no reason you have
to keep acting like you're 20.
362
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,704
Yes, there is.
363
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:08,540
Do you know what happens to
a comedian when he gets old
364
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:10,209
and loses his audience?
365
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,711
He starts to get offered serious roles.
366
00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:15,581
And do you really want
to see me play Arthur Ashe?
367
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:19,685
No... that would be terrible.
You leave him alone.
368
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,922
Exactly. So if I'm going to keep
my hilarious reputation
369
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,557
these interns got to go.
370
00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:27,559
But where? They don't know
how to do anything.
371
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,161
And there are no jobs left on Wall Street.
372
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:30,856
Then I'll find them something
for them to do.
373
00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,101
Drew!
374
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,671
Oh, uh... am I the first one here?
375
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,573
What? Oh...
376
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:43,275
No, the party is tomorrow night.
377
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,710
Tonight, I'm just hanging out
378
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,912
eating fondue by candlelight.
379
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:48,580
But come in.
380
00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,282
I was just opening a bottle of
wine to drink alone.
381
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,751
Okay, I guess one glass couldn't hurt.
382
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:54,486
I found your dog!
383
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:55,888
What?
384
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:58,624
He lost his collar, but I
recognized him from the poster.
385
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,626
That's not possible.
386
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,927
Of course it's possible.
387
00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:04,196
How could he not want to come
back to this beautiful lady?
388
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,565
My dog is back!
389
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:07,733
I'll open the wine.
390
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:10,691
Just put him down.
391
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,924
Uh... you need more.
392
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,686
Buster, you wang!
393
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:37,189
Let's get you back in your
special kitchen cabinet.
394
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:40,159
Man, that dog is giving me a headache.
395
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,593
Well, I have some aspirin in my
white bag there if you need any.
396
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,803
Everything okay in there?
397
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:55,001
We're just playing a little...
ow! ...game where he bites me.
398
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,635
Alone, at last.
399
00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:03,715
Are you okay?
400
00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:05,649
Yeah. I'm, uh...
401
00:18:10,989 --> 00:18:12,257
You've been roofied!
402
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:15,194
You did what?
403
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,395
No, no, not me! The pills!
404
00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:18,263
Is this my mail?
405
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,032
Okay. No, you're not thinking clearly.
406
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,500
Why is it all open?
407
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,071
That's not your dog.
408
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,006
I can explain. Just relax!
409
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:29,132
Help!
410
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,845
I am the Generalissimo.
411
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,143
I don't know what that means.
412
00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:39,715
Abuela made you breaded calf's brains.
413
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:41,887
Muchas gracias.
414
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,557
She really likes the changes
415
00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,525
you've made on Los Amantes Clandestinos.
416
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:54,766
She's very proud that I am dating
417
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:56,201
such an important television man.
418
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:57,532
Oh, well...
419
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:02,508
What are you going to do
about the NBC news?
420
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:03,998
It's too sad.
421
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:09,341
Uh, I'll look into it, uh, abuela.
422
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:15,254
Hi, Liz.
423
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:18,790
Oh, hey. Again, I am
so sorry about everything.
424
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:20,526
I actually got some of your mail.
425
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:23,629
Oh, okay. Hope you didn't
open it.
426
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,998
I did. Monty Python Liveat the Hollywood Bowl.
427
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,933
Classic.
428
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:29,735
Membership in the
cheese-of-the-month club
429
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,603
and the steak-of- the-month club
430
00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:33,172
and a copy of Vegetarian Times.
431
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,641
I'm a flip-flopper.
432
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,543
Also, a response to your
complaint about bad grammar
433
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:38,777
in subway ads.
434
00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:40,946
The word "whom" deserves a defender.
435
00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:44,650
I'm just saying that based on your mail
436
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,118
I actually would
have wanted to meet
437
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,686
this Elizabeth Lemon in 3B.
438
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:48,948
Really?
439
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:52,558
Do you want to try this again?
440
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:55,561
I know that I lied to you and
I accidentally roofied you
441
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:56,995
but weirder things have
happened, right?
442
00:19:56,995 --> 00:20:00,866
Isn't that Tracy Jordan?
443
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,834
The Lehman Brothers investmentbank will reopen
444
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,536
under the direction
445
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:05,837
of comedian Tracy Jordan.
446
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:09,374
I'm doing this so no onewill know I'm getting old.
447
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,176
But you just told usyou're old.
448
00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:13,278
This interview is over.
449
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,947
Yeah, I guess weirder
things have happened.
450
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,481
And now, to lighten things up
451
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,217
some pictures of beautiful Latin babies
452
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,852
and the music of Tito Puente.
453
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:22,454
Jack, this is ridiculous.
454
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,159
Okay...
455
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,393
it's a date.
456
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:29,485
Okay.
457
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,117
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458
00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:37,717
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